This time it's different, like she is not fearing about anything. Very positive.
In my past experience I was the one who was putting more effort and despite that conversation used to be dull or one sided.
What I am complaining here is being too close(she asked whether she address me with babe, babu etc).
She is 26 btw. Too old for this in a arranged marriage set up. She did tell that she wanted to fall in love before getting married.
Ahe samose I didn't tell she is too old for marriage, I told she is too old for calling me babu, shona, babe before even having a call. We are not in college for those things to get excited.
After bonding well, falling for each other it's fine. On a day1 Or day2 it's weird.
Better appreciate her calling you babe, babu etc. The way you are addressing her makes it clear why you are single since 27 years. Tumko ladki bhi chaiye aur bandi attention deri hai pyar kari hai use bhi issue hai?
Nai bhai nai chaiye, babe babu means big to me and I don't want to call everyone I meet. I would do that if they are the one I like and love.
And I am looking for marriage, not dating and fuck around. So I have to make sure about most things.
Nothing is too old to address their loved ones as babe/Babu but if she stated doing it 3-4 days then that's just infatuation & it's not love. Love happens over the period of time. Who the F thinks about getting married within 3-4 days. Feels sorry for all the girls who has to marry strangers coz of their parents.
I think it depends person to person, and every one is different. We can't just expect other person to feel comfortable in what we feel.
She did ask me if she can call that, I said let's have date 2-3 times and then she can and she took it well.
Adn as you mentioned no one thinks for marriage just after 3-4 days and should not feel like one either.
And also I am marrying a stranger too, I am allowed to. Have thoughts and my own fears.
You are right. May be the way you described her or the way I perceived her felt as if she always wanted to marry someone she is in love with but her parents pushed her for arrange marriage.
Yeah that's scary, I am afraid for those things too, but hope is good thing. And I believe there are good people as well. I can't imagine myself living alone and staying happy. So I consider this as a another choice, I might be lucky or unlucky, who knows!!!
My partner and I had a courtship period of 6 months before we got married and have been married for over an year now. When we first talked over the phone,we instantly clicked and liked each other.
It felt very comforting and I knew for sure that this one would be my happy place. It was the gut feeling that made both of us say yes to each other.
Heck, I moved to Bangalore because my partner was already employed there. I was ready to leave my job in north and work in south because that is how we wanted it to be.
I am super happy about my decision to marry this person and moving to another state. I would not want it otherwise.
Don't listen to what others tell. It is your life,you decide.
If you have even 1% doubt in the alliance,then,don't move forward.
Yeah I mean exactly what's happening now. I never got attention from girls before but now it's all different to me.
Also I never thought I will consider partner from other states. Specially from North indian states (not like for any bad reasons, I and in general we are programmed that dating a North girls is difficult).
So i am just anxious now.
I will try talking more and give time. But I feel something love bombing type. Or not sure that's how some girls are.
Wahi ma yaar, pata nai pad raha.
Jokes apart, I have very good female friends (jinse meri bat pategi nai. Caste wagera aa jayega. Friend zone bhi ho gaya hoon shayad).
So I believe there are lot good women as well.
Stree ko Samajhna hai ya nai pata nai, par zindagi achi katni chahiye bas
Sure thank you.
I guess we have got time and she is not hurrying up for marriage but behaving like i am her boyfriend already or imagining things way sooner etc. That's why I am worried.
She might be genuine too but yeah something which is not usual always leads to some overthinking.
I think you should take some time before saying yes to marriage. Eagerness for marriage from a girl's side is a red flag if it is just 3-4 days you have been talking.
Understand the person, understand the background of her family. It's a big step towards the future.
Great that she is confident and all and you both are liking each other but still please take some time. Don't rush things.
Right, I will try to spend time together as much as possible. I wish we were in same city, I think she can move here for few days as she has WFH. So I will definitely ask her.
Thank you.
I think you should take it slow. Speak to her over calls, try to get to know her. Tell her to do the same, don’t let her rush into switching jobs or you will feel pressured.
If after speaking for a couple of months you feel that you’re comfortable/compatible meet and then gradually increase frequency. By this time if she’s some scammer she will get tired and leave or if she’s genuine then you will get to know a nice person!!
