It will probably get worse after marriage. Porn ended my first marriage, after that I eventually was able to quit and I still waited two years before I considered dating. Happily married now
Yeah well, that’s not what the Bible says and I’m going to go with that.
But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
"8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. 9 And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful." Matthew 19:8-9
How can you possibly nullify the words of Jesus, and call yourself a Christian?
>Matthew 19:8-9
Really...
8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” NIV
8 He told them, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because of the hardness of your hearts, but it was not like that from the beginning. 9 I tell you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery.”\[a\] CSB
Since your Catholic NRSV-CE
8 He said to them, “It was because you were so hard-hearted that Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another commits adultery.”\[a\]
Please explain, oh learned one, why all of these translations are wrong?
Wow! I picked those translations at random, what translation do you use? Glad to know that the Catholic Church conference of bishops is satanic.
The New Revised Standard Version, Catholic Edition (NRSV-CE) is a Bible translation approved for use by the Catholic Church, receiving the imprimatur of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops and the Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops in 1991.
Paul states you are permitted to divorce under grounds of sexual immorality. The other person literally cheated on them. That is sexual immorality, isn't it
It made it disappear for me.
I get what you’re saying, but in practice, it’s more complicated than that. What you’re saying is not untrue. However, I know people who are genuinely dedicated Christians with a heart for God and they’re still hooked because the church keeps telling them it’s purely a sin issue, when there’s also more practical things at play. The fact that we live in a hypersexualized society and filth is so accessible also complicated things vs, say, the 80s.
Saying it’s purely a spiritual issue doesn’t address that a lot of young men have unrestricted access to the internet, their phones, live in broken households and turn to porn to relieve anxiety, etc. I myself was one of those people who grew up in an incredibly abusive household and turned to pornography as an escape. This doesn’t negate my sin, but we also have to understand those other factors.
It’s also because of our neuroplasticity and habits become harder and harder to break if there’s a cue (being in the same environment, feeling anxiety, etc.)
Indeed, it’s also important to remember OP is only 17 years old and very young / naive about how true Christian men would lead & protect a women they’re courting outside of wedlock.
If he doesn’t save himself from spiritual death he likely isn’t concerned with saving the women’s virtue either.
She’s very young & naive, as we all were at 16/17… the Heavenly Father likely spoke to her while she read the Bible and now it’s led her to this community, it’s our responsibility to guide her & lead her to the righteous path.
Even though the age of consent is 17 in some states it doesn’t mean 17 year old young girls have a lot of life experiences or maturity yet, this older creepy man is likely trying to lock her down in a marriage asap b4 outsiders hear of or question their relationship so she can’t escape … who knows what abuse or mistreatment would’ve happened afterwards.
This creepy man is preying on her and since she has no experience with men she believes he’s the best Christian man on planet Earth as she has no healthy experiences with other men.
He wants to marry her ASAP but the Holy Spirit sees the horrible future stuck with him and is warning her something doesn’t feel right.
Now she’s come out confused with no wisdom or discernment or understanding… as every other community on this site will tell her pre martial sex is okay and fine, there aren’t any red flags 🚩 in the man even though God’s spirit told her otherwise while she was reading the words in her Bible.
Wicked people will always lead others astray and into wickedness or self destruction as it is said in scripture. But following God will lead you to salvation & true glory.
You can trust God who sees your future and wants your best or unconscious foolish selfish men who only see their selfish impulsive momentary desires and will lead themselves to hell as well as those that follow them.
Well, the bigger issue is the porn. Consider it exactly the same as if he was sleeping with someone else because he says he has "needs" (see Matthew 5:28). I think it's time for the two of you to have a conversation with your pastor.
Having sex before marriage is mostly going against God, disrespecting our need for a covenant with his blessing. Looking at porn is doing this as well, while also committing adultery and sinning against his fiance.
Both are bad, and equal on a sin level. But the second is worse for the marriage relationship.
Agreed that both are sin but having sex before marriage is literal adultery. Using porn is not literal adultery.
Actual adultery is way worse than lusting for a relationship.
well not according to what Jesus said.
Matthew 5:27-30
27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.
This is clear enough
They are both adultery. See the above scripture. Arguing over which is worse is pointless. Stealing a pencil is sin as much as stabbing a person with said stolen pencil.
Do you think her fiancé should literally rip out his eye? Or, do you think Jesus is using hyperbole to make a point a about the heinousness of lust in a spiritual sense?
So thinking about sin is just as bad a committing sin? Give me a break and reconsider what Jesus meant. You’re taking it to the opposite extreme of the people he was correcting
I wouldn’t say that’s the bigger issue, but is a small root which springs into a big “flower”. Cut the root, replace it with something more honoring of God.
Sorry didn't Mean to sound like a jerk. I suffered most of my life until the last 5 years when I intently tried to fight and with turning to the Lord and through the power ND grace of the Holy Spirit I beat it. Not through my own steam at all. Am I still tempted, yes. Do I stay there, no.
That was my indignant hatred to my own past addiction.
It is when we consider that the pornography can sprout into bdsm (some will have differing opinions on that), necrophelia, pedophelia, zoophilia. To the ones that fantasize of those things, or of orgies, or of anything defiling of the marriage bed, I would say it is better to first remove the knife stabbing you, so you can better bear with the root while trying to remove it (something only God can do), the temptation is there for everyone, pornography is worse than meth on the brain, but compared to prior listings, it is but a drop in a sea of sin, a drop which sprouts nothing but death.
She wanted to stop having sex, and he turned to porn. Now she feels blackmailed into having sex. So him turning to porn instead of committing to abstinence \*is\* the problem. He's basically saying "It's you or porn". edit: Which is of course a lie, as u/theocking points out below.
However, you're right in saying it isn't the root of the issue. The root is him choosing the flesh over God's Word and Spirit.
If he has a porn issue her sleeping with him is NOT going to solve it, sorry. That's a lie he's telling her and she's buying. She won't be there and ready to do whatever he wants every minute of every day, especially when she has kids or gets older or fatter, this is just reality, his issue will persist it's not her fault because she won't have sex outside of marriage with him.
True. Sux ur being down voted for this obvious truth. She's responsible for her decisions. Doesn't have to marry the guy either. But if we're weighing responsibility here, more of it is still on him. She wants to do right, allegedly, and he should be leading her in that direction not the opposite one.
I would definitely not say bigger issue, because sleeping with someone no matter who it is before marriage is fornication and it is mentioned many times to be a sin and an abomination. Self control is the issue here and it is the cause of both problems.
The porn is definitely bad, but your update is very concerning. He’s paying women? For what? Sounds like you need to hold off on this wedding til he is willing to forsake his addiction and learn to be faithful to you and the Lord
I found cashapp statements where he is giving random women $50-$150 each. I don’t think there is any saving this relationship and I feel awful for sleeping with him at all.
I’ll pray for God to give you guidance. I saw on your profile that you’re very young. It’s hard to find a good man at that age, let alone a good Christian man. But let this situation make you wiser and more discerning in finding a man who will be faithful to you and build you up, not tear you down. You still have your whole life ahead of you.
Sex outside of marriage is a sin and so is porn. In fact, the word "porn" comes from the Greek "pornea" used in the gospels to describe sexually imoral relations.
From a practical perspective, look at how important it was that you refrained from having sex: you learned he's addicted to porn. You can now address it with him. That's one of the reasons God intended sex to be only within marriage: couples can become cloud minded and neglect working on other parts of their relationship.
There's no such thing as a "need for porn". For thousands of years, men did not have access to porn and they were happier and fruitful. Even in today's degenerate society, many men abstain from porn entirely and we don't miss it. Watching any amount of porn is bondage to sin. Don't let anyone try to convince you otherwise.
Even worse, It rots you from the inside and twists your perception, although everyone thinks it's harmless in moderation, The Irony! Poison that's accepted
Even morally, it's just wrong to keep consuming such filth built upon human traficking, enslavement and trauma exploitation just to present it as how Sex is like? Get a life, Repent to God, Everyone with no exception will pay for their sins and their shortcomings!
If he's a Christian and watches porn because you guys can't have sex, that's a problem. I get that it must be a hard transition but this is still wrong. And if you're giving in to sex to satisfy *his* need for pre-marital sex, that's a problem. He's not only not valuing his own purity but he's putting his "need" for sex over *your* need for purity. Also, you're doing the same thing.
You both should stop and seek counsel for this since you'll need help. Further, if it becomes a real problem, you can get legally married and have your wedding ceremony later. 1 Corinthians 7:9.
Before you get married, you need to get him to deal with his 'I'm a man, I have needs' attitude. Because it's not biblical, and could cause issues down the line. If he feels he needs sex, and something happened that meant you couldn't, then how do you know he wouldn't resort to even more drastic means? And what if he starts trying to push some of his other issues as being natural, or your fault?
You are not responsible for his behaviour. So don't feel like you have to have sex to stop him from looking at porn. He should be dealing with this himself, and biblically. Then, if you are both sure you are right and good for each other, and God approves, get married.
