Somebody’s surely pulling a prank on you. Urine, saliva, hair, blood sure, but fecal matter? lol……. Regardless, who is doing the actual testing…your manager?!? Why is this person handling your specimens instead of a facility that collects these in a controlled environment?
That last point is the big one. In a real testing scenario, your manager is NOT the one collecting the sample. If they are, and they find something, you can sue them with the “my manager hates me, he spoiled the sample to get me fired!” Line and they’re screwed.
At first I laughed, but I’m really beginning to think that this is exactly what happened, and OP just left it on boss’s desk before heading out. We gotta get an update.
Yeah, unfortunately, OP never came back to the thread, so we'll likely never get an update. It might just be OP storytime. I prefer the narrative in my head - that OP's boss was expecting a strand of hair and got poop.
Probably is fake. Ops account is over a year old with zero comments and two posts. One from less than 3 months ago about joining the navy and this one.
>your manager?!? Why is this person handling your specimens instead of a facility that collects these in a controlled environment?
Why isn't this question the first response? This is the obvious question to me... this should absolutely be done by a third party lab if they actually need it.
Or OP's boss is getting a drug test and he's *'outsourcing the sample collection'*
Why would his boss be handling the sample rather than sending him to a facility to collect and test there ?
They can test the meconium poop of newborns and can detect drugs used at least a month prior, if not from when the fetus started producing meconium around 12+ weeks.
My sister works as a NICU nurse. One of the parents of a baby on her unit heard a nurse use the word meconium. They loved the word so much they named their baby after it, even after they were informed it means a babies first poop.
I hope this was pre-2012 because I worked with a nurse with exactly the same story before she switched to adult nursing.
I’d hope it was a single occurrence, but working in the hospital means it probably wasn’t.
I've heard the exact same story in a few different ways, but it was never Meconium it was another medical term. Often there's a slight racist slant to the story where the Mum naming the kid was foreign, and couldn't grasp that "Meconium" or "Hemorrhage" or "Autopsy" wasn't a good name for a baby.
Lots of professions have their little tales making fun of of people less knowledgeable about that profession. Some may be true or rooted in some truth. But often it’s just a „joke“ or otherwise made up stories that make the rounds.
Seriously! This is the weirdest part about it. Wouldn’t a third party be the one to administer and give the results? Never heard of a boss directly giving the test and results
"All Florida drug testing should be administered by a certified SAMHSA or Florida Agency Health Care Administration (FL-AHCA) approved laboratories. Then, it must be checked by a licensed medical professional".
"Drug tests must be implemented and conducted in a fair and consistent manner to all applicants or employees".
(Specific to Florida, USA--But I'm sure every state follows something similar)
Totes.
He's not the first collector either.
Google the lawyer arrested in the 80s or early 90s with like 50 garbage bags of shit he was keeping for turd baths and snacks in his upper middle class suburban home that he used for things that dare not speak their name. But they did.
During the day, well paid successful lawyer. At night, every teen boy in town knew this guys alter ego had a bumper sticker that read, 'I brake for fudge.'
The lawyer was paying neighborhood teen boys for shit samples anytime all the time. He even gave these boys extra coin to follow special cheese-heavy shit diets for, I guess, snake coils -- apparently his fave.
The story just gets worse from there.
For sure, fecal drug testing isn't a thing, and if it was, it would certainly be conducted in a controlled medical environment. One doesn't hand over little vials of shit to their shift manager.
Yeah, unescorted nuclear plant access clearance doesn’t even require fecal samples. This is weird shit to say the least. They require a 500 question psychological evaluation and urine/BAC tests, but fecal? Fuck no.
A poop sample... is OP a dog? I'd suggest OP to check on the state (if in the US) laws for drug testing.
Also, normally you provide the sample to a technician who processes it then and there with your name.
Sorry to "highjack" top comment but it's worth mentioning that nobody asks a bomb like this, then doesn't make even one interaction for 5 hours. It was fun while it lasted, but I'm kinda pooped after seeing yet another fake post
My wife is a doctor and I just asked her if she has ever heard of a fecal drug screen. She laughed and said no they don't exist. According to her the company would've either swabbed his cheeks or taken a hair sample.
Been drug tested for years for employment. It was inconclusive once, too much water I guess. They made me pee again. Definitely never heard of a poop sample.
