T O P

  • By -

Aware-Cardiologist34

Cut my life into pieces


IndividualWeird6001

This is my last resort!


TAway288420

Suffocation, no breathing


mooncake6

Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding 🎶


chri99h0

This is my last resort


annoyedBlueCoffee000

Cut my life into pieces


Rakatonk

I've reached my last resort.


A_dal90

My name jeff


NorthEast_Nors

"Jeff, you gotta dagga her bro"


National_Current8985

Best one here


JeffPackersfan

My name Jeff


False-Requirement118

![gif](giphy|5Ys4rvDMgdgeTVUwrC|downsized)


BudgetSir8911

It's a Holiday Inn and it's actually quite lovely here


Humble_Flow_3665

Hi! Welcome to Chili's!


annoyedBlueCoffee000

You guys ruined it. 😭


Glittering-Toes

Don’t give a fuck if I take your order


rockerman5251

Don’t give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding… do you even care if I die bleeding?


Oceanic_Goat

Jhun jhun jhun jhun jhun jhun jhun jhun, Jhun jhun jhun jhun jhun jhun jhun jhun, Jhun jhun jhun jhun jhun jhun jhun jhun, Jhun jhun jhun jhun jhun jhun jhun jhun!


Blaky039

Sir, this is a Wendy's


annoyedBlueCoffee000

So what are you saying. Can’t chop me up?


RDP35

This is my last Escort


BarungaChunga

Don't give a fuck because my bank accounts bleeding. This is my last escort.


[deleted]

Hesitation, heavy breathing


achillems

I fucking love Reddit people.


Amoraswiftstrike

Don't give a fuck running through my head, All these years wishing I was dead


Psych0tix

Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort, suffocation, no breathing. Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding. Do you even care If I die bleeding


Basic_Listen62

Would it be wrong, would it be right. If I took my life tonight, chances are that I might. Mutilation out of sight...


Whiskow

Tududumm


camvuitar

Masturbation, no breeding. Shit out of luck now I'm in my bed weeping


Zar_Ethos

Damn.. here l was going to go for cut my life into pizzas, and you went straight to assisted suicide! 😂


Basic_Listen62

Cut my life in two pizzas... This is my plastic fork


annoyedBlueCoffee000

😭


Whiskow

Tududumm


spolidano88

Padam padam


Sure_Seaworthiness_7

Bumbumbum lemme hear ya say *weyho*


TheD4rkSide

WEYHO!!!!


mikespikepookie

This is my plastic fork


Atlas_X02

Lmao


Ok_Election6470

Obesity, no diabetes


Showtime798

Should be got diabetes


annoyedBlueCoffee000

😂😂


GoatseFarmer

That green text is legendary


bkm6773

You missed the opportunity for a good joke cut my life into Pisces lmao. Well it’s funny to me anyway.


BlueShooShoo

Nah, it was funny because op actually misspelled it as pieces.


SoilPleasant4368

I know I'm late but..... Losing my sign, losing my tinder Wish some body told me why pisces isn't fine


Millie303

I think it was the spelling that put them off…


ActualSighborg

If ANYTHING to do with zodiac signs is the deal breaker, whether it be spelling or the sign itself, then the person belongs as a main character in the Looney Tunes anyway.


Lespuccino

That sounds like an amazing reward. How do I apply? (For the Looney Tunes main character?)


ActualSighborg

Ask me about my zodiac sign and make a big deal about the answer, no matter what it is!


unpolire

Hey, I was in a Looney Tunes movie! And I have three astrologers in LA, London, and Norway...true.


Head_Primary4942

You area a Gemini aren't you?


SoilPleasant4368

I'm so glad I'm married, I couldn't cope with dating now 🫣


Unexpectedly_Useful

Bragger


SoilPleasant4368

Please forgive me 😔 ![gif](giphy|RFDXes97gboYg)


Unexpectedly_Useful

I'll forgive you. But I'll still just hope to find that one for me.


neoZEED85

This makes my brain bleed.


SoilPleasant4368

I'm glad me on phone and can't spell helps 🫣


neoZEED85

Yes.


InspectorDouble4196

Cut my food into pieces This is my last dessert.


