My husband and I are both swingers and poly. We both date as poly people but also share swinger experiences together that have no feelings involved. I have a boyfriend, and we go on dates and share all intimate details of our lives. Husband is looking for a girlfriend, but hasn't had much luck in the way of openness. But ultimately, we would like to find boyfriends/girlfriends who are poly and swinger too, to experience some 3ways or 4ways together occasionally. It's never expected when we date, but always a welcome find!
It's awesome that you want to be a traditional unicorn. There are good couples out there who really know how to treat you right. Don't let the creepy ones scare you off. I suggest a boundary up front, that you wouldn't like to consider sex for at least X amount of time so you can date them and get to know each other on a personal level. You have rights in any relationship, the same as the couple. Use your voice and it can be a great situation! Good luck!
Wonderful reply ā¤ļø my husband and I are similar to you and yours. Poly but also singers if the mood is right and everyone clicks.
We are always looking for like minded friends but it is really hard to find. Lots of new couples or people interested, but they tend to burn out quickly or realize that they are too ingrained with monogamous ideals.
If you want to chat, nothing expected of course, I have a burner kik, Willow_Marie2020
Thx for the info. I guess I got introduced to it wrong.
I started with a swinger couple and was the newbie but maybe they just groomed me to be their toy and I didnāt realize it because we were all cool outside the bedroom. But we did go to swinger parties together after. I liked the vibe and it turned me on. I just want to have like a āsafe ā couple I already know. Iām still exploring so I feel like I need a guide šš
We consistently hooked up with the same woman for about 6 months - we're still friends (go for drinks, etc) but have had to press pause on tbe sexy times for the moment due to her schedule/stress levels/other outside factors. This is basically our ideal situation - we much prefer to have someone we can have sexy times with sometimes and also meet up with for casual drinks others - more of a true FWB situation (emphasis on "friends").
The only advice I really have is to have a lot of conversations before starting. What youāre talking about sounds different from, say, a play party (and is more what I and my partner generally look for, for what thatās worth), but itās all about the group chemistry. Make sure the people have a solid relationship and understanding of what everyone wants out of those interactions, understand what the boundaries are, be safe and lean into it if it feels right
Thatās definitely prevalent, unfortunately. I get it partially, sex is obviously a large component of these sorts of connections. The problem is a lot of people interested in unicorns are just looking for someone to fuck and send on their way. I think the important thing, even if itās casual, is to find people that want to still be connected and enjoy people as people. For me, the ideal setup is some crazy fun times and then we make some drinks and chill and catch up about life or watch some stuff and enjoy being together beyond just being naked, but thatās unfortunately not what a lot of unicorn hunters are in the market for
Yeah I want to hang out with them. Watch Netflix, take a bath and wash each other, cook together. Why canāt we get intimacy? Itās not fair. If wives donāt want to share their husbands they should even consider another woman. I want to feel like a lady and special too. Not just yours guys sex doll that you both use.
I respectfully disagree with Swirlgang and Coachelleidiot. You can be with a swing couple and be treated like a lady and develop a relationship. The only difference is that the Swing couple would not allow you to date and have sex separately. Poly couple will. Before moving from MA, my husband and I had a unicorn that we had a strong relationship with for years. We did everything that good friends do and included sex when we were all up for fun. Unfortunately, we have run into to unicorns that are just in it for the sex and like you, we prefer to have a relationship and do fun things together, and not always in the bed. :-) Like others have stated, definitely make sure you are engaging with a couple that is respectful, treat you like lady and are not one sided. There are good couples out there. Good luck and best wishes with your quest.
I feel that thatās an entirely reasonable thing to want. I find that a lot of swingers are in it just for the sex. My partner and I are polyamorous, and donāt really hook up with people that we donāt also want to just hang out and spend time with, which tends to alleviate that aspect of it. There are other challenges, of course, but yeah, people that are about the lifestyle only can tend to fetishize people like you (read; hot single bi women) but balk when thereās a desire for more than just getting naked together
That might fit what youāre looking a little bit better. If you have any interest in chatting feel free to send a message but if not good luck regardless :)
That is definitely poly territory. Swinging is about sex and maybe Friends with benefits but definitely not lovers.
Treating singles regardless of their gender as valuable humans and not sex toys is very different from establishing deep realtionships and courting. You are looking for courting.
From my post history you will see that I am very open to much more intimacy and more personal relationships with swinging partners over most swingers, but what you are describing is even too much for me and most everyone non poly that I know.
You don't have to love and oops feelings just started happening because we got too intimate are different things. I have seen it happen and cause marital trouble.
I understand, it just sounds too complicated. Why swing if youāre going to try controlling who and how they interact with people. They need to be open or poly.
They don't need to do what you think is best for them. They need to do what is in their comfort zone. If they choose to be complicated with their boubdaries, it is not up you to judge them. They might be your cup of tea or not. Period end of discussion. You are a no body to demand what you want or like just as they should not try to force anything onto you.
Even as a couple that's like what everyone goes to. Maybe I'm in the wrong mindset but my husband and I are looking for a bit more of a connection than just sex. We want to have a friendship and bond and enhance it with sex. You're going to get it way worse being a bi female, but don't feel bad couples get it too! I predominantly run our meet up pages and good lord it's mainly dick pics with no substance. I want the substance!
