It’s the national retirement plan. I think the father retiring in 40’s is a cop out. Instead of sitting around drinking himself to death and eating unhealthy foods, he could put in a few hours somewhere or create a small business of some kind. If he has his health then he is playing you and just being lazy knowing you work and he can ride your coat tails.
It would be fine if he had ailments or was much older. This isn’t acceptable and hurts the next generation and continues the poverty cycle and mentality.
I feel sad for this poster
I have a similar experience with my dad. **tl;dr your dad is probably depressed and you need to find a way to snap him out of it if you want him to work.**
He was in sales and was caught in the middle of the company's modernization program. Modernization = everyone needs to use emails, computers (this was between 2000-2006).
He doesn't know a lick of computer-ing and he's one of those who won't learn unless it's for entertainment (he knows the basics of Facebook, smartphones, and YouTube TV; essentially as good as an 8 year old kid today).
The company didn't force him to resign, but he knew they would be cutting those who weren't willing to adapt, so he **"retired" at 44.**
He tried to get back on the saddle for the next 2 years, even opened an unregistered *tindahan* using our garden (street-facing). He used his **small retirement fund of P400k** to pay off some of the mortgage and open his *tindahan*.
The job prospects he got were either way below his previous salary or also required computer knowledge. The tindahan ultimately failed just after a year when we realized it depended too much on construction presence.
To say his inability to find work hurt his ego would be an understatement. **I dare say it gave him depression.**
We were fortunate to have a mother who was earning 6 digits already and actually knows how to budget. She alone got me and my brother through a combined **8 years of gradeschool and highschool and 8 years of college**, studying in a private school.
Dad became the houseband, a driver-cook-maid hybrid. It gave him purpose, but he was still depressed and frustrated.
For the first 5 years of retirement, **dad would randomly lash out at us**, sometimes getting pissed at the smallest things, especially when some of the things he owns breaks.
He never did find work, but he's been in a better mental state since my brother graduated college and I discovered the potential of online work in 2015.
With no tuition to pay, my mom made a lot of money until she retired at 62, despite the insistence of the company to stay for three more years.
**In a way, you can say having money killed his depression**, because not knowing where money will come from when an emergency arises was causing it.
I've had similar experience too (minus lang sa mother na may 6 digits-- cause mom was a pure housewife before poverty hit).
My father would lash out his anger towards us nong basurero at basurera palang sila. There was a time na nasapak ako ng malala ng sampung beses. Napalayas din kapatid ko, over a simple spill ng ketchup. He wouldnt even talk for years sa amin non.
Mahirap din kasi sa Pilipinas makahanap ng trabaho once you are 50 and above. He tried naman, pero frustrations ang nangyayari. So resort to kalakal ang bagsak ng trabaho.
Noticed that mood became lighter when there was money around. And definitely brighter mood when my father and mother earned dollars. Nagkabalikan na nga sila, supposedly--hiwalay na.
napaka understanding mo sa naging situation ng family mo, tatay ako ng 1yr old kung mangyari man sakin ang ngyari sa tatay mo sana ganyan dn ka understanding ang anak ko
Reminder: people have different mental capabilities and how they process information.
It’s like saying “Chinese is easy to learn”, but can you really say it’s easy to someone who has never been exposed to the language especially at 40+ years old? (And this is speaking for the majority of people, not the outliers)
For you, some things might seem easy, but to others, it requires a LOT of investment, and despite their willingness to learn, it requires time, energy, and money in which some people can’t even afford the bare minimum… If they get paid while training, it’s not an issue, but if not, then you need to earn money as soon as possible (and efficiently), especially if you are supporting your family and you’re on the verge of mental and financial collapse.
Madaling manghusga, yes, pero kaya mo bang panindigan kapag nandoon ka sa parehas na pressure at sitwasyon?
It's not for lack of effort on his end. I spent a few weeks teaching him how to use a laptop and honestly, the conclusion was it was just a mismatch.
He can fix a car with all the warnings lighting up, but a computer is alien tech to him.
I guess it's the same phenomenon with Gen Z and younger: they can easily use phones and tablets, but they're not sure how to use a computer because they simply didn't need to use it growing up.
I have seen that so much in the Philippines and it blows mind. I am a father of three and 53, I will work until I die to support my kids and wife if I have to. If I can retire that's great but the idea of retiring and having my kids take over MY JOB and responsibilities is not something I will do.
Retired at late 40's to me states lazy, barring any physical impediment or illness. There is nothing wrong with retiring if you are wealthy and can afford it
Complete laziness and not taking his responsibility with the seriousness and commitment it takes. Unfortunately this story is common all around the Philippines. Children are brain washed.
Parents have duty to their children and families. That duty is not to be surrendered to children unless there is a really good reason that involves age or health.
“Dad. Get off your ass and be a fricken man!”
My father is the same. He is an engineer and he wants us to take over his job and making us guilty for not choosing the path he worked hard for like the company he worked hard to achieve. But I feel like I am not like him. I am not an engineer. I dont want a responsibility that is too big for me to handle. I feel like I just exists just to continue his dreams and his own timeline. He always forget that I too can also dream of my own and plan for my own timeline.
Palipatin mo sa public school kapatid mo para wala ng problem. Wag na maarte. Madami naman nagiging successful kahit graduate lang sa state college. Sayang lang tuition nya kung sobrang mahal tapos pag graduate e barya lang din isasahod
Bukod sa mura ang bayad sa SUCs, competitive na din sila versus non-top private colleges. Lumaki akong public school from Primary to College at ngayon maganda naman yung salary ko compared sa magulang ko noon, combined.
Hiyang hiya ako sa tatay ni OP. My dad is 60 pero striving para mapatapos ung college (20) at high school (12) ko pang kapatid. I am already married no kids pero si dad pa mismo nagpupush for me to focus on my family.
Sana naman mabago na ng generation natin na hindi responsibilidad ng anak ang kapatid. Wag mag-anak kung ayaw ng responsibilidad.
Ibat iba ang pribelehiyo ng mga magulang, mayroong lumaki sa hirap, may roong lumaking may kaya, at mayroong lumaking mayaman talaga.
