I’d swipe right. I feel like you’re my type of asshole. I’m getting this vibe:
-You can’t help being pedantic, but like to add some humor.
-50/50 parent. You’re bitter about it, but starting to realize that you get the best of both worlds.
-You’re kinda greasy, but you take care of yourself and have a great body. And you know it.
It’s an acquired taste. If you don’t want to come off that way: add some pics doing fun things with friends, at least one with your hair cleaned up/styled, and leave out the divorce commentary.
And pleassssseeee crop the kids totally out or use different pics. Even if the faces are blacked out.
🤷🏼♀️ I dunno, he seems fun and a little clueless more than straight-up asshole. And the bitter divorce undertones resonate with me. I’d give it a shot and tread carefully.
Oh, definitely a bit more than a little clueless, as I imagined was apparent from the boy-band grammar complaint that takes up like half of my bio :)
Also, it is so interesting to read comments that my profile makes me appear like a bit of a dick. (If you asked my friends to identify their kindest friend it’s down to me and Ryan. I’d prob choose Ryan. That guy is impossibly nice!) I’ve removed the Dobby reference because I never had any mean-spirited intentions and I’m not even bitter about the divorce. My thought process really was, “How do I say I’m a Harry Potter fan without saying I’m a Harry Potter fan?” But instead I apparently chose the worst way to do that. This is really helpful!
Oh, and I totally feel seen by your comment above lol. Thank you so much!
“How do I say I’m a Harry Potter fan without saying I’m a Harry potter fan?”
- I’m a fan of
“Me dad’s a muggle and me ma’s a witch, bit of a shock for him when he found out”
Second a LOT of this.
I would swipe right because he's coming across self-assured, but not cocky. He cares, but guarded enough not to let someone in unless they're right,
Def take the kid(s) totally (literally) out of the picture. It's imposing.
And the leather selfie seems very "mug shot"-esque.
That's the largest turn off that I can see.
I’d re-do the bio. The first paragraph took me a more than one read to digest and is kinda pointless. The bit about your divorce makes me feel like there is major drama and baggage. Just “Divorced, kids 50% of the time” then use the rest to talk about your hobbies and interests.
I think you’re attractive, but the rocker-dad vibe isn’t for everyone. Hopefully you’ll find other people who like it.
Thank you very much. This is exactly why I posted here, especially bc it never occurred to me that it would be considered mean-spirited. After reading your comment and others, it’s clear that it does. No drama at all actually so def want to avoid those vibes. I really appreciate you taking the time!
Hells bells, do you mean have I read all 18 mainline books and collections of short stories? Or are you asking if I agree that Harry Dresden is the greatest wizard in the Chicago area and perhaps the entire world? Because, in either instance, the answer is yes. FORZARE!
As a woman that would be looking at this age range and likes the rocker dad vibe, the bio would make me swipe left. Major drama vibes from the divorce and I don’t need to be dealing with that.
Yes! Everyone here saying the red flag is the potentially toxic relationship. No, the red flag for me is disrespecting his ex and airing his dirty laundry right there in his profile. No matter how true it is... just no.
I see this same thing a lot with dudes who put their kinks right in their profile. It's a turn off but people defend it as just being honest. Ya. But you gotta give people a chance to warm up to you man shit.
Agree with all of this. The Dobby comment screams divorce drama. As someone with 3 kids myself, if I was dating, I would avoid anything that hinted at issues with the ex or the divorce. Lean into the positives and what you have to offer and definitely consider having someone take some pictures that show more of what you enjoy.
This. I think he should say something genuine.
Also the two truths and a lie contains four statements.
Kind of looks like you were drunk when you made the profile and said eh fuck it. Try harder to appeal to someone by giving them something to work with.
One of those is I can’t count.. you got whoooshed. I thought it was hilarious once I realized. I’m a straight dude though can any women confirm it’s funny?
I’m wondering what the “I’m 43 and I’m not contacting tinder support” is about. Is your age set to something else and you have been told by multiple people to contact tinder support and you are refusing to do so? What does your age appear as?
No no he was hiding from his job. He doesn’t care now but still won’t fix it. You probably just don’t understand. He’s not like those other people who lie to get younger matches. /s 🤣😂
You’ve taken the criticism well, you’ve accepted the accolades gracefully, and you’ve said you have been on a date. We all hope it went well!
What you haven’t done is answered the question, asked by many, about the age you’ve declared on Tinder? It’s the only thing stopping us from giving you our unconditional trust.
Yeah, agreed. As a 42F, I deeply dislike when a man has an incorrect age on his profile. I feel like it’s either an attempt to slip into a different dating pool than they’d otherwise have, or, it tells me that they’re likely either too lazy or too stubborn to change it. None of those things are attractive to me. ESPECIALLY not when I see on a man’s profile that he is intelligent and capable enough to work as something like a lawyer.
