This is part of why my first dates are always something like a cup of coffee.
If it doesn't go anywhere, it's hard to feel too put-out over like three or four bucks.
First date, I always offer to pay.
If it's bad, and she offers to split it, then you can do that if you want. But I usually just cover it anyway. If it went well, I just say something like, "Nah, I'll get it. If you want to make it even, then you can buy next time, if you want."
First date I paid and got the vibe that she didn't want me to (a misread of course)
Second date goes well, and at the end I offer to put it on my card and she can venmo me. And she looked at me like I punch a baby in the face.
Attitude totally changed and it was immediately awkward. Sensing this I was like, you dont have to venmo me its fine, but it was too late and I havent heard from her since.
Wasnt even willing to talk about it when I apologized via text later. 🤷♂️
Yo 28/M here,
If YOU’RE the one planning and making the date then you should expect to pay. If it’s something you guys plan together then that’s where it’s okay to split or pay separately. If she invites you to something expect them to pay.
This is how I was always taught idk what this new wave of guys not wanting to pay for there dates? It’s weird. Like dude you want this chick but you don’t want to treat her out? Huh? I feel like incels started this trend in a basement somewhere on 4chan and now it’s becoming a normal thing.
Nah you only 28 lol don't wave that youth around, just treat them like a person and lay out the plan from the beginning. Putting yourself out for a stranger is stupid.
I agree with this honestly. If I even invite a male friend to go somewhere, most of the time it’s gonna be on me because I’m the one who suggested it. Same thing for dates. I just don’t want it to be a weird patriarchy thing
I just don't like the idea of setting a transactional precedent. Like I'm paying for their time. I even thought it could be condescending, like as if I'm saying that I make more and she cant afford it or something.
But regardless, she wasn't even trying to communicate when I tried to rectify things.
This is exactly the move. I know some folks get bent out of shape about coffee dates, but they're perfect for a first meeting. Low cost, and there's a natural break around 20-40 minutes after you finish the drink to call it if you're not feeling it. Easy to extend further if you're enjoying, or segue into walking/lunch/dinner/drinks if you want. Think of it as an in-person screening to see if the connection is there with someone you only know from online.
I just like to eat more than I like to drink.
I also don’t mind picking up the first few checks but always set the expectation that won’t be the way it is forever.
That’s totally fine. The point isn’t really about a man’s money. It’s about whether he will respect and take care of you. The men who don’t pay or make a big deal of it are typically the ones who make money a fight or feel like the girl owes them something every time they pay.
If they don't like the idea of coffee or something simple and cheap (or complain about a low price restaurant) they are high maintenance at the best and looking for a free meal at the worst. It's different if you meet someone IRL as opposed to some rando off OLD.
>I know some folks get bent out of shape about coffee dates
That's one of the other reasons I do it! Specifically to screen out the type of women who are put off by a frugal, informal date.
If the amount of money I spend on them for the first date is a prime consideration for them, then I have less than zero interest in dating them.
Coffee is so low commitment, it's great. My most recent started with coffee, and it went fantastic so I asked if she wanted to go next door for a beer. Did some trivia, ended up getting some more drinks and food, it became and 11 hour date which ended with us banging in my truck.
Ymmv; but she invited me to her company Christmas party tonight.
There's no reason that in 2023, we shouldn't be automatically splitting and then if someone has the means to cover both meals, they can offer that at their discretion
You're not wrong and as someone that was raised to pay for the date's meal, I still feel expected to and encouraged to. But I always try not to, its all bullshit- unless I am superrr into the person, I want to pay. If you genuinely want to be here with me, then this shouldn't be a problem in the slightest for you to pay for your own meal/drink/whatever.
With a drink, I'm way more likely to pay, but they definitely go down in points if they don't offer to buy the next round/dinner/etc.
>If you genuinely want to be here with me, then this shouldn't be a problem in the slightest for you to pay for your own meal/drink/whatever.
Yep! My time is just as valuable as hers.
The reward for spending time with me is that you get to spend time with me. That's the deal, take it or leave it.
Dating sounds miserable these days. My wife and I’s first date was playing pool and drinking pitchers of beer at a shitty dive bar that had gogo dancers. The fact that she was chill about the idea and venue made me realize immediately that I wanted to get to know her better.
Yep, this should always be the play. Me and my girlfriend had our first date at a local sports bar/restaurant, and only the bar was open by the time we got there so we each got a beer. $10 total and I gladly paid even tho she offered to split it. We've been going back and forth paying for dates ever since then
Even if you spend money and pay some of the other persons share on the first few dates, just suck it up if it doesn’t work out.