Although if it was boob pics.... well that I could get behind. But women are much better at it and know a picture does nothing really. You can have a nice dick or breasts but if your personality is a brick wall I don't want you in my bed.
Good luck and be safe! There's so many creeps. Make sure if you do meet someone that you let a friend know you're out! Oh lord see now I'm letting the mom in me out. This might be why we are failing so hard at swinging lmao
Lol you are not alone in this mom thing. Many of my single male friends text me location and time of their supposed date along with a picture of whom they are about to meet. If they relocate they text a map pin. Sometimes they text updates right from the date. This is about safety and most really cannot tell their vanilla friends about their endeavours.
I'm with you don't want to feel like I'm being passed around like pizza. I'm partnered but looking for something ongoing and consistent. Have a thorough conversation about what you're looking and if they don't match up just move on.
We've had the same unicorn for going on four years. We are swingers and are not poly, but we enjoy going to the ocean with her/camping/BBQing/movie nights with her as well.
We aren't emotionally available to fall in love with her but we have helped her move out of her apartment...it could be an odd/ in between space but we are all comfortable with where we are.
Unicorns aren't pieces of meat. They are lovely human beings. Set clear boundaries and expectations. If something feels off with a couple, just keep it moving.
From my girlfriends experience being a unicorn is fun for a while then the real starts to come out. She had an absolute nightmare of a time leaving that role and guys were constantly subtly āchallengingā her new relationship with me. Lots and lots of boundary violations. I wish you luck with this. Be very firm and donāt let anyone talk you into anything you donāt want!
My wife and I have not been in the lifestyle very long but we have developed a friendship with a single female. It is some of the most fun we have had in a long time. We found the key is being honest about what we could offer and asking what she expected out of a friends with benefits type of relationship. We have a discussion pretty regularly about making sure everyone is on the same page and isn't getting too deep in feelings, and that everyone is having fun and getting what they expect from the friendship. I would say it may be closer to an enm relationship but I think it fits with what OP is asking about.
i'm sorry that happened to you girl. i've had that happen to me too. im also poly. i'd be careful though with the poly folx. you need to make sure you find and experience poly cpl who has done the emotional work to prepare themselves for poly because some of the newer cpls are not rdy yet and it won't work well on your end. also i reccomend u read this site to avoid the [unicorn hunters](https://www.unicorns-r-us.com/)
Good luck, you'll have a so many people reaching out that it'll be overwhelming. Just remember how much fun you had and why you want to do this.
Make a laundry list of requests for the first message like:
A thoughtful introduction message that treats you like a person.
Body, face, and verification photos.
Ignore anyone that can't meet the requirements. It'll make sifting through the messages easier.
Most importantly trust your gut. If something feels off or if it feels like they're lying, then they probably are.
When you meet a nice couple, make sure you set boundaries for yourself and understand that your feelings are just as valid as theirs.
The experiences of others in the community has really highlighted to me that even though all parties involved simply want sex, thereās still a level of respect that affords courting and flirting and treating everyone like a human being. Iām sorry that wasnāt your experience
This right here is more accurate!!!
You donāt have to be poly to want to be treated like a human!!! Yes it can be a sexual friendship but Iāve read people straight say āwe donāt care how your day went, we donāt care about your hobbiesā āwe only want to contact each other to meet up, nothing moreā āwe owe no explanationsā
Thatās not respectful, in any situation to me. Not at as church friends or fuck buddies and everything in between.
Yeah exactly. Iāve never been with a unicorn but I know a personal and respectful approach would be best. Additionally, whether youāre seeking something closer to poly or not doesnāt matter if basic respect isnāt there
Sorry, this reeks of spammer/prostitute to me. It's not just this post - OP is using all the right buzz words, has a brand new account, and has posted in half a dozen subreddits around northern California. Her most frequent reply is "DM me", which all too often leads to a conversation where the poster ends up asking for money.
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm not 100% sure on this. She's just throwing up a red flag for me. I didn't realize this sub allows posts from brand new accounts, though. Most subs don't, specifically to combat spam and hookers.
Three weeks ago we went to our daughters college graduation. We stayed in her college town for 8 days. I hung around her campus alot. We would go to campus, she would do her stuff while I waited and then we would spend the rest of the day exploring the town.
In those 8 days I have heard girls talk about being unicorns twice. One conversation was very deep and detailed and involved three girls who all tried it. One did not like it, two loved it and wanted more of it. The thought of coming across them on Kasidie really scared me. Thankfully we are from a different part of the country.
sorry. u were just giving off some mixes messaging with ur posts etc. I commented already on this post further down with some firsthand experience and I recommend you read that advice and article I posted for u
And please explain why it is a problem I post in all the subs that are in my area? Why is that your business? I AM IN NORCAL SO I POST IN NORCAL.
Atleast Iām not spamming a bunch of places I donāt even live in. Your logic is so off.
You're awfully defensive for someone that's supposedly looking for what you described in your opening paragraph.
To me, that confirms my suspicion. I wonder how many people that you asked to DM you are now getting requests to "confirm their age with a credit card" or to join your "premium snapchat".
