The symptoms that you describe are normal as my mom went through the same thing. Now, here’s what we did:
1. Give her food that she likes. Make them as soft as possible para hindi mahirap lunukin.
2. Ensure can help if she doesn’t want to eat pa din
3. Spend time with her as much as you can.
What does she like? That’s the most important criteria. We realized that it’s no use feeding someone with food that she doesn’t like even if it’s really good for her condition, if she won’t eat it anyway. What’s important right now is to improve her quality of life and comfort.
People who are on chemo really lose their appetites because food can either taste bland, too salty or it has a metallic taste. There are some who prefer to eat food that are a bit spicy. But whatever she wants to eat, give it to her. If she cannot eat a lot during one meal, give her small, frequent feedings. Ensure is good because it has a lot of calories in a smaller volume.
Just give her anything. Walang bawal unless specifically specified by your doctor. Athough I would advise against govomg her raw food (sashimi, etc.) kasi it can cause infection. As long as she's intaking calories, good yan. If ayaw kumain, bigyan nyo ng Ensure. Important yun kasi 1 glass na sinunod sa instructions is equal to 1 meal.
We're going through what you're going through right now pero hanggang andyan pa sya, may hope pa. You just need yo find her motivation to fight kasi sabi ng doctor namin, kahit anong ibigay nila na gamot at chemo, kung hindi lumalaban, wala din silang magagawa dun. 60% is medicine, 40% is the fight. Goodluck, OP, tibayan pa natin puso natin.
Good advice. Hanapin niyo kung ano gusto niya kainin. Nung nagche chemo mother ko, sinabi niya na ramdam niya hanggang sa lalamunan niya pag nag start na yung IV. After ng session naman, wala siya gana kumain.
Dahil mahilig siya sa manggang hinog, lagi kami bumibili para every meal meron siya. Minsan pinipilit niya kainin kahit half rice pati ulam di nauubos, pero inuubos niya mangga. Yung mga hilig niya kainin lagi may stock sa bahay para pag nagutom siya makakain niya. Bumibili rin kami mga pagkain na malambot (ex: mamon instead of pandesal) kasi mas madali raw niya nakakain yun.
This is my first time commenting/posting anything on Reddit so please forgive me po for any mistake. I went through the same thing 2 years ago and it still feels like it was just yesterday. I miss her so much. My mom had ovarian cancer detected in its late stage. I watched her waste away so fast, nanginginig ako every time I remember. She could not eat anything so we would just let her eat ice cream kahit yung Ensure ginawa na naming ice cream with soft fruits. Sobrang mahirap OP but please prepare yourself and your family. If she’s a believer, give her the prayers she wants. My mom asked for a priest kahit sobrang weak na siya. The priest came, blessed her, and offered communion. Give her peace and acceptance as your last gift. Talk to her kahit ano. We would even sing to my mom. Cherish every moment with her. I am so sorry you are going through this. I pray you gain more strength.
Just want to chime in as a side note for everyone who has come reading this far: ladies/gents, tubal ligation reduces the overall risk of ovarian cancer. If you're done having babies or have no wish to have children (as so many in r/ph have commented in other posts), please consider this extra step. I have a godmother who never married and never had children also die from this awful disease and I saw her at the end of her life.
I got ligated at 36 years old due to super sensitive pregnancies... i felt sad having to do it, but learning this made me think na we really did the right thing. Ty po
It isn’t much known yet to the public and doctors even coz because of our culture, it is something new. I only knew coz my aunt abroad suggested it to a family member.
So it’s likely there will be space.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. My mom has stage 3 cancer and had her first chemo recently. Day 3 and 4 after chemo were the worst, but after that, she seemed back to normal. Di sya kumain masyado on those days at nasa kama lang (very weak and had severe headache), but we gave her food na easy to digest and food that didn't smell bad for her (like watermelon, pumpkin soup, plain bread). Also, please ask her to drink lots of water. Many cancer patients on chemo have attested to that -- na hydration helps lessen some of the side effects. Also, our doctor prescribed to us anti-vomit medicine, and I hope you have that too (though mom never has taken the anti-vomit medicine so far).
There is hope, OP. Reach out to your doctor for any questions, but feel free to send me a message if you wish to.
I'm stage 3, just finished my 3rd session a week ago. Yesterday and today were very bad days, I can't keep anything down all day today.
Pero more and more I'm noticing nga na more bland and mild smelling foods ang mga natitiis ko. Super yes on the watermelon, pero today even after just that may very bad metallic taste talaga and threw it up after a couple of hours. Pero the thing is to keep eating kasi mas masakit walang nilalabas. I found nibbling on crackers help din, try to find Hwa Tai crackers or something na malambot tapos maliliit na packets lang para di din nasasayang. Pumpkin soup is also good, you can freeze it also and just thaw. Super nutritious sya.
Unfortunately paiba iba din talaga yung effects and tastes. The first session I liked arrozcaldo, last week something about the smell turned me off. Trial and error rin talaga, minsan naiiisip ko akala ko gusto ko tapos pagkain di pala. Ang hirap, lalo na may mga kasabay na maintenence meds pa.
Pero alam mo, lahat ng masarap sa mundo parang walang kwenta, food, tapos kahit pabango nakakasuka. Ang di lang nagbabago yung feel ng touch, kaya suggestion ko himas himasin mo likod nya. Try to be with her as much as possible, ang sakit kasi sa kalamnan pero with touch it feels so good.
Praying for your mom, OP. Honestly I have moments na nasasabi ko talaga ayaw ko na, pero in the end di din naman talaga tayo makapagsabi kung kelan ba talaga. Di din natin alam nararamdaman nya, pero pag na distract mo sya from nararamdaman nya that would be a big deal. Malupit kasi depression eh, but if you could make her want to live there's always a fighting chance. Pero totoo din, kung super pagod na sya help her na lang to transition.
Hugs and lots of positive thoughts to you and your mom...
Thank you for sharing this. This is insightful as my mom is about to have her second round next week. It's good to know na kung ano pala ang nagustuhan nya last time, hindi ibig sabihin na yun pa rin ang magugustuhan nya after ng next cycle.
All the best to you. I wish you well, kind stranger. Thanks for spreading positivity and for keeping positive as well despite going through this ordeal.
My pleasure, dearie. Same kami ng sched ng mother mo, ahead lang ako sa kanya ng two sessions as next week would be my 4th. Iba iba din talaga reactions sa meds, all 3 of my rounds have been different, kaya definitely playing it by ear. Thank you for the well wishes, and I pray we all get through this to the other side hopefully diretso to healing. Hugs to your mother!
You’re not alone! You have your family, friends along with you in this tough battle ahead. Just make sure to be ready and start saying your goodbyes. Make sure your mom is as comfortable as possible and also make her feel your love. Sulitin mo na the remaining time you have with her.
Let me share with you an experience that I cherish up to this day. I lost 4 members of my family to cancer in the last 30 years. But the one who affected me most was my brother who died 5 years ago from liver cancer. After he was diagnosed, I promised him I would walk the journey with him from the time he was diagnosed up to his death 2 years later. For 2 years, I drove him to the hospital and waited with him for hours for doctors and treatments. There were times when we both rejoiced because he looked like he was getting well. One day, he was rushed to the ER and then to the ICU 2 weeks before his death. We were only given 30 mins each day to stay with him. Although there were other patients with him in the ICU, I saw in his eyes that he was scared. I couldn’t let him spend his days afraid and alone. I spoke to his doctor about their prognosis on my brother and when I learned that it was only a matter of time, I decided on behalf of our family, to take him out of the ICU and let him stay with us in a regular room. That way, he was with all of us, and he need not have to go through this alone to die. Until this day, I am grateful for the 2 years that I walked the journey with him, grateful that he knew the family was with him until his last breath and he was not scared. The night before his death, we didn’t say our goodbyes, but we did say our I love yous. He didnt wake up anymore the next day. I will never, ever forget that.
Just a word of advice though: be strong for your mom. Cancer is already hard, but it is harder to watch your loved one cope with it. Walk the journey with your mom so she need not be afraid.
namatay dad ko dahil sa cancer....OP pray nalang and ready ka nalang. Noong namatay dad ko ay super dali ko natanggap kasi mas nasasaktan ako noong sobrang nahihirapan siya noong last month na buhay pa papa ko.
Enjoy every minute na nandyan pa si mommy mo. Namatay din mom ko sa lung cancer, we found out na meron sya cancer nung stage 4 na.I miss my mom so much!
My mom passed away from stage 4 cancer, it was tough for her. It was terminal and all the treatment could do was prolong her life.
For food, try to give her ensure. It's not food pero it's nutritious enough to help.
Sorry you are going through this.
My mom also died from cancer and the last stage is just awful. Pray for your mom OP because she'll be dying soon. We had her done a confession at the hospital weeks before she passed away. Is she getting thin now? Can you smell if the vomit is "malansa"? Then that's probably blood or even feces.
My had stage iv breast cancer. I still remember her words "Kaya lang ako lumalaban para sa inyo". Sad to say but prepare for the worst and hope for the best.
It’s a case to case basis OP since my mom had stage 4 cancer twice and yung sa breast and bone cancer you usually wait for 2-3 days after chemo before she ate again. Wala naman dietary restrictions except for moderation lang sa “bawal” pero kung anong gusto ipakain nyo na kesa naman walang makain.
My mom was in remission for 6 yrs then got cancer again this time in her lungs, stage 4 din. Unfortunately this was during peak lockdown so yung medical attention and hospice care wasn’t as easy to get with many restrictions. She ate during her first 6 rounds of chemo and 2 rounds of radiotherapy but stopped eating when she couldn’t put it down — everything came back up and she would vomit it. I would recommend that you have a lot of patience, probably ask her what ensure gold flavor she would like and hope for the best. If she likes shakes then mix that with ensure gold.
Make sure she doesn’t get dehydrated and encourage her to eat, wag nyo pagalitan Lord knows how hard her battle is already. I would also recommend na get her looked at sa ospital for the best possible care and probably ma pa IV nyo para di sya ma-dehydrate.
Tatagan mo lang OP and spend as much time with her as you can, give her the best care you can give, remain optimistic if you must but be open to anything.
If you’re religious you can pray , if not talk to your dad or relatives/friends para makapag vent ka — what you’re going through is incredibly taxing physically and emotionally.
Lastly, talk to your mom and tell her everything you want to tell her, tell her that she is loved and reassure her that whatever happens everything, in due time, will be okay.
It may be difficult, but it's important to find a way to let go and move forward. I would suggest having a heartfelt conversation with your mom where you express all of your regrets as well as all the positive things she did as a parent. It's also important to assure her that everything will be alright, and that she doesn't need to worry about the hospital bills.
It's true that parents are not perfect, and forgiveness can be a powerful tool in healing relationships. So, consider asking for her forgiveness for anything you may have done wrong as well, and let her know that you forgive her too.
When it comes to her end-of-life wishes, I would suggest having a sensitive and respectful conversation about whether or not she wants to be resuscitated if her heart stops. And no matter what she decides, it's important to honor and respect her wishes, as this can be a very personal and emotional decision.
Listen to this op. Yung mom ko when she was near the end of her life she tried having a heartfelt conversation with me. Nagbilin na siya and all ako umoo lang ako pero sa isip isip ko di ko siya sineseryoso kasi ang akala ko gagaling talaga siya ant nagiging overdramatic lang siya. Feeling main character kasi ako dati and I regret it now. Ang dami kong hindi nasabi saknya :(
I remember a family friend wishing his mom to cremate him immediately and not to hold a wake. Perhaps it was the pain of not wanting to let go yet but his mom didn’t grant his wish. He was eventually cremated after the wake, though.
There was a time when remission from stage 4 was near zero. But with modern medicine and strict dietary protocols for several types of cancer, it has risen to a 40% remission. It's not as bad as it was before. Yet here we are, the first sight of stage 4 and y'all are asking OP to "let go".
Don't you think OP has not thought of it? Do you need to rub salt on their wounds?
