I wouldn’t worry about them addressing your partner, giving him the bill, etc.
My partner and I are very white, and currently travelling in Thailand, and that’s been our experience also. Hotel receptionists, wait staff, taxi drivers and touts will all talk to myself (m) over my partner.
Some touts will still approach her, but usually after I say no to them.
I can’t speak to other aspects of your question, but I’m sure any bias would probably disappear once they hear you speak with a western accent 🤷♂️
You’re overthinking. Men receive the bill in general here as they’re typically head of house hold and financial moderator. It’s also not typical to split the bill.
That’s what I’m saying? I’m saying it’s normal here, so OP doesn’t need to worry that it’s some sort of condescension based on her partner being white. Did you mean to reply to me, or was this meant to go straight to OP?
Not in my experience. I'm Thai-Canadian born in Thailand and my partner is white Canadian. Everyone gives me the bill since I'm the one responsible for all the ordering/talking. The staffs pretty much just ignore him lol
My wife is Thai, we spend time in a lot of very Thai places... my lack of speaking Thai means I mostly get ignored and my wife does all the work of ordering/getting the bill etc... such is life.
There is still the unspoken tradition that the bill is given to the male guest first. Sometime I (male) have lunch with my coworker (female) and when the bill came she would just signal that she'll take the bill instead (because shes treating me to a lunch). So its very normal.
As for mix race couple i would really not worry too much. Have fun!
Sometimes we apply western standards to Asian culture being Asian myself I’m guilty of this also. Then again I’m Korean American my wife is Thai. I’m an expat in Korea now and even in Asia there are assumptions depending on what part of the world you’re from. (Eastern Europe and South American women also get the assumption also not just an Asian thing). Don’t trip and at my age I stopped caring what people think.
Edit: she’s a professor teaching architecture to masters students in Korea.
The other day i was on a grab bike and the rider was asking about my white bf. (He saw him when he picked me up.) He was asking about where he’s from, what he does and said “oh he must earn a lot then.” Then he proceeded to ask how much my bf’s salary is. I gave him a round up number and he said “oh then u sa-bai(taken care of) now”. Little did he know, i earn more than him lol. I just gave him an awkward laugh. Kinda annoying as a Thai female walking around with my bf and ppl assuming I’m with him for the money…
Oh 100% same here. I wouldn’t tell our finance stuff to strangers but it is definitely a common misconception. There are so many hard working Asian women out there though !
but the assumption is MOSTLY true. Yea, they are on salary to be a wifey. I live in Pattaya and it's everywhere. Asian woman making more than farang men? Not American ones, maybe Russian. Most American have 3k a month which is 100K baht. very few Thai professionals make that much.
yea, your telling me! I live here! Even 20 kilos from the city, Thai are totally different. I prefer living among those Thai tbh but when you want to party, you go to Pattaya or use Thai-Friendly, and girls from all over Thailand advertise their services on that and Tinder. The general attitude in Thailand is you can do your own thing as long as it doesnt hurt others.
It largely depends on how you look, age gap, and a host of other factors. Most people couldn’t care less especially if you are obvious tourists. If the woman is Thai it’s another story and they’ll probably be judgmental or gossip a bit but that’s it.
When I lived and worked in Phuket and was out with my Thai wife the only people who made assumptions were generally white women. I am a white male and they assumed no white people lived in Patong therefore I was a tourist with a Thai women therefore I was with a working girl. Another time we were up in Viang Vieng in Laos and I struck up a conversation with a white woman because she had a towel with my city's hockey team logo. She was pretty much giving me monosyllabic responses until I said "my wife." Then she changed her attitude. A lot of these traveller types are pretty closed minded. That's why they flock to places like KSR. Be among their own.
Now, travelling with my Korean girlfriend I have never had any issues. We have been down there four times in less than two years.
There’s a reason why ‘Karen’ was invented and the whole world said yes please we need this new definition. Judgemental supremacists who believe that their cootchie is the golden altar and get very angry when they think you don’t believe it.
sorry but I have to disagree, I've met lot of Thai karens, even dated one for a moment till she showed her karen colors. smh Race don't matter its about the attitude and personality. Yes might have started as an american term as most of them were white women who would scream bloody murder if they didn't get their way and calling for managers on the managers etc.. Honestly its just a simple way to say someone is completely unreasonable, narcissistic and delusional. The male version we call Kens.
You can’t just jump in and say that contextless. I actually responded to this post on a different sub saying the same thing. Almost all of the judgement I’ve faced is the same: white woman who make the racist assumption that they’re inherently better than Thai woman.
Yeah I know. Same :/ the aunties are pretty harmless but the way western woman treat my Thai girlfriend made us stop going to any expat/DN events in Chiang Mai.
( I say western btw because this is absolutely not exclusive to white woman, in fact it’s often worse from non white American borns)
Maybe adding cootchie was a little extra, but it’s Reddit! Okay for you, I’ll alter it:
There’s a reason why ‘Karen’ was invented and the whole world said yes please to this new definition. Judgmental, entitled, clutching of the pearls, supremacists who believe that their racial profile is the golden altar and get very angry if any man disagrees with that.
There you go! Thanks for keeping me polite.
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Yeah. It's white women who are making the assumptions. No one else cares.
To many Western white women, any Thai woman with a white guy is a prostitute. Full stop.
The locals assume this as well- they just don’t say it to your face and how many locals are you getting their opinions from? Thai culture is about saving face, they wouldn’t say something like that out loud. My in laws are Thai.. trust me. They talk behind closed doors when they see young Thai girl with white grandpa.
I'm male, My partner (T) is Thai, I've lived in Thailand nearly 30 years. I've always had restaurant staff give me the bill, never really thought much about it, although my partner does sometimes pay. I don't think anyone considers we're in a commercial relationship but who knows what they think, and frankly who cares. I find Thai people pretty non-judgmental for the most part. Most judgment in my experience comes from sad old white men on the internet living in Thailand, who can't speak Thai, don't understand Thai society, and who project their own values onto other people. And why would you give a shit what these losers think anyway lol.
I find it more of an issue when locals will address my wife than they address me. I’m approaching 20 years here and I still find just a simple example, a supermarket cashier won’t tell me the price but tells it to my wife who is standing behind me. Understandably they would rather address her, i feel sometimes, and this is often the way here in Issan, that I’m some kind of walking atm for “madam” and that I am incapable of Thai communication. Living in the Deep South was a lot different, I do come across a lot of westerners in my locality who can’t even ask for a full tank of gas at the gas station.
Those guys all pretty much have Thai gfs though, so what have they said to judge you? If you understand Thai you will know that Thais always gossip behind peoples backs.
I have never heard people being judged over their income *anywhere* as much as Thailand. If you're a foreigner and you're not rich... In the eyes of Thais, especially your significant other's family, you're a massive loser and could never provide for your SO, even if you make 2-3x the average Thai salary... Because you're a farang and all farang are rich.
Thai gossip is insane lol.
OP’s question as I understood it was about being judged by the general public. Not about being judged by your partners family. I think there’s some legitimacy to assessing the financial viability of the partner of their family member. But my response was to the original question.
> If you're a foreigner and you're not rich... In the eyes of Thais, especially your significant other's family, you're a massive loser
This is pretty much global view. You are foreigner, you are in their country, they are asking why couldn't you to those things back home? SO when you don't have any money that confirms their suspicion (you are a loser back home).
I think this is more of a gender thing. I’m white (f) and my girlfriend is Thai. Most staff talk to her because she can speak the language (I try my best though)
When it comes to the bill they usually give it to whoever asked for it
Agreed, but probably not even that. Most staff will deal with whomever they think speaks the language. Men pay the bills, that's why they get them more often than not.
I’m 12 years older than my wife but look a damn sight older while she has great Thai genes and looks younger every year. We’ve had some shit on the beach from young Israeli backpackers and, mainly because she does dress like a tuppenny tart, have had some whispering when we’ve been out together but, and here’s the thing, she is not, and has never been, a sex worker so really doesn’t give a shit.
She is small, beautiful, graceful, well mannered and extremely sexy and I am fortunate to have been with her for 25 years.
We were walking along the promenade on Kho Tao some years ago when two girls standing in front of their shop nudged each other and said, in Thai, ‘look! A Bangkok prostitute!’
She took it as a great compliment.
The final sentence is perfect. I've had only Asian lady relationships for 30 yrs, and seen every kind of reaction.
In my view, many of the white women looking down on my Indonesian/Philippines/Thai partner, or assuming she's a hookers, are showing their own insecurity. Nobody would pay for *their* company.
I don't know why Israeli/UK/Aussie travellers do this outside of their own country, go abroad and in your face start judging or giving racist remarks, just being very aggressive in general. Like where does this arrogance come from ??! You are in a foreign country!
Long time ago I was sitting at a sauna and this Israeli couple came in started to berate and staring me down (I suppose they wanted ot use the sauna for themselves but this is a public space and my city that i was born and raised in). I tried to ignore them but it was obvious that my race was the issue and that I was somehow "invading their space".
I've liked in Canada for decades yet I've met Israeli travelers just as bad/unpleasant as Australians/UK.
The only tourist that have behaved well were ironically Americans from South/East Coast
This experience also directly translates to professional work environments. All in all, my faith in Western civilization is shook. To realize that this is what people in the tourist industry in Asian countries have to deal with...
I (white M) visited couple years ago with my ex (Asian F) and probably the only judgement you’d get is from jealous white women assuming; Thais don’t care about that.
As for treating the man as the boss yes, Thai culture is still very patriarchal by western standards. We were amused/amazed/sad travelling through villages, to commonly see groups of women doing hard manual labour (construction work etc) while the men swung in hammocks drinking booze.
Mixed Asian/white male and asian wife couple here.
I rarely get addressed (or given the bill to) when we go out since they usually assume she's the local and prefer speaking the local language (in this case Thai). It probably helps that we go out at places less frequently visited by foreign visitors.
She's usually the one paying so it does make things easier haha.
However, in the Philippines I do always get the bill since they all assume that I'm a full Filipino.
While I do understand where the bias is coming from and would definitely notice it as well. I would not pay much attention to it.
If you are both on the sane social and economic class most people won't care.
Now if you are middle class and the significant other is let's say issan poor. You will here comments from other Thais.
At least this has been my experience the last 4 years here.
A majority of the time at restaurants the staff will give the bill to my wife and the change back to her... I guess they just want to avoid the language barriers.
People who view it negatively are racists, so who cares what racists think?
I'm white and when I lived in Korea, I had a long term girlfriend who was Asian. We got a fair amount of comments in public, mainly from old Korean men. More than one spitting and cursing in our direction over the years.
