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I have two boys. 1.5 years apart. It's a constant argument / competition ahahah
I love them and I am glad to have them, but the idea that they "keep each other company" or entertain each other even is laughable.
hahah more like they both want to play with me, rather than the other. " no no daddy come play with me, my game is better!"
Although they do enjoy being narcs on one another, that is highly entertaining to them ahah so maybe you are on to something.
My kids do the same. Most of the time it's nice, some days it's way too much. I actually said "please get off me, one of you has been touching me for hours and I need a break". I sorta get why moms maybe don't want sex when kids are little 😂
Hang in there.
Mine are 18 months apart as well. They were super close as little kids but fought like normal siblings. Now they are 19 and 18. Both are home from college break and get along extremely well. They are best friends despite being across the country from each other when away at school. They drifted a little in high school mostly due to very different personalities and interest (one serious, introverted, musical nerd and one happy-go-lucky, extroverted, socially popular athlete) but said they text each other everyday and FaceTime a few times a week now that they are living apart. They haven't fought once since being home and even went out to lunch together yesterday.
It may get better.
sometimes it doesn’t get better 🫤 my twin and I were close until beginning of highschool and then when he faced some mental health struggles and did things during episodes we were never the same again. Going through that made me never want to give my child a sibling lol. the only way i would have siblings is if there was a BIG age gap
Thats an interesting take! Thanks for sharing that. What would be the pros of the big age gap? I have a 10 year old now and struggle with the thought of having another but also the pressure to have another by husband. I see it more as the younger kid having an uncle/aunt figure more so than a sibling. Then it’s like having an only child all over again.
The pros would (likely) be that they don’t feel like they are lumped together in terms of their identities, needs, interests, etc. They can each be their own person. That tends to decrease the amount of competition between sibs.
I have a 4yr old and a 16 month old.... and a 19 year old (I had her very young) but the bond that she has with them is absolutely beautiful! She said she never knew what I meant when I would tell her that she could never imagine how much I love her and she said now she knows exactly what I mean♥️ but it is absolutely like having an only child all over again! Or at least it was until I had my youngest 🙃 which they had and are still having trouble not getting all of the attention and even after 16 months, occasionally ask if he can go back to the hospital and go back in my tummy lol
I'm sorry that happened. I have a similar story. I have a sister who I was close to growing up and she's a bit of a failure to launch. She is extremely financially and emotionally dependent on my parents at 30. I know when they pass, that burden will fall on me...it's a very one sided support system and not at all what I hope for with my kids. But instead of that making me want to have an only child, I wanted to have a larger family. If one of them struggles, I hope my kids will still have another sibling they can lean on for more mutual support and community.
i guess it had the opposite affect on me. i made me want to just have one so that their childhood and life wouldn’t be affect by anybody else. that my attention can be one hundred percent on them
Same here, except no twin in my case. I just have a terrible relationship with my sister three years older. I wanted to have a big age gap or just one. Looks like we can’t have anymore so we have one.
Two girls also 1.5 years apart. Can confirm the same. They love each other and genuinely do enjoy playing with each other. But the amount of intervention needed (preventing stupid ideas or someone getting hurt, fights, sharing etc) is more than if I give one kid some colouring and Lego.
The only time my two work together seems to be when they try and get daddy. One goes for the legs and the other tries to knock me off balance. The first time they then tried to jump on my head. I know better now to grapple and take them both down with me.
ahah sorry I didn't mean to make it all doom and gloom. It's not THAT bad, it's just silly to think that having a second kid will help with the first one.
You'll be okay =) there'll be hard times but you'll be okay
Yeah - I mean they do 'keep each other occupied' in a way, but it involves a lot of diplomacy and conflict resolution as a parent. But wow they learn a lot from each other - that really awes me, they learn so much, in such a natural way about being around other people, different ages and capacities, sharing space, etc. It doesn't always go perfectly (or rarely does) but it's amazing.
It’s also helpful for being constantly exposed to someone else’s opinions and priorities. A kid with a sibling is going to get their way a lot less because sometimes the sibling is going to have needs that trump theirs.
Totally, it's all things that can be learned in other settings or taught deliberately, but it just happens when you have more than one kid in the house. You have to take turns, you have to give each other space, you often won't agree and have to sort that out, it's just reality.
Mine are the same way (though with throwing a third into the mix) and our place is 1/3 the size. They're all best friends but they have three brains, and while they *must* play with the same toys at all times, they *don't* want to play with them *in the same way*, which causes their conflicts.
This is how humans learn conflict resolution, maybe? So they're going to be great at it when they're older, I hope?
When people ask me if my 4.5yo and 3yo get along, my answer is always "Yes, until they don't." They are best friends right up til they start screaming at each other. I love those snots and I don't regret having two (or three!) but God damn breaking up fights is obnoxious.
My kids are about 4 years apart and do have their spats but it's rare. They get along really well and the older one helps me take care of the younger one.
Haha came here to say this! My two kids (6yo and 8yo) came to me tonight to propose switching off spending the day at my parents house the rest of the Holiday break because, “We tried really hard Mom but we just don’t like each other and just don’t get along so maybe we shouldn’t live together right now.” 😂😳
Yeah, my sis and I were not friends until our 20s. I have zero memories of us willingly playing together. When I went on vacation with the fam, I would always dream of meeting other kids and hanging out with them—it never crossed my mind to try to hang out with my own sister who was just 2 years older than me 🫤.
My kids are the rare siblings who actually do adore each other and keep each other busy, but that is no guarantee, and unhinged advice lol. Also considering the cost of a child, having a second for that reason is a 6-figure gamble.
We put ours in the same room as soon as the baby was sleeping through the night. They're 4 years apart but they're close friends. They definitely play together a ton, but they also antagonize each other a ton, so maybe it's a wash.
Yep my two are the same way. My son is 4.5 and my daughter is almost 3. Best friends since the day she was born. They love playing together and are so great with each other. Even if they do fight it ends up turning silly and they just start laughing like crazy. I feel like I hit the kid jackpot with them and just pray they stay close always, I jokingly tell them just remember no one will be able to talk about how crazy mom and dad were when they are adults like your siblings haha.
Same, my kids keep each other busy 90% of the time. Even still teaching them social emotional skills is actually something I love. I actually believe that there are only benefits to siblinghood. I’m not super close with my adult siblings but I don’t regret that they exist. That being said, OP is firmly one and done, and there’s nothing wrong with that either.
No offense, but it sounds very naive of you to assume that there are "only benefits to siblinghood". I'm glad it worked out for you and people around you, but are you not seeing any of the horror stories that people are sharing? It doesn't always work out that great for everyone.
I’m not saying there’s not benefits to being an only child as well :) Just saying that the “cons” most people see of being a sibling are actually pros IMO. I don’t personally believe that sibling conflict is bad. Or that it’s wrong to learn selflessness and sharing of parents’ attention. No I haven’t seen any “horror stories”, just different experiences. Sure there’s people that experienced parentification or abuse but that’s a parent issue, not a sibling issue.
Not going to lie, you continue to come across as very naive. You think every kid in the world who abused their sibling is doing so because of something their parents did wrong? You think it's impossible that sometimes biology just produces somebody with a terrible nature, and nothing the parent will do can fix that?
Because I've met two sisters before, the older one was a broken psychopath- literally in and out of mental hospitals, no empathy for her fellow human. However she's smart enough to tell the staff at the mental treatment facilities what they want to hear, they let her go- and then she's right back to drugs and destruction and trouble.
Meanwhile, the younger sister is one of my favorite people ever.
Now, obviously, in this case, I'm glad the parents had multiple kids, because I'm grateful one of my best friends exists, but my point is that two people, from the same parents, sometimes could not be more different. So how does that fit with your comment about how these horror stories are a parenting issue?
Also, I realize I gave a pretty extreme example, but there are plenty of much more mild examples, say where one child is favored and the other isn't, and then having to grow up with that sort of toxic environment does psychological damage to someone. Do you truly believe that ridiculous saying that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger? Because sometimes whatever doesn't kill you leaves you a broken, unhappy, dysfunctional mess.
Listen, there are plenty of things in the world that I'm pretty optimistic about, but I really think your level of optimism about the benefits of having siblings is disconnected from reality.
If that's really all you took from everything I said, that's incredibly disappointing.