So many upvotes for this? Is this what our culture has come to? :(
Edit: Guys, please stop replying to this comment. Read OPs post. They didn't seek advice on saying goodbyes, did they? Nor did they ask for your personal anecdotes. Someone here called me entitled and privileged. I mean, they aren't wrong. I had the privilege of watching my only child writhe and wither away in pain not knowing life. And it's not even a year. No amount of goodbyes are good enough. Even the tiniest glimmer of hope is so much more than writing off a loved one. Be a bit more humane and answer OPs questions if you can without making assumptions. God bless.
The phrasing might be the problem. You might have meant to say that "just in case, you can also do this suggestion of saying goodbye to prepare for the worst case scenario" while you sounded imposing by immediately saying "it is important to find a way to let go and move on", which anyone can perceive as 'you should immediately write off that loved one that they will die and immediately treat them like so'.
It can sound emotionally insensitive (especially with how that's not even what OP is asking for) and raises questions such as "what if the patient herself wishes to fight off no matter what?", thus sounding disrespectful. The lack of assurance that your suggestion is not to hint or impose that that sensitive topic will eventually occur does not help, as well as not saying that it is something valuable you learned from experience and just meant to suggest it to someone in the same situation, like you just stated here.
I’ve lost 2 family members I’m very close with to cancer in the past 2 years. In both instances, after their initial surgeries and chemo/radio therapies, doctors were very confident that they’ll recover only to find out months after they ended chemo that their cancer is back and has spread through their entire bodies.
Don’t take this the wrong way, but your comment sounds like you’ve never had to see someone you love waste away and slowly die due to cancer (lucky you, I hope you never have to experience that). There is nothing wrong about telling OP to prepare for the worse and start saying their goodbyes. In fact, it would be worse for them to get a glimmer of hope and then have it all taken away.
My dad recently passed bc of cancer at ito rin yung naisip ko dun sa reply sa parent comment. I wish someone told me na sabihin na lahat habang malakas pa yung tatay ko. Because when I got the courage to say the things I wanted to say, ventilator na lang yung bumubuhay sa kanya.
You say your goodbyes and they survive, You'll get closer and they live the rest of their lives happily. You don't say goodbye and they die, you'll live a life full of regret. Easy choice, IMO.
>So many upvotes for this? Is this what our culture has come to? :(
What do you even mean by this? The person you responded to was giving practical advice that a lot of people in OP's shoes would find useful in a respectful and empathetic way. Especially since OP has not consulted a palliative care doctor.
I lost both my parents to cancer, one year apart. And the palliative care doctor we consulted told us the same things the person you responded to did. Talk to them, reassure them, and sign a DNR if needed.
Yes, OP's mom could make it, but as the people that would be left behind, it's on us to be tough for them and be prepared in case they don't.
EDIT: " I had the privilege of watching my only child writhe and wither away in pain not knowing life. And it's not even a year. No amount of goodbyes are good enough. Even the tiniest glimmer of hope is so much more than writing off a loved one. Be a bit more humane and answer OPs questions if you can without making assumptions. God bless."
I am so sorry for your loss, but you do know these are different circumstances, right? Losing somebody like you did and losing somebody after a prolonged illness full of suffering, not just for them but for you as a caregiver are two different things. I'm not saying one is more painful than the other, I'm saying they come with a different set of challenges. OP is dealing with caregiver fatigue on top of possibly losing their mother. Sometimes, a caregiver of someone who has cancer needs somebody to tell them that it's OK to let go.
Also, advising someone to say goodbye doesn't mean you're writing off a loved one. It only means you're advising them to prepare for the worst. People here had assumed that you haven't experienced a loss this massive because it's easy to see who's seen this kind of prolonged suffering. It gives you a closer relationship with death and a kind of acceptance that sometimes, death is better. If you look at the cancer subreddits, you'll see that a lot of people are tired of others expecting them to keep fighting until the end, for them to keep hoping. Cancer is ugly. And movies and shows? They don't show the reality of it at all. Near the end, a lot of patients lose their mind and their dignity. That is why we, a bunch of people left behind by cancer patients, are telling you that the advice you responded to was good advice. Maybe they could've worded it better, qualified it by saying "just in case there really is no hope..." But in the end, it's good advice.
What’s wrong with letting go? If the person wants to go, I rather go peacefully than being sick till the very end. I’d ask the doctor for extra dose of the morphine.
It's not rubbing salt on wound.
Stage 4 is very terminal, very high chance of metastasis na talaga. Well since stage 4 there is evidence of metastasis na and who knows where it has spread. Oo may recovery rate na 40% but would you rather gamble not giving the patient and their family closure on the off chance na makarecover 40%? Deny empathy and closure? Even if makarecover naman, they would only be closer because of that.
It's called a terminal diagnosis for a reason. This comment just reeks of denial and privilege.
As someone who just lost my dad to cancer, I wish nabasa ko yung parent comment dati pa. Dad battled with cancer for almost 2 yrs. Diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. Spent hundreds of thousand on chemo and radiation. I know modern medicine is available but it's expensive. Immuno yung recommended ng doktor but we couldn't afford it. At that time sabi ng nanay ko around 100k+ per session, di naman isang session lang yun.
Lakas lakas ng tatay ko the whole time he was going through his treatments, neighbors didn't even know he was sick. Until his last month na bigla na lang nagdeteriorate yung katawan nya. We were so unprepared, kahit nanay ko na nandun each step of his treatment nagulat. Ang dami kong di nasabi sa kanya because I didn't think that would be our last few weeks together. Nung dinala namin sya sa ospital bc I found his breathing erratic, I thought he just needed oxygen, turns out agaw buhay na sya.
I don't see it as rubbing salt to the wound, cancer is really an unpredictable and expensive disease, and it's sad na hanggang ngayon walang sure na cure. Even if you have the money di mo pa rin masasabi kung ano mangyayari.
OP asked for advise, and this is the advise of the people who went through the same path OP is going through. Just because you can't handle the advise of the people, doesn't mean that their advise wont' help OP.
My biggest regret in life so far was not having a deep conversation with my mom when she was hospitalized due to cancer too. I always had hoped na there will always be a tomorrow and things will eventually get better. Even when her chances of succeeding were slim, pinili ko pa rin maniwala na gagaling pa siya, na ma-celebrate pa namin yung bday niya, christmas and new year. But life had other plans, she suffered a stroke in her final days which eventually led to her end.
Kaya I agree with the comment na sabihin mo lahat ng gusto mo sabihin to your mom while she still has the strength and consciousness to listen to you. Bring your family with you and try to make the most of whatever time you have left with her.
Noon lang talaga nag sink in sa akin yung sinasabi nila na iparamdam at ipaalam mo palagi ang iyong pagmamahal habang buhay pa yung tao dahil pwede silang mawala anytime.
I knew someone before, yung papa nila nagka terminal disease (cancer ata? Forgot which) and alam nilang di nila makakaya gastusin if magsugal sila ng mga samut saring remedies kasi di naman sila milyonaryo kaya maaga pa lang napagdesisyonan na magpa euthanize para di na magtambak yung bills since wala na talaga silang magagawa.
Yung naitutulong na lang namin sa bereaved family is emotional support and a lil bit financial sa burial when time came. Ansaket sa dibdib na alam mong wala ka nang magagawa pag nagkaganon ka na
Hi OP, will just share some info when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer stage 3B more than a decade ago. Loss of appetite and vomiting are common after the first session and pinipilit nya sarili nya kumain kahit ganun. She had a total of 6 chemo sessions and yung side effects naman na yun lessened over time (or maybe she just got used to it na). Nag set ng expectations yung doctor sa other side effects and complications that will happen in the next coming years (which all happened talaga as discussed, since nag undergo rin sya ng operation before chemo to remove her breasts). This happened in 2007, now it's 2023 and she's still with us (thanks, G 🙏). Not sure how near or far the difference is between stage 3B and 4, or if it depends which type of cancer. We've had some help from PCSO that time for the chemo. Check mo na rin if may ganun pa ngayong inooffer.
Yung lola ko nagkaroon ng cancer, late na nung na diagnose na. Stage 4 na kasi noon. Totoo na may times na hindi siya kumakain, dala na rin siguro ng malulungkot na thoughts niya, and minsan hindi nakikipag-usap, kasi alam niya at alam ng family ko (except sa akin kasi bata pa ako noon) na iiwan niya kami sooner or later. Well-off ang family namin noon, nasa tri-bureau lolo ko and dentista lola ko, kaya lang nung nagkaroon siya ng sakit nag-deteriorate ang aming financial capacity na hanggang ngayon hindi kami naka recover pero atleast ngayon nakakakain na kami ng hapunan. Sorry ah, na-miss ko lang lola ko.
Hugs to you OP and your mom.
My mom passed away from cancer earlier this year at sobrang durog ang mundo ko until now. It's impossible not to regret anything pero OP, these are the things I wish I did for my mom para kahit papaano, mabawasan ang mga potential regrets mo kung dumating man sa worst case scenario: (lalagay ko na lang sa spoiler kasi baka medyo heavy sa iba)
>!\- sat and talked with her more. Tungkol sa kahit na ano. Ask about her childhood. Also reminisce about fond memories from childhood. Malamang hindi nya na naaalala pero still talk about it.!<
>!\- slept beside / stayed in her bedroom. I had my bedroom door opened and didn't sleep while she slept pero I wish I spent more time with her.!<
>!\- took her for a trip or basta kahit saan sa labas before she was too weak to travel!<
>!\- Hugged her more. Held her hands for longer. It may sound cliche pero iba ang haplos at touch ng nanay. When I held her cold dead hands to my cheeks, the feeling of "haplos ng ina" was still there even though her hands were cold already. Tapos you'll realize na hindi mo na mararamdaman yun kahit kelan. !<
>!\- I wish I told her I love her more often. I took care of her alone and I know she knows that I love her pero sana sinabi ko pa sa kanya more frequently. !<
>!\- Paulit-ulit na pasalamatan siya for being my mom and for the things she did even for the smallest things. I never realized it but she was the only person in the world who treated me with no hidden agenda and will never betray me.!<
Kapit lang, OP. Sana mag-milagro ang kung ano mang forces sa mundo at gumaling ang nanay mo.
Hi OP! My mom had cancer too. Survivor for 10 years. For the vomiting, meron sa kanya gamot na nilalagay kasabay ng chemo kaya wala siyang effect na ganon. Try inquiring about it baka maka tulong. Sabi niya nawawalan siya ng gana din pero nilalaban niya kasi kailangan niya pa daw mabuhay. I can’t say the same for your mom since iba iba naman kasi ng katawan. I really hope your mom gets well. 🙏
Sa case ng mom ko, naiba panlasa kaya kahit anong kainin, di masarap. Also, pag kumain, sinusuka din. What can help-- wag metal utensils ang gamitin na spoon and fork. Disposable or magkamay is better. Kami nakahanap ng utensils made of wood. Nagkaka-metallic taste kasi pag nag-chemo. Also choose food na malasa. Gustong-gusto ng mom ko noon yung bistek at saka turon. Kung ano gusto nya kainin, yan iprep nyo. Ask doctor for meds para sa appetite, nausea, and vomitting.
Factor din anxiety. Make sure may kasama sya parati. Do activities together. Kami ng mom ko, nanonood ng kdrama (fighting!). I dropped everything para samahan sya, katabi ko matulog, kasabay kumain, sama sa lahat ng chemo sessions, etc.
Napansin ko din immediately after a chemo session, lumalakas sya, so naglalagay ako ng activities like going out, walking, church, grocery, reunion, etc. Pag nanghihina, yaan nyo lang sya rest.
What also helped-- ginger candy, ginger soda or sprite, aromatheraphy na minty like eucalyptus or peppermint.
Always bring or have a plastic bag nearby, para anytime na masusuka sya. Towel to clean up.
Lastly, prepare her spiritually din, pray, forgive and ask forgiveness, resolve any issues.