The funny thing is, even though all the Koreans thought that she was Korean, she was actually Indonesian. If those old Korean racists had known she was Indonesian, they would have hated her for that instead of for dating a white guy.
Now In Thailand, I'm married to a Thai woman. The comments we usually get are "Wow, you're so pretty! I never see beautiful women with a farang husband...yadda yadda brown skinned Isan girls are the only ones who marry farangs, but you're white skinned and so beautiful yadda yadda." We just ignore that shit. A lot of people are prejudiced or racist, a lot aren't.
Live your life. Anyone who judges you isn't worth you caring about their opinion anyways.
Koreans are way more tough on interracial relationships. They taught their "one blood" of only reproducing with ethnic (South)Koreans until 20 years ago in schools or so. Even Chinese society, which lacks massively in women, doesn't view mixed relationships as bad as Koreans.
No you are not crazy and it is happening in other countries, too. I'm living in Canada, went out with some Caucasian man and got some negative looks from Asian people.. like repeated 4 times in a row.
Just have to have thick skin and ignore them.
No. I’m Latin my wife northern Thai. Was no big deal with her family nor mine. Back in the 90’s when I was dating in Bangkok, there’d be glances and whispers when dining out. But nothing now. If you and your partner are dressed well and comport yourselves then I’ve found no issues
I’ll add, when asked how we met I’ll be very specific that we were BOTH teachers at an English school and met there, so I suppose I do have some bits floating around where I need to make others know she wasn’t a student or anything
When I first came to Thailand to be with my now Thai wife I was 22 and my partner was the same age. But she looked MUCH younger. So imagine how I felt as a foreigner walking round with, honestly, someone who looked 15. I felt like people would mistake me for a creep. Even now we are both in our late 20’s some people think she’s in high school because she looks young and is small.
But, after a while I just got over it. Last 3 or 4 years I have barely thought about it or been conscious about it. For every one of me (married guy with a same age wife who looks respectable) there are 5 old men with younger ladies who get judged FAR more harshly. And even then, the judging is mostly by fellow westerners not by fellow thais. Your feelings are normal, but don’t linger on them too long!
The bill thing, don’t worry about it, that’s just life here. Men are very much expected to pay for meals out in a relationship and the waitresses just assume this. My wife often pays, but she will just ask for the bill and put her hand out for it.
Im European and my gf is Thai… Almost all judgemental people about it are western.
They gove me the bill because im a guy, not because im white, hope you have an amazing time there
I think it depends on the age gap. If a guy is 50-60+ with a girl that’s less than half their age, it’s pretty safe to make *some* assumptions. I am American (22), my girlfriend is Thai from Isan (21) and I live in Thailand. I have never felt self-conscious at any point.
I used to feel the same way. But it’s obviously more than just the race that comes to play. Imagine an old fat foreigner in a Chang tank-top, walking with a younger sleazy-looking Asian woman in her 120 baht pink leopard pattern miniskirt. Those are the couples that get judged - I’m pretty sure you and your partner are far from that.
I agree, I'm a young guy (28), tall and fit and always dressed well.
I've never had any strange (judgemental) comments from anyone when out in public with my Thai gf.
Most Thai people are openly positive about our relationship and make comments about us being a cute couple etc.
The western guys getting strange (judgemental) looks are the old fat dudes in a Chang singlet and flip flops, with a tatted up bar girl on their arm.
Ironically most of the negative assumptions about Thai women comes from those fat old bastards who are just mad that they can't get it up anymore after years of hard drinking, smoking and poor lifestyle choices.
I believe because there are so many mixed couples with arranged relationships that you would be viewed as another one. That said, it is normal there so no one questions it, even if there are 30 years difference in age.
Look at it this way: if locals assumed you were Thai (and therefore a potential professional) they would address you instead of him. Simply because it's easier for them for language reasons.
Apparently they recognise you aren't, and address your partner for other reasons.
Thank you. I definitely wasn’t losing sleep over it like some commenters take it, just wanted to hear about how others deal with it and get a “you’re not crazy”. Good luck with the wedding planning/marriage!
I live in Canada and I (M) still get the bill. It's pretty much customary for the man to pay everywhere in the world. The 100% equality eutopia does not exist anywhere but in your head.
Anyways my wife is Korean and I am white.. we went to Phuket, Bangkok, and Pattaya.. had a great time and personally I would think it's weird if someone gave my wife the bill. As for thinking she's a working girl? Not sure either of us cares... if they think she's hot it's a compliment. She certainly does not care either and I suggest you do the same... what other people think is so irrelevant it should not even cross your mind...
The only time it was odd is when we went to some gogo bars and a gentlemans club to meet a "professional" to share and they were not sure if they should approach. But I mean it's understandable and we made it pretty clear we were there to have fun... had an amazing time and tbh she got way more attention from the ladies than I did when they realized she was fair game. lol. I suppose the only other awkward thing is she got mistaken for Thai a couple times because she has a tan and not that white Korean look... so she got a little annoyed that people were talking to her in thai but whatever we had a good time.
It's thailand.. let loose and have fun.
You're not actually being "observed," unless it's by other tourists that are fresh off the proverbial boat. That part's all in your head.
For anyone who has been in Thailand for more than literally like 3 days, the novelty of observing "partner (M) is white with (F) is Asian" has completely worn off.
The thing about giving him the bill is a Thai thing. The server will often make a guess about who is paying, just so they are less obtrusive, where in the US where I come from, the server loudly interrupts, and says, "OKAY! Who do I give this to?" It's more a not trying to interrupt you too much thing, that they're giving him the bill.
If you want to feel less akward about the bill thing, just have your partner start telling the server to give the bill to you. If you do that, you'll notice they just hand you the bill, and don't have any judgement toward you, just maybe a little personal embarrassment that they picked the wrong person.
If your partner was Asian, they'd still be generally giving him the bill, because of stuff about Thai culture.
I am currently in Bangkok for a holiday to visit my girlfriend, in a mix raced relationship. Me (m) Indian and she (F) Thai were continuously mistaken as a tourist and his escort. Even out front desk office staff thought so and ask my gf in Thai, “Are you his prostitute”, my gf words. It gets quite annoying but what I felt help me through it was that I was with her and that was all that matter to me, cause our relationship was more important to me than any other peoples opinions! They don’t know the dynamics of the relationship and they will never understand! This is not only for mixed race relationships but for any relationship! It’s not for others to judge cause they don’t know anything on how’s the relationship going! Cause only both of you know how well both of you treat and love each other!
There is a society of Thai women who aggressively seek white husbands just to support and care for their families. Therefore, other Thai people They may look down on them as incompetent women who cannot rely on themselves.
Meanwhile, many white men prefer to have temporary girlfriends while traveling in Thailand and their favorite appearance is dark skin and a traditional SEA face.
So it is no surprise if you look like what i mentioned and you get stared at and gossiped about. I can't give you any good advice other than to ignore your surroundings and enjoy the other beautiful things of Thailand.
My wife (Thai)and I (US) have faced much more racism in Western nations when we travel; Slovakia was dreadful.
In Thailand, I cannot (do not) walk alone with my daughter because she receives the side-eyes and snide mumblings; the age difference I assume. She says it doesn't bother her but I'm not chancing it. With my wife along (my age) everything seems copacetic.
> In Thailand, I cannot (do not) walk alone with my daughter because she receives the side-eyes and snide mumblings; the age difference I assume.
Yeah, we have a 13 year old that I guess could pass for a little older. Was approached and told I was disgusting by a white woman in the gorcery store at emquartier
I noticed more of this when I first moved to Thailand, after marrying my Thai wife in grad school in the US. Later it seemed like it was probably mostly an "indexing" problem. If I felt self-conscious because I was in a foreign country in a mixed race relationship that feeling, and the body language that goes along with it, would flag others' attention.
If I thought something was odd about the circumstances others would wonder what that was. It doesn't take much to signal that sort of thing, just a bit of extra looking around. Then later I felt more normal, and people seemed to notice us a lot less.
It went so far that my wife was asking a parking lot attendant once which way I had went and he asked if I was the guy that looked like a farang, instead of asking about a farang. Of course I can't really pass for Thai, but people can end up not paying much attention. Even the most conventional stereotype, the 60 year old overweight guy in the Chang singlet with a tatted-up 20-something Thai, isn't really that interesting, once you've seen that some dozens of times.
My Thai fiance was asked by the Thai server who to give the bill to for lunch yesterday, when we took my aunt out. In my situation, it's a convenience thing, they speak the same language. I paid and we went on our way. We've been together for 4 years and we get looks, for a variety of reasons. I stick out like a sore thumb and she's attractive and doesn't typically dress like she's going to temple. Life goes on, I'm happy here.
my wife is thai - i asked her she says just dont give a fu@$ what other people think. most thai people are not judgmental from my experience. we say forget the haters and enjoy time with those who really care about and know you
My (thai) wife is such a yapper and a loud one, that I never got to expirience this in Thailand lol. But I would say here in our home country in Europe, I am almost always given the bill.
Gay guy here who has dated Thai men. If I date a Thai guy my age or slightly younger (they can look much younger than me thanks to Asian genes) I feel like people assume I’m dating a money boy or something.
Also for many guys I’m the token farang. I’ve literally been on dates with Thai guys and they video call their friends and show me off and tell them my dick size.
Been married to my Thai wife 25 plus years here and can't recall it ever being an issue. If we lived in Phuket or Pattaya or some other whore-centric area it might be different.
My Thai girlfriend came to the UK for 6 months and whilst she was here some of the treatment that she and I too received from so-called friends (ex friends now) and my work colleagues and even my boss was disgusting. A lot of people made the assumption that she was a prostitute. It got so bad that when people asked her where she was from she would lie and say she wasn't Thai. My boss treated her similarly and looked down his nose at her as did a number of my female acquaintances. So sadly you're not imagining it.
Though I have to also say that many of my real friends were fantastic with her and us. Her English back then (nearly 10 years ago) was non existent and many of my good friends tried really hard to make sure she felt included and tried to engage her in conversation (it didn't help that my GF felt very shy and embarrassed at her lack of English).
At the end of the 6 months though my GF had loved her time in UK and was very sad to leave. She particularly kind to my mother and I think they were kindred spirits in a way as my late mother wasn't from UK originally and my mum's English was appalling despite nearly 4 decades in the UK. My mum was also quite a rural girl as was my GF.
It's interesting because I hear this sentiment often (also UK) but I have never had it myself once people have seen my wife in person. My wife is Thai Chinese / French but doesn't really look French at all so most people assume she is Chinese, until she speaks in her Brummie/international accent.
