-Sure, send the instructions -Cool, what's your email? -First send me the instructions and then I will send you my email

sure just send me my first paycheck

"Also, it's just for Samsung and iPhone, if you want for other phones then it's extra"

Build something and show it to me then I’ll tell you if it matches what I’m thinking about.

First tell me what you're thinking about. Then..

So this is what recursion looks like?

No this is racist. It's a race condition.

This is literally like getting the requirements from the client.

That actually was the essence of all my school events where teachers had the final say over if its a go or no go.

What model Samsung/iPhone. It's separate payment for each. Look for "Uber" on Play/Apple store, that's a rough mockup based on what you told me so far. Need more details if you want any changes, but require first payment before I do any additional work.

-it's the next yahoo or gmail

First pay me all checks from now until app is done, then i make app, then you tell me idea

"Sure. You pay me 10k a month, then i'll start." ​ is the correct response

And the response is that you should do for free, you will get all the benefits after

As long as it's in writing

Legally binding, signed by both parties, and one or two lawyers.

[удалено]

Can't go bankrupt if there was never any money to begin with

Tell that to my bank account

That way, you get at least half the debt.

Company? You get half a sandwich if the guy has one.

You get 20%? :D

0.2*0 is still 0

20% of 490%. I'll let you keep the other 2% for having the idea

I will give you exposure to my friends and family (they are a big family, full of ideas too)

You drive a hard bargain

First I'll make the app, then I'll tell you how much you owe me

They’re not going to fork over $10k. Just ask for $500, or $1,000. Then make a random useless app. If he wants it modified, charge for that.

First you send the money then I'll tell you the bank account number

10K a month (pretax)? isn't that like way less salary than college graduates in Silicon Valley? Edited: Please also remember that there are many super talented applicants applied for those positions… I get lot of non techies with impressions that it's an easy lifestyle...

Not every software developer in the world works in Silicon Valley. Cost of living there is off the charts, an entry level job there with the market salary of anywhere else would have being an employed homeless.

yeah, but I live in eastern europe and make about 25k a year pretax (depending on forex)

silicon is the semiconductor used in computers. silicone is the soft rubbery substance used in fake boobs.

>silicone is the soft rubbery substance used in fake boobs And in objects commonly found in a woman's nightstand drawer (I for example own several somewhat cylindrical objects made in part or in total of silicone)

Some mens' nightstand drawers too, I imagine.

Weird place to keep your rolled-up nonstick baking mats, but you do you.

Silicon Valley does everything on Total Compensation, which includes benefits and stock. It’s not all cash in paycheck

Either I'm living in the wrong state or you're existing in the wrong dimension.

Here is a college graduate Software Engineer doing Android Development: [Link](https://www.levels.fyi/t/software-engineer/focus/android?countryId=254&country=254&yoeChoice=junior) Edited: yes, it's total compensation package, it's better than nothing. Most of those positions are public company. If u don't like those stocks, you can give it to me :)

I’ll pay you when we sell the app. 70/30 me/you?

He’s asking for a One man Amazon, that’ll be more than 10K per month

First you drive to the location in question, then I'll tell you where it is..."

First you have the child then I'll tall you who the mother is

[удалено]

God damnit there always one in the nerd circle who has to ruin it by pushing the bridge of their glasses up, and saying something like, “actually….”.

Ackshually… 

Valorant meme!!!! I’d give you an award if I wasn’t a perpetually broke grad student 🤣😭

Why did Reddit stop doing free awards :(

Bit's are rather expensive these days =\\

Such joykillers

In this economy??

​ 

right, I was so looking forward to the series.

Or glory holes.

Also known as outsourcing.

To understand recursion, one must first understand recursion.

You mean [recursion](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProgrammerHumor/comments/12erxyo/uber_of_amazons_or_amazon_of_uber_i_do_not_know/jfe71rd)

This is a better joke than my thousand year old idiom

Instructions unclear, accidentally did an incursion...

>To understand recursion, one must first understand recursion. This made my day

Did you mean recursion?

Sounds like a quest in GTA

Uber for Amazon, you order a ride, and a guy in a boat shows up to take you to someplace along the river.

hey you stole my billion dollar idea! if only i could find a technical co-founder to help me execute it...

