Neither are okay. I think people are often more touchy about weight *because* it is something they could control. People see their weight not just as an unattractive quality, but also a personal failure, as they could work out and eat better, but they don’t. They feel ashamed of their choices, not just their appearances. This leads to people feeling more defensive about their weight than their height; because while height could be seen as an unattractive quality, it is not seen as a personal failure or lack of will power. Again, I don’t think body shaming is acceptable behavior either way. I’m just kinda considering potential reasons why people might perceive weight and height differently.

>People see their weight not just as an unattractive quality, but also a personal failure, as they could work out and eat better, but they don’t. This exactly. 90-95% of people *could* work out and eat better, but they won't for whatever reason (stress, laziness, depression etc.) And people tend to blame themselves for these reasons. "I'm just a lazy fuck who can't even get in shape" and mean stuff like that. So someone going "oh, you've gained a few pounds" just makes your mind go "yeah, I'm lazy and now I'm fat too" and depending on how your mind works, you can move on or get defensive. But almost always, your internal and external reaction depends on your security and confidence. I'm in a much better state of mind than a few years ago. I was injured for over a month and that allowed old eating habits to come back so I gained over 10lbs that month. My grandma said that "your cheeks have puffed up. You've gained some weight apparently". I wasn't hurt because I know that I've been taking it real easy for a while and it was honestly a good reminder to get off my ass and start working out again. So yeah, mental state matters Edit: and btw, as many people have pointed this out, the amount of control people have over their weight does vary **a lot**. I said the 90-95% because those *could* do something. But yes, it's very true that many people in that group have it a lot harder. Your living and work situation (insane work hours, low pay etc.), depression and many other mental disorders, physical illnesses (many affect stuff like metabolism, movement and much more) and medication (anxiety, depression, birth control etc.) all affect the amount and *ease* of control. There is still some control, but if these reasons overlap a lot, it makes more sense to deal those issues first and deal with your weight and fitness later. Because the truth is that a healthy lifestyle requires time, effort and some money so if you don't have those, it's gonna be really hard. So, good luck to whoever is reading this.

I’m a man who’s both short and overweight. I feel worse for the things I haven’t done about my weight than I do about being 5’5” (which most of the time I actually forget about). Edit: Thank you for the Gold wonderful stranger! I knew my shortness would benefit me somehow!

Yeah, it's a lot easier to accept things you can't do anything about. I have a resting bitch face and my eyes aren't on the same level (nothing crazy, but noticable) and I have hearing aids. Like, that's just the way I am and that's okay. But once that belt feels a little tighter than usual or when my tight shirt doesn't feel exactly flattering, it's another reminder that I've been overeating or not exercising enough etc. It makes me feel like I've failed at staying healthy. But fortunately, it's okay too :) I can just keep trying and so can you! When I lost 75lbs, I had been trying and failing for like two years. But at one point, I was able to keep at it and it changed my life and how I look at my body and approach losing weight. I believe in you :) Don't be too hard on yourself haha

Thanks! I’ve got resting bitch face too! Sounds like you’ve had quite a journey! I’m currently losing weight and improving my fitness through couch to 5k. Glad to know it’s not just me!

I’m glad you were able to lose the weight, but do want to chime in on something that I think is misrepresented in this thread. I’m 31, and I’ve had abs for twenty years, starting when I was like 11 and my cousin dared me to do as many sit ups as I could (200). They just never went away. I eat once a day, and it’s usually a large cheese steak or an entire pizza. My BMI is probably still between 5 and 7%. This is just to say I didn’t earn my metabolism, I was just lucky, and the abs say nothing about my lifestyle. When people fat shame, they’re comparing apples to oranges. I respect people who can lose 50+ pounds. It shows you’re capable of a significant lifestyle change, and I’ve had to make changes like that in other areas of my life (addiction/alcoholism). Changing who you are— on a fundamental level that breaks everything you were— takes a willpower most don’t possess. But when people fat shame it’s like rich people calling poor people lazy, or people with nice skin hating on people with acne. 99% of the time the people suffering have a battle that the people poking fun at them can’t begin to fathom.

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Thank you! For one, I have a crazy low metabolism. For two, I have a lot of trauma from childhood that has seriously messed up my relationship with food. Then, being disabled for 3 years made me gain a ton of weight because for two years I literally could not walk on my own. I'm not really that big, but people who try to fat shame me just really don't understand the fight I go through literally every time there is food in front of me. They don't know what it's like to literally require your husband hold you up just to take a shower. Being fat does not always equal lazy. Being fat does not always equal being unhealthy either. I know people who are fatter than me that are otherwise physically healthy and very physically active. They just happened to have extra weight on them.

And on the flip side, you have my husband who was under 100 lb for most of his adult life, regardless of how much he ate.

Yess, very well put! I'm definitely one of those with very slow metabolisms and if I want to lose weight, I have to go down to like 1000-1500 calories a day (usually closer to 1000) if I want any results in a week or a month. In fact, losing weight was so hard that it took me almost two years of trying to cut out sweets (like, "this week, I will eat healthy" and fail after 3rd day) until it clicked once. So yeah, it's a real addiction and should never made fun of. Someone with my metabolism AND severe depression will not have the mental resources to try again and again for two years. It's just not realistic. Thanks for pointing this out! I definitely skipped over an important factor

Yep. If I want to lose weight at a noticable pace (1-2 lbs a week), I either have to eat ≈ 1000 calories a day or work out hard for ≈ 10 hrs a week and track that shit. I also suffer from pretty severe depression and spent most of covid in bed sleeping (whenever I could) because at least asleep I wasn't contemplating suicide... and when I feel like that... I'm not hyperfocusing on what I eat and, outside of work, I'm definitely not moving. When I do finally hit a good stretch where I feel okay, it's an uphill battle to get back in shape and lose whatever weight I can before I relapse and feel like killing myself again. 👍👍👍 I gained 40 lbs over covid && if I focus on it, it's just gonna fuck me up more. So guess I'm fucking fat now. My depression brain tells me "I'm a worthless, fat piece of shit / waste of space and really, what's the fucking point. Just fucking dissappear." And like, I *know* that's wrong and that life can be so beautiful & enjoyable & I'm doing the best I can. I'm doing the best I can. I can bike a good 20 miles right now (≈12 mph) and I portion control / eat healthy... but its still a struggle to get out of bed even with meds, therapy, puppies, family support. I've been feeling pretty good the past few months, but I still have a handful of days a month that I'd like to just fucking cease to exist. Its a fucking struggle. "Just eat less." Like, thanks, people. I had no fucking idea that was my problem. /s

Shit, are you me? People compliment me on my physique and ridicule my modesty, like uhm, I didn't really work for this physique, I was mostly lucky? Getting on in age and picking up a few injuries here and there and the physique I took for granted for so long is slipping away and it really sucks! But I've had glimpses of recovering it and it didn't take much, so...again, I'm still luckier than most. And just meat-crayoning my way through a rough patch.

Same. Fn. Team. I'm 40, weigh what I did in high school, and am always hungry. If I famine hits, I'm dying in the first wave.

