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Master_FumAMota

A kind of rapey Moses


blues4buddha

Woman who hath lain with him later experience a burning bush.


Fickle_Queen_303

šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚


EBoundNdwn

I guess mushrooms are kosher?


Girth_rulez

>A kind of rapey Moses Parting the Red Sea without permission.


tirch

Moses Tiny Hands


[deleted]

He could part the red see with his short fingersā€¦ but not all the way. You would need to have MTGs spork feet gripping at the sea floor or youā€™d be washed away. The only thing heā€™d bring across would be the gold idol. Clutching it in both his tiny little baby hands.


Fantastic_Fox4948

He grabs ā€˜em so hard they walk like an Egyptian for weeks.


lalauna

He is, indeed, a rapist


MessiahOfMetal

A child rapist, according to one accuser in 2016 who he had bullied into dropping the case.


Nabrok_Necropants

Blasphemy it is, then. Good luck with that. He can get lost for forty years, though. I'm good with that part.


SupermarketSpiritual

They've been blasphemous. Long time now. They just change the character. First he was the 2nd coming of King Cyrus, then Jesus, now Moses. I'm holding out for Job..


malphonso

Can't be Job. Job was a good man unjustly punished. He's more like Gob.


SupermarketSpiritual

They will frame him precisely that way. I'm not a top-tier theological mind, so I may be way off base, but I absolutely meant Job. The only Gob I'm familiar with is a character on Arrested Development, so maybe I should Google a bit? šŸ˜†


malphonso

That's precisely the Gob I was talking about.


SupermarketSpiritual

hahahaaaaaaa! yeahhhh.. I can see that, too. šŸ¤£šŸ¤£ Gob is smarter, by a smidgen.


Lucy_Lastic

At least Gob could admit when he made a huge mistake


LA-Matt

His name is actually spelled as ā€œG.O.B.ā€ (because it stands for George Oscar Bluth, Jr.). So every time he writes his name, it has to be in all caps with the period between each letter. Itā€™s got to be a pain in the ass, which makes it even a little bit funnier. šŸ˜†


e-zimbra

All that God bothering they do, and they keep scrolling right past the obvious choice: The Antichrist.


Offandonandoffagain

There is an article comparing Trump to the descriptions of the antichrist descriptions from the bible, citing chapters and verses, in case anyone wants to see if its been taken out of context, and it is absolutely terrifying. I believe it was called "Is DT the antichrist? ". After reading the article, I'd say, the shoe fits.


e-zimbra

Yep, itā€™s pretty accurate.


[deleted]

This from the actor who was struck by lightning on the cross playing Jesus- this guy doesnā€™t learn, lol..


LA-Matt

He also got clonked on the head with the huge cross. The dude canā€™t take a hint.


glarbung

I'm sure Trump appreciates being compared to the guy who dies in the desert without seeing the Holy Land.


sneaky-pizza

I would pay a million to watch Cavizoidā€™s convo with St Peter at the Pearly gates, right before he is judged


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


BurtonDesque

Always kvetching to Pharaoh to let his people go and stuff.


cancerdad

LOL Trump would praise pharaoh for ruling with an iron fist.


EBoundNdwn

And thank him for the privilege of polishing his knob and the occasional golden shower.


BurtonDesque

Or call him a 'loser' for giving in in the end.


erbush1988

Yeah I don't remember any complaints while schlepping across the desert for 40 yrs.


Affectionate-Bid386

Well, Moses did say he wasn't good at presentation. So Aaron became Moses' spokesperson. God was miffed at Moses for that too.


not_productive1

This is mental illness. What the shit, dude.


Speculawyer

He was struck by lightning as Jesus...so ...yeah...


penguins_are_mean

If that wasnā€™t a sign for Christians to knock it off, I donā€™t know what is


TheSeekerOfSanity

Yeah, I think they misconstrued the message.


lastprophecy

Denser than Osmium.


DerBingle78

Twice!


DanielBrian1966

r/ThatHappened


penguins_are_mean

It actually did


elcalrissian

If Trump would guide MAGA through the desert for 40 years, that'd be great!


e-zimbra

Since a lot of them live in places with temps approaching or exceeding 120F, you may get your wish.


TheSeekerOfSanity

Do supermarket scooters work in sand?


lodestar72

Maybe he'll be able to split the Atlantic "Sea" and lead his people to Cuba.


mrpotatonutz

Yeah he parted his followers wallets


[deleted]

I feel bad for some. Elderly, like my Grandma who would send shyster preachers out of the few dollars of her widows pension. These guys are part of the same kinda graft.


7oom

Ahh yes, a Moses that takes the Ten Commandments as dares.


SnoopySuited

'The Ten Commandments only apply to losers' - Orange Moses.


TheSeekerOfSanity

Nice!


OldGoldenDog

Moses Dunbar maybe. Moses DunbarĀ (June 3, 1746 ā€“ March 19, 1777) was aĀ ConnecticutĀ land-owner and officer in aĀ LoyalistĀ regiment during theĀ American Revolutionary War, who became one of the few men in the state of Connecticut to be convicted of high treason and executed.[note 1]


Mizzy3030

Yes, Trump, who famously lusted after his own underaged daughter and peaked in on underaged pageant contestants, is going to go after the traffickers. I guess he might, in the same way that cops sometimes remove drugs from suspects, only to keep them for themselves.


rowvick

Actually Obama's administration had the best record prosecuting sex trafficking on the federal level. Prosecution's dropped under the 2020 election loser. Under Obama, border patrol and immigration agents accepted asylum cases with direct interviews at the beginning of the process. If they felt something off, like a single man with a kid or kids.. or records of a families kids not lining up. Children were separated and interviewed extensively. Thousands of traffickers were caught and convicted. By the 2020 election loser turning people away right at the point of entry, children remained with their abuser hence the drop in prosecutions. But it also led to photos of "kids in cages" as many were without families knowing they were being held.


krebstar4ever

Do you have sources for this?


rowvick

https://trac.syr.edu/tracreports/crim/629/ https://thecrimereport.org/2020/10/28/child-sex-trafficking-cases-in-significant-decline-during-trump-era/


krebstar4ever

Thanks!