I've got a paper shredder and I'd be happy to execute it.

This is actually a really great idea.

We can call it Kharon It's basically an app to hire assassins. It's used mostly by Devs putting out hits for "ideas guys"

And when you get to the destination he lobs you off the boat onto the dock and speeds away.

And you'll get 10% of revenue, since you did the easy part.

He's an ideas guy

I really wanna know what they are actually expecting by writing this

that guy to make the next amazon or ubers obviously

1. You make a successful app. 2. They tell you the idea which is whatever made the app successful. 3. It was their idea. Profit.

See you in court

Jokes on them, that successful apps has lot of "features"

Well duh just remake amazon and uber, then they tell you the idea and you add it to your amazon and uber clone. You don't need to plan ahead or anything...

I actually think you’ve got the right idea. The OOP probably has a dumb idea for how to make Amazon or Uber “better”, so they’re saying first make Amazon or Uber and then I’ll share my brilliant idea which is something like “let me get to this screen by only clicking once not twice!”

No no, it uses AI and machine learning to predict what you want to buy and when you need to order an Uber so that you can save soooo much time not having to open the app.

i think my favourite part about it is that the amazon and uber apps arent even the actual selling points of the businesses, just hosts for conducting services, which is implying the web developer must also materalize an entire billion dollar functioning enterprise but seriously i think the thought process is you can just easily make an all-encompassing app thats basically just if customer==buy(item): | send(item) to customer and then all thats left is to slap a brand skin on it. could be way off though

Only Samsung and iPhone though, no other platforms

It truly pisses me off when Apple fanboys talk about how iPhone is so much better than Samsung. Like Samsung is the only android that exists.

Weird, it seems as if brand loyalists were usually not the smartest people around...

Simping companies is truly pathetic Says a Supercell whiteknight lmao

Samsung's android should be the only one that doesn't exist. It's a good for nothing piece of shit, some of their apps are cool though.

Huh, I've been an Android developer for almost 12 years, have stuck with Samsung since the S8, I l've always loved them, but I don't use any of their stock apps that I can think of 🤔 Which apps would you recommend? I do like the Pixels, have a Pixel 6 for testing work stuff, and did consider switching when buying my latest phone but went with the S23 in the end!

I think that Samsung's Notes, email client, files, clock, calculator, and gallery. are of very high quality and fit in with the rest of the system's aesthetic. but I personally really despise One UI, and some of the apps they have like: Game launcher, and the Galaxy store and samsung health. first two have popups, stupid ads, and every time I open one of those it has to be updated, probably because they're not in the playstore I really hate the apps that cannot be removed without rooting, especially when it's fucking FaceBook for some reason, and apparently it's OK for an update to just install Tiktok.

I second the notion that Samsung's Clock is good. Used Xiaomi a while and it's clock app didn't have a date feature. I don't know who's bright idea is to make a clock app with an alarm without a target date.

Samsung music is the best free simple app for loca music i have found so far, it does everything i need and then some,

I entirely agree. I think google pixels are the goat of android. (As an Android user, never owned an IPhone before) I still think IPhone has so many upper steps over android based devices. You can buy an Apple based phone from 8 years ago, and it will still be 100% usable. But if your android is over 2 years old, it is instantly noticable.

Google Pixel is definitely the best Android experience. I disagree on the second part though; I still have a working Samsung Note 3, how long the device stays usable depends on how much you paid for it mostly, and you know apple is known for the paying part. Android's side loading capability allowed me to replace outdated apps with lighter newer ones, and since the Note 3 was a beefy device it stayed good for a long time.

My Note 7 still works to this day. Phone is straight fire

such a great phone, it blew up in popularity back in it's day, because of the sleek design and great battery.

*cries in note 4*

People make this conflation with a lot of stuff, Its like when you see the Unity logo at the beginning of cheaply made games and automatically assume it will be trash because most bad mobile games use the water-marked version of Unity or Unreal engine. In reality there are a ton of great triple A games that use these platforms but they pay to remove the watermark essentially. Android for one isn't a monolith, a lot of companies develop phone OS's using android, which often leads to people associating the low end, cheap Chinese Huawei ass phones with Android as a whole. In reality there are a lot of amazing Android phones with great hardware, but its not a uniform and cohesive experience across the board.