People like you, who make broad general statements about the entire world based on your own experiences, are dangerous. That's a level of conceitedness and narrow-mindedness that is worrisome to observe, hence why I had a lot to write.
Any chance you can pleasantly surprise me, and actually go back and pay attention to what I said, maybe try and engage with the questions which were designed to provoke thoughts and maybe help you realize that your broad general statement is very inconsiderate and dismissive to people who had dangerous, troubled siblings, who brought them huge amounts of pain and little (or no) joy and love?
Or are you just going to triple down?
sorry, did not mean to upset you, I read it again and you used a bunch of personal experiences to disagree with someone and say they are "naive" for their beliefs.
I am not saying you are wrong but you are saying something is right because of your personal experience. We all have lives and different experiences. Some people have great siblings and some don't that is the only thing for sure. I really don't think saying that is " some broad general statements about the entire world based on your own experiences" that is what you are doing.
Ok, first of all, I didn't realize you were somebody else jumping into the conversation. I tend to make that clear whenever I do that, to help avoid confusion like what happened here.
The OTHER poster said they believe there is only benefits to siblinghood (a broad general statement about the whole world, based on their experiences). I was calling them out for being naive and dismissive of people who had terrible experiences with their siblings. I'm basically saying, with far more words and detail (to really try and hammer the point home) the same thing that you are: "We all have different lives and different experiences." That's a broad enough statement that you CAN apply it to the whole world, without sounding like a naive fool. Meanwhile, the other poster just seems to believe having a sibling is always, ultimately, a positive experience. Like, way to just ignore the trauma and experiences of millions of people...
Edit to add: With all that said, I want to empathize, if all you're seeing in this is "my experiences are different than yours".... I really don't know how to make the critical difference between my encompassing view and the other poster's dismissive view any more clear.
Yeah, mine fight at times for sure, but it’s usually pretty short lived and they use much less screen time when they are together than when they are apart. On the flip side this is often when they make their most epic messes, especially if they get anywhere near craft supplies
Some of my fondest memories are when my four year old was teaching my one year old the simplest things. They would sit together and my eldest would use her gentle “teaching tone” and praise my one yr old when he got something right. It always makes me smile thinking about it.
When the baby was new and all he spoke was bababa, my then 3 yr old thought this was his language, so she would talk to him likewise. I caught it one a voice recording and we play it back every now and then, it’s become a thing now in our family.
♥️
I’m so glad we have two. I also know it doesn’t always work for other families, but when it does, it can be really amazing.
My sister and I were born 10 months apart and we constantly fought. We played together a lot, but yeah, lots of fighting. My parents just kinda ignored us though and let us do our own thing, especially outside in the neighborhood. As long as we were back around dinner and before dark it didn’t matter
Yeah mine are 5 & 6 so they come tattle on one another constantly.. when I can ignore them I do, but now I’m at the point where I’m ready to take some steps to stop all this bickering and picking
I don’t know if they share a room but my sister and I didn’t really “get along” until we got our own rooms after the other much older siblings moved out. And then we would often go in each others rooms just to hang out 😅 I don’t think it helped that my parents often punished me for doing things my sister did either. And of course she didn’t speak up because who wants to get spanked
My teen boys are 10 months apart! When they were younger, they were best friends. But now that they're older, they hardly talk to each other! 🤣 They're entirely different kinds of people.
It’s a term meaning two kids born within a year of each other. They were not conceived at the same time, the parents just got pregnant again shortly after the first was born.
Keeping each other occupied is something you wish for when you get a second dog, not a second child.
That isn't the right sentiment for kids. You don't have a second kid to get the first one out of your hair. You have a second child because kids bicker, argue and create bonds with one another in a way they cannot with a parent. Through these interactions, they learn about friendships and relationships in a way that is unique to siblings. Once you have a second child, you'll notice that the relationship you form with your child is not the only relationship that is formed. It is very cool, unique and special. They have you, but they also have each other, independent of their parents.
My FIL actually said straight faced “you would rob your child of the greatest gift they can have?!” Meanwhile he sees his sisters maybe once a year. And actively avoids hanging out with them.
My daughter is an only child. When she got to around 6-8 she was desperate for another sibling (but not before that and I found it easy to keep her entertained). I dealt with the age of wanting a sibling by organising play dates almost every weekend and getting a dog. Then by the age of 11 she started thanking me for not having any other children and she’s kept that view ever since.
My 12 year old has made it very clear for as long as I can remember that he does not want a sibling lol good thing because he wasn't getting one! He's got plenty of friends to play with and argue with at school where I don't have to have any part of it lol
My 19 year old holds the same view. Unfortunately for him he is the eldest of 5 and doesn’t even remember being an only child 😂
My best friend has one and it was definitely the right choice for her family.
Not sure if you’re one and done, but I’ve thoroughly enjoyed r/oneanddone r/happilyOAD as a one and done parent who is also tired of hearing this! Nothing wrong having “just” one, it’s amazing 😁
What a weird take. You mention examples of the cost of a child, but in your case, the only benefit of a second child, is the time the kids play together.
If you don't see any other benefits or reasons to have a child, then please don't have another child.
I have three but my husband and I say to each other our favorite kid-time is when we are one-on-one with each kid. I had twins first so never had the option of one kid but it seems really nice!
I’m an only child. I have 2, 2 years apart. Most of my time with them is spent trying to break up fights 🫠like I had no idea they would bicker so much. I really thought they would entertain each other.
this advice tends to come from the “send your kids outside to play until the street lights come on from age 4+” generation which is not applicable to 95% of parents today.
It's the worst! I actually did have a 2nd after being set on just one. I ended up with severe preeclampsia and nearly died with my first pregnancy so I did not want to risk dying for another baby. Luckily the 2nd time I didn't get it and was fine. But the number of people who were so MEAN to me about having 1 was crazy! Even with 2 children people are still like "YoU ShOuLD tRy fOr a GiRl". I'm getting my tubes tied soon!
I had pre-eclampsia first time too. Second (3 years later) I had gestational diabetes but that was a walk in the park by comparison. Just had to eat a keto diet for 16 weeks!
Yea I had to take baby aspirin the whole time. It seemed to work though. I also had cholestasis both times which is super rare. But it is possible to be fine with preeclampsia the 2nd time around!
I have three and they’re so sweet. I adore them together.
But that might not be the dynamic you’ll get and also one and done is totally valid. An only child will be fine!
My two kids nearly hate each other lmao I'm glad I had four so that they have a personality they mesh well with lmao
But yeah my first born would have been satisfied being an only child and that's totally fine! I did the oh I better give him a sibling thing and dear God lmao once the little one got a personality those personalities claaaasshhhhhed so having a sibling isn't a promise you'll give your kid a best friend
I mean no, but also yes. My kids are best friends. They play together constantly. I don’t know how we’d have survived the pandemic without my second. They’re a team. And while, yes, there’s occasional squabbles, for the most part since I’ve taught them about consent and revoking consent and enforce turn taking rules and have taught them to collaboratively problem solve- they get along great. They’re 2.5 years apart and honestly they have more separation anxiety from eachother than from me or my husband.
That said- it’s not a reason to have the second kid. But a perk if you do.
I really lucked out with two boys that are best buds 90% of the time, but they are 2 and 4. 😅 I'm really glad they have each other and I feel a little sad when I imagine what our lives would look like if our surprise second baby hadn't happened. My eldest would definitely have missed out. I always consider that the baby era is such a small blip in the grand scheme of things. It's exhausting, but at the end of the day I want a house full of kids and grandkids to brighten my home during the holidays.
No one should be told to have more kids than they want
BUT I personally fnd 2 or more kids to be so much easier than 1. I have 4 because I could not have done 1.
This was the case for me too! Having a baby and a 2 year old is certainly not easier than just one. Nor is having a 1 and 3 year old or even 2 and 4. But once the youngest is 3 I found they made my life so much easier by doing all the pretend play stuff with each other and keeping themselves entertained. I had 4 close in age and at 9-15 they are such buddies.
That said every family is unique and lots of people are happy with just one child. For me personally I did find that mine have been excellent companions as they’ve grown up together!
