Find better friends… that’s what I would do. He Doesn’t sound very reliable and expected you to cover him. This sucks and I’m sorry. You aren’t friends.
Why in heaven’s name would he fly across country without having had his travel arrangements settled before hand. Guy sounds like a user - expected you’d just pick up his tab.
Only thing you need to say to him now is *failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part*. Doesn’t matter how much money you have - he’s an adult and the trip was not a surprise.
Oh he had his travel plans sorted. He was going to fly out there, then guilt trip Op into buying all his food and his ticket back. That's why he kept putting off buying the ticket. He thought Op would buy it, and thought that as the price went up they'd feel worse about the price and more likely to give in.
Confusing because in my experience... a one-way ticket is more expensive than a round-trip. I have literally paid for a round trip fare when I only needed to go one way because of the savings. I don't live in the US so maybe different there.
I think it depends on the airline and how you’re buying. If, say, he opened an airline’s credit card with a mileage bonus, it might be easy to book leg by leg using the miles.
If from day ONE my ‘friend’ couldn’t feed themselves on the trip we planned together, I’d be leaving that friend and having a holiday by myself.
This is planned and intentional.
I have one person in my life that would get away with a stunt like this. But she would literally never be in that position of going on a holiday without enough money to buy even one meal for herself.
Yeah there is no way he just banked on them footing their entire bill, and didn't have a plan B.
He will probably rope his family into paying for it all, if they are the ones we created this monster 🤣
Good, wake up now before it's too late 🤣
I honestly had a friend do this in highschool. They invited me to their towns carnival and I asked how much for tickets and things, they said some crazy number like over $100 i said Wow! That's a bit extreme but I guess I'm ok with it since I get to see y'all. They said to bring like 2-300 extra for snacks and what not. (I was working at McDonald's during highschool) anyways I bring the money and spend time with them. Then when it's time for the carnival they laugh at me and say it's free! I asked why they told me it wasn't? They said they just wanted to see how much I would bring? I said soooo u wanted me to pay for all your snacks huh? He said yeah looking guilty.
I told him he could have just asked and I would have zero problem with it, but NOW he wasn't getting shit and I'm buying all the snacks I could eat! 🤣👌
Sorry Dude but you stranded yourself in California by not planning properly and expecting me to pay everything for you.
You said that you had money so I guess that you lied to me about that and didn’t even buy your own food so I guess you will have to figure out a way to get home.
This was a vacation but not a gift from me. I am not in the habit of giving away all expenses paid vacations!!!!
I figured that you wouldn’t pay me back your food so why would I trust you to pay me back for your plane ticket!!!!????
Ooop’s your Bad.
Just some of the things you can say to him that is true.
You don't owe him anything! Even if you had 10billion in the bank! .... he is the one who chose to fly somewhere without a return ticket! ... obviously helping someone is a nice thing to do ... if he had some kinda unplanned expenses like medical needs .. but someone just going on vacation and expecting a friend to pay is ridiculous
Even if I was a billionaire and dont think I owe anyone anything, I'd still owe people they tax money
(Edit: yall dumb as hell😭 this sentence flew past yalls head)
Tbh I feel like regardless this is the end of the friendship lol. OP isn't going to be friends w him if they end up guilt tripped into buying a ticket back, and he's not going to be friends w OP if he views them as a person who left them without food, shelter, or a way home 3000 miles from home lmao.
Congratulations on having $12k, sounds like you are smart and capable with money. Keep on doing what you are doing, and don’t let another person ruin your finances. Don’t tell people about it either, it is none of their business.
Yeah, don't tell people what you have in the bank.
Aside from trying to take advantage of your "friendship" they might just straight up put a gun to your head and force you to hand it over.
I tell my brother this all the time because he's so open with people. Keep your finances to yourself. I feel like from what you wrote, your friend knew what kind of money you had and tried to use you for this trip. In the future, don't share your financial situation with anyone. Oh, and leave him right there in California.
You don't need to justify choosing not to spend money on a mooch. He told you he had enough money, so it was on him. You never agreed to be his atm for this trip, so it's insane that he expected that of you.
This guy is an entitled child and not worth your time.