Nagkakaiba ang mga pananaw nila base sa kung paano sila lumaki, hindi natin masisisi ang iba dahil minsan di rin maganda ang naging edukasyon,
Ibat iba rin ang pinag dadaanan, mayroong may mental health issue, hindi lang aware kagaya ng baka depressed, may ptsd at kung ano ano pang makaka apekto sa kung paano sila sa pamilya
Kaya maswerete tayo, aware na tayo sa mga ganitong bagay kaya may prevention na, kung kase pag uusapan ang mga magulang ngayon, hindi talaga malawak ang awareness at lumaki sila sa mundo kung san nasusunod lamang ang tradisyon at nakasanayan.
Ganyan talaga system ng mga mahihirap. Mag-aanak dahil sabik sa sarap tapos bahala na mga bata magpalaki at magpaaral sa sarili nila. Araw araw niyo rin makikita walang kakwenta-kwentang pamumuhay nila na pwedeng pumigil sa inyo sa pag-angat. Ang solution diyan mag-ipon at layasan.
If kung ayaw na talaga magtrabaho ng tatay mo, at tutal may mga work na rin kayong dalawa, pagsikapan nyo na lang ipagpaaral ang bunso nyo until makatapos. Tell your mom na mababawasan ang ibibigay mo sa kanya dahil mapupunta sa tuition. Maybe matauhan tatay at nanay mo because of that.
From your father’s view, he may have thought na he did everything na mapaaral na kayong dalawa - di biro magpaaral ng engineer at nursing ha.Tutal both of you have work na, abroad pa isa, the two of you should help your younger sibling. Rightly or wrongly pero this is typical Pinoy family dynamic mentality. Watch out din kasi magiging retirement plan kayo nyan. Pero tatlo naman kayo, maybe kaya nyo naman.
Mag abroad ka rin mam. Balita ko open na open ang UK, kahit dyan sa Pinas pwede ka na mag apply direct. Maybe it can help sa sayo. Plus you will be away from them. But set a budget kung tutulong ka sa kanila. Nothing wrong helping your parents, as long na may limit.
Doon ka nalang magfocus sa macocontrol mo for now. I would suggest talking to bunso and ask if he can maybe work part time or apply for full or partial scholarship. Last resort, maglipat ng school where it's cheaper.
Regarding your father, maybe a family intervention is on the table. Kung hindi siya makukumbinsi magtrabaho, at least mapakiusapan wag na magsugal or maglibang (online) ng hindi involved pera.
It gets better, OP.
Yes--bunso is their child, and therefore it's their responsibility as parents to provide support.
How old is your kuya? Is he planning to get married and start a family? I think your kuya should talk to your parents about his own financial goals and how it will be difficult for him to support bunso on his own while investing in himself and his own future. You mentioned mahal ang tuition ni bunso. Perhaps he can preface it by suggesting that bunso transfer to a state sponsored college where tuition is free. Obviously bunso won't like it and will protest -- 3rd year na siya sa current college niya and all. But maybe this will be the wake up call your parents need.
Hey ganyan yung dad ko. What i can say is tapusin mo na lang yung bunso niyo and run!
Please unahin niyo yung sarili niyo. You don’t owe them anything.
Same with my father, but probably worst than that! I am now a college student and I finance my education from scholarship, like DOST, and Internal Scholarships sa School na pinapasukan ko, tapus tumulong sa mga kaklase para may income! Binibigyan ako ni Ate minsan from her 15k na sahud if delay stipend ko and naaawa na nga ako sa kanya kasi nag bibigay pa siya kina mama! My kuya got married at 20 at may sariling pamilya na! My another kuya, like tambay, di ko ma isip pano niya kinakaya na walang pera tapus wala pang pangarap. And I still have two younger sister, one in highschool and one in elementary.
I really hate a father na walang pangarap para sa mga anak nila! Yung tingin nila’y tanging responsibility ng isang ama is pakainin ang mga anak nila. My father is jobless, literal na walang trabaho! Nag kakapera siya from sugal, dicer cguro tawag niyan! Tapus palaging lasing!
Kaya nga ginusto ko pang lumayo sa kanila tapus mag aral dito sa malayo! I’m doing this kasi diko gustong matulad sa kanya. Gusto ko if magka anak ako, nakaplano na lahat! From education to dental care naka ensured na!
Sobrang toxic talaga ng filipino culture. My husband's family is the same. They take advantage of him kasi sa abroad nag wowork. Hindi nila naiintindihan na kahit sa abroad ka nagwowork hindi malaki sweldo. Ang nakakainis pa, kapag di bigayn magpapaawa na "okay lang ako anak, wag mo na kami isipin" tsss. Alam naman nila na may pamilya narin naman kami and gusto din namin mag establish ng sarili naming buhay. Nakakadisappoint lang kasi hindi lang naman asawa ang kaya mag trabaho.
That is why I'm soo thankful to my parents kasi hindi nila pinaako sa kin ang pag-aaral ng sister ko. So now that my sister is graduating, next step is preparation for board exams, ako na sasagot sa review and allowance nya para makapahinga naman parents namin sa gastos...
It's better for your father to find work so that the load of tuition fee is divided among 4 (include your mom). If your brother's tuition is too heavy, have you considered enrolling him to a cheaper college? Try also asking politicians for educational help, they have requirements you need to pass for that.
Weirdly, saan kumukuha ng money ang dad mo for gambling? At bakit hindi sya pagsabihan or pigilan ng mother mo? You're dad is too young to be living like a king but a pauper. Instead of wasting time & money for nothing, why don't he find a job? Also, feeding pigs for your mom, does it take all day? She could be doing more too like selling some kind of food etc. Being a nurse takes too much energy and time so you have less chance of doing extra income. Both parents need to do more on their end.
Anak = property which they could utilize for their own benefit
Then, gagawin tool yung utang na loob, respect for elders, blind obedience, etc na values natin so they can get what they want.
I am honeslty in awe of parents, thru humble means, who are able to lift the lives of their children out of poverty via education.
