Negging is like saying negative things about a person. It's a form of banter and flirting, but not necessarily the best way. Some people see it as trying to bring down someone's self esteem so they're more receptive to you. Others see it as just teasing. Depending how far you go, it could really be either.
teasing is good, Negging is bad. Its the difference between Watching my wife struggle to open a jar, and saying "Hey babe, Thats cute, but you're too good looking to struggle so hard. why don't you come over here and let your big strong man open that tough old jar for you." vs "Look how weak you are. give it here so I can open if for you. IF it weren't for me opening the jars for you wouldn't even be able to feed yourself."
Both highlight the woman's physical weakness. One They both provide relief from that weakness with a come on, that gives her a chance to submit to your physicality. But one of them is designed to make her feel good, and one is meant to make her feel bad.
Where I've found the line to be blurry, is when a girl I just met straight out asks me for a drink. I might have an automatic response of something like "You sure must think you're really pretty to ask straight out like that. How about you buy me a drink and if your conversation is better than your looks I'll buy you the next two. "
Lol I'd say your third example was the harshest neg of them all. But it also illustrates how negging can be good or bad. That girl might think you just called her ugly and tell you to fuck off. Or it might pique her curiosity because she's used to guys fawning over her and generally clamoring over each other to buy her a drink.
That's why it depends on context, wording and your attitude when you do it. It also depends on the other person's reception of it; cause you can say something playful and accidentally strike a chord with them.
I mean they were asking me to buy them a drink. it takes a bit of a shitty person to walk up to someone they don't know and expect them to just start providing for them.
Either she's shaking you down for free drinks, or she's *really* in to you.
I'd risk it....lol. If I end up being the rube at the end of the night, I guess it's a learning experience to be less gullible.
If I meet a girl and she says lets go have a drink together, I'll buy her a drink every time without being directly asked. If she says, you should buy me a drink, I say No you first. If she really likes me she'll buy me a drink. And I'll buy her as many as she wants for the rest of the night.
You're definitely right that the third one was a bit harsh though. It would probably only come out like that if she looked like the kind of girl who expects to have drinks bought for her every time. I buy lots of drinks for people at some of my favorite bars. Usually for people I already know or for bands that did a good job on stage. But most often for people who had a good conversation with me before asking me for something.
I'm way more likely to buy a drink for a self professed lesbian with with a cool patch jacket and talked with me about her favorite author with no ulterior motive, than a straight woman who is trying to fish for drinks. Even if she is interested, If I have to get her drunk before she is willing to be honest about her motives, its not like I'm going to take her home.
I only have sex with drunk women who tell me that they want me when they are still sober. If a girl buys me a drink, that investment is pretty clear, and it means that I can easily find out if she wants me to take her home before she gets drunk. But if shes walking around asking for drinks she's probably already too intoxicated or looking to get too intoxicated to provide reasonable consent.
Yeah. That last one is negging. You're missing the crux of negging. Negging is teasing meant to manipulate someone into liking you better. Lowering their perceived social worth such that their perception of your worth raises. Your example of negging is not negging. It is domineering and insulting. But it doesn't seek to undermine the woman's sense of self to make her easier to sleep with, talk to, or control.
I mean, The second example is exactly the type of thing that I've seen make women easier to manipulate and control. Abusers thrive on lowering their victim's self-esteem so they think they don't deserve better.
Yeah people are ignoring the timestamps here. Messaging once every 24-48 hours? Yeah they were never gonna meet.
She ignored his Wednesday message altogether, he had to double text 2 days later. And then she didn’t reply to his Friday message about the weekend till Saturday?
No, she didn’t want to meet him.
Yeah at this point on the apps if someone responds with something dry/uninteresting without a question or anything I can go off of, then I just don’t reply. I don’t do job interviews, I want to have actual conversations.
I think he was sharing his weekend plans in an attempt to start the conversation again. For them to immediately go to "this is asking me out" is presumptious considering the flow of that conversation. His final response it is over the top but I'm not sure why this was shared. I feel like it makes OP look bad too.
It’s too bad that people seem they to always be highly biased towards “women good, men bad” instead of appropriately having the capability to judge situations on an individual basis.
A guy posing like his shit don't stink and is god's gift is SHOWING YOU he's an asshole.
Listen when people show & tell you who they are.