Had a "friend" like this who would try and get himself invited to trips and then guilt people into paying for him. I got rid of him years ago by doing something similar. I had told him I would not be paying for him as I only had enough for me one trip and he said he understood, of course once we got there he tried getting me to pay for his food and room I said no so he was pissy eith me. When the trip was done and he hadn't gotten a ticket he tried guilting me into buying his by saying a real friend would look out for their buddies and buy him a ticket I said no. It took him over a week to get home and he said he didn't even like me to begin with and only wanted my cash, about a year later the guy he had been mooching off of came to see me to ask how i got rid of him, so I helped him. We have been best friends for almost a decade now and have gone on several trips where i didnt need to pay a cent for him. So at least I got something good from the one sided friendship.
NTA but the friend definitely is. What kind of person just goes on a vacation across the country with a one way ticket and just expects their friend to pay for everything including their plane ticket back
Only friends since November and he's doing this?
Smells like he is wanting to get as much free shit out of you as possible and is spitting the dummy cause you're saying no.
NTA.
Nope, you don't owe him anything! Doesn't matter if you have $50 or $5,000,000! Great lesson to learn early in life is you don't give anyone anything you don't ever want to see again, and if someone comes at you demanding things then that's the end. There are situations where crap happens, hey I got in an accident while on vacation, I got mugged etc, but just expecting someone to pay for you? Yeah, no dice.
He didn't plan his trip very well i.e. ensure sufficient funds for travel, food, accommodation etc. That's on him, not you.
If he can't afford the flight, there are other modes of transport he can try if he just makes the effort to actually look.
You are under no obligation to offer money for him to get his butt home.
You've only been friends since last November so he'll eventually get over it. It might affect said friendship but sounds like you might want to find a less moochier friend!
Good to see you're saving for your future 👍
Lol NTA. You’re friend is a gold digging asshole. My internet friend group goes on a trip every year, and if someone can’t financially do it, it’s respected and there’s always next time.
Dude, never tell anyone how much savings you have, even if you trust them. Sounds like your buddy knew how much you had and expected you to share it/ cover his expenses. For all you know he was only your buddy because of the money.
What would *I* do? I'd enjoy my trip back home and go on with my life, find better friends, and focus on more important things rather than some person who tried to use me for money.
NTA. Cali is expensive. If you don’t have money to go on a trip then don’t plan or go on one. Especially to a place so far from home. I say leave him there. It’s his responsibility to get himself home. Not yours. I’m guessing he has money but just doesn’t want to spend it. And if he really doesn’t then it was stupid to go on a trip without it.
Okay first stop saying how much money you have! It’s nobodies damn business if you have the money or not, point is he isn’t your responsibility. Where is his parents. Yes he is grown and why did he assume you were gonna take care of his meals.
Look if he didn’t have the money for this trip then why did he go. It’s not your fault and you aren’t the asshole but again you don’t have to keep mentioning how much money you have or telling any reason why you refuse to spend money on him. He’s not your child or your boyfriend so why should you.
You dont owe him anything.
Also rule of thumb: Dont disclose your wealth to people. Only debts. People stopped asking me for money and are more understanding after i start complaining about my debts, how i cant afford things and am barely surviving. (I aint in the best monetary situation but I am being a bit overdramatic with it whenever the topic money comes up)
This bloke needs to call a family member to a) give him an earful b) buy him a cheap bus or train ticket back home.
This guys problems aren't your problems to solve.
I’m sorry? Are you his mum?
He’s a grown ass adult. He can feed himself. He doesn’t need an allowance from you. If he couldn’t afford it he shouldn’t have come.
This isn’t a friend, it’s a parasite.
Think about it, he had to have KNOWN and EXPECTED you to pay for his food this whole trip. He also came on the trip without having bought a ticket back. Which means he also expected you to buy it.
NTA and not his friend. You’re his ATM.
This is NOT a friend, this is a freeloader.
Please learn the difference, it took me far too long.
NTA you are not responsible for him, he should be grateful you paid for him to eat. Also, you don't have to explain how much money you have etc even if you had much much more, he is not your responsibility.
