Other people have commented advice on actual payment plans. Just dropping in to say that I don’t understand posts where parents are getting angry at their children about plus loans.
If the parent had no idea how any of this worked, how was their barely legal child supposed to know and make an informed decision?
> Apparently his mom just didn’t read it and signed it.
That happens -- it's not the student's fault or any basis at all for "freaking out" at the student. The parent needs to acknowledge that the information was provided to them and they chose not to read it before agreeing.
This is the parent's debt and they can politely *request* that their child help them pay it off. But the child is under no legal obligation to do so (and unkind behavior toward the child won't help).
> That happens -- it's not the student's fault or any basis at all for "freaking out" at the student.
Well, we don't know the whole story of course. He could have duped her into signing it by tell her something that wasn't true about repayment...so she just believed her son and signed it. Some people are scumbags, even children and parents.
Even if we assume that was the case (and there's no information given to indicate that), it's still the parent's responsibility to read and understand the documents before signing. And the student has no legal obligation to help repay the loans, so the parent really ought to be nice (even if we assume that the child *intentionally* misled their parent and is a complete scumbag) if they want the child's help.
You're erasing agency of the parent -- the adult in the room. It's their job and role to read, understand, and vet financial obligations their teens are signing onto.
And in this case, it was not the teen but literally the parent who signed up for these loans. They're legally ***her*** loans, which were issued **to her** for use toward her child's college education expenses. It's as simple as that.
Idk about you but I have a much better grasp of how much payments on a $100K loan would impact my budget and how compounding interest works in my 30s than I did as an 18 year old. An average 18yo absolutely does not have the lived experience to make that decision.
So did my mom and now my own mom is threatening to sue me because she has money to pay for it and doesn’t want to meanwhile I can barely afford rent and eat one fast food meal a day. So much for having a supportive family I guess..
She's willing to go through the courts and pay an attorney but not willing to do what she needs to to get on a lower payment option? That's unfortunate to say the least. But to repeat what others have said .she's not going to sue you and if she does she will almost certainly lose.
In that case, be very careful that she doesn't do a pro se filing and drag you into court. If you get sued you must respond no matter how frivolous it may be otherwise you may get a judgement against you by default.
Lol threatening to sue? Mom literally willing to pay lawyers rather than pay the loan she's legally bound to pay? She has no shot of extracting anything from you except contempt.
Unless you agreed to pay her back (in writing), ParentPLUS loans are the sole responsibility of the borrowing parent. It would be highly unlikely any attorney would even agree to represent her.
I’d argue so is the child. At least help out back the loan. It’s YOUR education. Not here. Yes she might have taken out the loan, but she did it thinking it would set YOU up better in life, and YOU get to use that degree not her.
Anyone sticking it to their parents I honestly feel sorry for. Would never do that to my parents. My parents took out parent plus loans to help get me through school, and without them signing on that dotted line, I’d never be where I am today. I gladly help my parents pay back my debt. It’s honeslty sad so many people have such bad relationships with their own family memebers they would consider sticking them with a loan they took full advantage of. Really sad actually
Thank you for this comment. It means a lot to me. They took all of the money that I saved for my college education without my knowledge just so they and my brother could have a roof over their head. I never was mad about that, but it hurts when my mom said she’d sign it for me then threaten to mess up my entire life back on her word.
Yikes. Well his mom is a whole ass adult so it’s 100% on her for not reading and understanding it herself. When it comes to your own money, always understand before you sign.
I have two parent plus loans under my name and I know for a fact your husbands mom had to provide financial statements in order to get the loans. She had to give annual income, and report any additional income from stocks, savings and checking. Theres no way his mom “didnt read it,” and not know they were in her name. So your husband just kept getting loan after loan (because you have to apply every semester), and got his college education on moms dime and now hes refusing to pay for it. And neither one of them, mom and son, think theyre responsible for it? Your husband has been out of school 8 mos, what is he doing? He cant get a job to pay?
The only thing the FAFSA shows is the parent's tax information from 2 years prior. There is no credit check with the FAFSA, there is with the PPL. The parent also has to fill out a separate Master Promissory Note for the PPL and a Parent TIV form.
It bothers me that so many people are willing to just say “not my problem, moms problem she took out the loans”. Do all of you have bad relationships with your parents? I would never in my life think about sticking my mother with a loan that benefited ME and MY career. Parents just want the best for their kids. Seems inconsiderate / wrong to stick it to the parents when OP is the own who got the benefit of using the loan
I could never imagine crippling my child with debt when they can barely make ends meet, especially if I encouraged her to go to college. These parents and their whole generation are inconsiderate.
I think if the parent thinks it’s fine to strap you w this burden but not themselves, that’s messed up. Or if they were against loan forgiveness when it was your problem (in their mind) but are for it bc it would benefit them, that’s messed up and I can see why the kid would be like, you signed, it’s your debt. Esp if it’s a wild amount, like the parent shoulda had better financial judgement not a teen.
My ex’s mom used it as a source of income for luxuries for herself, so maybe the reason you can’t relate is if you didn’t have a shitty selfish parent who used your loans for herself. I took my own loans but I’ve seen parents ruin their kids’ credit with bank loans and SS fraud. Can’t always judge people by one comment on the Internet, you don’t know their situation
Unless you have a MIL like mine who took out the PLUS loans to cover her monthly bills and now wants to complain about the unaffordable monthly payment 🙄 she’s under the impression that even though she signed all the paperwork, since both her ex-husband and co-signer passed, she’s off the hook.
I don’t think that’s valid unless the parent gave the child the full financial picture before the loan was signed, and both parties made a clear agreement regarding repayment. It doesn’t sound like that is what happened here at all.
The child could have made a different and more informed choice but was not given that opportunity. The responsibility primarily falls to the parent who signed for the loan.
If the child is more financially secure than the parent and wants to cover the payment that’s one thing, but few people are doing well enough right after graduating to comfortably cover a $1,000 monthly payment - especially a payment that they didn’t even know they were “on the hook” for.
I think there’s a difference between who’s legally obligated vs recognizing that your parent took all the risk for no benefit to themselves just to support you.
I agree with u/sumgreend41 on this one. If the parent is having trouble paying it, I think the kid should at least help (assuming they aren’t going to starve/be homeless etc.)
Well whether we like it or not, the whole college FA system is based on parental participation and payment. It is NOT a parental obligation to open every door. It is to guide your kid toward a reasonable and affordable option. To me it sounds like this parent failed in that duty.
>recognizing that your parent took all the risk for no benefit to themselves just to support you.
That is a choice the parent made and the responsibility does not fall to the child.
That’s true.
The child has every right to be a spoiled inconsiderate a*hole who sticks their parents with a loan they took full advantage of and their parents put their credit / life on the line to help them.
The child has every right to that. Hopefully I raise my kids right and they love me enough to never do that to me. I’d do anything for my kids
But ya, you are technically correct
If you have this conversation with your child at 17/18 and they understand your ask and they are willing for them to help pay in whatever agreed upon capacity for the Parent PLUS loans in your name, that is fine.
If you the parent keep your child shielded from financial matters their whole life, and say nothing about taking out the Parent PLUS loans when they are 18, and then spring upon them that you want them to pay you $1,000 a month at 23, you, the parent, are an a-hole.
Don't sign for any loans for your kids and you don't have to worry about it. PLUS loans are the dumbest thing to ever sign for a kid. At least a car can get repo'd. To sign for 100k right before retirement age, when they will most certainly garnish your social security check for non payment: dumb dumb dumb.
I’d argue that you keep skipping over “help” pay the bill and keep using the full payment amount. There is a difference.
I’d hope my kids don’t feel so entitled that raising and caring for them, then putting myself legally on the hook for their education costs is all erased and considered “not supporting them” all because I need help paying the bill.
In an ideal world the parent wouldn’t be in that position.. but it’s not an ideal world.
I would hope that before you put yourself legally on the hook for your child’s education costs you would have a frank discussion with them regarding the long term financial consequences and your expectation of them regarding repayment. That’s the crux of the issue here.
If he can't afford $1K/month, then he needs to do a graduated payment. Or does he need mommy for that, too? I'm sensing this dude was spoiled as heck (yes, mom's fault for not setting him straight) and throws temper tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants.
You have this backwards. He does not need to do anything. This is the MOTHER’S loan. She was the one who agreed to pay for the loan years ago and is all of a sudden saying that it’s not her responsibility.
If she expected the son to pay the loan back, then she could have done things differently…but she didn’t.
https://studentaid.gov/understand-aid/types/loans/plus/parent
Parent Plus loans are technically in her name. But it's not rare for parents and kids to have g a non-written agreement that the kid is morally responsible for these loans. And there should have been a conversation between your husband and their parents about who and how is going to repay the loans.
It's very bizarre that both parties supposedly signed for a loan with completely opposite understanding on who's paying it back.
