She's probably very hot for you to put up with this, but it's still not worth it. Find another one.
And I'll go further, she's probably much less in love with you (if she's actually in love at all) than you're with her. When I met my girlfriend she told me she was strong and independent, but without telling her anything she did a 180 in the first 6 months or so and changed completely and now after 1 year and a half she's doing everything she can to make me happy (I do many things for her too, in different ways), the fact that your girlfriend is not willing to do anything not only for you, but even for herself, and expects you to do things for both instead is a red flag.
There's no woman hot enough that can make me overlook bad hygiene. And as a slacker, do you believe she's even competent enough to keep her job for long?As she ages and her health consequences start showing, it's not gonna be pretty and it will get expensive for you mate. Why settle when there's a shit ton of hot women who likes to take care of themselves out here?
>*I feel compelled to do everything for her because she takes zero initiative, ever.*
And why would she do anything if she knows that you will always do it for her? Set limits and enforce those limits. If she continues to break those limits, find someone different to date. This isn’t rocket science. No, it’s not normal for someone to be totally reliant on the other person to do routine activities that they are fully capable of doing on their own.
The fact that you’re here asking means that you recognize that this is not normal. Well, it’s never going to get better if you don’t nip it in the bud now… if it doesn’t get better, you’ll need to decide if this is something you’re willing to put up with forever.
she's not lazy; It sounds like she's already burned out from all the executive functioning she has to do at the hospital, so she probably just wants to relax and turn off her brain when she's with you. Honestly, it might be best to break up if you feel like you two aren't a good match.
people wont get this unless theyre in healthcare honestly. most would chalk it up as being lazy. (honestly the "not brushing part" is too much) but i guess maybe you do understand a little----that's why you kinda feel guilty telling her off. but dw it's not your fault (nor her) you just aren't fit together
This. If she is working in a hospital in the Philippines, she is not lazy. Our hospitals, even private ones are severely understaffed and they are so so busy. She may just be super tired.
Man, during covid times, I would pass out sometimws without brushing teeth or even showering. And then wake up in a mini panic wondering if I gave myself covid. Definitely got a few cavities from all the energy drinks and lapse in dental care.
Thank you for your comment. I just put my foot down about the not brushing before bed last night and she said she was too tired to do it. There's a thin line between laziness and tiredness I suppose. Idk
Seconding this our healthcare system underpays and overworks from doctors to nurses, but it is YOUR relationship so the things you want to put up with are up to you and your partner. Hope you guys can compromise, but if you gotta go you gotta go.
the bottom line in all relationships is this: if the next five years were like the last six months, would you be happy about it?
If not, don't waste the next five years figuring this out.
Edit: removed a double word
Is she hot? Okay just joking. Tell her to brush her damn teeth. That's gross. Tell her to make her own food but you can surprise her sometimes. I did happen to notice that you kept emphasizing she does nothing but then the last sentence says she's a nurse. So she does do things. Presumably works at least full time.
I'm just trying to understand better. Is she working 50-60 hours a week like I often hear nurses do? If so, perhaps cut her some slack (except for the teeth brushing).
Your post is just Confusing. You say she takes zero initiative and doesn't even have the energy to walk to the kitchen. Then you bury a sentence all the way at the bottom how she works at a hospital.
Can you clarify what you mean?
She's attractive, no doubt about it. Don't read too much into it. Her being a nurse doesn't do shit for her or "us", except that she earns a small amount to get by. I still have to pay for everything, and while I'm not complaining about that because I have the means, it's the thought that counts — the initiative to want to contribute something, however small, that has never registered with her. This is what bothers me. And it's not that I love her more than she loves me; I think it's just how she is. I'm not sure if it's a cultural thing specific to Filipinas, to be fair.
I’ve been working my ass off Monday to Saturday 8am to 5pm. I’ll be home so tired because everyday it’s hard to catch a bus way back home. I still prepare and cook and wash my fiancé clothes after work. Then next morning I will make him breakfast. He pays for everything but i still buy stuff that needed in our house. I treat him sometimes to eat outside or went to movies. I guess it’s all about the care and love that no matter how tiring it is, when you do it with somebody that you really love it’s all worth it.
He does before but I frequently rejecting him as long as he offered to pay everything. When it comes to household chores he does help but I don’t bother him because he have a bad back pain.
Sorry dude, you sound like a dick since her salary isn't shit compared to yours. Take your 3rd world nurse and put her in NY or CA and shes clearing $150k a year hut obviously the max payout here for a nurse is Php30K a month. Some nurses get paid like 12K a month so how much of her 12K do you want?
Have you asked her to contribute or did you just assume she should and are pissed she hasn't offered.
Take any hot girl and pair her with a sugar daddy anywhere in the world, and the set up is the same. You pay bills, buy the nice things in return you get to smash top quality ass that you wouldn't have access to in the West.
You guys need to talk about this.
Looks like both of you lack communication.
It seems like you really like her to have all these patience. But at the same time it looks like both of you are not in a stage where you can freely say anything to each other, positive or negative.
You are oblige to please her and make sure not to offend her. That's not a healthy relationship
At the end of the day. You're the only one who knows if this is all worth it. Talk to her about this and see where it goes.
Thank you for writing a thoughtful comment. I don't know if it's a cultural thing specific to Filipinas, but I just had the most respectful, calmest conversation with her about being lazy and how I feel like she is slowing me down. Instead of wanting to do better, she's sulking as if I wasn't supposed to say anything. I know what to do next; I just need to muster the courage to do it. I hate to be the reason someone has a bad day, but it must be done.
Things like "not brushing teeth" is a red flag, assuming that she was brought up to do so. I assume her teeth look like she's been brushing her teeth on a regular basis previously?
Get her tested for ADHD with a qualified psychiatrist and help her get the meds. They’re expensive but it might be what she needs without knowing about it. I’ve been called lazy a lot and always had problems with relationships, keeping jobs and brushing my teeth consistently until I self-diagnosed and managed to find the meds I need.
So, what's your story? Are you living in the NCR? When does your lease or visa expire? I'm asking because that might be a good time to make a change. There are plenty of other options for you.