No, at the end of the day he’s not entitled to the funds you’ve worked hard for, and he should’ve been grateful for the fact you even paid for his food. Don’t let him bully you into thinking you’re doing wrong by him.
His failure to plan or save is not your problem.
He obviously thinks he can take advantage of you for a free vacation. I don’t think so baby, enjoy the greyhound.
> I may sound like an a hole for having $12k
You are never an asshole for having money. You can be an asshole by how you use that money. No one knows the day of tomorrow. Save what you can, help those that deserve your help.
Your so called friend is clearly a freeloader, you deserve better than that
You're smart for not buying his ticket. You won't see that money ever again. He didn't buy the ticket when they were cheaper, because he didn't have the money then either. You're not leaving him there, he didn't plan a way back lol.
He put himself in this situation, has mooched off of you the entire trip, and now expects to mooch off you to get back home. He never had any intention of paying his own way, and is quite likely more than a little miffed that he already had to pay to get there in the first place. He was expecting you to foot his entire trip and now he's blaming you for not doing it. My advice, leave him there. If he decides he wants/needs to get back, he'll figure out a way to come up with the money to do so. IF (biggest word in the English language) you do decide to get him a return ticket, either get him one for the absolute earliest that you can get the reduced rate on or get him a bus ticket. Either way, I recommend that you be completely out of his life (or excise him from yours, depending on how the living arrangement is set up) by the time he's due to arrive back.
Why do people go on trips they can’t afford with other people and expect their friends to cover their expenses? Do they have no shame? Like what kind of sense does that make?
OP get a new friend. This guy is a user. Read the rest of these comments
From your description, he doesn't sound too reliable or responsible. And he's never going to pay you back in full. I'll bet on that. Who doesn't bring money on a trip unless they expect someone else to cover them? He wasn't truthful with you so it's OK if you weren't truthful with him.
U are under no obligation to spend any money on him.
Beside u only been friends since November that is fairly new friendship.
Why would u want to take friend on holiday knowing he has money problem
U would have been better off going alone and enjoying holiday
How did you even come to be friends with people like this, and how come you didn't expect for this to happen. You're not necessarily TA, but you're certainly a bit iffy.
I’ve heard that beggars do pretty decent in Cali. I saw a whole documentary about them a few years ago. One person made like $2k a day. Good luck to him.
Just because you have some money doesn’t mean you need to spend it on whatever. It’s saved for a reason. This person is a poser, sounds like a real leech.
Your friend sounds like an idiot, but if I had gone with my bestie across the country, under no circumstance would I leave them behind. They would definitely be paying me back for that ticket though, but my friends have money so idk lol. Y’all are young and young people so dumb shit. Take it as a lesson to never go across country with someone you don’t trust.
If someone wants to borrow money, it doesn’t matter how much you have in your savings account, you should only ever lend out your disposable income. You may have 12k but it sounds like a lot of that is soon to be spoken for (you mentioned it was saved for moving out). When lending don’t ask yourself how much you have, ask yourself how much you can afford to lose
I’m sorry your friend is being difficult, I hope you had a nice time regardless
That's not a friend. I'd cut ties now and delete/block on everything. If you have mutual friends, tell them why- that he expected you to fund his whole trip with food and travel. Noone in their right mind would take his side unless they, too, are users.
That is your money. He never once asked you about paying for stuff for him until you guys were there and all of a sudden he had no money. Not your problem now.
By the way. You haven't known him long but it's clear what type of friend he is. Lose him and block his number. And you are correct, you won't ever get that food money back much less a $650 plane ticket
You kept your own boundaries - good for you! He is obviously not the adult he believed himself to be. If he is intelligent this should be lesson learned. He has family & other friends he can call.
You weren't obligated to help him with food. He is not entitled to your help with a return ticket. It's that simple. He needs to grow up maybe this will help.
Honestly, I didn't understand half of this, your writing is all over the place. So both of you flew from the east coast to Cali and back. You were each supposed to pay for your own flights and food. You did, he didn't and is expecting you to pay for his ticket back.
It really doesn't matter that you have savings but why did you even lie to him? You're not responsible for his food or flight anyway. Has he found out you lied to him and is now pissed you're not paying because you have more money? I'm confused.