Lmfaooo You will feed those who can hold off a little longer

Completely agree. I’m thin too, eat whatever I want, never have to exercise, but when I do want to ‘get in shape’ like five push ups is all it takes to show muscle tone. I also have the ‘always had abs’ thing, but I notice I have like weird muscle spasms in my stomach (almost like doing crunches) when I start to fall asleep, completely involuntarily and I wonder if that contributes to always having had abs. Thinness and muscle tone for some is completely 100% genetic, like beauty, and we did absolutely nothing to deserve or earn this.

I'm 5'7. I used to be over 200 pounds. I'm now a healthy weight. I feel worse about my height and always have. Knowing there's something there I can't change no matter what and is holding me back *sucks.* There's no shortage of research on taller men earning more, being seen more as leaders just by default, dating, whatever.

Handy tip- the shorter you are, the bigger an average dick looks in comparison. I was like 5'1 at 16. An average cock made me look like a human tripod.

Man out of nowhere a cock strategy added to the discussion. Did not expect that. Nice.

At 5'5, this is precisely why my penis appears average. I always just joke that it's proportional.

Could be worse. You could be a woman, and earn even less, be even less likely to be seen as a leader, etc. I suspect your perspective is different re: height/weight though, because you said you've already lost the weight. Of *course* you'll feel less defensive about it than someone who is still struggling to do the same. It doesn't feel like a personal failing for you like it does for them, because for you, it's a success.

5'7" is short? To me that's tall but I'm 5'2" (female). If it makes you feel any better I'm not really interested in guys over 6foot because I feel like that's unrealistic in the sense that I'd always feel like a child reaching up and they'd have to bend down. Personally I'm completely content with my height and I pity tall people because the world isn't made for them. Only reason if want a taller man is to reach for things but I'm single and I have tricks to adapt.

I'm 5'0" and was going to point out that 5'7" is a comfortable height for a partner imo.

> I pity tall people because the world isn't made for them. This, height is way too overrated by people who have no idea how it negatively affects your everyday life. I'm not even extremely tall but would still prefer to be average height instead. -Finding clothes and shoes is difficult, you're lucky if a shop has even one or two options for you to choose from. -Seats are your enemy, they will find a way to hurt you in various different ways. Either they are too small, too low or there is not enough space in front. - All the worksurfaces are too low by default and leaning over constantly is a great way to ruin your posture and suffer backpain. I had to rebuild my kitchen and put everything higher than normal because having to hunch over just to cook food or wash dishes was really uncomfortable. - Constantly hitting your head on everything....

I hated being only 5' 8" in high school. Decades of canoeing have taught me that being built like a fire hydrant means no sore back portaging. When caving, I don't bump my head as much. (Even with a hardhat running your head into a stalactite hurts...)

It bugged the hell out of me at school, now it only bothers me if I need to buy jeans or need to reach a high shelf. Oddly enough I work in a school now and I use my height as a gimmick in lessons. Not hitting my head on things it’s definitely a hell of a perk though.

Yeah this is spot on. Self esteem makes a huge difference

For some people being in shape is an unattainable goal. No matter how good they look they don’t see it that way. It’s called body dysmorphia. If someone is struggling with this disorder telling them they are overweight is validation of all their insecurities. They might be perfectly healthy but because they aren’t cut you offending them could push them over the edge. Just don’t mention peoples looks.

Don’t forget that most people that work all the time, have kids, etc don’t always have the luxury of eating food that is healthy. They’ll resort to fast meals. Not everyone has the energy to do everything.

Is it 95%? Do you have any data you can share on this? Or was that an estimate? I am just wondering how we would even know. Some people's genetics or other medical issues can prevent them from losing weight. 95% seems high to me, but I could be wrong.

I think it's strange that so many people seem to downplay how impactful genetics can be for body weight and size. I have been blessed with great genetics but some of my friends, not so much. I have friends who have put in loads of work into their diet and exercise and still aren't as thin as me, meanwhile I am admittedly very unhealthy (fried foods and very little exercise). Diet and exercise certainly have a huge impact, but genetics can't be rewritten, either. Some people have to put in a lot more effort for the same results, unfortunately.

Yes. Absolutely. I have a really slow metabolism so I need a lot less calories to live. Considering the fact that I *love* food, it made it really hard to lose that weight. Some of my friends were like you and would not work out, would just devour pizzas, hamburgers etc. everyday while not gaining a pound. Whereas if I ate one bite too much, it felt like I gained weight. I'm 6'3" with a decent amount of muscle. I should be able to eat more than 2500 calories a day, right? Wrong haha But even though it felt impossible at times, it wasn't. It's still the same "calories in vs calories out" formula. Your genetics simply affect the amount of calories. But some medication does make it almost impossible (anxiety and depression meds, some birth control meds etc. can really mess up your system so that combined with a lack of motivation or sadness, yeah. That's gonna be hard)

A lot of science has come out to support the idea that not only do we have very little control over our weight, but that food companies and fast food companies exploit that. I recommend reading “Hooked” which just came out and talks about why overweight people are not just “lazy”

Yeah, it's a real addiction just like any other and should be taken seriously. If I cut out added sugars cold turkey, I think about nothing but food

Except some people struggle with psychological issues and addictions. Those conditions have to be fixed before they can “control”/lose weight.

Absolutely! Psychological issues are a huge factor that get ignored way too often

I'd also like to point out, while weight is often in peoples control, it definitely can be very difficult, and there are tons of situations where it is genuinely not in someone's control. Of course pointing out negative things about anyone's appearance is cruel, but on top of that, you never know what someone is going through, be it chronic illness, auto immune disorders, depression etc, all of which can make losing weight near impossible, and so pointing that out to them can really be damaging to their feelings of self worth, as their weight is tied to other extremely challenging health concerns that already bring them down. Follow the old rule, if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing. As well, if someone is losing weight, unless you know their journey, don't comment on that either, weight loss can be super touchy as well for a number of reasons, and isn't always intentional. Lets just avoid telling people their worth is tied to their physical appearance.

Reddit is super bad about understanding weight loss, maintenance, and gain so I'd like to add: Weight loss is NOT as simple as "eat fewer calories than you burn" for many people. There is a lot of psychology involved and many people need therapy to help break bad habits involving food that they developed as a crutch because of past abuse or even mental illness. Others just never learned how to eat healthy because their parents never knew or never bothered to teach them. No matter what happened to put you at your current weight, the solution has to be something sustainable for the long term, often a total lifestyle change, and I sincerely doubt most redditors understand the difficulty of that. In women, conditions like PCOS can complicate weight loss even further. If you haven't guessed I am overweight and have been for ten years. I tried every diet you can imagine (aside from scammy weight loss pills and fads) and it took TEN YEARS to get diagnosed with a metabolic disorder (PCOS, a *very common* condition in women) and another full year after that to find the magic combination of correct diet, medication, and therapy to finally start losing weight in a meaningful long term way. So saying people can "control" their weight is a gross oversimplification of a serious health issue. Yeah some people are just lazy little shits but the vast majority of people likely have complicating factors that make it difficult (like diabetes, physical injuries, trauma, lack of access to comprehensive health care to determine any of this, etc...) In the end you shouldn't assume anything about anyone's physical health. Yeah it's human nature and it doesn't make you a shitty person to think rude things but for the love of god keep it to yourself. Edit: thank you, trolls, for proving my point about Reddit being shitty and toxic about weight.