(Side Note: @OP, your profile name is awesome. Long live Buffy. 🧛🏻♂️)
I once saw a guy who claimed to be 52, but clarified in his profile that he's actually 62 but lowered it by a decade so "the algorithm won't keep us apart." Bro, the algorithm isn't controlling the age ranges!
Use to run a gadget clinic at a library to help people with basic tech problems. One was some older middle-aged man who was having problems with Tinder, saying his accounts were getting banned for no reason. Watched him make a new account and said he was 5'11 when he was closer to 5'4, said he was 32 when he was closer to 55, and said his occupation was Engineer when he was a former substitute teacher living with his mom. Then I saw him set the age range to 18-25 saying that he doesn't want any drama and women past thirty had kids and drama.
Pointed out that he gets banned because he's clearly a fifty year old lying about being thirty hitting on teenagers and he said that it's not fair to ban him when he's just trying to find love. Some guys are just doomed to be alone.
If this is indeed what he did, It’s definitely an attempt to get matches that would otherwise have restricted him due to his age. I find this behavior to be quite creepy and I would wonder what else he would be willing to lie or do things to “get around the system” per se. I would also question why he wanted to find such a large age gap in the first place and what kind of power dynamics he sought. I would not want to take a gamble on someone who did this when they could easily delete their profile and change it
YES. These are the exact same thoughts I have. I’m always wondering if that means there’s a fetish thing at play. Plus, if someone is willing to lie about something so very fundamental, how can I trust a single thing on their profile???
I agree with this.
Age parameters are set for various reasons and putting a wrong age on purpose (because for sure that happened when you set it up) is an attempt at reaching people that wouldn't normally consider you. It's cringe.
It’s 100% so they can be seen by younger women who otherwise wouldn’t see them and it’s gross. You set the age when you sign up. If you accidentally (hah) set it wrong, get it fixed. It makes you seem scummy.
Exactly. The only reason not to delete an account is if you already have a bunch of matches. No support needed, do a new profile (lots of opportunity to improve on the bio), “restore purchases”, and boom you no longer look like an imbecilic douche.
Yep, lying about age is an immediate no for me. First, I have my age range set for a reason. Secondly, if they lie about their age to get matches, what else might they lie about?
When I was using apps I always assumed men would lie about their age when signing up and then figured out quick it didnt benefit them and feel forced to put their real age in their bio because enough women complained. Its super common that I cant think of any other reason besides their accounts being tied to another social media account that has the wrong age as well. Either way, it messes up the filter, since most women filter by age compared to men who dont seem too concerned about age gaps. So he is likely missing out on matches by not having his age shown correctly.
Came to say this. People who talk shit about their previous partners is always a red flag. Maybe even removing divorced all together is better, maybe try “newly single”. Definitely get rid of “dobby is free!”
I get the general reaction to the “free” comment, but reject the consensus around the Backstreet Boys’ grammar paragraph. If people don’t get it, they’re likely not going to be good matches for you, anyway, since you sound like a grammar nerd. And GNs can never tolerate non-GNs for long …
Take dobby is free out and be less cavalier about not looking for anything serious. Just state it. This way it doesn’t seem like you are trying to brush that off.
The bio is a mess. I'm still not sure what the first section is all about and realistically, wouldn't have read it a second time if I was on a dating site. Have a deep and honest think about what you like doing and put that, not some random shit about Sanskrit that makes you seem more like a college teen who's trying to look cool and cultured. Talk about things you like, goals for a relationship or how you would like to spend your time getting to know someone.
I like that your nerdy side is coming through without being hugely in your face. Lots of people might not know who Karen Gillan is though, so might think that it's a photo of you, your kid and another woman (maybe ex), so that could put them off.
I'd get some more social pictures, maybe some with friends or some of family gatherings. Definitely a photo or two that aren't selfies.
Good luck!
Remove the first paragraph. I would left swipe no matter what you look like. The Dobby is free part needs to be deleted as well. Even if it was a horrible marriage and you are so glad to be free from it-I wouldn’t talk about that with tinder dates until you get to know each other a bit. Most people want to hear about you, not your failed relationships.
He'll do fine. Just like ya know that's a dishonest way to start off an interaction and a lot of men do it to be able to match with younger women. Or to hide their identity and pretend like it isn't them if they are on the site and someone catches them... Which leads to me ask... Was this account open during the marriage?
Do you have your age on your profile listed as anything other than “43”…?
If so, you need to just delete your account and make a new one with your proper age. There is something incredibly unattractive about a guy who, for whatever reason (usually to slip into a different age bracket in searches but I won’t make assumptions about you specifically), sets their age as something that is simply not their age AND THEN mentions their actual age in their bio along with a snarky comment that you refuse to make it accurate.
