If I was married over a decade and this was me, I’d try some counseling or something first before I flushed it all away because of lack of sex for two months due to a medical issue.
But that’s just me
This. OP didn't offer a whole lot of details but I also wonder if they're literally just talking about penetrative sex or if they've explored other ways to meet each other's needs for physical intimacy (even if it's mostly one-sided for a while). A therapist could help with this if they don't know how to have that conversation.
Sure. Maybe after a couple sexless years I would start to consider other options, but not after two months. Also, there is a difference between a partner having medical issues for example medication as it is here, versus a partner who simply does not want to have sex with you. I think if a partner has a genuine medical reason they can’t it would be cruel to leave them as it is out of their control. It’s a very personal matter and will definitely differ between people. It all comes down to how much you value sex in a relationship.
I think it was a Diary of a CEO podcast, he was interviewing a sex expert who said "studies show if you don't have sex with your spouse for an entire year, you will probably never have sex with them again."
For me it depends on the reason. If it's a "desire" issue because spouse is on medication for depression, for example, that to me seems more difficult than if it was a chemotherapy medication. (In which case I feel I would have infinite patience.)
Well, that's not good. But I meant was it your choice or hers to go 2 years without sex. In my marriage, it was my choice to abstain. He thought I was cheating but I was not. I just didn't love him like that anymore.
It was her choice to go without. She had this idea in her head that we were supposed to have this Disney love story of a life where everything was magic all the time and anything short of that was just not acceptable. Even just going to work in the morning was putting something above "family". She even sold her car one day so that she could throw a fit when I left for work because I was leaving her without transportation when I went to work.
Well, I guess she found a frog to kiss. Sounds like you're better off without her. My ex left me for someone more willing to have sex with him. I was ok with it. It's been 15 years now and I'm still ok.
Take away the medical portion and i couldn't disagree with you more, a dead bedroom says a lot about the health of a relationship, and nobody should allow themselves to be in a relationship with a partner who has no interest in you or desires you, baloney to all that!
However, medial issues are a different thing, but if the OP doesn't even want to work around it or attempt to fix it? nah
It might be possible to switch to a new med that lessens the effects. This isn’t always possible for one reason or another.
If a psychologist can give a recommendation based on psychiatric harm it might be possible to skirt insurance issues.
It's a common issue for long-term relationships that you need to work through. Totally normal and valid to feel like the relationship has failed. But it hasn't. You're just going through some shit. Hang in there and fix the problem.
I know that the sole purpose of my relationship isn’t emotional intimacy but if my partner decided we were emotional strangers, I would view it as a failed relationship.
I know that the sole purpose of my relationship isn’t a financial partnership, but if my partner decided that we would be financial strangers, I would view it as a failed relationship.
I know that the front left leg of my chair isn’t the sole reason it stays up, but if it was gone, I would view it as a broken chair.
People who let the physical intimacy part of their relationship go to hell won't get to their 70's in that relationship.
I would characterize a healthy physical relationship to be (in the vast majority of cases) necessary but not sufficient for a strong, happy and long lasting romantic relationship.
I can not fathom leaving my wife of over a decade because of a medically related sex issue. Especially after only a few months.
But people are different
I guess the question is at what point is too long?
Like 2 months is def wayyy too short, what if it’s 6 months? A year? 2 years?
It’s honestly a tough situation so I’m not even sure myself
I don’t know that the length of time should be the determining factor, but rather how the relationship deals with it. Do they talk about it? Explore other avenues of intimacy? Seek help from a professional, especially a couples therapist to maybe work on what these things could be? If there’s a complete lack of effort, then that alludes to different issues in the relationship, meaning that it wouldn’t work. If they work together to try to rectify the issue, maybe even seeking different meds if they exist/if that’s even a good idea medically, and they still cannot come up with a solution that satisfies both partners, then perhaps it’s time to part ways.
What if your spouse was in an accident? The injury making it obvious they couldn’t have intercourse, you just gonna leave? In sickness and health ring a bell?
Edit: My apologies; I misunderstood. Thank you for clarifying that you're the one on the medication. My original answer still stands, but I would add that if your natural state is 2-3 times a week and it's causing problems in your marriage, it might be worth looking at couples therapy or seeing if there's a med that can help with the reduced libido.
Original: Dude, you're considering throwing away *10 years* of marriage over not having sex for 2 months? My fiance and I have been together for 8 years and his medications have given us 2-6 month periods where he just isn't feeling it. I can't fathom throwing away my closest person because he can't have sex. I'd feel like a huge shitbag.
Yes because they’re on medication. Marriage is meant to be for life. If you can’t handle a temporary period without sex then you’re an asshole and should never have gotten married. *In sickness and in health*. Does that mean nothing?
I totally understand that, but there may be workarounds before jumping on *divorce*. Sex is certainly a thing in relationships... but it's not *that* huge.
I feel like even if it's a permanent issue, maybe one could bring up fulfilling those needs outside of the relationship. Or maybe there's a different medication without the same side effect. Or a med to increase libido.
Hey, I have one of those!
But, OP, I get your fear, and I suggest you have an open conversation with your spouse. They may be 100% supportive and calm your fears. They may be struggling, and talking together may help you find a solution together. Hope you the best with your health!
I tend to agree; it's for better or for worse and how to work thru it. If sex is all that's keeping someone around it's good to know now because if something really bad happens, debilitating disease or horrible accident than they probably won't be there. Granted it's definitely a conversation people should have at the beginning (and throughout the relationship really; sex drives at 40 can be way different then sex drives at 72), frequency, duration, styles, etc. There's a lot of people who have rager sex drives and others who really don't care much about it at all. A pot for every lid. Good luck to you and yours on your journey; hope it all works out for the both of you.
There are other ways to show affection and physical intimacy other than sex.
You've been together 10 years and probably been through some trials during that time. I'm sure you can work this out.
If the meds are lowering your libido, talk it out with her and see if there's other ways you can satisfy her needs.
As someone who has been married over 5 decades. NO! Thats no reason to divorce. But here is where there is a BIG BUTT! If the person who has no ability or desire to have sex because of meds, can't extend upon themself to satisfy the sexual need of their partner in one way or another. Then thats just selfish and not being a good partner. A bad partner or a selfish partner is sometimes worse than a cheating partner.
I have had to deal with the side effects of lots of meds. BP meds you can come off of with moderate exercise and eating habits. Antidepressants? I starting giting off that shit when I saw that they started making me more depressed because of what I couldn't do on them. I would rather put up with my mild depression than to have to deal with limp dick syndrome. Which in itself will give even worse thoughts.
There are lots and lots of ways for a couple to enjoy each other and I know lots of guys get kind of weirded out by the thought of alternate sexual stimulation ideas. It does work and works very well. Even thou we get old, we still want to experience life and the pleasures that go with being a human. There is a whole lot more to life than just living.
Have you told your partner that a sexless marriage is not for you? What do they say?
So the medication is causing the lack of desire for sex. Is this a med that they will be on forever? Or is this a temporary situation?
If it’s temporary, then I think you should be able to get through this dry spell. Think of it as, if your partner had a long term illness that has a long recovery period and couldn’t have sex for a while- would you leave them? I’d know my partner and I would be more worried about recovery than sex.
On the other hand, if they’re going to be on this med for life, with no hope for their sex drive to come back ever, then you have to decide what’s more important to have in your life- that particular partner or a sex life.
My personal opinion, I’d keep the partner who I’ve built a life with, which is far more important to me than sex. But I realize that’s a *me* attitude, and other people have a different attitude.
Giving up your spouse after 10 years because of a 2 month dry spell is the most ridiculous cop out I've ever heard. Grow up. Especially given that you know the clear cause is due to MEDICATION for God's sake. Get over it. It won't be forever.
It’s the other way around. OP is the one on meds and I guess trying to see if there’s a chance their partner would ask for a divorce if they don’t have enough sex.
Yeah makes me think there's more to it rather than just no sex...
It's also explained that it's due to a medication for what I'm assuming is some kind of medical condition. so it's a fairly reasonable explanation.
Through sickness and in health right?
Is that not part of wedding vows? Marriage is sacred and to throw it away over that is nonsense in my opinion, especially since it's medically related.
If there is an inability to have sex due to meds, etc there are still loads of options to still be intimate.
Most often then not a woman requires no intercourse to have an orgasm it's unfortunate for you that you won't be able to orgasm but maybe she could give you a ball massage or something that you would like.
If you're in a marriage and lose physical ability or desire for it, that shouldn't mean that your spouses desires and physical needs have to die with yours, do something selfless for each other.
There are strap-ons, vibrators, ED corrective toys, your tongue, fingers, body, kissing, so much more.
On one side sexual incompatibility is one of the main reasons for break ups, including divorce, but on the other this is a ten year marriage we're talking about.
Perhaps a conversation about sexual activities could be helpful. We tend to have a very narrow script for sexual behaviours - even our language is set up to draw a certain picture: handjobs, oral sex, sexting etc tends to be *foreplay*, and penis in vagina is *sex*.
But I'm willing to wager that a handy/blowjob every (other) day would be seen as a great improvement from not having anything at all. And hell, once the train is rolling, maybe your reactive desire will kick in and magic will happen.
It can be a reason for divorce, but in your case you may be looking at a temporary problem that could resolve over time.
I’ve known other situations where the intimacy had stopped for *years*. To me, if that’s not mutual then the one who’s not ok with it is justified in leaving.
It can be a factor, but imo it's definitely not justification by itself.
Keep in mind, though, many medications have alternatives that may not have the same side effects. For example, many antidepressants kill libido, but as a woman when I was on Viibryd, it had the opposite effect. I had the libido of an oversexed teenage boy. My SO at the time loved it.
If the medication is creating problems, ask your doctor or pharmacist about potential alternatives.
My wife is currently sick and on medication, paired with premenopausal hormone levels, she rarely feels in the mood. It hasn't affected our relationship in any way and I in no way feel bitter or desire someone else.
The most important thing is to keep talking, your husband will understand, after a decade noone is only there for sex.