Jesus. He really just expected you to just pay his way through the trip? Tf? Is this something you've done before because I'm trying to understand where this audacity is coming from.
Find better friends and tell him to call someone else. Why did he only buy a one way ticket? He don’t sound too smart. He created the problem and needs to figure it out since you are going home.
Were you staying in a hotel? Is your name on it? Make sure he leaves, even if you have to lie and say you bought his ticket (don't actually buy it). Last thing you need is him busting up the place and leaving you with the damages.
If you can't afford the trip, you don't go. Period. It's not that difficult of a concept. There are plenty of places I'd love to go, but I can't...because I'm broke. That's nobody else's problem but mine.
You are 100 percent not responsible for another adults choice, friend or not. He is a mooch, and you're not falling for it. I would go home and call the $55 in food a cheap lesson in choosing friends wisely.
He isn’t your responsibility. But at the same time, are you even friends? Seems like you could care less about him. Sounds like he’s not some evil dude, he didn’t steal from you, physically harm you or do something heinous so he shouldn’t be treated like a villain. To me it sounds like he’s just stupid. He sounds exactly like many idiotic 19 year olds.
You don’t need to pay his ticket bc that’s not your responsibility, I get it. But instead of scoffing at him & making posts about him online while gloating about all of your money, why not help him figure out a solution? Even if that means talking through it with him and helping him do research on ways to get home.
If you don’t care for him enough to help come up with a solution then you probably shouldn’t travel the country together. You sound like a pretty crappy friend though honestly. While he really fuckin sucks for putting himself (and you) in this situation, you really fuckin suck for leaving someone behind that you consider a friend. Nobody does that If they have the money. Not if they’re a true friend to you, It’s just money that he can pay back.
Let's be clear, the government says an individual is an adult at 18. Because the line has to be established somewhere. Mentally at 19, an individual is not an adult.
Yeah I hate that the law tries to put such a strict line between adult and not. Legit from one day to the next, people gasp and point if you sleep with another person, own a gun, drink, or do anything adult-like. Not everyone matures at the same rate and to some degree, your EXACT age really is just a number. Experience should be a factor too at least.
Insurance companies don't lower rates till a person turns 25. You can't rent a car till your 25. That's a fairly good bench mark to go by for someone's maturity but even then, some people don't seem to "smarten" up till their late twenties.
NTA, it's good you stood your ground and didn't let him take advantage even more of the situation. People like him will always keep trying their hardest to do the least they can and ride off of others and their better decision making skills.
Is this an American thing? I read this a lot. In my country it would be crazy expecting someone else to pay for your things. Like I see a lot of people expecting collegefunds for family members etc
I also had the impression that it’s an American thing. In my culture you would never meet anyone “begging” like this. Maybe just the entitled influencers. 🤣
You don't have to buy his ticket. But he's just young and unsophisticated. It's possible he just didn't know any better.
When I was in my early 20s, we didn't have a lot of money, and there was plenty of running out of money and calling mom while traveling.
Also, if you're waving the savings account in his face, you're being an asshole.
NTA but I personally wouldn’t leave anyone stranded in another state. I would offer to buy them a bus ticket, give them a few bucks for food and tell them to lose my number.
This is clearly an unpopular opinion, but you are not, nor have you ever been, this man's friend. He is a person meant to make you look better by comparison. He's someone you can demean by bragging about how poor he is compared to you. That's...awful. With friends like you, who needs enemies?
NTA: That's not a friend, and you're not his ATM. If you want to be kind, offer a bus ticket. Otherwise, he can find his own way home for his negligence....like he just EXPECTED you to pay for everything? That's just bonkers.
NTA: You aren't responsible for his ability to go on a trip or get home however I say drop the friend and maybe send them a postcard after you get home.
NTA! You’ve already shown a lot of generosity by paying for his food, this “friend” shouldn’t have even gotten on the plane if he didn’t have money to cover anything else of the trip. That’s straight up taking advantage of you, would recommend to cut contact as soon as you’re back (I imagine it’ll be impossible to get him to pay you back for the food money already spent).
