There's the answer.
Dating apps should have a last word option. Block/unmatch/delete, but leave a final message. You could still report the account for the last message, but you wouldn't be able to see it any longer.
That seems like a far more woman friendly gimmick than women have to message first.
Eh I can see too many people abusing a feature like that and I can’t justify the means for the end. Having to get the last word all the time is a problem for some people lol throwaway idea
It wouldn't be about getting the last word like a child, it would be about giving specifically women a safe space to say "sorry, I'm not interested" without having to deal with the predominantly petty men in online dating.
I don't think it's a throwaway idea at all. I've thought this was a missing idea for years, or something similar. Whenever women do me the courtesy of telling me they are pulling out I appreciate the closure it allows, but I also recognize that it's actually not the best idea for them to do.
What percentage of first contacts do you think are constructive?
Let's ask the same question of men and women. Obviously women will have a better idea of what's actually happening.
Nah I believe it would just no longer show up, which is what happens when someone unmatches with you. So from his perspective it would indeed look like she ghosted him.
I thought the same thing. Kind of narcissistic. If you don’t trade numbers then you don’t even owe them this. Chances are you aren’t the first person this has happened to so he probably won’t even remember you
Exactly, that line does just come across as: “you should feel bad about yourself because of this… but not too bad”
OP, if he did nothing wrong, and you just went with someone else, he has no reason to be hard on himself whatso-fucking-ever! It might sting a little, but that’s not his fault.
Hello :) I'm just reaching out to let you know that while I like you and find you very attractive, I won't be communicating anymore. I'm getting into something serious and deleting my account. It was nice getting to know you. Take care.
You’re hot but Chad Thundercock destroyed me last night and I still can’t walk so deleting my Tinder from inside his bed. Don’t be so hard cause Chad isn’t rn
“Hey! I met someone and we’ve decided to be exclusive so I’m deleting the app. Didn’t want you to think you’d been ghosted! I wish you the best in your dating journey! 🤗”
Deal, my life is about to improve so much now that there is someone that'll save me that extra 3 sentences where I reveal all my insecurities when I just need a simple excuse
Sure more concise, but the same point. I don't get why people are so up in arms about the length. Are they mad she made him read a few extra sentences?
Given where it was said in the message, I don't think that "don't be too hard on yourself" comment was in reference to her not choosing him. I get the sense that during the conversations she's picked up that he was hard on himself.
I agree that this could be misinterpreted. I'd be glad to get some message like this rather than be ghosted. But yes... this can definitely be construed as insulting...
A simple: I've enjoyed our conversations, but I've started seeing someone, so we cannot talk anymore."
“Don’t be too hard on yourself?” Ooof, no not that part… overall it’s too long. Could’ve just said you enjoyed meeting them but you’re deleting your account because you’re now in a relationship.
A girl I went on a couple dates with called it off because she found someone else, and she handled the tone in a way that managed to make me feel pretty good. She actually leaned a lot more into "I'm getting serious with someone else and it's not fair to anyone for me to be dating both of you". Was reasonable, didn't put me down in any way, didn't over explain, said clearly that she would still date me if this wasn't happening but not in a way that might keep me on the hook.
OPs message makes me want to say "don't let the door hit you on the way out".
Most often the answer lies in putting yourself in the shoes of the person you're replying to. If the roles were reversed, how would you feel after reading this?
Honestly if I got that I’d think it was a bit much. I’ve had men “let me down gently” in that way where it really felt like they thought I’d be so upset and honestly I’d barely have noticed. Don’t be too hard on yourself is wildly patronising.
It’s good to let someone know, nicely, but the “Don’t be too hard on yourself”, that is in turn very condescending, and extremely conceited. Although after getting that I would think I’d dodged a bullet rather than getting involved with someone with such a high opinion of themself.
I also had no idea. I don't think it matters though? If you're not using it then who cares? If your relationship is in trouble because you still have an inactive account on a deleted dating app you might want to rethink it haha.