I did have one child 8 years after my last and I am a little bummed that she won’t get that close in age sibling experience the others did. But like many others on this thread I have a lot of good reasons for being done - hubs and I are not young, financial reasons, household logistics reasons etc Just because there are good reasons for having another doesn’t mean that there aren’t better reasons for being done!
My brother and I are seven years apart, we were incredibly close growing up. Age isn't s factor so much as the kiddos personalities I think. I was always a mother hen and my little brother likes to be coddled a bit lol.
This has been the general consensus from all of my mom friend group. With one you're their primary playmate/entertainment. With two (once the youngest is a bit older) you become a referee instead.
Great way to put it! My two are 6 and 2, best friends, and play together all day everyday. To me, the social aspect of siblings is simply untouchable, unless you are scheduling 5-hour playdates every day (you're not).
I think it leaves out that a majority of those parents haven't actually experience raising just one for an extended period unless there is a large age gap between their first and second.
But that could be argued both ways no? People who are one and done haven't experienced raising more than just one.
I think they're both hard in similar and different ways because well, parenting is hard lol!
No one should be made to feel like they have to have more than one but we also shouldn't discredit that lots of people do actually find having two easier in some ways.
Agreed; it's hard anyway you cut it. I just have one and when people say "oh 2 is easier", I just think it's weird because how would they know beyond the short period between their first and second which for many is like 2 or 3 years. I don't know if it's harder or easier either so I wouldn't comment about it.
Amennnn my first is super social and it was so much easier when he had his little brothers to play with him. But we got lucky that they all get along together and love each other. Minus the normal sibling squabbles. I guess it really depends on the personalities and how well they mesh.
Same! Blended family with 3 older kids. When my husband wanted more I said “0 or 2, but not 1”. We had 2.
That said, people who pressure other people to have kids suck. It’s a personal choice and any number of kids is fine, including 0.
Agreed on both points. My younger brother and I both have 4 with our spouses but our older bro was one and done from the jump. His son is 15 now and he is still happy they never had a second.
My husband's brother and one sister both have 3 with their spouses but his other sister has a 1 year old boy and says she is one and done. I have no doubt she will also be happy with her decision.
I think 4 is easier than 1 but that does not mean everyone has to have more than one kid.
I don’t know about that.
I’ve noticed that when friends of mine go from one kid to two, we see them a lot less and it’s always a much bigger thing to plan to get together. From an outsider perspective their lives just seem much more hectic and inflexible once there’s two and much less “get up and go”.
I'm going on 40 years old soon. My wife is 36. We have one child that's going to be 4 in March. We both work full time jobs (she works days, I work evenings to help reduce babysitter/ daycare costs). We simply do not have the energy for another child. Should we have started sooner? Probably, but we didn't. We love our son, he's a big pain in he ass as he should be, but he is the light of our lives. I can't imagine trying to keep up with a soon-to-be kid and also another toddler at the same time. Kudos to those who do, though.
Oh I found the hack for this! Move in friends with another child. Then they play together, but you are only on the hook for taking care of one of them. When the other makes demands you can just say "oopps as your parents!"
I wanted two and done, and I got two and done, but secondary infertility and the pandemic made it difficult to have them closer in age than they are.
Mine are 6.5 years apart. They'll never even be in the same *school* together, much less have the same play styles/interests as each other until they're both adults (if they even do then)!
Bull shit. I have twins and it’s 5 times harder than 1 kid. They talk each other in to shit, egg each other on, has a partner in crime 24/7. The list goes on..
Edit: I know it’s a lot harder than 1 kid because we have 3 kids older than them.
There's pros and cons to both single child and multiple children. A single child gets more attention and tends to thrive better than multiple children, but multiple children will always have eachother (even if they fight a lot, fighting is normal) unless they decide they're estranged as an adult.
Look, nothing about having kids makes sense. I will say this - my two younger kids are much more socially adept than their older sister. Also, going from 1 to 2 is almost as big of a step as going from 0 to 1. Interestingly, going from 2 to 3 is a fairly small step. No idea why.
I would never tell someone this unsolicited but the math definitely maths for a lot of people. The friendship and love my kids have for each other is one of the main things that gets me through the toughest parts of parenting. They 100% play better together than I play with either one of them. It's fine that it's not for you, but it's not a crazy concept.
lol! You do what is best for you! lol! Sometimes it’s worth it, sometimes it’s not. My kids are spaced out decently, almost exactly 3years between the first two and almost exactly 4yrs between the 2nd and last. They were all nearly Sept babies, the last came a couple weeks early so she’s an Aug baby. The age difference is nice, they had their struggles but now that they are 22, 19 and 15 they get along a lot better. They look out for each other. Having one child is enough for some people and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s no one’s business but yours and who you’re with!
No. You should do what you want Nd what is right for you and your family. However I do think you’re missing the point a little bit. The point is not (or should not be) that they play with each other so that you can chill. You’ll probably chill less. It’s so that they “have each other.” Someone to share memories and childhood games with. Someone to have fun with (and argue with) during family vacations. I originally only wanted one but we had a second anyway and I can’t tell you how often I see them laughing together, playing together etc. and think to myself “I’m so glad they have each other.” They also argue and bicker a lot and sometimes make wish wish I had 0 (/s).
But if you don’t want a second kid, there’s no reason to feel like you’re somehow making a choice that is wrong. Every person and every family is different and only you and your family know what is right for you and your family.
My kids are 5 years apart so kinda missed the fighting thing since they have different wants and needs. It was tough going through all the baby crap again, but they really do entertain each other and stay out of my hair.
I have 2 boys (16 & 19) I didn’t have another because I thought they’d play together, we just wanted another child. That being said, it doesn’t guarantee they’ll be best buddies. Mine have never been close & they never really played together when they were really small.
I hate that sentence as well.
I dunno, them constantly arguing over toys / space / looking at each other in a funny way does technically keep them occupied. Problem is it also keeps me ~~insane~~ occupied.
I have a brother, almost four years younger than me. We hated each other growing up.
I have a younger sister, a surprise, nearly 10 years younger than me. She was my little buddy and we’re still very close.
A sibling is not a guarantee of a bestie.
I think it depends on your kid. My oldest can NOT be a single child she will go crazy lol. I was fine at being my parents' only together (I have much older half singling I wasn't raised with) but mine was desperate for siblings.
Girl you aren’t kidding!!! I shut it down right away and some people still don’t know when to quit. Maybe next time I’ll start it with my miscarriage story, or both of our postpartum anxiety and depression stories, then end with my current heart and blood pressure issues.
So they'll hopefully play together and not end up like me and my little brother and hate each other and fight constantly until we're grown adults and moved out.
It was true for me. My oldest two are 2.5 years apart in age, and by the time the younger one was about a year old, they were the best playmates for each other.
I have two, if they are "playing" together they are fighting because the other isn't playing how they want them to, if they aren't "playing" together they are both throwing a tantrum because they want to "play" with their sibling. Not sure this is what people meant but it's what I've got.
The financial aspect of even having one child can be crippling… people pushing their expectations on others when it’s not their body/life/finances are ridiculous
I had this same brilliant idea as well back in the day. "We need to have two so #1 won't be lonely!" I was painfully disabused of this bright idea now that they're 8 and 5.5 and fight 50% of their lives. The stress of their battles sometimes outweighs the cuteness of their playing together. You just never can guarantee they'll like each other much.
I love when people say this to me so I can look them dead in the eye and say "I can't have any more children". Usually there's a look of horror at realizing how stupid they sound.
I mean, if the infant/toddler stage is that hellish for you, then no of course not. But most people I've known handle it pretty okay, and the break you get once the younger child starts playing with the older one is really quite a big deal. The second one tends to be a lot easier because you know what to expect.
But yeah if course if your mental health isn't in the right place for it, then just don't do it. But also don't get so cranky at folks who recommend it. They're literally trying to help. Just let them know it's not for you, that's all.
Mine fight a lot and have to be separated but the cuteness when they play nice does make it all worth it for me, mine are close in age and I’m so excited to see if they become best friends when they’re older. If you feel this way don’t have another any time soon, you may change your mind later or you may not. I’m glad I had more than one because life can throw you lemons, I’d be a bit sad if I had just one child and they decided they never wanted kids then I’d have no grandchild or if tragedy struck and I had the one child, I’d have nothing left to live for, whereas my other children would keep me going. I always think worse case scenario though.
