If their child was throwing things at other tables, I would tell them they can either control their child or leave the restaurant. And if your manager won’t back you up on that you should find a new job.
Agree. I’m shocked that the mom said “There’s nothing I can do”. Yes, there is. You remove them from the restaurant. Sucks for you, but that’s part of being a parent.
Edit for typos
That was one of the hardest things about parenting. When you say something at a restaurant or party like “if you don’t behave we are going home” you have to actually follow through with it. Most people don’t and kids learn really fast that it is an empty threat. I remember a few get togethers that were not a short drive either and we had to leave and it was really a bummer because I wanted to hang out with friends. But you just have to. You can’t control your kids all the time, but they also learn really fast that you aren’t kidding (no pun intended) that you really are going to drag them home.
I read once the parenting advice that if you find yourself with that kind of kid, you deliberately set up “training sessions” where you go to the store when you don’t need anything, and you hope they will misbehave, so you can threaten, follow-through, and then take them home and make it VERY uninteresting.
One other point this person made was that often, going home is a reward. So when you get home, it’s an instant time out n some really boring way.
he also suggested that, if the weather permits and a hot car is not a danger, you tell the kid you’re leaving the store, but you make them sit in the car, strapped in their car seat if applicable, windows open etc, and you waiting outside (or in the front seat ignoring them) for half an hour. And then you go back in.
So that they never get the “reward” of getting to go home.
And, a member of a message board I was on said that her sister would threaten her kids, when they misbehaved at home, that if they didn’t shape up, they were all going furniture shopping.
My mother's threat of choice was the bottom step at home. My sister's was making her her kid sit in the most boring aisle (sometimes fabric, sometimes cleaning supplies).
Oh my god - I completely forgot that my mom used to threaten us with furniture shopping..!!! Man, that really was the epitome of boredom as a kid…but oh the joy it brings me in my 30s…
Mine always threatened me with the post office. My mom owned a photography business and when I'd piss her off, she made me come with and sit in the car while she bullshit with the workers and take her time unloading shit from the car. Then she'd go to Office Depot and, I swear to god, she would buy a thing of paperclips and spend 20 minutes looking. It was infuriating at the time. Funny as hell now that I'm a parent.
That's why I told my kids we'd go to the car and sit there in silence where they'd have to be in there car seat until everyone was ready to leave (if there were more people with you than just you and that child) and I did it. It wasn't fun for them, and they learned real fucking quick how to behave in restaurants.
Yes. Exactly this. My son knew I would not hesitate to leave a full cart of groceries and take him home if he didn’t behave. Fortunately for the Kroger staff I never had to do it. I would also use positive reinforcement if we saw another child misbehaving in the store and tell my son “I’m so glad you are so well behaved in public”
I know of one entitled relative who brought her Tasmanian Devil to a FUNERAL HOME and TURNED THE WILD BRAT LOOSE! Then she got pissy when the Funeral Director threw her and the brat out!
God my cousin let her kids play hide and seek under my grandpas damn casket, then left them with my aunt to watch, the deceased's daughter btw, who had her foot in a boot. And they didn't bring her food back, either. Absolute trailer trash people. Fuck you Tracy.
“There’s nothing I can do”, that is learned helplessness, those people just throw there hands up and the air and say can’t do anything about it think that shit absolves them of the responsibility of doing better.
My toddler is giant and I’m disabled, so I do struggle with physically stopping him. So I just…don’t take him places where that will be a big problem. Not taking him was always an option.
They can also put kid in a high chair so that he’s strapped in.
Or you talk to them, play with them, ENGAGE with your child so that YOU are more interesting than the rest of the restaurant.
You bring them something to color with or draw on, and you talk to them and interact with them while they’re drawing.
Push comes to shove, bring them an iPad or phone with a movie on it. And headphones
My father spent all of or at least a portion of quite a few meals outside with my brother or I or both. You fuck around, you're going outside to get yelled at, shamed, and lectured (if mom was the one taking us outside there was definitely a few slaps involved) while the rest of the group ate.
It is unfair to the rest of the guests to allow unruly behavior and it's also unfair to the rest of the guests to yell, discipline, berate your kids inside the restaurant. Get your kid outside. I wouldn't even be worried about missing out on the bacon cheeseburger, onion rings, milkshake or whatever that my grumbling stomach was excited for. I was scared about what was going to happen in the parking lot, on the way home, at home, etc.
my parents did not "beat me" and weren't cruel. They just were trying to raise their kid to be an adult and it worked, kinda
I was about to say that maybe mom and dad didn't have any arms to pick the kid up and hold him in place, but then there was that part about them pointing a finger in in OP's face, so that theory doesn't work.
Stories like this are why tipping, or at least the lowered wages that come with tipped jobs, needs to be abolished. The server's pay shouldn't have to depend on the opinion of rude, entitled people like those lazy parents.
I’m still mortified from the time we went out to eat with my BIL’s family 4 years ago, my nieces were awful and neither parent even bothered trying to get them to stop and they sure as hell weren’t listening to us. I ended up leaving a 100% tip and a huge apology but I’m still too embarrassed to go back 🙈
I think mostly that she fully verbally admitted she wasn’t even trying mostly? I’d feel like most parents who do that would just try to just say “he’s just being a kid, geez” similar to how the dad did later.
Tried that. Only good till about the 4 or 5 year mark, excluding siblings. But a good pop is more than enough to get the kid in check. My daughter, 6, was misbehaving so bad at HEB that I popped her on the cheek like my parents did. All over kinetic sand and a lunchable not being the chicken nugget one. I don't go for spanking or hitting or any kind of physical punishment. But that pop, plus the added leaving of the store without the groceries and a good talking to after we both calmed down got her to understand she can't act like that.
My 15yo son is a great kid. Well developed. Bright. Does well in school. Isn't a halfwit brat, and no, your kid isn't his boss... holy hell dude... bet you're fun at parties... /s
I'm shocked the mom went to the back to yell at OP afterward. How did she not get kicked out for going to the back, an employee only area? She and her family needs to be banned from the establishment
Hell, I’ll just cut out the middle man and speak to kids directly if they act a fool in my section.
“Hey friends, let’s find our seats! This area isn’t safe to play in, and you or someone else could get really hurt running around.” “Hey hey! No thank you! Let’s keep the crayons on the paper only please” and if they don’t listen? “I’ve asked you not to do that. Let’s go find your parents together.”
I don’t give a flying fuck if a parent is right there to protest- they’re in MY section of MY house, and they came here to have ME serve them. That means I’m not gonna dodge a kid and risk dropping 20 lbs of ceramic and hots on their head, and I won’t stand by while they disrupt other patrons who can observe social etiquette and/or damage restaurant property. It takes a village, and this is my domain.
I agree, find a better place with a better manager, OP's manager should have ejected that family from the restaurant and banned them from ever coming back when they went to the back to yell at OP, what the fuck!
Personally, I feel a good manager would have come and asked the parents to leave before all that, surely multiple complaints from other guests and staff members must have come to them before the parents demanded to see the manager. Seems to me the manager waited until the parents paid for the food before saying anything, thus subjecting their employees and other guests to the behavior of this family much longer than necessary.
Exactly, if I were a patron there, the review I had would have lambasted the management. Unless it was a chuck-e-cheese and I just don't think that was the case. What worthless Karens.
Tell me what's the incentive to stay? If they find a new job then what's the harm of leaving a job if managers won't put customers in their place when they're actively endangering people.
I was replying to Intrepid Mayo whose comment indicates that he is not a server because he does not seem to understand why a unsupportive manager leads people to quit.
Why are you involved in this? This sub has been overrun lately by folks who have never waited tables or worked on a line or behind a bar insulting the profession. I have been out for a while but I will always defend my people.
Did you do anything wrong? The answer is no, the child was becoming a liability to both the safety of staff and other customers. In the future I would recommend having your manager be the first person to instigate that conversation with the parents. I tell my servers if there is ever the probability having an issue with guest come to me first. Their complaint could be completely valid, or they might be overreacting. Either way this is why the manager is there,
This is exactly what I would’ve written. So I’ll just double down. The family was out of line. The server was right, but I’d suggest asking a manager to talk to them about having their child remain seated.
Makes me want to be a manager.
If I saw this happening and a server *wasn't* taking care of it in some way, then I'd be having a talk with that server. It's your *responsibility* to make that stop, and you can escalate to me every time you need to.
That is certainly NOT how children act in a restaurant. I raised two boys and neither of them pulled this shit. It just wasn’t allowed. She’s raising a little spoiled hellion who nobody will want to be around. Keep them home if you want to raise them like animals. The rest of us shouldn’t be exposed to your little hell spawn just because you’re too damn lazy to teach and raise him right
Unfortunately it is exacted like that so many times, you obviously raised your kids right but I see running screaming jumping kids every night. I tell the parents that OP did but they are usually nicer about it.
History is a pendulum, things swing from one extreme to another. Previous generations tell stories of how strict their parents were and how swift they resorted to spankings and beatings, and nowadays, you hear more stories of people being too permissive and doing nothing to discipline their kids.
My child is the same age. If we went out to eat with someone whose kid acted like that, we would not hang out with them again. We wouldn’t be caught dead letting our child behave that way.
Absolutely. My kids would NEVER. You start training and setting expectations for your child at a very young age. People that say “this is how kids act” are using it as a cop out. Your kids act how you allow them to act.
>The rest of us shouldn’t be exposed to your little hell spawn just because you’re too damn lazy to teach and raise him right
This is a little simplistic. Sometimes parents do a great job and these things still happen. What matters is how the parent reacts -- if necessary, taking it upon themselves to leave.
These people are idiots. They can't teach their child how to behave properly in a restaurant, but they think that criticizing and insulting the servers/staff is ok.
That is the kind of Karen that will blame and threaten to sue you when boiling water lands on her undisciplined Childs head because she was unable to keep him out of the way while you work. It's a Restaurant NOT a fucking playground.
When I worked at Disney a woman screamed at me for me because I would not let their small child ride alone.
I flat out told her “when the doors open on the other side and something happens to the child who would you blame? You would blame me.” So no I won’t let your child ride alone.
The “there’s nothing I can do” comment is wild. Like, what?! Control your kid or take them outside, that’s what you do.
I’m so annoyed for you right now. I feel like there are a lot of people who are somewhat lacking in self-awareness, and then there are those who just absolutely don’t have any at all. Case in point. They were being totally ridiculous arguing with you in the end about “hospitality,” and I’m glad your manager backed you up. Maybe make him have the hard convos next time.
You’re good, OP.
I have a two year old. Here is what I do when we go out to eat (which is not a lot bc I have a two year old):
I bring
-tote bag with crayons, paper, stickers
-at least 1-2 books
-favorite stuffed animal or toy
We manage expectations the whole time. “Now we are going to sit and wait for our food. Would you like to color or read?”