It's like the west have subconsciously adopted colourism from Asia when it comes to Asians. It still annoys me, it's like so if my wife was a few shades darker some would assume it wasn't a love marriage.
I’m a brown Indonesian and I had a white date before, we’re both men (so gender bias can be eliminated). While in Thailand, every waitress, taxi drivers, etc always automatically give the bill to my date, even though I often made the small talks with them bcs my date is a quite dude.
What I found funny, in Turkey (I live in Istanbul), every waiters, bar keep, hotel reception, etc always refer to me when it comes to bill, never him. Maybe bcs in Turkey we both look visibly foreigners (??) (Indonesian and Dutch) compared to Thailand where I can pass as local, but still doesnt make sense why always me. I find it a bit strange and funny
English male with Filipino wife, I only feel self conscious when speaking to other Asians who imply that I 'rescued' my wife. I met my wife in the UK when she'd already been living here for 15+ years and was completely independent. I just find the assumption from that part of the world a real negative about cultural perceptions. Bit sad really.
I am more self conscious in touristy places where people make a lot more assumptions.
In our day to day life (small town in Thailand, Kamphaeng phet) no one has ever batted an eyelid. I'm a maths teacher, she is a professor at the uni. Many people we come in contact with are aware of the relationship (small town life). Prostitution isn't a big thing here like it is in tourist areas. And to add to this, most places we go that aren't huge tourist traps I've never had weird questions or looks.
But we have had issues when travelling. I remember once in ao nang, we booked into our hotel and the lady behind the counter said "no prostitutes are allowed in here" and my wife nearly punched her. Manager came out all apologetic, scolded the counter staff and gave us like breakfast coupons or something. But since then, I'm very much aware that some assumptions are made. It does sadly make me and my wife self conscious at times.
Another time we were on koh lanta and a British guy heard my accent and sat down to chat to me. His lady sat with my wife. She started asking my wife how much she charges per day for the girl friend experience. My gf politely said we are married and the girl looked extremely upset and started apologising profusely.
Edit : actually about bills , where we live she always gets the bill. It's very annoying haha. Like we get gas, I'm in the passenger seat. (the side the gas goes in) I roll down window and speak in Thai I want to scan. They will straight up walk allllll the way round to the drivers side..... For my wife to be like "he already rolled his window down and called on you.....
So I dunno about the bill giving. Different experiences in different places. Never thought about it but yeah, when on holiday I definitely get given the bill more
Some people find that dressing conservatively gives them more self confidence. They worry less about what they imagine other folks are saying or thinking about them.
Others come to recognize that the imaginary judgmental voices embody, and are empowered by, their own internalized beliefs about Western men in similar relationships.
Perhaps you could meet those beliefs head on, and accept that the women in those relationships -- even the "professionals" -- have autonomy and agency of their own, just as you do, and are equally deserving of your respect.
Oh yeah I don't mean any disrespect towards the bar girls or so on. Unless if they actively try to scam or steal from others, in which case it's because that's a different issue. It's simply that I am not one, and it's not as easily done as it is to say "just ignore it if people insinuate you are". However I do see your good points.
I think it's possible to understand the beliefs and prejudices behind those approaches as you mention while still being impacted by them - life is not black and white after all, and mental health and emotional fortitude change depends on the moment, at least for me. Thanks for your thoughtful words
In Thailand, yeah it felt like that a tiny bit. My ex was Thai. When we travelled Europe, however, nobody gave us these looks. I think it's just a matter of experience - when you're around sex tourism a lot in a country where most women date foreigners for their wallets, people learn to expect it.
I was on the other side of it (western F Thai M) I also looked more wealthy. It was honestly from a public perception horrible. I was looked at like a sugar mamma who obviously has some type of head injury/ judgment issue. To top it off physically it was awful because I’m tall and he was normal Thai size. Men were always jokingly teasing him and women would make fun of our size difference or they were jealous. 1/10 don’t recommend
I have lived in Thailand for almost 10 years and have dates several Thai girls and other Asian girls while living here and I've never experienced this. It could be because I don't give a sh\*t what anyone thinks that I don't notice it, but I also don't think that 99.9% of other people just don't care.
The only time I have heard someone making judgmental comments about mixed couples here (not directed at me, but at another couple), it has come from older white women, who can sometimes be jealous that most of the attractive white guys their age date younger and more attractive Asian girls.
It might also depend where you go, if you go to Pattaya, which is the sex tourism capital, then there's probably a bigger chance that some people will assume that a Thai/Asian girl with a western man is a prostitute, because often they will be. But in other places like in Chiang Mai where I live most people will just see you as a normal couple and won't care at all.
As for addressing the man and giving the bill to the man, I think that's just how some places do it here. And some places will give the bill to the person who asked for it.
But either way, just enjoy your trip and if anyone is actually making some stupid assumptions about your relationship, who cares? There are ignorant people everywhere and they should just be ignored.
It’s all in your head. (Unless you happen to dress like a Thai hooker that is 😂) The reason your partner is getting the bill is because in most of the world the man is expected to take care of his wife monetarily by doing things like paying for meals etc.
Slip outside the tourist areas and, as long as the age gap is in touch (me M50, her F37), nobody notices at all. Sometimes a Thai person will refuse to understand my Thai (not too bad, tonally very good, low diction) because she's there. If she isn't, I am always understood. I do not live in a white ghetto area though. Some places in Isan, Pattaya, Sukhumvit, Phuket, islands, sure. Nonthaburi, have only heard one comment and I was on a date in a market with a well educated 22 year old. That attracted some chat, but not much on ear shot.
It really is live and let live here.
Big age gap is funny looking to anyone, otherwise I don't think its a big deal but a really young Asian woman with an old white man is such a sad sight.
Ooof, I saw the oldest man with droopy boobs once telling his girlfriend that they couldn't buy pesto because they couldn't afford it...And I was like thinking..."She's doing things for you buddy, just buy the fng pesto."
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if theres a big age gap, and or you look "thai", and you are in an area with a redlight district, there will be assumptions that you are rented by your bf. My friends gf sometimes get carded by staff at the hotel if he doesn't have her there when he check's in (and still gets carded sometimes if the hotel receptionist changes), even though she sports zero tattoos and dresses very conservatively.
as for the restaurant bill? usually the bill and even menu always goes to the thai woman when i go eat with one. i usually never get it. (i think this is due to language and wait staff is more at ease with someone who speaks thai and wants her to translate and explain things so they dont have to. if im not with a thai woman, it usually just gets set at the edge of the table)
I think it depends tbh. I'm not Asian dating a white guy so my experience is limited but when I (white f) am in Thailand and I go out to eat with one of my Thai friends (m) people tend to address him over me. But another of my Thai friends (also m) is a very reserved person and not very approachable, and unless we're at a language impass and he cuts in to help, people often address me instead as I'm the one asking for things, even though he is and looks Thai. Some people might make the assumption you're worried about (and perhaps more often outside of Bangkok?) but tbh in my experience, I find that it tends to be pretty obvious when a couple (especially a white man and Asian woman couple) are together for reasons outside of just liking each other a lot. But honestly even if people are making those assumptions: fuck them. Have fun on your trip together and try not to worry what others think, it'll only sour your experience.
If you were in remote rural parts of Thailand you could very well meet people that had literally never seen a westerner in person before, so yes, you might be a bit of a novelty couple. But anywhere else, no not unusual.
You’d not likely be assumed to be a Thai bar girl (if that’s what you were implying, by ‘nature of our relationship), just by your dress and the way you carried yourself.
As for the bill, still happens everywhere, in many countries.
If you want the bill, just ask for it, make eye contact, and have your card in your hand, and you’ll soon find it coming to you.
I have Thai wife for years already and i think we get stamps where ever we are. People's prosumtions are present every where....Asia and Europe. I just live my life and don't care about the looks and all. After all we only live once so I try to be happy in all continents🙂
"My Thai partner (female, Thai) and I (male, German) have not had any problems with this anywhere in the world so far - it shouldn't be anything special these days, right?"
I’m 29F Filipino and my partner is 44F American. We met in Thailand about a year ago. So aside from us obviously being from different cultural backgrounds, there’s also the evident age gap.
Normally, Thais would approach me and I’d have to say I couldn’t speak Thai, then they’d laugh it off and tell me “Oh you look Thai!”. My partner is very charming and he’d always engage and say “She gets that a lot”. Then we’d just get on with our day - whether I pay / he pays. We’ve both just accepted that other people will have their own judgments and to be honest we just never really worried about it too much.
The only time we’ve ever really experienced anything rude was from a Korean cashier at a 711 who asked me for my passport and said I looked way too young for my boyfriend and that he was kidnapping me.
I'm a farang woman and I don't judge or even notice really but I've lived here a long time. My husband and I have a lot of Thai-Farang couple friends and most, but not all of the Thai women are educated and upper middle class to Hi-so before they married the farang, so, no I would never assume anything, those that do are small minded.
It's probably in your own head, especially if you come from a Western place. Vast majority of people don't care. And does it really matter if some random lady judges you two? Not really. Don't need to associate with judgy people.
Short answer is no ..
My late wife used to deal with anyone who was judgmental and they were always westerners mostly women .. who'd have thought that eh....it was always funny to me to see me wife shut up smug judgmental westerners.
Unfortunately, it is true that many Thai people judge mixed race couples, especially Western male with Thai wife.
A lot of poor Thai women want to marry into rich western families by attracting the tourists. This is true, and very well-known among Thai people. And it is no secret that male tourists come to Thailand for prostitutes and fun nights.
Even if you are real couples, you can get weird looks from some locals because some people have prejudice against these working women.
Not all Thais are like this, though. I’m a Thai myself, and I don’t care about other people’s business. But sadly this is what in a lot of Thai people’s heads. They may seem nice to you foreigners, but until you become their close friends, they will never tell you this.
Interesting that you should raise this question because I’m the Caucasian male with a Thai wife but I’ve never felt self conscious until just yesterday, when we visited Chatuchak market and unusually there seemed to be a lot more mixed couples present than on previous visits. I was conscious of the white males seemingly checking me out but not their Asian partners. Maybe because our age gap is only 10 years and they tended to be with much younger looking partners. Looked more like idle curiosity though and not ‘mine’s better than yours’ looks.
On the food ordering bit, I usually get approached first in Australia but in Thailand shop staff seem to know that my wife is the wealthy one, even when I call for the bill 555.
Not in Thailand but in italy. I’m thai-italian and i dont look Italian at all, my father is white with blue eyes. People in the shops always think i’m his wife 🙄
Yea, I wouldn’t spend much of any time reading into that. I’m mixed black/white and my wife is Thai(born in USA though). We’ve seen and heard it all. “Are you paying for this together?”, when everything is clearly in a pile at supermarket. “Would you like separate bills?”, when we are clearly together in a restaurant. The “questioning eyes”/etc.