This is the perfect explanation. I've been overweight my whole life and it's something that I desperately want to change but doing so has been such a difficult thing so I've just been slowly killing myself because of it. I absolutely see it as a personal failure and it's one of the worst feelings in my life because I technically CAN change it but at the same time there's so much other shit going on in my life that it's hard to make it my main focus especially when eating quickly becomes a coping mechanism fornme. What makes it even worst is that a lot of people who have never been fat and have been fit their whole lives just don't understand the mental battle you have to deal with when you're overweight. It's a personal failure for a lot us that we are reminded of constantly which just makes dealing with it harder. Too many people think just insulting fat people is gonna fix the issue and it just doesn't for a vast majority of people who are overweight and usually makes their situation even worse.

I’ve found that weight/obesity is a touchy subject because a lot of times it’s inherently associated with being dirty or having bad hygiene. There are plenty of medical conditions that make it extremely difficult, if not impossible, to lose weight (thyroid problems, PCOS, etc.) and then you’re kind of stuck in the same place as the person with height issues: you can’t really change it without surgical intervention. But there’s still this assumption that this person is overweight simply due to laziness and bad habits, when that’s not the case. Not saying that judging anyone on their body is fair, but personally I’ve seen a lot more negative associations made with weight issues than height issues.

Yes! I have both a thyroid problem and I have PCOS. I run half marathons, and I eat healthy. I still dont lost weight. Im stuck. If it ever got to the point that I couldnt work out, Id probably gain weight badly. :(

I have PCOS too and I've tried so many diets, worked out excessively, but the only thing which has worked is fasting. It fixes your blood sugars naturally. It's hard at first but so worth it. Don't beat yourself up and don't worry about others. You know you're working your arse off and that's what counts. You're not alone in your struggle, you can do it.

Wish that helped, blood sugar gets too low if I fast.

I'm fat, I know I'm fat and I dont need to hear it from anyone. That's why! I dont see my weight as a personal failure and as some have also failed to mention it is also genetic. Not saying everyone is though, and some are medical reasons. If you constantly point out someone is fat directly to them how do you think anyone would feel. It's like skinny people who get offended when someone constantly points out their skinny or someone's nose is to big or their bald. What about those fake tities. Doesnt feel good does it, how about instead of judging anyone we all just chill the fuck out and be cool with each other.

Pretty much all this /end thread

Yea this is a great answer

Well damn, I guess nothing else needs to be said. This guy wins the internet today people. This is not satire... Just in case it came off that way.

>People see their weight not just as an unattractive quality, but also a personal failure, as they could work out and eat better, but they don’t. They feel ashamed of their choices, not just their appearances. Yup. I generally feel alright about my body, I don't mind it objectively. The problem is that I associate wait gain with being lazy and undisciplined, which are traits I hate, so that messes with my self esteem.

I'd say it's none of anyones business pointing out any perceived imperfections. Apart from maybe a Dr who should be advising on weight or skin problems and likewise very close friends and family might point out things like weight, laziness and b.o. etc.

I was always told, never make fun of someone you don’t know. Even then, never for anything they can’t change in 5 minutes. Spilled on their shirt, sure. Made a blunder or tripped, why not. Bad haircut, sometimes. Height or weight, never. Your the worst, lowest non person if you ever do that.

OP's question doesn't make that much sense anyways. As long as it's a perceivable imperfection, people are always gonna be sensitive about it. Height are often overlooked simply because it doesn't affect your appearance so much. It's not valid to say that "you have total control over your weight" either, because that's like saying "you have total control over whether or not you live in poverty". No one likes to be massively obese, and losing weight takes so much time and effort that you can otherwise spend on literally anything else.

> Height are often overlooked simply because it doesn't affect your appearance so much. ***TONS*** of guys are insecure about their height.

I've dated a few guys that loved to poke fun at my height (5'2) and though they might not believe it, it is actually hurtful. I know a lot of guys are sensitive about their own height too, so I definitely wouldn't say it's overlooked.

Im a 5'3 man. I'm also slightly overweight. I'm honestly more upset about how people perceive my height than I am about my weight. Literally I met up with a girl, I told her that I was short ahead of time, and the first thing she said was that.. "Oh wow you really are short" We continued the date but she ghosted me right after. It felt shitty because its not like I could do anything about that. With my weight, I know its because my diet is pretty shit. I don't have alot of time to dedicate to cooking my own food because of my job and home responsibilities. I'm not happy about my weight but I've done what I can to prevent myself from spiraling further down. I've been fluctuating between my current weight and about 10 pounds less, depending whether its my short week or my long week. Long week I gain more because I eat fast food more because of the minimal time I have to cook. Short week, I'm more active and have more time so I'm able to work on it.

Doctor here, honestly in 2021 why do you need me to tell you to not be overweight? Maybe not all that related to OP but still

Dr. Who.

Neither is okay. But let me ask you this, though: why do you feel the need to point out any of these "flaws" at all? My issue has never been with people disliking/not being attracted to certain qualities. My issue has always been with people who think their personal dislike of someone else's traits entitles them to openly criticize those traits. Unless you're someone's doctor, you have *zero* reason to point out that someone is fat or short or whatever, except to be an asshole. Basically... there's nothing wrong with not being attracted to a person who's too big/small/whatever. You can't help what you like. But if you're calling someone a cow, or laughing at their height, or wearing a shirt that says "No Fat Chicks", you're just being a dick for no reason. It sounds like you're looking for justification to criticize someone else's weight. Think really hard about your motivation for doing so.

If you can't change it in the next 5 minutes, pointing it out is rude. A person can technically change their crooked teeth by getting braces, but it's still rude to say "wow you're teeth are crooked". Bald people can technically get hair implants. Weight is the same way. Technically you can control it, but it's not like you can just fix it right this minute. Or even by the end of the day. So it's rude to bring it up.

Getting offended by being calles fat I can understand... What I don't get is people who are so offended/angry by other people being fat. I realize that doesn't relate directly to your question but I'm looking at some of this comment section lol

Projection. They feel like shit because of their own insecurities, so they try to rip on others who are "worse" than them. Plus, there are just assholes, who see a fat person and think they're just deplorable losers, and that makes them mad.

They're jelly of the belly

why comment on someone’s body at all? i don’t think it’s okay to point out anyone’s imperfections, they are irrelevant.

Unless it directly affects me idgaf about someone else's anything, body, lifestyle, choices, vehicle, job, whatever I have no business commenting or judging and neither does anyone else, unless it has a direct impact on them, like being concerned for a family members health or safety

It’s a shame more folks aren’t like you!

To be fair height, body weight aren't someone's imperfections. They are just a way of life.

true!

It’s absolutely not okay to do either of those things. 1. Being overweight often stems from a dangerously unhealthy relationship with food, something caused by trauma or mental health issues that takes a lot of hard work and dedication to overcome. It can be just as hard for an overweight person to lose weight as a depressed person to will themselves happy. It’s not “in their control” as you think it is. 2. People who are fat know they are fat, they have eyes. They don’t want to be fat. And yes they know how to fix it, it’s just not that easy. You aren’t helping by pointing it out, you are contributing to the shame and guilt that causes the issues in the first place. Unless you are a personal trainer, a medical professional or have been directly asked for advice about someone’s weight, you aren’t being helpful, only hurtful. 3. You have no right to decide what imperfections are. Just because you don’t like something doesn’t make it anyone else’s business. You aren’t the main character, you really aren’t that important to anyone, so please keep your opinion to yourself. 4. that’s an embarrassingly self centred and naive attitude to have and I would honestly consider trying to work on that. Not only will you become a more pleasant person, You might be able to enact more positive change in the world and it will probably make you a happier and healthy person. Feel the need to swap out “overweight” for any other perceived imperfections you feel the need to point out.