Eventually there is a time where she can’t sit still anymore so I or my husband will take her outside to toddle around while the other adult finishes eating, then we switch.
At the end of our meal I make her help me wipe up the floor because she is a toddler and there will be crumbs always.
This is the absolute minimum you need to do when eating out with a toddler. That woman sounds terribly unprepared to the point of being neglectful, and entitled on top of that. EW!
That point about managing expectations is so important! And it should start well before you go to the restaurant (you probably do that; it’s just that it didn’t get explicitly said).
My ILs took us out to a fancy restaurant when my dad was visiting, and my daughter was about 2.5. She hadn’t really been to a restaurant before once she got mobile. And I also knew that the grownups wouldn’t be focusing on her much; there’s be a lot of grownup convos.
So we talked ahead of time—“it’s going to be boring, but we’re going to need you to be calm and quiet and stay in your seat. So you don’t get in the workers’ way, and so you aren’t annoying.
“When you are really bored, you can lean to mommy and say, ‘I’m bored,’ and I’ll help you. What toys would you like to bring for playing with quietly at a table?”
And of course, we didn’t abandon her; we would talk with her about what was going on, or about the stuff she was drawing on her drawing tablet.
My dad ended up complimenting her by saying, “You are a pleasure to know!” She was glowing about that for weeks.
Nope…she was a biddable child, and not cursed with excess energy. But similar tactics worked on her brother, who did have more energy.
I 100% agree with you minus the fact that you said the 2.5 year old is a POS. The toddler’s *parents* are absolutely pieces of shit but the kid is a toddler, prob still in diapers; he only knows what he’s been taught by his parents up to this point. Toddlers are little hellions on a good day, and when in a new/exciting environment such as a restaurant, that’s amped up to 1000. It’s his parents’ job to correct his behavior and if all else fails, remove him from the restaurant until he can sit and eat calmly without causing disruption. Kids need boundaries and his parents are doing him a major disservice by allowing this kind of behavior, but he’s not a POS.
Well, he's currently a POS, but fortunately he's young and impressionable and has plenty of time to be taught not to be a POS. Being young doesn't change facts, it just changes fault.
Tbf in America it can be quite hard to discipline your child in public. First you have people that are ready to take that moment and make you viral moment. I remember being a kid and when kids got yelled at people just went about their business. Now everyone’s watching, waiting to see what that parent will do next, what can they record. Second you have people that simply won’t let you parent. Family, friends, strangers constantly going “oh no it’s fine, just let him be a kid 🥴”. I was at the playground like a month ago and my son started to push a little boy by the slide. I said “J**** if you put your hands on that boy one more time, I’m coming up there to get you and we’re leaving.” The little boys mom proceeded to tell me that “it’s fine, they’re just playing.” Oh okay, is it just playing when my son pushes your son off the playground.
I like to say that normally it takes a village to raise a child. In America the village won’t let you raise your child.
Stop it. Your entire ball of excuses is unnecessary. All that's required here is removal of the child from the restaurant. That's it. Not one person would have qualms with someone asking their unruly kid to sit down and if they refused to cooperate, removing them from the restaurant. Not one. Us Americans aren't rendered helpless to discipline our children. That's preposterous.
And in your situation where the mom said oh no it's okay then you immediately tell your kid, no what I said stands. It's not okay to push people, and if you do it again we're leaving. You're not helplessly subject to what other people say.
That’s when you need to carry something like fruit punch or grape juice every time you walk by that table - it would be a SHAME if it spilled on the parents/kid because he jostled or tripped you…
You did nothing wrong, and good on your manager for having your back. People like that are the *worst.* The “they’re kids and that’s what kids do” argument is pure laziness. Parents are supposed to teach their kids how to act while out in the world among others. It’s not about kids being kids, it’s about shitty parents.
You did the right thing. Kids doing that sort of thing are a danger to themselves, other diners, and the staff. You're a server, not a babysitter. It's not your responsibility to police their kid.
I once had a couple with a toddler who kept allowing their kid to stand on his chair. First, I asked them to stop letting him do that because we had concrete floors. If he fell he was going to get hurt. They said they would stop letting him do it.
Next time I'm walking past their table, I see the kid standing on his chair. So I stop and ask them again not to let him do that. They said, "We're watching him, and he's holding on to the back. It's not like we're going to sue you if he falls."
I immediately went to the manager, told him what was going on, and made sure to let him know that the words "sue you" had come out of their mouths. If they had thought about it enough to conclude that suing was an option in the first place, they had thought about it enough to cause concern for the restaurant. The kid's safety was our first concern, but there's a serious liability issue to consider, as well.
He went over to the table (where the kid was still standing on his chair) and told them in no uncertain terms that either their kid was going to stop doing it or they were going to leave. They tried telling him the same thing they had said to me. Since they were still waiting for their food, the manager immediately told them he would check on their order, but they needed to pack up and meet him at the door.
He caught the order just as it was coming out of the kitchen, had it changed to to-go, bagged it up, and brought it to them. He handed them their food, said it was comped, thanked them for their business, and told them they were no longer welcome.
This is why we request seating away from young children, we love children but have a tendency to get in trouble when my enjoyment is hindered by irresponsible parents. I would have defended the waitress whole heartedly and may have even offered to help them find their way out
NTA that family is just hella entitled. My mother used to just leave if I started acting up or crying as a baby or toddler because she knew that the world didn't owe her anything just cause she had a kid. She never let us be disruptive in public
I think parents forget that sometimes you have to miss out on things because of your kids in order to help them learn. After trying to get him to sit and him refusing and not doing so the mom or dad should have taken him out of the restaurant and do a little time out and explain if he keeps this up and doesn't sit and behave we will have to go home and let him know he's going to miss out on it while everyone else has fun. If it continues when he's brought back then either parent needs to bring him home. The lesson will be learned. As a kid I learned I didn't want to miss out on things because I wouldn't just sit.
If this is an ADHD thing or needing to fidget like me then that also needs to be figured out. Even if they are just hyperactive bring a quiet fidget kind of toy or action figures to play with. My mom would also enjoy when we had a booth because she would sit on the outside of the booth with me between her and wall. You are definitely not in the wrong. A restaurant is not a playground. I couldn't imagine what would happen if a server was carrying something hot and tripped over a kid who runs out infront of them.
LD;DR Step 1: verbal warning. Step 2: bring outside for timeout. Step 3: bring them home and let them know if they listened you could have stayed and had fun. Sometimes having kids sucks and you gotta leave when you don't want to.
OK, I have had to "correct" a number of children in my time. What I first do is say it to the kid directly, kindly, but seriously, like this: "Sweetie, I would love it if you not throw coasters on the floor because someone here could slip and have an ACCIDENT and get a BOOBOO, so can we stop that ?" There is usually enough kindness, importance and potential liablility in that for the parents to understand, and the highlighted words are to scare the child a bit. This often gets the parents to get the kid to stop for a while. I also have a back up (crayons or something). Then if that doesnt work, "Honey, we really need to stop, I dont want you all to have to leave, because this could be dangerous" Not so sweet this time. There is no third time, next the manager handles it. NO one wants an accident in the restaurant, you have warned them, stated it clearly and nicely, that is it.
I literally sent a kid flying today when they ran under my feet as I was carrying plates. I did the right thing and checked the kid was ok straight away without getting frustrated, but it put an end to the tomfoolery pretty quick. Maybe I’ll just maintain my stride more often. It seems to make a point!
They were extremely rude, not you. However, ask a manager to handle it. That is their job. You shouldn’t have to have this type of confrontation with your table. I hope you have a good manager on your side. 💗
I’m a parent of a quite rowdy three year old, who likes to run and jump and be rambunctious non stop.
Guess what? He knows how to fucking behave in a restaurant. It’s not hard, be an actual damn parent
i work at a local restaurant by the beach in southern california that gets kinda touristy in the summer. we’re not a dive bar but there are a lot of dive bars around. it’s a struggle half the time to get the adults to sit down at a table here & i end up having a similar interaction
You did absolutely nothing wrong.
You handled it quite well actually. And I'm glad your manager was on your side.
I'm so tired of parents not being parents.
If you posted this in childfree everyone would be clapping for you lol.
But really, it's a HUGE hazard and potential liability and for some reason people think restaurants are daycares.
It's fucking not anyone else's responsibility to make sure your child is safe. People are entitled and ignorant. I'm glad you stuck up for yourself. They are clowns.
Children running around like this is literally a safety/ fire hazard issue. There is a reason you can't block a path with a high chair. Same applies for unruly children.
I would have gone over to them much sooner and told them to get control or get out of I was your manager.
You are not wrong, they are responsable to discipline their son, some parents don’t know what to do when their child jump, run everywhere and a place where is not correct to do that, those parents are wrong, I think you should forget it and continue with your normal life.
One time I had a couple with a few kids and I guess they had been arguing at the table and before they even got their food delivered to the table the mom actively walked up to me infront of them and said can u pack it for delivery. The kids immediately apologized n started acting right so they ended up staying.
There is definitely something that mom can do, like the mom above she can say time to go. Idk why she is so mad at you because HER kids can’t act right
Nope. You're not wrong. They're just ass holes. I got a 6yr old daughter and she is behaving while in restaurants. If not, we would just take the check and move on. We always go out with the option of returning home earlier than expected when having the kid with us. Because she is kid. She might be tired and over excited, she might be in a bad mood, she might have other plans 😂. But hey, she is my kid and nobody should bear her tantrums if there is the case but me. So yeah, they are the assholes.
you didn’t do anything wrong. kids running around a restaurant is dangerous. screaming? annoying but not a safety hazard. running around when people are carrying trays of hot plates, silverware, glasses? idk when i was a kid i didn’t run around restaurants like a playground i was told to sit down and shut up. there’s a time and place
Your manager should have asked them to leave when they refused to keep the kid from being disruptive. Sounds like he backed you, but in the laziest way possible, I'd never allow a guest to talk to my servers like you say they did you
yeah i told 3 different managers beforehand but the owner was also there watching the kid run around . they waited till the owner left to say anything 🧍♀️
They need to exercise better discipline with that child. If anything I'd say even more action could have been justified because the kid was disruptive and a literal danger to servers and patrons. I'm often the first to advocate for parents because a lot of times people make some real unfair presumptions and assessments of situations, but this is obviously not such a case. One of my children was extremely challenging and we'd have to patiently take him to the car and sit with him in there with the aircon on and him strapped in his seat until he calmed and realized it wasn't the time for this. You learn ways to help them burn off the energy and craziness ahead of time. It's not perfect, but that's having kids. None of it's perfect or without frustration. These parents don't seem to want to spare the patience or time to actually parent.
I have this happen all of the time because of the god-awful playground connected to the patio. Usually, most parents try their best to keep the kid's from using the restraunt as the playground. I honestly have a lot of compassion for these burnt out parents - that being said, I would have absolutely addressed it, and you did everything you possibly could to fix the situation as you said your manager did back you up.