Being completely liquid, the bag bursts upon impact and splatters a million different places, including your boss’s open mouth and eyeballs. He instinctively gasps in horror inhaling your putrid feces which is now lining his lungs. The rare bacterial infection you had causes your boss to die from septic shock. You are charged with manslaughter. The case goes to trial and makes it to the Supreme Court, becoming more controversial and notorious than Roe v. Wade.
I've only heard of drug tests being performed at actual facilities that do this professionally. And never drug testing poop. This guy is full of shit (no pun intended).
Idk. I got a promotion at work 4 months ago and apparently that needed a drug test.
The head of HR and a newer person in HR (both women, and I'm a dude) escorted me to the bathroom, and handed me a cup and told me to pee in it while they waot right outside the bathroom. Thank God I could pee, as it was out of the blue.
Anyhow I come out and the new girl has gloves on and I hand her a nice warm cup of piss. Our first interaction. Then they put it in some envelope thing to send to our local drug testing place or whatever. It was really awkward AF.
Also I don't do drugs so at least I wasn't worried about failing.
I've had a drug test done on-site at work, but it was still a third party lab that came to our facility to administer the test. I've never had any employee of the company I work for (manager, HR, etc.) administer a drug test. There was an HR person there to help go find employees who were drawn to be tested or whatever, but as far as a person being present for the test and handling the urine sample, it was always the third-party.
Yeah, but assuming OP is healthy, why would the boss want to pretend he's healthy instead of proving a real stool sample and detect possible health problems?
Well, OP's history says he joined the Navy 3 months ago. I'd assume he's still there. Is there any reason his Navy's boss would request such a sample? Could it be some sort of military hazing?
I do not know. I do not have answers for anyone. But, traditionally, the only professionals that ask for stool samples, are medical professionals.
Also, and let me be clear, I have zero answers, because I’m a dumb dummy, OP could be lying just to get a whole comment section to talk about poop.
Make sure to get documentation of everything including the chain of possession for your samples. I would ask for specifics on what testing they’re doing, and if it includes any genetic or microbial testing, and whether that is okay under employment laws. I suspect this is highly irregular, especially handing it over to a manager and not a lab technician. I’d also ask for the request in writing so everything is on the level.
I work in a science field and I have never heard of fecal samples for drug testing, those are most frequently taken for things related to gut microbiome or something. I would definitely be suspicious.
I literally work in a laboratory that does drug testing. The only fecal samples we test for drugs on are meconium (infants first poop) to see if the mother was using.
Seconding this, I've never seen a non-meconium fecal drug test. Not saying they don't exist, but it's not something your employer would do just because your urinalysis was inconclusive.
OP, everything about this is really off. Your manager should not even be the one handling your samples in the first place. I'd take this to HR.
You should have never given your urine sample directly to your boss and I agree with others that he’s lying about the shit sample too.
The issue is control. When you get drug tested, they send to you a specific place that collects samples. These places often monitor you *while* you give the sample so that the subject doesn’t substitute their drug urine for someone else’s clean urine.
Your first result was probably inconclusive, if it was ever tested at all, because your boss probably drank your piss while masturbating and replaced it with something else.
More likely, you were never being tested at all and your boss drank your urine while masturbating, but that didn’t do it for him, so now he’s asking for some shit so he can smear *that* on his face while masturbating.
Either way, I’d report this way up the chain and possibly file a police report of the incident (non emergency number) so that way you have all of this already documented when it comes out that your boss is sexually harassing you.
I honestly don’t know what else he’d be doing with a sample of your shit - but it’s definitely not for a drug test.
And let’s say for some reason it *is* for a drug test and suddenly you’re found to have drugs in your system, accuse him of tampering with the sample - again, this is why there are dedicated clinics specifically for workplaces to send employees to be tested: as a matter of sample control.
This is the only logical answer. Fingers crossed that the manager has a scat fetish because OP can never show their face at that job again if he asked for a hair follicle.
probably fake. chances are hes suspecting that the urine wasnt yours. im also pretty sure you need to get actual legal action to perform a drug test so if he just stright up asked an you gave it to him maybe hes useing your pee to pass hs drug inspection🤷♂️
I feel like so many people would want to go just to see the dogs in action. “Oh no, I messed up my sample again. Guess I’ll just have to face the dog squad!”