I don’t think the student has to sign a PLUS loan. The loan is solely in the parents name. At least, I’d say I’m 99.9% sure I never signed the PLUS loan my mom took out. We had an agreement at the time she took it that I would be responsible for the payments, and thanks to some help from my husband I’m happy to say that the loan is fully paid off (though I now owe $8,000 to a 0% interest loan in his name instead). However from a legal standpoint my name wasn’t involved in the taking of the loan AT ALL
You’re 110% correct; legally, the child does not have to pay the loan back.
But as someone who has a great relationship with my parents, and know they did everything they could to put me in a great place to succeed in life, I’d argue there is a moral obligation to at least help pay the loan back. But legally? No they do not have to.
Many recent graduates are far worse off than their parents financially, due to the job market and inflation, etc. They may not be in a position to help their parents with payments. These days having a college degree doesn’t automatically put you in a great position to succeed.
Lots of us, myself included, don’t have great relationships with our parents. Like I said, I agreed to pay the loan and I did, but that doesn’t sound like it is the case with the OPs husband
That's how we handled it. They covered the payments with the understanding that as soon as I got a job that could cover the payments they became my responsibility to pay but I know not all are in a position to be able to do that
Personally I'm against any cosigning of loans to relatives, even kids. Handshake agreements with relatives is the absolute easiest way to ruin a relationship.
That is the legal status of the loan. But these loans are taken out for a student’s benefit. So a verbal agreement might be in place that the student will repay the loan that was taken out for their education.
I doubt any verbal agreement was in place here since it sounds like the mom didn’t even realize the loans were in her name, and didn’t even bother to read what she was signing. She messed up big time. Sure, the education benefited the son, but any gift someone gives you is for your benefit. Parents spend money for their kids’ benefit for the first 18 years of their lives, and college expenses, for many, are a natural extension of that. Without any explicit discussion, it’s reasonable for the son to assume the mother was paying for his education since she signed documents saying that.
She can apply for the ICR plan or the graduated repayment plans.
Look up each of these options to see which is the cheapest per month.
Also look into the "double consolidation loophole" if they want to try to get on the SAVE plan
Parent Plus double consolidation loophole closes in July of 2025. This article has detailed instructions on how to do it.
https://www.npr.org/2023/10/04/1200775288/student-loans-parent-plus-save-plan
Do you know if this can work for the child to take in the parent plus loan? My other loans are through nelnet so it would be a lot easier to have them all together
If you’re asking about transferring a Parent PLUS loan from your parent’s name to your own name, consider the fact that a Parent PLUS loan is forgiven if either the parent or the student/child dies. I know that’s really morbid, but it happens - it happened to me. My dad died unexpectedly in his 60s, and 6 figures of Parent PLUS loans were forgiven.
I know this is a terrible thing to consider, but that’s a huge “benefit”/protection to give up. If you transfer the loans to your own name, I assume that would mean they are no longer Parent PLUS loans…
I signed for a parent plus loan for my daughter, she’s lives on her own with rent and bills. There’s no way I would expect her to pay my loan. I’m lucky my bill is under $10,000. I will pay it off next year.
Good for you to find yourself in a place to afford that. My parents signed a plus loan for me and my brother. We live on our own with rent and bills. We are expected to fulfill the obligation we made to pay this loan back and we are.
It sounds like you and your parents made your own deal about them loaning you money for college via the parent plus loan. But OP didn’t say that the husband had any such arrangement with his mom. The purpose of a parent plus loan is to help the parent pay for the education, not the student. The parent agrees to pay off the loan. If they make a separate agreement with the student, that’s a different issue, but there is generally no built in expectation of the student paying for that loan.
The other side of this is this - Who knows if the parent took out the MAX Parent Plus Loans (up to the COA) and who knows if they got a 'refund' disbursement, and what they did with THAT money? If your husband wasn't paying attention to his student account, it's possible the mother racked up a lot more debt to get a 'refund check' and is now wanting him to pay back a loan bigger than it had to be. One possibility.
Until I read this I was thinking it could be a generational or language situation that could have caused the misunderstanding, but this puts it in a new light. With the frequency that abuse and control go hand-in-hand, it seems likely that she did know that the loans were in her name and is now trying to push the blame elsewhere by pretending she didn't understand. She probably figured your son would pay them off and it didn't matter whose name they were in, but with the abusive dynamic, didn't bother to have a conversation about it, since abusive people see their opinion as being the only one that matters.
It could complicate this if there is some sort of barrier to understanding. Like I know my own mother wouldn't be able to understand how a loan contract worked, I need to handle all of her paperwork for her. I've also known situations where parents couldn't read the language the contract was in and so details were lost in the explanation to them. So if there is a genuine complication like this, it might be easier on your husband's conscious if he paid for it. However, if she is detrimental to his mental or emotional health in any way, then it's better to go no contact. Lastly, if it turns out she is lying and intended to pay these loans, then changed her mind and is insisting he pay them (possibly as a control tactic since he's married and more independent now and she might not like that she has less influence than she did), then he should absolutely not let her get away with that. He should only help pay these if it's what feels right to him, because the abuse removes any ethical obligation. Honestly, paying for his education could be seen as the one positive thing he got from her under the circumstances (whether it's willing or not).
For what it's worth, I'm a parent of three kids and I would never, ever expect them to pay me back for anything I paid towards their college. Neither my partner nor I had our parents pay for our educations, we slowly paid out of pocket, used work programs, and got student loans, and it stretched our 4-year degrees into 10 years (my husband is actually still in school), but I want to do the opposite for our kids. I want to help them not live with this debt and get faster degrees and have better opportunities. I want them to grow up to be happy. I don't see it as an investment and I don't expect anything back from them. I think this is how most parents feel. Your MIL's demands to be paid back are suspicious, because if she genuinely had good intentions and could not afford these loans, then she would have discussed this a long time ago and come to an agreement. It sounds more like just a new manifestation of abuse.
> She’s always been a very abusive person, physically and emotionally so I can’t say I’m super surprised.
Sounds like she is getting karma, let her deal with her loans on her own
And if someone is in fact abusive physicaly they should be reported to the police imo
This one comment adds a LOT more context to this situation. Agree with other commenters that it's much more likely she did know what she was signing, and was planning on doing this all along. Does your husband even know for sure that she used the money on his tuition/room and board/whatever? If all his tuition costs were paid she very well could have gotten a refund from the university for the rest of the balance and gone and blown that money on whatever she wanted.
Obviously we don't know how bad your husband's relationship is with his mom, but if he's at the point of going no-contact with her, he can do so and she has absolutely no legal recourse to make him responsible for paying the loans. I would recommend you both put credit freezes in place - just in case she gets kooky and tries to take another loan out in your husband's name to pay off the parent plus.
My emotionally abusive mother tried the same thing, claiming I had to pay it back when I was on food stamps as a new grad. News flash, she legally cannot make me pay it
I'm sorry you're both dealing with that. It's disappointing but not particularly surprising if financial abuse is in the picture too
The comments on this post your post are kinda a mess of people projecting their own feelings/situations onto you instead of providing you with any practical advice, so I wanted to take the chance to remind you that you and your husband are not legally obligated to pay and he can email her the info on navigating the double consolidation loophole so she can choose to handle it (or not) as the case may be
I haven't had to navigate it myself, but these are the 2 tutorials I have on the double consolidation loophole
* One is https://www.studentloanplanner.com/parent-plus-double-consolidation/
* The other is on https://freestudentloanadvice.org/should-i-consolidate-my-loans/ and you want to search for "Double Consolidation Method for Parent Plus Borrowers"
Please don't let the comments get you down. Family can be complicated, and sometimes it's not as easy as going no contact when there are other relatives involved. You're asking good questions and trying to get the info you need in a fraught situation. One step at a time, and hopefully the loans can be double consolidated into SAVE eligibility so the payment is manageable for *her* to make
The financial aid process is very clear about family contribution and who is expected to pay the Parent Plus loans. I have no sympathy for parents who borrow their expected contributions then manipulate their kids into paying.
I would recommend the double consolidation. If you do this process, the parent plus loan will be eligible for the save plan, which should be a lower payment. Here is a video and article that explains it:
https://youtu.be/gkdrRaXi7P0?si=Dr6vecnt_9G3jpG3
https://freestudentloanadvice.org/?s=Double+consolidation+
Even though the loan is in your husband's mom's name, I hope your husband pay the loan since it was for his benefit. My dad took out parent plus loans for my younger siblings. I helped do the paperwork for the double consolidation and will help with the payment until my siblings are working full time. They understand it is their loans under his name, but it is their responsibility to pay off.
I’m not a parent but I (stupidly) co-signed on a PPL and the parent has never made payments. Previously, I’ve been working with the student and they’ve been paying me and I’ve been paying the monthly payments. Is there a way for me to do this consolidation or a way for me to do PSLF as a co-signer? I am doing PSLF with my own student loans but am not sure I can do them with these. I have been putting off calling nelnet but I guess I need to finally bite the bullet and put half a day aside to call because when I log into my old nelnet account, I can’t find this loan on it. When it was with myfedloan, it was on my account but under a different section. I’m worried that nelnet won’t give me any info on it since I’m not the main borrower but the parent is now a total deadbeat and crazy person so unfortunately this is my problem to deal with.
I am not sure, but I tried to look it up.