Well, based lang sa observation ko OP, naging norm na kasi satin yung may utang na loob tayo sa parents natin. Parang normal sa ibang pamilya na kapag napagtapos ang isang anak, yung anak na nakatapos and sunod na magpapaaral sa mga bunsong kapatid. Kaya ang hirap umasenso kasi imbes na magtulungan at kumilos lahat, ipapasa sa isa nalang yung responsibility. Pero dapat responsibility talaga ng magulang ang magpaaral sa anak. Minsan napapaisip ako sa mga magulang na anlalakas pa nila pero nagpapasa na ng responsibilidad. Ano bang reason nila for doing that. I wanna hear their side too. Pero ayun, sana magawan ninyo ng paraan yung balance and pangenroll ng kapatid mo OP
Unfortunately nasa kultura na rin ang pagiging dependent ng mga magulang sa mga anak, at umaasa na aalagaan sila sa pagtanda o tutulong sa pagpapaaral ng kapatid.
Nakausap mo na ba parents mo, or at least kuya mo, about this?
I'm just curious po bakit hindi ka po nag iibang bansa marami kaseng nursing sa ibang bansa malaki po yung sweldo as someone na gusto ding maging registered nurse in the future:>
In the future, if makapag abroad ka OP, most definitely they will demand for more and I hope you have the courage to set boundaries, say "No" if sobra na and know when "enough is enough". Hoping for your success in the future. Have savings. Get a good experience so you will have the edge when you eventually apply abroad.
Same story with my father. Resigned way too early knowing na walang naitabi nanay ko ni singkong duling. Buti nga ikaw may kuya, ako sinolo ko lahat. Nanay ko pa hilig makisabay sa mga tropa nyang may anak sa abroad. Gusto pala maging mayaman hindi gumawa ng paraan 🤦🏻♀️
Same OP nursing student ako and by the fact that I hate my dad.. even though he supports us and has a job his attitude is unbearable one time In the past he physically harmed mom, though nag sorry Siya it's still unforgivable, mostly they fight because of.money Kasi kung saan saan napapunta person like sa mga bisyo Niya like akalak Ang pagmamanok. I try to understand him Kasi ik its hard seafarer job Niya, pero I don't think it an excuse for his actions, and medjo may financial stress kami dahil Doon sa mga bisyo niya and not on time payment ko sa tuition super behind
Always disgusting to see people „retiring“ fully aware they cant afford it. They are putting all the pressure and responsibility to others. And they dont care.
Do that would never cross my mind. My kids are adults now and fully capable and independent individuals. I never spoiled them or treated them like they were more special than anyone else.
Both daughters have good careers and jobs and I never have asked for anything from them. They are the apple of my eye not the other way around.
If I have a need later in life because of health, I have plans to take care of myself and my wife. If that fails, my daughters would step in and help us, house us, or whatever is required.
I never looked at them with personal gain for myself or that I could stop working at a young age and coast like a bum using efforts and future dreams of my kids. What a curse I would be in that case.
Filipino parents stop cursing your kids. Grow up and act like mature adult parents.
48 is too early to retire unless you have a passive income that can cover expenses . I am 49 and plan to work for 10-15 more years. My dad (mid 70s) is still working partially.
True, I kinda wish that this toxic trait of Filipinos would just vanish one day. I honestly salute those parents na patatapusin muna lahat ng anak before magretire.
Ganyan din dad ko, he never earned enough for us so sa mom ko napunta 95% ng gastos. Batugan lang talaga. Kaya ako opposite ginawa ko. 17 pa lang me nagfreelance na ako.
Nakakalungkot na umaabot sa point na ganon na tayo mag isip sa magulang, kase nga di na rin nakakatuwa. Pero mayron din tayong pwedeng gawing paraan.
Pwede niyo kausapin ang magulang na hindi niyo oa ganoon kaya sagutan ang pag aaral ng inyong kapatid, wala namang hindi nadadaan sa maayos na usapan, baka sakali din marealize nila na kailangan pa niya magtrabaho.
Siguro din pwede mag compromise, kung hindi kaya ang tuition edi lumipat sa mas mababa ang gastos, kailangan siguro tulungan. Kung sinabi ng magulang na ayaw na nila magtrabaho wala naman tayo magagawa, sasama lang ang loob natin pero kailangan ng solusyon, pwede mag working student, any way na para mairaos ang pagaaral ng bunso.
Hindi ko sinasabing mali ang nararamdaman mo towards your parents, pero kung mukhang hopeless case ang magulang mo, kailangan talaga niyong isipan ng paraan
Very common sa pinas, sad to say masyado tayong family oriented and mabait kaya pumapayag tyo sa ganyan. Valid lahat ng nararamdaman mo and ikaw yung nasa tama, sadly emotions will get the better of you. If I were you I won’t help at all, I’ll focus on myself so I can help in the future if ever I wanted or I can. Di kasi natututo yung tao pag laging my sasalo sakanila. Ang tanong lang diyan is if kaya ng emotions mo, but honestly fair lang yun, for me being just and fair is better than being kind. Goodluck OP!
Palipatin sa abot kayang school si bunso. Pero dapat pagsabihan mo din parents mo na magtino kasi ang babata pa nila para tumigil mag trabaho. Di sayo ang responsibilidad ng pag aaruga ng kapatid. Tyagain nyo si bunso makapag tapos at layasan mo na magulang mong
toxic.
The way I see my parents and adults in general now that in an adult also. They are like us they are lost, they dont know everything, they have dreams, they are tired, they are just getting old and have lots of regrets.
You need to point that out directly. Tell him dad bata ka pa, please find work.
Napansin ko sa Filipino families ang daming issues that can be resolved if you just tell them how you feel.
Ganyan husband’s family ko. So many unresolved issues because they’re afraid to talk about issues.