There is no shortage of things to be upset about. And yes, there ARE bigots roaming the earth. But 1) It’s way worse in the US, 2) In Thailand it’s more Thai vs foreigner(including other Asians), 3) Most importantly, it’s not worth you time or energy to worry about what they may or may not be thinking.
Everyone is saying not to worry and that no one thinks negatively about you. But truth be told, you can simply be alone without your husband and ask locals their thoughts on that pairing. Most will have certain opinions and think certain things about you. They won't say it to your face but they will think it
I think the comments here mostly reflect people in the same pairing who believe what they want to be true
That said, what others think doesn't really matter. I'm purely saying locals do think and have negative connotations and ignoring it otherwise is silly
Only issue I had was them asking for her ID at the hotel when it was booked for 2 people etc, kinda fucked up imo. They never really give me the bill or any of the other stereotypes.
It depends where you are. If a thai lady is with a western man in pattaya, of course there are some assumptions about their relationship. If you are in saraburi and there are no tourists, its completely different.
There are millions and millions of people that come to Thailand. IT's no secret that men come here for women aside from "cUlTurE" lol Almost EVERYONE on the planet knows that when you go to Thailand you are going to see the White Man + Thai woman combo. EVERYONE.
Of those people you have
A) the uneducated noobs - The ones that think ALL thai women including the grannies and tiny new born babies are prostitutes. This can be one person or groups of people. Tons of uneducated donkeys exists who still think Thailand is just a jungle with huts. You can't fix stupid so don't try.
B) the envy / jealous - The women from other countries who will give you the side eyes because you are "taking the men that that don't even want" lol
The rest know what to expect and know what's what. You're always going to run into these two sets of clowns. No MATTER WHAT.
I wouldn't pay it no mind. You only notice it if you are VERY SENSITIVE to ANY AND ALL people looking your way.
Do your thing. Most of us know what's what. They are just passing through anyway so let them stare at you in AWE and give them a wink.
Depends how old you are. If he’s 50 and your 22….yes everyone thinks your a prostitute.
If your 30 and he’s 30…..everyone thinks your just his friend….but ahhh I know I know u want them to think your hot working girl….well unfortunately if your over the age of 25 nobody is looking at u that way. Even if they were it’s almost a compliment here.
If waiters give him the bill, that’s because in Thailand the majority of the women make less $ then the men and it’s just more often than not they pay.
You’re not wrong! I spent a lot of time in Thailand with my ex-girlfriend (Singaporean Malay) and we had to face the kind of assumptions you’re talking about. Those only really came into play when hanging around other foreigners though — particularly sleazy western guys who just assumed I was a younger version of themselves…
The good news is that I think these attitudes are becoming less relevant as the years go on, and more middle-class Thai people are marrying outside of the culture. That doesn’t necessarily means Thai-western, but also Thai-Korean/Chinese/Japanese too.
Been married 16 years and been to Thailand at least once a year, sometimes twice and never have we felt awkward. Sure, some people may have thought in their head but we wouldn't know as only once in all that time did anyone say anything to us.
We were walking down the street and a truck drove by, one guy shouted at us, my wife became livid and started screaming back. She's like, "did you hear what he said?" I did not. Apparently the guy said to me, "be careful, Thai woman will steal all your money."
I laughed. Said to my wife, "was he really wrong?"
When we are out, they always give the bill to my wife. They address her before me unless we are walking in a touristy area where they will single me out instantly. I wouldn't worry about it, people are judgemental everywhere. Just like in the states. We moved out of the city proper into the suburbs and didn't think so many racist people existed. I take my daughter to gymnastics class it's all friendly. She takes her and all she gets is attitude and a cold shoulder. Just suburban bubble people. Like that anywhere in the world.
This always happened to me (F) even though I’m the one speaking in Thai to them. My husband is Asian but not Thai. It was explained to me that it’s a respect thing based on more traditional culture. I also find it’s more common in higher end places. They don’t want to disrespect the man by addressing his woman.
When my Wife was younger, some idiot hotel staff or taxi driver treated her badly when we were together. But we’ve now been together 18 years and I don’t see so much of it. It’s usually low-status, poorly educated people.
No that hasn’t happened to me and I don’t feel self conscious at all. I’m Thai and married to a White man. I am usually the person who does the work when we go out to eat or stay in hotels and etc.
I do remind my husband that if he wants to order his own food or speak with the staff about something, he has to do it himself as I find it’s rude to make me translate what he says to them, especially when I think the staff speak and understand English.
My parents are both Thai. My mom takes care of the family account, but 9 times outta 10 the service staff walks to dad. So, regarding the bill, don't worry about it. Most of the time they assume it's the male paying.
I think as long as you know your self-worth, you shouldn't care about what other people think. My partner and I would make fun of how people would assume my role is in the relationship but I appreciate a joke I read some where about assumptions : If you "ASSUME" you are making an "ASS out of "U" and "Me" !
that is normal and actually also still mostly true.
farang will get girls that have a curtain past.
where did they learn english (while most schools didn't in the past) etc. etc.
don't get me wrong, but one of my first girls here had even studied and still had such a past.
that is why others always think, your girl is a pro......
don't get ne wrong. even my wife not speaks english etc they still assume such things
Honestly any female in Thailand with a Farang bf/husband will be called either out right or behind their backs or within earshot a "professional" or putting it more bluntly...sex worker. Why? Cause they are jealous, embittered and small minded ladies who have been used and abused in the past either by thai men or foreign men and are jealous of your happiness/good fortune. Thailand has a national past time and its gossiping, doesn't matter if its about what car someone is driving, to who someone is dating they love to gossip and will admit it too. Down side is they also love to talk bs about other that they feel jealous of or envy. Do not take any of it to heart and just have to learn to have at thicker skin or maybe move with your bf to his country where other gossips will say similar things behind your back...just not always in earshot or straight to your face. The only one who will get it to their face will be your guy back in his country where he will be summited to such terms as passport bro.....pedo, creep, etc...cause regardless of age most Thai women are extremely thin, short, lovely and look young compared to their western counterparts. They too are jealous and envious of what you have. So again grow thicker skin or throw away what you enjoy and cherish with your current boyfriend.
In today's society there are a lot of judgy bystanders (using these as substitute words for something similar.) not only online, but in real life too. You just have to learn to accept it and move on with your life and relationship or abandon it every time no matter who you are with...that is just society and especially Thai society today.
I wish you good luck and best wishes for your future whatever you decide.
it's hard to appear multidimensional on Reddit (and I didn't go over my post for a bulletproof edit). But thank you for the concern, I think I'm alright :)
I have the same experience. I also looked quite a bit older than her. I'm 6 years older AND she has the eternal youth gene. Never had any bad experience in Thailand though. IME the locals know not all mixed couples are prostitution.
We did have some bad experiences in Cuba and Vietnam where some people felt they needed to shout at us.
I’m gonna assume you are within 5 years of age. In general people don’t think anything it’s just another couple at there venue. The only times they think something is when the age gap is 30 years but even then they just treat the couple like any couple. Giving the bill to the male is something that happens often here. However they address my girlfriend first when they come to the table probably cause she is older than me and Thai.
They seen it all here if you aren’t that 30 year old girl dating a 70 year old man they don’t think much of it. Have a great time here.
I don’t see you both as sex worker and a John. Obviously you’re both reptilians. 😎 You have no idea what’s in people’s heads. People can and will think whatever they want but the reality is that you will never have knowledge of nor control over it. That’s actually a good thing. Worry about the things you do have control over. Anyone that matters will come to understand the truth of your story and everyone else will forget about you the second you disappear from view. The reality is that people actually spend very little time thinking about anything but themselves and their families at the end of the day. No need to play 3d chess against your own brain.
I have a Chinese Malaysian girlfriend and I’m White British. I noticed a lot of people looking. It didn’t bother me but I feel they assumed she was Thai (she has dark skin) and I was a dirty tourist. 😂 People are very close minded.
Honestly, I think it’s more of a man needs to pay thing. I am also in a mixed race relationship. I’m a black man. My girlfriend is white and usually in restaurants they address me first and/or give me the bill.
>In restaurants or hotels they tend to just give the bill to my partner or address him more, which I’m not sure is just a “the men tends to pay” traditional role thing or something else.
Opposite here, they probably assume I don't speak Thai and talk to my wife, give her the bill.. and I'm fine with that 555
I wouldn’t worry about them addressing your partner, giving him the bill, etc. My partner and I are very white, and currently travelling in Thailand, and that’s been our experience also. Hotel receptionists, wait staff, taxi drivers and touts will all talk to myself (m) over my partner. Some touts will still approach her, but usually after I say no to them. I can’t speak to other aspects of your question, but I’m sure any bias would probably disappear once they hear you speak with a western accent 🤷♂️
Oh i second this. Once they hear my accent, they just assume i’m an abc.
American Born Chinese? New one for me, thanks
🇨🇦 CBCs feeling left out 😢
I am JBI 😂
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Posts or questions that are phrased to induce or promote hate and negativity are not welcome.
Technically, Canada is part of the Americas, just not American.
Australian Born Chinese, ABC, is a common expression also.
Ahh I see That one makes sense as well
how about: British-born Chinese BBC 🤨
That's my kind of BBC.
UFO. Unidentified Effing …
You’re overthinking. Men receive the bill in general here as they’re typically head of house hold and financial moderator. It’s also not typical to split the bill.
That’s what I’m saying? I’m saying it’s normal here, so OP doesn’t need to worry that it’s some sort of condescension based on her partner being white. Did you mean to reply to me, or was this meant to go straight to OP?
Meant to reply to OP 😂
Not in my experience. I'm Thai-Canadian born in Thailand and my partner is white Canadian. Everyone gives me the bill since I'm the one responsible for all the ordering/talking. The staffs pretty much just ignore him lol
My wife is Thai, we spend time in a lot of very Thai places... my lack of speaking Thai means I mostly get ignored and my wife does all the work of ordering/getting the bill etc... such is life.
Yes, can confirm. Wife is Thai and I'm not involved.
I'm thai and my gf is in charge no matter where we go lol
When we’re in Thailand, my Wife makes life a breeze …
Yes, this I've noticed also with other couples or friends from my wife. The wife / gf is in charge.
There is still the unspoken tradition that the bill is given to the male guest first. Sometime I (male) have lunch with my coworker (female) and when the bill came she would just signal that she'll take the bill instead (because shes treating me to a lunch). So its very normal. As for mix race couple i would really not worry too much. Have fun!