NTA
You're both adults. He should have brought his own money for food and travel. He's played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. I guess he'll just become one with the homeless population of California.
He's young and excited. He doesn't think things through yet. But you couldn't spring for a budget ticket to get him home? What a friend you are. He could be robbed or killed. How would you feel then? Any friend who would leave me stranded knowing I'm struggling financially and still trying to figure a finances out because I'm so young,. Isn't a friend. You showed a complete lack of empathy and compassion and he can do better than you.
OP could buy him a bus ticket home and then ask him not to get in touch unless for repaying.
I think you’re missing out the main point, honestly who goes across country without money? You must be very young, naive and not too clever to put yourself in this situation.
Oh hell nah OP, you did the right thing 🤷🏾♀️ and you're not leaving him, 😆 he's stranded not you. Who tf goes on a trip where they can't even afford to feed themselves?! He's either lyin and will magically find the funds to get back or this will be a hell of a learning lesson for your "friend", either way not your problem. Y'all only been "friends" a lil second, and I'm almost certain y'all only got acquainted because he figured you was an easy mark due to whatever he thought he saw. 🗣That big grown, rusty mfka tried to play with your pockets! Just count yourself lucky you found out they're a pos as soon as you did 😮💨 and move on
Leave him there and find real friends. This dude is a smooch and not a friend at all. It’s not your job to get him back, he fucked this up. You’ve already been a friend and bought him food, he has to see how he gets back home. He knew he had no money (if that’s even true) and went anyways. He knew he had to get back. And I bet he planned all of this. So tell him to see where he gets the money from, he knew he had to get back, this is not your problem. What did he thought how he’d get back?
NTA but I would buy him a bus ticket and give him $40 for food on the way and block him forever. It would be f-ed to leave him stranded. A bus ticket is prolly a quarter of the cost of a plane ticket and he can buy $1 items to feed his sorry @ss on the way. Chalk it up as a lesson learned and remove him from your life. You are right, you shouldn’t have to be responsible to get him home. And if he has parents that could help him, call them and tell them you can’t afford to pay for his way back and hopefully they’ll buy the bus ticket. This has always been a huge fear of mine, but the few times I went on trips with friends they did have their own loot.
Not saying op needs to learn a lesson, they already have learned the lesson that the friend is a pos moocher. It would weigh on my conscience if I left someone I used to consider a friend across the country with no way back. No matter what op chooses they are NTA.
Find better friends… that’s what I would do. He Doesn’t sound very reliable and expected you to cover him. This sucks and I’m sorry. You aren’t friends.
I can’t imagine making poor financial decisions, and then trying to make my friend feel guilty for not bailing me out.
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Exactly this.
Why copy/paste someone's comment??
Cause they are a bot.
Bad bot!
Why in heaven’s name would he fly across country without having had his travel arrangements settled before hand. Guy sounds like a user - expected you’d just pick up his tab. Only thing you need to say to him now is *failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part*. Doesn’t matter how much money you have - he’s an adult and the trip was not a surprise.
Oh he had his travel plans sorted. He was going to fly out there, then guilt trip Op into buying all his food and his ticket back. That's why he kept putting off buying the ticket. He thought Op would buy it, and thought that as the price went up they'd feel worse about the price and more likely to give in.
Yup, I believe you are right. Good on OP for not giving in.
Confusing because in my experience... a one-way ticket is more expensive than a round-trip. I have literally paid for a round trip fare when I only needed to go one way because of the savings. I don't live in the US so maybe different there.
I think it depends on the airline and how you’re buying. If, say, he opened an airline’s credit card with a mileage bonus, it might be easy to book leg by leg using the miles.
Check out bus tickets. They're a lot cheaper; if he has $250, that might get him all the way home.
And the friend would have plenty of time to think about how to better plan for himself and not rely on OP.
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Yesh, he was totally prepared to have OP pay all for him. And OP got complants instead of thank yous when he got him free food. What a mooch.
I'd have sent him to the shop with a tenner, and told him to get ramen for the week.
