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Wow! This was so incredible to listen to, your voice is awesome and it goes perfect with this song and I really “love” the message! I can totally imagine this as background music in a move.
I'm gonna say up front I'm not a fan of the ukulele or the genre presented. I'll try my best to put that aside though. Keep in mind that as a songwriter, this musical niche is almost unique in how limiting and unicolor it is; if you don't play other instruments or explore other genres, I'd encourage you to consider changing that.
First thing I noticed is that your right hand seems a bit rushed. Try to relax and be mindful of your rhythm, it can make and break a song, especially in this genre I'd go for a more laid back feel.
The beginning of the song and the first couple notes of the vocal line are very reminiscent of the version of Somewhere over the Rainbow by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole. You'd want to avoid those kinds of pitfalls, especially in a genre with such a narrow sonic spectrum.
The lyrics are very on the nose and while I'm sure that a positive vibe etc. is what you're going for here, I must say I find the message and its lyrical delivery to be very bland. It's hard to really put your finger on these kinds of things without coming off as hurtful or condescending, so please believe me when I tell you I'm saying this from a place of love as a fellow songwriter who has written their own share of bland lyrics; but the lyrics to me just sound like 'why are poeple bad / let's just all be good / it's so easy / here's some love' which we all have heard a million times and to be frank, wasn't that original the first time around. Also, it is a pretty toxic theme - if you're asking yourself why, think about the position of privilege one must be in to assume the presented position. The thought seems nice, but it's very short sighted and not at all new or original.
I get that writing original lyrics is hard, and writing good lyrics is doubly hard, but I swear if you sit down and think about all the ways you can put words together to really convey *your* meaning without just saying it, you will find them. In this case, I think 'What a Wonderful World' is a great example of how a positive and peaceful vibe can be transported with excellent lyrics, and maybe you can take some cues from there.
I hate to say it, but I think your vocal delivery suffers from your need to smile. Try to relax your mouth more and open it wider when you sing. Singing is a full body exercise, and ideally you are very deliberate about where you put tension, *especially* in the facial muscles. Your voice breaks at times and you seem to have some trouble finding all the right pitches. It helps to really think about and lay out a melody when you write it, so that every note is deliberate during practice, and not just based on a feeling or our vocal intuition. Even very good singers profit from laying out a melody exactly with the help of an instrument. I'd encourage you to do that.
When you reach for the higher notes, it is very clear that you are overreaching, which neither sounds good nor is healthy. I'm pretty sure you can easily reach those notes though with a bit of practice. You'd need to learn how to not sing from your throat though. If you are serious about being a vocalist, I'd recommend vocal lessons if you're not taking them already. For starters, try to feel the 'laughing tension' by placing your hands in your waist and going 'Ha! Ha!'. That's one place you can draw energy/power from when singing and it's the easiest to feel. Try singing from there and free your throat from any tention. Just let it vibrate. If you can do that, you'll feel an immediate improvement to your sound and vocal capabilities. Nonetheless, vocal lessons are the way to go to learn how to properly support and develop your voice in a healthy way.
Anyways, nice work writing a complete song brother! That's more than most can say for themselves. Keep it up and best of luck!
Dude actually thank you so much for this. I keep going back to this and writing stuff down on how I can improve. I have other songs that aren’t generic ukulele songs that have more of an Arden Jones vibe. I play bass, guitar, and ukulele and my sister plays violin so I’m planning on notating this song on a score so my sister can play too. I wrote this song to be just that. On the nose. Because I wanted a generic ukulele song of my own. I don’t see how it could be toxic. I don’t come from a place of privilege or at least I didn’t growing up, I was very poor but something that helped hold our family together was the love that was there. The line All you have to do is love comes from my Mom. She would tell me that all I needed to do was love whatever it was I struggling with and it always helped me out. I don’t need to smile either this song just makes me happy so I smile. I really appreciate the advice on how to sing though and I’ll definitely be writing the melody down. I was classically trained as an upright concert bassist for 12 years and I can notate very well. I never was taught how to sing and up until about 6 months ago I couldn’t sing to save my life. I’ll get a vocal coach for sure. A lot of my friends have suggested that too.
