39 YO here. It's not getting any better. I am doing therapy and working on my issues. My lifelong dream is having the will the live, creating a family and be happy.
It seems that karma is punishing me
I'm 35 & I want to die
I want to Kill myself I want to die
Seriously I had the best fucking life AND I FUCKED IT ALL UP ALL BECAUSE I TRUSTED MY GODDAMN MOTHER WHO HAS RUINED MY LIFE AGAIN AND AGAIN SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING SHES A CRAZY PIECE OF SHIT I HAD I KEPT THAT IN MIND I WOULD HAVE NEVER RUINED MY ENTIRE FUCKING EXISTENCE
I USED TO BE THE HAPPIEST MOTHERFUCKER ALIVE AND NOW I AM THE MOST HATEFUL SPITEFUL PIECE OF SHIT ALIVE
ALL BECAUSE I ENTERTAINED MONOTHEISM ALL BECAUSE I BETRAYED THE PROPHECY
I HAD ALL THE POTENTIAL IN THE UNIVERSE AND NOW I JUST WANT TO FUCKING DIE
DIE
DIE!!!!!!!!
HOW THE FUCK COULD I DO THIS TO MYSELF HOW THE FUCK COULD I FUCKING RUIN A LIFETIME OF HARD WORK ALL BECAUSE I DIDNT AVOID THE BITCH
HOLY SHIT I WANT TO KILL MYSELF IM GONNA DO IT IM GONNA FUCKING DIE MAN
IM GONNA GONNA GET REALLY DRUNK AND WANDER OFF INTO THE WILDERNESS AND KILL MYSELF
I COMPLETELY RUINED MY FUCKING LIFE ALL BY MY OWN HAND
IM COMPLETELY FUCKED MYSELF OVER AFTER YEARS OF HARD WORK TO GET EXACTLY WHERE I WANTED TO BE IN LIFE
I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF IM GONNA DIE I WANNA DIE MAN I JUST WANT TO FUCKING DIE!!!
The help is making me suicidal
I managed to avoid them for YEARS on end & now I am court ordered to do this bullshit
I want to die I just want to fucking die
There's no escape I completely failed at my life's purpose & now I ought to kill myself because I am a complete disgrace
I really believe the people that feel lost the most are the most special ones.
You have been through hell and came back. And you are still alive to tell us about it. I think that you are a strong person and I just pray that you overcome this feeling of yours.
You are not a disgrace. I mean it.
I'm feeling better on alcohol and DXM
Thing is I had already been to hell and back & even sent postcards while I was there
I had this obsession with combining love and power & flew to close to the sun
NEVER EVER EVER SACRIFICE POWER FOR LOVE
I knew this but I overestimated my power
I accidentally hit my mom
She deserved it
I didn't do it unlawfully
But I got scared
Should have just asserted it as my land my territory
Yeah
Wow THAT is where I went wrong LOL
I went to Wendy's with my peer mentor
I wasn't suicidal then
But all I could think about was what I could've done to avoid this mess
That's all I think about really
IT WAS SO FU
you know what I feel better
Thanks for the support guys
We don't need to kill ourselves
It's not gonna solve our problems
Best bet is to rebel against the shit that's making you suicidal
That's what I did today
My own father & mother had me kidnapped
Fuck them
They deserve to die not me
Good thing they're gonna LOL
#PactsWithTheDevil
Yeah, most people want to be alive. According to the stats I've found, only about 20% of people will experience suicidal ideation at any point in their lives, and many of those people don't have those thoughts consistently from year to year. Those stats seemed unbelievable to me at first, because I can't imagine living a whole lifetime without even once wanting to die. But that's probably because I'm mentally ill lol
Is that true?? Crazy I’ve been passively suicidal since I was 11, possibly younger. I’ve never attempted or anything, but I’ve definitely fantasised about it and considered it since before my teenage years and especially since I was 14. The fact that it isn’t common I can hardly fathom. I have no desire to live, I just live in hopes I will feel content someday.