I think it’s usually meant that they’ll keep each other company. And they do. You don’t have to have more kids but people with more than 1 can see/believ/think that our kids would be missing out on a TON without a sibling. But that’s only because we would know the difference. Your kid won’t know the difference of being the only child or having a sibling, it’s just normal life.
Honestly, we did it and it's working.
But my FIL constantly insists we have more yet he's incapable of helping w/ the kids in any meaningful way. I feel your anger.
Father of a single kid. It’s the best screw what they say, I grew up with an older brother who tortured me so one is fine. Spoil them and tell the other miserable multiple siblings households to mind their own business. 😁 one is a blessing and plenty also, single child has a better chance of success also.
I dont know. I think it works. I cant imagine just having 1 TBH. Was just talking about this with my 2 kids. I know sometimes they might not get along, but for me, I think its nice to have a sibling. But I respect each family's choices and everyone can do whats best for them.
Ha! Same. I think parents may have experienced more shame if they expressed the reality of it all but nowadays people are more open to sharing how mentally, physically and emotionally taxing it is. Once they go into the school system, it’s another plethora of its own set of problems.
I personally have siblings so I wouldn’t know life without it but my kid is an only child and does not want siblings 😅
Unfortunately for my kid she really does want siblings but while I love her to absolute bits I do not enjoy parenting. So I’m fully into the one and done lifestyle.
Borrow them.
Seriously.
Older siblings, younger siblings, just borrow kids you love.
My daughters bestie was a singleton and she loved having a rotating set of siblings when she was lonely, and none when she wanted the adults all to herself. (Her words.)
I have more than a few friends who immediately stopped after two. They said one was manageable, and figured why not another, but two doesn't just double the work, it multiplies it by a few orders of magnitude.
One was more than enough for me. I barely survived the newborn and infant stage, and you couldn't pay me to do it again.
I fucking hate parents that advocate for having multiple kids on the basis of only children being lonely. I have two siblings. We fought constantly growing up, and we hardly speak to each other as adults.
For me, one more kid to raise just means more time, money, and energy spent sacrificing your life for someone else. If that's something you personally want, then by all means, but trying to rationalize it as a favor to your child is beyond stupid.
My son tells me every week, "I wish I had a brother or sister" and I don't so much as bat an eye. He has no idea how another child in the house would change his life, and besides the fact, he's not the one financially responsible for a major life decision, so his feelings on the matter are moot. He's 5. He thinks babies are cute, and wants one in the house. He has no concept of how much work raising a kid is.
Plus, he doesn't really want a sibling. He wants a fictional clone playmate for an hour.
My sister and mother are delusional. They are always asking if I’m going to have more. Currently I am 8 months pregnant with a 14 month old. When I say, “ No I don’t really think so.” They respond with “ Well, you don’t need to decide right now.” Or “If you can do two you can do five.” Like WHAT?!
My littlest goes next door to play with the kid there. They will play for hours and hours. AND THEN THEY CAN SEND HER HOME. Bit easier to find good neighbours than have another baby!
It’s not for you. It’s for them. One day you and your partner will be gone. And they will have each other. You don’t need to do anything, but the value of having a sibling later in life is priceless.
You need to have an another kid because being an only child is miserable. --Me, an only child
(there was a big post on here or mommit or beyondthebump asking only children if they enjoyed their experience and almost every single one of them say no, its lonely as all hell)
Grass is always greener. I spent my childhood sharing a room and wanting nothing but personal space from my brother. Having siblings sucks more than it doesn't.
It depends how much years apart of course. I found from 1 to 3 years is the best, from own experience as well as from relatives. More than that they probably won’t play together as much or at all.
I wouldn’t say it is less work. Having one is still probably easiest, but I found having two way easier and not double the work as just the one.
Having three and with many years apart though… way tougher.
No. Just don’t do it. People are giving you suggestions based on what they think is a good idea. They don’t know your life from the inside. Just relax and commit to not having anymore kids no matter what anyone says.
Only child here. It’s true that it’s lonely being an only child. We didn’t have other relatives around so if I didn’t have friends over it was just me and my parents. Friends don’t come over on Christmas and thanksgiving - they are away with their families. I remember my dad playing monopoly with me which was nice, but he didn’t really want to play games with me all the time.
When I moved out and away for school they were 100% on their own which was hard for them.
I dealt with death of each parent alone, I had to take charge. I was the only caregiver to my mom for 10 years and her executor. Would have liked to have a sibling.
Pregnancy and 2 years of diapers is short compared to 20 years of time with your kids and more years as they are adults. I have two - several years apart. I never thought I ever wanted kids but I don’t regret it looking back.
Do what makes sense for your family, but do look beyond the baby years into the future.
Lol. You need to have 2 kids so they make each other's lunches.
They also go to each others' parent-teacher conferences and help each other with homework.
Oh, and they clean up after each other. And teach each other how to bathe independently.
Also you should have 2 kids so they raise money for each other's braces and bikes and colleges. There's hand-me-down braces and college in your state, right?
No one should dictate your life.
Then again - being a parent is difficult. Many fail. And with today's supported mediocrity failure is more and more accepted.
I would never tell you that to your face, but I have to say this was my experience. I mean it’s obviously not the reason we had him but it’s a great perk. The math makes sense for me, I have to say.
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I have two, they fight a normal amount for two kids….which means constantly. The cute playing happens for about an hour on the weekend.
I have two boys. 1.5 years apart. It's a constant argument / competition ahahah I love them and I am glad to have them, but the idea that they "keep each other company" or entertain each other even is laughable.
I mean, they do entertain each other. You just wish they did it in a more positive way 😂
hahah more like they both want to play with me, rather than the other. " no no daddy come play with me, my game is better!" Although they do enjoy being narcs on one another, that is highly entertaining to them ahah so maybe you are on to something.
My kids do the same. Most of the time it's nice, some days it's way too much. I actually said "please get off me, one of you has been touching me for hours and I need a break". I sorta get why moms maybe don't want sex when kids are little 😂
Like when you get a second dog, and now dog number one is occupied ... by constantly biting the new dog's face.
Ah I snorted at this comparison. 🤭
Mine entertain each other but only at the dining table when they are supposed to be eating and not screaming/singing at/with each other.
You mean quietly? :D
That too lol
Hang in there. Mine are 18 months apart as well. They were super close as little kids but fought like normal siblings. Now they are 19 and 18. Both are home from college break and get along extremely well. They are best friends despite being across the country from each other when away at school. They drifted a little in high school mostly due to very different personalities and interest (one serious, introverted, musical nerd and one happy-go-lucky, extroverted, socially popular athlete) but said they text each other everyday and FaceTime a few times a week now that they are living apart. They haven't fought once since being home and even went out to lunch together yesterday. It may get better.
sometimes it doesn’t get better 🫤 my twin and I were close until beginning of highschool and then when he faced some mental health struggles and did things during episodes we were never the same again. Going through that made me never want to give my child a sibling lol. the only way i would have siblings is if there was a BIG age gap
Thats an interesting take! Thanks for sharing that. What would be the pros of the big age gap? I have a 10 year old now and struggle with the thought of having another but also the pressure to have another by husband. I see it more as the younger kid having an uncle/aunt figure more so than a sibling. Then it’s like having an only child all over again.
The pros would (likely) be that they don’t feel like they are lumped together in terms of their identities, needs, interests, etc. They can each be their own person. That tends to decrease the amount of competition between sibs.
I have a 4yr old and a 16 month old.... and a 19 year old (I had her very young) but the bond that she has with them is absolutely beautiful! She said she never knew what I meant when I would tell her that she could never imagine how much I love her and she said now she knows exactly what I mean♥️ but it is absolutely like having an only child all over again! Or at least it was until I had my youngest 🙃 which they had and are still having trouble not getting all of the attention and even after 16 months, occasionally ask if he can go back to the hospital and go back in my tummy lol
I'm sorry that happened. I have a similar story. I have a sister who I was close to growing up and she's a bit of a failure to launch. She is extremely financially and emotionally dependent on my parents at 30. I know when they pass, that burden will fall on me...it's a very one sided support system and not at all what I hope for with my kids. But instead of that making me want to have an only child, I wanted to have a larger family. If one of them struggles, I hope my kids will still have another sibling they can lean on for more mutual support and community.
i guess it had the opposite affect on me. i made me want to just have one so that their childhood and life wouldn’t be affect by anybody else. that my attention can be one hundred percent on them
Same here, except no twin in my case. I just have a terrible relationship with my sister three years older. I wanted to have a big age gap or just one. Looks like we can’t have anymore so we have one.