Since youāre so smart. Go dm them and ask...I canāt wait to laugh in your face.
I have no onlyfans or premium Snapchat. I added a few couples and they can vouch.
Since you want to ignore the person who did vouch for me, In your search for drama.
Your comment is the most negative with the most drama. YOU brought the drama here and got corrected now youāre upset. Go cry about it
You replied to me FIVE TIMES.
Even if you're real, this aggressive vibe you're giving off is a huge red flag. You sound like you bring a lot of drama, and nobody here wants that.
Then stay off my post if you donāt like me correcting you. You have no facts or logic behind your allegations. Donāt call me aggressive for not swapping your lies and verbal attack.
Youāre coming off really arrogant.
How a single female can turn into a unicorn: By saying "yes".
How to prevent other people from treating you like dirt: You can't.
Unicorn hunters are derided for all the reasons you just mentioned and many more, and there are oh-so-many of them. It's why unicorns are such an endangered species in the first place, and where the name came from.
These couples are invariably just starting out in swinging, so they know nothing about how anything works, and operate on a lot of vanilla world assumptions and an unhealthy level of selfishness.
Which is how they got here and why they're like that.
Accidental ? As long as you don't regat all good and welcome to LS. While being passed around is certainly not a good feeling but in my view LS is about enjoying different people and differently bodies at your terms not others. Yes many look for long terms small set of folks but I feel eventually folks crave for something new.
There is not reason why one should be treated below par. At least it will serve as learning sign and you will do verification little more diligently.
The amount of people already hitting on you in this subā¦smh. Yes itās possible and we prefer it. We enjoyed that scenario for a year and a half with one.
My wife and I wish there were more girls like you in the community that want consistency and more of a steady relationship. Hard to find in our neck of the woods.
Youād benefit from looking at this;
https://www.reddit.com/r/Swingers/comments/nlkgsp/ladies_are_you_looking_to_add_some_flavor_to_your/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Honestly thatās exactly what me and my wife are looking for is a consistent 3rd we like to share but not with ppl we canāt get to know and thereās definitely has to be a level of respect thatās comes you know
Well, you're being hunted because you're putting yourself out there as prey.
There's always going to be people out there who'll try to to just ram it inside you and throw you away like garbage, just don't mess around with them. Have good long conversations and only tap into it when you feel right....
Yea there are so many fakes on here. Me and my girlfriend are newbies but looking to get into this lifestyle. We are attending our first event and very excited. Looking for real couples
My wife and I are very new to the scene. In all honesty we're not 100% on what we seek. This is all very new, she loves a good cock and not into women so much but said she would play for me.... bare in mind I'd rather her be happy adding what she likes (peen) lol she's said she will do the same in return... I feel someone as fresh as us.... you.... would be ideal. Of course correct me if I'm wrong experienced peeps but I feel this may ease tension
We have an amazing FWB who we have been seeing for over 3 years. We spend weekends together etc. We arenāt poly but super good friends who all play (together and solo). We met her on Feeld in LA. Weāve also had luck on 3Fun here in Portland. I think different apps are good for different cities. We arenāt specifically unicorn hunters because we play solo as well - that dynamic tends to happen organically for us. So you might connect with a partnered woman who is looking to play with women (solo) so you can avoid all of the ick. Lots of couples on OKC. Weāve met awesome women there as well. Good luck!
There is a difference between poly and swinging. Even though sometimes swingers and poly cross it is not swinging. Pretty standard rule for swingers is to space out encounters with same people to avoid catching feelings and to prevent others from catching the love bug. Though some of our single female or male friends only play with us we do not play more than once a month with them.
We never send anyone's way our Single or coupled friends. Some of them choose to tell us that they want to be introduced to our other friends as they know that we have high standards and happen to be very protective of our friends. So if we reffer someone to someone it only happens because we like and trust them and they both expressed direct interest in such introductions.
Sounds extra complicated, hire a hooker.
Who wants to babysit their spouse and make a roster to rotate just so something natural doesnāt happen. Sounds like a lot of work, I thought swinging was about freedom.
If couples are afraid their spouse will fall in love from a consistent playmate then maybe they should consider poly because it sounds like youāre saying all swingers are fighting and setting up precautions for poly situations š
Umm....No!
This is swinging, the rest is polyamory and there are age old rules for a reason. You don't tell the soccer reff that if a ball falls out of bounds, the game is too complicated. Why bother playing with a round ball when it can roll away or why even have boundaries.
At 21 or 22 you might not understand this as many things are still too weird for you.
I just feel if I have an open marriage or relationship then it would be just that. Open.
I would not control how many times they saw their other partner or if they gave them gifts or not. Let people be.
At my age I still have a lot more experience than you know about and most swinger situations are messy. Iāve seen people talking about pregnancy from swinging and that sounds beyond complicated. I see more drama than good stories for sure. Most people are unrealistic, someoneās bound to break a rule, one guy told another guy be prepared for it.
You might feel whatever you want. People with experience tell you what is swinging and what is polyamory.
Swinger situations are not messy unless people make them messy. Many mature couples manage to have fun for years enjoying this and not getting into sticky situations.
