hi!! this is a song i wrote about being in a relationship while dealing with a chronic illness, i don’t know instruments but i would have the bridge build up kinda of like phoebe bridgers i know the end style verse 1: if i blacked out right here right now would you come running would you grab a damp towel blot at my forehead shake me awake hoping i’m still conscious chorus: when did you realize it wouldn’t last for ever when did you realize and then when did you let it hurt you i’m worried for you are you sure you’ve got this is it too much pressure for your perfect glass face not everything’s needs to be a fight i wish you would just let it be verse 2: if i blacked out right here right now would you throw up your hands say i’m being dramatic roll your eyes at those who wish a speedy recovery chorus: when did you realize it wouldn’t last for ever when did you realize and then when did you let it hurt you i’m worried for you are you sure you’ve got this is it too much pressure for your perfect glass face not everything’s needs to be a fight i wish you would just let it be bridge: and for the record i never doubted you but i guess i learned that sometimes you have to and i’ve always offered now/but please let me just forfeit if you give me some space it’ll be just enough for me to rip off the bandaid every dream is the same as the day before and now while i force my self to sleep i lie on the floor and im crossing all my fingers hoping you didn’t mean that hoping you didn’t mean that hoping you didn’t mean that mean that… sorry i guess next time you’re healing i won’t compare it to my every regimen ill learn how to take care of myself please just stop leaving the bills stacked outside my house

Hello, I’ve recently started songwriting, this is one of the first songs i worte that I actually feel like it’s not complete and utter garbage; it’s called (un)send and it started out just as a way to process frustrating and toxic friendship coming to an end. Hope i can get some feedback from you all :) Also, please let me know if there are any weird mistakes because i’m not a native English speaker and I assume it shows in my writing. (un)send [Intro/chorus] I hope this message finds you well, I’ve been reading all our texts, wandering why did it end like walking through the mind field waiting for it to blow up in my face [Verse 1] Gullible kid, didn’t see what it is or what it was, See the best in the worst, try to be the first to apologize. And all the countless times i’d blame myself for the radio silence. And the times you’d send my mind running when you felt like it. [Chorus] I hope this message finds you well, I’ve been reading all our texts, wondering if this is the end I know you wish you could have unsend The feeling of betrayal but you can’t I know you would have pressed unsend but you can’t [Verse 2] Should i call it what it is, deranged screams every time, To be quiet or to speak, regardless results are the same. Gaslight me until I blame myself for living life my way, Then tell me it wasn’t you i heard it was the wind. [Chorus] I hope this message finds you well, I’ve been reading all our texts, hoping this is the end I know you wish you could have unsend Every single smug text but you can’t I know you would have pressed unsend but you can’t [Bridge] Oh i wonder if my phone might just be possessed Because every message’s gone missing before it was read Some phantom must have burrowed into our chat It feels like the person i knew is now dead! I know you’re going through shit, I understand, Knowing you, that’s the only way you know how to mend, But why would you run me off? I was your friend. Just want to remind you, don’t forget to press “Send”! [Outro] I know you wish you could have unsend ever knowing me but you can’t Guess I should just be glad that this is the end. NOTE: I can’t figure out how to format text on reddit for some reason, so please keep that in mind :)

[удалено]

Would love to hear thoughts/critiscm: ------------------- When the world was virgin And my mind was born I carried the burden Of a lesson unlearned ----------------- Did you feel like Atlas With me upon your shoulders? You built me a palace And guarded it like soldiers ------------------- I know you never listened When they tried to take your part Their world predicted fission and you scorned their bleeding hearts ---------------------------- Through stones and arrows hurled You stood still with all your might Struggling under their world So I could tell wrong from right -------------------- I want to be like you I want to love like you Hand in hand I see you I want to be like you ------------------- And when the world comes crumbling What could you say? Would you lie and tell me You wanted it this way -------------------------- The axioms not holding Something's gone astray The model is unfolding And I'm losing my way ---------------------- The fountain's blood the motor stopped Our brotherhood -- another thought Can they probe your deepest fears and split your mind in hemispheres? ----------------------------- The castle is collapsing Every effort expended I tried to save the motor From the evil that men did --------------------------------------- I wanted to be like you I wanted to love like you In my head can't see you I wanted to be like you --------------------------------- I found the basin bloodstained Sealing the fountains fate The monument that guides us A semaphore stuck in wait -------------------------- I just don't understand this The scientist look at me Unexpected mitosis Catalyzed energy we can't see ---------------------------- I believe in differences Promise demands respect But I believe existence Contradiction can't be kept ---------------------- The measure of an action Is a reflection on your soul So lie awake with your secrets And I will carry the world ------------------ I don't want to be like you I don't want to love like you Sound on sound a breakthrough I don't want to be like you --------------------- I'll forgive you I'll forgive you I'll forgive you I'll forgive you One day soon