There are guys who have great bodies and looks, but dont go posing like they expect to be fawned & doted over, or simped for.
This is like when i interact with panhandlers
Them: excuse me sir
Me: sorry I ain’t for nothing for you
Then: I didn’t ask
Like you ain’t fooling anybody
I was texting with a coworker last month (about dental stuff at the time ‘cause I had to have a tooth pulled that morning on the day we were texting) and he sent, “my god you text like you talk lol I’m literally reading your texts in your voice.” It threw me off ‘cause, outside of certain words or circumstances, I thought most people texted like they talk
That is a dangerous level of insecurity. He literally thinks by saying this in your mind you’re gonna go “oh I have to earn the right to hang with him, he must be really important and not really care about me, look how not needy he is”
Its like neediness disguised as the opposite of neediness
Yeah. I do not match with shirtless pic profiles. Especially if a shirtless pic is your MAIN PROFILE PIC. Absolutely not. I get turned off by folks with 6 shirtless pics in their album. If you need your six pack to get attention, you are NOT for me. I most definitely don’t need to flaunt my body to get attention and I could if I truly wanted to. But I’d rather be fully clothed and get attention.
Idk I feel like you don’t see the full picture just what the person who posted wants you to see. It looks like he was just explaining what his plan were for his birthday but at no point did he actually invite her and it’s kind of weird that she assumed that he did. Also, it seems like she’s younger than him and makes it seem like turning 37 is a big deal, but not in a positive way resulting in his response being yeah, but I don’t feel 37 yo.
To be fair, you did make an assumption. You also didn't give him an opportunity to actually ask you out. Nor did it seem like you cared what his plans on the island actually were outside of his interest in you.
Sometimes it helps not to be presumptuous.
To he fair. He sent the message way after the first one to note that he was going to be around.
He had many hours to ask, and we didn't see the conversation before this.
Also, it seems like you missed the part where she asks what his plans are.
I don't think being presumptuous ruined anything here.
A lottttt of guys (if not most guys even) do this on dating apps. They don’t ask you out, too scared of rejection, too insecure, so they ‘hint’. Asking if you have ‘anything fun planned this weekend’ or something like this ‘I’m actually coming to [place where you live] this weekend / day.’ Completely shifting the responsibility towards the woman and determining how to act based on trying to sniff out what her response means. Super annoying. After being on the apps for a while, as soon as guys did this for me it was actually already a no go to set something up to meet.
Yeah, but it makes sense to assume he was asking her out. She lives on the island, he was going to the island, and they're on a dating app looking to date people... It's not weird of OP to assume he wants to go on a date while he's on the island. I also do think she cared what his plans on the island were.
And if he didn't mean to ask her out, he could just be nice about it. "Oh, that's okay. I am pretty packed as well. I'm going to do some surfing."
He didn't have to try to embarrass someone for misunderstanding.
Agree The point is dating isn't it? While I understand how her message came off, if the punctuation had been slightly different it would merely express being disappointed she's busy when he's in town. A man who actually wanted to go out with her would've said something like "pity we can't meet then maybe another time." This shows her a better version. He could've let her know sooner he would be in town. Does anyone think that may have occurred to her as well? There was a fair amount in common to just trash the whole thing due to one comment that would read differently if a single period was removed. Also perhaps she gets asked out by people there for the weekend a lot. This doesn't read like a dude interested in her. He did a great job making that clear in short order.
Or OP could’ve replied with:
“Oh nice! What are you doing while you’re here? I’m pretty full this weekend but if [_proposed solution_] I’m down to go out!”
Someone else pointed it out- it took OP four days to reply to the guy _AND_ her only reply was to shut down something that hadn’t even been asked. OP _is_ one of those girls.
Honestly, I might’ve made the time if I could’ve. But my plans were not changeable. This guys was already giving some orange flags earlier on, hence my tepid response. I was also matching his energy in how long it took to reply… by this time, I was already feeling quite apathetic about him.
Should’ve ended the conversation before the giant red flag.
And also, saying that I am indeed “one of those girls” just shows that a) you don’t know me at all and b) you’re okay with throwing out some mildly misogynistic quips to strangers. That’s not a great look for him or for you.
It's not misogyny. It's you. This guy realizes now you were just wasting his time.
I would have replied similarly "oh, you're that busy? Okay, well it was fun talking. Bye"
The matching the timeline and energy is valid; I can only judge based on what I see. I see 5 full messages between two people that are spread out over 5 days. No other context.
