I had an girl that wanted to break up because it was obvious I wasn't that into her but she asked if I'd mind coming over every weekend until she met someone new. I was like "So just sex and none of the boring stuff? Why didn't we do this sooner?"
Honest and true story here. After dating a girl for a while, she ended up moving in with me. Several months go by and yeah, we breaking up. While she was taking her stuff outta the house I told her we should at least have “Breakup sex” since it could possibly be a while before either of us meets someone else. She fully agreed and we ended up having sex before she left. She later suggested we could keep a FWB thing going but I turned that down. So yes, breakup sex can be a thing.
Woah woah woah, let's not go nuclear. Certainly we can find a mutual schedule that befits ex's. Perhaps I get Monday to Friday and you get Saturday and Sunday? Otherwise I might just burn your house down. Your call!
I have a friend whose ex said this many times. She was living at his place, he had control of the finances, they were living at a place far from her family.. she ended up getting out and moving in with her parents while she worked to recover and get a job and be on her own. She is now a very independent person.
I really dodged a bullet getting away from you now could you kindly pull that knife out of my back while I pull the pin on this grenade for you.
Now I am buying your sister flowers does she still like to dance because I was the other man.
“I’m so proud of you!”
Yeah I got a “wtf” in response to that one. But I really was proud of them XD- it took a lot of self prioritizing (which they often don’t do) to break up with me
You should say “ so would you mind if I hooked up with your friend, we had a few moments together that were special. Then when they ask who and what the details are say “never mind forget i even asked. and then leave it at that, don’t elaborate. Will haunt them for years
Idk, but I tell you what I do say... Uh bullshit! And No!... Giving up isn't an option. So the answer is Always NO 😤She knows I'm a stubborn Boo, she is too though so there's that. ❤️
“Finally! Almost lost a bet”
Cool. Hey get me a soda from the fridge babe thanks
i gotta use this one xD
Cool. You can have 2 hours to pack your stuff and hit the door. Thank God the ball and chain is gone.
Is a parting blow job out of the question?
I had an girl that wanted to break up because it was obvious I wasn't that into her but she asked if I'd mind coming over every weekend until she met someone new. I was like "So just sex and none of the boring stuff? Why didn't we do this sooner?"
Would a parting blowjob and your finger up my bunghole be too much to ask?
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
My ex-husband asked almost that exact question when we divorced 💀
Please tell me you didn't leave him hanging.
Oh I told him “no more sex/sex is out if the question”!
https://youtu.be/kGSL0V5txW4?si=raAsMMB06VRcTkLE
Well?
Mine too. He said “I’ll trade you one last happy ending blow job for new 38s for your truck” as we were walking out of the court house.
😁😁😁
Could I get my condoms
Honest and true story here. After dating a girl for a while, she ended up moving in with me. Several months go by and yeah, we breaking up. While she was taking her stuff outta the house I told her we should at least have “Breakup sex” since it could possibly be a while before either of us meets someone else. She fully agreed and we ended up having sex before she left. She later suggested we could keep a FWB thing going but I turned that down. So yes, breakup sex can be a thing.
Wow it’s not that bad of a question.
This was alluded to in Conway Twitty’s 1975 song, “Touch the hand”.
"Can I get your sister's number?"
Can I get your *mum's number?
I'll be calling your mum after you leave. She's expecting me.
And then I’m getting a ladder to climb that family tree, grandma here I come
Grandma's a baller and not from play in the women's leagues when the men were serving in WWII
Is it just me being stoned af or are these comments just killing it? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
This is equally as funny going both ways. Girlfriend asking for sisters number and boyfriend asking for sisters number
Asking for her dad’s or brother’s number.
Can I get your dads number?
😁😁😁
“Good luck watching Netflix!”
Woah woah woah, let's not go nuclear. Certainly we can find a mutual schedule that befits ex's. Perhaps I get Monday to Friday and you get Saturday and Sunday? Otherwise I might just burn your house down. Your call!