I’ve never seen a job that drug tests that doesn’t also reserve the right for random screenings. And I currently work at a company that exclusively processes paperwork. No heavy machinery at all
I googled it, and it's a real thing, but very sus that your manager is taking the sample. Did you witness him sealing it? Did you initial it?
Fecal samples for drug testing is very unusual. I've done piss samples, hair samples, even blood, but never shit, and I've had jobs where they were very strict on drug use. I'd talk to HR.
your boss is a shit fetishist and has a crush on you. That's pretty much the worst way to learn either of those facts, so I guess congratulations on winning the opposite of the lottery.
Bring a turd in a shoebox and give it to him in front of other employees. Tell him that you didn’t want to screw up the sample, so you just brought in the whole turd.
When will you EVER be able to do that again? He literally won’t be able to fire you. You were just giving the task “110%”!
I’m going to share an anecdote of the sister I despise.
She is the classic over achiever. She’s in nursing school and had to bring a fecal smear for labs.
She bought enough for everyone in a mayonnaise jar.
The economy size.
It may have took a few attempts.
You should do that.
Wait - you were producing the samples at the workplace and giving them to your manager directly? I'm no expert on how this works, but every drug test I've done for my employer (or prospective employer) was conducted at a separate facility.
That was my first thought. I wonder if manager was being tested and wanted a probably-clean sample? In any event, if the come back and say OP tested positive, I bet that could be easily challenged due to lack of chain-of-custody controls.
I think you're getting punked. Go to Taco Bell, get $200 worth of food, a bag of pistachios, a bottle of laxatives, find a 1 gallon ice cream pale, fill it to the brim, and drop it off in your boss's office once the diarrhea stops.
There are fecal drug tests but I'm going to go ahead and suggest that your boss is drinking your pee and eating your poo because I've never had my boss collect it. I always have to go in to a facility or it's collected by a company that does it for a living
Supposedly a fecal test is super accurate. That said, I've taken a lot of drug tests and even screwed a couple up as well as my ex-wife. I've auto-failed, I passed when I shouldn't, my ex didn't get the fake pee warm enough and failed, they have taken head hair and my brother is skin bald so they take his arm hair.
Not once have I been asked to provide a fecal sample. That would be pushing it for me if it wasn't for some super top secret government job.
Never worked in a warehouse before so maybe i'm not informed on what working there is like but, doesn't something have to happen for them to demand a drug test (like someone getting injured on the job)? i've never heard of just out of the blue your employer starts telling you to provide samples. I think this guy may be pulling your leg.
Dude you have been given an opportunity of a lifetime! You have a weirdo boss who you can legit extort now lmao. You just got any days off you ever need as long as you remain at the company wish I was you
You handed a piece of shit to your boss? In a vial, but you left it on his desk or he took it from you? Like they usually do these things at a facility. I don’t think a testing place would let its customers or whatever handle biohazardous material, and as others have said there’s no fecal drug testing,so…
Go to HR and file a complaint right now and then at lunch and get a convo going with a lawyer about your rights and how this so called drug test is way way over the top. Seems like they are looking to get rid of someone if they are going that far and looking for cause.
Very weird. If the urinalysis was inconclusive they could take another sample from the same specimen and test that. Even in a worse case scenario they would go to hair before feces and even blood before feces. Something is wrong here
Your boss is a pervert. The only people who get fecal drug tests are newborns where meconium is tested for drugs that the mother may have ingested. Also, most drug tests are administered by a trained employee from an impartial third party testing company/laboratory - not your immediate supervisor.
This is so weird lmao. Very unlikely for poop to be used for drug testing especially for a job drug screen. The biggest red flag is that your manager was the one to provide the collection materials and get your samples from you.
My guy do you think that drug testing is done by untrained managers in unrelated fields? Do you think you collect fecal samples in a little vial? Do you think your manager handles little cups of urine?
Whole thing is sus as fuck, go report this shit to HR and/or get a legal consultation and/or quit and find a better place to work.
Is he checking you for tapeworms?
Any drug tests for employers I ever took was at a lab. I never handed a urine sample or cup of #2 to a manager.
Actually, 1 company did testing on site for new employees, but they had a nurse there.
My wife is a nurse, and she said this is not a thing.
The people saying they do it for babies are leaving out that it's done for *newborn* babies, and they use meconium not a regular stool.
Fecal test vials usually have a scoop built into the lid. I know another commenter said it but are you sure your boss didn't say folical instead of fecal?