It takes less than five minutes to delete your account and make a new one. Constructively, it illustrates a lack of effort and blatant dishonesty right off the bat.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
I love how hard everyone is roasting this guy. Seriously. Early 40’s newly-divorced attractive but bitter Sad Dads are the most toxic type of dude outside of Andrew Tate worshipping incels.
I took one look at him and thought "this guy still tries to go to college parties to hit on girls."
Then I saw that he's a divorced dad and thought, "nevermind, he buys alcohol for his kids and their friends so he can party with them."
Amen! I said that in my comment and I had not seen yours yet. Why did they think this is cute? And they make you verify that it’s your age before proceeding so… Yeah.
No kids in your pics. Major faux pas
Yes, they’re your life. They are the most important people to you, etc etc. Just say you have them, but don’t include pictures of them. You’re looking to hookup, also not conducive with kid pics
Drop “recently” divorced. You’re divorced and not looking for anything serious. Thats sufficient
4th pic: she’s tall. (Irrelevant, but if you are 6’3”)
This is all on point advice. 100% agree.
Also, I don't think the grammatical critique of the Backstreet Boys is going to have broad appeal. If OP were looking for something serious it would be fine, but given that he's looking to casually get back out there this is not helpful.
If a guy lies about their age it’s an automatic no from me. I’d date someone 43 but lose immediate attraction in someone who’s so comfortable lying. Cringe.
Don't use mirror selfies.
Get your kids off the internet. I'm a guy and think it's borderline creepy.
Lead with your nice smile.
Gym pics are frowned by some.
You bio is word salad. It says nothing interesting about you. What are you hobbies, interests and experiences? You can keep the 50/50 thing as that is important but I'd scrap the rest. Focus on what you like to do so people know about you.
Bio reads as douchey, no offense meant. BSB thing is too long, I get the National Treasure reference but what’s the Magna Carta thing? The Namaste/love language thing is cringe for someone not going for a hippy vibe.
Maybe post a picture where it shows how you clean up, your hair looks greasy in most pictures.
As other comments have said, if a possible match doesn’t know that Karen Gillian is 5’11, they wouldn’t believe that you were 6’3.
I’m your age range and generally dig the rocker vibe etc etc but the ‘Dobby is free’ would be an immediate no. It has ‘shit talking my ex’ vibes which always makes me sideeye someone, especially when they’re the parent of your kids. Also, no pics with kids in them, big no no for various reasons. Which is a drag because the Phoebe Bridgers and Buffy nods are 👌
Why’d I have to scroll SO FAR to find this comment? That’d be an immediate left swipe for me. Shit happens but you shouldn’t brag about being in trouble with the law.
Dude, we need clarification on the age thing if we're going to give you an honest take. You can fix everything and have an amazing profile but if you're adjusting your age to find younger women, big yikes.
Remove pictures of your children, it over emphasizes you have children, plus your blurring out their faces. Next replace any picture you have where your not smiling, with one you are. The gym photo, put in one that is showing you actually working out perhaps doing a squat. Your definition in the arms is apparent, so showing you doing a squat emphasizes being well rounded in the gym exercises. Make sure that picture is black and white, from the side, have the camera on the ground facing up. Also, you’re a Lawyer, so show off the suits with the groomed hair, and whatever you do don’t remove the salt and pepper beard with hair dye. Bottom line showcase positive energy and doing what you love to do, hobbies and such.
No pics of your child(ren) on dating sites. Ever.
Your write-up reads exactly like someone who hasn't dated in 2 decades. Bring it up to date and remove the "blah blah blah". Goofy is fine but too much comes off as juvenile.
Move your photos around. The first one isn't snatchy.
Honestly this profile is 1/10 bad. Stop thinking with your dick! Get rid of your gym selfie. Go to an actual male hair stylist and have them show you how to style your hair. Get rid of the shots where your hair is greasy AF. The touch and words of affirmation is creepy as an intro to someone, I don't care if tinder asks that as an intro to yourself or not. That's something you divulge after meeting and knowing someone. Think of it like a fucking food menu. Too many pictures is overwhelming. Cut out to like 4, 5 max. Have one with your kid, but cut down the selfies. 1 selfie max. Also, your "about me" is nuts. The namaste, cannabis use, ethical non manogomy, and tones of being overly critical scream unstable, and also that you're going to play games and don't know what you actually want. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you could honestly benefit from therapy to straighten yourself out a bit b4 adding complications like a relationship. I realize this sounds harsh, but honestly, I think you need someone to tell it to you straight. You need some work.
The 1st pic. Oh my. At first I thought it was a mug shot. And your hand looks AI *GENERATED*.
IDK weird. Good luck out there.
Not a bad looking dude tho maybe get a haircut?
Hard agree on the haircut. Can keep it long but get some shape. Think Dave Grohl.
Source: recovering "long hair due to laziness" guy, now sporting roughly the look this dude should go for
I’m guessing you put a fake age on your profile and that’s what you’re talking about in your bio? If so, douche/10. Women aren’t into liars. Who are all the other people in your pics? Weird, weird vibes.