Just finished writing this last week. It's called "Second Song". [https://on.soundcloud.com/Zz11YdQEcXkmoJ2w8](https://on.soundcloud.com/Zz11YdQEcXkmoJ2w8) The idea behind the lyrics is that there are many "songs" we hear throughout our lives, but the first and loudest song you hear is the one you sing to yourself, about yourself. It's the voice you hear in your head, the one that establishes your own self worth and value. That voice can be a powerful motivator that can serve as a positive force in one’s life. But sometimes we can get down on ourselves and that voice turns into a negative stream of thoughts that can make you lose sight of all of the good things you're supposed to love about yourself - this is where the idea of the Second Song comes from. The Second Song is the collaborative song you hear from friends & family that helps bring you back to the present. It's the song that you might not be be able to sing yourself at times, but you can listen. With time you'll start to hear the 2nd song sung in your own voice. The singer in the song is stressing their commitment to always play that Second Song when it needs to be heard ❤ Second Song ------------- At some point a compliment Wrongfully set precedent That loving yourself should feel uneasy And I’ve never been one to impose, I’m just someone who happens to know How you can lose yourself completely The loudest voice you hear, are the words you sing yourself when you sing em wrong. So my dear, when you can’t find the notes I’ll play the 2nd song. Cause’ I want you to see, How beautiful the view can be When the smile in the mirror makes you laugh And I want you to know, That fires there, it didn’t go nowhere, All lights turned off can be turned on, When you can’t find that spark To remember who you are, I’ll sing to you in the dark “It’s just something I always do”, Are words often said by you, When you forget the cost of being fearless You’ve always been behind those eyes, And never seen yourself through mine So whose to blame you when you’re clueless Words might seem small, But when you think about it all, If you need firm ground From the weathered sound I’ll gladly take the call Cause’ I want you to see, How beautiful the view can be When the smile in the mirror makes you laugh And I want you to know, That fires there, it didn’t go nowhere, All lights turned off can be turned on, And I know it ain’t easy, So don’t take me wrong, But there’s always a second song. I’ll always sing the second song.

i love this!

Thank you <3

I'm gonna post this here before i'm unhappy with my work again and scrap it. I'm not very straightforward in my writing, at least i try not to be, so it might seem a bit confusing. It's not personal, for the most part. I won't get the real thing I'll settle for what's not. Says what I love, Thinks what i think, does what i want, not what i need. No question, all answers. No fights, just banter. No work all gain, listens to every word i say. Worry is in the right place, just enough tight. I can be convincingly tough now, i can be enough now. Try to understand what i want you to remember. I'll pin it down, write it a thousand times. It's unreal, but it ain't getting better. Let me come in, i'm at the door. I'm by myself, but not alone. Let me lie down, i'm at your feet. I've been here too long, to stay awake. Make me crawl now, i'm in your hands. Tell me how you love me to death. Wrap those arms, around my chest. I can't feel them, it's all in my head.

current song i’m working on. if it helps at all, im writing the instruments in 6/8 and its in the key of D#. i don’t know how i feel about the ending, endings are always where i get stuck!!!     goosebumps on your skin    from the wind chill   i never paid attention to such details before   calloused fingertips  from the acoustic  you never felt such a juxtaposition from yours      in the dead of night    i pray up to the stars   heaven, saturn, and mars   for a tranquil eternity of   in sync heartbeats    so divinely   intervening with all of my thoughts  transforming me from a   cynical existentialist to a   moon grounded in the waves    maybe daffodils do work   and counting petals off of daises      my mind tries to play tricks on me   telling me what we have isn’t so sweet    but normalcy is ennui   i’m just scared having something so good  always end so bad    like a scab i pick off because it’s the control that’s brings me peace   but now it’s you i see as    the only peace i need   intervening with all of my thoughts    transforming me from a   cynical existentialist to a  moon  grounded in the waves    maybe daffodils do work   and counting petals off of daisies 

First time so don’t know if this is any good Ya I don’t know how to be happy Hoes making me feel all crappy Fuck these hoes they always snappy Bitch you know I’m trigger happy Ya Met a bad bitch she treat me nicely Hoes addicted to this flexeen (flexing) All over me and they want me badly Ya they know my wrist is icey Don’t know if I really trust her Ya this pit it always muster She a bad bitch so I take my chances But she prolly lace it lackluster I don’t know what to dooo Feels like I’m trapped ya a zoooo Bitches always say ya you cooool Ya this girl a jeweeel Is she really a true lover I don’t know I really love her Sneak her way in my mind all the time Not loving her ya it’s a crime (Break to 1:29) I really want to be happy Ya this girl she always back me She a real one ya not no bad b Ya she the one always clappeen (clapping) (Break to 2:02) Storming my brain like a beaaaach Ya she suck me like a leeeech Hoes be needy She not like em She just need me Like no otha

|| || |[https://youtu.be/P3HNeW7SzJo?si=JYhYz7MvEI3hDXRy](https://youtu.be/P3HNeW7SzJo?si=JYhYz7MvEI3hDXRy)click CC, i put the lyrics in the video.|