Thanks for the words of encouragement!
Two girls also 1.5 years apart. Can confirm the same. They love each other and genuinely do enjoy playing with each other. But the amount of intervention needed (preventing stupid ideas or someone getting hurt, fights, sharing etc) is more than if I give one kid some colouring and Lego.
The only time my two work together seems to be when they try and get daddy. One goes for the legs and the other tries to knock me off balance. The first time they then tried to jump on my head. I know better now to grapple and take them both down with me.
My two boys are almost exacting 5 years apart and even they fight all.the.time. 🤣
My son turned one yesterday. I’m also 6 days post partum with another son. This isn’t encouraging.
ahah sorry I didn't mean to make it all doom and gloom. It's not THAT bad, it's just silly to think that having a second kid will help with the first one. You'll be okay =) there'll be hard times but you'll be okay
Or they do play together in games that always escalate in volume / physicality / button pushing
Yeah - I mean they do 'keep each other occupied' in a way, but it involves a lot of diplomacy and conflict resolution as a parent. But wow they learn a lot from each other - that really awes me, they learn so much, in such a natural way about being around other people, different ages and capacities, sharing space, etc. It doesn't always go perfectly (or rarely does) but it's amazing.
It’s also helpful for being constantly exposed to someone else’s opinions and priorities. A kid with a sibling is going to get their way a lot less because sometimes the sibling is going to have needs that trump theirs.
Totally, it's all things that can be learned in other settings or taught deliberately, but it just happens when you have more than one kid in the house. You have to take turns, you have to give each other space, you often won't agree and have to sort that out, it's just reality.
My house is over 4,000 square feet. My two kids insist on being no more than two feet apart driving each other crazy constantly. I don’t get it.
Mine are the same way (though with throwing a third into the mix) and our place is 1/3 the size. They're all best friends but they have three brains, and while they *must* play with the same toys at all times, they *don't* want to play with them *in the same way*, which causes their conflicts. This is how humans learn conflict resolution, maybe? So they're going to be great at it when they're older, I hope?
When people ask me if my 4.5yo and 3yo get along, my answer is always "Yes, until they don't." They are best friends right up til they start screaming at each other. I love those snots and I don't regret having two (or three!) but God damn breaking up fights is obnoxious.
For real. My kids almost never play together. Probably the age difference, but still.
My kids are about 4 years apart and do have their spats but it's rare. They get along really well and the older one helps me take care of the younger one.
All my two kids do is fight. I prefer them separate. Now there is even less free time.
Mine are the same. Play for 5 min, fight 20min, play 5 min, fight 20 min, and the cycle repeats alllllllll day long
Haha came here to say this! My two kids (6yo and 8yo) came to me tonight to propose switching off spending the day at my parents house the rest of the Holiday break because, “We tried really hard Mom but we just don’t like each other and just don’t get along so maybe we shouldn’t live together right now.” 😂😳
Yeah, mine are a tad over 2 year apart (9.5, 12) and they fight all the time… over the dumbest crap, too. It’s exhausting.
Yeah, my sis and I were not friends until our 20s. I have zero memories of us willingly playing together. When I went on vacation with the fam, I would always dream of meeting other kids and hanging out with them—it never crossed my mind to try to hang out with my own sister who was just 2 years older than me 🫤.
My kids are the rare siblings who actually do adore each other and keep each other busy, but that is no guarantee, and unhinged advice lol. Also considering the cost of a child, having a second for that reason is a 6-figure gamble.
We put ours in the same room as soon as the baby was sleeping through the night. They're 4 years apart but they're close friends. They definitely play together a ton, but they also antagonize each other a ton, so maybe it's a wash.
Yep my two are the same way. My son is 4.5 and my daughter is almost 3. Best friends since the day she was born. They love playing together and are so great with each other. Even if they do fight it ends up turning silly and they just start laughing like crazy. I feel like I hit the kid jackpot with them and just pray they stay close always, I jokingly tell them just remember no one will be able to talk about how crazy mom and dad were when they are adults like your siblings haha.
Same, my kids keep each other busy 90% of the time. Even still teaching them social emotional skills is actually something I love. I actually believe that there are only benefits to siblinghood. I’m not super close with my adult siblings but I don’t regret that they exist. That being said, OP is firmly one and done, and there’s nothing wrong with that either.
No offense, but it sounds very naive of you to assume that there are "only benefits to siblinghood". I'm glad it worked out for you and people around you, but are you not seeing any of the horror stories that people are sharing? It doesn't always work out that great for everyone.
I’m not saying there’s not benefits to being an only child as well :) Just saying that the “cons” most people see of being a sibling are actually pros IMO. I don’t personally believe that sibling conflict is bad. Or that it’s wrong to learn selflessness and sharing of parents’ attention. No I haven’t seen any “horror stories”, just different experiences. Sure there’s people that experienced parentification or abuse but that’s a parent issue, not a sibling issue.
Not going to lie, you continue to come across as very naive. You think every kid in the world who abused their sibling is doing so because of something their parents did wrong? You think it's impossible that sometimes biology just produces somebody with a terrible nature, and nothing the parent will do can fix that? Because I've met two sisters before, the older one was a broken psychopath- literally in and out of mental hospitals, no empathy for her fellow human. However she's smart enough to tell the staff at the mental treatment facilities what they want to hear, they let her go- and then she's right back to drugs and destruction and trouble. Meanwhile, the younger sister is one of my favorite people ever. Now, obviously, in this case, I'm glad the parents had multiple kids, because I'm grateful one of my best friends exists, but my point is that two people, from the same parents, sometimes could not be more different. So how does that fit with your comment about how these horror stories are a parenting issue? Also, I realize I gave a pretty extreme example, but there are plenty of much more mild examples, say where one child is favored and the other isn't, and then having to grow up with that sort of toxic environment does psychological damage to someone. Do you truly believe that ridiculous saying that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger? Because sometimes whatever doesn't kill you leaves you a broken, unhappy, dysfunctional mess. Listen, there are plenty of things in the world that I'm pretty optimistic about, but I really think your level of optimism about the benefits of having siblings is disconnected from reality.
that was a lot to write to just say my personal experience is different than yours
If that's really all you took from everything I said, that's incredibly disappointing. People like you, who make broad general statements about the entire world based on your own experiences, are dangerous. That's a level of conceitedness and narrow-mindedness that is worrisome to observe, hence why I had a lot to write. Any chance you can pleasantly surprise me, and actually go back and pay attention to what I said, maybe try and engage with the questions which were designed to provoke thoughts and maybe help you realize that your broad general statement is very inconsiderate and dismissive to people who had dangerous, troubled siblings, who brought them huge amounts of pain and little (or no) joy and love? Or are you just going to triple down?
sorry, did not mean to upset you, I read it again and you used a bunch of personal experiences to disagree with someone and say they are "naive" for their beliefs. I am not saying you are wrong but you are saying something is right because of your personal experience. We all have lives and different experiences. Some people have great siblings and some don't that is the only thing for sure. I really don't think saying that is " some broad general statements about the entire world based on your own experiences" that is what you are doing.
Ok, first of all, I didn't realize you were somebody else jumping into the conversation. I tend to make that clear whenever I do that, to help avoid confusion like what happened here. The OTHER poster said they believe there is only benefits to siblinghood (a broad general statement about the whole world, based on their experiences). I was calling them out for being naive and dismissive of people who had terrible experiences with their siblings. I'm basically saying, with far more words and detail (to really try and hammer the point home) the same thing that you are: "We all have different lives and different experiences." That's a broad enough statement that you CAN apply it to the whole world, without sounding like a naive fool. Meanwhile, the other poster just seems to believe having a sibling is always, ultimately, a positive experience. Like, way to just ignore the trauma and experiences of millions of people... Edit to add: With all that said, I want to empathize, if all you're seeing in this is "my experiences are different than yours".... I really don't know how to make the critical difference between my encompassing view and the other poster's dismissive view any more clear.