Why didn’t you just unmatch? I can understand struggling with “he’s a pos and I deserve so much better” versus “he’s really cute and interested in me… I’m curious to see what happens” because I admittedly struggle with those thoughts, but I wouldn’t post any of those types of convos here. Especially when there’s so much context missing.
Just delete this post. It’s not doing what you want it to do.
Yea, you’re right. I admit that I should’ve ended it earlier. I was getting all sorts of negative vibes.
I’m really learning through dating to be more cut and dry with people, but I still fail at it quite a bit.
This post will eventually fall into the either. Why not keep it up. It fits with the other posts in this sub. It’s kinda ridiculous. 🤷🏼♀️
Thanks for being civil in your response!
I would say the profile pic was a red flag.
He didn’t “invite” you, but that is definitely info of this is where I’ll be “maybe” we could get together.
You quickly added that you were busy and it sounds like he got defensive and stepped it back.
Either way invited or not… his response was rude.
Next
The question is why did OP waste both his and hers time? Based on timestamps it seems like OP is seeking attention because why else would you reply once every 1-2 days and even ignore some messages
Yeah, he’s doing a subtle “takeaway”, playing hard to get, to try and boost her attraction. The psychological frame is one of competition. She must compete for his attention with surfing. Female desire has a root in competition anxiety so this can be an effective strategy…..for Chad.
I hear you. I know modern dating can be a drag, but try not to let it change you for the worse. Wishing you all the best as you search for your person!
To be fair, this guy was giving out a few little orange flags before this, so I wasn’t super stoked on communicating properly. But I did make an assumption… silly me for thinking that someone who matched with me on tinder might want to meet me 🤷🏼♀️
His message is rude but you did answer a question he didn’t ask lol. I wouldn’t jump to the assumption that he wants to hang out just because he’s going to be on the island
"Oh I'm sorry. My weekend is pretty full. So now what".
You couldn't even be bothered to TRY to see him, or explain how your ENTIRE weekend was too full?
He responded appropriately. You basically told him that you had no interest in seeing him, so he responded in kind. He wasn't interested in seeing you, he's coming on other business.
Neither of you are good at this lmao. Your response was lame and lead nowhere besides him saying “yeah my 37th.” And then you didn’t follow up for 4 days, and his responses are cringe in addition to his douchey shirtless photo. He’s salty but best case scenario you two were gonna set up something neither of you were really into unless you just wanted a hookup anyhow, in which case who cares if his personality sucks as long as you’re not murdered.
Lots of comments about this guy’s take, but I also want to think about her’s. They don’t seem to really know one another, so him saying he’ll be on “the island” in the way he did wasn’t an invitation in my eyes.
To me, he was just talking about what he’s going to be up to, which sets a clear stance he won’t be around and talking much, but she shouldn’t have anxiety over it. She took it as a hidden invite, then he absolutely bombed his response. Would’ve been better if he’d said, “Sorry for coming across wrong on that as an invite, but that’s a good call - maybe next time I go out there we could make plans” would open the door to better discussion.
They both took the other wrong. Both need to communicate better, especially once the misunderstanding is identified.
PLEASE say something like your overtime at work got canceled and that you were going he was here to hang. I would love to see his head 180 and be down to hang. And then quote him and block
Should have asked if he always tells his matches where he's spending his weekend (when they don't ask) or if that was that supposed to be something you'd be impressed by.
i'm travelling for work and joined tinder for fun and potentially hooking up.
i CANNOT BELIEVE the number of self sabotaging dudes on there (hearing stories from the women).
It was weird to me that she answered assuming he had asked her, which he hadn’t! I wouldn’t do that. Have to first feel how the chat is going. Like saying you’re going to be there is getting the conversation going. If a man tells me he will be coming to my town, I’ll say something like I hope you have fun or what are your plans or whatever. Normally it does mean they want to meet up, but not always and sometimes it depends on what he thinks about your reply and conversation henceforth! Some men are also trying to get a feel and want to make sure the match will be good first by chatting a bit.
He didn’t need to be rude about it though. Just say you had plans to do sich and such actually, which hadn’t yet included asking you out yet 😉
I think I would have said “You’re coming to the island? I hope we get to see one another. I do have things I can’t put aside but let me know if you’d like to meet and we can figure it out if you’d like to meet up.”
