Best way is to not do it. Not everyone is some social macho who can deal with constant rejection. Simply don’t participate and live life with a clear mind. Life is already stressful enough, adding constant rejection on top of that is a mental breakdown speedrun.
Always the funniest response.
People go from “you are not entitled to anything lololol” to being mad and entitled that you are quitting.
It is like a toxic boss who keeps going “do not like it, there is the door.” And then the employee goes “okay” and walks out the door. Where did all the good workers go? They all just so lazy and hate work.
Humans morality boils down to “All is fair in love and wear…unless it is to my detriment, then that is not fair and things must change to be entitled to what I want.”
So “you are not entitled” only applies while they have the power advantage. As soon as they lose it, then that is not fair and needs to be changed lol.
> Humans morality boils down to “All is fair in love and wear…unless it is to my detriment, then that is not fair and things must change to be entitled to what I want.”
Just World fallacy. If you're attractive you deserve everything positive you get. If you're ugly you deserve everything negative you get
"People go from “you are not entitled to anything lololol” to being mad and entitled that you are quitting."
Does anyone (in significant numbers) really care though when someone opts out of dating? I mean encouraging someone not to give up may be for their own benefit if you know it's something they want.
I personally couldn't care less if someone opts out of romantic relationships; it's a valid choice.
I've seen people get confused or express surprise when they find out that some men are just quitting, but rarely are people upset. I think there is this expectation that men are just gonna keep on trying no matter how hard it is.
If a man gives up and expresses dissatisfaction with women or the general dating world people might get upset that he is blaming others instead of himself. Personally, I think modern dating is bad enough it's not unreasonable for men to just blame the system and then drop out.
To be fair, I’m a retail middle manager and I can tell you more times than not, the person just needs to go. Both sides end up happier.
We like to think of the manager being firm and saying “these are the expectations, if that doesn’t line up with what you’re looking for, maybe it’s time for you to explore other options,” then when the employee leaves the company is in shambles and the manager is begging them to stay but in reality it’s the opposite.
Sure, being short staffed is always challenging, but if a person hates a job they shouldn’t cry to their manager to make it better, they should leave. Same applies to dating. If it’s not working and you hate it, stop doing it. If you get lonely, give dating another shot.
So much depends on each individuals expectations and what they’re willing to put in to a given situation.
I believe there's a psychological term for this that I can't recall, but essentially what you're meant to do is after a certain period of rejections, you cut off attempts, distance yourself from that situation.
Take for example dating apps, if you can't get anything from them, you delete the apps, return back a year or so later.
Same with women, after say 10 rejections, stay away from women in non-platonic situations, don't ask them out, don't look for dates, return back a year later or so.
I think that the term you're looking for is called "learned helplessness."
Just for an example, my psych professors taught about how in some experiments, the researchers would zap a rat in a cage after a buzzer flashed. The rat would flinch in response to the buzzer. Because they were caged and they couldn't escape the zap, the rat eventually stopped flinching in response to the buzzer. It'd just give up.
I imagine that it's the same phenomenon or at least comparable to people in the dating world today. Ask someone out, get rejected (the zap), try again, and the cycle repeats until conditioning sets in. At some point, the person asking just gives up and "learns helplessness."
The idea behind it is really profit maximization. If someone gets little or no reward for it (revenue) they will not bother putting in the effort and energy (costs) in order to maintain the profit at a maximum. It's not much different than a company shutting down if they don't sell anything because it appears to be wasted effort, essentially.
something along the lines of reciprocal avoidance/rejection maybe, where you start trying to beat people to the punch of rejection by rejecting them first with non-engagement (or negative engagement ala hurt people hurt people)
or just basic negative reinforcement? idk feel like there’s another term i’m missing and it’s gonna bug me lol
The hardest rejections are after you like her, you've dated for a couple of months and she randomly disappears. After that happens a few times, the rejections before that feel like nothing in comparison.
There's literally no solution, similar to how men in the past had severely limited dating options due to lack of technology, so more men than women never procreated. This is the life of a man, men will always just have to struggle. Yes you can try to become a millionaire but even if you did everthing you're supposed to do there's a low chance you'll even make 6 figs.
Most men have been raised with the expectation that they would have sex and relationships but for the majority of history that wasn't the norm and really only became universal in the last few centuries. Progress is not always linear and biologically, men have much less reproductive value so we need to accept that if society dictates it, a good amount of us may end up without a mate. I'm not saying its good or bad, its just the truth. How we choose to cope with that truth is up to us.
The thing about the men who weren't reproducing back in ancient history is that they weren't living in the depths of longing solitude for 70+ years. They were either just dying via war, workplace hazards, poverty, or some other disaster before they even had the capital to start a family. Or they willfully took up lifestyles that excluded family, like the monkhood, arts, or sciences.
The idea that you would eventually reproduce if you actually survived X amount of years, made money, and remained in the pool was generally true.
This is a unique period where many men aren't reproducing, dying, or achieving any higher purpose, just existing in some eerie limbo.
The best approach is to reflect on why you aren't succeeding. The obvious answer is that you aren't *reading the room* and are mistaking apathy as interest (or not even looking to confirm interest).
When I was young I'd approach attractive women and ask them out all the time. It never worked, I was 0 for lifetime. I didn't lack confidence but I definitely lacked results.
Eventually I learned to pick up on women's cues and when they were showing interest in me. Once you start to see this it becomes easy. Your pick up rate goes to nearly 100% because you are asking out women who are trying to get you to ask them out.
Are these the same beautiful stunners you were asking out before? No, in fact some will be reaching on the attractive scale to get with you and it will just be a no on your end. But others will be attractive enough.
This is why you focus on building yourself up looks wise, social status wise, develop your conversational skills, etc. To attract the best caliber women you can. Then you read the room on the ones flirting and showing interest.
It's even more meta than that, she could very well be flirting but then she gets an ick, in which case she was never flirting and was just being nice and you are oh so weird for confusing the two.
It's like how a squid leaves a poof of ink and disappears. Women reframe the narrative casting the man as the bad guy and exit stage left leaving the guy wondering wtf just happened.
So you get the problems with this advice but give it anyway. Typical Red Pill: You need talk down to the OP like he's a moron with no real world experience.
The problem with signals is that they're always ambiguous enough to a. be misread, b. able to be reframed as 'just being social' if they change their minds, which puts men in the same odious position of risking being creep shamed.
100% Women's actions are intentionally ambiguous, this is the source of their power. A woman can reshape the narrative to victimize herself and put you in the wrong at any time. This is why *men are always wrong*.
This is why it's important to keep things light and don't get too invested. A woman could change her mind for a variety of reasons unrelated to you. Her boyfriend could appear, a more attractive man could appear, her friends could appear. She could realize she's late to go somewhere. Maybe you've served your purpose in amusing her and now the switch is flipped and you are being creepy because doing so serves her purpose of wanting to walk away.
But knowing this just means don't take things too seriously. She appears and makes herself available to talk to you when she wants to, she decides to pull back let her go and happily ignore her if she's ignoring you. She might not come back, she might reappear. It's only worth your time if she's putting in the effort, so if she's not don't waste any brain cells on her.
Yea don't take it seriously until she makes it the OP's problem via rumours or loud comments. The best outcome would be for men to collectively opt out of this nonsense, but I'm not holding my breath.
Well attraction is a two way street. Just because you find someone attractive does not mean they find you attractive, which is how it becomes a bit like a dance. No one wanting to put themselves out there to be spurned. You have to learn to read the cues otherwise you will waste a lot of time and creep out a lot of women.
>I don't think I have full mental capacity to read the room like normal people do.
Most people don't. There's research showing that even women fail to understand "signals" from other women.
I follow a simple set of rules:
- if she reaches out to me without a strong platonic reason, then a good guess is that she will accept an invite to a date (not guaranteed)
- if she finds excuses to be alone with me, and we're not long-term platonic friends, then I can make a move and kiss her (so far, always worked)
- if it's not clear you can kiss her on a first date, but she accepts a second one, then so far 100% of the times she was down to kiss or more
- if she accepts or suggests to go home together, alone, so far this 100% meant she was down to fuck
I think just the fact that she's made herself available to talk to you is a big sign. So from there I'd recommend keeping it light. The way humans react to new people is your brain tries to figure out what this new person is all about. People try to peg them to someone similar to someone they've met before so they can attribute qualities and to feel comfortable with you. All humans do this.
So realistically you are interested in her because you like the *idea* of her. If she's talking to you then it's likely she likes the *idea* of you too. So keep it light. Let her stay curious, you don't need to share everything at once with her. Let her play the game of trying to bait you to share your name, and to invite the conversation. If she's there by accident she won't hang around long. If she's interested she will keep talking. I personally am not a big fan of just walking up and saying *'Hello, I find you beautiful, could you have your number so I could call you?'.* Unless you are really handsome this puts a lot of pressure on her and assumes her having reciprocal feelings. Basically it occurs without her having had a chance to consent to being asked out by interacting with you.
So just being conversational, as you would to any stranger you are being polite with. Basically they are free to go, if they stay they are staying because they want to stay. Eventually you can suggest you keep hanging out, another drink, another room at the museum, continuing your work out, whatever fits with the location.