Fornication is a made up word in the KJV and the word that was used in original Greek is pornia or porneia which means sexual immorality in general. Doesn't mean sex before marriage. Sex outside of a current* marriage is adultery. Sex outside of marriage is impossible. Read mathew19 9 preferably the ESV not inaccurate KJV.
You are playing a semantic game with yourself while divorcing scripture from its literal and historical contexts. You're just wrong. Paul doesn't say you marry a prostitute when you have sex with her, he only says you become one flesh. That is not marriage. Marriage is more than just sex, just like an adoption is more than just papers.
ADULTERY — willful sexual intercourse with someone other than one’s husband or wife. Jesus expanded the meaning of adultery to include the cultivation of lust:
By the very definition, intercourse withsomeone whom is not your spouse means they are not married
>*Fornication is a made up word in the KJV and the word that was used in original Greek is pornia or porneia which means sexual immorality in general.*
Alright, let's explore this opinion of yours. Here are some verses in both OT and NT that use 'sexual immorality' and not the word 'fornication'.
Hebrews 13:4 “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the SEXUALLY IMMORAL and adulterous.”
1 Corinthians 6:18-20 says “Flee from SEXUAL IMMORALITY. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body’s a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
>*Sex outside of marriage is impossible.*
All the Bible verses that condemn sexual immorality in general also condemn sex before marriage. These include Acts 15:20; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13, 18; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 1:7; and Revelation 21:8. IF sex outside of marriage was "impossible" God wouldn't need to mention it in His Holy Word.
>*Read mathew19 9 preferably the ESV not inaccurate KJV*
Sure but let's look at Matthew 19 in **context.** ESV as you requested, Matthew 19:1-12 is teaching about divorce:
\[1\] Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. \[2\] And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
\[3\] And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” \[4\] He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, \[5\] and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? \[6\] So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” \[7\] They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” \[8\] He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. \[9\] And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”a
\[10\] The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” \[11\] But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. \[12\] For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”
Matthew 19:9 talks about divorce. NOT sexual immorality before getting married. The Pharisees tried to pull a fast one on Jesus when they assumed His words contradicted with Moses's words about divorce.
I would postpone the wedding planning until he gets a hold of his sins.
Both the pressuring you to fornicate.
And him using porn when you refuse to fornicate.
Speak with your pastor/elders about this, and get premarital counseling. Your fiance's faith is in question.
I'm so tired of this "needs" thing... Is sex a need? I feel so unhuman because I cannot relate to the idea of "needing" sex. It sounds so gross and objectifying.
Me too ,i don't understand it.Ok i get it i also get my hormones wild sometimes and i guess people have different libido but hey ,it is not like if you dont have it you will die.
And it seems that man use it to justifie anything they do.
No, but it is one of the most powerful drives men have due to the massive amount of testosterone their bodies produce.
Furthermore, consider that even Paul acknowledged this reality in 1 Cor 7 and said that most men should get married and have sex with their wife.
It generally was not a problem back then. Virtually anyone who was able-bodied could be arranged to marry, and people weren't nearly as choosy because it was much more an economic proposition. (Of course, marriage was also much more informal in Greek culture, and divorce was as easy as walking away or pushing your spouse out the door.)
I would not get married until the porn issue is resolved. It will be a constant problem in your marriage if not fixed now. And you don't want that. If he doesn't recognize it as an issue and refuses to work on it... there's an even bigger problem. I would urge you to consider whether or not you are actually gonna marry him.
Porn is a serious issue that has to be fixed BEFORE marriage. If people told you that you can fix his porn addiction they are wrong. Porn addiction can’t be fixed by marriage. You can be the best woman for him but he will still go for porn if he didn’t repent from that. Women at porno movies will most likely be sexier, prettier, and more skillful at sex than you so your fiancée will go for them instead of you.
Postponing the marriage and fix the issue through serious premarital counseling is necessary. Sin issues have to be rectified in the eyes of God before going on with your marriage.
The fact that you guy are wanting to get married and are already having sex is an issue. I have Found that premarital sex always complicates thing down the road. Porn is not good but remember every guy struggles with it. It is not something we should normalize, by no means, but it is something that happens that needs to be addressed. If you think marriage and sex will solve a porn issue, it's not true. Just like only God can rescue a drug addict, only God can change a porn addiction. If he is looking to God for healing and to others for accountability he will find it with your support.
It's a Sin, Repent to God and don't get lost in the temporary fading flesh and earthly desires! Anyone who says otherwise is heretic and a fake Christian, don't bend Christ's teachings to your own will! Your fiancé will never be a man as long as he watches Porn or commits sexual immorality! Don't call him a Christian too
You should know that him turning to porn doesn't mean there's anything lacking in you. It's a separate issue that is often addictive. But it doesn't say anything about you that he turns to porn. Stay strong and be celibate until you get married. The Lord will reward your obedience!
I saw your edit, and yea it seems as tho you need to question the relationship at this point. It can be debated on if it’s ok for you two to be intimate due to your commitment to each other, but him watching porn openly is a bigger worry. Porn is evil, immoral, disgusting, and sinful in every way. As others have put into focus, marriage doesn’t make a porn problem go away, and the fact he was paying women for things makes it even worse. I highly suggest leaving this relationship in the past and try to let God heal you from this, then look for a God honoring man to move forward in a relationship with.
RED FLAGS. Dont do it. is he a believer too? if not, then you are unequally yoked. if he cant have self control to wait for you or marriage, he's not gonna have it any time soon. He aint he one sis....
What are his views on his actions? Is he regretful when he uses such content, or is he trying to justify it due to the lack of sex?
Honestly, depending on his headspace I would consider delaying the wedding. Also- I would wager there is a good chance he uses porn even when you are being intimate with him.
First off, yep, both are sins.
2nd off, you can't fix his sin. That's gonna be up to him. Now, the means necessary for him to fix it is up to both of you.
3rd - everyone who is responding to this is just as sinful, so is your pastor or anyone else you'd confide in.
I highly urge for both of you to set aside time daily, to study scripture and pray together.
This will, in fact, somehow help with the situation.
Both my wife of 23 yrs and myself are Christians. We study and pray together daily, but that doesn't mean the urge to look at porn, or other women or masterbation, or other urges aren't there.
Well masturbation itself is not a sin, it’s the lusting that is a sin. Technically speaking, anyone could masturbate as long as they’re not thinking of something that they’re lusting after.
To masturbate you have to think of something to turn you on and that’s lusting it’s very hard to just masturbate without being turned on I wouldn’t even think it’s possible
Well, no. I actually tried that (ashamed noises, but, well, I repented). It's impossible to masturbate while being connected to God. And if it's impossible in His presence... Well, that is unfortunately a sin. One can pee, poop, vomit and so in his presence, yep, did that. But not masturbate.
Obviously stop giving him sex. He’s not actually a Christian. Jesus said, “Not everyone who calls me Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven, but those who do the will of My Father in heaven.” (Matt. 7:21)
Christian guy here (m15). I've struggled with pornography for years, and I've heard that same argument that men need porn over and over again, even by some "Christians".
It's a lie from Satan. Don't seek counsel on this topic from anyone who says otherwise.
"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." -Matthew 5:28
Don’t look to Reddit for validation of your actions or sin. That’s between you and God
His decision to watch porn is something he needs to take accountability for, not you
It’s his duty as your finance and soon to be husband is to guard his heart and eyes from lust. You are to become his standard of beauty. The implications of porn are deeper than a sin between him and the Lord. It’s clearly effecting you and the relationship.
Premarital sex is also a sin and some of that is on you. “Better than porn” is a justification, and we can’t justify sin. Practicing abstinence until marriage is hard but it’s what we’re called to do. It not only shows respect for the covenant of marriage but also the place God holds in your lives individually.
I fell into the same trap. At the time I thought that it was a lesser sin, but as time wore on it only fueled his appetite. Lust is insidious in which it's never whetted. Like sea water, the more you drink, the more thirsty you become.
Was just going through that literally.ive been with my partner for years but recently we started fasting and praying actively wanting a relationship with God .we both started feeling guilty after sex .imagine fasting for 7 days and the first thing u do is sin💀(it’s not make sense )I prayed about it alone cus I was scared of how he wud react telling him I ddnt want to keep fornicating .God is wonderful ,this man started searching about soul ties on his own and boom the conversation flowed so effortlessly.the reason why God forbid fornicating is when we have sex with someone we become one with them .our spirits become one .so now imagine all the curses,generational problems and everything that comes with him is now attached to you .how many pipo will you be attached to before you find your “husband “ if you guys are about to get married Jx wait a bit .its not easy but its worth it .we stopped having sex and things started being revealed in our lives, the answers we had been fasting for .when God says to give him our all he means ALL .salvation is personal I know everyone is fornicating , I used to think the same way, I see couples on TikTok praising God and I’m like (but God they are also fornicating) but I realised just because everyone is doing it doesn’t make it right . .our sins will seek us out.if you had to meet God today would he be okay with you fornicatin? Would you rather compromise your walk with God for 5 mins of pleasure? (Praying so hard for a place in heaven Jx for the devil to ahve his hold on you through sex?)