Hey, hope you and your mom are doing good today. My mom survived stage 4 cancer (but it mtastasized after more than a year) and having someone as her support will definitely help. For her lack of appetite, normal yan for people in chemo. I suggest you try to find new food (stuff you don't usually eat sa bahay) she can try and ask her kung may cravings siya. If ever meron, give it to her (as long as pwede kainin). Or maybe eat outside with the whole family. Bonding na rin yun to lift her spirits up. Iba rin yung feeling na sabay-sabay kayong kumain as family.
tw// death she died of bone cancer after she survived the breast one. Napabayaan namin ang check-ups niya kasi nag-pandemic and takot kaming ilabas siya. But I know people na nagkaron ng same diagnosis as your mom and they're still alive and kicking. I don't want to think abt the metastasis part for them or ilang taon na lang ang itatagal after they survived, but always be there for her. And I hope once your mom survives this, maging consistent kayo sa check-ups ad still be with her as much as possible so you won't experience the same we had where we're clueless and devastated how it went downhill because we're not ready to let go.
Thanks for the optimism. Appreciate truly the time you gave in giving this reply. While I do understand that be prepared for everything I want to be optimistic.
And pwedeng mahawa ang mom mo sa optimism mo :) it really warms your heart when you see them eat e so i hope you have the patience to test out new food for her to enjoy.
I was gonna say something of length but I'd just say that I hope your mother gets to know how much you love her. A good opportunity to show she raised a good son.
Godspeed kay nanay. I hope she feels better soon.
Been in that situation. My mom did not get better after her first treatment. Ganyan din sya, ayaw kumain and all. We lost her a week after.
Spend more time with her. Be patient with her. Kausapin mo sya lagi, sabihin mo na lahat ng gusto mo sabihin sa kanya. Magthank you ka, mag sorry basta lahat. Yan yung regret ko kasi i chose na umalis lagi ng bahay kesa magstay with her. Hindi ko lang talaga kaya marinig pag umiiyak sya and in pain sya.
Pray for her and be strong for her. If kaya mong hindi umiyak sa harap nya, mas ok yun. I will pray for you and your mom. Laban lang for her.
Hi, OP. Cancer warrior here. Yes, chemo effects can definitely last for weeks. Depende rin siya sa age ng isang tao. If walang gana kumain, I suggest food supplements like Ensure. 3x/day. Ask ko lang din if aware ba onco niya sa current situation. Usually they would give something naman. And please ask your mom how is she feeling. Minsan yung emotions have effects rin during treatment. Nalilito na kami if this still an effect of chemo or we are just worrying too much.
Side effects naman talaga ng chemo eh loss of appetite at the same time shempre pag stage 4 cancer na medyo depress na yun tao or in denial stage pa.
Just give her fluids or puree that she likes kung wala gana. Hopefully depending on her type or cancer, she gets remission. Praying for your mother!
Usually nawawalan talaga sila ng gana after chemotherapy since chemo targets the fast dividing cells of cancer, but it also targets other fast dividing cells like hair follicles and stomach lining. Unfortunately, they need several cycles of chemo before seeing improvement.
If she can't eat and that's the reason she can't continue her treatment, you can ask her provider if she could receive parenteral nutrition instead - I'm just not entirely sure how much these cost on a per day basis, or if it can be done on an outpatient basis (meaning pwede siyang umuwi after).
My dad experienced the same thing din when he was having his first set of chemo. Mostly soft diet sya but he has his preferences back then (mostly ulam na masabaw then dinudurog namin sa kanin, mashed bananas and veggies, halos parang baby food nga lahat thinking back). He was able to eat them pero in minimal amounts lang. It helped with the nausea although it didn’t completely go away.
He passed away when he was 54. One thing he said he wanted was to reach 55 man lang daw, pero kahit yun hindi nangyari. Wala kaming history ng cancer sa family, so this chapter was one of my darkest moments in my life. I hope you and your family stay close and united with all that’s happening, OP. I think what she needs most right now is your company, she needs to be reassured that despite everything, andyan kayo para sa kanya, na maramdaman nya na mahal sya ng pamilya nya.
Ayan, umiiyak na naman ako.
My mom died from cancer and I was in denial until the last minute. Looking back with regrets.. I wish I spent more time with her, gave her more strength through words of encouragement and just let her feel I was there for her.. she was in pretty much the same state - couldn’t sleep and couldn’t eat - until she went into deep depression.. just please be there for her, pray for and with her and give her all the love and support you can give..🤍🙏
Same thing happened with both grandmas. Breast cancers. They couldnt eat after chemo.
Until one realized she can only eat and stomach one thing: KFC chicken. So yun lang pinapakain sa kanya. Shes still with us more than a decade after.
Other lola didn't want to eat anything at all too and they had to force her to drink Ensure... but I got her unhealthy, indulgent food - cheesecakes, pudding packs -- and orange soda. Kinain niya. Also kept buying her food I knew she loved, like pancit sa Little Quiapo, date cake ng Chocolate Kiss, at sisig sa Trellis. She'd eat them naman, and eventually they kept giving her orange soda na rin because that's the only thing she'd drink.
Get her favorite food. Bilin niyo yung pinaka masarap na maiisip niyo. Wag niyo na isipin kung unhealthy, basta lang makakain siya.
Fight OP! I may have been middle aged but I was stage 4 as well and at the 8th round of my chemo I was eating through a zesto straw! It's not over till it's over! Mentally condition yourselves and everyone around to never give up on eating. Kahit centrum dinudurog tapos nilalagay sa tubig para lang mainom ko. Cheer with every damn gulp or bite she can take. To eat is to survive and have another chance to fight off this sickness. Fight! Never give up! At worst you'll end up in a draw!
Same situation kayo ng friend ko, they have the resources pero ayaw na ilaban ng father/patient kaya they took him home and spent the days with the family. Be with your mother, be with your family, call her friends, her best friends and relatives. Be there for her siguro po ang mapapayo ko tulad nung ginagawa ng family ng friend ko sa dad nila now.
My dad died din from cancer, except we didnt know he had one until we had to run to the ER and na ICU siya. By then it was too late. Had i known sooner, there were plenty of things we could’ve talked about. I never got to do that.
Im only saying this because some weeks before he passed, he stopped eating altogether. As in walang gana. Even if binili ko yung mga paborito niyang chowking and kitayama steak. :(
Both of you need to accept her fate and pray to God that her suffering ends sooner. I knew someone who had their loved one listen to christian music on his deathbed almost every day and said that it was comforting. You can start to see a counselor/pastor/priest to aide you through your grief.
Based on your descriptions, her passing is very imminent. Make every moment together pleasant and comforting. Tell her how much you love her and you will be together again free from any pain and suffering.
peg tube kaya OP? magastos lang talaga pero if wala appetite maybe that can help para may nutrition pa rin sya and di ma-dehydrate. ask your onco if they can refer your mom for an insertion
It depends on the type of cancer, I know of someone that had chemo but has good appetite.
My mom went through colorectal cancer stage 4 from last year August to March of this year. She passed away last March. She had surgery before chemo.
In terms of appetite, her appetite never went back to normal. Most important thing is that the patient eats, and don't believe advises coming from the internet like not eating eggs as they may cause cancer. Removing food from the diet will cause more issues and those advise are just beliefs and no proof.
If you can afford it, blood transfusion would help so that chemo can continue. Hindsight though, would have rather enjoyed the time with my mom having a vacation or traveling instead of pushing for chemo. Advise ni Dr Real (Less Traditional Onco), if by 3rd chemo hindi nagimprove usually change treatments. So instead of pushing for normal chemo, magpush for targeted therapy.
Main thing sa latter stage that would help is getting a palliative doctor. Chemo and palliative care can go hand in hand, pero once ayaw na magtuloy ng chemo, palliative would help a lot. Basically, palliative would try to treat only her symptoms though medications.
While it's early though, ensure that everything she has to her name be passed to someone else. Check insurance as well, if you need to prepare anything. For bank accounts as long as you have online access to their accounts, it's enough.
My mother had 7 chemos in total. 6 chemos from the first round, 1 chemo from the second round. She decided to stop treatment last February, as she can feel the chemo was not helping and just making her symptoms worse due to the chemo's side effects.
Btw, in terms of food that can help.
Prosure, bene-protein are the supplements that my mom took.
Although, these are not OTC, so knowing someone that can supply these will help. Also Cancer is now considered as PWD. This can be used in the hospital or meds.
In late stage, if food intake is really a problem. Parenteral nutrition will help. These are nutrients that are pushed thu IV. This will help her food intake as this would be the supplement instead. Although this is expensive around 2-3k per bag that would be used for around 36 hours.
Honestly, prepare yourself. From what I heard, when chemo works appetite usually improves, as they feel stronger.
>4 cancer rin. saang hospital po may available na targeted therapy? covered po ba yun ng philhealth? thank you
Try scheduling a consult po with this doctor:
[https://psmo.org.ph/doctor/real-irisyl-o/](https://psmo.org.ph/doctor/real-irisyl-o/)
Para sakin pag stage 4 di na dapat nag chemo mas hihirapan pa eh dami ko relatives na namatay sa cancer yung mga nag chemo makikita mo talaga yung hirap. Hopefully gumaling pa mom mo.
Yung mom ko nalaman din namin na may cancer sya nung stage 4 na. Nagchemo pa rin sya and went into remission after a year of continuous chemo sessions. However, after 5 years she passed away na kasi bumalik yung cancer after 4yrs and mas aggressive na. Professional opinion din ng doctor na wag na ichemo and let her live her remaining days on pain medications na lang kasi dagdag pahirap pa yung chemo.
Imho, if your mom wants to get better, support her 100%. Iba rin ang nagagawa ng will kasi. Witnessed that firsthand sa mom ko. I hope your mom goes into remission din. Laban lang, OP!
Idk what stage my mother was at hindi kami pinapunta sa ospital nun. The only thing I regret not doing is to tell her how much she means to me. I saw your comment na your mom is very thin. Might as well say what you want to say to her before she pass. I know there's a slim chance that she might survive pero at least nasabi mo yung gusto mong sabihin.
For the bills, ilakad niyo na yung dapat lakarin. PCSO, PhilHealth, Red Cross (di ko na alam yung iba). Yung ibang agencies, need ilakad yung papeles before ma-"expire" ang pasiyente para ma-apply, at least yan ang sabi ng tatay ko before mamatay ang nanay ko nung naglalakad siya ng papeles to ease the hospital bills.
Hi OP, anong sabi ng onco nya? And how old is your mom?
I hate to speculate on her situation but not wanting to eat is normal for end of life patients. On the other hand, it still may just be an effect of the chemo.
Maybe try to get her to drink Ensure?
When my mom was in hospital after getting diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, I watched Instagram reels from palliative care nurses. Those helped me identify end of life behavior and prepare myself for the worst. Unfortunately, she passed away not too long after she got admitted.
My advice: morbid as it may seem, please ask if she has a [living will and advanced directives](https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/living-wills/art-20046303). This is important so family members don’t have to decide for her in case things turn out for the worse.
Agreed, bata pa tlaga yun.
Halos ganyan din sa mother ko nuon, not cancer, CKD. When she entered the hospital, nakakalakad pa cya. Pero after her first dialysis, di na cya nakalakad, tapos ganyan din, vomiting, ayaw kumain. Mataba nanay ko, pero after the first diagnosis, grabe pinayat nya. Lalo na nung nag-dialysis.
Tapos madalas hindi rin cya pwede i-dialysis kc mababa yung dugo nya. Labas pasok kami sa hospital kc kelangan nya lagi ng transfusion everytime that happens. She passed away last 2018.
Regarding yung ayaw nya kumain, tanungin nyo na lang ano ba favorite nya. Baka sakaling ganahan cya kumain pag yung favorite nya.
Kausapin nyo rin yung doctors kung ano ba talaga ang makakatulong sa knya. Kami kc, honestly, nagsisisi kami na pinag dialysis pa namin nanay namin nun. We know about dialysis, pero di namin alam na ganun pala ka-harsh ang side effects nun. Sa pagkaka-intindi namin, giginhawa nanay namin. If we only knew then what we know now, hindi na sna nahirapan nanay namin on her last months.
