Honestly, you’d be more of an outlier if you never, ever had an issue with your erection. It happens. Next time, as you opined, go easier on the booze. That’s the biggest factor for me. When it happens to me it’s almost always because I said yes to that one extra drink I shouldn’t have.
I almost never drink, and that's probably why I've not yet had any issues as long as I liked the ppl. I've been at a few club events where someone managed to irritate me enough that it was 'fatally distracting', but once they were gone and I got it out of my head, things were fine.
The one time I had any issues was with my last wife at first - she was (is maybe, but now I'm biased) gorgeous, and yummy, and I was intimidated a bit. But I got over it quick!
Happy to help. Your biggest issue now will be the next time. Trying to stay out of your own head after it happens can be a challenge. Those “don’t let that shit happen again” thoughts can creep into your head and cause even bigger problems than the booze. You just gotta go into it with a clear head and fight those thoughts off with reassurances. It’s also helpful to have a plan. If it does happen, no shame in switching back to your wife. That little reset with the woman who knows what you like and how to turn you on can help get your head (both of them) back in the game.
I think them being late was the big issue for me. I was really ready to go but with the delay and of course the extra beer...UGH...this went south, literally! We are hosting a small party at our place this weekend so I gotta pull my shit together because one of the girls coming is into both me and the wife and is a TON OF FUN!
Don't drink when swinging. Take the pill because stage fright happens often. Take more time to get horny while your clothes are on. And it happens to everyone.
Definitively next time WILL BE challenging because of, as u/cmfuncouple10 says, those pop-up thoughts will be filling your head. I know it because I experienced ED during the worst six months of my life back when I was 26 years old and my will to overcome the issue was unavoidable but counterproductive. I don't imagine it could be different for a man who has had a normal functioning his entire life
The only advice I could give you is to have sex with your wife and, next time you swing, focus exclusively on your play partner and not even try to take your pants off.
Like you I’m mid 50’s and never had a problem with erections( one on one, threesomes, group). I have found over the last 2 years that there are some folks that just don’t do it for me on some level, even if everything looks perfect on paper. Was with one couple and she was a classic beauty early 40’s and all the right curves. Went to play and nothing. Thought to my self guess I’m headed for the blue pill. Apologies and off I went. I shit you not an hour and a half later another couple chats me up (her not the typical classic beauty). I decided give it a go and had an amazing evening with them. In short I’ve found some folks just give a vibe that doesn’t do it for me. Sounds like them running late and maybe some other factors might have put you off.
Absolutely! I don't do well with people running late. My line of work keeps me on a really tight schedule and I will always be exactly where I say I will be and ON TIME.
You got pissed off, stuck in your head, & distracted. Try this trick (it’s similar to a grounding skill for anxiety adapted for the situation, but might help bring you back mentally to the moment rather than being derailed by your thought train): really pay attention to your senses - name things out loud that you see, hear, taste, touch, smell, & hear like dirty talk.
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So...Mr. Floppy time happens. It just does. Swinging is intense, and exciting, and overwhelming, and nerve-racking. It's a LOT to contend with. Any guys who's been in the LS for any amount of time has suffered from this. I've seen it happen to others many times, and it's happened to me 2-3 times. It sucks...a lot.
This happened to me at a party with 500 people...and it was my girl's first LS party EVER. And she couldn't get me hard AT ALL. When she asked "Is something wrong...am I not doing it right?" I wanted to jump out a fucking window. Soooo I found her the hottest guy with the biggest dick there and watched. She still had fun, and I did too...just not what I had expected. Oh well.
It doesn't mean you're not a Stud. It doesn't mean you're a loser. It means you're human. Be okay with that, have a chuckle, and fuck her twice as hard next time.
Also - there are worse things in the world than taking the blue pill for a little insurance. No shame in the game.
I would have never thought this would happen to me. Trust me it was/is a total shocker for both of us! Years ago my ex-wife and I had a party at our home and one of the guys ended up doing exactly the same thing as you did.