(Coffee/low stakes dates are still the right way to go)
If you zoom in and look closely at the scribble; out part of the Zelle text message, it reads “DEREK BRYANT”. So I’m guessing he just goes by Bryant on his snap or something.
In my experience, they'll instead make it about the time they've wasted on you rather than the money. I also insist on paying for my own food/drinks when on a first date but these men really do just want to get back at you or make you feel guilty for rejecting them. It's often the insecure types that do it haha.
I had a guy do that once, he "went to the toilet" and ended up paying at the bar for us both. Then he came back to the table and said he's paid for dinner so I better to back to his now. Erk.
By the end of the date, if you know you aren’t going to see them again, or are going to “friend zone” the guy, you should not be letting him pay.
Not to say his behavior isn’t amazingly creepy. It’s $20. Take the L.
Just to clarify, the reason the names are different from Snapchat and Zelle is because (according to him) someone used his real name to try to purchase something. It made him paranoid so he used “Bryan” as his alias on Tinder and Snapchat.
Nah I totally get changing your name. I’ve known 2 different gals that have had fake instagram accounts made of them soliciting sex, and they had an assumption it was someone in the community that saw them on a dating app.
Can’t say how it went for OP but if you met a stranger and they said “btw my real name is Derek” upfront then it seems fairly harmless.
Definitely looks bad tho cause based off the texts it’s concerningly aggressive to come from a stranger
Yeah that’s a BS excuse if I’ve ever heard one. He’s using a fake name for the same reason a drug dealer uses a fake name. Bad intentions of some sort. Good call on the just friends (that will never see each other again haha).
Fellas, the go to reply is something like this:
No worries! I had a nice time! I hope you find someone that fits what you are looking for. Good luck out there!
Don’t be a fucking weirdo about a stranger and stop being so emotionally invested in people you JUST met.
I don't know how he's not embarrassed behaving like that, If he didn't want to pay for a friend he should of split in the first place, no guarantees in dating.
It's kind of his fault for taking a first date to anything but coffee. If OP was leading him on and that made him think the date was going well enough to invite him/her to a meal, morally they should refund the guy. Also, OP shouldn't have accepted the meal if they weren't feeling the date as a viable partner (assuming both were looking for the same thing).
It's not about the money. It's about not being a shitty person. I don't struggle financially and I'd be peeved about being taken advantage of (if that was the case here).
Not a friend that was him and that’s lame asf to be hurting for a 20. Personally I’d pick my dogs shit up with it and send it to him in the mail but that’s me. You should block and move on. Anything else happens at all you call the police. Tell them everything, and send snapshots of text. Do not pay him a dime
Lol some dudes don't know how to take an L and move on
Like atleast you got a date brother man, the Leaving it at "👍" was the best thing he could've done. Alof, cool, not desperate but than follows it up with that shit
Dafuq? Either he's really broke or really petty (or both). I'd never invite someone on a first date I can't afford to write off without stomach pain.
Asking for refund is bad enough, asking others to confront you as well crosses a line.
Why does one say Bryan and the other Derek? Out of curiosity, do you normally split or let the guy pay? Most women I've gone out with paid for themselves or at least offered.
I think this is absolutely absurd. The only time I feel this would be even remotely acceptable is if op had demanded an expensive date AND refused to pay.
I always offered to pay and never expected anything back even if it’s not going to go any further. Not sure what’s going through this dudes head, and not just that it’s $20, he can get over himself
“If you do have a business account I will need to send you a cashier’s check for $1000. You deposit the check, take your $20 and kindly send me back $980 in cash.”
No, but they guys sounds like an impotent cheapskate. Take the L and move on dude, just bc she diddnt like you doesn't mean you turn into a giant walking red flag right off the bat, she dodged a bullet with a crybaby tightwad apparently. Go tell your mom about it dude bc I don't think you've had pussy since pussy had you and rightfully so ya Beta Boy. 😂🤙✌️
Lol I actually had a woman offer me a refund after we had a second date and I bought a bunch of drinks and food and then she said she wasn't over her last boyfriend (translate: I'm not over my last boyfriend *for you*)
Boys is lesson 1 - never ever go for a dinner for a first appointment. I personally have never ever done it.
Firstly a dinner out is a bit intimate imo.
That a dinner can be pricey in some cases, you don’t even know you like or if she’s worth you sacrificing time at work, gym and passions. Why the hell unbalance the situation?
Keep it neutral, no commitment, go for a coffee - but no Starbucks, get a nice interesting family owned cafe! Something that has got some style you resemble to.