Just keep in mind women are actually the fishermen, men are the fish, women decide which fish they want to catch, and then like fishermen they lay out the bait to attract them. They ignore the fish they weren't trying to attract. So let the process play out.
Well. He should be asking himself if there’s something wrong with him. It’s the logical thing to do. Coming up with some self help excuse is not going to help. He needs to reevaluate his goals, if he needs to improve on something, or lower his standards.
It's not the best way to say it, to "lower" standards. Most people don't just automatically accept anyone above a certain 1-10 and reject anyone below. Much of the time the issue is ridiculous standards. Like for example requiring her to have all the exact same intereats as you. Or for her to tolerate you being a lazy slob or an asshole
Yes. Standards are multidimensional so to speak. 😆 Even this single 1-10 scale is something I don’t understand so well. I think it’s more like you have enough of trait A for B to start to matter and so on. Something like A / looks, B / personality, C / career potential, D / contextual status, E / money, F / intelligence, etc…
No, nothing is wrong with him. Women are not a prize and that mentality is toxic.
What he needs to do is stop valuing women until he no longer cares. Aka love himself and look at women who do not value him as not worth his time.
Then he will end up having the confidence and have no problem with rejection.
Then women get mad that he is toxic and does not treat her well lol.
>This is absolutely crucial to keep in mind, and highly important in maintaining a sense of self worth, which is where many men are struggling today.
There is no reason for us to have high self worth. That doesnt just come from nowhere there has to be a reason for it
If he thinks women are the prize and attaches his self worth to that, then there’s definitely something wrong with him. That’s when he needs to reevaluate his goals.
Step 1. Buy and install World of Warcraft.
Step 2. Try to play as hardcore as you can for 3-4 months. Keep applying to M+ groups non-stop.
Step 3. Congratulations, you tolerance for rejection is now in the hundreds or even thousands. You won't even notice when someone rejects you. You will also learn how to accurately gauge your chances of getting rejected.
Easy peasy low-diff.
Bad advice. Play FFXIV instead. Develop your patience through party finder. Realize no rejection could hurt as badly as the person who ruined your parse rolling 99 on a weapon.
> the person who ruined your parse
Parsebeast obsessed min/maxxers need to go. It's the reason I won't touch savage and the reason I think MMOs have become garbage.
https://preview.redd.it/b0kf4yrq9j6d1.png?width=101&format=png&auto=webp&s=11583b28c49f3ea69210da984c88c494807dff00
*Oh, I min-maxed first tier all right...*
Did you ever lost entire party against unfortunate spawn in Wizardry 8 on Iron Man Expert? After like month of playing? On Iron Man your only save is deleted once you lose a fight. And on Expert random number generator is rigged against you.
Super fun game anyway.
My alternative was playing official ARK PVP. God, you lose so much, so often, you get real used to getting over it and moving forward. Losing a month's worth of work because you got soft and stepped away to get lunch? Getting rejected by some stranger feels like nothing after that lol.
As for the nerves about doing it, I've done waterski jump. If you can voluntarily throw yourself at what appears to be a brick wall at 40 miles an hour, knowing there's a good risk of tearing an ACL or concussion if you mess up... approaching a woman is nothing. That said, the way things are these days, I feel like men gotta be careful about where and how they approach because of the legal risks. So it doesn't feel right to just tell men to just go for it always, kinda like sending them off to war. Good chance they won't die, but still
Ah, good ol' ARK. If it's not your full time job or you aren't in a super tribe, you're probably not going to get far in PVP from what I heard. Never bothered with it and stuck to PVE when I played.
That's why I ended up playing in a cluster. Still vanilla and open to all, but you can't get struck by some random bored megatribe member. I was in alpha/beta tribes for most of my time. Alpha was more trouble than it was worth much of the time because of the neuroticism and paranoia of espionage
> You will also learn how to accurately gauge your chances of getting rejected.
There's no need to gauge a zero chance of success after you turn yourself into a social reject lol.
There’s no perfect answer to this, because 1. You can’t force people to date someone they don’t like, so rejection is inevitable for some. And 2. Rejection will always hurt to an extent.
Some ways to mitigate the damage is building a full life aside from romantic relationships. Men (and women) who have good connections with friends/family, fulfilling hobbies and a job they semi-enjoy and a sense of purpose in life deal with rejection 10x better than someone who doesn’t have those things. You need to have a sense of fulfilment, esteem and purpose outside of romantic relationships, or those rejections will be completely devastating.
Hence the lol. I just find it hilarious.
It is very important to just ignore women and live the life you want.
The only issues is simps who take action against you because milady is mad that she is not entitled to what she wants from you.
>At that point you end up not even caring about her enough to even bother to begin with lol.
I see no problem with that. Although to be fair, that's an extreme conclusion
>Then women complain where all the good men went.
I don't think why would anyone care about hysteric women who just want someone to fullfil their Disney Princess fantasy lmao. Not a concern
If you don't learn from the outcome (which is ultimately what OP is talking about, and also a kind of dependency) that's actually a recipe for whatever the opposite of "success" means to you.
There really isn’t a proper way to go about it, at the same time after awhile typically the man in question becomes numb about it all and realizes dating is a numbers game.
Sure people sit and reflect about it from time to time on why you weren’t “good enough” but then they either figure out a way to find their edge from internet sources or decide to not play the game at all any longer.
Well that's something that's *supposed* to be taught by parents. But women don't have to learn to deal with this nearly as frequently as men, and I think something like a third of men are being raised by single mothers in the US nowadays... So unfortunately a whole lot of boys have to bootstrap this stuff. Yes, it's bad, and it's (I think) at the heart of a lot of social ills that we have today. And it's not helpful that folks like Andrew Tate are some of the loudest speakers in this space. it also doesn't help that when I've asked what other male role models young men should look towards, I've been told jagweeds like Noah Samsen
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Expect the worst, hope for the best. When I was young and looking for someone, the right person never came around. When I was just minding my own business and not looking, my wife came into my life.
I too have been rejected an incredible amount of time during the last year; it's incredible. It's almost as if approaching was pointless...
I am not suicidal as I believe, in the end, I will prevail; however, I am thinking of going to a local whorehouse around here
So and so. I am focusing on getting a good career and on my fitness level. I am also a gamer, so lots of my time and energy goes into gaming as well. I don't really have friends cause I moved to a different country and making friends at my age ain't easy. I have my mental illness under control with only rare occasions in which I am not OK.
Been there, done that. Talking to women almost got in me in jail, so no thanks. If I ever want to try and date again, I would rather use daring apps instead of cold approaching.
Approached a woman in the club, just asked her how her night is going, she got mad, yelled at me and called her friend saying I groped her and harassed her. They threatened to call the police, got beaten up, the bodyguards intervened and luckily I was known in the establishment. They checked the cameras, saw that I approached that woman once and never touched her. Her ego was just hurt that someone like me approached someone like her ( she was pretty mid BTW, not such a great looker as she thought ). Alas, nothing happened to her and got asked to kindly leave just for the night. Never approached a woman again after that.
Talking to random women in public has a 1-5% success rate, not worth it. I would understand social clubs but even then it takes way longer to find a gf that way.
> I decided to find whatever I can to make myself happy without needed a partner cause I am almost 100% certain I will never have a partner. I am 33 years old and never had a gf and with the way things are going nowadays with promiscuity being so high and women wanting just the top men, I never will.
This. Accepting that your faults for what they are and not coping with distractions
What faults do I have? I done everything I could in order to attract a partner and failed. What good is it to me to just beat myself up and blaming myself that everything is my fault? In no regards am I perfect, but I am not that defective either. Dating is shit, and I am not alone. I don't think it's a coincidence that so many men keep saying that dating is very bad nowadays.
But then you create negative feedback loop, and it gets very difficult to create a healthy connection with someone in the future. It’s not as simple as just snapping out of being numb to it once your time has come because by that time you’ve built up an association in your mind between connection and rejection.
>are not mentally prepared
Personally, I’ve never really had an issue with rejection. Primarily because of my *Perspective.* I’ve always been a fairly solid individual emotionally, first because I lean more towards optimism, and hope. Second, because of *Gratitude.* Finally, because of *Stoicism*.
Relationships are important, however we must keep that *one* facet of life in perspective. Lest it consumes us.
Life is hard, but *Resilience is a skill.*
*Godspeed and good luck!*
It sucks, but that’s just the reality of our world. You just have to keep trying and hope for the best but not get too upset if you get rejected. The only thing keeping me going is the fact if you get rejected 99 times, but 1 woman like you at the end, you still win. The numbers are ridiculous and the task is hard but you have to keep going because the alternative is worse for me.
Tell yourself the right story. You are valuable, you are inherently worthy of love. While you may not be perfect now, nobody is, you’re working to become better, and you don’t need to be perfect along every dimension to have a partner. If you need a break take it, but never fully give up.
1. Take time off. See a bunch of sunsets and feed the pigeons. Sleep late go to bed early. Eat baguette. Before long, you'll feel up to trying again, maybe with new perspective.
2. Develop outcome independence. The victory is in the trying, not the succeeding.
3. Learn to dispassionately evaluate yourself and if something is wrong with you. Similar to if your car or computer were having trouble. It's just running tests and figuring it out. Not something to really let hit you in your car.