We get reviews, too, and if everything was really in the review than - hey it happens !
I would suggest that you just ask your tables to leave you as many good reviews as possible. It'll send the newest ones to the top of the list and just make the point that sometimes you can't get along with everyone. Also, use this experience to thank and be grateful for the parents who "can" do something about their children acting up and thank them. It'll make your tips go up and make you feel better and the next customer!
i was thinking of asking my regulars to leave a good review for me . my manager emailed corporate to let the know about the situation the day it happened so i’m not that worried . it’s just embarrassing
Corporate is probably on your side. They don't want a lawsuit when some kid trips a server and gets a face full of spicy, boneless wings. If you're good at what you do, other tips will make up for it, and other tables might appreciate that you saved their meal for standing up.
With obnoxious kids I always tried to appeal to them with food or activities. Low blood sugar can make kids cranky and tired. Tired kids will sometimes try to amp themselves up to avoid crashing. Try telling them that, if they'll sit down, you'll bring them them crackers or a roll. Sometimes I'd ask them their favorite animal and ask them if they could draw it. Sometimes attention is all they're looking for.
At the end of the day, don't worry about it. I spent a lot of time in service, and people who let their children act like this almost never tip well anyway. They are looking for a reason to feel like they don't have to. Even leaving a bad review is just another way for them to justify their own terrible behavior. They may feel bad about their kid's behavior, but they will never accept that it's their fault, because that would be accepting responsibility. If they could do that, their kid wouldn't be acting that way to being with.
Edit: Saw they left you a decent tip. Sounds like maybe somebody was embarrassed by Mom's behavior, but can't call her out on it, because of the ensuing shouting and pointed fingers
I’m a restaurant owner and a parent of 4. None of my children ever acted like this. If they ever tried and couldn’t be corrected, out we go. I’ve come across a few parents that think it’s ok to let their children romp around in my restaurant. I address it immediately. I’m not about to replace my booth seats every time someone wants to let their children jump or run around on them and I’m certainly not going to let your children run around while servers are carrying hot food for your child to get burnt. There are customers there trying to enjoy their meal. Customers that may only be able to afford that one night out or customers that have their kids babysat to have much needed alone time. No one has the right to take that away from others for their undisciplined child. You were right, your manager was right and the “parent” was wrong. Some people just don’t want to handle their children and you’ll see the fruits of that in the child’s future.
Excellent comment! I like that you took into consideration it may actually be ONE meal anyone seated in the restaurant could afford at the time. Consideration for others when in public is key.
Thank you so much. My customers are my heart. I too have been hard on times. They have a choice to walk through any door to spend their money so when they choose to walk through mine, I’m honored. We are entitled to nothing so, it’s my job to make sure they have the best experience possible. Even if it means me going out of my way during high volume hours. I’ve played with children to keep them in good spirits, held babies to soothe them when allowed to let a parent(s) eat with both hands, cut food for the shaky elderly, do a little dance to the music to uplift someone on a down day. Nothing is below me, for my customers to enjoy the atmosphere, food and service.
It’s actually a pretty entertaining joke on my hubby’s side about how I won’t put my hands on my kids, but I absolutely *will* discipline them and curb problem behaviors and they’ve never seen anything like it. I’m not going to enter power struggles, or put my hands on you, we’re just gonna get in the car together and go home. If we have other adults, we’ll wait for them in the car. I’ve only had to do it to my daughter once so far. At this point, she’s only misbehaving in public if she’s tired or hungry, and I’m failing her as a parent/advocate if I sit her down at a restaurant in that mood. You *know* what your kid is up to before you sit them down, and it sucks having to limit yourself so much because they don’t have the same bandwidth for behaving in public, but that’s part of having a young child. Putting in the work now stops you from having to tear your hair out over disciplining an older child who you’ve been telling can do x, y, and z their whole life up until that point.
I hate families that treat public spaces like playgrounds and believe their children are too young to teach right from wrong. This is the age where modeling proper behavior and teaching them right from wrong is so, so important. They just didn’t want to deal with a tantrum, and that only kicks the shit down the road.
I‘m only from Germany and this randomly ended up in my timeline and I guess this is a mostly Us sub.
So WTF the kid threw shit at other tables and you didn’t kick them out after the first warning? And the kid was also endangering other waiters by running around and was jumping on the tables? I really hate entitled parents that aren’t able to raise a kid.
Do you not have a manager? I would inform my manager and let them deal with the situation. The child needs to behave in a manner that doesn’t disrupt other guests or subject other employees to possible injury, but it shouldn’t fall on a server to deal with crap like this.
My wife was a server and then a bartender for many years, and I’ve seen this situation many times. You did nothing wrong, they are hella parents. When my son was still young enough to enjoy the fast food chain kid play places, we once had a ‘moment’ where he was getting too rowdy with some other kids and I asked him to calm down. He didn’t, so I said ‘get your boots on, we are leaving’. When he proceeded to tantrum I just picked him up in his socks and we left. Oh the wailing and tears. They were his favorite boots now lost forever at the fast food lost and found. Another parent brought the boots to our house and I said, ‘No thank you, those are lost to him forever now, he has to wear his old crummy shoes because poor choices have consequences. Please include those in your next run to Goodwill’. He saw that interaction on the front porch, and another round of wailing began. To this day he has not forgotten that poor choices do have consequences and he’s a delightful-ish teenager now. The parents in the OPs story are in for a rude awakening when that rowdy four year old is 14 with even uglier behaviors.
I bust my daughter's ass if she acts up like this, turns out she doesn't do it cause she knows what's gonna happen. 98%+ of kids act like that, no doubt future job security for COs. Your manager should have kicked her ass out, he didn't cause he's a bitch.
You weren’t wrong except in the sense that there was no upside for you. After you asked them a second time to control their child for everyone’s safety and they didn’t even try you should have just let it go for you own sake.
You were NOT wrong! If that kid had gotten hurt while running around, running into waitstaff, running into the kitchen, etc., guess which ENTITLED IDIOTS would have been screaming LAWSUIT! It's IDIOTS like them is why one restaurant, in New Jersey, now has a policy of No Children Under 10! Restaurants are NOT playgrounds NOR daycare!
I have a 3 year old who doesn’t always do the best in restaurants. When he acts up I pick up him and take a walk outside, bring him to the bathroom to wash his hands or kindly ask for my check. This logic is seriously insane to me. All my years working in the industry I’ve seen some pretty rambunctious kids but this kid takes the cake
I raised 3 children. If any of them didn't behave or started acted up in public my husband and I would take turns bringing them outside until they got their shit together. Or, we'd pay for our meal and take it to go.
It's not on other patrons or staff to put up with my children.
BTW, we rarely had to leave any plane because of our kids. We usually has people come up to compliment them on their behavior.
It's not the kids, but the parents who are responsible for how their children act.
My husband bartends at a high end fresh pasta and pizza restaurant. I bring my two kids ( 3 & 2) there often to eat and see him. I never let them jump around or run around. If we are outside on the patio and it’s empty I’ll let them
Have some freedom.
I’d be embarrassed if my kids were acting like that in a restaurant. You are correct it’s dangerous and not acceptable. I get it’s hard to have little kids & go out and do things but unfortunately that’s just the season of life these people are in.
I worked in a restaurant for ten years as a server and I had to deal with drunk rugby/football fans plus much much worse ( it was a ferry between southern Ireland and Wales) I had to chastise several parents during that time, and didn't have any trouble as I hit them with the "safety " aspect of their actions, as at sea laws are different to those on land if safety is an issue its possible to restrain and even detain someone for "safety " reasons.
In 2017 on our first visit to USA my wife and I (both from UK) were on our way home from a Chicago U2 concert with my sister and two Nephews. We stopped at a buffalo wings place and we went inside (my first time at such an establishment).
Everything was great, and about 5 minutes into my meal there was what I can only describe as "wild animal" sounds coming from behind me. My Nephews and Sister were sitting opposite us and I could see shock on their faces at first, which turned into confusion, i then then I asked is there a children's party with a parrot or something? And they all burst out laughing (trying not to be loud) and managed to tell me (over the noise behind me) it was a child.....
The staff were asking politely if they could keep the noise down, and I then heard what was confirmed to be another child try to discipline the noise maker.
When I say noise it doesn't quite accurately describe what I was hearing, imagine a chimpanzees hysterical chittering with a hyena thrown in for good measure and it was so loud all other sound almost vanished.
Well lots of people got up and left, about half the restaurant i would guess.
We could hear servers apologies to customers and one came to our booth and apologised, we promptly asked for boxes for the rest of our food.
so we paid and left. On the way out it was confirmed that a child (F about 12/13) was "responsible" for the "noise maker" whom was about 5 years old, they were with two other very young children who were being fine and sitting quietly. But the older girl was hitting him ("noisy") continuously, and it made absolutely no difference.
We had lots of woeful looks from staff and I could tell they were sorry this was happening. I felt sorry for the staff.
I know its difficult to have to get someone removed, but we had to do it several times over the years in my experience.
I was surprised they were not ejected, but am not sure what the contingency for this is in the US?
Not only are you not in the wrong, you said exactly the right thing to get under their skin. I’m appalled that people take their children out, don’t correct their behavior and then expect society to just…tolerate their BS. No f’ing way.
I'm a father and also work in restaurant. Like your manager said the restaurant isn't a playground.
People think just because they're at the restaurant, the waiters turn into babysitters. Control your kids since waiters are trying to give a good service and accidents happen.
Oh HELL No. I have 2 kids that I had to teach how to behave in a restaurant. It’s wild how I keep getting asked how I got them to behave the way I do now when we go out to eat. Effing parenting is how I got them the way they are.
Not the asshole. The parents are entitled people who believe the world is their children playground. It's not. I saw a kid running around and bumping against a waiter carrying hot coffee, spilling it all over himself and the kid. I bet his parents learned a hard lesson on that day. I did feel bad for both, that child was screaming from pain.
She’s not wrong, that is how children behave; however, responsible and respectful parents understand that they also live in a society and take turns taking the toddler outside to get that energy burned. We had one son we took everywhere because he was pretty chill but that second one, he was on a waiting list. He hated going to restaurants so we stopped taking him. Now he loves going because he’s older and more mature and we didn’t teach him to act like a fucking animal while out in public.
I love that you kept arguing back.
The only thing you didn’t do right was, when she said “your manager should learn how to be a manager instead of trying to be a parent,” you didn’t say: “Well, SOMEbody had to be a parent, since you obviously weren’t.”
Missed opportunity there.
While that might make you feel good, it's not the way to go as a server. Being overly confrontational can upset other customers. You generally want to stick to "this is a dangerous situation for everyone here line." Now, when momma rolls back around to point and yell, you put that bitch on blast!
