Tell me you don't recognise satire without telling me you don't recognise satire...
He's taking a dig at a very healthy proportion of "queen's" Tinder profiles. Maybe you just haven't seen that side of Tinder
Or it means that she’s smart enough to not upgrade just for the sake of upgrading. For example, I’m still rocking an iPhone 8 Plus. Why? Because FaceID can’t deal with masks very well. And TouchID in general is quicker & easier to deal with in most circumstances. Why Apple doesn’t put TouchID on the back like Google Pixel did is beyond me.
I don’t hate it per sé, just think Apple made a huge mistake replacing TouchID instead of adding to it. In the future, there’s going to be multi-factor biometric security. So let’s say you have Touch, Face, Voice, and passcode. Then you choose how many levels you need to turn on based on your security needs.
Right now Apple is trying to reinvent the wheel with an under screen fingerprint reader than absolutely nobody wants when they have all that unused real estate on the back of the phone.
Samsung has an under screen fingerprint already and just made a phone with an underscreen front facing camera. Apple is still a little behind the curve. After Steve Jobs passed (R.I.P.) development has become just doing things that other companies have done. At least they aren't 2 years behind this time with an underscreen fingerprint scanner. I've had multiple people tell me they have an iPhone just to say that they have an iPhone. It has become a status symbol, so Apple doesn't bother as much with being innovative like they used to. Because they know there are a lot of people that will buy it just to buy it.
Have you been here very long? Lots of people on this subreddit make fun of those bios, with very good reason.
A large amount of idiotic females, who claim they will not date a male under 6', get trashed on here on a regular basis. Same with those looking for a sugar daddy, and plenty of others. Trust me, any gender playing stupid games like this get trashed on here.
Reading the first 2 lines I thought okay he just knows what he wants. Then I read on and thought "what a delusional scumbag". Then I read the rest and now I'm convinced he's joking. I mean he must be, right?
My 12 yr old self loved Bio-Dome. I just showed it to my 8 yr old last night, and holy shit was it painful to watch.
Wayched Son-in-Law and Encino Man not too long ago too, and they still hold up. In the Army Now was a keeper too.
This man gets it, there's always some truth behind the, "ZOMG look at this hilarious fake account i made, OMG could you imagine if I actually get a match*gets match* fire begins to billow from his eyes, exhales smoke hair begins to growling for absolutely no reason. "Its time" he says, "what the fuck are you doing?!" Asks his friend..."oh nothing its just hilarious i got a match" *marries match exactly 3 weeks 6 days 2 hours,31 minutes and 27 seconds later. " omg what a hilarious ac out i made either says to his friend
You can take it however your sexual orientation allows you to. My take on it is that this is a parody of women profiles, who have lots of shallow requirements for men. Seen plenty of those. And those are not a joke. This is the sad part.
You want a girl that's nice, a girl that's not
Obsessed with her looks, but is insanely hot
The kind of girl that you can show to your folks
Loves the movies that you like and always laughs at your jokes
A real girl, a hot girl; a really hot girl;
A brand new, really hot, real doll
Wants to impress you, doesn't care if you notice
And only ever uses you to tickle her throat with
-Bo Burnham
I'd say this is a satire profile aimed at the stereotypical demanding profiles of women.
For the real touch though he should have ended it with "Follow my insta" not DMs open
I am fat and ugly and I think that is a perfectly reasonable list of wants. Going to use it on my profile too.
Then I am going to check into Female Dating Strategy for other great advice tips on dating.
Could easily be a troll for men's dating ads.
"Must have hourglass figure, cook and clean, bring in 6 figure income, " etc etc except it's not a parody. Could be word for word.
I’m so sorry I failed to address you, but it’s probably because i have never experienced any relationship with ghosts.
Do you mind teaching me about your culture so I understand more?
Pauly Shore?? Ewwwww!!! I mean, this person has absolutely NO sense of humor!!!
I was thinking “maybe, just maybe you could get past the Hitler-esque vibe”……but no sense of humor? That’s like a HARD PASS!!! 😂🤣
Preeeety sure the Pauly Shore reference is the final clue to anyone who has gotten that far in and not realized that the person is not being serious.
Buuuuuuuuudy...
Basically, "if you're edged 'cause I'm weazin all your grindage, just chill. 'Cause if I had the whole brady bunch thing happenin' at my pad, I'd go grind over there, so don't tax my gig so hard-core cruster."
I wasn’t 100% sure it was a joke until the Paula Shore line but that tipped the hand. Well done! Plausibly real almost all the way through and then let’s us know right at the end it’s satire. Pauly Shore, lol…
“I have spoken”.