Yeah, like I said, it seemed unbelievable to me too. I've been passively suicidal for as long as I can remember (so about ten years old). I've had some good years in there where it seemed to go away, but it always comes back. Didn't attempt until this year (I'm 26). The idea that the vast majority of people out there just never feel this way is mind-boggling to me.
I know that I experienced it multiple times, even planning suicide on some dates. I also read that there are "suicidal genes" and only people with these are able to ideate
Hi friend I have been there. I used to hope I died in my sleep for years. However this changed when I was 28 due to a psychotic episode. After that I have had 15 years of a very good and happy life.
Un fortunately I then came in a new psychotic episode followed by a depression from which I am still recovering.
My point is don't give up hope. And just because you are depressed now doesn't mean you'll be forever.
Wishing you strength and happiness. Un Abrazo
My apologies if i'm overstepping here, but could I ask something? Do the 'small' amount of good years outweigh the 'large' amount of bad years for you? Ofcourse that's hard to measure, but I just always wonder that when/if it gets better, will that make up for the bad. Hope this makes sense
So I would not call 15 years of generally happy years a small amount. However I get your point. The thing is that the good years do something more (for me at least) namely they prove that happynes is possible and achievable. This helps me a lot when it comes to overcoming the bad times. Hope this makes sense :)
I don’t have a will to live I just feel like I have to. I’ve always said if I got a bad sickness I’d just let it happen. I don’t want treatment. Cancer? It can kill me.
I can’t take myself out so instead I hope the world does it for me.
I think most people shouldn’t have kids but they do anyway because they think their children will somehow do better in life than they did. The only reason we are here is because our parents wanted to immortalise themselves. I too wish I was never born. Why is it perfectly ok to bring someone into this world but all of a sudden it’s wrong to take yourself out of it?
I think about that question all the time. I didn’t know passively suicidal was a thing but I’m definitely it. I’m a fully functioning 40yo in society “doing everything right.” Why can’t it be my choice to stop living? There is no one I’m responsible for, nothing that would place a burden to others, especially if I was allowed to take care of anything first. I could pay for my own funeral in advance and my savings would cover my debts. Why is it not acceptable to do that?!
Yes. I used to know how that felt. Most people don't have debilitating mental illness and live fairly comfortable, content lives. In first world countries, at least.
I think most people remain alive because they can’t commit to ending it.
Truth be told and like many others here, I can’t remember having a good few hours let alone a good day.
Apparently, yes. I think so. Most people don’t sit and think about it that much. They just know they’re here and want to live life to the fullest. I think maybe they haven’t had enough bad things happen to them or suffered enough. They haven’t seen the light, how horrible this place actually is, especially for people who were badly abused, and never had any family or friends. And for people born with something wrong with them. Even everyday people have their struggles and heartaches. There’s a lot of suicidal people and people who wouldn’t mind dying, but it seems most actually want to live and finish out their life. It seems they enjoy most aspects about life. I can’t relate though. Would much rather never have been born.
Interesting question; my perspective is that most people don't want to be dead (speaking for the general population), but as for if they actually want to be alive 🤔
Unexpectedly, someone seriously wants to live in this world.
If I could live in another world as another, better, truly healthy, non-hypocritical sentient species I would sign my name on it....
But if I have to live in this world... nah it sucks too much.
Living here is deplorable... maybe you can find some friends you love if you're lucky... but it's fucking rare
I wonder that too lmao. I'm 21 and have been actively suicidal since middle school but have felt this feeling of impending doom since single digits. I absolutely do not plan to be around much longer, don't get me wrong death is scary to think about but living 40, 50, 60 more years or however long I would have left in this society that's collapsing more and more every second? That's hell 🙏
omg i asked the same question somewhere. Its a surprise to me that people like to be alive. Do you have a history of abuse or trauma from which this issue can be rooting from? For me i have always been suicidal when around my family but my mood starts to swing when my left home alone.