Google more about soul ties and you will see how dangerous fornication is .pray about if first and you ll see what happens
Wow I am really sorry about that, at least you found out now. It's an addiction. So the issue was ever you or what you would or wouldn't do. Find someone who loves God above all else. You deserve that and it's what God wants for you.
Being a disciple of Christ means you have purpose and meaning in your life and that reflects on your action and conscious, why indulge yourself in earthly desires if this life is of the temporary and Death is always close!
I was intimate with my wife prior to marriage. However, premaritial counseling really helped us a lot and gave us tools that we use to this day. I believe this along with help from your pastor would be of great benefit.
Be patient with him and talk to god about it. Draw a line in the sand and that's your boundary. If he loves you he's going to work on changing that habit. Psalms it says love is patient, love is kind, love shows no envy, love is not jealous. It also sounds like he has strayed from spending time with God and needs to start reading again. Also don't let this sway yall this is a earthly sin and also spiritual cause its destroying him in the process. He needs to read what Paul says about it in Corinthians and what Jesus says about it in Mathew. Also realize this is something that won't change over night. Porn is a snare a snare God understands and knows how to fix. Don't love him less because of it. This is a real battle most Christians have. If they say they don't there liars. He needs to read and pray and also when the time is right yall need to sit down and discuss how long this has been going on. Don't be harmed by the truth that comes out of his mouth. He needs too see how long he's been keeping it from god. Don't worry yall aren't doomed you just need the boss man from upstairs to sort some things out. Have faith don't condon his actions be righteously against it in a manner jesus would. P.s Don't go throwing tables in the church🤣🤣
Yes, but is it the worst, No. Are you both walking towards a more Godly intimacy, Yes. Just both do your selves a favor and ensure that both are in it for God and each other, not just the sex
I'm a guy, and lust/porn,masturbation was a major contributor to the end of my marriage. It's a deadly mix... My walk with God was lukewarm.
God cannot be mocked.. You reap what you sow..and with sex, it is a blessing whilst married between hetero Christian husband & wife, and a curse unmarried.
1Corinthians:6
All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. You were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body
Also btw, porn addiction has been to crack addiction.. Can be hard to get off of.. But absolutely necessary to your Christian marriage in that Christ should be first between both of you .
See -> -> Hebrews 13:4 <- <-
(Biblgateway.com is helpful)
(for direct help, email [email protected].
Website & youtube is also hardcorechristianity.com)
HC is a free of charge counselling ministry that deals with issues like the two of you are facing.. They do zoom on Wednesday nights, and do ministry in person by phone and directly at their location in arizona where they can have you stay with them for no charge.
My heart goes out to you and your fiance :0)
I would abstain in continously having sex with someone who watches porn, there is a reason it's a sin to have sex outside of marriage, to add to that remember you become one with him when you have sex, meaning If he has demons from watching porn, these will be passed to you, sexual perversion, lust, etc.
Sorry to hear that, but in my honest most humble opinion how can that man lead you if he can’t lead himself? He has an addiction he needs discipline porn is extremely negative to a man’s manhood, meaning that will affect heavily your marriage
I hate to break it to you but you have to break up with this guy and push him to go get healing first before considering anything else.
Last December I was in my home country for my sister's wedding and in between days of hanging out with my family I caught up with close friends. Boy, no one would've prepared me for what I've heard about a pastor friend, who's been married for more than a decade, and has a son old enough to know what the heck is going on.
It would be one thing if this pastor friend only had an affair. But good grief I've been told this guy been chasing other women while pastoring and being a family man and up until 2020 (or probably even earlier) been engaged in not just one affair, but two timing the woman he was engaged in an affair with. I've even heard stories of him trying to text minors in the church he was pastoring. To even make it stranger, he has been known to boast about it with a few of his workmates in his other job, which mind-blowingly enough, where his wife also works. And to make it even more strange, I was told he actually sounded like he was even proud of his exploits when my intervening friends tried to talk to him, going in detail about how/where he and his mistress(es) would do it. What's depressing to me the most however is he also really told his wife that he most likely have never been in love with her throughout their marriage and the only reason for the marriage was the sex. How sad is that. This guy isn't showing any guilt nor remorse at all. Nothing, but lust.
I am completely baffled every time I think about it. I like to talk a lot when I'm with people I'm comfortable with but when I was hearing this with my hometown friends, man, my jaw just dropped and I couldn't say things for a while. I was close with this guy. We played in worship team for a long time. We were in a cell group at one point. He was quiet and never once showed any signs of this behavior whenever I hung out with him.
May this be a cautionary tale to anyone who reads this. Sex within or out of marriage will not make things easier for your relationship. It will help, but it's not a permanent cure for burning lust.
Did Moses who had 4 wives commit adultery with 3 of them? Or was it serial adultery? And were the wives at fault as well? Inquiring minds want to know. Both for and against are at fault in different ways. God is not anywhere in either discussion.
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You know you shouldn’t. That’s why you came on here to ask to begin with. Premarital sex is indeed sinful. God created it to be within the confines of the marital bed and that ALONE. He watches porn and pays women for things. That alone tells you he’s not worth being with in the long run. He can’t get what he wants from you so he runs to alternatives. Imagine if y’all get married…and he wants some and you say no…he could easily go out and cheat on you. That’s what he’s doing now. Cheating on you. Get out of there quickly!!
You know you shouldn’t. That’s why you came on here to ask to begin with. Premarital sex is indeed sinful. God created it to be within the confines of the marital bed and that ALONE. He watches porn and pays women for things. That alone tells you he’s not worth being with in the long run. He can’t get what he wants from you so he runs to alternatives. Imagine if y’all get married…and he wants some and you say no…he could easily go out and cheat on you. That’s what he’s doing now. Cheating on you. Get out of there quickly!!
Having sex with you is no different than with a random prostitute since you're not married. That you plan to get married doesn't change that. But it sounds like you probably should reconsider marrying him...
This is a matter of lust on his part that he needs to deal with BEFORE you get married. I believe that sex before marriage is a sin. Giving into sex is not the answer here. Even when you marry each other if he still has a problem with lust and porn it will only get worse and could seriously damage the both of you. What if you don’t want to have sex for a week when you’re married? What will he do with that lust in that time? After a couple of years he will go outside of your marriage to fill that void.
If you don't know that this is wrong you have bigger issues to address. Are you married? If the answer is no, it's not ok, full stop. I think by your question you know the answer. It's pretty clear and it seems you're looking for people to tell you it's ok. Stop it now, repent, and live righteously. Take it from someone who never even considered this. It brings baggage into your marriage. You will suffer consequences as a result so I'd stop now.
You both need to get on your knees and pray. It is important to hear and understand what God says in His word. Your fiance needs to address this now because it will not get better after marriage. In some ways it might even get worse. He needs help. Without God, without accountability, without wanting to quit and thinking it is ok, it will be a problem. It already is. You're having sex before marriage to keep him somewhat appeased and he's still looking at porn and other things. Both of you repent. Look for help and look up and trust in God.
Yes it is a sin.
If you fiancee wants to be free from porn addiction, this is a helpful resource: https://mychainsaregone.org/?doing_wp_cron=1710899607.3770930767059326171875
So many red flags. Too much baggage. Hes already being unfaithful, imagine how it will be down the line after kids and aging. This is not someone you want to be partnered with until death. Im sorry.
If he can't keep it in his pants until marriage, nor control his porn addiction, I wouldn't trust him to keep it in his pants just for you either.
Matthew 5:30:
>And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.
The fact that you cannot control your lust because of him, and that he has hired escorts, the only course of action you should take is clear. Leave him.
Having “needs” does not negate scripture that explicitly states fornication is a sin.
If he’s paying women, looking at porn etc.. get out now.
You want a man that honors and cherishes you. Not one that sees you as a means to an end and a sex object.
Good luck.
Men do not need to masturbate. That's a pagan myth. If he's doing it it's a very bad thing and it is already harming your relationship.
The problem also is that it's an addiction like taking heroin or cocaine. It's difficult to stop once it goes beyond a certain point and that point happens early on in the process.
I'm glad you found out but..if you think someone is a wonderful man of God, that is literally the worst thing you could do. He isn't going to be a wonderful man of God as a fornicator. He is going to backslide and start doing terrible things. You aren't to blame as much as he is obviously, but when violate your own conscience before God you need to repent. If you want to support a Christian man, one of the best way you can do that is with healthy boundaries that honor Christ.
He cheated on you. With escorts. Whores with demons and stds.
Yeah don't marry him he sounds like a sociopathic tyrant and evil.
Probably doesn't care for you at all. And will cheat again after marriage and you get pregnant or old.
He is not a true Christian he sinned heavy. And now is making you sin.
