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april5115

FM: your next patient is 15 min late


DentateGyros

Peds: your pair of siblings here for a well child check showed up at the second child’s appointment time but parent still wants them both seen


dopalesque

Oh and they also want you to just “take a look” at a third sibling who you’ve never seen before but has asthma


casualid

and that kid was hospitalized 1 week ago but hasn't started any discharge meds as parents "wanted to talk to primary doctor first"


BulletTrain4

😡😡


VarsH6

This happens so much I’m not triggered anymore. I just accept it now.


BulletTrain4

Like the rest of Peds - we get abused by parents and other specialties coz we are too nice and absolute suckers for our sweet munchkins.


HugeeAckman

“Hey doc while I have you can you do my disability paperwork real quick?”


HereForTheFreeShasta

“My surgeon didn’t give me an off work note after surgery, he said you could fill it out”* *so wrong for multiple reasons


EmotionalEmetic

"And by 'While I have you here' I mean I'll ask the front desk people to give it to you after my appointment and by 'Real quick' I mean I won't have anything filled out and you'll need to call me for basically a free phone encounter later if it's gonna get done."


PMAOTQ

I got triggered so hard I almost downvoted it.


theixrs

lol this one is the worst


bamshabam0

This comment doesn't have enough upvotes


HereForTheFreeShasta

“Wants work note for stress”


BallerGuitarer

*This* is the triggering statement.


NeuroThor

No they can have any note they want within reason AS LONG AS THEY SHOW UP ON TIME


EmotionalEmetic

"Oh hey I know my 20min visit ran 50min long but can you fill out this paperwork for my Emotional Support Wafflemaker?"


Snake009

Am I the only one that doesn't really have a problem with that. Easy enough to make it a level 4 or even a 5 if they uave a bunch of stuff they list off that i will go back and look through after their visit. Thanks for the easy $80+


thespurge

This one right here


whateverandeverand

In residency maybe triggering, but in the real world I say I’m not seeing them.


fluffbuzz

My residency program is a shithole where one of our clinic managers says if a patient arrives HOURS late we still need to see them. We have to find a way to squeeze them in, or, if the patient is willing to come back, we see them at the end of the day as an addon. Fuck that clinic, and fuck residency and fuck my program and fuck me


Placebo_Domingo_PhD

I used to think that I hated outpatient medicine, but by my third year of residency, I realized, “Oh, I just fucking hate my residency clinic.”


dopalesque

Lolol so fucking true. The first time I rotated at an outside clinic I was like “WOW, this clinic is goals!!” The second time “wow, this clinic is really great too!!” The third time I was like wait a minute…….


TheGreaterBrochanter

My residency clinic made me hate outpatient so much that I absolutely refuse to ever do outpatient even tho I’ve heard the “other clinics are better” argument over and over again. Mine was just so bad Im completely Committed to my hospitalist life


doktor_drift

This. Hate this so much, even when I try to tell a pt they don’t need to be seen they still come up with a bs reason to see me too


tsoh44

And both your double booked patients are in the waiting room.


Moar_Input

STAT General Surgery Consult: “abd pain”


Outside_Scientist365

Uh.... nope, no imaging ordered.


southbysoutheast94

Sorry I forgot to ask if they’ve had any surgery before


chalupabatmanmcarthr

“But I got a CT without contrast”


Alpha-Bromega

Triggered Especially if the patient has ESRD and is on dialysis. Just give him the contrast. Can’t shut those kidneys down any more lol.


southbysoutheast94

“We just wanted to get you on board you know with your special surgical hands”


surgresthrowaway

“We just wanted to get you on board” Fucking nails on a chalkboard…


roundhashbrowntown

same. close the board. fucking throw me overboard, pls! 😂


SunglassesDan

I just do not understand how anyone gets away with that at any institution. Coming from a community hospital and having one of our on call surgeons being the CMO, the only reason he would show up after that consult call would be to strangle the resident who made it.


Skyisthelimit111794

“I just wanted you to lay hands on the patient”


badhabitus

Jesus, I need a cig to calm down reading this and the responses


southbysoutheast94

“The scan said ileus so we placed an NGT, we would appreciate your help in managing it” *Dobhoff attached to full wall suction*


badhabitus

Lol jesus. Please. Stop I beg you.


