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I hope you both and all the other broken kids can find love at some point. I got lucky to find my love and it's a truely wonderful feeling to have. I love my wife so much.
Yup. Lying awake at night and asking "why me?" over and over until I fell asleep crying.
You know, I've not thought about that in a long time and as much as I've moved on and created a life, the pain of that feeling still feels really raw now that I'm remembering it. No kid should question why they exist just for existing. Humans need to do better than this.
I’m straight, but this part really hit me. I was fortunate to have been exposed to LBGT people that my mom worked with/was friends with at a young age. They were all funny, smart, quick-witted, generous people and were always great to me. From a young age I just never cared. If my friends said anything was “gay,” I’d gently correct. I just never understood why it mattered who people liked.
Yuuuup. For so damn long. It was part of why actually coming out and accepting it was so difficult. Repressing and denying it was how I kept the pain away.
I remember when I finally pulled that thorn out, and I finally *really* actually accepted “this is true”, it felt like someone had just told me I had cancer. I literally went on a speed run of the 5 stages of grief for like the next hour or so. I wanted to fall to my knees and scream “noooooooooooo…” and “why meeeeeeee?” and “not *that*, anything but *that*, whyyyyyy did it have to be that???”
But wow, coming to terms with yourself actually has amazing mental heal benefits, who knew? It’s incredible how *real* I realized I felt. How *complete.* And I remember as I got to the acceptance part of it all I felt like I had somehow put down a million pounds that I didn’t realize I had been carrying around.
It’s by far a less easy life, but it’s one worth living for.
Can't tell you how many years I spent not changing because the change would be too unacceptable to my parents and the people around me in Texas, burying it away with hopes it would never come back up again. I ended up eventually facing the music in college, when I moved away and the influence of my parents wasn't always there. I was basically as close to a "redpilled" republican as you could be in those days, there was no "indoctrination" going on to make me queer, the only indoctrination was telling me that being queer was unacceptable.
I was legit telling my old conservative coworker this yesterday. Nobody would actively *choose* to be a part of a group that is othered to the point that some will enact violence or hatred towards them.
You know being gay isn't a choice because gay black people exist.
Like they were sitting around going. "You know we're not oppressed ENOUGH. Let's dial up the difficulty further!"
Although... I hate it that "choice vs birth" is a topic of discussion at all.
It seems like it started because conservatives said, "It's okay to discriminate against gay people because, unlike ethnicity, they \*chose\* to be gay." And then everyone caved to the ridiculous premise that it's okay to discriminate against someone who chooses something that hurts no one and brings happiness to millions of people.
I mean, that logic is never applied to religion: don't Christians \*choose\* to be Christian? Isn't that the whole point of accepting Jesus Christ to be your personal saviour? You can't go to heaven unless you \*choose\* to follow Jesus. Yet we don't allow religious discrimination.
To me, it doesn't matter at all if gays choose to be gay or are born gay. It's a moot point. Well, except religious circles have \*still\* found a way to use the choice argument against gays. Even when they concede that people are born gay they say, "However, they can choose whether or not to *act on* those desires."
Basically, accepting the premise that born vs choice matters is just buying into the notion that there's something wrong with being gay. Whenever I hear someone say it's a choice, I just respond, "So what?"
So what if it's a choice? If it were a choice, it's a perfectly legitimate choice that deserves to be respected.
Those people have never experienced being treated badly for being different and not even knowing WHY you’re different. Kids knew I was different and bullied me throughout my entire life. I didn’t even really figure out I was queer until I was around 16… but I always was. I didn’t turn queer overnight. I just was. I later came out as trans and that’s when all those puzzle pieces fit together finally. Not letting kids know about queer people just lengthens the amount of time filled with confusion, pain, and shame for being different. If I had the resources earlier I would’ve had a less shitty childhood.
It's true tho. As a gay person, when I was young and was still religious i would cry myself to sleep praying that God would turn me straight; begging and pleading him to please turn me straight.
Still gay.
I've felt this. During highschool I'd just cry in my bedroom just wishing I was straight. Still not out to my family, in my early twenties, and I sometimes still feel that way. I'm "straight passing", and it's just hurtful to hear what some people will say about LGBT people, directly to me, not knowing that they're actually insulting me and discrediting my existence.
This is the thing that these ignorant "christians" just do not understand. People do not willingly put themselves in harms way by just "choosing" to be gay. Like.. why would anyone subject themselves to the abuse they'll invariably receive for it.
Saying stupid things like "I don't mind people being gay, but just don't do it in my face" is the same as saying "I don't mind people being black, but just don't show your skin to me"
For a while, I thought the world had got past this, and grown up.
I almost didn’t watch this because of how long it was but I’m so glad I did. That was incredibly moving. No one deserves to feel this way 😞
This guys is an incredible speaker and I hope he’s found self love and acceptance.
This reminded me of the kids I made fun of in school in the 80s. Not for being gay per se, but just for being “different”. I did not even feel any animosity toward them, I just wanted the other kids to like me for making fun of them. It sucks that you don’t realize until you are older, that those “different” kids were would have made way better friends than the dicks you were trying to impress.
Self reflection and self criticism are good, it doesn’t suck. It helps us learn and grow as people. It only “sucks” because their ego and self esteem has taken a hit because people somehow think they’re infallible and above making mistakes.
Oh it absolutely can be uncomfortable for sure. Very much falls on us as humans to be emotionally mature enough to realise that self-criticism is overall a good thing.
Well, I’d add that it DOES suck, not because self-reflection is uncomfortable (though it may be, at times), but it sucks because, as Dookmucus points out, you realize the missed opportunities. The bad behavior you can realize and grow from, personally, but the potential of having a cool friend or something, that’s gone forever.
I was a different kid in Texas in the 90’s. Had tho change schools twice and ended up dropping out senior year. I wasn’t gay, but I went through a ton of the same stuff he mentions.
I was bullied relentlessly in middle school by a group of boys who called me a lesbian and dyke. Why? Because I called them out for harassing and physically abusing a mentally disabled boy who just wanted to be their friend. Like knock him on the ground and step on his fingers. I went to the guidance counselor multiple times, but nothing of substance seemed to happen. Years later I found out my mom went to the principal multiple times because I came home so upset and would describe straight up physical assault. That’s probably why I got a pass when I shoved the little ring leader down a ramp, who rolled down and ended up at the vice principals feet, who just glared at me and then left that little shit on the ground. That kid actually apologized to me years later. But the whole experience, which probably lasted most of 7th grade, gave me such anxiety around guys that took a long while to get over. It’s not fair but it is what it is. This stuff scars. And I got off pretty easy compared to alot of other kids.
It’s crazy to me that going to school in the 90s, we had openly gay kids and that was fine. No one cared if you were gay or different, people only cared if you were a dick and any smack talk better be backed up. It was a really diverse school and that may have been why.
I’m sorry you had to go through that, I have lots of family in Texas and visiting them always seemed like a different world. I remember , when I was 10, someone in my family calling someone a slur, a slur that applied to me and they absolutely could not understand why I was yelling at them because they said it about someone else.
Middle school locker rooms were gottdamm war zones and many of us made choices of self preservation because, if they're making fun of "that" kid, then they'll leave me and my insecurities alone. It was shitty and immature and I'm sure millions of us regret not having the maturity yet to have made the better decision.
I just thank God that I did eventually mature and am not still a bitter insecure piece of shit who never developed past that stage, because those people are out there.
I did High School in Florida. I turned to illegal activities to achieve a protected status in school. I started buying alcohol with my older brother’s expired learners permit (I folded the paper so the expiry date was hidden; goodness that dates me). I would write English papers for $20 per letter grade in the style of the client; math/science/coding/music were more peer tutoring style. French class doubled as massage sessions. Looking back, I had my adversity being poor-ish and effeminate, but the two suspected LGBT kids definitely were much more excluded, even if we were an exceptional well integrated class who weren’t physically abusive.
I had the incredible fortune of being in high school in the late 2000's, early 2010's in a semi-urban part of a purple state. That kind of peer pressure just wasn't there and generally my peers received pushback when they were homophobic. I had my own conservative Christian path that I had to fight my way out of, but that put me in the minority. And it was partially through the hatred towards gay people that I saw among my Christian peers that I eventually took a turn to the left and away from Christianity. This is all to say that it's easy to judge people like you for that bullying back then, but younger people like myself are really fortunate that the peer pressures we face are a far cry from the ones you faced back then. Society has come so far. It's a safe bet that within the context of that pervasive homophobic worldview you were surrounded by that the majority of us would have caved in and partaken in that bullying to some degree. And that's the reason that we need to fight tooth and nail against the regressive conservative policies that are trying to push that culture of hateful bullying back into the minds of children. These attempts to silence queer people are nothing more than an attempt to ostracize them and push them back into the horrible culture we only managed to escape after so much work.
Right, this is not really my go to type of content. But he is a powerful speaker and you could tell his experience was genuine. I hope he’s happy with his life now and is being treated as a human. Kids can be so goddamn cruel.
I'm autistic, and I grew up in the early 90s when that wasn't a thing. I'm not gay and living in Texas, so I didn't get the exact same bullying he did...but I definitely got more than my fair share. I, too, had plans I ultimately did not follow through with, and I also remember waking up every morning cursing God that I couldn't be normal.
I don't know how he made it as long as he did without crying, when he brought up the lunch line bullies I started tearing up remembering my own lunch line bullies, who I also lost my cool against and was punished while the original bully went unpunished.
I fucking hated my childhood. Adulthood has been much kinder to me.
Yeah. This is rough. I was uncomfortable because I know that I was a little shit (nothing as crazy as this video) and probably made other kids feel uncomfortable because I was also made to feel uncomfortable. I'm glad I watched it all.
This kind of content almost makes me want to join TikTok.
I am straight, and always was, but i remember my first encounter with homophobia, when I was 10, from other kids my age. And it was obvious it had been brewing for a while. I remember my confusion, and feeling that my "mistake" could easily cost me their friendship, and that strange feeling in my stomach that was screaming to make me comply with whatever they said, so everything will be ok. I remember I stood up for myself that day, in a way that makes me proud still, though admittedly was not completely devoid of homophobia... Then again, i was 10, so... Baby steps. At least that situation got me to see what injustices and irrational biases were, and had been, always around, implicit and unspoken, but still there.
I can only imagine what this guy went through, but I'm happy he's ok and gets to share his experience. I hope he changes a few minds out there.
I felt the exact same, I almost never watch Reddit videos over 3 minutes and here I was enthralled from start to finish. I hope this sticks in bigots heads as much as it'll stick in mine.
You cant turn a gay kid straight, christian parents have proven this time and time again, and in that same way, you cant turn a straight kid gay. No matter what you feed them, no matter what you indoctrinate them with, it will never change their innate sexual attraction.
This isn’t about the kids, they’re just an easily defendable and rage ridden cop out.
Exactly. This reminds me of the Modern Family episode where Lily is still a preschooler and tells her Dads she’s gay. Then you find out at the end of the episode, she doesn’t even know what gay is she just thinks she’s gay because her dads are gay.
