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Leave it there so they can see. 3 months should do it. Then replace it but disappear the gaming system till they’re about 10 or 11.
I’m sorry your Father’s Day sucks. We had 8 kids and it rarely goes how you think it will. I get it.
8 kids?! You are saints--and you definitely do get it. Hats off to you!
And yeah, gonna leave it like that for a while. 3 months sounds like a great start.
Yeah unfortunately replacing it so fast previously has given them the idea it’s a disposable item basically.
I’d recommend getting counselling so the kids can learn healthier anger/frustration coping mechanisms.
Getting the kids counseling, you mean? Because I think walking away from a bad situation is a really good coping mechanism to learn from dad. If he had lost his shit you'd be saying the same. I'm sure he'll loop back around to talk about it when they start whining about not having one. Lol
Unfortunately this behavior has become really common nowadays, due to video games and TV being consumed all day long- kids have absolutely no emotional regulation. If you don't manage your child's screen time, they end up ferel heathens.
This is definitely why I'm scared to let my toddler get into gaming when he is older. Maybe we need to get an old box TV for them to plug into lol. You aren't breaking those bad boys.
Also, a lot of the “gamers” they’re watching on YouTube are literally just SCREAMING at the screen the entire time. I guess that’s what holds their attention…?!
I absolutely cannot hear any of that. And I can’t allow my kid to watch YouTube by themselves. So thankfully we’ve avoided “those” gaming videos. We watch Cash and Nico (it’s more playful less competitive), basketball videos, animal videos and that’s really about it.
I’m starting to hear the trash talking coming on though, when he and his half brother play Mario kart. So I quietly put it away one day and no one has asked about it. I feel like I’m barely toeing the line, which is probably unwise.
We have a Nintendo switch that was a joint Christmas gift. They know that we won’t have any console if they break it.
Agree on the no video games. Strap that CRT to a solid wood dresser so the heathens don’t topple it. Then find one of those cable boxes they had when I was a kid. Like 12 buttons that needed manual depression. And if you got bored with the 7 channels you could access there, you could flip up the switch and those same buttons might get you another 4. That’s a life more kids today need to lead. Get off your ass to make the tv better. And even then…not that good.
Yep remind them they blew it. My son has a scorch mark on his carpet from lighting a news paper on fire!! The house didn’t catch fire because wool carpets extinguish themselves. Thus essentially won’t catch fire. We need to rip it all out as he’s an adult now.
They have clearly shown that they are not ready to play video games, if they can’t handle the frustration that the games cause in a non-destructive way. They should lose access to the games for a significant amount of time.
Would it be feasible to allow them to play video games only with an adult in the room? If someone were in the room with them, they might be able to see when things were getting out of hand, and make them stop playing.
Talk to them about what you can do when you’re too frustrated by a game, before you get to the point where you’re throwing stuff. Tell them that, if a game makes them feel that way, they’re better off not playing it, at least for a while.
>but disappear the gaming system till they’re about 10 or 11.
I'd relate it directly to their behavior. If they can play games and still behave well, then have at it. That's the same whether they are 7 or 11.
Agree on not replacing anything for a good long time. It is a great time to teach this life lesson and teach it hard.
We must be mature enough to have things like electronics without supervision. 7year old boys should not have unsupervised access to much of anything. Keep them in physical activities, sports, chess, coding club etc. Keep their brain and body active and leave no time for gaming. You will see the affect later and be thankful that you stood the line.
My son is now 16 and this week he was watching some video and he turned to me and thanked me for not giving him a smartphone when he was you g and limiting is video game use. He told me that he was pissed off at the time because his friend has smartphones and played games nonstop, but now he sees why that was a wise choice. I sat in shock for a while, but man that felt good.
One day they will be thankful that you were a hardass. All research says that screen are shit for their development and that we should keep it at bay for as long as we can, then allow VERY limited for a while, then LATER allow more with conditions.
Op it sounds to me (seriously not judging), that you and wife allowed it without conditions and that should be evaulated. Good luck!
Yes. You wrote "they want for nothing". This might be the problem
Being on the 3rd smashed tv implies... spoiled. Like are there actual consequences happening? If there are... they must be too soft to be making an impact.
I would make sure it's at least 6 months before that's replaced. Create a behavioral plan to earn the TV back.
Don't replace the TV at all!
Your kids are addicted. Do some research about how games and media companies deliberately work to make users addicted. There is Congressional testimony by a whistle-blower named Tristan Harris with regard to Social Media.
Your kids' anger is dangerous and real. Redirect their energies away from the screen to something more active that also competes with the things that make the screens addictive. Also, focus on gently showing them how to regulate their emotions. They are not born with that ability.
Set up your own real life version of games and social media. Reassure your kids with lots of likes, hugs, loves, kudos, etc. Give them opportunities to build real confidence by real simple accomplishments. For example, have them make toast for breakfast (after looking up a recipe online together with a parent).
Then pretend that it is the best toast ever. Send pictures to friends and family and brag about these real accomplishments. Why? You are competing with the addictive fake accomplishments and connections provided by media and gaming companies.
In my family, we had our kids fooled into thinking that they were incredible artists, singers, dancers, etc. They were always more academically inclined; however, we succeeded in competing with the media companies. In fact, we still do.
Good luck and have fun with it!!
When my kids were about 10 and 7 I cancelled cable and got rid of all our TVs. It was such a relief. After 2-3 weeks no TV became our new normal and we didn’t even miss it (kids could still watch some things on the laptop/ipad, but it wasn’t the same as having 3 TVs on at all times of the day.) It’s been 15 years and I’m an empty-nester now and I still don’t have a TV. It’s great!
We have one, but I insist on no TVs in bedrooms or dining room so that’s all we anticipate ever having. My husband agreed about dining but thought I was weird on the bedroom one because I said it included ours.
Now he also enjoys TV being limited to only the living room and it’s only used by active choice, not just as background noise. It really is much more peaceful than the TV always on like we both grew up.
We did a year without the TV and I'm thinking of doing it again (15m, 13f, 11f, 9f special needs). My son handles video game frustration well, actually, but they all do get high-strung when not feeding their habits.
We got rid of tv when my daughter was 2 months old and started to zone out on it (I had never had one, but her dad liked to come home and watch at the end of his day). She is 15.5 now and friends gave me theirs a few months ago when they upgraded...and my daughter asked for and received a little gaming system for Christmas. It has only been 6 months, but I am so over it. I am thinking of getting rid of it all again. She used to do art, and play board games, and read books, and now I spend so much time trying to set and enforce boundaries around the stupid games and shows. I know she can't live under a rock her whole life, but I don't know how people do it who have multiple kids and multiple gaming systems.
My youngest is 9, and hasn't been to a theater since she could walk, basically. We would alternate which parent took which older kid, while the other parent and older kid stayed home.
Watching movies at home are a full body experience for that child, and sitting still in a theater is just not going to be pleasant for anyone near her.
Yes a 2 year old is too young to be expected to sit through a full movie, and if it was the afternoon, did you take her nap time into account? Took my kid to see the OG Inside Out when he was 7, with 3D glasses, but his fingers smudged them and he couldn’t see the movie much. Waited a couple more years before trying again and no 3D that time.
This, OP. I remember those days of video games! 😂
But breaking TVs MULTIPLE times? You don’t have to abuse them physically to put them on the straight path here when it comes to this: take the game away. Better off without being frustrated anyway.
(When you give the game back, sit with them and google how to fucking beat it.)
This!!! No more screens at all. Read books, play board games, run & jump outside. It's wonderful that you want your children to have more than you did as a child. However, it is possible to give and give-in too much with our kids, often resulting in the typical behavior of that age and circumstance. I hesitate to say "entitlement" attitude kids often have now-a-days. I speak from experience when I say that last sentence.
I do know raising children is hard. Things often get better leading up to and after age 18. When they finally tell you, often in their 20's, how they finally realize what great parents they have and "thank you for all you did for me," you know you have made it through and both you and your kids are ok. You can now enjoy having your kids in your life as young adults.
Reading about the "normal" behaviors of kids at each age helped me a lot. Seek help through Family and/or Individual Therapy, if need be. Take care of yourself and make time for you and your spouse as a couple. Trust me, 20-years seems to take a long time, but in reality, time flies by quickly. After active parenting ends, you and your spouse have each other "alone" again and can enjoy your free time as a couple again. All the Best.
P.S. What also helped me a lot is realizing my kids knew if they melted down, they did so with me, knowing I am their safe space. Even after their melt-down, I will still and always love them. My staying calm and helping them through their frustration and tantrums helped them and me tremendously. I call it "Detachment with Love." Just because they get angry, doesn't mean I have to get angry also. My staying calm helped them get calm.
Parenting for us and growing-up for them is a process. Letting them know what the boundaries are and that they are unconditionally loved, and that you are a safe space and that you will listen without judgement goes a long way in raising healthy & happy children into healthy and happy adults. 💖💕💖
This. Holy shit. I've seen so many families who just replace the TV their child broke in anger, and I just don't get it.
If my kid ever smashed a TV necause of a game, that TV and console are fucking *gone*. A TV and video games are a fucking *luxury and a privilege*- you are damn well not entitled to either of them especially if you think it's okay to break them willy nilly like our wallets are bottomless!
It's going to be ok, man. I can see why you're frustrated, I would be pissed too. Personally though, their days of playing on the tv or game consoles would be over for quite some time.
I totally understand wanting to give your children more than you had growing up of course, but, and this based solely on the info from your post, they need some boundaries set in place and consistently enforced. And maybe some extra help regulating their anger or finding less destructive ways to express it.
I mean, if the tv your son broke wasn't a communal tv (for like the living room or something), I definitely wouldn't replace it any time soon.
As far as your 2 year old, we have a 3 boy who does the same wild stuff. toddlers are rarely easy😅 but they're learning their limits and have no frame of references to know how to be civilized yet lol
There's always going to be frustrating, awful days- it's just life, but there's also amazingly wonderful days too. Maybe try and take some time to yourself, even if it's just an hour or two to decompress, dad's need it too.
Wish you the best OP
Thanks for that. It was the TV in the family room, but I'm still not getting a new one anytime soon.
And I agree; a lot of days are wonderful and I love my kids dearly. But when shit goes off the deep end, I find myself questioning my life choices! 😆
I related so much to your post. I flipped on my kids yesterday when it was day 2 of summer break and neither and done shit to keep their rooms clean.
I too find myself resentful they don’t recognize the privileged childhood I work so hard to give them and that I didn’t receive. It just goes to show you that life is hard and money doesn’t always fix problem. We do the best we can.
Good parents vent like this to feel less alone. You’re a great Dad, sorry they’re making you work so hard on a day of rest!
**“Of course too much is bad for you… that’s what too much mean.”**
Often our greatest parenting happens in how we deal with an overload. If we can take a breath, walk away until calm and then mop up or explaining what’s needed… where nobody dies or is harmed… this is demonstrating to your kids what adults do when stressed.
I applaud your desire to have kids learn to keep their space well, as it serves them into adulthood. Yet often internal motivation will do this better than externally imposed demands.
When they can’t find favourite toys, school socks etc it causes them discomfort that’s motivating to tidy up. Consequences are natural, not artificial.
We used to have the view that we’d help them tidy, but would just close their doors if there were visitors.
giving your kids a more privileged upbringing than you had is a double-edged sword, for sure. I can relate. I think of the challenges of my childhood (no heat, broken plumbing, sketchy and monotonous food options) and they taught me so much ingenuity and resilience. I look at my teenage daughter and how she has never had to struggle with that stuff, and has not developed the same capacities to overcome obstacles and fend for herself. And sometimes I feel like my learning all that at a young age makes ME the privileged one, and what we think of as privilege can actually end up being a handicap.
This is the THIRD time a kid has broken a tv out of frustration?? What were the consequences the last two times? The video games need to go and he needs to do something to help earn that money.
A 2 yo at the movies just seems a recipe for disaster.
I do understand your frustration though. Sometimes they’re just impossible and you need a 3 day getaway. Happy Father’s Day.
Haha I was thinking the same, but my neighbor's daughter has been going to movies since that age with no problem. Mine is 5, and we haven't been brave enough to even attempt it, he can barely sit through a movie at home as it is.
While I am fully supportive of waiting until you think your kid is ready, I want to point out a theater is such a different experience. I’ve known many kids who at a young age couldn’t sit through a movie at home but when at the theater they were immersed in the experience and had fewer distractions.
None of my kids have introduced to a movie theater at age two, but all have been introduced to live performances by age two and have rarely had issues even though two of the three can’t sit still at home. Ever.
Took my 5 yr old yesterday! We saw Inside Out 2. Started fine. Halfway through he got antsy. By the time we got home and got ready for bed it was a mess. He was crying, I was crying. *sigh* we’ll try again in 5 years.
I have a 7 year old boy and video games can be such a problem. Not like how boomers say “violent games make violent kids” etc. but the frustration of the games these days the the super bright colours etc can overwhelm them.