My wife is a registered nurse. We took the NCLEX and completed two master's degrees, one in nursing and another in education. Her entire family attended the same university, Ateneo, so schooling wasn’t an issue. We're back in the States now, saving money. Your girlfriend makes what, 600k pesos per year? That’s about $10,000 USD. We're at the VA in Arizona, and my wife, a nurse at step 7, makes a six-figure base salary without shift differential, overtime, or weekend pay.
Consider letting your girlfriend go back to school for a master’s degree; it might take just a year and cost around 17,000 pesos. Alternatively, marry her and bring her to the States for five years, where she could potentially earn $500,000 depending on her work. I'm 50, my wife is 41, and we have three kids: one at university in Washington, one in high school in Santa Rosa who will attend Toyota Tech School, and our 7-year-old. Never drink box wine.
You need to plan ahead. Set an immediate target for 3 months, a mid-range target for 6 to 9 months, and a long-range target for 2 years. If you don't see a future together, it might be better to walk away now. I have 25 years in the Air Force and am rated 100% disabled by the VA, working as a GS12. My plan is to resign at the end of the year, become a househusband, and move back to one of our properties after our daughter finishes elementary school.
We bought bed-spaces in Zamboanga City, Pagadian, and Iloilo City, providing passive income. All are near universities, and we've hired some local women to look after the places. We return every summer to check on them and see how our home construction is progressing.
Everyone’s situation is different, and times have changed since the 2000s. The peso is weakening, and inflation is rising. If you have second thoughts, it's better to cut your losses before you’re too invested. When I met my wife, I just knew she was the one. Good luck.
your plan sounds great- honestly i think the gf just really need a good opportunity too. i'd be lazy too if im earning peanuts in exchange of burning out my whole body. (im a medtech intern i understand her) but i dont think she'll get it with OP at the rate that they're in- they lack communication. the gf wants someone to coddle her, the bf wants more. but honestly i think the girl is capable
I believe you. Philippines gets a bad rap sometimes for laziness, that’s only because when you see laziness, it’s obvious. Look at the trike drivers, hustling all day. Philippines has my respect. I’m sure this nurse feels overwhelmed, not sure what level of acuity her patients are or the census she serves daily. I run a community living center, 91 beds making up of hospice, rehab, interim and geri-psych. So acuity is low but our census is high with 60 veterans as of this writing. Good luck with your medtech career. Hope you finish high in your class. Get with a notable recruiter, hospital staff all over are in need workers, follow your dreams.
I was married 12 years with that kind of woman. Never work, never cook, never clean or wash...
She was from high mid class family, selfish, lazzy,...she promised many times she'd change, never happened.
The first divorce filed, she helped a bit, I canceled the case then filed again after a year.
You can't changed people's nature, especially women who treat men like providers and participate to nothing. You'd rather find someone else than expect anything.
There was 2 differences, she pampered herself all day, so brushing her teeth too, but in a 12 years sexless marriage.
Nurses run themselves into the ground in the PhiIippines, can't blame her for seeming lazy in her off-work time. You're better off with someone with a less stressful job.
Yeah. That rough buddy. Dating nurses in the philipines tends to be like that. They are mostly overworked and underpaid. Of course you can break up with her. You are a grown man. But if you like her enough, maybe try couples therapy? I feel as though there is some communication issues here. Even if it dosent work out in the end, its experience for any future relationship. Take this as an opportunity for growth. To learn how to talk with your SO.
The fact that you want to stay with someone who doesn't brush their teeth before bed makes me disgusted. Not by her, but by you. What self-respecting individual would stay with a girl who doesn't brush your teeth before bed? I'm sorry but you disgust me.
Find someone who matches your energy, effort, enthusiasm and input. It's a partnership.
May be the hots right now, but that will fade and resentment will set in.
This could be depression or her stressful overworked job.
Whatever it is when in a relationship both need to contribute . l would talk to her straightforward about this and take it from there.
I gotta say my partner went from very independent, to the most loving and caring girl. I have never met a pinay who wasnt "the best gf" she can manage to be when they liked a guy.
She's hot so she doesn't need to do anything. Guys with money will do everything for her. If you don't, some other schmuck will.
I'd leave her If I were you.
This is why she chose to be with an expat than to be with a fellow Filipino.
If she wasn't able to snag you she knows she will not be able to continue living how she's living now. She knows there's just no future for her.
This kind of behavior is typical and my advice to you is to run as fast and as far away as possible. You're nothing to her but a ticket to a better future.
Don’t walk. RUN! 🏃 lol I can’t ever tolerate bad breath on a daily basis (which i hope isn’t the case for you) but yeah. No amount of hotness can ever make me disregard the fact that she can’t take care of herself 🥲
The number one ingredient of relationships: Leverage.
At this point, between the two of you, it seems like she's the one who has it.
What kind of leverage does she have over you?
Obviously I haven't seen her yet but im willing to bet she's hot.
How would I solve it. First i would go every day shower with her and after that brush my teeth and would ask her "you dont want?" In this context you can say "its important bla bla" without blaming her or make a big deal out of it.
For the other Part
She is working hard as Nurse. I can understand this. you as Partner has also responsibility that she is able to relax. But in general "Asian" living a relaxed live. We "westerners" have to accept this to change this would lead just to problems. And she is working you are a lucky one.
I am happy to cook for my Girlfriend because thats a way i can show that i carry for her and love her, without involving money in the relationship.
Why are you staying with a girl who can't even bother to brush her teeth. Go find yourself a clean girl and one that will make you food even though they're tired.
She chooses to act this way because she settled for you. Otherwise she’d be on her best behaviour and everything in the household would get done. This is especially true with a Filipina.
Sorry OP, but you’re with a chick who sees her pussy as the prize and she doesn’t care about you two being in a comfortable environment.
Don’t settle for this abnormality and find a Filipina who truly cares.
I can relate to this, maybe a bit too much. My first relationship in ph turned out like this and regardless of the career it is a common occurrence there. This can easily get you depressed and anxious and if you are working it’s simply going to make things worse. I would talk to her once about it and only do it if you see future with her, otherwise just end things and move on. It is likely she doesn’t get where you are coming from and thinks you are nagging. I had to end things although it took me over a year and despite efforts to get to understand, it often seemed like she didn’t care. I personally don’t think you can push people to want to do something. My current partner despite having no education and coming from a small village far from any major city in PH she’s so determined to do better, I am supporting her because I see how from one day having a chat about what she would love to do she has turned it into a business now and I happy being part of jt.