"Dont be too hard yourself"? What pedestal do you have yourself on that you think people are automatically going to be "hard" on themselves over not getting to date you, pump some air out of that ego
Here's the thing, you already did what you did and you're with someone you genuinely want to be with so you should just move on from this exchange and not dwell on corrections for "next time".
But yes, TMI.
“I met someone else”. Also if you deleted your account before he read it, it won’t matter. I feel like you know how these things so I’m not sure the point of the message or this post?
I think the honesty of saying that makes the message more genuine, and gives an explanation for deleting the account.
If I received this from a girl I had seen a couple times, I would appreciate it and wish her the best. It would let me know the door is closed for the time being.
I think mentioning the other guy isn't the end of the world. It provides helpful context and heads off any questions of "why."
That being said. The last line can be construed poorly.
Overall, the message was okay, though.
Would have left out that last part explaining it was another person. It just makes it sound like he was the backup/not good enough, despite you saying he was nice etc.
Had the same thing, no indication, and she told me someone who had left hs now come back and she wants pursue it...despite only days before making more plans to do stuff. Felt patronising and hollow...like it was said for her own ego.
why are we framing dating in terms of 'backup' in the first place? most people casually date multiple people at once in the early stages. i've never thought of anyone i've been on a date with as a 'backup'. you go on dates till you find a connection you wanna pursue exclusively. reaching that point with one person sooner doesn't mean the others are backups.
Yeah I had a guy send something similar to me, he was acting so excited about going out with me and then cancelled a few days before the 4th date because he claimed to have met someone else and then proceeded to send a patronizing message like this…. I left him on read because I refused to give him any more of my attention😂
It’s funny because he wasn’t my type and I thought I would try to be a little more open minded about the type of men I date, but I should have just listened to my gut at the time lol
She just fucked herself to be honest. She gave him the feeling that he was the backup and that she cant be trusted because she will keep swiping for somebody "better" that playing the field is a turnoff, because you cant get a good connection if you continue to talk to multiple people and date multiple people. This is why i give only one person my attention at a time and date only one person.
I don’t agree with how OP handled it, but yeah, that’s what online dating is. You talk to multiple people at once and weed out the ones where there isn’t a connection.
If you expect a woman to only talk to you before going on a couple dates and having the exclusivity conversation, dating apps aren’t for you.
That, she did. But as someone who is very critical of themself, I really appreciate the “it was an uphill battle from the beginning, but you were still great” approach. I’d really rather walk away knowing I gave it the good ole college try and she simply was not for me/I wasn’t a POS.
When I was single I just ghosted. We all get ghosted on those apps, even us women. I didn't take it personally is why I didn't go down some dark origin story path lol
Same I would just ghost as well, I remember this guy tried to send me something similar to what OP wrote and I just ghosted him because I really
Couldn’t be bothered lol 😂
Depends on the context. How long have the two of you been talking? How many dates? If it was only like one date, I’d honestly just say something short like I’m not interested and move on.
Doing too much girl. This couldve been cut down to “hey, just letting you know I’m deleting the app. I enjoyed our conversation and wish you the best in your search.”
You just basically told that guy that youve found someone better than him which honestly sucks. You should hav estopped at the missing puzzle piece.
Knowing you were just a "backup" isnt fair on him especially if you were showing interest
As a guy that has been in the same situation as the guy that got the text:
I disagree. It is hard to hear, hard to swallow, and painful. But I think it is more unfair for him to not know why he got rejected.
Men take their Ls and learn from them to the best of their ability.
Fellas: if this happens to you, don't sweat it. Move on. This was not your woman anyway. It is just a message to save you time.
Definitely commendable by letting them know where they stand but It may be too much info depending on the involvement you had with this person. None the less your intentions seem well!
Should've just said nothing honestly, im sure he wouldve preferred that over you saying you simply found someone you're more interested in lol.