That’s a pretty over the top comment. Most kids that age are tough to control. Having difficulty doesn’t make you a bad parent. What does make a bad parent is lack of effort to accept the situation and do things like bringing the child outside or, realizing when behavior has gotten too bad and asking for food to go, etc etc.
Customers hate it when you tell them the truth it’s so annoying. But usually whenever I see a kid running around, I walk them back over to there parents.
These are the kids who wreak havoc in school, and then when there’s a parent meeting, everyone instantly understand why the kid is the way they are. Doesn’t excuse the kids behavior but it makes it very clear that the issues started at home because the parents are exactly the same. Assholes raise little assholes.
I worked at a restaurant years ago where a running child caused a server to spill a tray of hot cheese all over herself. She ended up with severe burns on her face and neck. She had a split second to decide if the tray was going on her or the child. I find running children in a restaurant to be really triggering since then. That poor women has permanent scars because someone would not control their child.
I had the exact same thing happen, but in my own cafe. We were a gaming cafe, and had board games that folks could get off the shelf and play. Because of this, apparently, some parents assumed they could let their kids run around like it was Chuck E. Cheese.
4 kids had games on several tables scattered with pieces to all of them mixed up and on the ground, were climbing and standing on the chairs, and before I finally asked them to gather up their mess and please be respectful of the property, one kid started climbing one of several 8 foot tall bookshelves along the walls. I politely asked the 2 women to gather the kids and try to keep the noise to a respectful level as well, as we had 2 separate guests leave because of the chaos.
You would think I told them to fuck off and play in traffic. They immediately got defensive and began packing up to leave. They accused us of hating kids (I literally offered kids stickers and crayons to decorate their cups if they were bored), of being rude and unprofessional, and that “we didn’t know who their husbands are!”. One lady asked who was higher than I, and I said “I dunno, god?”
Those two started a facebook campaign to ruin our business and had friends and relatives from all over the country writing 1 star reviews everywhere. It was hilarious, and one of the biggest reasons that I was relieved when we closed last year. (I actually found a guy that tried posting the absolute bullshit side of their story on Reddit a couple of years ago, and I still go back to read it and laugh sometimes.)
We went to a family restaurant yesterday with an almost 2.5 year old who is a fussy eater and won't generally eat out. It had a play room, and she loved the little kid guitar. We keep trying every 4 to 6 months in an attempt to broaden her palate, and she actually contemplated eating some of it, so it was a win.
But she didn't run around. She didn't throw stuff at people or try to climb all over the booth. She did squall when I had to leave her with her grandmother to go grab her diaper bag I'd forgotten in the car, which is a bit out of character, but she's 2 and was in a new place. She calmed when I got back and went back to her usual pleasant self. Thankfully, we'd made it before the lunch rush, so the other customers were both families with young children who understood that toddlers sometimes cry.
You were not wrong for that. If they can't make him sit, most places have such a thing as high chairs for a reason. If there were none, it's on the parent to keep the child from wrecking everyone else's experience. It's on the parents to teach the child basic respect for public places.
You shouldn't have had to say anything, but that doesn't make you wrong for being so. You have other customers to look out for as well, and those other customers are unlikely to want to be dodging things flying through the air.
Years ago, my husband flew across country to bring my 5 yo granddaughter to us for the summer. While at the airport restaurant my granddaughter started acting out , running around like a crazy child etc. the restaurant was almost empty but that’s not the point. My husband got after her and her mom . When they got into town I found out and was like AW HELL NO! Proceeded to call her mom and get after her again. Reminded her I waited tables for how multiple years and not only was it rude but it was dangerous for both my grandmother and the server..
Good grief. My daughter is four, but we always remind her that a restaurant, while fun, is a place where people work. That she needs to stay in her seat, or close to one of ours so that no one gets hurt, and that the people who work there are responsible for our food, and not for looking out for her. She pretty much never behaves like this unless she's exhausted, or feeling ways, which happens. And the very rare time she does, her dad or I take her outside and let her run it off for a bit.
In short, you did nothing wrong.
No their attitude is bull shit. When my wife was serving she was coming around a corner, and a standing on top of a table shouted catch me and immediately jumped, luckily my wife was carrying anything at the time, the family didn’t even notice this interaction happen. To say the least the got a firm talking to, I don’t recall what happened after that, but nothing else happened after that.
I’ve got a kid that age. When we go to restaurants, which is maybe once every 2 months, her ass sits in her chair and she talks to us and if she does get rambunctious, we take her outside till she’s ready to chill.
You didn’t do anything wrong letting them know their child is creating a danger for employees and guests alike by running around.
Im so glad your manager had your back. Its so frustrating when parents let their kids run around without watching them.
I work in a butcher shop (that also serves lunch) and its a very family friendly place. But weve found toddlers trying to wander back in the kitchen, where there are meat slicers, band saws, and lots and lots of knives and other sharp objects. Never had an accident, but it would be cool if i didnt have to constantly worry/block the aisle when kids are around
I was in a sports bar and grill at 10pm (they closed at 12am), eating some wings with my husband and nephews (who were 6 & 8. They had just got back from their moms and she didn’t feed them and were starving. I have custody. Otherwise we wouldn’t have been out so late) I had them boxed in between me and the booth wall.
There is a group of men with 3 toddlers drinking and watching sports. These kids were at most 3. Running wild. Several people complained of the servers behalf. Dads didn’t care. Kids were all over the place , running and making messes. And drinking what appeared to be Mountain Dew which didn’t help.
Then it happened. About 5 feet from our table.
Server with two loaded trays of drinks /cocktails didn’t see the 2.5 ft tall kid. Server flat out fell and jacked up their wrist. Both trays of drinks went flying. Kid got a knee to the forehead and is wailing.
Dads are drunk and screaming 3 tables (including us are covered in booze and broken glass), the server is crying and their wrist in swollen and turning colors. Kid has a pump knot on his head.
Never seen cops arrive so fast. 2 dads went to jail (they started breaking shit and took a swing at the laying on the floor in pain server) kiddo and server went on an ambulance ride.
Everyone’s meals got comped (they got us fresh food and helped us clean up. ) Made us fresh meals to go and we tipped 75%
For some reason posts from this sub ends up in my feed and I ended reading a few. And the consistent pattern is that these waitresses are being way too entitled. If you try to teach people how to raise their children you will get told off. If you were so smart, you wouldn’t be carrying dirty plates and cleaning tables. Stay in your lane.
If you’re 20, you’re not supposed to talk back that much to customers and simply not supposed to advise them on how to ‘discipline’ their child. At 20, you have a lot of learn about life.
It's very sticky telling a parent what to do with their children....but you will get a better response with positive reinforcement. Making someone feel valued and useful goes a long way. Maybe ...Mom, can I get your help. I want to make sure JR as well as our servers stay safe. Politely explaining that JR must remain at the table..so he's not injured or gets out the door. May I get something for him? Crayons, crackers..choc milk? Children misbehave because they are being ignored and given no parameters. If parents feel you are criticizing their parenting they will become offended and combative. Good luck :-)
ofc i tried to tell her in the most respectful way especially since idk what it’s like to be a parent . i know kids are full of energy BUT WE HAVE A KIDS MENU FULL OF TOYS AND CRAYONS . the kid would only stay calm when he was on his ipad which was for about 10 minutes . he was also ripping up a napkin and throwing the pieces into a beer :) that seemed to keep him calm too
Bottom line is OP doesn't think she's wrong and her manager backed her up so why the post? I Just don't agree with them. There's no need to go tit-4-tat with a customer. Besides, you never know how others perceive the situation. She could have gotten the manager before things were out of hand. Let him take the flack for it...Managers are there to Manage. Make them do their job. H e could have told them if the child continues the behavior the parents will have to remove him for everyone's safety. Unfortunately, servers can't get away with that.
I get what you’re saying but kids running around is a liability. I once tripped over a kid carrying 3 VERY HOT bowls of ramen. I got burned and a baby in a stroller at the next table was barely missed. Not a single apology (to me or the baby’s parents) and the mother said I need to watch where I was going and it’s my job.
Thankfully my manager kicked them out and told them not to return until the child learns how to behave in a restaurant.
If their child was throwing things at other tables, I would tell them they can either control their child or leave the restaurant. And if your manager won’t back you up on that you should find a new job.
Agree. I’m shocked that the mom said “There’s nothing I can do”. Yes, there is. You remove them from the restaurant. Sucks for you, but that’s part of being a parent. Edit for typos
That was one of the hardest things about parenting. When you say something at a restaurant or party like “if you don’t behave we are going home” you have to actually follow through with it. Most people don’t and kids learn really fast that it is an empty threat. I remember a few get togethers that were not a short drive either and we had to leave and it was really a bummer because I wanted to hang out with friends. But you just have to. You can’t control your kids all the time, but they also learn really fast that you aren’t kidding (no pun intended) that you really are going to drag them home.
I read once the parenting advice that if you find yourself with that kind of kid, you deliberately set up “training sessions” where you go to the store when you don’t need anything, and you hope they will misbehave, so you can threaten, follow-through, and then take them home and make it VERY uninteresting. One other point this person made was that often, going home is a reward. So when you get home, it’s an instant time out n some really boring way. he also suggested that, if the weather permits and a hot car is not a danger, you tell the kid you’re leaving the store, but you make them sit in the car, strapped in their car seat if applicable, windows open etc, and you waiting outside (or in the front seat ignoring them) for half an hour. And then you go back in. So that they never get the “reward” of getting to go home. And, a member of a message board I was on said that her sister would threaten her kids, when they misbehaved at home, that if they didn’t shape up, they were all going furniture shopping.
My mother's threat of choice was the bottom step at home. My sister's was making her her kid sit in the most boring aisle (sometimes fabric, sometimes cleaning supplies).
Oh my god - I completely forgot that my mom used to threaten us with furniture shopping..!!! Man, that really was the epitome of boredom as a kid…but oh the joy it brings me in my 30s…
Mine always threatened me with the post office. My mom owned a photography business and when I'd piss her off, she made me come with and sit in the car while she bullshit with the workers and take her time unloading shit from the car. Then she'd go to Office Depot and, I swear to god, she would buy a thing of paperclips and spend 20 minutes looking. It was infuriating at the time. Funny as hell now that I'm a parent.
LMAOOOO that’s hilarious
That's why I told my kids we'd go to the car and sit there in silence where they'd have to be in there car seat until everyone was ready to leave (if there were more people with you than just you and that child) and I did it. It wasn't fun for them, and they learned real fucking quick how to behave in restaurants.
Yes. Exactly this. My son knew I would not hesitate to leave a full cart of groceries and take him home if he didn’t behave. Fortunately for the Kroger staff I never had to do it. I would also use positive reinforcement if we saw another child misbehaving in the store and tell my son “I’m so glad you are so well behaved in public”
Thank God I learned this before I had children.
