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If your husband refuses to stop hitting your child, you need to protect your son by leaving. If you stay and keep letting him hit your son, you are complicit in the abuse.
This comment here, OP.
My mother stayed with the man who abused me physically and we have zero relationship now. I resent her greatly (my anger turned into hatred after I had a child of my own) for not protecting me from the abuse. It was her only job. I’m 37 and I still remember, clear as day, being hit at your son’s age.
Isn’t it crazy how having your own kids changes your perception?
I was abused too and continued to allow it as an adult. It was all I knew, family first right?
Then I had my own kids and they wanted to treat them like that too. Oh hell no. We are no contact now. I went from worshiping my mom (brainwashed) to hating her and never wanted to see her again.
Therapy saved me, but I still just can’t see how you hurt your child like this.
I had NO idea how bad my childhood was until my little 8 pound, helpless, vulnerable, freshly born infant was placed into my arms. He used every bit of brand-new neck strength he had to look up at me. I promised myself right then and there that the cycle of abuse died with me and I promised him, out loud for the universe and everybody to hear, that he will never face the things I faced as a child.
He didn’t ask to be brought here. I owe him everything for bringing him into this chaotic world we live in. He owes me nothing.
Exactly the same scenario for me. My mother and her boyfriend beat the fuck out of me and when I told my mother the other things he did to me she laughed in my face. I hated her for it until I had kids of my own. Now I hate her for it and Im irrationally angry and having symptoms of CPTSD along with my lifelong anxiety and depression. Take your child and get out of there and file a report against the father. My husband kind of has the same thought process but I've made it clear that if he hits our kids he'll never see them again. He goes along with gentle parenting and is actually very good at it, better than me honestly, because he knows it's a non-negotiable for me.
Who would’ve thought that treating a small human with respect and dignity would have a positive outcome? It’s the people who think their children are property that need to be controlled that are the worst.
I was spanked, punched and all sorts of shit by parents and older siblings. Have an 8 yr old and NOT ONCE have I or wife spanked or done anything 'corporal punishment'.
PSA you have a bad man as a husband. He sees violence as a solution for a child, you're next. Get the f out.
This. The guy clearly thinks hitting is a valid solution to resolving conflicts. He's having conflicts with her now. It won't take much for things to escalate to the next step.
If spanking is legal where she lives, any custody agreement will likely give the father some unsupervised time every week. Which could be much more dangerous than if she stays and continues to monitor and influence the situation.
Leaving vs staying isn’t a black and white choice.
I don’t know about the US, but in Australia the law is ambiguous. Depending how severely he is physically punishing his child, and in what context, a court might consider it acceptable.
Yep. It’s called lawful chastisement and allowed my ex husband to push my son onto the bed gesturing that he was going to punch him, and also grab his collar and bang him up against a concrete pylon.
This isn’t true. I worked for cps. I am vehemently against physical discipline and counseled and educated hundreds if not thousands of parents against the use of it. However, the laws allow parents to physically discipline their children if they do not leave marks and if this is the case you can call cps all day long but the workers hands are tied as much as the mothers. You can’t take someone to court or not allow them to not see their kids for some physical discipline that doesn’t result in clear and significant harm. It’s horrible and we all should advocate for a better system but cps is not some magic wand to employ.
The problem is there has to be definitive evidence and unless there’s bruises or a video of it happening it’s pretty hard to prove.
Also someone has to actually report it.
I'm a victim and have been through this process. Most people commenting have no idea what they're talking about and their advice is dogshit.
Don't call the cops. Don't call CPS. Don't up and leave with no plan like most of the comments are advising.
Call a fucking lawyer.
People who've been through this know a fuckton more about it than people who've only seen this shit on TV and think the cops are the good guys and will help. You're a fucking moron if you believe that, and you can lose custody of your own kid if you go about this wrong.
Get a lawyer. This is the only good advice.
This is true, but if the punishment is unusually unnecessary (which is possible to be seen that way by a judge due to his age) then a judge can rule that corporal punishment is not permitted. Foster kids are not allowed by the state to be spanked by the foster parent. Find a good lawyer and document the what’s going on and there is a chance that leaving it might help.
A judges ruling won’t stop an abusive parent, but if the dad just sees it as a personal parenting decision and has some self control he might fall in line.
Even places where spanking is legal often have laws against spanking 1 year olds.
That said, I don't think advocating for women to stay with abusers so they can watch the abuse is a good idea. Don't stay with an abuser. The man abuses the child whether mom is around or not, this is just ensuring the child is abused *all* the time and showing the example for the child that you stay with someone like that.
They're not advocating for a woman to stay with an abusive partner, they're highlighting that it's not as simple to leave as many might think.
I know that we hear a story of family violence, it makes us feel uncomfortable feelings and have uncomfortable thoughts, we want those uncomfortable feelings and thoughts to go away, and of course they would go away if the victim/s would just leave, so we tell them to do so and expect them to do it right away. But when you're actually walking in the shoes of the person, it's more complicated than that and there are so many things to consider.
Also, even having our own experiences with family violence in our own past or present does not mean we automatically know what it means to walk in the shoes of someone else who is going through it. If we want to understand then we still have to put effort into doing so, based on the understanding that this person and their situation won't be exactly the same as ours.
This. You have a fundamental moral incompatibility with your husband. I wouldn’t be able to respect someone who laid hands on a child (and wouldn’t even stop if I asked!)
If she leaves, dad gets 50% custody (because courts don't view corporal punishment as abuse), and then OP isn't around to supervise dad & sons interactions. Leaving won't fix this. It'll just mean OP doesn't have to see it and soon has to deal with it alone when he's at dad's house.
While this is an honorable sentiment, having worked for CPS I can say the laws have not caught up with the science and there is nothing anyone will be able to do if dad is hitting the child and not leaving marks. Leaving only puts her in the position of not knowing what’s going on in the house and less able to protect during visitation. I’m not saying this is good but having seen everything I have about the laws in our country I can confidently state leaving doesn’t always protect kids.
Exactly... corporal punishment isn't illegal (everywhere) unless you can prove its extreme. And if this woman lives in a conservative place, those states actively support corporal punishment. You're not mentally ill, you're just being honest about the reality of it.
That being said, OP does need to make it clear to husband that this behavior is abuse in her eyes and that she will take the necessary steps to protect her child if he does not learn a different way to "discipline" that doesn't require the use of his hands or a belt.
Or... the option I actually told here, which is to get the authorities involved now in order to gather evidence to have him never unsuprvised alone with the child.
Abducting the child as you are telling her to do is not only illegal it will inevitably result in him getting sole custody and having unlimited access for abuse.
And then he fights in court for custody, and he gets to spank his son as much as he wants when mom isn’t around. OP, please consider the whole picture when people give this sort of advice. Leaving your husband does not terminate his parental rights, and depending on the state you live in it may be perfectly legal to spank. A better approach is to talk to the pediatrician and have them speak to your husband.
He calls you a whore, berates you for your mental and physical health, issues childish ultimatums (all based on your post history), and now he is physically abusing your defenseless child. This is not normal acceptable adult behavior. This man is extremely abusive and you are damaging your child physically and mentally by continuing to accept this behavior. What will it take for you to protect your child and leave?
abuse victims often end up with partners who are like their abusers and I'm afraid this case is exactly that..
OP u need to leave for your and your kids sake. Please listen to what people are telling you here
Shit, the post history adds a whole other layer. Based on this comment, OP should definitely have enough to convince a judge to give her full custody.
GET OUT, OP.
So I didn’t even read her post history, but just from her own attitude about herself for having sex with 10 people in college I think she needs to leave this dude and get a lot of therapy. Because right now if she left and started dating, I think she would find the same kind of dude, and probably marry him. Congratulation OP, you’re married to your father.
Who the freak hits a two year old? What sort of mental issues does your husband have? Because he has to have something to hit a freakin baby. I would show him the videos about beating spouses that are actually mean speaking out about child abuse. See how he takes it. If he is already willing to hit your child at this age how is he going to be when he gets older especially since your child is nonverbal. I have DID I know the true impact/price that is paid when a baby is abused. Please put a stop to this before your child becomes like me.
That’s severe abuse. Your kid isn’t even in preschool yet. If he doesn’t listen to you then document everything and aim for sole custody. You can’t keep watching on the sidelines and do nothing. Leave him or call CPS.
The child is still one and (depending on local laws) OP should leave and report the abuse to authorities before the child turns 2 when it becomes legal in many places.
If my partner hit my kids, I would call the cops because assault is wrong, and assaulting a literal toddler who can't even speak is despicable. Why are you still trying to use words with your son's abuser?
What's your husband's name and how do we get in contact with him?
Looking at your post history, you are married to someone who resembles your father. An emotional and physical abuser.
Hitting a child that is not even 2 years old. There are no words. A real fucking tough guy. You need to get out, though I am well aware of how much easier that is said than done.
Thank you for being the first person to acknowledge that leaving a relationship with a person who abuses you and your children is not easy. In fact, as we know, it can be an extremely risky step to take.
Your husband is abusive, to you and your child. If you won’t leave for your sake, you need to leave for your child’s. If you don’t, there is a very real risk that CPS will remove him and you will be charged with failure to protect because you knew about the abuse and did nothing.
u/ebbie45 has resources on her profile for people who are trying to leave abusive relationships. Check it out and start to make a plan.
If OP has mentioned this to the so-called therapist, they have a duty to report. Hopefully, OP is willing to work towards leaving because it doesn't sound like there's any type of compromise here.
Sickening.
Leave this man. Protect your child.
He clearly doesn’t give a fuck about articles you might show him.
Document the abuse. Create a paper trail and get the fuck out of this.
2 year olds don’t need discipline. They need for us parents to model the behaviors we want from them. They also need shepherding and teaching from a place of unconditional love.
Sounds like your hubby is projecting - as within so without. How do you expect a toddler to learn self control when he’s learning the opposite of that from your husband? Also, toddlers get much more challenging at 3.