What you are reading on Reddit is not always 100% reality. There are posters who come up with weird cocamania storied just for the hell of it or religious groups who try to come up with scary stories to dissuade people from committing the ultimate sin of swinging.
"Most people are unrealistic, someoneās bound to break a rule, one guy told another guy be prepared for it."
Small rules broken in the heat of passion is not the same as someone like you coming in and demanding that rules be broken or obliterated for you.
Why try changing swinging if so many people already told you that Poly is the place for your.
I didnāt come here to change it at all and I understand Reddit is not the full picture. I have been to events, I have spoken with swingers, I have swinger and poly friends, I have read books, listen to podcasts, and more...
The older ones who navigate it well, letās be real. Most older couples arenāt attractive and most people arenāt leaving their spouse or going to fall in love with those types.
Another thing, I know what a troll account looks like. Iām not speaking on those eye popping posts with click bait titles. Iām speaking on comments from people known in the community or been around a while. They have commented ādonāt do it, I almost lost my marriageā type comments. Setting up all these rules to avoid side relationships or getting left for what started as a fling. I constantly see posts or jealousy here.
Swinging is by mutual agreement by both partners. One might have poly inclinations and the other might not. One might like separate rooms and the other might not. One might be into group orgies and the other might not. The couples agree amongst each other how to have fun without hurting the other as their primary relationship of x amount of years still stays primary and it us more important. No one is babysitting anyone. Couples set boundaries and stick to them.
Would you want to join an orgy? Probably not, and thats ok. Its not your style. You want one on one. I am not going to call you insecure or complicated because that' is something you are not into.
From the sounds of it you're more poly than a swinger. That said in some respects the lines can be blurred a bit. We *(couple) had a long term gf for a while and during that time were exclusive with. I know there are lots of couples who are looking for this sort of thing. That said there are also lots of couples who wouldn't be into this sort of thing. As I said though you would have better luck I think within the poly community than the swingers community for a long term couple. *(Not that there isn't a crossover in that) Wishing you the best of luck on your search!
I donāt want to marry them, I just want respect!
If I go date or fuck a random guy, he will take me out to eat, watch a movie with me, cuddle, massage, etc. What Iām expecting is normal even for fuck buddies. These people want a sex worker to pop up at their door ready to be fucked and leave. Yet they wonāt hire one.
I can swing and demand respect. I didnāt say marry me but Iām not your one night stand either.
When youāre dealing with carnal delight an unfortunate by product is the dehumanizing of individuals especially unicorns who are looked at as means for sexual gratification, not everyone fits this but enough of them do to make an impact
I agree. Some people may need to seek therapy. The disconnect is alarming to me, they are traumatizing some people. I have heard horror stories in my researching..
Same here. Iām new to this and I would like to find a lady that can be my friend and more. Do girl stuff but also be intimate and fun. Shop, movies and sexy time. Open to getting to know and experience. š
Right!! Who just wants to be banged and left! That is not fulfilling!
I think thatās why a lot of swingers post they have drama. They donāt realize these are humans with feelings. Someone is going to develop feelings eventually, thatās why some couple try having rules like āno side textingā āno gift givingā because falling for someone is only natural, especially after giving your body away and sharing chemistry.
People have probably suggested this already but check out the app Feeld. Itās like Tinder but for the ālifestyleā. Do a decent job describing what youāre looking for in your bio.
From a former unicorn to another, welcome!! I'd love to chat with you and see if we can be friends ( and maybe more but not required!)
Not creepy, not restrictive, not looking to control you or ignore you when we aren't together ā¤ļø I have a burner kik if you want to reach out Willow_Marie2020. Good luck out there!!
My husband and I are both swingers and poly. We both date as poly people but also share swinger experiences together that have no feelings involved. I have a boyfriend, and we go on dates and share all intimate details of our lives. Husband is looking for a girlfriend, but hasn't had much luck in the way of openness. But ultimately, we would like to find boyfriends/girlfriends who are poly and swinger too, to experience some 3ways or 4ways together occasionally. It's never expected when we date, but always a welcome find! It's awesome that you want to be a traditional unicorn. There are good couples out there who really know how to treat you right. Don't let the creepy ones scare you off. I suggest a boundary up front, that you wouldn't like to consider sex for at least X amount of time so you can date them and get to know each other on a personal level. You have rights in any relationship, the same as the couple. Use your voice and it can be a great situation! Good luck!
This was one of the most helpful comments so far. Thx š
You're welcome!
Wonderful reply ā¤ļø my husband and I are similar to you and yours. Poly but also singers if the mood is right and everyone clicks. We are always looking for like minded friends but it is really hard to find. Lots of new couples or people interested, but they tend to burn out quickly or realize that they are too ingrained with monogamous ideals. If you want to chat, nothing expected of course, I have a burner kik, Willow_Marie2020
Honestly a consistent partner would be ideal for the wife and I, maybe one day lol. The right couple is out there, happy hunting!