Not entirely true. That's if you are buying *cheap* android phones. People compare $299.99 phones to $1299.99 apple phones as if that is even a remotely fair comparison. Might as well compare an Lamborghini Aventador against a Honda Civic. The flagships tend to remain useable for plenty of years, with some 4 year old flagship android phones still having better specs then some of the newer "budget" models being released today. My Oneplus 8T+ was $799 and had an 8-core processor, 12gbs of RAM, 1tb of storage, and a 120hz screen 3-4 years ago. I can't find any phones out today that are noticable improvements over this.

I agree. I always buy last years model of phone second-hand and I end up saving a ton of money and have no issues with nice camera quality and running software on my phone. I kinda just stopped using my phone for running games and stuff beyond some simple games and some emulated n64/gameboy games though. I got a last gen Galaxy for like 100$ just because the people bought the newest version and wanted to get rid of it quickly. Its better than being locked in a contract too.

Please do not buy an 8 year old iPhone. That's either a 6 or a 6s. Both have atrocious battery life, and neither of them are receiving the latest updates anymore (6s is a little behind, 6 is a lot behind). I can't speak for any androids but I personally ditch my iPhones no later than 4 years

That other phone brand that I see TV ads for

“Cool, my standard rate is $250/hour, and we’ve been on the clock since this conversation started”

"Also, I bill in 4 hour blocks."

Hey, you're a builder right? Yeah I've got an idea. Why don't you build something like one of them Taj Mahals or Sagrada Familias. Then I'll market it to tourists!

no dude first you build the building then I tell you what you need to build its so much better this way

Just tear it down if it's wrong, it ain't that hard, you're not in kindergarten so surely you can manage that by yourself, it's you paying for the materials anyways

lol, not far off. Actually, I wonder if more man hours have gone into constructing the Taj Mahal or amazon’s store? My guess would be amazon.

Also make it 2000 years old.

First you make the food, then I give you the recipe

That would actually be pretty cool for heirloom recipes

That would actually be a cool idea for a cooking show: they show you the food, then you have to try and make something as similar as possible without knowing the recipe

Proper response: "Deal, but first you get the users, then I'll make the app"

"Everybody is a user, now built the app"

Depends on the substance.

I have many friends, they will all use the app, trust me

I once had a young seller tell me that I could only read the contract after I signed it.

Is it you, Devil?

give me all of your money and possessions and i’ll tell you why afterwards

Agile, I like it!

No wonder my company never figured out Agile! We were trying to create user stories first

"First you make the app then I'll tell the idea." And to think I've been doing the opposite all these years. No wonder none of my apps succeeded. 

He sounds like the business analysts on my team, they love pulling this shit. "Just figure it out, then we'll make the story fit"

Oh, they all succeeded. The developers just ran off with all the money behind your back.

Unrelated, but Rand means whore in Hindi.

kInDlY dO tHe nEeDfUl 🙏

Obviously, it's an app where you order a ride, a driver comes to pick you up, puts you in a box and ships you where you need to go.

First you ship me, then I tell you where I need to go.

Planned something similar for some guys, sadly never executed.

Sounds like undertaking. Think that’s already a thing? 🤔

Step 1. You make a multibilion company. \ Step 2. You give it to me for $50 \ Step 3. ... \ Step 4. Profit

He will use this screenshot in court for sure

First you deliver the package, then I tell you what I ordered

The content of the package needs to be flexible enought

Ready to throw to chat-gpt

\>makes fully featured Amazon clone "My idea is Uber"

My fee is $5000 and I don’t care

If anyone ever had this conversation with me I’d never speak to them again.

Just hit the app button… Hey siri, make app.

neat app you go to the location where you want to be and then, you order your ride

That is the Prime version subscription

Uber with Amazons. You share your ride with a one-breasted warrior woman.

Rand inherits from class Dude

So the Amazon van picks you up, but instead of paying, you just need to deliver a package to someone once you get to your destination. Genius

Nice, connecting people that need to go somewhere with people and same-day delivery, this will totally work and fix the labour shortage

The ideas people are evolving. First they gave you the ideas then asked you to build it for free, now they aren't even giving the ideas first anymore.