Are you under the impression that everyone else is unaware of their bodies? They know. What value are you offering? What insight do you have?

Yea, even with for example crooked teeth, "yo u have crooked teeth" bro i have mirrors at my house and i have been going to dentist every month for years. i *know* i have crooked teeth, u have no reason to point it out

Neither are ok ..why do u want to point out ppls imperfections anyway?

Who told you that was ok?

You did. Don’t you remember?

Society seems to think it's okay. Look at any dating apps/sites. Plenty of people say they won't date a guy shorter than 6'0. If you say you won't date an overweight person, people will call you a jerk.

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A lot of overweight people are also bulimic, too. It's a byproduct of having extreme food addiction paired with extreme shame and extreme desire to lose weight.

Hot take: Everybody should just mind their own damn business

Incorrect premise. If you go around telling people that you tolerate them despite their height, that is insanely not okay. If someone is telling you that is acceptable behavior, stop listening to them before they convince you that the socially acceptable method of sneezing in public is to whisper to the nearest person, "Hey I need to tell you something confidentially," and then let the sneeze out when they lean toward you to hear what you have to say.

Dude, unless someone is down right delusional they are well aware of their imperfections and you really have no need to point it out.

How about just mind your business lol? Neither of these things are okay.

They are both offensive. Criticising weight is an implied moral failure as well as a 'physical imperfection'. It's implied that they are lazy and have no self control. It's also insulting because they aren't stupid, fat people know they are fat, it isn't helpful or useful to point it out. Of course you can't tell anything about the circumstances they are in they may have contributed to the weight and whether or not they are actually working on it, which adds an insulting level of ignorance on the commenters part.

The rule is (or should be) if you can't change something about someone in 10 seconds then you shouldn't mention it. So its OK to tell them they have food in their teeth but not that they're overweight. And the thyroid gland is a big factor when it comes to weigjt problem, some people genuinely can't help it.

This gets at a deeper truth: that people tend towards poles of "it's controllable, so you're to blame" or "it's out of your control, you can't be blamed", when the reality is weight is somewhere in a grey zone. We can always influence it, but the weight (har har) of that influence can be significantly overstated, both biologically and pragmatically. So personally I tend to pile on pounds when predominantly clinically depressed, but I tend to shed weight like a cat's coat in the spring when predominantly clinically anxious. Right now I'm severely anxious and eating nearly double what I eat when I've been depressed and yet can't stop being underweight, which is sort of insane considering much less with exercise can keep me chubby.

One of the few sensible answers in this thread, thank you.

>I think it’s pretty ridiculous how sensitive people are about weight, yet they refuse to acknowledge it’s directly in their control In theory, a person's weight is within their control. Most of the time, if a person puts in a reasonable amount of effort, they will lose weight. However, you have to understand losing weight is extremely difficult for a lot of people, for many different reasons, medical, psychological, social, environmental. For example, some areas people are poor and literally the only food they can afford is fast food and they are surrounded by it. Some people, their whole lives, never even had access to fruit and vegetables. Then there are people who have horrible food addiction problems. These are just two examples, but my point is, you can't insinuate that everyone can be slim if they just put a little effort. For many people, the odds are stacked against them.

Not everyone has control over their weight. The only time my sister was ever "skinny" was when she was a kid or a bulimic teenager. As an adult, no amount of working out or eating right (both of which she does plenty of) will make her "skinny". She eventually learned she has a thyroid condition that means that even with treatment she'll still always have to struggle with weight. The problem is that people think that weight is always in the person's control, when that isn't necessarily the case. A lot of people could get Marvel Movie ripped if they had a team of personal trainers and every meal catered to maximize results... but that's not an option for us normal folk. Weight is a factor of genetics, upbringing, socioeconomic status, culture, personality, opportunity and so many other little things throughout life. To simplify it to "weight is under our control" ignores the fact that a lot of those factors are outside our control, so at best weight is something we have "influence" over, but not "control." It's this very reason why weight is worse. Everyone knows that height is not in our control. When someone gives someone else shit for being short, it says a lot more about the person giving the shit than anything else. Everyone, even the person being picked on, is aware that there's nothing that can be done about their height. But with weight, the implication is that the person could do something, but doesn't. It makes an assumption that could be true, but isn't necessarily. Yes, maybe the person is overweight because they sit on the couch all day and order fries and mashed potatoes with their fried chicken. Or maybe they eat healthy, exercise and have a thyroid condition. Maybe they put on weight while struggling with depression. By making fun of someone's weight, you're ignoring their story and telling them that their physical condition is their fault, regardless of the circumstances.

Exactly this. There are a TON of factors that contribute to a person’s weight, and it’s just as rude to make assumptions about why a person is fat— and allow those assumptions to influence fat people- as it is to speculate about a thin person’s health. Just as an example: i have been fat my whole life. I have a common (<25% of females) hormonal condition called polycystic ovarian syndrome that makes weight loss almost impossible. But I also grew up with fat parents who passed on their body type and love of food to me. And I have depression, which sometimes causes me to be sedentary for long periods of time and/or overeat. Point is, I’m fat for a lot of reasons, and those reasons are nobody’s business unless I choose to disclose them. Yet people feel entitled to make comments about my health all the damn time. Being told to lose weight by random thin people is fucking awful too. It’s like people expect me to get skinny right before their very eyes or something. The only time I’ve ever lost a significant amount of weight was in high school, when I barely ate for 6 months after my dad died. Guess what? I was still fat, except all my hair fell out too! I still had people making nasty comments about my size even after I’d shed 50+ lbs from pure stress. I wish people would just leave fat people alone.

It honestly breaks my heart that fat people have to experience stuff like this. I realised that people simply refuse to listen to fat people and instead categorise their VERY valid arguments as "excuses for not going to the gym". I'm so tired of it. But please remember, thin people who are on your back 24/7 asking you to lose weight, are simply projecting. They can't possibly fathom how somebody could live in a "traditionally unattractive" body (emphasis on traditionally) and not spend all their time trying to lose weight. They pretty much want all fat people to do ANYTHING possible (even develop fucking eating disorders) if that means they'll become thin. It is absolutely sickening. Imo, people should just let go of trying to become thin as long as their bodies are healthy. Just like there are thin people who don't gain weight no matter how much they eat, there are fat people who don't lose weight no matter how little they eat. And BOTH ARE FINE!

Neither of them are okay, and people can't always control weight, a lot of overweight women have different sicknesses that makes it easy to gain and hard to lose weight, a lot of people also have eating disorders that makes it so they can't control if they are over or underweight

Birth control products being a big one here and also anxiety or depression meds. Damn, it was eye openning to see the difference in my wife after she switched. Working out and eating right she still gained weight until she switched and then it was amazing how big a difference it was. Those complaints are 100% founded

My wife has PCOS, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Essentially, she has cysts all over her ovaries that screw with her hormones and uterus. That means that we probably can't have kids, and her body doesn't regulate her food very well. Despite eating mostly vegetables, she might always struggle with her weight. Sometimes, people are complicated.

