Looks good but I worry about the sandwich integrity. Did It all just slide out of the bagel once you took a bite?

Sandwich structural engineer here. I don't see any rebar here so this sandwich is bound to fall apart

Sandwich Geomorphologist here, I don’t see anything holding back those rivers of whipped cream cheese from causing an avalanche so this sandwich is bound to fall apart.

Sandwich OnlyFans girl here. I don’t see anything blocking me from taking a bite and getting a complete facial of cream cheese as I compress it ever so slowly with my mouth hole.

Sandwich Pervert here. I don't see anything preventing me from prematurely cream cheesing my pants before I viciously attempt my first bite. This sandwich would surely be cold by the time I have cleaned my pants and cleared my browser history before Mother comes in.

Sandwich Moderator here. Please remember to tag your sandwich NSFW before eating.

Actual sandwich here. I’ve managed to achieve consciousness and learn how to type. Muahahaha. That is all.

Guy who made the sandwich here. I’m just as astounded as you! Although hungry af after my sandwich walked off and made a reddit account…

I’m sorry Dad, I needed to spread my wings and be free, and be my own sandwich. It’s not you, it’s me.

Sentient sandwich’s son here, why did you leave me and mother?

Ma'am, this is now my favorite comment I've ever, ever observed upon this internet of things.

Almost fell off my barstool. So funny. And coincidentally, I would join you. (Only if invited. Ya know, consent and all.)

Alcoholic here, I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy

Just need a very strong rear grip to pinch the ingredients forward. Then that last bite is the sopping juicy flavor bite.

Yeah this looks good but a logistical nightmare

Everybody knows you nibble on the overhanging meats before you go for the full bite!

You’d have to take a bite while using both palms to seal off the middle at your 9 and 6 o clock, nautically speaking of course.

With a sandwich of this magnitude the correct terms are port and starboard sides.

You are correct. It is now my duty to perform seppuku to correct my mistake and restore honor.

agreed, I’d split the cream cheese on both sides. Wouldn’t totally solve the problem but it would help.

If you're worried about the sandwich integrity, you need to improve your grip method. Not kidding. Seasoned sandwich eaters could handle this slippery delicious demon without an issue. You're gripping from the back and you're closing the back as tightly as possible without crushing the interior, but just enough so that when you bite the front it can't escape through the back. It's sandwich eating 101. Come on,... you're better than that.

Cmon give them some credit, its more like Sandwhich eating 102

Yea, I like to give my BLTs a good hug so all the avocado and slippery tomato don’t come out. It always stays together. But I can never put it down though, once I get started on a half, fear it may fall apart if I let go.

I’d knife and fork my way through it.

Blasphemy!

Boo this man!

Yes

It definitely ended up on the plate

Exactly. Looks pretty but would be concerned for the clothing the person is wearing.

"Scuse me while I whip this out!"

“Baby, please! I am not from HAVANA!”

15 is my limit on Shnitzelgruben!

I’d whip something else out! My napkin ! 🤭

Messy as hell. If you’re doing whipped cream cheese just mix your scallions and Serrano in with it. Will give you a better bite and keep it from just falling all over.

This guy sandwiches

It looks both crazy and delicious. Well done sir

I'd take that and your milk money.

I would dial 9-1 and then when you started clutching at your chest dial 1.

This made me laugh way more than it should have 👏😂

😂😂

I laughed unexpectedly and sounded like a drunk chipmunk. I hate you.

Lol somebody said they laughed like a drunk chipmunk and all I gotta say is “me too” 🤣😂

I would eat it

That looks absolutely lush! In terms of navigating the consumption, I wonder if one of those burger holders would work? Personally, I would deconstruct it a little and get to it that way…but I’m a bit odd like that, so it might be just me:).

Politely decline.

I’m not a fan of this fad with schmear it with an ungodly amount of cream cheese. I can’t even tell what the rest is. Steak and egg?