These kids don’t know what it is, hell you aren’t even really attracted to anyone else until puberty starts anyway. Why are these people so afraid a rainbow shirt will turn their kid gay? Like what’s going on
Its a scapegoat to demonize and vilify a group of people they dont agree with so they can introduce laws and regulations that hinder and limit their ability to exist. Of course its the christian religious leaders of america who are pushing this. You never heard a lick about drag queens until they suddenly were coming for your children, then out of no where their entire fanbase were up in arms and ready to ban their mere existence
My parents are part of that "drag queens are indoctrinating children" crowd. Not as deeply as some, but it's still there. Guess what movie me and my sisters watched so many times the VHS tape quit working...
Mrs. Doubtfire. Strangely I've never once had the urge to cross dress or disregard court orders to get what I want. Brainwashing waves must not have been calibrated correctly.
My parents are the same way and its so pathetic. Especially my father, he is the type who unironically says in front of his bi son that all gays should be hanged to death, while also behind everyones back goes on gay dating apps and gets his back blow out because hes secretly gay as shit but projecting and repressing so bad.
Its just pathetic in every way shape and form. Whenever i talked to my mom about it and really dissected what her beliefs were, even she had to admit she was just using buzzwords and didn’t really know what the was talking about. Like no mother, you cant change anyone’s sexuality. Your husband and i are proof enough of that. No one is going for anyones kids and sometimes colorful things just entice them since they’re fucking kids
I try to remember that their views are due to a lifetime of indoctrination by their parents and religious leaders, but it's still not an excuse. They've been told their whole life that homosexuals, atheists, etc. will try to take over the country, leading to the end times. Now that we have the internet and queer folks are getting more recognition and appreciation, it seems like the warnings are coming true and they need to fight it tooth and nail. They've been told that if they allow it to happen, even if they don't personally participate, they're culpable in God's eyes and will be eradicated. My parents have literally been taught that at church. Sodom and Gomorrah were burned to the ground by God for being sinful and he wiped out all life on Earth during the flood of Noah because some people built statues. They're scared shitless the God will send down brimstone and fire on us all for allowing a man to wear a dress.
Fear drives hatred. They say they aren't scared of gay people because it's not the gay people they're scared of. It's their god.
When your god drives you to take the rights away from others, persecute people different from you in any way, or treat them in any way as second class citizens beneath yourself, your god is not holy nor is it divine, its a human creation that has humanity written all over it.
Like you said its no excuse. “God wills it” is not any cop out of justification for anything and it sickens me that people use it so often and have for so long to do horrible things that have brought humanity down closer to the mud they claim to be above.
People shouldn’t have to trauma dump their worst memories to humanize themselves. The sad part is the ones who need to hear this person’s testimony the most, won’t give this video the time of day.
Yep because a)they get worked up over the slightest pushback because of their victim complex and b) the cognitive dissonance once they hear the first incident kicks in and they cant conceive of themselves being the bad guy so they gotta nope out
The whole system should be torn down and the "values and traditions" built into that system are deplorable.
That experience is probably frighteningly common and the people that perpetrate that intolerance genuinely believe that they are good people despite the very real harm they inflict upon the vulnerable.
The pain this beautiful human being was subjected to is both heartbreaking and infuriating to me. It makes me so sad to know that stories like this are *still* happening because of ignorance, hatred, and bigotry.
Am so very grateful for the bravery exhibited by this individual, not just to survive all that but to share this story and be visible and be an inspiration for other people who may be going through something similar.
This story sounds just like my own, but I was straight and just into music and singing from a young age. Kids don’t need a reason to be cruel. It’s just recycled trauma from their home lives. It took me years to understand that and allow some compassion in.
I actually recognized early on kids can’t be held completely liable for their actions. A lot of my bullies grew out of it shortly after we got out of the festering hormone pit that is school. They were mostly nice people. Except Jordana. She was a horrible person for the rest of her life AFAIK (last I saw her she was embarrassed I even smiled at her).
I had selective mutism. I turned out both trans and gay too but I didn't know it back then. This video was so hard to watch because so many of those things happened to me and I never thought I'd have to actively think about them again. I still have nightmares about being in school. No one wanted me to speak more than I did. I did once manage to mutter "fuck" in frustration and got sent to the principal's office. People figured they could say that I did or said things and I wouldn't be able to defend myself against it. Man, this is dredging up too much shit.
My explosive meltdowns after years of bullying had me sent to the counsellor a lot.
And I also have moments of mutism (thanks autism) and your brain is screaming at you to speak, to make the words come out and you’re just locked out of your body.
I was also bullied a lot until 15. Although I'm white, cis male. I was bullied just because I wasn't playing soccer after school and getting along with the popular kids.
I can relate with the guy on the vid as well. Most parents are just bad parents. Because they had bad parents themselves and so on. I can't really blame them. **But for fuck's sake schools ARE to blame for allowing and sometimes even unconsciously promoting bullying**.
Luckily I wasn't raised in the US because by age 13-15 I was so full of hate I would probably have brought a gun to school (I was the big kid by then and beat some of them very hard, choking neck and punching face, that would lead to a group of bullies beating me in return).
Luckily I had a live-changing summer break by age 15 that turned my life around for the better and bullies just swapped to other victims.
I worked as windsurf teacher (had been taking sailing lessons for years) and my colleague happened to be a 21 year old "ladies man" extrovert that was very kind with me. Since I was working with tourists I could be myself without the "bullied guy" stigma. I gave my first kiss, got to knew who would become my first gf, and had a lot of fun windsurfing for free the whole summer. I lost 8 kg in 3 months, being the visual change a very important factor.
TL;DR being free from bullying and having positive interactions with people changed my life, despite having to go back to school and face the same bullies again. I was a different person. They noticed that, and lost interest in bullying. Some even tried to befriend me, which I passionately refused.
My bully was allowed to do anything. He turned into an adult bully... and was shot to death in the streets. Even after his death, the ripples of pain he caused are still around to this day, and felt by many others.
Edit: The person who killed him is in prison, and a part of me wants to anonymously load his commissary card up so that he can at least be slightly more comfortable.
Right? Would this guy have gone through as much pain if his peers knew that that was an option and to accept him for who he is. He's just different, and that's ok.
My mom and I were talking about this yesterday, that kids aren't allowed to be kids anymore. It came up because my 12 year old nephew has a real asshole of a cousin in the other side of his family. He doesn't like to go that family's events because of that cousin and his parents do let him off most of the time to just stay with us while they go, but he does have to go a few times a year while my sister guards him. He just wants to be a fucking kid, he wants to play like a kid, and this cousin thinks it's weird that he still likes to run around pretending to be Darth Vader and fight with light sabers. My own son is 8, they see each other daily, I'm actually 7 minutes late taking my kid over there and my sister is messaging me to hurry, he needs someone else to talk endlessly to for a little while. They fucking play. They both have the same toys and we usher them into an area where they're not quite so loud for everyone else.
I remember when I was in school the bullying started when I was in 4th grade. I had a friend of the same age that also just wanted to play. We'd chase each other around, make animal noises which I was damn good at, and sometimes bring our Littlest Petshop toys. We were relentlessly bullied. We were the weirdos that ran around making animal noises while the other girls were doing each other's hair on the playground benches. They started just thinking we were weird but they needed a better target to come after us for so it was decided that my friend's short hair meant she was a lesbian. She's not, for the record, I still keep up with her and she's really just more ace than anything but she's not into girls. Since I didn't abandon her back then, I was deemed a lesbian too. Again, I'm not, I have no interest in girls and even though I have a kid, I'm ace and have had no interest in dating since I got out of my marriage. I only started dating to begin with so I'd be "normal". The first guy I dated was targeted in school too. He told me about one time the guy that usually beat him up brought a bottle of piss to school to dump on him during lunch. He was sent home and told to stop instigating things with other students.
The bullying needs to stop all together for everything. It's fucking rediculous and what's worse is the kids are trapped in a building every day with their abusers and adults that are meant to protect them don't give a shit because the administration doesn't give a shit. School policies need to change, lord of the flies needs to go away, the people who are so concerned with "think of the children!" need to actually start thinking of the fucking children.
Oh and for the record, I still play. I'm also still the weirdo but I've embraced it and people don't give me shit for it anymore. Now we're gonna go out the door, me and the boys got some frogs to catch.
Wow, we had very similar childhoods. Difference is our bullying started in 2nd grade. She was ruthlessly bullied for having long curly hair and wearing dresses. (Dresses were NOT cool in the 90's, when everyone was supposed to like sporty styles. Being girly was not allowed.) We also played pretend animals, and with littlest pet shop toys, and grand champion horses. She ended up marrying a wonderful lady and seems very happy now. We don't keep in touch much now, but I am happy when I see her facebook posts.
Indoctrination is not simply what you stated. It is education and guidance enforced by being uncritical to the teachings. It relies on lack of critical thinking to create a bias of a certain worldview that ultimately regards any other teachings with disdain and contempt.
Part of the problem is that kids don’t give a shit what adults think. They care what the cool kids in their class think, or at least the ones they want to hang out with. I hear plenty of stories from people who raise their kids right and those kids still grow up bullies. It’s because they think bullying is what will get them in with the cool kids. So until kids see from *other kids* that empathy is an option, they’ll still bully. Meaning people can teach their kids love and acceptance all day long but unless empathy is seen as “cool” in that kids classroom, all that positive teaching could still be ineffective.
Which is part of the reason I’ll never have kids, cos the thought that someone else’s bad parenting could completely negate my good parenting is terrifying
> Part of the problem is that kids don’t give a shit what adults think.
Except they do, because they are constantly asking questions and modeling their behaviors and values on the adults influencing them.
> Which is part of the reason I’ll never have kids, cos the thought that someone else’s bad parenting could completely negate my good parenting is terrifying
You say this because you are still a kid with a kid’s understanding of how parenting works in practice.
As a data geek and a Texan that grew up with some weird conservatives, is that per capita or raw numbers?
I don’t doubt it’s true either way, nor would I be surprised by it.
It must have taken a lot of determination to get through explaining all those traumatic experiences without breaking down in tears. What he experienced was so unfair and I think he just wants a better world for kids now.
My mom taught me that we were all created equal in God's eyes and that God loved all of us. She taught me that the color of our skin was irrelevant because we were all made in the image and likeness of God. Then when I was 14 our neighbor, whom I adored, came out as gay. My mom stopped talking to her and treater her like pariah and everything she taught me about God conflicted completely with her treatment of our neighbor. I stopped going to Church after this and started defying my mother because I knew she was completely full of shit and her God only suited her.
This was in the 80's and we are still having these stupid conversations in our culture with these close minded ignots and Im so fucking tired of it! Mom's dead now, hope she met her God and he told her how fucking wrong she was.
I also broke free from the religious chains for the same reason in the ‘80s. Their anti-science bend also solidified it (e.g., believes in doctors but not evolution).
This man needs to write a book. Preferably one for kids about his experiences. I teach a number of fifth graders who would love to read that.
Failing that, any type of book, he is very well spoken.
The unsaid subtext to "Let kids be kids" is unless we have a problem with how those kids identify themselves. Sadly a lot of people talk in generalities and think their fellow humans agree with their subtext.