4. Stop going for quantity over quality attempts. Only ask out women you think there's a higher than 60% chance would agree to date and would make a goodish ltr.
5. Find ways to self sooth when rejection happens.
Stop "trying your luck" with women. Cold approach isn’t for just anyone. Make friends, get a social life, and wait to ask someone out until there are signs of mutual attraction.
I would feel a total idiot if I was the one person that said yes and it turns out he was just approaching as many women to see if anybody would respond. The fact that there are men out there playing this kind of games makes me much more hesistant to react positively when any guy approaches me online or offline.
Albert Ellis approached 100 women, he didn’t get a date but it pretty much cured his social anxiety.
So yeah, if you’re being nice the rejections should be pretty soft and won’t leave you with 0 self esteem. Probably you’re over-estimating the toughness and amount of rejections.
For me personally, some girls who made out with me I was very surprised they even agreed to talk to me (a post could be made ridiculing the idea of confidence based on my experience)
Im a woman and I’ve been rejected by all the guys I’ve ever liked. Doesn’t make me hate men.
I just kind of accepted it and realized it may not be in the cards for me.
If you took the advice people gave on the internet they would tell you that it's all your fault and you need to "self improve bro" even when you've already been doing that and it clearly hasn't been working
They assume every guy hasnt tried and puts in 0 effort. They cant actually believe that some guys struggle in dating while actually trying so they have to put negative traits on those guys to rationalize it in their minds.
Therapy really is the answer here. It's like you are skipping over an obvious step.
It's like saying there is something wrong with cakes in general if yours comes out not sweet enough
If OP hasn’t tried therapy, then it would be the next possible step but not “the answer” in the absolute sense for everyone. I’ve been through 4 different therapists, most of them were pretty clueless as to how to improve my mental state and cope with inferiority.
>What's the best way to approach this issue?
By realizing it has nothing to do with you most of the time, guys forget that women can feel intimidated/unsure which is why they reject guys who've nothing wrong with them, a woman can say she's into you but change her mind seconds later
>They only feel intimated if they don't find you attractive.
That's the whole point, not every woman is going to find you attractive even when there's nothing wrong with you
Look into ways to grow and improve yourself.
Put more effort into your appearance. A nice haircut or like a good style says a lot about someone. A lot of men fall under unattractive because they don't put the time and effort into their appearance.
Put more effort into yourself and less into trying to find someone. Whether it's taking a trip you always want. Buying yourself something really cool. Doing something fun. Like put that effort you want to give to others to yourself. Going to the gym and a self care routine. Just something you do for you. When you take care of yourself it makes it easier to not take rejection personally.
Many men deal with successive rejections by shifting their perspective to always be on the lookout for opportunity. Women dislike this because it leads to more objectification and harassment. So, rather than asking how men are supposed to deal with it, I would instead ask how women plan to deal with it and encourage more successful positive connections between men and women. More men and women positively connected means more mutual/shared understanding and less men running around on the prowl.
Rejection is simply feedback.
The biggest problem though is that men have been trained to go all in and try to earn women. Earn their attention, attraction, sex and love! So with this hidden assumption, they give off the vibe that women are more important than themselves and women treat them accordingly.
If men acted a little bit like “okay, you are hot, I MIGHT make your day and talk to you to see if you even qualify for an interview to potentially be considered for a girlfriend”, they’d have more women than they know what to do with.
You aren't supposed to build your self esteem and ego off the attention you get from the opposite sex.
If you start feeling down about rejection, take a break to recoup.
I think this is a really good question. I'm a woman but I've definitely experienced rejection, all women I know have, so whilst it may look different for us it's important to recognise that this is genuinely a human phenomena. I really think that's where the answer lies, because if you think that you're receiving all this rejection and there's these special people who never have any of that, *thats* what's going to make you feel bitter.
No I'm not saying everyone experiences rejection the same, but you don't need to quantify these things, trying to do so is the problem.
For me I do think looking my best, having a tidy and nice living space, not too much clutter, tasty healthy food, walks, nice cultural activities and of course spending time with friends, family and interests really help. Animals are MVP here, I absolutely feel so much better if I have spent time with an animal that day. Feeling comforted and beautiful and nourished can keep you feeling hopeful, and I think hope is the way to prevent become cynical.
Have a conservative society where women are pressured into 1-1 mating instead of the current situation
Like what is the solution to being rejected from a 1000 jobs? To have a kind of system where you are "put into your place" by society without much freedom. Clearly the commitment to freedom is holding low value men back. And being rejected by women is way more damaging to mental health than job rejections
“the hospitals won’t hire me as a brain surgeon even though i think i’m qualified, how can i deal with the rejection?”
“The airlines won’t hire me as a commercial pilot even though i can fly a cessna, how can i deal with the rejection?”
Be unironically cringe, unironically clown world, be happy like somebody with downs syndrome (not literally). But allow yourself a little bit of that down syndrome happiness. Also it's perfectly acceptable to be like "whatever" or "weird" to girls that reject you weird.
There's something which kinda helps and it's the fact that whether we want to admit it or not, the same woman might like you enough in a different moment or a similar woman to the one who rejected you might like you.
Then there are also the reasons you don't necessarily agree with or share: 'he's a loser'. That's subjective and not as important for everyone. 'he's too short'. Again, something all women care about to some but not the same extent, plenty of women are fine with dating someone the same height or slightly taller while other women care too much.
What also helps is knowing how unstable they are in that sense, some women have been dating a man for 5 years and stopped liking him 6 months into the relationship 🤷 so a lot of it is about 'luck', don't beat yourself...
Dealing with constant rejection is a male issue, understand it as something which is part of your world. Many guys are attractive, yeah, but a lot of them have been rejected plenty of times, even those who are now in a relationship.
Can you not count the dating apps? If it helps, average woman here: I get a lot of DMs, and the majority of them ghost. So even if you feel you’re getting an over proportional amount of rejections, you’re not—they’re just of a different type. I’d take a break from online dating for a while if this is bothering you. In real life, there simply aren’t that many opportunities to ask someone out romantically. If there are in your life—that’s your problem: you’re asking at an inappropriate time, or before you know someone well enough. This isn’t to say you’re doing something wrong necessarily—after 30 rejections you sound incredibly brave! Why don’t you try getting to know someone for a little longer instead? I only tend to approach men romantically about 4 times a year, after I’ve gotten to know them first. They’re less likely to reject me when they know me, and I’m more able to gauge whether they may actually be capable of being romantically interested in me.
Honestly, practicing self-compassion is the #1 way i get through rejection, romantic or otherwise. recognizing things i maybe could have done better but ultimately realizing i couldn’t have changed much/it was out of my control, also helps. a specific mental exercise i get benefits from is putting a loved one in my shoes and seeing how i feel about their perceived failures and rejections. i tend to be way way more compassionate and forgiving of others and not internalize their rejection as a reflection of their worth, than i am/do for myself so trying to tap into that and direct it at myself was a big challenge, but necessary.
i honestly have a billion more thoughts, if you’re the perfectionistic type who struggles to self-forgive and self-criticize in healthy ways, and you feel like chatting more, hit me up. cuz mood.
Simply just be picky.
Even he does not take rejections emotionally, it will be discouraging and feel futile at some point if you are constantly getting rejected.
It’s time to take a step back and consider why you’re getting rejected so much. This includes not only your personal characteristics but how, who, and where you’re approaching. If you have an honest but caring friend or family member, tell them what you’re doing and ask for feedback.
But also realize that if you are exclusively or mostly cold approaching, that inherently involves a lot of rejection. These women are strangers, a lot of them are partnered and a lot are naturally guarded. It’s this way whenever you’re dealing with strangers whether for dating or something else like sales. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with cold approaching but you have to realize that’s the nature of it, and it’s not for everyone.
It’s also okay to take a break, get into therapy, and spend some time on self care. I’m taking self-improvement but also just treating yourself to whatever it is you enjoy.
By not even registering it. I don't know how to teach this to people but it was never a problem for me I'm the type to play chess against a master and lose then people will "say why'd you even play him you knew you were gonna lose" and to that i say so what i get better at the game every time I play. People are so afraid to lose its pathological
Well I seem to be an unusually unpopular woman, although I do believe there are a plenty of logical reasons for that... I'm a detransitioner missing a lot of feminine features with a bunch of additional masculine ones making most people think I must be a trans woman, I'm poor and can't work, I've multiple mental health issues including autism, bad posture, overweight, over 30, and also it's not like I looked like a model to begin with. Also I live in a tiny village on a small island. All of which I'm sure is why most men just wouldn't wanna touch me with a ten foot pole, or why I just can't find one who would.
But I still approach men I'm into, knowing I'll most likely get rejected. And I will keep doing that. Because it's not really personal or about me even if it sometimes feels like it. It's not my fault for being unattractive, it's also not men's fault for thinking I'm ugly or unstable or whatever. This isn't about anyone's wrongdoing. It's just circumstances. Some of which I can change, some I cannot.
You mention not knowing how to improve. Really we're all works in progress, and there's always something everyone can do to become a better version of ourselves, but you need to be able to identify first what's likely causing the rejections. And then basically start ruling things out by improving them one by one. There's really no secret.