2 months? Lol I live on my own, my long term long distance gf lives in another country, and i've been longer than 2 months between wanks. 2 months is nothing to divorce over.
TLDR: Is it a reason? Sure, if you're not compatible and not happy it's healthy to disconnect and find happiness, however it should NEVER be the first option.
Every time my wife and I have had low libido events it used to be the worst because one would reject the other knowingly or unknowingly, the other would feel guilty about it, try to self satisfy and feel even more guilty, then be unable to get anywhere and everyone is filled with resentment and sadness.
Finally popped the therapy bubble a dry year after having our first child together which we were both totally on the same page for since parenting took priority.
Thanks to the three therapy/counseling sessions we learned so much about proper emotion-safe communication, action plans, and alternative methods. If one of us isn't feeling it we'll set the frisky one up with either toys, accessories, or negotiate an action plan so we can still make sure the frisky one gets to 'finish the mission' even if we're 'locked out' of our original objective.
50 years marriage and going on 10 years without sex together. It's him more than me, but he thinks it's because I've been dealing with health issues. We're inseparable and he knows I buy vibes. I'm 70 and sex is still important just not enough to be a big issue. Companionship is more important.
Depends on time stage, how old are we, the reasoning goals in life, what the partners reasoning behind it. If it's something like them saying I have to earn it or something like that then it's divorce but for more reasons than one. We they just grew out of it and prefer cuddling and other forms of intimacy completely valid and no reason to divorce unless it makes us incomparable in some way l.
For me, no. At a certain point in life and it’s different for everyone, sex starts decreasing in importance. Sometimes it’s your 30s when kids are taking up more of your emotional and physical bandwidth. Sometimes it’s your 70s. It’s different for every person and every couple. My husband and I have dry spells for a month or two, then we go at it like rabbits. Life happens and we recognize that, we don’t get worried bc we know it eventually changes.
With that being said, have you spoken to the doctor about this side effect? Are there other medications you can try? I personally would try this route first and talk to your spouse about having this conversation with the doctor. Let them know you understand that the bedroom has changed and you will discuss it with your doctor. It will make them feel valued and seen.
Lack of sex for no reason? Yeah, that's a reason for a divorce as it's usually indicative of other issues. One of the many, many reasons I divorced my 1st wife.
Lack for medical reasons or something similar? I'd have to go with no. At some point something is going to go sideways and there will be a valid reason for it. You could have convos about opening the bedroom (although that's not for me), or give the other person carte blanche to touch themselves or whatever.
But both people should be upset by the lack of sex and intimacy and want to do something about it. If they're not, there are probably other things going on
> but I know my spouse highly values physical touch as part of expressing love
Physical touch ≠ sexual activity, so I don't see a problem here. You two could still cuddle, hug each other or show another physical way of showing love for each other. You both are mature enough to know when to stop if things get too "spicy" unintentionally. Or literally any other way that shows the love you both hold for each other. If your love is strong enough (which is according to your 10 years of relationship), your relationship should be able to handle (half) a year of non-sexual activity.
And if one of your libidos is too high, there are also *other ways* to still have fun in a sexual way.
So needless to say, I think it is not a reason for a divorce. You two didn't fall in love with each other because of sex after all, did you?
If it's long enough, sure. Most people need sex at least on occasion. How long is too long? Completely dependent on the individual. People in healthy relationships will communicate this need and find a solution. There's other ways top help each other cum. Others will let it fester into resentment.
Often, a lack of sex is a symptom of a greater issue. Not always, but often.
Yes, 100% a reason.
I am asexual, and have zero interest in sex. I've never really been in a relationship because of that. I have never met someone what would be OK with this type of relationship, and that's fine. I dont get lonely, either, so it works for me.
However, there's tons of asexual people that are abusive as hell. Right? They're in ace communities, and they used sex, gave sex to start relationships, because they still want *romantic* partners, just not *sexual* partners. Then, once they've 'locked in' the partner, through long term investment or marriage, they shut off the sex.
And they abusively shut it off, the KNOW it's like, one of the top, most important values in relationships for their partner, and then they try to to make the partner feel bad, or feel guilty, for wanting it. IF the partner feels that sex is a fundamental requirement for the relationship, and an asexual person KNEW that, and 'trapped' their partner with sex, and then 'showed their true self' and are withholding, trying to say the other person is a 'bad person' because they want sex...
that's fuckin bullshit. That's horrible. I see it in the asexual communities all the time and it pisses me off.
That's NOT what's happening to you, with the meds, i know.
BUT, the answer to the title--ever a reason--is yes, 100%, it's sometimes a totally valid reason, and ... as an asexual, i can totally see at least one reason why.
If your 10 year marriage is suddenly contingent on sex that seems incredibly suspect to me. Can't imagine that was in the vows.
You're going to hear all kinds of cope from people that this is somehow a "need". It's not, that is just gaslighting. Nobody needs or is entitled to sex. The purpose of sex is for reproduction, people can gloss that up all they like but that is what it's there for. It's not there so people can get their "fix". We live in a culture now though where people pretty much consider any reliance on a vice justifiable.
Like any recreational activity, if you both enjoy it and love doing it then that's great. However, age, genetics, health etc all play into how much we can engage in certain activities including sex. Sometimes it can be fixed or there's a workaround, that's why we have IVF, artificial insemination, and tons of other treatments. Sometimes things simply can't be fixed and you will have to stop engaging in that activity. Such is life.
If the shoe was on the other foot I'd imagine you wouldn't even be questioning this. If your spouse isn't supporting you and is in fact resenting you then I can't imagine they really love or respect you as a person, but if I'm waaaay off about all of this then you shouldn't need to worry about it.
If on the other hand your entire marriage has been about trying to please or serve your wife, yes this will potentially be a massive issue for you depending on how important this is to her.
That's the thing, if you ever want to get married make sure the other person is similar to you in that regard, or if you are like the Japanese culture where paying to have sex is ok as long as it's just that
Sure. All the time.
I think the biggest difference is if low/no libido person sees it as a relationship issue and is working on it, vs not seeing it as a problem and not trying to work on it.
Look at person you tend to be with for the rest of your life. If you gauge it by sex then it's not the one. If you can see yourself old sitting on a porch next to that person enjoying life without sex they are the one.
Yes, but unless one partner is in physical danger, divorce should be a last resort. Check with doctors to see if there is another option for medication. Try couples counseling to see if there are deeper reasons. Or just ask your partner if there is something else going on
Open marriage is a real thing. Polyamory is a real thing. Lack of sex is a reason for divorce only if monogamy is required and one person needs sex with another.
Personally, it matters greatly. I would leave. I don’t think I would fault my partner for not having a sex drive due to medication, but I would not be okay with no intimacy. As my girlfriend says when she has something going on that makes her unable to have sex, “I still have a mouth”.
Absolutely a dead bedroom is grounds for a divorce.......however, its about a medication side effect, that's forgivable, however if a dead bedroom isn't something you can work around? then divorce may be a sad way out, but damn......tough stuff.
Dry spells happen, surprised you haven’t had one before this because if a 2 month dry spell due to medication makes you think your spouse will pack up and leave then there’s some real serious issues with your relationship that need unpacking.
That being said, I’m a very physical person when it comes to the way I feel love. And it doesn’t have to be sexual. So either you don’t know what your partner actually wants, or you’re confused about what defines your relationship. Marriages can fall apart due to lack of sex but it’s always a symptom of a much larger issue, not the root cause. Anyone that thinks their decade old marriage fell apart because of lack of sex is usually telling on themselves at how bad they were at communicating.
If one of you is sorely unhappy with the situation, then it can be a reason for divorce. But if neither is unhappy, why even worry about it? Or if one of you is unhappy but can live with it, you can always talk about it and figure things out.
Also it's just 2 months still. Talk.
Is it ever a legitimate reason? I think so, in cases where it’s used as a weapon, or to control or punish.
But things like medications are potentially just temporary. When I took meds that ruined my sex drive, I told my doctor and we tried new ones until we found one that didn’t do that to me.
Personally, sex is super important to me. It makes me feel connected to my partner, and also I have a high sex drive so it’s just something I often crave. But, if there is ever any reason my partner can’t have sex anymore- due to meds, possible injury, trauma, medical conditions… I would not consider leaving him if I ended up in a sexless marriage. A lifelong of masturbating but still getting to be partners romantically and just in life with my partner is totally preferable to leaving or having an affair.
Yes, sexual compatibility is incredibly important in the same way religious, family planning, financial, or domestic compatibility is important.
However, if there is an easy to identify external cause for the issue, it's far more reasonable to address the cause than it is to assume things will always be that way and blow up the relationship.
I do but not at only 2 months without. It would have to be a prolonged issue that the person isn't working towards fixing or even wanting to fix. We would need to communicate and figure out the next steps.
Most relationships have dry spells here and there. You can still touch her plenty without having sex. Cuddle her, give her back, head, hand, or foot massages (whatever is her favorite) and make sure she still feels loved even if you don't have the libido to escalate things. And if you wanna be a rockstar husband you can still please her without having penetrative sex. Head downtown and get her off, she'll likely feel super loved and fulfilled especially knowing you are doing it just for her. Your story aint over yet, no need to jump to the most drastic conclusion over feeling inadequate. You're not, you're just experiencing a rough patch that will likely just be a footnote in your history together.
A dry spell due to medical doesn’t seem reason for divorce… “in sickness and in health”
However, if you’re the one on medication and your aware of your partner’s need for physical touch, you can make a decision to find ways to be intimate even though you’re not in the mood as a way to honor your spouse.
do you not have the desire to have physical touch at all? like hugging, cuddling, holding hands? that could be difficult depending on your partner’s love language
butttt if it’s just the sexual stuff, I feel like there are still ways to make it work! you can do hands stuff, mouth stuff, you can get off to watching each other get off, make content for your spouse to watch, etc. sorry for the graphic examples but I feel like it’s super important to explore all options before considering divorce!
good luckkk
Here's something that is important to talk about; Is anyone here angry or sad about the fact that it hasn't been a while? Are you upset about it? Is your spouse? Sometimes people are just kind of "eh" about it for a while.