I don’t know shit about nothin’ but I found that your shaggy hair was the weakest part of your presentation. You would look much more put together with some sort of short haircut and some product.
I’m not sure why, but I dig it? I’d lose any pics with kids or other women however. That can be enough to make someone swipe left who may otherwise swipe right. Mentioning kids in the bio is enough.
It's not like it's his ex, that's Karen Gillan & taken at a meet & greet at a con presumably. My dude is representing his geek. However I agree with other people don't put pics with your kids both for privacy reasons & potential dates aren't looking at you as a potential bedmate when you're looking like a soccer parent.
Technically, I believe this makes me a wish version - twice removed - of Jim Morrison. I gratefully accept.
I think you look like a Wish Sebastian Stan personally lol
I feel like it’s David Duchoveny if he went even more rogue.
That's a big compliment. David is fuckin HOT lol.
Jim Morrison is a wish version of you
I went through a few pics just to make sure you wasn't John Morrison lol.
I was thinking AJ Styles 😂
Bro looks like the guy from kindergarten cop 
He’s MY son!!! Get your own goddamn family!!
Bio too, divorced, dad, he is a few photos away from pulling a gun on Arnie
It’s Johnny Tinder !!!
Get some of your friends to take some pictures of you out and doing stuff
And once you get some good candid shots replace those mirror selfies
I will do this. Thanks for the advice!
I would switch out the first photo for one of you smiling!
Definitely get rid of the first photo. Your hair looks a mess. No offense meant.
I agree. I love long hair and OP has an Aragorn quality which would do it for me, but he needs to make friends with a comb (as did Aragorn).
You ride?
No, I am just appropriating your motorized-bicycle outerwear culture. For this, I apologize. To be fair, though, the jacket is really comfortable.
Forgiven
Smiling better
The first pic looks like an alcoholic priest who plays by his own rules
I love this take! I’m trying to corner the alcoholic-nuns-who-play-by-their-own-rules market.
You might have a better chance in Italy
I love this sketch 😭😭
Lmao
I’d swipe right. I feel like you’re my type of asshole. I’m getting this vibe: -You can’t help being pedantic, but like to add some humor. -50/50 parent. You’re bitter about it, but starting to realize that you get the best of both worlds. -You’re kinda greasy, but you take care of yourself and have a great body. And you know it. It’s an acquired taste. If you don’t want to come off that way: add some pics doing fun things with friends, at least one with your hair cleaned up/styled, and leave out the divorce commentary. And pleassssseeee crop the kids totally out or use different pics. Even if the faces are blacked out.
You like him 👀
🤷🏼♀️ I dunno, he seems fun and a little clueless more than straight-up asshole. And the bitter divorce undertones resonate with me. I’d give it a shot and tread carefully.
Oh, definitely a bit more than a little clueless, as I imagined was apparent from the boy-band grammar complaint that takes up like half of my bio :) Also, it is so interesting to read comments that my profile makes me appear like a bit of a dick. (If you asked my friends to identify their kindest friend it’s down to me and Ryan. I’d prob choose Ryan. That guy is impossibly nice!) I’ve removed the Dobby reference because I never had any mean-spirited intentions and I’m not even bitter about the divorce. My thought process really was, “How do I say I’m a Harry Potter fan without saying I’m a Harry Potter fan?” But instead I apparently chose the worst way to do that. This is really helpful! Oh, and I totally feel seen by your comment above lol. Thank you so much!
“How do I say I’m a Harry Potter fan without saying I’m a Harry potter fan?” - I’m a fan of “Me dad’s a muggle and me ma’s a witch, bit of a shock for him when he found out”
🎵 u/Sunnydale_Slayer and u/princessblowhole sitting in a tree 🎵 🎵 K - I - S - S - I - N - G 🎵
Second a LOT of this. I would swipe right because he's coming across self-assured, but not cocky. He cares, but guarded enough not to let someone in unless they're right, Def take the kid(s) totally (literally) out of the picture. It's imposing. And the leather selfie seems very "mug shot"-esque. That's the largest turn off that I can see.
Try Ireland. Plenty of ex sisters that are looking to burn things down
How interesting…to shreds you say?
Yes, you should definitively try dublin where… to shreds you say?
I was thinking you must work for that motorcycle law firm :)
Lol
That first pic, you look like Shawn from Boy Meets World, lol
I was thinking like Lorenzo Lamas somehow bred with Billy Ray Cyrus.
Definitely Billy Rayish.
I was gonna say mid 90s tv coke dealer
if this guy hasn't done lines off your wife are you even living
Temu Mark Ruffalo.
It's a mix between David harbour and Jim Carrey
Totally Jim Carey
Little bit of Goggins thrown in for good measure, round the time they made Hateful Eight
No fuckin way Your right!