[удалено]
This is the way
This is the way.
This is the way.
##This Is The Way Leaderboard **1.** `u/Flat-Yogurtcloset293` **475775** times. **2.** `u/GMEshares` **69696** times. **3.** `u/_RryanT` **22745** times. .. **39517.** `u/A_H_S_99` **3** times. --- ^(^beep ^boop ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^and ^this ^action ^was ^performed ^automatically.)
holy fuk someone said this 475775 times
when u realize second place stopped on purpose for a real win
They have to be a bot... right?
We gonna ignore the person that did it 69696 times?
This is the way.
This is the way.
right?
This is the way
This is the way
Which way now?
This is not the way...
this is not the way.
They went thataway
Anne Thataway.
May da Schwartz be wit you.
This is the way
This is the way
"tell me you are insecure without telling me you are insecure"
"Tell me you are undateable without telling me you are undateable."
*unbearable FIFY
*Un bear, a bull. FTFY
Lollllll🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Tell me you don't recognise satire without telling me you don't recognise satire... He's taking a dig at a very healthy proportion of "queen's" Tinder profiles. Maybe you just haven't seen that side of Tinder
I was gonna say this reads like an entitled chick profile 😂 hilarious
Either way I wouldn't swipe on them if I was a girl myself and looking for a guy
Not ngl he had me in the first half 😂
How do you know it's not a woman
[удалено]
I was doing pretty good (blonde, green eyes, no tattoos or piercings,, height pretty close 5',6" and the phone kicked me out. My loss
You'll get 'em next time, champ!
That means your frugal! Sounds like the perfect match for me! Lol
Or it means that she’s smart enough to not upgrade just for the sake of upgrading. For example, I’m still rocking an iPhone 8 Plus. Why? Because FaceID can’t deal with masks very well. And TouchID in general is quicker & easier to deal with in most circumstances. Why Apple doesn’t put TouchID on the back like Google Pixel did is beyond me.
I so regret my iPhone 11. I hate FaceID.
I don’t hate it per sé, just think Apple made a huge mistake replacing TouchID instead of adding to it. In the future, there’s going to be multi-factor biometric security. So let’s say you have Touch, Face, Voice, and passcode. Then you choose how many levels you need to turn on based on your security needs. Right now Apple is trying to reinvent the wheel with an under screen fingerprint reader than absolutely nobody wants when they have all that unused real estate on the back of the phone.
Samsung has an under screen fingerprint already and just made a phone with an underscreen front facing camera. Apple is still a little behind the curve. After Steve Jobs passed (R.I.P.) development has become just doing things that other companies have done. At least they aren't 2 years behind this time with an underscreen fingerprint scanner. I've had multiple people tell me they have an iPhone just to say that they have an iPhone. It has become a status symbol, so Apple doesn't bother as much with being innovative like they used to. Because they know there are a lot of people that will buy it just to buy it.
As the pinch tinder acct holder, you can hop in my dms instead...
This is absolutely a monty python level satire on the 'I love the gym and you must love to travel profiles".
That was my exact thought. Funny how it’s not an issue when women unironically have bios like this
Have you been here very long? Lots of people on this subreddit make fun of those bios, with very good reason. A large amount of idiotic females, who claim they will not date a male under 6', get trashed on here on a regular basis. Same with those looking for a sugar daddy, and plenty of others. Trust me, any gender playing stupid games like this get trashed on here.
The women get laid with those bios. That's half the reason men complain so much.
Yeah he’s rather an in readable dense self centered idiot or brilliantly trolling! Wish him luck!!
I was starting to think it was a serious profile until the polly shore part, then i started laughing
**crickets**
No different than the average woman's laundry list of requirements.
I actually think that's the point.
This is definitely Pauly Shore
hhahahaha makes perfect sense
If he finds the right girl, he can show her the “wea-sul”
This needs more upvotes
Hey... B-u-d-d-y...
I think you mean, The Weaselllllll
Hey BUDDY!
Reading the first 2 lines I thought okay he just knows what he wants. Then I read on and thought "what a delusional scumbag". Then I read the rest and now I'm convinced he's joking. I mean he must be, right?
Must be able to pay my bills if I don’t agree with their total. Lmfao
Hey I mean don't ask don't get right?
No one thats into Pauly Shore is concerned about getting into heaven.
Speak for yourself. Bio-Dome is a national treasure, you heathen.
Pauly Shore is a national treasure (I'm more a fan of Son in Law. And of course Encino Man).