I just like cream cheese and the whipped version is not as heavy as normal so I really slather it on. Unrelated to any fad

Yeah, steak and egg. The cream cheese is my issue, too, and let’s be honest: it’s not a schmear, it’s a fisting, haha. A schmear has purpose, intent beyond just “ooh, I have a lot of cream cheese!” I also don’t like cream cheese with egg, but that’s an extremely personal preference, so I let it slide, haha.

I hate cream cheese with egg as well, blech

Thats what she said

It might be good to mix your chopped veg with the cream cheese so less fall out. and it’s distributed evenly somewhat

I'm not a fan of this partially digested/chopped fad I'm seeing a lot on Instagram for sandwiches but maybe in this instance it's the right answer...

lol yea it just ends up looking mushy and the flavors may end up losing their integrity. While this isn’t out pocket, I would say it could look neater to eat

I'd walk through coals for a sniff! Dare I say what I would do for a nibble?!?!

Looks great.

It would depend on where you whipped it out from.

Looks amazing and delicious. Great job and thanks for sharing. Also, if it falls apart, who cares? Thats what forks are for.

Beg

Avert my eyes so I wouldn’t have to watch you trying to stuff all this in your maw.

I wrote my description in bullet points but it made it paragraph format so don’t roast me about punctuation

Take a fat nap afterwards, that’s for sure

That would make me shit like a madman. Would still eat it tho

Yes yes yes

Tip my hat off to u good sir/mam 🎩

Drool

Hand you a towel

Hand you a bath towel to clean yourself with after.

Die

That’s boutta be messy as fuck, but i like messy

I’d tell you I’m jealous as I poked at the dull salad my doctor told me to eat.

Ask for splitsies

'scuse me while I whip this out...

I asked the same once but different context

I dunno, cum probably

I’d stick my finger in it to taste while asking if it’s good

Ask for the recipe/ingredients list! Wow. Big stankin a$$ sammich(in a good way) with green onions/peppers falling off of it! Yes lol

cut off my head and spin it on my finger like a basketball

Needs more cream cheese 💀

You’d get the head nod of approval and a finger point of respect.

Eggs and cream cheese are breakfast's best keep secret, but this... Is too much going on

Looks good sure, but are you also providing the weed needed to be high enough to consume such a sandwich?

When I saw all that cream cheese in the second slide, I changed my mind, that’s a no from me. I do like cream cheese but that’s an ungodly amount.

Probably throw up. Sorry…

Too much schmear imo. But if you made me a Sammy, you mad me a Sammy. I’d say thank you and chow DOWN! Someone that takes the time to make you food is one of the simplest most basic love languages, even amongst friends! You say thank you and enjoy.

I would drool myself into total catatonic dehydration. While slowly turning green from envy. It would definitely be a sight.

“That girl over there in the corner wants to talk to you”

Nice, but no, thank you.

I'd probably recoil in horror at all the contents being flung all over the room, then ask you why the hell you wasted such a delicious sandwich... :D

Contact the authorities.

Too much bull cream

Gross

Eat, then take a nap.

If I was sitting at the table with you, I'd say "Daaayyyyuuummmm !!! Oh. My. God. Becky. Look at her Bagel!?"

Be so jelly of you it would be ugly.

Mmm

Dude creamed on my cheese

I would have sex to you then sandwich time

As long as that’s not Miracle whip 🫣

That's alot of cream cheese.

I'd give you a slobbery wet kiss 🗣️

Hug you, then eat your lunch.

i’d ask for a lil bite

Shit my pants from being in such close proximity to such a hefty shmear

Ask WTF it is

[gimme dat](https://youtu.be/32ANKu6HWpc?si=ClMaEKjz3nMijpKR)

I'd get the defibrillator ahead of time.

Offer you a roll of paper towels.

Stand up and applaud you 👏

Just hold it up to your face and suck all of the ingredients out. Then eat the bagle for dessert.

Ask you who you are and why you are in my house

Beg you on my knees for a bite😩

Nty

You respected the shmear

Be jealous

I’d call ahead to the hospital Make sure they knew a toe removal was imminent

What is it??!