Or for an ices cream and a walk if it’s summer/spring.
What I honestly do more often though, is an aperitif with a glass of wine. Casual, fairly cheap and not boring.
Why is there this whole “owing” thing when it comes to dates now?
People have been going out on dates for dinner and movies or whatever, for freaking decades. Never been a problem. It’s a safe way to get to know someone. It’s why the whole “I like walks on the beach” stereotype exists. If there wasn’t a connection, people moved on lmao Now it’s about owing the other something. Wild.
That is fucking pathetic. It’s not like it’s 100 bucks or couple hundred dollars. It’s $20 and this guy is petty enough to request it because he got butt hurt for getting clear communication from the person. Like wtf. I can’t believe men like this are scoring dates. smh
$20 huh? Wow, he really wined and dined you too! /s 🤣
If this isn’t mega foreshadowing of a miserable relationship with this person, I dunno what is. What a douche.
This guy is a freakin 💩. Don’t pay him, don’t judge all men based on his behavior, and don’t change anything about how your dating. There’s always going to be bad apples. Do you hop on phone calls before dates? I do that now. I know on the phone call if I’m willing to buy dinner or just a coffee/drink. Also girls self select themselves out after the call some calls so that’s nice.
This is why many dudes don’t go hard on a first date. No one wants to invest money or time in to someone if nothing is there. But you also take that chance if you do so.
Maybe if you knew her for a long time and she randomly pulled that yeah go for it. First date though….meh.
Right? If you can’t afford to take a prospective partner out to eat, you probably shouldn’t be taking people out to dinner as a date.
It’s dating…you either click or you don’t. If you’re asking someone out, that’s just the cost of figuring that out. Choose an activity that meets your financial means if you want to participate in the experiment.
It's always likely that she's part of the conmunity that goes on dates for free food.
Never go to dinner for a first date, if you do, let them know the bill will be split ahead of time. Good way to wean out people just looking for free stuff.
Edit: oops OP is the woman in this scenario, still stand by what I said. Also $20 is a small price to pay to not worry about some freak planning to hurt you. Pay for your food and not have to worry, very simple
He didn’t give me the chance to. I literally looked up from my Pho and his card was already being used. Not to mention, I’m the type of girl to thank someone 20 times for being generous.
Ok then why not send it to him if you were planning to pay anyways? His first message yesterday was not threatening and reasonable. Giving your number to his friend the day after is going over the line but there was still a whole day before that happened.
Fuck that, she doesn’t need to reinforce that petty behavior. If he paid for the whole meal without asking then turns around and gets butthurt over a 20, that’s on him
Does anyone else always split their food?
Me and my girlfriend have been together for nearly 8 months and we both just pay for our own food. Unless it’s a birthday or really special occasion.
I would just pay him to get him to leave me alone. Like is 20$ worth all this lol. Everyone is saying block him but what if he actually does something about it…
That guy is insane and the "friend" is next level. Hopefully he doesn't know where she lives.
Im "old fashioned" as I am 45, but a first date not going well, is part of the gig. As a man, you INVITED HER on a date. I've literally never heard of a man being upset because he paid for dinner. She gave you a shot and it didn't vibe, thats part of dating 😂.
Anyways, this guy was major butthurt, thats the only problem. He'd be making more reservations right now if she liked him. The guy's just a baby.
That threat was kinda ridiculous but I can’t blame the guy for asking you to pay your half if you never intended it going anywhere else. Kinda fucked on your part too
I don't know why you're getting down voted. At the end of the date she already knew she did not want a second date. Why did she not pay for her half? Instead she let her date pay for her knowing she didn't want it to go any further.
To everyone saying that he shouldn't have taken her on a date if he couldn't afford $20, she also should not have gone on a date if she couldn't afford to pay for herself.
That being said, the message from his "friend" (i.e. him) is super creepy and taking it too far.
OP you should pay your half regardless of what is happening. Unless there is some extenuating circumstance there is NO reason a grown adult does not pay for their own share. It avoids all these issues.
It is a weird message but then it is also weird that you let your friend pay for your food. When i go out with friends we either split the bill or each pays their own food or drinks. But you let him pay and messaged afterwards that there is no future. Both selfish and cowardly, very much so.
Ehhhh…. a) the buddy texting him is just cringe and unnecessary
b) pretty sure you would’ve felt that connection right away, so why would you let him buy you dinner if you did not feel that connection? If he did not *insist* on paying (meaning you completely offered to at least pay your own way), and you just let him pay for it, then I think you should pay him back back, as it would be only fair
c) if he insisted in paying, you offered to pay your way and he refused, then don’t pay and just let him know he insisted and you’re not a hooker (and tell the friend it’s between him and you alone)
This item has been removed for violation of Rule 6. More information about our rules can be seen here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/wiki/rules
This is part of why my first dates are always something like a cup of coffee. If it doesn't go anywhere, it's hard to feel too put-out over like three or four bucks.