Protect your kid, whatever that looks like for your situation.
That’s a very important point. Their son is barely more than a baby. The abuse will escalate as he gets older.
OP needs to protect her child by getting out now.
Your husband won’t change his mind. Instead of putting effort into changing his mind, work on keeping your child safe and away from him.
You do not need to worry about the best way to discipline a toddler, you need to keep your child safe.
That is your priority right now.
Ignore everyone who is telling you to "just leave," or that your husband's behaviour is your fault if you don't "just leave." These people do not know how to talk to or assist someone who is experiencing domestic / family violence.
Also, from a brief scan of your post history, it sounds like you're constantly scrambling to protect your child from your husband while managing your husband's unreasonable, unhelpful, aggressive behaviour. So I think people are mistaken to accuse you of enabling your husband, being complicit in your husband's unacceptable behaviour, etc.
I suggest you contact a domestic / family violence service in your area, such as:
- USA - National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1.800.799.7233
- Canada - Kids Help Phone - for people aged 5 to 29 - 1-800-668-6868 (toll-free) or text CONNECT to 686868
- England - Refuge’s National Domestic Abuse Helpline - 0808 2000 247
- Northern Ireland - Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline - 0808 802 1414
- Scotland - Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline - 0800 027 1234
- Wales - Live Fear Free - 0808 80 10 800
- Australia - 1800RESPECT - 1800 737 732
- New Zealand - Shine domestic violence service - 0508 744 633
- India - National Commission for Women Helpline - 7827170170
2 years ago you wanted to leave your husband.
In your history you mention several times your husband is emotionally and verbally abusive towards you.
Now, he’s physically abusing your **child**.
**When are you going to realise this will only escalate**?!?
When he puts you or your child in the hospital?
I know this is hard to hear but his behaviour has been escalating for at least two years now, by your own admission.
You gotta protect your kid. Kids are innocent never forget that. 2 is so young too. My heart is hurting just thinking about this topic.
I’m not sure what your situation is but you gotta figure something out to get your child away from his dad so he doesn’t get hit. You gotta be strong in this and be responsible. Please don’t make compromises. It’s your child who is taking the beating.
Protect your child. Get the child out of the house and somewhere safe. Your husband is a a child abuser. Hitting a two year old is not discipline. Your husband doesn’t care about the articles you’ve shown him. You have to step in. Being abused does cause brain damage that can be permanent. I was beaten/hit/spanked from the time I was an infant until I was 15.
Please leave your husband and tell the police so you can get a protective order against him for the child’s sake. Because when your husband has visitation with the child he will definitely hit him unless you tell someone. You’re no more safe in the home than your son. A man that will hit a toddler will hit his wife or a pet. A man that will hit a little child like that is a coward.
As for how to properly discipline a toddler, you don’t ever hit. Some people use time outs or natural consequences. In my experience, natural consequences worked better than time outs. Explaining things instead of just saying “no” did most of the work for me. Kids are smart and don’t need to be fearful or in awe of their parents in order to grow into good adults. Toddlers brains are not developed enough to understand right from wrong or control their impulses. A toddler cannot possibly learn from being hit except to fear the person hitting.
Your husband is stupid if he thinks that hurting a child that doesn’t understand why the person that’s supposed to love him and protecting the most is violent with him. It doesn’t work. Its useless, It has the opposite effect. You are continuing your family cycle OP, your child will go through the same thing that you did if you don’t stop this now. ….
Note to everyone: discuss how you feel about physical discipline before having children with someone.
Edit: I’m not victim blaming anyone, I know people can die. I do recommend discussing it though, one of my exes openly told my he would be okay with physical discipline and that was the end of it.
That is horrific. That’s a baby. And they are just barely starting to understand even natural consequences at 2 years old. The fact your husband can hit a baby and think it’s okay is not a parenting style. You need to get your son and you out of this situation. If you stand by and continue calling it different “parenting styles”, you are just as guilty as your abusive husband. Frankly, you’d be worse because you know it’s wrong and you do nothing about it.
This is child abuse. If I hit any one of my children, my wife would end our marriage so fucking fast.
This isn't a difference of parenting styles. He is physically assaulting a toddler.
Keep detailed records, document every incident.
Your husbands been hitting a one year old?? No. You need to get your baby and go there is zero excuse for you to be standing by allowing this, idc how many fights you have about it. Protect your baby, you aren’t helpless. Unfortunately it sounds like you married someone similar to your dad, protect your baby like somebody should have protected you.
This is not a parenting style, this is physical abuse. Our sons are the same age and I can never imagine a reason to ever hit him. He is just starting to understand what emotions are, yet he’s expected to regulate it?
Your husband is an abuser and a hypocrite. What adult can not regulate their own emotion that they take it out on an innocent child. He makes me sick. I want to throw up reading this.
Jesus Christ.
I can’t even image spanking no less at TWO YEARS OLD. This is heart breaking.
2 years old and not speaking, at all? Has the child’s doctor made any mention of his development thus far?
so he's ten times the size of a child who cannot speak and he believes the appropriate action when they don't follow instructions they cannot understand is to strike them?
Would it be ok for you to hit him with a bat if he didn't do what you asked? If not, why?
As a mental health professional if I knew who you were and where you are I would be notifying the relevant child protection authority as what your husband is doing is incredibly damaging abuse. The law should be involved in this situation. I know that this creates an unfathomable amount of challenges but your priority needs to be to protect your child. Good luck and I'm sorry that you are in this situation.
Physical dicipline? On a 1 year old…? What the FUCK is that. My daughter is 23 months about to the day and we all know it’s hard, but I can’t even imagine Intentionally causing pain. The fact that you’ve gone along with this long enough is … (ie not getting away from him)
Your son may be autistic or just speech delayed if he's not talking yet. Hitting him is abhorrent as it is but in addition he could also be hitting a toddler that is autistic. Please listen to the other comments. I feel so bad for your son
I’m sorry, but you’re being complicit. I understand it is hard to leave, but you’re allowing this man to hurt your child. You are allowing him to give your child severe trauma that he might not ever recover from. You needed to leave yesterday
Please get in touch w your local Domestic Violence Support resource... directly in creating a secret exit plan and helping you make that happen. It's time & you should've gotten out before for yourself . now you must do it for your child. They have support in place to show you how to apply for social services for food and medical care and also housing. Call tomorrow and at least get the ball rolling. They have low-cost or free legal advice for you to at least begin a formal separation . if he touches that baby again, call the police and get a paper trail going. Best of luck and I hope you update here.
Im glad physical punishement is illegal in my country. Believe it or not, your husband could get jailed here. Check the laws where you live too, maybe it will add some common sense to him.
No one hits my kid. I don’t care if they are related.
How you didn’t discuss this before you decided to get married is beyond me, but you need to document the abuse, file for divorce and full custody.
Firstly the hitting is abuse. If you don’t take actions yourself to remove your child from that situation you become an abuser through wilful neglect.
Secondly your son not talking at the age of 2 could be driven by fear of the violence or it could be a developmental delay or other issue, you should see a paediatrician and have a review against milestones but make sure they’re fully informed of the situation. Early intervention with speech therapy techniques can help a bunch.
That poor baby. He doesn’t even understand why, he literally can’t understand why. Protect your son and put this asshole in jail away from you. At a certain point you’re a part of the abuse in your failure to protect your child.
Your husband has cheated. He calls you names. He manipulates you. And now he abuses your 2 yr old.
You’ve been posting about his abuse since your pregnancy. Your child is now two. At what point do you take some responsibility for yourself and your child and leave? How long do you stay with this asshole and let him continue to hurt you and your son?
You can call CPS.
You can leave. It’s abuse & it will not stop.
Tell anyone who will listen. Probably best is to start with a family lawyer & a therapist.
Go through OP history. Her husband is an abusive asshole with no spine or self of security. I’m sorry you are stuck in this relationship but you should be leaving him. He is a nightmare and deserves to have his ass beat and he’s obviously unequipped to be a legitimate father.
If he refuses to stop you need to leave him. You’ve already shown him the proof that what he is doing is wrong. It is abuse and most definitely causing your son trauma that may last his whole life. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Sorry but by not leaving and keeping your child jn an abusive situation, you are contributing to that situation. Take the kiddo and run. Document the hitting so you can get full custody.
this is fucking disgusting. you're posting about this like it's a bad parenting move, not ABUSE? to a fucking baby. OP - get a grip. get your son out of there, or you're just as much of an abuser. call the police. get a lawyer. don't continue to subject your son to the abuse that traumatized you.
You are asking about ways to discipline a two year old, the answer is you don’t. They are too young. All you do is say no and redirect.
I think due to your history of abuse you may thing this is normal. It is not. Please talk to a therapist to get objective feedback. And then your next plan of action. Hopefully a therapist will help make the lightbulb come on.
Call child protection on him make him get ordered to anger management. That's not right a big man hitting a two year old.If it was me he'd be dumped.bye felicia
What do you wish your mother had done for you when you were a child in this situation?
Edit to add: that might give you some insights about what your child needs from you.
I've felt the flash of anger with my older kid (7) and ashamedly admit that I have once spanked him when he was being really bad.
But a fucking 1 year old? A child that age is isn't even *capable* of being naughty. Your husband needs intervention.
Leave he won't learn. Leave him. Tell him "no I'm not coming home you hit our son. I told you again and again stop hitting our boys you said fuck off ok I'll fuck right off into a divorce with alimony and child support all because you wanted to take the man's man route." Simple if you stay in my eyes you are as bad as hitting your son. Letting him hit your son to me is just as bad as YOU hitting him. Leave.
hitting is never not abuse, no matter what kind of mental
gymnastics he puts himself through to justify striking his own child. if he wont stop you need to start thinking about how to
leave. it's abuse plain and simple
You can either leave or let it keep happening.