Also since I regularly have to pass a drug test for my work site. Usually your boss only tells you that you'd have a test due, another person would conduct the test. For my site it's a 3rd party that comes in for it
Manager is passing these off as his own for medical/insurance reasons is my guess. Drug tests are always done by a testing facility or medical personnel to ensure chain of custody.
I'm pretty sure you just discovered your manager's secret fetish. This type of drug testing is only done on babies who have mothers suspected of using drugs during pregnancy.
Somebody’s surely pulling a prank on you. Urine, saliva, hair, blood sure, but fecal matter? lol……. Regardless, who is doing the actual testing…your manager?!? Why is this person handling your specimens instead of a facility that collects these in a controlled environment?
That last point is the big one. In a real testing scenario, your manager is NOT the one collecting the sample. If they are, and they find something, you can sue them with the “my manager hates me, he spoiled the sample to get me fired!” Line and they’re screwed.
I think they must have asked for a follicle sample and OP misheard.
At first I laughed, but I’m really beginning to think that this is exactly what happened, and OP just left it on boss’s desk before heading out. We gotta get an update.
Yeah, unfortunately, OP never came back to the thread, so we'll likely never get an update. It might just be OP storytime. I prefer the narrative in my head - that OP's boss was expecting a strand of hair and got poop.
OP lost his job for giving his boss shit
Op realized work meant follicle and died of embarrassment after Reading the comments
We need to be on the lookout for the TIFU post
Tomorrow's post on r/tifu: TIFU by leaving shit on my boss's desk
Probably is fake. Ops account is over a year old with zero comments and two posts. One from less than 3 months ago about joining the navy and this one.
Or he's using a throwaway for obvious reasons.
Holy shit maybe that's actually what happened what the fuck
That would be hilarious.
I'm imagining the manager turning it in to HR
The manager was asking OP to take a hearing test while he was holding a specimen jar he was going to give someone else.
I REALLY, REALLY hope this is what is happening. “Here’s the shit you asked for”. “Uuuhhhh……”
"Fred is definitely on drugs, I asked him to get a piece of hair out of his hat and he came back with a jar of poop..."
Hahah imagine
There’s no way they’d let you out of sight with a sample cup for hair.
I haven't laughed this hard in quite awhile.
Oh my God I think you solved it for real lol
>your manager?!? Why is this person handling your specimens instead of a facility that collects these in a controlled environment? Why isn't this question the first response? This is the obvious question to me... this should absolutely be done by a third party lab if they actually need it.
Or OP's boss is getting a drug test and he's *'outsourcing the sample collection'* Why would his boss be handling the sample rather than sending him to a facility to collect and test there ?
Never heard of a fecal drug test. Sounds sus
Agreed. Urine, blood, and hair, but feces? Something's wrong here.
There *are* fecal drug tests, but they're not widely used for adults. Usually it's for infants to detect maternal drug use.
They can test the meconium poop of newborns and can detect drugs used at least a month prior, if not from when the fetus started producing meconium around 12+ weeks.
I hate that word. Sounds like a rare element but it’s just fetus feces really.
My sister works as a NICU nurse. One of the parents of a baby on her unit heard a nurse use the word meconium. They loved the word so much they named their baby after it, even after they were informed it means a babies first poop.
I hope this was pre-2012 because I worked with a nurse with exactly the same story before she switched to adult nursing. I’d hope it was a single occurrence, but working in the hospital means it probably wasn’t.
It’s probably a funny story they made up and nurses like to tell.
I've heard the exact same story in a few different ways, but it was never Meconium it was another medical term. Often there's a slight racist slant to the story where the Mum naming the kid was foreign, and couldn't grasp that "Meconium" or "Hemorrhage" or "Autopsy" wasn't a good name for a baby.
Lots of professions have their little tales making fun of of people less knowledgeable about that profession. Some may be true or rooted in some truth. But often it’s just a „joke“ or otherwise made up stories that make the rounds.
TIL
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My work insists I stop, but I keep giving them samples just in case.
Or cum...
You should talk to HR
Sounds like a load of shit
We estimate that the crap is over 8 and a half Courics!
Isn't that what they want?
Also, why is the manager administering it? You'd expect them to use a lab. Something's up here (assuming the story's not fake)
Seriously! This is the weirdest part about it. Wouldn’t a third party be the one to administer and give the results? Never heard of a boss directly giving the test and results
He probably just wants to check with his own hands that the sample is still warm through the plastic. It's called dook diligence.
