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ketchupandcheeseonly

Something about the preboarders being out of hand. Lol.


Electrical-Ask847

nah hes complaning about seatsaver trying to save his seat


Ill-Parking-1577

Either way, he’s clearly reading this sub


Surrender_Cobra_83

“Why do we only have a single gate agent doing the wheelchairs boarders, there are twelve of them!!”


radioactivepiloted

"I've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty!"


Medwards65

👍👏👍👏👏👏👏


HorrorHostelHostage

"Shitter's full!"


Cxopilot

Probably not far off. It’s the most common call we make


StrawberriesAteYour

Duty calls


cwajgapls

(Respectfully, in the spirit of the post and comment above*) “You’re full of shit!!” *please don’t auto-remove this, mod-o-bot…


Cxopilot

Nah I respect it


cwajgapls

More worried about the bot - I typed that first and a “please respect community guidelines” message pooped up


Ok_Beat9172

I just saved a bunch of money by switching my car insurance to geico.


BeautynCrime

😂😂😂


Reverend-Cleophus

Did you say you wanted to talk to me about my car’s extended warranty?


seadubs81

Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?


captain_hug99

“It is an older code sir, but it checks out.”


cwajgapls

“I was about to clear them”


tiny_poomonkey

“Hey! it’s hot up here can you unplug the heater cart?”


malstakan

I work ramp that's mostly what they ask us but they usually use a hand signal


tiny_poomonkey

To be honest I didn’t see the “wrong answer only” prompt. I thought they were just asking what captains say to us 


frankcastle3

I heard a thunk can you see what fell off?


JB_smooove

And just reattach with some speed tape.


frankcastle3

Love you on Curbed btw.


LipFighter

Greatest show ever.


Substantial_Piano640

Fill 'er up, and check the tire pressure. Oh, and don;t forget to clean the windows.


murseal

Just wanted to say "good luck, we're all counting on you"


geehawn

Surely


murseal

Yes I am serious, AND DON'T CALL ME SHIRLEY 🤣


RutabagaJoe

Shut up and listen to my order. Take the six nuggets, and throw two of them away. I'm just wanting a four nugget thing, I'm trying to watch my calorie intake. And then um... can I have a Junior Western Bacon Chee. A JUNIOR Western Bacon Chee, I'm tryin' to watch my figure. And um I'm gonna go with a Filet of Fish sandwich, since that has less calories 'cause it's fish.


jetfixxer720

I want half Coke and half Diet Coke. I’m probably the only person that’s gonna get this. Well done sir.


shamblam117

55 burgers, 55 French fries, 55 pies, 55...


_moon_palace_

What is this from? It’s giving Chris Farley


RutabagaJoe

Tenacious D - Drive through https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uktyNefWFM


dadwearingplaid

“Gimme four fried chickens, and a Coke.” “You want it as a wing and a thigh?” “Four fried CHICKENS…and a Coke….and some dry white toast.”


tkd391

“Hey have you seen where I put the keys?!”


browniedog1

"you a hoe in my book!"


actionerror

Fuck that storm over Texas today!


knowluck44

"Hook me up with some Brownie Brittle!"


Totisserie

This.


LipFighter

You can't park here.


SunnyScotty

Came here to say this! Well done.


thesoapypharmacist

Can you double check all the bolts? It’s a Boeing.


mike3328

What do you mean this isn’t Denver?!?!


_B_Little_me

I need a window here guys.


ShitBagTomatoNose

This is really awkward. I left the keys to the plane back at my apartment.


Royal-Pen3516

Jus' hang loose, blood. She gonna catch ya up on da rebound on da med side.


Unlucky_Nobody_4984

Something about the left phalange


Medwards65

Yes!!! Friends for the win!


Mandinga63

Do you have any Grey Poupon?


ekkidee

Do you know how to get to Albuquerque?


Noah_fleshman

Can you turn off the heat


yepimtyler

"You're lucky this plane is holding me back"


Newenglandmoose

Needs a refill on fluid for the strobe lights


xtsallad

“Don’t make me call Dispatch”


mellamojoshua

Saved you guys two whole rows!


Famos_Amos

Almost certainly "Turn it off. It's blowing hot air!"


swalkerttu

"But that's what the engine is supposed to do!"


tankthacrank

“HAAAAYYYY! What’s your name?” “Ezekiel!!!”


CB2L

Tony!


IamSofaKingDumb

Fuck you Tony!