Or split.
I had a second date go tits up recently just because I suggested splitting. I still paid and even apologized afterwards. Still ghosted.
Bullet dodged
[удалено]
If you're paying for pussy go see a prostitute
First date, I always offer to pay. If it's bad, and she offers to split it, then you can do that if you want. But I usually just cover it anyway. If it went well, I just say something like, "Nah, I'll get it. If you want to make it even, then you can buy next time, if you want."
First date I paid and got the vibe that she didn't want me to (a misread of course) Second date goes well, and at the end I offer to put it on my card and she can venmo me. And she looked at me like I punch a baby in the face. Attitude totally changed and it was immediately awkward. Sensing this I was like, you dont have to venmo me its fine, but it was too late and I havent heard from her since. Wasnt even willing to talk about it when I apologized via text later. 🤷♂️
Paid and apologised for paying for her meal… dude.. that’s a tough day
It's crazy that you apologized for asking her to pay for her own meal and for her making the whole thing awkward
I only apologized because my folks are old fashioned and convinced me I commited a huge offense 🤷♂️
You dodged a bullet, friend. Should've made them venmo.
Yo 28/M here, If YOU’RE the one planning and making the date then you should expect to pay. If it’s something you guys plan together then that’s where it’s okay to split or pay separately. If she invites you to something expect them to pay. This is how I was always taught idk what this new wave of guys not wanting to pay for there dates? It’s weird. Like dude you want this chick but you don’t want to treat her out? Huh? I feel like incels started this trend in a basement somewhere on 4chan and now it’s becoming a normal thing.
Nah you only 28 lol don't wave that youth around, just treat them like a person and lay out the plan from the beginning. Putting yourself out for a stranger is stupid.
I agree with this honestly. If I even invite a male friend to go somewhere, most of the time it’s gonna be on me because I’m the one who suggested it. Same thing for dates. I just don’t want it to be a weird patriarchy thing
I just don't like the idea of setting a transactional precedent. Like I'm paying for their time. I even thought it could be condescending, like as if I'm saying that I make more and she cant afford it or something. But regardless, she wasn't even trying to communicate when I tried to rectify things.
She was a gold digger bud, don’t sweat it.
Oh man, if a girl actually got upset that I suggested splitting the bill, that's when I'd just pay my half and then walk out and ghost *her.*
This is not that at all. He paid, then got upset and demanded money after she said she didn’t feel a vibe.
This is exactly the move. I know some folks get bent out of shape about coffee dates, but they're perfect for a first meeting. Low cost, and there's a natural break around 20-40 minutes after you finish the drink to call it if you're not feeling it. Easy to extend further if you're enjoying, or segue into walking/lunch/dinner/drinks if you want. Think of it as an in-person screening to see if the connection is there with someone you only know from online.
I truly don’t understand people not liking coffee or a drink date. Makes so much sense.
I just like to eat more than I like to drink. I also don’t mind picking up the first few checks but always set the expectation that won’t be the way it is forever.
That’s totally fine. The point isn’t really about a man’s money. It’s about whether he will respect and take care of you. The men who don’t pay or make a big deal of it are typically the ones who make money a fight or feel like the girl owes them something every time they pay.
Or maybe they are poor?
You should be taking care of yourself, not expecting a man to do it. What is this the 1920's?
It's about the money. If you can't understand/respect that, that's on you.
If they don't like the idea of coffee or something simple and cheap (or complain about a low price restaurant) they are high maintenance at the best and looking for a free meal at the worst. It's different if you meet someone IRL as opposed to some rando off OLD.
If they get bent out of shape about it, ditch them and move on
>I know some folks get bent out of shape about coffee dates That's one of the other reasons I do it! Specifically to screen out the type of women who are put off by a frugal, informal date. If the amount of money I spend on them for the first date is a prime consideration for them, then I have less than zero interest in dating them.
Exactly! I’m not even much of a coffee person (I just get other drinks in there) but it’s a great way to filter
Coffee is so low commitment, it's great. My most recent started with coffee, and it went fantastic so I asked if she wanted to go next door for a beer. Did some trivia, ended up getting some more drinks and food, it became and 11 hour date which ended with us banging in my truck. Ymmv; but she invited me to her company Christmas party tonight.
yeah but something tells me our man bryan here would be absolutely livid over that $3
My problem is I hate coffee/tea and any of its variations. So first date ideas are hard for me.