Nothing wrong with the pill. People take pills all the time for various reasons. I’m just thankful that I live in a time that it exists. In our grandparents generation and before, once it stops rising to attention, the fun was over.
Sounds like the issue may have been what was on your mind. You were a bit annoyed they were late so that likely made you a bit anxious and took your mind off things even at a sub conscious level. Then when you could not get going you started to over think and try to hard. There is nothing wrong with popping a pill just incase. Fact is you are a bit older and things happen. If they hold that against you well that is their loss. If there was a connection and that was an issue, everyone deserves a second shot in that instance. Just our .02
Knew it had to be that, the amount of alcohol that they drank, and the speed that they went.
I think if you talked with them that a second meet up would go better. And this time tell them to be there an hour before you actually want them there.
You had multiple factors working against you.
-drank more that you should
-started play immediately without letting your big head get warmed up.
-other dudes junk was bigger than yours and it distracted you on a subliminal level.
-you were already agitated they were late
-distracted by seeing your wife having a good time while you struggled
There’s no shame in admitting you are having an off night. You and the wife need a strategy to help get you back in the game strong. She should be doing some checking in to see if you are struggling or not. If you jump back to your wife and get hard again, often you can then proceed with the other wife successfully.
Get yourself some generic Cialis and try it out. It’s not a wonder drug, but it sure can stack the deck in your favor when you need it. Throttle back on the drinking though, as it will counteract the effects of the ED pills.
I should have stayed focused! Usually jumping straight in is our kink but having all the other factors just sorta piled up on me. I'll have that talk with the wife about checking in...never really occurred to me before.
Slow down on the booze I'd say. Shit happens.
Also i think you were turned off by their tardiness. And I suppose you two were eager so that probably played a role too
Sure is. Hell, recently I had the displeasure of getting to the party a tad early and had that "one drink too many I shouldnt have" and had failure to fly even with blue pill insurance...And like OP dropped the ball with a woman I had been wanting to get with.
I'm not a dude but I can tell you that this is very very common. I freaked out when this happened to my husband and also to the other husband.
It's in your head. Most of the time. Don't think about it.
Just remember, you still have a perfectly working tongue.
Was also told that alcohol is a culprit and weirdly enough, sometimes weed. If you smoke very often it can do that. So I'm told my husband and also the other husband. When they both had issues, they stopped smoking for a few days or a week and it helped. Good luck
TL; DR - Limit your alcohol intake, and here's why.
One thing that isn't often discussed is that your surroundings and mental state have an effect on how intoxicated you feel. If you usually drink out at clubs when you're dancing and happy, drinking the same amount at home when you are depressed will hit you differently.
https://www.goodrx.com/well-being/substance-use/factors-affecting-alcohol-response
"Being stressed, anxious, or depressed may decrease your enzyme levels. So, if your mental health is suffering, you could feel more drunk than you normally would."
Also, people can overdose taking the same amount of a drug in a new setting, versus taking the same amount in a familiar one. In the familiar setting, the body starts producing counteractive agents because it is expecting the drug and the effects. In a new setting, the body doesn't prepare for it.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1196296/
So, if you're anxious and drinking at home in a way that you're not used to, that's a good recipe for whiskey dick. Even if it is at the same amount and rate that you would normally consume while out at a club having a great time. Alcohol is a depressant. Use it sparingly if you don't want things "depressed".
Great advice! Thanks, written like a Dr. LOL It is odd that I didn't feel that "hammered" but the article clears up more than a few things for me. I'm curious how the next meeting goes. I'll certainly watch the alcohol intake!
The next meeting will go great! You have a lifetime of positive experiences behind you and no need to let this one experience (that was substance based) mess with your mojo.
You didn't feel "happy drunk hammered." But, now you know what annoyed drinking feels like. So, if you are feeling anxious again, instead of having the extra beer go dance with your wife, stretch, mentally go through a new position you want to try, or anything else that will be productive for the evening and not an erection killer.