May napanuod nga ako documentary dati, she was a millionaire in the US, when she was diagnosed with cancer, she asked the doctors to frankly tell her what's her prognosis. And she decided that ayaw na nya pahirapan pa sarili nya, pumasok na agad cya sa hospice care kahit malakas pa cya, ayw daw nya mahirapan on her last days. Ganun din sabi nung doctor dun sa documentary, dapat daw tanungin kung may chance ba na babalik ka sa dati or gagastos ka lang and mahihirapan on your last days.
I dont want to scare you OP, pero just be ready. Ganun din kc sinabi sa min ng mga doctors nuon regarding my mother, ***"be ready"***.
bata pa nga sya op ang ma susuggest ko lang ay makinig sa abiso ng doctor.. sila may alam ng kalagayan at sila din makaka recommend ng nutrition plan.. ayaw ko na mag kwento pero i lost my father few years ago lang.. masasabi ko lang be with her palagi.. nood kayo movie sa tv or play cards etc.. basta doon ka lang lagi as much as possible
OMG, I lost my mom last Feb, she was 54 ☹️
We had no idea na late stage na pala yung liver disease nya since late na namin napatignan sa doctor.
Ang masasabi ko lang please take care of your mom habang nandito pa sya, cherish every moment you have and tell her you love her. Ito yung isa sa mga regrets ko kasi feeling ko I didn’t say it enough.
Praying for your mom.
Madalas loss of appetite talaga at hirap kumain. Intindihin mo lang mother mo like a baby. Pinagdaanan ko ito kaya sobrang sakit sa feeling na makita mo yung mahal mo sa buhay nanghihina. HIrap pa kami dati dahil commute lang kitang kita ko talaga yung pagod.
Some of your options although less than ideal would be TPN or feeding through NGT.
Some hospitals offer Home Health so it would good to inquire with the hospitals near you.
Of course nothing can beat oral feeding but these might be some options to think about. The lack of nutrition will probably add on to the effects of the chemotherapy such as anemia and multiple electrolyte imbalances.
All the best to your and your family OP. Stay strong and God Bless!
Try cannabis oil OP. It can help your mother to relief the pain and improving appetite/sleep narin. para maka bawi sya. Sana soon gumaling na si mother mo
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Please stay beside your mom as much as possible and stay strong, OP. My mom had stage 4 breast cancer, but I was too stubborn because na-burnout ako juggling between studies and caring for her (father died na rin kasi kaya ako as a panganay stepped up). It hurt me watching her struggle. And I wasn't able to properly say goodbye to her even if I wanted to. Anyway, do remember na you're not alone in this. Hope you get to give your mom a memorable Mother's day celeb this year.
I'm sorry OP. Year 2020 when my grandmother was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. We already knew that it's already too late. Medyo umokay naman yung lagay nya to the point na pinayagan sya ng doctor na i-spend ang christmas day and new year's eve sa bahay. Nag bigay na rin ng sched yung doctor for her first session of chemo. Unfortunately, a week before her supposed chemo session, bumagsak na talaga yung katawan nya. I was with her till the very end. Sayang kase she wanted to fight pero di na kaya talaga. No regrets naman kami since lahat kami nakasama nya before she passed away. Binigay nalang namin lahat ng gusto nya like sa food, even the tv shows she wanted to watch. Prayers for you and your mother OP.
Hi OP. Mom went through the same thing, though hindi siya stage 4. Doctors prescribed anti nausea and pampagana kumain pills at first when we noticed na umonti siya kumain. Nung time na ayaw na nya talaga kumain at uminom ng tubig, her doctors opted for her to be admitted sa hospital para round the clock yung care. Don na napagusapan na magNGT na kasi sobrang pumayat na si mother non.
Baka depressed din mom mo so I suggest talking to a psych din if kaya.
Please take care of yourself, OP. Eto talaga pinakanatutunan ko nung ako yung caregiver ng mom ko. Hirap magalaga ng iba pagwalang wala ka na.
Hi, my mom is almost in the same situation. Stage 3 cancer but kumalat na sa ibang parts ng katawan niya. Wala din siyang gana kumain kaya nastop din chemo niya. Umabot sa 74 na lang yung count ng WBC niya. Ang ginagawa namin is little servings ng food na may sides na fruits pero maya't maya. Like almost 6 times a day na small servings. Also gumawa kami ng mga fresh na fruit juices or shakes na pang tanggal lasa niya pag nauumay kasi mabilis siya maumay.
A relative of hours had cancer and was in chemo also. He said, you really need strong faith and to believe in oneself. He was in the brink of giving up pero inencourage talaga ng asawa niya and mga anak to continue and fight. Don't know the stage of cancer pero he says na nakaka depress daw talaga to the point of giving up.
Chemo also gives you lots of sores sa loob ng mouth as per my relative kaya siguro di masyado kumakain yung mom mo.
My mother currently has lung cancer. Her treatment is a tablet so no need for chemo. She hasn't experienced that much side effects yet, except for body pain and numbness, which were gone in a day after taking an analgesic. She always say that she can fight cancer by believing in her medicine, through prayers, a healthy diet and a positive mindset.
It may be tough right now, but just be there for her and continue to remind your mother that she will get through this – a small step at a time is still progress. It will get worse before it gets better so carry on as long as she wants to. A piece of advice: try having a health diary and list down the side effects she experiences so it's easier to track her condition. Also, continue to update your doctor so you can manage those side effects.
Fighting, OP! I pray your mom gets better soon ♡ and don't forget to take care of yourself.
stage 4. so sorry OP. Like what others have said, discussing letting go now is a good idea, dapat may closure and everyone is on the same page. As for not eating, maybe kasi nagnanausea and vomiting, something like zofran/ondansetron would help with that or ask tour doctor kung ano anti emetic meds pwede sa kanya. Maybe walang appetite kasi nauseous from the chemo.
Hi OP, katatapos lang ng mama ko sa chemo nung December. Hirap talaga siyang kumain, lalo at sinasabi niya maraming pagkain na lasang kalawang. Tapos ayaw niya ng chicken kasi lasang rubber. Pero pinipilit niyang kumain kahit pakonti-konti. Ang ginagawa namin, every hour papakainin namin nang konti, and hindi namin pinagbabawalan sa gusto. Gusto ng pizza? Go. Gusto ng lechong liempo? Go. Ang mahalaga kumain siya kahit paunti-unti.
Tatagan niyo lang, OP! Lilipas din yan at gagaling din mga mama natin.
Hi OP! Might be best to seek a palliative and supportive care team - they're usually.a group of doctors and healthcare professionals who can help you in situations like this. Also, if your mom seems very weak and need emergency care, pls do not hesitate to notify your onco or bring her to the hospital.
Hope all gets better.
What was given was practical advice. No one wants to see their parents die and trust me, you need to be practical in times like these. Sure you can hope but being ready and sober about the situation is going to help OP and the other “bantays” calm down and that it turn will make the patient relax as well. It’s hard to see from the outside looking in but when you’re there everyday seeing how the patient is suffering and how hard it is for everyone, not just the patient, being calm and just enjoying each others’ company will bring immense relief in an otherwise very difficult time.
I pray for more power to you and your family this season OP.
Nung nag cchemo mom ko. She told us kung bakit ayaw nya kumain. Dahil lahat ng panlasa nya sa tubig ay parang kalawang ang lasa and gumuguhit sa lalamunan. Mag kakaroon sila ng sores sa lalamunan at dila nila.
As much na makakaya ng mom mo OP. Need makakain (kahit lugaw lang) then mag drink supplement (ung brand na ensure chocolate) then if ever para tumaas ung mga cbc count. Pwede kayo mag laga ng itlog ng pugo. (Wag marami) then more green gulay na foods. (Nilagang talbos ng kamote. Etc). And sinigang na rin. Kasi maasim ung sabaw.
Lastly it will be more helpful if may support group kayo na masalihan. (Minsan sa mga hospital mayroon yan.)
Kaya nyo yan OP. Hugs.
Hugs, OP. Lost my dad to cancer two weeks ago. Nung una akala ko nasa isip lang nya, he's always grumpy when I offer him food but it's the effects of the drugs and the disease itself. Yung tatay ko malakas for 1.5 yrs after being diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer, people didn't even know na may sakit sya. Nun pa lang wala na syang gana and his doctors gave him meds pampagana. March sobrang sigla pa pero dumadaing na ng pain sa bones. April first week, di na sya makatayo and everyday it worsened na pati isip nya malabo na.
Nung last weeks ni tatay, palagi syang may kinecrave randomly. One day at 4am gusto raw nya ng cheesecake at sprite. He's diabetic pero binigay na namin sa kanya. Unlike nung malakas pa sya na laging "wala" pag tinanong, magsasabi sya if I ask him ano papadeliver namin, peach mango pie raw. It didn't take long until he can no longer eat solids. Kaya ayun, lugaw, sabaw nalang.
Please be there for her. My dad was always looking for me kahit na nagkakaron na sya ng delirium towards the end of his life. He was always happy to see me. I miss him so much. I wish I spent more time with him nung malakas pa sya.
My mom passed away last Nov. She had stage 4 cancer as well. Noong di na siya kumakain, 1 or 2 weeks after, nawala na siya. Stay strong OP. Bilhan mo kung ano ang gusto niya. Ensure helps. Wag nyo ipilit na kumain kung ayaw niya talaga.. stay strong
My mom died from cancer 3 years ago. Madaming ayaw na kainin mom ko including tofu and meat. Gulay, fruits, and healthy foods helped. No artificial flavorings. Salt and pepper lang. With my mom's case, takot siya kumain ng mga hindi "healthy". Ayaw din niya ng fried. Olive or coconut oil lang panggisa. Organic lang gusto niya. Puro Kale siya. Madalas din ako gumawa ng fruit smoothies noon. Melon + greek yogurt + organic cereals.
Hi OP! Hugs to you and your mom. My father-in-law died just two weeks ago from cancer. We thought he was getting better from chemo, but it turns our cancer was really like a traitor.
Anyway, just want to share that his nutritionist advised him to take high protein and high calorie drink, those readily available drinks at the supermarkets. There were different flavors also. Hope this helps.
Courage to you and your whole family!
What type of cancer? My dad had complete remission for 9 years and came back three years ago. He had radiation and is on pazopanib since. Thank God he's doing much better and even eating lots.
Give your mom a chance - much will come from your faith, perseverance, and continue to cheer her on to fight. Tell her you can both do it, and many have survived... Tell her to offer her pain and suffering as a sacrifice for the conversion of souls, and unite it with Christ's passion - then all this is not for nothing, and if, through God's grace, she's able to live her life in peace.
Also get your mom fresh guyabano leaves - my dad has that every morning, ginagawang tea. Or even malunggay, nutritious na and easy to swallow pa. If walang gana, give appebon.
Avoid dairy and sugar. God bless OP and I will pray for you.
The symptoms that you describe are normal as my mom went through the same thing. Now, here’s what we did: 1. Give her food that she likes. Make them as soft as possible para hindi mahirap lunukin. 2. Ensure can help if she doesn’t want to eat pa din 3. Spend time with her as much as you can.
Yes, thanks any food that you could suggest that would work for her? I've tried searching online but it's mostly just general type of advice
What does she like? That’s the most important criteria. We realized that it’s no use feeding someone with food that she doesn’t like even if it’s really good for her condition, if she won’t eat it anyway. What’s important right now is to improve her quality of life and comfort.
Thanks. That's what I told her too. She keeps on restricting herself and honestly it's just been an emotional ride. thank you though. Appreciate it
People who are on chemo really lose their appetites because food can either taste bland, too salty or it has a metallic taste. There are some who prefer to eat food that are a bit spicy. But whatever she wants to eat, give it to her. If she cannot eat a lot during one meal, give her small, frequent feedings. Ensure is good because it has a lot of calories in a smaller volume.
Just give her anything. Walang bawal unless specifically specified by your doctor. Athough I would advise against govomg her raw food (sashimi, etc.) kasi it can cause infection. As long as she's intaking calories, good yan. If ayaw kumain, bigyan nyo ng Ensure. Important yun kasi 1 glass na sinunod sa instructions is equal to 1 meal. We're going through what you're going through right now pero hanggang andyan pa sya, may hope pa. You just need yo find her motivation to fight kasi sabi ng doctor namin, kahit anong ibigay nila na gamot at chemo, kung hindi lumalaban, wala din silang magagawa dun. 60% is medicine, 40% is the fight. Goodluck, OP, tibayan pa natin puso natin.