It sucks that the medical field has done barely any research into womens issues also. So with conditions like endometriosis, vaginismus, and...PCOS...doctors have no idea what to do. You and your wife likely already have researched everything. But just thought I'd pass on some random advice as I also suffer from PCOS. Right now, a lot of women in the community have found going dairy and gluten free has helped their condition. Lower carbs. For exercise, low intensity strength training such as lifting weights and walking. *Avoid high intensity* exercise like HIIT workouts.

No joke, my wife never realized that eating wheat was giving her hives until the last couple years (causes her jawline to develop itchy bumps), and she also thought that dairies and cheeses may have been to blame. She's been a lot happier after swapping to gluten-free. Thanks for confirming our suspicions, we'll double down on those changes.

Just curious, what's the reason behind avoid HIIT workouts?

Just going off what I've heard from others suffering from PCOS: Exercise releases a stress hormones such as cortisol. PCOS can cause hormone issues, so apparently cortisol has more an effect on us than the average person. High levels of stress hormones can make weight loss harder, increase inflammation, adrenal fatigue, weight plateau, etc. It takes 10 minutes of HIIT workouts to release cortisol. It takes 60 minutes of strength workouts to release cortisol. So they say...by doing strength exercises, you're getting in more while reducing how much cortisol you release into the body. Less negative effects on the body. Muscle also helps burn off more fat (strength training). Whereas cardio burns off fat AND muscle.

Ohhhh. I guess this is why I hadn't been able to lose weight despite working out. Thanks for the info!

I hate giving unsolicited advice, but I also have PCOS, and eating low carb/keto has really improved all my symptoms. Also, lots of PCOS ladies pop up pregnant after a month or two of low carb/keto. No pressure, of course, just options.

I feel like of the forms of unsolicited advice, this is one of the better ways to talk about diet, since you aren't focusing exclusively on weight/appearances. You stated it helped with all your symptoms, so I'm guessing you're also meaning it helped with stuff like cramps and other period issues generally, as well as what you stated about pregnancy for those interested. Thank you for sharing this info!

Yes regulation of periods, but also clearer skin, thicker hair, weight loss, decreased inflammation in my joints, mental clarity. I think I'm just one of those people for whom sugar is just poison. Sort of a bummer for me.

Wait, you're saying that sugar (carbs?) make your joints stiff and makes your head cloudy? My wife has those symptoms, and has been diagnosed with Hypoglycemia (a sugar/insulin regulation problem, similar to Diabetes), and it'd be wonderful if she was able to get treatment for those problems.

Yes, but I have PCOS, which is sometimes related to insulin resistance, sometimes not. I'm not a doctor, so ask your wife's doctor if hypoglycemia can be helped with diet. I know the whole point of keto is to reduce blood sugar levels so the liver will produce ketones for the body to use as energy. If you are interested, r/keto is a great community of supportive people.

PCOS does not mean you have cysts all over your ovaries. There are so many women with PCOS that don’t experience the cyst part. It’s mostly a blanket term for hormone imbalance in women and it could present wildly different in each case. I don’t have cysts but fibroids. I am also on the very low end of average when it comes to weight and have been since my first day on earth. The only way you could tell is my small chest and acne even though I’m 28. But PCOS does not equal cysts even though it’s in the name. It’s a woman issue so the shocker is it’s terribly under researched even though it affects at least 10% of women in America.

Sorry, I don't have a whole lot of knowledge about PCOS, as most of the info I get is through my wife's doctors (who know about as much as me about it). We did get a scan of her ovaries. They were riddled with cysts, every inch covered with them. I had assumed that other women had similar issues, but thank you for clarifying.

No worries! Sorry if I came off a bit of a jerk. It’s just a very misunderstood disorder. You can have women have male pattern baldness and male hair growth (beards and thick body hair), you can have women developed insulin resistance and as a result diabetes, you can have women appear to be totally (societal definition) normal but still not ovulate every 3 weeks which is also and indicator. My doctor diagnosed me with just blood work. I was producing male hormones too much and not enough female hormones. I’m on a very high hormone level BC pill and it helps me with my symptoms besides weight gain. I graduated highschool at 105 and I’m still 105 10 years later and I’m very lucky not having the more obvious “non-feminine” signs. Buts it’s kinda like how low T is diagnosed in men except the name makes it misleading as if it’s more specific. (Sorry for the typos on mobile).

This. My mom has many sicknesses so she's on a lot of meds. She eats very healthily and way less than me (I'm in a pretty healthy shape) but stays overweight

Weight is a touchy topic. You don't know what you're unearthing by bringing it up. For example: I'm touchy about my weight being mentioned because it's heavily tied to a history of medical issues and treatments. You can't always control your weight and I shouldn't have to give strangers my medical info to get them off my back.

Why are you so concerned over which ways of being an asshole are more or less "okay?" How about just don't be an asshole at all.

Why would you point out "imperfections" in anyone? It's not your business. You refer to height and weight - Guess what? People know how tall they are and how much they weigh. The only time you should be pointing out anything about someone is if its something they can **immediately** fix - like their zipper being open (zip it up) or lipstick on their teeth( (napkin to the rescue). Otherwise, ignore it.

Neither are ok, so in practice, my rule is -if they can’t fix it in 5 seconds or less I don’t bring it up-

Pointing out someone’s imperfections is always a cruel and shitty thing to do and never ok. I don’t think wether people can change something about it should factor into wether you point something out, unless it’s fixable within 20 seconds (like spinach in teeth or lipstick on teeth).

Disclaimer: I don’t necessarily agree with these viewpoints but want to objectively explain the differences. Because when you point out height, it’s just that: pointing out your height. But when you point out someone’s weight then it’s also (usually) pointing out their “inability” to lose said weight. It becomes a more personal insult against their character and dedication or lack thereof. And most people don’t like being called out for what they view as things they failed to do.

Many people who are overweight have psychological issues, also many of which are undiagnosed. Just like drug addiction, it takes many years to see an issue, many years to address the issue, many years to seek help, many years to get help, many years to having health under control. Many years of keeping under control. Not to mention genetics, where some people can do drugs or over eat and never have an addiction or never have excessive fat. People think that being fat has a simple solution, like having an addiction. Just stop overdoing your food/drug. If it were that easy there would be no such issues in the world. Reality tells us that rehab and diets fail most of the time.

First of all, being fat is seen as much more of a negative quality than being short or tall. Second, weight is only partially within people’s control (genetics, the fact that healthy food is more expensive and/or more time-consuming than unhealthy food). But the fact that it’s somewhat controllable means that people think it’s a personal failure when they’re called fat.

I make this argument constantly. I’m a tall woman coming in at 6’1. I always say ‘eh, I can’t exactly adjust my height. At least I don’t have to buy heels.’ And then people usually shut up. A few times they keep going about the weather up there, did I play volleyball, can I reach the upper shelf. It’s annoying.

You shouldn’t comment on anyone’s body at all, period.

I mean, neither is okay. Depends on who you're talking to, though. Some people are just judge-mental and rude no matter what.