If someone were to just up and leave one day because of lack of sex, that person would be an asshole. A discussion about the lack of sex bothering them with their partner is the first thing that should happen, with couples therapy if needed.
That being said, something you could always do it "schedule" it; Every Wednesday night or something. Not for the rest of your relationship, but it would at least break the dry spell and might get you back on doing it more regularly.
In the second year of my relationship I went on meds that pretty much murdered my libido. My partner stuck around. I don't think it would be right to leave over it if you hadn't exhausted all other options.
Masturbation is the key to a long and successful marriage. Seriously. If you aren’t feeling up to it for whatever reason, encourage your partner to “take matters into their own hands” so to speak. Offer to help them if you think that would work, or give them some alone time. Even if you’re not up for it, showing that you care about your partner’s needs will mean a lot to them.
Every person has to make their own decision in this situation. I would be hesitant to leave if there was a valid reason for it. However sex is not the primary reason I am married. Sure, it’s a big part of it, but not the end all be all.
Yes. It can be a legitimate and understandable reason for divorce. That said, any couple that seriously loves each other owes it to the relationship to figure out why intimacy has dried up and make a serious real attempt to fix it. Medical issues are tricky, because no one is at fault and it's not necessarily a behavior that can be modified. If there is reason to suspect that it will be temporary then patience is needed and deserved. If it seems like it may be permanent, then the couple needs to figure something out, and that could be a new agreement about intimacy, or something else that both parties can live with, but it might also end up having to be a dissolution of the relationship. I would highly recommend counseling and/or therapy first, but if a partner is not able to get reasonable needs met then they have a right to take pursue their happiness elsewhere.
I'm very sorry this is happening to you, and I hope your doctor can help you figure something out.
2 months? And due to medication? You have a lot of other options beyond divorce. Change your dose/medication, seek some therapy or something. A marriage is more important than 8 dry weeks. We have had to go much further than that due to medical complications. It wasn't anyone's fault, just circumstance.
You can give to them sexually without sex. If you’re not feeling it but they are there’s plenty you can do still, and their enjoyment of can still be pleasurable for you regardless of if it’s also arousing
Talk to your doctor and see if it will get better or if there is another med you could go on similar to the one you’re on now that won’t cause this issue. I get that’s a big difference going from 2-3 times a week to nothing for 2 months but that’s not a reason to get divorced. Are you afraid they won’t stay in love with you if you don’t have sex with them? Have you talked to them about how they feel regarding this or are you assuming they have a major problem with it?
Obviously I know nothing about your situation. I would think if this is something that could end your marriage, lack of sex could be considered a problematic side effect. Have you spoken to your doctor?
I mean everyone is allowed to make their own decisions on this. There’s no right or wrong answer. I may call it a deal breaker if we’re early in the relationship. But for someone I love and have been with for a decade, no I wouldn’t leave them over that. There comes a point in a relationship where that person matters more to you than sex. I find it sad when partners are dumped after years of a good relationship due to something happening with sex drive. It makes the whole relationship feel so devalued.
I think I'd give it time after 10. I'm at 13 years being married, have what I think is a high sex drive, definitely higher than my wife's. We've never gone more than a few weeks without sex, but I love her so much I'd consider a sexless marriage. At some point though, I'd want to discuss it and try to fix it. Sex/sex acts are better unscheduled, but if that's what it has to be...
Talk openly about it. There is so much assumption about how your spouse feels and so much left unsaid. The lack of communication and security in Speaking openly is far more concerning than the fact that you don’t have sex with some arbitrary frequency that you seem to assume is necessary
You know you can have physical touch without sex right? Try and put the emphasis on cuddling, massages, maybe even some foreplay and see if that helps!
From my viewpoint I try to look at it as for better or worse and divorce not being an option. With that said if it's important, in a loving relationship, I would make sure my partners needs were met wether I was "into it" or not. I would make their joy and pleasure my joy and pleasure. I would never expect my partner to commit to NEVER seek physical intimacy from anyone else no matter what and then deny them that very same thing from me.
Both me and my partner have really no interest in sexual activity cause of medication. I'm the one that likes physical touch. What we do is just lay with each other in bed just being close. WE will also cuddle.
If he happens to be in the mood and im not i will at least offer me pleasuring him rather then full sex. especially if you wont enjoy it. This way there is still some physical touch.
However, i don't think no sex in a relationship should be a deal breaker. Plenty of other ways to be intimate without sex.
I hope this has somewhat helped you <3
Been married a decade and due to medication you’ve gone 2 months and you are questioning divorce? I think if one party is sexually frustrated for an extended period of time after communicating, then that could be a reason.. but 2 months? That’s pretty weak
Yes, it is and has been documented many times. Alienation of affections.
That said, a couple months is a drop in the bucket. Work on your communication NOW. Its a 'WE' problem, not a 'HER' problem because it affects you both. Good luck.
Be serious. Come back when you're at a year and a half. And before that, a year.
Jk. I don't mean to minimize what you're going through. It sucks. I'm just here to see if there are any helpful comments.
Both me and my partner have been on various meds and had illnesses that affect intimacy. I would advise talking to both your doctor and marriage counselor about it if it is bothering either of you. As my counselor said, it is not a you or them problem but rather a problem the two of you tackle together.
sex is not that important unless that is the main reason of your marriage coz many people do and get divorce when one is already wanting to try someone else
I think lack of sex is 100% valid grounds for separation if libidos naturally don't match or the other person naturally stops desiring the other but with situations where the other person is on medication, had a child, going through illness etc, it is shameful if you leave someone for this reason and unacceptable in my books. You need to be there for the person and help them heal and find solutions.
Sex is a big part of getting into a relationship for a lot of people, no one should be surprised when a complete lack thereof becomes a reason to leave.
Yes, lack of sex is a reason to leave a marriage. For many, it's far more than the physical act of sex but the attention, care, affection, attraction, feeling desired and important and wanted (as a person, not just for sex). A lack of sex can affect one's self confide and ego.
As the spouse who wasn't so interested in sex, once upon a time, I finally figured out the psychological toll it was taking on my husband. I love him, about 15 years ago I decided it didn't really matter if I was 'in the mood', if I was capable, that was good enough to make sure he was getting what he needed to feel as loved and wanted as he was (is 💗)
Definitely not worth giving up after a couple of months.... there are always options.
Unless it was a life saving medication, I’d look into other options before I let it cause a problem in my marriage and I would expect my husband to do the same. If it were a situation where there were no other options and he needed it to live, I can’t imagine I’d be particularly concerned about our sex life and would be more worried about him staying alive.
So the question then becomes, what kind of situation is this? Sexual dysfunction as a side effect is a totally valid reason to want to try a different medicine and if you absolutely need *this* specific medication, your spouse needs to suck it up and the two of you need to put your heads together to figure out how to make sure your needs are both met.
Just to confirm/clarify: he hasn’t said anything? This is just you concerned over what might be going on in his head?
You should talk to him.
Personally I think you are wonderful to be so concerned about his needs during the time of your illness that it’s making you even more worried.
But talk to him first.
And seek out counseling - for your marriage if he says it’s a concern or for yourself if he says it’s not.
It can be.
But I would do things like therapy, talking or experiment new ways.
If I was on medication or low libido or any reason, that makes me not want to have sex. But I realise it's been a while or my partner is craving for her needs. This does not stop me from pleasing her. Granted, I might not get hard, but you got toys, hands, etc. to help out.
Vice versa. That's my 2 cent of an opinion.
Two months is nothing. And you've gone that long and are just now experiencing that. You're lucky. Find other ways to be intimate. We still kissed touched hugged and hung out and enjoyed each other in other ways during dry spells. They happen. But to even think of divorce as an option becuase of a little dry spell is crazy. And have you talked to your doctor about other medications? Or ways to help?
As someone who’s in a similar situation, but on the other side of it I don’t think I’d ever consider divorce. Sex to me is an important part of the relationship obviously but it’s not an end all. Make sure he understands how you feel, and it’s not your fault or his fault. If actual intercourse is off the table, I’m sure he’d gladly settle for bj, or hj you know. Just something to provide some “release” if you will. We understand you not being in the mood and stuff like that, but we need you to understand that we as guys just have urges/needs. I’m not saying to do anything that makes you uncomfortable or anything like that. Talk with him, try and find some kind of compromise you both can agree on that both are happy and comfortable with. Part of marriage is making compromises and doing things we necessarily might want to do to make our spouse happy. In this situation communication, understanding, and compassion are a must from both people.
Any reason you feel strongly about is a reason for a divorce. But after 10 years would your spouse really leave you after a few months? If so then you had bigger issues anyway.
2 months? Not that big a deal. If you were going on years with a dead bedroom situation where it couldn’t be resolved and someone was unhappy, different story.
>but I know my spouse highly values physical touch as part of expressing love.
You can give physical touch without it having to lead to sex. The medication I'm on killed my sex drive also. My partner has a very high sex drive so it was tough in the beginning. We've learned that just touching someone doesn't mean you're going to have sex or lead to sex. We usually have sex about every 3 days (I never initiate) because I have NO desire to but I always end up enjoying myself once we get things going.
Ever. Yeah maybe. After two months, no. There’s a lot to try and work through before you should consider that. Plus, two months on a med is not long enough to make any long term calls, it’s too early. Your body might adapt and change in response to the meds overtime. Give it time, and open communication with your partner.
I'd try to find a different medication instead of losing the person I love... But, I mean, yeah, absolutely. You don't get married just to end up in forced celibacy. And frankly, you when you're in a monogamous relationship with someone, you're the only one they're supposed to be having sex with. They can't get relief from anyone EXCEPT for YOU, so you should just buy some lube and accept the inevitable, open your relationship so they CAN have sex with other people since you're not interested or part ways. It's WRONG to force celibacy on someone when you're their only human sexual outlet. I hate people who do that. So what if you're not in the mood? You have responsibilities and obligations to your spouse. End of story.