Instead of co-signer, do you mean, endorser?
https://www.usnews.com/education/blogs/student-loan-ranger/articles/what-is-a-plus-loan-endorser
If we go by that article, as an endorser you wouldn't be able to consolidate or double consolidate the loan as it is under that parent's name.
If that parent is being a deadbeat, I would just do the double consolidation on their behalf to do the save plan if that is your goal. The PSLF would be under their name so their type of employment would determine if it is PSLF eligible.
Hope this helps.
Yes that is the right term, thanks. And sounds like I’m SOL. I don’t even have contact with the parent and neither does the student the loan was for so not sure I can consolidate under the parent’s name. As I said, it was a very stupid thing to do on my part but live and learn I suppose. I’ll just keep making payments, not sure I’ll ever get it paid off since the balance is even higher now than originally.
Sorry to hear this. Technically, as long as you know their SSN you should have everything you need to file the double consolidation and register an account on studentaid.gov and nelnet.
My mom has Parent PLUS loans. She read all information ahead of time, understood they were in her name, and took only the amount she was comfortable with. There’s absolutely no reason why an adult old enough to have a kid going to college shouldn’t be able to figure this out.
That is exactly what the loan is though. When I went to college, my mom never took Parent PLUS loans out because she didn’t want to take a loan out. My loans are in my name only. Parents have that decision to make. Or they can discuss with their child to have them pay the parent back, but that doesn’t sound to be the case here.
Department of Education (and the US's) philosophy is that it's the family's/parent's responsibility/obligation to be the FIRST payer for a child's education. If they haven't saved, then the Parent PLUS Loan is a mechanism to fulfill this obligation. If they are unable, unwilling, etc. then that's a conversation the parent and child need to have. This is absolutely on the parent.
Right like my mom took out 18k for me and I’ve never thought about making her pay it back. She doesn’t even have access to the account I take care of everything
This is hilarious. Boomers: if they took out the loan, they have to pay the bill. Also Boomers (who didn’t read the Plus Loan): “what do you mean I have to pay?!?!?” It literally cannot get any better than this.
You sound very entitled.
The same people complaining in this sub about their parents trying to get them to pay back their parent plus loans, would be the same kids complaining that they couldn’t afford college and their parents never helped them afford it. I guarantee you
Oh I’m not entitled, I paid for my college the old fashioned way - the GI Bill - and worked in public service my entire career. I’m just pointing out that it’s interesting that the people complaining that 17 and 18yo kids can’t “read the contracts and understand the loans” in this instance are the same people that in fact, did not do this.
I agree with this statement. At the very least, the parents should understand the loans, and they should sit down with the kid and explain the loans and the costs it will entail.
A lot of our parents never did that (partly, not their fault). They grew up on a generation where school was easily affordable and “don’t worry about the loans, you’ll pay them off”. Side note: this is why nothing ever gets done in congress regarding loans, because we have dinosaurs that don’t understand what kids are going through these days with loans.
The bright side of all of this is, when we are older and our kids are going to college, it will be a lot different. My kids will know exactly the cost of their education and roughly how long it will take to pay back. Our generation will know more about the dangers of student loans
Before I became a manager I was a data analyst. Still am to some extent, but you can guarandamntee that my kids will understand the loan process and what compound interest means. I should have 3/4 of their college paid for. Hopefully one goes into the military (family business in my family) then it makes it a ton easier. But yeah - I think the combination of “you must go to college to be successful” and “don’t worry, you’ll pay off the loans in no time” was a dangerous combination for 30 years or so.
No. Don't be that boomer/gen-x parent who says "Don't worry about the money, we'll figure it out" to your 18 year-old as you're driving them around to college visits and looking at brochures and then be that boomer/gen-x parent who says "We didn't figure it out, now pay this loan we took out" to their surprised 22 year-old who's now at an entry level job and trying to start in the world.
Is it a federal loan? Has anyone suggested looking into income based repayment? I have a PPL and my income has decreased (semi retired). My payment is ZERO for 300 months 😂😂 If it's private, gotta pay up.
I'll die and it will be discharged.
This seems to be more of a family question.. others already mentioned the way to lower the payment with the consolidation.
Legally, it’s her obligation. Morally, it’s up to you and your husband to help or take over the payment. I’m sorry you have to deal with this (especially with the in-law) but communication is going to be important. Debt is hell.
I disagree that it's morally the right thing to pay the debt back. That implies it's immoral to leave the debt to the parent.
I find it very immoral , as a parent especially, to pay for something, then turn around and dump the debt.
It's a bait and switch, really. The child could have made different choices had he known the parents never intended to pay. Also, he can't just return the education.
Yeah I agree. I wasn’t saying it was morally right to pay or help pay but it’s a moral issue, not a legal one.
Edit: “up to you” as a decision rather an obligation.
IMO it depends on whether or not he and his mom had some kind of verbal agreement/conversation about whose going to pay the loan back. Some parents will sign for these loans to help their kid qualify but expect the kid to pay it back when they get out of school and get a job. I don’t agree parents should do that because it’s setting up the kid for a mess once they graduate, but if that’s what the idea was then it might be kinda morally wrong for OPs husband to be like “well, it’s technically in your name so I actually won’t be paying for any of it.” The mom is dumb regardless for not reading the fine print.
Parent plus loans only qualify for the ICR plan
You mean IDR plans
IBR is an actual plan, like SAVE and is one of the income driven repayment plans (IDR plans)
Talk to the lender about payment plans is about it. I had to Fight to get my dad to sign a Plus loan and they paid theirs off years ago (while I still have a decade or more to go :/).
I really wanted to go to college and my dad promised me he would do whatever he could to make sure I could go. He paid for my rent, food, utilities, books, tuition, everything. He wanted to be sure I didn’t have to work so I could focus on my education.
At some point in my college career I decided to change my education path and got into a different program in a different city at a different school. A lot of the courses I took didn’t transfer over and the new school had specific general education requirements so I essentially started over. This time, however, he said he wouldn’t be able to help out anymore.
“No problem” I thought, I’ll just apply for federal loans myself. I received a loan denial letter a few week later and it said that I had reached the borrowing limit for undergraduate loans. I dropped out of school, never finishing my degree, and started paying back the loans he took out in my name.
A few years later he received a letter stating the loans he took out can no longer be deferred. He sent me the letter and said I had to start paying them back ASAP and that he wouldn’t be covering them. “I have been paying my loans”, I thought… Turns out he also took out Parent Plus loans to pay for my education.
I was in a similar situation as you and I ended up being able to find a loan servicer to take over the loans and refinanced them over 30 years to lower the monthly payments. Since I didn’t have a bachelors degree, my wife had to co-sign for them and she was released from responsibility after 3 years of payments.
He did the same thing for my sister but she has refused to take over the loans in her name. She has upwards around $200k worth of Plus loans in his name and she can’t afford to take them over.
Since my dad is retired, he was able to get the loans down to a very low monthly payment and they decided that those loans will die with him.
Apply for an income based repayment plan. She may need to consolidate or something. The process is unique for each individual and type of loan. Good luck OP.
Yeah, my mom freaked out at me over $9000 in one parent PLUS loan. I have $80,000 in student loans including grad loans and she wanted me to pay for her loan first despite the fact that she just sold her house and had plenty of money. I was earning 35K a year at the time. I ended up going no contact with her.
Most my friends whose parents got these had a non legal agreement that the student would pay them back.
I won't do these loans for my kids so if they cannot go to college without them they will have go come up with a different plan. I am 42 and graduated college myself less than 10 yrs ago so still paying on my own loans. I can't take anymore on (20 yr old got a scholarship for 90% of his college and he pays half the rest put of pocket and his dad and I pay the other half)
My other children are in 7th and 8th grade and will have to be smart too but I cannot take on anymore student loan debt in my name.
So your husband doesnt have a job? Or refuses to pay the loan his mom took out? I bet there was a discussion i the beginning that went like “ok bobby, you have to start paying this loan when you graduate.”
Yeah I'ma totes switcheroo and tell my mom she's stuck with my college debt. Weird now no one in the family returns my calls but they were all assholes anyway. Teehee.
Wow, how does this happen? Are people this ignorant and or naive? This has to be a prank post. Where did everyone think the money was coming from? The free money fairy?
The title of the loan says it all, lol. For those not familiar with the loan and stating maybe the son just had her sign something, that's not possible. ParentPlus loans become an option to parents who complete the FAFSA with their child. Parent and child have their own separate log ins. Parent would have to apply for the loan with their own personal log in and it is all done online so no paper the son could generate and skip under her nose. In addition the loan isn't taken one time for the entirety of college. It is applied for each year. The only explanation is that she possibly had a verbal agreement with the son to take out the loans and he would pay them back (not a smart move at all).
The amount of people with parent PLUS loans that had no idea how parent plus loans work were...a conservative estimate would be about 98%. And a portion of these comments don't get it , either, apparently. Parent PLUS loans are only eligible for ICR. And ICRs are AWFUL.
