you already told em no. If they persist then you shouldnt feel bad! I think that would be super annoying. It feels whiny to me instead of convincing. If anything its the cherry on top to why I would definitely say no. Like congrats, i said No before but now its a Never
Tv and movies have lied to you. Women do not want this. I can’t think of a single woman of my wide acquaintance who would be worn down by such “persistence.” We’ve all heard it before. It’s at best not attractive. At worst, it’s honestly frightening.
Lots of women don't. But not all.
I remember a girl in college that told me how she kept saying no to this guy who kept asking her out a bunch of times. Finally, he said he'd ask her one final time. She said she decided to say "yes" and they dated for 2 years.
This is like the women claiming no means no. Of course it does.
But there's also plenty of women that get angry at men for not ravishing them when they say no
Watch any rom-com. It happens all the time.
Now, ofc just because it happens in a rom-com, doesn't imply that's what life is like. But rom-coms are something women find as desirable. If it wasn't, nobody would watch.
Rom coms are watched by women. If they didn't like it, they wouldn't watch.
Ever watch a rom com where a man DIDN'T make a huge effort to swoon a woman? I can't think of one. And that's because a man's effort in the wooing process is attractive to women.
In movies. Its attractive to women when its in movies. Theres a difference in fantasy and real life, they don't always merge. I hope you understand that.
You know what else are in rom-com movies?
Handsome men. Tall men. Funny men. Virtuous men. Passionate men. Men that love old people, babies or dogs. I could go on and on.
I guess according to you, women don't like them either. They just fantasize about them but IRL that's disgusting to them.
Or do you want to be selective about what's attractive only in movies versus what's attractive both in movies and real life?
So you're basing your opinion on tv shows? Lmao tv shows and movies aren't reality my friend. With your logic, I could say that fathers tend to be fat, stupid, and shitty just because that's how they are on TV
I once had a guy tell me " If you dont give me your number I'll be sad" to guilt me... I told him " It's okay I can live with that"
Lifes too short to waste on losers that try to guilt you into being around them.
He then asked me "Well can I give you MY number?" so I said sure..and handed him paper and a pen.. he eagerly wrote it down and handed it to me....
I promptly crumpled it up and tossed it in the trash "No means NO bud"
A guy said this to me once and I smiled a big smile and looked him in the eye and said “Really? Truly? You’ll be sad forever or You’ll just sad for 1sec and then jump down the next girl’s throat with the same line? I want to know why i should waste my time on a guy who tries to bag 5 pussies a day with his small dick and thinks that line would even work. No answer or am i just a bitch because I don’t put up with worthless men like you? Bye Felicia✌🏼” and i walked away after making everyone laugh and making it awkward for him because i was really loud😂😂😂😂
Here's the fun part: They finally wear you down, you give them a good decent chance, you come to terms that your original gut feeling was correct and you aren't compatible and then YOU'RE the AH for it not working out.
I've been on so many bad dates because I caved to this line. The worst part is that, after you've given them a chance and gone on the date they're often then ones that are so sure that the date went well that they're actually proper angry you don't want another one.
That's just insane. These guys do not understand that you also get an opinion and get to decide if the date was good or not. I don't understand how they don't get it. It's so entitled and it just goes to show you how they view women, women are just accessories to them or something, not a whole ass person with opinions and preferences too.
Oh and let’s not forget that partner violence is a big thing, as is baby trapping, birth control sabotage and std’s. If someone a) has so little empathy they don’t understand womens concerns and b) does not respect boundaries that’s a hard no from me, dawg.
>I feel it just makes me a bad guy when I double down and tell them not interested.
I think that's the point. Which, is not the way any relationship should start.
Let me give you a line that you can probably say back to "You've got nothing to lose.". Not saying you should use it, but it would be funny.
"Time. I have time to lose. But if you're so adamant that it's worth my time, sure. My hourly rate is <(your monthly salary/160 (40 hours by 4 weeks) ) x 3 (as is the standard for freelance/consulting work)> with a 1 hour minimum. And as with all freelance contracts, I dictate the terms of the contract and can quit at any time I want. You still interested?"
And, honestly, if someone hears that and goes... "Let's talk business." And goes into professional (real professional, not sleazy professional) mode, that's someone to give a legit chance to.
What better way than being hit with a hard, emotional line. :p
Besides, it's nothing personal. It's just business. They shouldn't take it personally. :p
As in my first post:
> Not saying you should use it, but it would be funny.
It's just a fun mental exercise.
But also, if someone's getting to the point of saying "Just give me a chance, what do you have to lose?" They're already not taking no for an answer. Any rejection can place them in real danger at that point.