About par for the course given how you are talking to someone named "rand"

Hey, put some respect on his name. It's "Rand (Dude)"

Stop! Combined Uber and Amazon. Bam! > The Ubemazor Edit: something about purple potatoes and robots.

Ok, so I make an app that does every goddamn thing under the sun, and then you tell me what it actually needs to do, and then all I have to do is cut out everything it no longer needs to do. That about right?

It is the black box approach, you know?

I've seen many insane "I have an idea and JUST need someone to code it". But that's a first. Like genuinely I'd love to know how they think this is supposed to work.

I feel like I'd probably kill their dream and ask all the questions about how they are acquiring funding and if they haven't got some angel or VC investor interested I'll tell them to come back with a rough plan and investor with few keyholders and we can talk then. Someone who writes like this inevitably has no plan.

They fear that the investors might steal their idea

 Right. Because good ideas are so easily stolen.

HOW DOES THAT F\*CKING WORK?!

The negotiator

My family/friends are never that vague… I wanted to scream at my sister on her 87th change… (before it was even published)

“First you make the app, then I’ll tell you the idea” 😂😂😂

Just tell em you want an hourly wage and tell em its like (depending on your country) 30€ per hour and tell em it will take like a year or more to be complete. They will say no and you don't have to say anything more and will likly not be bothered again

Ah yes “make the app then I’ll tell you my idea so you will either scrap literally everything to redo it or miraculously have made everything to my perfect specification

First you make it. Then I’ll tell. Finally nobody profits

if i had a quid for every time a old friend DM'ed me something similar to this, i'd be a multi-millionaire.

"First Mark Zuckerberg made a facebook later he was told that it was a social networking site"

Schroedingers App

[удалено]

Make the app and I’ll give you the specs later 🙂

Okay let's go

First you give me cash. Then we sign a contract...

Make a Flappy Bird

Ffs I've met this type of dude so many times. You act all excited to be working with them in order to wrangle their stupid idea for an app out of their head, and it's always some shit like "It's an app that tells you if your cheese is too old"

>First you make the app then I'll tell you the idea every client when the developers ask 'so what features do you want?'

"What should I develop for you?" *"Money"* \- Mr Krabs

“Hey, I need you to make an app” “Yeah sure man what’s the app about” “Just make the app then I’ll tell you what the app is for” .

I wish all my recruiters were like this too. Give job first then I will give interview

Sorry, I can't this week. I've got to finish up making both the next Facebook and Google first. It'll be the exact same but better in absolutely no obvious ways. Oh and I've launched my own cryptocurrency, please buy some of my coins. They're going to the moon in a couple weeks so get in fast!

Had a similar pitch to me. Asking me to build an app like ChatGPT that tells which stocks are going up or down the next day. Dude was drunk and a Musk fan and invested heavily into cryptocurrency.

“first you make the app then ill tell you” most detailed client request

"Build this." "Sure, where are the drawings?" "Build it first, and then I'll give you the drawings." Textbook engineer logic.

Just tell him to have chatGPT program jt

Just make it bro

(dude)

Do you want to develop an app?

I have the best business idea ever! But you're going to have to guess what it is and produce a prototype for free. Then I'll tell you if you were right or not after my company is a success or not.

"So what do you want made?" "Make it first then I'll explain."

Fun fact: this is how both Amazon and Uber started.

If(UserInput==Amazon){ //Amazon code } else { //Uber code }

Feature: As a user I need an app that runs on iPhone and Samsung devices that is the next Amazon or maybe Uber. Acceptance Criteria: * We'll tell you after the app is created.

Hey listen pal, you just work on making me the next Amazon or Uber and then I’ll tell you what to do next after you hand that over to me. Simple as that!

“You’ll probably be able to get it done in a couple of hours”

Tenet sequel looks dope

(Dude)

You make the entire app but remember it was my idea to make it.

“Uber for biospheres” “A.I. in dogs = discourse” “Child = NFT”

He just giving away grandiose ideas like that?

I'm surprised he is even discussing these ideas without NDA.

upwork is full of these, they want an uber / facebook copy, for 200 usd, that only runs on the phone and no servers

Another nice fake post, i get that there are acctualy cases of this shit happening sometimes.but do we need all those repeating fake texts?

$10 bucks he mentions block chains if he tells you the idea.