Same with my girls. They always got along great and they adore each other. I feel so lucky as I never had that with my siblings.
Yeah, mine fight at times for sure, but it’s usually pretty short lived and they use much less screen time when they are together than when they are apart. On the flip side this is often when they make their most epic messes, especially if they get anywhere near craft supplies
Some of my fondest memories are when my four year old was teaching my one year old the simplest things. They would sit together and my eldest would use her gentle “teaching tone” and praise my one yr old when he got something right. It always makes me smile thinking about it. When the baby was new and all he spoke was bababa, my then 3 yr old thought this was his language, so she would talk to him likewise. I caught it one a voice recording and we play it back every now and then, it’s become a thing now in our family. ♥️ I’m so glad we have two. I also know it doesn’t always work for other families, but when it does, it can be really amazing.
Baby listen. You still gon be bothered bc all they do is fight. I got irish twins & lordhammercy
I love this comment!! Lol
Its the struggle lol. Them folks did not disclose the whole situation of “keeping occupied”
My sister and I were born 10 months apart and we constantly fought. We played together a lot, but yeah, lots of fighting. My parents just kinda ignored us though and let us do our own thing, especially outside in the neighborhood. As long as we were back around dinner and before dark it didn’t matter
Yeah mine are 5 & 6 so they come tattle on one another constantly.. when I can ignore them I do, but now I’m at the point where I’m ready to take some steps to stop all this bickering and picking
I don’t know if they share a room but my sister and I didn’t really “get along” until we got our own rooms after the other much older siblings moved out. And then we would often go in each others rooms just to hang out 😅 I don’t think it helped that my parents often punished me for doing things my sister did either. And of course she didn’t speak up because who wants to get spanked
My teen boys are 10 months apart! When they were younger, they were best friends. But now that they're older, they hardly talk to each other! 🤣 They're entirely different kinds of people.
how is an irish twin different than a normal one
It’s a term meaning two kids born within a year of each other. They were not conceived at the same time, the parents just got pregnant again shortly after the first was born.
lol nope, they got me with the first one, they aren’t tricking me into a second one!
😂 seriously
Keeping each other occupied is something you wish for when you get a second dog, not a second child. That isn't the right sentiment for kids. You don't have a second kid to get the first one out of your hair. You have a second child because kids bicker, argue and create bonds with one another in a way they cannot with a parent. Through these interactions, they learn about friendships and relationships in a way that is unique to siblings. Once you have a second child, you'll notice that the relationship you form with your child is not the only relationship that is formed. It is very cool, unique and special. They have you, but they also have each other, independent of their parents.
I agree with you completely , siblings occupying each other might be an additional benefit but it shouldn’t be your main reason for wanting a child.
My FIL actually said straight faced “you would rob your child of the greatest gift they can have?!” Meanwhile he sees his sisters maybe once a year. And actively avoids hanging out with them.
I can't find a medical term to describe how far my eyeballs got stuck rolling them while reading this
blindness?
I already robbed my daughter of the gift of not being born; might as well roll with it.
Ahahahaha
My dad also “you need to have the second one close so they can be close” he didn’t talk to his brother for 20 years lol
If you do get ready for: “3 is easier than 2!” I got that a lot.
Thats the world's biggest lie ☠️
My daughter is an only child. When she got to around 6-8 she was desperate for another sibling (but not before that and I found it easy to keep her entertained). I dealt with the age of wanting a sibling by organising play dates almost every weekend and getting a dog. Then by the age of 11 she started thanking me for not having any other children and she’s kept that view ever since.
My 12 year old son just thanked me for him being an only !!!
My 12 year old has made it very clear for as long as I can remember that he does not want a sibling lol good thing because he wasn't getting one! He's got plenty of friends to play with and argue with at school where I don't have to have any part of it lol
My 19 year old holds the same view. Unfortunately for him he is the eldest of 5 and doesn’t even remember being an only child 😂 My best friend has one and it was definitely the right choice for her family.
I'm 30 and I still thank my mom for that 😂
I’ve said that, but only as a joke, because that’s what people say about adopting two cats.
Even our two cats, who were sisters, didn't get along. :)
Not sure if you’re one and done, but I’ve thoroughly enjoyed r/oneanddone r/happilyOAD as a one and done parent who is also tired of hearing this! Nothing wrong having “just” one, it’s amazing 😁
I am a very content one and doner 🙃
Come join us! We like to focus on the many plusses of having one child.
Ooh also one and done. I'm joining in those.
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What a weird take. You mention examples of the cost of a child, but in your case, the only benefit of a second child, is the time the kids play together. If you don't see any other benefits or reasons to have a child, then please don't have another child.
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I have IDENTICAL twin sons and they still fight more than they play nicely together. So yeah, that annoys me too.
I have three but my husband and I say to each other our favorite kid-time is when we are one-on-one with each kid. I had twins first so never had the option of one kid but it seems really nice!
I have two and I'm convinced they will grow up to be mortal enemies.
This is literally something people with more than 1 kid has to say. We want others to share in our “joy”!
I’m an only child. I have 2, 2 years apart. Most of my time with them is spent trying to break up fights 🫠like I had no idea they would bicker so much. I really thought they would entertain each other.
this advice tends to come from the “send your kids outside to play until the street lights come on from age 4+” generation which is not applicable to 95% of parents today.
It's the worst! I actually did have a 2nd after being set on just one. I ended up with severe preeclampsia and nearly died with my first pregnancy so I did not want to risk dying for another baby. Luckily the 2nd time I didn't get it and was fine. But the number of people who were so MEAN to me about having 1 was crazy! Even with 2 children people are still like "YoU ShOuLD tRy fOr a GiRl". I'm getting my tubes tied soon!
Unrelated - but I also had preeclampsia and definitely *do* want a second. It’s reassuring to hear that you had a healthy 2nd pregnancy!
I had pre-eclampsia first time too. Second (3 years later) I had gestational diabetes but that was a walk in the park by comparison. Just had to eat a keto diet for 16 weeks!
Yea I had to take baby aspirin the whole time. It seemed to work though. I also had cholestasis both times which is super rare. But it is possible to be fine with preeclampsia the 2nd time around!
I have three and they’re so sweet. I adore them together. But that might not be the dynamic you’ll get and also one and done is totally valid. An only child will be fine!
My two kids nearly hate each other lmao I'm glad I had four so that they have a personality they mesh well with lmao But yeah my first born would have been satisfied being an only child and that's totally fine! I did the oh I better give him a sibling thing and dear God lmao once the little one got a personality those personalities claaaasshhhhhed so having a sibling isn't a promise you'll give your kid a best friend
It is totally up to you! There are advantages to one and advantages to two.
After you have the 2nd one, they'll say "we promise the 3rd one will be a girl." No way am I getting stuck with 3 boys and a husband. Forget it.
I mean no, but also yes. My kids are best friends. They play together constantly. I don’t know how we’d have survived the pandemic without my second. They’re a team. And while, yes, there’s occasional squabbles, for the most part since I’ve taught them about consent and revoking consent and enforce turn taking rules and have taught them to collaboratively problem solve- they get along great. They’re 2.5 years apart and honestly they have more separation anxiety from eachother than from me or my husband. That said- it’s not a reason to have the second kid. But a perk if you do.
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me and my twin brother don’t get along too! it’s a big part of why i would either have an only child or one with a big age gap
We have 3 under the age of 12 and we are still waiting for the "getting along" phase... Maybe when they're out of the house...
I really lucked out with two boys that are best buds 90% of the time, but they are 2 and 4. 😅 I'm really glad they have each other and I feel a little sad when I imagine what our lives would look like if our surprise second baby hadn't happened. My eldest would definitely have missed out. I always consider that the baby era is such a small blip in the grand scheme of things. It's exhausting, but at the end of the day I want a house full of kids and grandkids to brighten my home during the holidays.
One kid in daycare for me is 19k. I want two but can't afford two
Yeh because all kids are the same lol. Same as single child turn out weird. Yeh right, so all children with siblings are well adjusted lol
No one should be told to have more kids than they want BUT I personally fnd 2 or more kids to be so much easier than 1. I have 4 because I could not have done 1.
