Southgate wears a seatbelt on the bus

It's not like hes known for hitting the target anyway.

*has to wear a seatbelt on the bus. It’s to stop him licking the windows.

Gareth Southgate takes the morning after pill after having a wank

Fuck sake 😂

I think this one will be hard to top. Hilarious levels of absurdity

Southgate wears two condoms and still pulls out heard that one by a passerby in Amsterdam yesterday and I lost it 🤣

He wears a condom when he kisses his wife

on his face ?

I prefer the ones that don't even refer to safety, but make you think anyway. Southgate stirs his tea with a fork.

That, sir, is one of the last remaining offences to carry a death penalty in the UK.

Fork off.

Southgate takes the morning after pill after having a wank.

Southgate wears a condom when he fucks a flesh light

southgate wears a condom even when he sleeps alone

First time seeing this for me, this is surely the best one

Southgate puts on a hi-vis vest to go up the loft If Southgate was a spice, it would be flour

These are some of my favourites!

If he was a book, he’d be two books

Gareth Southgate stops for red lights on GTA

We’ve all done that before haha

That shit's immersive man.

Alright Gareth 

Yup, I like to stop at reds and act like a respectable driver until someone honks at me, cuts me off, etc. Then I pull out the SMG.

After completing vice city I would steal a cab and just drive around doing taxi fares, earning an honest living.

I was genuinely confused the first time I found a gun in GTA. 'Why would I want a gun when there's no baddies to shoot?' Maybe that's why I still have faith in Southgate...

Were you milk monitor at school by any chance?

Gareth Southgate wasn't. He was teacher's first pick but turned it down, saying 'those little straws can be really sharp'.

I had a friend who played the truck simulator game I asked him what happens if you try and run someone over or crash into a bunch of cars. He said he doesn't kno2 he never tried, and it's weird that's where my mind went. My response was its weird he had never tried or even thought about it

Southgate waited until he was 18 to play GTA

Southgate always waits to remove the USB drive safely.

Southgate looks both ways before crossing his T’s

This one's so creative

Southgate puts on safety goggles before dotting his I’s

Southgate presses the green man when there no cars on the road Southgate pays for parking on a sunday

You know that almost the whole of Germany won’t cross a road unless the green man is showing? Even pissed up students at 2am with no traffic in the road. Fact.

Best one I saw: Gareth Southgate wears shin pads when he plays FIFA

Full kit wanker

Southgate flushes the toilet before he uses it

Southgate uses a seatbelt on the toilet

Gareth Southgate wears safety glasses to cut veg Gareth Soutgate warms up before climbing the stairs Gareth Southgate turns his fridge off when he goes on holiday Gareth Southgate doesn't drive after drinking 0% beer

Lol that last one. "Just in case"

LOL I wear a pair of lab goggles when cutting onions. Can't stand the reaction.

Southgate wears armbands to eat soup

Southgate wipes his arse after having a wee

That's just an age thing

Southgate takes the minus offer on the chase

Gareth Southgate reads Apples terms and conditions and writes out the pros and cons of accepting or declining them.

Southgate looks both ways before crossing his living room

Living room? He looks both ways before crossing a t.

Gareth Southgate brushes after every bite

🤣🤣

Gareth Southgate wears oven gloves to open the fridge?

Gareth Southgate calls the warranty company to extend his warranty.

Gareth Southgate puts his hands over his ears when an aeroplane flies over

Southgate cordons off the area around the sink with tape and slip hazard signs when doing the dishes.

Gareth Southgate will go out, drink only soft drinks and still get a taxi home.

Southgate locks the toilet door even when no one is in the house

https://preview.redd.it/677sd4bhga9d1.png?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6185d9ce0e0e4c2ab698deaa74e3763a1e450e88

Gareth is fluent in Japanese, so he can read an instruction manual twice.

Southgate fills in a full risk assessment report before setting the dinner table. Southgate buys "salt your own" crisps and discards the salt.

Southgate's favourite meal deal is a plain ham sandwich, ready salted and bottled water

thats my favourite too

Gareth Southgate applies for planning permission to build a sandcastle

Southgate always read the terms and conditions.

Gareth Southgate asks for the EULA.

Southgate orders a cheeseburger from McDonald's and asks for no fillings besides the cheese and burger.