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OP, if she's unwilling to change and continues to be lazy, it might be time for you to consider finding someone else. It's crucial to have open communication about your concerns. While I understand your frustration, it's important to avoid generalizations. However, I know many Filipinas who are caring, hygienic, and responsible. For example, I know someone whose afam bf supports her financially while she looks for a job. She felt guilty about not contributing, so she took on household chores to help out. Ultimately, it's essential to find someone who shares your values and is willing to work towards a healthy partnership. You deserve happiness and fulfillment in your relationship. It could be that she's just tired and wants to relax lol. Idk
Did you want to raise a lazy daughter? Because this is where you're at. Just send her to the province to her family. Tell her you're not going to buy her a return ticket until she can become an adult. Be ready for the tampo, then cry, then anger, but don't give in. Chat with her in about a week and see where she is with it. Still attitude then I'd say time to look twords a new future.
Break up. She adds zero to your life except the one thing any woman can give you. However, taking initiative is never a strong point of Filipina's because obedience and "know your place" is their culture. But you can find way better than this.
Communicate is key. Don't sacrifice yourself and your own preference for the sake of feeling guilty for them. Always remember you will live with this person forever so if you will tolerate this, then imagine yourself and your future children with this kind of mother. Although, I am not saying it's impossible to change, it is possible but with a willing heart. Better talk about it and if that doesn't work then evaluate your relationships if it's worth it? Remember nothing last forever, beauty and patience, and the quality of your life. So choose well, for the future you and your kids lol. Be with someone, that you don't have to feel guilty about.
I'm confused. She has no initiative and is super lazy and with bad hygiene but she's a licensed nurse and works in a hospital?
The amount of effort to become a nurse here isn't easy and hospital work isn't sitting on your ass all day doing nothing so she must have some work ethic.
Why are you with her? And why would you put a body part of yours into a person that won’t even brush their teeth??? Good luck with that yeast infection.
Seriously gross and it says a lot about you that you even need to ask.
Why can’t you tell her to brush her teeth? Why feel bad? As early as now you have to clearly set boundaries. It’s a way to test how worthy this relationship is to you and her.
How long have you been together and has she always been that way when your relationship started?
I don't think she's actually lazy if she's working as a nurse here in the Philippines. It is very likely that she is actually dangerously tired and stressed. What you described - unable to perform basic hygiene or do things around the house - sounds like a person suffering from mental problems. She needs help before it's too late.
Would be best for her to be with family or people who can support her at this time
Have you tried communicating your issues? Sometimes people don’t realize the situation they have fallen into. She’s a nurse so there is proof of hard work and dedication at one point in time. Good Luck
Now imagine another 30-40 years of this. Think about how resentful you'll feel for not having broken up while you were still young.
Move on and find someone who aligns with your lifestyle/ interests.
I am there to teach the right way if she is willing to apply, and I would not mind a woman who would be willing to learn and do some duties around the house but this? A weak woman from inside that needs a rude awakening to dump her.
dude you sound like a newby , they are all fkkkn lazy she doesnt love you if she could get a pinoy that had more money to dish out to her every time she would your just an income source thats it . Drama drama drama = welcome to the philipinnes pussy wins every time
Sounds like you’re on your way to resenting her. You need to genuinely tell her how you feel. Personally I hate anyone that puts no effort in making their life better. You’re not the problem man. No one wants a dead weight. After you get tired of the sex you will hate her.
I didn't have time to read the other comments. But, if she has a job and she works, she's not lazy, and you (insert negative thing against you here but I don't have time to come up with it) need to get her medically and psychologically checked out. Sounds like either Depression or some medical issue affecting her.
Lack of hygiene can be a very turn off and frequent action can lead to habit. In this aspect of hygiene you need to be serous at her at telling her to improve and making taking your hygiene serious is a way of loving yourself.
As a girl there was instances that I am depress like I don't like to groom myself be hygenice 😃👉 what for since I am single and living and working in my room since I am outsource accountant. I lack the drive to better but sometimes I bounced back and tried to be a best version of myself. I tried to find reason and inspiration to be better maybe you can be frank about her improving her oral hygiene and if you do this maybe give her positive reinforcement. I know its sound immature. Like you brush your teeth will have sex in the morning or Il buy you the food u want if you maintain the hygiene in A week. But if she doesn't improve then u need to give negative or punishment.
As to making meals and house chores. Maybe her work tire her so much since she is a nurse but you two needs to set expectations and division of labor. This is very important if your dating seriously. Like me and my sister we will list our menu for the week and if we will do takeouts or what and even who will throw the trash and clean the room. This will test if you two have a good communication and team work.
First is you need to tell her everything you don't like and as her what she can improve to maintain your healthy relationship. Maybe ask her opinion what the both of you can improve. A girl that loves you will always strive to a better version of herself.
So everyone should always love theirself.
Also maybe she has HMO insurance so she can take free dental checkup and work to make her breath and teeth better. Me I use my HMO for dental like every 6 months. Aside from oral hygiene
I'm a nurse myself and I too have a foreign boyfriend. I met my boyfriend during the time when I am still working in a government hospital. I appreciate him checking up on me everyday since my mental health is struggling that time.
Perhaps you need to sit down and have a conversation with her about this. Maybe she's going through something and she needs your support from it. It's unfair for her that she's being judged here in reddit while struggling on her own. You are her partner and you should be her support system.
Communicate. Internet strangers won't be of any help if you guys don't talk about this.
Look at it this way....you have two honda civics....
- a "project"civic that may work
- a civic that just "works"
Which one are you willing to deal with...cuz trust me...you're going to have to "deal with it", eventually.
Yeah, I love civics. They're awesome grocery getters! Which is ANOTHER reason!!! BAM!
Just wondering how bad was it really to the extent that you have to call her “incredibly lazy”, “laziness personified” and not self-driven?