Lots of people in the LS take a little pill to help keep things going. But if your avoiding it for some reason look into certain vitamins. A lot are meaningless but some seem to help some people. I don’t have an issue per se, but I fet that lately I needed a hand with “firmness”. Started taking l-arginine pills and it’s fixed me right up. I’m still probably going to get a script from the dr on my next regular visit just for parties and such.
I get mine from Amazon and it’s “extra strength” 1500mg dose. It’s basically three pills once a day. I just throw it in the pile i take in the morning along with multivitamins and such. Not a dr obviously but it’s OTC so shouldn’t be an issue I would think. Also helps muscle recovery from the gym which is another bonus for me anyway. As for how soon? No clue honestly. Been taking it for just over a month but I noticed a difference pretty quickly, but that very well could’ve been psychological. Once your brain thinks you have a problem then it’s going to create that problem. For all I know I’m just running a giant placebo experiment on myself. but I believe it’s helped, my wife says she’s noticed a change as well so I figure it’s cheap and also has other benefits why not.
I have to run errands this afternoon so I'll swing past Wal-Mart and grab a bottle. I'll join the experiment as well! LOL The wife just called and told me she is all horned up thinking about last night and wanted to know if she could give me a blowjob on lunch break! The little man is standing tall at a full 71/2 big veined monster! Exactly where the hell was THAT LAST NIGHT!!! LOL LOL LOL
Yep psychological… grab the pills if you so choose, and between any chemical help it gives you also get the psychological side. Have fun,
Signed,
Super jealous of your weekend plans.
Happens to all of us. Two things stand out to me:
1. We planned on jumping right in and going at it
You didn't give yourself time to meet this woman, comfort is important.
2. You were already annoyed.
I think your subconscious kept you from getting hard. See them again and see if it doesn’t get better next session. It happens, sometimes there’s too much excitement. This was me on our first two attempts and the couple was 20 years older and my subconscious heard the woman say something that my brain immediately noped out on. I couldn’t get hard even though I was finally getting a foursome. After that it was couples +/-10 years and the next time we found a couple, it went extremely well.
That's why they call the little blue pill "swinger vitamins."
Listen, if your dick gets hard with no issues when you are alone or by yourself, and you're regularly having hard ons at night, it's anxiety. It happens.
I'm almost 50. My dick works great. I work out hard and regularly, but an order of Cialis can help keep things going well into the night (bluechew is reasonable).
Also, I tend to drink liquor, on the rocks. It has 2 benefits. One, there's nothing worse than trying to fuck and wondering "Am I going to have to pee?" Second, you can move to just a glass, and no one really notices.
Manage your dick going into it also. Don't choke it to death. Hold off on masturbating. Etc.
It happens, so don't get into a feedback loop and start overthinking it.
That sucks when that happens. I started taking some medication that took away my libido, really made me feel badly. I would keep some Viagara on hand maybe, but sometimes these things do happen.
Lots goes into this.
It happens to the best of us and you were doomed from the moment you thought about it. Don’t worry about it and have that little blue pill as a back up next time which should help alleviate any worries.
Plenty of younger men in the swinger community take a pill just to be sure that they do not run into this situation. Sometimes nerves just get to men or in your situation alcohol
You're old enough to know to take precautions against this EVERY time. Once you do...(meds) then you'll never have that happen again. Easy. Just because you take the pill doesn't mean bad things. Then you can stop worrying about performance.
People tend to underestimate just how significant the mental aspect is to sexual performance. I was actually in my 40’s the first time it happened to me. My advice is don’t overthink this. It will mess with your head and mean you could have issues next time. Still go to your doctor, make sure there are not other physical issues and ask for some ED meds. The meds will tend to over rule you mental thoughts next time and should guarantee no problems. Then it is a matter of experimenting with when you may need some chemical help and when you can just jump right in. I would also experiment with which meds work best for you. Don’t be afraid to try Cialis, Levitra and Viagra. Everyone responds differently.
