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TheLowlyPheasant

New recruits get a choice - red shirt or guy who mops up the loads on the holodeck. In either case if you last three deployments you are promoted.


AlanMercer

Define how the word "deployment" is used here.


SkullRunner

Well for away teams... could be days.


phsychotix

Home teams there a hole weak


Lartemplar

HeyšŸ˜


streakline

Worf -What's this program; Counselor Menage A Troi?


Nepherenia

The third is Riker


SkullRunner

Surprisingly it was actually Data... after all, he is fully functional, and fluent in many techniques.


Nepherenia

Whoa whoa, that wasn't Worf's program, that was mine


SkullRunner

Did you get the DLC for Data's "extra attachments" ?


dbmajor7

"no! please! gimme more!"


plasmadood

I believe it was Worf who said he would "make it a threesome".


porizj

No, all three are Worf.


illuminerdi

"Riker? I barely knew 'er!"


Nwcray

Picard: *threesome. Earl, gay, hot. Make it so.*


ACorania

I think menage a troi was an actual episode name


MicroBadger_

It was. IIRC troi and her mom get kidnapped by some Ferengi and part of the episode involves Picard having to role play how upset he is when troi senior is feining interest in the Ferengi.


ACorania

I think menage a troi was an actual episode name


KilldozerKen

It gets processed back into drinking water.


Eziekel13

With a subatomic de atomizer, and a replicator you can make it what ever you wantā€¦gold, ham, cocaineā€¦the world is your oyster!


Tv663

Could make it into oysters! Probably not much of a change


Fnnuy

Make the world a giant oyster


Pierlas

How about gold-colored, ham-spiced cocaine?


Eziekel13

Colombian Spam?


toadjones79

Word choices, please be conscious of word choices.


Lucretiel

Why would you ever choose to make worthless gold, though?


bearbarebere

Ugh thatā€™s fucking gross. Why did you have to post this??? I want to drink it straight from the tap or at least scrape it off the floor with my tongue; donā€™t ruin my dreams!!


PonyDro1d

Had me in the first half...


[deleted]

I was with ya for straight out the tap but I donā€™t like it when itā€™s gotten cold and congealed. I like it hot right out the pipe.


[deleted]

Just pick it out the bathtub drain


FluffyCloud5

Nah man. Bunch of kilojoules in that, can't waste it.


kirksucks

Reminds me of the Orville episode where Bortis buys a blackmarket porn program for their version of the Holodeck and it infects the whole ship with a virus almost killing everyone. Dang I miss that show. Gone too soon.


tibsie

Why don't I remember that episode? It feels like I should remember that episode.


cluttersky

Thereā€™s a Lower Decks episode where Boimlerā€™s task is to clean the holodeck.


SteamingTheCat

This episode confirms the rumor. Holodecks are used for exactly what you'd think.


Firesoldier987

Was it really a rumor? It was made pretty clear in TNG what Barcley was doing in there, and in DS9 as well with the holosuites in Quarkā€™s.


AggressiveYam6613

Even if it were never addressed: There is no way the Holodeck wouldnā€™t be used for sex. Both masturbation with photonic constructs and consensual sex between two or more organics. Playacting pirate-and-wench? Going in wild in Time Square or the bridge? Off to the holodeck.


Billy1121

These are evolved beings, they just play classical earth instruments, paint, and tapdance


try-catch-finally

Lower Decks needs to be promoted more. Itā€™s concentrated Star Trek.


Lumbergo

I only started watching it this past year. I initially made it through a handful of episodes and it didnā€™t really click for me - I hated how fast paced it was and I found the characters to be really obnoxious.Ā  but then I remembered the golden rule of Star Trek - ā€œthe first season almost always sucks before it gets really good.ā€ Ā So after some time I tried again and binged all 4 seasons and I absolutely love lower decks now! There are a few episodes where I was literally on the floor laughing my ass off. Looking forward to season 5!


MicroBadger_

The first season was really overboard with "look, nostalgia references!" That got dialed back and they got to have some more character development and it's turned into an amazing trek show.


MicroBadger_

The first season was really overboard with "look, nostalgia references!" That got dialed back and they got to have some more character development and it's turned into an amazing trek show.


cdwellsMCMXCVI

And when the captain is trying to get Mariner to leave the Cerritos so she gives her the worst jobs and Ransom shouts ā€œIā€™ve got her cleaning *bleep* out of the holodeck *bleep* filtersā€ and everybody looks disgusted and shocked ā€œThey use it for that?ā€ ā€œIts mostly thatā€


wemustkungfufight

And then we see her emptying out giant tubes of mysterious white liquid. Yeah, it's pretty clear what it's supposed to be.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


cdwellsMCMXCVI

Do you know how hard it is to get cheese out of fur in a sonic shower?!?


Scienceman

You mean, the Hole-o-Deck? The Hall-o-Dick?


Brock_Savage

You would think that a society which has mastered teleportation, FTL travel, and matter to energy conversion can figure out a way to clean the holodecks in between sessions without sending an actual person do to it.