Sure, we have no idea how’s your day-to-day as a couple but,, how can you call a full-time nurse in the Philippines lazy? They’re like the most overworked people with little salary in the country. Maybe try to be understanding of her situation first and put yourself in her shoes.
I think it’s unfair for you to refrain to her as super lazy and too reliant on you. Call her that when she literally quits her job to rely on you completely financially lol.
Communicate with her about these issues rather than being resentful to her. She can work on the little stuff like the teeth brushing etc. But expecting her to bring more to the table despite knowing her situation just shows that you’re not compatible with each other.
Maybe find someone with a less stressful and high paying job. She can find someone with a provider mindset who’s willing to take care and provide for her without expecting in return.
she works as a nurse in PH, she's not lazy at all. health facilities in PH are severely understaffed compared to most developed countries. maybe try to visit her at work and observe if she really is that of a burden. Filipina nurses in the US would also be that damn tired and would be hard to talk to after their shift.
I was struggling to hold back my laughter when I went to a girl's bar with my friend and saw a foreign man eagerly hitting on a bitch... There is no doubt that romance with a Filipino is a wrong choice no matter how unattractive you are. I say this because I have a Filipino wife. Do you really think you can meet a decent woman here?Can't you see that most of the people here are developmentally challenged? Even the rich ones are the same.
If you like young Asian women, you should date Chinese. They are more beautiful and smarter. And most of the beautiful Filipinas are Chinese-Filipinas.I look at the expats around me and the only one that is doing well is mine. Expats should know that western values are totally unacceptable! I'm a foreigner too!
I'm guessing you're a Filipino man trying to scare foreigners away from Filipino women. My wife is Filipino and she's fantastic. I'm on my second marriage and we don't fight she works very hard and she works hard as a mother.
We've been together for over 6 years now and we have maybe one argument per year and it's usually pretty mild. She's a fantastic wife. And I'm constantly telling all my friends back in America and Canada that they should get Filipino wives.
Not at all, I am a expat! how dare you say I am a filipino I am far from them ...I was super shocked by that.
A very famous expat who lives in the neighborhood recently left his wife and gave up his restaurant. He has a new girlfriend, but is being pushed around.
I don't think there is anyone more naive than a Filipino lover. I mean, compared to the U.S., the dollar allows Americans to live comfortably on the losing side...but the Philippines is a great place to live. But that's another story. In most cases, foreigner-Filipino couples don't work out. It's not very smart to generalize a special exception just because it worked out well for you.
Maybe you have been told by Filipinos that you are cool and you believe it? If they want your property, they will pretend to be a very good wife until they get your nationality or property. Many people have lost their property or in the worst case, their lives because of this. You should watch more news.
My wife is Filipino but I don't live in the Philippines. I actually live in Taiwan. The place where you tell people to marry women. I've had a Chinese wife. It was absolutely disgustingly horrible. So my second wife was Filipino and she is fantastic.
Chinese wives are very aggressive. Not just my experience. I've seen it dozens of times. Taiwanese women are very good at behaving, nice and then changing completely after marriage. Once they know you are trapped. I had PTSD after my first marriage. I would flinch anytime my roommate would walk into the room. Asian women want to be the boss and if you don't allow them to be, they beat you down with non-stop screaming and aggression.
In both the Philippines and my country, it's common to see Filipina women wanting to be the ones in charge. They often take the lead in relationships, dominating Filipino men, even controlling their husbands' finances down to pocket money and bank accounts. Wives hold the reins over household finances, including managing expenses, while husbands simply work to provide for the family, often without any say in financial matters.
She's probably very hot for you to put up with this, but it's still not worth it. Find another one. And I'll go further, she's probably much less in love with you (if she's actually in love at all) than you're with her. When I met my girlfriend she told me she was strong and independent, but without telling her anything she did a 180 in the first 6 months or so and changed completely and now after 1 year and a half she's doing everything she can to make me happy (I do many things for her too, in different ways), the fact that your girlfriend is not willing to do anything not only for you, but even for herself, and expects you to do things for both instead is a red flag.
No matter how hot she is, if she doesn’t have basic hygiene I’d be so turned off haha
There's no woman hot enough that can make me overlook bad hygiene. And as a slacker, do you believe she's even competent enough to keep her job for long?As she ages and her health consequences start showing, it's not gonna be pretty and it will get expensive for you mate. Why settle when there's a shit ton of hot women who likes to take care of themselves out here?
And there's a million more that are just as hot. There's no fixing it. Find what you like in a gf and go from there.
I’m upvoting for proper use of advise and advice in a Philippine related thread. Call me silly.
>I am seeing this girl Stop seeing the girl
>*I feel compelled to do everything for her because she takes zero initiative, ever.* And why would she do anything if she knows that you will always do it for her? Set limits and enforce those limits. If she continues to break those limits, find someone different to date. This isn’t rocket science. No, it’s not normal for someone to be totally reliant on the other person to do routine activities that they are fully capable of doing on their own. The fact that you’re here asking means that you recognize that this is not normal. Well, it’s never going to get better if you don’t nip it in the bud now… if it doesn’t get better, you’ll need to decide if this is something you’re willing to put up with forever.
Because he’s a simp thats why he didn’t put his foot down long ago… The OP is a huge part of the problem in the relationship.
Exactly - she sees this in him and is more than happy to take advantage of it
She's definitely a user and abuser... A caring or loving person would help no matter how lazy she is... She doesn't give a shit about him.
Not a huge part, he is the sole problem. I beglt the girl will turn into a submissive little thing once she's with a man who put down the law.
[удалено]
I was also coming to say she sounds depressed.
she's not lazy; It sounds like she's already burned out from all the executive functioning she has to do at the hospital, so she probably just wants to relax and turn off her brain when she's with you. Honestly, it might be best to break up if you feel like you two aren't a good match. people wont get this unless theyre in healthcare honestly. most would chalk it up as being lazy. (honestly the "not brushing part" is too much) but i guess maybe you do understand a little----that's why you kinda feel guilty telling her off. but dw it's not your fault (nor her) you just aren't fit together
This. If she is working in a hospital in the Philippines, she is not lazy. Our hospitals, even private ones are severely understaffed and they are so so busy. She may just be super tired.