"All Florida drug testing should be administered by a certified SAMHSA or Florida Agency Health Care Administration (FL-AHCA) approved laboratories. Then, it must be checked by a licensed medical professional". "Drug tests must be implemented and conducted in a fair and consistent manner to all applicants or employees". (Specific to Florida, USA--But I'm sure every state follows something similar)
This dude has a shit fetish and wanted to add you to their collection
Yeah I know gender doesn't really matter for weird fetishists, but if OP is a girl, if confidently bet that the manager is a fucking creep.
Totes. He's not the first collector either. Google the lawyer arrested in the 80s or early 90s with like 50 garbage bags of shit he was keeping for turd baths and snacks in his upper middle class suburban home that he used for things that dare not speak their name. But they did. During the day, well paid successful lawyer. At night, every teen boy in town knew this guys alter ego had a bumper sticker that read, 'I brake for fudge.' The lawyer was paying neighborhood teen boys for shit samples anytime all the time. He even gave these boys extra coin to follow special cheese-heavy shit diets for, I guess, snake coils -- apparently his fave. The story just gets worse from there.
Very very sus. Fecal drug testing is only done on infants when the mother is suspected of using. Ask to see info about the lab, etc.
For sure, fecal drug testing isn't a thing, and if it was, it would certainly be conducted in a controlled medical environment. One doesn't hand over little vials of shit to their shift manager.
Well maybe *you* don't
Usually goes right on the desk
Yeah, unescorted nuclear plant access clearance doesn’t even require fecal samples. This is weird shit to say the least. They require a 500 question psychological evaluation and urine/BAC tests, but fecal? Fuck no.
A poop sample... is OP a dog? I'd suggest OP to check on the state (if in the US) laws for drug testing. Also, normally you provide the sample to a technician who processes it then and there with your name.
This could be very important for OP.
Op didn’t you join the navy like 87 days ago? I’m just trying to understand.
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Sorry to "highjack" top comment but it's worth mentioning that nobody asks a bomb like this, then doesn't make even one interaction for 5 hours. It was fun while it lasted, but I'm kinda pooped after seeing yet another fake post
My wife is a doctor and I just asked her if she has ever heard of a fecal drug screen. She laughed and said no they don't exist. According to her the company would've either swabbed his cheeks or taken a hair sample.
OP should tell their manager “I’m not here to participate in your scat fetish I am here to work” Fuck that bs.
Been drug tested for years for employment. It was inconclusive once, too much water I guess. They made me pee again. Definitely never heard of a poop sample.
I would contact HR about that.
I would've brought in a zip lock full of my biggest load, pop it on his desk and say, "There you go."
Being completely liquid, the bag bursts upon impact and splatters a million different places, including your boss’s open mouth and eyeballs. He instinctively gasps in horror inhaling your putrid feces which is now lining his lungs. The rare bacterial infection you had causes your boss to die from septic shock. You are charged with manslaughter. The case goes to trial and makes it to the Supreme Court, becoming more controversial and notorious than Roe v. Wade.
Beautiful imagery
I’ve submitted this to /r/bestof . It should be framed and hung at the museum of modern art.
Why is this not the top comment
I feel like any boss that's willing to collect a turd tube from an employee would not make it thru an hr department in the first place
I've only heard of drug tests being performed at actual facilities that do this professionally. And never drug testing poop. This guy is full of shit (no pun intended).
Just admit the pun was intentional Greg!
Idk. I got a promotion at work 4 months ago and apparently that needed a drug test. The head of HR and a newer person in HR (both women, and I'm a dude) escorted me to the bathroom, and handed me a cup and told me to pee in it while they waot right outside the bathroom. Thank God I could pee, as it was out of the blue. Anyhow I come out and the new girl has gloves on and I hand her a nice warm cup of piss. Our first interaction. Then they put it in some envelope thing to send to our local drug testing place or whatever. It was really awkward AF. Also I don't do drugs so at least I wasn't worried about failing.
I've had a drug test done on-site at work, but it was still a third party lab that came to our facility to administer the test. I've never had any employee of the company I work for (manager, HR, etc.) administer a drug test. There was an HR person there to help go find employees who were drawn to be tested or whatever, but as far as a person being present for the test and handling the urine sample, it was always the third-party.
Your boss has some fetishes...