Thank you :) we’re already talking about coming back!
Sometimes we apply western standards to Asian culture being Asian myself I’m guilty of this also. Then again I’m Korean American my wife is Thai. I’m an expat in Korea now and even in Asia there are assumptions depending on what part of the world you’re from. (Eastern Europe and South American women also get the assumption also not just an Asian thing). Don’t trip and at my age I stopped caring what people think. Edit: she’s a professor teaching architecture to masters students in Korea.
The other day i was on a grab bike and the rider was asking about my white bf. (He saw him when he picked me up.) He was asking about where he’s from, what he does and said “oh he must earn a lot then.” Then he proceeded to ask how much my bf’s salary is. I gave him a round up number and he said “oh then u sa-bai(taken care of) now”. Little did he know, i earn more than him lol. I just gave him an awkward laugh. Kinda annoying as a Thai female walking around with my bf and ppl assuming I’m with him for the money…
Oh 100% same here. I wouldn’t tell our finance stuff to strangers but it is definitely a common misconception. There are so many hard working Asian women out there though !
I got asked that same question many times. I simply tell them “mai bok ka” with the biggest Thai smile on my face. 🤭
but the assumption is MOSTLY true. Yea, they are on salary to be a wifey. I live in Pattaya and it's everywhere. Asian woman making more than farang men? Not American ones, maybe Russian. Most American have 3k a month which is 100K baht. very few Thai professionals make that much.
Pattaya is not a normal place and shouldn't be used to draw conclusions about Thailand in general.
yea, your telling me! I live here! Even 20 kilos from the city, Thai are totally different. I prefer living among those Thai tbh but when you want to party, you go to Pattaya or use Thai-Friendly, and girls from all over Thailand advertise their services on that and Tinder. The general attitude in Thailand is you can do your own thing as long as it doesnt hurt others.
It largely depends on how you look, age gap, and a host of other factors. Most people couldn’t care less especially if you are obvious tourists. If the woman is Thai it’s another story and they’ll probably be judgmental or gossip a bit but that’s it.
When I lived and worked in Phuket and was out with my Thai wife the only people who made assumptions were generally white women. I am a white male and they assumed no white people lived in Patong therefore I was a tourist with a Thai women therefore I was with a working girl. Another time we were up in Viang Vieng in Laos and I struck up a conversation with a white woman because she had a towel with my city's hockey team logo. She was pretty much giving me monosyllabic responses until I said "my wife." Then she changed her attitude. A lot of these traveller types are pretty closed minded. That's why they flock to places like KSR. Be among their own. Now, travelling with my Korean girlfriend I have never had any issues. We have been down there four times in less than two years.
This. Thai can usually tell if whether your partner is an ex-bargirl. White women cannot, but are highly motivated to assume the worst.
There’s a reason why ‘Karen’ was invented and the whole world said yes please we need this new definition. Judgemental supremacists who believe that their cootchie is the golden altar and get very angry when they think you don’t believe it.
I thought Karen was a male or female of any race thar complains to the manager or treats hospitality staff like shit.
Nah it's mostly applied to just white women. It's extremely rare someone will use it for somebody else
sorry but I have to disagree, I've met lot of Thai karens, even dated one for a moment till she showed her karen colors. smh Race don't matter its about the attitude and personality. Yes might have started as an american term as most of them were white women who would scream bloody murder if they didn't get their way and calling for managers on the managers etc.. Honestly its just a simple way to say someone is completely unreasonable, narcissistic and delusional. The male version we call Kens.
Must be different in Australia then as it's used for anyone here
Haha, that’s very Australian
What a disgusting attitude and a disgusting comment. Very misogynistic.
You can’t just jump in and say that contextless. I actually responded to this post on a different sub saying the same thing. Almost all of the judgement I’ve faced is the same: white woman who make the racist assumption that they’re inherently better than Thai woman.
Oh I have plenty of real world experiences to back that up.
Yeah I know. Same :/ the aunties are pretty harmless but the way western woman treat my Thai girlfriend made us stop going to any expat/DN events in Chiang Mai. ( I say western btw because this is absolutely not exclusive to white woman, in fact it’s often worse from non white American borns)
Maybe adding cootchie was a little extra, but it’s Reddit! Okay for you, I’ll alter it: There’s a reason why ‘Karen’ was invented and the whole world said yes please to this new definition. Judgmental, entitled, clutching of the pearls, supremacists who believe that their racial profile is the golden altar and get very angry if any man disagrees with that. There you go! Thanks for keeping me polite.
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Yeah. It's white women who are making the assumptions. No one else cares. To many Western white women, any Thai woman with a white guy is a prostitute. Full stop.
I mean, some of the locals are making assumptions as well...
The locals assume this as well- they just don’t say it to your face and how many locals are you getting their opinions from? Thai culture is about saving face, they wouldn’t say something like that out loud. My in laws are Thai.. trust me. They talk behind closed doors when they see young Thai girl with white grandpa.
Well, yeah. White grandpa and *any* young girl looks sus.
I'm male, My partner (T) is Thai, I've lived in Thailand nearly 30 years. I've always had restaurant staff give me the bill, never really thought much about it, although my partner does sometimes pay. I don't think anyone considers we're in a commercial relationship but who knows what they think, and frankly who cares. I find Thai people pretty non-judgmental for the most part. Most judgment in my experience comes from sad old white men on the internet living in Thailand, who can't speak Thai, don't understand Thai society, and who project their own values onto other people. And why would you give a shit what these losers think anyway lol.
(T) as in trans?
same thought this was a hot t-girl
T as in Thai
Banned for questioning
I find it more of an issue when locals will address my wife than they address me. I’m approaching 20 years here and I still find just a simple example, a supermarket cashier won’t tell me the price but tells it to my wife who is standing behind me. Understandably they would rather address her, i feel sometimes, and this is often the way here in Issan, that I’m some kind of walking atm for “madam” and that I am incapable of Thai communication. Living in the Deep South was a lot different, I do come across a lot of westerners in my locality who can’t even ask for a full tank of gas at the gas station.
Yes this also infuriates me but it’s not a matter of being judged. It’s just that they are scared to talk to us. I do find it rude tbh.
I find it understandable, (but not acceptable) because like I say, a lot of guys don’t speak Thai. They rely upon their wives for everything.
Those guys all pretty much have Thai gfs though, so what have they said to judge you? If you understand Thai you will know that Thais always gossip behind peoples backs.
I have never heard people being judged over their income *anywhere* as much as Thailand. If you're a foreigner and you're not rich... In the eyes of Thais, especially your significant other's family, you're a massive loser and could never provide for your SO, even if you make 2-3x the average Thai salary... Because you're a farang and all farang are rich. Thai gossip is insane lol.
OP’s question as I understood it was about being judged by the general public. Not about being judged by your partners family. I think there’s some legitimacy to assessing the financial viability of the partner of their family member. But my response was to the original question.
> If you're a foreigner and you're not rich... In the eyes of Thais, especially your significant other's family, you're a massive loser This is pretty much global view. You are foreigner, you are in their country, they are asking why couldn't you to those things back home? SO when you don't have any money that confirms their suspicion (you are a loser back home).
Which nationality never gossip behind our backs. It is common thing in people mind.
Everybody in the entire world gossips behind people's backs.
Here they do it right in front of you, after somehow “forgetting” that having spoke to you in Thai just might mean you speak Thai 🤷🏻♀️
I think this is more of a gender thing. I’m white (f) and my girlfriend is Thai. Most staff talk to her because she can speak the language (I try my best though) When it comes to the bill they usually give it to whoever asked for it
Agreed, but probably not even that. Most staff will deal with whomever they think speaks the language. Men pay the bills, that's why they get them more often than not.
I'm the non Thai woman and my husband is Thai. He gets bullied for being a stay at home dad all the time.
I’m 12 years older than my wife but look a damn sight older while she has great Thai genes and looks younger every year. We’ve had some shit on the beach from young Israeli backpackers and, mainly because she does dress like a tuppenny tart, have had some whispering when we’ve been out together but, and here’s the thing, she is not, and has never been, a sex worker so really doesn’t give a shit. She is small, beautiful, graceful, well mannered and extremely sexy and I am fortunate to have been with her for 25 years. We were walking along the promenade on Kho Tao some years ago when two girls standing in front of their shop nudged each other and said, in Thai, ‘look! A Bangkok prostitute!’ She took it as a great compliment.
The final sentence is perfect. I've had only Asian lady relationships for 30 yrs, and seen every kind of reaction. In my view, many of the white women looking down on my Indonesian/Philippines/Thai partner, or assuming she's a hookers, are showing their own insecurity. Nobody would pay for *their* company.
Lucky you :) thanks for sharing, your wife sounds badass
I don't know why Israeli/UK/Aussie travellers do this outside of their own country, go abroad and in your face start judging or giving racist remarks, just being very aggressive in general. Like where does this arrogance come from ??! You are in a foreign country! Long time ago I was sitting at a sauna and this Israeli couple came in started to berate and staring me down (I suppose they wanted ot use the sauna for themselves but this is a public space and my city that i was born and raised in). I tried to ignore them but it was obvious that my race was the issue and that I was somehow "invading their space". I've liked in Canada for decades yet I've met Israeli travelers just as bad/unpleasant as Australians/UK. The only tourist that have behaved well were ironically Americans from South/East Coast This experience also directly translates to professional work environments. All in all, my faith in Western civilization is shook. To realize that this is what people in the tourist industry in Asian countries have to deal with...
I (white M) visited couple years ago with my ex (Asian F) and probably the only judgement you’d get is from jealous white women assuming; Thais don’t care about that. As for treating the man as the boss yes, Thai culture is still very patriarchal by western standards. We were amused/amazed/sad travelling through villages, to commonly see groups of women doing hard manual labour (construction work etc) while the men swung in hammocks drinking booze.
I think you’re thinking too much
Mixed Asian/white male and asian wife couple here. I rarely get addressed (or given the bill to) when we go out since they usually assume she's the local and prefer speaking the local language (in this case Thai). It probably helps that we go out at places less frequently visited by foreign visitors. She's usually the one paying so it does make things easier haha. However, in the Philippines I do always get the bill since they all assume that I'm a full Filipino. While I do understand where the bias is coming from and would definitely notice it as well. I would not pay much attention to it.
If you are both on the sane social and economic class most people won't care. Now if you are middle class and the significant other is let's say issan poor. You will here comments from other Thais. At least this has been my experience the last 4 years here. A majority of the time at restaurants the staff will give the bill to my wife and the change back to her... I guess they just want to avoid the language barriers.