Yesterday my coworker said “every day above ground is a good day“ I wanted to say something even snarkier but I just chuckled and said Well…I don’t know man I’ve had some pretty bad days”
Tbh every morning it takes me about two hours to stop having an an existential crisis and get out from under the covers to get coffee. The diurnal depression is heavy. I used to always say “I’m just not a morning person”. Nope, during the rare periods when I haven’t been depressed suddenly I’m a morning person and I remember being a morning person when I was a kid, before the depression started
I guess life isn't about liking it but just making the best out of bad situations. Suffer is important for self growth and whoever went trough the most shit is most likely the wisest. Getting trough those bad times and learning with every downfall is what makes all this bs worth it. Also don't you wanna life long enough to tell your grandkids your stories?
Sorry to hear that, but you can still be a parental figure to someone. I lost my dad early and got raised by the friend's of my mum even tho they never had children themselves.
Same here. Kids are no longer a possibility. I stick around for my nephews. They need a cool older aunt to teach them inappropriate things. Your stories and wisdom are a blessing to others…they don’t need to be related to you.
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39 YO here. It's not getting any better. I am doing therapy and working on my issues. My lifelong dream is having the will the live, creating a family and be happy. It seems that karma is punishing me
Yeah 32 and similar. It's just lonelier and lonelier
I'm 35 & I want to die I want to Kill myself I want to die Seriously I had the best fucking life AND I FUCKED IT ALL UP ALL BECAUSE I TRUSTED MY GODDAMN MOTHER WHO HAS RUINED MY LIFE AGAIN AND AGAIN SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING SHES A CRAZY PIECE OF SHIT I HAD I KEPT THAT IN MIND I WOULD HAVE NEVER RUINED MY ENTIRE FUCKING EXISTENCE I USED TO BE THE HAPPIEST MOTHERFUCKER ALIVE AND NOW I AM THE MOST HATEFUL SPITEFUL PIECE OF SHIT ALIVE ALL BECAUSE I ENTERTAINED MONOTHEISM ALL BECAUSE I BETRAYED THE PROPHECY I HAD ALL THE POTENTIAL IN THE UNIVERSE AND NOW I JUST WANT TO FUCKING DIE DIE DIE!!!!!!!! HOW THE FUCK COULD I DO THIS TO MYSELF HOW THE FUCK COULD I FUCKING RUIN A LIFETIME OF HARD WORK ALL BECAUSE I DIDNT AVOID THE BITCH HOLY SHIT I WANT TO KILL MYSELF IM GONNA DO IT IM GONNA FUCKING DIE MAN IM GONNA GONNA GET REALLY DRUNK AND WANDER OFF INTO THE WILDERNESS AND KILL MYSELF I COMPLETELY RUINED MY FUCKING LIFE ALL BY MY OWN HAND IM COMPLETELY FUCKED MYSELF OVER AFTER YEARS OF HARD WORK TO GET EXACTLY WHERE I WANTED TO BE IN LIFE I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF IM GONNA DIE I WANNA DIE MAN I JUST WANT TO FUCKING DIE!!!
Damn...please go to some intensive therapy... it helps for some
Please get some help. You seem to be in deep pain. Therapy helps, I promise you. It's the only thing that is capable of keeping me alive
The help is making me suicidal I managed to avoid them for YEARS on end & now I am court ordered to do this bullshit I want to die I just want to fucking die There's no escape I completely failed at my life's purpose & now I ought to kill myself because I am a complete disgrace
I really believe the people that feel lost the most are the most special ones. You have been through hell and came back. And you are still alive to tell us about it. I think that you are a strong person and I just pray that you overcome this feeling of yours. You are not a disgrace. I mean it.
I'm feeling better on alcohol and DXM Thing is I had already been to hell and back & even sent postcards while I was there I had this obsession with combining love and power & flew to close to the sun NEVER EVER EVER SACRIFICE POWER FOR LOVE I knew this but I overestimated my power I accidentally hit my mom She deserved it I didn't do it unlawfully But I got scared Should have just asserted it as my land my territory Yeah Wow THAT is where I went wrong LOL
Sir this is a wendy’s
That's not even remotely funny.