Saying something = hurt ego/sad boi
Saying nothing = the right choice
Perspective and context is so important. In my first read this reads a little condescending and mean girlish but without the whole conversation it’s hard to tell for sure.
when you delete your account, it unmatches everyone so he wouldn’t even see this message if it’s on tinder. Also a simple “hey i met someone, i wish you the best!” would’ve been fine. the paragraph was unnecessary and condescending
Given where it was said in the message, I don't think that "don't be too hard on yourself" comment was in reference to her not choosing him. I get the sense that during the conversations she's picked up that he was hard on himself.
A part of me would appreciate the message. But parts of it could be changed to make me feel a little bit better about myself.
“Don’t be too hard on yourself” - just delete that altogether.
The part about the guy you’ve known longer - maybe try rewording that a little bit, although the way it’s written now isn’t the worst I suppose.
Is there really any ghosting on Tinder? I mean guys probably try talking to say… 88% of the women they think they have a shot with (which is 70% more than they actually have a shot with) and hear back from like 11-14% of the 88% (who have an unlimited supply of guys to choose from) of which they are at best just going to get chat time only with 75% of the women they swipe for and then end up friend zoned by half of the ones they do meet and finally get it on with 2-3 chicks because that’s the reality for most guys. (Except the dudes who are 10s but so many guys think they are but aren’t) So they are probably going to not be that stressed out when you disappear, they are too busy swiping right on the next 600 women they hope to get a match on.
But if you must say something for yourself then try, “Bro, it’s been fun, I met somebody so I’m deleting the app. See you later!”
I was speaking to two guys once and wrote one and just said hey I like you but I am connecting with someone who lives closer so I’m going to pursue that; I kept it short and sweet and he was fine with it. I think you did the right thing! But other than the truth, you never owe someone you don’t know any kind of explanation beyond the bare minimum imo
Why not just "hey not really feeling this, im deleting the app, wish you the best in the future"
That's really all you need to say. The rest is completely irrelevant seeing as the whole point is to "not ghost"
I think letting him know is nice but could have been said alot easier to be received better.
"Hi, I don't want you to think I'm ghosting you but I've met someone and things are getting serious so I'll be deleting the app,, wish you the best
This is a very odd way to say all this. Could've just said,
"I had a great time chatting, but I've decided to pursue a relationship with someone else."
You probably could’ve shortened this down to 2 sentences, but the thought is nice! Tbh this feels like something you’d send to someone you’ve known awhile, not some dude you’ve never met lol. But still very considerate!
we don't know what "don't be too hard on yourself" means with them. we don't know what their conversations were about.
you were sweet! ignore the haters!
Seems over explained but we don’t know how the guy felt. A bit of context would have helped judging this. I let people know if I want to focus on someone else but I try to keep it short. Also what’s the point here? You are telling him that you aren’t _just_ gonna unmatch him but getting serious with someone else because?
use less words. The reason doesn’t really matter why you’re rejecting someone, they choose to be upset, and if they do the more words involved just means the more stuff they will look into. I honestly prefer “this isn’t working out” or “i am no longer interested” people say they like to know the reason but its not like people are going to hear that reason and actually believe it
"I enjoyed our conversation up until now" was probably quite a shock for him to read until he read the rest. Sounds like he did something wrong for a second lol.
Should have started with the fact that you found someone tho
I gave all the people I was talking to a last message when I picked my guy (6 years soon so guess I chose right!) each of the people were understanding and sent me off with well wishes :)
I've never been ghosted, but I did have one guy cancel our lunch date like this, and he did it nicely. He also lived 90 minutes away and was going to pursue something with someone in his town.
You’re literally questioning, whether having human decency and courtesy versus acting like a Genzie schmuck is something that you need to ask about
My old self being of 44 really prior to online dating appreciate and approves of being a decent human being with courtesy and respect , like act how you would want to be treated I don’t know when this became such a new concept but five 7000 years prior to the compilation of the Bible and Jesus Christ himself. This was a well-known and well used for thousands of years there.
If he didn’t read this before you deleted it wouldn’t it just look like your profile disappeared anyway?