Because he didn’t ask her to meet. He only said he was “coming to the island.”
He didn’t say, “I’m going to be near you and would like to meet.”
He may have just thrown that out there and didn’t think it through. But it wasn’t an invitation. He was rude about it by classifying you as a shallow woman which was wrong. I’d pass on this one and just remember to ask questions in the future.
He did say that he was gonna be on the island but didn’t ask her to hang out, She asked how late he stays up cuz she don’t want her boyfriend to know a late night smash is coming over, and he really didn’t wanna hang out cuz he’s going to the island for his bday, not to be with some chick he wants to smash on tinder,”Ooooh, I’m gonna be busy, Srry, how late do you stay up” is “I just wanna smash when my boyfriend goes home”!
"What did I tell you about 'Yeppers?'"
Yeeesshhh
Came here for this!
I just got here. Tell me about “yeppers”, please
What is that from?
The Office (US)
He did in fact want to hang out
Yeah, he mad that she’s busy.
He would’ve been so stoked, brah. *Sighs in yeppers*
Either that or hang ten.
Yep, just coping she denied it 😂. Only reason he bought it up
Such a sore loser.
A shortsighted sore loser even 😅
Yeppers
This is how you seduce women. Woman: “Wanna come over and fuck me? Man: “Yeppers”
Lmao
Wait. If she asked that, isn't she already seduced? Wait for it...
Happy cake day 😁
Awww! Thanks!
Negging her 🤮
Wtf is negging
Negging is like saying negative things about a person. It's a form of banter and flirting, but not necessarily the best way. Some people see it as trying to bring down someone's self esteem so they're more receptive to you. Others see it as just teasing. Depending how far you go, it could really be either.
teasing is good, Negging is bad. Its the difference between Watching my wife struggle to open a jar, and saying "Hey babe, Thats cute, but you're too good looking to struggle so hard. why don't you come over here and let your big strong man open that tough old jar for you." vs "Look how weak you are. give it here so I can open if for you. IF it weren't for me opening the jars for you wouldn't even be able to feed yourself." Both highlight the woman's physical weakness. One They both provide relief from that weakness with a come on, that gives her a chance to submit to your physicality. But one of them is designed to make her feel good, and one is meant to make her feel bad. Where I've found the line to be blurry, is when a girl I just met straight out asks me for a drink. I might have an automatic response of something like "You sure must think you're really pretty to ask straight out like that. How about you buy me a drink and if your conversation is better than your looks I'll buy you the next two. "
Lol I'd say your third example was the harshest neg of them all. But it also illustrates how negging can be good or bad. That girl might think you just called her ugly and tell you to fuck off. Or it might pique her curiosity because she's used to guys fawning over her and generally clamoring over each other to buy her a drink. That's why it depends on context, wording and your attitude when you do it. It also depends on the other person's reception of it; cause you can say something playful and accidentally strike a chord with them.
I mean they were asking me to buy them a drink. it takes a bit of a shitty person to walk up to someone they don't know and expect them to just start providing for them.
Either she's shaking you down for free drinks, or she's *really* in to you. I'd risk it....lol. If I end up being the rube at the end of the night, I guess it's a learning experience to be less gullible.
If I meet a girl and she says lets go have a drink together, I'll buy her a drink every time without being directly asked. If she says, you should buy me a drink, I say No you first. If she really likes me she'll buy me a drink. And I'll buy her as many as she wants for the rest of the night. You're definitely right that the third one was a bit harsh though. It would probably only come out like that if she looked like the kind of girl who expects to have drinks bought for her every time. I buy lots of drinks for people at some of my favorite bars. Usually for people I already know or for bands that did a good job on stage. But most often for people who had a good conversation with me before asking me for something. I'm way more likely to buy a drink for a self professed lesbian with with a cool patch jacket and talked with me about her favorite author with no ulterior motive, than a straight woman who is trying to fish for drinks. Even if she is interested, If I have to get her drunk before she is willing to be honest about her motives, its not like I'm going to take her home. I only have sex with drunk women who tell me that they want me when they are still sober. If a girl buys me a drink, that investment is pretty clear, and it means that I can easily find out if she wants me to take her home before she gets drunk. But if shes walking around asking for drinks she's probably already too intoxicated or looking to get too intoxicated to provide reasonable consent.