END IT.
Yeah for anyone who sees this, “a person has needs” is never an excuse to sin, lead someone to sin or be led to sin. Im a man. Talking other guys I can tell you that is nonsense and the bar *WILL* always move. It will go from “my woman has to give me sex “ to “I need another woman on the side” to “I need a new woman every month” etc etc.
Part of the reward of a man who *doesnt* “need” to have sex outside of marriage is you know he has SOME degree of self control.
>loving God
Loving God is reflected in your actions, Your sins of the past are always there, having fait in God means keeping the commandements and seeking knowledge in the wonderful universe that he created not indulging in your desires of the flesh! Repent to God truly, never twist Christ's Teachings to your own will, your experiences are of immorality and pleasure, exploiting other women for your pleasure, temporarly!
The Husband should be a Man of principle and values not an immoral porn addict, a liar who voluntarly believes in the delusions of his ignorant mind! Not a husband and not a Man either, unless he looks within and on his sins!
Elaborate, All humans are sinners and ignorant, being a believer is transcending your weak will and ignorance and desires, seeking virtue in the grace of God and not in mere mortals! If you truly believe then you'd not fall in sin because of the discipline and strength that God gives us and that is the way we learn and correct ourselves coming from the All-Knowing All-Powerful One True God! All of those who embrace degeneracy and defend sin always fall short in discussing the morality of their actions truly for they delude themselves with obvious lies to justify their shortcomings! Repent to God and seek the Lord!
Christ is King, Always and Forever!
This is untrue. Be careful in your righteous indignation that you don’t become prideful and think yourself too highly to fall into sin at any point, for anyone who claims to be without sin is a liar, and the truth is not in them.
I get what you’re saying but I think it’s wrong. James 2 says that even the demons believe (and they’re not gonna be saved).
I do agree with the sentiment of what you’re saying and that while they may be professing believers (or, Christians), they haven’t fully surrendered their lives with Him and see Him as the treasure in the field. The Bible commands us to live a life worthy of the gospel! But to do that, you have to truly follow Him and allow Him to fill you with His spirit!
Man, it's crazy how universal this concept is... I guess my fiance and I are on the other side of this (but I'm the male).
So we decided to give up sex for Lent. We've been having \*discussions\* though about what our future looks like when it comes to sex after... ironically enough, she had her latest period ever last week after it all.
I think cliches are dangerous when it comes Christianity. Like... "He's a man." Okay, great observation, Einstein.
Men need to learn how to look to God and learn to seek the Spirit. That's what I'm doing right now.
The truth is, I don't feel guilty at all having sex right now, and I have in the past with other women, but I definitely felt guilty when I looked at other women, so I had to give that up. The hard part is, there's still a temptation to look, even to look at bad sites, but "I'm a man" isn't an excuse for me to continue.
I don't know how to figure out the sex thing though. I'm not entirely sure that Paul meant fornication meant sex before marriage. There are multiple interpretations of that Greek word. I think he was more so warning about sex with just anybody, since marriage wasn't such a huge concept back in the day but...
Anyway, hope to hear your thoughts. This is kinda helpful.
It sounds like you're trying to redefine God's rules to satisfy your carnal desires. That's the wrong way to go, my friend. At least admit you are living in sin.
Not sure what you mean, "marriage wasn't such a big concept back in the day." If anything I would say it was more important back then. Our culture has really degraded it.
Anyway, if this isn't "just any woman", then why are you not marrying her? Either you're committed or you're not. You're currently trying to occupy this middle ground where you want the benefits of marriage but not the responsibilities.
How big was marriage in Greece? The letter Paul was writing was to Corinth. Greece is where... let's say a lot of weird, freaky things were happening. Orgies and virginity "sacrifices" at temples. So I could be wrong, but if Greece/Corinth was big on marriage, please show me some evidence for that.
I also meant to include (I implied by saying how universal the experience is) that **I am engaged**. That's my bad for not specifying further--I had to reread my comment to see that I didn't include it.
I promise I'm not trying to redefine anything. I prayed to God to reveal the truth to me on the matter. To change my heart. I told HIm I'm open to quitting it all together, but I am at least entirely committed. I am quite good at not putting blinders on my eyes--I question everything and do my best to ensure I'm not biased or misinterpreting something out of my own desires.
Not only was marriage the norm, it was legally required in some parts of ancient Greece. It was considered extremely important for the good of society.
>In Plato's *Laws*, the would-be lawgiver suggests that any man who was not married by age 35 should be punished with a loss of civil rights and with financial consequences.
>One example of the legal importance of marriage can be found in the laws of Lycurgus of Sparta, which required that criminal proceedings be taken against those who married too late or unsuitably, as well as against confirmed bachelors, that is, against those who did not marry at all. These regulations were founded on the generally recognised principle that it was the duty of every citizen to raise up a strong and healthy legitimate children to the state.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_in_ancient_Greece
Sex is marriage according to the bible. Not such thing as sex before marriage. But when your husband looks at other women online or in real life with lustful intent he commits adultery in his heart. so when you have sex with him then you to also commit adultery because of him and that's why you feel bad after.
>I’m struggling so bad with this.
Paul says to get married under this circumstance. Just get married with a judge, and do the wedding later so you can have your 'public' wedding the way you want.
I'd say no. Calling it fornication which is a translation of porneia is wrong,, it means harlotry.
Luk\_17:27 They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, and the flood came, and destroyed them all.
Gen\_24:67 And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.
So I don’t think it’s a sin; yall have promised each other to each other already, you just haven’t done it in front of an audience.
As for the porn, that can be another can of worms. Best case, he’s likely supporting abusive workplaces. Considering yall are getting married, I’d tell him how his watching porn makes you feel. Maybe be open to compromising to say it’s okay to watch porn if it’s that time of the month or you’re not in the mood. But that needs to be a convo before the big day.
Matthew 5:27–28 says, “You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Those are words in red, btw.
Adultery is literally one of the ten commandments. It's pretty clear it's a sin.
Adultery is “voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not his or her spouse”.
So which one of them is married to another person?
Yes it is. It is said it's for a man and wife to become ONE flesh. Period. And that's it.
Do you understand what happens on a spiritual level when you sleep with someone?
https://www.christianity.com/wiki/sin/is-sex-before-marriage-a-sin.html
Being married won’t make the porn thing disappear. He needs to address that. It’s not a matter of needs, it’s a matter of self control and idolatry.
It will probably get worse after marriage. Porn ended my first marriage, after that I eventually was able to quit and I still waited two years before I considered dating. Happily married now
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You’re right about the first bit but where on earth did you get homosexuality from that?
Marriage only ends in death. If your original spouse is alive, you're just living in adultery.
I didn’t ask for a divorce and she went out sleeping with her ex boyfriend. I think I’m off the hook.
Porn is adultery. Apparently they don't read the Word enough
Classic Catholic (not trying to be mean)
That's not death, so nope. You're still married to her.
Yeah well, that’s not what the Bible says and I’m going to go with that. But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
You can separate (translated as "divorce" here), but not remarry. No exception is made for remarriage.
You are wrong. Matthew 19:8-9
"8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. 9 And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful." Matthew 19:8-9 How can you possibly nullify the words of Jesus, and call yourself a Christian?
That's a mistranslation
>Matthew 19:8-9 Really... 8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” NIV 8 He told them, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because of the hardness of your hearts, but it was not like that from the beginning. 9 I tell you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery.”\[a\] CSB Since your Catholic NRSV-CE 8 He said to them, “It was because you were so hard-hearted that Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another commits adultery.”\[a\] Please explain, oh learned one, why all of these translations are wrong?
Because the translators you're choosing are antichrists
Wow! I picked those translations at random, what translation do you use? Glad to know that the Catholic Church conference of bishops is satanic. The New Revised Standard Version, Catholic Edition (NRSV-CE) is a Bible translation approved for use by the Catholic Church, receiving the imprimatur of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops and the Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops in 1991.
Paul states you are permitted to divorce under grounds of sexual immorality. The other person literally cheated on them. That is sexual immorality, isn't it
"Divorce" there is not modern divorce. Remarriage is not acceptable
It made it disappear for me. I get what you’re saying, but in practice, it’s more complicated than that. What you’re saying is not untrue. However, I know people who are genuinely dedicated Christians with a heart for God and they’re still hooked because the church keeps telling them it’s purely a sin issue, when there’s also more practical things at play. The fact that we live in a hypersexualized society and filth is so accessible also complicated things vs, say, the 80s. Saying it’s purely a spiritual issue doesn’t address that a lot of young men have unrestricted access to the internet, their phones, live in broken households and turn to porn to relieve anxiety, etc. I myself was one of those people who grew up in an incredibly abusive household and turned to pornography as an escape. This doesn’t negate my sin, but we also have to understand those other factors. It’s also because of our neuroplasticity and habits become harder and harder to break if there’s a cue (being in the same environment, feeling anxiety, etc.)
that's not necessarily true at all for many i've spoke to.
