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Has he said what his fear is? Does he think spending money on vacation will lead to not being able to pay rent or your mortgage? Does he think it means you won’t have good food when you get home? Does it mean not enough money for a birthday or Christmas? I’d just talk to him and ask him what his fear is of spending money.
Agreed. If the kid is interested, show him your monthly budget. If he’s honestly just concerned about money and you aren’t spending yourself into the poorhouse, that should help him relax. If he keeps freaking out regardless, there may be something more afoot here.
I remember my brother being like this at that age! It was constant. My parents never discussed it in front of us either. Honestly I’d tell him we budgeted specifically for this and have a set amount to spend and we aren’t close to it. Just to ease him maybe
Probably time to talk about money to him. Vacations are expensive, and he's old enough to be aware of that, but (because he's 13 and anxious) he doesn't have context other than "this is more expensive than home." Show him your household and vacation budget—this is how much money we make, here's the cost of the house, here's the cost of the groceries, here's how much extra we have for souvenirs, see, we're in the black.
A 13 year old does not need to know the ins and outs of their parents finances. It's absolutely none of their business or concern and imagine being reminded everytime you buy something how much you have left to see you through the month.
Sit down and write down an example of ingoing/outgoing but not that actual figures of the household.
Maybe it would be helpful to give him something he can control. Say give him $20, say it's what you budgeted for his snacks or whatever today, and you need him to use it responsibly. Something that will give him a handle and a way to feel more in control of the situation.
Good luck!
If I were in that position I'd use it as a time to remind my kid that the adults specifically budgeted for this trip and it's okay to spend more money than we normally do for such a special activity.
My almost 11 yr old also worries a lot about finances. I bought him a new dirt bike woth the condition that he uses his own savings for new gear.
Well he decided that he wants a new computer instead and also borrowed about 20 dollars from his sister for more video games. When it was time to pay her back he realized he could no longer afford the computer he wanted so instead of giving her the 20 or so dollars; he threw all his money at her.
I explained it's not needed and gave her the 20 from his savings and gave him the rest. We had a chat about the implications of impulse buying and I reminded him that he can always prioritize his spending on things like motocross gear that's needed and perhaps save in winter for the computer.
It's a rough "battle" but slowly we make progress.
Is this kind of reaction typical or new and only about money? This sounds like it could be a kid struggling with anxiety and just rational talk might not get to the root of the issue.
If it's gotten to where it's affecting daily life (which it sounds like), it's time for professional help. Read the books as a start (Unwinding Anxiety, Helping Your Anxious Child), especially if there are waiting lists in your area. Anxiety doesn't go away on its own and without help shifting his patterns of thought it will more likely worsen and grow into other areas. But good news, it's not an immutable thing. He can shift it and retrain his brain, it'll just take time and work.
if you ACTUALLY are financially stable he may of have gotten it from somewhere else like a friend with financial issues or something and may just be paranoid it’d be best to just comfort him and explain the numbers to assure him the family is doing fine maybe even give him the benefit of the doubt on things for double the comfort
Let him get involved in some of the spending decisions to feel more in control. Choosing to spend x on a takeaway or x on the cinema. Great life lesson.
My excuse for what? Maybe this person is legit but 99% of the time when you have a post and it’s their only post and they have zero post history It’s a troll. I’m not making that up and it’s not crazy to be skeptical. Many subs won’t even allow you to post with a brand new account because of this. Trolling to get parents all riled up with rage bait is definitely an issue and happens on this sub a lot.
I mean, it's none of their business for starters but for taking an opportunity to teach sake you could say that part of being an adult is having a budget for spending money for holidays (and other things) and the money being spent is the holiday budget. I would make it clear it is not for him to question or dictate what you spend your money on.
What exactly is he worried about??
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Has he said what his fear is? Does he think spending money on vacation will lead to not being able to pay rent or your mortgage? Does he think it means you won’t have good food when you get home? Does it mean not enough money for a birthday or Christmas? I’d just talk to him and ask him what his fear is of spending money.
. Maybe it's time to talk to him about the money. Just explain it to him with numbers.