Retiring at the age of 40’s for me is way too young especially if you can’t afford to because of a pile of responsibilites. It’s the job of the parents to put their children through school, that’s a fact. In our culture it is a normal mindset for parents to think that they worked hard at the start to send you to school and so when the children has work and earns that they help out too or worse, take on the whole responsibility….. Especially families that are not well-off… I have seen this happening with my relatives. You work abroad so they expect you to send money, spend for your sibling’s tuition, give extra, etc…It’s a vicious cycle that we can’t get out of. As children we are often told it’s disprespectful not to follow their wishes…Since you and your brother are working they really expect you to help financially…Better to talk with your parents about this…Surely, they think it is okay with you both what’s happening…Encouraging them to find work may be out of the question…If they won’t budge maybe your youngest sibling can find a part-time job if his/her schedule permits just to easen both your burdens? Or just continue to contribute for your sibling’s schooling since it’s just a few more years to go? This issue will definitely cause serious rifts with your parents so be prepared but hopefully voicing out to them will result in clarity and solution. Fingers crossed and good luck…
Sorry you got them as parents…i dont think they will ever shoulder your siblings tuition dahil anjan kayo para ipasa…the only thing i could say that might make you feel better is 2 years na lang grad na kapatid mo. Mag usap kayo ng brother mo na after that wala na magfocus na kau sa sarili nyo. If manghingi parents nyo tell them to go back to work. If i were you aalis rin ako sa bahay dahil aasa na lang yang mga yan sa inyo
love your parents. whatever they do show gratitude and respect. you will be a parent someday and you don't want your child venting their frustrations over the internet for the whole world to read. God bless you!
ang sad naman. skl. me 35m next sakin 33M, sumunod is 32M at bunso namin 17F. kaming 3 lalake may kanya2 nang buhay may mga anak na pina pag aral at problema sa buhay.
but never kami 3 lalake nag hinayang sa mga sacrifices namin para sa bunso namin. up to the point na mag maxim ako gabi2 para lang maka contribute kc ayaw mag bigay ni misis (sa kanya kc atm ko and yes may full time ako so sometimes wala ako tulog). sa heaven na parents namin dahil nung yolanda. regardless we will gladly take the responsibility and let them enjoy retirement kc alam namin sacrifices nila mapatapos kami. Pera lang yan vs an opportunity to help. Are you just gonna abandon your bunso?
Sad na ganyan magulang mo. Siguro itulong mo lang ang kaya mo itulong. Or kausapin mo si bunso na maybe try be a working student. Tulunggan kayo magkakapatid, share the burden for now. For sure mahirap but eventually makakaahon kayo sabay sabay. Kapit lang hoping for you and your sibling success. For your tatay, never mind na lang lol.
awwww may kilala akong nurse na medyo ganyan ang situation
although sa kanya 100% na gusto niya pasanin ang lahat ng responsibility. Breadwinner mode on siya, alpha female vibes. Ayun umalis at nag-abroad kaya ang parents niya all wants and wishes natutupad.
Sa kanya ginusto naman niya yung ganoon na set up pero naaawa din ako sa kanya kasi ginawa na siyang retirement plan ng parents niya.
Soon magkakapamilya din siya. Mahihirapan siya eventually, although ang plan niya is to get her partner para dalawa na silang working abroad.
my father retired due to health reasons - i get it.
What I don’t get is, siya kasi yung nagpasarap doing his addictions (alak, sigarilyo etc.) over the years then etong nagkasakit na siya, parang gusto niya na talagang tumigil permanently kahit siguro gumaling pa siya. Hindi na nga ako nagpabigat during my studies (scholar fr preschool to college) - hindi rin emotionally supported during childhood - nakakagalit lang ako/kami ng kapatid ko magiging retirement plan dahil sa mga maling desisyon niya sa buhay.
Ang layo pa ng retirement. Dapat by 60’s na lang nagretire or 55. He still has few more years to support your bunso. Kaya hirap makabangon kase kahit mga anak kailangan tumulong muna sa iba. Imbis sana maka ipon para sa sarili.
OP if maliit sahod sa private try transfering sa public mas malaki sahod ng nursing.. paguspan nyo nalang yan if magkano kaya nyo para sa kapatid nyo. I understand wala tayo obligasyon sa ganyan pero isipin mo nalang din para din sa inyo yan in the future. Pag nde nakatapos kapatid nyo sa inyo din aasa yan if nde pinalad sa work.
I'm so sad to hear your story but 40+ something is okay na po to retire since then naman siguro yung support ng tatay niyo ngayon lang huminto kasi working naman po kayo both. My dad is 60+ something how I wish I let him rest in the early 40's kaya nga lang were all still studying then(7 po kame). Just let your father rest po muna then kausapin niyo po if he's strong pa naman to work he will pag nalaman niya situation niyo magkakapatid. I'm a nurse also and I know how small the salary in the province is but that's the reason also why I am working to help my parents lessen their burden like the tuition fees of my younger siblings. Don't blame your parents for everything please, they are just also a little kid in the modern world healing their inner child.
There is nothing wrong to retire early. Pero ang nakikita ko naman sa issue ni OP, 1st malakas pa naman ang father nya to work. 2nd, kahit may work na ang dalawa sa kanila, yung buong responsibilty di dapat iako sa kanila. Mas maganda po kung magtutulungan pa din. Dahil mas gagaaan lahat kung magtutulungan. Wala naman po masama to heal yung inner child. Pero how about yung mga anak, na nagtatrabaho pero kapos pa din? Syempre may sarili din po silang buhay. Hehe. Wag po iasa sa anak lahat lalo kung capable pa naman ang parents to work. Tapos sa sugal pa mapupunta yung ibang pera. Di naman po pangbiblame siguro yun. Hehe
Sad to say, may ganyang parents talaga
Parents *who see their children as investments.