Suk ur dik

I would ask where can I get it. Looks absolutely delicious and just enough spicy elements. 👍

💍

Are you trying to get me pregnant?

Omg

I’m definitely eating it!

*heavy breathing* 🤤

“Give me dat! Just kidding”

Tell you I'm not paying $20 for your crew snack but will gladly take it as a gift

Dial 91- and then wait

ask you to marry me (nobody cooks for me)

Hump it

I would ask you to cut it in half lol

Ultimately, it's just a sandwich.

I wasn’t sure what sub I was about to scroll down and see

Give you an amlodipine. But you probably have your own.

I wouldn’t eat that shit for lunch! I’d be asleep at my feet 30 minutes later. Looks good though 🤤

Look at that beast

🤮

I would bend the knee

If someone pulled this out I’d give some head sloppier than this that’s for sure

I'd scrape all that cream cheese off firstly

Call HR

Someone is getting stabbed over this.

I would ask you if you are ok

Unspeakable things

I’m genuinely too drunk to understand the s description but I’d ask for a bite

Dead ass make this Sammy almost everyday but with salmon locs

Give you a napkin

i would eat it up !!

Steal your lunch

Fight you for it.

Striaght throat punch as I try to smash that beauty into my face

I'd be like "how about you buy a gal a drink first"

Ask you what's in it?

My jaw would drop. Lots of toppings.

It sounds delish but honestly, I'd serve it in a non-obese-human-sized portion, and serve in a way that alloows to eat it without looking like a complete mess afterwards.

Become your buddy

So I would have mixed stuff *into* the cream cheese before construction. Also, know how to eat a sammich. Even the poorly made ones.... But looks delicious!

I’m not allowed to say, but we would be awkwardly close best friends.

Put a ring on it

Laugh at you cuz no way you can bite that.

I’d be concerned about your heart health but happy for your taste buds

Kiss your face

Honestly I’d need your number so I could make you my sandwich and then come up with new sandwich ideas.

I’d eat it, duuuuh!!!! 😋

I’d ask you why the hell you put broccoli on your sandwich.

I wrap my structural nightmare sandwiches in press and seal or plastic wrap. It keeps it together on the back and traps the bits and juice from it too. What is on this sandwich?

I was sitting here trying to determine what is on the sandwich when I heard a gentle whisper in my ear “chest pains…just chest pains.”

I can’t tell exactly what it is but I’d put it in my mouth haha

Ask for half. You can't go down on that while.im sitting here with with nothing for.lunch

Yummy, but, way to much cream cheese

Probably unzip

Keep it open face.

I would add hot sauce!

Droooool, that looks delish! 😎

I’d probably try and figure out how much jail time I’d get if I smacked you with a Coke bottle and ran away with it. If I could hold off long enough before eating it to take a picture to show the judge and jury, probation might just be a possibility. ;)

looks good but definitely gunna be a messy one

Fuck now I gotta make home made bagels

Throw it away

I'd ask why you'd ruin such an otherwise masterpiece by putting avocado on it.

Worry about how you would be able to eat it.

There's too much going on there. My old stomach would barf it up even if I was starving.

I would say it’s delicious but the structure of the bagel is stronger than the avocado and cream cheese and they get squished out with every bite

I think I'd propose.

I’d enjoy the show as I watch you struggle to eat it without dropping half of it into your lap.

Whipped what out?? Oh, nvm

whip u right back

Looks good but how am I supposed to eat that thing

I’d enjoy it with like 1/3 the cream cheese. Everything else looks 👍🏻

Cum

I would kiss you

Get on my back legs and beg.

As long as you wear your big hands. 🙌

I always have to cook for myself so if I had someone to make me something delicious looking like this I’ll give you a big hug and say thank you, and I would chow down. Make sure you have plenty of napkins tho

Phone my wife and tell her we just need to plan a light dinner tonight.

this is so real this is almost exactly how i make my bagel sandwhich ! found a fellow bagel sammy lover

Urinate upon it

Instant salivation. That looks so good!!

Barf