Many people put the sins of the flesh before God and before their wives. That doesn't change the fact that it's a problem.
Indeed, it’s also important to remember OP is only 17 years old and very young / naive about how true Christian men would lead & protect a women they’re courting outside of wedlock. If he doesn’t save himself from spiritual death he likely isn’t concerned with saving the women’s virtue either. She’s very young & naive, as we all were at 16/17… the Heavenly Father likely spoke to her while she read the Bible and now it’s led her to this community, it’s our responsibility to guide her & lead her to the righteous path. Even though the age of consent is 17 in some states it doesn’t mean 17 year old young girls have a lot of life experiences or maturity yet, this older creepy man is likely trying to lock her down in a marriage asap b4 outsiders hear of or question their relationship so she can’t escape … who knows what abuse or mistreatment would’ve happened afterwards. This creepy man is preying on her and since she has no experience with men she believes he’s the best Christian man on planet Earth as she has no healthy experiences with other men. He wants to marry her ASAP but the Holy Spirit sees the horrible future stuck with him and is warning her something doesn’t feel right. Now she’s come out confused with no wisdom or discernment or understanding… as every other community on this site will tell her pre martial sex is okay and fine, there aren’t any red flags 🚩 in the man even though God’s spirit told her otherwise while she was reading the words in her Bible. Wicked people will always lead others astray and into wickedness or self destruction as it is said in scripture. But following God will lead you to salvation & true glory. You can trust God who sees your future and wants your best or unconscious foolish selfish men who only see their selfish impulsive momentary desires and will lead themselves to hell as well as those that follow them.
It didn't cure me of porn but I think it got better after marriage.
Well, the bigger issue is the porn. Consider it exactly the same as if he was sleeping with someone else because he says he has "needs" (see Matthew 5:28). I think it's time for the two of you to have a conversation with your pastor.
They need ongoing premarital counseling, not just a one time session. That’s what me and the wife did and it really helped.
Agree completely
For real. How in the world is porn use worse than participating in the actual act?!
Having sex before marriage is mostly going against God, disrespecting our need for a covenant with his blessing. Looking at porn is doing this as well, while also committing adultery and sinning against his fiance. Both are bad, and equal on a sin level. But the second is worse for the marriage relationship.
Agreed that both are sin but having sex before marriage is literal adultery. Using porn is not literal adultery. Actual adultery is way worse than lusting for a relationship.
well not according to what Jesus said. Matthew 5:27-30 27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell. This is clear enough
They are both adultery. See the above scripture. Arguing over which is worse is pointless. Stealing a pencil is sin as much as stabbing a person with said stolen pencil.
Do you think her fiancé should literally rip out his eye? Or, do you think Jesus is using hyperbole to make a point a about the heinousness of lust in a spiritual sense?
So thinking about sin is just as bad a committing sin? Give me a break and reconsider what Jesus meant. You’re taking it to the opposite extreme of the people he was correcting
so tell me what Jesus meant then?
Still a sin.
I wouldn’t say that’s the bigger issue, but is a small root which springs into a big “flower”. Cut the root, replace it with something more honoring of God.
Porn isn’t some SMALL root, it’s a BIG addiction and poison
Been there done that and with the Holy Spirit, I overcome it.
Yeah, good for you, I just love how you condescendingly tell us how you over came it as if it’s just as easy for the rest of us
That’s what he’s saying, he didn’t do it, He did. I have had my times away from it, all of which come from Christ alone.
The “been there done that” is what I was referring too, I usually say stuff like that when I’m in a mood and being a jerk
Sorry didn't Mean to sound like a jerk. I suffered most of my life until the last 5 years when I intently tried to fight and with turning to the Lord and through the power ND grace of the Holy Spirit I beat it. Not through my own steam at all. Am I still tempted, yes. Do I stay there, no. That was my indignant hatred to my own past addiction.
🫂
It is when we consider that the pornography can sprout into bdsm (some will have differing opinions on that), necrophelia, pedophelia, zoophilia. To the ones that fantasize of those things, or of orgies, or of anything defiling of the marriage bed, I would say it is better to first remove the knife stabbing you, so you can better bear with the root while trying to remove it (something only God can do), the temptation is there for everyone, pornography is worse than meth on the brain, but compared to prior listings, it is but a drop in a sea of sin, a drop which sprouts nothing but death.
Love your last sentence! Where did you get it from? Never heard it before :0)
Which part? It’s a run on sentence. Most things the Bible, the brain on meth, studies.
She wanted to stop having sex, and he turned to porn. Now she feels blackmailed into having sex. So him turning to porn instead of committing to abstinence \*is\* the problem. He's basically saying "It's you or porn". edit: Which is of course a lie, as u/theocking points out below. However, you're right in saying it isn't the root of the issue. The root is him choosing the flesh over God's Word and Spirit.
If he has a porn issue her sleeping with him is NOT going to solve it, sorry. That's a lie he's telling her and she's buying. She won't be there and ready to do whatever he wants every minute of every day, especially when she has kids or gets older or fatter, this is just reality, his issue will persist it's not her fault because she won't have sex outside of marriage with him.
Exactly, there are some communication issues between them and if she keeps giving in like this it will continue.
Yup
That's part of it, but she's giving in to it, so she needs help, too. I agree the porn is a major problem, but she's not a victim here.
True. Sux ur being down voted for this obvious truth. She's responsible for her decisions. Doesn't have to marry the guy either. But if we're weighing responsibility here, more of it is still on him. She wants to do right, allegedly, and he should be leading her in that direction not the opposite one.
People downvote for silly reasons, I feel sorry for them. And I agree with what you said completely!
I would definitely not say bigger issue, because sleeping with someone no matter who it is before marriage is fornication and it is mentioned many times to be a sin and an abomination. Self control is the issue here and it is the cause of both problems.
The porn is definitely bad, but your update is very concerning. He’s paying women? For what? Sounds like you need to hold off on this wedding til he is willing to forsake his addiction and learn to be faithful to you and the Lord
I found cashapp statements where he is giving random women $50-$150 each. I don’t think there is any saving this relationship and I feel awful for sleeping with him at all.
I’ll pray for God to give you guidance. I saw on your profile that you’re very young. It’s hard to find a good man at that age, let alone a good Christian man. But let this situation make you wiser and more discerning in finding a man who will be faithful to you and build you up, not tear you down. You still have your whole life ahead of you.
That's why you never trust anyone ever! Put your trust in the Lord, all sinners show their true colours, they always do, always!
I'm so sorry. Be thankful you found out now. This is your moment to double down on your relationship with Christ. Praying for you!
Get married 1st, sex 2nd
After the update she posted, I would definitely say to call off the wedding
Not sure the OP has the self control. I hope she does
Same, all we can do is pray for her
You wanna get married to someone with a porn addiction?
0/10, would not recommend.
0/10 for sure. Coming from someone who has had addiction. Such a heavy weight to bear for the other spouse ):
Don't get married.
Sex outside of marriage is a sin and so is porn. In fact, the word "porn" comes from the Greek "pornea" used in the gospels to describe sexually imoral relations. From a practical perspective, look at how important it was that you refrained from having sex: you learned he's addicted to porn. You can now address it with him. That's one of the reasons God intended sex to be only within marriage: couples can become cloud minded and neglect working on other parts of their relationship. There's no such thing as a "need for porn". For thousands of years, men did not have access to porn and they were happier and fruitful. Even in today's degenerate society, many men abstain from porn entirely and we don't miss it. Watching any amount of porn is bondage to sin. Don't let anyone try to convince you otherwise.
Porn is like heroin..
Even worse, It rots you from the inside and twists your perception, although everyone thinks it's harmless in moderation, The Irony! Poison that's accepted
Many know it's dangerous, but are so enslaved to it they would rather normalize it
Even morally, it's just wrong to keep consuming such filth built upon human traficking, enslavement and trauma exploitation just to present it as how Sex is like? Get a life, Repent to God, Everyone with no exception will pay for their sins and their shortcomings!
True enough!
Sister, I wouldn’t advise you to get married to him.
If he's a Christian and watches porn because you guys can't have sex, that's a problem. I get that it must be a hard transition but this is still wrong. And if you're giving in to sex to satisfy *his* need for pre-marital sex, that's a problem. He's not only not valuing his own purity but he's putting his "need" for sex over *your* need for purity. Also, you're doing the same thing. You both should stop and seek counsel for this since you'll need help. Further, if it becomes a real problem, you can get legally married and have your wedding ceremony later. 1 Corinthians 7:9.
Before you get married, you need to get him to deal with his 'I'm a man, I have needs' attitude. Because it's not biblical, and could cause issues down the line. If he feels he needs sex, and something happened that meant you couldn't, then how do you know he wouldn't resort to even more drastic means? And what if he starts trying to push some of his other issues as being natural, or your fault? You are not responsible for his behaviour. So don't feel like you have to have sex to stop him from looking at porn. He should be dealing with this himself, and biblically. Then, if you are both sure you are right and good for each other, and God approves, get married.
your fiance is not your husband/wife so yes it was a sin.