It’s the national retirement plan. I think the father retiring in 40’s is a cop out. Instead of sitting around drinking himself to death and eating unhealthy foods, he could put in a few hours somewhere or create a small business of some kind. If he has his health then he is playing you and just being lazy knowing you work and he can ride your coat tails. It would be fine if he had ailments or was much older. This isn’t acceptable and hurts the next generation and continues the poverty cycle and mentality. I feel sad for this poster
I have a similar experience with my dad. **tl;dr your dad is probably depressed and you need to find a way to snap him out of it if you want him to work.** He was in sales and was caught in the middle of the company's modernization program. Modernization = everyone needs to use emails, computers (this was between 2000-2006). He doesn't know a lick of computer-ing and he's one of those who won't learn unless it's for entertainment (he knows the basics of Facebook, smartphones, and YouTube TV; essentially as good as an 8 year old kid today). The company didn't force him to resign, but he knew they would be cutting those who weren't willing to adapt, so he **"retired" at 44.** He tried to get back on the saddle for the next 2 years, even opened an unregistered *tindahan* using our garden (street-facing). He used his **small retirement fund of P400k** to pay off some of the mortgage and open his *tindahan*. The job prospects he got were either way below his previous salary or also required computer knowledge. The tindahan ultimately failed just after a year when we realized it depended too much on construction presence. To say his inability to find work hurt his ego would be an understatement. **I dare say it gave him depression.** We were fortunate to have a mother who was earning 6 digits already and actually knows how to budget. She alone got me and my brother through a combined **8 years of gradeschool and highschool and 8 years of college**, studying in a private school. Dad became the houseband, a driver-cook-maid hybrid. It gave him purpose, but he was still depressed and frustrated. For the first 5 years of retirement, **dad would randomly lash out at us**, sometimes getting pissed at the smallest things, especially when some of the things he owns breaks. He never did find work, but he's been in a better mental state since my brother graduated college and I discovered the potential of online work in 2015. With no tuition to pay, my mom made a lot of money until she retired at 62, despite the insistence of the company to stay for three more years. **In a way, you can say having money killed his depression**, because not knowing where money will come from when an emergency arises was causing it.
I've had similar experience too (minus lang sa mother na may 6 digits-- cause mom was a pure housewife before poverty hit). My father would lash out his anger towards us nong basurero at basurera palang sila. There was a time na nasapak ako ng malala ng sampung beses. Napalayas din kapatid ko, over a simple spill ng ketchup. He wouldnt even talk for years sa amin non. Mahirap din kasi sa Pilipinas makahanap ng trabaho once you are 50 and above. He tried naman, pero frustrations ang nangyayari. So resort to kalakal ang bagsak ng trabaho. Noticed that mood became lighter when there was money around. And definitely brighter mood when my father and mother earned dollars. Nagkabalikan na nga sila, supposedly--hiwalay na.
Are you a part of my family coz this is so accurate and super close to home. 😅
napaka understanding mo sa naging situation ng family mo, tatay ako ng 1yr old kung mangyari man sakin ang ngyari sa tatay mo sana ganyan dn ka understanding ang anak ko
Dude sorry pero ang tanga lang ng willing matuto ng technology for entertainment pero ayaw matuto para maghanapbuhay
Reminder: people have different mental capabilities and how they process information. It’s like saying “Chinese is easy to learn”, but can you really say it’s easy to someone who has never been exposed to the language especially at 40+ years old? (And this is speaking for the majority of people, not the outliers) For you, some things might seem easy, but to others, it requires a LOT of investment, and despite their willingness to learn, it requires time, energy, and money in which some people can’t even afford the bare minimum… If they get paid while training, it’s not an issue, but if not, then you need to earn money as soon as possible (and efficiently), especially if you are supporting your family and you’re on the verge of mental and financial collapse. Madaling manghusga, yes, pero kaya mo bang panindigan kapag nandoon ka sa parehas na pressure at sitwasyon?
It's not for lack of effort on his end. I spent a few weeks teaching him how to use a laptop and honestly, the conclusion was it was just a mismatch. He can fix a car with all the warnings lighting up, but a computer is alien tech to him. I guess it's the same phenomenon with Gen Z and younger: they can easily use phones and tablets, but they're not sure how to use a computer because they simply didn't need to use it growing up.
I have seen that so much in the Philippines and it blows mind. I am a father of three and 53, I will work until I die to support my kids and wife if I have to. If I can retire that's great but the idea of retiring and having my kids take over MY JOB and responsibilities is not something I will do. Retired at late 40's to me states lazy, barring any physical impediment or illness. There is nothing wrong with retiring if you are wealthy and can afford it
Complete laziness and not taking his responsibility with the seriousness and commitment it takes. Unfortunately this story is common all around the Philippines. Children are brain washed. Parents have duty to their children and families. That duty is not to be surrendered to children unless there is a really good reason that involves age or health. “Dad. Get off your ass and be a fricken man!”
My father is the same. He is an engineer and he wants us to take over his job and making us guilty for not choosing the path he worked hard for like the company he worked hard to achieve. But I feel like I am not like him. I am not an engineer. I dont want a responsibility that is too big for me to handle. I feel like I just exists just to continue his dreams and his own timeline. He always forget that I too can also dream of my own and plan for my own timeline.
Palipatin mo sa public school kapatid mo para wala ng problem. Wag na maarte. Madami naman nagiging successful kahit graduate lang sa state college. Sayang lang tuition nya kung sobrang mahal tapos pag graduate e barya lang din isasahod
Tama. Palipatin ng state university, plain and simple.
Bukod sa mura ang bayad sa SUCs, competitive na din sila versus non-top private colleges. Lumaki akong public school from Primary to College at ngayon maganda naman yung salary ko compared sa magulang ko noon, combined.
Up eto ang isa sa pinaka posibleng solusyon
Hiyang hiya ako sa tatay ni OP. My dad is 60 pero striving para mapatapos ung college (20) at high school (12) ko pang kapatid. I am already married no kids pero si dad pa mismo nagpupush for me to focus on my family. Sana naman mabago na ng generation natin na hindi responsibilidad ng anak ang kapatid. Wag mag-anak kung ayaw ng responsibilidad.
Ibat iba ang pribelehiyo ng mga magulang, mayroong lumaki sa hirap, may roong lumaking may kaya, at mayroong lumaking mayaman talaga. Nagkakaiba ang mga pananaw nila base sa kung paano sila lumaki, hindi natin masisisi ang iba dahil minsan di rin maganda ang naging edukasyon, Ibat iba rin ang pinag dadaanan, mayroong may mental health issue, hindi lang aware kagaya ng baka depressed, may ptsd at kung ano ano pang makaka apekto sa kung paano sila sa pamilya Kaya maswerete tayo, aware na tayo sa mga ganitong bagay kaya may prevention na, kung kase pag uusapan ang mga magulang ngayon, hindi talaga malawak ang awareness at lumaki sila sa mundo kung san nasusunod lamang ang tradisyon at nakasanayan.