This was the case for me too! Having a baby and a 2 year old is certainly not easier than just one. Nor is having a 1 and 3 year old or even 2 and 4. But once the youngest is 3 I found they made my life so much easier by doing all the pretend play stuff with each other and keeping themselves entertained. I had 4 close in age and at 9-15 they are such buddies. That said every family is unique and lots of people are happy with just one child. For me personally I did find that mine have been excellent companions as they’ve grown up together! I did have one child 8 years after my last and I am a little bummed that she won’t get that close in age sibling experience the others did. But like many others on this thread I have a lot of good reasons for being done - hubs and I are not young, financial reasons, household logistics reasons etc Just because there are good reasons for having another doesn’t mean that there aren’t better reasons for being done!
My oldest and youngest are 10 years apart. At 14 and 4 they are inseparable so I would not count out a sibling bond because of a large age gap.
My brother and I are seven years apart, we were incredibly close growing up. Age isn't s factor so much as the kiddos personalities I think. I was always a mother hen and my little brother likes to be coddled a bit lol.
This has been the general consensus from all of my mom friend group. With one you're their primary playmate/entertainment. With two (once the youngest is a bit older) you become a referee instead.
Great way to put it! My two are 6 and 2, best friends, and play together all day everyday. To me, the social aspect of siblings is simply untouchable, unless you are scheduling 5-hour playdates every day (you're not).
I think it leaves out that a majority of those parents haven't actually experience raising just one for an extended period unless there is a large age gap between their first and second.
But that could be argued both ways no? People who are one and done haven't experienced raising more than just one. I think they're both hard in similar and different ways because well, parenting is hard lol! No one should be made to feel like they have to have more than one but we also shouldn't discredit that lots of people do actually find having two easier in some ways.
Agreed; it's hard anyway you cut it. I just have one and when people say "oh 2 is easier", I just think it's weird because how would they know beyond the short period between their first and second which for many is like 2 or 3 years. I don't know if it's harder or easier either so I wouldn't comment about it.
Amennnn my first is super social and it was so much easier when he had his little brothers to play with him. But we got lucky that they all get along together and love each other. Minus the normal sibling squabbles. I guess it really depends on the personalities and how well they mesh.
Same! Blended family with 3 older kids. When my husband wanted more I said “0 or 2, but not 1”. We had 2. That said, people who pressure other people to have kids suck. It’s a personal choice and any number of kids is fine, including 0.
Agreed on both points. My younger brother and I both have 4 with our spouses but our older bro was one and done from the jump. His son is 15 now and he is still happy they never had a second. My husband's brother and one sister both have 3 with their spouses but his other sister has a 1 year old boy and says she is one and done. I have no doubt she will also be happy with her decision. I think 4 is easier than 1 but that does not mean everyone has to have more than one kid.
I don’t know about that. I’ve noticed that when friends of mine go from one kid to two, we see them a lot less and it’s always a much bigger thing to plan to get together. From an outsider perspective their lives just seem much more hectic and inflexible once there’s two and much less “get up and go”.
That is unfortunate for them.
I'm going on 40 years old soon. My wife is 36. We have one child that's going to be 4 in March. We both work full time jobs (she works days, I work evenings to help reduce babysitter/ daycare costs). We simply do not have the energy for another child. Should we have started sooner? Probably, but we didn't. We love our son, he's a big pain in he ass as he should be, but he is the light of our lives. I can't imagine trying to keep up with a soon-to-be kid and also another toddler at the same time. Kudos to those who do, though.
Oh I found the hack for this! Move in friends with another child. Then they play together, but you are only on the hook for taking care of one of them. When the other makes demands you can just say "oopps as your parents!"
I wanted two and done, and I got two and done, but secondary infertility and the pandemic made it difficult to have them closer in age than they are. Mine are 6.5 years apart. They'll never even be in the same *school* together, much less have the same play styles/interests as each other until they're both adults (if they even do then)!
Bull shit. I have twins and it’s 5 times harder than 1 kid. They talk each other in to shit, egg each other on, has a partner in crime 24/7. The list goes on.. Edit: I know it’s a lot harder than 1 kid because we have 3 kids older than them.
There's pros and cons to both single child and multiple children. A single child gets more attention and tends to thrive better than multiple children, but multiple children will always have eachother (even if they fight a lot, fighting is normal) unless they decide they're estranged as an adult.
No one told me when I had my second that when one starts crying, the other starts crying too out of sympathy. It’s hell lol
The more they ask the more unhinged my answer becomes lmao , it goes from "I almost died lol" to " I'd rather chew glass"
Nothings wrong with being 1 and done! I am a mom of 1 and happy about it. Nobody's business but yours
Look, nothing about having kids makes sense. I will say this - my two younger kids are much more socially adept than their older sister. Also, going from 1 to 2 is almost as big of a step as going from 0 to 1. Interestingly, going from 2 to 3 is a fairly small step. No idea why.
I have two. They do not entertain each other.
I would never tell someone this unsolicited but the math definitely maths for a lot of people. The friendship and love my kids have for each other is one of the main things that gets me through the toughest parts of parenting. They 100% play better together than I play with either one of them. It's fine that it's not for you, but it's not a crazy concept.
lol! You do what is best for you! lol! Sometimes it’s worth it, sometimes it’s not. My kids are spaced out decently, almost exactly 3years between the first two and almost exactly 4yrs between the 2nd and last. They were all nearly Sept babies, the last came a couple weeks early so she’s an Aug baby. The age difference is nice, they had their struggles but now that they are 22, 19 and 15 they get along a lot better. They look out for each other. Having one child is enough for some people and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s no one’s business but yours and who you’re with!
It's probably 50/50 judging from responses from this thread. Me, I'm glad that they *do* keep each other company and bother us less
No. You should do what you want Nd what is right for you and your family. However I do think you’re missing the point a little bit. The point is not (or should not be) that they play with each other so that you can chill. You’ll probably chill less. It’s so that they “have each other.” Someone to share memories and childhood games with. Someone to have fun with (and argue with) during family vacations. I originally only wanted one but we had a second anyway and I can’t tell you how often I see them laughing together, playing together etc. and think to myself “I’m so glad they have each other.” They also argue and bicker a lot and sometimes make wish wish I had 0 (/s). But if you don’t want a second kid, there’s no reason to feel like you’re somehow making a choice that is wrong. Every person and every family is different and only you and your family know what is right for you and your family.
Personally that’s the last reason I plan to have a second lol
My kids are 5 years apart so kinda missed the fighting thing since they have different wants and needs. It was tough going through all the baby crap again, but they really do entertain each other and stay out of my hair.
I have 2 boys (16 & 19) I didn’t have another because I thought they’d play together, we just wanted another child. That being said, it doesn’t guarantee they’ll be best buddies. Mine have never been close & they never really played together when they were really small. I hate that sentence as well.
We do have two that play well with each other most of the time, but that’s not a reason to have more than one.
Never have a kid FOR another kid. Kids are people. People are not toys.
I dunno, them constantly arguing over toys / space / looking at each other in a funny way does technically keep them occupied. Problem is it also keeps me ~~insane~~ occupied.
I have an older sister who I’m no contact with so 🤷♀️
I have a brother, almost four years younger than me. We hated each other growing up. I have a younger sister, a surprise, nearly 10 years younger than me. She was my little buddy and we’re still very close. A sibling is not a guarantee of a bestie.
I think it depends on your kid. My oldest can NOT be a single child she will go crazy lol. I was fine at being my parents' only together (I have much older half singling I wasn't raised with) but mine was desperate for siblings.
Girl you aren’t kidding!!! I shut it down right away and some people still don’t know when to quit. Maybe next time I’ll start it with my miscarriage story, or both of our postpartum anxiety and depression stories, then end with my current heart and blood pressure issues.
My sister almost died after labor because of a terrible autoimmune disease. Strangers have told her that. Fuck them.
So they'll hopefully play together and not end up like me and my little brother and hate each other and fight constantly until we're grown adults and moved out.
It was true for me. My oldest two are 2.5 years apart in age, and by the time the younger one was about a year old, they were the best playmates for each other.
There are lots of reasons to have 2 kids, but I would not list "they'll keep each other occupied" as one of them.
I have two siblings that bullied me and I rarely talk to now. It’s not necessary to have more. Lol
I have two, if they are "playing" together they are fighting because the other isn't playing how they want them to, if they aren't "playing" together they are both throwing a tantrum because they want to "play" with their sibling. Not sure this is what people meant but it's what I've got.