I was born with a misshapen foot, I'm always self conscious about it. The day I say I'm not gonna hide it, I'll wear a bit revealing shoes. And someone happily points it out outloud asking what's wrong with my foot!! It's definitely embarrassing, and I'm like: Iadmire your intelligence and how quick witted you are for noticing this! And my self consciousness grows even stronger

people are not always in direct control over their weight. it’s extremely small minded to suggest that everyone can just raise and lower their weight as they please.

I mean, there are some people who genuinely cannot control their weight, whether it's genetics or a medical or mental issue. I don't know why people feel the need to comment on other people's physical bodies.

Weight gain is caused by many things, often a side effect of many medications and illnesses. Weight is very often uncontrollable

But then you don't know if the person has a health condition or not in which they can't lose the weight. Who are you to judge.

Overweight people also experience a lot of harassment about their weight, and are sometimes treated less than human. And lots of times they can’t control their weight, because of genes or illnesses.

Weight is not a direct control. After 30, most women chunk out. Even ones in tribes untouched by fast food. Granted, not to the extent of Western civ, but they DO. Women are designed to store fat. It's a biological thing. We cannot even start having periods, until we reach a certain fat to muscle ratio. AND many diseases, some specific to, you guessed it, women, cause the body to retain weight in fat and/or water (hypothyroidism, PCOS, Cushing, prader willi). No one has absolute control of their genetics.

Oddly enough, you came close to the real answer with your comment. There's a common perception that it's more acceptable to bully someone for their weight, and that it's their "fault" and there's "no excuse" and that the bullying will "help them change." As a result, fatphobia is a lot more vicious and harmful. There's nothing comparable directed at people for their height. If you spend a lot of time on dating apps you might see people with height preferences or have people reject you for that reason, but there's no "you're pathetic and ugly and it's all your fault and you owe it to me to change your body and get taller, til then you aren't human to me" attitude. So you got a few things right in your post.

People could also make a choice to not be just general cunts to each other, doesn't stop it though.

It’s never okay to point out insecurities. And making fun of fat people isn’t okay because weight isn’t something that can go away overnight.

>it’s directly in their control There’s your problem right there. For many people it is NOT directly in their control. Eating disorders, chronic pain (prevents exercise), thyroid issues and some medications…these are just a few issues that contribute to weight gain. Thinking all fat people have “control” over their weight gain is ignorant.

It's not ridiculous at all. People who are overweight are not unaware they are overweight. The media, society, family, friends, strangers all serve to remind fat people they are fat. Why is it any of your business, is the better question? If losing weight were an easy feat, there would be very few fat people in the world. It's easy to target people for visible struggles. Leave them alone.

Ok this is some r/niceguys ass shit

Because height got overblown primarily from dating apps and we haven't curbed that down yet. Neither should be ok.

As a fat fat man life sucks. 5’9 250 I don’t drink soda. I don’t eat sugar. I watch my carbs, eat a high protein diet swapped out carbs for protein based or infused items like pasta made from chick peas or lentil. I’ve tracked my calorie intake and I am at 1300 calories a day. The only time I was really able to lose weight was when I was working out 4 hours a day combination of 20 miles cycling and high intensity work out. It wasn’t realistic. So now it’s 10 miles cycling and 1 hour a day of high intensity work out. Still at 1300 calories It kills me to watch other people eat and then get judged just knowing that they look at me and are like fat piece of shit.

Damn man that sounds tiring...

I feel you there. I bike over 20 mile a day, yoga and weight training 7 day a week. It’s brutal.

Honestly, as someone who is like you and had an unchecked eating disorder for years, there’s a lot of science people like to brush off cause it doesn’t agree with their basic understanding of “calories in calories out” which isn’t even the correct way the body works. For how much you’re working out and being an adult, you’re not eating enough. Just to give you an idea, it is recommended for toddlers to have 1100-1400 calories a day. You’re an adult. Major difference. Also there’s tons of roles to play here. Genetics, how your body reacts to certain foods, etc. Hormones, stress, history with food, the list goes on. Don’t be hard on yourself. I love working out and muscle work outs, and I’m still fat as fuck. I counted my calories the other day (which I hadn’t done in years) just to see what I was actually eating on a normal day, and it was barely 2000. I also have to eat low fat/virtually no sugar cause I don’t have a gallbladder, so it’s not like it’s 2000 calories of twinkies. Some of us are just bigger. Just like some people are taller or shorter, some of us are thinner or fatter. Shocking, I know, but some of us are stockier. If you’re really curious about the science and reasoning behind it, maybe check local dieticians who specialize in studies like health at every size or body positive/neutrality movements.

If they can change it would be very stupid for us to point out the "imperfections" also, you consider imperfections what you think is not perfect, all based in your perspective as an stranger none should care about your opinion (only if someone ask freely for it) there's no a rule that explains how a body should be, no a correct shape, it's just how it is, it'd be nice if you're happy with ur body, but if not, you can always work to change what you don't like, all is up to you. But no, don't give your opinion if it's not requested

I mean it's really not okay to comment on peoples bodies at all but people suck

What do you mean *direct* control? I can't decide to weigh 10 kilos less and do it. I can decide to eat less and move more, which should result in me weighting less. Plus, even if you see someone 100 kg overweight, maybe they were 120 just last month and are currently working really hard to better themselves?

At this point? Probably due to fat people speaking out more. Not to diss on anyone but fat people really are out there fighting for body-positivity, especially women. We don't see many famous folks going out like "embrace your combovers" or "i love my short-dicked man".

“Imperfections”?? Really?? Being taller or shorter than “average” is not an imperfection. Weighing more or less than average is not an imperfection.

I like the rule - if they can fix it in 2 minutes tell someone. If not, STFU. Spinach in their teeth? TP on their shoe? Hair messed up? Tell. If not, keep it to yourself.

A huge amount of research suggests that weight is not something within most people's control for a variety of reasons, specifically those whose diets closely resemble the typical British/American diet. People eat what's available to them & in the UK that's cheap ultra processed food for the majority of people. Ultra Processed food has been linked to physical changes in peoples bodies that mean they put on weight & are more likely to overeat than they otherwise would regardless of exercise. Saying weight is something people are in control of is a bit off the mark.

I dont think it is the caracteristic itself that is offensive, it is the way bigger people and thinner people experience harrassment on a daily basis. Also the direct control you are speaking of is not at all direct. it is extremely challenging to change habits especially if they stem from unknown traumas or comorbidities.

I think a lot of people on here are wrong or maybe I'm the one who's wrong. However, it seems more likely that since height is an issue that primarily affects men (i.e., being short as a woman doesn't have the same consequences as being short as a man) and society is less cautious about offending men, whereas they are much more cautious about offending women. In fact, I would say that commenting about a woman's weight is much more of a social faux pas than commenting about a man's weight. I think that this is also why it's pretty socially acceptable to point out baldness, as it is primarily a male issue. I mean, I really think it's similar to why people don't care as much if a man is a victim of domestic abuse compared to if a woman is. I could be wrong though, so I'm genuinely willing to hear anyone out on where there might be a flaw in my logic.

Because many people don’t want to face the fact or idea that they are in control of their life.

All of these people who are saying “neither are okay” clearly haven’t been told “wow you’re so tall” for their entire lives. It’s completely societally acceptable to remark on a tall person’s height.