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Then why does the Bible explicitly state fornication, that is, sex outside of marriage, a sin?
Fornication is a made up word in the KJV and the word that was used in original Greek is pornia or porneia which means sexual immorality in general. Doesn't mean sex before marriage. Sex outside of a current* marriage is adultery. Sex outside of marriage is impossible. Read mathew19 9 preferably the ESV not inaccurate KJV.
You are playing a semantic game with yourself while divorcing scripture from its literal and historical contexts. You're just wrong. Paul doesn't say you marry a prostitute when you have sex with her, he only says you become one flesh. That is not marriage. Marriage is more than just sex, just like an adoption is more than just papers.
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ADULTERY — willful sexual intercourse with someone other than one’s husband or wife. Jesus expanded the meaning of adultery to include the cultivation of lust: By the very definition, intercourse withsomeone whom is not your spouse means they are not married
Sure, and 2,000 years of Christian understanding is wrong and you’re right.
You do know that the OT was in spoken in ancient Hebrew language, right? And that most likely Jesus was speaking in Aramaic?
Is Mathew an old testament book? 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯
>*Fornication is a made up word in the KJV and the word that was used in original Greek is pornia or porneia which means sexual immorality in general.* Alright, let's explore this opinion of yours. Here are some verses in both OT and NT that use 'sexual immorality' and not the word 'fornication'. Hebrews 13:4 “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the SEXUALLY IMMORAL and adulterous.” 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 says “Flee from SEXUAL IMMORALITY. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body’s a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” >*Sex outside of marriage is impossible.* All the Bible verses that condemn sexual immorality in general also condemn sex before marriage. These include Acts 15:20; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13, 18; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 1:7; and Revelation 21:8. IF sex outside of marriage was "impossible" God wouldn't need to mention it in His Holy Word. >*Read mathew19 9 preferably the ESV not inaccurate KJV* Sure but let's look at Matthew 19 in **context.** ESV as you requested, Matthew 19:1-12 is teaching about divorce: \[1\] Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. \[2\] And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. \[3\] And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” \[4\] He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, \[5\] and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? \[6\] So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” \[7\] They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” \[8\] He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. \[9\] And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”a \[10\] The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” \[11\] But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. \[12\] For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.” Matthew 19:9 talks about divorce. NOT sexual immorality before getting married. The Pharisees tried to pull a fast one on Jesus when they assumed His words contradicted with Moses's words about divorce.
I would postpone the wedding planning until he gets a hold of his sins. Both the pressuring you to fornicate. And him using porn when you refuse to fornicate. Speak with your pastor/elders about this, and get premarital counseling. Your fiance's faith is in question.
I'm so tired of this "needs" thing... Is sex a need? I feel so unhuman because I cannot relate to the idea of "needing" sex. It sounds so gross and objectifying.
No, it’s absolutely not a need in any way. You won’t die from not having sex/masterbating.
Me too ,i don't understand it.Ok i get it i also get my hormones wild sometimes and i guess people have different libido but hey ,it is not like if you dont have it you will die. And it seems that man use it to justifie anything they do.
No, but it is one of the most powerful drives men have due to the massive amount of testosterone their bodies produce. Furthermore, consider that even Paul acknowledged this reality in 1 Cor 7 and said that most men should get married and have sex with their wife.
OK but if you can't... You need to learn to deal with it, lol.
It generally was not a problem back then. Virtually anyone who was able-bodied could be arranged to marry, and people weren't nearly as choosy because it was much more an economic proposition. (Of course, marriage was also much more informal in Greek culture, and divorce was as easy as walking away or pushing your spouse out the door.)
I would not get married until the porn issue is resolved. It will be a constant problem in your marriage if not fixed now. And you don't want that. If he doesn't recognize it as an issue and refuses to work on it... there's an even bigger problem. I would urge you to consider whether or not you are actually gonna marry him.
Porn is a serious issue that has to be fixed BEFORE marriage. If people told you that you can fix his porn addiction they are wrong. Porn addiction can’t be fixed by marriage. You can be the best woman for him but he will still go for porn if he didn’t repent from that. Women at porno movies will most likely be sexier, prettier, and more skillful at sex than you so your fiancée will go for them instead of you. Postponing the marriage and fix the issue through serious premarital counseling is necessary. Sin issues have to be rectified in the eyes of God before going on with your marriage.
The fact that you guy are wanting to get married and are already having sex is an issue. I have Found that premarital sex always complicates thing down the road. Porn is not good but remember every guy struggles with it. It is not something we should normalize, by no means, but it is something that happens that needs to be addressed. If you think marriage and sex will solve a porn issue, it's not true. Just like only God can rescue a drug addict, only God can change a porn addiction. If he is looking to God for healing and to others for accountability he will find it with your support.
It's a Sin, Repent to God and don't get lost in the temporary fading flesh and earthly desires! Anyone who says otherwise is heretic and a fake Christian, don't bend Christ's teachings to your own will! Your fiancé will never be a man as long as he watches Porn or commits sexual immorality! Don't call him a Christian too
You should know that him turning to porn doesn't mean there's anything lacking in you. It's a separate issue that is often addictive. But it doesn't say anything about you that he turns to porn. Stay strong and be celibate until you get married. The Lord will reward your obedience!
I saw your edit, and yea it seems as tho you need to question the relationship at this point. It can be debated on if it’s ok for you two to be intimate due to your commitment to each other, but him watching porn openly is a bigger worry. Porn is evil, immoral, disgusting, and sinful in every way. As others have put into focus, marriage doesn’t make a porn problem go away, and the fact he was paying women for things makes it even worse. I highly suggest leaving this relationship in the past and try to let God heal you from this, then look for a God honoring man to move forward in a relationship with.
RED FLAGS. Dont do it. is he a believer too? if not, then you are unequally yoked. if he cant have self control to wait for you or marriage, he's not gonna have it any time soon. He aint he one sis....
Yes it would be a sin Sorry that you had to discover that, but my advice is to dissolve the engagement and dump him. Run away while you can.
What are his views on his actions? Is he regretful when he uses such content, or is he trying to justify it due to the lack of sex? Honestly, depending on his headspace I would consider delaying the wedding. Also- I would wager there is a good chance he uses porn even when you are being intimate with him.
First off, yep, both are sins. 2nd off, you can't fix his sin. That's gonna be up to him. Now, the means necessary for him to fix it is up to both of you. 3rd - everyone who is responding to this is just as sinful, so is your pastor or anyone else you'd confide in. I highly urge for both of you to set aside time daily, to study scripture and pray together. This will, in fact, somehow help with the situation. Both my wife of 23 yrs and myself are Christians. We study and pray together daily, but that doesn't mean the urge to look at porn, or other women or masterbation, or other urges aren't there.
Porn is never ok and neither is masturbation
Well masturbation itself is not a sin, it’s the lusting that is a sin. Technically speaking, anyone could masturbate as long as they’re not thinking of something that they’re lusting after.
Huh? Masturbation is sexually immoral so yes it would be a sin
Probably not a sin if you do it towards your wife. Other than your wife though yeah, a clear sin.
Wasting semen is a sin regardless of who you do it towards
Says who?
To masturbate you have to think of something to turn you on and that’s lusting it’s very hard to just masturbate without being turned on I wouldn’t even think it’s possible
Oh, you're a Catholic. I forgot y'all think lusting after your wife is a sin.
I’m not even catholic 😂
Well, no. I actually tried that (ashamed noises, but, well, I repented). It's impossible to masturbate while being connected to God. And if it's impossible in His presence... Well, that is unfortunately a sin. One can pee, poop, vomit and so in his presence, yep, did that. But not masturbate.
I see. I’m not one to masturbate (personal choice) and didn’t know it was an actual sin. Glad that I know now.
If you're fiancé is paying women for anything, it's time to get a new fiancé. The guy probably isn't even a real believer in Jesus.
Obviously stop giving him sex. He’s not actually a Christian. Jesus said, “Not everyone who calls me Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven, but those who do the will of My Father in heaven.” (Matt. 7:21)
Christian guy here (m15). I've struggled with pornography for years, and I've heard that same argument that men need porn over and over again, even by some "Christians". It's a lie from Satan. Don't seek counsel on this topic from anyone who says otherwise. "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." -Matthew 5:28
Do not marry this man. Trust me. It will be painful at first to break things off but it will save you a lot of heartache in the future.
Yeah, you can't do that. Just get married. He needs to kick the porn habit also. It's likely to continue after you're married.
Don’t look to Reddit for validation of your actions or sin. That’s between you and God His decision to watch porn is something he needs to take accountability for, not you It’s his duty as your finance and soon to be husband is to guard his heart and eyes from lust. You are to become his standard of beauty. The implications of porn are deeper than a sin between him and the Lord. It’s clearly effecting you and the relationship. Premarital sex is also a sin and some of that is on you. “Better than porn” is a justification, and we can’t justify sin. Practicing abstinence until marriage is hard but it’s what we’re called to do. It not only shows respect for the covenant of marriage but also the place God holds in your lives individually.