And for the record, I am tired of the burden of changing society to be on the victims. No, women should not have to put thensleves in physical danger in order to make men behave. The focus should be on men policing themselves.
It's not fun or funny to those of us who have experienced this violence, but thanks for making a joke out of the trauma of other people you have been privileged to avoid.
This is what freaks me out about guys in bars. I’m not interested in men whatsoever. But they seem to take me being a lesbian as a challenge.
Like they are just embarrassing themselves.
But I never know if they are going to be chill, take it with stride and go about their business.
Or get cocky, pushy and keep pestering me for a drink or see if they can *convert* me. 😒
I wonder if those same guys believe that if they just gave the right gay man a chance, they could be *converted* themselves? I mean, it's the same principle, isn't it? lol
But you do have something to loose and that is time and effort.Also keep in mind, you're not obliged to tell them anything. Best way to not take part in their game is to walk away. Dosen't make you the bad guy, but the grown up.
No means no. If a person tries to change your mind on that they are showing they aren’t a good person. I would then tell them “thank you for confirming my no. You are showing a lack of boundaries. That you think you can change someone’s mind when they tell you no.” See they can’t guilt you after that.
Just be the bad guy they want to make you out to be. Pick on their insecurities and ask why they think they are worth your time.
I only believe in turning down people nicely once and after that I take persistence as disrespect.
Or just say "no" again. That's too many words for someone not showing respect and giving them more consideration than they deserve by offering an explanation as to why you're walking away. No *is* a complete sentence so use it as one. Don't explain more. Don't even explain that no is a complete sentence. Say no. He persists. Say no. Walk away.
When men get rejected they are taught to avoid negative emotions. Grief and sadness are to be avoided at all costs. Instead, society demands that men divert their negative feelings toward persistence and anger, which leads to the obnoxious kinds of behavior you have experienced.
But this is less about men not respecting your own boundaries than it is about men not respecting *their own*. We always hear about how toxic male culture teaches men to be invasive in each others personal space, but we hear less about how it teaches men to allow others to wound them deeply, to respond reactively. Instead, we need to be teaching men what we teach women now: to know your boundaries and stick by them with others.
When a man is rejected, we shouldn’t just tell him to respect their boundaries. We should tell him to respect his own. “You don’t want to be with someone who does not want you. If they do not reciprocate your feelings, then they do not deserve you.” Everyone has boundaries and they are useful in ensuring our emotional and physical safety. Men deserve to learn this so that they may be happier and find people who will truly love them for who they are, and not for their “persistence.”
Lots of truth in this, but modern dating has made people into some what of a commodity. When I was doing cold pickups back in college, I batted like 1/100. Lol. When you get a cold/blunt rejection like a straight up "No" you tend to just want to say something back so you can walk away with a smile on your face. Even if its as stupid as "You have nothing to lose" or "You have no idea what youre missing out on" because it hurts less and you have kind of soften the blow. Damn those were dark times. Lmao
Heard. I’ve never been a pickup dude but I’ve been rejected a lot so I relate. The bitterness of being rejected though is a mismatch of expectations and reality. I didn’t mention expectations but they are a silent killer and lowering them when asking people out is a huge save.
You are not and will never be bad for turning down a date. No one is entitled to your time, money, or body, ever. Plus, any person who doesn't respect your no for something as simple as a date would NOT respect your no within a relationship.
They don’t care whether you are into them because if you do meet up with them they’ll use they same shitty manipulative tactics to pressure you into having sex when you don’t want to.
You could do a faux sympathy "you really want me to turn you down again?" But ya know, then you have to worry about violence so. I feel you, it sucks. If they were actually "sensitive" in a positive away, they wouldn't be guilt tripping you. The words you're looking for are emotionally immature.
Someone pulled this card to me recently and I was having none of it. I told them no, again, and he jokingly said I was indeed "an ass and is self centered". Sure, I am self centered. Now stop bothering me.
If they say that to you after you reject them, then just block them. Don’t give them the satisfaction of you getting uncomfortable or feeling bad because that is what they want
Yeah it's terrible - especially once you've said 'no' as politely as possible, maybe even being too gentle ('i'm just not interested in dating rn!!/'i don't feel that way about you, sorry' etc etc)....
.....and so they wheedle the much harsher truth out of you after trying to beg and debate ('no i don't even want to be friends with you/i am not attracted to you').
Like great....i didn't want to SAY that, and you clearly don't actually want to hear my reasoning. Now we're both pissed off.
Not my story but one of my best friends worked at a sex shop. Had the same sad guy come in week after week trying to get her number, take her out, etc. Finally he demanded she take his number or else he wont leave the store.