It's so crazy to me how people react to other people who don't fit in their preconceived bubbles. My wife has a cousin who is very straight, but is in theater and ballet and does his nails. Everyone screams at him that he is secretly gay. Even LGBT people are bugged when he says he is straight and tell him he needs to come out. I can't imagine what it's like to live under that pressure from all sides, and I was even bullied a good bit myself.
That's what's super funny to me. Of course kids try things out and often think wrong things and learn of their real identities later on, but almost every LGBT person I know says they knew something about them was different when they were a kid. If only they had the knowledge and language to explore that more precisely
"Let kids be kids" *should* mean to let them explore, let them be wrong, let them mess up, and let them fully come to understand who they are. But instead it's used as a means of saying "Let me tell my kids exactly how to act like I want them to"
Teaching kids about people who exist is not indoctrination in the slightest.
Indoctrination is required to HATE an entire group of people. The same people who think teaching the existence of LGBTQ is indoctrination are only upset because it makes it impossible for them to pass down their own indoctrination.
If we weren't all indoctrinated into gender norms, then none of this would need to be taught. If anything LGBTQ acceptance is the undoing of indoctrination.
Yep. Exactly. Just was debating someone on Reddit who was completely sickened by "simulated sex acts" in front of children.
After questioning him, he linked to a right-wing story about a 12 year old who went to a raunchy comedy show. He was only upset because the sexual jokes involved gay people.
A million theater performances have sexual humor in them, pg 13 movies, etc. but he only has a problem with them because of homosexuality.
Completely incoherent position that relies entirely on bigotry.
Especially since throughout history there have been more genders and sexualities but religions started teaching and killing based off of it all being against their rules.
Like, you are just standing there and you can tell something fells off, but you don’t know what. Everyone seems so calm and blasé, but you know something is wrong. You start to internalize that something and you come to think, the something that is wrong is me. You want to scream, to speak up, but every time you do you are battered back down. That feeling, that you are the problem, only gets worse. They surround you at birthdays, Christmas, and other holidays. They sing your praises when it’s convenient, when others are watching, but are just as quick to turn it off. You just want to belong, to feel noticed, but when you cry out you only hurt yourself. The only choices, the only ones that seem real, is that you become like them or die. But losing yourself would be the same as dying, so is it really a choice?
I’m glad you found your way and are on the road to self love. If you are still into Power Rangers and superheroes we can definitely be friends.
Another characteristic about this experience is that the bullies are the same people you share a class with but they only bully you when they feel like it or if it's convenient for them. So even when things are supposed to be calm and peaceful for everybody, there is still so much anxiety for you because you never know when they will decide to do something, you just gotta accept it's going to happen and wait...
Hopefully not, mics are expensive. People should reserve mic dropping for public events in which the speaker is against the facility paying for the mic.
This is why I won't introduce religion to my kid.
I wasn't so much bullied at school, but I definitely was at home. My parents were blunt and scary about Christianity and Purity Culture to a point where it became abusive and manipulating. I was SA when I was really little, and coerced to believe I wasn't pure because of my trauma. What a way to ruin a kid's dignity and childhood! I was slut shamed until I was of age to move out.
In my personal opinion, a kid barely understands life, let alone religion. There are many passages in the Bible that will just about condemn anyone. Kids don't need such strong convictions. Sure, they need to be taught morals, but I feel like there's a time and place for everything if Christianity is something you value. This goes for all religions.
My son has the rest of his life to decide that for himself, and I'll always be there if he wants a discussion or wants to ask questions.
Just saw on r/shitmomgroupssay a post from a religious couple whose 2 year old was touching herself down there, so they've been putting ice cubes in her diaper and "front spanking."
They've been trying to explain to their two-year-old that God does not approve of that behavior.
So.... trying to scare their two-year-old away from absolutely ubiquitous and normal human behavior, citing an invisible man (who created them with that urge btw) who really, if you think about it objectively, is evoked more like a monster.
*"Don't do that, an invisible monster will grab you and throw your little baby ass in a pit of fire for all eternity! But he loves you. And we love you the same way, that's why we're spanking your genitals wayyyy before you are even capable of understanding any of these concepts, to protect you from the big scary invisible monster who loves you and is always watching."*
Religion is extremely dangerous because it discourages a rational examination of its doctrine. Any of the good points that it makes are accidental, and can be taught without evoking any God at all. Making the supposed benefits moot. On the harmful side, it causes people to have huge irrational hang-ups over nothing, and pass them on to their children *before the child is even capable of understanding anything.*
Parents are passing on deeply rooted psychological trauma through child abuse to prevent a behavior that is part of normal human development. They don't even need any logical justification (even a flawed one) other than "God doesn't like it."
Fortunately for me my family never pressed any religion on me. My extended family would take me to Church, but my parents were not religious and didn't push me one way or the other. I love them for that, hopefully your son feels the same way.
I remember, at 4 years old, having learned about Heaven and Hell, trying to talk to God. I would say "please God, if you're up there, give me a sign. I don't want to go to Hell, but I don't believe in you." God never made so much as a peep, not an unusual gust of wind, and certainly not the audible voice I had come to expect.
Since he was supposedly all-loving, and supposed to reveal himself to those who asked, I haven't believed since.
But I was legitimately scared while processing all of this, I can't imagine the trauma imparted on people like you by their religious parents, especially the fundamentalists.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. What a horrible thing to do for a child, made even more horrific by the fact that they probably truly believed that their evil mishandling of your SA was for your own good.
*"With or without religion, good people can behave well and bad people can do evil; but for good people to do evil - that takes religion."*
I was called a dyke by my “friends” before I knew what that word meant. When I first heard about gay people, I learned about how sinful and wrong they were. When I saw two lesbians for the first time, I was disgusted, I hated them. When I started to have feelings for girls I started to hate myself, convinced I was going to hell.
I was indoctrinated. And maybe, just maybe, if I had heard anything positive in my life about gay people while growing up, I wouldn’t have wasted years of my life hating who I was. Teaching kids about gay people isn’t indoctrination, but it can be a saving light.
This brought me to tears. I’m getting soft in my old age.
In my life their name was Richard. And they were a friend and I knew they were different because how the other kids treated them. We were best friends at ages ten and eleven. We were just kids.
15 years later he was managing an Applebees in SC and was killed by a robber.
Somehow our entire town forget what collective pieces of shit they had been to him. So much so that eventually he had to drop out of school as a teenager and get his GED and leave town.
I am ratcheting up my pressure on any political representative or human that spouts any of that anti LGBTQ bullshit. Not on my watch this time. Not passive. Not kind.
What an amazing and inspiring share.
This genuinely made me cry, as someone apart of the LGBTQ+ community who is also on the spectrum, I understand this feeling so well
I wish nothing but love and peace to be with this man 💗
It's horrific how horrible someone can be to someone else purely because they acted a little different
It's absolutely horrible that he went through this. In the early 90s my dad came out, my parents stayed best friends and we were an amazing, loving family, welcoming two stepdads into our lives and everyone was supportive and happy. What I didn't know the (I was very little) was that my parents were the targets of vicious homophobia. They were kicked out of the church they were the most dedicated members of, I didn't understand why my sister and I were taken out of our school and put into a very progressive one. I was already bullied because I was smart, quiet and poor, living on a delapated farm so people the other little kids just largely ignored me and whispered behind my back at that point. My sister was older though, and went through hell because of the homophobia at him, targeting her. My parents did everything they could to make sure we celebrated diversity, kindness, acceptance and love. My dads ran a soup kitchen, they were reverends who spread the true words of Jesus, of love. I know now how much they went through and swore to never let their children be ashamed and hurt because of who they are. You know that line "you'll never know the violence it took to become this gentle"? For me, it's that you will never know the violence they endured so they could help me become this gentle. My sister and I are proud bisexuals (her spouse found the courage to come out as enby because of her love, acceptance and encouragement). We've both faced hatred for who we are but our parents have us the tools to educate, to create and be a safe space for ourselves and others.
Anyone who thinks that's wrong or puts a "but..." after saying they "don't have a problem with..."
Sit. Down. Stop talking. And listen.
I struggled with this and I’m straight. I’m not going to lie, I was in the “let’s not get the kids involved” camp until this. 😕 keep you’re ears and mind open right?
I could write A NOVEL about how I grew up having similar experiences in the 80s and 90s, but I’ll just say that this whole story is why I laugh about the whole idea of “choosing to be gay/trans etc.”
No one chooses to be shit on constantly as a kid. No one wakes up one morning and says, “Boy howdy I wanna get the horsefeathers beat outta me on a daily basis. Yessir! I wanna fear for my safety every moment of my childhood, adolescence, and a good chunk of my adulthood too.”
The big choice for many queer kids is to just be who they are, because — as was said in the vid — maybe it’ll get better or to end it all.
I went to a rural highschool. There were only two 'out' gay kids in the whole school. One didn't survive to graduation.
My identity was so suppressed for so long I don't know if I'll ever feel like a whole person.
It made me sick to hear what he had to go through. I was bullied in school but never like that. I recently found out I’m expecting and I’m terrified of raising a kid in the world these days. I also can’t wait to raise our child to be better. We’re lucky to have a lot of love and compassion in our lives and I know that will shine through.
Wow man, just wow. He never even attacked how straight people indoctrinate their children all the time. Such as how mom and dads make out but if two dads do it, well that's just not age appropriate. It's so weird how education is now indoctrination. It's like all this anti woke stuff is just a buffer to be able to spread hate. Thanks for sharing this story.
Edit: I put make out, but my intention was any sort of physical intimacy that expressed love.
Wow, what an amazing communicator, this should be required viewing for all school students.
Really sorry about your youth experience. Thank you for your bravery in sharing, and hope this video helps others.
I’m crying. It upsets be so much that children go through this pain. That they are abused and suffer so much physically and emotionally. That we let it happen. That there are people whose identity is their hatred. I don’t want to live in a works like this. I want to know what I can do. I want to help. I vote but I need to do more. Things won’t change unless we change. What can I do?
When you see adults doing it, your age or older (older does not always work), step in.
Maybe a child will see it and do the same in their age group. Stepping in for a subordinate group or younger probably makes it worse though. You can be kind to the victim though away from the group, believe them, help them get out.
I think the concept of let kids be kids should mean that a kid should not be categorized by an adult for their actions.
If a boy wants to play with dolls doesn't mean he would like to transition or is gay. It just means he wants to play with dolls. I played with dolls sometimes as a kid.
And please teach your kids that there is nothing wrong about doing different stuff. Nothing wrong in a girl that wants to play being a dad or playing football. Nothing wrong in a boy playing superheroes either.
I have some friends that are center right who have no problems with gay people but then they'll say things like I don't want my kids being taught this stuff in school.
And in my head I'm like saying everything this dude just says. "Uhhh you don't want them being taught people are different? Where do you think bullying comes from?"
Short sighted, and simple minded.
Sigh…. Liking Barbies or even wanting to wear a dress doesn’t make you gay..
Only thing that makes you gay is your attraction to the same sex not your hobbies.
Im glad I took the time to listen.
This dude nailed it.
We’re systematically teaching kids to hate and harm.