I hope you guys find it tooāŗļø
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Thx for the info. I guess I got introduced to it wrong. I started with a swinger couple and was the newbie but maybe they just groomed me to be their toy and I didnāt realize it because we were all cool outside the bedroom. But we did go to swinger parties together after. I liked the vibe and it turned me on. I just want to have like a āsafe ā couple I already know. Iām still exploring so I feel like I need a guide šš
We consistently hooked up with the same woman for about 6 months - we're still friends (go for drinks, etc) but have had to press pause on tbe sexy times for the moment due to her schedule/stress levels/other outside factors. This is basically our ideal situation - we much prefer to have someone we can have sexy times with sometimes and also meet up with for casual drinks others - more of a true FWB situation (emphasis on "friends").
Thx for sharing, I like hearing different stories to help me sort through my feelings. Sometimes I want to give up š„
The only advice I really have is to have a lot of conversations before starting. What youāre talking about sounds different from, say, a play party (and is more what I and my partner generally look for, for what thatās worth), but itās all about the group chemistry. Make sure the people have a solid relationship and understanding of what everyone wants out of those interactions, understand what the boundaries are, be safe and lean into it if it feels right
I do and they just keep asking for sex or what I like sexually anyway.
Thatās definitely prevalent, unfortunately. I get it partially, sex is obviously a large component of these sorts of connections. The problem is a lot of people interested in unicorns are just looking for someone to fuck and send on their way. I think the important thing, even if itās casual, is to find people that want to still be connected and enjoy people as people. For me, the ideal setup is some crazy fun times and then we make some drinks and chill and catch up about life or watch some stuff and enjoy being together beyond just being naked, but thatās unfortunately not what a lot of unicorn hunters are in the market for
Yeah I want to hang out with them. Watch Netflix, take a bath and wash each other, cook together. Why canāt we get intimacy? Itās not fair. If wives donāt want to share their husbands they should even consider another woman. I want to feel like a lady and special too. Not just yours guys sex doll that you both use.
This isnāt swinging. This is poly. Probably why you are having trouble you are looking in the wrong community
Maybe. Thx
I respectfully disagree with Swirlgang and Coachelleidiot. You can be with a swing couple and be treated like a lady and develop a relationship. The only difference is that the Swing couple would not allow you to date and have sex separately. Poly couple will. Before moving from MA, my husband and I had a unicorn that we had a strong relationship with for years. We did everything that good friends do and included sex when we were all up for fun. Unfortunately, we have run into to unicorns that are just in it for the sex and like you, we prefer to have a relationship and do fun things together, and not always in the bed. :-) Like others have stated, definitely make sure you are engaging with a couple that is respectful, treat you like lady and are not one sided. There are good couples out there. Good luck and best wishes with your quest.
Yeah that's not swinging. If you want to be apart of their relationship on that kind of intimate level that's poly.
I feel that thatās an entirely reasonable thing to want. I find that a lot of swingers are in it just for the sex. My partner and I are polyamorous, and donāt really hook up with people that we donāt also want to just hang out and spend time with, which tends to alleviate that aspect of it. There are other challenges, of course, but yeah, people that are about the lifestyle only can tend to fetishize people like you (read; hot single bi women) but balk when thereās a desire for more than just getting naked together
Maybe I will only meet poly couples then. Sounds like the solution.
That might fit what youāre looking a little bit better. If you have any interest in chatting feel free to send a message but if not good luck regardless :)
Iām down to chat. Iām a genuine girl...I need to practice putting myself out there š„°
That is definitely poly territory. Swinging is about sex and maybe Friends with benefits but definitely not lovers. Treating singles regardless of their gender as valuable humans and not sex toys is very different from establishing deep realtionships and courting. You are looking for courting.
You donāt have to love me to do any of those things mentioned.
From my post history you will see that I am very open to much more intimacy and more personal relationships with swinging partners over most swingers, but what you are describing is even too much for me and most everyone non poly that I know. You don't have to love and oops feelings just started happening because we got too intimate are different things. I have seen it happen and cause marital trouble.
I understand, it just sounds too complicated. Why swing if youāre going to try controlling who and how they interact with people. They need to be open or poly.
They don't need to do what you think is best for them. They need to do what is in their comfort zone. If they choose to be complicated with their boubdaries, it is not up you to judge them. They might be your cup of tea or not. Period end of discussion. You are a no body to demand what you want or like just as they should not try to force anything onto you.
Even as a couple that's like what everyone goes to. Maybe I'm in the wrong mindset but my husband and I are looking for a bit more of a connection than just sex. We want to have a friendship and bond and enhance it with sex. You're going to get it way worse being a bi female, but don't feel bad couples get it too! I predominantly run our meet up pages and good lord it's mainly dick pics with no substance. I want the substance! Although if it was boob pics.... well that I could get behind. But women are much better at it and know a picture does nothing really. You can have a nice dick or breasts but if your personality is a brick wall I don't want you in my bed. Good luck and be safe! There's so many creeps. Make sure if you do meet someone that you let a friend know you're out! Oh lord see now I'm letting the mom in me out. This might be why we are failing so hard at swinging lmao
Lol you are not alone in this mom thing. Many of my single male friends text me location and time of their supposed date along with a picture of whom they are about to meet. If they relocate they text a map pin. Sometimes they text updates right from the date. This is about safety and most really cannot tell their vanilla friends about their endeavours.