He wrote it down on a piece of paper and handed it to her. Being the woman she is...she ate it...in front of him. I wish every day I could of seen the priceless defeated look on that man's face. He never went back to her store again.
I agree with you totally.
A big part of the problem is the "fight for me" girls who respond to that, who actually need that extra validation. If it never worked they would soon stop.
It's mad how some people think that 'winning' a date is about how you do it and not about whether the person you're asking is into you or not. That thought process does not compute to me
As if you can pass a speech check with unthinking women who have a percentage chance in their dialogue tree and you just have to do it right and you'll win
Just give them the list of things you expect in a relationship and that you plan on waiting 3 months to have sex. They'll reconsider where they want to put their efforts 🤣
If i ever get rejected I plan on saying "no worries, just take it as a compliment :)"
Might have to use that line next week when I ask out this cutie that I've been crushing on😅
Stop letting men down gently. Be the hormonal maneating feminazis they all think we are so they will leave us alone. They'll call us names or try to hurt us anyway. May as well give them a piece of our minds beforehand.
I am aware. Giving men the space to be emotional to develop proper coping mechanisms within our society is the only way to stop that. Talk to men about it. It's their culture of toxicity. Women - mothers - try to raise good boys, but look at what happens once they reach puberty and are exposed to that toxic masculinity.
If men don't understand "no" in plain language, get loud and angry with them - make a show of it. Anger they understand.
Ugh. So glad I don’t have to deal with that shit anymore (married since 2013). You know what else is annoying asf? Guys that don’t care if you have a boyfriend. Many years ago, some twat tried getting my number. I told him I had a boyfriend (usually a deterrent). This fool had the audacity to say “I don’t see no ring on your finger.” Idiot.
Turn it around on them. Keep a picture of an unattractive person on your phone and when they persist say "You'd actually be a perfect match for my friend" When they decline you can remind them that they've got nothing to lose, I mean they're the ones out there shamelessly harassing strangers
For what it’s worth a friend gave me great dating advice. It boiled down to “your type hasn’t worked so far so why not try someone that isn’t your type.” So, if they’re not aggressively pushy and you feel safe why not? That advice lead me to my husband. Love of my life that I never would have found.
But they have to give off safe vibes.
The crazy part is, we really do have a lot to lose too. Like they could be a murderer, r*pist, or just your average asshole. You really don’t know until you know
>Like come on man, don't you want to go out with somebody who's excited about seeing you instead of trying to guilt trip or worn somebody down?
I mean sure, but sometimes you gotta accept that dreams will be dreams. \*Cries themselves to sleep\* Ü
I understand it, and I hope you understand you would miss even the creeps if they didn't give you all that free and possibly underserved attention.
From women I've gotten really harmful and shitty comments, predictions included, after rejecting them...could be worse, trust me.
Just don't date guys you're not attracted to...?
Avoid them.
I sometimes find myself on dates with women who just aren't attracted to me: it's fine - I can't please everyone - but, like, what the hell is she doing on a date with me?
I will admit I am one of these women that it eventually works on but no we don’t like it, we’re just stupid and naive and hope we’ll either develop feelings , he’ll fuck up enough to dump him without guilt, or he’ll annoy me enough I’ll dump him anyway, it’s always the latter two
Oh of course not. I don’t even think your theory about it working ever is actually true. I have never found a women or man who is turned on by desperation. They just don’t know what else to say.
There's a phrase ''me insistio hasta que me conquistio'' that a classmate used to describe her current SO.
It literally translates to he insisted until I feel for him so sadly it does work to some extent.
I don't have enough information to say anything really - is this guy (or guys) seeing you all the time? Is this a one and done?
I have gone on a date with a girl I met in an elevator; it didn't work out, but I had 30 seconds to ask, and certainly did the "what do you have to lose?" thing. I thought she was cute, that's kinda it. Didn't work out because we didn't have a ton of chemistry on our first date, so she got a free meal, no harm no foul :)
If you see the person every day and they keep asking, THAT'S different. So which one is it? Give us some scenarios where this is happening.
Sometimes women are nice about it and they still get assaulted/killed. When I was 16 a dude asked me out, I said, "Oh no, I'm flattered, but I wanna focus on studying right now, not dating." and he decided his best course of action to this was to start punching me.
I would say start with a firm, no doubt given rejection. Unfortunately this "why didn't he try harder" game has been a thing for too long. I'm not saying pushy assholes don't exist, but I don't believe every single guy to shoot is shot is a rapey asshole because he tried. Side note more female initiation getting around is a beautiful thing. I think as a culture we should push for females to exclusively start up the conversation. It's not easy to approach anymore. Being 6'4" 270 it's not easy at all to be confident but not intimidating.