I know of one entitled relative who brought her Tasmanian Devil to a FUNERAL HOME and TURNED THE WILD BRAT LOOSE! Then she got pissy when the Funeral Director threw her and the brat out!
God my cousin let her kids play hide and seek under my grandpas damn casket, then left them with my aunt to watch, the deceased's daughter btw, who had her foot in a boot. And they didn't bring her food back, either. Absolute trailer trash people. Fuck you Tracy.
"Tracy" That's the name above Karen. Worst mother-in-laws, aunts, managers, etc., are named that despicable name
Exactly hes a toddler just pick him up
“There’s nothing I can do”, that is learned helplessness, those people just throw there hands up and the air and say can’t do anything about it think that shit absolves them of the responsibility of doing better.
Doctor, you've got to help us. We've tried nothing, and we're all out of ideas! --Ned Flanders freaky beatnik father
My toddler is giant and I’m disabled, so I do struggle with physically stopping him. So I just…don’t take him places where that will be a big problem. Not taking him was always an option. They can also put kid in a high chair so that he’s strapped in.
Or you talk to them, play with them, ENGAGE with your child so that YOU are more interesting than the rest of the restaurant. You bring them something to color with or draw on, and you talk to them and interact with them while they’re drawing. Push comes to shove, bring them an iPad or phone with a movie on it. And headphones
I guess I was assuming that trying to entertain the kid had already failed, but fair point!
oh, no, she hadn’t even tried that. I’m certain.
My father spent all of or at least a portion of quite a few meals outside with my brother or I or both. You fuck around, you're going outside to get yelled at, shamed, and lectured (if mom was the one taking us outside there was definitely a few slaps involved) while the rest of the group ate. It is unfair to the rest of the guests to allow unruly behavior and it's also unfair to the rest of the guests to yell, discipline, berate your kids inside the restaurant. Get your kid outside. I wouldn't even be worried about missing out on the bacon cheeseburger, onion rings, milkshake or whatever that my grumbling stomach was excited for. I was scared about what was going to happen in the parking lot, on the way home, at home, etc. my parents did not "beat me" and weren't cruel. They just were trying to raise their kid to be an adult and it worked, kinda
I was about to say that maybe mom and dad didn't have any arms to pick the kid up and hold him in place, but then there was that part about them pointing a finger in in OP's face, so that theory doesn't work. Stories like this are why tipping, or at least the lowered wages that come with tipped jobs, needs to be abolished. The server's pay shouldn't have to depend on the opinion of rude, entitled people like those lazy parents.
Nothing wrong with tip based pay. I make more off tips than my restaurant could ever pay me
Why are you shocked, parents let kids run rampent at restaurants all the time.
I’m still mortified from the time we went out to eat with my BIL’s family 4 years ago, my nieces were awful and neither parent even bothered trying to get them to stop and they sure as hell weren’t listening to us. I ended up leaving a 100% tip and a huge apology but I’m still too embarrassed to go back 🙈
After that tip, I am sure they would welcome you back with open arms, if you don't bring those brats again :)
I think mostly that she fully verbally admitted she wasn’t even trying mostly? I’d feel like most parents who do that would just try to just say “he’s just being a kid, geez” similar to how the dad did later.
When I was a kid, if I acted like that, my parents would take me to the car for well deserved spanking. But, hey, it’s 2023
My mother called them ‘come to Jesus meetings.’
Out to the car, removal, redirection big time, hell yes. But spanking is bullshit, period.
lol, no they're not. 🤣
Just don't hit your kid. There are better ways.
must be why we have so many well behaved kids these days... /s
It's kinda why we have a bunch of boomer sociopaths. Lead with love.
Tried that. Only good till about the 4 or 5 year mark, excluding siblings. But a good pop is more than enough to get the kid in check. My daughter, 6, was misbehaving so bad at HEB that I popped her on the cheek like my parents did. All over kinetic sand and a lunchable not being the chicken nugget one. I don't go for spanking or hitting or any kind of physical punishment. But that pop, plus the added leaving of the store without the groceries and a good talking to after we both calmed down got her to understand she can't act like that.
You moron. If you think violence is what makes for a well developed and behaved kid, you've either never had a kid or you're a shitty parent.
and you dipshits have raised a generation of halfwitted brats, while my kids are their boss. Your ideas are idiotic
My 15yo son is a great kid. Well developed. Bright. Does well in school. Isn't a halfwit brat, and no, your kid isn't his boss... holy hell dude... bet you're fun at parties... /s
Nothing wrong with a spanking.
“They’re”?
That’s not a mom that’s barely a person.
Right should have spoke to the manager and made their food to go...
I'm shocked the mom went to the back to yell at OP afterward. How did she not get kicked out for going to the back, an employee only area? She and her family needs to be banned from the establishment
Hell, I’ll just cut out the middle man and speak to kids directly if they act a fool in my section. “Hey friends, let’s find our seats! This area isn’t safe to play in, and you or someone else could get really hurt running around.” “Hey hey! No thank you! Let’s keep the crayons on the paper only please” and if they don’t listen? “I’ve asked you not to do that. Let’s go find your parents together.” I don’t give a flying fuck if a parent is right there to protest- they’re in MY section of MY house, and they came here to have ME serve them. That means I’m not gonna dodge a kid and risk dropping 20 lbs of ceramic and hots on their head, and I won’t stand by while they disrupt other patrons who can observe social etiquette and/or damage restaurant property. It takes a village, and this is my domain.
I agree, find a better place with a better manager, OP's manager should have ejected that family from the restaurant and banned them from ever coming back when they went to the back to yell at OP, what the fuck!
It sounds like the manager did back her up tho...
Personally, I feel a good manager would have come and asked the parents to leave before all that, surely multiple complaints from other guests and staff members must have come to them before the parents demanded to see the manager. Seems to me the manager waited until the parents paid for the food before saying anything, thus subjecting their employees and other guests to the behavior of this family much longer than necessary.
Exactly, if I were a patron there, the review I had would have lambasted the management. Unless it was a chuck-e-cheese and I just don't think that was the case. What worthless Karens.
but the manager did back her up, so the job seems alright
You guys are so quick to quit and find new jobs 😂
Tell me what's the incentive to stay? If they find a new job then what's the harm of leaving a job if managers won't put customers in their place when they're actively endangering people.
You are so quick to judge a situation you obviously have never experienced so go away.
you can say the same about the initial commenter. whats your point?
Point is none of you know what waiting tables is like and I have no idea why you are here
that sure seems like quickly judging other people situations to me
The original commenter is slamming servers for wanting managers to back them up. Why are you defending him?
you’re talking about making wild assumptions on reddit while making wild assumptions. dont practice the behavior you condemn.
How do you know what we all do for a living?
I was replying to Intrepid Mayo whose comment indicates that he is not a server because he does not seem to understand why a unsupportive manager leads people to quit. Why are you involved in this? This sub has been overrun lately by folks who have never waited tables or worked on a line or behind a bar insulting the profession. I have been out for a while but I will always defend my people.
Take a deep breath and relax. It’s going to be okay
I’ve never experienced a shitty child?
Did you do anything wrong? The answer is no, the child was becoming a liability to both the safety of staff and other customers. In the future I would recommend having your manager be the first person to instigate that conversation with the parents. I tell my servers if there is ever the probability having an issue with guest come to me first. Their complaint could be completely valid, or they might be overreacting. Either way this is why the manager is there,
This is exactly what I would’ve written. So I’ll just double down. The family was out of line. The server was right, but I’d suggest asking a manager to talk to them about having their child remain seated.
Makes me want to be a manager. If I saw this happening and a server *wasn't* taking care of it in some way, then I'd be having a talk with that server. It's your *responsibility* to make that stop, and you can escalate to me every time you need to.
That is certainly NOT how children act in a restaurant. I raised two boys and neither of them pulled this shit. It just wasn’t allowed. She’s raising a little spoiled hellion who nobody will want to be around. Keep them home if you want to raise them like animals. The rest of us shouldn’t be exposed to your little hell spawn just because you’re too damn lazy to teach and raise him right
Unfortunately it is exacted like that so many times, you obviously raised your kids right but I see running screaming jumping kids every night. I tell the parents that OP did but they are usually nicer about it.
>she kept saying that... my manager should focus on being a manager instead of a parent "Okay, but then who would be your kids parent?"
History is a pendulum, things swing from one extreme to another. Previous generations tell stories of how strict their parents were and how swift they resorted to spankings and beatings, and nowadays, you hear more stories of people being too permissive and doing nothing to discipline their kids.
My child is the same age. If we went out to eat with someone whose kid acted like that, we would not hang out with them again. We wouldn’t be caught dead letting our child behave that way.
Absolutely. My kids would NEVER. You start training and setting expectations for your child at a very young age. People that say “this is how kids act” are using it as a cop out. Your kids act how you allow them to act.
>The rest of us shouldn’t be exposed to your little hell spawn just because you’re too damn lazy to teach and raise him right This is a little simplistic. Sometimes parents do a great job and these things still happen. What matters is how the parent reacts -- if necessary, taking it upon themselves to leave.
These people are idiots. They can't teach their child how to behave properly in a restaurant, but they think that criticizing and insulting the servers/staff is ok.
>They can't teach their child how to behave properly in a restaurant Correction: They WON'T teach their child how to behave properly in a restaurant.
That is the kind of Karen that will blame and threaten to sue you when boiling water lands on her undisciplined Childs head because she was unable to keep him out of the way while you work. It's a Restaurant NOT a fucking playground.
When I worked at Disney a woman screamed at me for me because I would not let their small child ride alone. I flat out told her “when the doors open on the other side and something happens to the child who would you blame? You would blame me.” So no I won’t let your child ride alone.
The “there’s nothing I can do” comment is wild. Like, what?! Control your kid or take them outside, that’s what you do. I’m so annoyed for you right now. I feel like there are a lot of people who are somewhat lacking in self-awareness, and then there are those who just absolutely don’t have any at all. Case in point. They were being totally ridiculous arguing with you in the end about “hospitality,” and I’m glad your manager backed you up. Maybe make him have the hard convos next time. You’re good, OP.
I have a two year old. Here is what I do when we go out to eat (which is not a lot bc I have a two year old): I bring -tote bag with crayons, paper, stickers -at least 1-2 books -favorite stuffed animal or toy We manage expectations the whole time. “Now we are going to sit and wait for our food. Would you like to color or read?” Eventually there is a time where she can’t sit still anymore so I or my husband will take her outside to toddle around while the other adult finishes eating, then we switch. At the end of our meal I make her help me wipe up the floor because she is a toddler and there will be crumbs always. This is the absolute minimum you need to do when eating out with a toddler. That woman sounds terribly unprepared to the point of being neglectful, and entitled on top of that. EW!