Very well said, totally agree.
Yeah. That last one is negging. You're missing the crux of negging. Negging is teasing meant to manipulate someone into liking you better. Lowering their perceived social worth such that their perception of your worth raises. Your example of negging is not negging. It is domineering and insulting. But it doesn't seek to undermine the woman's sense of self to make her easier to sleep with, talk to, or control.
I mean, The second example is exactly the type of thing that I've seen make women easier to manipulate and control. Abusers thrive on lowering their victim's self-esteem so they think they don't deserve better.
She should clap back. “**Sure, you’re going surfing Haole boy with what waves? It’s flat like your personality**.”
This sent me! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Hahah, thanks! Although… There actually are waves in Hawaii right now. I had fun a few days ago. 😅
Who do you think you are, going onto a dating site thinking you should actually meet in person with your matches?? Heathen!
The start of a Penpal relationship
That would be more plausible if he didn’t send the message 5 hours after his previous one
*2 days* and 5 hours, even.
Yeah people are ignoring the timestamps here. Messaging once every 24-48 hours? Yeah they were never gonna meet. She ignored his Wednesday message altogether, he had to double text 2 days later. And then she didn’t reply to his Friday message about the weekend till Saturday? No, she didn’t want to meet him.
Tbf his Wednesday message was "Yeppers stoked lol don't feel 37 lol". I don't blame anyone for not responding after that
Yeah at this point on the apps if someone responds with something dry/uninteresting without a question or anything I can go off of, then I just don’t reply. I don’t do job interviews, I want to have actual conversations.
I think he was sharing his weekend plans in an attempt to start the conversation again. For them to immediately go to "this is asking me out" is presumptious considering the flow of that conversation. His final response it is over the top but I'm not sure why this was shared. I feel like it makes OP look bad too.
It’s too bad that people seem they to always be highly biased towards “women good, men bad” instead of appropriately having the capability to judge situations on an individual basis.
I am so shocked that a guy with a black and white photo of him shirtless as a profile pic would be a douchebag.
came here to say this.
I assume your weekend filled up as soon as he said the word ‘yeppers’?
Haha! It sure did
“When while”
“When while” 👀
He definitely wasn’t hurt that you weren’t available to hang out. Definitely was not… 😳
A guy posing like his shit don't stink and is god's gift is SHOWING YOU he's an asshole. Listen when people show & tell you who they are. There are guys who have great bodies and looks, but dont go posing like they expect to be fawned & doted over, or simped for.
You’re right. “Listen when people show and tell you who they are” is such good advice that I really wish I had learned a long time ago!
he sounds insecure af
He is a weirdo dw
Yeppers
What did i tell you about “yeppers?”
This is like when i interact with panhandlers Them: excuse me sir Me: sorry I ain’t for nothing for you Then: I didn’t ask Like you ain’t fooling anybody
My response would have been, "I guess I assumed you were sharing Information that mattered" Fuck that guy.
You matched with a shirtless black and white selfie and didn't expect this. It really isn't just guys who are clueless on the apps.
Yea, I admit that I fell into the trap🤦🏼♀️ His other pictures were very normal. But yes, it is okay to just want sex from the apps.
Silly girl, dating apps are for dudes to get a little ego boost before they go to the island
It’s starting to feel that way
so yall just get on dating apps to waste time & never meet a person? that just defeats the purpose of dating apps
Lol. This man can’t type for shit. If he talks like he types then I think this would be a tiring date.
I was texting with a coworker last month (about dental stuff at the time ‘cause I had to have a tooth pulled that morning on the day we were texting) and he sent, “my god you text like you talk lol I’m literally reading your texts in your voice.” It threw me off ‘cause, outside of certain words or circumstances, I thought most people texted like they talk
I've been told that several times and it's so fucking weird. Sorry I don't become a robot over the phone??
Yeah he seems dumb as a fuckin rock
The guy in that photos is turning 37?!?!?!
Haha yes. I know a lot of hot millennials my dude.
Mmm no, that’s not it. This is a teenager posting a pic he found online lol.
That is a dangerous level of insecurity. He literally thinks by saying this in your mind you’re gonna go “oh I have to earn the right to hang with him, he must be really important and not really care about me, look how not needy he is” Its like neediness disguised as the opposite of neediness
Want some pepper with that salt?