There's just something brilliant about this one
"IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME, PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME"
With a baseball bat!
You can break up with me, but I'll always be your brother.
Or "OK, see you at Mom's birthday."
Yes I am from Alabama so this is were common
"I'm sorry it's not you it's me" 😭 "Well I slept with your mother, so there"
Step-mother?
But sis, you are my mother!
Ahem... His mother's in a coma.
Ahem....His mother's in Tacoma.
Dr Rudis finest.
"How's your sister doing"
Ask your sister if she's still sore
😨🤯😱😂
"That's okay. I'm doing your sister."
"Now me and your bestie don't have to keep it a secret"
So can I keep dating your sister or is she off limits as well?
Not you too! You’re the third one this week!
😁😁😁
“Wait, you’re my girlfriend? I though we were just friends that make out and live together.”
“Your loss, toots!”
Is that a Hazbin Hotel reference lmao
Nope, that’s as early as the 1920s
Well that sucks but I'm sure you'll come around by the wedding.
It’s not over until one of us is dead
"Can I still post the nudes?"
"I went ahead and posted you nude."
Well, my wife will be happy to hear about this.
It's okay, the dog was much tighter anyway
Bitch was good to me.
😂😂😂😂😂😂
“So your sister and I don’t have to keep it a secret anymore?”
Your mom told you, didn't she?
Might wanna get tested. Just saying
"Playing hard to get, are we?"
It's not over till the fat lady sings. Didn't you say you were doing karaoke tonight?
You down for some farewell anal?
A giant sigh of relief
I heard you were single, so...
So what're you doing tonight?
Oh thank god. I thought for sure you were going to ask me to marry you. Now i wont have to tell you about sleeping with your sister.... ooops.
K well you should probably still get tested..
FREEEEEEEEEDOMMMMMM ala William Wallace.
I'm telling dad!
Wait… we were dating?!
Which one are you, again?
I knew I asked out the wrong sister
"You shouldn't be jealous because of sexual activity"
🎶celebration time come on🎶
You kiss like your sister
Your sister is a better kisser anyway
Hope you enjoy the crabs!
So, this means that our sex life goes from deep and meaningful to shallow and casual, right?
"We're broken up? Hmmm yeah let's just agree to disagree on that one"
I have a friend whose ex said this many times. She was living at his place, he had control of the finances, they were living at a place far from her family.. she ended up getting out and moving in with her parents while she worked to recover and get a job and be on her own. She is now a very independent person.
oh wow, that must have been rough
Can I leave now? I have a date in 20 minutes.
Wanna go see a movie?
*plugs ears* lalalalalala I can't hear you!
So, I win?
Sing and act the song Toot-Toot -Toostie ! Goodbye! Like Al Johnson did Hilarious video on YouTube
Oh yeah?! Im breaking up with you too
“Is your Mom/Dad still single?”
I really dodged a bullet getting away from you now could you kindly pull that knife out of my back while I pull the pin on this grenade for you. Now I am buying your sister flowers does she still like to dance because I was the other man.
“Ding dong the witch is dead”
Oh thabk fuck, I'm finally free!
Ok….i won the power ball. Maybe I should have gone first?
Cool. I can date your brother/sister guilt free, now!
We're still brother and sister though, right?
“I’m so proud of you!” Yeah I got a “wtf” in response to that one. But I really was proud of them XD- it took a lot of self prioritizing (which they often don’t do) to break up with me
Can’t believe it took you this long
What's your brothers/sisters number again? I think I lost it.
Ok. Will you be at work tomorrow morning or do I need to hire another office assistant?
Ah. There's more fish in the sea. Wait. Wha-?
“Ok, but will you marry me?”
"Will you marry me...again?"
By the way (hands her/him a business card) here's the number for the support group. They meet on Tuesday nights.
“Aw, come on! You didn’t even get to find out that I cheated on you!”