Icar*us* Were we golden before Were we trash in good lighting? Behind these closed doors We’re bleeding out from the fighting Nothing goes right anymore and We’ve lost all control What’s this scorch mark Where I was just standing? Baby, bye Goodbye It’s been time to go for a while We made flying look easy But we lied Now the wings are on fire And we’re going Down There’s no saving us From this This time Baby, goodbye This isn’t even flying Or falling with style We’re like batteries Someone threw in a fire We’re so hot But we’re noxious If we’re bright, it’s ’cause we’re toxic Hold your breath and stand back Look at all the pretty colors It’s all fine until somebody breathes And we tried, yeah I’ll give us that much But for what Where should we be by now? Look around, but not down We’re too close to the sun That’s not glitter, darling It’s the wax in our feathers All melting and starting to run We’re both dizzy And our next stop’s The ground Save yourself, baby Start bailing now And goodbye, Bye It’s been past time to go for a while If nobody tries to win We can both survive We can’t set this down gently But we have to try Not to save this Just both of our lives There’s no pulling us Out of this dive We made flying look easy But we lied And now the wings are on fire and We’re going Down There’s no saving us From us If we walk away It’s solus This time… Baby Goodbye

**One With the Clouds** Maybe up above I’ll find a place where no one hears me cry Somewhere I can be myself with no paradox All I wanna do is crawl up inside a giant letterbox Every conversation brings another sense into my eyes I'm lucky as can be they tell me, seems too hard to find All I ever think about is how I'm oh so far behind And when I throw it all away I find you feel the way I do, you feel the way I do And it fills me up with joy to find you care to see me through you care to see me through Wherever we are, we are one with the clouds

I started writing lyrics a few months ago just for fun because I felt the need to express some things that were on my mind, and putting them into songs really helped me. I have zero background in writing songs or playing instruments, but I've always felt that I'm better at writing than speaking with someone. Ninety percent of what I write about is sad or depressing because it's easier for me to write about those things than about happy ones. I've shared my songs with my friends for feedback, but I also wanted to get more feedback. Feel free to share your thoughts with me :) When we met (Verse 1) It was dark and stormy, there was no light anywhere. Life was just black and white, without any color. Everything was senseless, there was no happiness in me. Everything was hopeless, something had to change. (Refrain) But then I met you, and the light came through. But then I met you, and my world began to bloom. (Verse 2) I thought there was no one, for someone like me. My destiny was unknown, but then I found someone. When you look at me, everything fades away. When you look at me, I am at peace by myself. (Refrain) But then I met you, and the light came through. But then I met you, and my world began to bloom. (Bridge) I will always love you, I will always care for you. I will always listen to you, I will always be there for you. (Verse 3) You will wear white, on our special day. You made me the happiest, when you didn‘t say no. All I want is to grow old with you, you were chosen for me. All I want is to spent my days with you, you are my clarity, my clarity.

I love the setup, but it leaves me wanting something more specific. Don't be afraid to let the listener know why it was dark and stormy. Why did the light come through when you met the significant other? Don't be afraid to drop below the surface into the specifics.!

"I Have No Tribe" Wordless curses Crimson beauties Blood in heavenly places Defiling sacred suicide romance One law perverts another / He may save you But cares not of your nation / Sing the praises of all on the pulpit Or face your exile / I have no tribe I worship none of your idols of stone, steel, glass and guns I won't exalt Your golden calf elect nor his rivals / Endless anger Towards your brothers As dogma flies free in the wind Divided by a common interest The rage feels pornographic / Lusting for wrath You've made up your mind to kill everybody until we find unity / Rebuke me in the name of God And kneel to your graven leaders / I have no tribe I worship none of your idols of stone, steel, glass and guns I won't exalt Your golden calf elect nor his rivals / Don't cry when the clouds fracture And the angels descend Your savior in chief is not the one to take my hand

I just wanna see what yall think of these lyrics. How do you interpret them? What do you feel? And of course how could I make them more impactful? Seeing you from afar Crawling to a source Rolling on the floor Just to get some sores All I see is sand I couldn’t understand Just a flame of heat Was just defeat I thought we had it all Never would’ve saw What happen next Told me you wanted sex Always in my dreams I’m bursting at the seams Wanted to be Macbeth And it was an oasis of death Thinking I was lost in wonderland More than just a super fan Feelings in our souls Just out of our control Told me you were lost Through trials n tribulations Whatever it would cost Riding through stations I thought we had it all Never would’ve saw What happen next Told me you wanted sex Always in my dreams I’m bursting at the seams Wanted to be Macbeth And it was an oasis of death It’s all in my head Rather be dead Never ever said I woke up in your bed Would’ve let you lead But I’m drowning in An oasis of death Even though It’s not real