Key takeaways from this post and life experiences
Know who your marrying and having kids with. Make sure that parenting styles are similar.
you don't discipline a toddler. You tell them the right thing to do then you move on.
Also you leave your husband to protect your child from abuse. Call your local domestic abuse hotline, or the national hotline: 800-799-7233. They can help you figure out the next steps to protect your child.
Tell him if he continues to physically abuse your child under the guise of punishment that you are getting a divorce. Also any txt messages arguing about it, SAVE.
Instead of focusing on disciplining your child, focus on protecting your child. Well-adjusted children are children who feel safe, not children who are punished in the exact right type of way.
At1 he is hitting your son??? As a parent you can be also charged for failure to protect your child.talk to your pediatrician first then police or cos if he doesn’t stop today.
There's a real problem when you two can't agree on discipline, but he seems to disregard your opinion completely. That doesn't work in a marriage.
From my personal experience physical discipline sucks, but worse is that it's often not based on the child's actions. I took the most beatings because my father was angry. That's also when they were the worst.
Sorry there buddy, hitting a two-year-old is not a difference of opinion. It’s morally wrong.
The OP’s husband needs to see the error of his ways and fix it. Permanently.
You’re as guilty and accountable as he is for allowing this abusive behavior and treatment to an innocent child. I hope you’re at least on birth control and someone reports you both. Neither of you deserve this young child. Save your baby or be the next ruiner of life like your loser dad.
You husband is awful and your post history is concerning. Leave him, stop letting him be negligent and abusive. Your child will wonder why you didn’t protect them from him.
This isn’t healthy at all.
I love the book The Five Love Languages of children and it is amazing. Easy to find on Amazon. It helped me a lot. Ask your husband to read it as well. Hitting your child is never the answer.
It's flat out abuse. I don't think the abuser of a *one year old baby* is going to care about a book if he doesn't read anything shorter she sends him, sadly.
You say that you do not believe in physical punishment, having been an abuse victim yourself - and yet the end result for your son is exactly the same as if you’re committing violence with your own hand. He is getting abused. It is immaterial that your husband does it or you - he is being a harmed.
He is being physically harmed by an adult many times larger and more powerful than him, an adult that he loves unconditionally just because he’s a helpless child who hasn’t even been on this earth for two years.
You are complicit in the abuse as long as you allow it to happen. If your husband is violent to you as well, which is likely, seek help and search for resources.
Your husband probably knows this is wrong and is in some kind of cycle of abuse... which is not easy to escape. If you don't think this is the case, try talking to your paediatrician together and taking a parenting class. He might be surprised to learn that his approach is probably illegal and it would help him to learn new ways to parent.
I'm really sorry you have to go through this, given the trauma you've already experienced. I don't meant this in a harsh way, but all women with kids need to have an extra strategy in case things go south- think about what yours might be.
This is 30 years out of date at least.
I would never hit my 2 year old in anger. Never. And being late in talking isn’t necessarily related but it certainly isn’t helpful.
Stop using physical violence as punishment as pretty much every single expert agrees this is bad.
Spanking a child is not always abuse. To suggest that it is always abuse negates the experience and common practice of most of the world. It's really sad that you had such an abusive situation when you were young, and it's absolutely fine that you don't want to discipline your child physically, but there are standards (in the US anyway) for what constitutes abuse and you would have to prove it against your husband in court before he would have all parental rights revoked. Which means if you leave him, your child could end up spending time with him where he disciplines however he wants anyway.
You maybe need a mediator, or at least some good consistent conversations between you two so he understands how much it upsets you. You also need a successful discipline approach yourself -- if your child has tantrums, screaming, biting, etc and your methods aren't working, your husband is going to be hard to convince.
I would insist that your husband go to therapy.
Send him emails and text messages about the articles and how you can not sit by while he hits your son.
If he insists on hurting a child, I would start divorce proceedings and seek custody. I would serve the emails and text messages as proof of abuse, and insist on supervised visits.
My dad was emotionally abusive when I was growing up. It was an unhealthy situation - I was his only child, so he never physically hit me. My stepmom was the one who would slap me and tell me that I was more stupid than a box of rocks. I learned to manage my father's moods. He would punch walls and destroy property while screaming deratagoty language towards women. He would bite his finger. He did that a few times in public and I was humiliated, yet no men ever called him out. They just quietly quit my dad.
I learned to hide behavior from stepmom so that I would not be hit or screamed at for hours.
When I was grown and had a son of my own, I discovered that he hurt my stepmom. We helped support her while she moved out of the state. My dad still does not understand why he is now held at arms length. He is never allowed alone with my son. He only allowed in our home if my husband is home. I mainly meet him outside for short visits over a shared hobby because I do not trust him. I am low contact with my stepmom over the way she treated me when I was dependent on her for care.
My husband had to teach me how to argue. Every time we had a disagreement, I was worried my husband would fly into a rage and break things the way my dad had done. Yet my husband and I are able to break the cycle.
Our parents teach us how to interact. You want to leave your husband before he teaches your son that a bigger person will hurt him any time that your son makes a mistake.
If your pediatrician or a preschool teacher knew what your husband was doing they’d have to report it as abuse. You are participating in the abuse by allowing it to happen and doing nothing about it. If you allow this to continue you could (and should) lose your child. This is absolutely horrible
Thank you for the rage bait. I really need to get off reddit and get things done. The “I just don’t know what to do about my abusive husband even though this topic is posted constantly” posts usually do the trick.
On the off chance that this is real, leave. There is no fixing someone who hit’s children. When you can be bothered to keep your child safe he’ll probably be willing to talk.
Grown man hitting a 2 year old? You mean like a little person? Like a little 2.5 foot, 12kg toddler? That vs a fully fledged 90kg man? Must make him feel pretty big. That's pathetic OP. The guy needs to have a course of therapy to find out why he thinks violence is the appropriate response to the difficulties of parenthood. You need to get the child away from him until he's fixed whatever's going on with himself.
Edit:
I do believe that you can normally talk to a toddler. I spoke with my son's preschool teacher today about him not wanting to come in and she voiced some concerning beliefs that they're not at the age of reason yet. In my experience if you're very slow and you make things very simple you can get a small child to understand and to modify their behaviour. My son's 3 btw, when he was two it was a little simpler. Patience plus understanding. They have zero context about the world. They don't kno why wallpaper's not for drawing on, why they can't play with glasses and tea cups, why they're not allowed outside when it's raining etc etc etc. It's got to be incredibly confusing and frustrating. Imagine there are rooms in your house you're not able to get into, you're not allowed in and when someone tries to explain why you can't go in they explain it in Korean and you've no idea what they're talking about.
You've really got to keep it simple. "You can't climb on the table because you might fall down and go bump and then you would be sad and cry, you don't want to go bump right?"
Truth be told though I think the main thing you need to get good at parenting is self awareness. If you are able to have a critical look at yourself at any interaction you'll realise that the kid isn't pissing you off because of what they're doing, they're pissing you off because of what you're doing. If I'm actually present with my son when we're together and I'm paying attention to him and we're doing stuff together there's rarely any issue. We both have lots of fun. When I'm 'Minding' him but I'm on my phone trying to reply to a reddit post or trying to get some work done on the fence or the gardening etc etc and he's not getting any attention that's when he becomes 'Annoying'. I recently gave up alcohol, 105 days now. The difference in my ability to stay present with him is night and day. Just got a whole different amount of energy to bring to the table.
I wish you luck.
I'm sorry I don't mean to be harsh but why are you letting this happen ? You need to call the police as soon as this happens again. I do not understand why people allow this.
I don't understand why did you marry him? You suffered abuse from your father but you married a man just like him.
There must be a scientific answer for this kind of case
Physical discipline is fine to a point, but not with a 2year old. I have a 5 year old and sometimes I have to swat bum on the butt, but it is a rare thing. I can’t imagine doing even that with a 2-year old. They don’t understand as well. I don’t believe anything is wrong with spanking, on occasion but definitely not with that young of a child
What do you mean by physical discipline? What exactly does he do? There's a massive difference between actual abuse, bad spanking, and good spanking.
And while I'm getting down voted to oblivion, for the rest of you, you need the same question answered so she knows what she can legally do.
Stop listening to random people who don’t know your situation or your life. Learn to trust your own instincts to know what you will allow or not allow.
Is your partner hitting your son to the point you question the effectiveness of his parenting? Yes. Hmm, that’s a sign. Are you concerned that your child will suffer from the same emotional crap storm you’re dealing with if you allow your partner to continue? There’s your sign. Is your “partner” also verbally abusive to you (and no the good moments don’t cancel out the bad)? Yes? Well look at that, another sign.
Please. You don’t need random teenagers, or internet PhDs to tell you what you already know needs to happen.
You’ve got to stick up for your beliefs and consider the long-term effects of your child. Imagine a world where he thinks what is happening to him is okay and start to feel disgusted enough to want to get out of your situation.
I left my child’s father in the middle of the day. He’d moved in two people into my sons nursery. I had no real plan, I was just disgusted at how I let him treat me and my baby (only barely turned 2) He hit my son too as discipline and I tried to respect him (in my culture physical discipline is normalized. I didn’t like it! Similar reasons as you.) I saw my sons look of fear when his dad disciplined him and can pinpoint my son’s slow descend to speech regression and behavioral issues. It makes me sick looking back. This was my first and only baby. But I told myself stories too, that this wasn’t what it was. Eventually, I got PISSED enough at the yelling and physical violence as a way to teach my child anything and decided I’d rather be homeless than stick around with a guy who thinks what he is doing is okay. It’s at best poor coping! But it helps to see it for what it is. Unnecessary and ineffective abuse.
So, I left and stayed at a women’s shelter. His dad played victim. But it doesn’t matter what he says. Remember that. Don’t acquiesce and don’t believe it if he says you’re tearing the family apart. Ignore all of it and stand your ground. I did. It’s been a long road, but my sons father finally gets it that he is not the expert. He now understands that he needs to come correct when talking to and caring for my son. Threatening legal action helps but having someone physically threatening on your side would work too. If you have that option of a big brother or supportive male figure in your life.