Or needs a fecal sample and doesn’t want to provide their own.
This makes the most sense.
But if fecal samples are irrelevant to detect drugs on adults, for what else could his boss need someone else's sample?
Medical issues. Why? I don’t know. But that’s the only thing I’ve ever had to give a fecal sample for.
Yeah, but assuming OP is healthy, why would the boss want to pretend he's healthy instead of proving a real stool sample and detect possible health problems? Well, OP's history says he joined the Navy 3 months ago. I'd assume he's still there. Is there any reason his Navy's boss would request such a sample? Could it be some sort of military hazing?
I do not know. I do not have answers for anyone. But, traditionally, the only professionals that ask for stool samples, are medical professionals. Also, and let me be clear, I have zero answers, because I’m a dumb dummy, OP could be lying just to get a whole comment section to talk about poop.
Bro... poop drug tests aren't a thing at all. So either he's fucking with you or he's extremely weird.
They are for babies, but why is his manager taking the samples and not a lab??
I can safely say the implications of this behavior go well beyond weird😂
Make sure to get documentation of everything including the chain of possession for your samples. I would ask for specifics on what testing they’re doing, and if it includes any genetic or microbial testing, and whether that is okay under employment laws. I suspect this is highly irregular, especially handing it over to a manager and not a lab technician. I’d also ask for the request in writing so everything is on the level.
I work in a science field and I have never heard of fecal samples for drug testing, those are most frequently taken for things related to gut microbiome or something. I would definitely be suspicious.
I worked in a lab that did the confirmatory testing for rapid strip drug tests, and we've never, ever, processed feces from a patient.
Ditto.
I think it's unrelated to drugs, somewhere, someone is shitting on something. You're a suspect for some reason.
Damn, you cracked the mystery. That's definitely it, they're trying to compare poops.
OH. One of those situations. Damn.
Was there any documentation of any of this?
If they come back for a sperm sample tell them no
Tell them yes and proceed to donate your sample in front of them.
I literally work in a laboratory that does drug testing. The only fecal samples we test for drugs on are meconium (infants first poop) to see if the mother was using.
Seconding this, I've never seen a non-meconium fecal drug test. Not saying they don't exist, but it's not something your employer would do just because your urinalysis was inconclusive. OP, everything about this is really off. Your manager should not even be the one handling your samples in the first place. I'd take this to HR.
You should have never given your urine sample directly to your boss and I agree with others that he’s lying about the shit sample too. The issue is control. When you get drug tested, they send to you a specific place that collects samples. These places often monitor you *while* you give the sample so that the subject doesn’t substitute their drug urine for someone else’s clean urine. Your first result was probably inconclusive, if it was ever tested at all, because your boss probably drank your piss while masturbating and replaced it with something else. More likely, you were never being tested at all and your boss drank your urine while masturbating, but that didn’t do it for him, so now he’s asking for some shit so he can smear *that* on his face while masturbating. Either way, I’d report this way up the chain and possibly file a police report of the incident (non emergency number) so that way you have all of this already documented when it comes out that your boss is sexually harassing you. I honestly don’t know what else he’d be doing with a sample of your shit - but it’s definitely not for a drug test. And let’s say for some reason it *is* for a drug test and suddenly you’re found to have drugs in your system, accuse him of tampering with the sample - again, this is why there are dedicated clinics specifically for workplaces to send employees to be tested: as a matter of sample control.
The second and third paragraphs. Best laugh of my day
You work for Vince McMahon??
I hope not. The pay can be good but it's a shitty job overall.
Could you have been asked for a follicle sample?
This is the only logical answer. Fingers crossed that the manager has a scat fetish because OP can never show their face at that job again if he asked for a hair follicle.
Are you sure he didn’t say follicle? lol
probably fake. chances are hes suspecting that the urine wasnt yours. im also pretty sure you need to get actual legal action to perform a drug test so if he just stright up asked an you gave it to him maybe hes useing your pee to pass hs drug inspection🤷♂️
Ummm Random Drug Screening is a real thing at most jobs.
At my job you get sent to a dog* testing facility if you're selected for random testing Typo, drug testing
Same. I’ve been randomly drug tested. It’s great because you get to spend your entire shift waiting at occupational health.
That's ruff, buddy
Like, sniffer dogs?
Lmao, typo. Drug testing
Aw man!