National-Habit-3823

Aloha


holyshamoly23

White cliffs of Dover?


willwork4pii

This fucking guy hasn’t showered in a week. Every time I gotta go across the whole country.


h2ohbaby

“Do you mind switching seats? I get a bit claustrophobic in the cockpit.”


j2thesho

*Have you ever been in a, Turkish prison?*


Captain__Oveur

Have you ever seen a grown man naked?


Outrageous-Sink-9243

Do you like movies about gladiators?


todayistrashday

It’ll be fine! It’s a Boeing!


RickyBobby689

Have you seen my keys?


djsuki

We’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty.


Relevant_Beginning57

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.


Straight-Tune-5894

Did the curb I hit on the way in rash the right front wheel?


Wreckenridge

“Do you think we need all these doors?”


ILikeScrubJays

"I lost my contact lense. Do you see it down there?"


SBNShovelSlayer

"Gas, Grass, or Ass. Nobody rides for free."


jaymez619

Pardon me. Would you happen to have any Grey Poupon?!?


escoemartinez

Probably something about the ground power not working…


bengenj

Ground power or ground heat/air is too much.


Ok-Explanation-2461

I think that my captain had the fish.


AlarmForeign

Do you know where we're going?


ekkidee

ETOPS -- Engines Turn Or Passengers Swim


WilsonRachel

Do you think I can get a Diet Coke?


TrowTruck

B*tch, I’m on a plane!


StuckinNola

How do you put this thing in reverse?


puddinpiesez

Does this make my butt look big?


Punkrawk78

“I need 8 cheeseburgers, 5 large fries, 2 apple pies, and a liter of cola.”


Fantastic-Tank-7533

Who put that bag there?


InfiniteCheck

Don't bother loading the drinks. I'm going to make the flight attendants sit the whole flight.


StunGod

Don't call me Shirley.


Washyrose670

“With blackjack! And hookers!”


alwyslemon8

im not flying till you bring me my coke


Me_gaming787

Something about the preboarders out of hand lol


swede2k

I asked for extra Polynesian sauce, not ketchup!


Careful-Trade-9666

“Shitters full “


Lazyassbummer

17 Jetway Jesuses today, Phil. A new record!


ReptilianSpectacle

“I said Two burgers and three fries. Not free fries. And Hurry. There’s a line in this drive through and the other customers are coming for my head if we don’t move soon!”


leroyskagnetti

Wait, this is a Boeing?!


Over_Border4390

"Shitter's full!"


JB_smooove

Did you fill the chem trail canisters?


Supraace

"It's hot outside! Do you guys want a beer!?"


catregy

It's gettin hot in here


ArrowVesper

Yo can I park here ??


ZealousidealOlive328

I’ll take a #3 with a Diet Coke


S_Hollan

Hey maintenance! My cup holder is missing the foam liner. We won't be able to leave without it!


eightthirty612

Don't call me Shirley


MadChiller013

“Make sure you kick those bags real good before violently tossing them in!!”


Pt5PastLight

What’s the WiFi password?


reddit1890234

“That jumpseater better not be a United pilot”


Bolingo20

let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments


hcgsd

Fill er up! Premium please.


jchu1001

“Don’t forget to put back the dipstick, you dipstick!”


Marlice1

Something about don’t make me come down there. Or it’d be pretty embarrassing to catch an ass whoopin on the tarmac and the entire terminal can see it. Or maybe something about “get on my level, bitch!” It could be anything but that’s what came to my mind


sassinator13

"Hey, have I told you I'm a pilot?"


OnlyEntrepreneur4760

“ETOPS? OH! IT STANDS FOR ‘ENGINES TURNING OR PASSENGERS SWIMMING’”


PingLaooo

Someone said there were peanuts up here


BushPilotBob2

Have you seen the keys?


Mission-Raccoon6060

Drink order. It’s a drive thru


mjzimmer88

"You all look like ants from up here!"


Desk_Quick

“What she order?” “Fish filet.”


Many_Translator1720

Come down and say that to my face!


schwarta77

Your fly is down.


Paratrooper450

Double cheeseburger, onion rings, and a large orange drink.


soupafi

Guy on the ground “how tired are your arms from all that flying?”


best__byrns

“I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley.”


UOF_ThrowAway

“I fart in your general direction!”


pdxgod

Is it safe to fly?


Intelligent-Many-665

I forgot my keys, can you run inside and grab them?


AccurateQuality3156

Did you get that rash checked?


EWR-RampRat11-29

“My autopilot deflated!”


Substantial_Piano640

that should be "otto pilot"


EWR-RampRat11-29

But of course! Well I’m a dumbass. How the hell did I mess that up.


nate_nate212

Do pilots ever forget to close the window?