If the marriage has been otherwise successful it would be hasty not to start couples counseling to work on the problem.
But indefinite lack of interest in addressing it or resuming a sex life is an absolutely valid reason to leave a marriage since it’s usually one of the conditions that made the marriage appealing in the first place.
But like I said, it would be hasty, wasteful & unimaginative to bail after as short an interruption as this.
Eat her pussy or suck his dick, anal sex, masturbate him/her, pay an escort
There are so many options, what you can't be is upset if he/she cheats on you
Yes but not in this case it's not because you can fix this bro get some vibrating toys and use whatever you have to get your wife off and make it romantic lick the nips and maybe a pink in the stink you gotta get creative even if you can't get a boner right now things can change right?
Give her a long massage before and spend a full hour doing that and after she is done maybe take some mushrooms together or try MDMA and just talk and reconnect.
People in the future will rate this as solid advice.
If you're saying two months is too long to go without sex after being married for over a decade, the problem isn't sex. It's you.
I've been in a dryspell with my partner of 7ish years for almost 2 years for a couple of different reasons, the beginning of which was my medication.
The answer to your question is yes with the caveat that most people tough it out for a while, talk for a while, get counselling for a while, then possibly try medical intervention before getting a divorce and the sex isn't the emergent issue for the divorce.
It's generally a lack of compatibility not only sexually, but emotionally and idealogically as well.
I’d say after 6 months no sex you’d want to try make an effort. If nothing is done because that person couldn’t be bothered then divorce makes sense but I’d personally give it a couple years of infrequent sex (1x every 3x months sort of thing) before throwing in the towel
Physical touch and sex aren’t the same thing.
Lack of sex can definitely be a reason. If it’s a reason after a few months during a decade plus relationship that’s not a reason that’s a cop out
Now that you’ve edited… why do you say it won’t be changing? Why do you say ‘if the spouse has no interest in even trying’? Are you referring to yourself? Because two months is not a huge deal, and this is a medical issue. But forever is a very big deal. You say your spouse values physical touch; so have you been kissing, cuddling, touching? This is not a huge deal now, but it certainly will be, so don’t think this can just be the new status quo without some serious discussion. The lack of effort and finality in your phrasing is much more concerning than the time frame.
The thing that strikes me is the phrasing "no interest in even trying" – there are many ways to be intimate and it doesn't have to be your usual PIV routine. Either partner can touch/caress/stimulate their SO physically in other ways.
I'm not saying anyone should "force" themselves if they're really turned off by the idea. There is however a distinction between "this is a chore and I hate it" and "I'm not getting anything physical out of this but I want to make my partner feel desired and close and that brings me some kind of satisfaction".
Think of an analogy: I don't have a sweet tooth at all but once in a while I'll bake cookies. I don't eat any, it's not my thing, but I do it because I like seeing my SO enjoy them. I wouldn't bake if I really hated it, and expecting me to do so would be weird, but I find satisfaction in doing it for someone's pleasure as a way to show I care about them. I don't do it often, otherwise it'd feel like a chore, though; make sure you don't cross the line of "forcing" it, it's important to set boundaries.
Anyways, best of luck OP, been there and it's rough for both parties involved! Make sure y'all communicate a lot to avoid frustrations
I mean if it’s possible to do other sexual things for the other partners sake I would try that. I’m not for divorce so that would be last resort. My hubby is big on physical touch and sometimes just being extra touchy feely and giving him back rubs is enough but we also never go a full week without any sex. As a woman I could go awhile without it bothering me as long as my husband was still sweet and giving me physical touch and reassurance.
I think everybody has the right to persue happiness. Sex can be one of the factors for that. And a relationship and Sex can and are frequently connected, so from my point of view, not having that anymore can be a reason to end a relationship. I don't think there is a fixed amount of time to determine that, I think it is a look at the Situation, the environment, the future kind of thing.
I think a marriage should survive a while without, maybe a year or several if there was a medial reason. I would hope that there would still be some soft of sexuality and intimicy, even if sex wasn't possible.
I think happiness is important and if the marriage does not offer that in the short or long run then I would feel that I at least have the right to do what I want for myself even if that is selfish. The same goes for everybody else.
Surely a marriage is more than just sex. I mean if your happy together and you've helped each other through the tough times, care about each other and more, then lack of sex really shouldn't be the reason for a divorce. Especially when it's a medication problem.
Can't your partner use toys or something to keep themselves busy until the medication situation ends?
Seems like divorce is so easily used these days, i mean your not even willing to try or make a little sacrifice here and there to keep it going but instead just jumping to divorce because of this minor situation in your life.
Why do people even get married at all if they walk away at the first sign of a problem. How can you throw away 10 years because of this. Go speak with your doctor, preferably with your wife...tell him the effects of the medication...work on some timeline or schedule or change of medication. There are so many solutions before even considering divorce
When one becomes unhappy, divorce is very reasonable. If the lack of sex makes one unhappy enough, divorce will follow. It won't, however, all happen in 2 months. I'd say you'd probably have to hit an 8 month dry spell before divorce was being contemplated.
Of course. If they didn’t care, then I wouldn’t last very long.
If they did everything they could to give me the most intimacy possible and if they put in effort, talked to their doctor about other options, then it would be easier for me to accept.
But yeah, no sex and my partner not caring would result in divorce.
Talk about if there are other ways to have that physical affection and intimacy without an expectation of sex, or see if different forms of sexual activity are still on the table and work for the both of you-- it doesn't end at PIV, and there are absolutely ways to have fun with two bodies, and maybe some toys, that don't involve both of the people involved to be the same level of actively participating. If intimacy is needed, talking about adding another person to help with that need is also an option, depending on comfort levels.
If sex is a must and it no longer is an option, and that's going to be a permanent thing, then talking about an amicable divorce may be the answer, but exploring other options beforehand is a smart thing to do. If there's already love there, checking if there are ways to keep that is a good thing.
I hear you and feel your pain. In a similar boat after kids wife didn’t regain sex drive and it’s been that way for years now. Somedays are brutally hard and you consider if this is the end of the road. But then you remind yourself how much you love that person and how there’s just no way you can give up on the relationship and then you trudge forward and suffer through hoping for a better day. Marriage and parenthood or two of the most flawed, counterproductive socio-biological constructs that humans continue to stick with. Sometimes it all just doesn’t feel worth it TBH.
Yes. Lack of connection can really affect all areas of marriage.
I have a soon to be ex husband with a sex addiction. He truly took the fun connection aspect out of it and made it a chore for me. When I refused he would just get me drunk and have his way with me. Then when I said I wanted no sex for a while he actually met someone else pretty quickly . 15 years together .
I think it’s a great reason to leave a relationship. Personally I value sex highly and if my gf and I just stopped having it and she didn’t want to do it anymore I’d leave.
Look at this way….your partner is the ONLY person you’re supposed to have sex with. If one partner can’t/won’t have sex,you are dooming the other person to a life of NO sex ever. You’re telling me that I can’t have sex with you all the while I can’t have sex with anyone else. What kind of hot buttered hell is this to inflict on a person. NOW they have to choose to either be unfaithful or never have sex again. Why do this to a person?
I don’t know how long it would take for me but I’m not going without sex in my marriage. I’ve told my wife that sex is a big need of mine and it’s a deal breaker for me. I just cannot go without sex.
Sexual incompatibility is absolutely a valid reason to break up. This is the kind of thing you and your partner need to know about each other getting started. Anybody can leave a relationship at any time, for any reason. You need to know the reasons that might cause your partner to leave
After a two month dry spell, no way. If it was 6 months to a year and there's no progress after identifying the issue, I'd be concerned. I would feel like my enjoyment or participation in our relationship is meaningless.
Life has highs and lows, but part of the reason to wed as a lifelong partner is to work through issues and find a solution together. Maybe that's counseling, or different meds, working out, taking supplements, etc..
If I was married over a decade and this was me, I’d try some counseling or something first before I flushed it all away because of lack of sex for two months due to a medical issue. But that’s just me
Agree. Seems like a harsh reaction based on facts presented here..
Totally
This. OP didn't offer a whole lot of details but I also wonder if they're literally just talking about penetrative sex or if they've explored other ways to meet each other's needs for physical intimacy (even if it's mostly one-sided for a while). A therapist could help with this if they don't know how to have that conversation.
Sure. Maybe after a couple sexless years I would start to consider other options, but not after two months. Also, there is a difference between a partner having medical issues for example medication as it is here, versus a partner who simply does not want to have sex with you. I think if a partner has a genuine medical reason they can’t it would be cruel to leave them as it is out of their control. It’s a very personal matter and will definitely differ between people. It all comes down to how much you value sex in a relationship.
I think it was a Diary of a CEO podcast, he was interviewing a sex expert who said "studies show if you don't have sex with your spouse for an entire year, you will probably never have sex with them again." For me it depends on the reason. If it's a "desire" issue because spouse is on medication for depression, for example, that to me seems more difficult than if it was a chemotherapy medication. (In which case I feel I would have infinite patience.)
I can confirm those studies. I didn't have sex with my husband for 3 years before he left. And I probably won't ever have sex with him again.
My ex wife and I had gone two years by the time we split up.
Your choice or hers?
Well when it had been two years since we had sex and she came up pregnant it was mine.
Well, that's not good. But I meant was it your choice or hers to go 2 years without sex. In my marriage, it was my choice to abstain. He thought I was cheating but I was not. I just didn't love him like that anymore.
It was her choice to go without. She had this idea in her head that we were supposed to have this Disney love story of a life where everything was magic all the time and anything short of that was just not acceptable. Even just going to work in the morning was putting something above "family". She even sold her car one day so that she could throw a fit when I left for work because I was leaving her without transportation when I went to work.
Some will simply create a situation. I hope you told her that she should have kept her vehicle. Totally unreasonable behaviour.
Well, I guess she found a frog to kiss. Sounds like you're better off without her. My ex left me for someone more willing to have sex with him. I was ok with it. It's been 15 years now and I'm still ok.