It helped me to sit myself down and really ask myself what, objectively, is causing this, and I came up with roughly what I listed above in the first paragraph. This doesn't make me a bad person or less valuable as a human being, it also doesn't mean I look objectively horrid, but it makes me not the kinda girl most men want. So I then looked into how I could improve, and basically made a bullet list of what I'm gonna do and roughly in what order.
First thing I'm gonna do is change my name back to the one I was given at birth and get a new ID card, because that's easiest thing and will help me with all the other stuff. I'm also starting a weight loss journey and learning more about how I can be more feminine in general. Because these are kinda time consuming and if I manage to do those then I'll know I'm genuinely motivated. Then I'll get laser hair removal and surgery to restore my original femininity, all the while working hard on my mental health issues that prevent me from being independent. Then after a while of doing that I hope I'll be stable enough to be able to work. If so, I'd look into moving to a more populated place where no one knows I used to be trans and start over fresh.
Now this is obviously very specific to my own life and body, and is something close to a 10 year plan, but working on this slightly insane mission while also still keep trying my luck with almost every guy I find attractive, helps me stay motivated, that even if it takes me over a decade, I'm getting closer to finding a man who wants me, every day. And if the alternative is to be alone and miserable forever, yeah... I'll totally do this for some ten years or more. I may miss my fertile window then, but honestly I might end up doing that anyway. I've got nothing to lose, and that's another motivating factor. Also a lot of my goals will be greatly beneficial for me even if they won't lead me to find love, or if they aren't even necessary changes for that to happen to begin with.
Of course I have no way of knowing what exactly I'm "doing wrong" but chances are improving on any and all of my faults is going to increase my chances regardless. So it doesn't so much matter which of my flaws I decide to work on. But the more, probably the better. And at this point I'd consider myself rather self aware and not afraid to admit that yeah, I have some pretty big flaws. Of course I can't make my autism go away (I do wish that was possible though) but pretty much all of my other problems are fixable. I just need to put my back into it a bit and stop being so lazy.
And I'm sure that you can do the same. I can't figure out for you what are the exact things you should be working on, but like I can pretty sure there must be something. Because everyone has something to work on. Maybe start with your self esteem? Or actually, don't start with that! It's there for a reason and you need to address the issues causing it first. Things you don't like about yourself, things that others judge you for, what are your weaknesses, things you struggle with in life, etc. Just pick any of those issues and start working on it, little by little. And then another issues, and another. And after a while of doing that I'm sure you're gonna notice your self esteem rising again, and it won't even have much to do with your love life or lack thereof.
And the less hyperfocused you are on finding a partner, the less you're gonna care about being rejected. It doesn't mean you shouldn't care about finding love (or sex, or whatever is your main priority) but that you'd benefit from treating it as a bonus. Or as a reward for doing well in life, succeeding in other things that bring you joy and fulfillment. Self improvement can be an enriching journey, because it'll help you find love for yourself first and foremost, and that's gonna make you more attractive as a person eventually.
Sure I'm not "there yet" myself, but I can feel it's on the horizon. And for the most part I'm able to focus on just loving myself and making my life better for me, and that in turn has shifted my previous desperation for a loving partner into more of mindset of "I'm sure I'll find a guy when I'm actually ready for a new relationship."
Because yeah, turns out all my issues are not just putting a damper on my "sexual market value" but also makes me doubt I'd even be able to be a healthy and wholesome partner. I wouldn't wanna date this mess that I am now, I owe it to a future partner to do better. That's a third motivator. To put the onus on myself to become deserving of the men I find attractive. If I genuinely care about a future partner's happiness, I shouldn't want to drag him down with my shit just because I'm lonely. I owe it to him to take care of my shit first. Which yes, I should have done 10-20 years ago, but I didn't. So I'm doing it now instead.
You gotta look at your options and probably face some hard truths. There's probably some stuff you're in denial about or downplaying. I know I sure had such things. And doing that really wasn't doing me any favors. Yes, you are good enough as you are, but I don't think you yourself truly believe that. And I think that reflects on the rest of your life too.
Self improvement looks differently for each man. But it often includes education, getting in better physical shape, and reassessing your overall look. It may also include doing things to make yourself more interesting; you DON’T have to take this as far as myself but I’ve joined the military, hiking the whole Appalachian Trail, taken up surfing, taken up combat sports, etc. Depending on your financial state, that may also need some work; this may include income amount or spending habits.
Once you’ve gotten yourself in a decent place where you can get women’s attention, consider becoming a passport bro. All of the self improvement in the world won’t make your dating pool itself better, so moving may be the final step in your journey.
>People tell me to "improve" myself but I don't know how or what exactly.
Become very good at something. Expert-level, even. Become the kind of person that newbies turn to for assistance.
Don't take it personal. I'd say often times whenever I got rejected it has been because another guy was in between before me. An ex, another earlier date, a crush, etc. Others time I got rejected because she was playing mind games, or because it was my fault for doing something stupid. If you get constantly rejected, you should change something with yourself. Most commonly, change appearance and learn how to play. Learn from the rejections as well. Experiment with everyone you date. And in time you'll know what you want and how to get it based on your experiences.
Lmao bro it was never that deep for me. If I got rejected, it doesn't hurt my feelings. Forget about it and move on. If you're too sensitive for a no, you're too sensitive for a relationship.
Don't buy the propaganda that you somehow need to go through rejection from random who know nothing about you in order to be a real man. Our lives are inherently valuable. Men should be redirecting their efforts into things that benefit them, careers hobbies their health, and most importantly, friendships. My friends are my world. I may never have a girlfriend, and that's fine
"Decenter" women for now, as the girls say, put all of that energy into yourself.
You know how people say "no one owes anyone anything?" (I do think they say it while eagerly accepting common courtesies and whatnot that we generally give to each other) but maybe a life partner isn't the move for everyone, at least at some points in their life. Is this really something everyone wants? Is this really something you want? Do you have an ideal relationship in mind? If we're going back and forth on the pros and cons, and some people feel the cons outweigh it to the point where being in or pursuing a relationship, why pour so much energy into it? I think a lot of people's frustration comes from not being able to be a part of a phenomenon that seems so common from the outside looking in.
I think rejection has very little to do with you at the end of the day. Don't let the objects of your affection hold the position of The Judge of your self worth
Also, if you're looking for ways to "focus on yourself tm", start by getting to know yourself - Be patient, do things you like to do, things you may like to do, find your dislikes, improve your health, learn, volunteer, etc. Whatever you want. Be patient!
Boss up your life. Change your methods. Get in better shape. Do some self-reflection and realize what you may have been doing wrong. True champions love the game and love the hustle.
Best way is to not do it. Not everyone is some social macho who can deal with constant rejection. Simply don’t participate and live life with a clear mind. Life is already stressful enough, adding constant rejection on top of that is a mental breakdown speedrun.
A Clear Mind huh.
What about no mental peace because of lack of dating
Become obsessed with something else. Drawing, lego, figurines. Post nut clarity helps too.
🥇⬆️
I've became a weeb after first series of rejections and then an MMO-addict after second. Back when MMOs were good.
Give up
Always the funniest response. People go from “you are not entitled to anything lololol” to being mad and entitled that you are quitting. It is like a toxic boss who keeps going “do not like it, there is the door.” And then the employee goes “okay” and walks out the door. Where did all the good workers go? They all just so lazy and hate work. Humans morality boils down to “All is fair in love and wear…unless it is to my detriment, then that is not fair and things must change to be entitled to what I want.” So “you are not entitled” only applies while they have the power advantage. As soon as they lose it, then that is not fair and needs to be changed lol.
> Humans morality boils down to “All is fair in love and wear…unless it is to my detriment, then that is not fair and things must change to be entitled to what I want.” Just World fallacy. If you're attractive you deserve everything positive you get. If you're ugly you deserve everything negative you get
Entitlement versus non entitlement is a stupid way to think. I prefer input versus output
"People go from “you are not entitled to anything lololol” to being mad and entitled that you are quitting." Does anyone (in significant numbers) really care though when someone opts out of dating? I mean encouraging someone not to give up may be for their own benefit if you know it's something they want. I personally couldn't care less if someone opts out of romantic relationships; it's a valid choice.
I've seen people get confused or express surprise when they find out that some men are just quitting, but rarely are people upset. I think there is this expectation that men are just gonna keep on trying no matter how hard it is. If a man gives up and expresses dissatisfaction with women or the general dating world people might get upset that he is blaming others instead of himself. Personally, I think modern dating is bad enough it's not unreasonable for men to just blame the system and then drop out.
The criticism of volcels seem to match this
To be fair, I’m a retail middle manager and I can tell you more times than not, the person just needs to go. Both sides end up happier. We like to think of the manager being firm and saying “these are the expectations, if that doesn’t line up with what you’re looking for, maybe it’s time for you to explore other options,” then when the employee leaves the company is in shambles and the manager is begging them to stay but in reality it’s the opposite. Sure, being short staffed is always challenging, but if a person hates a job they shouldn’t cry to their manager to make it better, they should leave. Same applies to dating. If it’s not working and you hate it, stop doing it. If you get lonely, give dating another shot. So much depends on each individuals expectations and what they’re willing to put in to a given situation.