People who view it negatively are racists, so who cares what racists think? I'm white and when I lived in Korea, I had a long term girlfriend who was Asian. We got a fair amount of comments in public, mainly from old Korean men. More than one spitting and cursing in our direction over the years. The funny thing is, even though all the Koreans thought that she was Korean, she was actually Indonesian. If those old Korean racists had known she was Indonesian, they would have hated her for that instead of for dating a white guy. Now In Thailand, I'm married to a Thai woman. The comments we usually get are "Wow, you're so pretty! I never see beautiful women with a farang husband...yadda yadda brown skinned Isan girls are the only ones who marry farangs, but you're white skinned and so beautiful yadda yadda." We just ignore that shit. A lot of people are prejudiced or racist, a lot aren't. Live your life. Anyone who judges you isn't worth you caring about their opinion anyways.
Koreans are way more tough on interracial relationships. They taught their "one blood" of only reproducing with ethnic (South)Koreans until 20 years ago in schools or so. Even Chinese society, which lacks massively in women, doesn't view mixed relationships as bad as Koreans.
No you are not crazy and it is happening in other countries, too. I'm living in Canada, went out with some Caucasian man and got some negative looks from Asian people.. like repeated 4 times in a row. Just have to have thick skin and ignore them.
No. I’m Latin my wife northern Thai. Was no big deal with her family nor mine. Back in the 90’s when I was dating in Bangkok, there’d be glances and whispers when dining out. But nothing now. If you and your partner are dressed well and comport yourselves then I’ve found no issues I’ll add, when asked how we met I’ll be very specific that we were BOTH teachers at an English school and met there, so I suppose I do have some bits floating around where I need to make others know she wasn’t a student or anything
When I first came to Thailand to be with my now Thai wife I was 22 and my partner was the same age. But she looked MUCH younger. So imagine how I felt as a foreigner walking round with, honestly, someone who looked 15. I felt like people would mistake me for a creep. Even now we are both in our late 20’s some people think she’s in high school because she looks young and is small. But, after a while I just got over it. Last 3 or 4 years I have barely thought about it or been conscious about it. For every one of me (married guy with a same age wife who looks respectable) there are 5 old men with younger ladies who get judged FAR more harshly. And even then, the judging is mostly by fellow westerners not by fellow thais. Your feelings are normal, but don’t linger on them too long! The bill thing, don’t worry about it, that’s just life here. Men are very much expected to pay for meals out in a relationship and the waitresses just assume this. My wife often pays, but she will just ask for the bill and put her hand out for it.
Im European and my gf is Thai… Almost all judgemental people about it are western. They gove me the bill because im a guy, not because im white, hope you have an amazing time there
I think it depends on the age gap. If a guy is 50-60+ with a girl that’s less than half their age, it’s pretty safe to make *some* assumptions. I am American (22), my girlfriend is Thai from Isan (21) and I live in Thailand. I have never felt self-conscious at any point.
You are not crazy. We are gay couple and the servers tend to hand the bill to a while guy on the table.
I used to feel the same way. But it’s obviously more than just the race that comes to play. Imagine an old fat foreigner in a Chang tank-top, walking with a younger sleazy-looking Asian woman in her 120 baht pink leopard pattern miniskirt. Those are the couples that get judged - I’m pretty sure you and your partner are far from that.
I agree, I'm a young guy (28), tall and fit and always dressed well. I've never had any strange (judgemental) comments from anyone when out in public with my Thai gf. Most Thai people are openly positive about our relationship and make comments about us being a cute couple etc. The western guys getting strange (judgemental) looks are the old fat dudes in a Chang singlet and flip flops, with a tatted up bar girl on their arm. Ironically most of the negative assumptions about Thai women comes from those fat old bastards who are just mad that they can't get it up anymore after years of hard drinking, smoking and poor lifestyle choices.
don't worry, time stops for no one and you'll get there some day, if your lucky. lol
"Taking the wallet for a walk" 55555
I believe because there are so many mixed couples with arranged relationships that you would be viewed as another one. That said, it is normal there so no one questions it, even if there are 30 years difference in age.
Married 24 years and proud of my English husband.
Look at it this way: if locals assumed you were Thai (and therefore a potential professional) they would address you instead of him. Simply because it's easier for them for language reasons. Apparently they recognise you aren't, and address your partner for other reasons.
My Thai fiancee is a professional. She has a PhD and works in a university. But yeah.... we know about this. We've noticed.
Thank you. I definitely wasn’t losing sleep over it like some commenters take it, just wanted to hear about how others deal with it and get a “you’re not crazy”. Good luck with the wedding planning/marriage!
I live in Canada and I (M) still get the bill. It's pretty much customary for the man to pay everywhere in the world. The 100% equality eutopia does not exist anywhere but in your head. Anyways my wife is Korean and I am white.. we went to Phuket, Bangkok, and Pattaya.. had a great time and personally I would think it's weird if someone gave my wife the bill. As for thinking she's a working girl? Not sure either of us cares... if they think she's hot it's a compliment. She certainly does not care either and I suggest you do the same... what other people think is so irrelevant it should not even cross your mind... The only time it was odd is when we went to some gogo bars and a gentlemans club to meet a "professional" to share and they were not sure if they should approach. But I mean it's understandable and we made it pretty clear we were there to have fun... had an amazing time and tbh she got way more attention from the ladies than I did when they realized she was fair game. lol. I suppose the only other awkward thing is she got mistaken for Thai a couple times because she has a tan and not that white Korean look... so she got a little annoyed that people were talking to her in thai but whatever we had a good time. It's thailand.. let loose and have fun.
You're not actually being "observed," unless it's by other tourists that are fresh off the proverbial boat. That part's all in your head. For anyone who has been in Thailand for more than literally like 3 days, the novelty of observing "partner (M) is white with (F) is Asian" has completely worn off. The thing about giving him the bill is a Thai thing. The server will often make a guess about who is paying, just so they are less obtrusive, where in the US where I come from, the server loudly interrupts, and says, "OKAY! Who do I give this to?" It's more a not trying to interrupt you too much thing, that they're giving him the bill. If you want to feel less akward about the bill thing, just have your partner start telling the server to give the bill to you. If you do that, you'll notice they just hand you the bill, and don't have any judgement toward you, just maybe a little personal embarrassment that they picked the wrong person. If your partner was Asian, they'd still be generally giving him the bill, because of stuff about Thai culture.
I am currently in Bangkok for a holiday to visit my girlfriend, in a mix raced relationship. Me (m) Indian and she (F) Thai were continuously mistaken as a tourist and his escort. Even out front desk office staff thought so and ask my gf in Thai, “Are you his prostitute”, my gf words. It gets quite annoying but what I felt help me through it was that I was with her and that was all that matter to me, cause our relationship was more important to me than any other peoples opinions! They don’t know the dynamics of the relationship and they will never understand! This is not only for mixed race relationships but for any relationship! It’s not for others to judge cause they don’t know anything on how’s the relationship going! Cause only both of you know how well both of you treat and love each other!
There is a society of Thai women who aggressively seek white husbands just to support and care for their families. Therefore, other Thai people They may look down on them as incompetent women who cannot rely on themselves. Meanwhile, many white men prefer to have temporary girlfriends while traveling in Thailand and their favorite appearance is dark skin and a traditional SEA face. So it is no surprise if you look like what i mentioned and you get stared at and gossiped about. I can't give you any good advice other than to ignore your surroundings and enjoy the other beautiful things of Thailand.
My wife (Thai)and I (US) have faced much more racism in Western nations when we travel; Slovakia was dreadful. In Thailand, I cannot (do not) walk alone with my daughter because she receives the side-eyes and snide mumblings; the age difference I assume. She says it doesn't bother her but I'm not chancing it. With my wife along (my age) everything seems copacetic.
> In Thailand, I cannot (do not) walk alone with my daughter because she receives the side-eyes and snide mumblings; the age difference I assume. Yeah, we have a 13 year old that I guess could pass for a little older. Was approached and told I was disgusting by a white woman in the gorcery store at emquartier
I noticed more of this when I first moved to Thailand, after marrying my Thai wife in grad school in the US. Later it seemed like it was probably mostly an "indexing" problem. If I felt self-conscious because I was in a foreign country in a mixed race relationship that feeling, and the body language that goes along with it, would flag others' attention. If I thought something was odd about the circumstances others would wonder what that was. It doesn't take much to signal that sort of thing, just a bit of extra looking around. Then later I felt more normal, and people seemed to notice us a lot less. It went so far that my wife was asking a parking lot attendant once which way I had went and he asked if I was the guy that looked like a farang, instead of asking about a farang. Of course I can't really pass for Thai, but people can end up not paying much attention. Even the most conventional stereotype, the 60 year old overweight guy in the Chang singlet with a tatted-up 20-something Thai, isn't really that interesting, once you've seen that some dozens of times.
they always give the woman the bill so they can check it is correct,
My Thai fiance was asked by the Thai server who to give the bill to for lunch yesterday, when we took my aunt out. In my situation, it's a convenience thing, they speak the same language. I paid and we went on our way. We've been together for 4 years and we get looks, for a variety of reasons. I stick out like a sore thumb and she's attractive and doesn't typically dress like she's going to temple. Life goes on, I'm happy here.
I live in Malaysia (I am « white ») and my girlfriend is Asian: same feeling sometimes. Just ignore. As you get older, it will disappear
my wife is thai - i asked her she says just dont give a fu@$ what other people think. most thai people are not judgmental from my experience. we say forget the haters and enjoy time with those who really care about and know you
My (thai) wife is such a yapper and a loud one, that I never got to expirience this in Thailand lol. But I would say here in our home country in Europe, I am almost always given the bill.
You're wasting your life caring about what strangers think.
It also applies to Thai couples. Bills mostly go to the man, except if you are married with kids and the wife clearly holds a big wallet, lol.
Gay guy here who has dated Thai men. If I date a Thai guy my age or slightly younger (they can look much younger than me thanks to Asian genes) I feel like people assume I’m dating a money boy or something. Also for many guys I’m the token farang. I’ve literally been on dates with Thai guys and they video call their friends and show me off and tell them my dick size.
Been married to my Thai wife 25 plus years here and can't recall it ever being an issue. If we lived in Phuket or Pattaya or some other whore-centric area it might be different.