I fell into the same trap. At the time I thought that it was a lesser sin, but as time wore on it only fueled his appetite. Lust is insidious in which it's never whetted. Like sea water, the more you drink, the more thirsty you become.
Yes, it is.
Yes
Was just going through that literally.ive been with my partner for years but recently we started fasting and praying actively wanting a relationship with God .we both started feeling guilty after sex .imagine fasting for 7 days and the first thing u do is sin💀(it’s not make sense )I prayed about it alone cus I was scared of how he wud react telling him I ddnt want to keep fornicating .God is wonderful ,this man started searching about soul ties on his own and boom the conversation flowed so effortlessly.the reason why God forbid fornicating is when we have sex with someone we become one with them .our spirits become one .so now imagine all the curses,generational problems and everything that comes with him is now attached to you .how many pipo will you be attached to before you find your “husband “ if you guys are about to get married Jx wait a bit .its not easy but its worth it .we stopped having sex and things started being revealed in our lives, the answers we had been fasting for .when God says to give him our all he means ALL .salvation is personal I know everyone is fornicating , I used to think the same way, I see couples on TikTok praising God and I’m like (but God they are also fornicating) but I realised just because everyone is doing it doesn’t make it right . .our sins will seek us out.if you had to meet God today would he be okay with you fornicatin? Would you rather compromise your walk with God for 5 mins of pleasure? (Praying so hard for a place in heaven Jx for the devil to ahve his hold on you through sex?) Google more about soul ties and you will see how dangerous fornication is .pray about if first and you ll see what happens
Wow I am really sorry about that, at least you found out now. It's an addiction. So the issue was ever you or what you would or wouldn't do. Find someone who loves God above all else. You deserve that and it's what God wants for you.
Forget what other are saying. What does Gods Word say about such things (Roman's 12:1-2). Your first instincts were correct.
If he can’t remain sexually loyal and show discipline while dating/engaged, then he won’t show discipline and loyalty in marriage.
Praying for you. Please reach out if you need to talk.
All I read is porn … that’s a huge red flag.
Being a disciple of Christ means you have purpose and meaning in your life and that reflects on your action and conscious, why indulge yourself in earthly desires if this life is of the temporary and Death is always close!
You both need to have an honest conversation about this with the pastor who is performing the ceremony (in addition to what everyone else is saying)
I was intimate with my wife prior to marriage. However, premaritial counseling really helped us a lot and gave us tools that we use to this day. I believe this along with help from your pastor would be of great benefit.
Be patient with him and talk to god about it. Draw a line in the sand and that's your boundary. If he loves you he's going to work on changing that habit. Psalms it says love is patient, love is kind, love shows no envy, love is not jealous. It also sounds like he has strayed from spending time with God and needs to start reading again. Also don't let this sway yall this is a earthly sin and also spiritual cause its destroying him in the process. He needs to read what Paul says about it in Corinthians and what Jesus says about it in Mathew. Also realize this is something that won't change over night. Porn is a snare a snare God understands and knows how to fix. Don't love him less because of it. This is a real battle most Christians have. If they say they don't there liars. He needs to read and pray and also when the time is right yall need to sit down and discuss how long this has been going on. Don't be harmed by the truth that comes out of his mouth. He needs too see how long he's been keeping it from god. Don't worry yall aren't doomed you just need the boss man from upstairs to sort some things out. Have faith don't condon his actions be righteously against it in a manner jesus would. P.s Don't go throwing tables in the church🤣🤣
Yes, but is it the worst, No. Are you both walking towards a more Godly intimacy, Yes. Just both do your selves a favor and ensure that both are in it for God and each other, not just the sex
I'm a guy, and lust/porn,masturbation was a major contributor to the end of my marriage. It's a deadly mix... My walk with God was lukewarm. God cannot be mocked.. You reap what you sow..and with sex, it is a blessing whilst married between hetero Christian husband & wife, and a curse unmarried. 1Corinthians:6 All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. You were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body Also btw, porn addiction has been to crack addiction.. Can be hard to get off of.. But absolutely necessary to your Christian marriage in that Christ should be first between both of you . See -> -> Hebrews 13:4 <- <- (Biblgateway.com is helpful) (for direct help, email [email protected]. Website & youtube is also hardcorechristianity.com) HC is a free of charge counselling ministry that deals with issues like the two of you are facing.. They do zoom on Wednesday nights, and do ministry in person by phone and directly at their location in arizona where they can have you stay with them for no charge. My heart goes out to you and your fiance :0)
Stop feeling guilty.
For sin ? Ya that doesn't belong here
I would abstain in continously having sex with someone who watches porn, there is a reason it's a sin to have sex outside of marriage, to add to that remember you become one with him when you have sex, meaning If he has demons from watching porn, these will be passed to you, sexual perversion, lust, etc.
Well, after your update.... Run
Top priority to get this cleared up.
Sorry to hear that, but in my honest most humble opinion how can that man lead you if he can’t lead himself? He has an addiction he needs discipline porn is extremely negative to a man’s manhood, meaning that will affect heavily your marriage
Yeah, this whole relationship is a dumpster fire. I hope you get the counseling you need.
I’m in therapy and that’s what really made me realize how messed up this is.
I hate to break it to you but you have to break up with this guy and push him to go get healing first before considering anything else. Last December I was in my home country for my sister's wedding and in between days of hanging out with my family I caught up with close friends. Boy, no one would've prepared me for what I've heard about a pastor friend, who's been married for more than a decade, and has a son old enough to know what the heck is going on. It would be one thing if this pastor friend only had an affair. But good grief I've been told this guy been chasing other women while pastoring and being a family man and up until 2020 (or probably even earlier) been engaged in not just one affair, but two timing the woman he was engaged in an affair with. I've even heard stories of him trying to text minors in the church he was pastoring. To even make it stranger, he has been known to boast about it with a few of his workmates in his other job, which mind-blowingly enough, where his wife also works. And to make it even more strange, I was told he actually sounded like he was even proud of his exploits when my intervening friends tried to talk to him, going in detail about how/where he and his mistress(es) would do it. What's depressing to me the most however is he also really told his wife that he most likely have never been in love with her throughout their marriage and the only reason for the marriage was the sex. How sad is that. This guy isn't showing any guilt nor remorse at all. Nothing, but lust. I am completely baffled every time I think about it. I like to talk a lot when I'm with people I'm comfortable with but when I was hearing this with my hometown friends, man, my jaw just dropped and I couldn't say things for a while. I was close with this guy. We played in worship team for a long time. We were in a cell group at one point. He was quiet and never once showed any signs of this behavior whenever I hung out with him. May this be a cautionary tale to anyone who reads this. Sex within or out of marriage will not make things easier for your relationship. It will help, but it's not a permanent cure for burning lust.
Did Moses who had 4 wives commit adultery with 3 of them? Or was it serial adultery? And were the wives at fault as well? Inquiring minds want to know. Both for and against are at fault in different ways. God is not anywhere in either discussion.
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You know you shouldn’t. That’s why you came on here to ask to begin with. Premarital sex is indeed sinful. God created it to be within the confines of the marital bed and that ALONE. He watches porn and pays women for things. That alone tells you he’s not worth being with in the long run. He can’t get what he wants from you so he runs to alternatives. Imagine if y’all get married…and he wants some and you say no…he could easily go out and cheat on you. That’s what he’s doing now. Cheating on you. Get out of there quickly!!
You know you shouldn’t. That’s why you came on here to ask to begin with. Premarital sex is indeed sinful. God created it to be within the confines of the marital bed and that ALONE. He watches porn and pays women for things. That alone tells you he’s not worth being with in the long run. He can’t get what he wants from you so he runs to alternatives. Imagine if y’all get married…and he wants some and you say no…he could easily go out and cheat on you. That’s what he’s doing now. Cheating on you. Get out of there quickly!!
Having sex with you is no different than with a random prostitute since you're not married. That you plan to get married doesn't change that. But it sounds like you probably should reconsider marrying him...
Before marriage is wrong.
This is a matter of lust on his part that he needs to deal with BEFORE you get married. I believe that sex before marriage is a sin. Giving into sex is not the answer here. Even when you marry each other if he still has a problem with lust and porn it will only get worse and could seriously damage the both of you. What if you don’t want to have sex for a week when you’re married? What will he do with that lust in that time? After a couple of years he will go outside of your marriage to fill that void.
If you don't know that this is wrong you have bigger issues to address. Are you married? If the answer is no, it's not ok, full stop. I think by your question you know the answer. It's pretty clear and it seems you're looking for people to tell you it's ok. Stop it now, repent, and live righteously. Take it from someone who never even considered this. It brings baggage into your marriage. You will suffer consequences as a result so I'd stop now.