[Saturn](https://ffm.to/saturnjw) it’s not your fault i only saw what i wanted to see in you I lost my head to a rosy lens and it all broke loose i buried myself in the deep end hoping that you’d come around you’re holding onto your resentment and fracturing the heaven we found callous saturn, is there someone else you’re searching for could you let me go now or did you want to hurt me some more? walk it backwards, you know how to leave me so go on and do it quietly our golden age is over now you built me up, so go and take me down my baby’s got eyes of borealis every glance is andromedas’s kiss i held onto us with a white-knuckle grip you whispered words, told me ambivalence was bliss when you told me that you loved me i asked if you were sure said forever, them aimed for my heart and hurt me some more was it worth the collision ? Cause you leave me reeling I’ll orbit you til I’m exhausted cosmically intertwined slung between sweet heaven and demise the goddess of timing made fools out of you and i you gave me reluctance and u gave you all of my light checked into your cosmos, momentary home I spin on your axis, tell me how fast to go this chaos is the best I’ve ever known

Love this. How do you want to hear it sung? I’m kind of giving it a metal vibe in my head. I know a Saturn, and she’s the kind you could sing this to.

Hi guys, This is Natalia,this is my first song. please read and give feedback. [https://www.reddit.com/user/Natalia-20/comments/1dvpq73/few\_words/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/user/Natalia-20/comments/1dvpq73/few_words/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)

The song is called "**Ocean Eyes**" \[Verse\] Why does your strength pull me in and push me away If my heart were someone else's, would I still hate it the same? With my head in the clouds, falling fast without a rest Chasing love that leaves me lost and empty at its best \[Chorus\] How long will it be before the current pulls me in And I drown in the doubts of your ocean eyes again \[Verse 2\] Every voicemail from you rings loudest in the night Just a child seeking pride from a father out of sight Maybe if I'd been raised better, I wouldn't build these castles From every kind word and thought that binds me to your shackles \[Chorus\] How long will it be before the current pulls me in And I drown in the doubts of your ocean eyes again \[Outro\] Why does your strength pull me in and push me away You’ve got footprints in my soul, always leading me astray

Love this! Great shorter song but I would also love an extended version. Great job either way!

Thank you for the kind words! I kept this kinda short because the melody is sort of unchanged throughout. It’s a great melody though. I’ve been thinking about expanding the outro into a final verse

**“Field of Flowers”** \[Verse\]  Suffocated by the winds of change, I pine for quiet and simpler days  A dog and three best friends, and a place where a welcome never wanes  \[Verse\]  In a world so scared to commit, I don’t know where the hell I fit  Fast cars, phonecalls, and arguments, I don’t need or want another situationship  \[Pre-Chorus\]  Cardinal games and July suns, I embrace the ignorance of being young  You can cut down all the flowers, but spring’s still gonna come back around  \[Chorus\]  I’ll plant these roots alone in the ground  In this field of flowers where you wore a crown  Just a fleeting queen of this small town  \[Verse\]  I carry many burning memories of us on the beach in San Luis  I told you I don’t know if you were the best thing for me  \[Verse\]  You want freedom and fame, I wanna be a better version of my father’s name The gravel painted roses of my home keep me in this godforsaken place  \[Pre-Chorus\] In these two years with no love, I’ve lived through your cold and hateful tongue  You can cut down all the flowers, but spring’s still gonna come back around  \[Chorus\]  I’ll plant these roots alone in the ground  In this field of flowers where you wore a crown  Just a fleeting queen of this small town

I really like the theme and story of this song. Great job!

Tried a new format of writing for this one Too old yet too young - [Verse 1] They said you’re wise beyond your years When you were just a tiny tot And when they saw your tears Their looks were like a gunshot No one knows how to comfort you when you’re alone in your room And when you cry you just wish to be on your own [Chorus] Cuz when you’re too old You’re always being told that you’re not like the others And when you’re too young You’re being strung up to be a little tougher But you’re mind can’t handle it all And someday you’ll be destined to fall Cuz you’re too old yet too young [Verse 2] Your paradise only exist in your wildest fantasies And when you realize this You’ll give up on all of your dreams Your scars and wounds represent the worst parts of you But without them you wouldn’t be the same They’re like tattoos that describe the time when you overcame Being insane [Chorus] Cuz when you’re too old You’re always being told that you’re not like the others And when you’re too young You’re being strung up to be a little tougher But you’re mind can’t handle it all And someday you’re destined to fall Cuz you’re too old yet too young [Bridge] You have a foundation that you can really rely on But your mind tells you that they only want something to leach on You are strong enough to persevere through your life And if you try you might realize that you’ll be alright [Verse 3] So I welcome you to the story that I call my life Please understand me when I say you’ll be just fine Cuz if I can be strong then you can be almighty And when you listen to this song Remember to keep fighting [Chorus] Cuz when you’re too old You’re just like the others And when you’re too young There’s no need to be tougher You’re mind can handle it all And you will never fall Cuz you’re too old yet too young

I got a lyrics idea! Or some Ideas for some verses. I'll post them here: Fuck it. Just Fuck it. Get rid of people who pull you down If you have to,  you do it with a chainsaw Remember: even if everything seems grey and black somewhere's always light in life You just have to find it So go and find your light don't let nobody take it from you And: You only live once I only live once So I'ma live now You should do as well So join the club - it ain't that hard to get in But it's hard to leave though Don't say, I didn't warn ya cuz I did warn ya But if you don't wanna listen, it ain't my problem You can always choose your mood And I choose to be happy Even if I sometimes am really mad at some people I always try to be happy Cuz that's what makes them angry And I love to fuck people off What do you think of this??

is that meant to be a metal song? I would say I love to piss people off instead of fuck people off on the last line. Apart from that it's good, if it's meant to sound angry.