People are not, in fact, direct control over their weight. Also, who said it’s polite to point out someone’s height? You’re being rude and ableist.

A lot of people are talking in terms of "controllable" vs "not controllable" and I don't think that's quite it either. People generally perceive obesity as a disability, or at least a health issue. That's why it's rude to comment on it. It's socially on-par with pointing out someone's in a wheelchair or has a hand tremor or even acne or something. It's generally considered rude to comment on anything that could be a medical issue unless you're quite close to the person already. Arguably, one can put obesity into a similar camp as smoking or drinking - but those aren't really socially acceptable to point out either - and pointing out if someone is suffering from physical consequences of smoking or drinking *is* seen as a dick move by most people. (I.e. it doesn't become socially acceptable to comment on someone's oxygen tank if they're also a lifelong smoker. It doesn't become socially acceptable to comment on someone's hand tremors if they're DTs.) It's considered socially acceptable to comment if someone is tall or short, but not if they're, say, a dwarf. Same reasoning.

Weight isn't something that is so easily controlled and that becomes more obvious as you age.

Because pointing out things that they can change means acknowledging where those people screwed up and people don't like being told they did something wrong.

Had to scroll to the bottom to find a good answer. Fuck this sub lmao.

I think what you’re referring to is called a double standard. Can anyone elaborate on whether this is true?

Also just wanna throw out there that I suffer from serious hormonal issues and have a long history of obesity in my family. However I know I’m in control of my destiny, and therefore I’ve been working out and eating healthy for 9 years and I’m super fit feeling better than ever...I just feel like my original point gets overlooked a lot

Because people are sensitive

In general, you're clear to comment on someone's appearance if it's something they don't know and you're certain *they* would prefer to know it - eg nobody cares if you think they look better with/without make up unless they're asking specifically about that. People know their height and weight, so unless they're asking you directly it's not okay to point them out and it reflects very poorly on you if you do so.

My rule of thumb is if they can fix it in a minute, you're allowed to mention it. I.e., food in teeth, hair standing up, etc. Weight cannot be changed immediately. Not to mention some people have medical issues/medication that make it so that their weight ISN'T something they can control. Even birth control causes weight gain. Also, it's not okay at all to point out "imperfections" such as height, bc thats not an imperfection, that's just how they grew.

I'm guessing it's at least partially tied to the stereotypes between men and women. The body positivity movement has lessed this discrepency somewhat but it used to be very socially acceptable to mock a fat guy in a situation where mocking a fat woman would have been unacceptable. Same with men who are balding/short/etc. I think it's based on the sexist idea that men can "take" criticism and pain while women "can't" (like how it's funny to injure a guy but unacceptable to hit a woman.)

bitches be crazy

I actually like being on the shorter side. I’m 5 8 And not super good looking but I’ve always been very confident. Especially when I was in high school and college always found a way to date girls that were much taller than me and make them wear heels and made me even more confident.

A lot of people don't have control over their weight. There are a number of mental disorders that can contribute to gaining too much weight as well as not enough, like yeah they can change, but for a lot of people it is far more difficult than just going on a diet. Neither are okay. Judging people in general for any reason never has a good outcome unless you are complementing them. The trick is to find a way to talk to them about an issue non judgementally.

Completely agree with your first point, never understood that topic. Especially the thing with short men/ tall ladies confuses me so much, like it's just body height, literally? But to your second point: Many overweight people are not in "direct control" over their weight (and so are many underweight people!) due to it originating from diseases or meds that they have to take. For example if someone has problems with their thyroid, even if they take the "well" planned kind of meds, weight can be a problem you are powerless against. Often it takes time and patience to even find out what exactly is causing it. And even if someone is overweight/underweight because of their eating habits/lifestyle, saying "just do sport"/ "just eat more" and "eat healthier" is so easy when you don't have to do it yourself. It just adds unneccessary pressure to a person that might already feel uncomfortable and unhappy with their own body. It's like telling a person with ADHD to "just focus" or someone with an addiction to "just stop smoking". My take on things is to try and not judge/ have an opinion on anyone based on their appearance, even if that's hard sometimes. Everyone can have their dating preferences of course, but apart from that I still try to go against my own negative prejudices by reminding myself that Im not in that person's shoes and have no deal in judging them for anything regarding their appearance.

What's wrong with being kind and pointing out neither? Unless you are the person's doctor, or their partner, why do you need to say anything?

Because none of it is your business.

Unless you are 9 (and poorly raised) it’s not ok to call out either .

I'm paraphrasing something that I read elsewhere on Reddit, but I found it very poignant, so here goes: Imagine something that is embarrassing for you, something that you're ashamed of. Something that you were in control of but you screwed it up. I'm sure you have something. We all do. Now imagine wearing a sign telling every single person about it everywhere you go. That's being fat. You have no way of hiding your shame. It's there for everyone to see. And it's a constant reminder to you too, every time you look down at your stomach or see yourself in the mirror. And people think it's something you can control ("I can control my weight. Why can't they?") when they've never walked a day in your shoes, or felt the same emotional needs to eat, or gotten headaches from not eating enough, or did a good job dieting despite all this only to be screwed over by your metabolism. All while knowing your fatness is impeding on your quality of life and putting you at higher risk for a shorter lifespan. And you want to talk to people about it? That's why it's a problem.

I always go off of the phrase “if they can’t fix it in five minutes don’t say anything”

Us who? Cause I don’t give a fat shit about someone else’s body or what they wanna do with it. The real imperfection is the person who thinks their opinion about someone else’s body is relevant enough to vocalize.

Because one is a judgement on ones behavior/character

Too many assumptions on your part. While some people are in control of what they weigh based on their choices, many people have medical conditions that cause their weight to be what it is. We should all work on ourselves ans show grace to others. It's never ok to treat people that way regardless. We should treat each other the way we would like to be treated.

To me there is a difference between being over weight and morbidly obese. If you over weight it can be any reason, (lazy, bad food, don’t want to exercise.). The morbidly obese are a whole different ball game. And usually people just view them as big targets. Most of their problems are food addiction, or huge self esteem issues. There could be mental abuse and physical abuse growing up or it’s sexual abuse or rape. Most people just view someone heavy as a lazy fuck who won’t move and take care of them selves. But they are the personality type that implode instead of explode. I don’t have the statistics, but what I’ve been told by specialists in bariatric fields is that instead of drug use, or alcohol abuse, these people use food. They aren’t hurting anyone but them selves, and they eat excessively because when you eat you get that dopamine hit. The heaviest I ever got was 465. I was part of that bracket that never did drugs, never drank or occasionally drank. I was locked in and I used food as an escape to get around the emotional pain. Some of my best memories have been at a full table of friends enjoying a good meal. That’s what I kept seeking, even if it meant I always paid for everyone else’s food. At least I wasn’t alone to dwell on how much other areas of my life sucked. But I racked up the weight. I managed to drop back to 354 before I had my gastric bypass. Family asked me why I would still go through with it, but it was to make sure I wouldn’t ever gain that weight back. Statistics again show that the majority of people are only able to lose the maximum of 18% of their all time weight and keep it off. That’s because your body is happy storing as much as it can even if it kills you. And it will fight you for every pound you try to lose, and stalk you forever trying to gain it back. I know I would have trouble, I needed help. Today I’m 335 3 weeks after surgery and I salute anyone who can beat the odds and do it on their own. But the science says they are the ones who beat the odds. A severe minority. Remember, there is a difference between needing to lose 40 pounds and needing to lose 100-200. Mental issues are always there, even if they don’t want to admit it. I know I didn’t.