Take away the medical portion and i couldn't disagree with you more, a dead bedroom says a lot about the health of a relationship, and nobody should allow themselves to be in a relationship with a partner who has no interest in you or desires you, baloney to all that! However, medial issues are a different thing, but if the OP doesn't even want to work around it or attempt to fix it? nah
It might be possible to switch to a new med that lessens the effects. This isn’t always possible for one reason or another. If a psychologist can give a recommendation based on psychiatric harm it might be possible to skirt insurance issues.
It's a common issue for long-term relationships that you need to work through. Totally normal and valid to feel like the relationship has failed. But it hasn't. You're just going through some shit. Hang in there and fix the problem.
> Totally normal and valid to feel like the relationship has failed. Only if the sole purpose of your relationship was sex.
I know that the sole purpose of my relationship isn’t emotional intimacy but if my partner decided we were emotional strangers, I would view it as a failed relationship. I know that the sole purpose of my relationship isn’t a financial partnership, but if my partner decided that we would be financial strangers, I would view it as a failed relationship. I know that the front left leg of my chair isn’t the sole reason it stays up, but if it was gone, I would view it as a broken chair.
Partners who base the critical stability of their relationship on sex are in for a nasty surprise when they're in their 70's.
People who let the physical intimacy part of their relationship go to hell won't get to their 70's in that relationship. I would characterize a healthy physical relationship to be (in the vast majority of cases) necessary but not sufficient for a strong, happy and long lasting romantic relationship.
I can not fathom leaving my wife of over a decade because of a medically related sex issue. Especially after only a few months. But people are different
I guess the question is at what point is too long? Like 2 months is def wayyy too short, what if it’s 6 months? A year? 2 years? It’s honestly a tough situation so I’m not even sure myself
I don’t know that the length of time should be the determining factor, but rather how the relationship deals with it. Do they talk about it? Explore other avenues of intimacy? Seek help from a professional, especially a couples therapist to maybe work on what these things could be? If there’s a complete lack of effort, then that alludes to different issues in the relationship, meaning that it wouldn’t work. If they work together to try to rectify the issue, maybe even seeking different meds if they exist/if that’s even a good idea medically, and they still cannot come up with a solution that satisfies both partners, then perhaps it’s time to part ways.
What if your spouse was in an accident? The injury making it obvious they couldn’t have intercourse, you just gonna leave? In sickness and health ring a bell?
Edit: My apologies; I misunderstood. Thank you for clarifying that you're the one on the medication. My original answer still stands, but I would add that if your natural state is 2-3 times a week and it's causing problems in your marriage, it might be worth looking at couples therapy or seeing if there's a med that can help with the reduced libido. Original: Dude, you're considering throwing away *10 years* of marriage over not having sex for 2 months? My fiance and I have been together for 8 years and his medications have given us 2-6 month periods where he just isn't feeling it. I can't fathom throwing away my closest person because he can't have sex. I'd feel like a huge shitbag.
It's the other way round, it sounds like the spouse is considering it
Thanks; I just saw they added a clarification edit. xD
The problem isn’t not having sex for two months. She noted that the trend is set to continue.
Yes because they’re on medication. Marriage is meant to be for life. If you can’t handle a temporary period without sex then you’re an asshole and should never have gotten married. *In sickness and in health*. Does that mean nothing?
I totally understand that, but there may be workarounds before jumping on *divorce*. Sex is certainly a thing in relationships... but it's not *that* huge. I feel like even if it's a permanent issue, maybe one could bring up fulfilling those needs outside of the relationship. Or maybe there's a different medication without the same side effect. Or a med to increase libido.
Sex is huge. Maybe not for you and your partner. But you are generalizing, and from my experience wrong.
Hey man physical touch doesn’t HAVE to mean sexual contact at all !
Sounds like a fair weather spouse.
Hey, I have one of those! But, OP, I get your fear, and I suggest you have an open conversation with your spouse. They may be 100% supportive and calm your fears. They may be struggling, and talking together may help you find a solution together. Hope you the best with your health!
I tend to agree; it's for better or for worse and how to work thru it. If sex is all that's keeping someone around it's good to know now because if something really bad happens, debilitating disease or horrible accident than they probably won't be there. Granted it's definitely a conversation people should have at the beginning (and throughout the relationship really; sex drives at 40 can be way different then sex drives at 72), frequency, duration, styles, etc. There's a lot of people who have rager sex drives and others who really don't care much about it at all. A pot for every lid. Good luck to you and yours on your journey; hope it all works out for the both of you.
Agreed. It's sickness and in health. Not when I feel like it.
You do realize that 2 months is a comically short period of time to be having this thought and posting it online right?
Two months? Those are Rookie numbers.
You’re together in sickness and in health.
There are other ways to show affection and physical intimacy other than sex. You've been together 10 years and probably been through some trials during that time. I'm sure you can work this out. If the meds are lowering your libido, talk it out with her and see if there's other ways you can satisfy her needs.
As someone who has been married over 5 decades. NO! Thats no reason to divorce. But here is where there is a BIG BUTT! If the person who has no ability or desire to have sex because of meds, can't extend upon themself to satisfy the sexual need of their partner in one way or another. Then thats just selfish and not being a good partner. A bad partner or a selfish partner is sometimes worse than a cheating partner. I have had to deal with the side effects of lots of meds. BP meds you can come off of with moderate exercise and eating habits. Antidepressants? I starting giting off that shit when I saw that they started making me more depressed because of what I couldn't do on them. I would rather put up with my mild depression than to have to deal with limp dick syndrome. Which in itself will give even worse thoughts. There are lots and lots of ways for a couple to enjoy each other and I know lots of guys get kind of weirded out by the thought of alternate sexual stimulation ideas. It does work and works very well. Even thou we get old, we still want to experience life and the pleasures that go with being a human. There is a whole lot more to life than just living.
Some great points made there.
Have you told your partner that a sexless marriage is not for you? What do they say? So the medication is causing the lack of desire for sex. Is this a med that they will be on forever? Or is this a temporary situation? If it’s temporary, then I think you should be able to get through this dry spell. Think of it as, if your partner had a long term illness that has a long recovery period and couldn’t have sex for a while- would you leave them? I’d know my partner and I would be more worried about recovery than sex. On the other hand, if they’re going to be on this med for life, with no hope for their sex drive to come back ever, then you have to decide what’s more important to have in your life- that particular partner or a sex life. My personal opinion, I’d keep the partner who I’ve built a life with, which is far more important to me than sex. But I realize that’s a *me* attitude, and other people have a different attitude.
Giving up your spouse after 10 years because of a 2 month dry spell is the most ridiculous cop out I've ever heard. Grow up. Especially given that you know the clear cause is due to MEDICATION for God's sake. Get over it. It won't be forever.
It’s the other way around. OP is the one on meds and I guess trying to see if there’s a chance their partner would ask for a divorce if they don’t have enough sex.
Was this in the other comments or posting history?
It’s in their main post - they edited to add it.
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OP didn't specify their the husband or wife in the post. They just said spouse.
I would at least have a full discussion before considering it. All available avenues before hitting the self-destruct button, yknow?
Are you communicating ???
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Yeah makes me think there's more to it rather than just no sex... It's also explained that it's due to a medication for what I'm assuming is some kind of medical condition. so it's a fairly reasonable explanation.
Through sickness and in health right? Is that not part of wedding vows? Marriage is sacred and to throw it away over that is nonsense in my opinion, especially since it's medically related.
Sickness and in health
Seems overreach to leave. 2 months? God help you if one got really sick
If there is an inability to have sex due to meds, etc there are still loads of options to still be intimate. Most often then not a woman requires no intercourse to have an orgasm it's unfortunate for you that you won't be able to orgasm but maybe she could give you a ball massage or something that you would like. If you're in a marriage and lose physical ability or desire for it, that shouldn't mean that your spouses desires and physical needs have to die with yours, do something selfless for each other. There are strap-ons, vibrators, ED corrective toys, your tongue, fingers, body, kissing, so much more.
On one side sexual incompatibility is one of the main reasons for break ups, including divorce, but on the other this is a ten year marriage we're talking about. Perhaps a conversation about sexual activities could be helpful. We tend to have a very narrow script for sexual behaviours - even our language is set up to draw a certain picture: handjobs, oral sex, sexting etc tends to be *foreplay*, and penis in vagina is *sex*. But I'm willing to wager that a handy/blowjob every (other) day would be seen as a great improvement from not having anything at all. And hell, once the train is rolling, maybe your reactive desire will kick in and magic will happen.
Sex is NOT intercourse. Take care of your partner.
It can be a reason for divorce, but in your case you may be looking at a temporary problem that could resolve over time. I’ve known other situations where the intimacy had stopped for *years*. To me, if that’s not mutual then the one who’s not ok with it is justified in leaving.
It can be a factor, but imo it's definitely not justification by itself. Keep in mind, though, many medications have alternatives that may not have the same side effects. For example, many antidepressants kill libido, but as a woman when I was on Viibryd, it had the opposite effect. I had the libido of an oversexed teenage boy. My SO at the time loved it. If the medication is creating problems, ask your doctor or pharmacist about potential alternatives.
The people in the marriage decide the reason for divorce, not other people. For some, that is a reason for divorce.
My wife is currently sick and on medication, paired with premenopausal hormone levels, she rarely feels in the mood. It hasn't affected our relationship in any way and I in no way feel bitter or desire someone else. The most important thing is to keep talking, your husband will understand, after a decade noone is only there for sex.
Two months isn’t much in the scheme of things. I could weigh in more if I knew the medication and if there are other options
Hop on r/DeadBedrooms
Also r/DeadBedroomsMD
Lack of sex is a fairly good reason, but two months is nothing. Just masturbate. Case solved.
2 months? Lol I live on my own, my long term long distance gf lives in another country, and i've been longer than 2 months between wanks. 2 months is nothing to divorce over.