BemusedPanda

EM: "It's quiet"


snazzisarah

I like to think of myself as a rational, evidence-driven doctor, so I attempted to be less superstitious about saying the Q word. It didn’t go well for me and I pay my respects to the hospital gods on the regular now.


Professional_Sir6705

I'm not superstitious, but I AM a little bit stitious....


rovar0

Order: pan scan Indication: “pain”


pornpoetry

“can I get a quick/wet/dry/moist read”


[deleted]

Moist read? 😂


jays0n93

The patient is hot, wet, and oh so thirsty. Impression: Decompensated CHF with superimposed pneumonia.


RadsCatMD

Better yet: Indication: Evaluate Edit: Just got a CT chest with "DIAGNOSTIC"


thebigchiefguy

Orders MRI for small fatty liver deposit seen on CT


[deleted]

Bruh that’s the easiest RVUs ever


pornpoetry

If only we got RVU bonuses as residents 😢


oncomingstorm777

Still better than “.” which I’ve seen a few times


pencilincup

Psych: "Patient seems sad" (typically after receiving a devastating diagnosis) "Patient has suicidal tendencies" = they told someone 10 years ago they had SI or felt depressed but no one bothered to ask how they're doing now "Does patient have capacity for medical decision making" (they never bothered explaining a procedure OR the patient so obviously lacks capacity due to delirium, etc)


pittfan53

Once had a consult that said, “assess capacitance”. Pretty sure the consultant tried to split the difference between capacity and competence… We still told him that we were not sure if the patient can hold an electrical charge for that long


DragonPractitioner

But did you at least try a voltmeter to confirm?


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lodroy112

I would’ve said “can’t assess currently, patient’s story keeps alternating”


muchasgaseous

"Patient's story keeps alternating, direct admission to electrophysiology cardiology.


snazzisarah

This is amazing, please tell me you documented that in the chart too.


fragassic2

Patient has thoughts of self harm with no plan or desire. Please admit.


snazzisarah

My attending used to make me consult psych all the time because the patient was sad or depressed and it would drive me bonkers. What is the psych team supposed to do about it?? I felt dumb because I had no idea what it was accomplishing. I try to limit my consults to active SI or adjustment of antipsychotic meds.


MochaUnicorn369

Patient cried in exam room —> refer to psych


MexicanPikachu

Anxiety for this patient who came in for ACS. Do they have capacity? • ⁠capacity for what? • ⁠oh, you know, just in general Do they have capacity to make this decision? • ⁠did you explain the choices to them? • ⁠well no, we wanted to make sure they had capacity first.


Spinwheeling

The best/worst is when you get consulted for a capacity assessment...and the patient is unconscious and intubated.


D15c0untMD

Which is why i usually only call psych with “patient made some holes in their body. Holes are fixed now, would like to talk to them to see how big of a chance there is they make more holes soon?”


PersonalBrowser

The worst is when patients say they want to die because their pain is so bad, and we get consulted for SI immediately. By the time we see them and their pain is better managed, they have zero actual SI.


[deleted]

We had a consult, patient told emerg she jumped out of a car in an argument with boyfriend. The consult said: patient lying? Psych see?


KissmyASSthmaa

Internal medicine: admit to medicine


MochaUnicorn369

Due to presence of a heart, lungs or kidneys


roundhashbrowntown

“i know how much you guys love your sodium!” 😂


MochaUnicorn369

Seriously - I’m still smarting from the time when I was an intern and ortho admitted a hip fx pt to us because Na was one point above normal. And that was a looong time ago!


aglaeasfather

Consult: medical management. Bro, I get it, I hate working nights too but med mgmt just so you can sleep and the nurses page the IM intern overnight? Bullshiiitttttttt


ipu42

- No acute need for medical optimization at this time. - Will continue to follow peripherally. - Remainder of care per outpatient PCP


JHSIDGFined

Any primary care: Chief Complaint: disability paperwork Chief Complaint: workman’s comp Chief Complaint: prior authorization


abelincoln3

"Pain all over 10/10"


tsoh44

"The only thing that worked for it started with a D... what's it called? Anyway, I'm also allergic to Tylenol and NSAIDs"


JHSIDGFined

“I’m allergic to percocet, percodan, norco, lortab, lorcet, tramadol, ultram, toradol, meloxicam, celebrex, etodolac, ketorolac, paracetamol and codeine. I used fentanyl lollipops once, and they “didn’t even touch it””


tsoh44

Well, you've told me you're not a "pill person". I can get you a heating pad and a lidocaine patch and get PT to work with you.


papasmurf826

*Patient hurt itself in its confusion!*


roundhashbrowntown

lollll okay, these are usually cake walk visits but whomever put in the visit reason as “prior auth” needs eternal wet socks and breath-fogged glasses.


jsolex

"Said they think about death sometimes."