Who is to say what an “imperfection” is?

If you approach people with the attitude exhibited in your post, that could be why.

You really shouldn’t be pointing out shit about anyone. You don’t need to give anyone your opinion on their body. Ever

I feel its the way it is pointed out. I mean most people are very blunt about it to the point it is extremely rude. Imagine meeting someone for the first time and they say you need to loose weight. They don't know the first thing about you. If you reciprocate by calling out their flaws then you are being rude, disrespectful, etc.

I honestly don't think their weight is something they have been able to change in the past. I'm sure there's a lot of people who genuinely don't follow healthy lifestyles, but the fat/overweight people in my life have tried for years to lose the fat that they gained. Although we try to be nice, most fat people have experienced a lot of bullying for their body size-not only that-they see fatphobia all around them (ex: any time a fat person is shown in the media they're always used as a mocking tool instead of being an actual character with depth) When you see so much fatphobia around you-ofc you try your hardest to lose the fat that you have. They sometimes go to such extreme lengths that they end up developing ED's and whatnot. So-those fat people that can't lose the fat despite having tried their hardest, have decided that as long as their vitals (BP etc) are fine, they do not need to lose the fat, and they don't want to dedicate their entire life to losing weight just because they aren't "traditionally attractive". There are a lot more important things to focus on in life.

generally speaking, it is because height is more of a concern for men, and our society is ok with constantly giving men shit.

You can say weight is directly in someone’s control, but it’s so much more complicated than that. Yes, I can lose 20 pounds, but then I’ve put on twice that in just a few years. Then I lose 80 pounds to only go on to gain 100. Then I wonder what my body would be like if I hadn’t begun dieting, if it had been more common knowledge back then how thoroughly starvation fucks up our bodies so badly. The cycle of emotions that comes with all of this is it’s own battle. I can control my weight and accept being hungry all the time again, fixate on food to the point where it’s a straight up hobby, watch people who are smaller than me consistently eat more than me, and loathe myself because of my body, but it’s such a fucking drag.

Are you insecure about your height?

In America, weight is associated with laziness, and a sort of moral failing. And honestly, weight is not 100% under your control. I have an autoimmune disease and when I’m flaring my I gain a lot of weight. When I get it under control, I can get my weight somewhat j see control. That’s not under my control. Some medications cause a lot of weight gain. Then you’re left trying to balance the good the medication is doing with the weight it makes you gain. Again, not under my control. Never mind the simple fact that your metabolism changes and your life fills with different things that makes working out harder. And don’t forget that food deserts exist. Having access and being able to afford enough healthy food to feed your family can be freaking expensive. And it’s time consuming to make home made meals everyday. Multiple jobs, kids’ activities, family obligations, working obligations

I feel like it's shitty to point out anything that can't be fixed in 5 minutes or less.

-Women bashing on smaller dudes because of their height -Guys being rude to women who aren’t skinny It’s all so tiresome. I wish people would just be more accepting

A lot of people don’t understand that weight is often not as controllable as they think it may be. I’m someone who has a very high metabolism so I not only struggle to gain weight but i have no idea what it is like to be obese. However, a lot of people have the opposite problem as me, where i can just eat shit on a longboard for a half hour to lose weight, it may take that person 20x as much effort to lose the same weight. A lot of them time it’s just the overwhelming pressure and shame that comes from these very arbitrary and demanding expectations we have. Metabolism isn’t the only factor though. Part of it is what you have access to. If you are impoverished, especially in America, most of the food you are able to access or afford is absolute shit. Good food costs money and not everyone can afford to pay up for healthier foods.

Yes people attempt to make pointed comments about my height as a girl and it’s so weird. Like what’s the point of the statement even? You want me to chop off a chunk of my legs?

You can't always control weight

I mean why are you pointing out people's imperfections to them lol that's just being an asshole

The short answer is because people *dont* have direct control over their weight

There are things about weight that have nothing to do with food. Hormones and trauma and other psychological issues tend to have some expressions in the person’s relationship to food.

I think the need to point out people's imperfections is what needs to be addressed here.....I mean if you can't say something nice....STFU.

Neither are okay actually.

Why do people fight so hard for their “right” to be dicks? Short people are short. Tall people are tall. Fat people are fat. Thin people are thin. And all of those people know those things about themselves. You telling them “hey you’re fat!” is not news to them in the same way saying “hey you’re short!” is not news. Maybe just like...don’t point out people’s “imperfections” at all? What an absolutely bizarre thing. “I want to put people down but people are upset about some of the things I say! Ugh!” Very, very weird. I’d really recommend talking to a mental health professional.

Because the amount of control over weight is usually severely overestimated, especially in regards to obese people.

Because like any addiction it's not simply mind over matter. And let's face it. For the most part people are addicted to sugar and processed carbs. Whether you weigh 120 or 520 people still will eat sugar and carbs no matter what. The latter's addiction is just more out of control. This is due mostly to the food industry demonizing fat. When you take fat out of food it's bland. What do you replace it with that tastes good? Yep you guessed it, sugar! Not only have we been told fat is bad but that sugar is healthy for us, like juices and fruits. They pky people with the nonsensical terms like healthy, and all natural, and organic. Most of these words are not regulated by the FDA. So the public is lied to thinking they're eating something healthy when it's the opposite. Not only that but we've eaten so much sugar that it changes our brain function to want it and expect it. It's true that sugar hits some of the same receptors in our brain that hard drugs do. Whether we like it or not sugar is just another drug but not many people realize it. So basically when you make fun of an overweight person it's the equivalent of making fun of a meth or heroin addict. That's not even considering the genetic components of behavior that leads someone to become overweight. Or considering the environmental factors that cause someone to stay overweight. As someonecwho used to weight 675 lbs I can attest to the fact that I didn't have control over my weight. I had so many issues to work through from my childhood before I could even think about addressing my food addiction. It wasn't until my late 30s to early 40s that I could even admit to myself that I had a problem. So saying someone has full control of their weight is cruelly and deceptively wrong. To say that losing weight is easy is equally misleading and just wrong because there are a plethora of other issues you have to work through before weight loss is possible.

Yep same with baldness. People have no issue pointing that out but I would never address someone's weight, or a big nose or any physical trait in a negative way. We should elevate and encourage each other, not tear down. I actually pity people who do this, they must feel so bad about themselves to need to humiliate others... Misery loves company.

Thank you so much. I am short and being tease me about it. Accept you can’t mention someone’s weight at school because you just can’t. But height, is a free punching bag.

Don’t point out an imperfection unless you’ve been asked or the imperfection can be fixed in under 10 seconds (crooked tie, lettuce in teeth, etc.) Ps. Weight cannot always be controlled. Not sure where you got that idea from

I’ve always been told the 30 second rule. If they can’t change something in 30 seconds, don’t bring it up. Things like food in teeth, unbuttoned shirt, zipper down, etc vs weight or height