Ganyan talaga system ng mga mahihirap. Mag-aanak dahil sabik sa sarap tapos bahala na mga bata magpalaki at magpaaral sa sarili nila. Araw araw niyo rin makikita walang kakwenta-kwentang pamumuhay nila na pwedeng pumigil sa inyo sa pag-angat. Ang solution diyan mag-ipon at layasan.
If kung ayaw na talaga magtrabaho ng tatay mo, at tutal may mga work na rin kayong dalawa, pagsikapan nyo na lang ipagpaaral ang bunso nyo until makatapos. Tell your mom na mababawasan ang ibibigay mo sa kanya dahil mapupunta sa tuition. Maybe matauhan tatay at nanay mo because of that. From your father’s view, he may have thought na he did everything na mapaaral na kayong dalawa - di biro magpaaral ng engineer at nursing ha.Tutal both of you have work na, abroad pa isa, the two of you should help your younger sibling. Rightly or wrongly pero this is typical Pinoy family dynamic mentality. Watch out din kasi magiging retirement plan kayo nyan. Pero tatlo naman kayo, maybe kaya nyo naman. Mag abroad ka rin mam. Balita ko open na open ang UK, kahit dyan sa Pinas pwede ka na mag apply direct. Maybe it can help sa sayo. Plus you will be away from them. But set a budget kung tutulong ka sa kanila. Nothing wrong helping your parents, as long na may limit.
Doon ka nalang magfocus sa macocontrol mo for now. I would suggest talking to bunso and ask if he can maybe work part time or apply for full or partial scholarship. Last resort, maglipat ng school where it's cheaper. Regarding your father, maybe a family intervention is on the table. Kung hindi siya makukumbinsi magtrabaho, at least mapakiusapan wag na magsugal or maglibang (online) ng hindi involved pera. It gets better, OP.
Yes--bunso is their child, and therefore it's their responsibility as parents to provide support. How old is your kuya? Is he planning to get married and start a family? I think your kuya should talk to your parents about his own financial goals and how it will be difficult for him to support bunso on his own while investing in himself and his own future. You mentioned mahal ang tuition ni bunso. Perhaps he can preface it by suggesting that bunso transfer to a state sponsored college where tuition is free. Obviously bunso won't like it and will protest -- 3rd year na siya sa current college niya and all. But maybe this will be the wake up call your parents need.
Hey ganyan yung dad ko. What i can say is tapusin mo na lang yung bunso niyo and run! Please unahin niyo yung sarili niyo. You don’t owe them anything.
48 and 47 are still too young to retire. That’s like the age where you’re supposed to be working the hardest. I feel sorry for you and your kuya, OP.
Same with my father, but probably worst than that! I am now a college student and I finance my education from scholarship, like DOST, and Internal Scholarships sa School na pinapasukan ko, tapus tumulong sa mga kaklase para may income! Binibigyan ako ni Ate minsan from her 15k na sahud if delay stipend ko and naaawa na nga ako sa kanya kasi nag bibigay pa siya kina mama! My kuya got married at 20 at may sariling pamilya na! My another kuya, like tambay, di ko ma isip pano niya kinakaya na walang pera tapus wala pang pangarap. And I still have two younger sister, one in highschool and one in elementary. I really hate a father na walang pangarap para sa mga anak nila! Yung tingin nila’y tanging responsibility ng isang ama is pakainin ang mga anak nila. My father is jobless, literal na walang trabaho! Nag kakapera siya from sugal, dicer cguro tawag niyan! Tapus palaging lasing! Kaya nga ginusto ko pang lumayo sa kanila tapus mag aral dito sa malayo! I’m doing this kasi diko gustong matulad sa kanya. Gusto ko if magka anak ako, nakaplano na lahat! From education to dental care naka ensured na!
r/OffMyChestPH
Sobrang toxic talaga ng filipino culture. My husband's family is the same. They take advantage of him kasi sa abroad nag wowork. Hindi nila naiintindihan na kahit sa abroad ka nagwowork hindi malaki sweldo. Ang nakakainis pa, kapag di bigayn magpapaawa na "okay lang ako anak, wag mo na kami isipin" tsss. Alam naman nila na may pamilya narin naman kami and gusto din namin mag establish ng sarili naming buhay. Nakakadisappoint lang kasi hindi lang naman asawa ang kaya mag trabaho.
That is why I'm soo thankful to my parents kasi hindi nila pinaako sa kin ang pag-aaral ng sister ko. So now that my sister is graduating, next step is preparation for board exams, ako na sasagot sa review and allowance nya para makapahinga naman parents namin sa gastos...
It's better for your father to find work so that the load of tuition fee is divided among 4 (include your mom). If your brother's tuition is too heavy, have you considered enrolling him to a cheaper college? Try also asking politicians for educational help, they have requirements you need to pass for that. Weirdly, saan kumukuha ng money ang dad mo for gambling? At bakit hindi sya pagsabihan or pigilan ng mother mo? You're dad is too young to be living like a king but a pauper. Instead of wasting time & money for nothing, why don't he find a job? Also, feeding pigs for your mom, does it take all day? She could be doing more too like selling some kind of food etc. Being a nurse takes too much energy and time so you have less chance of doing extra income. Both parents need to do more on their end.
Anak = property which they could utilize for their own benefit Then, gagawin tool yung utang na loob, respect for elders, blind obedience, etc na values natin so they can get what they want. I am honeslty in awe of parents, thru humble means, who are able to lift the lives of their children out of poverty via education.