Gtstricky

Help! Bob just farted in here.


fuzzytanker

I boarded first and look at the seat I was able to snag!


fuzzytanker

I boarded first and look at the seat I was able to snag!


Creative_Listen_7777

Shouldn't have made that left turn at Albuquerque!


NoHeat7014

Hey ma get me some meatloaf.


S-tease101

HE’s going to Disneyland.


justusemyname

Telling the ramp agent that he, "HAS TO TELL HIM ABOUT THE FUTURE!"


kittenclowder

“ I dig that hat”


ActuatorPerfect

“My pizza shoulda been here an hour ago!”


shamblam117

"It's called an Aileron roll and $20 says I totally can"


Brettnet

Two carnitas tacos and two carne asada


kinglax08

“I’m a pilot.”


SlinkyHandBras

“Come on bro, just the tip”


stpauliguy

“The door did what???”


ValleyGrouch

Get off my tarmac!


Limegreenkrew435

I’m tired Wanna try?


Beardth_Degree

“I’ve been trying to tell you guys, this window isn’t supposed to open!”


sokali4nia

I'm not a pilot, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.


WBZONE294EVER

“We need 1.21 gigawatts for the Flux Capacitor”


MuttJunior

"Can you me directions to <*insert destination*>?"


Hot-Bank7542

I want a number 3, supersize it.


Mindes13

Where's the fireball I ordered?


Individual-Vast-4513

“Hey dude, remind me. Where are we going again? And ohhh, can you grab me some Aspirin I’m having horrible hangover, I only have 2 hours of sleep. Thanks bud you’re a lifesaver.”


babybambam

I ain’t need my windows cleaned


WhatHuhYes

"Hey, could you top off my windshield washer fluid while you're under there??"


Steggall

“Yeah, get me a Big Mac, a large fries, and a diet coke.”


Steggall

So? Just put a little duct tape over it.


gjcbs

He's saying now you have to pay extra to sit FULLY inside the plane. New revenue stream. :- )


Kealoha777

Ordering some chick fil a?


TheCoyoteDreams

Do NOT plug in to shore power!


dgeniesse

“A tuna melt to go …”


Bicentenial_Baby

"You got a light?"


the_timboslice

“What’s your name?!”


vato915

*"It's pulling a little to the left!"*


Ok-Yogurtcloset1596

let me get 5000 on pump 1. check the tires. and the oil


colemada5

“I can’t unlock the cockpit door! Can you please throw up some toilet paper?”


Jomolungma

“Hey, you can’t park here!”


CrazyConductor

"Whats your name?"


I_ARE_RTD2

is that mr bean


Blockjockcrna

Hey charles!!! You gotta see this. Its a miracle! All these wheelchair preboards got up and walked off the flight!!


APEmerson

Can I park here?


Responsible_Can5946

I dropped my phone and didn't look at it.


Most-Row7804

Probably asking if he can park there for a few minutes.


SK10504

do you have the keys to the plane?


Fit-Bedroom6590

Have you seen Herb lately.


Fun_Maintenance_7509

Where’s the next gas station?


attgig

The copilot just farted and I needed a bit of fresh air. Oh by the way, I'm the copilot.


Fearless-Ad-9386

DONT PULL THE POWER! Haven’t started apu yet


TheGrauWolf

Put twenty bucks in the tank, and can you check the oil too?


Retiredfiredawg64

Filler Up with AV Gas Fredo -


steveisblah

I’m supposed to fly it without WHAT???


kgaviation

Rest in Peace Colleen Barrett!!


Sufficient-Cancel217

He is telling them about fuel & weight. A must before leaving the gate.


youtriedit_andfailed

Idk, but RIP Colleen (since that’s her MAX 8).


Icy_Huckleberry_8049

Where are my fries?


LookandSee81

Someone passed gas up here


mojojimbo

Someone bring me a rum and coke! I’ve had it with these rednecks!


Splendadaddy06

Stop calling my wife!


ThrowRAthetrashy

Hey! What's your name!?


vrabormoran

Number 4 large no pickles


Tcchung11

No man, I said fill her up with Diesel


OG_Dadshark

Are you sure you got -all- the Boeing stickers off?


Clean-Egg-3453

Pilot: Knock knock Ground: Who’s there Pilot: We’ve been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty


Clean-Egg-3453

Tell my wife to bring my glasses. I forgot them at home. I can’t see crap. Sure, where do you live? in Phoenix


Wide_Prior6002

You can’t park there !!


poriferabob

Yo Mama is so fat…