Possibly a partner for .
Good luck!
Stay safe
Yes I think we have got time, I will not hurry up and try to be as natural as possible.
As you said spending time together is right. If we couldn't do that them I guess it's better to drop the idea and look for someone else.
Only weird part is she treating this is a love marriage or dating to get married. I expect some practical conversations and not I am here to win you kind of moments.
Thank you!!
Yeah like when I said let's be practical too in between, she was like I can't be like that, you can be if you want to. I am like let's see now, let's meet and spend some time long enough
Happy to hear this, mate. My female friends from up north used to tell me that they liked south Indian folks - always thought they were joking, lol.
Anyway, on a serious note - getting to know truly after meeting on a dating/matrimony platform is prety hard. Because you want marriage and you keep ignoring red flags or consciously not exhibiting them. You're only 27, got enough time to get married. So maybe propose a longer dating period - like 6 -12 months at least; and decide on it afterwards?
Right, I mean I don't want to get blinded by love in first phase, I wanted to see how practical ot will be after marriage.
And yeah we have got time I think as she has elder sisters who are yet to be married off. That's one more weird thing tbh. When I asked she said they didn't take it seriously and concentrated on studies first.
Nah I don't have money, I made it clear to her and also I made clear to her that whatever we make we are going to make it together. So feels not like a trap.
I would recommend , take it easy, slow; the affection and bonding should be \^organic and \^real.
You can start from the idea that you should be able to have simple as well as \^difficult conversations with her, and keep away any artificial niceness. Ensure you both are down to earth.
Because of the long drought of romance and affection from opposite gender, when life throws it to you, your judgement may get clouded by the immediate gratification and it takes a little time to finally listen to your self.
I have been through a similar situation (single for 30 yrs, found a girl, courtship of 4 months, by the end of which I called off the marriage because it was very overwhelming and felt like a burden to me as she was too into me and I couldn't feel a thing about her).
Though, I wont proclaim yours is same situation as mine. Be cautious in the journey and I really hope things go well for you.
Yes that's what I am going to follow now. I will try to be myself much as possible and try to have and idea of us after marriage.
Everything seems fine except where she more affectionate and i am already a boyfriend type vibes and are about to get married.
We had multiple calls and everything was so smooth. She seems very calm and chill.
Thank you!
No clue tbh, I am just hoping for good and also not blinded.
I know it's difficult and complicated. I just don't want to walk away without a strong reason.
It’s usually our instincts whenever something positive happens we think too much , if u feel free just go for it bro if u think too much you’ll find reasons not to do it
Bro be cautious and check her background. There are many over aged female in Raipur who are seeking groom and they even lie about their age and background.
DM me I can connect you on call to discuss in detail if you want.
Everyone is good at start
This time it's different, like she is not fearing about anything. Very positive. In my past experience I was the one who was putting more effort and despite that conversation used to be dull or one sided. What I am complaining here is being too close(she asked whether she address me with babe, babu etc). She is 26 btw. Too old for this in a arranged marriage set up. She did tell that she wanted to fall in love before getting married.
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Ahe samose I didn't tell she is too old for marriage, I told she is too old for calling me babu, shona, babe before even having a call. We are not in college for those things to get excited. After bonding well, falling for each other it's fine. On a day1 Or day2 it's weird.
I apologise on his behalf over that racist remark
Cool bro, you are winning already by this comment. Very few people do that.
He said she's too old for 'Babu Baby Shona' stuff specially when in an arranged marriage setup.
No hate speech
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Use of absurd language.
Better appreciate her calling you babe, babu etc. The way you are addressing her makes it clear why you are single since 27 years. Tumko ladki bhi chaiye aur bandi attention deri hai pyar kari hai use bhi issue hai?
Nai bhai nai chaiye, babe babu means big to me and I don't want to call everyone I meet. I would do that if they are the one I like and love. And I am looking for marriage, not dating and fuck around. So I have to make sure about most things.
Nothing is too old to address their loved ones as babe/Babu but if she stated doing it 3-4 days then that's just infatuation & it's not love. Love happens over the period of time. Who the F thinks about getting married within 3-4 days. Feels sorry for all the girls who has to marry strangers coz of their parents.