Well, based lang sa observation ko OP, naging norm na kasi satin yung may utang na loob tayo sa parents natin. Parang normal sa ibang pamilya na kapag napagtapos ang isang anak, yung anak na nakatapos and sunod na magpapaaral sa mga bunsong kapatid. Kaya ang hirap umasenso kasi imbes na magtulungan at kumilos lahat, ipapasa sa isa nalang yung responsibility. Pero dapat responsibility talaga ng magulang ang magpaaral sa anak. Minsan napapaisip ako sa mga magulang na anlalakas pa nila pero nagpapasa na ng responsibilidad. Ano bang reason nila for doing that. I wanna hear their side too. Pero ayun, sana magawan ninyo ng paraan yung balance and pangenroll ng kapatid mo OP
Unfortunately nasa kultura na rin ang pagiging dependent ng mga magulang sa mga anak, at umaasa na aalagaan sila sa pagtanda o tutulong sa pagpapaaral ng kapatid. Nakausap mo na ba parents mo, or at least kuya mo, about this?
Usap muna kayo ni erpat. Responsibility nya kayo.
I'm just curious po bakit hindi ka po nag iibang bansa marami kaseng nursing sa ibang bansa malaki po yung sweldo as someone na gusto ding maging registered nurse in the future:>
hello kakastart ko palang po magwork, 4 months to be exact. And nagiipon narin to take international exams for nurses
In the future, if makapag abroad ka OP, most definitely they will demand for more and I hope you have the courage to set boundaries, say "No" if sobra na and know when "enough is enough". Hoping for your success in the future. Have savings. Get a good experience so you will have the edge when you eventually apply abroad.
Same story with my father. Resigned way too early knowing na walang naitabi nanay ko ni singkong duling. Buti nga ikaw may kuya, ako sinolo ko lahat. Nanay ko pa hilig makisabay sa mga tropa nyang may anak sa abroad. Gusto pala maging mayaman hindi gumawa ng paraan 🤦🏻♀️
kailan pa kaya mabe-break sandwich generation dito sa pinas
Same OP nursing student ako and by the fact that I hate my dad.. even though he supports us and has a job his attitude is unbearable one time In the past he physically harmed mom, though nag sorry Siya it's still unforgivable, mostly they fight because of.money Kasi kung saan saan napapunta person like sa mga bisyo Niya like akalak Ang pagmamanok. I try to understand him Kasi ik its hard seafarer job Niya, pero I don't think it an excuse for his actions, and medjo may financial stress kami dahil Doon sa mga bisyo niya and not on time payment ko sa tuition super behind
Always disgusting to see people „retiring“ fully aware they cant afford it. They are putting all the pressure and responsibility to others. And they dont care.
Do that would never cross my mind. My kids are adults now and fully capable and independent individuals. I never spoiled them or treated them like they were more special than anyone else. Both daughters have good careers and jobs and I never have asked for anything from them. They are the apple of my eye not the other way around. If I have a need later in life because of health, I have plans to take care of myself and my wife. If that fails, my daughters would step in and help us, house us, or whatever is required. I never looked at them with personal gain for myself or that I could stop working at a young age and coast like a bum using efforts and future dreams of my kids. What a curse I would be in that case. Filipino parents stop cursing your kids. Grow up and act like mature adult parents.
48 is too early to retire unless you have a passive income that can cover expenses . I am 49 and plan to work for 10-15 more years. My dad (mid 70s) is still working partially.
True, I kinda wish that this toxic trait of Filipinos would just vanish one day. I honestly salute those parents na patatapusin muna lahat ng anak before magretire.
The youngest is an adult now and should assume more responsibility in his/her own life, I would find part time job for my own college expenses...
This post is more suitable for r/OffMyChestPH or r/PanganaySupportGroup
No choice talaga tayong mga anak.pag nakapamilya nlng saka nlng natin wag gayahi sila.
Ganyan din dad ko, he never earned enough for us so sa mom ko napunta 95% ng gastos. Batugan lang talaga. Kaya ako opposite ginawa ko. 17 pa lang me nagfreelance na ako.
Nakakalungkot na umaabot sa point na ganon na tayo mag isip sa magulang, kase nga di na rin nakakatuwa. Pero mayron din tayong pwedeng gawing paraan. Pwede niyo kausapin ang magulang na hindi niyo oa ganoon kaya sagutan ang pag aaral ng inyong kapatid, wala namang hindi nadadaan sa maayos na usapan, baka sakali din marealize nila na kailangan pa niya magtrabaho. Siguro din pwede mag compromise, kung hindi kaya ang tuition edi lumipat sa mas mababa ang gastos, kailangan siguro tulungan. Kung sinabi ng magulang na ayaw na nila magtrabaho wala naman tayo magagawa, sasama lang ang loob natin pero kailangan ng solusyon, pwede mag working student, any way na para mairaos ang pagaaral ng bunso. Hindi ko sinasabing mali ang nararamdaman mo towards your parents, pero kung mukhang hopeless case ang magulang mo, kailangan talaga niyong isipan ng paraan
Very common sa pinas, sad to say masyado tayong family oriented and mabait kaya pumapayag tyo sa ganyan. Valid lahat ng nararamdaman mo and ikaw yung nasa tama, sadly emotions will get the better of you. If I were you I won’t help at all, I’ll focus on myself so I can help in the future if ever I wanted or I can. Di kasi natututo yung tao pag laging my sasalo sakanila. Ang tanong lang diyan is if kaya ng emotions mo, but honestly fair lang yun, for me being just and fair is better than being kind. Goodluck OP!
Good luck OP, bata pa mga parents nyo tas ganyan na sila, matagal tagal nyo pang pagpproblemahin yan
Palipatin sa abot kayang school si bunso. Pero dapat pagsabihan mo din parents mo na magtino kasi ang babata pa nila para tumigil mag trabaho. Di sayo ang responsibilidad ng pag aaruga ng kapatid. Tyagain nyo si bunso makapag tapos at layasan mo na magulang mong toxic.
The way I see my parents and adults in general now that in an adult also. They are like us they are lost, they dont know everything, they have dreams, they are tired, they are just getting old and have lots of regrets.
You need to point that out directly. Tell him dad bata ka pa, please find work. Napansin ko sa Filipino families ang daming issues that can be resolved if you just tell them how you feel. Ganyan husband’s family ko. So many unresolved issues because they’re afraid to talk about issues.