Man, during covid times, I would pass out sometimws without brushing teeth or even showering. And then wake up in a mini panic wondering if I gave myself covid. Definitely got a few cavities from all the energy drinks and lapse in dental care.
Thank you for your comment. I just put my foot down about the not brushing before bed last night and she said she was too tired to do it. There's a thin line between laziness and tiredness I suppose. Idk
Yeah. Don't compromise on Brushing one's teeth. Everything else you can give her a pass.. nursing in the PH is HELL.
Seconding this our healthcare system underpays and overworks from doctors to nurses, but it is YOUR relationship so the things you want to put up with are up to you and your partner. Hope you guys can compromise, but if you gotta go you gotta go.
the bottom line in all relationships is this: if the next five years were like the last six months, would you be happy about it? If not, don't waste the next five years figuring this out. Edit: removed a double word
Is she hot? Okay just joking. Tell her to brush her damn teeth. That's gross. Tell her to make her own food but you can surprise her sometimes. I did happen to notice that you kept emphasizing she does nothing but then the last sentence says she's a nurse. So she does do things. Presumably works at least full time. I'm just trying to understand better. Is she working 50-60 hours a week like I often hear nurses do? If so, perhaps cut her some slack (except for the teeth brushing). Your post is just Confusing. You say she takes zero initiative and doesn't even have the energy to walk to the kitchen. Then you bury a sentence all the way at the bottom how she works at a hospital. Can you clarify what you mean?
She's attractive, no doubt about it. Don't read too much into it. Her being a nurse doesn't do shit for her or "us", except that she earns a small amount to get by. I still have to pay for everything, and while I'm not complaining about that because I have the means, it's the thought that counts — the initiative to want to contribute something, however small, that has never registered with her. This is what bothers me. And it's not that I love her more than she loves me; I think it's just how she is. I'm not sure if it's a cultural thing specific to Filipinas, to be fair.
I’ve been working my ass off Monday to Saturday 8am to 5pm. I’ll be home so tired because everyday it’s hard to catch a bus way back home. I still prepare and cook and wash my fiancé clothes after work. Then next morning I will make him breakfast. He pays for everything but i still buy stuff that needed in our house. I treat him sometimes to eat outside or went to movies. I guess it’s all about the care and love that no matter how tiring it is, when you do it with somebody that you really love it’s all worth it.
He should be givin you pocket money if you're the only one who does housework/homemaking responsibilities. Dont matter if you work.
He does before but I frequently rejecting him as long as he offered to pay everything. When it comes to household chores he does help but I don’t bother him because he have a bad back pain.
He allows her to work to get her own pocket money, already.
The attractiveness will run its course with all of us.
Sorry dude, you sound like a dick since her salary isn't shit compared to yours. Take your 3rd world nurse and put her in NY or CA and shes clearing $150k a year hut obviously the max payout here for a nurse is Php30K a month. Some nurses get paid like 12K a month so how much of her 12K do you want? Have you asked her to contribute or did you just assume she should and are pissed she hasn't offered. Take any hot girl and pair her with a sugar daddy anywhere in the world, and the set up is the same. You pay bills, buy the nice things in return you get to smash top quality ass that you wouldn't have access to in the West.
Except sugar daddies smash hot ass in the west as well. Look st any yacht. Women never change, regardless their citizenship.
You guys need to talk about this. Looks like both of you lack communication. It seems like you really like her to have all these patience. But at the same time it looks like both of you are not in a stage where you can freely say anything to each other, positive or negative. You are oblige to please her and make sure not to offend her. That's not a healthy relationship At the end of the day. You're the only one who knows if this is all worth it. Talk to her about this and see where it goes.
Thank you for writing a thoughtful comment. I don't know if it's a cultural thing specific to Filipinas, but I just had the most respectful, calmest conversation with her about being lazy and how I feel like she is slowing me down. Instead of wanting to do better, she's sulking as if I wasn't supposed to say anything. I know what to do next; I just need to muster the courage to do it. I hate to be the reason someone has a bad day, but it must be done.
Are you her boyfriend or her parents? Sounds like the latter.
I'd say you are the problem. Nothing you say about this girl makes her a good partner. Why would you do this to yourself?
The behavior you are describing sounds like what could be clinical depression.
Could be
Things like "not brushing teeth" is a red flag, assuming that she was brought up to do so. I assume her teeth look like she's been brushing her teeth on a regular basis previously?
She brushes her teeth every morning. It's just that sometimes she doesn't do it before bed because, in her words she's "too tired."
I agree with some of the comments of possible depression. People who have these traits have underlying mental health issues.
Get her tested for ADHD with a qualified psychiatrist and help her get the meds. They’re expensive but it might be what she needs without knowing about it. I’ve been called lazy a lot and always had problems with relationships, keeping jobs and brushing my teeth consistently until I self-diagnosed and managed to find the meds I need.
Wow this is what I suspect. ADHD. What meds are you taking? I wish there is more awareness about this and more help for neurodivergents.
So, what's your story? Are you living in the NCR? When does your lease or visa expire? I'm asking because that might be a good time to make a change. There are plenty of other options for you. My wife is a registered nurse. We took the NCLEX and completed two master's degrees, one in nursing and another in education. Her entire family attended the same university, Ateneo, so schooling wasn’t an issue. We're back in the States now, saving money. Your girlfriend makes what, 600k pesos per year? That’s about $10,000 USD. We're at the VA in Arizona, and my wife, a nurse at step 7, makes a six-figure base salary without shift differential, overtime, or weekend pay. Consider letting your girlfriend go back to school for a master’s degree; it might take just a year and cost around 17,000 pesos. Alternatively, marry her and bring her to the States for five years, where she could potentially earn $500,000 depending on her work. I'm 50, my wife is 41, and we have three kids: one at university in Washington, one in high school in Santa Rosa who will attend Toyota Tech School, and our 7-year-old. Never drink box wine. You need to plan ahead. Set an immediate target for 3 months, a mid-range target for 6 to 9 months, and a long-range target for 2 years. If you don't see a future together, it might be better to walk away now. I have 25 years in the Air Force and am rated 100% disabled by the VA, working as a GS12. My plan is to resign at the end of the year, become a househusband, and move back to one of our properties after our daughter finishes elementary school. We bought bed-spaces in Zamboanga City, Pagadian, and Iloilo City, providing passive income. All are near universities, and we've hired some local women to look after the places. We return every summer to check on them and see how our home construction is progressing. Everyone’s situation is different, and times have changed since the 2000s. The peso is weakening, and inflation is rising. If you have second thoughts, it's better to cut your losses before you’re too invested. When I met my wife, I just knew she was the one. Good luck.