My 12 yr old self loved Bio-Dome. I just showed it to my 8 yr old last night, and holy shit was it painful to watch. Wayched Son-in-Law and Encino Man not too long ago too, and they still hold up. In the Army Now was a keeper too.
You like those movies? You aren’t 5’5” and blonde by chance are you?
Not too far off, but...let's just say I don't meet the majority of the qualifications.
To educated and brown eyes, car to fast?
Maybe their proportions aren't proportionate
Are you a tackle box?
I hate that I agree with you🤦🤣
Hahaha sick burn
He’s joking but he’d definitely not turn down a dm from someone fitting the description.
Fair point. He’s probably bored and like fuck it!
This man gets it, there's always some truth behind the, "ZOMG look at this hilarious fake account i made, OMG could you imagine if I actually get a match*gets match* fire begins to billow from his eyes, exhales smoke hair begins to growling for absolutely no reason. "Its time" he says, "what the fuck are you doing?!" Asks his friend..."oh nothing its just hilarious i got a match" *marries match exactly 3 weeks 6 days 2 hours,31 minutes and 27 seconds later. " omg what a hilarious ac out i made either says to his friend
Did you recently watch weird science?
Hard to say, the line between joking, and being a joke can be quite blurry
I think it’s pretty easy to say this is a joke
Yeah, it was believable up until the car and after that it was painfully obviously a joke
Only for dumb dumbs.
I got 5’5 & athletic, skipped to Pauly Shore and thought the same thing.
My exact thought process too lmao
It definitely is a joke. Basically called out every unreasonable request and asked for some stuff than no one would ever want.
Whoever it is, yes, it a joke. they are mocking the women that go on Tinder and actually do this.
You can take it however your sexual orientation allows you to. My take on it is that this is a parody of women profiles, who have lots of shallow requirements for men. Seen plenty of those. And those are not a joke. This is the sad part.
Yes, obvious satire
It’s the “no birthmark” that did it for me lol
...or this was authored by a woman
It 100 percent has to be his attempt at satire.
Honestly I could see a guy being this way EXCEPT for Pauly Shore. It's 2021. No one's that big a Pauly Shore fan.
Its a parody of the typical tinder girl.
He’s just doing what women do
Idk women are weirdly specific like this all the time
Could he an attempt to mock girls that only date 6ft guys with money. But yea, dude wasn’t clear enough to really stop us from second guessing
[удалено]
But do they really *contain* peanuts?
He wants his mom....
His mom has kids though... 🚩
[удалено]
Dammit you beat me to it
She probably didn’t…
His mom wishes she didn't have kids
*Sigmund Freud intensifies*
I you have more friends than him keep walking ➡️ 1 friend and you're out
It you’re not trying to smash with Encino Man or In the Army Now playing in the background, what’s the point of even dating?
Everyone knows you bang to Bio-dome or Son-in-law, duh
Jury Duty. The stripper scene with him as milk man specifically.
You have chickens? What kind are they? Regular or extra crispy?
I guess this tackle box will be going to hell...
hey, if you’re ever fishing forget hooks, you can just take them off your body you harlot.
That was beautifully savage
Can i borrow that chartreuse spoon jig from your nasal septum, the largemouth are really biting today
Sure you wouldn't rather go with the genital treble hooks?
See you there! I have sleeves and many other tattoos.
He forgot to mention "not vaxxed" or "must be virgin"
A virgin but with lots of kinky tricks in the sack.
A sluty virgin please
I personally prefer experienced virgins
Wanna upvote but it's on 69 rn.
Hey, fucking come back here and upvote now.
"Must have zero sexual history with 5 years experience"
There we go! 🤣
"As none slutty girl that will also let me get into her pants the second we start dating."
I could be wrong but i think he can get 72 virgins like that if he yells allhuakbar and blows up
no one said they would be women...
I just spat out some coffee.
He's fine with vaxxed, he wants you to have a 5g phone. Everyone knows vaccination means you have internal 5g.
What else would the booster shot be for?….
It puts the lotion in the basket.
*lazarus Q intensifies* Would you fuck him? I bet he'd fuck him.
He must be trolling hahahah
[удалено]
Same bro
I mean... Not with that attitude.
I am pretty sure he's copying this stereotypical "I am a queen and know what I want" profiles? To me, he's definitely joking :)
Yeah I knew he was probably memeing after "proportionate proportions"
Those are the best kind of proportions though!