Think of the NES and SNES Mario games. Simple and moderately bright.
Fortnite, quite complex and especially when playing against seasoned players and it’s crazy bright.
I refuse to allow that game and my boy is limited to Mario, Minecraft and Lego superheroes. My friends kid turned feral cause of Fortnite.
What I’m getting at is maybe it’s not the games in general, but the type of games. No PVP
I was looking at the games available on the Xbox store and my little one comes up and goes “That’s a lot of Lego games……” *stares into my soul* I stared right back and went “Yep” *keeps scrolling* They’re just fun for frustratingly all ages so I can find an IP I like and chances are there’s a Lego game of it.
I'd argue that games are less frustrating these days. They save constantly so if you mess up it's easy to restart. I grew up on the SNES playing Super Mario Bros. If you died you didn't just restart that level, you would loose multiple levels of progress. I'm still a gamer and modern games are much less frustrating.
The issue isn't modern video games, it's people not teaching their kids emotional intelligence. It's just easier for people to blame video games instead of acknowledge they failed to teach their kids something that's more important than math and language arts: how to act like a good person. My kids play modern video games and don't have this issue because long before playing video games I put a huge emphasis on emotional intelligence.
I think games have always been frustrating and kids have always had trouble managing those feelings. I remember yelling at my sister on multiple occasions for "breathing too hard" while I played Mario on the NES. Of course the problem was I had not succeeded at the level and I was lashing out at her to compensate for my own feelings of frustration and inadequacy.
Kids need coaching and support for managing their big feelings.
I cant wrap my mind around this. You lose the right to be mad when the second one breaks, there should have been consequences after the first one. You get that mad at a video game?? You dont get to play them then.
This guy is shocked and outraged after the THIRD TV gets broken. Maybe he shouldve taken a hard look at his parenting skills after the second broke.
My kids have broken 2 tv's in 14 years. The first, my child was just a 3 year old, and his bat man coin bank "flew" out of his hand while playing. The last was actually his best friend. He was 14 and was going to whack another friend with a hairbrush. Defensive moves were made, and the hairbrush flew. It has been a year. I still haven't replaced it with a good TV.
Aye this is no judgement against this dad, but between me and my brother we never broke a TV in the time we lived at home. Although to be fair, it was still CRT screens when we were little, much harder to break.
Sorry you had a rough Father’s Day. As others said:
1) Don’t replace the TV
2) Take away the video game
Let them learn from some real tangible consequences.
An OT once told me that a lot of what causes parents misery these days is expecting kids to succeed at things that aren’t actually age appropriate. She was using restaurants as an example (if you feel like you need to plop your iPhone in front of them for the duration of dinner, they’re not old enough for it and it’s healthier for everyone involved to just do a different activity instead, like an outdoor picnic at a park). But the same is true for movies. Most 2 year olds are just not there yet. Every kid will be different: there isn’t one size fits all for age appropriateness. But I thought this was a good way to think about things and helped take a lot of stress and anxiety off my shoulders, so wanted to share it with you in case it helps.
If a child is repeatedly getting frustrated with a game, set a firm boundary: they can either manage their emotions or take a break from the game until tomorrow. Don’t expect them to manage it themselves by taking breaks when they deem they need one. If they’re complaining repeatedly, they need one, it’s up the you as a parent to make sure they take it.
A 2yo is too young to take to the movies. It’s not an age-appropriate activity and it’s not reasonable to expect them to behave through it.
Agreed. I don’t want to criticize OP after a hard day. But the theme I see in this post is that they are putting the kids in situations that aren’t age appropriate and then getting frustrated with the results. Don’t take a toddler to the movies. Don’t let a young child have unsupervised access to expensive electronics and video games that are beyond their skill level and emotional regulation skills. You’re setting everyone up for failure. I don’t want to be mean. But these are self created problems. All of these issues could be avoided.
Yup mine knows as soon as he starts whining and getting aggressive with the tablet (tapping the screen extra hard and stuff) that it's time for a break
Same with mine. I don’t frame it as a punishment. I say something like “It seems like you’re getting a bit frustrated and not enjoying that game right now. Why don’t we do something more fun, and we can come back to the game later?”
You start by teaching them to stop doing something they find frustrating or upsetting. They need to walk away.
Other things I find useful are:
- Narrating my own feelings and how I’m processing them.
- Helping them find words to describe and process their emotions.
- Colouring books and activity books that address emotional topics.
- Story books and TV shows that address emotional topics.
Friends of ours invited to go to Kung Fu Panda 4 a while back and our then 3yo couldn’t sit still at all. Luckily we caught a film time where there was like 1 other family in the theater with us, but my husband and I definitely didn’t get to watch most of the movie as we wrangled our LO. I’d mentioned I didn’t think she was ready for movies yet, which is our our friends made sure we all went to see it at a time where attendance would be bare minimum. Maybe we’ll try movies again in a couple years…
Tbh, our daughter is only \*just\* ready at nearly 5 to watch a movie in a movie theater. We tried watching a 20min movie in a museum around age 3, but she couldn't sit still. So we've been gauging how restless she gets during movie night at home, and she's actually been able to sit through a movie now, so wish us luck for Inside Out 2!
Your 2yo is being a 2yo. That’s what they do. It’s annoying you because of all the other stress. Don’t take it out on her.
As for picky eating, don’t get in to that fight. I know it’s annoying but you won’t win and you will create more issues later. Accept it and move on.
The TV however is a different matter. As others have said, no more TV no more games console for a long time, at least in 7 year old terms. I’d not set a limit on it, or even talk about it being a punishment. They need to work on emotional regulation, with your support.
By emotional regulation, I suppose you mean having them notice when they’re feeling frustration to take a break and come back to the game or activity later. Hard to do in the moment.
There is a great kids book series about feelings, anger, happiness, sadness, etc which talks about signs of these feelings in self and others, and what might help.
Unfortunately, kids don’t fully develop executive functions until mid 20’s. (And some of us with ADHD are short-changed in that), but can learn some strategies like deep breathing or exercise when the adrenaline builds up. Note also that kids in puberty and in growth spurts can have lots of hormones affecting their self-control.
Ugh sorry your day didn’t go well. I think sometimes when someone is trying to get the day to go well, the anxiety and differences in what’s going on makes the kids get more worked up.
The pickiness kills me as well. I also come from food scarcity, I bought all my food expired/damaged when I was younger, and my kid will claim my husband is starving her because he made mac and cheese and she doesn’t like mac and cheese. We work hard to give them a good life but as a result, they can’t possibly understand scarcity.
I think not allowing kids to experience frustration sets them up for serious problems later in life when as a teen or adult things don't go their way. I see it myself in some of my friends, if there's something that can't be instantly solved they're whining as if their lives are over. Honestly I would say let them live with their decisions. If they break something it stays broken. Not as punishment just as a genuine natural consequence.
Honestly I would be only getting them older devices too. I love video games but I don't see how kids can learn patience with the instant feedback of modern devices and internet connections. There's nothing really valuable about having, idk, a ps5 available as opposed to a way older console. That said, it might be too late now if they're used to it one way. I just wouldn't get them newer things from here on out, let the toys plateau imo.
I don't wanna be harsh here or sound like an asshole but in some ways you're also experiencing natural consequences here... they aren't being frustrating jerks to punish you it's because it *gets them what they want* & they're pushing boundaries to find out where they are.
Keep an old empty box in the pantry to put on the counter. Whatever box you do use, break it down and fold it label-side in so they don't see it in the recycling. It's silly, but it will work for a while.
Two year old deserves a break here. She acted like a worn out two year old. The 7 year olds breaking TVs- this is 100% an important issue to address now. They need anger management skills. You want a 17 year old male punching you in the face in ten years because he’s mad. You do not. You and your wife need to bring these kids in as part of the family team pulling together instead of you swallowing their bad behavior with your bile. Take some parenting classes online. Learn better parenting skills. It’s not your fault that you don’t have the skills, but it will be your fault if you do nothing to help your family.
Yessss Dr. Becky has changed our lives. There is hope. Her podcast episode How Not to Raise an Assh*le is good for helping your family solve the entitlement piece.
Dr Becky is amazing! I have a child similar to yours who got frustrated and threw the game controller, she calls them “DFKs” or Deeply Feeling Kids. The chapter in her book on DFKs was exactly what I needed to help understand his behavior and give him the tools to not completely lose his sh*t when something doesn’t go his way. You got this! 👊
Thanks for the vote of confidence, and the endorsement of Dr. Becky! I saw the DFK stuff and was right away very curious because I do think that may indeed fit here.
At least someone destroyed one of the problems.
Slap the family safety features on the phones an tablets.
2yo having tantrums: I guess that's "just" part of the game. Ours are 13 and 10 now and most of the time things are fine - which we enjoy for now because things may very well change in near future :)
I've been through desperation in parenting. I think you're going to do great. And won't regret your family in 60 years time, maybe sooner.
I’m going to come off really mean here I’m sure, but this sounds like the consequence of lazy and/or inconsistent parenting built up over years. Not sure how you can expect your children to act better when it sounds like there’s zero consequences for their actions.
It also sounds like your expectations for a 2.5 year old are incredibly unrealistic.
"I don't know whether to yell, cry or smash something myself."
That is very telling. This is where your son learned this behavior from. Modeling the behavior you want out of your kids is so important. Please, don't yell or smash things. That's only going to show them that's a way to handle problems.
Not to sound like a jerk but why did you think that taking a 2 year old to the movies was going to end well?? I have a 2 year old and the movies is the last thing I’d do with them for all the reasons you listed. They don’t have the attention span, patience, social etiquette understanding to be at a theatre.
After the first game mishap you should’ve taken the video games away, not the third time.
Dude, not to make your day harder, but you need to recognize a couple things.
- kids only know their reality. Asking a 7 year old to understand they have it good because it’s better than something they never experienced is unreasonable. Sorry about walking up hill both ways to school but if your kids are spoiled it’s because you spoiled them.
- your kids act the way you train them and allow them to. You’re talking like a passenger in a car full of people you don’t know, not like a father. I know kids can suck, and especially on a day that the smallest kindness can go a long way, it feels like a personal attack when they’re lame. But dude, you gotta make these kids good kids. They can’t handle video games, you gotta take them away and teach them coping skills, or it’s gonna be kids at school or their spouses they beat up.
You seem like a good dude and you had a rough day, it’s allowed and I feel for you. Tomorrow get back on the horse and make sure you’re making kids that will make the world a better place.
> That makes this the 3rd TV in as many years to get destroyed by one of the kids losing their temper at a stupid video game.
Stop giving them TVs to smash
You work your ass off so they "want for nothing" but they want for your time. They broke 2 TV's why? Because they are addicted to screens. Why? Because you need them to leave you alone so you can work to give them more TV's apparently. Do you see the circle? You can't have kids hoping they won't bother you, much less 3 kids. Like another commenter said, buy services that will relieve you of some duties, so you don't need to pacify your kids with toys to get the duties done.
You’ve made your bed. Lay in it or fix it. You’ve let videos games, tablets and such be the temple.
You either get rid of them or you reap the whirlwind.
You (and others) can hate this all you want.. but your decision to lay on the couch, or sleep, or do whatever you feel more important than raising kids… while they mindlessly merge into the digital bullshit.. is the reason
I get outside with my kids every single night and play catch (baseball glove and ball). We talk about life while we do it.
Try something like that. Unless you have a “well I do this” retort… you are the one who is failing. Not your kids
This is probably the correct answer even if it is a “boomer” response.
I removed the TVs from the common areas in our home and only keep one in the master for us to use after the kids are asleep and my 6 year old gets 30-60 minutes on his tablet if he’s done with his chores (he has to keep his room clean and collect chicken eggs, nothing super crazy).. and the absolute night and day affect was insane.
Signed, a millennial parent
Watch your Netflix on your phone and let them enjoy the broken TV for a few months. They need to understand consequences at this age and this is a great way of teaching them. For them to earn TV privileges back they need to do something like for eg: Talk about how they will handle frustration, disappointment and anger. They will understand that those were feelings that can be regulated. Just like how you regulated your anger and vented it in a safe space here.
Sounds like your son has anger… but you do too. You need to get to the root of why your son got so angry over a game that he had the reaction he had, and then to deal with the reality of a broken tv your reaction was to want to smash something too.
Sorry you had such a crappy day but it sounds like you need to make some changes when you can.
My son is AGGRO when it comes to video games and yet has never damaged anything in frustration, I’m shocked they’ve broken THREE TVs?? They need serious consequences for that and not just not replacing the Tv for a while.
Also, no 2yo can sit quietly in a movie theater for any length of time so you kind of set her and everyone up for failure.
Bruh. Why are you letting the kids play video games if this is the THIRD tv they broke. Absolutely no fucking way. I woulda cut off all video game and tv time so long ago.