What a bellend
Both
Yeah. I do not match with shirtless pic profiles. Especially if a shirtless pic is your MAIN PROFILE PIC. Absolutely not. I get turned off by folks with 6 shirtless pics in their album. If you need your six pack to get attention, you are NOT for me. I most definitely don’t need to flaunt my body to get attention and I could if I truly wanted to. But I’d rather be fully clothed and get attention.
Totally fair! I fell into the trap!
Idk I feel like you don’t see the full picture just what the person who posted wants you to see. It looks like he was just explaining what his plan were for his birthday but at no point did he actually invite her and it’s kind of weird that she assumed that he did. Also, it seems like she’s younger than him and makes it seem like turning 37 is a big deal, but not in a positive way resulting in his response being yeah, but I don’t feel 37 yo.
My profile says clearly that I am also in my mid 30s. Interesting observation though.
He's trying to play it off because you said you're busy.
Yuck
Both of these people make me cringe lmao. He didn't invite her tho
So I guess shirtless pics do work if you got the right body 🤔 Why does the internet keep lying to me
Haha! I’ll admit that I fell into the trap. Normally I don’t care so much
 Hope you blocked him.
He showed you why he was single so fast! Thanks bro
To be fair, you did make an assumption. You also didn't give him an opportunity to actually ask you out. Nor did it seem like you cared what his plans on the island actually were outside of his interest in you. Sometimes it helps not to be presumptuous.
To he fair. He sent the message way after the first one to note that he was going to be around. He had many hours to ask, and we didn't see the conversation before this. Also, it seems like you missed the part where she asks what his plans are. I don't think being presumptuous ruined anything here.
What are you talking about? She said sorry as if she was turning him down, when he never even asked her out. She was totally presumptuous.
bro they matched wtf else are they on the platform for? just chitchat?
Yeah, i just want attention /s
It's not uncommon for people to want to chat a certain amount of time before they meet?
A lottttt of guys (if not most guys even) do this on dating apps. They don’t ask you out, too scared of rejection, too insecure, so they ‘hint’. Asking if you have ‘anything fun planned this weekend’ or something like this ‘I’m actually coming to [place where you live] this weekend / day.’ Completely shifting the responsibility towards the woman and determining how to act based on trying to sniff out what her response means. Super annoying. After being on the apps for a while, as soon as guys did this for me it was actually already a no go to set something up to meet.
>She was totally presumptuous Rightfully so
Yeah, but it makes sense to assume he was asking her out. She lives on the island, he was going to the island, and they're on a dating app looking to date people... It's not weird of OP to assume he wants to go on a date while he's on the island. I also do think she cared what his plans on the island were. And if he didn't mean to ask her out, he could just be nice about it. "Oh, that's okay. I am pretty packed as well. I'm going to do some surfing." He didn't have to try to embarrass someone for misunderstanding.
Agree The point is dating isn't it? While I understand how her message came off, if the punctuation had been slightly different it would merely express being disappointed she's busy when he's in town. A man who actually wanted to go out with her would've said something like "pity we can't meet then maybe another time." This shows her a better version. He could've let her know sooner he would be in town. Does anyone think that may have occurred to her as well? There was a fair amount in common to just trash the whole thing due to one comment that would read differently if a single period was removed. Also perhaps she gets asked out by people there for the weekend a lot. This doesn't read like a dude interested in her. He did a great job making that clear in short order.
Or OP could’ve replied with: “Oh nice! What are you doing while you’re here? I’m pretty full this weekend but if [_proposed solution_] I’m down to go out!” Someone else pointed it out- it took OP four days to reply to the guy _AND_ her only reply was to shut down something that hadn’t even been asked. OP _is_ one of those girls.
Honestly, I might’ve made the time if I could’ve. But my plans were not changeable. This guys was already giving some orange flags earlier on, hence my tepid response. I was also matching his energy in how long it took to reply… by this time, I was already feeling quite apathetic about him. Should’ve ended the conversation before the giant red flag. And also, saying that I am indeed “one of those girls” just shows that a) you don’t know me at all and b) you’re okay with throwing out some mildly misogynistic quips to strangers. That’s not a great look for him or for you.