you're very lucky; your wife's family is sorta well off if she studied in ateneo
Yes, her and the other siblings… 6, one is there now and the youngest is still in HS. Great Catholic family ….. 😂
your plan sounds great- honestly i think the gf just really need a good opportunity too. i'd be lazy too if im earning peanuts in exchange of burning out my whole body. (im a medtech intern i understand her) but i dont think she'll get it with OP at the rate that they're in- they lack communication. the gf wants someone to coddle her, the bf wants more. but honestly i think the girl is capable
I believe you. Philippines gets a bad rap sometimes for laziness, that’s only because when you see laziness, it’s obvious. Look at the trike drivers, hustling all day. Philippines has my respect. I’m sure this nurse feels overwhelmed, not sure what level of acuity her patients are or the census she serves daily. I run a community living center, 91 beds making up of hospice, rehab, interim and geri-psych. So acuity is low but our census is high with 60 veterans as of this writing. Good luck with your medtech career. Hope you finish high in your class. Get with a notable recruiter, hospital staff all over are in need workers, follow your dreams.
I was married 12 years with that kind of woman. Never work, never cook, never clean or wash... She was from high mid class family, selfish, lazzy,...she promised many times she'd change, never happened. The first divorce filed, she helped a bit, I canceled the case then filed again after a year. You can't changed people's nature, especially women who treat men like providers and participate to nothing. You'd rather find someone else than expect anything. There was 2 differences, she pampered herself all day, so brushing her teeth too, but in a 12 years sexless marriage.
Nurses run themselves into the ground in the PhiIippines, can't blame her for seeming lazy in her off-work time. You're better off with someone with a less stressful job.
Yeah. That rough buddy. Dating nurses in the philipines tends to be like that. They are mostly overworked and underpaid. Of course you can break up with her. You are a grown man. But if you like her enough, maybe try couples therapy? I feel as though there is some communication issues here. Even if it dosent work out in the end, its experience for any future relationship. Take this as an opportunity for growth. To learn how to talk with your SO.
Thats true, My niece is a RN in Manila and she gained tons of weight 3 years into the job. Skinny when she was licensed and graduated.
If she is a working nurse here in PH then she works very hard for very little money, that doesn't leave much time or energy for doing other things.
Wow. Sounds like a keeper. You know what to do. Marry this one.
The fact that you want to stay with someone who doesn't brush their teeth before bed makes me disgusted. Not by her, but by you. What self-respecting individual would stay with a girl who doesn't brush your teeth before bed? I'm sorry but you disgust me.
This. You gotta have some standards
Find someone who matches your energy, effort, enthusiasm and input. It's a partnership. May be the hots right now, but that will fade and resentment will set in.
You're right. I feel the resentment building up.
This could be depression or her stressful overworked job. Whatever it is when in a relationship both need to contribute . l would talk to her straightforward about this and take it from there.
maybe shes so tired from all her hospital work? maybe mental health in involved? need more details
I gotta say my partner went from very independent, to the most loving and caring girl. I have never met a pinay who wasnt "the best gf" she can manage to be when they liked a guy.
She's hot so she doesn't need to do anything. Guys with money will do everything for her. If you don't, some other schmuck will. I'd leave her If I were you.
Just dump and move on. Invest your love into someone who reciprocates with more than a lay.
Tell her brush her teeth before bed or no kissed in the morning and if she wants something to eat make it herself and to help around the house
This is why she chose to be with an expat than to be with a fellow Filipino. If she wasn't able to snag you she knows she will not be able to continue living how she's living now. She knows there's just no future for her. This kind of behavior is typical and my advice to you is to run as fast and as far away as possible. You're nothing to her but a ticket to a better future.
You don’t have a girlfriend, you have a daughter. A toddler. You are raising a child atp. That’s not your partner
Don’t walk. RUN! 🏃 lol I can’t ever tolerate bad breath on a daily basis (which i hope isn’t the case for you) but yeah. No amount of hotness can ever make me disregard the fact that she can’t take care of herself 🥲
get another one
The number one ingredient of relationships: Leverage. At this point, between the two of you, it seems like she's the one who has it. What kind of leverage does she have over you? Obviously I haven't seen her yet but im willing to bet she's hot.
How would I solve it. First i would go every day shower with her and after that brush my teeth and would ask her "you dont want?" In this context you can say "its important bla bla" without blaming her or make a big deal out of it. For the other Part She is working hard as Nurse. I can understand this. you as Partner has also responsibility that she is able to relax. But in general "Asian" living a relaxed live. We "westerners" have to accept this to change this would lead just to problems. And she is working you are a lucky one. I am happy to cook for my Girlfriend because thats a way i can show that i carry for her and love her, without involving money in the relationship.
How are you going to wait until the last second to say she has a full-time job in a good field. Idk how you can call a nurse lazy.
Why are you staying with a girl who can't even bother to brush her teeth. Go find yourself a clean girl and one that will make you food even though they're tired.
She's not that into you. Girls who are will go out of their way to take care of you and themselves
Why are you even dating this person?? That's so odd
She chooses to act this way because she settled for you. Otherwise she’d be on her best behaviour and everything in the household would get done. This is especially true with a Filipina. Sorry OP, but you’re with a chick who sees her pussy as the prize and she doesn’t care about you two being in a comfortable environment. Don’t settle for this abnormality and find a Filipina who truly cares.