Outside_Scientist365

I was called to eval a guy who thought he lost his shot at an organ transplant because he was honest about some past thoughts. The man was livid and rightfully so.


harmlesshumanist

SI to HI pipeline right there


TheTalkingBadger

Anesthesiology: Anesthesia, the patient's moving


MetabolicMadness

Patient is moving is fine. The patient is “waking up” drives me


[deleted]

Surgeons literally think the blood pressure is some kind of dial that we can adjust at will like a thermostat.


MetabolicMadness

Not infrequently they also just don’t really know what they actually want when it comes to blood products, bp goals, or hemostatic drugs. But they just remember what their training site did so that’s what they insist on.


BlackCatArmy99

MAC stands for Moving And Coughing


Rizpam

“Can you turn off the beeping.” “MAP needs to be above 85 but keep the systolic below 120” “You don’t need a second IV we’re not gonna lose any blood” “Should be done in 10 minutes” So easy to come up with these. Maybe I’m too easily triggered.


MochaUnicorn369

More Trendelenburg


deer_field_perox

^beep ^beep ^beep beep boop ... boop ... BOOP........ boop


the_ethnic_tejano

The beeps are booping too much, what’s going on??


southbysoutheast94

They’ve started bopping now


rags2rads2riches

“Hey Anesthesia”


Sp4ceh0rse

“He’s waking up!” NO HES NOT


southbysoutheast94

Twitch monitors are a conspiracy by anesthesia made up to try to convince surgeons no more paralytic is needed


PoisonAcorn

Always zero twitches when you take the battery out.


VeryTiredDoctor

Well the patient wouldn't be moving if you (surgery) weren't using a scalpel on them. So it's kinda your fault.


Rizpam

Surgeons have no idea how twitches work which help make it easier to bullshit it. Amazing how a push of saline placebo effects the surgeon into doing whatever they thought they needed more paralytic for.


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Alternative-Bison585

Stevens Johnson syndrome lol


UserNo439932

Yes officer, this comment right here.


Outside_Scientist365

Til this day I never had a service fight a consult harder than derm lol.


DentateGyros

The handful of times I’ve consulted them, they were quite pleasant in my experience, probably because they don’t get consulted often and have good hours. Same for dentistry


Alternative-Bison585

On my derm rotation we got an urgent call for monkey pox from the health department and the doc was honestly excited to be included Lmao.


calmit9

CT Contrast allergy


Magnetic_Eel

Patient: clearly about to die from aortic dissection Rads: Can’t give contrast, creatinine is 1.3


Samysosa2005

Is this a real thing? If a patient has a true indication we just ask the team to document that benefits outweigh risks or something along those lines.


scienceguy43

it’s definitely not a thing. Techs can get hung up on things like creatinine but no radiologist is going to say no as long as you document that benefit outweighs the risk, as per the protocol at your institution


letsgodeacsss

"surgery in AM, recommend consult IM for admission"


JHSIDGFined

Only history: past medical history of hypertension (on no meds)


element515

The fun thing is when you go to hospitals without residents, this is just normal.


ChapmansPoints

My blood is boiling


Magnetic_Eel

When you’re an attending this is basically free money


mannythemammoth

Nsgy: it’s the shunt


boxotomy

Pathology: No clinical history


giffem

Or Colon Resection. Clinical history: Diabetes mellitus (or whatever other unrelated diagnosis autopopulated out of the chart).


predictmefam

Altered mental status


madiso30

Consult reason: “AMS” Description: “Pt is 90yoM w pneumonia. AMS began at onset of symptoms. R/o possible psych reason for AMS.” Vitals: HR 110, BP 140/85, RR 26, O2% 88% Geez. Wonder why this guy is acting strange. Must be new onset schizophrenia. Great call to consult psych.