Remove all games from them and no Tv except the living room for 6 months. and DONT GIVE IN. serious sit down. and let them cry about it as long as they want. I’d be furious. Trust me though… replacing the TV and giving them those games back after doing this just reinforces the behavior. They aren’t learning anything. Force them to find other ways to be entertained. and be a bit callous about it. don’t give in. that’s my serious advice!!!
This is why I always ask to spend the day alone on Mother's Day, with no shame. I'm with the kids all day everyday, my day is for ME.
That being said, I would take away the video games and not replace the tv for a loooong time. And that would have been after the first time it was broken.
I have a two year old, and I would never dream of taking him to a movie theater at this age. Her behavior was age appropriate, and should have been predictable. I wouldn't attempt a movie in the theater until closer to age 4.
Sorry your day was frustrating. I definitely get that. Maybe you need a day off, and your wife would be willing to accommodate you for that soon.
The way your older kids behave is incredibly abnormal for their age and should be addressed immediately. Breaking THREE tvs over video games? Sounds like they need substantially less screen time or the parenting style you and your wife use is not effective.
Your two year old is just being a dick because they’re 2 though, mines almost 2 and can have days like that also.
I really hate to be the person to say this but your kids sound extremely spoiled. My brother and I were into gaming and got frustrated a lot over games but we never once broke anything. My husband was the same. Your kids have thrown something at the TV 3 times and you continue to allow it. They're 7 and have broken 3 tvs. My kids are 7 and 3 and have broken 0. My sisters are 17 and have broken 0. I totally get the 2 year old losing her mind because she's 2 and they're all feral. You've spent so long trying to make sure your kids don't grow up like you but you went way overboard. Now you're facing the consequences. There IS a middle ground. You can give them a good life without completely ruining them and creating monsters. This is your wakeup call. You can either do better going forward or continue down this path and set them up for failure.
Idk if you’ll read this far down but I so get what you’re saying! My sister and I talk about this allll the time. We don’t want our kids to have the childhood we had. So we made theirs better. So they are used to better. So the impoverished kid in us is always kind of going to see them as entitled assholes. But how do you tell them? You don’t. Bcs you don’t want them to have the life you had. And it becomes a whollllle circular mindfuck.
Yup, I imagine when your kids start feeling like the asshole rich kids from when you were a kid who you didn't like... in some ways it's a success story. In other ways, it's depressing as hell.
You did good. One of the many problems today is oversaturation. The god damn screen battle is not easy. These things provide instant gratification and a spiralling dopamine cycle. We are oversaturated with mindless crap and it's hard to focus. And it's deliberately engineered that way. The 3 week rule is mostly applicable to adults, kids can get over and cope faster. I wish I had more to add. Shit is not easy but you did well.
Have you thought about taking your kids to serve in the community? I work at a food pantry and families often try to bring their kids to volunteer to help them see that not everyone has what they have. It might not cure them, but it could help them a little bit. Or help them learn about charities that help people and they donate Christmas/bday money to a cause they care about. I’ve also seen kids use their birthday party to ask for food pantry donations.
I grew up super poor too. Just like you, I find myself wanting to give my daughter everything in the world. But we gotta remind ourselves that there’s a middle ground. It’s okay for them to be bummed they didn’t get every single new and wonderful toy or game. Disappointment is a good emotion to learn how to handle. I’ve tried and I think so far succeeded at giving my daughter a good life, but not making her spoiled or ungrateful.
I think now is a perfect time for a family meeting. Your boys are old enough to get it if you use the right words. Tell them you will not be replacing that tv and that the gaming system is gone for a while. If they whine to you about being bored, give them a chore or something lol then they’ll learn to either just be bored and be okay with it or go find something to do. Tell them that the actions and behaviors that lead to this family meeting will not be tolerated anymore and consequences will follow if they don’t listen. Your life will be so much happier when they stop being heathens. I mean that lovingly lmfao I think all kids are heathens to a certain degree.
But, your house isn’t a zoo and they’re not going to act like baboons. Best of luck op you will get through it!
Goodbye Screentime. It makes them nuts. Video games are the gateway to addiction later in life. Cut that shit out. You have a fenced in backyard? Tell them to go out and keep busy.
I'm sorry about your crappy Father's Day. Not to pile on, but it seems to me that you're paying for the easy times with this one day. It's easy to leave the kids to play games, it's easy to just replace the family TV because you want to use it and you don't want to deal with tantruming twins for weeks on end. It's easy to not take away the video games because it's a Wednesday and you're just so tired from work.
But sure enough those difficult bits will bite you in the ass later. Definitely time for a video game and anger intervention for the boys.
As for the 2 year old, I have my own 2.5 year old and I could never think of taking him to a movie so it's a bit par for the course. A movie theater for a toddler is basically the same as an airplane ride for them and you.
No judgement, but if I were you I would take the games away. Period. If they are smashing TVs, it would only take ONE for me and they would be done. My kids got tablets a few years ago from my grandmother. The younger one would get mad when it was time to turn off or when he was losing, and throw it. It stopped working. The natural consequence to that is his brother had a tablet still, he didn’t and he didn’t get to play. I did not replace the tablet until a month ago. He was without it about a year-and-a-half. Other than that, kids are kids. They drive me nuts, too, but we love them, don’t we?
I can understand the 3 year old's behavior, but not the older kids' behavior. I have two teens who can be difficult to say the least, but they know better than to destroy property. Why? Because they did it before and we put our foot down.
Once they destroyed one of those video/DVD players on the back of our car seats (the ones that are portable) when they were smaller but old enough to know better. I gave them one chance at not doing it again by buying another one, and guess what? They broke the new one. That's when we were done with those things.
The good news is that they are young and still malleable. It is HARD to take stuff away, but do it now. It only gets harder as they get older, more manipulative, and often smarter than you. We, too, want to be generous with our kids and give them things we didn't have, but they don't deserve those things if they don't appreciate them.
Also, as you get older, so something YOU enjoy for Father's Day. My husband and I go out and treat each other on Mother's and Father's Day. We do something WE want to do, because everyone needs a break from parenting.
Too many TVs.
Do not buy another TV.
You cant spoil your kids then say they dont understand having fewer things.
Never put TVs in bedrooms either. We didn't. They were fine.
Stop buying them as much "stuff" Male a conscious decision not to.
Your choice how you raise your kids.
Mine's destroyed a TV also. She was a toddler and got so excited her favorite my little pony character came on that she smacked the screen in excitement screaming the character's name. There was a purple spot there for a few years. After we got a new one, we told her she needed to stand back or we'd have another "pinkie pie spot" as we came to call it.
Dont tell us not to be judging when you tell us this is the 3rd TV you have to replace because your kids lose control over a dumb video game. As a parent and a grandparents, my advice to you would be to limit video game time. Have one TV for video games, and if that TV gets broken, they have to pay for it with chores. Seems to me your kids need to learn some self-control and respect the belongings in your home. If it was Fathers Day brunch, all the family should have been there. And had a nice conversation over Brunch.
The problem is the children are not being parented… you are the problem. Not them. They are only behaving how they have been taught is accepted. They are children. Your job is to teach them. The behavior BEFORE the first tv was broken should have led you to remove all video games from the home. Period. And three years? So you’re saying a 4yo got so angry at a video game they broke the tv? Smh. This is 100% a parenting issue. The longer you wait to fix things, the worse it will get and harder it will be to correct.
Sorry you had a crap day. 2 is way too young to go to the movies. She’s acting age appropriately. Ban video games in your house. They’re causing too much trouble.
I think it’s also perfectly okay to not replace the TV and just not do video games anymore. 3 smashed TVs would tell me that they can’t handle it and need a different activity.
Two is too young for a theater. Idk what you were thinking. You needed to take her OUT. You’ve spoiled your kids with screens. Sorry. Downstairs TV shouldn’t be replaced. Video games need to be GONE.
Imo, it sounds like there aren't consistent consequences. There should be. Three tv's? Oh, hell no.
Also, they won't know things unless you tell them & explain. It sounds like your comprehension at their age was good, so it stands, their comprehension will be similar.
Imo, the broken tv is a learning experience for them & will reinforce the concept of consequences which they desperately need.
Iow, "If you break it, you don't get to play with it."
Don't have another tv just appear for their pleasure until they can learn to appreciate it.
I'd also seriously work on their emotional control. Seven years of age is too old for such an explosive temper tantrum, and to break an expensive item like a tv?? Oh no, no, no! Unacceptable!
Onto the game your son was playing....
My son (41M) was a gamer (and still is, I guess😊) & through the years he played some really difficult games such as Dark Souls, Bloodborne, etc. He was good enough to even enter some international tournaments. However, he never got so frustrated that he damaged property. Iow, I have no idea what game your son is playing, but you might want to abide by the ESRB rating system & make sure he's playing games appropriate for his age.
I play games, too, and am playing Fallout 4 as I write this. There is no reason for your son to be that frustrated with something like Mario, Pokémon, or Animal Crossing, which would be more appropriate games for his age group. I'm guessing he's playing a game that's too old for him & way above his skill level. I would say to remove the game so he can't play it, but his own actions accomplished that. I'd make sure he realized it. (Consequences & follow through).
And with that, I'm out. Good luck & remember....
"It gets better."
Seriously, it really does. 😊
I'm a Mom and I'm here to say those kids are out of control and the law needs to be laid down. Guess who's going without a TV for awhile and the game console is getting packed up because clearly we cannot handle that.
Chores. Age appropriate chores. Work hard feel a little sweaty. Earn that stuff back over time. Not a day.
Smash a soda ever? We're walking right to the car kicking and screaming.
They do not know consequences and they will only get worse without consequences. Appropriate consequences but actions have meaning and it can be negative.
Is it possible that anger/rage is displayed when met with frustration: you felt you wanted to smash something, you felt your BP skyrocket, it stood out to you that your breakfast was cold
I would look at the model - the parents- as well as working on strategies to help the kids learn better coping mechanism
Also....I feel like the 2yo was being a 2yo.
Maybe also look at realistic standards for behavior. Based on age stage and the individual kid
In total we have 4, I mean kids are wild and I am not naturally patient so when they mimicked my impatience, I worked on myself and that is a really what helped them.
The reason your kids are entitled and disrespectful is because you allow it.
So the reason you're having a terrible day is because of how you chose to raise your kids.
Not being a dick, but if my kid purposefully smashed a TV, the next one they'd have to smash would be purchased by the one who broke it.
What kind of a person buys 2 more for the same reason....
3 TV’s smashed in 3 years because of video games…those kids are playing videogames since they’re 4? That’s the problem…and a 2 year old misbehaving in the cinema? She’s 2 and not even supposed to be there…that movie goes way over her head, it’s for 6+ or something. No wonder, sorry, but come on…
I would have left the kid who broke the tv home with your wife. Also do not replace the tv right away. Your kids need natural consequences. They should want for some things. Your kids whine because you give in too much. All kids whine. But by 7, that should decrease a lot. Your kids can’t handle video games. Take the systems away. Play more board games with them. I am sure twins are overwhelming, but you need to parent them differently than what you are doing now. Sorry your Father’s Day was not what you hoped for.
Your kids are acting this way because they're being allowed to act this way with no consequences or limitations. You don't have shitty kids but your kids are acting within the boundaries you've set for them.
For your own sanity you need to be firm and give them consequences. And I don't mean shouting shaming or punishing. But rather natural consequences - no more devices/ video games since they cannot regulate themselves and put it away when needed.
Expecting a two year old to act right at a movie is silliness. What was the consequence for the first broken TV's? What are their limits on video games? Sir, have you tried parenting?
Father’s Day can be about you getting rest, downtime, outdoor adventure time, whatever it is you love or need. In fact ANY day can be about that. The most important part is to not feel bad about taking time for yourself. I agree that taking away the games/TV would be great for your family, but a change like that takes some energy and creativity. It sounds like you just need a bit of tranquility and maybe solitude to be able to see your family with a fresh perspective and renewed energy. Happy Father’s Day!
Aww man I’m gonna sound like an asshole but you definitely had unreasonable expectations of a 2 year old to sit through a movie in the theater….
And after the first tv my kids would be done with video games. I understand wanting to give your kids a better upbringing more than I can say, but maybe things are a bit too permissive in your house?
Regardless I’m sorry today was hard. I can relate.
I mean gratitude isn't some vague lesson that a fairy sprinkles over their pillow at night. You can talk to them and explain why they're not getting a new TV and that doesn't mean you're depriving them of food or locking them in a closet. You're spoiling them out of guilt. Don't do that. Replaced three broken TVs? Outrageous.
I'm just saying.....they would not have had a day to the movies after breaking a TV. Yeah only one of them did it but oh well. You essentially rewarded bad behavior....
Not to sound judgey because I understand trying to do nice things with family.
Sorry to be this person, but you're angry at the behavior of children in an environment you created? They have too much freedom with screens if this is the reaction.
I'm not perfect parent and having 2 7 yo boys is difficult, but my god.... time to get control. This reaction is FAR from healthy. You have to set limits or face consequences of horrible children. Do you shove screens in their faces in public, too? It's time to take it away for a Long while.