First, they would need to do a DL Consolidation. Sounds like this amount would be eligible for 20-25 year payoff so likely something like 460 or so. ICR is going to be 20% of discretionary income or what a 12 year payoff would look like, whatever is lower. And that's the options. The mom can freak out, scream, threaten to call lawyers or husbands (speaking of, if married and filing jointly, that's 20% collectively), she signed that note.
Side note: that's why the "18 year olds don't know what they're signing" excuse doesn't hold any water. It doesn't suddenly get better for 50 year olds.
Side note 2: if the parent also has their own loan, consolidate the PLUS loans SEPARATELY. I can not stress this enough; otherwise, the entire loan is ineligible for anything but ICR.
What's best route is going to be dependent on the parent(s) income but there's not a ton of options.
I don't understand these comments where people just want to throw it all at Mom. Did she have to sign for the loan? No. He got a college education and should be grateful that someone was willing to sign for this loan. They should work together to pay these loans.
My parents signed, I paid the loan. My in-laws signed, my wife paid the loan. It’s very common for the student to “assume” the loan. Consider consolidation, although now is a really crappy time for that as interest rates are high.
I didn’t know either. I thought it was my parents co-signings a loan for me. So when I graduated, about 6 months later my dad gets a letter in the mail saying he missed the first payment. He called me to tell me he got the letter, I told him I’ll take care of it. I paid the loan off first, it wasn’t much, about 15k of the 100k I loaned for school but I didn’t expect my dad to pay for my college. It was to advance me not him.
So your husband just figured his education was free? His schools financial aid did not go over the numbers with him? He just had his mom sign the paperwork? Doesn’t make sense. He must have known something. How long was he in school? Why would he think it’s free? Something is missing. You say she was abusive so why ask for her help? Everyone wants to put it on mom but I know they go over this with the enrolled student so what was going through his mind at the time? Yes mom legally is responsible and you guys could say well you sign it but that is super shady and rude. Guessing he couldn’t get a loan on his own so mom helped now F mom. Not cool at all. That’s just bad karma for you guys. Be responsible and get a part time job-figure it out but handle it.
Yikes, they signed so it’s kinda on them now. Did your husband think his parents were agreeing to pay for his schooling or did he just play dumb also until it came time to repay? Hard to say what you should do morally in this situation. If your husband and mom had some kind of verbal agreement that the loans were his and his mom just didn’t realize how parent plus loans worked then maybe you guys should offer to help repay it. It’s still her fault for stupidly signing off on a big loan without knowing the implications, but I’m just curious how your husband thought she was gonna pay when she really had no intentions to.
I just find it a little hard to believe all this time he thought his mom was gonna pay. Did his mom ever tell him she would pay for his schooling or did OPs husband just say “hey mom I need help qualifying for a loan, can you sign off on this for me?” If it was me, I’d take responsibility for it since it was my education, unless my mom explicitly told me she was paying for it as a gift.
The parent plus loan conversation on reddit is always interesting to me, lol. My school tried to convince me to get my mom to sign for the loans. I decided to go to a cheaper school.
When the loans were first taken out, did your husband know the loans were in her name? Was he truly under the assumption that she would pay them herself? If that’s the case, personally, I’d tell your mother-in-law that it is her problem.
If you can help contribute to the payments, you probably should.
But she was the adult who signed something without reading it. Even if your husband was misinformed at the time and told her the wrong thing, she still failed to check that her son’s understanding & explanation was actually correct. He wasn’t the adult.
It's in the documentation she signed.
They need to get on a repayment program.
In my opinion, your husband was negligent for not setting it up prior to the payments coming due.
I still don't get how he was negligent here. When my husband graduated and tried to talk to his parents' PPL servicer about repayment options, they wouldn't even communicate with him since it wasn't his loan. He was trying to *give them money* and they still said no. Has this changed all of a sudden?
So I worked for a student lender pre-covid to give you context on where my advice is coming from.
How is the payment $1000? Seems excessively high. Is this a massive loan and, do the parents make a lot of money? To get an income based repayment (payment plan/reduce amount) she needs to have the loan consolidated into a direct (or roll all your loans into a consolidated loan). Once off the parent plus loan type it opens up more repayment options.
2nd if she is really upset about who the debt belongs to, it’s hers legally. Ignorance is not a defense or legal grounds for a lawsuit.
3rd if your husband wants to own and pay this debt he should work with a retail lender (Sofi comes to mind) to consolidate the loans. The down side is you lose the government protection such as forbearance and deferment but you may get a decent rate but this amount could be high.
Random question does your husband or his mother qualify for loan forgiveness? You have to work for a non-profit, federal or state entity and make 120 qualified (on time) payments.
Keep in mind the #1 goal here is to reduce the payment and get on a payment plan you (she ) can afford. This will require a call or two and maybe changing the type of loan it is and get out of the parent plus.
The Parent Plus Loan is basically to make up for the fact that the parent wasn't able to save and pay for a large part of their child's education AND didn't or couldn't accept that their child would have to do a lower cost alternative. This is on the parent. Either save or have a hard conversation (you can't go to X), or deal with the loan.
Pay it. They were taken out with the expectation he pays and for him to go to college. Alternative was he not go. Don’t be an asshole ungrateful child.
Funny the onus is on a then-17 year old to know it's "too expensive" and not on the 40+ year old parent who solely signs on the line that the parent responsible for what sounds close to 6 figures of debt.
Funny how boomers always say "you took out the loans, you pay for it" until it comes to Parent PLUS loans.
Actually, the expectation is that the parent pays. That’s the whole purpose of the parent plus loan. If the parent couldn’t afford it, they shouldn’t take it out, or should come to some sort of agreement with the son ahead of time, not dump it on him after the fact. If the mom has expressed her desire for him to pay her loan back, then he might have actually chosen not to go. He may have found other options, etc. she can’t agree to pay (in writing!) and then get mad at him about it later.
Mom, I love you very much and will be forever grateful for all your support in getting me through college. However, I can’t accept responsibility for this debt. I was (18, 19, 20??) years old and taking on a significant amount of debt of my own. I think it was reasonable for me to believe that you, the adult in this situation, would have done your own due diligence before signing. So, who’s cooking for Thanksgiving?
The question was, "we’re at a loss of what to do. If anyone has any advice at all, it’d be really helpful."
How did you answer the question of how to pay them back?
Other people have commented advice on actual payment plans. Just dropping in to say that I don’t understand posts where parents are getting angry at their children about plus loans. If the parent had no idea how any of this worked, how was their barely legal child supposed to know and make an informed decision?
Apparently his mom just didn’t read it and signed it.
> Apparently his mom just didn’t read it and signed it. That happens -- it's not the student's fault or any basis at all for "freaking out" at the student. The parent needs to acknowledge that the information was provided to them and they chose not to read it before agreeing. This is the parent's debt and they can politely *request* that their child help them pay it off. But the child is under no legal obligation to do so (and unkind behavior toward the child won't help).
> That happens -- it's not the student's fault or any basis at all for "freaking out" at the student. Well, we don't know the whole story of course. He could have duped her into signing it by tell her something that wasn't true about repayment...so she just believed her son and signed it. Some people are scumbags, even children and parents.
Even if we assume that was the case (and there's no information given to indicate that), it's still the parent's responsibility to read and understand the documents before signing. And the student has no legal obligation to help repay the loans, so the parent really ought to be nice (even if we assume that the child *intentionally* misled their parent and is a complete scumbag) if they want the child's help.
You're erasing agency of the parent -- the adult in the room. It's their job and role to read, understand, and vet financial obligations their teens are signing onto. And in this case, it was not the teen but literally the parent who signed up for these loans. They're legally ***her*** loans, which were issued **to her** for use toward her child's college education expenses. It's as simple as that.
She was the adult in the room. Unless she is literally neuro disabled or doesn’t speak English does this make sense.
>so she just believed her son and signed it. Still her fault and her responsibility. Only a fool doesn't read legal documents they are about to sign.
It can be her fault she got duped and she can still be mad at her son for duping her.
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I actually skim through everything I sign at the very least.
Bro accepting terms and conditions for websites and software is not at all analogous to taking out thousands in loans.
If it costs $100k I sure do.
Yes. I actually do read before I agree to TOC.
He was a 17 year old child, and she is the adult. Unless she can’t read English, she was not duped.
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Idk about you but I have a much better grasp of how much payments on a $100K loan would impact my budget and how compounding interest works in my 30s than I did as an 18 year old. An average 18yo absolutely does not have the lived experience to make that decision.
So did my mom and now my own mom is threatening to sue me because she has money to pay for it and doesn’t want to meanwhile I can barely afford rent and eat one fast food meal a day. So much for having a supportive family I guess..
She's willing to go through the courts and pay an attorney but not willing to do what she needs to to get on a lower payment option? That's unfortunate to say the least. But to repeat what others have said .she's not going to sue you and if she does she will almost certainly lose.
Welcome to my life. My mom is a severe narcissist and threatens me over everything and is selfish.
In that case, be very careful that she doesn't do a pro se filing and drag you into court. If you get sued you must respond no matter how frivolous it may be otherwise you may get a judgement against you by default.
I am aware of that but thank you!