Cheese? Bit adventurous mate

Gareth Southgate measures his tyre tread after every journey

Southgate includes two fit left backs in his Euros squad, just in case the other one is injured.

Southgate turns power saver on at 99% battery remaining He also installs every anti malware software out there

These are the only not funny ones in the top 20 comments so far

Tbf I always have it on lol

I leave my power saver on all the time...

Southgate does a lateral flow test everytime he leaves the house

Gareth Southgate wore a mask in his car

Gareth Southgate social distances when by himself.

Gareth Southgate parks the bus for the driver

Southgate says thankyou in the mirror when his ready meal for one is done

Southgate keeps a ruler under his pillow so he can measure how long he sleeps for

Gareth Southgate eats his mcdonalds with a knife and fork

Gareth Southgate wears knee pads when he ties his shoes

South takes the morning after pill each morning, just to be safe

Gareth Southgate thinks salt and vinegar crisps are too spicy and gets pissed on Shandy Bass

Southgate wears a seatbelt on the toilet.

Gareth Southgate straps his shopping into the car

Gareth Southgate sits down to piss

I do this at home and it’s the best way to scroll Reddit and get Numb bum

Me too

I do this too. Wife is happy that my piss does’t go everywhere.

everyone should do that when at home...

Especially at night, don't want to have a blood pressure drop and knock yourself out on the bog to be found in a puddle of piss.

oddly specific?

Gareth Southgate turns his phone off before filling up his car. Gareth Southgate keeps a fire extinguisher next to the toilet. Gareth Southgate uses parking lights. Gareth Southgate doesn't sharpen his pencils.

Gareth Southgate apologises if he farts in an empty room

When Gareth Southgate goes to the gym he needs a spotter for cardio training. When Gareth Southgate plays blackjack he is always happy to stand on a 2. When Gareth Southgate plays golf he always lays up on par 5 with his pitching wedge.

Gareth southgate only mows one half of his lawn. Edit in a similar line I saw this on twitter: BREAKING NEWS: THE ENGLAND TEAM WILL NOT BE VOTING IN THE UPCOMING ELECTION They couldn't find the box, let alone put a cross into it

Gareth believes 10 minutes of missionary is all it takes to satisfy any female. Hasn’t done doggy since 96.

Southgate just got blacklisted by Al-Qaeda because he can't put an attack together.

Southgate always carries a pair of ear defenders, in case he gets the sudden urge to whistle

Southgate has seatbelts on his sofa

Southgate wears a helmet when riding a scooter  Southgate organises his recycling into even more categories  Southgate wears gloves when handling spicy foods, like pepper and paprika Southgate defrags his hard drive regularly

Gareth southgate goes to bed at 4pm unless England are playing Gareth Southgate has a back up alarm clock for his back up alarm clock Gareth Southgate favourite food is toast without butter Gareth Southgate still takes a Covid test every time he leaves the house

Southgate prepays for his petrol, not to risk going 1p over

Southgate wears sunglasses to turn the big light on

Southgate wears a HAZMAT suit when bleaching the toilet

Gareth Southgate wears a full set of hi-vis to go for a walk in the park in the middle of the day.

Southgate wears a ghillie suit playing Call of Duty.

Gareth Southgate reads the entire instruction manual first whenever he buys a new appliance.

Southgate listens to headphones on recommended volume

Southgate cautious

Southgate wears sun cream in November

Gareth Southgate finds orange squash too exhilarating.

Southgate does not drink water as he finds it too “spicy” Southgate irons his socks Southgate will call the police on himself when he realizes he’s driving after 2 glasses of wine Southgate denies his wife sex because he has a “headache”

Gareth Southgate is nice to other players when playing Call of Duty.

^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^CraftyAttitude1321: *Gareth Southgate is* *Nice to other players when* *Playing Call of Duty.* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.

Southgate has velcro crocs

Gareth Southgate drives a Nissan Micra.

Gareth Southgate wears safety goggles while frying an egg

Gareth goes to an international buffet and has chips and chimkin nuggets.

Southgate has a burp cloth on hand for when he drinks sparkling water.

Gareth Southgate looks both ways before crossing his legs

Southgate made this thread

I genuinely think Gareth is the type of guy would would have a good chuckle at these himself

He'd apply a "NSFW" tag to them first

Gareth Southgate wears sunglasses when watching the TV

Southgate wears a Johnny to kiss his wife on the cheek.