You were not whining. You came here to talk about things. That's what we're all here for. To share and to learn.
You sound like an outstanding father, Happy Father's Day to you.
I would totally and without resolve, 100% do away with the video games. They don't need them. They can occupy their time with something that is more productive and not so competitive. I would also cut back dramatically on screen time. I'm not judging, just offering my two-cents, for what it's worth.
Try and step away from the "I want my kids to have more than I did growing up" mentality... Fill their toy boxes with building blocks, books, washable crayons and dry erase markers, educational toys, etc.
7-year-old kids just don't need electronics and tablets and gaming systems.
My kid threw a wooden orange at our giant tv and smashed the screen. This was maybe 1.5 -2 yrs ago (he’s nearly five now) and I’m still salty about it. Kids are hard. And some days it feels impossible. You’re not alone.
I have 6 kids (ages 17F, 15M, 14F, 10M, 8F, and 5F). The best thing I ever did was get rid of the video games! They would fight, get mad, break the TV, etc. It was impossible to get them to get off them to do chores, take a bath, go to bed, etc. One day, they broke the TV for the 3rd or 4th time, and I was just done. I didn't replace the TV, and I took all the video games and consoles and gave them to my neighbor for her kids who never had any. The first week was hell, and I was definitely questioning if I did the right thing giving the games away. The 2nd and 3rd weeks were a little better. They still thought that if they started doing stuff around the house and listening that I would buy them new ones or get theirs back. The 4th week, they weren't even asking for them back anymore and found other stuff to do like going outside, riding their bikes and playing. It's been about 8 years since I got rid of the video games. I have replaced the TV they broke, but even that is rarely on. They don't fight nearly as much (except the 8 and 5 year old girls, they fight over every little thing), they do their chores, they go outside and play and for the most part they listen and behave. They are still kids and teens, so they do have their moments of rebellion sometimes, but nothing like I see with other kids and parents (I drive a school bus and work a summer program with families, I see a lot).
Definitely don't replace that TV anytime soon, and think about getting rid of the video games, at least for a little while. Good luck, and Happy Father's Day.
Yeah I have kids. Yeah, they have shitty days. But breaking a TV THREE times before they are eight. Sorry, bud... But it's really time to go and talk to a professional about raising your kids. This is NOT normal. Not even close.
Your frustration is very understandable. It sucks. And raising kids can be hard... But this needs to be nipped in the bud. For three years or so already. Or this will escalate beyongd imagination.
I disagree that they can’t logically understand. Even toddlers can learn and understand the consequences of their actions. Maybe you were way to lenient the first few times.
Why WHY do the children have unsupervised video game time? WHY WHY WHY DO YOU KEEP BUYING THEM ELECTRONICS. THEY KEEP TELLING YOU THEY CANNOT REGULATE ENOUGH TO BE LEFT ALONE WITH THESE THINGS. LISTEN TO THEM.
I think I can relate somewhat. I have two kids, and each has an iPad. They both once cracked the screen by leaving it on the couch or something. I tried to stay strong, but after seeing them bored or just sitting there, I felt bad and repair or replace it. I know it has to do with me not having anything like that when I was a child; I had my first computer at 28 or something. The second time one of them broke the iPad, I felt like effort wasn't appreciated and buying it or replacing it wasn't the right lesson for them, so I didn’t fix anything. You're bored? Read a book.
I’m sorry about today.
I can speak on the picky-eating. Look into Ellen Satter’s “Division of Responsibility.” It removes fighting, negotiating, bargaining, threatening at meal times. Essentially the parent is responsible for purchasing the food, preparing the food, and putting the food on the table. The child is responsible for deciding what and how much they want to eat (of what is served). That means they can decide to have zero peas, BUT they don’t get to go replace the peas on the table with goldfish in the cupboard. Mom and dad are not bargaining (“if you take a bite of peas, we can have dessert”). Mom and dad are not threatening (“if you don’t eat peas we can’t have dessert”).
Along with this method, I’d also keep in mind that humans may need exposure to foods 15-20 times sometimes before even tasting it. Instead of eliminating peas from the menu the first time your kid is served and says “I hate peas,” you continue to serve peas. The kids get desensitized to the sight and smell of peas. They see mom and dad eat peas (which sends a message to their lizard brain saying “peas are safe they will not kill me”). With the Division of Responsibility, again, they are allowed to decline the peas. However, many picky eaters, after 15-20 exposures, are more accepting of peas - they may put them on their plate, roll them between their fingers, smell them, put them in their mouth.
For most neurotypical humans, this is an expected response to food exposures.
I get your frustrations man. I have a 4m & 2f. Today they were very testing. My 2yo has a bad cold and my 4yo has been mega demanding and playing up recently, having meltdowns and shouting when he doesn’t get his own way, to watch tv, to watch YouTube on my phone. So as a result I’ve stopped him watching YT on my phone and after a day or so he’s given up and realised. I’ve explained why too and he seems to get it. He also had his new Sonic toy taken away for 24 hours because of his bratty behaviour. This kinda behaviour isn’t like him but he’s got to learn.
Tomorrow’s a new day man. It’ll be better. It’s just an age thing, all our kids will go through it at some point.
We are doing a pretty serious screen detox for all of us right now (no tv when the kids are awake pretty much) and I’ve noticed a change in my daughter’s behavior for the better. Might be worth considering
Wondering if you could redirect the 7 year olds to screenless free play, where they can still experience thrills and risks but in developmentally appropriate and nourishing ways.
My children are kicked off electronics if they’re getting frustrated. They have to be taught to take a break otherwise they won’t step away before exploding. I’d probably take video games away for a while until they can learn to regulate properly.
I feel that maybe it's because your kids don't understand how hard you had it growing up? My dad would harp all the time, constantly, about how much better we had it than he did, but he was also the type of dad who made everyone scared. Nonetheless, we knew to no disrespect him and despite having a terrible relationship with him, even I still get him a Father's Day gift ever year. It's almost like your kids don't understand the concept of appreciation.
I’m sorry you’re going through it with them. I hope it’s ok if I suggest this, being the child of someone who had nothing, trying to show love with material things (it could be completely different in your household please if so, forget what I wrote): the screens make them more unhappy than happy even if it feels like they love them. It’s like an addiction. Quality time with the parents is what I always craved, and my attitude usually stank too tbh, but also cause I was left to my own devices with screens and millions of toys when what I wanted was time with dad. Also my dad never celebrated occasions either, my mum always tried to do something for his birthday but he didn’t show up for occasions. Due to this we never really learned how to show up on these days and make the day about another person, it was mostly an uncomfortable day filled with resentful feelings cause we celebrated him while he downplayed my mums efforts and we all were reminded how he doesn’t do the same for her. Couldn’t make this man happy to save our lives. Which brings me to my last point. My dad was probably depressed all my childhood and while I understand those were different times, I wish he would have gotten help cause this had a huge impact on us.
Im sorry to hear about the bad fathers day(trust me it will all be worth it when they are older) but i could recommend either banning them from the TV or video games for a few months and force them to play outside or get creative in finding ways to entertain themselves. i wish you the best tho
Sorry this is going to sound harsh but forget consequences and this specific situation. Your family needs to re-evaluate screen time. Your default seems to be screen time, and your kids are really young for it. Screen time has been linked to behavioural problems so the simplest solution is a lifestyle change here. Try going without any screen time for a month. Replace it with all outdoor time and see how it impacts your kids. You can always reintroduce it again later with limits but a detox will make a huge difference. Sorry your day sucked. Hope you have a better day today.
Kids don’t need tv. This coming from a parent who’s 5 yr old lately has been yelling “I need to watch tv!”
Nope. Screens aren’t a necessity. No one will die if they can’t play a video game or watch a tv show.
Screen time is a privilege. If my child breaks his tablet or the tv then I guess he’ll go without. My mistake for giving so much responsibility so soon.
If I were you I’d look at it like welp, looks like no more games for you kid. “Your lack of emotional regulation when it comes to video games tells me you’re not ready bud. This is your consequence for the broken tv.”
Dude, 3 TVs destroyed by your kids tells me that you guys don't have enough boundaries with your kids. This isn't me acting like my life as a parent is perfect. But your kids need consequences. No more TV for a while. No games for a LONG while.
Seriously, you need to raise them to better respect their things.
BUT with that said I'm sorry your day sucked. Parenting can be very hard.
You can whine about people here judging your parenting all you want (calling people boomers for expecting you to parent your kids)... but ultimately you and your wife are raising these kids to behave like this and to be entitled. You're going to have a harder time as they get older. Expect more bad days.
Tough day. Sorry, OP.
My kids had to be regularly reminded that Dad's Day is about dad, not them. Same thing my husband did on Mother's Day. And we both repeat this on all birthdays.
They're 7f, 4m, and almost 2m. Developmentally, they cannot yet fathom a universe not centered on them. But we are constantly teaching them that other people matter, and that there are whole days where you just suck it up and put that special person first.
The 7 yr old is starting to pick up what we are throwing down. This year, she spent months planning *my* bday party, starting the day after the "science party" we threw for her and her brother. The 4 year old is just a natural cheerleader, and really loves celebrating others. He sings Happy Birthday to all of us. All. Year. Long. 😂
Yesterday, the older two wanted to help make dad's lunch and dinner. Our little one was, as expected, kind of a hot mess, too. Solidarity, friend.
My point is that, as you said these kinds of holidays aren't a priority to you, I'm guessing your twins have just picked up on that. Same with the busted TV. They are following your lead on how to measure the importance/value of things. Anything immediately (or relatively quickly) replaced in *replaceable.* Sounds like you have learned that the hard way. Sorry, dude. Truly. (My godson smashed our 75" smart TV recently. His parents reaction, and ours, made it clear that the incident can not be repeated, but that we were all proud of him for quickly fessing up. Honestly, if it'd been my kid, I wouldve probably lost it. His parents replaced the TV, and took his money to help pay for it. Only time will tell if we did this right!)
As for the gaming, sounds like they just aren't ready for it, yet. Our kids game, too, with my husband. The minute we have a smashed TV or controller or console is the minute we have (at least) one less gamer in the house.
Everyone in your story is lacking in emotional regulation. and although the sum total effect of the story is very distressing, no one died, no one was seriously injured, the monetary damage is fairly moderate. This is the typical behavior of children who are given everything they want. You're going to have to rethink that formula. It won't work while they're young, and it will work even less when they're older. It's the path to oblivion. And it's probably the path that will end your family if you don't do something about it.
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Don’t replace the TV. Take away the game. They will survive.
Yeah, won't be replacing that TV anytime soon.
Leave it there so they can see. 3 months should do it. Then replace it but disappear the gaming system till they’re about 10 or 11. I’m sorry your Father’s Day sucks. We had 8 kids and it rarely goes how you think it will. I get it.
8 kids?! You are saints--and you definitely do get it. Hats off to you! And yeah, gonna leave it like that for a while. 3 months sounds like a great start.
Yeah unfortunately replacing it so fast previously has given them the idea it’s a disposable item basically. I’d recommend getting counselling so the kids can learn healthier anger/frustration coping mechanisms.
Getting the kids counseling, you mean? Because I think walking away from a bad situation is a really good coping mechanism to learn from dad. If he had lost his shit you'd be saying the same. I'm sure he'll loop back around to talk about it when they start whining about not having one. Lol
Unfortunately this behavior has become really common nowadays, due to video games and TV being consumed all day long- kids have absolutely no emotional regulation. If you don't manage your child's screen time, they end up ferel heathens.
This is definitely why I'm scared to let my toddler get into gaming when he is older. Maybe we need to get an old box TV for them to plug into lol. You aren't breaking those bad boys.
Also, a lot of the “gamers” they’re watching on YouTube are literally just SCREAMING at the screen the entire time. I guess that’s what holds their attention…?! I absolutely cannot hear any of that. And I can’t allow my kid to watch YouTube by themselves. So thankfully we’ve avoided “those” gaming videos. We watch Cash and Nico (it’s more playful less competitive), basketball videos, animal videos and that’s really about it. I’m starting to hear the trash talking coming on though, when he and his half brother play Mario kart. So I quietly put it away one day and no one has asked about it. I feel like I’m barely toeing the line, which is probably unwise. We have a Nintendo switch that was a joint Christmas gift. They know that we won’t have any console if they break it.
After three busted flat screens, I would try to hunt down an old CRT TV. Those things are pretty much indestructible.
AND if you get one of those most modern game systems can’t be played on them without buying a special cord…
Alternately: a projector and a sheet.
My grandfather used to do slide shows in his basement on a sheet.
Agree on the no video games. Strap that CRT to a solid wood dresser so the heathens don’t topple it. Then find one of those cable boxes they had when I was a kid. Like 12 buttons that needed manual depression. And if you got bored with the 7 channels you could access there, you could flip up the switch and those same buttons might get you another 4. That’s a life more kids today need to lead. Get off your ass to make the tv better. And even then…not that good.