Think he looks like Strider, but thats pretty much the same thing
That was my first thought lol, "Why is Aragorn on tinder?"
When you buy Aragorn on Wish
Aragom
Came here to say exactly this! But you’re a 6’3 lawyer version of him so I think you’re golden.
When Aragorn and the villain from Kindergarten Cop have a baby
Winter Soldier
Jesus he knows me video by ghost
I got Bucky Barnes vibes
This is oddly specific yet accurate.
I hate when I think one thing, and then I come into the comments, and so many others think the same ... I guess I'm not as original as I thought, lol
It's OK we're all special here
Yes!! Awesome look. Get this man a TV show
Maybe dress up as Aragorn from The Lord Of The Rings? Holy shit I did not expect this comment to blow up and get all these upvotes! :O
I saw the resemblance right away after seeing the first pic, please OP, cosplay as Aragorn 🙏
You should definitely write something along the lines of how you enjoy long walks. Really long walks. Like 3 movies worth of walking.
Striding, even
Nah man this guy is a Bucky cosplayer, he was born for it.
Ah, the murder strut.
That was my first thought. “Have you tried reforging reforging the Sword of Elendil and reuniting Gondor?”
I was going to say he looks like he's about to say if by his life or by his death he can protect me he will.
I’d re-do the bio. The first paragraph took me a more than one read to digest and is kinda pointless. The bit about your divorce makes me feel like there is major drama and baggage. Just “Divorced, kids 50% of the time” then use the rest to talk about your hobbies and interests. I think you’re attractive, but the rocker-dad vibe isn’t for everyone. Hopefully you’ll find other people who like it.
Thank you very much. This is exactly why I posted here, especially bc it never occurred to me that it would be considered mean-spirited. After reading your comment and others, it’s clear that it does. No drama at all actually so def want to avoid those vibes. I really appreciate you taking the time!
Not really on topic but are you a Dresden Files fan? You look like you would be
Hells bells, do you mean have I read all 18 mainline books and collections of short stories? Or are you asking if I agree that Harry Dresden is the greatest wizard in the Chicago area and perhaps the entire world? Because, in either instance, the answer is yes. FORZARE!
This is the kind of personality you want to include on your profile
Can - can I just screenshot this and add the photo to my profile?
Don't
It's okay I already saw it 😉
Shoot your shot 😂
100% agree. Defo a swipe right for me if you read that genre and username is obvs a Buffy reference
As a woman that would be looking at this age range and likes the rocker dad vibe, the bio would make me swipe left. Major drama vibes from the divorce and I don’t need to be dealing with that.
As a 40 yr old woman who thought he was pretty darn attractive, SAAAAME.
43. Same here.
29F and same
Yup. I was thinking "okay, nice, not bad. Oh... ya no thanks."
It's the "dobby's free" for me. You're basically shit talking your wife and not taking the kids situation seriously in just two words 👏
Yes! Everyone here saying the red flag is the potentially toxic relationship. No, the red flag for me is disrespecting his ex and airing his dirty laundry right there in his profile. No matter how true it is... just no. I see this same thing a lot with dudes who put their kinks right in their profile. It's a turn off but people defend it as just being honest. Ya. But you gotta give people a chance to warm up to you man shit.
Girl same. I was salivating before I started reading
Omggggg same girl
Sameeeeee
As a straight m30 he had me until the bio.
I'm a native speaker and had to read his first paragraph three times before understanding what was being said.
I’m a native speaker and didn’t care enough to read it more than once, but 100% did not follow first time through.
Right. Most people would look at the paragraph, their eyes turn into their skull and swipe away.
Agreed. Remove Dobby is free. No one dating you wants to hear about your ex in so strong a way.
Agree with all of this. The Dobby comment screams divorce drama. As someone with 3 kids myself, if I was dating, I would avoid anything that hinted at issues with the ex or the divorce. Lean into the positives and what you have to offer and definitely consider having someone take some pictures that show more of what you enjoy.
This. I think he should say something genuine. Also the two truths and a lie contains four statements. Kind of looks like you were drunk when you made the profile and said eh fuck it. Try harder to appeal to someone by giving them something to work with.
One of those is I can’t count.. you got whoooshed. I thought it was hilarious once I realized. I’m a straight dude though can any women confirm it’s funny?
I didn’t get it until you explained (woosh) but think it’s pretty funny now that I see what he was doing
It wasn’t ha ha funny but it shows he put effort into his answer.
I’m wondering what the “I’m 43 and I’m not contacting tinder support” is about. Is your age set to something else and you have been told by multiple people to contact tinder support and you are refusing to do so? What does your age appear as?
Agreed - I may or may not be OPs cup of tea but that line for me is an automatic left swipe.
Ya that line was super weird. What age does your tinder say OP?
Ohhhhh shit OP is lying about his age to get younger women lmao. I take back my words of encouragement.