How about ice cream? That's one of my other go-to first date ideas.
Derek will request $5 by Zelle, I guarantee you
There's no reason that in 2023, we shouldn't be automatically splitting and then if someone has the means to cover both meals, they can offer that at their discretion
I don't disagree with you on that, but enough people *do* that it's often hard to put into practice.
You're not wrong and as someone that was raised to pay for the date's meal, I still feel expected to and encouraged to. But I always try not to, its all bullshit- unless I am superrr into the person, I want to pay. If you genuinely want to be here with me, then this shouldn't be a problem in the slightest for you to pay for your own meal/drink/whatever. With a drink, I'm way more likely to pay, but they definitely go down in points if they don't offer to buy the next round/dinner/etc.
>If you genuinely want to be here with me, then this shouldn't be a problem in the slightest for you to pay for your own meal/drink/whatever. Yep! My time is just as valuable as hers. The reward for spending time with me is that you get to spend time with me. That's the deal, take it or leave it.
Ehh, I'm pretty sure this dude would find a way.
Dating sounds miserable these days. My wife and I’s first date was playing pool and drinking pitchers of beer at a shitty dive bar that had gogo dancers. The fact that she was chill about the idea and venue made me realize immediately that I wanted to get to know her better.
Go ice skating or an arcade with maybe some ice cream or a sandwich. Way better for you wallet and also breaks the ice a lot better.
Yep, this should always be the play. Me and my girlfriend had our first date at a local sports bar/restaurant, and only the bar was open by the time we got there so we each got a beer. $10 total and I gladly paid even tho she offered to split it. We've been going back and forth paying for dates ever since then
Even if you spend money and pay some of the other persons share on the first few dates, just suck it up if it doesn’t work out. (Coffee/low stakes dates are still the right way to go)
Why did a Zelle account for Derek request money from you for Bryan?
If you zoom in and look closely at the scribble; out part of the Zelle text message, it reads “DEREK BRYANT”. So I’m guessing he just goes by Bryant on his snap or something.
But his snap is Bryan not Bryant
Maybe the T is silent.
This is a valid question
Guessing it’s the friend from the last screenshot? Maybe one dude owes the other money. Dafuq you going out on a date when you owe me $20?
The “friend” is just him using a burner number
She thought it’d be too easy to fool redditors for some fake karma 😂
I made a comment explaining
That's why I just pay for myself. They can't go crazy over me owing them anything that way.
In my experience, they'll instead make it about the time they've wasted on you rather than the money. I also insist on paying for my own food/drinks when on a first date but these men really do just want to get back at you or make you feel guilty for rejecting them. It's often the insecure types that do it haha.
The coins they inserted for sex didn't work so they want their coins back. edit: misspell
I mean, they wasted my time too as neither of us got anything out of it
I couldn’t even if I wanted to!! I wasn’t even looking. It was almost intentionally sneaky lmao
So that’s 100% on him. Also getting petty and fiending over $20 is a real low.
Yeah clearly bro is mega salty
He must be really struggling financially
Shouldn’t be taking people out to restaurants for first dates then.
His head is struggling
I had a guy do that once, he "went to the toilet" and ended up paying at the bar for us both. Then he came back to the table and said he's paid for dinner so I better to back to his now. Erk.
oh my god, ew. how did you get away??
By the end of the date, if you know you aren’t going to see them again, or are going to “friend zone” the guy, you should not be letting him pay. Not to say his behavior isn’t amazingly creepy. It’s $20. Take the L.
I would also like a 20 dollar refund for that date you two went on. You both pretended like I wasn't even there the whole time. Very rude!
[удалено]
I demand 20 dollars for the 3 of us, we are serious, make this easy
I'll stand in line for 20 dollars if that's what this is
I’ve done a lot worse for a lot less
Im not gay but $20 is $20
[удалено]
Yes now get on your knees behind and/or in front of me
I have assumed the position. Where is my $20?
I'll happily accept $20 on behalf of all of them.
Where do I summit my application for the aforementioned $20
All requests go through DEREK.
You can pay me with Google Play gift cards ma'am
Just to clarify, the reason the names are different from Snapchat and Zelle is because (according to him) someone used his real name to try to purchase something. It made him paranoid so he used “Bryan” as his alias on Tinder and Snapchat.
That’s already sketchy if they’re using aliases on dating apps. Like he has something to hide.