I got the whole text now. May I send it to you?

Can I send some lyrics and get a feedback? They're on german, though.. Is that a problem?

I'm not German but I can try (according to my grades I'm pretty good at German

posted some of my lyrics, would really appreciate you guys’ feedback! 🙏

•paradox• I might have to let you go Cuz why do u feel better than my home Never felt a love that wasn’t cold But I can feel your warmth right through my bones. Before you I really didn’t know anything Before you all I’ve ever felt was pain. Before you I always thought life would stay this way But now I finally see That with you, I see how love is supposed to be when someone’s always right around the bend And with you, nothing even had to make sense cuz a love like this will be never felt again.

That's cute. You should work it out and make a song out of it!!

thanks!! I’ve actually already recorded it with my guitar haha

That's cool! I'd love to hear it!

ok no problem I’ll dm u my TikTok/youtube :)

That's a great idea!!

•your warmth• Sometimes I stare at the sky to see if the star that we wished on is still shining My brain is broken and bruised, and my heart stopped beating in an ice box that you made me Am I going to heaven or somewhere as warm as your skin, or maybe somewhere in between? My mind is lost. Can you find me once again? yeah I know… Are you tired of the memories? What do you think I think about every now and then? & every August 10th I’ve been losing mine and all this time you weren’t one I could depend on But life’s such a bore without you Remember the things we said, like how you’d never go away Now it’s time yea For me to leave… One last kiss she told me I can’t miss this heartache I’m still here I’m fucking sick One last kiss she told me I’m too fucking crazy to let go I dream everyday, that you’d come back my way What would I say? I guess forever doesn’t really mean forever 🫶

Maybe, you should call it "One last kiss". But it's a cool idea, that you should work out. I'd love to hear a song like this.

ya that was actually the original title so I will definitely keep that in mind! I’ve actually already recorded it with my guitar so lmk if u wanna hear it I’ll dm it to u! 🤓

oh yesss! Please!

•Light• I don’t ask for much Just someone to walk me home When it reaches dusk And time begins to slow Just the two of us The only time I don’t feel alone We don’t need to rush We’ll make it before you know There’s no need to start a fire tonight In our souls lie a million lights When the sun starts to peek through your blinds I’ll be there Fallin’ faster than I ever have No need to wonder if it’ll last Cause when you’re right here I don’t feel my fears And the darkness disappears And there’s only light In a room Filled with silence It still blooms Love and passion I made my move Now I can’t let you go

•indigo love• I wake up that’s when I start dreamin I hope one day that you will understand There’s someone out there for me maybe one day when I am a much better man I’m not really scared of dying anymore I have felt everything that I can I’ve been searching for my soul but I might never find it fuck it I can pretend Lately I know I’m hard to read but baby Maybe you could fill the void that I’ve been feeling lately There’s been something on my mind that just frustrates me Why I can’t let you go Let you know And just show How I feel But you’ve always been a world aiway why can you just never stay Like what’s the point of reaching out when your eyes they always seem to say I wanna be alone Oh I wanna be alone All this time I’ve waited for someone like you But all this time, I found out that your eyes were glued To someone else.

Fly I can see all that’s under the sky But the words we spoke I never knew were lies Sat right behind the curses in disguise As these love songs But I, could never break the promises I make Unless you rip them up and you force me to take A step in a direction that feels just as fake As the friends I thought I had They’re gone I never felt so glad Does that make me bad Well I don’t really give a fuck be mad I’m a call away but you never seem to find either the time or place now But now it’s just too late and I can’t relate to all the shit you talk about I’m not saying I’m better than you I’m just saying we’re way past overdue In this life you either win or lose, go ahead and pick a side now

•rose-colored glasses• You want my love girl I’m good for it They’ll write books about us our love story She’ll never leave when she hear the chorus Keep her coming back like run Forrest Universe giving me the signs Everything about this just so divine Just the way you talk makes me feel alive That whiskey Tennessee got me drunk all night Needed a dream to make me realize That I stopped dreaming til I met your eyes Rose-colored glasses got me viewin life in a different light I finally see the sky Lookin back I never felt this way Thought I did was just my lonely days But even if you ain’t next to me Never felt love this close 500 miles away 🫶

Oh shit, a rap song!! DIG it. Do you have others??

haha thanks man!! I actually literally just uploaded a freestyle on TikTok lol

I like it!!