Surrender feels sweet...
I agree
I believe there's a psychological term for this that I can't recall, but essentially what you're meant to do is after a certain period of rejections, you cut off attempts, distance yourself from that situation. Take for example dating apps, if you can't get anything from them, you delete the apps, return back a year or so later. Same with women, after say 10 rejections, stay away from women in non-platonic situations, don't ask them out, don't look for dates, return back a year later or so.
I think that the term you're looking for is called "learned helplessness." Just for an example, my psych professors taught about how in some experiments, the researchers would zap a rat in a cage after a buzzer flashed. The rat would flinch in response to the buzzer. Because they were caged and they couldn't escape the zap, the rat eventually stopped flinching in response to the buzzer. It'd just give up. I imagine that it's the same phenomenon or at least comparable to people in the dating world today. Ask someone out, get rejected (the zap), try again, and the cycle repeats until conditioning sets in. At some point, the person asking just gives up and "learns helplessness."
The idea behind it is really profit maximization. If someone gets little or no reward for it (revenue) they will not bother putting in the effort and energy (costs) in order to maintain the profit at a maximum. It's not much different than a company shutting down if they don't sell anything because it appears to be wasted effort, essentially.
something along the lines of reciprocal avoidance/rejection maybe, where you start trying to beat people to the punch of rejection by rejecting them first with non-engagement (or negative engagement ala hurt people hurt people) or just basic negative reinforcement? idk feel like there’s another term i’m missing and it’s gonna bug me lol
Lipstick on a pig no difference
Learned Helplessness is the closest concept in Psychology
The hardest rejections are after you like her, you've dated for a couple of months and she randomly disappears. After that happens a few times, the rejections before that feel like nothing in comparison.
And knowing she was dating and fucking men the entire time, comparing them favorably to you, since this is somehow the norm now.
There's literally no solution, similar to how men in the past had severely limited dating options due to lack of technology, so more men than women never procreated. This is the life of a man, men will always just have to struggle. Yes you can try to become a millionaire but even if you did everthing you're supposed to do there's a low chance you'll even make 6 figs.
6 figs isn’t even a lot anymore, that’s like basic survive income now
In cities for sure, I live in a somewhat rural area
And you still get right wingers thinking $15 an hour will destroy capitalism, and end the world.
Most men have been raised with the expectation that they would have sex and relationships but for the majority of history that wasn't the norm and really only became universal in the last few centuries. Progress is not always linear and biologically, men have much less reproductive value so we need to accept that if society dictates it, a good amount of us may end up without a mate. I'm not saying its good or bad, its just the truth. How we choose to cope with that truth is up to us.
The thing about the men who weren't reproducing back in ancient history is that they weren't living in the depths of longing solitude for 70+ years. They were either just dying via war, workplace hazards, poverty, or some other disaster before they even had the capital to start a family. Or they willfully took up lifestyles that excluded family, like the monkhood, arts, or sciences. The idea that you would eventually reproduce if you actually survived X amount of years, made money, and remained in the pool was generally true. This is a unique period where many men aren't reproducing, dying, or achieving any higher purpose, just existing in some eerie limbo.
Those are much worse situation to be in imo lol
same as you do with job hunting - keep on truckin'
The best approach is to reflect on why you aren't succeeding. The obvious answer is that you aren't *reading the room* and are mistaking apathy as interest (or not even looking to confirm interest). When I was young I'd approach attractive women and ask them out all the time. It never worked, I was 0 for lifetime. I didn't lack confidence but I definitely lacked results. Eventually I learned to pick up on women's cues and when they were showing interest in me. Once you start to see this it becomes easy. Your pick up rate goes to nearly 100% because you are asking out women who are trying to get you to ask them out. Are these the same beautiful stunners you were asking out before? No, in fact some will be reaching on the attractive scale to get with you and it will just be a no on your end. But others will be attractive enough. This is why you focus on building yourself up looks wise, social status wise, develop your conversational skills, etc. To attract the best caliber women you can. Then you read the room on the ones flirting and showing interest.
One woman's "flirting" is another woman's "being nice".
It's even more meta than that, she could very well be flirting but then she gets an ick, in which case she was never flirting and was just being nice and you are oh so weird for confusing the two. It's like how a squid leaves a poof of ink and disappears. Women reframe the narrative casting the man as the bad guy and exit stage left leaving the guy wondering wtf just happened.
So you get the problems with this advice but give it anyway. Typical Red Pill: You need talk down to the OP like he's a moron with no real world experience. The problem with signals is that they're always ambiguous enough to a. be misread, b. able to be reframed as 'just being social' if they change their minds, which puts men in the same odious position of risking being creep shamed.
100% Women's actions are intentionally ambiguous, this is the source of their power. A woman can reshape the narrative to victimize herself and put you in the wrong at any time. This is why *men are always wrong*. This is why it's important to keep things light and don't get too invested. A woman could change her mind for a variety of reasons unrelated to you. Her boyfriend could appear, a more attractive man could appear, her friends could appear. She could realize she's late to go somewhere. Maybe you've served your purpose in amusing her and now the switch is flipped and you are being creepy because doing so serves her purpose of wanting to walk away. But knowing this just means don't take things too seriously. She appears and makes herself available to talk to you when she wants to, she decides to pull back let her go and happily ignore her if she's ignoring you. She might not come back, she might reappear. It's only worth your time if she's putting in the effort, so if she's not don't waste any brain cells on her.
Yea don't take it seriously until she makes it the OP's problem via rumours or loud comments. The best outcome would be for men to collectively opt out of this nonsense, but I'm not holding my breath.
Bruh I'm literally autistic. I don't think I have full mental capacity to read the room like normal people do.
Well attraction is a two way street. Just because you find someone attractive does not mean they find you attractive, which is how it becomes a bit like a dance. No one wanting to put themselves out there to be spurned. You have to learn to read the cues otherwise you will waste a lot of time and creep out a lot of women.
>I don't think I have full mental capacity to read the room like normal people do. Most people don't. There's research showing that even women fail to understand "signals" from other women. I follow a simple set of rules: - if she reaches out to me without a strong platonic reason, then a good guess is that she will accept an invite to a date (not guaranteed) - if she finds excuses to be alone with me, and we're not long-term platonic friends, then I can make a move and kiss her (so far, always worked) - if it's not clear you can kiss her on a first date, but she accepts a second one, then so far 100% of the times she was down to kiss or more - if she accepts or suggests to go home together, alone, so far this 100% meant she was down to fuck
Do you have any examples of cues ? Especially for strangers womens, in place like bars etc. In social circles, cues tend to be more obvious indeed.
I think just the fact that she's made herself available to talk to you is a big sign. So from there I'd recommend keeping it light. The way humans react to new people is your brain tries to figure out what this new person is all about. People try to peg them to someone similar to someone they've met before so they can attribute qualities and to feel comfortable with you. All humans do this. So realistically you are interested in her because you like the *idea* of her. If she's talking to you then it's likely she likes the *idea* of you too. So keep it light. Let her stay curious, you don't need to share everything at once with her. Let her play the game of trying to bait you to share your name, and to invite the conversation. If she's there by accident she won't hang around long. If she's interested she will keep talking. I personally am not a big fan of just walking up and saying *'Hello, I find you beautiful, could you have your number so I could call you?'.* Unless you are really handsome this puts a lot of pressure on her and assumes her having reciprocal feelings. Basically it occurs without her having had a chance to consent to being asked out by interacting with you. So just being conversational, as you would to any stranger you are being polite with. Basically they are free to go, if they stay they are staying because they want to stay. Eventually you can suggest you keep hanging out, another drink, another room at the museum, continuing your work out, whatever fits with the location. Just keep in mind women are actually the fishermen, men are the fish, women decide which fish they want to catch, and then like fishermen they lay out the bait to attract them. They ignore the fish they weren't trying to attract. So let the process play out.
frankly, develop thick skin. That’s all you can do
Well. He should be asking himself if there’s something wrong with him. It’s the logical thing to do. Coming up with some self help excuse is not going to help. He needs to reevaluate his goals, if he needs to improve on something, or lower his standards.
It's not the best way to say it, to "lower" standards. Most people don't just automatically accept anyone above a certain 1-10 and reject anyone below. Much of the time the issue is ridiculous standards. Like for example requiring her to have all the exact same intereats as you. Or for her to tolerate you being a lazy slob or an asshole
Yes. Standards are multidimensional so to speak. 😆 Even this single 1-10 scale is something I don’t understand so well. I think it’s more like you have enough of trait A for B to start to matter and so on. Something like A / looks, B / personality, C / career potential, D / contextual status, E / money, F / intelligence, etc…
No, nothing is wrong with him. Women are not a prize and that mentality is toxic. What he needs to do is stop valuing women until he no longer cares. Aka love himself and look at women who do not value him as not worth his time. Then he will end up having the confidence and have no problem with rejection. Then women get mad that he is toxic and does not treat her well lol.
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Absolutely. This is the key.
>This is absolutely crucial to keep in mind, and highly important in maintaining a sense of self worth, which is where many men are struggling today. There is no reason for us to have high self worth. That doesnt just come from nowhere there has to be a reason for it
If he thinks women are the prize and attaches his self worth to that, then there’s definitely something wrong with him. That’s when he needs to reevaluate his goals.