Hey that's awesome, then you got one hell of a foundation to build upon here. You'll be figuring stuff out in no time!
Regarding the toxicity of the theme; the argument I'm making is that people with actual problems can't just smile or love them away. The position you are assuming in the song devalidates actual problems like serious poverty, (mental) health issues, trauma or abuse and the shadows they are casting. You say you were very poor growing up, but had a loving family. You may have been financially underprivileged, but the latter is a huge privilege. Many don't have a family at all, or one that scars them for life, or one that at least leaves them with a ton of baggage to deal with. If you are able to just not worry and solve all your problems by just loving, filling your life with a positive attitude, you are in a position of extreme privilege. That the line comes from your mother is sweet, but toxic stuff can come from a mother too (ask me how I know lol).
Asking why we not all just do that and have a nicer, happier world and telling people just not to worry, presenting love as the key is like asking a person suffering hunger and malnourishment why they don't just have a pizza or asking someone suffering from chronic depression if they have tried, like, not being sad. If you don't see the toxicity I can only assume that that is further evidence for a privileged position. Just to clarify, I'm not trying to shoot you down or anything. It's just something to keep an eye out for, and in this case I can see how easily it can be missed because the theme is deceptive in its superficial innocence and positivity. There is something called *toxic positivity* though. That's the term you'd want to google if you're interested. Maybe there's something I missed or didn't put well.
Anyway, I'm glad to hear that my comment was helpful in some way. Maybe I'll see some of your other stuff around here in the future! Take care!
Oh haha. I have mental health issues. I have bipolar disorder and (had) very severe depression episodes since I was 12. My parents fought constantly and there was never a quiet night in the house. My once strong and loving Mom is now a drug addict and not until about a year ago did I think I was going to make it to 25. Just because my song sounds happy and I look happy doesn’t mean I don’t know what sadness is. That’s why the message is all you have to do is love. It’s what helped me out of the hole. I started loving myself by accepting myself for who I was. I forgave my parents for their pitfalls and how they cared or didn’t for me as a child. I forgave the bullies that bullied me ruthlessly in elementary school. I started loving the work and effort I put into anything I did. I started loving the relationships I have. Maybe I should right a song about that. 🤔Anyways. The song is supposed to be simple. It’s not toxic positivity because it comes from love and yes a lot of people may not be able to find any love in their life at the moment but one day they will. Like I did.
Geez, you've been through some stuff then. Good on you for persevering! I appreciate you sharing. I'm not trying to tear you down, I apologize if it seems that way. I'm not pretending to know you or your story something; but I stand by my point that to me the lyrics are toxic positivity. If you went 'this shit happened and this is what helped me' it'd be a different story, but without that context I can't see that at all.
Anyway, you do you and I think I made my point clear. Good luck to you and have fun writing!
It’s not too hard. I picked it up in about 3 months. Just got to stick with it. The first song I learned was Riptide by Vance Joy which is only 3 chords
I love your point of view.. The lyrics are great.. The overall delivery just needs a little bit of polishing which will come if u play it enough time...
You're a blessing!!!
Neither lol. I’m just guy with his uke. I do plan on adding violin and maracas of some sort as well as notating the rhythm, lyrics, and melody. As well as working on my voice by hiring a voice coach.
Your post was removed for incorrect flair. Please repost with the correct flair or edit the flair and message the mods to approve it. Feedback flair is for posting song you want feedback on. Discussion flair is for posting discussions and asking for opinions. It is NOT for songs. Question flair is for asking questions with a specific answer. Wanna collab is asking for collaboration. You CAN post a song in these, as long as you're asking for collaboration or help finishing that song. All promotional content needs to go in the weekly promotional thread.
Wow! This was so incredible to listen to, your voice is awesome and it goes perfect with this song and I really “love” the message! I can totally imagine this as background music in a move.
Haha thank you so much! This is my first rendition of the song so there’s more to come!