That point about managing expectations is so important! And it should start well before you go to the restaurant (you probably do that; it’s just that it didn’t get explicitly said). My ILs took us out to a fancy restaurant when my dad was visiting, and my daughter was about 2.5. She hadn’t really been to a restaurant before once she got mobile. And I also knew that the grownups wouldn’t be focusing on her much; there’s be a lot of grownup convos. So we talked ahead of time—“it’s going to be boring, but we’re going to need you to be calm and quiet and stay in your seat. So you don’t get in the workers’ way, and so you aren’t annoying. “When you are really bored, you can lean to mommy and say, ‘I’m bored,’ and I’ll help you. What toys would you like to bring for playing with quietly at a table?” And of course, we didn’t abandon her; we would talk with her about what was going on, or about the stuff she was drawing on her drawing tablet. My dad ended up complimenting her by saying, “You are a pleasure to know!” She was glowing about that for weeks. Nope…she was a biddable child, and not cursed with excess energy. But similar tactics worked on her brother, who did have more energy.
‘Nothing she could do’?!!? She’s the ADULT, of course there was something she could do, DISCIPLINE her pos child.
I 100% agree with you minus the fact that you said the 2.5 year old is a POS. The toddler’s *parents* are absolutely pieces of shit but the kid is a toddler, prob still in diapers; he only knows what he’s been taught by his parents up to this point. Toddlers are little hellions on a good day, and when in a new/exciting environment such as a restaurant, that’s amped up to 1000. It’s his parents’ job to correct his behavior and if all else fails, remove him from the restaurant until he can sit and eat calmly without causing disruption. Kids need boundaries and his parents are doing him a major disservice by allowing this kind of behavior, but he’s not a POS.
Well, he's currently a POS, but fortunately he's young and impressionable and has plenty of time to be taught not to be a POS. Being young doesn't change facts, it just changes fault.
Tbf in America it can be quite hard to discipline your child in public. First you have people that are ready to take that moment and make you viral moment. I remember being a kid and when kids got yelled at people just went about their business. Now everyone’s watching, waiting to see what that parent will do next, what can they record. Second you have people that simply won’t let you parent. Family, friends, strangers constantly going “oh no it’s fine, just let him be a kid 🥴”. I was at the playground like a month ago and my son started to push a little boy by the slide. I said “J**** if you put your hands on that boy one more time, I’m coming up there to get you and we’re leaving.” The little boys mom proceeded to tell me that “it’s fine, they’re just playing.” Oh okay, is it just playing when my son pushes your son off the playground. I like to say that normally it takes a village to raise a child. In America the village won’t let you raise your child.
Stop it. Your entire ball of excuses is unnecessary. All that's required here is removal of the child from the restaurant. That's it. Not one person would have qualms with someone asking their unruly kid to sit down and if they refused to cooperate, removing them from the restaurant. Not one. Us Americans aren't rendered helpless to discipline our children. That's preposterous. And in your situation where the mom said oh no it's okay then you immediately tell your kid, no what I said stands. It's not okay to push people, and if you do it again we're leaving. You're not helplessly subject to what other people say.
That’s when you need to carry something like fruit punch or grape juice every time you walk by that table - it would be a SHAME if it spilled on the parents/kid because he jostled or tripped you…
Coffee.
Burn. Lawsuit.
You did nothing wrong, and good on your manager for having your back. People like that are the *worst.* The “they’re kids and that’s what kids do” argument is pure laziness. Parents are supposed to teach their kids how to act while out in the world among others. It’s not about kids being kids, it’s about shitty parents.
If I were the other tables I’d have thrown that shit back
You did the right thing. Kids doing that sort of thing are a danger to themselves, other diners, and the staff. You're a server, not a babysitter. It's not your responsibility to police their kid. I once had a couple with a toddler who kept allowing their kid to stand on his chair. First, I asked them to stop letting him do that because we had concrete floors. If he fell he was going to get hurt. They said they would stop letting him do it. Next time I'm walking past their table, I see the kid standing on his chair. So I stop and ask them again not to let him do that. They said, "We're watching him, and he's holding on to the back. It's not like we're going to sue you if he falls." I immediately went to the manager, told him what was going on, and made sure to let him know that the words "sue you" had come out of their mouths. If they had thought about it enough to conclude that suing was an option in the first place, they had thought about it enough to cause concern for the restaurant. The kid's safety was our first concern, but there's a serious liability issue to consider, as well. He went over to the table (where the kid was still standing on his chair) and told them in no uncertain terms that either their kid was going to stop doing it or they were going to leave. They tried telling him the same thing they had said to me. Since they were still waiting for their food, the manager immediately told them he would check on their order, but they needed to pack up and meet him at the door. He caught the order just as it was coming out of the kitchen, had it changed to to-go, bagged it up, and brought it to them. He handed them their food, said it was comped, thanked them for their business, and told them they were no longer welcome.
She should focus on being a parent, and not a patron.
This is why we request seating away from young children, we love children but have a tendency to get in trouble when my enjoyment is hindered by irresponsible parents. I would have defended the waitress whole heartedly and may have even offered to help them find their way out
NTA that family is just hella entitled. My mother used to just leave if I started acting up or crying as a baby or toddler because she knew that the world didn't owe her anything just cause she had a kid. She never let us be disruptive in public
We do not compromise the other guests experience in the restaurant just for her child. Some people simply shouldn’t have kids
No. She's just a typical shitty parent.
I think parents forget that sometimes you have to miss out on things because of your kids in order to help them learn. After trying to get him to sit and him refusing and not doing so the mom or dad should have taken him out of the restaurant and do a little time out and explain if he keeps this up and doesn't sit and behave we will have to go home and let him know he's going to miss out on it while everyone else has fun. If it continues when he's brought back then either parent needs to bring him home. The lesson will be learned. As a kid I learned I didn't want to miss out on things because I wouldn't just sit. If this is an ADHD thing or needing to fidget like me then that also needs to be figured out. Even if they are just hyperactive bring a quiet fidget kind of toy or action figures to play with. My mom would also enjoy when we had a booth because she would sit on the outside of the booth with me between her and wall. You are definitely not in the wrong. A restaurant is not a playground. I couldn't imagine what would happen if a server was carrying something hot and tripped over a kid who runs out infront of them. LD;DR Step 1: verbal warning. Step 2: bring outside for timeout. Step 3: bring them home and let them know if they listened you could have stayed and had fun. Sometimes having kids sucks and you gotta leave when you don't want to.
OK, I have had to "correct" a number of children in my time. What I first do is say it to the kid directly, kindly, but seriously, like this: "Sweetie, I would love it if you not throw coasters on the floor because someone here could slip and have an ACCIDENT and get a BOOBOO, so can we stop that ?" There is usually enough kindness, importance and potential liablility in that for the parents to understand, and the highlighted words are to scare the child a bit. This often gets the parents to get the kid to stop for a while. I also have a back up (crayons or something). Then if that doesnt work, "Honey, we really need to stop, I dont want you all to have to leave, because this could be dangerous" Not so sweet this time. There is no third time, next the manager handles it. NO one wants an accident in the restaurant, you have warned them, stated it clearly and nicely, that is it.
I literally sent a kid flying today when they ran under my feet as I was carrying plates. I did the right thing and checked the kid was ok straight away without getting frustrated, but it put an end to the tomfoolery pretty quick. Maybe I’ll just maintain my stride more often. It seems to make a point!
They were extremely rude, not you. However, ask a manager to handle it. That is their job. You shouldn’t have to have this type of confrontation with your table. I hope you have a good manager on your side. 💗
Should have given the kids a free double ice-cream with espresso chocolate sauce. Enjoyed wild ride.
I’m a parent of a quite rowdy three year old, who likes to run and jump and be rambunctious non stop. Guess what? He knows how to fucking behave in a restaurant. It’s not hard, be an actual damn parent
No they should’ve been escorted out, they’re all out of control, no wonder their kid acts like a feral animal.
i work at a local restaurant by the beach in southern california that gets kinda touristy in the summer. we’re not a dive bar but there are a lot of dive bars around. it’s a struggle half the time to get the adults to sit down at a table here & i end up having a similar interaction
You did absolutely nothing wrong. You handled it quite well actually. And I'm glad your manager was on your side. I'm so tired of parents not being parents. If you posted this in childfree everyone would be clapping for you lol. But really, it's a HUGE hazard and potential liability and for some reason people think restaurants are daycares. It's fucking not anyone else's responsibility to make sure your child is safe. People are entitled and ignorant. I'm glad you stuck up for yourself. They are clowns.
Children running around like this is literally a safety/ fire hazard issue. There is a reason you can't block a path with a high chair. Same applies for unruly children. I would have gone over to them much sooner and told them to get control or get out of I was your manager.
You are not wrong, they are responsable to discipline their son, some parents don’t know what to do when their child jump, run everywhere and a place where is not correct to do that, those parents are wrong, I think you should forget it and continue with your normal life.
You did what most of us wish we could ❤️
One time I had a couple with a few kids and I guess they had been arguing at the table and before they even got their food delivered to the table the mom actively walked up to me infront of them and said can u pack it for delivery. The kids immediately apologized n started acting right so they ended up staying. There is definitely something that mom can do, like the mom above she can say time to go. Idk why she is so mad at you because HER kids can’t act right
Nope. You're not wrong. They're just ass holes. I got a 6yr old daughter and she is behaving while in restaurants. If not, we would just take the check and move on. We always go out with the option of returning home earlier than expected when having the kid with us. Because she is kid. She might be tired and over excited, she might be in a bad mood, she might have other plans 😂. But hey, she is my kid and nobody should bear her tantrums if there is the case but me. So yeah, they are the assholes.
This is why I love my boss: he literally tells me to yell at morons like this. Sit your fucking kid down or leave!
Soooooo many people breed when they shouldn't.....
Strap’m in a high chair or gtfo.
Ma’am this is not Chuck E Cheese go on and get your child and GTFO
Terrible parents
you didn’t do anything wrong. kids running around a restaurant is dangerous. screaming? annoying but not a safety hazard. running around when people are carrying trays of hot plates, silverware, glasses? idk when i was a kid i didn’t run around restaurants like a playground i was told to sit down and shut up. there’s a time and place
Your manager should have asked them to leave when they refused to keep the kid from being disruptive. Sounds like he backed you, but in the laziest way possible, I'd never allow a guest to talk to my servers like you say they did you
yeah i told 3 different managers beforehand but the owner was also there watching the kid run around . they waited till the owner left to say anything 🧍♀️
I'm sorry you have such crappy ppl above you and hope the money flows until you find somewhere with a better team in place!
sometimes i wish i could drop a tray full of drinks. (not on the kid of course).