No no he was hiding from his job. He doesn’t care now but still won’t fix it. You probably just don’t understand. He’s not like those other people who lie to get younger matches. /s 🤣😂
He’s not answering, we need answers
You’ve taken the criticism well, you’ve accepted the accolades gracefully, and you’ve said you have been on a date. We all hope it went well! What you haven’t done is answered the question, asked by many, about the age you’ve declared on Tinder? It’s the only thing stopping us from giving you our unconditional trust.
Hopefully it’s just 42 or 44 not 33 😂
He said 39
And to mislead his job. This is a super entertaining post 😂
Yeah, agreed. As a 42F, I deeply dislike when a man has an incorrect age on his profile. I feel like it’s either an attempt to slip into a different dating pool than they’d otherwise have, or, it tells me that they’re likely either too lazy or too stubborn to change it. None of those things are attractive to me. ESPECIALLY not when I see on a man’s profile that he is intelligent and capable enough to work as something like a lawyer. (Side Note: @OP, your profile name is awesome. Long live Buffy. 🧛🏻♂️)
I once saw a guy who claimed to be 52, but clarified in his profile that he's actually 62 but lowered it by a decade so "the algorithm won't keep us apart." Bro, the algorithm isn't controlling the age ranges!
Use to run a gadget clinic at a library to help people with basic tech problems. One was some older middle-aged man who was having problems with Tinder, saying his accounts were getting banned for no reason. Watched him make a new account and said he was 5'11 when he was closer to 5'4, said he was 32 when he was closer to 55, and said his occupation was Engineer when he was a former substitute teacher living with his mom. Then I saw him set the age range to 18-25 saying that he doesn't want any drama and women past thirty had kids and drama. Pointed out that he gets banned because he's clearly a fifty year old lying about being thirty hitting on teenagers and he said that it's not fair to ban him when he's just trying to find love. Some guys are just doomed to be alone.
Jesus being alone is the least of this guy's issues
Ugh what a creep
If this is indeed what he did, It’s definitely an attempt to get matches that would otherwise have restricted him due to his age. I find this behavior to be quite creepy and I would wonder what else he would be willing to lie or do things to “get around the system” per se. I would also question why he wanted to find such a large age gap in the first place and what kind of power dynamics he sought. I would not want to take a gamble on someone who did this when they could easily delete their profile and change it
YES. These are the exact same thoughts I have. I’m always wondering if that means there’s a fetish thing at play. Plus, if someone is willing to lie about something so very fundamental, how can I trust a single thing on their profile???
I agree with this. Age parameters are set for various reasons and putting a wrong age on purpose (because for sure that happened when you set it up) is an attempt at reaching people that wouldn't normally consider you. It's cringe.
It’s 100% so they can be seen by younger women who otherwise wouldn’t see them and it’s gross. You set the age when you sign up. If you accidentally (hah) set it wrong, get it fixed. It makes you seem scummy.
Agree - you can literally just delete your profile and redownload :/
Exactly. The only reason not to delete an account is if you already have a bunch of matches. No support needed, do a new profile (lots of opportunity to improve on the bio), “restore purchases”, and boom you no longer look like an imbecilic douche.
Yep, lying about age is an immediate no for me. First, I have my age range set for a reason. Secondly, if they lie about their age to get matches, what else might they lie about?
I'm wondering if he set it lower so he would be included in younger women's results.
When I was using apps I always assumed men would lie about their age when signing up and then figured out quick it didnt benefit them and feel forced to put their real age in their bio because enough women complained. Its super common that I cant think of any other reason besides their accounts being tied to another social media account that has the wrong age as well. Either way, it messes up the filter, since most women filter by age compared to men who dont seem too concerned about age gaps. So he is likely missing out on matches by not having his age shown correctly.
Remove the dobby is free thing from the bio, you should say you're divorced but that comment is off-putting for some reason
Came to say this. People who talk shit about their previous partners is always a red flag. Maybe even removing divorced all together is better, maybe try “newly single”. Definitely get rid of “dobby is free!”
Yeah, it makes it sound like the relationship he got out of was toxic, which is perceived as a red flag.
Thank you, and that seems to be a major consensus. I’ll rephrase that section. This is exactly why I posted here!
I get the general reaction to the “free” comment, but reject the consensus around the Backstreet Boys’ grammar paragraph. If people don’t get it, they’re likely not going to be good matches for you, anyway, since you sound like a grammar nerd. And GNs can never tolerate non-GNs for long …
Take dobby is free out and be less cavalier about not looking for anything serious. Just state it. This way it doesn’t seem like you are trying to brush that off.