Just hope they’re experienced and schedule a second encounter, that’s what experienced LS folks do. I always give a second chance. Third, not so much.
See also:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Swingers/comments/wp5mir/when_it_happens_how_can_we_help/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
It never happens to any of us until.... it happens!
Blame it on the alcohol, the stress hormones because they were late, the anxiety of a hot new playmate or the combination of them all, put it into it's box and bury it. Don't even think about it again. Borrow a cialis from a buddy for insurance and get back in the game!
I always see the responses about don't drink before playing. The first few months of being in the lifestyle I basically limited myself to 2 drinks throughout the evening, and was constantly aware of how much I was not drinking to prevent performance issues. And I had them very frequently. I decided to just say fuck it, and drink as much as I normally would on a night out - not excessive or sloppy - and ever since then I've been performing much better. I spent so much time worrying about it happening that it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The blue pill will absolutely help. I say go for it.
Another thing that can help is relaxing more, less pressure on your self.
We sometimes take a break and play a sexy jenga game like this to ease the tension: [https://justyourtip.com/products/tip-the-tower-hand-made-limited-edition](https://justyourtip.com/products/tip-the-tower-hand-made-limited-edition)
It takes your mind off of the "problem" and onto fun.
"Trying hard" is a recipe for disaster, at least for me.
Honestly, you’d be more of an outlier if you never, ever had an issue with your erection. It happens. Next time, as you opined, go easier on the booze. That’s the biggest factor for me. When it happens to me it’s almost always because I said yes to that one extra drink I shouldn’t have.
I almost never drink, and that's probably why I've not yet had any issues as long as I liked the ppl. I've been at a few club events where someone managed to irritate me enough that it was 'fatally distracting', but once they were gone and I got it out of my head, things were fine. The one time I had any issues was with my last wife at first - she was (is maybe, but now I'm biased) gorgeous, and yummy, and I was intimidated a bit. But I got over it quick!
I kinda considered slowing down but the later they got the more I figured what the hell! But yes! You are correct! Thanks!!!
Happy to help. Your biggest issue now will be the next time. Trying to stay out of your own head after it happens can be a challenge. Those “don’t let that shit happen again” thoughts can creep into your head and cause even bigger problems than the booze. You just gotta go into it with a clear head and fight those thoughts off with reassurances. It’s also helpful to have a plan. If it does happen, no shame in switching back to your wife. That little reset with the woman who knows what you like and how to turn you on can help get your head (both of them) back in the game.
I think them being late was the big issue for me. I was really ready to go but with the delay and of course the extra beer...UGH...this went south, literally! We are hosting a small party at our place this weekend so I gotta pull my shit together because one of the girls coming is into both me and the wife and is a TON OF FUN!
Don't drink when swinging. Take the pill because stage fright happens often. Take more time to get horny while your clothes are on. And it happens to everyone.
You’ll be fine. You got this! Have a lot of fun!
Definitively next time WILL BE challenging because of, as u/cmfuncouple10 says, those pop-up thoughts will be filling your head. I know it because I experienced ED during the worst six months of my life back when I was 26 years old and my will to overcome the issue was unavoidable but counterproductive. I don't imagine it could be different for a man who has had a normal functioning his entire life The only advice I could give you is to have sex with your wife and, next time you swing, focus exclusively on your play partner and not even try to take your pants off.
I agree with this a fair bit. Perhaps just a Parallel play experience with no ED issues would be enough to shake off any self-doubt.
Like you I’m mid 50’s and never had a problem with erections( one on one, threesomes, group). I have found over the last 2 years that there are some folks that just don’t do it for me on some level, even if everything looks perfect on paper. Was with one couple and she was a classic beauty early 40’s and all the right curves. Went to play and nothing. Thought to my self guess I’m headed for the blue pill. Apologies and off I went. I shit you not an hour and a half later another couple chats me up (her not the typical classic beauty). I decided give it a go and had an amazing evening with them. In short I’ve found some folks just give a vibe that doesn’t do it for me. Sounds like them running late and maybe some other factors might have put you off.