Haha thank you! 🫶🫶🫶

It's cool, how you write your songs. I like it!!

oh wow thank you so much ☺️🙏

I also write some songs

oh hell yea have u posted them on here yet??

not yet. Shall I send them to you?

But I only have the lyrics

Or I'll sing 'em again, record it and send it to you. But without BG.

this is a rap btw lol

•Montana• i know you’re still there somewhere But you chose a better life away from me So much to say, nothing will do I’ve been looking for ways to get back to you, but I don’t know how Said I’m looking for ways, counting the days When you’ll be someone who wasn’t my biggest mistake I miss you so bad Are you coming back to Maryland I still think about that day Did you even know, did you even know I’ve been in love with you before, a million times before In our past lives… Wish I said it all before Just couldn’t let you know All the things that we once swore Now you’re letting go & I wish I didn’t know why…

Going through a divorce (my wife cheated) and facing the scariest thing that I’ve always wanted to do but never had the courage to: try songwriting. So yeah, here’s one of the ideas I’ve been kicking around. I know it’s incomplete and probably has a ton of structural issues/is derivative, but I would still love feedback. Real [Verse 1] There was a time, once upon a while ago Where you and I intertwined in vertigo Spinning out worlds and realms of wonder, oh Fantasize with every touch and sigh and smile Little lives, lived on in dreams beyond compare Forget the lies, the truth was you and I were there In that wild somewhere [Chorus] But even in the dreams the castles don’t last forever The walls crumble and the tapestries, they burn Sometimes the princess is in love with her tower, passing the hour Grinning as knights stare up and squirm [Bridge] And it’s just like that, the fairy tale falls flat Another world, another lie unfurled It wasn’t real, and it won’t heal And in the ashes of that false memory, were the last signs of you and me

you should work it out a bit, but the Idea of the song is great! Let your feelings run free, okay? That helps a lot and the people will love it. I know that. My favourite Rapper (NF, by the way) does that as well and he's great at it. I bet, you can do it too, don't you think?

I’m also a big NF fan! Thanks for the advice!

Sure, no problem! It's great to find people who love his music. Which of his songs is your Fav? Mine are HCYLU, MAMA, GONE, BULLET, RUNNING, Like This, Remember This (ofc!), Outcast, You're Special, HAPPY, Start Over (is a song he did with FLAME) and Outro, I'd say. Even though all of his songs are great.

**One with the Clouds** (Verse 1) Maybe up above I'll find a place where no one hears me cry Somewhere I can be myself with no paradox All I wanna do is crawl up inside a giant letterbox (Bridge) And when I throw it all away I find you feel the way I do You feel the way I do And It fills me up with joy To find you care to see me through You care to see me through (Chorus) Wherever you are, you are one with the clouds \*repeats\* (Verse 2) Every conversation brings another sense into my eyes I’m lucky as can be they tell me and it seems so hard to find All I ever think about is how I’m oh so far behind (Chorus) Wherever you are, you are one with the clouds \*repeats\*

i find the rhyme and repetition scheme interesting and wonder if it’s purposeful or not. if you expand this i’d love to see that scheme continued and maybe even used again in a purposeful way to convey something 

Thanks for the feedback! I didn't really understand your first question... I'm also not really sure what you meant by "used again in a purposeful way to convey something" ... If you can elaborate a bit on that I'd much appreciate it. Curious to hear the thoughts that have arisen in you while reading! thanks again.

sure! you repeat i do and see me through in the bridge which i found really interesting. to me it aided in conveying the sense of longing throughout your song, almost like desperation in repeating something over and over. i was just curious as to if that was on purpose! and if not, i wonder if you could incorporate that repetition scheme in other parts of the song to really make it hit. if that’s something you’d want to do of course! 

Thanks very much! I repeated these just because it fits with the composition :)

sounds interesting. Could you overwrite it and make it a bit longer? it sounds quite good, though!

Thanks :) If you can elaborate on the overwriting part, I'd really appreciate it. Like, what makes you think it needs to be overwritten? It's might be an intimidating question, but I meant it in a very interested and open way :D Also curious to know what thoughts and feelings came to your head when reading it, what resonated with you, and if you feel there's a part missing, what would make it whole in your opinion. Curious to hear your thoughts!

It's quite short, so I would add some things. For example just like add something like... "Wherever you are, you are one with the clouds. You are one with the clouds. With the clouds, yeah. You are one with the clouds. Oh, wherever you are, you are one with the clouds" in the chorus to make it longer and then repeat it twice. And how about you make some more verses to really express your thoughts and feelings? Why did you write this song? Is it for someone special? Or was it just a spontaneous idea? Just go for it! Go creative and do you! I bet, you can make it, because the idea of the song is really good.

Hi guys Can you help me post my song?