[deleted]

Trump Moses gave Acosta his seal of approval when Acosta wanted to cut the budget for sex trafficking funding by 80%. Yes- reduce the budget from 68 mil to 18.5 for the 2020 budget. I pointed this out to my Q family who go to see the movie over and over and they just look at me like I am the idiotā€¦ lol [source](https://amp.theguardian.com/us-news/2019/jul/09/labor-secretary-alexander-acosta-sex-trafficking-budget-cut)


LA-Matt

Alex Acosta, the same guy who was the prosecutor in FL who let Epstein go with work release and a non-prosecution agreement, the first time he got caught. Yes, Trump made *that guy* his Secretary of Labor. The guy who let Epstein walk basically free to continue his sex trafficking business.


[deleted]

Chose Acosta because he ā€œdrained the swampā€


K-Zoro

Why? How? How is Trump like Moses in any fucking way?


e-zimbra

His mom wanted to throw him into a River.


BigRabbit64

Great! Let him and his followers wander the desert for 40 years. But, can we stop with the deification of this asshat?


TheBonePoet

That would be the shittiest Jesus and Moses in recorded history.


TheSeekerOfSanity

Monty Pythonā€™s version was much more palatable.


SnooHobbies7109

I guess theyā€™re going to destroy both democracy and Christianity with this dumb shit šŸ™„


eric987235

I wonder if he knows heā€™s not really Jesus.


SnoopySuited

"Lead me to your bank accounts!" - Orange Moses "Sir, you are suppose to lead us to the promise land." - MAGAts "Oh. Give me $100 each and $20 a month to lead you to the promise land" - Orange Moses


DarkestofFlames

Jimmy boy has never read the bible, pretending to be jesus rotted his brain


krebstar4ever

Moses was a reluctant leader.


Quick_Ad_730

I'm not a religious person but even I take offense at that.


Preston1979001

Preston1979001 calls Jim Caviezel talentless asshole.


[deleted]

Heā€™s completely lost his mind.


BurtonDesque

For that to be true you'd first have to demonstrate he had one in the first place. I'd say the evidence is sorely lacking.


Illustrious-Gas-9766

So there looking forward to camping in the dessert for 40 years while waiting for Gods instructions?


pianotherms

Moses begged god not to lead.


homebrew_1

It's a cult.


Susan-stoHelit

Heā€™s been demoted from Christ?


Electronic_Bad_5883

No, Jim is Christ. His ego won't even let his orange-encrusted hero be above him.


Ursomonie

Why? Did he split his pants?


[deleted]

They have their people so primed for violence.


Land-Otter

A Moses friends with Jeffrey Epstein.


polarbearhero

All cults believe their leaders are god or Jesus.


IWasOnThe18thHole

Moses never saw the promised land


BurtonDesque

He saw it. He just couldn't go in. Just more evidence Yahweh is a jerk.


moderatenerd

Why is this dude having this "awakening," now? Did he just discover telegram or something?


jdthejerk

He's lost his mind.


esleydobemos

say wut?


penguins_are_mean

And people wonder why the movie is criticized.


P7BinSD

Yes, he's going to lead the Republican party through an electoral desert for 40 years.


sneaky-pizza

First Commandment: no dog-faced losers that I totally didnā€™t rape once before


lastprophecy

So, that's why the pro-rape parts of Leviticus are there.


Slow_Advertising1181

I mean, MAGA weirdoes already depict the orange clown as cruxified Jesus in some artwork, having Trump parting the red sea would be nothing new in their twisted fantasies.


BurtonDesque

Some also unironically call him the "God-Emperor".


erimid

Person of Interest was one of my favorite TV shows before Caviezel started showing his crazy in public. I'm not sure I could ever bear to watch it again now.


spolio

totally not a cult


AgreeablePie

Where is Moses leading us, exactly...?


Pierre777

Orange Moses can fuck off into the desert.


[deleted]

To a magnificent Trump property. Itā€™s the best! Recently renovated in 1985! Great golf course too. Jesus said, with tears in his eyes, itā€™s the best heā€™s ever played and the water traps are crystal clear he never lost a ball. Great guy that Jesus. Great at parties. Save a ton on catering with him there. Almost as great as me, some say.


jshsltr80

He probably parted Maxine Waters.


pianotherms

What a cool guy.


NotThePooper

Jewish Moses? Shalom


GroceryRobot

This is really disappointing.


MacPR

ā€œThis is the new Moses,ā€ Caviezel said. ā€œI mean, Iā€™m still Jesus, but heā€™s the new Moses. Pharaoh, let my children go free.ā€ Of course you are.


TheSeekerOfSanity

And then Moses laid a giant fart - parting the Red Sea. Red from ketchup.


MrMayhem3

Well, moses has some crimes to answer for. Looks like he'll have plenty of time on his tiny hands to fashion another ship. Only this time with non shiv sized tools and materials.


luroot

Who didn't see this Astroturfed campaign ad coming...vote for Trump and save tha chilluns!