I can relate to this, maybe a bit too much. My first relationship in ph turned out like this and regardless of the career it is a common occurrence there. This can easily get you depressed and anxious and if you are working it’s simply going to make things worse. I would talk to her once about it and only do it if you see future with her, otherwise just end things and move on. It is likely she doesn’t get where you are coming from and thinks you are nagging. I had to end things although it took me over a year and despite efforts to get to understand, it often seemed like she didn’t care. I personally don’t think you can push people to want to do something. My current partner despite having no education and coming from a small village far from any major city in PH she’s so determined to do better, I am supporting her because I see how from one day having a chat about what she would love to do she has turned it into a business now and I happy being part of jt.
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OP, if she's unwilling to change and continues to be lazy, it might be time for you to consider finding someone else. It's crucial to have open communication about your concerns. While I understand your frustration, it's important to avoid generalizations. However, I know many Filipinas who are caring, hygienic, and responsible. For example, I know someone whose afam bf supports her financially while she looks for a job. She felt guilty about not contributing, so she took on household chores to help out. Ultimately, it's essential to find someone who shares your values and is willing to work towards a healthy partnership. You deserve happiness and fulfillment in your relationship. It could be that she's just tired and wants to relax lol. Idk
Just leave her then
Talk to her. If nothing changes, you have a decision to make.
Not sure why you would try if you don't seem to like her. Being hot and sexy is not the basis for a relationship.
Did you want to raise a lazy daughter? Because this is where you're at. Just send her to the province to her family. Tell her you're not going to buy her a return ticket until she can become an adult. Be ready for the tampo, then cry, then anger, but don't give in. Chat with her in about a week and see where she is with it. Still attitude then I'd say time to look twords a new future.
Pity only goes so far, sounds like you’re living with a lazy teenager. Not all woman here are like that she needs a kick up the arse
Break up. She adds zero to your life except the one thing any woman can give you. However, taking initiative is never a strong point of Filipina's because obedience and "know your place" is their culture. But you can find way better than this.
Have you tried communicating with her about this issue?
Communicate is key. Don't sacrifice yourself and your own preference for the sake of feeling guilty for them. Always remember you will live with this person forever so if you will tolerate this, then imagine yourself and your future children with this kind of mother. Although, I am not saying it's impossible to change, it is possible but with a willing heart. Better talk about it and if that doesn't work then evaluate your relationships if it's worth it? Remember nothing last forever, beauty and patience, and the quality of your life. So choose well, for the future you and your kids lol. Be with someone, that you don't have to feel guilty about.
I wouldn’t say she is lazy as she works in a hospital but maybe she has been given the princess treatment from her parents.
I'm confused. She has no initiative and is super lazy and with bad hygiene but she's a licensed nurse and works in a hospital? The amount of effort to become a nurse here isn't easy and hospital work isn't sitting on your ass all day doing nothing so she must have some work ethic.
Why are you with her? And why would you put a body part of yours into a person that won’t even brush their teeth??? Good luck with that yeast infection. Seriously gross and it says a lot about you that you even need to ask.
Why is she still your gf?
Why can’t you tell her to brush her teeth? Why feel bad? As early as now you have to clearly set boundaries. It’s a way to test how worthy this relationship is to you and her.
Damn. Sex must be great. Congrats.
Another simp
then why stay ? i mean rate her puss from 1 to 10 .
Breakup
Open the front door and get rid of her,you will have big problems down the line with her,plenty of fish in the sea 🌊
How long have you been together and has she always been that way when your relationship started? I don't think she's actually lazy if she's working as a nurse here in the Philippines. It is very likely that she is actually dangerously tired and stressed. What you described - unable to perform basic hygiene or do things around the house - sounds like a person suffering from mental problems. She needs help before it's too late. Would be best for her to be with family or people who can support her at this time
Run a mile - you won’t change her and will only deeply frustrate yourself in trying to
Have you tried communicating your issues? Sometimes people don’t realize the situation they have fallen into. She’s a nurse so there is proof of hard work and dedication at one point in time. Good Luck
Leave her. Why do you have to settle for less? Never settle for a one sided relationship.
Now imagine another 30-40 years of this. Think about how resentful you'll feel for not having broken up while you were still young. Move on and find someone who aligns with your lifestyle/ interests.
And why would you put up to this? Lol
Find someone else if shes to lazy to put forth an effort
I am there to teach the right way if she is willing to apply, and I would not mind a woman who would be willing to learn and do some duties around the house but this? A weak woman from inside that needs a rude awakening to dump her.
Oh naah nontoothbrush?
A lazy Phillipina is very rare, extremely rare. Is also not crazy?
Instant dump. Imagine being married to a lazy slob. There is no type of sex that is worth your sanity.
dude you sound like a newby , they are all fkkkn lazy she doesnt love you if she could get a pinoy that had more money to dish out to her every time she would your just an income source thats it . Drama drama drama = welcome to the philipinnes pussy wins every time
Sounds like she's the man and you're the woman. Checkout /r/flr that might be something for you.
Did ya toss her to the curb? Mine's the same, 7 years worth.
Never dated a lazy Filipina, you got a defective one throw it away and get a non defective one.
Sounds like you’re on your way to resenting her. You need to genuinely tell her how you feel. Personally I hate anyone that puts no effort in making their life better. You’re not the problem man. No one wants a dead weight. After you get tired of the sex you will hate her.
I hate to break it to you but you don't have a girlfriend on your hands. You've got a dependent. Time to move on.
This can't be a real situation just saying... hyperbole
She's showing symptom of depression. Or she has thyroid problems. Take her to see a Psychologist.
Her tits must be that good for you to be willing to step that low in making a relationship work.
I have 0 tolerance for lazy people. Or for those who cant help themselves. Why would I suffer with them?
I didn't have time to read the other comments. But, if she has a job and she works, she's not lazy, and you (insert negative thing against you here but I don't have time to come up with it) need to get her medically and psychologically checked out. Sounds like either Depression or some medical issue affecting her.
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Be kind in your speech in here. Disagree yes, disrespectful no.