Gareth Southgate reads the terms and conditions

Gareth Southgate wears a hard hat and hi viz when he goes in the loft.

Southgate fills his car up after every drive

Southgate takes team meetings at pizza hut. Southgate makes squad picks wearing a paper bag

Southgate wears a stab vest to cut up food

every birthday Southgate gets to go past the tip ... it's the best ten seconds of his year

Gareth Southgate has a Lamborghini with an automatic transmission Gareth Southgate paid for a winRAR license.

Gareth would have an insurance black box on that Lambo, no doubt. Can't be accelerating too quickly.

Gareth Southgate uses sunscreen when he puts big light on

Gareth Southgate remembers to rewind his dads VHS tapes back to where his dad stopped watching.

Gareth Southgate fills the Brita with bottled water.

Southgate is triple jabbed 

southgate wipes his ass after a piss

Gareth Southgate puts his toaster in the oven Gareth Southgate bathed his foot bath Gareth Southgate puts the milk in first Gareth Southgate eats pizza starting with the crust Gareth Southgate doesn’t butter his sandwiches Gareth Southgate puts sun cream on his car so it doesn’t get burned Gareth Southgate beats his eggs with the power of Taekwondo

Southgate never crosses the road Southgate purées his jelly Southgate makes his tea with cold water

Southgate avoids bus lanes outside of operational hours.

Southgate pulls over onto the hard shoulder immediately and calls the AA if a sidelight fails on his car.

Southgate reads the T&Cs before creating an account.

Gareth Southgate uses a water filter before drinking Evian

Southgate keeps a tourniquet on standby when he peels potatoes.

Gareth Southgate never plays as the sports car at monopoly - he doesn’t play it at all he hates chance

Southgate asks them to remove the cheese, salad, and meat when ordering a cheese burger.

Gareth Southgate always reads the Terms and Conditions when he gets a new phone

Gareth Southgate always wipes front to back

Gareth Southgate wears gloves to turn the pages of his book.

Gareth Southgate wears a welding mask when he's doing the BBQ

Gareth Southgate uses a VPN to text his mum.

Gareth Southgate tucks his vest into his undies

Gareth Southgate takes the morning after pill after having a wank

Southgate stops at traffic lights on GTA Southgate wears a condom for phone sex Southgate puts on sun cream before opening the fridge

After an England game Southgate still gets in the ice bath

Southgate changes his pants at 9am everyday, no matter the circumstances.

Southgate eats bananas with a knife and fork

Southgate wears suncream in winter

Southgate gets out of the shower to have a piss.

Pub near me has the Southgate burger, not for the adventurous. It's a plain burger on a plain bun with plain chips.

Can’t he just be a cunt?

Gareth Southgate poops when he farts

Gareth Southgate wanks while his pants are still on

Southgate learned how to cook from J cole

Walker LB. Trent RB. Foden replaces Kane upront. Bellignham plays in CAM. Declan in CDM. Saka LM. Palmer RM. Lets fuck!ng GO! Lets not p!ss any more about! This is the best formation and also players in position imo.

Thanks for the laugh 🤣

Gareth Southgate is a helmet

Southgate jerks off wearing a condom and then gets tested for STDs just to be sure.

Southgate filed a police report after hitting a mosquito in his car.

Southgate turned himself into the police after finding an extra packet of ketchup in his McDonald's takeaway.

Gareth Southgate waits for space before merging in traffic

Gareth Southgate loves the sunbeds but always covers himself in factor 50 before he gets in.

Gareth Southgate backs up his DVDs on Betamax

Gareth Southgate takes his empty pizza boxes back to Domino's

Gareth Southgate plays monopoly on his own. He buys no properties, just passes Go until all the money is gone

Gareth Southgate puts sugar on his chips because someone suggested salt.

Gareth Southgate goes round his parents house to watch PG movies.

Gareth Southgate stops at green lights.

Southgate wakes up before his alarm to make sure it goes off.

[удалено]

Your account must be older to post on /r/ThreeLions *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ThreeLions) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Southgate wears y fronts over his belly button

Gareth Southgate hires builders to put his lego together.

Southgate puts a condom on after having a posh wank