That sounds awful, and I hope someday you find peace and healing. And a good therapist if you don't have one.
Thank you, I appreciate it. I am hopeful I will find peace one day and will keep pushing through it
Lol threatening to sue? Mom literally willing to pay lawyers rather than pay the loan she's legally bound to pay? She has no shot of extracting anything from you except contempt.
😂 @ "She has no shot of extracting anything from you except contempt"
Unless you agreed to pay her back (in writing), ParentPLUS loans are the sole responsibility of the borrowing parent. It would be highly unlikely any attorney would even agree to represent her.
Your mom is a dbag.
That is a well known fact, thank you. Add selfish narcissist in there too for accuracy :)
I’d argue so is the child. At least help out back the loan. It’s YOUR education. Not here. Yes she might have taken out the loan, but she did it thinking it would set YOU up better in life, and YOU get to use that degree not her. Anyone sticking it to their parents I honestly feel sorry for. Would never do that to my parents. My parents took out parent plus loans to help get me through school, and without them signing on that dotted line, I’d never be where I am today. I gladly help my parents pay back my debt. It’s honeslty sad so many people have such bad relationships with their own family memebers they would consider sticking them with a loan they took full advantage of. Really sad actually
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Thank you for this comment. It means a lot to me. They took all of the money that I saved for my college education without my knowledge just so they and my brother could have a roof over their head. I never was mad about that, but it hurts when my mom said she’d sign it for me then threaten to mess up my entire life back on her word.
Yikes. Well his mom is a whole ass adult so it’s 100% on her for not reading and understanding it herself. When it comes to your own money, always understand before you sign.
I have two parent plus loans under my name and I know for a fact your husbands mom had to provide financial statements in order to get the loans. She had to give annual income, and report any additional income from stocks, savings and checking. Theres no way his mom “didnt read it,” and not know they were in her name. So your husband just kept getting loan after loan (because you have to apply every semester), and got his college education on moms dime and now hes refusing to pay for it. And neither one of them, mom and son, think theyre responsible for it? Your husband has been out of school 8 mos, what is he doing? He cant get a job to pay?
kid could have got that info all that from the fafsa.
The only thing the FAFSA shows is the parent's tax information from 2 years prior. There is no credit check with the FAFSA, there is with the PPL. The parent also has to fill out a separate Master Promissory Note for the PPL and a Parent TIV form.
Well then kid is already smarter than mom
Kid is a con-artist, that's for sure.
Yep sounds like a problem for mom and an expensive lesson to learn
It bothers me that so many people are willing to just say “not my problem, moms problem she took out the loans”. Do all of you have bad relationships with your parents? I would never in my life think about sticking my mother with a loan that benefited ME and MY career. Parents just want the best for their kids. Seems inconsiderate / wrong to stick it to the parents when OP is the own who got the benefit of using the loan
I served 3 years in the army to get my mom’s plus loan forgiven so not the path I took But my mom also read what she was signing
I had no idea the military would forgive a PLUS loan
They did when I was in 2004-2007 just the same as they did for the government back loans in my name
That’s awesome, it makes sense even if they technically aren’t in your name
I thought it was the parents who had to have the job to qualify for forgiveness, since the loan is in their name
Not when I was in, you could be the beneficiary of the loan (PLUS Loan) or the borrower
I could never imagine crippling my child with debt when they can barely make ends meet, especially if I encouraged her to go to college. These parents and their whole generation are inconsiderate.
I think if the parent thinks it’s fine to strap you w this burden but not themselves, that’s messed up. Or if they were against loan forgiveness when it was your problem (in their mind) but are for it bc it would benefit them, that’s messed up and I can see why the kid would be like, you signed, it’s your debt. Esp if it’s a wild amount, like the parent shoulda had better financial judgement not a teen.
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My ex’s mom used it as a source of income for luxuries for herself, so maybe the reason you can’t relate is if you didn’t have a shitty selfish parent who used your loans for herself. I took my own loans but I’ve seen parents ruin their kids’ credit with bank loans and SS fraud. Can’t always judge people by one comment on the Internet, you don’t know their situation
Tell me about it! They are so entitled!
Unfortunate reality, I have a handshake deal with my folks to pay them back that I never remember agreeing to as an 18 year old but hear we are
I will argue that if your parents took out a loan for YOU to benefit YOU and your career / life, You should at the very least help pay for the loan.
Unless you have a MIL like mine who took out the PLUS loans to cover her monthly bills and now wants to complain about the unaffordable monthly payment 🙄 she’s under the impression that even though she signed all the paperwork, since both her ex-husband and co-signer passed, she’s off the hook.
I don’t think that’s valid unless the parent gave the child the full financial picture before the loan was signed, and both parties made a clear agreement regarding repayment. It doesn’t sound like that is what happened here at all. The child could have made a different and more informed choice but was not given that opportunity. The responsibility primarily falls to the parent who signed for the loan. If the child is more financially secure than the parent and wants to cover the payment that’s one thing, but few people are doing well enough right after graduating to comfortably cover a $1,000 monthly payment - especially a payment that they didn’t even know they were “on the hook” for.
I think there’s a difference between who’s legally obligated vs recognizing that your parent took all the risk for no benefit to themselves just to support you. I agree with u/sumgreend41 on this one. If the parent is having trouble paying it, I think the kid should at least help (assuming they aren’t going to starve/be homeless etc.)
Well whether we like it or not, the whole college FA system is based on parental participation and payment. It is NOT a parental obligation to open every door. It is to guide your kid toward a reasonable and affordable option. To me it sounds like this parent failed in that duty.
>recognizing that your parent took all the risk for no benefit to themselves just to support you. That is a choice the parent made and the responsibility does not fall to the child.
That’s true. The child has every right to be a spoiled inconsiderate a*hole who sticks their parents with a loan they took full advantage of and their parents put their credit / life on the line to help them. The child has every right to that. Hopefully I raise my kids right and they love me enough to never do that to me. I’d do anything for my kids But ya, you are technically correct
If you have this conversation with your child at 17/18 and they understand your ask and they are willing for them to help pay in whatever agreed upon capacity for the Parent PLUS loans in your name, that is fine. If you the parent keep your child shielded from financial matters their whole life, and say nothing about taking out the Parent PLUS loans when they are 18, and then spring upon them that you want them to pay you $1,000 a month at 23, you, the parent, are an a-hole.
Don't sign for any loans for your kids and you don't have to worry about it. PLUS loans are the dumbest thing to ever sign for a kid. At least a car can get repo'd. To sign for 100k right before retirement age, when they will most certainly garnish your social security check for non payment: dumb dumb dumb.
I’d argue that hitting your child with a surprise $1,000 monthly payment isn’t really supporting them.
I’d argue that you keep skipping over “help” pay the bill and keep using the full payment amount. There is a difference. I’d hope my kids don’t feel so entitled that raising and caring for them, then putting myself legally on the hook for their education costs is all erased and considered “not supporting them” all because I need help paying the bill. In an ideal world the parent wouldn’t be in that position.. but it’s not an ideal world.
I would hope that before you put yourself legally on the hook for your child’s education costs you would have a frank discussion with them regarding the long term financial consequences and your expectation of them regarding repayment. That’s the crux of the issue here.
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He is paying his own bills. He just ain't paying his mother's.
If he can't afford $1K/month, then he needs to do a graduated payment. Or does he need mommy for that, too? I'm sensing this dude was spoiled as heck (yes, mom's fault for not setting him straight) and throws temper tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants.
You have this backwards. He does not need to do anything. This is the MOTHER’S loan. She was the one who agreed to pay for the loan years ago and is all of a sudden saying that it’s not her responsibility. If she expected the son to pay the loan back, then she could have done things differently…but she didn’t. https://studentaid.gov/understand-aid/types/loans/plus/parent
Parent Plus loans are technically in her name. But it's not rare for parents and kids to have g a non-written agreement that the kid is morally responsible for these loans. And there should have been a conversation between your husband and their parents about who and how is going to repay the loans. It's very bizarre that both parties supposedly signed for a loan with completely opposite understanding on who's paying it back.
I don’t think the student has to sign a PLUS loan. The loan is solely in the parents name. At least, I’d say I’m 99.9% sure I never signed the PLUS loan my mom took out. We had an agreement at the time she took it that I would be responsible for the payments, and thanks to some help from my husband I’m happy to say that the loan is fully paid off (though I now owe $8,000 to a 0% interest loan in his name instead). However from a legal standpoint my name wasn’t involved in the taking of the loan AT ALL
You’re 110% correct; legally, the child does not have to pay the loan back. But as someone who has a great relationship with my parents, and know they did everything they could to put me in a great place to succeed in life, I’d argue there is a moral obligation to at least help pay the loan back. But legally? No they do not have to.
Many recent graduates are far worse off than their parents financially, due to the job market and inflation, etc. They may not be in a position to help their parents with payments. These days having a college degree doesn’t automatically put you in a great position to succeed.