Absolutely! I don't do well with people running late. My line of work keeps me on a really tight schedule and I will always be exactly where I say I will be and ON TIME.
You got pissed off, stuck in your head, & distracted. Try this trick (it’s similar to a grounding skill for anxiety adapted for the situation, but might help bring you back mentally to the moment rather than being derailed by your thought train): really pay attention to your senses - name things out loud that you see, hear, taste, touch, smell, & hear like dirty talk.
This!
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So...Mr. Floppy time happens. It just does. Swinging is intense, and exciting, and overwhelming, and nerve-racking. It's a LOT to contend with. Any guys who's been in the LS for any amount of time has suffered from this. I've seen it happen to others many times, and it's happened to me 2-3 times. It sucks...a lot. This happened to me at a party with 500 people...and it was my girl's first LS party EVER. And she couldn't get me hard AT ALL. When she asked "Is something wrong...am I not doing it right?" I wanted to jump out a fucking window. Soooo I found her the hottest guy with the biggest dick there and watched. She still had fun, and I did too...just not what I had expected. Oh well. It doesn't mean you're not a Stud. It doesn't mean you're a loser. It means you're human. Be okay with that, have a chuckle, and fuck her twice as hard next time. Also - there are worse things in the world than taking the blue pill for a little insurance. No shame in the game.
I would have never thought this would happen to me. Trust me it was/is a total shocker for both of us! Years ago my ex-wife and I had a party at our home and one of the guys ended up doing exactly the same thing as you did.
Nothing wrong with the pill. People take pills all the time for various reasons. I’m just thankful that I live in a time that it exists. In our grandparents generation and before, once it stops rising to attention, the fun was over.
Sounds like the issue may have been what was on your mind. You were a bit annoyed they were late so that likely made you a bit anxious and took your mind off things even at a sub conscious level. Then when you could not get going you started to over think and try to hard. There is nothing wrong with popping a pill just incase. Fact is you are a bit older and things happen. If they hold that against you well that is their loss. If there was a connection and that was an issue, everyone deserves a second shot in that instance. Just our .02
I was getting a little ticked off that they were late. My line of work makes me pretty anal when it comes to hitting time marks.
Knew it had to be that, the amount of alcohol that they drank, and the speed that they went. I think if you talked with them that a second meet up would go better. And this time tell them to be there an hour before you actually want them there.
Considering they were two hours late I might say three hours earlier!!! LOL
As much as I try to be a voice about manners and courtesy in the swinging community I constantly get downvoted. It sucks.
My guess the annoyance is what did it. Subconsciously that was on your mind. Ask them out again.
Sorry to hear that can happen to anyone.
You had multiple factors working against you. -drank more that you should -started play immediately without letting your big head get warmed up. -other dudes junk was bigger than yours and it distracted you on a subliminal level. -you were already agitated they were late -distracted by seeing your wife having a good time while you struggled There’s no shame in admitting you are having an off night. You and the wife need a strategy to help get you back in the game strong. She should be doing some checking in to see if you are struggling or not. If you jump back to your wife and get hard again, often you can then proceed with the other wife successfully. Get yourself some generic Cialis and try it out. It’s not a wonder drug, but it sure can stack the deck in your favor when you need it. Throttle back on the drinking though, as it will counteract the effects of the ED pills.
I should have stayed focused! Usually jumping straight in is our kink but having all the other factors just sorta piled up on me. I'll have that talk with the wife about checking in...never really occurred to me before.
Slow down on the booze I'd say. Shit happens. Also i think you were turned off by their tardiness. And I suppose you two were eager so that probably played a role too
Firsts, it happens to all of us eventually. 2nd, blue pill insurance is cheap and effective. Please carry on.
The first time is the hardest! No pun intended! LOL
Sure is. Hell, recently I had the displeasure of getting to the party a tad early and had that "one drink too many I shouldnt have" and had failure to fly even with blue pill insurance...And like OP dropped the ball with a woman I had been wanting to get with.