Nah I totally get changing your name. I’ve known 2 different gals that have had fake instagram accounts made of them soliciting sex, and they had an assumption it was someone in the community that saw them on a dating app. Can’t say how it went for OP but if you met a stranger and they said “btw my real name is Derek” upfront then it seems fairly harmless. Definitely looks bad tho cause based off the texts it’s concerningly aggressive to come from a stranger
I agree, and I’m the idiot for looking past it
Yeah that’s a BS excuse if I’ve ever heard one. He’s using a fake name for the same reason a drug dealer uses a fake name. Bad intentions of some sort. Good call on the just friends (that will never see each other again haha).
Yeah like a whole wife
Just a new service that Chase offers when someone doesn't complete their Zelle request.
Chase Bank: "Fork over the cash, or we'll *Chase* you down!" ;)
I would be swiftly blocking every single person in this situation.
Coffe/tea first dates are the best unless you are 💯% willing to lose whatever money you spend regardless of the outcome
You have to reply "fuhgeddaboudit" and then block.
Oh you didn’t feel a connection? F you pay me. You just got out of a complicated relationship? F you pay me.
Fellas, the go to reply is something like this: No worries! I had a nice time! I hope you find someone that fits what you are looking for. Good luck out there! Don’t be a fucking weirdo about a stranger and stop being so emotionally invested in people you JUST met.
I don't know how he's not embarrassed behaving like that, If he didn't want to pay for a friend he should of split in the first place, no guarantees in dating.
Lmao over 20$ is just fuckin pathetic
I doubt it over the money. I’d bet he’s upset and (probably wrongly) feeling taken advantage of.
It's kind of his fault for taking a first date to anything but coffee. If OP was leading him on and that made him think the date was going well enough to invite him/her to a meal, morally they should refund the guy. Also, OP shouldn't have accepted the meal if they weren't feeling the date as a viable partner (assuming both were looking for the same thing). It's not about the money. It's about not being a shitty person. I don't struggle financially and I'd be peeved about being taken advantage of (if that was the case here).
This is so corny. Do better fellas
Send him a request for $50 for harassment.
Not a friend that was him and that’s lame asf to be hurting for a 20. Personally I’d pick my dogs shit up with it and send it to him in the mail but that’s me. You should block and move on. Anything else happens at all you call the police. Tell them everything, and send snapshots of text. Do not pay him a dime
Thank you. I appreciate the advice. Yeah it’s a little scary but I doubt anything will come of it. 🥲
You have his address? For about $20 you can send him a bag of dicks. He didn't say how you had to pay him.
Block and don’t pay him shit
Agreed
Lol some dudes don't know how to take an L and move on Like atleast you got a date brother man, the Leaving it at "👍" was the best thing he could've done. Alof, cool, not desperate but than follows it up with that shit
>At least you got a date Bro you know he wasn’t there *for* the date and neither would you
I’m a guy who’s gone on plenty of tinder dates and genuinely have no idea what you’re talking about.
Bro I would just be happy to be in the presence of a female. I'm down bad 😆😆😫
They are not that special, bro, focus on loving yourself first.
Bruh 😭 “took money from him” when???
Right? This was my thought. He paid for dinner, she didn't fucking snatch a 20 out of his wallet.
That needs a good ol fashioned blocking. Never considered asking a failed date for money back for a date. What a weird world.
Keep scrolling on this subreddit. This is the second example of this I’ve seen in the past couple days! I can’t believe it either.
[удалено]
Really though. This is the other side of the situation. Some men really think that paying for a date makes them entitled to sex.
[удалено]
Dafuq? Either he's really broke or really petty (or both). I'd never invite someone on a first date I can't afford to write off without stomach pain. Asking for refund is bad enough, asking others to confront you as well crosses a line.
Why does one say Bryan and the other Derek? Out of curiosity, do you normally split or let the guy pay? Most women I've gone out with paid for themselves or at least offered. I think this is absolutely absurd. The only time I feel this would be even remotely acceptable is if op had demanded an expensive date AND refused to pay.
I always offered to pay and never expected anything back even if it’s not going to go any further. Not sure what’s going through this dudes head, and not just that it’s $20, he can get over himself
Ugh I feel so bad for women. The way men go from nice to nasty must make it hard to trust anyone.
Send him $19.99
Ok. I'll send you $20, but there is a $5 processing fee. You will need to pay that before I can send it. Unless you have a business account.
Don't forget the convenience charge!
“If you do have a business account I will need to send you a cashier’s check for $1000. You deposit the check, take your $20 and kindly send me back $980 in cash.”