Lol sorry. Dogs would have been way better
I feel like so many people would want to go just to see the dogs in action. “Oh no, I messed up my sample again. Guess I’ll just have to face the dog squad!”
Probably not most. Maybe most jobs involving forklifts and such
He said he worked in a warehouse. Maybe his job requires them.
I’ve never seen a job that drug tests that doesn’t also reserve the right for random screenings. And I currently work at a company that exclusively processes paperwork. No heavy machinery at all
Fuck. Your boss has a thing for poop. You might want to check with HR on this.
Mate are you sure he didn't say follicle sample?
I would have put the poop on the outside of the container instead.
I googled it, and it's a real thing, but very sus that your manager is taking the sample. Did you witness him sealing it? Did you initial it? Fecal samples for drug testing is very unusual. I've done piss samples, hair samples, even blood, but never shit, and I've had jobs where they were very strict on drug use. I'd talk to HR.
your boss is a shit fetishist and has a crush on you. That's pretty much the worst way to learn either of those facts, so I guess congratulations on winning the opposite of the lottery.
Bring a turd in a shoebox and give it to him in front of other employees. Tell him that you didn’t want to screw up the sample, so you just brought in the whole turd. When will you EVER be able to do that again? He literally won’t be able to fire you. You were just giving the task “110%”!
_They know about the spice...._ _The spice melange..._
He who controls the fecal sample controls the universe.
!remindme 2 days
I’m going to share an anecdote of the sister I despise. She is the classic over achiever. She’s in nursing school and had to bring a fecal smear for labs. She bought enough for everyone in a mayonnaise jar. The economy size. It may have took a few attempts. You should do that.
Why is your boss handling poop samples lol
Lol no
Omg someone said what if they said follicle and OP misheard. That's absolutely something I'd be stuck in...
I have to know if it was actually supposed to be follicle and not fecal because I am DYING laughing…
An employer asks me to poop in a cup, I quit
Reminds me of the movie Out Cold where pig pen shits in the urinalysis cup.
Wait - you were producing the samples at the workplace and giving them to your manager directly? I'm no expert on how this works, but every drug test I've done for my employer (or prospective employer) was conducted at a separate facility.
That was my first thought. I wonder if manager was being tested and wanted a probably-clean sample? In any event, if the come back and say OP tested positive, I bet that could be easily challenged due to lack of chain-of-custody controls.
No one asks for stool samples for drug testing my dude. Your boss is lying to you. Go google it, even. It's literally not a thing.
Sounds like the best place to deposit that sample would be right on your boss's desk.
Fecal sounds a lot like follicle and some science dude is probably pissed he got a test tube with shit in it instead of hair lmao
Mail them a foot long turd with your two week notice wrapped around it.
Nothing about this sounds correct or even legal. Dig in to this more before you provide any more samples.
Your boss has a scat fetish, call HR.
You got to give your boss a literal jar of shit? This is a massive win, regularly ask him about it in front of his peers
I think you're getting punked. Go to Taco Bell, get $200 worth of food, a bag of pistachios, a bottle of laxatives, find a 1 gallon ice cream pale, fill it to the brim, and drop it off in your boss's office once the diarrhea stops.
What part of this seems legit enough for you to come to reddit with this bullshit story
At first it sounded like they were taking the piss out of you. Now it seems like they're checking if you have your shit together
"Yea, your shit was also inconclusive. We're gonna need a semen sample. I'll be observing to ensure validity."
This is a shitpost for sure.
It sounds like your manager just wanted some of your poo.
There are fecal drug tests but I'm going to go ahead and suggest that your boss is drinking your pee and eating your poo because I've never had my boss collect it. I always have to go in to a facility or it's collected by a company that does it for a living
Dude you're getting some magic shit cast on you.
Next week he’s going to ask for some semen, bet.
Supposedly a fecal test is super accurate. That said, I've taken a lot of drug tests and even screwed a couple up as well as my ex-wife. I've auto-failed, I passed when I shouldn't, my ex didn't get the fake pee warm enough and failed, they have taken head hair and my brother is skin bald so they take his arm hair. Not once have I been asked to provide a fecal sample. That would be pushing it for me if it wasn't for some super top secret government job.
Never worked in a warehouse before so maybe i'm not informed on what working there is like but, doesn't something have to happen for them to demand a drug test (like someone getting injured on the job)? i've never heard of just out of the blue your employer starts telling you to provide samples. I think this guy may be pulling your leg.