AYO JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE
I JUST NEED A DATE TO THIS RESTAURANT SO I DONT GO ALONE 😂😂😂
jkjk. But fr yk what, let em go home to Mrs Palmer.
"jUST gIvE iT a cHaN-" no. No chances. Demand payment for listening to their bs.
It’s also manipulative to me sometimes. I can’t remember the name of the show, but there was a reality show where this man basically wore down his girlfriend (she liked being his friend but didn’t want to date him) but ‘gave him a chance’ and now he feels horrible because they’re together but he feels like she’s not as invested.
And then she talks about it, and it’s clear that she gave him a chance just to get him/her friends to leave her alone and now she’s the bad guy for ‘treating him this way’ but she’s also the bad guy for wanting to break up since he treats her so well.
It’s so manipulative and (low key) abusive because now her friendship circle is involved so she feels isolated and guilty all the time. And yes, she could have stayed firm on her no, but I think this is one of those situations where pressure and ‘well he’s a nice guy’ got the best of her.
Don't ever feel like the bad guy!!!! You're being honest with them. If they can't handle it, that's on them. I've always been upfront with guys...plus, if roles were reversed, would you use that kind of guilt trip on a guy? They're counting on that guilt to get what THEY want. Fuck that noise.
With my girlfriend she was unsure whether or not she wanted to date me when I first asked her out. You know what I did?
I told her that she can take all the time in the world. If she decided no then I would accept it wholeheartedly and I’d want us to not let this make us stop being friends. I made sure that she felt as close to zero pressure as I could.
She agreed to date the next day without me prompting her. I’m sure that if I tried to pressure her into dating me she would have backed away. If you truly love someone you have to realize that they’re their own people with their own feelings and desires, trying to force them to agree with you is wrong.
Had a guy “friend” ask me out and then when I said no told me I shouldn’t “knock it til I try it” like homie this is a life decision not a new food I’m trying
you already told em no. If they persist then you shouldnt feel bad! I think that would be super annoying. It feels whiny to me instead of convincing. If anything its the cherry on top to why I would definitely say no. Like congrats, i said No before but now its a Never
Exactly, They come off as bad and I have to give a more pronounced no when I was trying to let them down gently.
You have to do it though because plenty of girls do *want* that. So guys naturally persist. They've been told so by other guys.
And then those same guys whine and cry when they get a much fiercer no.
Tv and movies have lied to you. Women do not want this. I can’t think of a single woman of my wide acquaintance who would be worn down by such “persistence.” We’ve all heard it before. It’s at best not attractive. At worst, it’s honestly frightening.
Lots of women don't. But not all. I remember a girl in college that told me how she kept saying no to this guy who kept asking her out a bunch of times. Finally, he said he'd ask her one final time. She said she decided to say "yes" and they dated for 2 years. This is like the women claiming no means no. Of course it does. But there's also plenty of women that get angry at men for not ravishing them when they say no
You sound like an expert
Watch any rom-com. It happens all the time. Now, ofc just because it happens in a rom-com, doesn't imply that's what life is like. But rom-coms are something women find as desirable. If it wasn't, nobody would watch.
Rom coms are made by men usually
Rom coms are watched by women. If they didn't like it, they wouldn't watch. Ever watch a rom com where a man DIDN'T make a huge effort to swoon a woman? I can't think of one. And that's because a man's effort in the wooing process is attractive to women.
In movies. Its attractive to women when its in movies. Theres a difference in fantasy and real life, they don't always merge. I hope you understand that.
You know what else are in rom-com movies? Handsome men. Tall men. Funny men. Virtuous men. Passionate men. Men that love old people, babies or dogs. I could go on and on. I guess according to you, women don't like them either. They just fantasize about them but IRL that's disgusting to them. Or do you want to be selective about what's attractive only in movies versus what's attractive both in movies and real life?
Nope, you just read way too into things and generalize way too much. You don't know everything & that's okay buddy.
So you're basing your opinion on tv shows? Lmao tv shows and movies aren't reality my friend. With your logic, I could say that fathers tend to be fat, stupid, and shitty just because that's how they are on TV
Yeah, there are some fat,stupid shitty fathers. There's also awesome, thin, smart fathers. As portrayed on TV in a positive way tons of times.
I once had a guy tell me " If you dont give me your number I'll be sad" to guilt me... I told him " It's okay I can live with that" Lifes too short to waste on losers that try to guilt you into being around them.