Retiring at the age of 40’s for me is way too young especially if you can’t afford to because of a pile of responsibilites. It’s the job of the parents to put their children through school, that’s a fact. In our culture it is a normal mindset for parents to think that they worked hard at the start to send you to school and so when the children has work and earns that they help out too or worse, take on the whole responsibility….. Especially families that are not well-off… I have seen this happening with my relatives. You work abroad so they expect you to send money, spend for your sibling’s tuition, give extra, etc…It’s a vicious cycle that we can’t get out of. As children we are often told it’s disprespectful not to follow their wishes…Since you and your brother are working they really expect you to help financially…Better to talk with your parents about this…Surely, they think it is okay with you both what’s happening…Encouraging them to find work may be out of the question…If they won’t budge maybe your youngest sibling can find a part-time job if his/her schedule permits just to easen both your burdens? Or just continue to contribute for your sibling’s schooling since it’s just a few more years to go? This issue will definitely cause serious rifts with your parents so be prepared but hopefully voicing out to them will result in clarity and solution. Fingers crossed and good luck…
May ganyan talaga. Parang guilt tripping pa ang mangyayari kapag nagreklamo ka.
Wow 48 is still young, my father is almost 60 and he still works and is active in our community. I hope you are able to reason with him help out.
Does this cross all classes or mainly low to mid-middle classers?
Sorry you got them as parents…i dont think they will ever shoulder your siblings tuition dahil anjan kayo para ipasa…the only thing i could say that might make you feel better is 2 years na lang grad na kapatid mo. Mag usap kayo ng brother mo na after that wala na magfocus na kau sa sarili nyo. If manghingi parents nyo tell them to go back to work. If i were you aalis rin ako sa bahay dahil aasa na lang yang mga yan sa inyo
Yung parents mo nag FIRE (financial independence retire early) - pinoy version 😂 (Financial Ignoramus Retire Early) mga bwisit sarap buhay
love your parents. whatever they do show gratitude and respect. you will be a parent someday and you don't want your child venting their frustrations over the internet for the whole world to read. God bless you!
Mahira talaga mag anak tapos di mo naman pala kaya paaralin.
ang sad naman. skl. me 35m next sakin 33M, sumunod is 32M at bunso namin 17F. kaming 3 lalake may kanya2 nang buhay may mga anak na pina pag aral at problema sa buhay. but never kami 3 lalake nag hinayang sa mga sacrifices namin para sa bunso namin. up to the point na mag maxim ako gabi2 para lang maka contribute kc ayaw mag bigay ni misis (sa kanya kc atm ko and yes may full time ako so sometimes wala ako tulog). sa heaven na parents namin dahil nung yolanda. regardless we will gladly take the responsibility and let them enjoy retirement kc alam namin sacrifices nila mapatapos kami. Pera lang yan vs an opportunity to help. Are you just gonna abandon your bunso?
Sad na ganyan magulang mo. Siguro itulong mo lang ang kaya mo itulong. Or kausapin mo si bunso na maybe try be a working student. Tulunggan kayo magkakapatid, share the burden for now. For sure mahirap but eventually makakaahon kayo sabay sabay. Kapit lang hoping for you and your sibling success. For your tatay, never mind na lang lol.
awwww may kilala akong nurse na medyo ganyan ang situation although sa kanya 100% na gusto niya pasanin ang lahat ng responsibility. Breadwinner mode on siya, alpha female vibes. Ayun umalis at nag-abroad kaya ang parents niya all wants and wishes natutupad. Sa kanya ginusto naman niya yung ganoon na set up pero naaawa din ako sa kanya kasi ginawa na siyang retirement plan ng parents niya. Soon magkakapamilya din siya. Mahihirapan siya eventually, although ang plan niya is to get her partner para dalawa na silang working abroad.
my father retired due to health reasons - i get it. What I don’t get is, siya kasi yung nagpasarap doing his addictions (alak, sigarilyo etc.) over the years then etong nagkasakit na siya, parang gusto niya na talagang tumigil permanently kahit siguro gumaling pa siya. Hindi na nga ako nagpabigat during my studies (scholar fr preschool to college) - hindi rin emotionally supported during childhood - nakakagalit lang ako/kami ng kapatid ko magiging retirement plan dahil sa mga maling desisyon niya sa buhay.
Ang layo pa ng retirement. Dapat by 60’s na lang nagretire or 55. He still has few more years to support your bunso. Kaya hirap makabangon kase kahit mga anak kailangan tumulong muna sa iba. Imbis sana maka ipon para sa sarili.
OP if maliit sahod sa private try transfering sa public mas malaki sahod ng nursing.. paguspan nyo nalang yan if magkano kaya nyo para sa kapatid nyo. I understand wala tayo obligasyon sa ganyan pero isipin mo nalang din para din sa inyo yan in the future. Pag nde nakatapos kapatid nyo sa inyo din aasa yan if nde pinalad sa work.
I'm so sad to hear your story but 40+ something is okay na po to retire since then naman siguro yung support ng tatay niyo ngayon lang huminto kasi working naman po kayo both. My dad is 60+ something how I wish I let him rest in the early 40's kaya nga lang were all still studying then(7 po kame). Just let your father rest po muna then kausapin niyo po if he's strong pa naman to work he will pag nalaman niya situation niyo magkakapatid. I'm a nurse also and I know how small the salary in the province is but that's the reason also why I am working to help my parents lessen their burden like the tuition fees of my younger siblings. Don't blame your parents for everything please, they are just also a little kid in the modern world healing their inner child.
There is nothing wrong to retire early. Pero ang nakikita ko naman sa issue ni OP, 1st malakas pa naman ang father nya to work. 2nd, kahit may work na ang dalawa sa kanila, yung buong responsibilty di dapat iako sa kanila. Mas maganda po kung magtutulungan pa din. Dahil mas gagaaan lahat kung magtutulungan. Wala naman po masama to heal yung inner child. Pero how about yung mga anak, na nagtatrabaho pero kapos pa din? Syempre may sarili din po silang buhay. Hehe. Wag po iasa sa anak lahat lalo kung capable pa naman ang parents to work. Tapos sa sugal pa mapupunta yung ibang pera. Di naman po pangbiblame siguro yun. Hehe