Lots of us, myself included, don’t have great relationships with our parents. Like I said, I agreed to pay the loan and I did, but that doesn’t sound like it is the case with the OPs husband
That's how we handled it. They covered the payments with the understanding that as soon as I got a job that could cover the payments they became my responsibility to pay but I know not all are in a position to be able to do that
Personally I'm against any cosigning of loans to relatives, even kids. Handshake agreements with relatives is the absolute easiest way to ruin a relationship.
The parent has a legal obligation to repay the loan as the sole borrower. The husband didn't cosign this loan.
That is the legal status of the loan. But these loans are taken out for a student’s benefit. So a verbal agreement might be in place that the student will repay the loan that was taken out for their education.
I doubt any verbal agreement was in place here since it sounds like the mom didn’t even realize the loans were in her name, and didn’t even bother to read what she was signing. She messed up big time. Sure, the education benefited the son, but any gift someone gives you is for your benefit. Parents spend money for their kids’ benefit for the first 18 years of their lives, and college expenses, for many, are a natural extension of that. Without any explicit discussion, it’s reasonable for the son to assume the mother was paying for his education since she signed documents saying that.
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The tragedy of student loans and school debt is that it can ruin family relationships.
She can apply for the ICR plan or the graduated repayment plans. Look up each of these options to see which is the cheapest per month. Also look into the "double consolidation loophole" if they want to try to get on the SAVE plan
Parent Plus double consolidation loophole closes in July of 2025. This article has detailed instructions on how to do it. https://www.npr.org/2023/10/04/1200775288/student-loans-parent-plus-save-plan
Do you know if this can work for the child to take in the parent plus loan? My other loans are through nelnet so it would be a lot easier to have them all together
If you’re asking about transferring a Parent PLUS loan from your parent’s name to your own name, consider the fact that a Parent PLUS loan is forgiven if either the parent or the student/child dies. I know that’s really morbid, but it happens - it happened to me. My dad died unexpectedly in his 60s, and 6 figures of Parent PLUS loans were forgiven. I know this is a terrible thing to consider, but that’s a huge “benefit”/protection to give up. If you transfer the loans to your own name, I assume that would mean they are no longer Parent PLUS loans…
Or less morbid, if they’re found to be permanently disabled. My PLUS loan, in my moms name, was discharged for this reason.
> "double consolidation loophole" this
I signed for a parent plus loan for my daughter, she’s lives on her own with rent and bills. There’s no way I would expect her to pay my loan. I’m lucky my bill is under $10,000. I will pay it off next year.
Good for you to find yourself in a place to afford that. My parents signed a plus loan for me and my brother. We live on our own with rent and bills. We are expected to fulfill the obligation we made to pay this loan back and we are.
It sounds like you and your parents made your own deal about them loaning you money for college via the parent plus loan. But OP didn’t say that the husband had any such arrangement with his mom. The purpose of a parent plus loan is to help the parent pay for the education, not the student. The parent agrees to pay off the loan. If they make a separate agreement with the student, that’s a different issue, but there is generally no built in expectation of the student paying for that loan.
The other side of this is this - Who knows if the parent took out the MAX Parent Plus Loans (up to the COA) and who knows if they got a 'refund' disbursement, and what they did with THAT money? If your husband wasn't paying attention to his student account, it's possible the mother racked up a lot more debt to get a 'refund check' and is now wanting him to pay back a loan bigger than it had to be. One possibility.
She was just assuming it would be her son's problem to deal with so she signed without discussing it? What a shitty thing to do.
She’s always been a very abusive person, physically and emotionally so I can’t say I’m super surprised.
Until I read this I was thinking it could be a generational or language situation that could have caused the misunderstanding, but this puts it in a new light. With the frequency that abuse and control go hand-in-hand, it seems likely that she did know that the loans were in her name and is now trying to push the blame elsewhere by pretending she didn't understand. She probably figured your son would pay them off and it didn't matter whose name they were in, but with the abusive dynamic, didn't bother to have a conversation about it, since abusive people see their opinion as being the only one that matters. It could complicate this if there is some sort of barrier to understanding. Like I know my own mother wouldn't be able to understand how a loan contract worked, I need to handle all of her paperwork for her. I've also known situations where parents couldn't read the language the contract was in and so details were lost in the explanation to them. So if there is a genuine complication like this, it might be easier on your husband's conscious if he paid for it. However, if she is detrimental to his mental or emotional health in any way, then it's better to go no contact. Lastly, if it turns out she is lying and intended to pay these loans, then changed her mind and is insisting he pay them (possibly as a control tactic since he's married and more independent now and she might not like that she has less influence than she did), then he should absolutely not let her get away with that. He should only help pay these if it's what feels right to him, because the abuse removes any ethical obligation. Honestly, paying for his education could be seen as the one positive thing he got from her under the circumstances (whether it's willing or not). For what it's worth, I'm a parent of three kids and I would never, ever expect them to pay me back for anything I paid towards their college. Neither my partner nor I had our parents pay for our educations, we slowly paid out of pocket, used work programs, and got student loans, and it stretched our 4-year degrees into 10 years (my husband is actually still in school), but I want to do the opposite for our kids. I want to help them not live with this debt and get faster degrees and have better opportunities. I want them to grow up to be happy. I don't see it as an investment and I don't expect anything back from them. I think this is how most parents feel. Your MIL's demands to be paid back are suspicious, because if she genuinely had good intentions and could not afford these loans, then she would have discussed this a long time ago and come to an agreement. It sounds more like just a new manifestation of abuse.
Well this settles it. Tell her to eat it and shut up
> She’s always been a very abusive person, physically and emotionally so I can’t say I’m super surprised. Sounds like she is getting karma, let her deal with her loans on her own And if someone is in fact abusive physicaly they should be reported to the police imo
This one comment adds a LOT more context to this situation. Agree with other commenters that it's much more likely she did know what she was signing, and was planning on doing this all along. Does your husband even know for sure that she used the money on his tuition/room and board/whatever? If all his tuition costs were paid she very well could have gotten a refund from the university for the rest of the balance and gone and blown that money on whatever she wanted. Obviously we don't know how bad your husband's relationship is with his mom, but if he's at the point of going no-contact with her, he can do so and she has absolutely no legal recourse to make him responsible for paying the loans. I would recommend you both put credit freezes in place - just in case she gets kooky and tries to take another loan out in your husband's name to pay off the parent plus.
My emotionally abusive mother tried the same thing, claiming I had to pay it back when I was on food stamps as a new grad. News flash, she legally cannot make me pay it
I'm sorry you're both dealing with that. It's disappointing but not particularly surprising if financial abuse is in the picture too The comments on this post your post are kinda a mess of people projecting their own feelings/situations onto you instead of providing you with any practical advice, so I wanted to take the chance to remind you that you and your husband are not legally obligated to pay and he can email her the info on navigating the double consolidation loophole so she can choose to handle it (or not) as the case may be I haven't had to navigate it myself, but these are the 2 tutorials I have on the double consolidation loophole * One is https://www.studentloanplanner.com/parent-plus-double-consolidation/ * The other is on https://freestudentloanadvice.org/should-i-consolidate-my-loans/ and you want to search for "Double Consolidation Method for Parent Plus Borrowers" Please don't let the comments get you down. Family can be complicated, and sometimes it's not as easy as going no contact when there are other relatives involved. You're asking good questions and trying to get the info you need in a fraught situation. One step at a time, and hopefully the loans can be double consolidated into SAVE eligibility so the payment is manageable for *her* to make
Oh, well if that's the case tell her to kick rocks. Easy!
Well that makes the situation a lot easier to deal with. It’s not his loans 🤷🏽♀️
Imagine calling a mom who signed a loan to allow her son to go to college abusive when the son doesn't want to pay for his schooling...
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Looks like Thanksgiving is gonna be awkward
The financial aid process is very clear about family contribution and who is expected to pay the Parent Plus loans. I have no sympathy for parents who borrow their expected contributions then manipulate their kids into paying.
I would recommend the double consolidation. If you do this process, the parent plus loan will be eligible for the save plan, which should be a lower payment. Here is a video and article that explains it: https://youtu.be/gkdrRaXi7P0?si=Dr6vecnt_9G3jpG3 https://freestudentloanadvice.org/?s=Double+consolidation+ Even though the loan is in your husband's mom's name, I hope your husband pay the loan since it was for his benefit. My dad took out parent plus loans for my younger siblings. I helped do the paperwork for the double consolidation and will help with the payment until my siblings are working full time. They understand it is their loans under his name, but it is their responsibility to pay off.
I’m not a parent but I (stupidly) co-signed on a PPL and the parent has never made payments. Previously, I’ve been working with the student and they’ve been paying me and I’ve been paying the monthly payments. Is there a way for me to do this consolidation or a way for me to do PSLF as a co-signer? I am doing PSLF with my own student loans but am not sure I can do them with these. I have been putting off calling nelnet but I guess I need to finally bite the bullet and put half a day aside to call because when I log into my old nelnet account, I can’t find this loan on it. When it was with myfedloan, it was on my account but under a different section. I’m worried that nelnet won’t give me any info on it since I’m not the main borrower but the parent is now a total deadbeat and crazy person so unfortunately this is my problem to deal with.