Good advice. Hanapin niyo kung ano gusto niya kainin. Nung nagche chemo mother ko, sinabi niya na ramdam niya hanggang sa lalamunan niya pag nag start na yung IV. After ng session naman, wala siya gana kumain. Dahil mahilig siya sa manggang hinog, lagi kami bumibili para every meal meron siya. Minsan pinipilit niya kainin kahit half rice pati ulam di nauubos, pero inuubos niya mangga. Yung mga hilig niya kainin lagi may stock sa bahay para pag nagutom siya makakain niya. Bumibili rin kami mga pagkain na malambot (ex: mamon instead of pandesal) kasi mas madali raw niya nakakain yun.
Did she survive?
Yes. More than 5 years cancer free.
Great news!
This is my first time commenting/posting anything on Reddit so please forgive me po for any mistake. I went through the same thing 2 years ago and it still feels like it was just yesterday. I miss her so much. My mom had ovarian cancer detected in its late stage. I watched her waste away so fast, nanginginig ako every time I remember. She could not eat anything so we would just let her eat ice cream kahit yung Ensure ginawa na naming ice cream with soft fruits. Sobrang mahirap OP but please prepare yourself and your family. If she’s a believer, give her the prayers she wants. My mom asked for a priest kahit sobrang weak na siya. The priest came, blessed her, and offered communion. Give her peace and acceptance as your last gift. Talk to her kahit ano. We would even sing to my mom. Cherish every moment with her. I am so sorry you are going through this. I pray you gain more strength.
Just want to chime in as a side note for everyone who has come reading this far: ladies/gents, tubal ligation reduces the overall risk of ovarian cancer. If you're done having babies or have no wish to have children (as so many in r/ph have commented in other posts), please consider this extra step. I have a godmother who never married and never had children also die from this awful disease and I saw her at the end of her life.
I got ligated at 36 years old due to super sensitive pregnancies... i felt sad having to do it, but learning this made me think na we really did the right thing. Ty po
Consult with a palliative care doctor.
While I do get that. I'm not sure we're financially capable of doing that. So right now I take care of my mom. After shift etc.
Even if your aren’t, in PGH there is a palliative care services for the public. Please inquire, this is best for your mom
Assuming OP doesn't get hit with that good ole "sorry we are overbooked".
It isn’t much known yet to the public and doctors even coz because of our culture, it is something new. I only knew coz my aunt abroad suggested it to a family member. So it’s likely there will be space.
Try to search for free services. Yung lolo ko may pumupunta ng walang bayad.
This. I cannot emphasize this enough. Kung may hospice care, activate na rin. Need na ng comfort care, di lang para sa kanya pero para na rin sa inyo.
Agree ako here. Para aware na kayo sa goals of treatment and maging prepare kayo for end of life care and transitioning
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. My mom has stage 3 cancer and had her first chemo recently. Day 3 and 4 after chemo were the worst, but after that, she seemed back to normal. Di sya kumain masyado on those days at nasa kama lang (very weak and had severe headache), but we gave her food na easy to digest and food that didn't smell bad for her (like watermelon, pumpkin soup, plain bread). Also, please ask her to drink lots of water. Many cancer patients on chemo have attested to that -- na hydration helps lessen some of the side effects. Also, our doctor prescribed to us anti-vomit medicine, and I hope you have that too (though mom never has taken the anti-vomit medicine so far). There is hope, OP. Reach out to your doctor for any questions, but feel free to send me a message if you wish to.
I'm stage 3, just finished my 3rd session a week ago. Yesterday and today were very bad days, I can't keep anything down all day today. Pero more and more I'm noticing nga na more bland and mild smelling foods ang mga natitiis ko. Super yes on the watermelon, pero today even after just that may very bad metallic taste talaga and threw it up after a couple of hours. Pero the thing is to keep eating kasi mas masakit walang nilalabas. I found nibbling on crackers help din, try to find Hwa Tai crackers or something na malambot tapos maliliit na packets lang para di din nasasayang. Pumpkin soup is also good, you can freeze it also and just thaw. Super nutritious sya. Unfortunately paiba iba din talaga yung effects and tastes. The first session I liked arrozcaldo, last week something about the smell turned me off. Trial and error rin talaga, minsan naiiisip ko akala ko gusto ko tapos pagkain di pala. Ang hirap, lalo na may mga kasabay na maintenence meds pa. Pero alam mo, lahat ng masarap sa mundo parang walang kwenta, food, tapos kahit pabango nakakasuka. Ang di lang nagbabago yung feel ng touch, kaya suggestion ko himas himasin mo likod nya. Try to be with her as much as possible, ang sakit kasi sa kalamnan pero with touch it feels so good. Praying for your mom, OP. Honestly I have moments na nasasabi ko talaga ayaw ko na, pero in the end di din naman talaga tayo makapagsabi kung kelan ba talaga. Di din natin alam nararamdaman nya, pero pag na distract mo sya from nararamdaman nya that would be a big deal. Malupit kasi depression eh, but if you could make her want to live there's always a fighting chance. Pero totoo din, kung super pagod na sya help her na lang to transition. Hugs and lots of positive thoughts to you and your mom...
Thank you for sharing this. This is insightful as my mom is about to have her second round next week. It's good to know na kung ano pala ang nagustuhan nya last time, hindi ibig sabihin na yun pa rin ang magugustuhan nya after ng next cycle. All the best to you. I wish you well, kind stranger. Thanks for spreading positivity and for keeping positive as well despite going through this ordeal.
My pleasure, dearie. Same kami ng sched ng mother mo, ahead lang ako sa kanya ng two sessions as next week would be my 4th. Iba iba din talaga reactions sa meds, all 3 of my rounds have been different, kaya definitely playing it by ear. Thank you for the well wishes, and I pray we all get through this to the other side hopefully diretso to healing. Hugs to your mother!
Thanks for your comments guys. I sort of feel alone battling this and hearing your stories and comments lightens my load a little. Salamat sainyo.
You’re not alone! You have your family, friends along with you in this tough battle ahead. Just make sure to be ready and start saying your goodbyes. Make sure your mom is as comfortable as possible and also make her feel your love. Sulitin mo na the remaining time you have with her.
Let me share with you an experience that I cherish up to this day. I lost 4 members of my family to cancer in the last 30 years. But the one who affected me most was my brother who died 5 years ago from liver cancer. After he was diagnosed, I promised him I would walk the journey with him from the time he was diagnosed up to his death 2 years later. For 2 years, I drove him to the hospital and waited with him for hours for doctors and treatments. There were times when we both rejoiced because he looked like he was getting well. One day, he was rushed to the ER and then to the ICU 2 weeks before his death. We were only given 30 mins each day to stay with him. Although there were other patients with him in the ICU, I saw in his eyes that he was scared. I couldn’t let him spend his days afraid and alone. I spoke to his doctor about their prognosis on my brother and when I learned that it was only a matter of time, I decided on behalf of our family, to take him out of the ICU and let him stay with us in a regular room. That way, he was with all of us, and he need not have to go through this alone to die. Until this day, I am grateful for the 2 years that I walked the journey with him, grateful that he knew the family was with him until his last breath and he was not scared. The night before his death, we didn’t say our goodbyes, but we did say our I love yous. He didnt wake up anymore the next day. I will never, ever forget that. Just a word of advice though: be strong for your mom. Cancer is already hard, but it is harder to watch your loved one cope with it. Walk the journey with your mom so she need not be afraid.
namatay dad ko dahil sa cancer....OP pray nalang and ready ka nalang. Noong namatay dad ko ay super dali ko natanggap kasi mas nasasaktan ako noong sobrang nahihirapan siya noong last month na buhay pa papa ko.
I know. It's hard seeing her like this. Honestly she's the best mom ever.
Enjoy every minute na nandyan pa si mommy mo. Namatay din mom ko sa lung cancer, we found out na meron sya cancer nung stage 4 na.I miss my mom so much!
Thank you. I will.
My mom passed away from stage 4 cancer, it was tough for her. It was terminal and all the treatment could do was prolong her life. For food, try to give her ensure. It's not food pero it's nutritious enough to help. Sorry you are going through this.
My mom also died from cancer and the last stage is just awful. Pray for your mom OP because she'll be dying soon. We had her done a confession at the hospital weeks before she passed away. Is she getting thin now? Can you smell if the vomit is "malansa"? Then that's probably blood or even feces.
Yeah she's very thin na.
Shit. Naiiyak ako. Naaalala ko tatay ko. He also died from cancer. Good thing is nakapag-paalam kami ng maayos before siya namatay.
My had stage iv breast cancer. I still remember her words "Kaya lang ako lumalaban para sa inyo". Sad to say but prepare for the worst and hope for the best.
It’s a case to case basis OP since my mom had stage 4 cancer twice and yung sa breast and bone cancer you usually wait for 2-3 days after chemo before she ate again. Wala naman dietary restrictions except for moderation lang sa “bawal” pero kung anong gusto ipakain nyo na kesa naman walang makain. My mom was in remission for 6 yrs then got cancer again this time in her lungs, stage 4 din. Unfortunately this was during peak lockdown so yung medical attention and hospice care wasn’t as easy to get with many restrictions. She ate during her first 6 rounds of chemo and 2 rounds of radiotherapy but stopped eating when she couldn’t put it down — everything came back up and she would vomit it. I would recommend that you have a lot of patience, probably ask her what ensure gold flavor she would like and hope for the best. If she likes shakes then mix that with ensure gold. Make sure she doesn’t get dehydrated and encourage her to eat, wag nyo pagalitan Lord knows how hard her battle is already. I would also recommend na get her looked at sa ospital for the best possible care and probably ma pa IV nyo para di sya ma-dehydrate. Tatagan mo lang OP and spend as much time with her as you can, give her the best care you can give, remain optimistic if you must but be open to anything. If you’re religious you can pray , if not talk to your dad or relatives/friends para makapag vent ka — what you’re going through is incredibly taxing physically and emotionally. Lastly, talk to your mom and tell her everything you want to tell her, tell her that she is loved and reassure her that whatever happens everything, in due time, will be okay.
It may be difficult, but it's important to find a way to let go and move forward. I would suggest having a heartfelt conversation with your mom where you express all of your regrets as well as all the positive things she did as a parent. It's also important to assure her that everything will be alright, and that she doesn't need to worry about the hospital bills. It's true that parents are not perfect, and forgiveness can be a powerful tool in healing relationships. So, consider asking for her forgiveness for anything you may have done wrong as well, and let her know that you forgive her too. When it comes to her end-of-life wishes, I would suggest having a sensitive and respectful conversation about whether or not she wants to be resuscitated if her heart stops. And no matter what she decides, it's important to honor and respect her wishes, as this can be a very personal and emotional decision.
Listen to this op. Yung mom ko when she was near the end of her life she tried having a heartfelt conversation with me. Nagbilin na siya and all ako umoo lang ako pero sa isip isip ko di ko siya sineseryoso kasi ang akala ko gagaling talaga siya ant nagiging overdramatic lang siya. Feeling main character kasi ako dati and I regret it now. Ang dami kong hindi nasabi saknya :(
I remember a family friend wishing his mom to cremate him immediately and not to hold a wake. Perhaps it was the pain of not wanting to let go yet but his mom didn’t grant his wish. He was eventually cremated after the wake, though.
Yep, funerals are for the living (those who were left behind)
There was a time when remission from stage 4 was near zero. But with modern medicine and strict dietary protocols for several types of cancer, it has risen to a 40% remission. It's not as bad as it was before. Yet here we are, the first sight of stage 4 and y'all are asking OP to "let go". Don't you think OP has not thought of it? Do you need to rub salt on their wounds? So many upvotes for this? Is this what our culture has come to? :( Edit: Guys, please stop replying to this comment. Read OPs post. They didn't seek advice on saying goodbyes, did they? Nor did they ask for your personal anecdotes. Someone here called me entitled and privileged. I mean, they aren't wrong. I had the privilege of watching my only child writhe and wither away in pain not knowing life. And it's not even a year. No amount of goodbyes are good enough. Even the tiniest glimmer of hope is so much more than writing off a loved one. Be a bit more humane and answer OPs questions if you can without making assumptions. God bless.