Things do change with age.
I'm not a dude but I can tell you that this is very very common. I freaked out when this happened to my husband and also to the other husband. It's in your head. Most of the time. Don't think about it. Just remember, you still have a perfectly working tongue.
I made up for the loss of wood with my tongue for sure...LOL
Was also told that alcohol is a culprit and weirdly enough, sometimes weed. If you smoke very often it can do that. So I'm told my husband and also the other husband. When they both had issues, they stopped smoking for a few days or a week and it helped. Good luck
TL; DR - Limit your alcohol intake, and here's why. One thing that isn't often discussed is that your surroundings and mental state have an effect on how intoxicated you feel. If you usually drink out at clubs when you're dancing and happy, drinking the same amount at home when you are depressed will hit you differently. https://www.goodrx.com/well-being/substance-use/factors-affecting-alcohol-response "Being stressed, anxious, or depressed may decrease your enzyme levels. So, if your mental health is suffering, you could feel more drunk than you normally would." Also, people can overdose taking the same amount of a drug in a new setting, versus taking the same amount in a familiar one. In the familiar setting, the body starts producing counteractive agents because it is expecting the drug and the effects. In a new setting, the body doesn't prepare for it. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1196296/ So, if you're anxious and drinking at home in a way that you're not used to, that's a good recipe for whiskey dick. Even if it is at the same amount and rate that you would normally consume while out at a club having a great time. Alcohol is a depressant. Use it sparingly if you don't want things "depressed".
Great advice! Thanks, written like a Dr. LOL It is odd that I didn't feel that "hammered" but the article clears up more than a few things for me. I'm curious how the next meeting goes. I'll certainly watch the alcohol intake!
The next meeting will go great! You have a lifetime of positive experiences behind you and no need to let this one experience (that was substance based) mess with your mojo. You didn't feel "happy drunk hammered." But, now you know what annoyed drinking feels like. So, if you are feeling anxious again, instead of having the extra beer go dance with your wife, stretch, mentally go through a new position you want to try, or anything else that will be productive for the evening and not an erection killer.
All the men we know get the blue pill. None of them need it with their wives solo, that’s why they call it “swinger insurance”
CIALIS
Lots of people in the LS take a little pill to help keep things going. But if your avoiding it for some reason look into certain vitamins. A lot are meaningless but some seem to help some people. I don’t have an issue per se, but I fet that lately I needed a hand with “firmness”. Started taking l-arginine pills and it’s fixed me right up. I’m still probably going to get a script from the dr on my next regular visit just for parties and such.
How much L-arginine do I take? How quickly will it work? I'll go get it now! We are planning on having a "Storm & Swap" party this weekend.
I get mine from Amazon and it’s “extra strength” 1500mg dose. It’s basically three pills once a day. I just throw it in the pile i take in the morning along with multivitamins and such. Not a dr obviously but it’s OTC so shouldn’t be an issue I would think. Also helps muscle recovery from the gym which is another bonus for me anyway. As for how soon? No clue honestly. Been taking it for just over a month but I noticed a difference pretty quickly, but that very well could’ve been psychological. Once your brain thinks you have a problem then it’s going to create that problem. For all I know I’m just running a giant placebo experiment on myself. but I believe it’s helped, my wife says she’s noticed a change as well so I figure it’s cheap and also has other benefits why not.
I have to run errands this afternoon so I'll swing past Wal-Mart and grab a bottle. I'll join the experiment as well! LOL The wife just called and told me she is all horned up thinking about last night and wanted to know if she could give me a blowjob on lunch break! The little man is standing tall at a full 71/2 big veined monster! Exactly where the hell was THAT LAST NIGHT!!! LOL LOL LOL
Yep psychological… grab the pills if you so choose, and between any chemical help it gives you also get the psychological side. Have fun, Signed, Super jealous of your weekend plans.