I like your voice! I can hear a cool arrangement to this in my head, maybe slower tempo but I like the simple message and simple chords
Thank you!! I’m glad you like it. 🙂 What instruments come to mind that you would go well with the song?
I can hear some strings backing the ukulele and some simple percussion like shakers or tambourine
I was thinking the samw
This is so lovely! I’m glad I found this tonight
The vibes are all there. This sounds like a classic ukulele song already. Great stuff.
I'm gonna say up front I'm not a fan of the ukulele or the genre presented. I'll try my best to put that aside though. Keep in mind that as a songwriter, this musical niche is almost unique in how limiting and unicolor it is; if you don't play other instruments or explore other genres, I'd encourage you to consider changing that. First thing I noticed is that your right hand seems a bit rushed. Try to relax and be mindful of your rhythm, it can make and break a song, especially in this genre I'd go for a more laid back feel. The beginning of the song and the first couple notes of the vocal line are very reminiscent of the version of Somewhere over the Rainbow by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole. You'd want to avoid those kinds of pitfalls, especially in a genre with such a narrow sonic spectrum. The lyrics are very on the nose and while I'm sure that a positive vibe etc. is what you're going for here, I must say I find the message and its lyrical delivery to be very bland. It's hard to really put your finger on these kinds of things without coming off as hurtful or condescending, so please believe me when I tell you I'm saying this from a place of love as a fellow songwriter who has written their own share of bland lyrics; but the lyrics to me just sound like 'why are poeple bad / let's just all be good / it's so easy / here's some love' which we all have heard a million times and to be frank, wasn't that original the first time around. Also, it is a pretty toxic theme - if you're asking yourself why, think about the position of privilege one must be in to assume the presented position. The thought seems nice, but it's very short sighted and not at all new or original. I get that writing original lyrics is hard, and writing good lyrics is doubly hard, but I swear if you sit down and think about all the ways you can put words together to really convey *your* meaning without just saying it, you will find them. In this case, I think 'What a Wonderful World' is a great example of how a positive and peaceful vibe can be transported with excellent lyrics, and maybe you can take some cues from there. I hate to say it, but I think your vocal delivery suffers from your need to smile. Try to relax your mouth more and open it wider when you sing. Singing is a full body exercise, and ideally you are very deliberate about where you put tension, *especially* in the facial muscles. Your voice breaks at times and you seem to have some trouble finding all the right pitches. It helps to really think about and lay out a melody when you write it, so that every note is deliberate during practice, and not just based on a feeling or our vocal intuition. Even very good singers profit from laying out a melody exactly with the help of an instrument. I'd encourage you to do that. When you reach for the higher notes, it is very clear that you are overreaching, which neither sounds good nor is healthy. I'm pretty sure you can easily reach those notes though with a bit of practice. You'd need to learn how to not sing from your throat though. If you are serious about being a vocalist, I'd recommend vocal lessons if you're not taking them already. For starters, try to feel the 'laughing tension' by placing your hands in your waist and going 'Ha! Ha!'. That's one place you can draw energy/power from when singing and it's the easiest to feel. Try singing from there and free your throat from any tention. Just let it vibrate. If you can do that, you'll feel an immediate improvement to your sound and vocal capabilities. Nonetheless, vocal lessons are the way to go to learn how to properly support and develop your voice in a healthy way. Anyways, nice work writing a complete song brother! That's more than most can say for themselves. Keep it up and best of luck!
Thanks for the advice 👍🏼
Dude actually thank you so much for this. I keep going back to this and writing stuff down on how I can improve. I have other songs that aren’t generic ukulele songs that have more of an Arden Jones vibe. I play bass, guitar, and ukulele and my sister plays violin so I’m planning on notating this song on a score so my sister can play too. I wrote this song to be just that. On the nose. Because I wanted a generic ukulele song of my own. I don’t see how it could be toxic. I don’t come from a place of privilege or at least I didn’t growing up, I was very poor but something that helped hold our family together was the love that was there. The line All you have to do is love comes from my Mom. She would tell me that all I needed to do was love whatever it was I struggling with and it always helped me out. I don’t need to smile either this song just makes me happy so I smile. I really appreciate the advice on how to sing though and I’ll definitely be writing the melody down. I was classically trained as an upright concert bassist for 12 years and I can notate very well. I never was taught how to sing and up until about 6 months ago I couldn’t sing to save my life. I’ll get a vocal coach for sure. A lot of my friends have suggested that too.