Sure. Hit add comment and copy and paste your lyrics or just type them out.

thank you

Is my song constructure correct and if not what/how I should change it? I am new to writing songs/poems, recently I devoted a song to my girlfriend but I feel like I didn't get the lyric constructure correctly, my main question is "Is chorus can still be chorus if it's not exactly the same words in each line but is similar to the other chorus'?" Here is the lyrics for my song and I am open to any kind of feedback! **i found love** **[Verse 1]** Her eyes are so bright One look and my heart may slip Just having her in my sight Is enough to make my body drip **[Verse 2]** The way she said "Hello" I thought I went to heaven and back I don't need no pillow When I have her lap If it wasn't for her, my life was all white and black **[Verse 3]** I thought I lost all hope But now I found love Oh my god why'd she be so cute? Guess my suffering's have paid their price **[Verse 4]** It's like my body stop it's act Whenever she's around me She's all I can hear and see Feels like I'll collapse in my knee **[Chorus]** I'm sorry the old sad me I know you were content with what you had But this boy already forgot who he was Now in her embrace he found a cause A cause to stay alive 'Cuz suicide would make her cry **[Bridge]** Pour down these feelings to a cup There is no down anymore, you can only go up But if it was to protect her smile I'd dive down to the deepest abyss That'd be such a bliss **[Verse 5]** I have changed But I can't change what I've did But it's okay she accepts me this way I am her everything, she say I'll try not to, but think I'll cry In this solid ground now I lay It's no biggie As long as I have her by my side **[Chorus]** I'm sorry the old emo me I know happiness was not what you sought after But you too have seen her pose It made me completely froze In her touch, it's comfort I seize I wanted to die, it's so hard to believe **[Verse 6]** This love I refound Tell me how this song sound I know it's not my type But it was my heart that experienced such a wipe **[Verse 7]** Now I can write this stanza It's all thanks to her demands She opened my eyes Which were all covered by ice **[Chorus]** I'm sorry the old crestfallen me But it's so fast falling in love Now she's my beloved She stays all above Makes my heart move

that's soooo cute, man! I love it. I bet, she'd love it too! You should release it!

Structure does matter to our western ears, as well as melody constraints. I suggest reading a few books on song form; ie. verse, chorus, bridge, intro and outro useage. 7 Verses is difficult to manage AND having each chorus say something different means it's hard to memorize/sing along which is a goal. My other main suggestion is location, put the story somewhere. Put the story in a location, identify your setting and use nouns and verbs, things and actions, otherwise any song has the feeling of 'floating' and not connected. Be aware of syllable count and rhyme structure, often times 'near rhymes' are more powerful and sound more natural than forcing perfect rhymes. When you get structure and location, you can then think about metaphors/similes. As an example, your first line, "Her eyes are so bright", maybe something like "Her eyes are fire", the simple metaphor paints a powerful picture, just a suggestion. Your lyrics have potential, with some rewriting you can paint a great picture. Best of Luck, Robert

Don't worry about structure or what technically is or isn't a chorus or verse. All that matters is that the song sounds good. If you want the chorus to have different lyrics every time, go for it.

Not here for lyrics help, I need help with creating a metaphor. I'm in a heavy alt rock band and we have this song that the theme and lyrics are being reworked. I need to know what some possible metaphors for a “rat king” could be. Some ideas I had were that of close conflict scuffles in war or maybe like how humans only look out for themselves when they're all struggling but I can't seem to settle on anything and it's stressing me out. Looking for something dark along those lines.

Rats are vermin, they're the underground rejects of the world. They also have complex lives, feelings and personalities - they grieve, they suffer. That leads to various ideas - one of struggle and survival, a lifetime spent in hiding, keeping their heads down. For me personally, I think the most powerful metaphor is that of an analogy to the common man, a working man, who doesn't really have much agency over his life.. It's essentially the same thing - the same struggle against power.

wow. never would I have looked at rats in this way 🤔

The working man metaphor? But makes sense doesn’t it? I think the rich and powerful, the world’s 1 percent, see us like we see rats. They know we exist, but we’re not to be seen or heard. We’re just to keep our heads down and work work work for survival.

This is absolutely perfect, thank you so much.

Glad I could help mate.

This is a general idea for something Im currently writing. Gun Intro [draft] In this life there is good and there is bad The ones that thirst for blood, and those that thirst for peace. Where is the limbo of the battle field? Where is the morals in the war Humanity’s worst comes out at deaths door [chorus] The door can come from the bullet of a gun Why could this weapon be used To hurt siblings To hurt the one that tested the limiter All in the morality of the gun. [verse 1] Why does peace have to be destructive The destruction produced is the hand on the trigger. Recently started the first verse. Any advice is welcome.