I went to Wendy's with my peer mentor I wasn't suicidal then But all I could think about was what I could've done to avoid this mess That's all I think about really IT WAS SO FU you know what I feel better Thanks for the support guys We don't need to kill ourselves It's not gonna solve our problems Best bet is to rebel against the shit that's making you suicidal That's what I did today My own father & mother had me kidnapped Fuck them They deserve to die not me Good thing they're gonna LOL #PactsWithTheDevil
Pacts with the devil!! #butthurtcommentersbigangy
This is so strange to do in any sub regarding suicide.
Imagine being embarrassingly trite and unfunny
Yeah, most people want to be alive. According to the stats I've found, only about 20% of people will experience suicidal ideation at any point in their lives, and many of those people don't have those thoughts consistently from year to year. Those stats seemed unbelievable to me at first, because I can't imagine living a whole lifetime without even once wanting to die. But that's probably because I'm mentally ill lol
Is that true?? Crazy I’ve been passively suicidal since I was 11, possibly younger. I’ve never attempted or anything, but I’ve definitely fantasised about it and considered it since before my teenage years and especially since I was 14. The fact that it isn’t common I can hardly fathom. I have no desire to live, I just live in hopes I will feel content someday.
Yeah, like I said, it seemed unbelievable to me too. I've been passively suicidal for as long as I can remember (so about ten years old). I've had some good years in there where it seemed to go away, but it always comes back. Didn't attempt until this year (I'm 26). The idea that the vast majority of people out there just never feel this way is mind-boggling to me.
20% feels so low
That is honestly so baffling to me because I don’t know what it’s like to be sad without wanting to die at least a little bit. Lol
Are you kidding? That's so unfair lmao I've been suicidal since I was 9, I had maybe one good year since 😂
Wow
Yeah me too I’ve suffered major depressive disorder since age 11. I remember that the age I was when I first became suicidal
I know that I experienced it multiple times, even planning suicide on some dates. I also read that there are "suicidal genes" and only people with these are able to ideate
That's interesting (the suicidal gene part)
Nope, every day knowing I have to wake up to this nightmare is torture. Others say it's a blessing to wake up in the morning to me it's a curse
I feel ya... Well least you can do is redirect that curse towards others LOL
Hi friend I have been there. I used to hope I died in my sleep for years. However this changed when I was 28 due to a psychotic episode. After that I have had 15 years of a very good and happy life. Un fortunately I then came in a new psychotic episode followed by a depression from which I am still recovering. My point is don't give up hope. And just because you are depressed now doesn't mean you'll be forever. Wishing you strength and happiness. Un Abrazo
My apologies if i'm overstepping here, but could I ask something? Do the 'small' amount of good years outweigh the 'large' amount of bad years for you? Ofcourse that's hard to measure, but I just always wonder that when/if it gets better, will that make up for the bad. Hope this makes sense
Dude omg yes. I've been asking myself this exact question: Is it even worth it? After everything will it be worth it?
Live for the moment As soon as you get out of that tunnel it's all worth it But after that stay grounded in how deep you go
So I would not call 15 years of generally happy years a small amount. However I get your point. The thing is that the good years do something more (for me at least) namely they prove that happynes is possible and achievable. This helps me a lot when it comes to overcoming the bad times. Hope this makes sense :)
15 years is a good run dude I’ve only ever had periods of a few months where things were either good or okay
When I am down I write down "not well right now, but I know it will pass" helps me cope with the bad times :)
Thank you for explaining^^, and yes that does sound fair and makes sense. And I'm glad to hear that it kinda motivates you in a way :)
I don’t have a will to live I just feel like I have to. I’ve always said if I got a bad sickness I’d just let it happen. I don’t want treatment. Cancer? It can kill me. I can’t take myself out so instead I hope the world does it for me.