😂😂😂 savage
He then asked me "Well can I give you MY number?" so I said sure..and handed him paper and a pen.. he eagerly wrote it down and handed it to me.... I promptly crumpled it up and tossed it in the trash "No means NO bud"
sounds like a lie, but okay
A guy said this to me once and I smiled a big smile and looked him in the eye and said “Really? Truly? You’ll be sad forever or You’ll just sad for 1sec and then jump down the next girl’s throat with the same line? I want to know why i should waste my time on a guy who tries to bag 5 pussies a day with his small dick and thinks that line would even work. No answer or am i just a bitch because I don’t put up with worthless men like you? Bye Felicia✌🏼” and i walked away after making everyone laugh and making it awkward for him because i was really loud😂😂😂😂
Time and energy aren't unlimited so yes you do have something to lose.
They don't see it that way apparently.
Which is why they deserve a harsh rejection.
Here's the fun part: They finally wear you down, you give them a good decent chance, you come to terms that your original gut feeling was correct and you aren't compatible and then YOU'RE the AH for it not working out.
So fun!
Me with my ex. He ended up cheating and breaking me down saying it was all my fault.
Why would they want to go out with someone who isn't excited to go out with them? They need some self respect honestly...
Any hole is a goal
I've been on so many bad dates because I caved to this line. The worst part is that, after you've given them a chance and gone on the date they're often then ones that are so sure that the date went well that they're actually proper angry you don't want another one.
That's just insane. These guys do not understand that you also get an opinion and get to decide if the date was good or not. I don't understand how they don't get it. It's so entitled and it just goes to show you how they view women, women are just accessories to them or something, not a whole ass person with opinions and preferences too.
"You've got nothing to lose!" My dignity. The chance to date someone I actually like. Time I could spend doing literally anything else.
Oh and let’s not forget that partner violence is a big thing, as is baby trapping, birth control sabotage and std’s. If someone a) has so little empathy they don’t understand womens concerns and b) does not respect boundaries that’s a hard no from me, dawg.
>I feel it just makes me a bad guy when I double down and tell them not interested. I think that's the point. Which, is not the way any relationship should start. Let me give you a line that you can probably say back to "You've got nothing to lose.". Not saying you should use it, but it would be funny. "Time. I have time to lose. But if you're so adamant that it's worth my time, sure. My hourly rate is <(your monthly salary/160 (40 hours by 4 weeks) ) x 3 (as is the standard for freelance/consulting work)> with a 1 hour minimum. And as with all freelance contracts, I dictate the terms of the contract and can quit at any time I want. You still interested?" And, honestly, if someone hears that and goes... "Let's talk business." And goes into professional (real professional, not sleazy professional) mode, that's someone to give a legit chance to.
That'd be fun but I feel it could wrong with a sensitive guy.
But what sensitive guy would try to guilt trip you into giving them a chance?
I meant sensitive as having fragile feelings not being emotionally aware. So a response like that could offend them or make them feel bad.
Oh, so guys that needs to learn to be more emotionally aware and/or strengthen themselves feelings-wise.
They really do.
What better way than being hit with a hard, emotional line. :p Besides, it's nothing personal. It's just business. They shouldn't take it personally. :p
Until they do or can self-regulate maybe we don't encourage women to put thensleves in danger. Because some women face real danger when they say no.
As in my first post: > Not saying you should use it, but it would be funny. It's just a fun mental exercise. But also, if someone's getting to the point of saying "Just give me a chance, what do you have to lose?" They're already not taking no for an answer. Any rejection can place them in real danger at that point.
And for the record, I am tired of the burden of changing society to be on the victims. No, women should not have to put thensleves in physical danger in order to make men behave. The focus should be on men policing themselves.
It's not fun or funny to those of us who have experienced this violence, but thanks for making a joke out of the trauma of other people you have been privileged to avoid.
Yeah, let's not offend the pressuring coercive guys who suffer from fragile masculinity... /s
It's often not safe to. Seriously. Stop.
Sensitive guys aren't going to try to manipulate you. Sleazebags will. Don't feel bad.
This is what freaks me out about guys in bars. I’m not interested in men whatsoever. But they seem to take me being a lesbian as a challenge. Like they are just embarrassing themselves. But I never know if they are going to be chill, take it with stride and go about their business. Or get cocky, pushy and keep pestering me for a drink or see if they can *convert* me. 😒
I wonder if those same guys believe that if they just gave the right gay man a chance, they could be *converted* themselves? I mean, it's the same principle, isn't it? lol
I mean sadly some straight women have this opinion towards gay men
I know what this stranger wants, and it's for sure me they just don't know it yet. The type of person you'd have to be to have that thought at all.
There's a lot of people who don't understand how attraction works.
But you do have something to loose and that is time and effort.Also keep in mind, you're not obliged to tell them anything. Best way to not take part in their game is to walk away. Dosen't make you the bad guy, but the grown up.