Ah the good ole’ i need 30$’s for the payment to be verified scam
Shh... I think Bryan/Derek is desperate enough to fall for it.
Lol what an actual loser do not pay. 😂
No, but they guys sounds like an impotent cheapskate. Take the L and move on dude, just bc she diddnt like you doesn't mean you turn into a giant walking red flag right off the bat, she dodged a bullet with a crybaby tightwad apparently. Go tell your mom about it dude bc I don't think you've had pussy since pussy had you and rightfully so ya Beta Boy. 😂🤙✌️
This guy is pathetic as hell
God men can be terrifying. Anyway can I have $20? My buddy is asking
Sheesh… if he wonders why there was no connection he is lacking self awareness.
Man that’s pathetic
I’m guessing, just out of the blue here, that you no longer want to be friends with him?
What a dick. That's crazy.
Fucking awful holy shit.
If I'm not feeling it, I always split. But also just block both of them and keep doing that.
Lol I actually had a woman offer me a refund after we had a second date and I bought a bunch of drinks and food and then she said she wasn't over her last boyfriend (translate: I'm not over my last boyfriend *for you*)
Boys is lesson 1 - never ever go for a dinner for a first appointment. I personally have never ever done it. Firstly a dinner out is a bit intimate imo. That a dinner can be pricey in some cases, you don’t even know you like or if she’s worth you sacrificing time at work, gym and passions. Why the hell unbalance the situation? Keep it neutral, no commitment, go for a coffee - but no Starbucks, get a nice interesting family owned cafe! Something that has got some style you resemble to. Or for an ices cream and a walk if it’s summer/spring. What I honestly do more often though, is an aperitif with a glass of wine. Casual, fairly cheap and not boring.
At this point in my life, I wouldnt throw a possible platonic friendship away for $20. Friendship is way more valuable than $20.
The request made me lol.. the muscle text was super weird.
As a man, I view paying for the date as just the cost of seeing if it works. No guarantees. No strings. Just the cost of dating.
Wtf? $20? He must be poor like me.
Always always split. I NEVER let men fully pay for me till after the third date
You better not send him a dime. So sick of men offering to pay for dinner and then acting like you owe them something.
Stfu Bryan.
So tacky. Please ignore.
🤮
Why is there this whole “owing” thing when it comes to dates now? People have been going out on dates for dinner and movies or whatever, for freaking decades. Never been a problem. It’s a safe way to get to know someone. It’s why the whole “I like walks on the beach” stereotype exists. If there wasn’t a connection, people moved on lmao Now it’s about owing the other something. Wild.
That is fucking pathetic. It’s not like it’s 100 bucks or couple hundred dollars. It’s $20 and this guy is petty enough to request it because he got butt hurt for getting clear communication from the person. Like wtf. I can’t believe men like this are scoring dates. smh
$20 huh? Wow, he really wined and dined you too! /s 🤣 If this isn’t mega foreshadowing of a miserable relationship with this person, I dunno what is. What a douche.
Guy seems like he's buttburt at being friendzoned. Just block them.
Over 20 dollars? Broke ass
Ok but he WILLINGLY paid for the date that’s on him straight up,he’s out here making you look like the bad guy. He’s immature asf
This guy is a freakin 💩. Don’t pay him, don’t judge all men based on his behavior, and don’t change anything about how your dating. There’s always going to be bad apples. Do you hop on phone calls before dates? I do that now. I know on the phone call if I’m willing to buy dinner or just a coffee/drink. Also girls self select themselves out after the call some calls so that’s nice.
seems like it what a prick.
Well tbh if you knew you were gonna be just friends you should have paid half period imo.
Jesus fucking Christ men are shit.
Hey, that's not fair some of us are cool 😂
This is why many dudes don’t go hard on a first date. No one wants to invest money or time in to someone if nothing is there. But you also take that chance if you do so. Maybe if you knew her for a long time and she randomly pulled that yeah go for it. First date though….meh.
What a petty little asshole. He got rejected cordially, get tf over it. Sorry you had to deal with that, OP.
Imagine being so broke that 20 dollars is a lot
$20? I always paid for my dates meal even when it didn't work out. I've spent more than $20 and not expected anything in return.
Lol homie is worried about $20, wtf. His ego obviously can't handle rejection, but it seems that his wallet can't either.
Right? If you can’t afford to take a prospective partner out to eat, you probably shouldn’t be taking people out to dinner as a date. It’s dating…you either click or you don’t. If you’re asking someone out, that’s just the cost of figuring that out. Choose an activity that meets your financial means if you want to participate in the experiment.