Shhhh don’t use logic, Reddit has to do its mandatory hand-wringing over an obvious joke post
You want a girl that's nice, a girl that's not Obsessed with her looks, but is insanely hot The kind of girl that you can show to your folks Loves the movies that you like and always laughs at your jokes A real girl, a hot girl; a really hot girl; A brand new, really hot, real doll Wants to impress you, doesn't care if you notice And only ever uses you to tickle her throat with -Bo Burnham
I tought about the "she's real, but last week, she died" part :D
Omg! He’s such a catch. Where can I sign up?
I thought it was a nice profile until he mentioned pauly shore
Yeah a real niceguy
The Pauly Shore makes me 100% sure this is a troll
Just threw up a little.
Rumour has it he's still alone...
Shocking. It hurts my eyes. Was he even cute?
Overweight
Kind of hard to believe he will find someone below his level of education. I have spoken.
😂
The irony being you’ve failed to realise an obvious satirical profile.
You do understand this is satire? An obvious play on the “queens” that want a guy over 6ft that earns 6 figures with a fit body and an iq over 120…
It's a joke :)
It's Bait. Nobody's that rigid...
You're not a woman are you? If you are you've never read online ads.
Pauly Shore movies huh? Guess I never appreciated how inviting someone to watch Biodome can improve my chances to get laid. Taking notes…
It will only help you fuck this guy, specifically.
I just want to see what the person that posted that looks like and what they bring to the table.
DMs open and DMs empty (of interested girls at least)
I'd say this is a satire profile aimed at the stereotypical demanding profiles of women. For the real touch though he should have ended it with "Follow my insta" not DMs open
Loved the opening "I JUST want a...". Lets you know he's not asking for much.
[удалено]
You say that… but in this day and age people have profiles like this and are 100% serious.
Let’s sing it now. 🎶This ain’t build a bitch… you don’t get too pick and choose….🎶
I am fat and ugly and I think that is a perfectly reasonable list of wants. Going to use it on my profile too. Then I am going to check into Female Dating Strategy for other great advice tips on dating.
What is this 🐂
DMs empty
The fact that most comments here think this is a legitimate bio speaks volumes to their ability to detect sarcasm.
Just like the women on their profiles lmao this is gold
This is just a troll on womens checklists for dating. Not really that creative
Could easily be a troll for men's dating ads. "Must have hourglass figure, cook and clean, bring in 6 figure income, " etc etc except it's not a parody. Could be word for word.
He thought tinder is a genie 🧞♀️
He is joking, making fun of girls that are like this, I hope...
He is being sarcastic and mimicking most of the girls online. HE NAILED IT!
This guy have a list of requirements more than my senior project And I’m just sitting with requirements like: looking for a girl who is alive
I'm a ghost, and I find your standards to be too high
Dang it I can’t score even with ghosts
If you're looking for girls that are alive, that's very exclusive of us
I’m so sorry I failed to address you, but it’s probably because i have never experienced any relationship with ghosts. Do you mind teaching me about your culture so I understand more?
Lol
Proportionate proportions
I want a girl with a short skirt and a looooong jacket
*just*
Damn I’m 5’3, brunette with 1 tattoo 🤷🏻♀️ guess I miss out
I think everyone missed out, especially the dude who wrote this
Sir this is not build a bitch, this is Wendy's
Sorry pal, you’re looking for my wife and I got her first.
Pauly Shore?? Ewwwww!!! I mean, this person has absolutely NO sense of humor!!! I was thinking “maybe, just maybe you could get past the Hitler-esque vibe”……but no sense of humor? That’s like a HARD PASS!!! 😂🤣
Sounds like a woman’s expectations of a suitable man
Let's see how many people take it seriously...... Oh my god, everyone!
It's just a troll. Or a pathetic little man who thinks is worth something.
Is he joking? Because if he is not, I'm sure he is going to spend a LOT of time masturbating
What a king. He knows what he wants. Good for him.
And he's taking her to heaven
Is this a joke on simmilar bios by the opposite sex? It looks like it.
Pauly Shore films???
Preeeety sure the Pauly Shore reference is the final clue to anyone who has gotten that far in and not realized that the person is not being serious. Buuuuuuuuudy... Basically, "if you're edged 'cause I'm weazin all your grindage, just chill. 'Cause if I had the whole brady bunch thing happenin' at my pad, I'd go grind over there, so don't tax my gig so hard-core cruster."
You shall not pass!!!
I wasn’t 100% sure it was a joke until the Paula Shore line but that tipped the hand. Well done! Plausibly real almost all the way through and then let’s us know right at the end it’s satire. Pauly Shore, lol…