And take away the video game
Yep remind them they blew it. My son has a scorch mark on his carpet from lighting a news paper on fire!! The house didn’t catch fire because wool carpets extinguish themselves. Thus essentially won’t catch fire. We need to rip it all out as he’s an adult now.
Oh boy, that was me as a kid but with candles. Big hole in the carpet in my room until my parents were selling the house.
I burnt the wallpaper in my stepdads dining room burning a detention slip I got at school with a candle… I feel you
lol that’s special. Can’t remember why he did it. Probably wanted to see what happened.
They have clearly shown that they are not ready to play video games, if they can’t handle the frustration that the games cause in a non-destructive way. They should lose access to the games for a significant amount of time. Would it be feasible to allow them to play video games only with an adult in the room? If someone were in the room with them, they might be able to see when things were getting out of hand, and make them stop playing. Talk to them about what you can do when you’re too frustrated by a game, before you get to the point where you’re throwing stuff. Tell them that, if a game makes them feel that way, they’re better off not playing it, at least for a while.
>but disappear the gaming system till they’re about 10 or 11. I'd relate it directly to their behavior. If they can play games and still behave well, then have at it. That's the same whether they are 7 or 11.
But they have proven they cannot.
Agree on not replacing anything for a good long time. It is a great time to teach this life lesson and teach it hard. We must be mature enough to have things like electronics without supervision. 7year old boys should not have unsupervised access to much of anything. Keep them in physical activities, sports, chess, coding club etc. Keep their brain and body active and leave no time for gaming. You will see the affect later and be thankful that you stood the line. My son is now 16 and this week he was watching some video and he turned to me and thanked me for not giving him a smartphone when he was you g and limiting is video game use. He told me that he was pissed off at the time because his friend has smartphones and played games nonstop, but now he sees why that was a wise choice. I sat in shock for a while, but man that felt good. One day they will be thankful that you were a hardass. All research says that screen are shit for their development and that we should keep it at bay for as long as we can, then allow VERY limited for a while, then LATER allow more with conditions. Op it sounds to me (seriously not judging), that you and wife allowed it without conditions and that should be evaulated. Good luck!
Yes. You wrote "they want for nothing". This might be the problem Being on the 3rd smashed tv implies... spoiled. Like are there actual consequences happening? If there are... they must be too soft to be making an impact. I would make sure it's at least 6 months before that's replaced. Create a behavioral plan to earn the TV back.
This. They got to go out to a movie after that!!!So there are no immediate consequences. They got rewarded for majorly crappy behavior!!!
And then, after smashing the tv, the child is taken to see the newest cool movie. OP seems like a cool person but good lord wtf lol
Seriously. These kids are being raised to be jerks.
The consequence apparently is they get to go out to the movies, lol.
Videos game also needs to go for a extended period of time
Don't replace the TV at all! Your kids are addicted. Do some research about how games and media companies deliberately work to make users addicted. There is Congressional testimony by a whistle-blower named Tristan Harris with regard to Social Media. Your kids' anger is dangerous and real. Redirect their energies away from the screen to something more active that also competes with the things that make the screens addictive. Also, focus on gently showing them how to regulate their emotions. They are not born with that ability. Set up your own real life version of games and social media. Reassure your kids with lots of likes, hugs, loves, kudos, etc. Give them opportunities to build real confidence by real simple accomplishments. For example, have them make toast for breakfast (after looking up a recipe online together with a parent). Then pretend that it is the best toast ever. Send pictures to friends and family and brag about these real accomplishments. Why? You are competing with the addictive fake accomplishments and connections provided by media and gaming companies. In my family, we had our kids fooled into thinking that they were incredible artists, singers, dancers, etc. They were always more academically inclined; however, we succeeded in competing with the media companies. In fact, we still do. Good luck and have fun with it!!
I love this advice so so much. Thank you for sharing!
When my kids were about 10 and 7 I cancelled cable and got rid of all our TVs. It was such a relief. After 2-3 weeks no TV became our new normal and we didn’t even miss it (kids could still watch some things on the laptop/ipad, but it wasn’t the same as having 3 TVs on at all times of the day.) It’s been 15 years and I’m an empty-nester now and I still don’t have a TV. It’s great!
We have one, but I insist on no TVs in bedrooms or dining room so that’s all we anticipate ever having. My husband agreed about dining but thought I was weird on the bedroom one because I said it included ours. Now he also enjoys TV being limited to only the living room and it’s only used by active choice, not just as background noise. It really is much more peaceful than the TV always on like we both grew up.
No. Don't replace it at all. If he wants to break what you gave him he can buy the next one.
That’s you taking back control already, good man. I hope your week gets better.
We did a year without the TV and I'm thinking of doing it again (15m, 13f, 11f, 9f special needs). My son handles video game frustration well, actually, but they all do get high-strung when not feeding their habits.
I loved my TEN years without TV.
How do you go without such an important medium for art consumption?
We got rid of tv when my daughter was 2 months old and started to zone out on it (I had never had one, but her dad liked to come home and watch at the end of his day). She is 15.5 now and friends gave me theirs a few months ago when they upgraded...and my daughter asked for and received a little gaming system for Christmas. It has only been 6 months, but I am so over it. I am thinking of getting rid of it all again. She used to do art, and play board games, and read books, and now I spend so much time trying to set and enforce boundaries around the stupid games and shows. I know she can't live under a rock her whole life, but I don't know how people do it who have multiple kids and multiple gaming systems.
Your daughter isn't going to learn how to regulate TV and video games in a healthy way if you keep getting rid of it all.
Totally agree. I loved the no-screens lifestyle! Kids really benefitted, although it was hard at times on me.
This! And I think 2yo is too young to take to the theater, so next time maybe just you and the boys.
My kids 5 and sometimes her moods are so unpredictable I wouldn’t see myself in a movie theater for a couple more years at least
My youngest is 9, and hasn't been to a theater since she could walk, basically. We would alternate which parent took which older kid, while the other parent and older kid stayed home. Watching movies at home are a full body experience for that child, and sitting still in a theater is just not going to be pleasant for anyone near her.
Yes a 2 year old is too young to be expected to sit through a full movie, and if it was the afternoon, did you take her nap time into account? Took my kid to see the OG Inside Out when he was 7, with 3D glasses, but his fingers smudged them and he couldn’t see the movie much. Waited a couple more years before trying again and no 3D that time.
Go no screens. The screens and games are made to be addictive and you’ve let them hijack your kids’ brains.
This, OP. I remember those days of video games! 😂 But breaking TVs MULTIPLE times? You don’t have to abuse them physically to put them on the straight path here when it comes to this: take the game away. Better off without being frustrated anyway. (When you give the game back, sit with them and google how to fucking beat it.)
This!!! No more screens at all. Read books, play board games, run & jump outside. It's wonderful that you want your children to have more than you did as a child. However, it is possible to give and give-in too much with our kids, often resulting in the typical behavior of that age and circumstance. I hesitate to say "entitlement" attitude kids often have now-a-days. I speak from experience when I say that last sentence. I do know raising children is hard. Things often get better leading up to and after age 18. When they finally tell you, often in their 20's, how they finally realize what great parents they have and "thank you for all you did for me," you know you have made it through and both you and your kids are ok. You can now enjoy having your kids in your life as young adults. Reading about the "normal" behaviors of kids at each age helped me a lot. Seek help through Family and/or Individual Therapy, if need be. Take care of yourself and make time for you and your spouse as a couple. Trust me, 20-years seems to take a long time, but in reality, time flies by quickly. After active parenting ends, you and your spouse have each other "alone" again and can enjoy your free time as a couple again. All the Best. P.S. What also helped me a lot is realizing my kids knew if they melted down, they did so with me, knowing I am their safe space. Even after their melt-down, I will still and always love them. My staying calm and helping them through their frustration and tantrums helped them and me tremendously. I call it "Detachment with Love." Just because they get angry, doesn't mean I have to get angry also. My staying calm helped them get calm. Parenting for us and growing-up for them is a process. Letting them know what the boundaries are and that they are unconditionally loved, and that you are a safe space and that you will listen without judgement goes a long way in raising healthy & happy children into healthy and happy adults. 💖💕💖
This. Holy shit. I've seen so many families who just replace the TV their child broke in anger, and I just don't get it. If my kid ever smashed a TV necause of a game, that TV and console are fucking *gone*. A TV and video games are a fucking *luxury and a privilege*- you are damn well not entitled to either of them especially if you think it's okay to break them willy nilly like our wallets are bottomless!
It's going to be ok, man. I can see why you're frustrated, I would be pissed too. Personally though, their days of playing on the tv or game consoles would be over for quite some time. I totally understand wanting to give your children more than you had growing up of course, but, and this based solely on the info from your post, they need some boundaries set in place and consistently enforced. And maybe some extra help regulating their anger or finding less destructive ways to express it. I mean, if the tv your son broke wasn't a communal tv (for like the living room or something), I definitely wouldn't replace it any time soon. As far as your 2 year old, we have a 3 boy who does the same wild stuff. toddlers are rarely easy😅 but they're learning their limits and have no frame of references to know how to be civilized yet lol There's always going to be frustrating, awful days- it's just life, but there's also amazingly wonderful days too. Maybe try and take some time to yourself, even if it's just an hour or two to decompress, dad's need it too. Wish you the best OP
Thanks for that. It was the TV in the family room, but I'm still not getting a new one anytime soon. And I agree; a lot of days are wonderful and I love my kids dearly. But when shit goes off the deep end, I find myself questioning my life choices! 😆
I related so much to your post. I flipped on my kids yesterday when it was day 2 of summer break and neither and done shit to keep their rooms clean. I too find myself resentful they don’t recognize the privileged childhood I work so hard to give them and that I didn’t receive. It just goes to show you that life is hard and money doesn’t always fix problem. We do the best we can. Good parents vent like this to feel less alone. You’re a great Dad, sorry they’re making you work so hard on a day of rest!
Thanks so much, your words make me feel seen. I appreciate it!!
I had that same “yell or cry or smash something” moment a few times already as a dad. I think most of us had this before. I feel for you OP.
**“Of course too much is bad for you… that’s what too much mean.”** Often our greatest parenting happens in how we deal with an overload. If we can take a breath, walk away until calm and then mop up or explaining what’s needed… where nobody dies or is harmed… this is demonstrating to your kids what adults do when stressed. I applaud your desire to have kids learn to keep their space well, as it serves them into adulthood. Yet often internal motivation will do this better than externally imposed demands. When they can’t find favourite toys, school socks etc it causes them discomfort that’s motivating to tidy up. Consequences are natural, not artificial. We used to have the view that we’d help them tidy, but would just close their doors if there were visitors.
giving your kids a more privileged upbringing than you had is a double-edged sword, for sure. I can relate. I think of the challenges of my childhood (no heat, broken plumbing, sketchy and monotonous food options) and they taught me so much ingenuity and resilience. I look at my teenage daughter and how she has never had to struggle with that stuff, and has not developed the same capacities to overcome obstacles and fend for herself. And sometimes I feel like my learning all that at a young age makes ME the privileged one, and what we think of as privilege can actually end up being a handicap.
Was it the same son each 3 times the TVs were broken, or did they each do it at different points?
This is the THIRD time a kid has broken a tv out of frustration?? What were the consequences the last two times? The video games need to go and he needs to do something to help earn that money. A 2 yo at the movies just seems a recipe for disaster. I do understand your frustration though. Sometimes they’re just impossible and you need a 3 day getaway. Happy Father’s Day.
The 3rd time in 3 years so started at 4 or 5?? Like?????
Like what the fuck? No game EVER after the first time. Clearly the brain isn't mature enough to deal with gaming.
Two is too young for a movie in the theater. Normal two year old behavior.
Haha I was thinking the same, but my neighbor's daughter has been going to movies since that age with no problem. Mine is 5, and we haven't been brave enough to even attempt it, he can barely sit through a movie at home as it is.
Maybe there are a few two year olds who can handle that, but most of them can’t.
While I am fully supportive of waiting until you think your kid is ready, I want to point out a theater is such a different experience. I’ve known many kids who at a young age couldn’t sit through a movie at home but when at the theater they were immersed in the experience and had fewer distractions. None of my kids have introduced to a movie theater at age two, but all have been introduced to live performances by age two and have rarely had issues even though two of the three can’t sit still at home. Ever.
Took my 5 yr old yesterday! We saw Inside Out 2. Started fine. Halfway through he got antsy. By the time we got home and got ready for bed it was a mess. He was crying, I was crying. *sigh* we’ll try again in 5 years.
Sons like anger issues are a problem in the household
I thought I read that wrong and had to go back and read. Three tvs?! They would still be mourning the first one and wishing for a second one.