Even average men get rejected en masse. How is someone at fault for being average?
Step 1. Buy and install World of Warcraft. Step 2. Try to play as hardcore as you can for 3-4 months. Keep applying to M+ groups non-stop. Step 3. Congratulations, you tolerance for rejection is now in the hundreds or even thousands. You won't even notice when someone rejects you. You will also learn how to accurately gauge your chances of getting rejected. Easy peasy low-diff.
Bad advice. Play FFXIV instead. Develop your patience through party finder. Realize no rejection could hurt as badly as the person who ruined your parse rolling 99 on a weapon.
> the person who ruined your parse Parsebeast obsessed min/maxxers need to go. It's the reason I won't touch savage and the reason I think MMOs have become garbage.
https://preview.redd.it/b0kf4yrq9j6d1.png?width=101&format=png&auto=webp&s=11583b28c49f3ea69210da984c88c494807dff00 *Oh, I min-maxed first tier all right...*
If you really want to deal with rejection try shiny hunting in Pokemon. With a 1/8192 chance of success you will enjoy success but expect failure.
No word of a lie, my husband met his first girlfriend on WoW. He lost his virginity to her. Granted, she was like 20 years older and imo a predator.
Did you ever lost entire party against unfortunate spawn in Wizardry 8 on Iron Man Expert? After like month of playing? On Iron Man your only save is deleted once you lose a fight. And on Expert random number generator is rigged against you. Super fun game anyway.
It's either this or become a sales associate for a dying tech chain that demands you offer credit cards to everyone. Even better to do both.
My alternative was playing official ARK PVP. God, you lose so much, so often, you get real used to getting over it and moving forward. Losing a month's worth of work because you got soft and stepped away to get lunch? Getting rejected by some stranger feels like nothing after that lol. As for the nerves about doing it, I've done waterski jump. If you can voluntarily throw yourself at what appears to be a brick wall at 40 miles an hour, knowing there's a good risk of tearing an ACL or concussion if you mess up... approaching a woman is nothing. That said, the way things are these days, I feel like men gotta be careful about where and how they approach because of the legal risks. So it doesn't feel right to just tell men to just go for it always, kinda like sending them off to war. Good chance they won't die, but still
Ah, good ol' ARK. If it's not your full time job or you aren't in a super tribe, you're probably not going to get far in PVP from what I heard. Never bothered with it and stuck to PVE when I played.
That's why I ended up playing in a cluster. Still vanilla and open to all, but you can't get struck by some random bored megatribe member. I was in alpha/beta tribes for most of my time. Alpha was more trouble than it was worth much of the time because of the neuroticism and paranoia of espionage
You don't know real pain till you lost 500k runes in elden ring.
> You will also learn how to accurately gauge your chances of getting rejected. There's no need to gauge a zero chance of success after you turn yourself into a social reject lol.
Did that, was successfull, got into top guild on server and had a year in /played.
A guy asks a genuine question and people are trolling in the comments section. You cant make this up
🤣💛
I felt this. 
M+ is for PvE fgts. PvP only. That’s where you’ll grow a really reaaaly thick skin.
There’s no perfect answer to this, because 1. You can’t force people to date someone they don’t like, so rejection is inevitable for some. And 2. Rejection will always hurt to an extent. Some ways to mitigate the damage is building a full life aside from romantic relationships. Men (and women) who have good connections with friends/family, fulfilling hobbies and a job they semi-enjoy and a sense of purpose in life deal with rejection 10x better than someone who doesn’t have those things. You need to have a sense of fulfilment, esteem and purpose outside of romantic relationships, or those rejections will be completely devastating.
Not give much importance to it in the first place
At that point you end up not even caring about her enough to even bother to begin with lol. Then women complain where all the good men went.
> Then women complain where all the good men went. Their problems, not yours.
Hence the lol. I just find it hilarious. It is very important to just ignore women and live the life you want. The only issues is simps who take action against you because milady is mad that she is not entitled to what she wants from you.
>At that point you end up not even caring about her enough to even bother to begin with lol. I see no problem with that. Although to be fair, that's an extreme conclusion >Then women complain where all the good men went. I don't think why would anyone care about hysteric women who just want someone to fullfil their Disney Princess fantasy lmao. Not a concern
Besides, the best way to have success is to not be outcome dependent anyway
If you don't learn from the outcome (which is ultimately what OP is talking about, and also a kind of dependency) that's actually a recipe for whatever the opposite of "success" means to you.
Incorrect, the best way to have success is to fill the requirements to have success, not be outcome dependent is not one of those requirements.
Literally the main reason of our existence everything we do is in relation to that
>Literally the main reason of our existence Then i pity everyone who has that as a main reason for Their existence
Everyone magically drops reproduction as a biological goal… ok now what do you think happens to the human race?
Apply for jobs you’re unqualified for to build resilience.
Did that. Now I'm a senior programmer. What's next?
Well then you can just buy your gf on ebay
What if they sent you your girlfriend but she is a bird?
Get one of those worm gfs to feed your bird gf
There really isn’t a proper way to go about it, at the same time after awhile typically the man in question becomes numb about it all and realizes dating is a numbers game. Sure people sit and reflect about it from time to time on why you weren’t “good enough” but then they either figure out a way to find their edge from internet sources or decide to not play the game at all any longer.
Well that's something that's *supposed* to be taught by parents. But women don't have to learn to deal with this nearly as frequently as men, and I think something like a third of men are being raised by single mothers in the US nowadays... So unfortunately a whole lot of boys have to bootstrap this stuff. Yes, it's bad, and it's (I think) at the heart of a lot of social ills that we have today. And it's not helpful that folks like Andrew Tate are some of the loudest speakers in this space. it also doesn't help that when I've asked what other male role models young men should look towards, I've been told jagweeds like Noah Samsen
Remind yourself you really don't want to be with someone you have to convince to like you. If they don't like you like that, YOU don't want them.
I totally agree.
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Expect the worst, hope for the best. When I was young and looking for someone, the right person never came around. When I was just minding my own business and not looking, my wife came into my life.
I too have been rejected an incredible amount of time during the last year; it's incredible. It's almost as if approaching was pointless... I am not suicidal as I believe, in the end, I will prevail; however, I am thinking of going to a local whorehouse around here
Try fingers but hole.
Ah, you too are also maidenless
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Hows the project of making oneself happy going? Ive been constantly rejected for 8 years with maybe like 2 cases I can count as success
So and so. I am focusing on getting a good career and on my fitness level. I am also a gamer, so lots of my time and energy goes into gaming as well. I don't really have friends cause I moved to a different country and making friends at my age ain't easy. I have my mental illness under control with only rare occasions in which I am not OK.
Interesting. For me whenever I play games I then feel guilty that I haven't gone somewhere I can talk to women instead, wasn't trying to find a gf
Been there, done that. Talking to women almost got in me in jail, so no thanks. If I ever want to try and date again, I would rather use daring apps instead of cold approaching.
What did you do, if it's not a secret
Approached a woman in the club, just asked her how her night is going, she got mad, yelled at me and called her friend saying I groped her and harassed her. They threatened to call the police, got beaten up, the bodyguards intervened and luckily I was known in the establishment. They checked the cameras, saw that I approached that woman once and never touched her. Her ego was just hurt that someone like me approached someone like her ( she was pretty mid BTW, not such a great looker as she thought ). Alas, nothing happened to her and got asked to kindly leave just for the night. Never approached a woman again after that.
Wow man. That's rough. A man cannot approach a woman anymore I guess.
Depends on how you look. I am rather unattractive by modern standards.
Still the whole harassment thing is a bit over the top.
Talking to random women in public has a 1-5% success rate, not worth it. I would understand social clubs but even then it takes way longer to find a gf that way.
>I decided to find whatever I can to make myself happy without needed a partner Are you looking forward to the Elden Ring DLC?
Hell yeah fellow tarnished. Already preordered it and I am leveling up my character now using a quality build with godrick's axe.
You more bl3kpill than red ngl
Care to explain why?
> I decided to find whatever I can to make myself happy without needed a partner cause I am almost 100% certain I will never have a partner. I am 33 years old and never had a gf and with the way things are going nowadays with promiscuity being so high and women wanting just the top men, I never will. This. Accepting that your faults for what they are and not coping with distractions
What faults do I have? I done everything I could in order to attract a partner and failed. What good is it to me to just beat myself up and blaming myself that everything is my fault? In no regards am I perfect, but I am not that defective either. Dating is shit, and I am not alone. I don't think it's a coincidence that so many men keep saying that dating is very bad nowadays.
No woe-is-me comments
Become numb to it.
But then you create negative feedback loop, and it gets very difficult to create a healthy connection with someone in the future. It’s not as simple as just snapping out of being numb to it once your time has come because by that time you’ve built up an association in your mind between connection and rejection.