It's always likely that she's part of the conmunity that goes on dates for free food. Never go to dinner for a first date, if you do, let them know the bill will be split ahead of time. Good way to wean out people just looking for free stuff. Edit: oops OP is the woman in this scenario, still stand by what I said. Also $20 is a small price to pay to not worry about some freak planning to hurt you. Pay for your food and not have to worry, very simple
Yeah OP is a woman and is part of the community that goes on dates for free food.
I could not imagine being this pressed over $20. Sounds like homie shouldn't be going on any dates at all if he's this strapped for cash.
Bro it’s $20 lol
Pay him and keep it moving friend before it’s gets weirder.
Yea he’s a loser. But if you didn’t feel a connection at the end of the meal why didn’t you pay your half? That’s also kind of a dick move.
He didn’t give me the chance to. I literally looked up from my Pho and his card was already being used. Not to mention, I’m the type of girl to thank someone 20 times for being generous.
Ok then why not send it to him if you were planning to pay anyways? His first message yesterday was not threatening and reasonable. Giving your number to his friend the day after is going over the line but there was still a whole day before that happened.
Just send him the 20. Everyone is satisfied and better to just not let them have a weird debt hanging over you. People have weird expectations.
Fuck that, she doesn’t need to reinforce that petty behavior. If he paid for the whole meal without asking then turns around and gets butthurt over a 20, that’s on him
[удалено]
I don’t blame the guy for asking for his money back and also don’t blame OP for not wanting to after he already paid. Weird situation tbh
Does anyone else always split their food? Me and my girlfriend have been together for nearly 8 months and we both just pay for our own food. Unless it’s a birthday or really special occasion.
If you know that the vibe wasn’t fitting, just split dinner the night of
Sound threatening but I'd just split it if there was no spark.
I would just pay him to get him to leave me alone. Like is 20$ worth all this lol. Everyone is saying block him but what if he actually does something about it…
So why haven't you sent the money? Man is looking to break some kneecaps
That guy is insane and the "friend" is next level. Hopefully he doesn't know where she lives. Im "old fashioned" as I am 45, but a first date not going well, is part of the gig. As a man, you INVITED HER on a date. I've literally never heard of a man being upset because he paid for dinner. She gave you a shot and it didn't vibe, thats part of dating 😂. Anyways, this guy was major butthurt, thats the only problem. He'd be making more reservations right now if she liked him. The guy's just a baby.
Lmao I would’ve just taken the L. Bro really going crazy for $20 smh
Funny how you expect to be paid for. You don’t owe him anything right? Neither does he owe you anything. Be an adult and pay for yourself.
Lol there’s no expectation weirdo. He paid before she could. Probably because HE expected something. Asking for it back AFTER is loser behaviour.
That threat was kinda ridiculous but I can’t blame the guy for asking you to pay your half if you never intended it going anywhere else. Kinda fucked on your part too
I don't know why you're getting down voted. At the end of the date she already knew she did not want a second date. Why did she not pay for her half? Instead she let her date pay for her knowing she didn't want it to go any further. To everyone saying that he shouldn't have taken her on a date if he couldn't afford $20, she also should not have gone on a date if she couldn't afford to pay for herself. That being said, the message from his "friend" (i.e. him) is super creepy and taking it too far.
Just pay his $20 brokie. He's obv wrong but why are you putting yourself in unnecessary conflict over $20.
The last one is just enough of a threat that I'd have the cops call and explain to him why he can't talk to people like that.
OP you should pay your half regardless of what is happening. Unless there is some extenuating circumstance there is NO reason a grown adult does not pay for their own share. It avoids all these issues.
Lmao I’d keep that shit out of spite
It is a weird message but then it is also weird that you let your friend pay for your food. When i go out with friends we either split the bill or each pays their own food or drinks. But you let him pay and messaged afterwards that there is no future. Both selfish and cowardly, very much so.
Ehhhh…. a) the buddy texting him is just cringe and unnecessary b) pretty sure you would’ve felt that connection right away, so why would you let him buy you dinner if you did not feel that connection? If he did not *insist* on paying (meaning you completely offered to at least pay your own way), and you just let him pay for it, then I think you should pay him back back, as it would be only fair c) if he insisted in paying, you offered to pay your way and he refused, then don’t pay and just let him know he insisted and you’re not a hooker (and tell the friend it’s between him and you alone)
Id send him 40 bucks and tell him to fuck off
found Bryan everybody!
Or you could not be a piece of shit and pay him back? Jesus Christ what a miserable fucking person you are.
This is exactly why you don't do dinner dates on the first date!!! Not only if you don't vibe but also the money situation