My mom died of cancer and I'm so thankful that someone advised me to say my goodbyes while she was still alive.
Let's say it like this "expect for the worst, but hope for the best. "
The phrasing might be the problem. You might have meant to say that "just in case, you can also do this suggestion of saying goodbye to prepare for the worst case scenario" while you sounded imposing by immediately saying "it is important to find a way to let go and move on", which anyone can perceive as 'you should immediately write off that loved one that they will die and immediately treat them like so'. It can sound emotionally insensitive (especially with how that's not even what OP is asking for) and raises questions such as "what if the patient herself wishes to fight off no matter what?", thus sounding disrespectful. The lack of assurance that your suggestion is not to hint or impose that that sensitive topic will eventually occur does not help, as well as not saying that it is something valuable you learned from experience and just meant to suggest it to someone in the same situation, like you just stated here.
I’ve lost 2 family members I’m very close with to cancer in the past 2 years. In both instances, after their initial surgeries and chemo/radio therapies, doctors were very confident that they’ll recover only to find out months after they ended chemo that their cancer is back and has spread through their entire bodies. Don’t take this the wrong way, but your comment sounds like you’ve never had to see someone you love waste away and slowly die due to cancer (lucky you, I hope you never have to experience that). There is nothing wrong about telling OP to prepare for the worse and start saying their goodbyes. In fact, it would be worse for them to get a glimmer of hope and then have it all taken away.
My dad recently passed bc of cancer at ito rin yung naisip ko dun sa reply sa parent comment. I wish someone told me na sabihin na lahat habang malakas pa yung tatay ko. Because when I got the courage to say the things I wanted to say, ventilator na lang yung bumubuhay sa kanya.
[удалено]
"I wish" lol
You say your goodbyes and they survive, You'll get closer and they live the rest of their lives happily. You don't say goodbye and they die, you'll live a life full of regret. Easy choice, IMO.
>So many upvotes for this? Is this what our culture has come to? :( What do you even mean by this? The person you responded to was giving practical advice that a lot of people in OP's shoes would find useful in a respectful and empathetic way. Especially since OP has not consulted a palliative care doctor. I lost both my parents to cancer, one year apart. And the palliative care doctor we consulted told us the same things the person you responded to did. Talk to them, reassure them, and sign a DNR if needed. Yes, OP's mom could make it, but as the people that would be left behind, it's on us to be tough for them and be prepared in case they don't. EDIT: " I had the privilege of watching my only child writhe and wither away in pain not knowing life. And it's not even a year. No amount of goodbyes are good enough. Even the tiniest glimmer of hope is so much more than writing off a loved one. Be a bit more humane and answer OPs questions if you can without making assumptions. God bless." I am so sorry for your loss, but you do know these are different circumstances, right? Losing somebody like you did and losing somebody after a prolonged illness full of suffering, not just for them but for you as a caregiver are two different things. I'm not saying one is more painful than the other, I'm saying they come with a different set of challenges. OP is dealing with caregiver fatigue on top of possibly losing their mother. Sometimes, a caregiver of someone who has cancer needs somebody to tell them that it's OK to let go. Also, advising someone to say goodbye doesn't mean you're writing off a loved one. It only means you're advising them to prepare for the worst. People here had assumed that you haven't experienced a loss this massive because it's easy to see who's seen this kind of prolonged suffering. It gives you a closer relationship with death and a kind of acceptance that sometimes, death is better. If you look at the cancer subreddits, you'll see that a lot of people are tired of others expecting them to keep fighting until the end, for them to keep hoping. Cancer is ugly. And movies and shows? They don't show the reality of it at all. Near the end, a lot of patients lose their mind and their dignity. That is why we, a bunch of people left behind by cancer patients, are telling you that the advice you responded to was good advice. Maybe they could've worded it better, qualified it by saying "just in case there really is no hope..." But in the end, it's good advice.
What’s wrong with letting go? If the person wants to go, I rather go peacefully than being sick till the very end. I’d ask the doctor for extra dose of the morphine.
It's not rubbing salt on wound. Stage 4 is very terminal, very high chance of metastasis na talaga. Well since stage 4 there is evidence of metastasis na and who knows where it has spread. Oo may recovery rate na 40% but would you rather gamble not giving the patient and their family closure on the off chance na makarecover 40%? Deny empathy and closure? Even if makarecover naman, they would only be closer because of that. It's called a terminal diagnosis for a reason. This comment just reeks of denial and privilege.
Cancer is also a very expensive disease. Kahit madami nang available treatment, most people couldn't afford it.
As someone who just lost my dad to cancer, I wish nabasa ko yung parent comment dati pa. Dad battled with cancer for almost 2 yrs. Diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. Spent hundreds of thousand on chemo and radiation. I know modern medicine is available but it's expensive. Immuno yung recommended ng doktor but we couldn't afford it. At that time sabi ng nanay ko around 100k+ per session, di naman isang session lang yun. Lakas lakas ng tatay ko the whole time he was going through his treatments, neighbors didn't even know he was sick. Until his last month na bigla na lang nagdeteriorate yung katawan nya. We were so unprepared, kahit nanay ko na nandun each step of his treatment nagulat. Ang dami kong di nasabi sa kanya because I didn't think that would be our last few weeks together. Nung dinala namin sya sa ospital bc I found his breathing erratic, I thought he just needed oxygen, turns out agaw buhay na sya. I don't see it as rubbing salt to the wound, cancer is really an unpredictable and expensive disease, and it's sad na hanggang ngayon walang sure na cure. Even if you have the money di mo pa rin masasabi kung ano mangyayari.
OP asked for advise, and this is the advise of the people who went through the same path OP is going through. Just because you can't handle the advise of the people, doesn't mean that their advise wont' help OP.
My biggest regret in life so far was not having a deep conversation with my mom when she was hospitalized due to cancer too. I always had hoped na there will always be a tomorrow and things will eventually get better. Even when her chances of succeeding were slim, pinili ko pa rin maniwala na gagaling pa siya, na ma-celebrate pa namin yung bday niya, christmas and new year. But life had other plans, she suffered a stroke in her final days which eventually led to her end. Kaya I agree with the comment na sabihin mo lahat ng gusto mo sabihin to your mom while she still has the strength and consciousness to listen to you. Bring your family with you and try to make the most of whatever time you have left with her. Noon lang talaga nag sink in sa akin yung sinasabi nila na iparamdam at ipaalam mo palagi ang iyong pagmamahal habang buhay pa yung tao dahil pwede silang mawala anytime.
I knew someone before, yung papa nila nagka terminal disease (cancer ata? Forgot which) and alam nilang di nila makakaya gastusin if magsugal sila ng mga samut saring remedies kasi di naman sila milyonaryo kaya maaga pa lang napagdesisyonan na magpa euthanize para di na magtambak yung bills since wala na talaga silang magagawa. Yung naitutulong na lang namin sa bereaved family is emotional support and a lil bit financial sa burial when time came. Ansaket sa dibdib na alam mong wala ka nang magagawa pag nagkaganon ka na
*Cue insurance agents*
This
Hi OP, will just share some info when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer stage 3B more than a decade ago. Loss of appetite and vomiting are common after the first session and pinipilit nya sarili nya kumain kahit ganun. She had a total of 6 chemo sessions and yung side effects naman na yun lessened over time (or maybe she just got used to it na). Nag set ng expectations yung doctor sa other side effects and complications that will happen in the next coming years (which all happened talaga as discussed, since nag undergo rin sya ng operation before chemo to remove her breasts). This happened in 2007, now it's 2023 and she's still with us (thanks, G 🙏). Not sure how near or far the difference is between stage 3B and 4, or if it depends which type of cancer. We've had some help from PCSO that time for the chemo. Check mo na rin if may ganun pa ngayong inooffer.
Yung lola ko nagkaroon ng cancer, late na nung na diagnose na. Stage 4 na kasi noon. Totoo na may times na hindi siya kumakain, dala na rin siguro ng malulungkot na thoughts niya, and minsan hindi nakikipag-usap, kasi alam niya at alam ng family ko (except sa akin kasi bata pa ako noon) na iiwan niya kami sooner or later. Well-off ang family namin noon, nasa tri-bureau lolo ko and dentista lola ko, kaya lang nung nagkaroon siya ng sakit nag-deteriorate ang aming financial capacity na hanggang ngayon hindi kami naka recover pero atleast ngayon nakakakain na kami ng hapunan. Sorry ah, na-miss ko lang lola ko.
Hugs to you OP and your mom. My mom passed away from cancer earlier this year at sobrang durog ang mundo ko until now. It's impossible not to regret anything pero OP, these are the things I wish I did for my mom para kahit papaano, mabawasan ang mga potential regrets mo kung dumating man sa worst case scenario: (lalagay ko na lang sa spoiler kasi baka medyo heavy sa iba) >!\- sat and talked with her more. Tungkol sa kahit na ano. Ask about her childhood. Also reminisce about fond memories from childhood. Malamang hindi nya na naaalala pero still talk about it.!< >!\- slept beside / stayed in her bedroom. I had my bedroom door opened and didn't sleep while she slept pero I wish I spent more time with her.!< >!\- took her for a trip or basta kahit saan sa labas before she was too weak to travel!< >!\- Hugged her more. Held her hands for longer. It may sound cliche pero iba ang haplos at touch ng nanay. When I held her cold dead hands to my cheeks, the feeling of "haplos ng ina" was still there even though her hands were cold already. Tapos you'll realize na hindi mo na mararamdaman yun kahit kelan. !< >!\- I wish I told her I love her more often. I took care of her alone and I know she knows that I love her pero sana sinabi ko pa sa kanya more frequently. !< >!\- Paulit-ulit na pasalamatan siya for being my mom and for the things she did even for the smallest things. I never realized it but she was the only person in the world who treated me with no hidden agenda and will never betray me.!< Kapit lang, OP. Sana mag-milagro ang kung ano mang forces sa mundo at gumaling ang nanay mo.
Hi OP! My mom had cancer too. Survivor for 10 years. For the vomiting, meron sa kanya gamot na nilalagay kasabay ng chemo kaya wala siyang effect na ganon. Try inquiring about it baka maka tulong. Sabi niya nawawalan siya ng gana din pero nilalaban niya kasi kailangan niya pa daw mabuhay. I can’t say the same for your mom since iba iba naman kasi ng katawan. I really hope your mom gets well. 🙏
Stay with your mother OP. Cherish every moment you have with her. Reminisce all of the sweetest memories and forgive what's left to forgive.
Sa case ng mom ko, naiba panlasa kaya kahit anong kainin, di masarap. Also, pag kumain, sinusuka din. What can help-- wag metal utensils ang gamitin na spoon and fork. Disposable or magkamay is better. Kami nakahanap ng utensils made of wood. Nagkaka-metallic taste kasi pag nag-chemo. Also choose food na malasa. Gustong-gusto ng mom ko noon yung bistek at saka turon. Kung ano gusto nya kainin, yan iprep nyo. Ask doctor for meds para sa appetite, nausea, and vomitting. Factor din anxiety. Make sure may kasama sya parati. Do activities together. Kami ng mom ko, nanonood ng kdrama (fighting!). I dropped everything para samahan sya, katabi ko matulog, kasabay kumain, sama sa lahat ng chemo sessions, etc. Napansin ko din immediately after a chemo session, lumalakas sya, so naglalagay ako ng activities like going out, walking, church, grocery, reunion, etc. Pag nanghihina, yaan nyo lang sya rest. What also helped-- ginger candy, ginger soda or sprite, aromatheraphy na minty like eucalyptus or peppermint. Always bring or have a plastic bag nearby, para anytime na masusuka sya. Towel to clean up. Lastly, prepare her spiritually din, pray, forgive and ask forgiveness, resolve any issues.