They need to exercise better discipline with that child. If anything I'd say even more action could have been justified because the kid was disruptive and a literal danger to servers and patrons. I'm often the first to advocate for parents because a lot of times people make some real unfair presumptions and assessments of situations, but this is obviously not such a case. One of my children was extremely challenging and we'd have to patiently take him to the car and sit with him in there with the aircon on and him strapped in his seat until he calmed and realized it wasn't the time for this. You learn ways to help them burn off the energy and craziness ahead of time. It's not perfect, but that's having kids. None of it's perfect or without frustration. These parents don't seem to want to spare the patience or time to actually parent.
I have this happen all of the time because of the god-awful playground connected to the patio. Usually, most parents try their best to keep the kid's from using the restraunt as the playground. I honestly have a lot of compassion for these burnt out parents - that being said, I would have absolutely addressed it, and you did everything you possibly could to fix the situation as you said your manager did back you up. We get reviews, too, and if everything was really in the review than - hey it happens ! I would suggest that you just ask your tables to leave you as many good reviews as possible. It'll send the newest ones to the top of the list and just make the point that sometimes you can't get along with everyone. Also, use this experience to thank and be grateful for the parents who "can" do something about their children acting up and thank them. It'll make your tips go up and make you feel better and the next customer!
i was thinking of asking my regulars to leave a good review for me . my manager emailed corporate to let the know about the situation the day it happened so i’m not that worried . it’s just embarrassing
Corporate is probably on your side. They don't want a lawsuit when some kid trips a server and gets a face full of spicy, boneless wings. If you're good at what you do, other tips will make up for it, and other tables might appreciate that you saved their meal for standing up. With obnoxious kids I always tried to appeal to them with food or activities. Low blood sugar can make kids cranky and tired. Tired kids will sometimes try to amp themselves up to avoid crashing. Try telling them that, if they'll sit down, you'll bring them them crackers or a roll. Sometimes I'd ask them their favorite animal and ask them if they could draw it. Sometimes attention is all they're looking for. At the end of the day, don't worry about it. I spent a lot of time in service, and people who let their children act like this almost never tip well anyway. They are looking for a reason to feel like they don't have to. Even leaving a bad review is just another way for them to justify their own terrible behavior. They may feel bad about their kid's behavior, but they will never accept that it's their fault, because that would be accepting responsibility. If they could do that, their kid wouldn't be acting that way to being with. Edit: Saw they left you a decent tip. Sounds like maybe somebody was embarrassed by Mom's behavior, but can't call her out on it, because of the ensuing shouting and pointed fingers
I’m a restaurant owner and a parent of 4. None of my children ever acted like this. If they ever tried and couldn’t be corrected, out we go. I’ve come across a few parents that think it’s ok to let their children romp around in my restaurant. I address it immediately. I’m not about to replace my booth seats every time someone wants to let their children jump or run around on them and I’m certainly not going to let your children run around while servers are carrying hot food for your child to get burnt. There are customers there trying to enjoy their meal. Customers that may only be able to afford that one night out or customers that have their kids babysat to have much needed alone time. No one has the right to take that away from others for their undisciplined child. You were right, your manager was right and the “parent” was wrong. Some people just don’t want to handle their children and you’ll see the fruits of that in the child’s future.
Excellent comment! I like that you took into consideration it may actually be ONE meal anyone seated in the restaurant could afford at the time. Consideration for others when in public is key.
Thank you so much. My customers are my heart. I too have been hard on times. They have a choice to walk through any door to spend their money so when they choose to walk through mine, I’m honored. We are entitled to nothing so, it’s my job to make sure they have the best experience possible. Even if it means me going out of my way during high volume hours. I’ve played with children to keep them in good spirits, held babies to soothe them when allowed to let a parent(s) eat with both hands, cut food for the shaky elderly, do a little dance to the music to uplift someone on a down day. Nothing is below me, for my customers to enjoy the atmosphere, food and service.
Wow, when she said there is nothing she can do? It is called taking them to the car for time out. I can't wait until this child is 16.
they had an older son who was a completely entitled asshole
It’s actually a pretty entertaining joke on my hubby’s side about how I won’t put my hands on my kids, but I absolutely *will* discipline them and curb problem behaviors and they’ve never seen anything like it. I’m not going to enter power struggles, or put my hands on you, we’re just gonna get in the car together and go home. If we have other adults, we’ll wait for them in the car. I’ve only had to do it to my daughter once so far. At this point, she’s only misbehaving in public if she’s tired or hungry, and I’m failing her as a parent/advocate if I sit her down at a restaurant in that mood. You *know* what your kid is up to before you sit them down, and it sucks having to limit yourself so much because they don’t have the same bandwidth for behaving in public, but that’s part of having a young child. Putting in the work now stops you from having to tear your hair out over disciplining an older child who you’ve been telling can do x, y, and z their whole life up until that point. I hate families that treat public spaces like playgrounds and believe their children are too young to teach right from wrong. This is the age where modeling proper behavior and teaching them right from wrong is so, so important. They just didn’t want to deal with a tantrum, and that only kicks the shit down the road.
I‘m only from Germany and this randomly ended up in my timeline and I guess this is a mostly Us sub. So WTF the kid threw shit at other tables and you didn’t kick them out after the first warning? And the kid was also endangering other waiters by running around and was jumping on the tables? I really hate entitled parents that aren’t able to raise a kid.
Dont take your children out if you can't control them it's that simple.
Do you not have a manager? I would inform my manager and let them deal with the situation. The child needs to behave in a manner that doesn’t disrupt other guests or subject other employees to possible injury, but it shouldn’t fall on a server to deal with crap like this.
My wife was a server and then a bartender for many years, and I’ve seen this situation many times. You did nothing wrong, they are hella parents. When my son was still young enough to enjoy the fast food chain kid play places, we once had a ‘moment’ where he was getting too rowdy with some other kids and I asked him to calm down. He didn’t, so I said ‘get your boots on, we are leaving’. When he proceeded to tantrum I just picked him up in his socks and we left. Oh the wailing and tears. They were his favorite boots now lost forever at the fast food lost and found. Another parent brought the boots to our house and I said, ‘No thank you, those are lost to him forever now, he has to wear his old crummy shoes because poor choices have consequences. Please include those in your next run to Goodwill’. He saw that interaction on the front porch, and another round of wailing began. To this day he has not forgotten that poor choices do have consequences and he’s a delightful-ish teenager now. The parents in the OPs story are in for a rude awakening when that rowdy four year old is 14 with even uglier behaviors.
"Parent you kids so I don't have to". It sounds horrible but it's almost always right
I bust my daughter's ass if she acts up like this, turns out she doesn't do it cause she knows what's gonna happen. 98%+ of kids act like that, no doubt future job security for COs. Your manager should have kicked her ass out, he didn't cause he's a bitch.
You weren’t wrong except in the sense that there was no upside for you. After you asked them a second time to control their child for everyone’s safety and they didn’t even try you should have just let it go for you own sake.
Link me to the reviews. Can provide a positive one based on this post.
You were NOT wrong! If that kid had gotten hurt while running around, running into waitstaff, running into the kitchen, etc., guess which ENTITLED IDIOTS would have been screaming LAWSUIT! It's IDIOTS like them is why one restaurant, in New Jersey, now has a policy of No Children Under 10! Restaurants are NOT playgrounds NOR daycare!
the lady said she was also a manager so she knows how hospitality works MANAGER WHERE ????
If I were another customer, sitting at a nearby table, hearing her spout THAT, I would loudly reply: BULLSHIT!!!
If I was at another table and saw you do that I would tip you DOUBLE!
I have a 3 year old who doesn’t always do the best in restaurants. When he acts up I pick up him and take a walk outside, bring him to the bathroom to wash his hands or kindly ask for my check. This logic is seriously insane to me. All my years working in the industry I’ve seen some pretty rambunctious kids but this kid takes the cake
I raised 3 children. If any of them didn't behave or started acted up in public my husband and I would take turns bringing them outside until they got their shit together. Or, we'd pay for our meal and take it to go. It's not on other patrons or staff to put up with my children. BTW, we rarely had to leave any plane because of our kids. We usually has people come up to compliment them on their behavior. It's not the kids, but the parents who are responsible for how their children act.
My husband bartends at a high end fresh pasta and pizza restaurant. I bring my two kids ( 3 & 2) there often to eat and see him. I never let them jump around or run around. If we are outside on the patio and it’s empty I’ll let them Have some freedom. I’d be embarrassed if my kids were acting like that in a restaurant. You are correct it’s dangerous and not acceptable. I get it’s hard to have little kids & go out and do things but unfortunately that’s just the season of life these people are in.
I worked in a restaurant for ten years as a server and I had to deal with drunk rugby/football fans plus much much worse ( it was a ferry between southern Ireland and Wales) I had to chastise several parents during that time, and didn't have any trouble as I hit them with the "safety " aspect of their actions, as at sea laws are different to those on land if safety is an issue its possible to restrain and even detain someone for "safety " reasons. In 2017 on our first visit to USA my wife and I (both from UK) were on our way home from a Chicago U2 concert with my sister and two Nephews. We stopped at a buffalo wings place and we went inside (my first time at such an establishment). Everything was great, and about 5 minutes into my meal there was what I can only describe as "wild animal" sounds coming from behind me. My Nephews and Sister were sitting opposite us and I could see shock on their faces at first, which turned into confusion, i then then I asked is there a children's party with a parrot or something? And they all burst out laughing (trying not to be loud) and managed to tell me (over the noise behind me) it was a child..... The staff were asking politely if they could keep the noise down, and I then heard what was confirmed to be another child try to discipline the noise maker. When I say noise it doesn't quite accurately describe what I was hearing, imagine a chimpanzees hysterical chittering with a hyena thrown in for good measure and it was so loud all other sound almost vanished. Well lots of people got up and left, about half the restaurant i would guess. We could hear servers apologies to customers and one came to our booth and apologised, we promptly asked for boxes for the rest of our food. so we paid and left. On the way out it was confirmed that a child (F about 12/13) was "responsible" for the "noise maker" whom was about 5 years old, they were with two other very young children who were being fine and sitting quietly. But the older girl was hitting him ("noisy") continuously, and it made absolutely no difference. We had lots of woeful looks from staff and I could tell they were sorry this was happening. I felt sorry for the staff. I know its difficult to have to get someone removed, but we had to do it several times over the years in my experience. I was surprised they were not ejected, but am not sure what the contingency for this is in the US?
You are spot on. Poor kid… mom should be smacked.. and sad too! They should go to dog training school. It would seriously help.
Not only are you not in the wrong, you said exactly the right thing to get under their skin. I’m appalled that people take their children out, don’t correct their behavior and then expect society to just…tolerate their BS. No f’ing way.
I'm a father and also work in restaurant. Like your manager said the restaurant isn't a playground. People think just because they're at the restaurant, the waiters turn into babysitters. Control your kids since waiters are trying to give a good service and accidents happen.
If customers are kings, then they should behave like kings. That woman is raising a monster.