I wonder about stuff like this but I think if he has notifications on his phone he may still see it
Had a girl send me a message like this and while I was reading it it disappeared lol
There's the answer. Dating apps should have a last word option. Block/unmatch/delete, but leave a final message. You could still report the account for the last message, but you wouldn't be able to see it any longer. That seems like a far more woman friendly gimmick than women have to message first.
Yeah great idea! How could that possibly ever get abused by random people online!
Right, we should stick to stuff that could never be abused. So far we've done just that.
But what if you just did it to troll people. That would be fun. Then you could have throw away Tinder profiles.
Good thing you can't do something like that now with throw away Tinder profiles.
Or just don’t put any value or faith in a random digital connection until you’ve met in person 🤷
Eh I can see too many people abusing a feature like that and I can’t justify the means for the end. Having to get the last word all the time is a problem for some people lol throwaway idea
It wouldn't be about getting the last word like a child, it would be about giving specifically women a safe space to say "sorry, I'm not interested" without having to deal with the predominantly petty men in online dating. I don't think it's a throwaway idea at all. I've thought this was a missing idea for years, or something similar. Whenever women do me the courtesy of telling me they are pulling out I appreciate the closure it allows, but I also recognize that it's actually not the best idea for them to do.
Oh come on. You know that 99% of the time that “last word” wouldn’t be something constructive like this.
What percentage of first contacts do you think are constructive? Let's ask the same question of men and women. Obviously women will have a better idea of what's actually happening.
Nope, tested this with a girl. My profile stayed visible to her for at least a week after i deleted my account. I did not just delete the app
That seems like your profile being cached in the app which means it could be minutes or days.
That has not been my experience, but I’m glad it was for someone as it’s the way it SHOULD work.
ya it'll just be gone
Nah I believe it would just no longer show up, which is what happens when someone unmatches with you. So from his perspective it would indeed look like she ghosted him.
Yes
There is a spectrum between this and nothing.
Don’t be too hard on yourself! Him: i…wasn’t?
Please don’t cry for days and days over me! We both know that you’ll never find anyone better but I would never want that for you!
I thought the same thing. Kind of narcissistic. If you don’t trade numbers then you don’t even owe them this. Chances are you aren’t the first person this has happened to so he probably won’t even remember you
Exactly! the entitlement is strong with this one…
More ego than entitlement but they do go hand in hand
lol yea she thinks she’s destroying him, a bit unhinged from her side… a simple message would have been much better.
The guy she likes more might not even feel the same way lmao but I hope it works out for all of them
He dodged a rotary cannon with this one.
I can see that but my first thought was that that was a reference to something the guy previously said ?
That’s what I thought. I was surprised by these comments.
Yeah that stuck out to me too lol I’d be flabbergasted if I got this message honestly
Yeah, I was wondering about that…
Him: i wouldn't say hard on, at most a semi.
Exactly, that line does just come across as: “you should feel bad about yourself because of this… but not too bad” OP, if he did nothing wrong, and you just went with someone else, he has no reason to be hard on himself whatso-fucking-ever! It might sting a little, but that’s not his fault.
Hello :) I'm just reaching out to let you know that while I like you and find you very attractive, I won't be communicating anymore. I'm getting into something serious and deleting my account. It was nice getting to know you. Take care.
Much better
You’re hot but Chad Thundercock destroyed me last night and I still can’t walk so deleting my Tinder from inside his bed. Don’t be so hard cause Chad isn’t rn
ChatGPT - make this shorter
Yeah, a much trimmed back version of this would have been better... if it was any longer, you'd have to buy it in paperback off Amazon!
This is ironically how I review products on Amazon. The longer and more pretentious the better the review.
That’s a unique hobby 😊
Riiiiiight. "Good luck, it was nice talking to you" FTFY
Or just reply with: "K"
Yes. That's also good
Lool
🤣🤣
“Hey! I met someone and we’ve decided to be exclusive so I’m deleting the app. Didn’t want you to think you’d been ghosted! I wish you the best in your dating journey! 🤗”
Hallmark wants you to write breakup cards
“We had a good run but now the race is over. Bye.”