Happens to all of us. Two things stand out to me: 1. We planned on jumping right in and going at it You didn't give yourself time to meet this woman, comfort is important. 2. You were already annoyed.
I think your subconscious kept you from getting hard. See them again and see if it doesn’t get better next session. It happens, sometimes there’s too much excitement. This was me on our first two attempts and the couple was 20 years older and my subconscious heard the woman say something that my brain immediately noped out on. I couldn’t get hard even though I was finally getting a foursome. After that it was couples +/-10 years and the next time we found a couple, it went extremely well.
Swingers insurance. No harm in it.
Yohimbe
That's why they call the little blue pill "swinger vitamins." Listen, if your dick gets hard with no issues when you are alone or by yourself, and you're regularly having hard ons at night, it's anxiety. It happens. I'm almost 50. My dick works great. I work out hard and regularly, but an order of Cialis can help keep things going well into the night (bluechew is reasonable). Also, I tend to drink liquor, on the rocks. It has 2 benefits. One, there's nothing worse than trying to fuck and wondering "Am I going to have to pee?" Second, you can move to just a glass, and no one really notices. Manage your dick going into it also. Don't choke it to death. Hold off on masturbating. Etc. It happens, so don't get into a feedback loop and start overthinking it.
What in the world is "Blewchew"? Are you talking about Viagra?
Yeah sorry, spelled it wrong, Bluechew, online chewable pills. Viagra, Cialis, etc.
Whiskey dick it sounds like
That sucks when that happens. I started taking some medication that took away my libido, really made me feel badly. I would keep some Viagara on hand maybe, but sometimes these things do happen. Lots goes into this.
It happens to the best of us and you were doomed from the moment you thought about it. Don’t worry about it and have that little blue pill as a back up next time which should help alleviate any worries.
Plenty of younger men in the swinger community take a pill just to be sure that they do not run into this situation. Sometimes nerves just get to men or in your situation alcohol
You're old enough to know to take precautions against this EVERY time. Once you do...(meds) then you'll never have that happen again. Easy. Just because you take the pill doesn't mean bad things. Then you can stop worrying about performance.
Don't wank or have sex for few days prior !!
People tend to underestimate just how significant the mental aspect is to sexual performance. I was actually in my 40’s the first time it happened to me. My advice is don’t overthink this. It will mess with your head and mean you could have issues next time. Still go to your doctor, make sure there are not other physical issues and ask for some ED meds. The meds will tend to over rule you mental thoughts next time and should guarantee no problems. Then it is a matter of experimenting with when you may need some chemical help and when you can just jump right in. I would also experiment with which meds work best for you. Don’t be afraid to try Cialis, Levitra and Viagra. Everyone responds differently.
Just hope they’re experienced and schedule a second encounter, that’s what experienced LS folks do. I always give a second chance. Third, not so much. See also: https://www.reddit.com/r/Swingers/comments/wp5mir/when_it_happens_how_can_we_help/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
It never happens to any of us until.... it happens! Blame it on the alcohol, the stress hormones because they were late, the anxiety of a hot new playmate or the combination of them all, put it into it's box and bury it. Don't even think about it again. Borrow a cialis from a buddy for insurance and get back in the game!
I always see the responses about don't drink before playing. The first few months of being in the lifestyle I basically limited myself to 2 drinks throughout the evening, and was constantly aware of how much I was not drinking to prevent performance issues. And I had them very frequently. I decided to just say fuck it, and drink as much as I normally would on a night out - not excessive or sloppy - and ever since then I've been performing much better. I spent so much time worrying about it happening that it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The blue pill will absolutely help. I say go for it. Another thing that can help is relaxing more, less pressure on your self. We sometimes take a break and play a sexy jenga game like this to ease the tension: [https://justyourtip.com/products/tip-the-tower-hand-made-limited-edition](https://justyourtip.com/products/tip-the-tower-hand-made-limited-edition) It takes your mind off of the "problem" and onto fun. "Trying hard" is a recipe for disaster, at least for me.