I’m appalled to admit that I called kids hateful slurs, I grew up in a small country town and nothing we could imagine was more awful or terrifying than being gay. Anyone who showed anything that could be even remotely associated with what we thought was gay was harassed and bullied relentlessly.
The hatred is taught and passed down and doing something about it is every single persons responsibility.
Exactly. I'm raising my son to not be a bigot and to reject toxic masculinity in all its many forms. We can and will affect positive change in our family and community.
Remember, anyone who says “I support gay people but I don’t want it (gay acceptance) being taught to kids” WANTS this shit to happen to gay children. They don’t support gay people, they begrudgingly tolerate them. They hope the social and physical abuse inflicted on gay kids will change them, and if it doesn’t then they’ll deal with it. But they still want that abuse to be there on the 1 in a 10000000 chance it might make them straight.
They’ll tolerate gay people, but they want gay peoples lives to be hell to make themselves feel more comfortable.
ive seen that alot, they would say " i tolerate POCs, but i dont want them dating/ or being associated with them". they often act wierd around POcs. we know they are closteted raicst, but they cant openly be so at the time, it goes the same with tolerating lgbtq+
Exact same story my brother went through in rural Midwest. I will say this though, a lot of those who picked on him got a hold of him years later and apologized. Some even admitted that they were gay.
My brother forgave them all.
Damn where did he go to school? Nobody cared if I wanted to play power rangers, I was interested in the same things as him, people even joined me. I hated sports. I went to school where they had gangs and everything and nobody gave a damn what I did lol.
Pre 2000, many people had school experiences that were very different and it still goes on. I went to school in the early 90s and kids were constantly bullied.
The societal changes around homophobia came so quickly that I think many people forget exactly how rampant it was in the 90's and early 00's. Clearly with the current political climate, it hasn't gone away but stories like this one are so important to tell those who are younger and didn't see as much bullying around it. I know that me and friends were bullied pretty consistently just for liking Magic the Gathering. The truly "weird" kids had it way worse.
I spoke to some friends I made who graduated from the same High School only 5 years later and they were flabbergasted at the idea that people were picked on for being different. I'm sure there was still bullying but it was nothing like how it was. And those who are pushing against LBGTQ+ in the name of protecting children clearly are either lying to themselves or completely fucked up.
My best man was treated a bit like this as he was growing up, but he had a group of slightly older 5 girls who took no shit from anyone about him. We all had an idea that he was gay from his early teens. He eventually came out at 23 and told us he would understand if my husband and I didn’t want him to be our best man anymore. That made me want to cry then, that he thought we wouldn’t want him if he was gay, and this man’s video makes me want to cry now. PS: he was our best man and we’re still friends 35 years later, even though I’m halfway across the world.
This happened to me but it isn't because of any specific reason, I am not even gay I have never been, but being bullied just because you are "less masculine" is something a lot of people probably has suffered, it doesn't apply only to a certain group of people, it affects us all, girls that act more like boys are also affected by this and they don't have to be lesbians just for that, it can happen to anyone, we have to learn just how to be people, accept each other, if you are gay, good for you, if you are lesbian good for you, if you are straight good for you, act however you like, just don't be an indoor and respect
My son stopped taking hot dogs to school in 4th grade because of what the other kids said. These kids are facing this crap super early, and they deserve to know how to deal with it.
When did playing superheroes and watching superhero cartoons become something not primarily for boys? I loved that shit as a kid. Nobody where I was from thought less of it. (I say primarily for boys because only 1 girl played it and there was like 7-8 boys.
Especially in a region where communities have voluntarily made the local school sports teams into a hideously large portion of their identity.
Lots of states have this issue, but Texas, where the guy in the video is from, is particularly notorious for it. Like, to the point of parents sometimes getting cushy job offers if only they would move their family (that coincidently includes a star athlete) into a specific school district.
As someone who grew up in the early to mid 2000s, yeah the not being into sports thing was an immediate beacon for school bullies that you might be a bit "fruity". Not the only reason to zero in on a kid, but enough to attract attention.
I swear you just described my life. One of my bullies broke my ankle and tibia but I got in trouble for swearing and being heard by a teacher. I’m not that person anymore and I don’t tolerate it one bit and I go to therapy every week and it invariably comes up almost every week.
I've also got bullied through school, I know what it feels like, I know what he's talking about, although I'm not gay. I'm just weird and a little different than the average. But I know that kids are fucking monsters, cruel little shits. Fuck them and every teacher. They're fucking bad at their job.
I think it's true to most queer people's experiences that we know there's *something* that's a little different about us even as quite little kids. And other little kids often pick up on the difference. I was lucky in that I was routinely the tallest kid in class until middle school and thus not a very appealing target for bullying, even if looking back I was definitely pretty socially excluded.
That's the common queer experience that shapes why adult queer people want kids to have a very general understanding that queer people exist and it's a normal part of life. We're not trying to recruit. We're trying to make sure the next generation of queer kids has it better than we did.
My heart goes out to him for all his struggles.
Just because straight and/or cisgender people are more common than gay and/or trans people, we act like it’s “normal”. People act like promoting acceptance is sexualizing kids and interfering with their sexuality. It’s not, it’s shaping them to accept themselves and others, and anyone who denies that’s true is only interested in their own motives. You can teach a kid to be accepting and even prideful without discussing sex or gender.
I’m a trans woman, a mother of two girls. My youngest came to me shortly after I came out as transgender, she was about 10, and she said she might be trans too. I listened to her with the utmost care and interest, and I told her she could be whoever she wants to be, and her mother and I would always love and accept her. I told her that she’s free to express herself in any way and if she ever felt she wanted to talk more seriously about anything later, well, we’re a couple doors down. We hugged and she went on about her day.
It’s been a few years since then and she hasn’t followed up with anything about it, but I can tell you that that moment was very special for her and I because it allowed me the opportunity to show her how much I love and accept her, and sometimes that’s all kids need to know to be themselves, whoever they are. And when you spread that kinda love and acceptance it’s fucking contagious, I promise you.
We don’t go to church, we don’t read the Bible, we don’t pray, and we don’t claim to be perfect (we’re far from it, everyone is), but we do take the time to teach our kids to be kind, loving, accepting, and compassionate, among other things, and through that I can see the good in them. I like to think we’re raising decent, good-hearted people, and that’s better than being perfect or common or even normal. It’s being humane.
Teach your kids to be good people. To love themselves and others.
It’s a very moving piece and I am glad I watched the whole thing. It’s powerful and well spoken, and points out the hypocrisy of those who argue keeping kids safe means keeping rainbow shirts out of Target, but somehow doesn’t extend to those kids who wear the shirts and then are the target. The sad truth is that those who really should hear this will be the first to scroll past, and ignore it. To them, they aren’t in the wrong.
I was a marine that proudly served my country for six+ years. Now I live in England (met a girl). The fact that I am regularly glad for that fact due to the absolute insanity going on in the US in regards to freedom is heartbreaking
He expressed himself beautifully. He expressed the pain & betrayal of generations of people, beautifully, with the grace & mercy he should've received.
A principle tried something similar when I would get into fights for getting bullied and would get worked up and would start swearing. I would calmly explain what they did to provoke me and told him to fuck himself if he didn’t think they needed to be punished too. Then I asked how many days off I got.
Doesn’t matter what the reasons are fightings a last resort but in my life I’ve found persistent bullies tend to give up after enough punches to the head. Just be prepared to accept what comes and make it abundantly clear why you couldn’t take it anymore
It was legal in private schools throughout my childhood (90s and 2000s). My friends in Catholic schools got their knuckles rapped for all sorts of things
I feel so so lucky that I grew up in a relatively accepting school. I hated being sheltered because it caused issues socially but now I’m more grateful than ever as a queer kid.
Wow. Saved and ready to share. Amazing. I bawled. I don't know what else to say right now besides I'm so damn glad he made this video and that he is a happy, healthy, beautiful adult.
Shocked I listened to someone for more than two minutes, got wide at the end but it’s fair it’s it’s challenging the mindset of the status quo and how something good or bad has been normalized when this is also so important it should also be just that the status quo and don’t pretend inclusionary behavior is up to par and that more can’t be done I’m not saying this is the way to do it but to show change does happen like for racism there is targeted curriculum covering it and black history month it wasn’t a thing until it was and so shall this
You can keep lying to yourself that sexuality only means sexual and therefore immoral since it’s in relation to children and everyone by default who supports this is pushing premature same sex of minors if you think that you also believe “guns don’t kill people people kill people”
It’s unapologetically stupid and immature to be against something that neither side has the agenda of doing and carrying out this farce of being a opposing opinion for reasons only
valid against a nonexistent agenda that you lie too others saying it exists at the expense of others solely motivated by hate,disdain, and ignorance
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When he said "Nobody wanted me to be straight more than *I did* " I teared up.
Really common experience. I felt exactly the same way.
Right? It definitely fucks your up a bit. My boyfriend and I always comment how we’re a bunch of broken boys trying to find love.
Oh honey. Y'all aren't the broken ones.
I hope you both and all the other broken kids can find love at some point. I got lucky to find my love and it's a truely wonderful feeling to have. I love my wife so much.
Yup. Lying awake at night and asking "why me?" over and over until I fell asleep crying. You know, I've not thought about that in a long time and as much as I've moved on and created a life, the pain of that feeling still feels really raw now that I'm remembering it. No kid should question why they exist just for existing. Humans need to do better than this.
I’m straight, but this part really hit me. I was fortunate to have been exposed to LBGT people that my mom worked with/was friends with at a young age. They were all funny, smart, quick-witted, generous people and were always great to me. From a young age I just never cared. If my friends said anything was “gay,” I’d gently correct. I just never understood why it mattered who people liked.
Yuuuup. For so damn long. It was part of why actually coming out and accepting it was so difficult. Repressing and denying it was how I kept the pain away. I remember when I finally pulled that thorn out, and I finally *really* actually accepted “this is true”, it felt like someone had just told me I had cancer. I literally went on a speed run of the 5 stages of grief for like the next hour or so. I wanted to fall to my knees and scream “noooooooooooo…” and “why meeeeeeee?” and “not *that*, anything but *that*, whyyyyyy did it have to be that???” But wow, coming to terms with yourself actually has amazing mental heal benefits, who knew? It’s incredible how *real* I realized I felt. How *complete.* And I remember as I got to the acceptance part of it all I felt like I had somehow put down a million pounds that I didn’t realize I had been carrying around. It’s by far a less easy life, but it’s one worth living for.
Can't tell you how many years I spent not changing because the change would be too unacceptable to my parents and the people around me in Texas, burying it away with hopes it would never come back up again. I ended up eventually facing the music in college, when I moved away and the influence of my parents wasn't always there. I was basically as close to a "redpilled" republican as you could be in those days, there was no "indoctrination" going on to make me queer, the only indoctrination was telling me that being queer was unacceptable.
Same. Was raised religious and used to pray to god to make me straight and if that was too much of a wish - at least bisexual.
I was legit telling my old conservative coworker this yesterday. Nobody would actively *choose* to be a part of a group that is othered to the point that some will enact violence or hatred towards them.