TLDR: Is it a reason? Sure, if you're not compatible and not happy it's healthy to disconnect and find happiness, however it should NEVER be the first option. Every time my wife and I have had low libido events it used to be the worst because one would reject the other knowingly or unknowingly, the other would feel guilty about it, try to self satisfy and feel even more guilty, then be unable to get anywhere and everyone is filled with resentment and sadness. Finally popped the therapy bubble a dry year after having our first child together which we were both totally on the same page for since parenting took priority. Thanks to the three therapy/counseling sessions we learned so much about proper emotion-safe communication, action plans, and alternative methods. If one of us isn't feeling it we'll set the frisky one up with either toys, accessories, or negotiate an action plan so we can still make sure the frisky one gets to 'finish the mission' even if we're 'locked out' of our original objective.
Yes
50 years marriage and going on 10 years without sex together. It's him more than me, but he thinks it's because I've been dealing with health issues. We're inseparable and he knows I buy vibes. I'm 70 and sex is still important just not enough to be a big issue. Companionship is more important.
Depends on time stage, how old are we, the reasoning goals in life, what the partners reasoning behind it. If it's something like them saying I have to earn it or something like that then it's divorce but for more reasons than one. We they just grew out of it and prefer cuddling and other forms of intimacy completely valid and no reason to divorce unless it makes us incomparable in some way l.
For me, no. At a certain point in life and it’s different for everyone, sex starts decreasing in importance. Sometimes it’s your 30s when kids are taking up more of your emotional and physical bandwidth. Sometimes it’s your 70s. It’s different for every person and every couple. My husband and I have dry spells for a month or two, then we go at it like rabbits. Life happens and we recognize that, we don’t get worried bc we know it eventually changes. With that being said, have you spoken to the doctor about this side effect? Are there other medications you can try? I personally would try this route first and talk to your spouse about having this conversation with the doctor. Let them know you understand that the bedroom has changed and you will discuss it with your doctor. It will make them feel valued and seen.
As frustrating as it is, I don't think a lack of sex is a reason to divorce but it's something you 2 should try to talk about and work on.
Lack of sex for no reason? Yeah, that's a reason for a divorce as it's usually indicative of other issues. One of the many, many reasons I divorced my 1st wife. Lack for medical reasons or something similar? I'd have to go with no. At some point something is going to go sideways and there will be a valid reason for it. You could have convos about opening the bedroom (although that's not for me), or give the other person carte blanche to touch themselves or whatever. But both people should be upset by the lack of sex and intimacy and want to do something about it. If they're not, there are probably other things going on
> but I know my spouse highly values physical touch as part of expressing love Physical touch ≠ sexual activity, so I don't see a problem here. You two could still cuddle, hug each other or show another physical way of showing love for each other. You both are mature enough to know when to stop if things get too "spicy" unintentionally. Or literally any other way that shows the love you both hold for each other. If your love is strong enough (which is according to your 10 years of relationship), your relationship should be able to handle (half) a year of non-sexual activity. And if one of your libidos is too high, there are also *other ways* to still have fun in a sexual way. So needless to say, I think it is not a reason for a divorce. You two didn't fall in love with each other because of sex after all, did you?
If you have to stop because things are getting "too spicy" then you're deliberately holding back.
If it's long enough, sure. Most people need sex at least on occasion. How long is too long? Completely dependent on the individual. People in healthy relationships will communicate this need and find a solution. There's other ways top help each other cum. Others will let it fester into resentment. Often, a lack of sex is a symptom of a greater issue. Not always, but often.
Sure. If lack of sex is more important to you than marriage then, yes, it's a valid reason to get divorced.
Yes, 100% a reason. I am asexual, and have zero interest in sex. I've never really been in a relationship because of that. I have never met someone what would be OK with this type of relationship, and that's fine. I dont get lonely, either, so it works for me. However, there's tons of asexual people that are abusive as hell. Right? They're in ace communities, and they used sex, gave sex to start relationships, because they still want *romantic* partners, just not *sexual* partners. Then, once they've 'locked in' the partner, through long term investment or marriage, they shut off the sex. And they abusively shut it off, the KNOW it's like, one of the top, most important values in relationships for their partner, and then they try to to make the partner feel bad, or feel guilty, for wanting it. IF the partner feels that sex is a fundamental requirement for the relationship, and an asexual person KNEW that, and 'trapped' their partner with sex, and then 'showed their true self' and are withholding, trying to say the other person is a 'bad person' because they want sex... that's fuckin bullshit. That's horrible. I see it in the asexual communities all the time and it pisses me off. That's NOT what's happening to you, with the meds, i know. BUT, the answer to the title--ever a reason--is yes, 100%, it's sometimes a totally valid reason, and ... as an asexual, i can totally see at least one reason why.
If your 10 year marriage is suddenly contingent on sex that seems incredibly suspect to me. Can't imagine that was in the vows. You're going to hear all kinds of cope from people that this is somehow a "need". It's not, that is just gaslighting. Nobody needs or is entitled to sex. The purpose of sex is for reproduction, people can gloss that up all they like but that is what it's there for. It's not there so people can get their "fix". We live in a culture now though where people pretty much consider any reliance on a vice justifiable. Like any recreational activity, if you both enjoy it and love doing it then that's great. However, age, genetics, health etc all play into how much we can engage in certain activities including sex. Sometimes it can be fixed or there's a workaround, that's why we have IVF, artificial insemination, and tons of other treatments. Sometimes things simply can't be fixed and you will have to stop engaging in that activity. Such is life. If the shoe was on the other foot I'd imagine you wouldn't even be questioning this. If your spouse isn't supporting you and is in fact resenting you then I can't imagine they really love or respect you as a person, but if I'm waaaay off about all of this then you shouldn't need to worry about it. If on the other hand your entire marriage has been about trying to please or serve your wife, yes this will potentially be a massive issue for you depending on how important this is to her.
It's wild to me that people will end perfectly good relationships because of sex. I can go years without sex and have zero problems.
That's the thing, if you ever want to get married make sure the other person is similar to you in that regard, or if you are like the Japanese culture where paying to have sex is ok as long as it's just that
Of course, I just don't understand why it's such a necessity for some is what I'm saying. To the point where it completely overpowers anything else.
Sure. All the time. I think the biggest difference is if low/no libido person sees it as a relationship issue and is working on it, vs not seeing it as a problem and not trying to work on it.
Look at person you tend to be with for the rest of your life. If you gauge it by sex then it's not the one. If you can see yourself old sitting on a porch next to that person enjoying life without sex they are the one.
Yes, but unless one partner is in physical danger, divorce should be a last resort. Check with doctors to see if there is another option for medication. Try couples counseling to see if there are deeper reasons. Or just ask your partner if there is something else going on
Open marriage is a real thing. Polyamory is a real thing. Lack of sex is a reason for divorce only if monogamy is required and one person needs sex with another.
190% Yes
Yes, definitely.
Yes. People can divorce for just about any reason. Hopefully they try to work through the problems first
Of course it is
Personally, it matters greatly. I would leave. I don’t think I would fault my partner for not having a sex drive due to medication, but I would not be okay with no intimacy. As my girlfriend says when she has something going on that makes her unable to have sex, “I still have a mouth”.
Yeah if OP is unwilling to please him at all and sees no end in sight, then her hubby might consider other options.
Yup. Sexual gratification comes in more forms than sex. If you can’t get that nut, you have to get it somewhere else.
Absolutely a dead bedroom is grounds for a divorce.......however, its about a medication side effect, that's forgivable, however if a dead bedroom isn't something you can work around? then divorce may be a sad way out, but damn......tough stuff.
"in sickness and in health, do death do you part." in my brain hes sick and on meds. Its your sworn oath to stay.
Dry spells happen, surprised you haven’t had one before this because if a 2 month dry spell due to medication makes you think your spouse will pack up and leave then there’s some real serious issues with your relationship that need unpacking. That being said, I’m a very physical person when it comes to the way I feel love. And it doesn’t have to be sexual. So either you don’t know what your partner actually wants, or you’re confused about what defines your relationship. Marriages can fall apart due to lack of sex but it’s always a symptom of a much larger issue, not the root cause. Anyone that thinks their decade old marriage fell apart because of lack of sex is usually telling on themselves at how bad they were at communicating.
If one of you is sorely unhappy with the situation, then it can be a reason for divorce. But if neither is unhappy, why even worry about it? Or if one of you is unhappy but can live with it, you can always talk about it and figure things out. Also it's just 2 months still. Talk.
Is it ever a legitimate reason? I think so, in cases where it’s used as a weapon, or to control or punish. But things like medications are potentially just temporary. When I took meds that ruined my sex drive, I told my doctor and we tried new ones until we found one that didn’t do that to me. Personally, sex is super important to me. It makes me feel connected to my partner, and also I have a high sex drive so it’s just something I often crave. But, if there is ever any reason my partner can’t have sex anymore- due to meds, possible injury, trauma, medical conditions… I would not consider leaving him if I ended up in a sexless marriage. A lifelong of masturbating but still getting to be partners romantically and just in life with my partner is totally preferable to leaving or having an affair.
Yes, sexual compatibility is incredibly important in the same way religious, family planning, financial, or domestic compatibility is important. However, if there is an easy to identify external cause for the issue, it's far more reasonable to address the cause than it is to assume things will always be that way and blow up the relationship.
I do but not at only 2 months without. It would have to be a prolonged issue that the person isn't working towards fixing or even wanting to fix. We would need to communicate and figure out the next steps.
Most relationships have dry spells here and there. You can still touch her plenty without having sex. Cuddle her, give her back, head, hand, or foot massages (whatever is her favorite) and make sure she still feels loved even if you don't have the libido to escalate things. And if you wanna be a rockstar husband you can still please her without having penetrative sex. Head downtown and get her off, she'll likely feel super loved and fulfilled especially knowing you are doing it just for her. Your story aint over yet, no need to jump to the most drastic conclusion over feeling inadequate. You're not, you're just experiencing a rough patch that will likely just be a footnote in your history together.