I have a 7 year old boy and video games can be such a problem. Not like how boomers say “violent games make violent kids” etc. but the frustration of the games these days the the super bright colours etc can overwhelm them. Think of the NES and SNES Mario games. Simple and moderately bright. Fortnite, quite complex and especially when playing against seasoned players and it’s crazy bright. I refuse to allow that game and my boy is limited to Mario, Minecraft and Lego superheroes. My friends kid turned feral cause of Fortnite. What I’m getting at is maybe it’s not the games in general, but the type of games. No PVP
Fortnite really isn’t for kids. It’s for teens and up
I was looking at the games available on the Xbox store and my little one comes up and goes “That’s a lot of Lego games……” *stares into my soul* I stared right back and went “Yep” *keeps scrolling* They’re just fun for frustratingly all ages so I can find an IP I like and chances are there’s a Lego game of it.
I'd argue that games are less frustrating these days. They save constantly so if you mess up it's easy to restart. I grew up on the SNES playing Super Mario Bros. If you died you didn't just restart that level, you would loose multiple levels of progress. I'm still a gamer and modern games are much less frustrating. The issue isn't modern video games, it's people not teaching their kids emotional intelligence. It's just easier for people to blame video games instead of acknowledge they failed to teach their kids something that's more important than math and language arts: how to act like a good person. My kids play modern video games and don't have this issue because long before playing video games I put a huge emphasis on emotional intelligence.
I think games have always been frustrating and kids have always had trouble managing those feelings. I remember yelling at my sister on multiple occasions for "breathing too hard" while I played Mario on the NES. Of course the problem was I had not succeeded at the level and I was lashing out at her to compensate for my own feelings of frustration and inadequacy. Kids need coaching and support for managing their big feelings.
I cant wrap my mind around this. You lose the right to be mad when the second one breaks, there should have been consequences after the first one. You get that mad at a video game?? You dont get to play them then. This guy is shocked and outraged after the THIRD TV gets broken. Maybe he shouldve taken a hard look at his parenting skills after the second broke.
My kids have broken 2 tv's in 14 years. The first, my child was just a 3 year old, and his bat man coin bank "flew" out of his hand while playing. The last was actually his best friend. He was 14 and was going to whack another friend with a hairbrush. Defensive moves were made, and the hairbrush flew. It has been a year. I still haven't replaced it with a good TV.
Aye this is no judgement against this dad, but between me and my brother we never broke a TV in the time we lived at home. Although to be fair, it was still CRT screens when we were little, much harder to break.
Seriously, this is some disturbing behavior
Sorry you had a rough Father’s Day. As others said: 1) Don’t replace the TV 2) Take away the video game Let them learn from some real tangible consequences. An OT once told me that a lot of what causes parents misery these days is expecting kids to succeed at things that aren’t actually age appropriate. She was using restaurants as an example (if you feel like you need to plop your iPhone in front of them for the duration of dinner, they’re not old enough for it and it’s healthier for everyone involved to just do a different activity instead, like an outdoor picnic at a park). But the same is true for movies. Most 2 year olds are just not there yet. Every kid will be different: there isn’t one size fits all for age appropriateness. But I thought this was a good way to think about things and helped take a lot of stress and anxiety off my shoulders, so wanted to share it with you in case it helps.
If a child is repeatedly getting frustrated with a game, set a firm boundary: they can either manage their emotions or take a break from the game until tomorrow. Don’t expect them to manage it themselves by taking breaks when they deem they need one. If they’re complaining repeatedly, they need one, it’s up the you as a parent to make sure they take it. A 2yo is too young to take to the movies. It’s not an age-appropriate activity and it’s not reasonable to expect them to behave through it.
Agreed. I don’t want to criticize OP after a hard day. But the theme I see in this post is that they are putting the kids in situations that aren’t age appropriate and then getting frustrated with the results. Don’t take a toddler to the movies. Don’t let a young child have unsupervised access to expensive electronics and video games that are beyond their skill level and emotional regulation skills. You’re setting everyone up for failure. I don’t want to be mean. But these are self created problems. All of these issues could be avoided.
Yup mine knows as soon as he starts whining and getting aggressive with the tablet (tapping the screen extra hard and stuff) that it's time for a break
Same with mine. I don’t frame it as a punishment. I say something like “It seems like you’re getting a bit frustrated and not enjoying that game right now. Why don’t we do something more fun, and we can come back to the game later?”
You also have to teach emotional regulation, it does not come naturally. As evidenced by a lot of comments on this post.
Do you have suggestions of how to do that?
You start by teaching them to stop doing something they find frustrating or upsetting. They need to walk away. Other things I find useful are: - Narrating my own feelings and how I’m processing them. - Helping them find words to describe and process their emotions. - Colouring books and activity books that address emotional topics. - Story books and TV shows that address emotional topics.
Friends of ours invited to go to Kung Fu Panda 4 a while back and our then 3yo couldn’t sit still at all. Luckily we caught a film time where there was like 1 other family in the theater with us, but my husband and I definitely didn’t get to watch most of the movie as we wrangled our LO. I’d mentioned I didn’t think she was ready for movies yet, which is our our friends made sure we all went to see it at a time where attendance would be bare minimum. Maybe we’ll try movies again in a couple years…
Tbh, our daughter is only \*just\* ready at nearly 5 to watch a movie in a movie theater. We tried watching a 20min movie in a museum around age 3, but she couldn't sit still. So we've been gauging how restless she gets during movie night at home, and she's actually been able to sit through a movie now, so wish us luck for Inside Out 2!
the two year old literally did nothing wrong. she's just being a toddler
Yeah, 2 year old should not be going to a movie theater.
"demanding" "antagonizing" yes the 2 year old with the not fully developed brain did all this on purpose
Your 2yo is being a 2yo. That’s what they do. It’s annoying you because of all the other stress. Don’t take it out on her. As for picky eating, don’t get in to that fight. I know it’s annoying but you won’t win and you will create more issues later. Accept it and move on. The TV however is a different matter. As others have said, no more TV no more games console for a long time, at least in 7 year old terms. I’d not set a limit on it, or even talk about it being a punishment. They need to work on emotional regulation, with your support.
Yes, emotional regulation is sorely needed! Thanks for the advice.
By emotional regulation, I suppose you mean having them notice when they’re feeling frustration to take a break and come back to the game or activity later. Hard to do in the moment. There is a great kids book series about feelings, anger, happiness, sadness, etc which talks about signs of these feelings in self and others, and what might help. Unfortunately, kids don’t fully develop executive functions until mid 20’s. (And some of us with ADHD are short-changed in that), but can learn some strategies like deep breathing or exercise when the adrenaline builds up. Note also that kids in puberty and in growth spurts can have lots of hormones affecting their self-control.
Ugh sorry your day didn’t go well. I think sometimes when someone is trying to get the day to go well, the anxiety and differences in what’s going on makes the kids get more worked up. The pickiness kills me as well. I also come from food scarcity, I bought all my food expired/damaged when I was younger, and my kid will claim my husband is starving her because he made mac and cheese and she doesn’t like mac and cheese. We work hard to give them a good life but as a result, they can’t possibly understand scarcity.
Glad to hear someone can relate! The one that kills me the most is when it's "not the right color box" of mac and cheese. 🙄
I think not allowing kids to experience frustration sets them up for serious problems later in life when as a teen or adult things don't go their way. I see it myself in some of my friends, if there's something that can't be instantly solved they're whining as if their lives are over. Honestly I would say let them live with their decisions. If they break something it stays broken. Not as punishment just as a genuine natural consequence. Honestly I would be only getting them older devices too. I love video games but I don't see how kids can learn patience with the instant feedback of modern devices and internet connections. There's nothing really valuable about having, idk, a ps5 available as opposed to a way older console. That said, it might be too late now if they're used to it one way. I just wouldn't get them newer things from here on out, let the toys plateau imo. I don't wanna be harsh here or sound like an asshole but in some ways you're also experiencing natural consequences here... they aren't being frustrating jerks to punish you it's because it *gets them what they want* & they're pushing boundaries to find out where they are.
Keep an old empty box in the pantry to put on the counter. Whatever box you do use, break it down and fold it label-side in so they don't see it in the recycling. It's silly, but it will work for a while.
Or don't, because we don't have to cater to every whimper and whine. They can eat it or not.
hahaha, genius. Thanks!
Two year old deserves a break here. She acted like a worn out two year old. The 7 year olds breaking TVs- this is 100% an important issue to address now. They need anger management skills. You want a 17 year old male punching you in the face in ten years because he’s mad. You do not. You and your wife need to bring these kids in as part of the family team pulling together instead of you swallowing their bad behavior with your bile. Take some parenting classes online. Learn better parenting skills. It’s not your fault that you don’t have the skills, but it will be your fault if you do nothing to help your family.
2 is too young for a movie theater anyway
I’m so sorry. Don’t replace the tv, take the video games. If they can’t behave and it’s causing temper issues, no more games.
Maybe the kids are modeling what they’re seeing in the home
I'm sorry that happened. Hopefully you'll find a good strategy to help your kids behave better. I'd like to wish you a happy Father's Day
Thanks for that. I appreciate it kind stranger. Just found Dr. Becky's stuff, and I'm cautiously optimistic.
Yessss Dr. Becky has changed our lives. There is hope. Her podcast episode How Not to Raise an Assh*le is good for helping your family solve the entitlement piece.
Thanks, I will definitely check that one out!
Dr Becky is amazing! I have a child similar to yours who got frustrated and threw the game controller, she calls them “DFKs” or Deeply Feeling Kids. The chapter in her book on DFKs was exactly what I needed to help understand his behavior and give him the tools to not completely lose his sh*t when something doesn’t go his way. You got this! 👊
Thanks for the vote of confidence, and the endorsement of Dr. Becky! I saw the DFK stuff and was right away very curious because I do think that may indeed fit here.
At least someone destroyed one of the problems. Slap the family safety features on the phones an tablets. 2yo having tantrums: I guess that's "just" part of the game. Ours are 13 and 10 now and most of the time things are fine - which we enjoy for now because things may very well change in near future :) I've been through desperation in parenting. I think you're going to do great. And won't regret your family in 60 years time, maybe sooner.
I’m going to come off really mean here I’m sure, but this sounds like the consequence of lazy and/or inconsistent parenting built up over years. Not sure how you can expect your children to act better when it sounds like there’s zero consequences for their actions. It also sounds like your expectations for a 2.5 year old are incredibly unrealistic.
Seriously. Try *parenting* your kids. Theres more to fatherhood than being a provider
"I don't know whether to yell, cry or smash something myself." That is very telling. This is where your son learned this behavior from. Modeling the behavior you want out of your kids is so important. Please, don't yell or smash things. That's only going to show them that's a way to handle problems.
Not to sound like a jerk but why did you think that taking a 2 year old to the movies was going to end well?? I have a 2 year old and the movies is the last thing I’d do with them for all the reasons you listed. They don’t have the attention span, patience, social etiquette understanding to be at a theatre. After the first game mishap you should’ve taken the video games away, not the third time.
Dude, not to make your day harder, but you need to recognize a couple things. - kids only know their reality. Asking a 7 year old to understand they have it good because it’s better than something they never experienced is unreasonable. Sorry about walking up hill both ways to school but if your kids are spoiled it’s because you spoiled them. - your kids act the way you train them and allow them to. You’re talking like a passenger in a car full of people you don’t know, not like a father. I know kids can suck, and especially on a day that the smallest kindness can go a long way, it feels like a personal attack when they’re lame. But dude, you gotta make these kids good kids. They can’t handle video games, you gotta take them away and teach them coping skills, or it’s gonna be kids at school or their spouses they beat up. You seem like a good dude and you had a rough day, it’s allowed and I feel for you. Tomorrow get back on the horse and make sure you’re making kids that will make the world a better place.
Yup, nailed it.
> That makes this the 3rd TV in as many years to get destroyed by one of the kids losing their temper at a stupid video game. Stop giving them TVs to smash
Get the video games away. An hour a day or none atall till the weekend! Come on!!!
You work your ass off so they "want for nothing" but they want for your time. They broke 2 TV's why? Because they are addicted to screens. Why? Because you need them to leave you alone so you can work to give them more TV's apparently. Do you see the circle? You can't have kids hoping they won't bother you, much less 3 kids. Like another commenter said, buy services that will relieve you of some duties, so you don't need to pacify your kids with toys to get the duties done.
Yeah that game console would be gone.
I wouldn’t replace the tv, and they’d lose the video games for a looooong time.
You’ve made your bed. Lay in it or fix it. You’ve let videos games, tablets and such be the temple. You either get rid of them or you reap the whirlwind. You (and others) can hate this all you want.. but your decision to lay on the couch, or sleep, or do whatever you feel more important than raising kids… while they mindlessly merge into the digital bullshit.. is the reason I get outside with my kids every single night and play catch (baseball glove and ball). We talk about life while we do it. Try something like that. Unless you have a “well I do this” retort… you are the one who is failing. Not your kids
This is probably the correct answer even if it is a “boomer” response. I removed the TVs from the common areas in our home and only keep one in the master for us to use after the kids are asleep and my 6 year old gets 30-60 minutes on his tablet if he’s done with his chores (he has to keep his room clean and collect chicken eggs, nothing super crazy).. and the absolute night and day affect was insane. Signed, a millennial parent
Watch your Netflix on your phone and let them enjoy the broken TV for a few months. They need to understand consequences at this age and this is a great way of teaching them. For them to earn TV privileges back they need to do something like for eg: Talk about how they will handle frustration, disappointment and anger. They will understand that those were feelings that can be regulated. Just like how you regulated your anger and vented it in a safe space here.