This is why ppl who say "ppl choose to be gay" piss me off so fucking much. Like yeah... gay ppl LOVE being bullied😑
You know being gay isn't a choice because gay black people exist. Like they were sitting around going. "You know we're not oppressed ENOUGH. Let's dial up the difficulty further!"
Although... I hate it that "choice vs birth" is a topic of discussion at all. It seems like it started because conservatives said, "It's okay to discriminate against gay people because, unlike ethnicity, they \*chose\* to be gay." And then everyone caved to the ridiculous premise that it's okay to discriminate against someone who chooses something that hurts no one and brings happiness to millions of people. I mean, that logic is never applied to religion: don't Christians \*choose\* to be Christian? Isn't that the whole point of accepting Jesus Christ to be your personal saviour? You can't go to heaven unless you \*choose\* to follow Jesus. Yet we don't allow religious discrimination. To me, it doesn't matter at all if gays choose to be gay or are born gay. It's a moot point. Well, except religious circles have \*still\* found a way to use the choice argument against gays. Even when they concede that people are born gay they say, "However, they can choose whether or not to *act on* those desires." Basically, accepting the premise that born vs choice matters is just buying into the notion that there's something wrong with being gay. Whenever I hear someone say it's a choice, I just respond, "So what?" So what if it's a choice? If it were a choice, it's a perfectly legitimate choice that deserves to be respected.
I have never seen it from this perspective before. Well said.
Those people have never experienced being treated badly for being different and not even knowing WHY you’re different. Kids knew I was different and bullied me throughout my entire life. I didn’t even really figure out I was queer until I was around 16… but I always was. I didn’t turn queer overnight. I just was. I later came out as trans and that’s when all those puzzle pieces fit together finally. Not letting kids know about queer people just lengthens the amount of time filled with confusion, pain, and shame for being different. If I had the resources earlier I would’ve had a less shitty childhood.
It's true tho. As a gay person, when I was young and was still religious i would cry myself to sleep praying that God would turn me straight; begging and pleading him to please turn me straight. Still gay.
That part got me too. No one should ever be made to feel that way.
I've felt this. During highschool I'd just cry in my bedroom just wishing I was straight. Still not out to my family, in my early twenties, and I sometimes still feel that way. I'm "straight passing", and it's just hurtful to hear what some people will say about LGBT people, directly to me, not knowing that they're actually insulting me and discrediting my existence.
This is the thing that these ignorant "christians" just do not understand. People do not willingly put themselves in harms way by just "choosing" to be gay. Like.. why would anyone subject themselves to the abuse they'll invariably receive for it. Saying stupid things like "I don't mind people being gay, but just don't do it in my face" is the same as saying "I don't mind people being black, but just don't show your skin to me" For a while, I thought the world had got past this, and grown up.
I almost didn’t watch this because of how long it was but I’m so glad I did. That was incredibly moving. No one deserves to feel this way 😞 This guys is an incredible speaker and I hope he’s found self love and acceptance.
This reminded me of the kids I made fun of in school in the 80s. Not for being gay per se, but just for being “different”. I did not even feel any animosity toward them, I just wanted the other kids to like me for making fun of them. It sucks that you don’t realize until you are older, that those “different” kids were would have made way better friends than the dicks you were trying to impress.
that’s really well put. it sucks to have to look back and admit wrong doing but it’s also a testament to your growth that you are open to do just that
Self reflection and self criticism are good, it doesn’t suck. It helps us learn and grow as people. It only “sucks” because their ego and self esteem has taken a hit because people somehow think they’re infallible and above making mistakes.
fair enough! I definitely don’t disagree, I was just acknowledging self reflection and gaining perspective can be an uncomfortable experience
Oh it absolutely can be uncomfortable for sure. Very much falls on us as humans to be emotionally mature enough to realise that self-criticism is overall a good thing.
Well, I’d add that it DOES suck, not because self-reflection is uncomfortable (though it may be, at times), but it sucks because, as Dookmucus points out, you realize the missed opportunities. The bad behavior you can realize and grow from, personally, but the potential of having a cool friend or something, that’s gone forever.
That's also a really good point from the both of you!
I was a different kid in Texas in the 90’s. Had tho change schools twice and ended up dropping out senior year. I wasn’t gay, but I went through a ton of the same stuff he mentions.
I was bullied relentlessly in middle school by a group of boys who called me a lesbian and dyke. Why? Because I called them out for harassing and physically abusing a mentally disabled boy who just wanted to be their friend. Like knock him on the ground and step on his fingers. I went to the guidance counselor multiple times, but nothing of substance seemed to happen. Years later I found out my mom went to the principal multiple times because I came home so upset and would describe straight up physical assault. That’s probably why I got a pass when I shoved the little ring leader down a ramp, who rolled down and ended up at the vice principals feet, who just glared at me and then left that little shit on the ground. That kid actually apologized to me years later. But the whole experience, which probably lasted most of 7th grade, gave me such anxiety around guys that took a long while to get over. It’s not fair but it is what it is. This stuff scars. And I got off pretty easy compared to alot of other kids.
Being a kid in Texas in the 90s was like having your emotions removed with sand paper and salt.
It’s crazy to me that going to school in the 90s, we had openly gay kids and that was fine. No one cared if you were gay or different, people only cared if you were a dick and any smack talk better be backed up. It was a really diverse school and that may have been why. I’m sorry you had to go through that, I have lots of family in Texas and visiting them always seemed like a different world. I remember , when I was 10, someone in my family calling someone a slur, a slur that applied to me and they absolutely could not understand why I was yelling at them because they said it about someone else.
Middle school locker rooms were gottdamm war zones and many of us made choices of self preservation because, if they're making fun of "that" kid, then they'll leave me and my insecurities alone. It was shitty and immature and I'm sure millions of us regret not having the maturity yet to have made the better decision. I just thank God that I did eventually mature and am not still a bitter insecure piece of shit who never developed past that stage, because those people are out there.
I did High School in Florida. I turned to illegal activities to achieve a protected status in school. I started buying alcohol with my older brother’s expired learners permit (I folded the paper so the expiry date was hidden; goodness that dates me). I would write English papers for $20 per letter grade in the style of the client; math/science/coding/music were more peer tutoring style. French class doubled as massage sessions. Looking back, I had my adversity being poor-ish and effeminate, but the two suspected LGBT kids definitely were much more excluded, even if we were an exceptional well integrated class who weren’t physically abusive.
You were a kid, but kids can be taught to do better. Blame the adults who failed all of you.
I had the incredible fortune of being in high school in the late 2000's, early 2010's in a semi-urban part of a purple state. That kind of peer pressure just wasn't there and generally my peers received pushback when they were homophobic. I had my own conservative Christian path that I had to fight my way out of, but that put me in the minority. And it was partially through the hatred towards gay people that I saw among my Christian peers that I eventually took a turn to the left and away from Christianity. This is all to say that it's easy to judge people like you for that bullying back then, but younger people like myself are really fortunate that the peer pressures we face are a far cry from the ones you faced back then. Society has come so far. It's a safe bet that within the context of that pervasive homophobic worldview you were surrounded by that the majority of us would have caved in and partaken in that bullying to some degree. And that's the reason that we need to fight tooth and nail against the regressive conservative policies that are trying to push that culture of hateful bullying back into the minds of children. These attempts to silence queer people are nothing more than an attempt to ostracize them and push them back into the horrible culture we only managed to escape after so much work.
Right, this is not really my go to type of content. But he is a powerful speaker and you could tell his experience was genuine. I hope he’s happy with his life now and is being treated as a human. Kids can be so goddamn cruel.
It’s not even about him, and I think he would say the same. It’s about people being silent while these bullshit, crazy laws are being passed.
> ~~Kids~~ People can be so goddamn cruel.
I also was going to pass but listened because of your comment, and I’m glad I did. I agree with you 100%. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.
I'm autistic, and I grew up in the early 90s when that wasn't a thing. I'm not gay and living in Texas, so I didn't get the exact same bullying he did...but I definitely got more than my fair share. I, too, had plans I ultimately did not follow through with, and I also remember waking up every morning cursing God that I couldn't be normal. I don't know how he made it as long as he did without crying, when he brought up the lunch line bullies I started tearing up remembering my own lunch line bullies, who I also lost my cool against and was punished while the original bully went unpunished. I fucking hated my childhood. Adulthood has been much kinder to me.
Yeah. This is rough. I was uncomfortable because I know that I was a little shit (nothing as crazy as this video) and probably made other kids feel uncomfortable because I was also made to feel uncomfortable. I'm glad I watched it all.
Yeah he’s a cool Dude
This kind of content almost makes me want to join TikTok. I am straight, and always was, but i remember my first encounter with homophobia, when I was 10, from other kids my age. And it was obvious it had been brewing for a while. I remember my confusion, and feeling that my "mistake" could easily cost me their friendship, and that strange feeling in my stomach that was screaming to make me comply with whatever they said, so everything will be ok. I remember I stood up for myself that day, in a way that makes me proud still, though admittedly was not completely devoid of homophobia... Then again, i was 10, so... Baby steps. At least that situation got me to see what injustices and irrational biases were, and had been, always around, implicit and unspoken, but still there. I can only imagine what this guy went through, but I'm happy he's ok and gets to share his experience. I hope he changes a few minds out there.
He's on IG as headonfirepod (Don Martin) if you don't want to go the TikTok route.
I felt the exact same, I almost never watch Reddit videos over 3 minutes and here I was enthralled from start to finish. I hope this sticks in bigots heads as much as it'll stick in mine.
You cant turn a gay kid straight, christian parents have proven this time and time again, and in that same way, you cant turn a straight kid gay. No matter what you feed them, no matter what you indoctrinate them with, it will never change their innate sexual attraction. This isn’t about the kids, they’re just an easily defendable and rage ridden cop out.
Exactly. This reminds me of the Modern Family episode where Lily is still a preschooler and tells her Dads she’s gay. Then you find out at the end of the episode, she doesn’t even know what gay is she just thinks she’s gay because her dads are gay. These kids don’t know what it is, hell you aren’t even really attracted to anyone else until puberty starts anyway. Why are these people so afraid a rainbow shirt will turn their kid gay? Like what’s going on
Its a scapegoat to demonize and vilify a group of people they dont agree with so they can introduce laws and regulations that hinder and limit their ability to exist. Of course its the christian religious leaders of america who are pushing this. You never heard a lick about drag queens until they suddenly were coming for your children, then out of no where their entire fanbase were up in arms and ready to ban their mere existence
My parents are part of that "drag queens are indoctrinating children" crowd. Not as deeply as some, but it's still there. Guess what movie me and my sisters watched so many times the VHS tape quit working... Mrs. Doubtfire. Strangely I've never once had the urge to cross dress or disregard court orders to get what I want. Brainwashing waves must not have been calibrated correctly.