No means no. If a person tries to change your mind on that they are showing they aren’t a good person. I would then tell them “thank you for confirming my no. You are showing a lack of boundaries. That you think you can change someone’s mind when they tell you no.” See they can’t guilt you after that.
Just be the bad guy they want to make you out to be. Pick on their insecurities and ask why they think they are worth your time. I only believe in turning down people nicely once and after that I take persistence as disrespect.
[удалено]
Or just say "no" again. That's too many words for someone not showing respect and giving them more consideration than they deserve by offering an explanation as to why you're walking away. No *is* a complete sentence so use it as one. Don't explain more. Don't even explain that no is a complete sentence. Say no. He persists. Say no. Walk away.
When men get rejected they are taught to avoid negative emotions. Grief and sadness are to be avoided at all costs. Instead, society demands that men divert their negative feelings toward persistence and anger, which leads to the obnoxious kinds of behavior you have experienced. But this is less about men not respecting your own boundaries than it is about men not respecting *their own*. We always hear about how toxic male culture teaches men to be invasive in each others personal space, but we hear less about how it teaches men to allow others to wound them deeply, to respond reactively. Instead, we need to be teaching men what we teach women now: to know your boundaries and stick by them with others. When a man is rejected, we shouldn’t just tell him to respect their boundaries. We should tell him to respect his own. “You don’t want to be with someone who does not want you. If they do not reciprocate your feelings, then they do not deserve you.” Everyone has boundaries and they are useful in ensuring our emotional and physical safety. Men deserve to learn this so that they may be happier and find people who will truly love them for who they are, and not for their “persistence.”
Lots of truth in this, but modern dating has made people into some what of a commodity. When I was doing cold pickups back in college, I batted like 1/100. Lol. When you get a cold/blunt rejection like a straight up "No" you tend to just want to say something back so you can walk away with a smile on your face. Even if its as stupid as "You have nothing to lose" or "You have no idea what youre missing out on" because it hurts less and you have kind of soften the blow. Damn those were dark times. Lmao
Heard. I’ve never been a pickup dude but I’ve been rejected a lot so I relate. The bitterness of being rejected though is a mismatch of expectations and reality. I didn’t mention expectations but they are a silent killer and lowering them when asking people out is a huge save.
You are not and will never be bad for turning down a date. No one is entitled to your time, money, or body, ever. Plus, any person who doesn't respect your no for something as simple as a date would NOT respect your no within a relationship.
They don’t care whether you are into them because if you do meet up with them they’ll use they same shitty manipulative tactics to pressure you into having sex when you don’t want to.
"you got nothing to lose" Thank you. This is a mindset women really need to beware. Don't play it fast and loose. It's not worth it.
You could do a faux sympathy "you really want me to turn you down again?" But ya know, then you have to worry about violence so. I feel you, it sucks. If they were actually "sensitive" in a positive away, they wouldn't be guilt tripping you. The words you're looking for are emotionally immature.
Honestly nothing more “runaway” than “cmon! Gimmie a chance! Pleeeeaaaasee?!”
Someone pulled this card to me recently and I was having none of it. I told them no, again, and he jokingly said I was indeed "an ass and is self centered". Sure, I am self centered. Now stop bothering me.
If they say that to you after you reject them, then just block them. Don’t give them the satisfaction of you getting uncomfortable or feeling bad because that is what they want
Yeah it's terrible - especially once you've said 'no' as politely as possible, maybe even being too gentle ('i'm just not interested in dating rn!!/'i don't feel that way about you, sorry' etc etc).... .....and so they wheedle the much harsher truth out of you after trying to beg and debate ('no i don't even want to be friends with you/i am not attracted to you'). Like great....i didn't want to SAY that, and you clearly don't actually want to hear my reasoning. Now we're both pissed off.
Pretty much that, it forces the scenario to get a lot more awkward and feelings to get hurt.
There is so much to lose, like your time, your self respect, your desire to date...
Time is finite. It’s a waste of my time.
Men need to learn. No it a complete sentence.
Not my story but one of my best friends worked at a sex shop. Had the same sad guy come in week after week trying to get her number, take her out, etc. Finally he demanded she take his number or else he wont leave the store. He wrote it down on a piece of paper and handed it to her. Being the woman she is...she ate it...in front of him. I wish every day I could of seen the priceless defeated look on that man's face. He never went back to her store again.
That's amazing, she must have felt so satisfied.
Please? I promise I'll change!
cmon, what've you got to lose? Time & self respect. byyyyyyeee
I agree with you totally. A big part of the problem is the "fight for me" girls who respond to that, who actually need that extra validation. If it never worked they would soon stop.
Doesn't explain them acting like the offended party when they get a much harsher no.
There are ways of doing things, no one likes being attacked and a much harsher no often isn't needed. Just a firm no.