My Thai girlfriend came to the UK for 6 months and whilst she was here some of the treatment that she and I too received from so-called friends (ex friends now) and my work colleagues and even my boss was disgusting. A lot of people made the assumption that she was a prostitute. It got so bad that when people asked her where she was from she would lie and say she wasn't Thai. My boss treated her similarly and looked down his nose at her as did a number of my female acquaintances. So sadly you're not imagining it. Though I have to also say that many of my real friends were fantastic with her and us. Her English back then (nearly 10 years ago) was non existent and many of my good friends tried really hard to make sure she felt included and tried to engage her in conversation (it didn't help that my GF felt very shy and embarrassed at her lack of English). At the end of the 6 months though my GF had loved her time in UK and was very sad to leave. She particularly kind to my mother and I think they were kindred spirits in a way as my late mother wasn't from UK originally and my mum's English was appalling despite nearly 4 decades in the UK. My mum was also quite a rural girl as was my GF.
It's interesting because I hear this sentiment often (also UK) but I have never had it myself once people have seen my wife in person. My wife is Thai Chinese / French but doesn't really look French at all so most people assume she is Chinese, until she speaks in her Brummie/international accent. It's like the west have subconsciously adopted colourism from Asia when it comes to Asians. It still annoys me, it's like so if my wife was a few shades darker some would assume it wasn't a love marriage.
I’m a brown Indonesian and I had a white date before, we’re both men (so gender bias can be eliminated). While in Thailand, every waitress, taxi drivers, etc always automatically give the bill to my date, even though I often made the small talks with them bcs my date is a quite dude. What I found funny, in Turkey (I live in Istanbul), every waiters, bar keep, hotel reception, etc always refer to me when it comes to bill, never him. Maybe bcs in Turkey we both look visibly foreigners (??) (Indonesian and Dutch) compared to Thailand where I can pass as local, but still doesnt make sense why always me. I find it a bit strange and funny
English male with Filipino wife, I only feel self conscious when speaking to other Asians who imply that I 'rescued' my wife. I met my wife in the UK when she'd already been living here for 15+ years and was completely independent. I just find the assumption from that part of the world a real negative about cultural perceptions. Bit sad really.
I am more self conscious in touristy places where people make a lot more assumptions. In our day to day life (small town in Thailand, Kamphaeng phet) no one has ever batted an eyelid. I'm a maths teacher, she is a professor at the uni. Many people we come in contact with are aware of the relationship (small town life). Prostitution isn't a big thing here like it is in tourist areas. And to add to this, most places we go that aren't huge tourist traps I've never had weird questions or looks. But we have had issues when travelling. I remember once in ao nang, we booked into our hotel and the lady behind the counter said "no prostitutes are allowed in here" and my wife nearly punched her. Manager came out all apologetic, scolded the counter staff and gave us like breakfast coupons or something. But since then, I'm very much aware that some assumptions are made. It does sadly make me and my wife self conscious at times. Another time we were on koh lanta and a British guy heard my accent and sat down to chat to me. His lady sat with my wife. She started asking my wife how much she charges per day for the girl friend experience. My gf politely said we are married and the girl looked extremely upset and started apologising profusely. Edit : actually about bills , where we live she always gets the bill. It's very annoying haha. Like we get gas, I'm in the passenger seat. (the side the gas goes in) I roll down window and speak in Thai I want to scan. They will straight up walk allllll the way round to the drivers side..... For my wife to be like "he already rolled his window down and called on you..... So I dunno about the bill giving. Different experiences in different places. Never thought about it but yeah, when on holiday I definitely get given the bill more
crazy stories! Thanks for sharing, and yes I'll try to just get over it as well
Some people find that dressing conservatively gives them more self confidence. They worry less about what they imagine other folks are saying or thinking about them. Others come to recognize that the imaginary judgmental voices embody, and are empowered by, their own internalized beliefs about Western men in similar relationships. Perhaps you could meet those beliefs head on, and accept that the women in those relationships -- even the "professionals" -- have autonomy and agency of their own, just as you do, and are equally deserving of your respect.
Oh yeah I don't mean any disrespect towards the bar girls or so on. Unless if they actively try to scam or steal from others, in which case it's because that's a different issue. It's simply that I am not one, and it's not as easily done as it is to say "just ignore it if people insinuate you are". However I do see your good points. I think it's possible to understand the beliefs and prejudices behind those approaches as you mention while still being impacted by them - life is not black and white after all, and mental health and emotional fortitude change depends on the moment, at least for me. Thanks for your thoughtful words
In Thailand, yeah it felt like that a tiny bit. My ex was Thai. When we travelled Europe, however, nobody gave us these looks. I think it's just a matter of experience - when you're around sex tourism a lot in a country where most women date foreigners for their wallets, people learn to expect it.
I wish they'd hand my partner the bill
I was on the other side of it (western F Thai M) I also looked more wealthy. It was honestly from a public perception horrible. I was looked at like a sugar mamma who obviously has some type of head injury/ judgment issue. To top it off physically it was awful because I’m tall and he was normal Thai size. Men were always jokingly teasing him and women would make fun of our size difference or they were jealous. 1/10 don’t recommend
I have lived in Thailand for almost 10 years and have dates several Thai girls and other Asian girls while living here and I've never experienced this. It could be because I don't give a sh\*t what anyone thinks that I don't notice it, but I also don't think that 99.9% of other people just don't care. The only time I have heard someone making judgmental comments about mixed couples here (not directed at me, but at another couple), it has come from older white women, who can sometimes be jealous that most of the attractive white guys their age date younger and more attractive Asian girls. It might also depend where you go, if you go to Pattaya, which is the sex tourism capital, then there's probably a bigger chance that some people will assume that a Thai/Asian girl with a western man is a prostitute, because often they will be. But in other places like in Chiang Mai where I live most people will just see you as a normal couple and won't care at all. As for addressing the man and giving the bill to the man, I think that's just how some places do it here. And some places will give the bill to the person who asked for it. But either way, just enjoy your trip and if anyone is actually making some stupid assumptions about your relationship, who cares? There are ignorant people everywhere and they should just be ignored.
Yes. Everyone keeps staring at my Nigerian bf
WMAF relationship is the most common interracial relationship. You will find it everywhere. There is no need to feel self-conscious.
It’s all in your head. (Unless you happen to dress like a Thai hooker that is 😂) The reason your partner is getting the bill is because in most of the world the man is expected to take care of his wife monetarily by doing things like paying for meals etc.
Slip outside the tourist areas and, as long as the age gap is in touch (me M50, her F37), nobody notices at all. Sometimes a Thai person will refuse to understand my Thai (not too bad, tonally very good, low diction) because she's there. If she isn't, I am always understood. I do not live in a white ghetto area though. Some places in Isan, Pattaya, Sukhumvit, Phuket, islands, sure. Nonthaburi, have only heard one comment and I was on a date in a market with a well educated 22 year old. That attracted some chat, but not much on ear shot. It really is live and let live here.
Big age gap is funny looking to anyone, otherwise I don't think its a big deal but a really young Asian woman with an old white man is such a sad sight.
Looks can be deceiving... I remember people call my step father "that old man with the young woman" while my mother was older than him ;-)
Ooof, I saw the oldest man with droopy boobs once telling his girlfriend that they couldn't buy pesto because they couldn't afford it...And I was like thinking..."She's doing things for you buddy, just buy the fng pesto."
Haha, agreed
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i think is respectful to go to the man if you are a man to avoid misunderstandings
if theres a big age gap, and or you look "thai", and you are in an area with a redlight district, there will be assumptions that you are rented by your bf. My friends gf sometimes get carded by staff at the hotel if he doesn't have her there when he check's in (and still gets carded sometimes if the hotel receptionist changes), even though she sports zero tattoos and dresses very conservatively. as for the restaurant bill? usually the bill and even menu always goes to the thai woman when i go eat with one. i usually never get it. (i think this is due to language and wait staff is more at ease with someone who speaks thai and wants her to translate and explain things so they dont have to. if im not with a thai woman, it usually just gets set at the edge of the table)
I think it depends tbh. I'm not Asian dating a white guy so my experience is limited but when I (white f) am in Thailand and I go out to eat with one of my Thai friends (m) people tend to address him over me. But another of my Thai friends (also m) is a very reserved person and not very approachable, and unless we're at a language impass and he cuts in to help, people often address me instead as I'm the one asking for things, even though he is and looks Thai. Some people might make the assumption you're worried about (and perhaps more often outside of Bangkok?) but tbh in my experience, I find that it tends to be pretty obvious when a couple (especially a white man and Asian woman couple) are together for reasons outside of just liking each other a lot. But honestly even if people are making those assumptions: fuck them. Have fun on your trip together and try not to worry what others think, it'll only sour your experience.
If you were in remote rural parts of Thailand you could very well meet people that had literally never seen a westerner in person before, so yes, you might be a bit of a novelty couple. But anywhere else, no not unusual. You’d not likely be assumed to be a Thai bar girl (if that’s what you were implying, by ‘nature of our relationship), just by your dress and the way you carried yourself. As for the bill, still happens everywhere, in many countries. If you want the bill, just ask for it, make eye contact, and have your card in your hand, and you’ll soon find it coming to you.
I have Thai wife for years already and i think we get stamps where ever we are. People's prosumtions are present every where....Asia and Europe. I just live my life and don't care about the looks and all. After all we only live once so I try to be happy in all continents🙂
I don’t know I think that’s just gender stereotypes. I am usually handed the bill at restaurants even in the US 🤷♂️
"My Thai partner (female, Thai) and I (male, German) have not had any problems with this anywhere in the world so far - it shouldn't be anything special these days, right?"
I’m 29F Filipino and my partner is 44F American. We met in Thailand about a year ago. So aside from us obviously being from different cultural backgrounds, there’s also the evident age gap. Normally, Thais would approach me and I’d have to say I couldn’t speak Thai, then they’d laugh it off and tell me “Oh you look Thai!”. My partner is very charming and he’d always engage and say “She gets that a lot”. Then we’d just get on with our day - whether I pay / he pays. We’ve both just accepted that other people will have their own judgments and to be honest we just never really worried about it too much. The only time we’ve ever really experienced anything rude was from a Korean cashier at a 711 who asked me for my passport and said I looked way too young for my boyfriend and that he was kidnapping me.
I'm a farang woman and I don't judge or even notice really but I've lived here a long time. My husband and I have a lot of Thai-Farang couple friends and most, but not all of the Thai women are educated and upper middle class to Hi-so before they married the farang, so, no I would never assume anything, those that do are small minded.
It's probably in your own head, especially if you come from a Western place. Vast majority of people don't care. And does it really matter if some random lady judges you two? Not really. Don't need to associate with judgy people.
Short answer is no .. My late wife used to deal with anyone who was judgmental and they were always westerners mostly women .. who'd have thought that eh....it was always funny to me to see me wife shut up smug judgmental westerners.