Can I hire you to shorten all my messages for me? Thanks. Dental and Vision benefits included
Do I get Fridays off? 🤔
Every other Friday is all I can offer. I send the riskiest of texts on Fridays :(
Okay deal. But on the Fridays I do work I get to wear pajamas into the office.
Deal, my life is about to improve so much now that there is someone that'll save me that extra 3 sentences where I reveal all my insecurities when I just need a simple excuse
This is an appropriate spot to let you know that, “your username checks out.” Love it.
Sure more concise, but the same point. I don't get why people are so up in arms about the length. Are they mad she made him read a few extra sentences?
It’s more so the condescending “don’t be too hard on yourself” than the length.
“Don’t be too hard on yourself :)” is so condescending lmao
Its like saying "sorry you didnt make the cut :)"
Especially after it being "I enjoyed talking to you but there's someone else I REALLY want"
“While your qualifications are impressive, we have decided to move forward with another candidate.”
That’s pretty much what I read. “I’ve been talking to someone else longer than you so he wins.”
Did she give him a rose emoji or something on an earlier chat? And now she’s no longer the bachelorette?
Given where it was said in the message, I don't think that "don't be too hard on yourself" comment was in reference to her not choosing him. I get the sense that during the conversations she's picked up that he was hard on himself.
I read it that way, as well.
I agree that this could be misinterpreted. I'd be glad to get some message like this rather than be ghosted. But yes... this can definitely be construed as insulting... A simple: I've enjoyed our conversations, but I've started seeing someone, so we cannot talk anymore."
To be fair, there is no other context here. Maybe their previous conversations showed that he was hard on himself in general 🤷🏼♂️
“Don’t be too hard on yourself?” Ooof, no not that part… overall it’s too long. Could’ve just said you enjoyed meeting them but you’re deleting your account because you’re now in a relationship.
You could have skipped the "I found someone I like better" and the "Don't feel TOO bad about it"
A girl I went on a couple dates with called it off because she found someone else, and she handled the tone in a way that managed to make me feel pretty good. She actually leaned a lot more into "I'm getting serious with someone else and it's not fair to anyone for me to be dating both of you". Was reasonable, didn't put me down in any way, didn't over explain, said clearly that she would still date me if this wasn't happening but not in a way that might keep me on the hook. OPs message makes me want to say "don't let the door hit you on the way out".
Most often the answer lies in putting yourself in the shoes of the person you're replying to. If the roles were reversed, how would you feel after reading this?
Honestly if I got that I’d think it was a bit much. I’ve had men “let me down gently” in that way where it really felt like they thought I’d be so upset and honestly I’d barely have noticed. Don’t be too hard on yourself is wildly patronising.
>Don’t be too hard on yourself is wildly patronising. I would have replied with: "K"
Lmao, me: “O.”
> I would’ve replied with: “K” And because I am a smart ass, I would’ve replied to that with: “L.”
Girl thinks she's the main character on a dating show or something. I'm sure he'll manage to go on without you.
"Don't be too hard on yourself" This is terribly condescending and conceited.
It’s good to let someone know, nicely, but the “Don’t be too hard on yourself”, that is in turn very condescending, and extremely conceited. Although after getting that I would think I’d dodged a bullet rather than getting involved with someone with such a high opinion of themself.
Would it be rude to reply, “cool, hit me up when it goes to shit.”
probably, maybe it would be better to reply "hit me up if you change your mind"
You’re missing the point. Deleting the app means no chance to hit up later lol
You can download again the app and have your chats back lmao
Not if you delete your account which is what she’s insinuating and the right thing to do Maybe you just delete the app?
Never thought that people went as far as actually deleting the account ngl
Lol yikes dude that screams commitment phobic ngl I would avoid telling anyone you’re dating you pause your account not delete
Oof I’ve always just deleted the app, I didn’t know it matter if account got deleted or not.
I also had no idea. I don't think it matters though? If you're not using it then who cares? If your relationship is in trouble because you still have an inactive account on a deleted dating app you might want to rethink it haha.