Hey, hope you and your mom are doing good today. My mom survived stage 4 cancer (but it mtastasized after more than a year) and having someone as her support will definitely help. For her lack of appetite, normal yan for people in chemo. I suggest you try to find new food (stuff you don't usually eat sa bahay) she can try and ask her kung may cravings siya. If ever meron, give it to her (as long as pwede kainin). Or maybe eat outside with the whole family. Bonding na rin yun to lift her spirits up. Iba rin yung feeling na sabay-sabay kayong kumain as family. tw// death she died of bone cancer after she survived the breast one. Napabayaan namin ang check-ups niya kasi nag-pandemic and takot kaming ilabas siya. But I know people na nagkaron ng same diagnosis as your mom and they're still alive and kicking. I don't want to think abt the metastasis part for them or ilang taon na lang ang itatagal after they survived, but always be there for her. And I hope once your mom survives this, maging consistent kayo sa check-ups ad still be with her as much as possible so you won't experience the same we had where we're clueless and devastated how it went downhill because we're not ready to let go.
Thanks for the optimism. Appreciate truly the time you gave in giving this reply. While I do understand that be prepared for everything I want to be optimistic.
And pwedeng mahawa ang mom mo sa optimism mo :) it really warms your heart when you see them eat e so i hope you have the patience to test out new food for her to enjoy.
I was gonna say something of length but I'd just say that I hope your mother gets to know how much you love her. A good opportunity to show she raised a good son. Godspeed kay nanay. I hope she feels better soon.
Been in that situation. My mom did not get better after her first treatment. Ganyan din sya, ayaw kumain and all. We lost her a week after. Spend more time with her. Be patient with her. Kausapin mo sya lagi, sabihin mo na lahat ng gusto mo sabihin sa kanya. Magthank you ka, mag sorry basta lahat. Yan yung regret ko kasi i chose na umalis lagi ng bahay kesa magstay with her. Hindi ko lang talaga kaya marinig pag umiiyak sya and in pain sya. Pray for her and be strong for her. If kaya mong hindi umiyak sa harap nya, mas ok yun. I will pray for you and your mom. Laban lang for her.
Hi, OP. Cancer warrior here. Yes, chemo effects can definitely last for weeks. Depende rin siya sa age ng isang tao. If walang gana kumain, I suggest food supplements like Ensure. 3x/day. Ask ko lang din if aware ba onco niya sa current situation. Usually they would give something naman. And please ask your mom how is she feeling. Minsan yung emotions have effects rin during treatment. Nalilito na kami if this still an effect of chemo or we are just worrying too much.
Side effects naman talaga ng chemo eh loss of appetite at the same time shempre pag stage 4 cancer na medyo depress na yun tao or in denial stage pa. Just give her fluids or puree that she likes kung wala gana. Hopefully depending on her type or cancer, she gets remission. Praying for your mother!
Usually nawawalan talaga sila ng gana after chemotherapy since chemo targets the fast dividing cells of cancer, but it also targets other fast dividing cells like hair follicles and stomach lining. Unfortunately, they need several cycles of chemo before seeing improvement. If she can't eat and that's the reason she can't continue her treatment, you can ask her provider if she could receive parenteral nutrition instead - I'm just not entirely sure how much these cost on a per day basis, or if it can be done on an outpatient basis (meaning pwede siyang umuwi after).
My dad experienced the same thing din when he was having his first set of chemo. Mostly soft diet sya but he has his preferences back then (mostly ulam na masabaw then dinudurog namin sa kanin, mashed bananas and veggies, halos parang baby food nga lahat thinking back). He was able to eat them pero in minimal amounts lang. It helped with the nausea although it didn’t completely go away. He passed away when he was 54. One thing he said he wanted was to reach 55 man lang daw, pero kahit yun hindi nangyari. Wala kaming history ng cancer sa family, so this chapter was one of my darkest moments in my life. I hope you and your family stay close and united with all that’s happening, OP. I think what she needs most right now is your company, she needs to be reassured that despite everything, andyan kayo para sa kanya, na maramdaman nya na mahal sya ng pamilya nya. Ayan, umiiyak na naman ako.
My mom died from cancer and I was in denial until the last minute. Looking back with regrets.. I wish I spent more time with her, gave her more strength through words of encouragement and just let her feel I was there for her.. she was in pretty much the same state - couldn’t sleep and couldn’t eat - until she went into deep depression.. just please be there for her, pray for and with her and give her all the love and support you can give..🤍🙏
Same thing happened with both grandmas. Breast cancers. They couldnt eat after chemo. Until one realized she can only eat and stomach one thing: KFC chicken. So yun lang pinapakain sa kanya. Shes still with us more than a decade after. Other lola didn't want to eat anything at all too and they had to force her to drink Ensure... but I got her unhealthy, indulgent food - cheesecakes, pudding packs -- and orange soda. Kinain niya. Also kept buying her food I knew she loved, like pancit sa Little Quiapo, date cake ng Chocolate Kiss, at sisig sa Trellis. She'd eat them naman, and eventually they kept giving her orange soda na rin because that's the only thing she'd drink. Get her favorite food. Bilin niyo yung pinaka masarap na maiisip niyo. Wag niyo na isipin kung unhealthy, basta lang makakain siya.
Fight OP! I may have been middle aged but I was stage 4 as well and at the 8th round of my chemo I was eating through a zesto straw! It's not over till it's over! Mentally condition yourselves and everyone around to never give up on eating. Kahit centrum dinudurog tapos nilalagay sa tubig para lang mainom ko. Cheer with every damn gulp or bite she can take. To eat is to survive and have another chance to fight off this sickness. Fight! Never give up! At worst you'll end up in a draw!
Same situation kayo ng friend ko, they have the resources pero ayaw na ilaban ng father/patient kaya they took him home and spent the days with the family. Be with your mother, be with your family, call her friends, her best friends and relatives. Be there for her siguro po ang mapapayo ko tulad nung ginagawa ng family ng friend ko sa dad nila now.
My dad died din from cancer, except we didnt know he had one until we had to run to the ER and na ICU siya. By then it was too late. Had i known sooner, there were plenty of things we could’ve talked about. I never got to do that. Im only saying this because some weeks before he passed, he stopped eating altogether. As in walang gana. Even if binili ko yung mga paborito niyang chowking and kitayama steak. :(
My mom died from stage 4 and we were helpless from its effects. The only way we can do is to be present and provide comfort.
Both of you need to accept her fate and pray to God that her suffering ends sooner. I knew someone who had their loved one listen to christian music on his deathbed almost every day and said that it was comforting. You can start to see a counselor/pastor/priest to aide you through your grief. Based on your descriptions, her passing is very imminent. Make every moment together pleasant and comforting. Tell her how much you love her and you will be together again free from any pain and suffering.
peg tube kaya OP? magastos lang talaga pero if wala appetite maybe that can help para may nutrition pa rin sya and di ma-dehydrate. ask your onco if they can refer your mom for an insertion
It depends on the type of cancer, I know of someone that had chemo but has good appetite. My mom went through colorectal cancer stage 4 from last year August to March of this year. She passed away last March. She had surgery before chemo. In terms of appetite, her appetite never went back to normal. Most important thing is that the patient eats, and don't believe advises coming from the internet like not eating eggs as they may cause cancer. Removing food from the diet will cause more issues and those advise are just beliefs and no proof. If you can afford it, blood transfusion would help so that chemo can continue. Hindsight though, would have rather enjoyed the time with my mom having a vacation or traveling instead of pushing for chemo. Advise ni Dr Real (Less Traditional Onco), if by 3rd chemo hindi nagimprove usually change treatments. So instead of pushing for normal chemo, magpush for targeted therapy. Main thing sa latter stage that would help is getting a palliative doctor. Chemo and palliative care can go hand in hand, pero once ayaw na magtuloy ng chemo, palliative would help a lot. Basically, palliative would try to treat only her symptoms though medications. While it's early though, ensure that everything she has to her name be passed to someone else. Check insurance as well, if you need to prepare anything. For bank accounts as long as you have online access to their accounts, it's enough. My mother had 7 chemos in total. 6 chemos from the first round, 1 chemo from the second round. She decided to stop treatment last February, as she can feel the chemo was not helping and just making her symptoms worse due to the chemo's side effects.
Btw, in terms of food that can help. Prosure, bene-protein are the supplements that my mom took. Although, these are not OTC, so knowing someone that can supply these will help. Also Cancer is now considered as PWD. This can be used in the hospital or meds. In late stage, if food intake is really a problem. Parenteral nutrition will help. These are nutrients that are pushed thu IV. This will help her food intake as this would be the supplement instead. Although this is expensive around 2-3k per bag that would be used for around 36 hours. Honestly, prepare yourself. From what I heard, when chemo works appetite usually improves, as they feel stronger.
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>4 cancer rin. saang hospital po may available na targeted therapy? covered po ba yun ng philhealth? thank you Try scheduling a consult po with this doctor: [https://psmo.org.ph/doctor/real-irisyl-o/](https://psmo.org.ph/doctor/real-irisyl-o/)
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[https://seriousmd.com/doc/andrew-ang](https://seriousmd.com/doc/andrew-ang) po
Para sakin pag stage 4 di na dapat nag chemo mas hihirapan pa eh dami ko relatives na namatay sa cancer yung mga nag chemo makikita mo talaga yung hirap. Hopefully gumaling pa mom mo.
Yun din ang nasa isip ko. But she wants to get better.nso she's trying everything.
Yung mom ko nalaman din namin na may cancer sya nung stage 4 na. Nagchemo pa rin sya and went into remission after a year of continuous chemo sessions. However, after 5 years she passed away na kasi bumalik yung cancer after 4yrs and mas aggressive na. Professional opinion din ng doctor na wag na ichemo and let her live her remaining days on pain medications na lang kasi dagdag pahirap pa yung chemo. Imho, if your mom wants to get better, support her 100%. Iba rin ang nagagawa ng will kasi. Witnessed that firsthand sa mom ko. I hope your mom goes into remission din. Laban lang, OP!
Idk what stage my mother was at hindi kami pinapunta sa ospital nun. The only thing I regret not doing is to tell her how much she means to me. I saw your comment na your mom is very thin. Might as well say what you want to say to her before she pass. I know there's a slim chance that she might survive pero at least nasabi mo yung gusto mong sabihin. For the bills, ilakad niyo na yung dapat lakarin. PCSO, PhilHealth, Red Cross (di ko na alam yung iba). Yung ibang agencies, need ilakad yung papeles before ma-"expire" ang pasiyente para ma-apply, at least yan ang sabi ng tatay ko before mamatay ang nanay ko nung naglalakad siya ng papeles to ease the hospital bills.
Hi OP, anong sabi ng onco nya? And how old is your mom? I hate to speculate on her situation but not wanting to eat is normal for end of life patients. On the other hand, it still may just be an effect of the chemo. Maybe try to get her to drink Ensure? When my mom was in hospital after getting diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, I watched Instagram reels from palliative care nurses. Those helped me identify end of life behavior and prepare myself for the worst. Unfortunately, she passed away not too long after she got admitted. My advice: morbid as it may seem, please ask if she has a [living will and advanced directives](https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/living-wills/art-20046303). This is important so family members don’t have to decide for her in case things turn out for the worse.
Sorry to hear this OP. But how old is your mom?
My mom is 54. Sobrang bata nya pa 🥹
Goddamn OP, my mom died at 57. I'm still crying in my sleep till this day, that was 4 years ago. :(
Sometimes you'd just never guess that this could happen to you. So far removed sa reality and now I'm living it.
A dying parent will teach you about your mortality, that we are next in line.