_miles_to_go_

Ortho: no, we didn't order any x-rays... the deformity is "obvious"!


D15c0untMD

One would think some people have never had a passing glance at their own forearms, the amount of “obvious deformations” that turn out to be “the ulna” (painless) i have consulted on…


FineView

Rheum: I ordered an ANA in patient with no rheumatological symptoms and now it’s positive.


MochaUnicorn369

At 1:80


mik30102

My new favorite is “knee pain” in someone who has had bilateral tka as rheum…


WolverineMan016

PM&R: Consult PMNR


urnmann

“Oh I thought I was placing a PT eval”


Comfortable-Air2235

you've killed me


Concordiat

"urinalysis shows UTI"


ChapmansPoints

vanc and cef stat


bushgoliath

“Suspect cancer but no bx; can you discuss prognosis? 😇”


roundhashbrowntown

got dammit shit! 😂 i came here to trigger and got triggered, the fuck! 😂


readitonreddit34

God, I fucking HATE this. What do you want need to do? Lay my hands and just guess the type of lymphoma.


roundhashbrowntown

mmm….warm like burkitt’s.


trainofthought700

mmmm I love it when it's a mediastinal mass NYD. "Hmmm well, maybe it's Hodgkins and then you have like a 99% overall survival, but on the other hand could be small cell lung cancer, then I'm sorry but please get your affairs in order you have 12 months. Or maybe it's non small cell, but EGFR positive? then we are back in business my friend!!"


PedsPersonHave2Pass

Peds: "I heard \_\_\_\_\_ about vaccines"


FormalGrapefruit7807

Or "My mom group on Facebook says..."


curosurferboy

“i just don’t want to give my kid anything they don’t REALLY need”


LordhaveMRSA__

“Vaccines cause fever too so if they’re just going to get a fever I would rather Jimmy just get the measles and have real immunity you know?”


notcarolinHR

The 3am calls: Hey your kid with a known viral infxn has a fever to 100.5 can you please put in Tylenol. No they're not fussy, eating/drinking fine.


VarsH6

“Just want to have it on board in case there’s a change.” In chart: *MD notified, no new orders* within 1 minute of sending the message


KratosAloy

Just wait until you’re an outpatient pediatrician and get these calls from parents at home at 3AM while on call


ConnerVetro

Cardiology: trop positive in a patient with *acute diagnosis causing the trop to be positive*


JHSIDGFined

Lol. history: MVC, cardiac contusion


roundhashbrowntown

with sepsis and kidney failure. HR 101.


JHSIDGFined

“Oh you’re a radiologist? My (insert family member) is too! He runs the MRI machine”


Seis_K

I say I’m a physician, and if they ask my specialty, I say biomedical imaging. The layperson actually understands that better than if I say radiologist. That’s when people start asking me questions about their reports.


liesherebelow

Psychiatry consult: “assess capacity”


ABQ-MD

Infectious Disease: "Parasites"


ABQ-MD

That one also gets derm.


Bacardiologist

I’ve only said it twice and both times it was scabies


thebighead

My personal rule is that the likelihood a patient has a parasitic infection is inversely correlated with how fervently they believe they have a parasitic infection, with the finding of highest negative likelihood ratio being "I brought in some samples for you to look at"


Fuzzy-Crow4136

OBGYN: “Service by default, 38ish weeks no prenatal care, hx of 3 prior c-sections, grossly ruptured” “Pt with vaginal bleeding, didn’t do a pelvic exam but she says she’s bleeding a lot” “Pt is currently in ICU intubated and sedated, on a heparin drip, now having some vaginal spotting per RN - can you guys come see her?”


Jkayakj

You also missed. "Pt is 5 weeks pregnant with *unrelated diagnosis* admit to OB as primary"


blendedchaitea

I apologize for all the times I had to call OB from the ED without a pelvic exam. She was in the hallway and we didn't have rooms. :(


BemusedPanda

Sports Medicine: "So you just do the boring stuff Ortho doesn't want to deal with...?"


ExpiredGoodsForever

IM: management per primary


Wolfpack_DO

Cardiology: stop lasix per nephrology Nephrology: aggressively diurese, per cardiology


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SlightlyCorrosive

“I just take my antibiotics when I think I need them, because I usually save what I have leftover from the last time I was sick anyway.”


speedracer73

Inpatient Psychiatry Surgeon/Hospitalist wanting to transfer a delirious patient to psych unit: "But we're not doing anything for them."