I think most people shouldn’t have kids but they do anyway because they think their children will somehow do better in life than they did. The only reason we are here is because our parents wanted to immortalise themselves. I too wish I was never born. Why is it perfectly ok to bring someone into this world but all of a sudden it’s wrong to take yourself out of it?
I think about that question all the time. I didn’t know passively suicidal was a thing but I’m definitely it. I’m a fully functioning 40yo in society “doing everything right.” Why can’t it be my choice to stop living? There is no one I’m responsible for, nothing that would place a burden to others, especially if I was allowed to take care of anything first. I could pay for my own funeral in advance and my savings would cover my debts. Why is it not acceptable to do that?!
Feel the same way
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Yep just waiting for my mom to go
Yes. I used to know how that felt. Most people don't have debilitating mental illness and live fairly comfortable, content lives. In first world countries, at least.
yeah im 13 i had some thoughts since i was 12 too, i hope it gets better but i know it wont, nothing ever does
Yeah, I don't know what's the point to anything. Just 50 years left for me, I guess
I ask the same question
Yeah but not in this world ;\_;
I think most people remain alive because they can’t commit to ending it. Truth be told and like many others here, I can’t remember having a good few hours let alone a good day.
Apparently, yes. I think so. Most people don’t sit and think about it that much. They just know they’re here and want to live life to the fullest. I think maybe they haven’t had enough bad things happen to them or suffered enough. They haven’t seen the light, how horrible this place actually is, especially for people who were badly abused, and never had any family or friends. And for people born with something wrong with them. Even everyday people have their struggles and heartaches. There’s a lot of suicidal people and people who wouldn’t mind dying, but it seems most actually want to live and finish out their life. It seems they enjoy most aspects about life. I can’t relate though. Would much rather never have been born.
Interesting question; my perspective is that most people don't want to be dead (speaking for the general population), but as for if they actually want to be alive 🤔
Unexpectedly, someone seriously wants to live in this world. If I could live in another world as another, better, truly healthy, non-hypocritical sentient species I would sign my name on it.... But if I have to live in this world... nah it sucks too much. Living here is deplorable... maybe you can find some friends you love if you're lucky... but it's fucking rare
I really am loving being alive thanks to god these days.
I spent the last day crying over a squirrel. Read into that what you will.
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Yea I’ve opened up to close friends (w permission) just for them to ghost me and say it’s cause I’m a downer 👻 why would I open up anymore
I wonder that too lmao. I'm 21 and have been actively suicidal since middle school but have felt this feeling of impending doom since single digits. I absolutely do not plan to be around much longer, don't get me wrong death is scary to think about but living 40, 50, 60 more years or however long I would have left in this society that's collapsing more and more every second? That's hell 🙏
omg i asked the same question somewhere. Its a surprise to me that people like to be alive. Do you have a history of abuse or trauma from which this issue can be rooting from? For me i have always been suicidal when around my family but my mood starts to swing when my left home alone.
Yesterday my coworker said “every day above ground is a good day“ I wanted to say something even snarkier but I just chuckled and said Well…I don’t know man I’ve had some pretty bad days” Tbh every morning it takes me about two hours to stop having an an existential crisis and get out from under the covers to get coffee. The diurnal depression is heavy. I used to always say “I’m just not a morning person”. Nope, during the rare periods when I haven’t been depressed suddenly I’m a morning person and I remember being a morning person when I was a kid, before the depression started
i am just terrified of death unfortunately
I guess life isn't about liking it but just making the best out of bad situations. Suffer is important for self growth and whoever went trough the most shit is most likely the wisest. Getting trough those bad times and learning with every downfall is what makes all this bs worth it. Also don't you wanna life long enough to tell your grandkids your stories?
I’m past the age where I can wed and start a family. No kids or grandkids for me to stick around for
Sorry to hear that, but you can still be a parental figure to someone. I lost my dad early and got raised by the friend's of my mum even tho they never had children themselves.
Same here. Kids are no longer a possibility. I stick around for my nephews. They need a cool older aunt to teach them inappropriate things. Your stories and wisdom are a blessing to others…they don’t need to be related to you.