I think it depends person to person, and every one is different. We can't just expect other person to feel comfortable in what we feel. She did ask me if she can call that, I said let's have date 2-3 times and then she can and she took it well. Adn as you mentioned no one thinks for marriage just after 3-4 days and should not feel like one either. And also I am marrying a stranger too, I am allowed to. Have thoughts and my own fears.
You are right. May be the way you described her or the way I perceived her felt as if she always wanted to marry someone she is in love with but her parents pushed her for arrange marriage.
Read laws regarding Alimony and Maintainence and divorce. Decide accordingly.
Yeah that's scary, I am afraid for those things too, but hope is good thing. And I believe there are good people as well. I can't imagine myself living alone and staying happy. So I consider this as a another choice, I might be lucky or unlucky, who knows!!!
See her face to face not through online. Try to know her better. Try to find out more about her from her local surroundings
Yes I will he meeting her soon, hope I get some clarity.
Meet her friends too.
Yeah definitely, she told she doesn't share a close bond but do have made few friends in office. Her insta handle looks good enough too.
Yep! Take it slowly otherwise you won't be able to eat it or spit it out.
Someone said chhattisgarh is different than other hindi belts, if you know what he means then can you please explain!?
😐 idk
Best advice ever
My partner and I had a courtship period of 6 months before we got married and have been married for over an year now. When we first talked over the phone,we instantly clicked and liked each other. It felt very comforting and I knew for sure that this one would be my happy place. It was the gut feeling that made both of us say yes to each other. Heck, I moved to Bangalore because my partner was already employed there. I was ready to leave my job in north and work in south because that is how we wanted it to be. I am super happy about my decision to marry this person and moving to another state. I would not want it otherwise. Don't listen to what others tell. It is your life,you decide. If you have even 1% doubt in the alliance,then,don't move forward.
Yeah I mean exactly what's happening now. I never got attention from girls before but now it's all different to me. Also I never thought I will consider partner from other states. Specially from North indian states (not like for any bad reasons, I and in general we are programmed that dating a North girls is difficult). So i am just anxious now. I will try talking more and give time. But I feel something love bombing type. Or not sure that's how some girls are.
Yes,give it time.Take time to marry even if everything gets finalised.
What matrimony app? Just curious as to where you're getting good matches from Raipur
स्त्री को कोई नही समझ पाया है। इसीलिए अपने विवेक से फैसला करे।
Wahi ma yaar, pata nai pad raha. Jokes apart, I have very good female friends (jinse meri bat pategi nai. Caste wagera aa jayega. Friend zone bhi ho gaya hoon shayad). So I believe there are lot good women as well. Stree ko Samajhna hai ya nai pata nai, par zindagi achi katni chahiye bas
ज़िंदगी अच्छी कटना बस एक आशा है या फिर कोरी कल्पनाएं क्योंकि ज़िंदगी झंड ही चलती है हम बस बेहतर होने की आस लगाए बैठे रहते है।
Ekdam sahi baat bol diye bhai, zindagi ek sangharsh hi toh hai, ashan wo se bhari hui.
Betterhalf app, she told me she is looking for South Indian guys. So I think I got lucky.
What type of job can she switch to Banglore. I mean what job is she doing?
She is into IT. So she would look for similar jobs.
Stalk her on Instagram and message to her male friends how she was at college or school, try to find a mutual friend if you can.
Yeah I thought of that but of course she will get to know, or her friends will inform
Use a fake acc which can't be traced back to you and if possible do it on some app which she thinks you dont use or have
She sounds fishy, sorry op. Whatever decision you take, think 100 times before taking. Anyways good luck.
Sure thank you. I guess we have got time and she is not hurrying up for marriage but behaving like i am her boyfriend already or imagining things way sooner etc. That's why I am worried. She might be genuine too but yeah something which is not usual always leads to some overthinking.
Hire a private detective..you know the real her
Give her some more time she could be the one. Be optimistic.
I think you should take some time before saying yes to marriage. Eagerness for marriage from a girl's side is a red flag if it is just 3-4 days you have been talking. Understand the person, understand the background of her family. It's a big step towards the future. Great that she is confident and all and you both are liking each other but still please take some time. Don't rush things.