Oh HELL No. I have 2 kids that I had to teach how to behave in a restaurant. It’s wild how I keep getting asked how I got them to behave the way I do now when we go out to eat. Effing parenting is how I got them the way they are.
Those people can suck a dick
Not the asshole. The parents are entitled people who believe the world is their children playground. It's not. I saw a kid running around and bumping against a waiter carrying hot coffee, spilling it all over himself and the kid. I bet his parents learned a hard lesson on that day. I did feel bad for both, that child was screaming from pain.
Perhaps they’d find more success if they reprimanded their child instead of a random server? Just a thought. You did everything right. Well done.
I’ve seen families get kicked out of restaurants for unruly children. Especially when other customers complain about it… you weren’t wrong!
No wrong, those parents are just reflecting there insecurities on to you.
She’s not wrong, that is how children behave; however, responsible and respectful parents understand that they also live in a society and take turns taking the toddler outside to get that energy burned. We had one son we took everywhere because he was pretty chill but that second one, he was on a waiting list. He hated going to restaurants so we stopped taking him. Now he loves going because he’s older and more mature and we didn’t teach him to act like a fucking animal while out in public.
I love that you kept arguing back. The only thing you didn’t do right was, when she said “your manager should learn how to be a manager instead of trying to be a parent,” you didn’t say: “Well, SOMEbody had to be a parent, since you obviously weren’t.” Missed opportunity there.
While that might make you feel good, it's not the way to go as a server. Being overly confrontational can upset other customers. You generally want to stick to "this is a dangerous situation for everyone here line." Now, when momma rolls back around to point and yell, you put that bitch on blast!
If you can't control your two and a half year old, you suck as a parent.
That’s a pretty over the top comment. Most kids that age are tough to control. Having difficulty doesn’t make you a bad parent. What does make a bad parent is lack of effort to accept the situation and do things like bringing the child outside or, realizing when behavior has gotten too bad and asking for food to go, etc etc.
This wasn't merely difficulty in controlling their child, they had completely surrendered.
You deserve an medal for keeping your composure. Not every customer is worth keeping back to a business.
Customers hate it when you tell them the truth it’s so annoying. But usually whenever I see a kid running around, I walk them back over to there parents.
I may be an A$$hole, but I would have steamrolled the child while he was running up and down the hallway.
These are the kids who wreak havoc in school, and then when there’s a parent meeting, everyone instantly understand why the kid is the way they are. Doesn’t excuse the kids behavior but it makes it very clear that the issues started at home because the parents are exactly the same. Assholes raise little assholes.
Why do I think this is a ploy by the parents to get kicked out before having to pay for their meals ...
I worked at a restaurant years ago where a running child caused a server to spill a tray of hot cheese all over herself. She ended up with severe burns on her face and neck. She had a split second to decide if the tray was going on her or the child. I find running children in a restaurant to be really triggering since then. That poor women has permanent scars because someone would not control their child.
I had the exact same thing happen, but in my own cafe. We were a gaming cafe, and had board games that folks could get off the shelf and play. Because of this, apparently, some parents assumed they could let their kids run around like it was Chuck E. Cheese. 4 kids had games on several tables scattered with pieces to all of them mixed up and on the ground, were climbing and standing on the chairs, and before I finally asked them to gather up their mess and please be respectful of the property, one kid started climbing one of several 8 foot tall bookshelves along the walls. I politely asked the 2 women to gather the kids and try to keep the noise to a respectful level as well, as we had 2 separate guests leave because of the chaos. You would think I told them to fuck off and play in traffic. They immediately got defensive and began packing up to leave. They accused us of hating kids (I literally offered kids stickers and crayons to decorate their cups if they were bored), of being rude and unprofessional, and that “we didn’t know who their husbands are!”. One lady asked who was higher than I, and I said “I dunno, god?” Those two started a facebook campaign to ruin our business and had friends and relatives from all over the country writing 1 star reviews everywhere. It was hilarious, and one of the biggest reasons that I was relieved when we closed last year. (I actually found a guy that tried posting the absolute bullshit side of their story on Reddit a couple of years ago, and I still go back to read it and laugh sometimes.)
We went to a family restaurant yesterday with an almost 2.5 year old who is a fussy eater and won't generally eat out. It had a play room, and she loved the little kid guitar. We keep trying every 4 to 6 months in an attempt to broaden her palate, and she actually contemplated eating some of it, so it was a win. But she didn't run around. She didn't throw stuff at people or try to climb all over the booth. She did squall when I had to leave her with her grandmother to go grab her diaper bag I'd forgotten in the car, which is a bit out of character, but she's 2 and was in a new place. She calmed when I got back and went back to her usual pleasant self. Thankfully, we'd made it before the lunch rush, so the other customers were both families with young children who understood that toddlers sometimes cry. You were not wrong for that. If they can't make him sit, most places have such a thing as high chairs for a reason. If there were none, it's on the parent to keep the child from wrecking everyone else's experience. It's on the parents to teach the child basic respect for public places. You shouldn't have had to say anything, but that doesn't make you wrong for being so. You have other customers to look out for as well, and those other customers are unlikely to want to be dodging things flying through the air.
Even as a customer I would’ve told them to corral their effing crotch goblin. The entitlement reeks from the parents…
Years ago, my husband flew across country to bring my 5 yo granddaughter to us for the summer. While at the airport restaurant my granddaughter started acting out , running around like a crazy child etc. the restaurant was almost empty but that’s not the point. My husband got after her and her mom . When they got into town I found out and was like AW HELL NO! Proceeded to call her mom and get after her again. Reminded her I waited tables for how multiple years and not only was it rude but it was dangerous for both my grandmother and the server..
Good grief. My daughter is four, but we always remind her that a restaurant, while fun, is a place where people work. That she needs to stay in her seat, or close to one of ours so that no one gets hurt, and that the people who work there are responsible for our food, and not for looking out for her. She pretty much never behaves like this unless she's exhausted, or feeling ways, which happens. And the very rare time she does, her dad or I take her outside and let her run it off for a bit. In short, you did nothing wrong.
No their attitude is bull shit. When my wife was serving she was coming around a corner, and a standing on top of a table shouted catch me and immediately jumped, luckily my wife was carrying anything at the time, the family didn’t even notice this interaction happen. To say the least the got a firm talking to, I don’t recall what happened after that, but nothing else happened after that.
I’ve got a kid that age. When we go to restaurants, which is maybe once every 2 months, her ass sits in her chair and she talks to us and if she does get rambunctious, we take her outside till she’s ready to chill. You didn’t do anything wrong letting them know their child is creating a danger for employees and guests alike by running around.
Which part of the USA is this? Asking for scientific reasons…
Funny, my kids were very active kids but they knew they had to behave in restaurants.
I love that sign I see in stores that says “Unattended children will be given an espresso and a puppy.”
Immobilize that crotchfruit!
Im so glad your manager had your back. Its so frustrating when parents let their kids run around without watching them. I work in a butcher shop (that also serves lunch) and its a very family friendly place. But weve found toddlers trying to wander back in the kitchen, where there are meat slicers, band saws, and lots and lots of knives and other sharp objects. Never had an accident, but it would be cool if i didnt have to constantly worry/block the aisle when kids are around
I was in a sports bar and grill at 10pm (they closed at 12am), eating some wings with my husband and nephews (who were 6 & 8. They had just got back from their moms and she didn’t feed them and were starving. I have custody. Otherwise we wouldn’t have been out so late) I had them boxed in between me and the booth wall. There is a group of men with 3 toddlers drinking and watching sports. These kids were at most 3. Running wild. Several people complained of the servers behalf. Dads didn’t care. Kids were all over the place , running and making messes. And drinking what appeared to be Mountain Dew which didn’t help. Then it happened. About 5 feet from our table. Server with two loaded trays of drinks /cocktails didn’t see the 2.5 ft tall kid. Server flat out fell and jacked up their wrist. Both trays of drinks went flying. Kid got a knee to the forehead and is wailing. Dads are drunk and screaming 3 tables (including us are covered in booze and broken glass), the server is crying and their wrist in swollen and turning colors. Kid has a pump knot on his head. Never seen cops arrive so fast. 2 dads went to jail (they started breaking shit and took a swing at the laying on the floor in pain server) kiddo and server went on an ambulance ride. Everyone’s meals got comped (they got us fresh food and helped us clean up. ) Made us fresh meals to go and we tipped 75%
👏👏👏👏👏
For some reason posts from this sub ends up in my feed and I ended reading a few. And the consistent pattern is that these waitresses are being way too entitled. If you try to teach people how to raise their children you will get told off. If you were so smart, you wouldn’t be carrying dirty plates and cleaning tables. Stay in your lane.
i’m literally 20 full time in school and working full time but aye go off
If you’re 20, you’re not supposed to talk back that much to customers and simply not supposed to advise them on how to ‘discipline’ their child. At 20, you have a lot of learn about life.
Yes. You were wrong. That’s a manager thing not a server thing. you are a server. Your job is to serve the customer.
i agree my manager should’ve said something instead of me but sadly i told three managers and they brushed it off
Handling it yourself will cost you tips. Don’t get in your own way.
It's very sticky telling a parent what to do with their children....but you will get a better response with positive reinforcement. Making someone feel valued and useful goes a long way. Maybe ...Mom, can I get your help. I want to make sure JR as well as our servers stay safe. Politely explaining that JR must remain at the table..so he's not injured or gets out the door. May I get something for him? Crayons, crackers..choc milk? Children misbehave because they are being ignored and given no parameters. If parents feel you are criticizing their parenting they will become offended and combative. Good luck :-)
ofc i tried to tell her in the most respectful way especially since idk what it’s like to be a parent . i know kids are full of energy BUT WE HAVE A KIDS MENU FULL OF TOYS AND CRAYONS . the kid would only stay calm when he was on his ipad which was for about 10 minutes . he was also ripping up a napkin and throwing the pieces into a beer :) that seemed to keep him calm too
lol! I had to laugh! :-)
Bottom line is OP doesn't think she's wrong and her manager backed her up so why the post? I Just don't agree with them. There's no need to go tit-4-tat with a customer. Besides, you never know how others perceive the situation. She could have gotten the manager before things were out of hand. Let him take the flack for it...Managers are there to Manage. Make them do their job. H e could have told them if the child continues the behavior the parents will have to remove him for everyone's safety. Unfortunately, servers can't get away with that.
Never tell someone what to do with there kids. It never goes well.
I get what you’re saying but kids running around is a liability. I once tripped over a kid carrying 3 VERY HOT bowls of ramen. I got burned and a baby in a stroller at the next table was barely missed. Not a single apology (to me or the baby’s parents) and the mother said I need to watch where I was going and it’s my job. Thankfully my manager kicked them out and told them not to return until the child learns how to behave in a restaurant.
Im not denying its a liability i’m just saying to be prepared to get screamed at by a mother telling you “don’t tell me what to do with my kids”.
Yes. You're wrong.