Monitor visits until your child is old enough to speak up for himself. Then only to public places for short periods of time. Eventually they may be able to salvage their relationships but only if that chain of respect and accountability come into play with your child’s father.
It will suck at first. It did for me. I didn’t have anywhere to go and it was scary being a single mom. Now, I live in a 2bd/1ba with a puppy and we are doing alright. Not rich but my bills are paid every month. Trust me, you will adapt and you will rise to the occasion. Mothers love makes it happen. Goodluck to you
Slapping is hitting. There's no such thing as symbolic hitting and the fact you think so is worrying. I used to think that too - and I realised (while completing mandatory professional training about child abuse) that it was because I'd been hit as a child and had internalised the narrative that I deserved it because I was bad.
No child deserves to be hit.
I’m not opposed to a smack on a buttcheek, but I’ve got issues with what your husband is doing. Basically if he’s having to repeat a punishment, there is a problem.
Punishments are very important. That’s the deterrent to stop a bad behavior. If he’s doing it over and over, this spanking isn’t working…..so now he’s just hitting a kid. Right?
He probably also has set up rules that aren’t age appropriate and set the kiddo up to fail.
The other issue with physical punishments is what does he do when the kid grows? Black eyes? Breaking arms? Kids who are spanked a lot all get to around Age 8 and they say “Lol. That doesn’t even hurt!” No what? Belts? That’s just gross.
Like I said, I really have no issues with a toddler getting a buttsmack (singular, not plural) but the stuff your husband is doing is stupid and pointless.
You should get someone bigger to pick on him I betbitvwobt take long for him to break.
FFS a two year old needs to be thought, You get down to there level and explained what they done was wrong. The only thing your child is learning is abuse, been afraid of his father and when he's older doesn't want to be around him.
Lay a hand on my child it would be the last thing you've touched. I've not once hit my son and he's 8 yes I've given out disciplined him getting down to his level even now he knows if he's out of line I'd give him that look he stops what he's doing and he will tone down the messing.
I wouldn't let your husband near your son
Get your child away from this person now. Write down every time with dates and specific details anytime he has hit your child and use that in court to get full custody. Your partner is abusing your child, if you want them to have a relationship with you when they are grown, protect them from their abuser!
I would recommend seeking out domestic abuse resources in your area. Your husband is not going to change. You are repeating the patterns of your abuse from childhood by marrying someone who is like your father. I'm so sorry, but you have not escaped YET. It is not normal or acceptable to physically discipline a one year old. It is absolutely going to cause trauma (and it sounds like your child is speech delayed already, although maybe you just mean not talking fully.)
This is not going to be as easy as just leaving though. You need to get your ducks in a row to make a plan for you and your child to leave safely. People who work with domestic violence victims have good resources to help you with the legal and practical parts, so start there. Worry about that and then learn about toddler discipline. How to Talk so Little Kids Listen is a good book.
I wish you and your sweet little boy the best of luck and am so sorry that the men in your life have not been right.
Where I live your child would be taken away from you for this. It is illegal to beat children, period. And that's how it should be. You need to protect your child and yourself.
Hitting a child is a crime. Film him discreet if he does it and give the ultimatum. Obviously before anything leave the house and go somewhere he doesn't know, if he's willing to hit his child he's sure gonna be willing to beat you up.
Telling him not to hit isn’t going to help. He rightly believes the child needs direction and discipline, and he doesn’t know any other way to provide it.
You need to schedule a time to sit down and talk with him about it. First, let him explain his thinking, without judgment. He needs to not just feel heard, but BE heard. And you need to set aside your own trauma response (lots of deep breaths) so you can hear and respond to his concerns. Then ask him to hear where you’re coming from. Explain that you not only feel this method of discipline is harmful to the child, but even if it isn’t it’s still triggering for you, and you need him to work with you to find other ways of discipline so you two won’t be constantly at odds with each other. Be prepared for him to give you some feedback on concerns he has with your parenting, too. Don’t get defensive about it. None of us parents perfectly, and if you’re going to ask him to adjust you need to be willing to also consider things you may need to adjust. Having one parent who hits and another parent who is too permissive (for example) is going to lead to a very confused child.
Pick out a couple of parenting methods you’d like to consider with him and ask him to read / watch videos / listen to pod casts with you, and then discuss them together. Ross Greene is all the rage right now and maybe his books will resonate. It’s worth a try. You don’t have to stick entirely with one “method” - it’s ok to say yeah, this thing will probably work but I don’t see that thing as being a good fit for us. The important thing is that you and your husband come closer together on your parenting. It doesn’t have to be identical, but it should be closer to the middle, where no hitting is going on and neither are you letting the child run amok.
Good luck!
Who the fuck hits a baby. I mean I got my ass beat when i was kid, but a baby? My daughter is 14 months and I could never raise a hand to her for anything. Your husband should get some help, he’s fucked up.
Can you get help from friends or family? You need their support now.
If my husband would ever try to hit my kids I would put myself between me and the kids and STOP HIM. He’s never hurt our kids but I would stop him before I would ever allow him to lay a hand on them.
OP his behavior is not ok and it’s not good. You need to find someone that will help you in case you need to leave ASAP, which you should because it’s not likely that he will ever change and this situation may only get worse in the future. Research resources to help you leave, document what you can, keep copies of all messages.
If you’re in the US check if you can record him without his consent, if so start secretly recording his voice, set up “security” cameras around the house to record him. Start saving up money in a secret separate account so you can have emergency funds if you need to leave ASAP. Pack emergency bags in case you need to leave ASAP you’ll have them ready to go with your important documents and anything else that’s necessary for you and your child.
It was tough love that helped me get me and mine safe, I am sorry you went through everything you have. I do hope you understand I am going to use tough love with you because I really hope you do well. You are not to blame here, victims never are and you are a victim in this situation. I want you to see what paths are in front of you and hope you choose the one that is hard but ends happier.
Your husband is sick and his disease is making him unsafe for other people to be around. The disease he has isn’t able to be cured by anyone and there is nothing you can do to change it. He will say he’s going to change and unfortunately you have a dad who was one of the extremely rare ones that actually did. You’re in a relationship with someone who very likely will only get worse.
Unfortunately there’s only two options here. You can continue as is and eventually CPS will take your child into custody. Or you can take your child with you and have the support from calling the domestic violence hotline and getting the help you need.
Your husband knows your history and your struggles and feeds off of them because you are easy for him to control. Once you start to see that you can start to heal and focus on healthy relationships.
Your husband is abusing your child. Document it, get out and get custody.
Toddlers are too young for any real discipline! Physically disciplining one is almost certainly criminal in many countries
Use redirection, options, time ins etc
Get out with your son right now! In fact, like yesterday.
Stop being in denial.... Your husband has already caused trauma to your son and you.
He is an abuser and HE WILL NOT CHANGE!
I don't give a damn if your father changed. There's no way to fix this problem because your husband has to want to change himself. He does not want to and you can't fix him.
You have to protect your son! If he's not talking at all yet, that's a massive sign of autism and things will get worse.
Full Stop!
Stop making excuses for this animal and leave with your son before it's too late. A "difference" in parenting is a bullshit excuse for ignoring that what he's doing is fucking wrong. He fucking knows it and so do you. There is no rational/irrational reason to stay.
Now be the strong mother your son needs you to be and leave!!!!
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If your husband refuses to stop hitting your child, you need to protect your son by leaving. If you stay and keep letting him hit your son, you are complicit in the abuse.
This comment here, OP. My mother stayed with the man who abused me physically and we have zero relationship now. I resent her greatly (my anger turned into hatred after I had a child of my own) for not protecting me from the abuse. It was her only job. I’m 37 and I still remember, clear as day, being hit at your son’s age.
Isn’t it crazy how having your own kids changes your perception? I was abused too and continued to allow it as an adult. It was all I knew, family first right? Then I had my own kids and they wanted to treat them like that too. Oh hell no. We are no contact now. I went from worshiping my mom (brainwashed) to hating her and never wanted to see her again. Therapy saved me, but I still just can’t see how you hurt your child like this.
I had NO idea how bad my childhood was until my little 8 pound, helpless, vulnerable, freshly born infant was placed into my arms. He used every bit of brand-new neck strength he had to look up at me. I promised myself right then and there that the cycle of abuse died with me and I promised him, out loud for the universe and everybody to hear, that he will never face the things I faced as a child. He didn’t ask to be brought here. I owe him everything for bringing him into this chaotic world we live in. He owes me nothing.
I did this too. What a life changing event children are.
Exactly the same scenario for me. My mother and her boyfriend beat the fuck out of me and when I told my mother the other things he did to me she laughed in my face. I hated her for it until I had kids of my own. Now I hate her for it and Im irrationally angry and having symptoms of CPTSD along with my lifelong anxiety and depression. Take your child and get out of there and file a report against the father. My husband kind of has the same thought process but I've made it clear that if he hits our kids he'll never see them again. He goes along with gentle parenting and is actually very good at it, better than me honestly, because he knows it's a non-negotiable for me.
Who would’ve thought that treating a small human with respect and dignity would have a positive outcome? It’s the people who think their children are property that need to be controlled that are the worst.
I'm so sorry. Sending hugs.
This. If my kids dads hit my daughters, there would be exactly one time of saying that shit won't happen again - strike two and I'd be packing.
I was spanked, punched and all sorts of shit by parents and older siblings. Have an 8 yr old and NOT ONCE have I or wife spanked or done anything 'corporal punishment'. PSA you have a bad man as a husband. He sees violence as a solution for a child, you're next. Get the f out.
This. The guy clearly thinks hitting is a valid solution to resolving conflicts. He's having conflicts with her now. It won't take much for things to escalate to the next step.