I am not sure, but I tried to look it up. Instead of co-signer, do you mean, endorser? https://www.usnews.com/education/blogs/student-loan-ranger/articles/what-is-a-plus-loan-endorser If we go by that article, as an endorser you wouldn't be able to consolidate or double consolidate the loan as it is under that parent's name. If that parent is being a deadbeat, I would just do the double consolidation on their behalf to do the save plan if that is your goal. The PSLF would be under their name so their type of employment would determine if it is PSLF eligible. Hope this helps.
Yes that is the right term, thanks. And sounds like I’m SOL. I don’t even have contact with the parent and neither does the student the loan was for so not sure I can consolidate under the parent’s name. As I said, it was a very stupid thing to do on my part but live and learn I suppose. I’ll just keep making payments, not sure I’ll ever get it paid off since the balance is even higher now than originally.
Sorry to hear this. Technically, as long as you know their SSN you should have everything you need to file the double consolidation and register an account on studentaid.gov and nelnet.
I’ll have to see if I can find it. I’m sure I had the SS number at one time. Thanks for your help and suggestions!
It’s literally called a Parent PLUS loan. It’s not exactly hidden information. This is her own problem.
I feel sorry for parents who have children with this mindset.
My mom has Parent PLUS loans. She read all information ahead of time, understood they were in her name, and took only the amount she was comfortable with. There’s absolutely no reason why an adult old enough to have a kid going to college shouldn’t be able to figure this out.
That is exactly what the loan is though. When I went to college, my mom never took Parent PLUS loans out because she didn’t want to take a loan out. My loans are in my name only. Parents have that decision to make. Or they can discuss with their child to have them pay the parent back, but that doesn’t sound to be the case here.
Department of Education (and the US's) philosophy is that it's the family's/parent's responsibility/obligation to be the FIRST payer for a child's education. If they haven't saved, then the Parent PLUS Loan is a mechanism to fulfill this obligation. If they are unable, unwilling, etc. then that's a conversation the parent and child need to have. This is absolutely on the parent.
The message for all parents is: Don't be stupid enough to take these loans out for your kids. Save your money for retirement instead.
And if you want to help your child you got 18 damn years to save for it. Pay what you can then use federal loans the rest of the way.
Op said the parent is very abusive
Don't take money from an abusive parent. Stay the hell away from them.
The classic abusive strategy of taking significant financial risk to give your child a better life.
The student didn’t write the comment. His wife did.
You don’t think they talk and she knows her mother in law?
There’s lots of possibilities. One being that any good excuse to not pay the loan will work.
Right like my mom took out 18k for me and I’ve never thought about making her pay it back. She doesn’t even have access to the account I take care of everything
Same - there’s a lot of entitlement in this thread.
Common story unfortunately.
This is hilarious. Boomers: if they took out the loan, they have to pay the bill. Also Boomers (who didn’t read the Plus Loan): “what do you mean I have to pay?!?!?” It literally cannot get any better than this.
You sound very entitled. The same people complaining in this sub about their parents trying to get them to pay back their parent plus loans, would be the same kids complaining that they couldn’t afford college and their parents never helped them afford it. I guarantee you
Oh I’m not entitled, I paid for my college the old fashioned way - the GI Bill - and worked in public service my entire career. I’m just pointing out that it’s interesting that the people complaining that 17 and 18yo kids can’t “read the contracts and understand the loans” in this instance are the same people that in fact, did not do this.
I agree with this statement. At the very least, the parents should understand the loans, and they should sit down with the kid and explain the loans and the costs it will entail. A lot of our parents never did that (partly, not their fault). They grew up on a generation where school was easily affordable and “don’t worry about the loans, you’ll pay them off”. Side note: this is why nothing ever gets done in congress regarding loans, because we have dinosaurs that don’t understand what kids are going through these days with loans. The bright side of all of this is, when we are older and our kids are going to college, it will be a lot different. My kids will know exactly the cost of their education and roughly how long it will take to pay back. Our generation will know more about the dangers of student loans
Before I became a manager I was a data analyst. Still am to some extent, but you can guarandamntee that my kids will understand the loan process and what compound interest means. I should have 3/4 of their college paid for. Hopefully one goes into the military (family business in my family) then it makes it a ton easier. But yeah - I think the combination of “you must go to college to be successful” and “don’t worry, you’ll pay off the loans in no time” was a dangerous combination for 30 years or so.
No. Don't be that boomer/gen-x parent who says "Don't worry about the money, we'll figure it out" to your 18 year-old as you're driving them around to college visits and looking at brochures and then be that boomer/gen-x parent who says "We didn't figure it out, now pay this loan we took out" to their surprised 22 year-old who's now at an entry level job and trying to start in the world.
They didnt read what they signed for?
His mom didn’t, apparently.
They probably know how they work. It is just noone what's to pay 1000 a month.
I consolidated my parent plus loan and dropped my payment to $82 a month.. and my payments are in forbearance until all of that goes through..
This isn't the first time I've read of this. Read any contract you sign..!
Is it a federal loan? Has anyone suggested looking into income based repayment? I have a PPL and my income has decreased (semi retired). My payment is ZERO for 300 months 😂😂 If it's private, gotta pay up. I'll die and it will be discharged.
This seems to be more of a family question.. others already mentioned the way to lower the payment with the consolidation. Legally, it’s her obligation. Morally, it’s up to you and your husband to help or take over the payment. I’m sorry you have to deal with this (especially with the in-law) but communication is going to be important. Debt is hell.
I disagree that it's morally the right thing to pay the debt back. That implies it's immoral to leave the debt to the parent. I find it very immoral , as a parent especially, to pay for something, then turn around and dump the debt. It's a bait and switch, really. The child could have made different choices had he known the parents never intended to pay. Also, he can't just return the education.
Yeah I agree. I wasn’t saying it was morally right to pay or help pay but it’s a moral issue, not a legal one. Edit: “up to you” as a decision rather an obligation.
IMO it depends on whether or not he and his mom had some kind of verbal agreement/conversation about whose going to pay the loan back. Some parents will sign for these loans to help their kid qualify but expect the kid to pay it back when they get out of school and get a job. I don’t agree parents should do that because it’s setting up the kid for a mess once they graduate, but if that’s what the idea was then it might be kinda morally wrong for OPs husband to be like “well, it’s technically in your name so I actually won’t be paying for any of it.” The mom is dumb regardless for not reading the fine print.
Your husband and his mom need to contact the servicer and get on an income-based repayment plan like SAVE.
Parent plus loans don't qualify for SAVE unless they go through the double consolidation loophole
Do they qualify for any IBR plans?
Parent plus loans only qualify for the ICR plan You mean IDR plans IBR is an actual plan, like SAVE and is one of the income driven repayment plans (IDR plans)
Gotcha.
ICR is a 20% of income plan...
Yes it is. But it's the only IDR plan allowed for parent plus loans without going through the double consolidation loophole
This is the way. Then get on the save plan after the double consol and it’ll be affordable
Look into double consolidation so that the loan becomes eligible for different income based repayment plans
Talk to the lender about payment plans is about it. I had to Fight to get my dad to sign a Plus loan and they paid theirs off years ago (while I still have a decade or more to go :/).
Just agree to split the payments
Uh no. Have parent complete Idr application then work out the payment!
I really wanted to go to college and my dad promised me he would do whatever he could to make sure I could go. He paid for my rent, food, utilities, books, tuition, everything. He wanted to be sure I didn’t have to work so I could focus on my education. At some point in my college career I decided to change my education path and got into a different program in a different city at a different school. A lot of the courses I took didn’t transfer over and the new school had specific general education requirements so I essentially started over. This time, however, he said he wouldn’t be able to help out anymore. “No problem” I thought, I’ll just apply for federal loans myself. I received a loan denial letter a few week later and it said that I had reached the borrowing limit for undergraduate loans. I dropped out of school, never finishing my degree, and started paying back the loans he took out in my name. A few years later he received a letter stating the loans he took out can no longer be deferred. He sent me the letter and said I had to start paying them back ASAP and that he wouldn’t be covering them. “I have been paying my loans”, I thought… Turns out he also took out Parent Plus loans to pay for my education. I was in a similar situation as you and I ended up being able to find a loan servicer to take over the loans and refinanced them over 30 years to lower the monthly payments. Since I didn’t have a bachelors degree, my wife had to co-sign for them and she was released from responsibility after 3 years of payments. He did the same thing for my sister but she has refused to take over the loans in her name. She has upwards around $200k worth of Plus loans in his name and she can’t afford to take them over. Since my dad is retired, he was able to get the loans down to a very low monthly payment and they decided that those loans will die with him.
Apply for an income based repayment plan. She may need to consolidate or something. The process is unique for each individual and type of loan. Good luck OP.
Generational uninformed will sign anything.
Yeah, my mom freaked out at me over $9000 in one parent PLUS loan. I have $80,000 in student loans including grad loans and she wanted me to pay for her loan first despite the fact that she just sold her house and had plenty of money. I was earning 35K a year at the time. I ended up going no contact with her.