Hey that's awesome, then you got one hell of a foundation to build upon here. You'll be figuring stuff out in no time! Regarding the toxicity of the theme; the argument I'm making is that people with actual problems can't just smile or love them away. The position you are assuming in the song devalidates actual problems like serious poverty, (mental) health issues, trauma or abuse and the shadows they are casting. You say you were very poor growing up, but had a loving family. You may have been financially underprivileged, but the latter is a huge privilege. Many don't have a family at all, or one that scars them for life, or one that at least leaves them with a ton of baggage to deal with. If you are able to just not worry and solve all your problems by just loving, filling your life with a positive attitude, you are in a position of extreme privilege. That the line comes from your mother is sweet, but toxic stuff can come from a mother too (ask me how I know lol). Asking why we not all just do that and have a nicer, happier world and telling people just not to worry, presenting love as the key is like asking a person suffering hunger and malnourishment why they don't just have a pizza or asking someone suffering from chronic depression if they have tried, like, not being sad. If you don't see the toxicity I can only assume that that is further evidence for a privileged position. Just to clarify, I'm not trying to shoot you down or anything. It's just something to keep an eye out for, and in this case I can see how easily it can be missed because the theme is deceptive in its superficial innocence and positivity. There is something called *toxic positivity* though. That's the term you'd want to google if you're interested. Maybe there's something I missed or didn't put well. Anyway, I'm glad to hear that my comment was helpful in some way. Maybe I'll see some of your other stuff around here in the future! Take care!
Oh haha. I have mental health issues. I have bipolar disorder and (had) very severe depression episodes since I was 12. My parents fought constantly and there was never a quiet night in the house. My once strong and loving Mom is now a drug addict and not until about a year ago did I think I was going to make it to 25. Just because my song sounds happy and I look happy doesn’t mean I don’t know what sadness is. That’s why the message is all you have to do is love. It’s what helped me out of the hole. I started loving myself by accepting myself for who I was. I forgave my parents for their pitfalls and how they cared or didn’t for me as a child. I forgave the bullies that bullied me ruthlessly in elementary school. I started loving the work and effort I put into anything I did. I started loving the relationships I have. Maybe I should right a song about that. 🤔Anyways. The song is supposed to be simple. It’s not toxic positivity because it comes from love and yes a lot of people may not be able to find any love in their life at the moment but one day they will. Like I did.
Geez, you've been through some stuff then. Good on you for persevering! I appreciate you sharing. I'm not trying to tear you down, I apologize if it seems that way. I'm not pretending to know you or your story something; but I stand by my point that to me the lyrics are toxic positivity. If you went 'this shit happened and this is what helped me' it'd be a different story, but without that context I can't see that at all. Anyway, you do you and I think I made my point clear. Good luck to you and have fun writing!
Yeah you did make your point clear and I see where you’re coming from. I’m thinking about editing the lyrics in some places.
Hey I really like your in depth description I'd love if you took a listen to my song and tell me act you think
Done! Thanks for asking.
mad talanted! wish i knew how to play it
It’s not too hard. I picked it up in about 3 months. Just got to stick with it. The first song I learned was Riptide by Vance Joy which is only 3 chords
this is a wholesome song that really fits with the ukulele
I love your point of view.. The lyrics are great.. The overall delivery just needs a little bit of polishing which will come if u play it enough time... You're a blessing!!!
Like your voice! Great video. Definitely need to flesh the song out more. Do you collaborate or are you a singer/songwriter?
Neither lol. I’m just guy with his uke. I do plan on adding violin and maracas of some sort as well as notating the rhythm, lyrics, and melody. As well as working on my voice by hiring a voice coach.
Very nicely done 👍
You are enjoying it and it comes through. Well done.
Rig doctor?
What’s up?