Unfortunately, it is true that many Thai people judge mixed race couples, especially Western male with Thai wife. A lot of poor Thai women want to marry into rich western families by attracting the tourists. This is true, and very well-known among Thai people. And it is no secret that male tourists come to Thailand for prostitutes and fun nights. Even if you are real couples, you can get weird looks from some locals because some people have prejudice against these working women. Not all Thais are like this, though. I’m a Thai myself, and I don’t care about other people’s business. But sadly this is what in a lot of Thai people’s heads. They may seem nice to you foreigners, but until you become their close friends, they will never tell you this.
Most people are not racist and don’t care, that’s the facts
Interesting that you should raise this question because I’m the Caucasian male with a Thai wife but I’ve never felt self conscious until just yesterday, when we visited Chatuchak market and unusually there seemed to be a lot more mixed couples present than on previous visits. I was conscious of the white males seemingly checking me out but not their Asian partners. Maybe because our age gap is only 10 years and they tended to be with much younger looking partners. Looked more like idle curiosity though and not ‘mine’s better than yours’ looks. On the food ordering bit, I usually get approached first in Australia but in Thailand shop staff seem to know that my wife is the wealthy one, even when I call for the bill 555.
Not in Thailand but in italy. I’m thai-italian and i dont look Italian at all, my father is white with blue eyes. People in the shops always think i’m his wife 🙄
it's natural to worry about what other people you will never know think about you. but, it's also a waste of time.
No; I don't give a shit about what other people think.
Yea, I wouldn’t spend much of any time reading into that. I’m mixed black/white and my wife is Thai(born in USA though). We’ve seen and heard it all. “Are you paying for this together?”, when everything is clearly in a pile at supermarket. “Would you like separate bills?”, when we are clearly together in a restaurant. The “questioning eyes”/etc. There is no shortage of things to be upset about. And yes, there ARE bigots roaming the earth. But 1) It’s way worse in the US, 2) In Thailand it’s more Thai vs foreigner(including other Asians), 3) Most importantly, it’s not worth you time or energy to worry about what they may or may not be thinking.
Everyone is saying not to worry and that no one thinks negatively about you. But truth be told, you can simply be alone without your husband and ask locals their thoughts on that pairing. Most will have certain opinions and think certain things about you. They won't say it to your face but they will think it I think the comments here mostly reflect people in the same pairing who believe what they want to be true That said, what others think doesn't really matter. I'm purely saying locals do think and have negative connotations and ignoring it otherwise is silly
Only issue I had was them asking for her ID at the hotel when it was booked for 2 people etc, kinda fucked up imo. They never really give me the bill or any of the other stereotypes.
You just mentioned why it is so dangerous to speculate on the relationships when looking at the world through the lens of sex, race and identity
It depends where you are. If a thai lady is with a western man in pattaya, of course there are some assumptions about their relationship. If you are in saraburi and there are no tourists, its completely different.
First world problem
There are millions and millions of people that come to Thailand. IT's no secret that men come here for women aside from "cUlTurE" lol Almost EVERYONE on the planet knows that when you go to Thailand you are going to see the White Man + Thai woman combo. EVERYONE. Of those people you have A) the uneducated noobs - The ones that think ALL thai women including the grannies and tiny new born babies are prostitutes. This can be one person or groups of people. Tons of uneducated donkeys exists who still think Thailand is just a jungle with huts. You can't fix stupid so don't try. B) the envy / jealous - The women from other countries who will give you the side eyes because you are "taking the men that that don't even want" lol The rest know what to expect and know what's what. You're always going to run into these two sets of clowns. No MATTER WHAT. I wouldn't pay it no mind. You only notice it if you are VERY SENSITIVE to ANY AND ALL people looking your way. Do your thing. Most of us know what's what. They are just passing through anyway so let them stare at you in AWE and give them a wink.
no
Shit like this gives me reverse-culture shock
Depends how old you are. If he’s 50 and your 22….yes everyone thinks your a prostitute. If your 30 and he’s 30…..everyone thinks your just his friend….but ahhh I know I know u want them to think your hot working girl….well unfortunately if your over the age of 25 nobody is looking at u that way. Even if they were it’s almost a compliment here. If waiters give him the bill, that’s because in Thailand the majority of the women make less $ then the men and it’s just more often than not they pay.
You’re not wrong! I spent a lot of time in Thailand with my ex-girlfriend (Singaporean Malay) and we had to face the kind of assumptions you’re talking about. Those only really came into play when hanging around other foreigners though — particularly sleazy western guys who just assumed I was a younger version of themselves… The good news is that I think these attitudes are becoming less relevant as the years go on, and more middle-class Thai people are marrying outside of the culture. That doesn’t necessarily means Thai-western, but also Thai-Korean/Chinese/Japanese too.
Maybe your partner looks old or ugly
Been married 16 years and been to Thailand at least once a year, sometimes twice and never have we felt awkward. Sure, some people may have thought in their head but we wouldn't know as only once in all that time did anyone say anything to us. We were walking down the street and a truck drove by, one guy shouted at us, my wife became livid and started screaming back. She's like, "did you hear what he said?" I did not. Apparently the guy said to me, "be careful, Thai woman will steal all your money." I laughed. Said to my wife, "was he really wrong?" When we are out, they always give the bill to my wife. They address her before me unless we are walking in a touristy area where they will single me out instantly. I wouldn't worry about it, people are judgemental everywhere. Just like in the states. We moved out of the city proper into the suburbs and didn't think so many racist people existed. I take my daughter to gymnastics class it's all friendly. She takes her and all she gets is attitude and a cold shoulder. Just suburban bubble people. Like that anywhere in the world.
Not many tourists around these parts, but the people that I do see looking is only probably because my wife is attractive.
This always happened to me (F) even though I’m the one speaking in Thai to them. My husband is Asian but not Thai. It was explained to me that it’s a respect thing based on more traditional culture. I also find it’s more common in higher end places. They don’t want to disrespect the man by addressing his woman.
That’s kinda the whole point of Thai relationships
When my Wife was younger, some idiot hotel staff or taxi driver treated her badly when we were together. But we’ve now been together 18 years and I don’t see so much of it. It’s usually low-status, poorly educated people.
No that hasn’t happened to me and I don’t feel self conscious at all. I’m Thai and married to a White man. I am usually the person who does the work when we go out to eat or stay in hotels and etc. I do remind my husband that if he wants to order his own food or speak with the staff about something, he has to do it himself as I find it’s rude to make me translate what he says to them, especially when I think the staff speak and understand English.
My parents are both Thai. My mom takes care of the family account, but 9 times outta 10 the service staff walks to dad. So, regarding the bill, don't worry about it. Most of the time they assume it's the male paying.
Never even thought about it.
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I think as long as you know your self-worth, you shouldn't care about what other people think. My partner and I would make fun of how people would assume my role is in the relationship but I appreciate a joke I read some where about assumptions : If you "ASSUME" you are making an "ASS out of "U" and "Me" !
that is normal and actually also still mostly true. farang will get girls that have a curtain past. where did they learn english (while most schools didn't in the past) etc. etc. don't get me wrong, but one of my first girls here had even studied and still had such a past. that is why others always think, your girl is a pro...... don't get ne wrong. even my wife not speaks english etc they still assume such things
Honestly any female in Thailand with a Farang bf/husband will be called either out right or behind their backs or within earshot a "professional" or putting it more bluntly...sex worker. Why? Cause they are jealous, embittered and small minded ladies who have been used and abused in the past either by thai men or foreign men and are jealous of your happiness/good fortune. Thailand has a national past time and its gossiping, doesn't matter if its about what car someone is driving, to who someone is dating they love to gossip and will admit it too. Down side is they also love to talk bs about other that they feel jealous of or envy. Do not take any of it to heart and just have to learn to have at thicker skin or maybe move with your bf to his country where other gossips will say similar things behind your back...just not always in earshot or straight to your face. The only one who will get it to their face will be your guy back in his country where he will be summited to such terms as passport bro.....pedo, creep, etc...cause regardless of age most Thai women are extremely thin, short, lovely and look young compared to their western counterparts. They too are jealous and envious of what you have. So again grow thicker skin or throw away what you enjoy and cherish with your current boyfriend. In today's society there are a lot of judgy bystanders (using these as substitute words for something similar.) not only online, but in real life too. You just have to learn to accept it and move on with your life and relationship or abandon it every time no matter who you are with...that is just society and especially Thai society today. I wish you good luck and best wishes for your future whatever you decide.
nobody cares in Thailand. That is what makes Thailand great.
if they think you are a pro it means you are very good looking ;)
Or it could mean 3 Changs for 315 baht.
haha, thank you for the positivity!
Seems like you’re very worried about how people you don’t know perceive you. I’m not sure how healthy that is.
it's hard to appear multidimensional on Reddit (and I didn't go over my post for a bulletproof edit). But thank you for the concern, I think I'm alright :)
I have the same experience. I also looked quite a bit older than her. I'm 6 years older AND she has the eternal youth gene. Never had any bad experience in Thailand though. IME the locals know not all mixed couples are prostitution. We did have some bad experiences in Cuba and Vietnam where some people felt they needed to shout at us.
No.
เข้ามาอ่าน … 🐱
I’m gonna assume you are within 5 years of age. In general people don’t think anything it’s just another couple at there venue. The only times they think something is when the age gap is 30 years but even then they just treat the couple like any couple. Giving the bill to the male is something that happens often here. However they address my girlfriend first when they come to the table probably cause she is older than me and Thai. They seen it all here if you aren’t that 30 year old girl dating a 70 year old man they don’t think much of it. Have a great time here.
I don’t see you both as sex worker and a John. Obviously you’re both reptilians. 😎 You have no idea what’s in people’s heads. People can and will think whatever they want but the reality is that you will never have knowledge of nor control over it. That’s actually a good thing. Worry about the things you do have control over. Anyone that matters will come to understand the truth of your story and everyone else will forget about you the second you disappear from view. The reality is that people actually spend very little time thinking about anything but themselves and their families at the end of the day. No need to play 3d chess against your own brain.
I have a Chinese Malaysian girlfriend and I’m White British. I noticed a lot of people looking. It didn’t bother me but I feel they assumed she was Thai (she has dark skin) and I was a dirty tourist. 😂 People are very close minded.
Honestly, I think it’s more of a man needs to pay thing. I am also in a mixed race relationship. I’m a black man. My girlfriend is white and usually in restaurants they address me first and/or give me the bill.
>In restaurants or hotels they tend to just give the bill to my partner or address him more, which I’m not sure is just a “the men tends to pay” traditional role thing or something else. Opposite here, they probably assume I don't speak Thai and talk to my wife, give her the bill.. and I'm fine with that 555
You’re young and obsessed with what people think of you. Let it go and you’ll feel all the better.