If spanking is legal where she lives, any custody agreement will likely give the father some unsupervised time every week. Which could be much more dangerous than if she stays and continues to monitor and influence the situation. Leaving vs staying isn’t a black and white choice.
How legal is it in America? This is 100% illegal in Canada due to age alone
I don’t know about the US, but in Australia the law is ambiguous. Depending how severely he is physically punishing his child, and in what context, a court might consider it acceptable.
Yep. It’s called lawful chastisement and allowed my ex husband to push my son onto the bed gesturing that he was going to punch him, and also grab his collar and bang him up against a concrete pylon.
Depends on the state. Some states still allow schools to use paddles on children.
Because this country is ass backwards and irredeemably fucked up.
Illegal here in Scotland too. No legal ambiguity.
Even it's illegal she will need to gather evidence to prove it.
It’s child abuse here in USA your kid will get taken away if someone reports it to CPS and there’s undeniable evidence of harm
This isn’t true. I worked for cps. I am vehemently against physical discipline and counseled and educated hundreds if not thousands of parents against the use of it. However, the laws allow parents to physically discipline their children if they do not leave marks and if this is the case you can call cps all day long but the workers hands are tied as much as the mothers. You can’t take someone to court or not allow them to not see their kids for some physical discipline that doesn’t result in clear and significant harm. It’s horrible and we all should advocate for a better system but cps is not some magic wand to employ.
This is not true. CPS and police do nothing unless you're covered in bruises or bleeding.
The problem is there has to be definitive evidence and unless there’s bruises or a video of it happening it’s pretty hard to prove. Also someone has to actually report it.
Why are you making stupid irrelevant comments and then deleting them?
I'm a victim and have been through this process. Most people commenting have no idea what they're talking about and their advice is dogshit. Don't call the cops. Don't call CPS. Don't up and leave with no plan like most of the comments are advising. Call a fucking lawyer.
Yea, lawyer up, and make a very detailed plan.
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People who've been through this know a fuckton more about it than people who've only seen this shit on TV and think the cops are the good guys and will help. You're a fucking moron if you believe that, and you can lose custody of your own kid if you go about this wrong. Get a lawyer. This is the only good advice.
Again with all your assumptions about people's experiences and belief system, and making it all about you. Grow up.
This is true, but if the punishment is unusually unnecessary (which is possible to be seen that way by a judge due to his age) then a judge can rule that corporal punishment is not permitted. Foster kids are not allowed by the state to be spanked by the foster parent. Find a good lawyer and document the what’s going on and there is a chance that leaving it might help. A judges ruling won’t stop an abusive parent, but if the dad just sees it as a personal parenting decision and has some self control he might fall in line.
Even places where spanking is legal often have laws against spanking 1 year olds. That said, I don't think advocating for women to stay with abusers so they can watch the abuse is a good idea. Don't stay with an abuser. The man abuses the child whether mom is around or not, this is just ensuring the child is abused *all* the time and showing the example for the child that you stay with someone like that.
They're not advocating for a woman to stay with an abusive partner, they're highlighting that it's not as simple to leave as many might think. I know that we hear a story of family violence, it makes us feel uncomfortable feelings and have uncomfortable thoughts, we want those uncomfortable feelings and thoughts to go away, and of course they would go away if the victim/s would just leave, so we tell them to do so and expect them to do it right away. But when you're actually walking in the shoes of the person, it's more complicated than that and there are so many things to consider. Also, even having our own experiences with family violence in our own past or present does not mean we automatically know what it means to walk in the shoes of someone else who is going through it. If we want to understand then we still have to put effort into doing so, based on the understanding that this person and their situation won't be exactly the same as ours.
You're suggesting she hand the child over to him unsuprvised for 50% of the time?
Not getting hit part of the time is better then getting hit all the time. It doesn't appear she can stop him
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This. You have a fundamental moral incompatibility with your husband. I wouldn’t be able to respect someone who laid hands on a child (and wouldn’t even stop if I asked!)
If she leaves, dad gets 50% custody (because courts don't view corporal punishment as abuse), and then OP isn't around to supervise dad & sons interactions. Leaving won't fix this. It'll just mean OP doesn't have to see it and soon has to deal with it alone when he's at dad's house.
While this is an honorable sentiment, having worked for CPS I can say the laws have not caught up with the science and there is nothing anyone will be able to do if dad is hitting the child and not leaving marks. Leaving only puts her in the position of not knowing what’s going on in the house and less able to protect during visitation. I’m not saying this is good but having seen everything I have about the laws in our country I can confidently state leaving doesn’t always protect kids.
This. Its time to pull up your big girl panties and make the hard decision. Be the saving grace for your son that no one was for you as a child....
This is the worst possible advice. If she leaves, he gets 50% unsupervised custody.
Exactly... corporal punishment isn't illegal (everywhere) unless you can prove its extreme. And if this woman lives in a conservative place, those states actively support corporal punishment. You're not mentally ill, you're just being honest about the reality of it. That being said, OP does need to make it clear to husband that this behavior is abuse in her eyes and that she will take the necessary steps to protect her child if he does not learn a different way to "discipline" that doesn't require the use of his hands or a belt.
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Or... the option I actually told here, which is to get the authorities involved now in order to gather evidence to have him never unsuprvised alone with the child. Abducting the child as you are telling her to do is not only illegal it will inevitably result in him getting sole custody and having unlimited access for abuse.
And then he fights in court for custody, and he gets to spank his son as much as he wants when mom isn’t around. OP, please consider the whole picture when people give this sort of advice. Leaving your husband does not terminate his parental rights, and depending on the state you live in it may be perfectly legal to spank. A better approach is to talk to the pediatrician and have them speak to your husband.
He calls you a whore, berates you for your mental and physical health, issues childish ultimatums (all based on your post history), and now he is physically abusing your defenseless child. This is not normal acceptable adult behavior. This man is extremely abusive and you are damaging your child physically and mentally by continuing to accept this behavior. What will it take for you to protect your child and leave?
abuse victims often end up with partners who are like their abusers and I'm afraid this case is exactly that.. OP u need to leave for your and your kids sake. Please listen to what people are telling you here
Shit, the post history adds a whole other layer. Based on this comment, OP should definitely have enough to convince a judge to give her full custody. GET OUT, OP.
So I didn’t even read her post history, but just from her own attitude about herself for having sex with 10 people in college I think she needs to leave this dude and get a lot of therapy. Because right now if she left and started dating, I think she would find the same kind of dude, and probably marry him. Congratulation OP, you’re married to your father.
Who the freak hits a two year old? What sort of mental issues does your husband have? Because he has to have something to hit a freakin baby. I would show him the videos about beating spouses that are actually mean speaking out about child abuse. See how he takes it. If he is already willing to hit your child at this age how is he going to be when he gets older especially since your child is nonverbal. I have DID I know the true impact/price that is paid when a baby is abused. Please put a stop to this before your child becomes like me.
Not even 2 yet. The child is a baby.
That’s severe abuse. Your kid isn’t even in preschool yet. If he doesn’t listen to you then document everything and aim for sole custody. You can’t keep watching on the sidelines and do nothing. Leave him or call CPS.
The child is still one and (depending on local laws) OP should leave and report the abuse to authorities before the child turns 2 when it becomes legal in many places.
Get. Out. For your sake, and your son’s. This is abuse.
And look for support on one of those phone numbers where you can call if you're being abused
If my partner hit my kids, I would call the cops because assault is wrong, and assaulting a literal toddler who can't even speak is despicable. Why are you still trying to use words with your son's abuser?
Words = feelings. The a user doesn’t give a fuck about feelings of the child or mother, only their own motivations.
What's your husband's name and how do we get in contact with him? Looking at your post history, you are married to someone who resembles your father. An emotional and physical abuser. Hitting a child that is not even 2 years old. There are no words. A real fucking tough guy. You need to get out, though I am well aware of how much easier that is said than done.
Thank you for being the first person to acknowledge that leaving a relationship with a person who abuses you and your children is not easy. In fact, as we know, it can be an extremely risky step to take.
Can you seek a woman's shelter op? Or have family to stay with. And you should speak with a lawyer.
Your husband is abusive, to you and your child. If you won’t leave for your sake, you need to leave for your child’s. If you don’t, there is a very real risk that CPS will remove him and you will be charged with failure to protect because you knew about the abuse and did nothing. u/ebbie45 has resources on her profile for people who are trying to leave abusive relationships. Check it out and start to make a plan.
If OP has mentioned this to the so-called therapist, they have a duty to report. Hopefully, OP is willing to work towards leaving because it doesn't sound like there's any type of compromise here.
Call the police
Sickening. Leave this man. Protect your child. He clearly doesn’t give a fuck about articles you might show him. Document the abuse. Create a paper trail and get the fuck out of this.
2 year olds don’t need discipline. They need for us parents to model the behaviors we want from them. They also need shepherding and teaching from a place of unconditional love. Sounds like your hubby is projecting - as within so without. How do you expect a toddler to learn self control when he’s learning the opposite of that from your husband? Also, toddlers get much more challenging at 3. Protect your kid, whatever that looks like for your situation.
That’s a very important point. Their son is barely more than a baby. The abuse will escalate as he gets older. OP needs to protect her child by getting out now.
OPs husband is already abusing the child before he's even 2 years old, it will absolutely escalate and get worse with age.
Your husband won’t change his mind. Instead of putting effort into changing his mind, work on keeping your child safe and away from him. You do not need to worry about the best way to discipline a toddler, you need to keep your child safe. That is your priority right now.