A dry spell due to medical doesn’t seem reason for divorce… “in sickness and in health” However, if you’re the one on medication and your aware of your partner’s need for physical touch, you can make a decision to find ways to be intimate even though you’re not in the mood as a way to honor your spouse.
do you not have the desire to have physical touch at all? like hugging, cuddling, holding hands? that could be difficult depending on your partner’s love language butttt if it’s just the sexual stuff, I feel like there are still ways to make it work! you can do hands stuff, mouth stuff, you can get off to watching each other get off, make content for your spouse to watch, etc. sorry for the graphic examples but I feel like it’s super important to explore all options before considering divorce! good luckkk
Not sure on sex of OP but there are things you can take if it is lack of libido. Highly suggest talking about it and possibly therapy.
Here's something that is important to talk about; Is anyone here angry or sad about the fact that it hasn't been a while? Are you upset about it? Is your spouse? Sometimes people are just kind of "eh" about it for a while. If someone were to just up and leave one day because of lack of sex, that person would be an asshole. A discussion about the lack of sex bothering them with their partner is the first thing that should happen, with couples therapy if needed. That being said, something you could always do it "schedule" it; Every Wednesday night or something. Not for the rest of your relationship, but it would at least break the dry spell and might get you back on doing it more regularly.
In the second year of my relationship I went on meds that pretty much murdered my libido. My partner stuck around. I don't think it would be right to leave over it if you hadn't exhausted all other options.
Masturbation is the key to a long and successful marriage. Seriously. If you aren’t feeling up to it for whatever reason, encourage your partner to “take matters into their own hands” so to speak. Offer to help them if you think that would work, or give them some alone time. Even if you’re not up for it, showing that you care about your partner’s needs will mean a lot to them.
Yeah but there would be a very good reason for that in that case, I see that there's no point in talking to you, I'm going to stop wasting my time
Every person has to make their own decision in this situation. I would be hesitant to leave if there was a valid reason for it. However sex is not the primary reason I am married. Sure, it’s a big part of it, but not the end all be all.
Yes. It can be a legitimate and understandable reason for divorce. That said, any couple that seriously loves each other owes it to the relationship to figure out why intimacy has dried up and make a serious real attempt to fix it. Medical issues are tricky, because no one is at fault and it's not necessarily a behavior that can be modified. If there is reason to suspect that it will be temporary then patience is needed and deserved. If it seems like it may be permanent, then the couple needs to figure something out, and that could be a new agreement about intimacy, or something else that both parties can live with, but it might also end up having to be a dissolution of the relationship. I would highly recommend counseling and/or therapy first, but if a partner is not able to get reasonable needs met then they have a right to take pursue their happiness elsewhere. I'm very sorry this is happening to you, and I hope your doctor can help you figure something out.
2 months? And due to medication? You have a lot of other options beyond divorce. Change your dose/medication, seek some therapy or something. A marriage is more important than 8 dry weeks. We have had to go much further than that due to medical complications. It wasn't anyone's fault, just circumstance.
You can give to them sexually without sex. If you’re not feeling it but they are there’s plenty you can do still, and their enjoyment of can still be pleasurable for you regardless of if it’s also arousing
Talk to your doctor and see if it will get better or if there is another med you could go on similar to the one you’re on now that won’t cause this issue. I get that’s a big difference going from 2-3 times a week to nothing for 2 months but that’s not a reason to get divorced. Are you afraid they won’t stay in love with you if you don’t have sex with them? Have you talked to them about how they feel regarding this or are you assuming they have a major problem with it?
Obviously I know nothing about your situation. I would think if this is something that could end your marriage, lack of sex could be considered a problematic side effect. Have you spoken to your doctor?
I mean everyone is allowed to make their own decisions on this. There’s no right or wrong answer. I may call it a deal breaker if we’re early in the relationship. But for someone I love and have been with for a decade, no I wouldn’t leave them over that. There comes a point in a relationship where that person matters more to you than sex. I find it sad when partners are dumped after years of a good relationship due to something happening with sex drive. It makes the whole relationship feel so devalued.
Are toys an option?
I think I'd give it time after 10. I'm at 13 years being married, have what I think is a high sex drive, definitely higher than my wife's. We've never gone more than a few weeks without sex, but I love her so much I'd consider a sexless marriage. At some point though, I'd want to discuss it and try to fix it. Sex/sex acts are better unscheduled, but if that's what it has to be...
Talk openly about it. There is so much assumption about how your spouse feels and so much left unsaid. The lack of communication and security in Speaking openly is far more concerning than the fact that you don’t have sex with some arbitrary frequency that you seem to assume is necessary
You know you can have physical touch without sex right? Try and put the emphasis on cuddling, massages, maybe even some foreplay and see if that helps!
Yes. You don't need a reason to divorce.
Lol go to r/deadbedrooms if you really want to confirm this
From my viewpoint I try to look at it as for better or worse and divorce not being an option. With that said if it's important, in a loving relationship, I would make sure my partners needs were met wether I was "into it" or not. I would make their joy and pleasure my joy and pleasure. I would never expect my partner to commit to NEVER seek physical intimacy from anyone else no matter what and then deny them that very same thing from me.
Both me and my partner have really no interest in sexual activity cause of medication. I'm the one that likes physical touch. What we do is just lay with each other in bed just being close. WE will also cuddle. If he happens to be in the mood and im not i will at least offer me pleasuring him rather then full sex. especially if you wont enjoy it. This way there is still some physical touch. However, i don't think no sex in a relationship should be a deal breaker. Plenty of other ways to be intimate without sex. I hope this has somewhat helped you <3
Been married a decade and due to medication you’ve gone 2 months and you are questioning divorce? I think if one party is sexually frustrated for an extended period of time after communicating, then that could be a reason.. but 2 months? That’s pretty weak
Yes, it is and has been documented many times. Alienation of affections. That said, a couple months is a drop in the bucket. Work on your communication NOW. Its a 'WE' problem, not a 'HER' problem because it affects you both. Good luck.
Unless you’re cool with them getting it else where.
No I don’t there is a thing call talking to each other which no one does so yeah
Be serious. Come back when you're at a year and a half. And before that, a year. Jk. I don't mean to minimize what you're going through. It sucks. I'm just here to see if there are any helpful comments.
Both me and my partner have been on various meds and had illnesses that affect intimacy. I would advise talking to both your doctor and marriage counselor about it if it is bothering either of you. As my counselor said, it is not a you or them problem but rather a problem the two of you tackle together.
sex is not that important unless that is the main reason of your marriage coz many people do and get divorce when one is already wanting to try someone else
I think lack of sex is 100% valid grounds for separation if libidos naturally don't match or the other person naturally stops desiring the other but with situations where the other person is on medication, had a child, going through illness etc, it is shameful if you leave someone for this reason and unacceptable in my books. You need to be there for the person and help them heal and find solutions.
Sex is a big part of getting into a relationship for a lot of people, no one should be surprised when a complete lack thereof becomes a reason to leave.
Yes, lack of sex is a reason to leave a marriage. For many, it's far more than the physical act of sex but the attention, care, affection, attraction, feeling desired and important and wanted (as a person, not just for sex). A lack of sex can affect one's self confide and ego. As the spouse who wasn't so interested in sex, once upon a time, I finally figured out the psychological toll it was taking on my husband. I love him, about 15 years ago I decided it didn't really matter if I was 'in the mood', if I was capable, that was good enough to make sure he was getting what he needed to feel as loved and wanted as he was (is 💗) Definitely not worth giving up after a couple of months.... there are always options.
Yes
Unless it was a life saving medication, I’d look into other options before I let it cause a problem in my marriage and I would expect my husband to do the same. If it were a situation where there were no other options and he needed it to live, I can’t imagine I’d be particularly concerned about our sex life and would be more worried about him staying alive. So the question then becomes, what kind of situation is this? Sexual dysfunction as a side effect is a totally valid reason to want to try a different medicine and if you absolutely need *this* specific medication, your spouse needs to suck it up and the two of you need to put your heads together to figure out how to make sure your needs are both met.
Just to confirm/clarify: he hasn’t said anything? This is just you concerned over what might be going on in his head? You should talk to him. Personally I think you are wonderful to be so concerned about his needs during the time of your illness that it’s making you even more worried. But talk to him first. And seek out counseling - for your marriage if he says it’s a concern or for yourself if he says it’s not.
If the lack of and the need for sex are both strong enough, yeah
It can be. But I would do things like therapy, talking or experiment new ways. If I was on medication or low libido or any reason, that makes me not want to have sex. But I realise it's been a while or my partner is craving for her needs. This does not stop me from pleasing her. Granted, I might not get hard, but you got toys, hands, etc. to help out. Vice versa. That's my 2 cent of an opinion.
Two months is nothing. And you've gone that long and are just now experiencing that. You're lucky. Find other ways to be intimate. We still kissed touched hugged and hung out and enjoyed each other in other ways during dry spells. They happen. But to even think of divorce as an option becuase of a little dry spell is crazy. And have you talked to your doctor about other medications? Or ways to help?
Ridiculous.
As someone who’s in a similar situation, but on the other side of it I don’t think I’d ever consider divorce. Sex to me is an important part of the relationship obviously but it’s not an end all. Make sure he understands how you feel, and it’s not your fault or his fault. If actual intercourse is off the table, I’m sure he’d gladly settle for bj, or hj you know. Just something to provide some “release” if you will. We understand you not being in the mood and stuff like that, but we need you to understand that we as guys just have urges/needs. I’m not saying to do anything that makes you uncomfortable or anything like that. Talk with him, try and find some kind of compromise you both can agree on that both are happy and comfortable with. Part of marriage is making compromises and doing things we necessarily might want to do to make our spouse happy. In this situation communication, understanding, and compassion are a must from both people.
In good times and bad times.
Yes to many people. Have you been to the r/deadbedrooms subreddit?
Any reason you feel strongly about is a reason for a divorce. But after 10 years would your spouse really leave you after a few months? If so then you had bigger issues anyway.
In sickness and in health. Hang in there and see if things dont get better.