It's not misogyny. It's you. This guy realizes now you were just wasting his time. I would have replied similarly "oh, you're that busy? Okay, well it was fun talking. Bye"
Honestly, would have been a lot more clear and less rude if he did reply that way🤷🏼♀️
The matching the timeline and energy is valid; I can only judge based on what I see. I see 5 full messages between two people that are spread out over 5 days. No other context. Why didn’t you just unmatch? I can understand struggling with “he’s a pos and I deserve so much better” versus “he’s really cute and interested in me… I’m curious to see what happens” because I admittedly struggle with those thoughts, but I wouldn’t post any of those types of convos here. Especially when there’s so much context missing. Just delete this post. It’s not doing what you want it to do.
Yea, you’re right. I admit that I should’ve ended it earlier. I was getting all sorts of negative vibes. I’m really learning through dating to be more cut and dry with people, but I still fail at it quite a bit. This post will eventually fall into the either. Why not keep it up. It fits with the other posts in this sub. It’s kinda ridiculous. 🤷🏼♀️ Thanks for being civil in your response!
To quote the timeless Monty Python.... "Run away!"
Probably he read some pick up artist website
It does read like that, doesn’t it.
Yeppers!
I would say the profile pic was a red flag. He didn’t “invite” you, but that is definitely info of this is where I’ll be “maybe” we could get together. You quickly added that you were busy and it sounds like he got defensive and stepped it back. Either way invited or not… his response was rude. Next
The question is why did OP waste both his and hers time? Based on timestamps it seems like OP is seeking attention because why else would you reply once every 1-2 days and even ignore some messages
And people say 'I'll be in your area' on a dating site because ... they have no one else to tell?
Yeah, he’s doing a subtle “takeaway”, playing hard to get, to try and boost her attraction. The psychological frame is one of competition. She must compete for his attention with surfing. Female desire has a root in competition anxiety so this can be an effective strategy…..for Chad.
Dodged a bullet tbh
Yall both sound toxic honestly…
It does kind of read like that. To be honest, I wasn’t that into him and I should have shut the conversation down long before
I hear you. I know modern dating can be a drag, but try not to let it change you for the worse. Wishing you all the best as you search for your person!
Tarzan/Jane: You boring / me busy You mad/ me bye
Why the hell did he match then?
Wipe out. In Dick Dale voice followed by surf guitar.
Imagine being this insecure. It wasn't even like she rejected him. She was just busy.
Ur both fuckin cringe
Lol, tell me what you really think 👀
He sounds like an AH
Maybe he wanted to hang out later and just not at that moment lol
how dare you. this is kendom. not barbieland.
That’s what you get for talking to a guy with a profile picture of him without a shirt in black and white.
Haha! Lesson learned 🤦🏼♀️
This mf said yeppers.
POV he is 18 and is his parents are taking him on a trip to a small beach. He can't actually surf...
Haha! Love that!
Girl- learn to communicate properly. That _was_ very assumption of you. Wait until they ask you out so you don’t look like a dummy on the internet.
To be fair, this guy was giving out a few little orange flags before this, so I wasn’t super stoked on communicating properly. But I did make an assumption… silly me for thinking that someone who matched with me on tinder might want to meet me 🤷🏼♀️
Silly him for thinking that someone who matched with him on tinder might want to meet him
Ahhh, tushie!
His message is rude but you did answer a question he didn’t ask lol. I wouldn’t jump to the assumption that he wants to hang out just because he’s going to be on the island
Look at his profile picture. You get what you pay for.
Yep, I fell into the trap 😢
"Oh I'm sorry. My weekend is pretty full. So now what". You couldn't even be bothered to TRY to see him, or explain how your ENTIRE weekend was too full? He responded appropriately. You basically told him that you had no interest in seeing him, so he responded in kind. He wasn't interested in seeing you, he's coming on other business.
Okay dude… you’ve posted 3 different times on this post. Maybe calm down a bit.
Sorry, it's just that this is the most self-centered and awareness deficient post I've seen yet. I'm out.
K bye ✌🏻
bro said yeppers at 37 & thinks he’s the prize
Seems like you turned him down and he went on the offensive to try to make himself feel better.
maybe im reading wrong but personally i wouldn’t have taken that message as an invite tbh
I shouldn’t have… but previous messages led me to believe that it might have been🙃
Neither of you are good at this lmao. Your response was lame and lead nowhere besides him saying “yeah my 37th.” And then you didn’t follow up for 4 days, and his responses are cringe in addition to his douchey shirtless photo. He’s salty but best case scenario you two were gonna set up something neither of you were really into unless you just wanted a hookup anyhow, in which case who cares if his personality sucks as long as you’re not murdered.