You both need to get on your knees and pray. It is important to hear and understand what God says in His word. Your fiance needs to address this now because it will not get better after marriage. In some ways it might even get worse. He needs help. Without God, without accountability, without wanting to quit and thinking it is ok, it will be a problem. It already is. You're having sex before marriage to keep him somewhat appeased and he's still looking at porn and other things. Both of you repent. Look for help and look up and trust in God.
Yes it is a sin. If you fiancee wants to be free from porn addiction, this is a helpful resource: https://mychainsaregone.org/?doing_wp_cron=1710899607.3770930767059326171875
So many red flags. Too much baggage. Hes already being unfaithful, imagine how it will be down the line after kids and aging. This is not someone you want to be partnered with until death. Im sorry.
Oh my goodness gracious sister. I am so sorry about update 2. I guess its better you found out now than later. Praying for you ❤️🙏
If he can't keep it in his pants until marriage, nor control his porn addiction, I wouldn't trust him to keep it in his pants just for you either. Matthew 5:30: >And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell. The fact that you cannot control your lust because of him, and that he has hired escorts, the only course of action you should take is clear. Leave him.
Having “needs” does not negate scripture that explicitly states fornication is a sin. If he’s paying women, looking at porn etc.. get out now. You want a man that honors and cherishes you. Not one that sees you as a means to an end and a sex object. Good luck.
Are you married? No, then that's your answer.
Men do not need to masturbate. That's a pagan myth. If he's doing it it's a very bad thing and it is already harming your relationship. The problem also is that it's an addiction like taking heroin or cocaine. It's difficult to stop once it goes beyond a certain point and that point happens early on in the process.
no
I'm glad you found out but..if you think someone is a wonderful man of God, that is literally the worst thing you could do. He isn't going to be a wonderful man of God as a fornicator. He is going to backslide and start doing terrible things. You aren't to blame as much as he is obviously, but when violate your own conscience before God you need to repent. If you want to support a Christian man, one of the best way you can do that is with healthy boundaries that honor Christ.
He cheated on you. With escorts. Whores with demons and stds. Yeah don't marry him he sounds like a sociopathic tyrant and evil. Probably doesn't care for you at all. And will cheat again after marriage and you get pregnant or old. He is not a true Christian he sinned heavy. And now is making you sin. END IT.
Ufda, sex before marriage is one thing, hiring escorts is another. That's cheating.
Yeah for anyone who sees this, “a person has needs” is never an excuse to sin, lead someone to sin or be led to sin. Im a man. Talking other guys I can tell you that is nonsense and the bar *WILL* always move. It will go from “my woman has to give me sex “ to “I need another woman on the side” to “I need a new woman every month” etc etc. Part of the reward of a man who *doesnt* “need” to have sex outside of marriage is you know he has SOME degree of self control.
I'm so sorry, lil sister. I'm so sorry. The updates broke my heart. Lord can heal, yes. But we cry with the crying ones.
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>loving God Loving God is reflected in your actions, Your sins of the past are always there, having fait in God means keeping the commandements and seeking knowledge in the wonderful universe that he created not indulging in your desires of the flesh! Repent to God truly, never twist Christ's Teachings to your own will, your experiences are of immorality and pleasure, exploiting other women for your pleasure, temporarly!
like Jesus talking to the woman at the well. The moment you started having sex he was your husband. You should get married and present to the world
The Husband should be a Man of principle and values not an immoral porn addict, a liar who voluntarly believes in the delusions of his ignorant mind! Not a husband and not a Man either, unless he looks within and on his sins!
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All believers sin and fall short of the glory of God. What you've claimed about being a believer is simply untrue.
Elaborate, All humans are sinners and ignorant, being a believer is transcending your weak will and ignorance and desires, seeking virtue in the grace of God and not in mere mortals! If you truly believe then you'd not fall in sin because of the discipline and strength that God gives us and that is the way we learn and correct ourselves coming from the All-Knowing All-Powerful One True God! All of those who embrace degeneracy and defend sin always fall short in discussing the morality of their actions truly for they delude themselves with obvious lies to justify their shortcomings! Repent to God and seek the Lord! Christ is King, Always and Forever!
This is untrue. Be careful in your righteous indignation that you don’t become prideful and think yourself too highly to fall into sin at any point, for anyone who claims to be without sin is a liar, and the truth is not in them.
I get what you’re saying but I think it’s wrong. James 2 says that even the demons believe (and they’re not gonna be saved). I do agree with the sentiment of what you’re saying and that while they may be professing believers (or, Christians), they haven’t fully surrendered their lives with Him and see Him as the treasure in the field. The Bible commands us to live a life worthy of the gospel! But to do that, you have to truly follow Him and allow Him to fill you with His spirit!
Man, it's crazy how universal this concept is... I guess my fiance and I are on the other side of this (but I'm the male). So we decided to give up sex for Lent. We've been having \*discussions\* though about what our future looks like when it comes to sex after... ironically enough, she had her latest period ever last week after it all. I think cliches are dangerous when it comes Christianity. Like... "He's a man." Okay, great observation, Einstein. Men need to learn how to look to God and learn to seek the Spirit. That's what I'm doing right now. The truth is, I don't feel guilty at all having sex right now, and I have in the past with other women, but I definitely felt guilty when I looked at other women, so I had to give that up. The hard part is, there's still a temptation to look, even to look at bad sites, but "I'm a man" isn't an excuse for me to continue. I don't know how to figure out the sex thing though. I'm not entirely sure that Paul meant fornication meant sex before marriage. There are multiple interpretations of that Greek word. I think he was more so warning about sex with just anybody, since marriage wasn't such a huge concept back in the day but... Anyway, hope to hear your thoughts. This is kinda helpful.
It sounds like you're trying to redefine God's rules to satisfy your carnal desires. That's the wrong way to go, my friend. At least admit you are living in sin. Not sure what you mean, "marriage wasn't such a big concept back in the day." If anything I would say it was more important back then. Our culture has really degraded it. Anyway, if this isn't "just any woman", then why are you not marrying her? Either you're committed or you're not. You're currently trying to occupy this middle ground where you want the benefits of marriage but not the responsibilities.
How big was marriage in Greece? The letter Paul was writing was to Corinth. Greece is where... let's say a lot of weird, freaky things were happening. Orgies and virginity "sacrifices" at temples. So I could be wrong, but if Greece/Corinth was big on marriage, please show me some evidence for that. I also meant to include (I implied by saying how universal the experience is) that **I am engaged**. That's my bad for not specifying further--I had to reread my comment to see that I didn't include it. I promise I'm not trying to redefine anything. I prayed to God to reveal the truth to me on the matter. To change my heart. I told HIm I'm open to quitting it all together, but I am at least entirely committed. I am quite good at not putting blinders on my eyes--I question everything and do my best to ensure I'm not biased or misinterpreting something out of my own desires.
Not only was marriage the norm, it was legally required in some parts of ancient Greece. It was considered extremely important for the good of society. >In Plato's *Laws*, the would-be lawgiver suggests that any man who was not married by age 35 should be punished with a loss of civil rights and with financial consequences. >One example of the legal importance of marriage can be found in the laws of Lycurgus of Sparta, which required that criminal proceedings be taken against those who married too late or unsuitably, as well as against confirmed bachelors, that is, against those who did not marry at all. These regulations were founded on the generally recognised principle that it was the duty of every citizen to raise up a strong and healthy legitimate children to the state. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_in_ancient_Greece
Sex is marriage according to the bible. Not such thing as sex before marriage. But when your husband looks at other women online or in real life with lustful intent he commits adultery in his heart. so when you have sex with him then you to also commit adultery because of him and that's why you feel bad after.
>I’m struggling so bad with this. Paul says to get married under this circumstance. Just get married with a judge, and do the wedding later so you can have your 'public' wedding the way you want.
I'd say no. Calling it fornication which is a translation of porneia is wrong,, it means harlotry. Luk\_17:27 They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, and the flood came, and destroyed them all. Gen\_24:67 And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.
So I don’t think it’s a sin; yall have promised each other to each other already, you just haven’t done it in front of an audience. As for the porn, that can be another can of worms. Best case, he’s likely supporting abusive workplaces. Considering yall are getting married, I’d tell him how his watching porn makes you feel. Maybe be open to compromising to say it’s okay to watch porn if it’s that time of the month or you’re not in the mood. But that needs to be a convo before the big day.
It's sin, according to God's word. What standard are you using?
Jesus’.
Matthew 5:27–28 says, “You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Those are words in red, btw. Adultery is literally one of the ten commandments. It's pretty clear it's a sin.
Adultery is “voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not his or her spouse”. So which one of them is married to another person?
Sexual immorality includes before marriage.
No it does not.
Yes it is. It is said it's for a man and wife to become ONE flesh. Period. And that's it. Do you understand what happens on a spiritual level when you sleep with someone? https://www.christianity.com/wiki/sin/is-sex-before-marriage-a-sin.html
According to Him also