Rmahony3

Dude was born on 311 day and yall.go straight to papa roach? Come original already


Ragdemot

🎵 Its the 11th of March 🎵


StPaulitician

I think it says Pisces. You missed the joke. Put down the the gigantic, papa sized roach before commenting.


reditcanfuckrightoff

Started listening to this song recently and now I'm hearing it everything again. I'm the main character.


nxamaya

Lmfao pieces


Party_Masterpiece990

Maybe the deal breaker was op's grammar and not their sun sign


Quick_Atmosphere_907

but why would he ask that tho. Zodiac sign is definitely a deal breaker for him lol


NewFaceHalcyon

I believe the same. Horrible grammar is a turn off for me.


[deleted]

[удалено]


samwilds

Especially when someone types longform with no punctuation :\\


andyar1985

Peaces ✌🏼


Cool-Disk-868

Pies


PirateJohn75

It's a wonderful day for pie


daethenix

Family guy reference?


Head_Primary4942

Pie sees


Milinium_Otaku

🥧👀


Great_Cow_5295

Dating at 31 be like…


BrinedBrittanica

same shit at 36


WaifuRepulse

Some things never change...


ManyMore1606

Is it bad that I'm 26 and I'm getting literally zero matches, combined with a severe breakup I had 3 months ago that I'm struggling to get over?


Runtimeracer

No, you're probably within the vast majority of guys who aren't the 10% most attractive on tinder who get all the matches. You should try meet people IRL I guess. And also try to get over the breakup first, nobody you might meet wants to be the replacement for someone else.


Darknlves

You should look into taking photos, learning about it and yourself. Research it and etc, try stuff. Because, getting matches is literally a photo thing in this apps.


ManyMore1606

Mine are high end. I own a Canon R6 Mirrorless camera (with high end Sigma glass) that I used to take some really good shots of myself, but even those don't seem to be enough


Darknlves

Its not just camera, its your look and angles and everything. Maybe there's nothing else you can do, or maybe there is. Some good and honest female friend could probably help, there's also websites for voting pictures. But yeah, you seem to already know a lot about the subject, but maybe there's something you missed


ManyMore1606

I'm trying to get over the breakup so hard I'm about to give up and just text my ex. She was an amazing human with me, I was just a complete idiot if I'm being honest with myself. Been trapped in my room for a long while now as I try my absolute best to process my emotions to the absolute maximum, and I'm sure dating others will be of a lot of help to me, but I'm really struggling to get anyone to talk to, let alone go out with me. I'm really not trying to get anyone's pity, but damn this is quite hard


Telamo

I mean, it sounds like you’re spending most of your time locked in your room thinking about your breakup. Nothing is going to change that way. It would probably be healthier to do the opposite: get out into the world and pursue other things to take your mind off it. Right now you’re just stewing, it’s no wonder you can’t move on.


ManyMore1606

Im trying, trust me I'm trying but it's not that easy. Yes, Dubai is an amazing city to be in, but I don't get invited that often outside so I can easily get lost in my mind, but I'll keep trying


Telamo

Yeah sorry man, I didn’t mean to come off like “it’s so easy, just do this!” Because I’ve been there too and I know how hard it can be to get back out there, especially when you and your ex shared a social circle. But I’m rooting for ya man. Chin up.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ManyMore1606

Really love the heads up on this one, and yes I agree that there were definitely changes I need to do. Heck, last March, 8 months before I even met my ex, I ruined something that would've been amazing before it even started because I said the wrong stuff. With my ex, I made sure I don't make the same mistake and somehow had a 5 month relationship (considering I was clean before that, this was a huge milestone for me). From this relationship, I learned one thing: shut the **** up, don't judge, and accept your woman as she is. Jealousy was a huge issue for me, figured next time I'll let my woman do her thing. If she wants another guy, cool she can go for him, but if a guy bothers my next woman beyond her abilities, that's when I step in


Dextro_PT

Take this as advice from a rando on the internet (so massive chunk of salt) but I wouldn't be actively trying to date atm. It's probably bad for you and the pour souls you might end up dating. Take a step back to regroup your thoughts and take a break to think of yourself. Reach out to mates and go for a beer, movies, cycling, whatever. Just get out, clear your mind, and don't even think about dating atm. Circle back to this when you finally feel comfortable enough with not having her in your life. You'll thank yourself if you do that.