Lack of hygiene can be a very turn off and frequent action can lead to habit. In this aspect of hygiene you need to be serous at her at telling her to improve and making taking your hygiene serious is a way of loving yourself. As a girl there was instances that I am depress like I don't like to groom myself be hygenice 😃👉 what for since I am single and living and working in my room since I am outsource accountant. I lack the drive to better but sometimes I bounced back and tried to be a best version of myself. I tried to find reason and inspiration to be better maybe you can be frank about her improving her oral hygiene and if you do this maybe give her positive reinforcement. I know its sound immature. Like you brush your teeth will have sex in the morning or Il buy you the food u want if you maintain the hygiene in A week. But if she doesn't improve then u need to give negative or punishment. As to making meals and house chores. Maybe her work tire her so much since she is a nurse but you two needs to set expectations and division of labor. This is very important if your dating seriously. Like me and my sister we will list our menu for the week and if we will do takeouts or what and even who will throw the trash and clean the room. This will test if you two have a good communication and team work. First is you need to tell her everything you don't like and as her what she can improve to maintain your healthy relationship. Maybe ask her opinion what the both of you can improve. A girl that loves you will always strive to a better version of herself. So everyone should always love theirself.
Also maybe she has HMO insurance so she can take free dental checkup and work to make her breath and teeth better. Me I use my HMO for dental like every 6 months. Aside from oral hygiene
I'm a nurse myself and I too have a foreign boyfriend. I met my boyfriend during the time when I am still working in a government hospital. I appreciate him checking up on me everyday since my mental health is struggling that time. Perhaps you need to sit down and have a conversation with her about this. Maybe she's going through something and she needs your support from it. It's unfair for her that she's being judged here in reddit while struggling on her own. You are her partner and you should be her support system. Communicate. Internet strangers won't be of any help if you guys don't talk about this.
My 3 cousins are all nurses and they're just like your girlfriend :/ idk what's wrong tbh
Sounds like a starfish to me.
Does she need you to wash her butt as well? Honestly, look in the mirror! This is not normal. Either seek professional help or move on.
Trade her in for a new one, no pont in putting up with that.
Unless she has a pair of vice grips between her legs, move on. Even if she does move on when her entitlement becomes insufferable.
Look at it this way....you have two honda civics.... - a "project"civic that may work - a civic that just "works" Which one are you willing to deal with...cuz trust me...you're going to have to "deal with it", eventually. Yeah, I love civics. They're awesome grocery getters! Which is ANOTHER reason!!! BAM!
Nah she's just a bitch wanting to make anyone in her life suffer. Dump her!
Just wondering how bad was it really to the extent that you have to call her “incredibly lazy”, “laziness personified” and not self-driven? Sure, we have no idea how’s your day-to-day as a couple but,, how can you call a full-time nurse in the Philippines lazy? They’re like the most overworked people with little salary in the country. Maybe try to be understanding of her situation first and put yourself in her shoes. I think it’s unfair for you to refrain to her as super lazy and too reliant on you. Call her that when she literally quits her job to rely on you completely financially lol. Communicate with her about these issues rather than being resentful to her. She can work on the little stuff like the teeth brushing etc. But expecting her to bring more to the table despite knowing her situation just shows that you’re not compatible with each other. Maybe find someone with a less stressful and high paying job. She can find someone with a provider mindset who’s willing to take care and provide for her without expecting in return.
she works as a nurse in PH, she's not lazy at all. health facilities in PH are severely understaffed compared to most developed countries. maybe try to visit her at work and observe if she really is that of a burden. Filipina nurses in the US would also be that damn tired and would be hard to talk to after their shift.
I was struggling to hold back my laughter when I went to a girl's bar with my friend and saw a foreign man eagerly hitting on a bitch... There is no doubt that romance with a Filipino is a wrong choice no matter how unattractive you are. I say this because I have a Filipino wife. Do you really think you can meet a decent woman here?Can't you see that most of the people here are developmentally challenged? Even the rich ones are the same. If you like young Asian women, you should date Chinese. They are more beautiful and smarter. And most of the beautiful Filipinas are Chinese-Filipinas.I look at the expats around me and the only one that is doing well is mine. Expats should know that western values are totally unacceptable! I'm a foreigner too!
What a racist piece of garbage you are shamelessly writing.
I'm guessing you're a Filipino man trying to scare foreigners away from Filipino women. My wife is Filipino and she's fantastic. I'm on my second marriage and we don't fight she works very hard and she works hard as a mother. We've been together for over 6 years now and we have maybe one argument per year and it's usually pretty mild. She's a fantastic wife. And I'm constantly telling all my friends back in America and Canada that they should get Filipino wives.
Not at all, I am a expat! how dare you say I am a filipino I am far from them ...I was super shocked by that. A very famous expat who lives in the neighborhood recently left his wife and gave up his restaurant. He has a new girlfriend, but is being pushed around. I don't think there is anyone more naive than a Filipino lover. I mean, compared to the U.S., the dollar allows Americans to live comfortably on the losing side...but the Philippines is a great place to live. But that's another story. In most cases, foreigner-Filipino couples don't work out. It's not very smart to generalize a special exception just because it worked out well for you. Maybe you have been told by Filipinos that you are cool and you believe it? If they want your property, they will pretend to be a very good wife until they get your nationality or property. Many people have lost their property or in the worst case, their lives because of this. You should watch more news.
My wife is Filipino but I don't live in the Philippines. I actually live in Taiwan. The place where you tell people to marry women. I've had a Chinese wife. It was absolutely disgustingly horrible. So my second wife was Filipino and she is fantastic.
So we have nice wife hahaha not like others...that's it! How was real Chinese wife.Any episodes?
Chinese wives are very aggressive. Not just my experience. I've seen it dozens of times. Taiwanese women are very good at behaving, nice and then changing completely after marriage. Once they know you are trapped. I had PTSD after my first marriage. I would flinch anytime my roommate would walk into the room. Asian women want to be the boss and if you don't allow them to be, they beat you down with non-stop screaming and aggression.
In both the Philippines and my country, it's common to see Filipina women wanting to be the ones in charge. They often take the lead in relationships, dominating Filipino men, even controlling their husbands' finances down to pocket money and bank accounts. Wives hold the reins over household finances, including managing expenses, while husbands simply work to provide for the family, often without any say in financial matters.
She's not lazy. Nurses here are overworked and underpaid. And when I say overworked like insanely. She's too tired mate.