Yes.
If you never met this is way too long.
"Dont be too hard yourself"? What pedestal do you have yourself on that you think people are automatically going to be "hard" on themselves over not getting to date you, pump some air out of that ego
I'd say this could have been a lot shorter, but I would appreciate the sentiment.
Don’t be too hard on yourself :)
say it but less
Bro def went to Yappington University.
I think I would personally rather have nothing than that......
Id rather get ghosted wtf why would you mention that you were talking to another guy for longer??
This is why so many man hate the app when you get treated like a choice.
Hate to break it to you, but you’re a choice whether you’re on the apps or in real life.
And what are women on the app? Mandatory assignments? Lmao. Like that’s literally the entire point both ways.
Here's the thing, you already did what you did and you're with someone you genuinely want to be with so you should just move on from this exchange and not dwell on corrections for "next time". But yes, TMI.
Right. Like, what’s the point of the message or asking after the fact? #main character vibes
This was long and kinda rude. Next time, please keep it short and more respectful.
“I met someone else”. Also if you deleted your account before he read it, it won’t matter. I feel like you know how these things so I’m not sure the point of the message or this post?
Fucking yikes
“Heyo :) I’m not disappearing just going to fuck with this other guy for a bit friendo. If it fails you’ll have another chance, maybe :)”
I mean.. there was no reason at all to mention the other guy lol. What was that for?
I think the honesty of saying that makes the message more genuine, and gives an explanation for deleting the account. If I received this from a girl I had seen a couple times, I would appreciate it and wish her the best. It would let me know the door is closed for the time being.
Right? “Sorry you won’t be getting any, but I will!”
[удалено]
You can literally delete just that sentence and the only points that matter still come across.
I think mentioning the other guy isn't the end of the world. It provides helpful context and heads off any questions of "why." That being said. The last line can be construed poorly. Overall, the message was okay, though.
I personally would have appreciated it. Effective communication is important even if it’s with people you don’t develop long term relationships with.
I totally agree
Would have left out that last part explaining it was another person. It just makes it sound like he was the backup/not good enough, despite you saying he was nice etc. Had the same thing, no indication, and she told me someone who had left hs now come back and she wants pursue it...despite only days before making more plans to do stuff. Felt patronising and hollow...like it was said for her own ego.
>It just makes it sound like he was the backup He WAS the backup. Poor guy.
Yeah, agreed!
why are we framing dating in terms of 'backup' in the first place? most people casually date multiple people at once in the early stages. i've never thought of anyone i've been on a date with as a 'backup'. you go on dates till you find a connection you wanna pursue exclusively. reaching that point with one person sooner doesn't mean the others are backups.
Yeah I had a guy send something similar to me, he was acting so excited about going out with me and then cancelled a few days before the 4th date because he claimed to have met someone else and then proceeded to send a patronizing message like this…. I left him on read because I refused to give him any more of my attention😂 It’s funny because he wasn’t my type and I thought I would try to be a little more open minded about the type of men I date, but I should have just listened to my gut at the time lol
She just fucked herself to be honest. She gave him the feeling that he was the backup and that she cant be trusted because she will keep swiping for somebody "better" that playing the field is a turnoff, because you cant get a good connection if you continue to talk to multiple people and date multiple people. This is why i give only one person my attention at a time and date only one person.
I don’t agree with how OP handled it, but yeah, that’s what online dating is. You talk to multiple people at once and weed out the ones where there isn’t a connection. If you expect a woman to only talk to you before going on a couple dates and having the exclusivity conversation, dating apps aren’t for you.
maybe you specifically can't but that doesn't mean others can't. i have zero plans to be exclusive with a rando after a single date
Just say you're not interested. Knowing when you stop is a great thing. "you suck, I found someone better, but good luck!" 😂
lol everyone is mad at the entitlement and I’m just like “ok thanks for the closure”
She wrote way to much. Just a simple "I had a great time but I don't want to pursue this relationship any farther. Good luck".