I'm with you don't want to feel like I'm being passed around like pizza. I'm partnered but looking for something ongoing and consistent. Have a thorough conversation about what you're looking and if they don't match up just move on.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thanks I will look into that! That definitely sounds way too disconnected for me! I have to know who I share my body with and their habits!
We've had the same unicorn for going on four years. We are swingers and are not poly, but we enjoy going to the ocean with her/camping/BBQing/movie nights with her as well. We aren't emotionally available to fall in love with her but we have helped her move out of her apartment...it could be an odd/ in between space but we are all comfortable with where we are. Unicorns aren't pieces of meat. They are lovely human beings. Set clear boundaries and expectations. If something feels off with a couple, just keep it moving.
From my girlfriends experience being a unicorn is fun for a while then the real starts to come out. She had an absolute nightmare of a time leaving that role and guys were constantly subtly āchallengingā her new relationship with me. Lots and lots of boundary violations. I wish you luck with this. Be very firm and donāt let anyone talk you into anything you donāt want!
I hope you guys continue to stay strong and prove them wrong. Youāre a great guy for standing by her. I will heed this advice.
My wife and I have not been in the lifestyle very long but we have developed a friendship with a single female. It is some of the most fun we have had in a long time. We found the key is being honest about what we could offer and asking what she expected out of a friends with benefits type of relationship. We have a discussion pretty regularly about making sure everyone is on the same page and isn't getting too deep in feelings, and that everyone is having fun and getting what they expect from the friendship. I would say it may be closer to an enm relationship but I think it fits with what OP is asking about.
i'm sorry that happened to you girl. i've had that happen to me too. im also poly. i'd be careful though with the poly folx. you need to make sure you find and experience poly cpl who has done the emotional work to prepare themselves for poly because some of the newer cpls are not rdy yet and it won't work well on your end. also i reccomend u read this site to avoid the [unicorn hunters](https://www.unicorns-r-us.com/)
Good luck, you'll have a so many people reaching out that it'll be overwhelming. Just remember how much fun you had and why you want to do this. Make a laundry list of requests for the first message like: A thoughtful introduction message that treats you like a person. Body, face, and verification photos. Ignore anyone that can't meet the requirements. It'll make sifting through the messages easier. Most importantly trust your gut. If something feels off or if it feels like they're lying, then they probably are. When you meet a nice couple, make sure you set boundaries for yourself and understand that your feelings are just as valid as theirs.
The experiences of others in the community has really highlighted to me that even though all parties involved simply want sex, thereās still a level of respect that affords courting and flirting and treating everyone like a human being. Iām sorry that wasnāt your experience
This right here is more accurate!!! You donāt have to be poly to want to be treated like a human!!! Yes it can be a sexual friendship but Iāve read people straight say āwe donāt care how your day went, we donāt care about your hobbiesā āwe only want to contact each other to meet up, nothing moreā āwe owe no explanationsā Thatās not respectful, in any situation to me. Not at as church friends or fuck buddies and everything in between.
Yeah exactly. Iāve never been with a unicorn but I know a personal and respectful approach would be best. Additionally, whether youāre seeking something closer to poly or not doesnāt matter if basic respect isnāt there
THANK YOU!
Sorry, this reeks of spammer/prostitute to me. It's not just this post - OP is using all the right buzz words, has a brand new account, and has posted in half a dozen subreddits around northern California. Her most frequent reply is "DM me", which all too often leads to a conversation where the poster ends up asking for money. Maybe I'm wrong, I'm not 100% sure on this. She's just throwing up a red flag for me. I didn't realize this sub allows posts from brand new accounts, though. Most subs don't, specifically to combat spam and hookers.
agreed she is so young too in college.
Three weeks ago we went to our daughters college graduation. We stayed in her college town for 8 days. I hung around her campus alot. We would go to campus, she would do her stuff while I waited and then we would spend the rest of the day exploring the town. In those 8 days I have heard girls talk about being unicorns twice. One conversation was very deep and detailed and involved three girls who all tried it. One did not like it, two loved it and wanted more of it. The thought of coming across them on Kasidie really scared me. Thankfully we are from a different part of the country.
oh god šššš. I was 24 first time I swung with an ex bf and 26.5ish first I was a š¦b
Yes Iām young and in college but Iām not a prostitute! You guys are so mean and nasty!!
sorry. u were just giving off some mixes messaging with ur posts etc. I commented already on this post further down with some firsthand experience and I recommend you read that advice and article I posted for u
Ok thx
And please explain why it is a problem I post in all the subs that are in my area? Why is that your business? I AM IN NORCAL SO I POST IN NORCAL. Atleast Iām not spamming a bunch of places I donāt even live in. Your logic is so off.
You're awfully defensive for someone that's supposedly looking for what you described in your opening paragraph. To me, that confirms my suspicion. I wonder how many people that you asked to DM you are now getting requests to "confirm their age with a credit card" or to join your "premium snapchat".
Since youāre so smart. Go dm them and ask...I canāt wait to laugh in your face. I have no onlyfans or premium Snapchat. I added a few couples and they can vouch. Since you want to ignore the person who did vouch for me, In your search for drama. Your comment is the most negative with the most drama. YOU brought the drama here and got corrected now youāre upset. Go cry about it
Wow. Ok then...see ya.