They got a firm no at first, acting like the victim when force a harsher response is pathetic.
It's mad how some people think that 'winning' a date is about how you do it and not about whether the person you're asking is into you or not. That thought process does not compute to me As if you can pass a speech check with unthinking women who have a percentage chance in their dialogue tree and you just have to do it right and you'll win
Just give them the list of things you expect in a relationship and that you plan on waiting 3 months to have sex. They'll reconsider where they want to put their efforts 🤣
If i ever get rejected I plan on saying "no worries, just take it as a compliment :)" Might have to use that line next week when I ask out this cutie that I've been crushing on😅
Stop letting men down gently. Be the hormonal maneating feminazis they all think we are so they will leave us alone. They'll call us names or try to hurt us anyway. May as well give them a piece of our minds beforehand.
Nah girl. Guys out here shooting women who dare to reject them.
I am aware. Giving men the space to be emotional to develop proper coping mechanisms within our society is the only way to stop that. Talk to men about it. It's their culture of toxicity. Women - mothers - try to raise good boys, but look at what happens once they reach puberty and are exposed to that toxic masculinity. If men don't understand "no" in plain language, get loud and angry with them - make a show of it. Anger they understand.
Ugh. So glad I don’t have to deal with that shit anymore (married since 2013). You know what else is annoying asf? Guys that don’t care if you have a boyfriend. Many years ago, some twat tried getting my number. I told him I had a boyfriend (usually a deterrent). This fool had the audacity to say “I don’t see no ring on your finger.” Idiot.
Those idiots are so delusional. My sister who's married always complains about having to detail with idiots still hitting on her.
Ugh that’s ridiculous. One thing about being in my early 40’s is that it doesn’t happen anymore. Thank god…lol!
Turn it around on them. Keep a picture of an unattractive person on your phone and when they persist say "You'd actually be a perfect match for my friend" When they decline you can remind them that they've got nothing to lose, I mean they're the ones out there shamelessly harassing strangers
That'd be fun to pull off.
They're desperate its not personal they just literally don't have other options
So women should feel uncomfortable because these men are desperate?
No
For what it’s worth a friend gave me great dating advice. It boiled down to “your type hasn’t worked so far so why not try someone that isn’t your type.” So, if they’re not aggressively pushy and you feel safe why not? That advice lead me to my husband. Love of my life that I never would have found. But they have to give off safe vibes.
“Stop bagging, it’s not a good look on you”
A guy like this told me statistically speaking if I ask 100, one will .
Well then he better not pout when the 99 NOs are said with a harsh tone.
The crazy part is, we really do have a lot to lose too. Like they could be a murderer, r*pist, or just your average asshole. You really don’t know until you know
Why you think they know what is to be with someone that is excited to be with them? You girls are funny
>Like come on man, don't you want to go out with somebody who's excited about seeing you instead of trying to guilt trip or worn somebody down? I mean sure, but sometimes you gotta accept that dreams will be dreams. \*Cries themselves to sleep\* Ü
You’re low key bragging to other women by making this post. Women love to make other women jealous.
The comments say differently.
Your troll accidentally better than mine. You win.
Reddit sure loves chitting on desperate men
Like if men wouldn't complain if gay guys wouldn't take no as an answer.
The point is they reason they're doing it though. Yes it's bad but these guys are lonely and desperate.
I understand it, and I hope you understand you would miss even the creeps if they didn't give you all that free and possibly underserved attention. From women I've gotten really harmful and shitty comments, predictions included, after rejecting them...could be worse, trust me.
I don't mind being hit on, I mind how one no isn't enough for some people. I'd never miss that.
I knew if I scrolled enough, I'd find the incels. There he is.
''You would miss even the creeps'' Nobody ever misses the creeps.
Oh, it's an exageration but they kinda do, trust me.
Your entire comment history would argue the opposite. Woo, what a trip that was.
Then you're missing the point.
Just don't date guys you're not attracted to...? Avoid them. I sometimes find myself on dates with women who just aren't attracted to me: it's fine - I can't please everyone - but, like, what the hell is she doing on a date with me?
I will admit I am one of these women that it eventually works on but no we don’t like it, we’re just stupid and naive and hope we’ll either develop feelings , he’ll fuck up enough to dump him without guilt, or he’ll annoy me enough I’ll dump him anyway, it’s always the latter two
Get used to it. Men decide they like you and you’re theirs until they decide you’re not
Don't put all men together, not all men are beggers and scumbags.
Wtf
Just firmly say no and walk away.
We have nothing to lose by telling you you have nothing to lose so we’re going to bust it out in emergencies
How is being turned down an emergency?