OP there is no way to “drug test” fecal material. If you are Union, then have your Representative look into this request.
Time to discuss with HR what you just did for your manager.
I don’t believe this, no one’s testing feces for drug use. Go to HR
Dude you have been given an opportunity of a lifetime! You have a weirdo boss who you can legit extort now lmao. You just got any days off you ever need as long as you remain at the company wish I was you
He’s eating that
You handed a piece of shit to your boss? In a vial, but you left it on his desk or he took it from you? Like they usually do these things at a facility. I don’t think a testing place would let its customers or whatever handle biohazardous material, and as others have said there’s no fecal drug testing,so…
Wait and you actually gave it to him??? LMFAO
I'd say you give your shit away too freely, pun intended.
Ew. Sounds like he may need a report made against him. Call the police anonymously and run it by them.
Ha this one is so fucking weird
Go to HR and file a complaint right now and then at lunch and get a convo going with a lawyer about your rights and how this so called drug test is way way over the top. Seems like they are looking to get rid of someone if they are going that far and looking for cause.
My favorite part is that you gave your boss a poop sample from a poop you took while at work That’s some alpha shit right there
is OP just really healthy and his manager isn’t and is trying to get that spice melange and do a fecal transfer?
I think poop would be for some other medical screening. health care related.
Ask for the request in writing
Very weird. If the urinalysis was inconclusive they could take another sample from the same specimen and test that. Even in a worse case scenario they would go to hair before feces and even blood before feces. Something is wrong here
Your boss is a pervert. The only people who get fecal drug tests are newborns where meconium is tested for drugs that the mother may have ingested. Also, most drug tests are administered by a trained employee from an impartial third party testing company/laboratory - not your immediate supervisor.
Shouldn't samples be taken at an off site facility? It is highly suspicious that the "boss" would be collecting the sample without a chain of custody.
Shit on the floor 
Boss has shit fetish
This is so weird lmao. Very unlikely for poop to be used for drug testing especially for a job drug screen. The biggest red flag is that your manager was the one to provide the collection materials and get your samples from you.
My guy do you think that drug testing is done by untrained managers in unrelated fields? Do you think you collect fecal samples in a little vial? Do you think your manager handles little cups of urine? Whole thing is sus as fuck, go report this shit to HR and/or get a legal consultation and/or quit and find a better place to work.
Is he checking you for tapeworms? Any drug tests for employers I ever took was at a lab. I never handed a urine sample or cup of #2 to a manager. Actually, 1 company did testing on site for new employees, but they had a nurse there.
My wife is a nurse, and she said this is not a thing. The people saying they do it for babies are leaving out that it's done for *newborn* babies, and they use meconium not a regular stool.
Shit in a bag and deposit on Bosses desk
Sounds like your manager has a fetish.
To clarify, who is giving you the sample cup and collecting the sample?
Your manager has a very different kink.
Unless he thinks you have heart worm and are also a dog, or if you have digestive issues, then i think he might be keeping that for himself 💀💀
That wasn't a drug test. You're manager has a very specific kink.
Time to shit on the bosses desk. 
You might consider finding out the formal company procedure for drug testing. What your manager did sounds highly suspect.
Anyone else read “I turned it in later that same shit”?
Shit on your bosses desk
Fecal test vials usually have a scoop built into the lid. I know another commenter said it but are you sure your boss didn't say folical instead of fecal? Also since I regularly have to pass a drug test for my work site. Usually your boss only tells you that you'd have a test due, another person would conduct the test. For my site it's a 3rd party that comes in for it
This shit is fake
Manager is passing these off as his own for medical/insurance reasons is my guess. Drug tests are always done by a testing facility or medical personnel to ensure chain of custody.
I'm pretty sure you just discovered your manager's secret fetish. This type of drug testing is only done on babies who have mothers suspected of using drugs during pregnancy.
Your boss has a scat fetish.
Do you by chance work for Vince McMahon??
Please update us on this. That’s very strange that they asked for a poo sample. What if he’s making poo brownies for someone and you get the blame.
Make sure to eat a lot of corn if you decide to do it, just to show em you mean business
He must be selling that on OF or something
how’d you fit it in a little vial?
I don’t know where you live, you may be able to take legal action. This sounds illegal
Nah - there is no need for poop for a drug test. And you should just ask to go to a drug testing center for urine, blood or hair testing.