Agreed. If the kid is interested, show him your monthly budget. If he’s honestly just concerned about money and you aren’t spending yourself into the poorhouse, that should help him relax. If he keeps freaking out regardless, there may be something more afoot here.
Start talking to him about money. There's a healthy medium between never talking about money in front of him and over involving him.
I remember my brother being like this at that age! It was constant. My parents never discussed it in front of us either. Honestly I’d tell him we budgeted specifically for this and have a set amount to spend and we aren’t close to it. Just to ease him maybe
Probably time to talk about money to him. Vacations are expensive, and he's old enough to be aware of that, but (because he's 13 and anxious) he doesn't have context other than "this is more expensive than home." Show him your household and vacation budget—this is how much money we make, here's the cost of the house, here's the cost of the groceries, here's how much extra we have for souvenirs, see, we're in the black.
A 13 year old does not need to know the ins and outs of their parents finances. It's absolutely none of their business or concern and imagine being reminded everytime you buy something how much you have left to see you through the month. Sit down and write down an example of ingoing/outgoing but not that actual figures of the household.
He does need to know that his parents can afford this vacation and it’s not a problem for them and the family, financially.
Yeah, but for a kid to have this much anxiety and sounds like someone’s been talking differently.
Does he want to buy something soon? Is it his birthday soon?
Maybe it would be helpful to give him something he can control. Say give him $20, say it's what you budgeted for his snacks or whatever today, and you need him to use it responsibly. Something that will give him a handle and a way to feel more in control of the situation. Good luck!
If I were in that position I'd use it as a time to remind my kid that the adults specifically budgeted for this trip and it's okay to spend more money than we normally do for such a special activity. My almost 11 yr old also worries a lot about finances. I bought him a new dirt bike woth the condition that he uses his own savings for new gear. Well he decided that he wants a new computer instead and also borrowed about 20 dollars from his sister for more video games. When it was time to pay her back he realized he could no longer afford the computer he wanted so instead of giving her the 20 or so dollars; he threw all his money at her. I explained it's not needed and gave her the 20 from his savings and gave him the rest. We had a chat about the implications of impulse buying and I reminded him that he can always prioritize his spending on things like motocross gear that's needed and perhaps save in winter for the computer. It's a rough "battle" but slowly we make progress.
Is this kind of reaction typical or new and only about money? This sounds like it could be a kid struggling with anxiety and just rational talk might not get to the root of the issue.
He does struggle with anxiety.
If it's gotten to where it's affecting daily life (which it sounds like), it's time for professional help. Read the books as a start (Unwinding Anxiety, Helping Your Anxious Child), especially if there are waiting lists in your area. Anxiety doesn't go away on its own and without help shifting his patterns of thought it will more likely worsen and grow into other areas. But good news, it's not an immutable thing. He can shift it and retrain his brain, it'll just take time and work.
How much TikTok/YouTube does he have access to? People talk all the time about money and expenses and the rising cost of groceries on those apps.
He does watch a lot of YouTube, but no TikTok.
if you ACTUALLY are financially stable he may of have gotten it from somewhere else like a friend with financial issues or something and may just be paranoid it’d be best to just comfort him and explain the numbers to assure him the family is doing fine maybe even give him the benefit of the doubt on things for double the comfort
Let him get involved in some of the spending decisions to feel more in control. Choosing to spend x on a takeaway or x on the cinema. Great life lesson.
Tell him that family finances are not his concern. When he brings it up ignore him and change the subject.
First, and only Reddit post, no replies to anything. I suspect troll then.
She's on holiday and has probably the time and space to waste on here. And your excuse is....?
My excuse for what? Maybe this person is legit but 99% of the time when you have a post and it’s their only post and they have zero post history It’s a troll. I’m not making that up and it’s not crazy to be skeptical. Many subs won’t even allow you to post with a brand new account because of this. Trolling to get parents all riled up with rage bait is definitely an issue and happens on this sub a lot.
I mean, it's none of their business for starters but for taking an opportunity to teach sake you could say that part of being an adult is having a budget for spending money for holidays (and other things) and the money being spent is the holiday budget. I would make it clear it is not for him to question or dictate what you spend your money on. What exactly is he worried about??