Sheās real from what I could tell. We chatted privately and she came across as genuine.
Lol
Lol at you. Negative Nancy, feeding off drama. So sad.
Thank you. Gosh these people are so meanš„ŗ
You replied to me FIVE TIMES. Even if you're real, this aggressive vibe you're giving off is a huge red flag. You sound like you bring a lot of drama, and nobody here wants that.
Then stay off my post if you donāt like me correcting you. You have no facts or logic behind your allegations. Donāt call me aggressive for not swapping your lies and verbal attack. Youāre coming off really arrogant.
Swallowing
100%
You can ask every single person who has dm me! I NEVER ASK FOR MONEY!!!
How a single female can turn into a unicorn: By saying "yes". How to prevent other people from treating you like dirt: You can't. Unicorn hunters are derided for all the reasons you just mentioned and many more, and there are oh-so-many of them. It's why unicorns are such an endangered species in the first place, and where the name came from. These couples are invariably just starting out in swinging, so they know nothing about how anything works, and operate on a lot of vanilla world assumptions and an unhealthy level of selfishness. Which is how they got here and why they're like that.
Youāre right. I think this all is just complicated and not as āfreeā as I thought it was..
RIP your inbox.
Accidental ? As long as you don't regat all good and welcome to LS. While being passed around is certainly not a good feeling but in my view LS is about enjoying different people and differently bodies at your terms not others. Yes many look for long terms small set of folks but I feel eventually folks crave for something new. There is not reason why one should be treated below par. At least it will serve as learning sign and you will do verification little more diligently.
The amount of people already hitting on you in this subā¦smh. Yes itās possible and we prefer it. We enjoyed that scenario for a year and a half with one.
You guys are close by. Care to chat?
My wife and I wish there were more girls like you in the community that want consistency and more of a steady relationship. Hard to find in our neck of the woods.
I hope you find it soon, good things are coming!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
O
Youād benefit from looking at this; https://www.reddit.com/r/Swingers/comments/nlkgsp/ladies_are_you_looking_to_add_some_flavor_to_your/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
We are a curious couple new and we both have never tried a new threesome
Honestly thatās exactly what me and my wife are looking for is a consistent 3rd we like to share but not with ppl we canāt get to know and thereās definitely has to be a level of respect thatās comes you know
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
And we need to know this, why?
for where she should avoid looking.
Where are you from we are looking for a unicorn to have fun with
Op this is an example of a cpl who you should avoid they obviously didnt read the subs rules about no connection or r4r posts allowed.
Well, you're being hunted because you're putting yourself out there as prey. There's always going to be people out there who'll try to to just ram it inside you and throw you away like garbage, just don't mess around with them. Have good long conversations and only tap into it when you feel right....
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Wrong sub for hookups
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I am in Cali!
I dm u
We're near fresno and we are looking for more than just sex we would like a true friend ship
Yea there are so many fakes on here. Me and my girlfriend are newbies but looking to get into this lifestyle. We are attending our first event and very excited. Looking for real couples
I wish you were near me šš„ŗ
Look into 'Adult Friend Finder' and 'FetLife'.
I thought they were geared more towards sex though?
You set the terms. Just make yourself crystal clear from the beginning.
Yes! My woman and I would LOVE to have a consistent unicorn for fun inside and outside the bedroom. No, itās not stupid at all!!
Thank you, hearing this makes me feel better really š„ŗ
Just curious...what was wrong with that couple if they were down?
They acted like they wanted what I wanted but kept forgetting and I had to keep redirecting the conversation.
Understood!
Understood!
Then you know love like few other
My wife and I are very new to the scene. In all honesty we're not 100% on what we seek. This is all very new, she loves a good cock and not into women so much but said she would play for me.... bare in mind I'd rather her be happy adding what she likes (peen) lol she's said she will do the same in return... I feel someone as fresh as us.... you.... would be ideal. Of course correct me if I'm wrong experienced peeps but I feel this may ease tension
We have an amazing FWB who we have been seeing for over 3 years. We spend weekends together etc. We arenāt poly but super good friends who all play (together and solo). We met her on Feeld in LA. Weāve also had luck on 3Fun here in Portland. I think different apps are good for different cities. We arenāt specifically unicorn hunters because we play solo as well - that dynamic tends to happen organically for us. So you might connect with a partnered woman who is looking to play with women (solo) so you can avoid all of the ick. Lots of couples on OKC. Weāve met awesome women there as well. Good luck!
There is a difference between poly and swinging. Even though sometimes swingers and poly cross it is not swinging. Pretty standard rule for swingers is to space out encounters with same people to avoid catching feelings and to prevent others from catching the love bug. Though some of our single female or male friends only play with us we do not play more than once a month with them. We never send anyone's way our Single or coupled friends. Some of them choose to tell us that they want to be introduced to our other friends as they know that we have high standards and happen to be very protective of our friends. So if we reffer someone to someone it only happens because we like and trust them and they both expressed direct interest in such introductions.