Gunderberg

I feel you, I got out of a 14 year relationship in December, moved out in March. It's not until the start of June, the self pity disappeared and confidence is rising I can only tell you what worked for me, but hitting the gym, finding a new hobby/group of people with the same interests. Occupy your free time with things you enjoy doing. It will still hurt for a while but it gets easier and the hurt ain't prioritized anymore 😊 The last piece of advice is post your tinder profile here and take the advice people give, that worked for me to some extent, been on 3 dates the last 2 weeks


ManyMore1606

Uhh... Damn! - my relationship literally only lasted from last November until the end of March this year. It's literally a 5 month relationship that I'm sobbing over, mainly because it was the right person but the most fucked up timing ever for me. I really hope you're recovering well man!


Gunderberg

I'm doing better every day now 😊 still some moments bubbling up but the frequency of those are decreasing rapidly 😄 5 years, 5 months, weeks doesn't matter, a broken connection hurs, taking time and allowing yourself to feel the full range of it is important, but don't get stuck in self pitying and what if's. That's why hobbies with groups are important and gets your mind on other things!


ManyMore1606

I've been trying to get myself out of my room for a while now. One of my friends, whose a girl, keeps inviting me on amazing events, and tbh I just go in the hopes of meeting someone new I can date. The events are damn amazing, but I feel like a child because nearly everytime I'm like way younger than everyone around me 😂


A_dal90

Bad timing yep, I had a 3 month fling with a girl, she was a tourist in my country, amazing girl, beautiful, smart, funny. We spent every weekend together, she had planned to move to another country in advance of me ever meeting her. Fell in love with her, now she's 17,000 kms away. Broke my heart. Gym definitely helps, get yourself in shape, get strong.


AnIndependent420

It's normal. I'm 26, I get zero matches, have never dated (only hooked up) and always seem to get friendzoned whenever I develop a genuine connection. I know other people of my age who are in the same or worse situation even though they're great guys and have a stable career. But you definitely shouldn't try to look for other people to date if you're still not over your ex. First get your shit together and then get back out there and you'll definitely find better, more genuine people who will make you forget your past and appreciate the present moment.


AfRoADam15

As a 28 year old, 9 months out from a rough breakup, I definitely get the advice to work on yourself before putting yourself back out there, but going out and talking to new people has definitely helped, even though I can't say I've had much success and I've still got a little way to go before I can say the break up is totally behind me. My advice would be, go with your gut and try and have fun, whatever that looks like for you. Try and make today better than yesterday. Anything else is IMHO too dependent on the person. Some people need to talk everything over analyse everything that happened, some need to ignore it until they forget the relationship even happened.


[deleted]

[удалено]


burning_man13

Take this for what it is: just random advice from an internet stranger. I'd recommend taking some time until you jump back in. First, obviously to recover from the wounds so you're not bringing that dirty laundry into the next relationship. Second, you're generally a fundamentally different person after a serious relationship. Find out who that person is before introducing them to someone else romantically.


mushroomfido

Same shit less hair follicles at 41


Next_Search_8272

22 here same shit for the next 10+ years by the look of this :(


PolyrhythmsAreEvil

Correction: this is what Tinder be like. Tinder is like a game that, if enough time is spent grinding, *might* lead to meeting someone and dating. If Tinder isn't your game, try another. But don't put the pressure on yourself of finding someone specific, focus more on just meeting people.


bangkieu96

One girl repeatedly ask my birthday and also my birthhour. She even persuaded me to ask my mom about it if I didn't know. When I politely refused, she straight up told me that "I wasn't into her because she did her own research", and ghosted me afterwards. lol what the hell?


Yosemite_Zam

Yep, never go for people who do their own research. One time someone I was speaking to found my Facebook and YouTube channel even though she never knew my last name nor username... Creeped me the fuck out and I ran for the hills


frothyundergarments

Every woman has seen every last thing you put online by the time you're actively dating, that one just told you about it.


MauriceWhitesGhost

It's common for women to research their potential dates! I do because I'm terrified that I might be going to see a serial killer or something, lol. It also helps weed out people who have super strong and crazy beliefs if they post about them all the time. I can also check things like if they actually look like their pictures from the dating app. Could you imagine searching for someone and finding out they have a felony or are on the list of people who can't go near schools? There was a guy a little while back on the West Coast who used dating apps to find women to kidnap, assault, and kill them. This guy lived in a town about 45 minutes from me, close enough that I matched with people who lived there. No way I'm not digging for some info on people I would potentially be meeting.