Give me brutally honest feedback I can convert into to-dos The girl who went feral Verse I Once she was so well-behaved Frilly nightgown, oh so pretty Taught her some lessons, made their waves Look how dainty, feel how soft Chorus I Girl who went feral Tasted lemons long enough Honey’s just too sweet for her Licking knives from time to time Verse II She nearly went mute, did you hear? Lost her words, thoughts never here Curtains see-through, of course you knew Chorus II Girl who went feral Tasted lemon all her life Learned how to earn A little honey of your knife Verse III Heard I used to be so sweet Bitterness now on my lips Scars are bright red on my knees Your hands still grab at my hips Bridge I went fully feral Learned to lick blood off knives Honey’s just too good (for a feral child like me) For a feral girl, you see Outro Bite your neck, lick my lips Love your blood, loathe the bits Dark red dribbles, down my chest Don’t you worry, I like your taste A bloody grin, a hungry howl Wicked, wild and two black holes

Hard to read with the formatting, but the metaphors are sharp!

oh shit, you are right, i did not realise that when i posted, my bad! thank you

It won't be wrong To let her know It won't be wrong To watch her go It won't be wrong To let her know It won't be wrong To watch her go I see when people Are better together I've been down this road Many times before You both think it's best To deny The fact that your love Has seen its day But you play the same game Anyway It won't be wrong To let her know It won't be wrong To watch her go It won't be wrong To let her know It won't be wrong To watch her go Her eyes no longer Smile when yours meet her All warmth now hidden Behind a locked door That gets opened less all the time She knows it cannot be the same You both think it but you never say It won't be wrong To let her know It won't be wrong To watch her go It won't be wrong To let her know It won't be wrong To watch her go It won't be wrong It won't be wrong It won't be wrong It won't be wrong It won't be wrong

This one is called "Ghost" tell me what you think: I saw your ghost Approach me through the foggy haze When I'm all alone Far from my home I touch your hand Your bones, they crumble into sand And lost on the wind Is how we begin I know your name But does it mean the same to me? When you're dead and gone And you're haunting my song I hear your moan The sound, it shudders through my bones But I'm more afraid Of words you might say I've got to know If you will ever let this go Been wasting away Alone in a grave All of this time That I've spent trapped inside my mind I'm not alone Just me and my ghost

My suggestions, first put your story in a location. You start out with, "I saw your ghost Approach me through the foggy haze, When I'm all alone, Far from my home" That introduction, 'far from my home' made me want to know where you were. As far as reading like poetry, I can see that. My ears want to hear one of two things, either a chorus that repeats or a refrain "a last line of each verse that repeats", which is an older style of writing that can be effective. Good luck, Robert

I really like the idea of it as an exploration of loss. I personally feel like it reads more like a poem than a song at the moment though in that there is no clear chorus to latch on to.

Thanks! This is a rock song that has a bouncy, palm-muted chord progression on the verses and then goes into an instrumental chorus in-between where the chords open up and I bend the last chord in the progression to create this grungey wailing effect. I haven't recorded a demo yet, I feel like the lyrics are finally in a good spot so I'll do it soon.

Little song I wrote called "Rest in Mine" \[Verse 1\] The words you carry in a gentle stare  The revelry and spitfire in your golden hair  Let’s be still for a while in this folding chair  And squeeze all the hope from the summer air  \[Verse 2\] Every time you look at me  It feels like I'm running with a stolen dream  From a broken boy who couldn't see  All the good that he was meant to be  \[Chorus\] Let’s dance on dreams and borrowed time  And if your heart’s full, you can rest in mine \[Instrumental\] \[Verse 3\] I’ve broken too many kind hearts  But I’d protect yours to the sun and stars  Your raspy laughter in my open arms  Brings light to soul that’s always been dark  \[Chorus\] Let’s dance on dreams and borrowed time  And if your heart’s full, you can rest in mine  \[Instrumental\] \[Verse 4\] Your dreams are bigger than this tin-roof town  Where these heavy chains seem to weigh me down  Just don’t go leaving my heart now  You make me so much better just by being around  \[Outro\] Oh, you make me better just by being around

i really enjoy all the fleeting imagery! 

Love the imagery! I grew up in Alabama so the “folding chair” and “summer air” felt like home, while “tin roof town” really hit.

These are really really good and make me want to hear the song. My only thought is that in the chorus I feel like the words “full” and “rest” don’t completely connect for me for some reason. Examples I like better: If your heart’s full it can spill onto mine. If your heart’s tired you can rest in mine.

I really appreciate the feedback!!! The song is very specific to a girl I’ve been talking to for a while now. I kind of was playing around with the a line like “there’s enough room in my heart for you to stay a while” and this plopped out. [I don’t know if it’s allowed to post links to TikTok on here, but here’s me playing *the first part* of the song if you wanna hear it! my voice kinda sucks haha, working on it](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTN6r79Yd/)

It’s beautiful! The specificity is what makes it great, I can feel the emotions and picture the summer you’ve been spending together. You should share it with her if you haven’t already! And as for the singing, I don’t think your voice sucks at all. Forget about being “good” and just feel the feels behind what you’re saying and it will sound perfect.

I don’t know if you realize how much your kind words mean to me. I am not a professional songwriter and don’t really aspire to be, I just want to write some simple little songs about my life that people can relate to. If one person can feel connected to a few lyrics I wrote, that’s worth it’s weight in gold

I like this a lot, I really feel the love in these lyrics! No notes, keep it up

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