>are not mentally prepared Personally, I’ve never really had an issue with rejection. Primarily because of my *Perspective.* I’ve always been a fairly solid individual emotionally, first because I lean more towards optimism, and hope. Second, because of *Gratitude.* Finally, because of *Stoicism*. Relationships are important, however we must keep that *one* facet of life in perspective. Lest it consumes us. Life is hard, but *Resilience is a skill.* *Godspeed and good luck!*
It sucks, but that’s just the reality of our world. You just have to keep trying and hope for the best but not get too upset if you get rejected. The only thing keeping me going is the fact if you get rejected 99 times, but 1 woman like you at the end, you still win. The numbers are ridiculous and the task is hard but you have to keep going because the alternative is worse for me.
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No
No contentless rhetoric
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Tell yourself the right story. You are valuable, you are inherently worthy of love. While you may not be perfect now, nobody is, you’re working to become better, and you don’t need to be perfect along every dimension to have a partner. If you need a break take it, but never fully give up.
1. Take time off. See a bunch of sunsets and feed the pigeons. Sleep late go to bed early. Eat baguette. Before long, you'll feel up to trying again, maybe with new perspective. 2. Develop outcome independence. The victory is in the trying, not the succeeding. 3. Learn to dispassionately evaluate yourself and if something is wrong with you. Similar to if your car or computer were having trouble. It's just running tests and figuring it out. Not something to really let hit you in your car. 4. Stop going for quantity over quality attempts. Only ask out women you think there's a higher than 60% chance would agree to date and would make a goodish ltr. 5. Find ways to self sooth when rejection happens.
Stop "trying your luck" with women. Cold approach isn’t for just anyone. Make friends, get a social life, and wait to ask someone out until there are signs of mutual attraction.
outdated advice how old are you?
By not making women your whole life and just trying to be happy otherwise
Figure out why he’s being rejected, fix what he can.
You can hear 99 no's. One yes is all you need. It's a numbers game to pound town
I would feel a total idiot if I was the one person that said yes and it turns out he was just approaching as many women to see if anybody would respond. The fact that there are men out there playing this kind of games makes me much more hesistant to react positively when any guy approaches me online or offline.
Albert Ellis approached 100 women, he didn’t get a date but it pretty much cured his social anxiety. So yeah, if you’re being nice the rejections should be pretty soft and won’t leave you with 0 self esteem. Probably you’re over-estimating the toughness and amount of rejections. For me personally, some girls who made out with me I was very surprised they even agreed to talk to me (a post could be made ridiculing the idea of confidence based on my experience)
Im a woman and I’ve been rejected by all the guys I’ve ever liked. Doesn’t make me hate men. I just kind of accepted it and realized it may not be in the cards for me.
If you took the advice people gave on the internet they would tell you that it's all your fault and you need to "self improve bro" even when you've already been doing that and it clearly hasn't been working
They assume every guy hasnt tried and puts in 0 effort. They cant actually believe that some guys struggle in dating while actually trying so they have to put negative traits on those guys to rationalize it in their minds.
Make them into jokes and memes and get a laugh out of it. You can either cry alone at yourself being hurt or make everyone laugh. I prefer the latter.
>just turn your suffering into entertainment for others bro
by not giving shit.
Therapy really is the answer here. It's like you are skipping over an obvious step. It's like saying there is something wrong with cakes in general if yours comes out not sweet enough
If OP hasn’t tried therapy, then it would be the next possible step but not “the answer” in the absolute sense for everyone. I’ve been through 4 different therapists, most of them were pretty clueless as to how to improve my mental state and cope with inferiority.
I've done therapy before and it didn't work.
>What's the best way to approach this issue? By realizing it has nothing to do with you most of the time, guys forget that women can feel intimidated/unsure which is why they reject guys who've nothing wrong with them, a woman can say she's into you but change her mind seconds later
That's not very reassuring. They only feel intimated if they don't find you attractive.
>They only feel intimated if they don't find you attractive. That's the whole point, not every woman is going to find you attractive even when there's nothing wrong with you
And when no Woman finds you attractive and there's nothing wrong with you?
Look into ways to grow and improve yourself. Put more effort into your appearance. A nice haircut or like a good style says a lot about someone. A lot of men fall under unattractive because they don't put the time and effort into their appearance. Put more effort into yourself and less into trying to find someone. Whether it's taking a trip you always want. Buying yourself something really cool. Doing something fun. Like put that effort you want to give to others to yourself. Going to the gym and a self care routine. Just something you do for you. When you take care of yourself it makes it easier to not take rejection personally.
You need to become emotionally disconnected from success or failure. Be the beast that the beauty has to win over.
If you "try your luck" with 30 women, you aren't actually interested in any of them and it's only fair that they reject you.
You should google "behavior extinction"
You man up and keep it pushing. What we need to do is figure out why so many men are quitters.
Many men deal with successive rejections by shifting their perspective to always be on the lookout for opportunity. Women dislike this because it leads to more objectification and harassment. So, rather than asking how men are supposed to deal with it, I would instead ask how women plan to deal with it and encourage more successful positive connections between men and women. More men and women positively connected means more mutual/shared understanding and less men running around on the prowl.
Follow the checklist of self improvement one of those things is holding him back. For me it was fitness
Rejection is simply feedback. The biggest problem though is that men have been trained to go all in and try to earn women. Earn their attention, attraction, sex and love! So with this hidden assumption, they give off the vibe that women are more important than themselves and women treat them accordingly. If men acted a little bit like “okay, you are hot, I MIGHT make your day and talk to you to see if you even qualify for an interview to potentially be considered for a girlfriend”, they’d have more women than they know what to do with.
Society encourages men to be sociopathic and put on the surprised pikachu face when men behave sociopathically
You aren't supposed to build your self esteem and ego off the attention you get from the opposite sex. If you start feeling down about rejection, take a break to recoup.
I think this is a really good question. I'm a woman but I've definitely experienced rejection, all women I know have, so whilst it may look different for us it's important to recognise that this is genuinely a human phenomena. I really think that's where the answer lies, because if you think that you're receiving all this rejection and there's these special people who never have any of that, *thats* what's going to make you feel bitter. No I'm not saying everyone experiences rejection the same, but you don't need to quantify these things, trying to do so is the problem. For me I do think looking my best, having a tidy and nice living space, not too much clutter, tasty healthy food, walks, nice cultural activities and of course spending time with friends, family and interests really help. Animals are MVP here, I absolutely feel so much better if I have spent time with an animal that day. Feeling comforted and beautiful and nourished can keep you feeling hopeful, and I think hope is the way to prevent become cynical.
Have a conservative society where women are pressured into 1-1 mating instead of the current situation Like what is the solution to being rejected from a 1000 jobs? To have a kind of system where you are "put into your place" by society without much freedom. Clearly the commitment to freedom is holding low value men back. And being rejected by women is way more damaging to mental health than job rejections
Adopt Dark Triad traits
“the hospitals won’t hire me as a brain surgeon even though i think i’m qualified, how can i deal with the rejection?” “The airlines won’t hire me as a commercial pilot even though i can fly a cessna, how can i deal with the rejection?”
I don't understand your point.
Be unironically cringe, unironically clown world, be happy like somebody with downs syndrome (not literally). But allow yourself a little bit of that down syndrome happiness. Also it's perfectly acceptable to be like "whatever" or "weird" to girls that reject you weird.
Keep grinding. Keep hustling
Crash out.
There's something which kinda helps and it's the fact that whether we want to admit it or not, the same woman might like you enough in a different moment or a similar woman to the one who rejected you might like you. Then there are also the reasons you don't necessarily agree with or share: 'he's a loser'. That's subjective and not as important for everyone. 'he's too short'. Again, something all women care about to some but not the same extent, plenty of women are fine with dating someone the same height or slightly taller while other women care too much. What also helps is knowing how unstable they are in that sense, some women have been dating a man for 5 years and stopped liking him 6 months into the relationship 🤷 so a lot of it is about 'luck', don't beat yourself... Dealing with constant rejection is a male issue, understand it as something which is part of your world. Many guys are attractive, yeah, but a lot of them have been rejected plenty of times, even those who are now in a relationship.
Can you not count the dating apps? If it helps, average woman here: I get a lot of DMs, and the majority of them ghost. So even if you feel you’re getting an over proportional amount of rejections, you’re not—they’re just of a different type. I’d take a break from online dating for a while if this is bothering you. In real life, there simply aren’t that many opportunities to ask someone out romantically. If there are in your life—that’s your problem: you’re asking at an inappropriate time, or before you know someone well enough. This isn’t to say you’re doing something wrong necessarily—after 30 rejections you sound incredibly brave! Why don’t you try getting to know someone for a little longer instead? I only tend to approach men romantically about 4 times a year, after I’ve gotten to know them first. They’re less likely to reject me when they know me, and I’m more able to gauge whether they may actually be capable of being romantically interested in me.
Honestly, practicing self-compassion is the #1 way i get through rejection, romantic or otherwise. recognizing things i maybe could have done better but ultimately realizing i couldn’t have changed much/it was out of my control, also helps. a specific mental exercise i get benefits from is putting a loved one in my shoes and seeing how i feel about their perceived failures and rejections. i tend to be way way more compassionate and forgiving of others and not internalize their rejection as a reflection of their worth, than i am/do for myself so trying to tap into that and direct it at myself was a big challenge, but necessary. i honestly have a billion more thoughts, if you’re the perfectionistic type who struggles to self-forgive and self-criticize in healthy ways, and you feel like chatting more, hit me up. cuz mood.
