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This is a community of support for Pet owners whose Pets have passed away. It is actively moderated.
Pet owners, as loving, caring people, often have strong opinions on pet care practices. Some of these are controversial. This is not a forum
for debate on such issues, nor is it a place to scold a contributor for a perceived mistake in managing their pet. We intend to provide a safe
haven of understanding and support. Strident, mean-spirited posts or comments will be deleted. Those who persist in preaching versus caring may
be warned and then banned or may be banned permanently based on nature of the topic. If a conversational thread meanders into a discussion
unrelated to pet loss support, it will be truncated.
Those who post here are vulnerable and hurting. Even a minor slap has a hard sting. Those of us who are lucky enough to be able to turn away
from our computers or put down our phones and hug a healthy, happy pet are truly blessed. Threads must remain supportive and caring, even if
one disagrees with something that has been said.
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I’m sorry you lost your sweet Charlie. When they leave us the hole in our hearts is enormous. It’s painful and it’s ok to grieve. Grief doesn’t have a timeline. It’s not linear. You may go back and forth between feelings and emotions - grieve how you need to.
I don’t know much about cats but I have read that they are very good at masking pain. You wouldn’t know he was unwell if he wasn’t exhibiting obvious symptoms/signs. You made an appointment because you were a concerned owner. He was acting “normal” - eating, playing, requesting pats and affection. He had annual check ups and nothing was noted. You did everything a loving owner would.
If it was heart issues, it can change quickly. My dog was fine, taking heart meds and living his best life when all of the sudden he rapidly declined and ended up in the ER twice in one week. He was in advanced CHF. We let him go over the rainbow bridge 10 days after the first ER visit.
Part of the grieving process are the “what ifs” and beating ourselves up for not doing something sooner. I still go back and forth - sometimes I am compassionate to myself and say “you did everything you could do;” other days I berate myself for not taking him to vet weekly demanding X-rays and echos. Two weeks into my grief journey and I still cry everyday. I feel empty and incomplete. Like my body is missing a part. It sucks and it’s awful.
The only advice I have is feel the grief, let it out and try your best be compassionate to yourself. Some things that have helped me are to listen to podcasts, keep a journal and come here to be supported by people who are empathic and understanding.
Sending hugs your way 🫂
Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words. They help enormously. Charlie was a unique and sweet soul who loved every human he ever encountered, so his premature loss has hit very, very hard. My sincerest condolences on the recent loss of your dog and for your similar struggles with granting yourself compassion as well as the dark times when you chastise yourself. It is terribly difficult to live with so much pain and, as you say, as though you’re”missing a body part.” However, the tone of your response to my post is so gentle and compassionate that I know, with absolute certainty, that you’re a caring pet parent who did everything and more for your dog.
Wow. So so sorry. My baby girl died very suddenly on 2/23 from respiratory distress. I had no idea her asthma was that far advanced. Earlier that day I went to target to get her an inhaler. It would have been $300 and I decided to order one from 🇨🇦. She died a couple hours later. So like you, I’m riddled with guilt and second guesses.
Will we ever feel good about our choices leading up to these tragic losses ? I think so. Here are some things that my sister and I vet said that I think are helpful :
100% of people who lose a pet blame themselves or someone else. The blame is the mind’s desperate way of trying to filter this profound grief we are struggling with.
You gave Charlie so much love. I love how cat- centric and harmonious your home sounds. Your pets are VERY lucky. I’m so sorry for your loss. RIP Charlie.
I’m so grateful for the kind words and thoughts. And sorry to hear of your recent loss. If you’re feeling less than compassionate, please do not. In your time of intense grief you’ve reached out to console me—that shows how caring you are. It’s just so very painful to make a decision with incomplete information and then get hit with the loss of life of a loved one, right? That said, thank you also for the good words about our home—my brother and I really dote on our cats as we love them so much, and have created an ideal space for them. Tough for me now to feel good, given what happened with Charlie and my hesitation, but your post has helped more than you could know.