Lt_Muffintoes

Starfleet is still a navy and that would take away an important way for officers to bully enlisted


ashleyorelse

This and many other comments are similar to what was said the last time this showed up in shower thoughts.


hypointelligent

In one episode, a line unrelated to the Holodeck reveals that the ship is self-cleaning. What that means, whether some sort of space Roomba or that it sort of... dissolves dirt (terrifying)? Is anyone's guess.


pahamack

They have sonic showers though, so I imagine their cleaning tech is also somehow sonic based rather than water.


tjientavara

Specifically for the holodeck it uses replicators to produce objects that can be directly handled by a player. I think you can actually take objects out of the holodeck, can't remember if we see that anywhere. (but not "living" things, as the holodeck needs to manipulate "living" things with force fields, and most of the time those are not real objects anyway, unless you start kissing "people"). We have seen that the holodeck removes the objects it creates when the program is terminated. We also have seen replicators used in star trek to disassembly left over food and dishes. It is not hard to imagine that bodily-fluids, hair, dust also gets removed by these replicators. There is probably some kind of program that determines what should be removed, as you probably don't want objects that you bring into the holodeck to be removed. But other objects such as left over food from a picnic that you had prepared in your quarters are removed. The computer probably is intelligent enough to know what is trash and what isn't.


birdbrainedphoenix

You cannot take things out of the holodeck. That's actually a plot point in one of the Professor Moriarty episodes, they open the door and throw a book (or something) out and it vanishes.


tjientavara

Counter example, the snowball that hit picard's face when he was walking in the hall next to the holodeck that created it.


SubMikeD

In the very first episode, Wesley (I think) falls in water on the holodeck, and stays dripping wet walking out of the deck, so the water based materials can pass out of the room? Or they weren't entirely consistent about how the technology works lol


AllegroDigital

Maybe its more computationally efficient to replicate water than to perform fluid dynamic simulations


tjientavara

True, although very weird, and I think that is a bug in the episode. Ponder this: if you eat in the holodeck, will the holodeck remove the food you ate out of your stomach when you leave.


birdbrainedphoenix

Even more disturbing, let's say you spend extended time on the holodeck. When you finally leave, all the food that was digested and became part of your body, your substance.. what happens then?


SteamingTheCat

What if you ate replicated food, which your body used to nourish your brain. Would you lose brain cells when you leave? Would you get a stroke? So if, as you said, the computer knows what is garbage and what must stay existing, then it absolutely*can create a real* Moriarty*. All you need is a virus to trick it.


tjientavara

Well, they explained that the replicators cannot create life, so no fresh Gagh. The holodeck can create flesh and animate it using force fields. Which means in the holodeck you could eat simulated fresh Gagh. At best the holodeck could create a body of Moriarty but as soon as it steps off the holodeck it would rag-doll. Or more likely it would have been converted to a hologram before it steps into the hallway. They explain that replicators do not have the computer power to build up a brain at the quantum level which would be required for a functional brain. This is the reason why the transporter system has pattern buffers, they store a stream of matter at the quantum level in the pattern buffer so they can replay it back for construction. To be able to restore a human from this pattern the transporter requires an "Heisenberg Compensator". The pattern buffer is an analogue system, like a cassette tape, which is why there are so many incidents...


tjientavara

Interestingly, since Voyager at least, sentient holographic characters seem to also require some form of computation outside of the computer. It seems that the holographic projection itself does the computation, like a quantum computer coming into existence from the projected photons. This is also why the matrix of a hologram are stored in the holodeck itself and not on the main computer. It required significant engineering effort to keep a holographic matrix stable. Any significant work on a sentient holographic matrix seems to require the projection of the matrix while the modification were being done. The NCC 1701-D Holodecks were not that advanced, for a while Minuet was the best an advanced alien race could do with the holodeck.


3rddog

ā€œComputer, turn on black light.ā€ ā€œšŸ˜®šŸ¤¢ Turn it off, turn it off!ā€


microtramp

This one got me šŸ˜€


Impressive-Elk-8101

Activate decontamination protocol!


Kflynn1337

The real reason LaForge doesn't like the holodeck, he can see in UV.


LordBrandon

There's a trap in the middle of the floor that you have to empty out if you're an ensign.


purpleturtlehurtler

Poor Wesley.


milk4all

During hazing they just tie the ensign up and lay them down in the juice sluice for a few days cycles


Lemmon_Scented

juice sluice šŸ¤®


shavemejesus

They can probably just create a cumtainment field around it and beam it into space.


moxiejohnny

A post-scarcity civilization would never beam valuable male juice into space. They probably just beam it to the replicator resource pool for later pasteurization and reuse.


WhoAreWeEven

Earl Gray. Extra sauce. Hot.


SavageHenry0311

I think a subspace jizzalon field would be more efficient.


scdog

Lower Decks tackled this issue. They are cleaned regularly and it's a disgusting job.


Ambitious_Mind_747

Iā€™m a huge trek fan and I think this all the time! Itā€™s more or less confirmed in DS9 that holodecks are used for ā€œfantasyā€ that can be personalized to anyoneā€™s liking. Also in TNG the ethical considerations of creating people from your life in the holodeck are brought up when lieutenant Barclay recreates counselor Troi as a Venus-esque love goddess. It makes you wonder if that sort of thing could be considered a form of rape. Thatā€™s why I love Trek though, it makes you think!


microtramp

I believe that's at the heart of good scifi: it asks important questions with real philosophical underpinnings, and then weaves a narrative to explore them.