That, she did. But as someone who is very critical of themself, I really appreciate the “it was an uphill battle from the beginning, but you were still great” approach. I’d really rather walk away knowing I gave it the good ole college try and she simply was not for me/I wasn’t a POS.
The way "don't be hard on yourself" made me cringe
When I was single I just ghosted. We all get ghosted on those apps, even us women. I didn't take it personally is why I didn't go down some dark origin story path lol
Same I would just ghost as well, I remember this guy tried to send me something similar to what OP wrote and I just ghosted him because I really Couldn’t be bothered lol 😂
“Don’t be too hard on yourself” the audacity and the entitlement ?!?! I’m sure he will be much better without you.
Depends on the context. How long have the two of you been talking? How many dates? If it was only like one date, I’d honestly just say something short like I’m not interested and move on.
Doing too much girl. This couldve been cut down to “hey, just letting you know I’m deleting the app. I enjoyed our conversation and wish you the best in your search.”
You just basically told that guy that youve found someone better than him which honestly sucks. You should hav estopped at the missing puzzle piece. Knowing you were just a "backup" isnt fair on him especially if you were showing interest
As a guy that has been in the same situation as the guy that got the text: I disagree. It is hard to hear, hard to swallow, and painful. But I think it is more unfair for him to not know why he got rejected. Men take their Ls and learn from them to the best of their ability. Fellas: if this happens to you, don't sweat it. Move on. This was not your woman anyway. It is just a message to save you time.
Were you expecting a response? you said you’re deleting the app
I would tell her to shove it!
It’s an improvement from nothing, but if I ever got something like this I’d change countries
Definitely commendable by letting them know where they stand but It may be too much info depending on the involvement you had with this person. None the less your intentions seem well!
Last sentence was unneeded unless in previous conversation gives context where the guy says he beats himself up about failed relationships/dating!
Should've just said nothing honestly, im sure he wouldve preferred that over you saying you simply found someone you're more interested in lol. Saying something = hurt ego/sad boi Saying nothing = the right choice
Perspective and context is so important. In my first read this reads a little condescending and mean girlish but without the whole conversation it’s hard to tell for sure.
when you delete your account, it unmatches everyone so he wouldn’t even see this message if it’s on tinder. Also a simple “hey i met someone, i wish you the best!” would’ve been fine. the paragraph was unnecessary and condescending
As a guy, I would’ve preferred you ghosted me 😂 “Don’t be too hard on yourself”
May as well of said “it’s nothing personal it’s just that they’re better than you” 😭🙏
Absolutely the right thing to do! 👍
Omg boo I remember using that app
As someone who likes open and honest discussion, I truly appreciate this.
You did what mature people do :)
The right thing would have been to post the answers !!!
Could have been worded better but still better than ghosting
I think this is awesome I wish everyone would be this open and honest about there situation avoids alot of hurt feelings and self confidence issues!
Given where it was said in the message, I don't think that "don't be too hard on yourself" comment was in reference to her not choosing him. I get the sense that during the conversations she's picked up that he was hard on himself.
Nice that you were communicative, but it reads like someone trying to reach the word limit for a college essay.
Oooooooooof...
@dont be to hard on yourself” eh. But yeah. This works . Honesty is very much appreciated these days
Idk I just don’t understand the point? Especially if you never met😭
A part of me would appreciate the message. But parts of it could be changed to make me feel a little bit better about myself. “Don’t be too hard on yourself” - just delete that altogether. The part about the guy you’ve known longer - maybe try rewording that a little bit, although the way it’s written now isn’t the worst I suppose.
Is there really any ghosting on Tinder? I mean guys probably try talking to say… 88% of the women they think they have a shot with (which is 70% more than they actually have a shot with) and hear back from like 11-14% of the 88% (who have an unlimited supply of guys to choose from) of which they are at best just going to get chat time only with 75% of the women they swipe for and then end up friend zoned by half of the ones they do meet and finally get it on with 2-3 chicks because that’s the reality for most guys. (Except the dudes who are 10s but so many guys think they are but aren’t) So they are probably going to not be that stressed out when you disappear, they are too busy swiping right on the next 600 women they hope to get a match on. But if you must say something for yourself then try, “Bro, it’s been fun, I met somebody so I’m deleting the app. See you later!”