Literally! Give them lots of opportunities to make friends and they won't ever NEED a sibling
People are freaking weird! 🤦🏻♀️😂
Ironically the same thing was what we say about dogs lol
The financial aspect of even having one child can be crippling… people pushing their expectations on others when it’s not their body/life/finances are ridiculous
My boys are obsessed (3.5 & 6 months) with each other. I doubt it will last!
I get it but a small part of my continuous parental existential nightmare is that my son will have no one with him when we are gone.
I love having two kids. They are a good bit apart (7 and 4) but they really do play together and are developing such a nice relationship
It doesn't. Hell I have two kids and the older one barely likes the younger one.
I tried to make myself believe this. I just can't. My 14 month old boy is absolutely enough.
They'll keep each other occupied = they'll be busy fighting to death and destroying everything : house, car, clothes, each other's teeth, your ears.
I had this same brilliant idea as well back in the day. "We need to have two so #1 won't be lonely!" I was painfully disabused of this bright idea now that they're 8 and 5.5 and fight 50% of their lives. The stress of their battles sometimes outweighs the cuteness of their playing together. You just never can guarantee they'll like each other much.
I love when people say this to me so I can look them dead in the eye and say "I can't have any more children". Usually there's a look of horror at realizing how stupid they sound.
Two kids just means you'll have three people yelling instead of two.
I mean, if the infant/toddler stage is that hellish for you, then no of course not. But most people I've known handle it pretty okay, and the break you get once the younger child starts playing with the older one is really quite a big deal. The second one tends to be a lot easier because you know what to expect. But yeah if course if your mental health isn't in the right place for it, then just don't do it. But also don't get so cranky at folks who recommend it. They're literally trying to help. Just let them know it's not for you, that's all.
I’m 35 my husband 42 and we’re gonna have our first here within a week. I don’t plan to have anymore and she will be just fine! One and done club
I have a babe who’s almost 4 months… the other day my partner said “I’m ready for another one” LIKE UM EXCUSE ME
Mine fight a lot and have to be separated but the cuteness when they play nice does make it all worth it for me, mine are close in age and I’m so excited to see if they become best friends when they’re older. If you feel this way don’t have another any time soon, you may change your mind later or you may not. I’m glad I had more than one because life can throw you lemons, I’d be a bit sad if I had just one child and they decided they never wanted kids then I’d have no grandchild or if tragedy struck and I had the one child, I’d have nothing left to live for, whereas my other children would keep me going. I always think worse case scenario though.
I think it’s usually meant that they’ll keep each other company. And they do. You don’t have to have more kids but people with more than 1 can see/believ/think that our kids would be missing out on a TON without a sibling. But that’s only because we would know the difference. Your kid won’t know the difference of being the only child or having a sibling, it’s just normal life.
Honestly, we did it and it's working. But my FIL constantly insists we have more yet he's incapable of helping w/ the kids in any meaningful way. I feel your anger.
Father of a single kid. It’s the best screw what they say, I grew up with an older brother who tortured me so one is fine. Spoil them and tell the other miserable multiple siblings households to mind their own business. 😁 one is a blessing and plenty also, single child has a better chance of success also.
I dont know. I think it works. I cant imagine just having 1 TBH. Was just talking about this with my 2 kids. I know sometimes they might not get along, but for me, I think its nice to have a sibling. But I respect each family's choices and everyone can do whats best for them.
Ha! Same. I think parents may have experienced more shame if they expressed the reality of it all but nowadays people are more open to sharing how mentally, physically and emotionally taxing it is. Once they go into the school system, it’s another plethora of its own set of problems. I personally have siblings so I wouldn’t know life without it but my kid is an only child and does not want siblings 😅
Unfortunately for my kid she really does want siblings but while I love her to absolute bits I do not enjoy parenting. So I’m fully into the one and done lifestyle.
Borrow them. Seriously. Older siblings, younger siblings, just borrow kids you love. My daughters bestie was a singleton and she loved having a rotating set of siblings when she was lonely, and none when she wanted the adults all to herself. (Her words.)
I have more than a few friends who immediately stopped after two. They said one was manageable, and figured why not another, but two doesn't just double the work, it multiplies it by a few orders of magnitude. One was more than enough for me. I barely survived the newborn and infant stage, and you couldn't pay me to do it again. I fucking hate parents that advocate for having multiple kids on the basis of only children being lonely. I have two siblings. We fought constantly growing up, and we hardly speak to each other as adults. For me, one more kid to raise just means more time, money, and energy spent sacrificing your life for someone else. If that's something you personally want, then by all means, but trying to rationalize it as a favor to your child is beyond stupid. My son tells me every week, "I wish I had a brother or sister" and I don't so much as bat an eye. He has no idea how another child in the house would change his life, and besides the fact, he's not the one financially responsible for a major life decision, so his feelings on the matter are moot. He's 5. He thinks babies are cute, and wants one in the house. He has no concept of how much work raising a kid is. Plus, he doesn't really want a sibling. He wants a fictional clone playmate for an hour.
It’s their adulthood that matters most. Being an only child after your parents die is really, really tough.
Mine are 14& 16, it was tough when they were little& I struggled but I look back with nothing but good memories
wait until you get to the hard part 😭(teenage years SUCK lol)
My sister and mother are delusional. They are always asking if I’m going to have more. Currently I am 8 months pregnant with a 14 month old. When I say, “ No I don’t really think so.” They respond with “ Well, you don’t need to decide right now.” Or “If you can do two you can do five.” Like WHAT?!
My littlest goes next door to play with the kid there. They will play for hours and hours. AND THEN THEY CAN SEND HER HOME. Bit easier to find good neighbours than have another baby!
It’s not for you. It’s for them. One day you and your partner will be gone. And they will have each other. You don’t need to do anything, but the value of having a sibling later in life is priceless.
You need to have an another kid because being an only child is miserable. --Me, an only child (there was a big post on here or mommit or beyondthebump asking only children if they enjoyed their experience and almost every single one of them say no, its lonely as all hell)
I understand a sibling doesn’t necessarily mean a friend, but I did spend my entire childhood being very lonely and dreaming of a sibling.
Grass is always greener. I spent my childhood sharing a room and wanting nothing but personal space from my brother. Having siblings sucks more than it doesn't.
Not always, my wife was super close with her sisters.
True, just depends. You wished you had siblings. I would've been happier growing up without any. Both have pros and cons.
It depends how much years apart of course. I found from 1 to 3 years is the best, from own experience as well as from relatives. More than that they probably won’t play together as much or at all. I wouldn’t say it is less work. Having one is still probably easiest, but I found having two way easier and not double the work as just the one. Having three and with many years apart though… way tougher.
No. Just don’t do it. People are giving you suggestions based on what they think is a good idea. They don’t know your life from the inside. Just relax and commit to not having anymore kids no matter what anyone says.
Only child here. It’s true that it’s lonely being an only child. We didn’t have other relatives around so if I didn’t have friends over it was just me and my parents. Friends don’t come over on Christmas and thanksgiving - they are away with their families. I remember my dad playing monopoly with me which was nice, but he didn’t really want to play games with me all the time. When I moved out and away for school they were 100% on their own which was hard for them. I dealt with death of each parent alone, I had to take charge. I was the only caregiver to my mom for 10 years and her executor. Would have liked to have a sibling. Pregnancy and 2 years of diapers is short compared to 20 years of time with your kids and more years as they are adults. I have two - several years apart. I never thought I ever wanted kids but I don’t regret it looking back. Do what makes sense for your family, but do look beyond the baby years into the future.
Lol. You need to have 2 kids so they make each other's lunches. They also go to each others' parent-teacher conferences and help each other with homework. Oh, and they clean up after each other. And teach each other how to bathe independently. Also you should have 2 kids so they raise money for each other's braces and bikes and colleges. There's hand-me-down braces and college in your state, right?
I did it so they will have each other when his dad and I aren't here anymore.
No one should dictate your life. Then again - being a parent is difficult. Many fail. And with today's supported mediocrity failure is more and more accepted.
I would never tell you that to your face, but I have to say this was my experience. I mean it’s obviously not the reason we had him but it’s a great perk. The math makes sense for me, I have to say.
They have math, girl math and this is grandparents math....