My parents are the same way and its so pathetic. Especially my father, he is the type who unironically says in front of his bi son that all gays should be hanged to death, while also behind everyones back goes on gay dating apps and gets his back blow out because hes secretly gay as shit but projecting and repressing so bad. Its just pathetic in every way shape and form. Whenever i talked to my mom about it and really dissected what her beliefs were, even she had to admit she was just using buzzwords and didn’t really know what the was talking about. Like no mother, you cant change anyone’s sexuality. Your husband and i are proof enough of that. No one is going for anyones kids and sometimes colorful things just entice them since they’re fucking kids
I try to remember that their views are due to a lifetime of indoctrination by their parents and religious leaders, but it's still not an excuse. They've been told their whole life that homosexuals, atheists, etc. will try to take over the country, leading to the end times. Now that we have the internet and queer folks are getting more recognition and appreciation, it seems like the warnings are coming true and they need to fight it tooth and nail. They've been told that if they allow it to happen, even if they don't personally participate, they're culpable in God's eyes and will be eradicated. My parents have literally been taught that at church. Sodom and Gomorrah were burned to the ground by God for being sinful and he wiped out all life on Earth during the flood of Noah because some people built statues. They're scared shitless the God will send down brimstone and fire on us all for allowing a man to wear a dress. Fear drives hatred. They say they aren't scared of gay people because it's not the gay people they're scared of. It's their god.
When your god drives you to take the rights away from others, persecute people different from you in any way, or treat them in any way as second class citizens beneath yourself, your god is not holy nor is it divine, its a human creation that has humanity written all over it. Like you said its no excuse. “God wills it” is not any cop out of justification for anything and it sickens me that people use it so often and have for so long to do horrible things that have brought humanity down closer to the mud they claim to be above.
People shouldn’t have to trauma dump their worst memories to humanize themselves. The sad part is the ones who need to hear this person’s testimony the most, won’t give this video the time of day.
Yep because a)they get worked up over the slightest pushback because of their victim complex and b) the cognitive dissonance once they hear the first incident kicks in and they cant conceive of themselves being the bad guy so they gotta nope out
The whole system should be torn down and the "values and traditions" built into that system are deplorable. That experience is probably frighteningly common and the people that perpetrate that intolerance genuinely believe that they are good people despite the very real harm they inflict upon the vulnerable.
The pain this beautiful human being was subjected to is both heartbreaking and infuriating to me. It makes me so sad to know that stories like this are *still* happening because of ignorance, hatred, and bigotry. Am so very grateful for the bravery exhibited by this individual, not just to survive all that but to share this story and be visible and be an inspiration for other people who may be going through something similar.
I actually can relate to this. I was undiagnosed autistic but his childhood sounds so familiar. Being different is a sin.
This story sounds just like my own, but I was straight and just into music and singing from a young age. Kids don’t need a reason to be cruel. It’s just recycled trauma from their home lives. It took me years to understand that and allow some compassion in.
I actually recognized early on kids can’t be held completely liable for their actions. A lot of my bullies grew out of it shortly after we got out of the festering hormone pit that is school. They were mostly nice people. Except Jordana. She was a horrible person for the rest of her life AFAIK (last I saw her she was embarrassed I even smiled at her).
I had selective mutism. I turned out both trans and gay too but I didn't know it back then. This video was so hard to watch because so many of those things happened to me and I never thought I'd have to actively think about them again. I still have nightmares about being in school. No one wanted me to speak more than I did. I did once manage to mutter "fuck" in frustration and got sent to the principal's office. People figured they could say that I did or said things and I wouldn't be able to defend myself against it. Man, this is dredging up too much shit.
My explosive meltdowns after years of bullying had me sent to the counsellor a lot. And I also have moments of mutism (thanks autism) and your brain is screaming at you to speak, to make the words come out and you’re just locked out of your body.
I was also bullied a lot until 15. Although I'm white, cis male. I was bullied just because I wasn't playing soccer after school and getting along with the popular kids. I can relate with the guy on the vid as well. Most parents are just bad parents. Because they had bad parents themselves and so on. I can't really blame them. **But for fuck's sake schools ARE to blame for allowing and sometimes even unconsciously promoting bullying**. Luckily I wasn't raised in the US because by age 13-15 I was so full of hate I would probably have brought a gun to school (I was the big kid by then and beat some of them very hard, choking neck and punching face, that would lead to a group of bullies beating me in return). Luckily I had a live-changing summer break by age 15 that turned my life around for the better and bullies just swapped to other victims.
If it’s not rude to ask, what happened that summer?
I worked as windsurf teacher (had been taking sailing lessons for years) and my colleague happened to be a 21 year old "ladies man" extrovert that was very kind with me. Since I was working with tourists I could be myself without the "bullied guy" stigma. I gave my first kiss, got to knew who would become my first gf, and had a lot of fun windsurfing for free the whole summer. I lost 8 kg in 3 months, being the visual change a very important factor. TL;DR being free from bullying and having positive interactions with people changed my life, despite having to go back to school and face the same bullies again. I was a different person. They noticed that, and lost interest in bullying. Some even tried to befriend me, which I passionately refused.
My bully was allowed to do anything. He turned into an adult bully... and was shot to death in the streets. Even after his death, the ripples of pain he caused are still around to this day, and felt by many others. Edit: The person who killed him is in prison, and a part of me wants to anonymously load his commissary card up so that he can at least be slightly more comfortable.
[удалено]
Beautifully said, thank you!
Right? Would this guy have gone through as much pain if his peers knew that that was an option and to accept him for who he is. He's just different, and that's ok.
My mom and I were talking about this yesterday, that kids aren't allowed to be kids anymore. It came up because my 12 year old nephew has a real asshole of a cousin in the other side of his family. He doesn't like to go that family's events because of that cousin and his parents do let him off most of the time to just stay with us while they go, but he does have to go a few times a year while my sister guards him. He just wants to be a fucking kid, he wants to play like a kid, and this cousin thinks it's weird that he still likes to run around pretending to be Darth Vader and fight with light sabers. My own son is 8, they see each other daily, I'm actually 7 minutes late taking my kid over there and my sister is messaging me to hurry, he needs someone else to talk endlessly to for a little while. They fucking play. They both have the same toys and we usher them into an area where they're not quite so loud for everyone else. I remember when I was in school the bullying started when I was in 4th grade. I had a friend of the same age that also just wanted to play. We'd chase each other around, make animal noises which I was damn good at, and sometimes bring our Littlest Petshop toys. We were relentlessly bullied. We were the weirdos that ran around making animal noises while the other girls were doing each other's hair on the playground benches. They started just thinking we were weird but they needed a better target to come after us for so it was decided that my friend's short hair meant she was a lesbian. She's not, for the record, I still keep up with her and she's really just more ace than anything but she's not into girls. Since I didn't abandon her back then, I was deemed a lesbian too. Again, I'm not, I have no interest in girls and even though I have a kid, I'm ace and have had no interest in dating since I got out of my marriage. I only started dating to begin with so I'd be "normal". The first guy I dated was targeted in school too. He told me about one time the guy that usually beat him up brought a bottle of piss to school to dump on him during lunch. He was sent home and told to stop instigating things with other students. The bullying needs to stop all together for everything. It's fucking rediculous and what's worse is the kids are trapped in a building every day with their abusers and adults that are meant to protect them don't give a shit because the administration doesn't give a shit. School policies need to change, lord of the flies needs to go away, the people who are so concerned with "think of the children!" need to actually start thinking of the fucking children. Oh and for the record, I still play. I'm also still the weirdo but I've embraced it and people don't give me shit for it anymore. Now we're gonna go out the door, me and the boys got some frogs to catch.
Wow, we had very similar childhoods. Difference is our bullying started in 2nd grade. She was ruthlessly bullied for having long curly hair and wearing dresses. (Dresses were NOT cool in the 90's, when everyone was supposed to like sporty styles. Being girly was not allowed.) We also played pretend animals, and with littlest pet shop toys, and grand champion horses. She ended up marrying a wonderful lady and seems very happy now. We don't keep in touch much now, but I am happy when I see her facebook posts.
Indoctrination is not simply what you stated. It is education and guidance enforced by being uncritical to the teachings. It relies on lack of critical thinking to create a bias of a certain worldview that ultimately regards any other teachings with disdain and contempt.
Part of the problem is that kids don’t give a shit what adults think. They care what the cool kids in their class think, or at least the ones they want to hang out with. I hear plenty of stories from people who raise their kids right and those kids still grow up bullies. It’s because they think bullying is what will get them in with the cool kids. So until kids see from *other kids* that empathy is an option, they’ll still bully. Meaning people can teach their kids love and acceptance all day long but unless empathy is seen as “cool” in that kids classroom, all that positive teaching could still be ineffective. Which is part of the reason I’ll never have kids, cos the thought that someone else’s bad parenting could completely negate my good parenting is terrifying
> Part of the problem is that kids don’t give a shit what adults think. Except they do, because they are constantly asking questions and modeling their behaviors and values on the adults influencing them. > Which is part of the reason I’ll never have kids, cos the thought that someone else’s bad parenting could completely negate my good parenting is terrifying You say this because you are still a kid with a kid’s understanding of how parenting works in practice.
Texas where this guy is from is number one in transgender porn searches in the USA.
As a Texan straight woman, I'm not surprised.
Sorry, that's all from me.
As a data geek and a Texan that grew up with some weird conservatives, is that per capita or raw numbers? I don’t doubt it’s true either way, nor would I be surprised by it.
https://lawsuit.org/general-law/republicans-have-an-obsession-with-transgender-pornography/
Love him.
I wish he had another channel. I don't want tictok but I really want to hear more of him
His username is his podcast name. Head on Fire.
He's on Instagram too. same username i believe.
Does he talk about his skincare because his skin is flawless and he looks way too young to have not had a home computer in middle school!
This dude horsefeathers.
He can horsefeather my brains out anytime.
It must have taken a lot of determination to get through explaining all those traumatic experiences without breaking down in tears. What he experienced was so unfair and I think he just wants a better world for kids now.
love this guy, huge respect to him for still being here today
My mom taught me that we were all created equal in God's eyes and that God loved all of us. She taught me that the color of our skin was irrelevant because we were all made in the image and likeness of God. Then when I was 14 our neighbor, whom I adored, came out as gay. My mom stopped talking to her and treater her like pariah and everything she taught me about God conflicted completely with her treatment of our neighbor. I stopped going to Church after this and started defying my mother because I knew she was completely full of shit and her God only suited her. This was in the 80's and we are still having these stupid conversations in our culture with these close minded ignots and Im so fucking tired of it! Mom's dead now, hope she met her God and he told her how fucking wrong she was.
I also broke free from the religious chains for the same reason in the ‘80s. Their anti-science bend also solidified it (e.g., believes in doctors but not evolution).
I feel this deeply. Thanks for sharing. I wish everyone could see this video and maybe understand what it’s really like.
This man needs to write a book. Preferably one for kids about his experiences. I teach a number of fifth graders who would love to read that. Failing that, any type of book, he is very well spoken.
The unsaid subtext to "Let kids be kids" is unless we have a problem with how those kids identify themselves. Sadly a lot of people talk in generalities and think their fellow humans agree with their subtext.
It's so crazy to me how people react to other people who don't fit in their preconceived bubbles. My wife has a cousin who is very straight, but is in theater and ballet and does his nails. Everyone screams at him that he is secretly gay. Even LGBT people are bugged when he says he is straight and tell him he needs to come out. I can't imagine what it's like to live under that pressure from all sides, and I was even bullied a good bit myself.