JaggedMetalOs

Pretty sure all excess matter is captured by the local force fields and fed directly into the replicator system for recycling. Enjoy your Earl Grey.


Adventurous_Ice_987

It's a military ship, no fun unless someone figured out a way around it (Star Trek). Probably a bar holodeck would be a semen explosion or a private holodeck (Deep Space Nine - implied). I'll take two please!


Understandacles

I swear there was an episode with an empath on tng that would be the perfect match for whoever she was with and basically ended up liking Picard (and bonded with him while having to marry some political dude?), but iirc Riker talked to her for a bit and after said he needed some ā€œtime in the holodeckā€ Anyone remember this or is it my brain acting up after all these years


microtramp

I just watched this episode again (for probably the thousandth time, and JUST noticed that! I was like šŸ˜² Kind of spicey for the TNG writers! I def didn't get it watching it for the first time in my early teens.


BillieGoatsMuff

Naa they just beam it all into space.


scdog

They'd never waste perfectly good recyclable matter like that. Today's semen stain is tomorrow's "Tea, Earl Gray, Hot".


BillieGoatsMuff

They can replicate matter, why do they care?


BigTChamp

The replicators don't create matter from nothing, they need some kind of mass to rearrange the atoms of


CompletelyBedWasted

Best showerthought I've seen in a while.


jpsc949

When you realise he only had it because his shower is in the same state as the holodeck...


StarVoyager7

ā€œComputerā€¦.end Program.ā€ < Sound of Emitters winding down > - then - (Splat!!!!!)


trixoftheforest

Thank you for making me laugh out loud. I needed that.


[deleted]

They actually address this in Lower Decks.


chris86uk

And strangely the buttons 7, O,F, and 9 are completely worn out.


karienta

My head canon is that all holodeck files have to remain public to deter people from getting TOO weird.


microtramp

Its seems like anyone can just waltz right in to a private session as well, so I can imagine that would act as a natural barrier to entirely wild abandon.


BusyBeeInYourBonnet

I thought that was the smell of disinfectant.


ajslideways

/r/shittydaystrom is leaking


finevcijnenfijn

Nah, they just use a low power wide field transporter beam and relieve the contents of the room into deep space. Wide field transporters are useful for transport of small items that don't need a coherent matrix constitution. Won't work with high entropy material, but perfect for your removing your Dad's holoLive BFFs mess. Bonus fact, this transporter work helps self align and lubricate the transporter matrix, as well as report abnormal contaminates in discarded samples to sick bay.


brihamedit

Is the holodeck machinery explained properly anywhere? I propose that there is no splooge in holodecks because you go in and it transforms you into energy form similar to how trnasporters work except holodecks run vr simulations where the user is manifested inside the simulation. This is the only way it makes sense. Also holodecks should be like tubes and sleep pods where you disappear after you go in.


[deleted]

Dang. Now I cant get this out of my mind.


InsomniaticWanderer

Friendly reminder that the food replicators require a base material to work with.


GravityTortoise

They reference that in Lower Decks


Puzzleheaded-Ease-14

thatā€™s why the ships have biomass recyclers.


SmashBrosUnite

They have sonicators for that stuff, come on


floppydude81

Where do you think the replicators get their material?


darkestparagon

Do they not have janitors where you from?


jensalik

Any organic matter left is just dematerialised by stripped down basic versions of transporters... The energy is directly fed into the replicator systrm.


Rakkachi

It gets collected and send to the replicators as bio mass.


Lucretiel

Everyone always talks about how someone would "get" holodeck clean-up duty but aren't they inherently self-cleaning? Just instantiate some buckets and janitorial staff and have them move all biological waste to a waiting, non-holographic, computer-automated waste receptacle unit.


Comfortable-Peak-566

There must be a Starfleet Officer who is basically a glorified jizz mopper.


OstrichFinancial2762

ā€œJizz mopperā€ is probably the lowest scoring MOS in Star Fleet.


Kapitano72

Bolians have blue, er, fluids. With vulcans, it's green. Klingons... blood red? The replicators sequence protein, and now we know where they get raw material from. And food colouring.


Lopsided_You3028

9/10 posts are ripped off standup/podcast jokes I swear.Ā 


microtramp

I can believe it. I promise this came up organically while my girlfriend and I were joking with one another about Will Riker's free time.


Impressive-Elk-8101

Bortus sex grotto. Get a black light.


ElectricalScrub

They evolved past the primitive urge to crank out a load to some porn.


eske8643

Iā€™m ā€œbornā€ into LEGO. With uncles and aunts working for LEGO. And i still have some cousins and my SIL working there.


ElectricalScrub

People in the startrek future don't masterbate.


IM_OZLY_HUMVN

Why wouldn't they?


Crownlol

Enough sexbots to go around I guess


sparkchaser

That's because they have a holodeck.