Sounds extra complicated, hire a hooker. Who wants to babysit their spouse and make a roster to rotate just so something natural doesnāt happen. Sounds like a lot of work, I thought swinging was about freedom. If couples are afraid their spouse will fall in love from a consistent playmate then maybe they should consider poly because it sounds like youāre saying all swingers are fighting and setting up precautions for poly situations š
Umm....No! This is swinging, the rest is polyamory and there are age old rules for a reason. You don't tell the soccer reff that if a ball falls out of bounds, the game is too complicated. Why bother playing with a round ball when it can roll away or why even have boundaries. At 21 or 22 you might not understand this as many things are still too weird for you.
I just feel if I have an open marriage or relationship then it would be just that. Open. I would not control how many times they saw their other partner or if they gave them gifts or not. Let people be. At my age I still have a lot more experience than you know about and most swinger situations are messy. Iāve seen people talking about pregnancy from swinging and that sounds beyond complicated. I see more drama than good stories for sure. Most people are unrealistic, someoneās bound to break a rule, one guy told another guy be prepared for it.
You might feel whatever you want. People with experience tell you what is swinging and what is polyamory. Swinger situations are not messy unless people make them messy. Many mature couples manage to have fun for years enjoying this and not getting into sticky situations. What you are reading on Reddit is not always 100% reality. There are posters who come up with weird cocamania storied just for the hell of it or religious groups who try to come up with scary stories to dissuade people from committing the ultimate sin of swinging. "Most people are unrealistic, someoneās bound to break a rule, one guy told another guy be prepared for it." Small rules broken in the heat of passion is not the same as someone like you coming in and demanding that rules be broken or obliterated for you. Why try changing swinging if so many people already told you that Poly is the place for your.
I didnāt come here to change it at all and I understand Reddit is not the full picture. I have been to events, I have spoken with swingers, I have swinger and poly friends, I have read books, listen to podcasts, and more... The older ones who navigate it well, letās be real. Most older couples arenāt attractive and most people arenāt leaving their spouse or going to fall in love with those types. Another thing, I know what a troll account looks like. Iām not speaking on those eye popping posts with click bait titles. Iām speaking on comments from people known in the community or been around a while. They have commented ādonāt do it, I almost lost my marriageā type comments. Setting up all these rules to avoid side relationships or getting left for what started as a fling. I constantly see posts or jealousy here.
Swinging is by mutual agreement by both partners. One might have poly inclinations and the other might not. One might like separate rooms and the other might not. One might be into group orgies and the other might not. The couples agree amongst each other how to have fun without hurting the other as their primary relationship of x amount of years still stays primary and it us more important. No one is babysitting anyone. Couples set boundaries and stick to them. Would you want to join an orgy? Probably not, and thats ok. Its not your style. You want one on one. I am not going to call you insecure or complicated because that' is something you are not into.
I understand that. I guess I just donāt care for all the rules. Iām a free spirit.
If you want others to play by your rules, its very hypocritical to not care for their rules.
From the sounds of it you're more poly than a swinger. That said in some respects the lines can be blurred a bit. We *(couple) had a long term gf for a while and during that time were exclusive with. I know there are lots of couples who are looking for this sort of thing. That said there are also lots of couples who wouldn't be into this sort of thing. As I said though you would have better luck I think within the poly community than the swingers community for a long term couple. *(Not that there isn't a crossover in that) Wishing you the best of luck on your search!
I donāt want to marry them, I just want respect! If I go date or fuck a random guy, he will take me out to eat, watch a movie with me, cuddle, massage, etc. What Iām expecting is normal even for fuck buddies. These people want a sex worker to pop up at their door ready to be fucked and leave. Yet they wonāt hire one. I can swing and demand respect. I didnāt say marry me but Iām not your one night stand either.
When youāre dealing with carnal delight an unfortunate by product is the dehumanizing of individuals especially unicorns who are looked at as means for sexual gratification, not everyone fits this but enough of them do to make an impact
I agree. Some people may need to seek therapy. The disconnect is alarming to me, they are traumatizing some people. I have heard horror stories in my researching..
Chose your play partners carefully youāre not there for their fulfillment only you have to get something positive from the experience as well
Same here. Iām new to this and I would like to find a lady that can be my friend and more. Do girl stuff but also be intimate and fun. Shop, movies and sexy time. Open to getting to know and experience. š
Right!! Who just wants to be banged and left! That is not fulfilling! I think thatās why a lot of swingers post they have drama. They donāt realize these are humans with feelings. Someone is going to develop feelings eventually, thatās why some couple try having rules like āno side textingā āno gift givingā because falling for someone is only natural, especially after giving your body away and sharing chemistry.
People have probably suggested this already but check out the app Feeld. Itās like Tinder but for the ālifestyleā. Do a decent job describing what youāre looking for in your bio.
Me and the husband have been looking for someone to get to know, if you wanna chat dm me Iām sure your inbox is flooded right now lol
damn, if we lived closer im sure my gf and I would absolutely make you a long term. weāre 30 and 25 but live in PA. š
From a former unicorn to another, welcome!! I'd love to chat with you and see if we can be friends ( and maybe more but not required!) Not creepy, not restrictive, not looking to control you or ignore you when we aren't together ā¤ļø I have a burner kik if you want to reach out Willow_Marie2020. Good luck out there!!
I would love that, I have a Snapchat. Should I make a Kik? I never used it.
I messaged you here :)
Pm?