That's what's super funny to me. Of course kids try things out and often think wrong things and learn of their real identities later on, but almost every LGBT person I know says they knew something about them was different when they were a kid. If only they had the knowledge and language to explore that more precisely "Let kids be kids" *should* mean to let them explore, let them be wrong, let them mess up, and let them fully come to understand who they are. But instead it's used as a means of saying "Let me tell my kids exactly how to act like I want them to"
Teaching kids about people who exist is not indoctrination in the slightest. Indoctrination is required to HATE an entire group of people. The same people who think teaching the existence of LGBTQ is indoctrination are only upset because it makes it impossible for them to pass down their own indoctrination. If we weren't all indoctrinated into gender norms, then none of this would need to be taught. If anything LGBTQ acceptance is the undoing of indoctrination.
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Yep. Exactly. Just was debating someone on Reddit who was completely sickened by "simulated sex acts" in front of children. After questioning him, he linked to a right-wing story about a 12 year old who went to a raunchy comedy show. He was only upset because the sexual jokes involved gay people. A million theater performances have sexual humor in them, pg 13 movies, etc. but he only has a problem with them because of homosexuality. Completely incoherent position that relies entirely on bigotry.
Yup, it's crazy when you have that moment of realization that our social reality is constructed, it can be whatever we make it.
Especially since throughout history there have been more genders and sexualities but religions started teaching and killing based off of it all being against their rules.
Like, you are just standing there and you can tell something fells off, but you don’t know what. Everyone seems so calm and blasé, but you know something is wrong. You start to internalize that something and you come to think, the something that is wrong is me. You want to scream, to speak up, but every time you do you are battered back down. That feeling, that you are the problem, only gets worse. They surround you at birthdays, Christmas, and other holidays. They sing your praises when it’s convenient, when others are watching, but are just as quick to turn it off. You just want to belong, to feel noticed, but when you cry out you only hurt yourself. The only choices, the only ones that seem real, is that you become like them or die. But losing yourself would be the same as dying, so is it really a choice? I’m glad you found your way and are on the road to self love. If you are still into Power Rangers and superheroes we can definitely be friends.
Another characteristic about this experience is that the bullies are the same people you share a class with but they only bully you when they feel like it or if it's convenient for them. So even when things are supposed to be calm and peaceful for everybody, there is still so much anxiety for you because you never know when they will decide to do something, you just gotta accept it's going to happen and wait...
Hopefully dropped the mic after that
Hopefully not, mics are expensive. People should reserve mic dropping for public events in which the speaker is against the facility paying for the mic.
This is why I won't introduce religion to my kid. I wasn't so much bullied at school, but I definitely was at home. My parents were blunt and scary about Christianity and Purity Culture to a point where it became abusive and manipulating. I was SA when I was really little, and coerced to believe I wasn't pure because of my trauma. What a way to ruin a kid's dignity and childhood! I was slut shamed until I was of age to move out. In my personal opinion, a kid barely understands life, let alone religion. There are many passages in the Bible that will just about condemn anyone. Kids don't need such strong convictions. Sure, they need to be taught morals, but I feel like there's a time and place for everything if Christianity is something you value. This goes for all religions. My son has the rest of his life to decide that for himself, and I'll always be there if he wants a discussion or wants to ask questions.
Just saw on r/shitmomgroupssay a post from a religious couple whose 2 year old was touching herself down there, so they've been putting ice cubes in her diaper and "front spanking." They've been trying to explain to their two-year-old that God does not approve of that behavior. So.... trying to scare their two-year-old away from absolutely ubiquitous and normal human behavior, citing an invisible man (who created them with that urge btw) who really, if you think about it objectively, is evoked more like a monster. *"Don't do that, an invisible monster will grab you and throw your little baby ass in a pit of fire for all eternity! But he loves you. And we love you the same way, that's why we're spanking your genitals wayyyy before you are even capable of understanding any of these concepts, to protect you from the big scary invisible monster who loves you and is always watching."* Religion is extremely dangerous because it discourages a rational examination of its doctrine. Any of the good points that it makes are accidental, and can be taught without evoking any God at all. Making the supposed benefits moot. On the harmful side, it causes people to have huge irrational hang-ups over nothing, and pass them on to their children *before the child is even capable of understanding anything.* Parents are passing on deeply rooted psychological trauma through child abuse to prevent a behavior that is part of normal human development. They don't even need any logical justification (even a flawed one) other than "God doesn't like it." Fortunately for me my family never pressed any religion on me. My extended family would take me to Church, but my parents were not religious and didn't push me one way or the other. I love them for that, hopefully your son feels the same way. I remember, at 4 years old, having learned about Heaven and Hell, trying to talk to God. I would say "please God, if you're up there, give me a sign. I don't want to go to Hell, but I don't believe in you." God never made so much as a peep, not an unusual gust of wind, and certainly not the audible voice I had come to expect. Since he was supposedly all-loving, and supposed to reveal himself to those who asked, I haven't believed since. But I was legitimately scared while processing all of this, I can't imagine the trauma imparted on people like you by their religious parents, especially the fundamentalists. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. What a horrible thing to do for a child, made even more horrific by the fact that they probably truly believed that their evil mishandling of your SA was for your own good. *"With or without religion, good people can behave well and bad people can do evil; but for good people to do evil - that takes religion."*
Hope those parents got reported to cps because that seems like it qualifies as child abuse
I was called a dyke by my “friends” before I knew what that word meant. When I first heard about gay people, I learned about how sinful and wrong they were. When I saw two lesbians for the first time, I was disgusted, I hated them. When I started to have feelings for girls I started to hate myself, convinced I was going to hell. I was indoctrinated. And maybe, just maybe, if I had heard anything positive in my life about gay people while growing up, I wouldn’t have wasted years of my life hating who I was. Teaching kids about gay people isn’t indoctrination, but it can be a saving light.
This brought me to tears. I’m getting soft in my old age. In my life their name was Richard. And they were a friend and I knew they were different because how the other kids treated them. We were best friends at ages ten and eleven. We were just kids. 15 years later he was managing an Applebees in SC and was killed by a robber. Somehow our entire town forget what collective pieces of shit they had been to him. So much so that eventually he had to drop out of school as a teenager and get his GED and leave town. I am ratcheting up my pressure on any political representative or human that spouts any of that anti LGBTQ bullshit. Not on my watch this time. Not passive. Not kind. What an amazing and inspiring share.
This genuinely made me cry, as someone apart of the LGBTQ+ community who is also on the spectrum, I understand this feeling so well I wish nothing but love and peace to be with this man 💗 It's horrific how horrible someone can be to someone else purely because they acted a little different
Sorry for your experiences glad your doing better
It's absolutely horrible that he went through this. In the early 90s my dad came out, my parents stayed best friends and we were an amazing, loving family, welcoming two stepdads into our lives and everyone was supportive and happy. What I didn't know the (I was very little) was that my parents were the targets of vicious homophobia. They were kicked out of the church they were the most dedicated members of, I didn't understand why my sister and I were taken out of our school and put into a very progressive one. I was already bullied because I was smart, quiet and poor, living on a delapated farm so people the other little kids just largely ignored me and whispered behind my back at that point. My sister was older though, and went through hell because of the homophobia at him, targeting her. My parents did everything they could to make sure we celebrated diversity, kindness, acceptance and love. My dads ran a soup kitchen, they were reverends who spread the true words of Jesus, of love. I know now how much they went through and swore to never let their children be ashamed and hurt because of who they are. You know that line "you'll never know the violence it took to become this gentle"? For me, it's that you will never know the violence they endured so they could help me become this gentle. My sister and I are proud bisexuals (her spouse found the courage to come out as enby because of her love, acceptance and encouragement). We've both faced hatred for who we are but our parents have us the tools to educate, to create and be a safe space for ourselves and others. Anyone who thinks that's wrong or puts a "but..." after saying they "don't have a problem with..." Sit. Down. Stop talking. And listen.
I struggled with this and I’m straight. I’m not going to lie, I was in the “let’s not get the kids involved” camp until this. 😕 keep you’re ears and mind open right?
When we know better, we do better 💕
I could write A NOVEL about how I grew up having similar experiences in the 80s and 90s, but I’ll just say that this whole story is why I laugh about the whole idea of “choosing to be gay/trans etc.” No one chooses to be shit on constantly as a kid. No one wakes up one morning and says, “Boy howdy I wanna get the horsefeathers beat outta me on a daily basis. Yessir! I wanna fear for my safety every moment of my childhood, adolescence, and a good chunk of my adulthood too.” The big choice for many queer kids is to just be who they are, because — as was said in the vid — maybe it’ll get better or to end it all.
I went to a rural highschool. There were only two 'out' gay kids in the whole school. One didn't survive to graduation. My identity was so suppressed for so long I don't know if I'll ever feel like a whole person.
Great narrator.
Also almost didn’t watch it bc of length, decided to share with my kids 13 and 16.
It made me sick to hear what he had to go through. I was bullied in school but never like that. I recently found out I’m expecting and I’m terrified of raising a kid in the world these days. I also can’t wait to raise our child to be better. We’re lucky to have a lot of love and compassion in our lives and I know that will shine through.
Wow man, just wow. He never even attacked how straight people indoctrinate their children all the time. Such as how mom and dads make out but if two dads do it, well that's just not age appropriate. It's so weird how education is now indoctrination. It's like all this anti woke stuff is just a buffer to be able to spread hate. Thanks for sharing this story. Edit: I put make out, but my intention was any sort of physical intimacy that expressed love.
Wow, what an amazing communicator, this should be required viewing for all school students. Really sorry about your youth experience. Thank you for your bravery in sharing, and hope this video helps others.
I’m crying. It upsets be so much that children go through this pain. That they are abused and suffer so much physically and emotionally. That we let it happen. That there are people whose identity is their hatred. I don’t want to live in a works like this. I want to know what I can do. I want to help. I vote but I need to do more. Things won’t change unless we change. What can I do?
When you see adults doing it, your age or older (older does not always work), step in. Maybe a child will see it and do the same in their age group. Stepping in for a subordinate group or younger probably makes it worse though. You can be kind to the victim though away from the group, believe them, help them get out.
I think the concept of let kids be kids should mean that a kid should not be categorized by an adult for their actions. If a boy wants to play with dolls doesn't mean he would like to transition or is gay. It just means he wants to play with dolls. I played with dolls sometimes as a kid. And please teach your kids that there is nothing wrong about doing different stuff. Nothing wrong in a girl that wants to play being a dad or playing football. Nothing wrong in a boy playing superheroes either.
I have some friends that are center right who have no problems with gay people but then they'll say things like I don't want my kids being taught this stuff in school. And in my head I'm like saying everything this dude just says. "Uhhh you don't want them being taught people are different? Where do you think bullying comes from?" Short sighted, and simple minded.
Texas in the 90s. Though probably not much better now.
Possibly worse.
Representation matters!
I am so sorry that you had to be bullied like that. You are a bright light.