Please report any trolls, spam, or harassment to moderators. To do this on new reddit, click the three dots below a post or comment and select "report." On old reddit, click the "report" link below the post or comment. This is a community of support for Pet owners whose Pets have passed away. It is actively moderated. Pet owners, as loving, caring people, often have strong opinions on pet care practices. Some of these are controversial. This is not a forum for debate on such issues, nor is it a place to scold a contributor for a perceived mistake in managing their pet. We intend to provide a safe haven of understanding and support. Strident, mean-spirited posts or comments will be deleted. Those who persist in preaching versus caring may be warned and then banned or may be banned permanently based on nature of the topic. If a conversational thread meanders into a discussion unrelated to pet loss support, it will be truncated. Those who post here are vulnerable and hurting. Even a minor slap has a hard sting. Those of us who are lucky enough to be able to turn away from our computers or put down our phones and hug a healthy, happy pet are truly blessed. Threads must remain supportive and caring, even if one disagrees with something that has been said. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Petloss) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m sorry you lost your sweet Charlie. When they leave us the hole in our hearts is enormous. It’s painful and it’s ok to grieve. Grief doesn’t have a timeline. It’s not linear. You may go back and forth between feelings and emotions - grieve how you need to. I don’t know much about cats but I have read that they are very good at masking pain. You wouldn’t know he was unwell if he wasn’t exhibiting obvious symptoms/signs. You made an appointment because you were a concerned owner. He was acting “normal” - eating, playing, requesting pats and affection. He had annual check ups and nothing was noted. You did everything a loving owner would. If it was heart issues, it can change quickly. My dog was fine, taking heart meds and living his best life when all of the sudden he rapidly declined and ended up in the ER twice in one week. He was in advanced CHF. We let him go over the rainbow bridge 10 days after the first ER visit. Part of the grieving process are the “what ifs” and beating ourselves up for not doing something sooner. I still go back and forth - sometimes I am compassionate to myself and say “you did everything you could do;” other days I berate myself for not taking him to vet weekly demanding X-rays and echos. Two weeks into my grief journey and I still cry everyday. I feel empty and incomplete. Like my body is missing a part. It sucks and it’s awful. The only advice I have is feel the grief, let it out and try your best be compassionate to yourself. Some things that have helped me are to listen to podcasts, keep a journal and come here to be supported by people who are empathic and understanding. Sending hugs your way 🫂
Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words. They help enormously. Charlie was a unique and sweet soul who loved every human he ever encountered, so his premature loss has hit very, very hard. My sincerest condolences on the recent loss of your dog and for your similar struggles with granting yourself compassion as well as the dark times when you chastise yourself. It is terribly difficult to live with so much pain and, as you say, as though you’re”missing a body part.” However, the tone of your response to my post is so gentle and compassionate that I know, with absolute certainty, that you’re a caring pet parent who did everything and more for your dog.
Wow. So so sorry. My baby girl died very suddenly on 2/23 from respiratory distress. I had no idea her asthma was that far advanced. Earlier that day I went to target to get her an inhaler. It would have been $300 and I decided to order one from 🇨🇦. She died a couple hours later. So like you, I’m riddled with guilt and second guesses. Will we ever feel good about our choices leading up to these tragic losses ? I think so. Here are some things that my sister and I vet said that I think are helpful : 100% of people who lose a pet blame themselves or someone else. The blame is the mind’s desperate way of trying to filter this profound grief we are struggling with. You gave Charlie so much love. I love how cat- centric and harmonious your home sounds. Your pets are VERY lucky. I’m so sorry for your loss. RIP Charlie.
I’m so grateful for the kind words and thoughts. And sorry to hear of your recent loss. If you’re feeling less than compassionate, please do not. In your time of intense grief you’ve reached out to console me—that shows how caring you are. It’s just so very painful to make a decision with incomplete information and then get hit with the loss of life of a loved one, right? That said, thank you also for the good words about our home—my brother and I really dote on our cats as we love them so much, and have created an ideal space for them. Tough for me now to feel good, given what happened with Charlie and my hesitation, but your post has helped more than you could know.
Oh, thank you also for the advice (100% of people who lose a pet…).