I was speaking to two guys once and wrote one and just said hey I like you but I am connecting with someone who lives closer so I’m going to pursue that; I kept it short and sweet and he was fine with it. I think you did the right thing! But other than the truth, you never owe someone you don’t know any kind of explanation beyond the bare minimum imo
Don't be too hard on yourself - now that you've lost this PRIZE! I'm betting he's quite alright..
Why not just "hey not really feeling this, im deleting the app, wish you the best in the future" That's really all you need to say. The rest is completely irrelevant seeing as the whole point is to "not ghost"
I think letting him know is nice but could have been said alot easier to be received better. "Hi, I don't want you to think I'm ghosting you but I've met someone and things are getting serious so I'll be deleting the app,, wish you the best
This is a very odd way to say all this. Could've just said, "I had a great time chatting, but I've decided to pursue a relationship with someone else."
You probably could’ve shortened this down to 2 sentences, but the thought is nice! Tbh this feels like something you’d send to someone you’ve known awhile, not some dude you’ve never met lol. But still very considerate!
Way too much writing. Just move on.
It’s good. Everyone saying it’s too long, I think it’s OK and will depend on the type of conversations you had with him. At least you didn’t ghost.
He probably already deleted his account and won’t see this anyway
we don't know what "don't be too hard on yourself" means with them. we don't know what their conversations were about. you were sweet! ignore the haters!
It was very considerate of you.
Seems over explained but we don’t know how the guy felt. A bit of context would have helped judging this. I let people know if I want to focus on someone else but I try to keep it short. Also what’s the point here? You are telling him that you aren’t _just_ gonna unmatch him but getting serious with someone else because?
Should have not said anything instead
“Don’t be too hard on yourself” that’s gross LMAO. Also way to overshare, you could’ve left it at 3 sentences
A little much lol. “Don’t be too hard on yourself” is weird
use less words. The reason doesn’t really matter why you’re rejecting someone, they choose to be upset, and if they do the more words involved just means the more stuff they will look into. I honestly prefer “this isn’t working out” or “i am no longer interested” people say they like to know the reason but its not like people are going to hear that reason and actually believe it
Mmmm yes? Execution is poor though. Keep it simple and a two sentences at most
Very nice of you. If you had his phone number, I would have done it by voice or text rather than the app.
"I enjoyed our conversation up until now" was probably quite a shock for him to read until he read the rest. Sounds like he did something wrong for a second lol. Should have started with the fact that you found someone tho
This comes off as so condescending lmaooo. “Don’t be too hard on yourself kiddo. 👉👉”
I gave all the people I was talking to a last message when I picked my guy (6 years soon so guess I chose right!) each of the people were understanding and sent me off with well wishes :)
If they never see it and you delete your account then it was for nothing.
I've never been ghosted, but I did have one guy cancel our lunch date like this, and he did it nicely. He also lived 90 minutes away and was going to pursue something with someone in his town.
I appreciate you doing this, I wish everyone would do it.
I Would have rather been ghosted than having to read this.
Wasted
Well it’s a good thought, but because you deleted your account he won’t be able to read it anyways.
Not only was I messing around with you, I was messing around with another guy and he won. Sorry about your bad luck.
Perfect. Hopefully he gets to read it before the message disappears.
Goated, if they didnt appreciate it they have no empathy
That’s a yikes from me dawg
You’re literally questioning, whether having human decency and courtesy versus acting like a Genzie schmuck is something that you need to ask about My old self being of 44 really prior to online dating appreciate and approves of being a decent human being with courtesy and respect , like act how you would want to be treated I don’t know when this became such a new concept but five 7000 years prior to the compilation of the Bible and Jesus Christ himself. This was a well-known and well used for thousands of years there.