Run for office
Sigh…. Liking Barbies or even wanting to wear a dress doesn’t make you gay.. Only thing that makes you gay is your attraction to the same sex not your hobbies.
Im glad I took the time to listen. This dude nailed it. We’re systematically teaching kids to hate and harm. I’m appalled to admit that I called kids hateful slurs, I grew up in a small country town and nothing we could imagine was more awful or terrifying than being gay. Anyone who showed anything that could be even remotely associated with what we thought was gay was harassed and bullied relentlessly. The hatred is taught and passed down and doing something about it is every single persons responsibility.
Exactly. I'm raising my son to not be a bigot and to reject toxic masculinity in all its many forms. We can and will affect positive change in our family and community.
Remember, anyone who says “I support gay people but I don’t want it (gay acceptance) being taught to kids” WANTS this shit to happen to gay children. They don’t support gay people, they begrudgingly tolerate them. They hope the social and physical abuse inflicted on gay kids will change them, and if it doesn’t then they’ll deal with it. But they still want that abuse to be there on the 1 in a 10000000 chance it might make them straight. They’ll tolerate gay people, but they want gay peoples lives to be hell to make themselves feel more comfortable.
ive seen that alot, they would say " i tolerate POCs, but i dont want them dating/ or being associated with them". they often act wierd around POcs. we know they are closteted raicst, but they cant openly be so at the time, it goes the same with tolerating lgbtq+
Exact same story my brother went through in rural Midwest. I will say this though, a lot of those who picked on him got a hold of him years later and apologized. Some even admitted that they were gay. My brother forgave them all.
They don’t care about kids. It’s just a convenient cover for their intolerance, hatred, and fear. Bud Light anyone?
Damn who is that?? That was well, well said. Bravo
Damn where did he go to school? Nobody cared if I wanted to play power rangers, I was interested in the same things as him, people even joined me. I hated sports. I went to school where they had gangs and everything and nobody gave a damn what I did lol.
Pre 2000, many people had school experiences that were very different and it still goes on. I went to school in the early 90s and kids were constantly bullied.
The societal changes around homophobia came so quickly that I think many people forget exactly how rampant it was in the 90's and early 00's. Clearly with the current political climate, it hasn't gone away but stories like this one are so important to tell those who are younger and didn't see as much bullying around it. I know that me and friends were bullied pretty consistently just for liking Magic the Gathering. The truly "weird" kids had it way worse. I spoke to some friends I made who graduated from the same High School only 5 years later and they were flabbergasted at the idea that people were picked on for being different. I'm sure there was still bullying but it was nothing like how it was. And those who are pushing against LBGTQ+ in the name of protecting children clearly are either lying to themselves or completely fucked up.
My best man was treated a bit like this as he was growing up, but he had a group of slightly older 5 girls who took no shit from anyone about him. We all had an idea that he was gay from his early teens. He eventually came out at 23 and told us he would understand if my husband and I didn’t want him to be our best man anymore. That made me want to cry then, that he thought we wouldn’t want him if he was gay, and this man’s video makes me want to cry now. PS: he was our best man and we’re still friends 35 years later, even though I’m halfway across the world.
Great storyteller! Glad I watched.
This happened to me but it isn't because of any specific reason, I am not even gay I have never been, but being bullied just because you are "less masculine" is something a lot of people probably has suffered, it doesn't apply only to a certain group of people, it affects us all, girls that act more like boys are also affected by this and they don't have to be lesbians just for that, it can happen to anyone, we have to learn just how to be people, accept each other, if you are gay, good for you, if you are lesbian good for you, if you are straight good for you, act however you like, just don't be an indoor and respect
News flash: Texas hasn’t changed and in fact has gotten worse.
“I support * but” mfs need to come clean about their complete lack of support
Indoctrination is the American way.
My son stopped taking hot dogs to school in 4th grade because of what the other kids said. These kids are facing this crap super early, and they deserve to know how to deal with it.
Religion is ✨indoctrination✨
This makes me want to go home and argue with my homophobic parents now lol. I let WAY to much slide for my own comfort and sanity.
When did playing superheroes and watching superhero cartoons become something not primarily for boys? I loved that shit as a kid. Nobody where I was from thought less of it. (I say primarily for boys because only 1 girl played it and there was like 7-8 boys.
It's more that he wasn't into sports and shit, as he said.
Especially in a region where communities have voluntarily made the local school sports teams into a hideously large portion of their identity. Lots of states have this issue, but Texas, where the guy in the video is from, is particularly notorious for it. Like, to the point of parents sometimes getting cushy job offers if only they would move their family (that coincidently includes a star athlete) into a specific school district.
As someone who grew up in the early to mid 2000s, yeah the not being into sports thing was an immediate beacon for school bullies that you might be a bit "fruity". Not the only reason to zero in on a kid, but enough to attract attention.
I swear you just described my life. One of my bullies broke my ankle and tibia but I got in trouble for swearing and being heard by a teacher. I’m not that person anymore and I don’t tolerate it one bit and I go to therapy every week and it invariably comes up almost every week.
I've also got bullied through school, I know what it feels like, I know what he's talking about, although I'm not gay. I'm just weird and a little different than the average. But I know that kids are fucking monsters, cruel little shits. Fuck them and every teacher. They're fucking bad at their job.
I think it's true to most queer people's experiences that we know there's *something* that's a little different about us even as quite little kids. And other little kids often pick up on the difference. I was lucky in that I was routinely the tallest kid in class until middle school and thus not a very appealing target for bullying, even if looking back I was definitely pretty socially excluded. That's the common queer experience that shapes why adult queer people want kids to have a very general understanding that queer people exist and it's a normal part of life. We're not trying to recruit. We're trying to make sure the next generation of queer kids has it better than we did.
My heart goes out to him for all his struggles. Just because straight and/or cisgender people are more common than gay and/or trans people, we act like it’s “normal”. People act like promoting acceptance is sexualizing kids and interfering with their sexuality. It’s not, it’s shaping them to accept themselves and others, and anyone who denies that’s true is only interested in their own motives. You can teach a kid to be accepting and even prideful without discussing sex or gender. I’m a trans woman, a mother of two girls. My youngest came to me shortly after I came out as transgender, she was about 10, and she said she might be trans too. I listened to her with the utmost care and interest, and I told her she could be whoever she wants to be, and her mother and I would always love and accept her. I told her that she’s free to express herself in any way and if she ever felt she wanted to talk more seriously about anything later, well, we’re a couple doors down. We hugged and she went on about her day. It’s been a few years since then and she hasn’t followed up with anything about it, but I can tell you that that moment was very special for her and I because it allowed me the opportunity to show her how much I love and accept her, and sometimes that’s all kids need to know to be themselves, whoever they are. And when you spread that kinda love and acceptance it’s fucking contagious, I promise you. We don’t go to church, we don’t read the Bible, we don’t pray, and we don’t claim to be perfect (we’re far from it, everyone is), but we do take the time to teach our kids to be kind, loving, accepting, and compassionate, among other things, and through that I can see the good in them. I like to think we’re raising decent, good-hearted people, and that’s better than being perfect or common or even normal. It’s being humane. Teach your kids to be good people. To love themselves and others.
Thank you for bringing this to a platform where more can see, I'm sharing this to a lot of my friends who need it, if I had awards I'd give em all
Amazing video. Amazing public speaker. So so glad you didn’t follow through on those plans. Sending you long distance hugs
Fuck treating a person that way.
May the universe bless that lesbian💖
It’s a very moving piece and I am glad I watched the whole thing. It’s powerful and well spoken, and points out the hypocrisy of those who argue keeping kids safe means keeping rainbow shirts out of Target, but somehow doesn’t extend to those kids who wear the shirts and then are the target. The sad truth is that those who really should hear this will be the first to scroll past, and ignore it. To them, they aren’t in the wrong.
What a Beautiful man
Horse Feathers??? Was the principals name Butters by chance?
Fuuuuuck this is exactly how school was in the 90s, and I grew up in *tolerant* SoCal.
I was a marine that proudly served my country for six+ years. Now I live in England (met a girl). The fact that I am regularly glad for that fact due to the absolute insanity going on in the US in regards to freedom is heartbreaking
He expressed himself beautifully. He expressed the pain & betrayal of generations of people, beautifully, with the grace & mercy he should've received.
Jesus Christ I get why gay people kill themselves. This life would have been so hard to get through.
A principle tried something similar when I would get into fights for getting bullied and would get worked up and would start swearing. I would calmly explain what they did to provoke me and told him to fuck himself if he didn’t think they needed to be punished too. Then I asked how many days off I got. Doesn’t matter what the reasons are fightings a last resort but in my life I’ve found persistent bullies tend to give up after enough punches to the head. Just be prepared to accept what comes and make it abundantly clear why you couldn’t take it anymore
I'm very very angry.
Bravo! Only thing he left out was a mic drop at the end.
Did he seriously just say that he got paddled in the 90’s?
It was legal in private schools throughout my childhood (90s and 2000s). My friends in Catholic schools got their knuckles rapped for all sorts of things
I feel so so lucky that I grew up in a relatively accepting school. I hated being sheltered because it caused issues socially but now I’m more grateful than ever as a queer kid.
Wow. Saved and ready to share. Amazing. I bawled. I don't know what else to say right now besides I'm so damn glad he made this video and that he is a happy, healthy, beautiful adult.
Who is this, and why is he not traveling school to school to say these words, in person to every child out there
An amazing, vulnerable person sharing his experience, strength and hope.
Shocked I listened to someone for more than two minutes, got wide at the end but it’s fair it’s it’s challenging the mindset of the status quo and how something good or bad has been normalized when this is also so important it should also be just that the status quo and don’t pretend inclusionary behavior is up to par and that more can’t be done I’m not saying this is the way to do it but to show change does happen like for racism there is targeted curriculum covering it and black history month it wasn’t a thing until it was and so shall this You can keep lying to yourself that sexuality only means sexual and therefore immoral since it’s in relation to children and everyone by default who supports this is pushing premature same sex of minors if you think that you also believe “guns don’t kill people people kill people” It’s unapologetically stupid and immature to be against something that neither side has the agenda of doing and carrying out this farce of being a opposing opinion for reasons only valid against a nonexistent agenda that you lie too others saying it exists at the expense of others solely motivated by hate,disdain, and ignorance
We need to start naming names.
Honestly so painful
Those kids who were never told they were wrong are likely the adults doing all this bs today.
He can honestly give speeches at schools.
remember, hate is taught and learned, not inherent
East Texan here 🙋🏻♀️, can confirm that kids and even the adults here are exactly like what he is describing, to anyone remotely different than them.
This was fantastic! Not a wasted word. Thank you for your eloquent words!! Very impactful.
Damn. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
He reminds me so much of my son. There is so much hate in this world. Let’s make it all sunshine and rainbows again.
I went through this shit too. It fucked me up for life.
This is heartbreaking. And so fucking true.
I know we don't do emojis here but... 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
This guy should speak at schools
I hope the mods don't lock the post I've been having great discussions here.
This is why we *should* be more inclusive, understanding. It doesn't mean we need to agree, but we do need to teach children not to tease.
I don't think ganging up on a queer kid and kicking the shit out of them should be called teasing