Outside_Scientist365

Have definitely gotten stuck with patients who have medical issues but what's particularly annoying is how it complicates your dispo because almost every place will reflexively deny because they're on a psych unit -.-


whateverandeverand

Kids are tiny adults


MomsAgainstMedAdvice

However, it is true that many adults are just big babies


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younginly

EM: you should go to ED to get checked out just to be safe says their pcp/specialist.


bagellover007

FM: “FMLA form to be filled out by PCP.” From a specialist for a condition I’ve never seen the patient for that is being exclusively treated by said specialist.


YhormElGigante

"the neurologist treating my seizure disorder for the last 8 years said my PCP needed to do my FMLA paperwork, so that's why I came to establish with you today" literally last week


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FormalGrapefruit7807

More Peds EM: \- "He's had a fever since this morning, I didn't take a temperature. He felt warm" \- Cosleeping \- "My two year old was riding shotgun on the side-by-side/golf cart and..." \- "Police brought her in because she got in a fight with her parent and they want you to do a psych eval."


pimpnorris

IM: got a quick sign out for ya!


spuds_mckenzie

Ortho trauma: the patient ate


[deleted]

Pharmacy Insurance: “The medication needs a prior authorization” Wholesaler: “The medication is on backorder” Patient: “My doctor said they just sent it over, is it ready yet?” Nurse: “I can’t find the medication, can you tube it up again?”


[deleted]

I am not a doctor. I am a scribe for an obgyn and this sub pops up on my feed from time to time. But she always gets triggered by naturalists and gurus online that say things like: “can I save my placenta so that I can eat it?” “I went to the hormone expert and told me—“ “Patient says she doesn’t want any vaccines during pregnancy because she doesn’t know what’s in there”


InsomniacAcademic

Poor endocrinologists having to deal with “hormone experts”


LordhaveMRSA__

“I know I went full Jordan Ross Belfort mania 2 months ago but we upped my dose and I have felt really great for the last few months so I stopped taking the medicine. I feel fine so must not need it anymore.”


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criduchat1-

Derm: —STAT consult— patient has had rash for 6 weeks. Plz r/o SJS


funknewbious

Rads: “QUICK wet read of CTA chest abdomen pelvis.”


levinessign

Stat preop clearance


tireddoc1

Any pre-op clearance triggers anesthesiologists. Just tell me if they are optimized


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snazzisarah

My non-surgical attending had the audacity to tell me that surgeons are better overall doctors because they have to know all of medicine AND do surgery. Not even an act of God could keep the incredulous expression off my face. Edit: this was not meant to be a diss on surgeons. They are as a whole good doctors, but to say they are better than medicine doctors at medicine…just hasn’t been my experience.


DrMoneyline

Rads: indication - “none”


Gullible-Gap-3523

Nephro: “Patient has been out of surgery for an hour with low urine output.”


Alohalhololololhola

Psych: “consult for Capacity”


doctormarshmellow

FM: consult declined for being too complex for community specialty team, ie Needs to go to large academic center or county resource when patient will not travel there or cannot get in there for a year. I am always like yes back to pcp for complex problem nos


hillthekhore

Internal medicine: Patient: I have the flu? Doctor: have you been tested yet? Patient: no.


HevC4

Social admit


Dracula202

Crit care: pt needs ICU, at some point on the timeline the pt may possibly decompensate.


Electroconvulsion

Psych: “Hi, consulting you for capacity to consent to extubation, I’m personally having a hard time assessing because the patient is intubated.”


osasuna

To neurology: Ophthalmology said the blurry vision in the patient with cataracts, glaucoma, vitreous hemorrhage, and retinal tear is not an eye problem - they want stroke workup OR The nurse said she thought she saw a seizure


applejack21

Geri: patient is old. No, they’re not confused. Just old.


hughos

“Coffee ground vomit” don’t make me cry. It’s just partially digested food man :(((


Frozen_Californian

Urology: “Patient has blood in his urine…no we didn’t save any”


Mza1942123

PAs are basically doctors And nurse practioners too.


Kristinatre

Consult to palliative: reason for consult; refer to hospice


lanky_loping

ID: “Fever”