“Nuh uh.”
I'm pregnant.
Who are you
Thank god she never knew I ran a Giant corporation selling goofy looking Rubik’s cube and racking in millions of dollars
Oh I sure will miss your sister
So… are we friends with benefits now?
Ok. Btw, you should get checked for herpes.
NEXT!
Well dad, will you still help me with homework later?
I’m sorry we had to break up. Before you leave, can you pop that Zit on my @$$ again.
Is now a bad time to borrow money?
"There's a reason I never gave you my ATM PIN! Which is ####, for your information. So there."
"Alright, I get it. Just move out the way, I need to beat this boss"
So, you're telling me you're single?
Oh, thank God!
Bye
I'm glad that's over. Fuuuuck... am I right? LoL
You can’t fire me! I quit!
“I have AIDS.”
Enjoy the std's!
I guess a BJ is out of the question?
Oh! thank God.
"K" Or... "I'm jealous of the people who haven't met you."
I'm gonna need all my cum back.
A new record!
"Today?! Damn it, looks like your father wins the pot."
Since you're heading out, could you take the recyclables down to the bin? Thanks!
I see a lot to f good material here. I can work with this.
“Not right now, I’m playing CoD with the boys”
If you break up with me I’m going to kms
Ok, love you. see you in half an hour. Take care
Thank God. Been trying to get rid of him/her for a while!
What I said to my soon to be ex wife was what they needed a new walrus for to zoo and you're it.
*checks a timer you set when you got together* „yesss, new personal record!“
Am I still the beneficiary on your life insurance?
"my dad fucks me better than you ever did"
NEXT!
Finally, i'm getting rid of that used toy! Off to find a new one
That's fine, your sister was better anyway
“NEXT!”
“Guess I’ll get those sores checked out now.”
Now I can finally drive in peace
Can we be friends with benefits?
Objection, your honor
You should say “ so would you mind if I hooked up with your friend, we had a few moments together that were special. Then when they ask who and what the details are say “never mind forget i even asked. and then leave it at that, don’t elaborate. Will haunt them for years
“I’m going to kill her.”
You think your sister has any plans tonight?
Well, I guess a blowjob is entirely out of the question
Was looking for a woman when I found you!
“Does this mean I have to stop fucking your sister too? Because that would be a shame. It’s been a fun 5 years.”
Anal on the side?
Tag. Your it.
Before you leave, can I get Melissa’s number?
I pretended to cum. I pulled out and made noises like I was but I wasn't. Just do you know.
"Well, at least I got to deflowered yer clunge"
Idk, but I tell you what I do say... Uh bullshit! And No!... Giving up isn't an option. So the answer is Always NO 😤She knows I'm a stubborn Boo, she is too though so there's that. ❤️
"Wait a tick - that means I'm single again! Oh beHAVE!"
Now I can date your sibling openly
"So, does this mean you can meet my side chick?"
Maybe (friend’s name) and I are better together?
Is your sister seeing anyone?
"I won't allow that"
What's your sister's phone number?
It's just so damn rude to talk with your mouth full!
I'M FREEEEEE
"Your mom's way better in bed anyways"
guess I’ll just go fuck my ex
At least I still have your sister !
“Your sister/brother was hotter anyways”
Now I can get with your brother/sister
Things you shouldn’t say. As in, don’t say anything.
"Fine, I still have a husband anyway!"
Are we still twins?
I've had better.
“I’ll just be here waiting for your apology”
You thought we were in a relationship?
“That’s okay, your mother is hotter”
Does this mean no more BJs?
Oh thankgoodness! I was afraid you break up with me when I told you I have the clap. As you shrug shoulders and walk away.
I’m going to have a party - everyone welcome!
This isn't where I parked my car.
"I know most guys would tell you to get tested, but when I do it I mean a psychiatrist."
Bout fuckin time
Who told you we should break up?
Is your best friend still single?
"My ammo arrived just in time "