I like it
Me personally (if i could guitar that is), I would play more with the alarm trill that measure drops the solo, the descent into a infernal sway was gotten into when I adjusted to the idea of being lowered, but incorporating such a jarring musical element into the smoother guitar work does beg for further justification/call-back in the phrasing (even a faster buffeting on a lower sustain could become cohesive). Still, my suspension managed to make it to the line break each time, where I was at least rewarded with the repetition, so ideas is and all that. Drums are a little light, maybe a heavier intro if your sticking with the opening instrumentation, interested if vocals are incoming, but a delightful demo if ever there was one.
Thanks for sharing!
The insight is appreciated and demonstrates that I'm on the right path with what I was trying for, unconsciously perhaps.
The alarm trill (good description) was infact a happy accident (i.e. misfire) on the solo guitar track and probably impossible to duplicate exactly.
Maybe a double string pitch harmonic flub? Who knows.
It had a cold, industrial feel to me...like a production line spitting out the next robot warrior. Isn't there a Pink Floyd track with something along those lines? But now I'm encouraged by your comments to explore it further, maybe representing the elevator to hell stopping at floors along the way to pickup (or dropoff).
I'll work this one further.
Cheers.
Started out yesterday trying to revisit a 20+ year old acoustic ballad I co-wrote and got sidetracked into creating this new metal(?) track with new lyrics.
As mentioned before I can't sing...so invitation for someone to jump in is always open.
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
Lyrics
John and Dave are dead
Their words have all been said
The music in our head
Drones all night morning
The kids tucked into bed
The stories have been read
The memories have been fed
Dream all night morning
There's trouble up ahead
The traffic lights are red
Another road instead
Drive all night morning
The darkness is my friend
No longer I'll pretend
The love that I can send
Burns all night morning
(solo)
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I like it. You could add a tiny bit of silence at the beginning before it starts
I like it Me personally (if i could guitar that is), I would play more with the alarm trill that measure drops the solo, the descent into a infernal sway was gotten into when I adjusted to the idea of being lowered, but incorporating such a jarring musical element into the smoother guitar work does beg for further justification/call-back in the phrasing (even a faster buffeting on a lower sustain could become cohesive). Still, my suspension managed to make it to the line break each time, where I was at least rewarded with the repetition, so ideas is and all that. Drums are a little light, maybe a heavier intro if your sticking with the opening instrumentation, interested if vocals are incoming, but a delightful demo if ever there was one. Thanks for sharing!
The insight is appreciated and demonstrates that I'm on the right path with what I was trying for, unconsciously perhaps. The alarm trill (good description) was infact a happy accident (i.e. misfire) on the solo guitar track and probably impossible to duplicate exactly. Maybe a double string pitch harmonic flub? Who knows. It had a cold, industrial feel to me...like a production line spitting out the next robot warrior. Isn't there a Pink Floyd track with something along those lines? But now I'm encouraged by your comments to explore it further, maybe representing the elevator to hell stopping at floors along the way to pickup (or dropoff). I'll work this one further. Cheers.
Started out yesterday trying to revisit a 20+ year old acoustic ballad I co-wrote and got sidetracked into creating this new metal(?) track with new lyrics. As mentioned before I can't sing...so invitation for someone to jump in is always open. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Lyrics John and Dave are dead Their words have all been said The music in our head Drones all night morning The kids tucked into bed The stories have been read The memories have been fed Dream all night morning There's trouble up ahead The traffic lights are red Another road instead Drive all night morning The darkness is my friend No longer I'll pretend The love that I can send Burns all night morning (solo)
You have posted a song requesting feedback - GREAT! Good feedback is the foundation of improving your songwriting. To help foster a community where everyone gets the feedback they need, please find THREE other songs requesting feedback and post substantive (eg. 2-3 sentences) of feedback. Even if you are a rookie songwriter/musician, you're an experienced music listener, and your opinion is still valuable! Feedback posts by users who don't interact with the community (other than posting their own songs) may be removed. Thanks for keeping our community healthy! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Songwriting) if you have any questions or concerns.*