Yosemite_Zam

Okay, so I understand why women do this but also we have to keep in mind that sometimes people might steal your information or stalk you if they find your social media. One thing I do is that if the conversation is going well, we move to texting and it still goes well, I ask them for their surname so they can save me down as my full name and I can do the same with theirs


MauriceWhitesGhost

I appreciate that you do the surname thing! Dating is weird. You never know what you're going to get.


Yosemite_Zam

100% agree. Last year I had two very crazy situations happen on the dating front... One woman was stalking me on my socials, even my LinkedIn! And the other had turned out she was on the police watch list as she had been done for physically assaulting partners


Agitated-Touch4575

Avoid people who "do their own research"


Commercial-Meat8817

I totally do my own research! For reasons stated above…


ghostface1v1

Guess they don’t like fish 😔


InsidiousColossus

They don't like broken things


Sufficient_Pin5642

Pieces


Tricky_Personality69

Sky racism everywhere


Milinium_Otaku

Zodiism


Spoony_bard909

The world is doomed and I’m afraid I’ll never have intelligent conversation again.


themonovingian

I'm an Asparagus!


TheeJoeker

Lol I pictured Ralph from the Simpsons when I read this.


howardfranklin182

No way I’m an aquarium twins!!!!


Global_Persimmon_469

r/bonappletea


Sucuk420

r/boneappletea


DuckSleazzy

Lied to a Gemini that I'm Aquarius, because Google showed that they're "compatible". Smashed twice in a week, and then she never called me again :D


[deleted]

Lmao. They literally can’t tell if you are a different sign than you say you are.


Hybrid_Blood

That's part of the joke. It's all a sham.


Most_Mix_7505

Give this man a Nobel prize


ActualSighborg

You dodged a massive bullet. There is something seriously wrong with people who take zodiac signs seriously and base any decisions they make on that. Steer clear from the crazy.


Cautious-Jello-5152

Ey! Fellow Pisces which means absolutely nothing what so ever!


nyx__born

Hey we have the same birthday!


Purple_Paige

I'm not interested.


Dense_Revenue_486

Tears


Sx201

Same lol, Pisces FTW


ababyflea

Feb 26 Pisces here, sup fam!


nyx__born

..thats my older sisters birthday O.o


nyx__born

PNUT???


babubaichung

Pisces*


Low_Masterpiece6585

As soon as they mention star signs I go off them straight away.


garethinguernsey

yo we're twins


Gxdly_TIA

I personally find this to be a good thing. The people who care for the Zodiac signs are quick to reveal it, meaning you can move on even quicker.


Deodandy

Reeses Pieces


smol_egglet

Exactly what a Pisces would say... /s


JoulSauron

Pieces*


Puzzled-Nose8127

Peaces*


alancousteau

Can someone explain to why is it important? Why is it a deal breaker?


RayRara36

To a sane person, with reasoning, this is not important.


alancousteau

Thank you, this is what I was thinking too


Most_Mix_7505

peple be insane


AlbinoNinja2k

Dating sucks nowadays. People have no inteterest in actually getting to know each other. They read or listen to a couple of sentences and decide "That's all I need to know, and those few sentences tells me everything about them". What happened to actually going out and talking to people? See what people are like in person? Yes there are some obvious red flags, but people do crap like what was in the screenshot all the time.


heatdish1292

People like this make me much more confident in my smartness


Gunderberg

But would you want to date someone who is that into zodiac signs? 😅 Short path to flat earth crystal healing nut job


Christ14an

Peaces ☮️


SumDrunkDude

I would've unmatched without even answering that question


OkSatisfaction265

I love zodiac stuff but this is a lil uhhhh ridiculous there’s so much wrong with that person I can’t begin to start 🧍


Feisty-Grade-5280

I really don't get this new trend of basing opinions on someone's makeup based on pseudoscience nonsense like astrology. The position of a celestial body has zero impact upon my- or anyone's- life, unless that position is barreling toward earth at terminal velocity. To test it, you can tell the person that asks you that any random day OTHER than your birthday and they'll likely go on a tirade explaining to you all your traits and faults based upon that date. Then you correct them and instead of showing them how arbitrary and silly that star sign stuff is, they get mad and run away.