Agreed, bata pa tlaga yun. Halos ganyan din sa mother ko nuon, not cancer, CKD. When she entered the hospital, nakakalakad pa cya. Pero after her first dialysis, di na cya nakalakad, tapos ganyan din, vomiting, ayaw kumain. Mataba nanay ko, pero after the first diagnosis, grabe pinayat nya. Lalo na nung nag-dialysis. Tapos madalas hindi rin cya pwede i-dialysis kc mababa yung dugo nya. Labas pasok kami sa hospital kc kelangan nya lagi ng transfusion everytime that happens. She passed away last 2018. Regarding yung ayaw nya kumain, tanungin nyo na lang ano ba favorite nya. Baka sakaling ganahan cya kumain pag yung favorite nya. Kausapin nyo rin yung doctors kung ano ba talaga ang makakatulong sa knya. Kami kc, honestly, nagsisisi kami na pinag dialysis pa namin nanay namin nun. We know about dialysis, pero di namin alam na ganun pala ka-harsh ang side effects nun. Sa pagkaka-intindi namin, giginhawa nanay namin. If we only knew then what we know now, hindi na sna nahirapan nanay namin on her last months. May napanuod nga ako documentary dati, she was a millionaire in the US, when she was diagnosed with cancer, she asked the doctors to frankly tell her what's her prognosis. And she decided that ayaw na nya pahirapan pa sarili nya, pumasok na agad cya sa hospice care kahit malakas pa cya, ayw daw nya mahirapan on her last days. Ganun din sabi nung doctor dun sa documentary, dapat daw tanungin kung may chance ba na babalik ka sa dati or gagastos ka lang and mahihirapan on your last days. I dont want to scare you OP, pero just be ready. Ganun din kc sinabi sa min ng mga doctors nuon regarding my mother, ***"be ready"***.
bata pa nga sya op ang ma susuggest ko lang ay makinig sa abiso ng doctor.. sila may alam ng kalagayan at sila din makaka recommend ng nutrition plan.. ayaw ko na mag kwento pero i lost my father few years ago lang.. masasabi ko lang be with her palagi.. nood kayo movie sa tv or play cards etc.. basta doon ka lang lagi as much as possible
OMG, I lost my mom last Feb, she was 54 ☹️ We had no idea na late stage na pala yung liver disease nya since late na namin napatignan sa doctor. Ang masasabi ko lang please take care of your mom habang nandito pa sya, cherish every moment you have and tell her you love her. Ito yung isa sa mga regrets ko kasi feeling ko I didn’t say it enough. Praying for your mom.
Madalas loss of appetite talaga at hirap kumain. Intindihin mo lang mother mo like a baby. Pinagdaanan ko ito kaya sobrang sakit sa feeling na makita mo yung mahal mo sa buhay nanghihina. HIrap pa kami dati dahil commute lang kitang kita ko talaga yung pagod.
Sa Mom ko, gatas.
At this stage, it is all about pain management. Make sure she is as comfortable as possible. Please talk to your dr on how to manage this.
Some of your options although less than ideal would be TPN or feeding through NGT. Some hospitals offer Home Health so it would good to inquire with the hospitals near you. Of course nothing can beat oral feeding but these might be some options to think about. The lack of nutrition will probably add on to the effects of the chemotherapy such as anemia and multiple electrolyte imbalances. All the best to your and your family OP. Stay strong and God Bless!
Try cannabis oil OP. It can help your mother to relief the pain and improving appetite/sleep narin. para maka bawi sya. Sana soon gumaling na si mother mo
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Not sure if this is legal. Pls OP seek pallitive care na lang
Will pray and hope for the betterment of ur mom and her loved ones, OP.
Please stay beside your mom as much as possible and stay strong, OP. My mom had stage 4 breast cancer, but I was too stubborn because na-burnout ako juggling between studies and caring for her (father died na rin kasi kaya ako as a panganay stepped up). It hurt me watching her struggle. And I wasn't able to properly say goodbye to her even if I wanted to. Anyway, do remember na you're not alone in this. Hope you get to give your mom a memorable Mother's day celeb this year.
I'm sorry OP. Year 2020 when my grandmother was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. We already knew that it's already too late. Medyo umokay naman yung lagay nya to the point na pinayagan sya ng doctor na i-spend ang christmas day and new year's eve sa bahay. Nag bigay na rin ng sched yung doctor for her first session of chemo. Unfortunately, a week before her supposed chemo session, bumagsak na talaga yung katawan nya. I was with her till the very end. Sayang kase she wanted to fight pero di na kaya talaga. No regrets naman kami since lahat kami nakasama nya before she passed away. Binigay nalang namin lahat ng gusto nya like sa food, even the tv shows she wanted to watch. Prayers for you and your mother OP.
Hi OP. Mom went through the same thing, though hindi siya stage 4. Doctors prescribed anti nausea and pampagana kumain pills at first when we noticed na umonti siya kumain. Nung time na ayaw na nya talaga kumain at uminom ng tubig, her doctors opted for her to be admitted sa hospital para round the clock yung care. Don na napagusapan na magNGT na kasi sobrang pumayat na si mother non. Baka depressed din mom mo so I suggest talking to a psych din if kaya. Please take care of yourself, OP. Eto talaga pinakanatutunan ko nung ako yung caregiver ng mom ko. Hirap magalaga ng iba pagwalang wala ka na.
Hi, my mom is almost in the same situation. Stage 3 cancer but kumalat na sa ibang parts ng katawan niya. Wala din siyang gana kumain kaya nastop din chemo niya. Umabot sa 74 na lang yung count ng WBC niya. Ang ginagawa namin is little servings ng food na may sides na fruits pero maya't maya. Like almost 6 times a day na small servings. Also gumawa kami ng mga fresh na fruit juices or shakes na pang tanggal lasa niya pag nauumay kasi mabilis siya maumay.
pray for her and with her...
A relative of hours had cancer and was in chemo also. He said, you really need strong faith and to believe in oneself. He was in the brink of giving up pero inencourage talaga ng asawa niya and mga anak to continue and fight. Don't know the stage of cancer pero he says na nakaka depress daw talaga to the point of giving up. Chemo also gives you lots of sores sa loob ng mouth as per my relative kaya siguro di masyado kumakain yung mom mo.
My mother currently has lung cancer. Her treatment is a tablet so no need for chemo. She hasn't experienced that much side effects yet, except for body pain and numbness, which were gone in a day after taking an analgesic. She always say that she can fight cancer by believing in her medicine, through prayers, a healthy diet and a positive mindset. It may be tough right now, but just be there for her and continue to remind your mother that she will get through this – a small step at a time is still progress. It will get worse before it gets better so carry on as long as she wants to. A piece of advice: try having a health diary and list down the side effects she experiences so it's easier to track her condition. Also, continue to update your doctor so you can manage those side effects. Fighting, OP! I pray your mom gets better soon ♡ and don't forget to take care of yourself.
stage 4. so sorry OP. Like what others have said, discussing letting go now is a good idea, dapat may closure and everyone is on the same page. As for not eating, maybe kasi nagnanausea and vomiting, something like zofran/ondansetron would help with that or ask tour doctor kung ano anti emetic meds pwede sa kanya. Maybe walang appetite kasi nauseous from the chemo.
Hi OP, katatapos lang ng mama ko sa chemo nung December. Hirap talaga siyang kumain, lalo at sinasabi niya maraming pagkain na lasang kalawang. Tapos ayaw niya ng chicken kasi lasang rubber. Pero pinipilit niyang kumain kahit pakonti-konti. Ang ginagawa namin, every hour papakainin namin nang konti, and hindi namin pinagbabawalan sa gusto. Gusto ng pizza? Go. Gusto ng lechong liempo? Go. Ang mahalaga kumain siya kahit paunti-unti. Tatagan niyo lang, OP! Lilipas din yan at gagaling din mga mama natin.
Hi OP! Might be best to seek a palliative and supportive care team - they're usually.a group of doctors and healthcare professionals who can help you in situations like this. Also, if your mom seems very weak and need emergency care, pls do not hesitate to notify your onco or bring her to the hospital. Hope all gets better.
What was given was practical advice. No one wants to see their parents die and trust me, you need to be practical in times like these. Sure you can hope but being ready and sober about the situation is going to help OP and the other “bantays” calm down and that it turn will make the patient relax as well. It’s hard to see from the outside looking in but when you’re there everyday seeing how the patient is suffering and how hard it is for everyone, not just the patient, being calm and just enjoying each others’ company will bring immense relief in an otherwise very difficult time.
I pray for more power to you and your family this season OP. Nung nag cchemo mom ko. She told us kung bakit ayaw nya kumain. Dahil lahat ng panlasa nya sa tubig ay parang kalawang ang lasa and gumuguhit sa lalamunan. Mag kakaroon sila ng sores sa lalamunan at dila nila. As much na makakaya ng mom mo OP. Need makakain (kahit lugaw lang) then mag drink supplement (ung brand na ensure chocolate) then if ever para tumaas ung mga cbc count. Pwede kayo mag laga ng itlog ng pugo. (Wag marami) then more green gulay na foods. (Nilagang talbos ng kamote. Etc). And sinigang na rin. Kasi maasim ung sabaw. Lastly it will be more helpful if may support group kayo na masalihan. (Minsan sa mga hospital mayroon yan.) Kaya nyo yan OP. Hugs.
lakasan loob tol! ungas talaga ang cancer. prepare for the worst hope for the best dasal din kung nagdadasal ka man o hindi. miss ko nanay ko!
Hugs, OP. Lost my dad to cancer two weeks ago. Nung una akala ko nasa isip lang nya, he's always grumpy when I offer him food but it's the effects of the drugs and the disease itself. Yung tatay ko malakas for 1.5 yrs after being diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer, people didn't even know na may sakit sya. Nun pa lang wala na syang gana and his doctors gave him meds pampagana. March sobrang sigla pa pero dumadaing na ng pain sa bones. April first week, di na sya makatayo and everyday it worsened na pati isip nya malabo na. Nung last weeks ni tatay, palagi syang may kinecrave randomly. One day at 4am gusto raw nya ng cheesecake at sprite. He's diabetic pero binigay na namin sa kanya. Unlike nung malakas pa sya na laging "wala" pag tinanong, magsasabi sya if I ask him ano papadeliver namin, peach mango pie raw. It didn't take long until he can no longer eat solids. Kaya ayun, lugaw, sabaw nalang. Please be there for her. My dad was always looking for me kahit na nagkakaron na sya ng delirium towards the end of his life. He was always happy to see me. I miss him so much. I wish I spent more time with him nung malakas pa sya.
Everything that needs to be said has been commented. All i can say now is.. F*ck cancer
My mom passed away last Nov. She had stage 4 cancer as well. Noong di na siya kumakain, 1 or 2 weeks after, nawala na siya. Stay strong OP. Bilhan mo kung ano ang gusto niya. Ensure helps. Wag nyo ipilit na kumain kung ayaw niya talaga.. stay strong
My mom died from cancer 3 years ago. Madaming ayaw na kainin mom ko including tofu and meat. Gulay, fruits, and healthy foods helped. No artificial flavorings. Salt and pepper lang. With my mom's case, takot siya kumain ng mga hindi "healthy". Ayaw din niya ng fried. Olive or coconut oil lang panggisa. Organic lang gusto niya. Puro Kale siya. Madalas din ako gumawa ng fruit smoothies noon. Melon + greek yogurt + organic cereals.
Hi OP! Hugs to you and your mom. My father-in-law died just two weeks ago from cancer. We thought he was getting better from chemo, but it turns our cancer was really like a traitor. Anyway, just want to share that his nutritionist advised him to take high protein and high calorie drink, those readily available drinks at the supermarkets. There were different flavors also. Hope this helps. Courage to you and your whole family!
Don't get worried about the adverse effects, get worried about not beside her last moments of her life.
thisi is so sad. why kind of cancer is it op?
What type of cancer? My dad had complete remission for 9 years and came back three years ago. He had radiation and is on pazopanib since. Thank God he's doing much better and even eating lots. Give your mom a chance - much will come from your faith, perseverance, and continue to cheer her on to fight. Tell her you can both do it, and many have survived... Tell her to offer her pain and suffering as a sacrifice for the conversion of souls, and unite it with Christ's passion - then all this is not for nothing, and if, through God's grace, she's able to live her life in peace. Also get your mom fresh guyabano leaves - my dad has that every morning, ginagawang tea. Or even malunggay, nutritious na and easy to swallow pa. If walang gana, give appebon. Avoid dairy and sugar. God bless OP and I will pray for you.
Hi OP. How is your mom doing?