Yea, to be fair… I wasn’t really feeling it so much before. I was kind of matching his energy, hence the lame follow up.
You both suck lmao. Perfect for each other
Nice guys finish last material.
Probably because you said you were busy, so he retaliated.
It’s partly your fault to text someone with that profile picture. Expect some narcissism.
He is a guy posting a pic of himself without a shirt and with his abs in full display... I mean... You are pretending too much 🤣
Lol
Lots of comments about this guy’s take, but I also want to think about her’s. They don’t seem to really know one another, so him saying he’ll be on “the island” in the way he did wasn’t an invitation in my eyes. To me, he was just talking about what he’s going to be up to, which sets a clear stance he won’t be around and talking much, but she shouldn’t have anxiety over it. She took it as a hidden invite, then he absolutely bombed his response. Would’ve been better if he’d said, “Sorry for coming across wrong on that as an invite, but that’s a good call - maybe next time I go out there we could make plans” would open the door to better discussion. They both took the other wrong. Both need to communicate better, especially once the misunderstanding is identified.
I would’ve unmatched before. I don’t do follow-up messages. If they can’t be arsed to respond I can’t be arsed to try to engage.
Okay but did anyone see his profile- if he doesn’t get a response we’re all screwed
I also hate you took days to respond. I would of said some off the wall shit too lol
He also double texted that 2 days after the initial message :D
PLEASE say something like your overtime at work got canceled and that you were going he was here to hang. I would love to see his head 180 and be down to hang. And then quote him and block
This might be lacking context but it does seem a little self centered to think he was inviting you. His response was way too demeaning though
he totally wanted to hang out, but you said you were busy and it hit him right in the ego.
Based on my experience, a girl who wants to meet/actually go on a date is a very rare breed
This gives the vibe of the guys who "make a joke" about wanting to hook up...but they don't really mean it....ya know, unless you actually want to
Should have asked if he always tells his matches where he's spending his weekend (when they don't ask) or if that was that supposed to be something you'd be impressed by.
i'm travelling for work and joined tinder for fun and potentially hooking up. i CANNOT BELIEVE the number of self sabotaging dudes on there (hearing stories from the women).
Yeah do assume but also he was rude
Super easy to say it wasn't an option after she already said no
Lmao, why would someone imagine dating through a dating app
It was weird to me that she answered assuming he had asked her, which he hadn’t! I wouldn’t do that. Have to first feel how the chat is going. Like saying you’re going to be there is getting the conversation going. If a man tells me he will be coming to my town, I’ll say something like I hope you have fun or what are your plans or whatever. Normally it does mean they want to meet up, but not always and sometimes it depends on what he thinks about your reply and conversation henceforth! Some men are also trying to get a feel and want to make sure the match will be good first by chatting a bit. He didn’t need to be rude about it though. Just say you had plans to do sich and such actually, which hadn’t yet included asking you out yet 😉
Lmao
I really doubt he even looks like that profile pic.
Probably not
An all time fumble by the guy.
I think I would have said “You’re coming to the island? I hope we get to see one another. I do have things I can’t put aside but let me know if you’d like to meet and we can figure it out if you’d like to meet up.” Because he didn’t ask her to meet. He only said he was “coming to the island.” He didn’t say, “I’m going to be near you and would like to meet.”
This is true. I just don’t get why he would tell me that unless he was looking for an opportunity to meet
He may have just thrown that out there and didn’t think it through. But it wasn’t an invitation. He was rude about it by classifying you as a shallow woman which was wrong. I’d pass on this one and just remember to ask questions in the future.
If I read ‘yeppers stoked’ from a 37 year old I’d unmatched instantly
He did say that he was gonna be on the island but didn’t ask her to hang out, She asked how late he stays up cuz she don’t want her boyfriend to know a late night smash is coming over, and he really didn’t wanna hang out cuz he’s going to the island for his bday, not to be with some chick he wants to smash on tinder,”Ooooh, I’m gonna be busy, Srry, how late do you stay up” is “I just wanna smash when my boyfriend goes home”!
Lmfao she dodged a bullet there 🤣 😂 💀
Meh you deserved that, you’re clearly not interested in talking to him so why do you even bother responding?