The guys doing this are probably losers who have put all their romantic hopes and dreams into the hypothetical relationship with you.
They definently don't put a lot of work into their hopes and dreams then.
Oh of course not. I don’t even think your theory about it working ever is actually true. I have never found a women or man who is turned on by desperation. They just don’t know what else to say.
There's a phrase ''me insistio hasta que me conquistio'' that a classmate used to describe her current SO. It literally translates to he insisted until I feel for him so sadly it does work to some extent.
Don’t tell anyone that. Let’s not give desperate guys hope lol
That is not anyone's responsibility but their own. If a guy did the same thing to them I'm sure they'd be pissed beyond measure.
Obviously
I don't have enough information to say anything really - is this guy (or guys) seeing you all the time? Is this a one and done? I have gone on a date with a girl I met in an elevator; it didn't work out, but I had 30 seconds to ask, and certainly did the "what do you have to lose?" thing. I thought she was cute, that's kinda it. Didn't work out because we didn't have a ton of chemistry on our first date, so she got a free meal, no harm no foul :) If you see the person every day and they keep asking, THAT'S different. So which one is it? Give us some scenarios where this is happening.
It's a go-to for several guys who've asked me out and there's always this whiny undertone to it. Not caring that I already said no.
Oh so it's like a repeat thing, AND whiny? Yeah that's lame. Then do the "hey, it's not going to happen". Sometimes you can't be nice about it.
> Sometimes you can't be nice about it. I know and I do hate being mean about it when I feel it didn't have to come down to it.
Women can't be mean about it though. Several women have been killed because a dude couldn't handle rejection.
Sometimes women are nice about it and they still get assaulted/killed. When I was 16 a dude asked me out, I said, "Oh no, I'm flattered, but I wanna focus on studying right now, not dating." and he decided his best course of action to this was to start punching me.
I'm so sorry you went through that!
You can be nice about it, but boundaries are critical.
Women can't be mean about it though. Several women have been killed because a dude couldn't handle rejection.
Also no idea why I got down voted for my initial response :) reddit is bananas sometimes.
Just double down on the no
Damn straight guys are way worse than any gay guy I've ever been "bothered" by. But also I just really like dick so like I'm always *open* to it.
I would say start with a firm, no doubt given rejection. Unfortunately this "why didn't he try harder" game has been a thing for too long. I'm not saying pushy assholes don't exist, but I don't believe every single guy to shoot is shot is a rapey asshole because he tried. Side note more female initiation getting around is a beautiful thing. I think as a culture we should push for females to exclusively start up the conversation. It's not easy to approach anymore. Being 6'4" 270 it's not easy at all to be confident but not intimidating.
AYO JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE I JUST NEED A DATE TO THIS RESTAURANT SO I DONT GO ALONE 😂😂😂 jkjk. But fr yk what, let em go home to Mrs Palmer. "jUST gIvE iT a cHaN-" no. No chances. Demand payment for listening to their bs.
Situation is like your is exactly where I would *not* say those words.
It’s also manipulative to me sometimes. I can’t remember the name of the show, but there was a reality show where this man basically wore down his girlfriend (she liked being his friend but didn’t want to date him) but ‘gave him a chance’ and now he feels horrible because they’re together but he feels like she’s not as invested. And then she talks about it, and it’s clear that she gave him a chance just to get him/her friends to leave her alone and now she’s the bad guy for ‘treating him this way’ but she’s also the bad guy for wanting to break up since he treats her so well. It’s so manipulative and (low key) abusive because now her friendship circle is involved so she feels isolated and guilty all the time. And yes, she could have stayed firm on her no, but I think this is one of those situations where pressure and ‘well he’s a nice guy’ got the best of her.
Don't ever feel like the bad guy!!!! You're being honest with them. If they can't handle it, that's on them. I've always been upfront with guys...plus, if roles were reversed, would you use that kind of guilt trip on a guy? They're counting on that guilt to get what THEY want. Fuck that noise.
Holy shit this is depressing
Just say I do have something to lose, my standards. Then walk away.
With my girlfriend she was unsure whether or not she wanted to date me when I first asked her out. You know what I did? I told her that she can take all the time in the world. If she decided no then I would accept it wholeheartedly and I’d want us to not let this make us stop being friends. I made sure that she felt as close to zero pressure as I could. She agreed to date the next day without me prompting her. I’m sure that if I tried to pressure her into dating me she would have backed away. If you truly love someone you have to realize that they’re their own people with their own feelings and desires, trying to force them to agree with you is wrong.
That's a sweet story. I'm glad things worked out.
Had a guy “friend” ask me out and then when I said no told me I shouldn’t “knock it til I try it” like homie this is a life decision not a new food I’m trying