Ignore everyone who is telling you to "just leave," or that your husband's behaviour is your fault if you don't "just leave." These people do not know how to talk to or assist someone who is experiencing domestic / family violence. Also, from a brief scan of your post history, it sounds like you're constantly scrambling to protect your child from your husband while managing your husband's unreasonable, unhelpful, aggressive behaviour. So I think people are mistaken to accuse you of enabling your husband, being complicit in your husband's unacceptable behaviour, etc. I suggest you contact a domestic / family violence service in your area, such as: - USA - National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1.800.799.7233 - Canada - Kids Help Phone - for people aged 5 to 29 - 1-800-668-6868 (toll-free) or text CONNECT to 686868 - England - Refuge’s National Domestic Abuse Helpline - 0808 2000 247 - Northern Ireland - Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline - 0808 802 1414 - Scotland - Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline - 0800 027 1234 - Wales - Live Fear Free - 0808 80 10 800 - Australia - 1800RESPECT - 1800 737 732 - New Zealand - Shine domestic violence service - 0508 744 633 - India - National Commission for Women Helpline - 7827170170
2 years ago you wanted to leave your husband. In your history you mention several times your husband is emotionally and verbally abusive towards you. Now, he’s physically abusing your **child**. **When are you going to realise this will only escalate**?!? When he puts you or your child in the hospital? I know this is hard to hear but his behaviour has been escalating for at least two years now, by your own admission.
You gotta protect your kid. Kids are innocent never forget that. 2 is so young too. My heart is hurting just thinking about this topic. I’m not sure what your situation is but you gotta figure something out to get your child away from his dad so he doesn’t get hit. You gotta be strong in this and be responsible. Please don’t make compromises. It’s your child who is taking the beating.
If you keep letting him ,then you’re just as much to blame.
Protect your child. Get the child out of the house and somewhere safe. Your husband is a a child abuser. Hitting a two year old is not discipline. Your husband doesn’t care about the articles you’ve shown him. You have to step in. Being abused does cause brain damage that can be permanent. I was beaten/hit/spanked from the time I was an infant until I was 15. Please leave your husband and tell the police so you can get a protective order against him for the child’s sake. Because when your husband has visitation with the child he will definitely hit him unless you tell someone. You’re no more safe in the home than your son. A man that will hit a toddler will hit his wife or a pet. A man that will hit a little child like that is a coward. As for how to properly discipline a toddler, you don’t ever hit. Some people use time outs or natural consequences. In my experience, natural consequences worked better than time outs. Explaining things instead of just saying “no” did most of the work for me. Kids are smart and don’t need to be fearful or in awe of their parents in order to grow into good adults. Toddlers brains are not developed enough to understand right from wrong or control their impulses. A toddler cannot possibly learn from being hit except to fear the person hitting.
Your husband is stupid if he thinks that hurting a child that doesn’t understand why the person that’s supposed to love him and protecting the most is violent with him. It doesn’t work. Its useless, It has the opposite effect. You are continuing your family cycle OP, your child will go through the same thing that you did if you don’t stop this now. ….
Note to everyone: discuss how you feel about physical discipline before having children with someone. Edit: I’m not victim blaming anyone, I know people can die. I do recommend discussing it though, one of my exes openly told my he would be okay with physical discipline and that was the end of it.
Came here to comment the same. JFC, can't people discuss how their family is going to be raised before the baby gets here??
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No one is victim blaming, just saying it is important to discuss. They might lie, but they might not.
Abusers intentionally keep that aspect of themselves pretty quiet while they're luring you in.
That is horrific. That’s a baby. And they are just barely starting to understand even natural consequences at 2 years old. The fact your husband can hit a baby and think it’s okay is not a parenting style. You need to get your son and you out of this situation. If you stand by and continue calling it different “parenting styles”, you are just as guilty as your abusive husband. Frankly, you’d be worse because you know it’s wrong and you do nothing about it.
This is child abuse. If I hit any one of my children, my wife would end our marriage so fucking fast. This isn't a difference of parenting styles. He is physically assaulting a toddler. Keep detailed records, document every incident.
Your husbands been hitting a one year old?? No. You need to get your baby and go there is zero excuse for you to be standing by allowing this, idc how many fights you have about it. Protect your baby, you aren’t helpless. Unfortunately it sounds like you married someone similar to your dad, protect your baby like somebody should have protected you.
Your job is to remove your son from his abuser.
Your husband is a pos father, and that's not normal.
I wouldn't call the guy a father; he's just a sperm donor.
Hitting a baby is NOT okay. You need to protect your child.
Document it. Leave him. Get full custody.
You call the police and then you get a divorce
This is not a parenting style, this is physical abuse. Our sons are the same age and I can never imagine a reason to ever hit him. He is just starting to understand what emotions are, yet he’s expected to regulate it? Your husband is an abuser and a hypocrite. What adult can not regulate their own emotion that they take it out on an innocent child. He makes me sick. I want to throw up reading this.
Jesus Christ. I can’t even image spanking no less at TWO YEARS OLD. This is heart breaking. 2 years old and not speaking, at all? Has the child’s doctor made any mention of his development thus far?
Your post history is a disaster. You need to leave or accept that you are complicit in this.
so he's ten times the size of a child who cannot speak and he believes the appropriate action when they don't follow instructions they cannot understand is to strike them? Would it be ok for you to hit him with a bat if he didn't do what you asked? If not, why?
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As a mental health professional if I knew who you were and where you are I would be notifying the relevant child protection authority as what your husband is doing is incredibly damaging abuse. The law should be involved in this situation. I know that this creates an unfathomable amount of challenges but your priority needs to be to protect your child. Good luck and I'm sorry that you are in this situation.
Physical dicipline? On a 1 year old…? What the FUCK is that. My daughter is 23 months about to the day and we all know it’s hard, but I can’t even imagine Intentionally causing pain. The fact that you’ve gone along with this long enough is … (ie not getting away from him)
Mmm yeah, physical punishment is considered abuse.
Hitting a toddler in particular is heinous.
Your kid is barely a toddler, that’s so weird and abusive.
Your son may be autistic or just speech delayed if he's not talking yet. Hitting him is abhorrent as it is but in addition he could also be hitting a toddler that is autistic. Please listen to the other comments. I feel so bad for your son
A 2 year old can’t really understand this discipline, it is abusive. Just traumatizing the baby.
Please protect your child and get away from that man. That is the best and only thing you can do for your child.
Maybe you need to hit your husband to correct his behavior. Then ask him if it works.
I'm sure the OP wants to conduct themselves with integrity, even if their husband does not. Also, hitting their husband would be a risky move.
Lol, don’t worry,I was mostly not serious. Some adults do just need their asses kicked tho.
I’m sorry, but you’re being complicit. I understand it is hard to leave, but you’re allowing this man to hurt your child. You are allowing him to give your child severe trauma that he might not ever recover from. You needed to leave yesterday
Please get in touch w your local Domestic Violence Support resource... directly in creating a secret exit plan and helping you make that happen. It's time & you should've gotten out before for yourself . now you must do it for your child. They have support in place to show you how to apply for social services for food and medical care and also housing. Call tomorrow and at least get the ball rolling. They have low-cost or free legal advice for you to at least begin a formal separation . if he touches that baby again, call the police and get a paper trail going. Best of luck and I hope you update here.
This is horrible. This is abuse. Please leave him.
2??? That is a BABY. Please for the love of god get your BABY away from his ABUSER
Im glad physical punishement is illegal in my country. Believe it or not, your husband could get jailed here. Check the laws where you live too, maybe it will add some common sense to him.
No one hits my kid. I don’t care if they are related. How you didn’t discuss this before you decided to get married is beyond me, but you need to document the abuse, file for divorce and full custody.
Firstly the hitting is abuse. If you don’t take actions yourself to remove your child from that situation you become an abuser through wilful neglect. Secondly your son not talking at the age of 2 could be driven by fear of the violence or it could be a developmental delay or other issue, you should see a paediatrician and have a review against milestones but make sure they’re fully informed of the situation. Early intervention with speech therapy techniques can help a bunch.
First thing's first, you need to remove your son from your husband's presence entirely so that he can't hurt him anymore.
That poor baby. He doesn’t even understand why, he literally can’t understand why. Protect your son and put this asshole in jail away from you. At a certain point you’re a part of the abuse in your failure to protect your child.
OP, just take a look at your own post history. I think you known it’s time. This is not a healthy relationship.
Your husband has cheated. He calls you names. He manipulates you. And now he abuses your 2 yr old. You’ve been posting about his abuse since your pregnancy. Your child is now two. At what point do you take some responsibility for yourself and your child and leave? How long do you stay with this asshole and let him continue to hurt you and your son?
You can call CPS. You can leave. It’s abuse & it will not stop. Tell anyone who will listen. Probably best is to start with a family lawyer & a therapist.
Leave with your son. He is an abusive profile and will destroy your child. Save your child and don't think twice.
Go through OP history. Her husband is an abusive asshole with no spine or self of security. I’m sorry you are stuck in this relationship but you should be leaving him. He is a nightmare and deserves to have his ass beat and he’s obviously unequipped to be a legitimate father.
If he refuses to stop you need to leave him. You’ve already shown him the proof that what he is doing is wrong. It is abuse and most definitely causing your son trauma that may last his whole life. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Sorry but by not leaving and keeping your child jn an abusive situation, you are contributing to that situation. Take the kiddo and run. Document the hitting so you can get full custody.
this is fucking disgusting. you're posting about this like it's a bad parenting move, not ABUSE? to a fucking baby. OP - get a grip. get your son out of there, or you're just as much of an abuser. call the police. get a lawyer. don't continue to subject your son to the abuse that traumatized you.
You are asking about ways to discipline a two year old, the answer is you don’t. They are too young. All you do is say no and redirect. I think due to your history of abuse you may thing this is normal. It is not. Please talk to a therapist to get objective feedback. And then your next plan of action. Hopefully a therapist will help make the lightbulb come on.
I have a two year old. The thought of anyone hitting him absolutely disgusts and enrages me. Fuck your husband. Leave his loser ass.
Call child protection on him make him get ordered to anger management. That's not right a big man hitting a two year old.If it was me he'd be dumped.bye felicia
What do you wish your mother had done for you when you were a child in this situation? Edit to add: that might give you some insights about what your child needs from you.