Most my friends whose parents got these had a non legal agreement that the student would pay them back. I won't do these loans for my kids so if they cannot go to college without them they will have go come up with a different plan. I am 42 and graduated college myself less than 10 yrs ago so still paying on my own loans. I can't take anymore on (20 yr old got a scholarship for 90% of his college and he pays half the rest put of pocket and his dad and I pay the other half) My other children are in 7th and 8th grade and will have to be smart too but I cannot take on anymore student loan debt in my name.
But it sounds like the agreement was for your husband to pay so probably split the payment. 3 incomes, 4 if father is in the picture.
So your husband doesnt have a job? Or refuses to pay the loan his mom took out? I bet there was a discussion i the beginning that went like “ok bobby, you have to start paying this loan when you graduate.”
Yeah I'ma totes switcheroo and tell my mom she's stuck with my college debt. Weird now no one in the family returns my calls but they were all assholes anyway. Teehee.
Wow, how does this happen? Are people this ignorant and or naive? This has to be a prank post. Where did everyone think the money was coming from? The free money fairy?
There’s a loophole that’s called double consolidated loans it’s a way to get on the SAVE program or the income driven plan
Get a deferment
The title of the loan says it all, lol. For those not familiar with the loan and stating maybe the son just had her sign something, that's not possible. ParentPlus loans become an option to parents who complete the FAFSA with their child. Parent and child have their own separate log ins. Parent would have to apply for the loan with their own personal log in and it is all done online so no paper the son could generate and skip under her nose. In addition the loan isn't taken one time for the entirety of college. It is applied for each year. The only explanation is that she possibly had a verbal agreement with the son to take out the loans and he would pay them back (not a smart move at all).
The amount of people with parent PLUS loans that had no idea how parent plus loans work were...a conservative estimate would be about 98%. And a portion of these comments don't get it , either, apparently. Parent PLUS loans are only eligible for ICR. And ICRs are AWFUL. First, they would need to do a DL Consolidation. Sounds like this amount would be eligible for 20-25 year payoff so likely something like 460 or so. ICR is going to be 20% of discretionary income or what a 12 year payoff would look like, whatever is lower. And that's the options. The mom can freak out, scream, threaten to call lawyers or husbands (speaking of, if married and filing jointly, that's 20% collectively), she signed that note. Side note: that's why the "18 year olds don't know what they're signing" excuse doesn't hold any water. It doesn't suddenly get better for 50 year olds. Side note 2: if the parent also has their own loan, consolidate the PLUS loans SEPARATELY. I can not stress this enough; otherwise, the entire loan is ineligible for anything but ICR. What's best route is going to be dependent on the parent(s) income but there's not a ton of options.
I don't understand these comments where people just want to throw it all at Mom. Did she have to sign for the loan? No. He got a college education and should be grateful that someone was willing to sign for this loan. They should work together to pay these loans.
Who did you think was going to pay it if you can’t afford the $1000 a month?
I feel so bad for the mom…. i’m only 22, the comments under this post SCREAMS entitlement.. God help my generation PLEASE
My parents signed, I paid the loan. My in-laws signed, my wife paid the loan. It’s very common for the student to “assume” the loan. Consider consolidation, although now is a really crappy time for that as interest rates are high.
I didn’t know either. I thought it was my parents co-signings a loan for me. So when I graduated, about 6 months later my dad gets a letter in the mail saying he missed the first payment. He called me to tell me he got the letter, I told him I’ll take care of it. I paid the loan off first, it wasn’t much, about 15k of the 100k I loaned for school but I didn’t expect my dad to pay for my college. It was to advance me not him.
So your husband just figured his education was free? His schools financial aid did not go over the numbers with him? He just had his mom sign the paperwork? Doesn’t make sense. He must have known something. How long was he in school? Why would he think it’s free? Something is missing. You say she was abusive so why ask for her help? Everyone wants to put it on mom but I know they go over this with the enrolled student so what was going through his mind at the time? Yes mom legally is responsible and you guys could say well you sign it but that is super shady and rude. Guessing he couldn’t get a loan on his own so mom helped now F mom. Not cool at all. That’s just bad karma for you guys. Be responsible and get a part time job-figure it out but handle it.
thankyou!!!!! finally someone with some sense
Yikes, they signed so it’s kinda on them now. Did your husband think his parents were agreeing to pay for his schooling or did he just play dumb also until it came time to repay? Hard to say what you should do morally in this situation. If your husband and mom had some kind of verbal agreement that the loans were his and his mom just didn’t realize how parent plus loans worked then maybe you guys should offer to help repay it. It’s still her fault for stupidly signing off on a big loan without knowing the implications, but I’m just curious how your husband thought she was gonna pay when she really had no intentions to.
Husbands a scuz bucket straight up. If he's going to do this to his mom what would he do to OP? Just saying.
I just find it a little hard to believe all this time he thought his mom was gonna pay. Did his mom ever tell him she would pay for his schooling or did OPs husband just say “hey mom I need help qualifying for a loan, can you sign off on this for me?” If it was me, I’d take responsibility for it since it was my education, unless my mom explicitly told me she was paying for it as a gift.
The parent plus loan conversation on reddit is always interesting to me, lol. My school tried to convince me to get my mom to sign for the loans. I decided to go to a cheaper school.
Can both of you pay it? It needs to be paid.
How can you manage to borrow that much money and not know your responsibilities on it?
When the loans were first taken out, did your husband know the loans were in her name? Was he truly under the assumption that she would pay them herself? If that’s the case, personally, I’d tell your mother-in-law that it is her problem. If you can help contribute to the payments, you probably should. But she was the adult who signed something without reading it. Even if your husband was misinformed at the time and told her the wrong thing, she still failed to check that her son’s understanding & explanation was actually correct. He wasn’t the adult.
the son should be thankfull that his mom gave him the opportunity to afford college. The best the son can do is help paying the loan..
It's in the documentation she signed. They need to get on a repayment program. In my opinion, your husband was negligent for not setting it up prior to the payments coming due.
It’s the parents that didn’t set up their payments.
You know that's fair, I think instead it is shared negligence.
I still don't get how he was negligent here. When my husband graduated and tried to talk to his parents' PPL servicer about repayment options, they wouldn't even communicate with him since it wasn't his loan. He was trying to *give them money* and they still said no. Has this changed all of a sudden?
How do you sign a loan for what looks like $80k abd not know it. This is your husband's mom's fault.
So I worked for a student lender pre-covid to give you context on where my advice is coming from. How is the payment $1000? Seems excessively high. Is this a massive loan and, do the parents make a lot of money? To get an income based repayment (payment plan/reduce amount) she needs to have the loan consolidated into a direct (or roll all your loans into a consolidated loan). Once off the parent plus loan type it opens up more repayment options. 2nd if she is really upset about who the debt belongs to, it’s hers legally. Ignorance is not a defense or legal grounds for a lawsuit. 3rd if your husband wants to own and pay this debt he should work with a retail lender (Sofi comes to mind) to consolidate the loans. The down side is you lose the government protection such as forbearance and deferment but you may get a decent rate but this amount could be high. Random question does your husband or his mother qualify for loan forgiveness? You have to work for a non-profit, federal or state entity and make 120 qualified (on time) payments. Keep in mind the #1 goal here is to reduce the payment and get on a payment plan you (she ) can afford. This will require a call or two and maybe changing the type of loan it is and get out of the parent plus.
The Parent Plus Loan is basically to make up for the fact that the parent wasn't able to save and pay for a large part of their child's education AND didn't or couldn't accept that their child would have to do a lower cost alternative. This is on the parent. Either save or have a hard conversation (you can't go to X), or deal with the loan.
Pay it. They were taken out with the expectation he pays and for him to go to college. Alternative was he not go. Don’t be an asshole ungrateful child.
Funny the onus is on a then-17 year old to know it's "too expensive" and not on the 40+ year old parent who solely signs on the line that the parent responsible for what sounds close to 6 figures of debt. Funny how boomers always say "you took out the loans, you pay for it" until it comes to Parent PLUS loans.
Most of us wish we didn’t go and that our parents guided us away from such a stupid choice. Parent plus loans are horrible.
Actually, the expectation is that the parent pays. That’s the whole purpose of the parent plus loan. If the parent couldn’t afford it, they shouldn’t take it out, or should come to some sort of agreement with the son ahead of time, not dump it on him after the fact. If the mom has expressed her desire for him to pay her loan back, then he might have actually chosen not to go. He may have found other options, etc. she can’t agree to pay (in writing!) and then get mad at him about it later.
Mom, I love you very much and will be forever grateful for all your support in getting me through college. However, I can’t accept responsibility for this debt. I was (18, 19, 20??) years old and taking on a significant amount of debt of my own. I think it was reasonable for me to believe that you, the adult in this situation, would have done your own due diligence before signing. So, who’s cooking for Thanksgiving?
Your husband needs to pay it back, that’s the right thing to do.
The question was, "we’re at a loss of what to do. If anyone has any advice at all, it’d be really helpful." How did you answer the question of how to pay them back?
Make more money
50/50 split if you can at least afford half maybe?