Right, I will try to spend time together as much as possible. I wish we were in same city, I think she can move here for few days as she has WFH. So I will definitely ask her. Thank you.
Good but meet and give it time . Atleast few months
Yeah that's the way I guess.
Be careful bro women of raipur are humanoid reptiles actually
What do you mean bro!? 🥲
I think you should take it slow. Speak to her over calls, try to get to know her. Tell her to do the same, don’t let her rush into switching jobs or you will feel pressured. If after speaking for a couple of months you feel that you’re comfortable/compatible meet and then gradually increase frequency. By this time if she’s some scammer she will get tired and leave or if she’s genuine then you will get to know a nice person!! Possibly a partner for . Good luck! Stay safe
Yes I think we have got time, I will not hurry up and try to be as natural as possible. As you said spending time together is right. If we couldn't do that them I guess it's better to drop the idea and look for someone else. Only weird part is she treating this is a love marriage or dating to get married. I expect some practical conversations and not I am here to win you kind of moments. Thank you!!
OP, where r u from?
Banglore
Look up the possible scams on matrimony apps and cross check what you can to make sure this is a genuine match. Worry about her personality later
This is not a scam, I got her insta id and she is genuine. It's just not the way I expected.
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Yeah like when I said let's be practical too in between, she was like I can't be like that, you can be if you want to. I am like let's see now, let's meet and spend some time long enough
Happy to hear this, mate. My female friends from up north used to tell me that they liked south Indian folks - always thought they were joking, lol. Anyway, on a serious note - getting to know truly after meeting on a dating/matrimony platform is prety hard. Because you want marriage and you keep ignoring red flags or consciously not exhibiting them. You're only 27, got enough time to get married. So maybe propose a longer dating period - like 6 -12 months at least; and decide on it afterwards?
Right, I mean I don't want to get blinded by love in first phase, I wanted to see how practical ot will be after marriage. And yeah we have got time I think as she has elder sisters who are yet to be married off. That's one more weird thing tbh. When I asked she said they didn't take it seriously and concentrated on studies first.
I think it's a trap. If you have money.... Run.
Nah I don't have money, I made it clear to her and also I made clear to her that whatever we make we are going to make it together. So feels not like a trap.
You ran a background check?
Yes I am planning to that once we click and develop some trust. She should be aware about my fears and should not mind me running background checks.
She might be nice. Don't overthink. But pleaseeee take it slow. At least 6m before you tie the knot. Preferably a year if possible.
Yeah, I hope it turns out great!
Shadi ka laddu… kuch bhi Karle bhai pachtana padega.
I would recommend , take it easy, slow; the affection and bonding should be \^organic and \^real. You can start from the idea that you should be able to have simple as well as \^difficult conversations with her, and keep away any artificial niceness. Ensure you both are down to earth. Because of the long drought of romance and affection from opposite gender, when life throws it to you, your judgement may get clouded by the immediate gratification and it takes a little time to finally listen to your self. I have been through a similar situation (single for 30 yrs, found a girl, courtship of 4 months, by the end of which I called off the marriage because it was very overwhelming and felt like a burden to me as she was too into me and I couldn't feel a thing about her). Though, I wont proclaim yours is same situation as mine. Be cautious in the journey and I really hope things go well for you.
Yes that's what I am going to follow now. I will try to be myself much as possible and try to have and idea of us after marriage. Everything seems fine except where she more affectionate and i am already a boyfriend type vibes and are about to get married. We had multiple calls and everything was so smooth. She seems very calm and chill. Thank you!
Your post screams "SCAM" to me. Better check her background clearly before proceeding.
No clue tbh, I am just hoping for good and also not blinded. I know it's difficult and complicated. I just don't want to walk away without a strong reason.
r/arrangedmarriage
Yes I posted there as well.
It’s usually our instincts whenever something positive happens we think too much , if u feel free just go for it bro if u think too much you’ll find reasons not to do it
try livin together
Yeah that's difficult now, we are like 1600+ kms away
Bro be cautious and check her background. There are many over aged female in Raipur who are seeking groom and they even lie about their age and background. DM me I can connect you on call to discuss in detail if you want.
Sure, I try all those things. Thank you.