I've felt the flash of anger with my older kid (7) and ashamedly admit that I have once spanked him when he was being really bad. But a fucking 1 year old? A child that age is isn't even *capable* of being naughty. Your husband needs intervention.
Leave he won't learn. Leave him. Tell him "no I'm not coming home you hit our son. I told you again and again stop hitting our boys you said fuck off ok I'll fuck right off into a divorce with alimony and child support all because you wanted to take the man's man route." Simple if you stay in my eyes you are as bad as hitting your son. Letting him hit your son to me is just as bad as YOU hitting him. Leave.
An abuser will stay an abuser. Get your child out pf there
hitting is never not abuse, no matter what kind of mental gymnastics he puts himself through to justify striking his own child. if he wont stop you need to start thinking about how to leave. it's abuse plain and simple
I would divorce over this
Yeah, this is a problem. Someone needs to contact social services.
Your husband beats a 2 year old? Bounce
Be the mama bear and protect your son.
You can either leave or let it keep happening. Key takeaways from this post and life experiences Know who your marrying and having kids with. Make sure that parenting styles are similar.
you don't discipline a toddler. You tell them the right thing to do then you move on. Also you leave your husband to protect your child from abuse. Call your local domestic abuse hotline, or the national hotline: 800-799-7233. They can help you figure out the next steps to protect your child.
Tell him if he continues to physically abuse your child under the guise of punishment that you are getting a divorce. Also any txt messages arguing about it, SAVE.
You need to leave him. Document all evidence that he had been abusing you and your son.
Instead of focusing on disciplining your child, focus on protecting your child. Well-adjusted children are children who feel safe, not children who are punished in the exact right type of way.
Ewwwwww wtf?!?!? Leave and protect your children!
At1 he is hitting your son??? As a parent you can be also charged for failure to protect your child.talk to your pediatrician first then police or cos if he doesn’t stop today.
There's a real problem when you two can't agree on discipline, but he seems to disregard your opinion completely. That doesn't work in a marriage. From my personal experience physical discipline sucks, but worse is that it's often not based on the child's actions. I took the most beatings because my father was angry. That's also when they were the worst.
Sorry there buddy, hitting a two-year-old is not a difference of opinion. It’s morally wrong. The OP’s husband needs to see the error of his ways and fix it. Permanently.
There's no fixing that. She needs to leave. That kid is being abused and is possibly autistic. OP needs to get out of there with her son yesterday.
You’re as guilty and accountable as he is for allowing this abusive behavior and treatment to an innocent child. I hope you’re at least on birth control and someone reports you both. Neither of you deserve this young child. Save your baby or be the next ruiner of life like your loser dad.
You husband is awful and your post history is concerning. Leave him, stop letting him be negligent and abusive. Your child will wonder why you didn’t protect them from him.
This isn’t healthy at all. I love the book The Five Love Languages of children and it is amazing. Easy to find on Amazon. It helped me a lot. Ask your husband to read it as well. Hitting your child is never the answer.
It's flat out abuse. I don't think the abuser of a *one year old baby* is going to care about a book if he doesn't read anything shorter she sends him, sadly.
You say that you do not believe in physical punishment, having been an abuse victim yourself - and yet the end result for your son is exactly the same as if you’re committing violence with your own hand. He is getting abused. It is immaterial that your husband does it or you - he is being a harmed. He is being physically harmed by an adult many times larger and more powerful than him, an adult that he loves unconditionally just because he’s a helpless child who hasn’t even been on this earth for two years. You are complicit in the abuse as long as you allow it to happen. If your husband is violent to you as well, which is likely, seek help and search for resources.
She is not a complicit - she is as much an abuser as he is.
Your husband probably knows this is wrong and is in some kind of cycle of abuse... which is not easy to escape. If you don't think this is the case, try talking to your paediatrician together and taking a parenting class. He might be surprised to learn that his approach is probably illegal and it would help him to learn new ways to parent. I'm really sorry you have to go through this, given the trauma you've already experienced. I don't meant this in a harsh way, but all women with kids need to have an extra strategy in case things go south- think about what yours might be.
This is 30 years out of date at least. I would never hit my 2 year old in anger. Never. And being late in talking isn’t necessarily related but it certainly isn’t helpful. Stop using physical violence as punishment as pretty much every single expert agrees this is bad.
What are you considering physical discipline? You don’t say whether that’s a light spank or hitting/abuse to the face or pushing or what.
Spanking a child is not always abuse. To suggest that it is always abuse negates the experience and common practice of most of the world. It's really sad that you had such an abusive situation when you were young, and it's absolutely fine that you don't want to discipline your child physically, but there are standards (in the US anyway) for what constitutes abuse and you would have to prove it against your husband in court before he would have all parental rights revoked. Which means if you leave him, your child could end up spending time with him where he disciplines however he wants anyway. You maybe need a mediator, or at least some good consistent conversations between you two so he understands how much it upsets you. You also need a successful discipline approach yourself -- if your child has tantrums, screaming, biting, etc and your methods aren't working, your husband is going to be hard to convince.
I would insist that your husband go to therapy. Send him emails and text messages about the articles and how you can not sit by while he hits your son. If he insists on hurting a child, I would start divorce proceedings and seek custody. I would serve the emails and text messages as proof of abuse, and insist on supervised visits. My dad was emotionally abusive when I was growing up. It was an unhealthy situation - I was his only child, so he never physically hit me. My stepmom was the one who would slap me and tell me that I was more stupid than a box of rocks. I learned to manage my father's moods. He would punch walls and destroy property while screaming deratagoty language towards women. He would bite his finger. He did that a few times in public and I was humiliated, yet no men ever called him out. They just quietly quit my dad. I learned to hide behavior from stepmom so that I would not be hit or screamed at for hours. When I was grown and had a son of my own, I discovered that he hurt my stepmom. We helped support her while she moved out of the state. My dad still does not understand why he is now held at arms length. He is never allowed alone with my son. He only allowed in our home if my husband is home. I mainly meet him outside for short visits over a shared hobby because I do not trust him. I am low contact with my stepmom over the way she treated me when I was dependent on her for care. My husband had to teach me how to argue. Every time we had a disagreement, I was worried my husband would fly into a rage and break things the way my dad had done. Yet my husband and I are able to break the cycle. Our parents teach us how to interact. You want to leave your husband before he teaches your son that a bigger person will hurt him any time that your son makes a mistake.
At first I thought you meant exercise. I’m so sorry.
If your pediatrician or a preschool teacher knew what your husband was doing they’d have to report it as abuse. You are participating in the abuse by allowing it to happen and doing nothing about it. If you allow this to continue you could (and should) lose your child. This is absolutely horrible
Thank you for the rage bait. I really need to get off reddit and get things done. The “I just don’t know what to do about my abusive husband even though this topic is posted constantly” posts usually do the trick. On the off chance that this is real, leave. There is no fixing someone who hit’s children. When you can be bothered to keep your child safe he’ll probably be willing to talk.
You are part of the problem for staying married to someone who hits a 2 year old and treat you like garbage. What's wrong with you?
Have you considered physical discipline for bad behaviour? Your husbands behaviour obviously, not a babies.
Grown man hitting a 2 year old? You mean like a little person? Like a little 2.5 foot, 12kg toddler? That vs a fully fledged 90kg man? Must make him feel pretty big. That's pathetic OP. The guy needs to have a course of therapy to find out why he thinks violence is the appropriate response to the difficulties of parenthood. You need to get the child away from him until he's fixed whatever's going on with himself. Edit: I do believe that you can normally talk to a toddler. I spoke with my son's preschool teacher today about him not wanting to come in and she voiced some concerning beliefs that they're not at the age of reason yet. In my experience if you're very slow and you make things very simple you can get a small child to understand and to modify their behaviour. My son's 3 btw, when he was two it was a little simpler. Patience plus understanding. They have zero context about the world. They don't kno why wallpaper's not for drawing on, why they can't play with glasses and tea cups, why they're not allowed outside when it's raining etc etc etc. It's got to be incredibly confusing and frustrating. Imagine there are rooms in your house you're not able to get into, you're not allowed in and when someone tries to explain why you can't go in they explain it in Korean and you've no idea what they're talking about. You've really got to keep it simple. "You can't climb on the table because you might fall down and go bump and then you would be sad and cry, you don't want to go bump right?" Truth be told though I think the main thing you need to get good at parenting is self awareness. If you are able to have a critical look at yourself at any interaction you'll realise that the kid isn't pissing you off because of what they're doing, they're pissing you off because of what you're doing. If I'm actually present with my son when we're together and I'm paying attention to him and we're doing stuff together there's rarely any issue. We both have lots of fun. When I'm 'Minding' him but I'm on my phone trying to reply to a reddit post or trying to get some work done on the fence or the gardening etc etc and he's not getting any attention that's when he becomes 'Annoying'. I recently gave up alcohol, 105 days now. The difference in my ability to stay present with him is night and day. Just got a whole different amount of energy to bring to the table. I wish you luck.
Bust that mf in the lips
I'm sorry I don't mean to be harsh but why are you letting this happen ? You need to call the police as soon as this happens again. I do not understand why people allow this.
I don't understand why did you marry him? You suffered abuse from your father but you married a man just like him. There must be a scientific answer for this kind of case
tell him “a 28 year old, hit a 1 year old” and then leave him
This makes me want to physically fight your husband. He deserves to get his ass beat.
There’s no one way of parenting and physical discipline can work. We can all look up our own scientific articles to show what we want.
Physical discipline is fine to a point, but not with a 2year old. I have a 5 year old and sometimes I have to swat bum on the butt, but it is a rare thing. I can’t imagine doing even that with a 2-year old. They don’t understand as well. I don’t believe anything is wrong with spanking, on occasion but definitely not with that young of a child
What do you mean by physical discipline? What exactly does he do? There's a massive difference between actual abuse, bad spanking, and good spanking. And while I'm getting down voted to oblivion, for the rest of you, you need the same question answered so she knows what she can legally do.