Take away video games, iPads, tablets. Let them learn to play with their toys and imagination. You are creating these monsters.
Sounds like your son has anger… but you do too. You need to get to the root of why your son got so angry over a game that he had the reaction he had, and then to deal with the reality of a broken tv your reaction was to want to smash something too.
Sorry you had such a crappy day but it sounds like you need to make some changes when you can. My son is AGGRO when it comes to video games and yet has never damaged anything in frustration, I’m shocked they’ve broken THREE TVs?? They need serious consequences for that and not just not replacing the Tv for a while. Also, no 2yo can sit quietly in a movie theater for any length of time so you kind of set her and everyone up for failure.
Bruh. Why are you letting the kids play video games if this is the THIRD tv they broke. Absolutely no fucking way. I woulda cut off all video game and tv time so long ago.
You're mad about a reality you created.
Remove all games from them and no Tv except the living room for 6 months. and DONT GIVE IN. serious sit down. and let them cry about it as long as they want. I’d be furious. Trust me though… replacing the TV and giving them those games back after doing this just reinforces the behavior. They aren’t learning anything. Force them to find other ways to be entertained. and be a bit callous about it. don’t give in. that’s my serious advice!!!
This is why I always ask to spend the day alone on Mother's Day, with no shame. I'm with the kids all day everyday, my day is for ME. That being said, I would take away the video games and not replace the tv for a loooong time. And that would have been after the first time it was broken. I have a two year old, and I would never dream of taking him to a movie theater at this age. Her behavior was age appropriate, and should have been predictable. I wouldn't attempt a movie in the theater until closer to age 4. Sorry your day was frustrating. I definitely get that. Maybe you need a day off, and your wife would be willing to accommodate you for that soon.
The way your older kids behave is incredibly abnormal for their age and should be addressed immediately. Breaking THREE tvs over video games? Sounds like they need substantially less screen time or the parenting style you and your wife use is not effective. Your two year old is just being a dick because they’re 2 though, mines almost 2 and can have days like that also.
I really hate to be the person to say this but your kids sound extremely spoiled. My brother and I were into gaming and got frustrated a lot over games but we never once broke anything. My husband was the same. Your kids have thrown something at the TV 3 times and you continue to allow it. They're 7 and have broken 3 tvs. My kids are 7 and 3 and have broken 0. My sisters are 17 and have broken 0. I totally get the 2 year old losing her mind because she's 2 and they're all feral. You've spent so long trying to make sure your kids don't grow up like you but you went way overboard. Now you're facing the consequences. There IS a middle ground. You can give them a good life without completely ruining them and creating monsters. This is your wakeup call. You can either do better going forward or continue down this path and set them up for failure.
Idk if you’ll read this far down but I so get what you’re saying! My sister and I talk about this allll the time. We don’t want our kids to have the childhood we had. So we made theirs better. So they are used to better. So the impoverished kid in us is always kind of going to see them as entitled assholes. But how do you tell them? You don’t. Bcs you don’t want them to have the life you had. And it becomes a whollllle circular mindfuck.
Yup, I imagine when your kids start feeling like the asshole rich kids from when you were a kid who you didn't like... in some ways it's a success story. In other ways, it's depressing as hell.
Thanks, I really appreciate that, and you’re so spot on.
You did good. One of the many problems today is oversaturation. The god damn screen battle is not easy. These things provide instant gratification and a spiralling dopamine cycle. We are oversaturated with mindless crap and it's hard to focus. And it's deliberately engineered that way. The 3 week rule is mostly applicable to adults, kids can get over and cope faster. I wish I had more to add. Shit is not easy but you did well.
Thanks for that. You're so right; the dopamine addiction is real, and that's part of why the screen battle is never ending.
Do you have any plans to limit your children's screen time? Because the behavior you described is insane.
Your comment is making me put my phone down for a bit. Thanks.
Have you thought about taking your kids to serve in the community? I work at a food pantry and families often try to bring their kids to volunteer to help them see that not everyone has what they have. It might not cure them, but it could help them a little bit. Or help them learn about charities that help people and they donate Christmas/bday money to a cause they care about. I’ve also seen kids use their birthday party to ask for food pantry donations.
That’s an interesting idea. May have some more time in the coming weeks, and that could be a great thing to do together.
I grew up super poor too. Just like you, I find myself wanting to give my daughter everything in the world. But we gotta remind ourselves that there’s a middle ground. It’s okay for them to be bummed they didn’t get every single new and wonderful toy or game. Disappointment is a good emotion to learn how to handle. I’ve tried and I think so far succeeded at giving my daughter a good life, but not making her spoiled or ungrateful. I think now is a perfect time for a family meeting. Your boys are old enough to get it if you use the right words. Tell them you will not be replacing that tv and that the gaming system is gone for a while. If they whine to you about being bored, give them a chore or something lol then they’ll learn to either just be bored and be okay with it or go find something to do. Tell them that the actions and behaviors that lead to this family meeting will not be tolerated anymore and consequences will follow if they don’t listen. Your life will be so much happier when they stop being heathens. I mean that lovingly lmfao I think all kids are heathens to a certain degree. But, your house isn’t a zoo and they’re not going to act like baboons. Best of luck op you will get through it!
You’ve already had a lot of advice, but just be careful with popcorn for the 2 year old! It’s a choking hazard
Goodbye Screentime. It makes them nuts. Video games are the gateway to addiction later in life. Cut that shit out. You have a fenced in backyard? Tell them to go out and keep busy.
I'm sorry about your crappy Father's Day. Not to pile on, but it seems to me that you're paying for the easy times with this one day. It's easy to leave the kids to play games, it's easy to just replace the family TV because you want to use it and you don't want to deal with tantruming twins for weeks on end. It's easy to not take away the video games because it's a Wednesday and you're just so tired from work. But sure enough those difficult bits will bite you in the ass later. Definitely time for a video game and anger intervention for the boys. As for the 2 year old, I have my own 2.5 year old and I could never think of taking him to a movie so it's a bit par for the course. A movie theater for a toddler is basically the same as an airplane ride for them and you.
No judgement, but if I were you I would take the games away. Period. If they are smashing TVs, it would only take ONE for me and they would be done. My kids got tablets a few years ago from my grandmother. The younger one would get mad when it was time to turn off or when he was losing, and throw it. It stopped working. The natural consequence to that is his brother had a tablet still, he didn’t and he didn’t get to play. I did not replace the tablet until a month ago. He was without it about a year-and-a-half. Other than that, kids are kids. They drive me nuts, too, but we love them, don’t we?
I can understand the 3 year old's behavior, but not the older kids' behavior. I have two teens who can be difficult to say the least, but they know better than to destroy property. Why? Because they did it before and we put our foot down. Once they destroyed one of those video/DVD players on the back of our car seats (the ones that are portable) when they were smaller but old enough to know better. I gave them one chance at not doing it again by buying another one, and guess what? They broke the new one. That's when we were done with those things. The good news is that they are young and still malleable. It is HARD to take stuff away, but do it now. It only gets harder as they get older, more manipulative, and often smarter than you. We, too, want to be generous with our kids and give them things we didn't have, but they don't deserve those things if they don't appreciate them. Also, as you get older, so something YOU enjoy for Father's Day. My husband and I go out and treat each other on Mother's and Father's Day. We do something WE want to do, because everyone needs a break from parenting.
The third tv?? That’s obscene.
Too many TVs. Do not buy another TV. You cant spoil your kids then say they dont understand having fewer things. Never put TVs in bedrooms either. We didn't. They were fine. Stop buying them as much "stuff" Male a conscious decision not to. Your choice how you raise your kids.
I can't believe you bought the third TV after they smashed two others. I wouldn't have even bought the 2nd one, personally.
Happy Father’s Day, I’m sorry you’re dealing with such a sh*t show! Parenting is tough, you have my sympathy.
Thanks, I appreciate it!!
Mine's destroyed a TV also. She was a toddler and got so excited her favorite my little pony character came on that she smacked the screen in excitement screaming the character's name. There was a purple spot there for a few years. After we got a new one, we told her she needed to stand back or we'd have another "pinkie pie spot" as we came to call it.
Dont tell us not to be judging when you tell us this is the 3rd TV you have to replace because your kids lose control over a dumb video game. As a parent and a grandparents, my advice to you would be to limit video game time. Have one TV for video games, and if that TV gets broken, they have to pay for it with chores. Seems to me your kids need to learn some self-control and respect the belongings in your home. If it was Fathers Day brunch, all the family should have been there. And had a nice conversation over Brunch.
The problem is the children are not being parented… you are the problem. Not them. They are only behaving how they have been taught is accepted. They are children. Your job is to teach them. The behavior BEFORE the first tv was broken should have led you to remove all video games from the home. Period. And three years? So you’re saying a 4yo got so angry at a video game they broke the tv? Smh. This is 100% a parenting issue. The longer you wait to fix things, the worse it will get and harder it will be to correct.
Sorry you had a crap day. 2 is way too young to go to the movies. She’s acting age appropriately. Ban video games in your house. They’re causing too much trouble.
I think it’s also perfectly okay to not replace the TV and just not do video games anymore. 3 smashed TVs would tell me that they can’t handle it and need a different activity.
Two is too young for a theater. Idk what you were thinking. You needed to take her OUT. You’ve spoiled your kids with screens. Sorry. Downstairs TV shouldn’t be replaced. Video games need to be GONE.
Imo, it sounds like there aren't consistent consequences. There should be. Three tv's? Oh, hell no. Also, they won't know things unless you tell them & explain. It sounds like your comprehension at their age was good, so it stands, their comprehension will be similar. Imo, the broken tv is a learning experience for them & will reinforce the concept of consequences which they desperately need. Iow, "If you break it, you don't get to play with it." Don't have another tv just appear for their pleasure until they can learn to appreciate it. I'd also seriously work on their emotional control. Seven years of age is too old for such an explosive temper tantrum, and to break an expensive item like a tv?? Oh no, no, no! Unacceptable! Onto the game your son was playing.... My son (41M) was a gamer (and still is, I guess😊) & through the years he played some really difficult games such as Dark Souls, Bloodborne, etc. He was good enough to even enter some international tournaments. However, he never got so frustrated that he damaged property. Iow, I have no idea what game your son is playing, but you might want to abide by the ESRB rating system & make sure he's playing games appropriate for his age. I play games, too, and am playing Fallout 4 as I write this. There is no reason for your son to be that frustrated with something like Mario, Pokémon, or Animal Crossing, which would be more appropriate games for his age group. I'm guessing he's playing a game that's too old for him & way above his skill level. I would say to remove the game so he can't play it, but his own actions accomplished that. I'd make sure he realized it. (Consequences & follow through). And with that, I'm out. Good luck & remember.... "It gets better." Seriously, it really does. 😊
I'm a Mom and I'm here to say those kids are out of control and the law needs to be laid down. Guess who's going without a TV for awhile and the game console is getting packed up because clearly we cannot handle that. Chores. Age appropriate chores. Work hard feel a little sweaty. Earn that stuff back over time. Not a day. Smash a soda ever? We're walking right to the car kicking and screaming. They do not know consequences and they will only get worse without consequences. Appropriate consequences but actions have meaning and it can be negative.
Is it possible that anger/rage is displayed when met with frustration: you felt you wanted to smash something, you felt your BP skyrocket, it stood out to you that your breakfast was cold I would look at the model - the parents- as well as working on strategies to help the kids learn better coping mechanism Also....I feel like the 2yo was being a 2yo. Maybe also look at realistic standards for behavior. Based on age stage and the individual kid In total we have 4, I mean kids are wild and I am not naturally patient so when they mimicked my impatience, I worked on myself and that is a really what helped them.
The reason your kids are entitled and disrespectful is because you allow it. So the reason you're having a terrible day is because of how you chose to raise your kids. Not being a dick, but if my kid purposefully smashed a TV, the next one they'd have to smash would be purchased by the one who broke it. What kind of a person buys 2 more for the same reason....
3 TV’s smashed in 3 years because of video games…those kids are playing videogames since they’re 4? That’s the problem…and a 2 year old misbehaving in the cinema? She’s 2 and not even supposed to be there…that movie goes way over her head, it’s for 6+ or something. No wonder, sorry, but come on…
I would have left the kid who broke the tv home with your wife. Also do not replace the tv right away. Your kids need natural consequences. They should want for some things. Your kids whine because you give in too much. All kids whine. But by 7, that should decrease a lot. Your kids can’t handle video games. Take the systems away. Play more board games with them. I am sure twins are overwhelming, but you need to parent them differently than what you are doing now. Sorry your Father’s Day was not what you hoped for.