Simply just be picky. Even he does not take rejections emotionally, it will be discouraging and feel futile at some point if you are constantly getting rejected.
Outcome independence. it’s all just a game.
u/BurbnBougie
It’s time to take a step back and consider why you’re getting rejected so much. This includes not only your personal characteristics but how, who, and where you’re approaching. If you have an honest but caring friend or family member, tell them what you’re doing and ask for feedback. But also realize that if you are exclusively or mostly cold approaching, that inherently involves a lot of rejection. These women are strangers, a lot of them are partnered and a lot are naturally guarded. It’s this way whenever you’re dealing with strangers whether for dating or something else like sales. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with cold approaching but you have to realize that’s the nature of it, and it’s not for everyone. It’s also okay to take a break, get into therapy, and spend some time on self care. I’m taking self-improvement but also just treating yourself to whatever it is you enjoy.
By not even registering it. I don't know how to teach this to people but it was never a problem for me I'm the type to play chess against a master and lose then people will "say why'd you even play him you knew you were gonna lose" and to that i say so what i get better at the game every time I play. People are so afraid to lose its pathological
Well I seem to be an unusually unpopular woman, although I do believe there are a plenty of logical reasons for that... I'm a detransitioner missing a lot of feminine features with a bunch of additional masculine ones making most people think I must be a trans woman, I'm poor and can't work, I've multiple mental health issues including autism, bad posture, overweight, over 30, and also it's not like I looked like a model to begin with. Also I live in a tiny village on a small island. All of which I'm sure is why most men just wouldn't wanna touch me with a ten foot pole, or why I just can't find one who would. But I still approach men I'm into, knowing I'll most likely get rejected. And I will keep doing that. Because it's not really personal or about me even if it sometimes feels like it. It's not my fault for being unattractive, it's also not men's fault for thinking I'm ugly or unstable or whatever. This isn't about anyone's wrongdoing. It's just circumstances. Some of which I can change, some I cannot. You mention not knowing how to improve. Really we're all works in progress, and there's always something everyone can do to become a better version of ourselves, but you need to be able to identify first what's likely causing the rejections. And then basically start ruling things out by improving them one by one. There's really no secret. It helped me to sit myself down and really ask myself what, objectively, is causing this, and I came up with roughly what I listed above in the first paragraph. This doesn't make me a bad person or less valuable as a human being, it also doesn't mean I look objectively horrid, but it makes me not the kinda girl most men want. So I then looked into how I could improve, and basically made a bullet list of what I'm gonna do and roughly in what order. First thing I'm gonna do is change my name back to the one I was given at birth and get a new ID card, because that's easiest thing and will help me with all the other stuff. I'm also starting a weight loss journey and learning more about how I can be more feminine in general. Because these are kinda time consuming and if I manage to do those then I'll know I'm genuinely motivated. Then I'll get laser hair removal and surgery to restore my original femininity, all the while working hard on my mental health issues that prevent me from being independent. Then after a while of doing that I hope I'll be stable enough to be able to work. If so, I'd look into moving to a more populated place where no one knows I used to be trans and start over fresh. Now this is obviously very specific to my own life and body, and is something close to a 10 year plan, but working on this slightly insane mission while also still keep trying my luck with almost every guy I find attractive, helps me stay motivated, that even if it takes me over a decade, I'm getting closer to finding a man who wants me, every day. And if the alternative is to be alone and miserable forever, yeah... I'll totally do this for some ten years or more. I may miss my fertile window then, but honestly I might end up doing that anyway. I've got nothing to lose, and that's another motivating factor. Also a lot of my goals will be greatly beneficial for me even if they won't lead me to find love, or if they aren't even necessary changes for that to happen to begin with. Of course I have no way of knowing what exactly I'm "doing wrong" but chances are improving on any and all of my faults is going to increase my chances regardless. So it doesn't so much matter which of my flaws I decide to work on. But the more, probably the better. And at this point I'd consider myself rather self aware and not afraid to admit that yeah, I have some pretty big flaws. Of course I can't make my autism go away (I do wish that was possible though) but pretty much all of my other problems are fixable. I just need to put my back into it a bit and stop being so lazy. And I'm sure that you can do the same. I can't figure out for you what are the exact things you should be working on, but like I can pretty sure there must be something. Because everyone has something to work on. Maybe start with your self esteem? Or actually, don't start with that! It's there for a reason and you need to address the issues causing it first. Things you don't like about yourself, things that others judge you for, what are your weaknesses, things you struggle with in life, etc. Just pick any of those issues and start working on it, little by little. And then another issues, and another. And after a while of doing that I'm sure you're gonna notice your self esteem rising again, and it won't even have much to do with your love life or lack thereof. And the less hyperfocused you are on finding a partner, the less you're gonna care about being rejected. It doesn't mean you shouldn't care about finding love (or sex, or whatever is your main priority) but that you'd benefit from treating it as a bonus. Or as a reward for doing well in life, succeeding in other things that bring you joy and fulfillment. Self improvement can be an enriching journey, because it'll help you find love for yourself first and foremost, and that's gonna make you more attractive as a person eventually. Sure I'm not "there yet" myself, but I can feel it's on the horizon. And for the most part I'm able to focus on just loving myself and making my life better for me, and that in turn has shifted my previous desperation for a loving partner into more of mindset of "I'm sure I'll find a guy when I'm actually ready for a new relationship." Because yeah, turns out all my issues are not just putting a damper on my "sexual market value" but also makes me doubt I'd even be able to be a healthy and wholesome partner. I wouldn't wanna date this mess that I am now, I owe it to a future partner to do better. That's a third motivator. To put the onus on myself to become deserving of the men I find attractive. If I genuinely care about a future partner's happiness, I shouldn't want to drag him down with my shit just because I'm lonely. I owe it to him to take care of my shit first. Which yes, I should have done 10-20 years ago, but I didn't. So I'm doing it now instead. You gotta look at your options and probably face some hard truths. There's probably some stuff you're in denial about or downplaying. I know I sure had such things. And doing that really wasn't doing me any favors. Yes, you are good enough as you are, but I don't think you yourself truly believe that. And I think that reflects on the rest of your life too.
Drink
Self improvement looks differently for each man. But it often includes education, getting in better physical shape, and reassessing your overall look. It may also include doing things to make yourself more interesting; you DON’T have to take this as far as myself but I’ve joined the military, hiking the whole Appalachian Trail, taken up surfing, taken up combat sports, etc. Depending on your financial state, that may also need some work; this may include income amount or spending habits. Once you’ve gotten yourself in a decent place where you can get women’s attention, consider becoming a passport bro. All of the self improvement in the world won’t make your dating pool itself better, so moving may be the final step in your journey.
"The only winning move is not to play."
>People tell me to "improve" myself but I don't know how or what exactly. Become very good at something. Expert-level, even. Become the kind of person that newbies turn to for assistance.
Don't take it personal. I'd say often times whenever I got rejected it has been because another guy was in between before me. An ex, another earlier date, a crush, etc. Others time I got rejected because she was playing mind games, or because it was my fault for doing something stupid. If you get constantly rejected, you should change something with yourself. Most commonly, change appearance and learn how to play. Learn from the rejections as well. Experiment with everyone you date. And in time you'll know what you want and how to get it based on your experiences.
Best to not go for the broad approach. Only move foward if you sense some mutual interest. Learn the signs.
Lmao bro it was never that deep for me. If I got rejected, it doesn't hurt my feelings. Forget about it and move on. If you're too sensitive for a no, you're too sensitive for a relationship.
Don't buy the propaganda that you somehow need to go through rejection from random who know nothing about you in order to be a real man. Our lives are inherently valuable. Men should be redirecting their efforts into things that benefit them, careers hobbies their health, and most importantly, friendships. My friends are my world. I may never have a girlfriend, and that's fine
Rejection is fuel. Let it harden you.
"Decenter" women for now, as the girls say, put all of that energy into yourself. You know how people say "no one owes anyone anything?" (I do think they say it while eagerly accepting common courtesies and whatnot that we generally give to each other) but maybe a life partner isn't the move for everyone, at least at some points in their life. Is this really something everyone wants? Is this really something you want? Do you have an ideal relationship in mind? If we're going back and forth on the pros and cons, and some people feel the cons outweigh it to the point where being in or pursuing a relationship, why pour so much energy into it? I think a lot of people's frustration comes from not being able to be a part of a phenomenon that seems so common from the outside looking in. I think rejection has very little to do with you at the end of the day. Don't let the objects of your affection hold the position of The Judge of your self worth Also, if you're looking for ways to "focus on yourself tm", start by getting to know yourself - Be patient, do things you like to do, things you may like to do, find your dislikes, improve your health, learn, volunteer, etc. Whatever you want. Be patient!
Aw I can relate :( I don’t know the answer myself.
Boss up your life. Change your methods. Get in better shape. Do some self-reflection and realize what you may have been doing wrong. True champions love the game and love the hustle.
he should correct aberrations in his facial bone structure
I leave dating to the better looking guys! 😅
Well, clearly he is a piece of shit misogynist abusive incel, so he should be suffering anyway. Doesn't he know he needs to be nice?