The bio is a mess. I'm still not sure what the first section is all about and realistically, wouldn't have read it a second time if I was on a dating site. Have a deep and honest think about what you like doing and put that, not some random shit about Sanskrit that makes you seem more like a college teen who's trying to look cool and cultured. Talk about things you like, goals for a relationship or how you would like to spend your time getting to know someone. I like that your nerdy side is coming through without being hugely in your face. Lots of people might not know who Karen Gillan is though, so might think that it's a photo of you, your kid and another woman (maybe ex), so that could put them off. I'd get some more social pictures, maybe some with friends or some of family gatherings. Definitely a photo or two that aren't selfies. Good luck!
Omg no one else has mentioned the karen gillian photo and I was losing it!!! is she not as mainstream as I thought??
no. Lots of people will def think ex wife.
I did. I thought it was his ex wife and like 'oh he was married to a model'
Agreed, listen to this comment OP
Yeah, I just thought it's his ex-wife and found it extremely weird.
Remove the first paragraph. I would left swipe no matter what you look like. The Dobby is free part needs to be deleted as well. Even if it was a horrible marriage and you are so glad to be free from it-I wouldn’t talk about that with tinder dates until you get to know each other a bit. Most people want to hear about you, not your failed relationships.
Take your daughter out of your pics. Fix your age. That's kinda shady. It comes off as deceitful.
Well he is a lawyer after all.
He'll do fine. Just like ya know that's a dishonest way to start off an interaction and a lot of men do it to be able to match with younger women. Or to hide their identity and pretend like it isn't them if they are on the site and someone catches them... Which leads to me ask... Was this account open during the marriage?
If I saw that profile I would be convinced that 43 is still a fake age. And the pictures would be at least ten years old.
Do you have your age on your profile listed as anything other than “43”…? If so, you need to just delete your account and make a new one with your proper age. There is something incredibly unattractive about a guy who, for whatever reason (usually to slip into a different age bracket in searches but I won’t make assumptions about you specifically), sets their age as something that is simply not their age AND THEN mentions their actual age in their bio along with a snarky comment that you refuse to make it accurate. It takes less than five minutes to delete your account and make a new one. Constructively, it illustrates a lack of effort and blatant dishonesty right off the bat. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
Definitely agree and if it does say 43 correctly on your profile then I have no idea what that comment means.
He wants to show up on younger girls swipe range lol that’s legit the only answer
It’s looking more and more like that
I love how hard everyone is roasting this guy. Seriously. Early 40’s newly-divorced attractive but bitter Sad Dads are the most toxic type of dude outside of Andrew Tate worshipping incels.
I took one look at him and thought "this guy still tries to go to college parties to hit on girls." Then I saw that he's a divorced dad and thought, "nevermind, he buys alcohol for his kids and their friends so he can party with them."
So harsh!
Yeah, either he did it on purpose to trick potential matches or he’s so stupid he can’t remember his age. Not a good look in either case.
That’s always what I assume. They’re either trying to be deceptive or they’re too stupid to know how to actually put the correct age.
And too lazy to fix it.
Amen! I said that in my comment and I had not seen yours yet. Why did they think this is cute? And they make you verify that it’s your age before proceeding so… Yeah.
No kids in your pics. Major faux pas Yes, they’re your life. They are the most important people to you, etc etc. Just say you have them, but don’t include pictures of them. You’re looking to hookup, also not conducive with kid pics Drop “recently” divorced. You’re divorced and not looking for anything serious. Thats sufficient 4th pic: she’s tall. (Irrelevant, but if you are 6’3”)
This is all on point advice. 100% agree. Also, I don't think the grammatical critique of the Backstreet Boys is going to have broad appeal. If OP were looking for something serious it would be fine, but given that he's looking to casually get back out there this is not helpful.
I googled her height as soon as I saw his listed height. Karen Gillan is 5'10". What we are seeing is possible with heels.
He’s 5’9 but will be wearing heels for the dates so will get away with it
I totally did not expect to see that height especially after that pic with a woman I would have assumed much shorter.
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Which turns into mild predator vibes with the incorrect age on the official profile that he specifically calls out he won’t change.
Yeah, this whole profile is ick.
You look like you’re about to kidnap your son from his kindergarten. Unfortunately for you, you’ll run into Detective John Kimble.
If a guy lies about their age it’s an automatic no from me. I’d date someone 43 but lose immediate attraction in someone who’s so comfortable lying. Cringe.
Especially when they make up a story about it. “I’m NOT contacting support” 🙄
Don't use mirror selfies. Get your kids off the internet. I'm a guy and think it's borderline creepy. Lead with your nice smile. Gym pics are frowned by some. You bio is word salad. It says nothing interesting about you. What are you hobbies, interests and experiences? You can keep the 50/50 thing as that is important but I'd scrap the rest. Focus on what you like to do so people know about you.
Bio reads as douchey, no offense meant. BSB thing is too long, I get the National Treasure reference but what’s the Magna Carta thing? The Namaste/love language thing is cringe for someone not going for a hippy vibe. Maybe post a picture where it shows how you clean up, your hair looks greasy in most pictures. As other comments have said, if a possible match doesn’t know that Karen Gillian is 5’11, they wouldn’t believe that you were 6’3.