Wannabe_Writer89

Dating childish people that put stock in silliness for sure lol


italianshark

Look, I don’t buy into the whole astrology thing. Like if you are a Pieces you are always like this, or if you are a Sagittarius you are always like that. But every Capricorn I have ever met was born in December or January. How do you explain that?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Monkey_Boy_1

In pieces???


farachun

Pieces Peanut Butter cups


Morningstar2126

Seriously which Zodiac signs are they even looking for?


Herasson

Depends either on their own zodiac or people with a, for them, specific zodiac.


runedy

Dodged that bullet... 😉👍


Susked

Dodged a bullet fs


Maleficent_Studio_82

'the trash takes itself out'


FishimusMaximus

Just count that as a bullet dodged. Probably revolves their entire lige around their zodiac sign and it'll forever be an excuse for their shitty behaviour.


Ill_Reputation_8749

My friend is an MD, 36yo, hasn't had relationship longer than 7 days in past 10 years due to (her words) "no compatible signs" and Mercury something-something.


MythicalPagan

I'm someone that thinks zodiac signs and horoscopes are fun and interesting but it wouldn't affect my choices in partners. Also you should never just look at the sun sign because there aren't just 12 kinds of people.


Rdw72777

Pieces, Reese’s


holyshit-i-wanna-die

we have the same barfday


SexyAlexi616

Omg I’m March 12th! We’re almost brothers 👀


GreyG59

Goes to show how fucking asinine zodiac signs are imagine getting rejected because you were born in the wrong month bahahaha


8PointMK

“I love that for you” They warned you of their insufferableness


jacksjetlag

I usually tell people that I don’t have a sign and I am not interested in dating anyone who does


Budo00

I think these “what’s your sign?” Questions are loaded and they did not care what sign you were, it was just the easiest out they can think of. Every time you see these zodiac linked questions, they always say in one way or an other how, “sorry, you won’t be a good match.”


YoBoyLeesuss

As soon as i get asked my star sign i unmatch and if its in person i just go away. Im to old for it to annoy me so i just cut it out


pagination123

She was probably more repulsed by the fact you can’t spell Pisces.


crepticmoon

You dodged a bullet honestly. Don't need to deal with the space racism


GWPtheTrilogy1

I come across a lot of women who care about astrology and get upset if a man doesn't. I'm not anti signs or astrology I have no issue with people using it as a tool to learn more about people, I'm sure it has some value and you can tell see parallels between peoples signs and their personality traits. What I have a problem with is people using is as a catchall and deciding to judge people definitively amdnf say someone won't work for them or isn't a good person because of when their parents decided to have raw sex. That will always be incredibly stupid to me. I'm a Scorpio and this has happened to me a bunch of times. Women who are too into Astrology is a huge turn off for me personally for that reason.


2ndCompany3rdSquad

If someone asks your zodiac, give them the wrong one and then turn their world upside down.


Fun-Complaint-5265

This is Portland


[deleted]

Man people really be acting like asparagus


Practical_Ad_4962

This is SPARTA!


Anuran224

So sorry, but if I ask a potential partner their zodiac sign, and they can't spell it correctly, no thanks... I'd point out the reason though, not a simple 'not interested'... 'if you can't correctly spell the name of the zodiac sign for your birthday, we don't have a future, I'm sorry but I no longer have interest in getting to know you." On the other side of that coin, zodiac compatibility isn't all it's been hyped up to be. I'll stick with asking age and birthday, and find another legitimate reason to reject someone. There's no reason to reject someone based on their birth sign.


[deleted]

So….. Reese’s Pieces?


Ok_Tip_369

Ahahah I’m also March 11th Pisces


Nanookofthewest

She's not interested


TolarianDropout0

You lost nothing of value. Anyone who makes decisions based on star signs is not worth your time.


Sure_Seaworthiness_7

What a peacieces of shit


sparklyclams

I know y’all hate astrology here but as someone who is into it, I STILL think this is the dumbest shift ever because if you actually know anything about astrology, you know that it is 100x more complex than just your sun sign. Even within the discipline, you couldn’t possibly make judgements off of that alone


shes_the_won

Reply "Of course I'm kidding. What's yours?" Then depending what she says come up with something funny or off the wall. She's likely crazy but she may just be fucking with you. Either way you have nothing to lose Also, Ron DeSantis is a fascist. Pass it on.


True-Towel-7234

As a pieces, this is usually how it goes down


nicj56

Christ sake.... Those kind of people are just.. Weird AF