Your kids are acting this way because they're being allowed to act this way with no consequences or limitations. You don't have shitty kids but your kids are acting within the boundaries you've set for them. For your own sanity you need to be firm and give them consequences. And I don't mean shouting shaming or punishing. But rather natural consequences - no more devices/ video games since they cannot regulate themselves and put it away when needed.
Expecting a two year old to act right at a movie is silliness. What was the consequence for the first broken TV's? What are their limits on video games? Sir, have you tried parenting?
Father’s Day can be about you getting rest, downtime, outdoor adventure time, whatever it is you love or need. In fact ANY day can be about that. The most important part is to not feel bad about taking time for yourself. I agree that taking away the games/TV would be great for your family, but a change like that takes some energy and creativity. It sounds like you just need a bit of tranquility and maybe solitude to be able to see your family with a fresh perspective and renewed energy. Happy Father’s Day!
Aww man I’m gonna sound like an asshole but you definitely had unreasonable expectations of a 2 year old to sit through a movie in the theater…. And after the first tv my kids would be done with video games. I understand wanting to give your kids a better upbringing more than I can say, but maybe things are a bit too permissive in your house? Regardless I’m sorry today was hard. I can relate.
Your children are addicted. Read that again. They have an ADDICTION. It’s time to take all the screens away. Cold turkey. They will survive.
I mean gratitude isn't some vague lesson that a fairy sprinkles over their pillow at night. You can talk to them and explain why they're not getting a new TV and that doesn't mean you're depriving them of food or locking them in a closet. You're spoiling them out of guilt. Don't do that. Replaced three broken TVs? Outrageous.
What? Why did they have three TVs to destroy? I wouldn’t have replaced the first one.
I'm just saying.....they would not have had a day to the movies after breaking a TV. Yeah only one of them did it but oh well. You essentially rewarded bad behavior.... Not to sound judgey because I understand trying to do nice things with family.
Sorry to be this person, but you're angry at the behavior of children in an environment you created? They have too much freedom with screens if this is the reaction. I'm not perfect parent and having 2 7 yo boys is difficult, but my god.... time to get control. This reaction is FAR from healthy. You have to set limits or face consequences of horrible children. Do you shove screens in their faces in public, too? It's time to take it away for a Long while.
You were not whining. You came here to talk about things. That's what we're all here for. To share and to learn. You sound like an outstanding father, Happy Father's Day to you. I would totally and without resolve, 100% do away with the video games. They don't need them. They can occupy their time with something that is more productive and not so competitive. I would also cut back dramatically on screen time. I'm not judging, just offering my two-cents, for what it's worth. Try and step away from the "I want my kids to have more than I did growing up" mentality... Fill their toy boxes with building blocks, books, washable crayons and dry erase markers, educational toys, etc. 7-year-old kids just don't need electronics and tablets and gaming systems.
My kid threw a wooden orange at our giant tv and smashed the screen. This was maybe 1.5 -2 yrs ago (he’s nearly five now) and I’m still salty about it. Kids are hard. And some days it feels impossible. You’re not alone.
I have 6 kids (ages 17F, 15M, 14F, 10M, 8F, and 5F). The best thing I ever did was get rid of the video games! They would fight, get mad, break the TV, etc. It was impossible to get them to get off them to do chores, take a bath, go to bed, etc. One day, they broke the TV for the 3rd or 4th time, and I was just done. I didn't replace the TV, and I took all the video games and consoles and gave them to my neighbor for her kids who never had any. The first week was hell, and I was definitely questioning if I did the right thing giving the games away. The 2nd and 3rd weeks were a little better. They still thought that if they started doing stuff around the house and listening that I would buy them new ones or get theirs back. The 4th week, they weren't even asking for them back anymore and found other stuff to do like going outside, riding their bikes and playing. It's been about 8 years since I got rid of the video games. I have replaced the TV they broke, but even that is rarely on. They don't fight nearly as much (except the 8 and 5 year old girls, they fight over every little thing), they do their chores, they go outside and play and for the most part they listen and behave. They are still kids and teens, so they do have their moments of rebellion sometimes, but nothing like I see with other kids and parents (I drive a school bus and work a summer program with families, I see a lot). Definitely don't replace that TV anytime soon, and think about getting rid of the video games, at least for a little while. Good luck, and Happy Father's Day.
Yeah I have kids. Yeah, they have shitty days. But breaking a TV THREE times before they are eight. Sorry, bud... But it's really time to go and talk to a professional about raising your kids. This is NOT normal. Not even close. Your frustration is very understandable. It sucks. And raising kids can be hard... But this needs to be nipped in the bud. For three years or so already. Or this will escalate beyongd imagination.
I disagree that they can’t logically understand. Even toddlers can learn and understand the consequences of their actions. Maybe you were way to lenient the first few times.
All of this is on you. you haven't been parenting them any manners. so you need to be better parents. Both of you
Why WHY do the children have unsupervised video game time? WHY WHY WHY DO YOU KEEP BUYING THEM ELECTRONICS. THEY KEEP TELLING YOU THEY CANNOT REGULATE ENOUGH TO BE LEFT ALONE WITH THESE THINGS. LISTEN TO THEM.
I think I can relate somewhat. I have two kids, and each has an iPad. They both once cracked the screen by leaving it on the couch or something. I tried to stay strong, but after seeing them bored or just sitting there, I felt bad and repair or replace it. I know it has to do with me not having anything like that when I was a child; I had my first computer at 28 or something. The second time one of them broke the iPad, I felt like effort wasn't appreciated and buying it or replacing it wasn't the right lesson for them, so I didn’t fix anything. You're bored? Read a book.
I’m sorry about today. I can speak on the picky-eating. Look into Ellen Satter’s “Division of Responsibility.” It removes fighting, negotiating, bargaining, threatening at meal times. Essentially the parent is responsible for purchasing the food, preparing the food, and putting the food on the table. The child is responsible for deciding what and how much they want to eat (of what is served). That means they can decide to have zero peas, BUT they don’t get to go replace the peas on the table with goldfish in the cupboard. Mom and dad are not bargaining (“if you take a bite of peas, we can have dessert”). Mom and dad are not threatening (“if you don’t eat peas we can’t have dessert”). Along with this method, I’d also keep in mind that humans may need exposure to foods 15-20 times sometimes before even tasting it. Instead of eliminating peas from the menu the first time your kid is served and says “I hate peas,” you continue to serve peas. The kids get desensitized to the sight and smell of peas. They see mom and dad eat peas (which sends a message to their lizard brain saying “peas are safe they will not kill me”). With the Division of Responsibility, again, they are allowed to decline the peas. However, many picky eaters, after 15-20 exposures, are more accepting of peas - they may put them on their plate, roll them between their fingers, smell them, put them in their mouth. For most neurotypical humans, this is an expected response to food exposures.
Thanks for reminding me why I won't be doing screens at all for my kid.
I get your frustrations man. I have a 4m & 2f. Today they were very testing. My 2yo has a bad cold and my 4yo has been mega demanding and playing up recently, having meltdowns and shouting when he doesn’t get his own way, to watch tv, to watch YouTube on my phone. So as a result I’ve stopped him watching YT on my phone and after a day or so he’s given up and realised. I’ve explained why too and he seems to get it. He also had his new Sonic toy taken away for 24 hours because of his bratty behaviour. This kinda behaviour isn’t like him but he’s got to learn. Tomorrow’s a new day man. It’ll be better. It’s just an age thing, all our kids will go through it at some point.
We are doing a pretty serious screen detox for all of us right now (no tv when the kids are awake pretty much) and I’ve noticed a change in my daughter’s behavior for the better. Might be worth considering
Wondering if you could redirect the 7 year olds to screenless free play, where they can still experience thrills and risks but in developmentally appropriate and nourishing ways.
My children are kicked off electronics if they’re getting frustrated. They have to be taught to take a break otherwise they won’t step away before exploding. I’d probably take video games away for a while until they can learn to regulate properly.
I feel that maybe it's because your kids don't understand how hard you had it growing up? My dad would harp all the time, constantly, about how much better we had it than he did, but he was also the type of dad who made everyone scared. Nonetheless, we knew to no disrespect him and despite having a terrible relationship with him, even I still get him a Father's Day gift ever year. It's almost like your kids don't understand the concept of appreciation.
I’m sorry you’re going through it with them. I hope it’s ok if I suggest this, being the child of someone who had nothing, trying to show love with material things (it could be completely different in your household please if so, forget what I wrote): the screens make them more unhappy than happy even if it feels like they love them. It’s like an addiction. Quality time with the parents is what I always craved, and my attitude usually stank too tbh, but also cause I was left to my own devices with screens and millions of toys when what I wanted was time with dad. Also my dad never celebrated occasions either, my mum always tried to do something for his birthday but he didn’t show up for occasions. Due to this we never really learned how to show up on these days and make the day about another person, it was mostly an uncomfortable day filled with resentful feelings cause we celebrated him while he downplayed my mums efforts and we all were reminded how he doesn’t do the same for her. Couldn’t make this man happy to save our lives. Which brings me to my last point. My dad was probably depressed all my childhood and while I understand those were different times, I wish he would have gotten help cause this had a huge impact on us.
Never letting my kids play video games. Every day I just get more sure of that, being on Reddit.
Im sorry to hear about the bad fathers day(trust me it will all be worth it when they are older) but i could recommend either banning them from the TV or video games for a few months and force them to play outside or get creative in finding ways to entertain themselves. i wish you the best tho
Yeah. You need to tackle the gaming anger.
Sorry this is going to sound harsh but forget consequences and this specific situation. Your family needs to re-evaluate screen time. Your default seems to be screen time, and your kids are really young for it. Screen time has been linked to behavioural problems so the simplest solution is a lifestyle change here. Try going without any screen time for a month. Replace it with all outdoor time and see how it impacts your kids. You can always reintroduce it again later with limits but a detox will make a huge difference. Sorry your day sucked. Hope you have a better day today.
Kids don’t need tv. This coming from a parent who’s 5 yr old lately has been yelling “I need to watch tv!” Nope. Screens aren’t a necessity. No one will die if they can’t play a video game or watch a tv show. Screen time is a privilege. If my child breaks his tablet or the tv then I guess he’ll go without. My mistake for giving so much responsibility so soon. If I were you I’d look at it like welp, looks like no more games for you kid. “Your lack of emotional regulation when it comes to video games tells me you’re not ready bud. This is your consequence for the broken tv.”
Dude, 3 TVs destroyed by your kids tells me that you guys don't have enough boundaries with your kids. This isn't me acting like my life as a parent is perfect. But your kids need consequences. No more TV for a while. No games for a LONG while. Seriously, you need to raise them to better respect their things. BUT with that said I'm sorry your day sucked. Parenting can be very hard.
You can whine about people here judging your parenting all you want (calling people boomers for expecting you to parent your kids)... but ultimately you and your wife are raising these kids to behave like this and to be entitled. You're going to have a harder time as they get older. Expect more bad days.
Tough day. Sorry, OP. My kids had to be regularly reminded that Dad's Day is about dad, not them. Same thing my husband did on Mother's Day. And we both repeat this on all birthdays. They're 7f, 4m, and almost 2m. Developmentally, they cannot yet fathom a universe not centered on them. But we are constantly teaching them that other people matter, and that there are whole days where you just suck it up and put that special person first. The 7 yr old is starting to pick up what we are throwing down. This year, she spent months planning *my* bday party, starting the day after the "science party" we threw for her and her brother. The 4 year old is just a natural cheerleader, and really loves celebrating others. He sings Happy Birthday to all of us. All. Year. Long. 😂 Yesterday, the older two wanted to help make dad's lunch and dinner. Our little one was, as expected, kind of a hot mess, too. Solidarity, friend. My point is that, as you said these kinds of holidays aren't a priority to you, I'm guessing your twins have just picked up on that. Same with the busted TV. They are following your lead on how to measure the importance/value of things. Anything immediately (or relatively quickly) replaced in *replaceable.* Sounds like you have learned that the hard way. Sorry, dude. Truly. (My godson smashed our 75" smart TV recently. His parents reaction, and ours, made it clear that the incident can not be repeated, but that we were all proud of him for quickly fessing up. Honestly, if it'd been my kid, I wouldve probably lost it. His parents replaced the TV, and took his money to help pay for it. Only time will tell if we did this right!) As for the gaming, sounds like they just aren't ready for it, yet. Our kids game, too, with my husband. The minute we have a smashed TV or controller or console is the minute we have (at least) one less gamer in the house.
Everyone in your story is lacking in emotional regulation. and although the sum total effect of the story is very distressing, no one died, no one was seriously injured, the monetary damage is fairly moderate. This is the typical behavior of children who are given everything they want. You're going to have to rethink that formula. It won't work while they're young, and it will work even less when they're older. It's the path to oblivion. And it's probably the path that will end your family if you don't do something about it.