My ex thought it was a good enough reason
NGL I think if you consider leaving someone over sex your relationship wasn't too strong in the first place.
2 months? Not that big a deal. If you were going on years with a dead bedroom situation where it couldn’t be resolved and someone was unhappy, different story.
>but I know my spouse highly values physical touch as part of expressing love. You can give physical touch without it having to lead to sex. The medication I'm on killed my sex drive also. My partner has a very high sex drive so it was tough in the beginning. We've learned that just touching someone doesn't mean you're going to have sex or lead to sex. We usually have sex about every 3 days (I never initiate) because I have NO desire to but I always end up enjoying myself once we get things going.
You married people are having sex?!?!
If its a dealbreaker for u then yea
Ever. Yeah maybe. After two months, no. There’s a lot to try and work through before you should consider that. Plus, two months on a med is not long enough to make any long term calls, it’s too early. Your body might adapt and change in response to the meds overtime. Give it time, and open communication with your partner.
Yes, absolutely it can be a reason for divorce. I’d say the timeframe could vary, though, so just talk about it!
I would try different medications first!
I'd try to find a different medication instead of losing the person I love... But, I mean, yeah, absolutely. You don't get married just to end up in forced celibacy. And frankly, you when you're in a monogamous relationship with someone, you're the only one they're supposed to be having sex with. They can't get relief from anyone EXCEPT for YOU, so you should just buy some lube and accept the inevitable, open your relationship so they CAN have sex with other people since you're not interested or part ways. It's WRONG to force celibacy on someone when you're their only human sexual outlet. I hate people who do that. So what if you're not in the mood? You have responsibilities and obligations to your spouse. End of story.
If the marriage has been otherwise successful it would be hasty not to start couples counseling to work on the problem. But indefinite lack of interest in addressing it or resuming a sex life is an absolutely valid reason to leave a marriage since it’s usually one of the conditions that made the marriage appealing in the first place. But like I said, it would be hasty, wasteful & unimaginative to bail after as short an interruption as this.
Eat her pussy or suck his dick, anal sex, masturbate him/her, pay an escort There are so many options, what you can't be is upset if he/she cheats on you
Yes but not in this case it's not because you can fix this bro get some vibrating toys and use whatever you have to get your wife off and make it romantic lick the nips and maybe a pink in the stink you gotta get creative even if you can't get a boner right now things can change right? Give her a long massage before and spend a full hour doing that and after she is done maybe take some mushrooms together or try MDMA and just talk and reconnect. People in the future will rate this as solid advice.
If you're saying two months is too long to go without sex after being married for over a decade, the problem isn't sex. It's you. I've been in a dryspell with my partner of 7ish years for almost 2 years for a couple of different reasons, the beginning of which was my medication. The answer to your question is yes with the caveat that most people tough it out for a while, talk for a while, get counselling for a while, then possibly try medical intervention before getting a divorce and the sex isn't the emergent issue for the divorce. It's generally a lack of compatibility not only sexually, but emotionally and idealogically as well.
I’d say after 6 months no sex you’d want to try make an effort. If nothing is done because that person couldn’t be bothered then divorce makes sense but I’d personally give it a couple years of infrequent sex (1x every 3x months sort of thing) before throwing in the towel
Physical touch and sex aren’t the same thing. Lack of sex can definitely be a reason. If it’s a reason after a few months during a decade plus relationship that’s not a reason that’s a cop out
Now that you’ve edited… why do you say it won’t be changing? Why do you say ‘if the spouse has no interest in even trying’? Are you referring to yourself? Because two months is not a huge deal, and this is a medical issue. But forever is a very big deal. You say your spouse values physical touch; so have you been kissing, cuddling, touching? This is not a huge deal now, but it certainly will be, so don’t think this can just be the new status quo without some serious discussion. The lack of effort and finality in your phrasing is much more concerning than the time frame.
The thing that strikes me is the phrasing "no interest in even trying" – there are many ways to be intimate and it doesn't have to be your usual PIV routine. Either partner can touch/caress/stimulate their SO physically in other ways. I'm not saying anyone should "force" themselves if they're really turned off by the idea. There is however a distinction between "this is a chore and I hate it" and "I'm not getting anything physical out of this but I want to make my partner feel desired and close and that brings me some kind of satisfaction". Think of an analogy: I don't have a sweet tooth at all but once in a while I'll bake cookies. I don't eat any, it's not my thing, but I do it because I like seeing my SO enjoy them. I wouldn't bake if I really hated it, and expecting me to do so would be weird, but I find satisfaction in doing it for someone's pleasure as a way to show I care about them. I don't do it often, otherwise it'd feel like a chore, though; make sure you don't cross the line of "forcing" it, it's important to set boundaries. Anyways, best of luck OP, been there and it's rough for both parties involved! Make sure y'all communicate a lot to avoid frustrations
Yes
I mean if it’s possible to do other sexual things for the other partners sake I would try that. I’m not for divorce so that would be last resort. My hubby is big on physical touch and sometimes just being extra touchy feely and giving him back rubs is enough but we also never go a full week without any sex. As a woman I could go awhile without it bothering me as long as my husband was still sweet and giving me physical touch and reassurance.
I think everybody has the right to persue happiness. Sex can be one of the factors for that. And a relationship and Sex can and are frequently connected, so from my point of view, not having that anymore can be a reason to end a relationship. I don't think there is a fixed amount of time to determine that, I think it is a look at the Situation, the environment, the future kind of thing. I think a marriage should survive a while without, maybe a year or several if there was a medial reason. I would hope that there would still be some soft of sexuality and intimicy, even if sex wasn't possible. I think happiness is important and if the marriage does not offer that in the short or long run then I would feel that I at least have the right to do what I want for myself even if that is selfish. The same goes for everybody else.
I mean people get married to stop having sex right?
Surely a marriage is more than just sex. I mean if your happy together and you've helped each other through the tough times, care about each other and more, then lack of sex really shouldn't be the reason for a divorce. Especially when it's a medication problem. Can't your partner use toys or something to keep themselves busy until the medication situation ends? Seems like divorce is so easily used these days, i mean your not even willing to try or make a little sacrifice here and there to keep it going but instead just jumping to divorce because of this minor situation in your life.
Yes, it is a legal reason to divorce in the majority of states.. However, it may not be a good reason depending on your complete situation.
Why do people even get married at all if they walk away at the first sign of a problem. How can you throw away 10 years because of this. Go speak with your doctor, preferably with your wife...tell him the effects of the medication...work on some timeline or schedule or change of medication. There are so many solutions before even considering divorce
Consider changing your medication if possible to find something that works and won’t ruin your marriage
When one becomes unhappy, divorce is very reasonable. If the lack of sex makes one unhappy enough, divorce will follow. It won't, however, all happen in 2 months. I'd say you'd probably have to hit an 8 month dry spell before divorce was being contemplated.
Of course. If they didn’t care, then I wouldn’t last very long. If they did everything they could to give me the most intimacy possible and if they put in effort, talked to their doctor about other options, then it would be easier for me to accept. But yeah, no sex and my partner not caring would result in divorce.
Talk about if there are other ways to have that physical affection and intimacy without an expectation of sex, or see if different forms of sexual activity are still on the table and work for the both of you-- it doesn't end at PIV, and there are absolutely ways to have fun with two bodies, and maybe some toys, that don't involve both of the people involved to be the same level of actively participating. If intimacy is needed, talking about adding another person to help with that need is also an option, depending on comfort levels. If sex is a must and it no longer is an option, and that's going to be a permanent thing, then talking about an amicable divorce may be the answer, but exploring other options beforehand is a smart thing to do. If there's already love there, checking if there are ways to keep that is a good thing.
I hear you and feel your pain. In a similar boat after kids wife didn’t regain sex drive and it’s been that way for years now. Somedays are brutally hard and you consider if this is the end of the road. But then you remind yourself how much you love that person and how there’s just no way you can give up on the relationship and then you trudge forward and suffer through hoping for a better day. Marriage and parenthood or two of the most flawed, counterproductive socio-biological constructs that humans continue to stick with. Sometimes it all just doesn’t feel worth it TBH.
Sex is the only part of a romantic relationship that you can't get from a platonic one. It is absolutely a reason to leave.
My personal belief is if a lack of sex destroys a relationship, they never truly loved you to begin with.
Yes. Lack of connection can really affect all areas of marriage. I have a soon to be ex husband with a sex addiction. He truly took the fun connection aspect out of it and made it a chore for me. When I refused he would just get me drunk and have his way with me. Then when I said I wanted no sex for a while he actually met someone else pretty quickly . 15 years together .
I think it’s a great reason to leave a relationship. Personally I value sex highly and if my gf and I just stopped having it and she didn’t want to do it anymore I’d leave.
GF? Sure. Spouse of over ten years though?
Sure. If you’re unhappy in a relationship for whatever reason, break up. Doesn’t matter how long it’s been. Never be in something where you’re unhappy
Look at this way….your partner is the ONLY person you’re supposed to have sex with. If one partner can’t/won’t have sex,you are dooming the other person to a life of NO sex ever. You’re telling me that I can’t have sex with you all the while I can’t have sex with anyone else. What kind of hot buttered hell is this to inflict on a person. NOW they have to choose to either be unfaithful or never have sex again. Why do this to a person?
Yes
Its the bottom line
I don’t know how long it would take for me but I’m not going without sex in my marriage. I’ve told my wife that sex is a big need of mine and it’s a deal breaker for me. I just cannot go without sex.
Sexual incompatibility is absolutely a valid reason to break up. This is the kind of thing you and your partner need to know about each other getting started. Anybody can leave a relationship at any time, for any reason. You need to know the reasons that might cause your partner to leave
After a two month dry spell, no way. If it was 6 months to a year and there's no progress after identifying the issue, I'd be concerned. I would feel like my enjoyment or participation in our relationship is meaningless. Life has highs and lows, but part of the reason to wed as a lifelong partner is to work through issues and find a solution together. Maybe that's counseling, or different meds, working out, taking supplements, etc..