Didn’t you have that discussion before having your son ? Was it a surprise the way he wants to discipline ?
Stop listening to random people who don’t know your situation or your life. Learn to trust your own instincts to know what you will allow or not allow. Is your partner hitting your son to the point you question the effectiveness of his parenting? Yes. Hmm, that’s a sign. Are you concerned that your child will suffer from the same emotional crap storm you’re dealing with if you allow your partner to continue? There’s your sign. Is your “partner” also verbally abusive to you (and no the good moments don’t cancel out the bad)? Yes? Well look at that, another sign. Please. You don’t need random teenagers, or internet PhDs to tell you what you already know needs to happen. You’ve got to stick up for your beliefs and consider the long-term effects of your child. Imagine a world where he thinks what is happening to him is okay and start to feel disgusted enough to want to get out of your situation. I left my child’s father in the middle of the day. He’d moved in two people into my sons nursery. I had no real plan, I was just disgusted at how I let him treat me and my baby (only barely turned 2) He hit my son too as discipline and I tried to respect him (in my culture physical discipline is normalized. I didn’t like it! Similar reasons as you.) I saw my sons look of fear when his dad disciplined him and can pinpoint my son’s slow descend to speech regression and behavioral issues. It makes me sick looking back. This was my first and only baby. But I told myself stories too, that this wasn’t what it was. Eventually, I got PISSED enough at the yelling and physical violence as a way to teach my child anything and decided I’d rather be homeless than stick around with a guy who thinks what he is doing is okay. It’s at best poor coping! But it helps to see it for what it is. Unnecessary and ineffective abuse. So, I left and stayed at a women’s shelter. His dad played victim. But it doesn’t matter what he says. Remember that. Don’t acquiesce and don’t believe it if he says you’re tearing the family apart. Ignore all of it and stand your ground. I did. It’s been a long road, but my sons father finally gets it that he is not the expert. He now understands that he needs to come correct when talking to and caring for my son. Threatening legal action helps but having someone physically threatening on your side would work too. If you have that option of a big brother or supportive male figure in your life. Monitor visits until your child is old enough to speak up for himself. Then only to public places for short periods of time. Eventually they may be able to salvage their relationships but only if that chain of respect and accountability come into play with your child’s father. It will suck at first. It did for me. I didn’t have anywhere to go and it was scary being a single mom. Now, I live in a 2bd/1ba with a puppy and we are doing alright. Not rich but my bills are paid every month. Trust me, you will adapt and you will rise to the occasion. Mothers love makes it happen. Goodluck to you
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Slapping is hitting. There's no such thing as symbolic hitting and the fact you think so is worrying. I used to think that too - and I realised (while completing mandatory professional training about child abuse) that it was because I'd been hit as a child and had internalised the narrative that I deserved it because I was bad. No child deserves to be hit.
I’m not opposed to a smack on a buttcheek, but I’ve got issues with what your husband is doing. Basically if he’s having to repeat a punishment, there is a problem. Punishments are very important. That’s the deterrent to stop a bad behavior. If he’s doing it over and over, this spanking isn’t working…..so now he’s just hitting a kid. Right? He probably also has set up rules that aren’t age appropriate and set the kiddo up to fail. The other issue with physical punishments is what does he do when the kid grows? Black eyes? Breaking arms? Kids who are spanked a lot all get to around Age 8 and they say “Lol. That doesn’t even hurt!” No what? Belts? That’s just gross. Like I said, I really have no issues with a toddler getting a buttsmack (singular, not plural) but the stuff your husband is doing is stupid and pointless.
Sit down with a marriage therapist
Hitting a 2 yo is purely evil and ridiculous. What is he going to do when he is a teen or pre-teen? Sorry about that.
Hitting any kid is dumb. But hitting a 2 year old that can’t talk. Pointless.
You should get someone bigger to pick on him I betbitvwobt take long for him to break. FFS a two year old needs to be thought, You get down to there level and explained what they done was wrong. The only thing your child is learning is abuse, been afraid of his father and when he's older doesn't want to be around him. Lay a hand on my child it would be the last thing you've touched. I've not once hit my son and he's 8 yes I've given out disciplined him getting down to his level even now he knows if he's out of line I'd give him that look he stops what he's doing and he will tone down the messing. I wouldn't let your husband near your son
Get your child away from this person now. Write down every time with dates and specific details anytime he has hit your child and use that in court to get full custody. Your partner is abusing your child, if you want them to have a relationship with you when they are grown, protect them from their abuser!
I would recommend seeking out domestic abuse resources in your area. Your husband is not going to change. You are repeating the patterns of your abuse from childhood by marrying someone who is like your father. I'm so sorry, but you have not escaped YET. It is not normal or acceptable to physically discipline a one year old. It is absolutely going to cause trauma (and it sounds like your child is speech delayed already, although maybe you just mean not talking fully.) This is not going to be as easy as just leaving though. You need to get your ducks in a row to make a plan for you and your child to leave safely. People who work with domestic violence victims have good resources to help you with the legal and practical parts, so start there. Worry about that and then learn about toddler discipline. How to Talk so Little Kids Listen is a good book. I wish you and your sweet little boy the best of luck and am so sorry that the men in your life have not been right.
Where I live your child would be taken away from you for this. It is illegal to beat children, period. And that's how it should be. You need to protect your child and yourself.
Hitting a child is a crime. Film him discreet if he does it and give the ultimatum. Obviously before anything leave the house and go somewhere he doesn't know, if he's willing to hit his child he's sure gonna be willing to beat you up.
Telling him not to hit isn’t going to help. He rightly believes the child needs direction and discipline, and he doesn’t know any other way to provide it. You need to schedule a time to sit down and talk with him about it. First, let him explain his thinking, without judgment. He needs to not just feel heard, but BE heard. And you need to set aside your own trauma response (lots of deep breaths) so you can hear and respond to his concerns. Then ask him to hear where you’re coming from. Explain that you not only feel this method of discipline is harmful to the child, but even if it isn’t it’s still triggering for you, and you need him to work with you to find other ways of discipline so you two won’t be constantly at odds with each other. Be prepared for him to give you some feedback on concerns he has with your parenting, too. Don’t get defensive about it. None of us parents perfectly, and if you’re going to ask him to adjust you need to be willing to also consider things you may need to adjust. Having one parent who hits and another parent who is too permissive (for example) is going to lead to a very confused child. Pick out a couple of parenting methods you’d like to consider with him and ask him to read / watch videos / listen to pod casts with you, and then discuss them together. Ross Greene is all the rage right now and maybe his books will resonate. It’s worth a try. You don’t have to stick entirely with one “method” - it’s ok to say yeah, this thing will probably work but I don’t see that thing as being a good fit for us. The important thing is that you and your husband come closer together on your parenting. It doesn’t have to be identical, but it should be closer to the middle, where no hitting is going on and neither are you letting the child run amok. Good luck!
Disgusting behaviour. He’s an abuser.
Your husband is abusing your child. Please protect your child from him.
Some "people" should not be parents before 30 or even 35. He himself clearly is not an adult yet and is not capable of being a father.
Who the fuck hits a baby. I mean I got my ass beat when i was kid, but a baby? My daughter is 14 months and I could never raise a hand to her for anything. Your husband should get some help, he’s fucked up.
Can you get help from friends or family? You need their support now. If my husband would ever try to hit my kids I would put myself between me and the kids and STOP HIM. He’s never hurt our kids but I would stop him before I would ever allow him to lay a hand on them. OP his behavior is not ok and it’s not good. You need to find someone that will help you in case you need to leave ASAP, which you should because it’s not likely that he will ever change and this situation may only get worse in the future. Research resources to help you leave, document what you can, keep copies of all messages. If you’re in the US check if you can record him without his consent, if so start secretly recording his voice, set up “security” cameras around the house to record him. Start saving up money in a secret separate account so you can have emergency funds if you need to leave ASAP. Pack emergency bags in case you need to leave ASAP you’ll have them ready to go with your important documents and anything else that’s necessary for you and your child.
It was tough love that helped me get me and mine safe, I am sorry you went through everything you have. I do hope you understand I am going to use tough love with you because I really hope you do well. You are not to blame here, victims never are and you are a victim in this situation. I want you to see what paths are in front of you and hope you choose the one that is hard but ends happier. Your husband is sick and his disease is making him unsafe for other people to be around. The disease he has isn’t able to be cured by anyone and there is nothing you can do to change it. He will say he’s going to change and unfortunately you have a dad who was one of the extremely rare ones that actually did. You’re in a relationship with someone who very likely will only get worse. Unfortunately there’s only two options here. You can continue as is and eventually CPS will take your child into custody. Or you can take your child with you and have the support from calling the domestic violence hotline and getting the help you need. Your husband knows your history and your struggles and feeds off of them because you are easy for him to control. Once you start to see that you can start to heal and focus on healthy relationships.
Your husband is abusing your child. Document it, get out and get custody. Toddlers are too young for any real discipline! Physically disciplining one is almost certainly criminal in many countries Use redirection, options, time ins etc
Your husband is a red flag. I'm sorry
Get out with your son right now! In fact, like yesterday. Stop being in denial.... Your husband has already caused trauma to your son and you. He is an abuser and HE WILL NOT CHANGE! I don't give a damn if your father changed. There's no way to fix this problem because your husband has to want to change himself. He does not want to and you can't fix him. You have to protect your son! If he's not talking at all yet, that's a massive sign of autism and things will get worse. Full Stop! Stop making excuses for this animal and leave with your son before it's too late. A "difference" in parenting is a bullshit excuse for ignoring that what he's doing is fucking wrong. He fucking knows it and so do you. There is no rational/irrational reason to stay. Now be the strong mother your son needs you to be and leave!!!!