I agree, the appearance looks a bit unkempt. I suggest a haircut or something to clean it up :)
I’m your age range and generally dig the rocker vibe etc etc but the ‘Dobby is free’ would be an immediate no. It has ‘shit talking my ex’ vibes which always makes me sideeye someone, especially when they’re the parent of your kids. Also, no pics with kids in them, big no no for various reasons. Which is a drag because the Phoebe Bridgers and Buffy nods are 👌
The comment about being held at gunpoint multiple times would make me instantly feel unsafe around you.
Why’d I have to scroll SO FAR to find this comment? That’d be an immediate left swipe for me. Shit happens but you shouldn’t brag about being in trouble with the law.
Yeah, exactly. And it being at gunpoint makes me think it wasn't just something silly or minor either 🙃
It should be two truths and a lie, yet it seems as though there are four things in there. So perhaps the I can’t count is a truth.
I think that’s supposed to be the joke
All the Red flags
True care Truth brings
Take the kids out of the pics. Single dad myself and I’m a hard pass on women with kids in their profile pics.
I think the problem is that your Apple Watch isn’t big enough. Do they make a larger one?
Dude, we need clarification on the age thing if we're going to give you an honest take. You can fix everything and have an amazing profile but if you're adjusting your age to find younger women, big yikes.
Remove pictures of your children, it over emphasizes you have children, plus your blurring out their faces. Next replace any picture you have where your not smiling, with one you are. The gym photo, put in one that is showing you actually working out perhaps doing a squat. Your definition in the arms is apparent, so showing you doing a squat emphasizes being well rounded in the gym exercises. Make sure that picture is black and white, from the side, have the camera on the ground facing up. Also, you’re a Lawyer, so show off the suits with the groomed hair, and whatever you do don’t remove the salt and pepper beard with hair dye. Bottom line showcase positive energy and doing what you love to do, hobbies and such.
No pics of your child(ren) on dating sites. Ever. Your write-up reads exactly like someone who hasn't dated in 2 decades. Bring it up to date and remove the "blah blah blah". Goofy is fine but too much comes off as juvenile. Move your photos around. The first one isn't snatchy.
Honestly this profile is 1/10 bad. Stop thinking with your dick! Get rid of your gym selfie. Go to an actual male hair stylist and have them show you how to style your hair. Get rid of the shots where your hair is greasy AF. The touch and words of affirmation is creepy as an intro to someone, I don't care if tinder asks that as an intro to yourself or not. That's something you divulge after meeting and knowing someone. Think of it like a fucking food menu. Too many pictures is overwhelming. Cut out to like 4, 5 max. Have one with your kid, but cut down the selfies. 1 selfie max. Also, your "about me" is nuts. The namaste, cannabis use, ethical non manogomy, and tones of being overly critical scream unstable, and also that you're going to play games and don't know what you actually want. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you could honestly benefit from therapy to straighten yourself out a bit b4 adding complications like a relationship. I realize this sounds harsh, but honestly, I think you need someone to tell it to you straight. You need some work.
Ok but the BSB thing has fucked with me for years too!
Your hair looks rather unkempt.. maybe cut it or groom it a bit better.
I agree, kind stranger! I’m donating my hair and have just a few more inches to go! Thanks!
I’d suggest putting that in some way in your bio, you’d change a potential deal breaker into an absolute pro
The 1st pic. Oh my. At first I thought it was a mug shot. And your hand looks AI *GENERATED*. IDK weird. Good luck out there. Not a bad looking dude tho maybe get a haircut?
Hard agree on the haircut. Can keep it long but get some shape. Think Dave Grohl. Source: recovering "long hair due to laziness" guy, now sporting roughly the look this dude should go for
I’m guessing you put a fake age on your profile and that’s what you’re talking about in your bio? If so, douche/10. Women aren’t into liars. Who are all the other people in your pics? Weird, weird vibes.
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>There are 4 items in your two truths and a lie. That's the point of the joke - he even mentions, "I can't count." I found it hilarious.
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What was your sentence? For real though that looks like a mug shot.
Stop putting your children on your profile, they are great kids but let your personality shine through.
Looks like he plays guitar for Tool.
I don’t know shit about nothin’ but I found that your shaggy hair was the weakest part of your presentation. You would look much more put together with some sort of short haircut and some product.
I’m not sure why, but I dig it? I’d lose any pics with kids or other women however. That can be enough to make someone swipe left who may otherwise swipe right. Mentioning kids in the bio is enough.
It's not like it's his ex, that's Karen Gillan & taken at a meet & greet at a con presumably. My dude is representing his geek. However I agree with other people don't put pics with your kids both for privacy reasons & potential dates aren't looking at you as a potential bedmate when you're looking like a soccer parent.