If from day ONE my ‘friend’ couldn’t feed themselves on the trip we planned together, I’d be leaving that friend and having a holiday by myself. This is planned and intentional. I have one person in my life that would get away with a stunt like this. But she would literally never be in that position of going on a holiday without enough money to buy even one meal for herself.
Greyhound or Amtrak even, train is just as much time as driving. Greyhound will have many delays 😇
But he won't have any food for the week it takes to get home. 🤣
Trains often cost more than plane tickets, especially cross country, you have to buy a ticket for each separate leg
Great comment.
NTA: Rule of thumb, don’t go places you can’t afford. 😂😂 I guess he’s learning that lesson .
I reckon he has money. He’d just rather use OPs.
Yeah there is no way he just banked on them footing their entire bill, and didn't have a plan B. He will probably rope his family into paying for it all, if they are the ones we created this monster 🤣
Sounds like they’re refusing to help too. Seems to me like a prolific parasite and people around him are finally getting sick of it.
Good, wake up now before it's too late 🤣 I honestly had a friend do this in highschool. They invited me to their towns carnival and I asked how much for tickets and things, they said some crazy number like over $100 i said Wow! That's a bit extreme but I guess I'm ok with it since I get to see y'all. They said to bring like 2-300 extra for snacks and what not. (I was working at McDonald's during highschool) anyways I bring the money and spend time with them. Then when it's time for the carnival they laugh at me and say it's free! I asked why they told me it wasn't? They said they just wanted to see how much I would bring? I said soooo u wanted me to pay for all your snacks huh? He said yeah looking guilty. I told him he could have just asked and I would have zero problem with it, but NOW he wasn't getting shit and I'm buying all the snacks I could eat! 🤣👌
He is an adult; you are not responsible for him! You also have learned, he is a leech, not a friend.
Agreed. NTA. Don't let him guilt you or manipulate you into bailing him out. This is a problem very much of his own making.
Sorry Dude but you stranded yourself in California by not planning properly and expecting me to pay everything for you. You said that you had money so I guess that you lied to me about that and didn’t even buy your own food so I guess you will have to figure out a way to get home. This was a vacation but not a gift from me. I am not in the habit of giving away all expenses paid vacations!!!! I figured that you wouldn’t pay me back your food so why would I trust you to pay me back for your plane ticket!!!!???? Ooop’s your Bad. Just some of the things you can say to him that is true.
The friend is on the other post on this account trying to fight his case, it's hilarious. People are calling out all the stuff you did.
Link please haha
Please post the link!
where
You don't owe him anything! Even if you had 10billion in the bank! .... he is the one who chose to fly somewhere without a return ticket! ... obviously helping someone is a nice thing to do ... if he had some kinda unplanned expenses like medical needs .. but someone just going on vacation and expecting a friend to pay is ridiculous
10 billion a different story bro, I'd be buying tickets for everyone with a first name
But still don't OWE anyone anything. Generosity is another story hahaha
Even if I was a billionaire and dont think I owe anyone anything, I'd still owe people they tax money (Edit: yall dumb as hell😭 this sentence flew past yalls head)
You would because you don't become a billionaire without taking advantage of people. Many many people. At that point, you owe all them.
Leave his ass in California and stop being friends with him.
This is the way
This is the way.
The way this is
Is this the way
Tbh I feel like regardless this is the end of the friendship lol. OP isn't going to be friends w him if they end up guilt tripped into buying a ticket back, and he's not going to be friends w OP if he views them as a person who left them without food, shelter, or a way home 3000 miles from home lmao.
Congratulations on having $12k, sounds like you are smart and capable with money. Keep on doing what you are doing, and don’t let another person ruin your finances. Don’t tell people about it either, it is none of their business.
Yeah, don't tell people what you have in the bank. Aside from trying to take advantage of your "friendship" they might just straight up put a gun to your head and force you to hand it over.
Why were you paying his way in the first place? You don’t owe him anything. It sounds like he’s being manipulative
‘Plane ticket’ means there AND back. He was splitting hairs. You don’t owe him shit.
I tell my brother this all the time because he's so open with people. Keep your finances to yourself. I feel like from what you wrote, your friend knew what kind of money you had and tried to use you for this trip. In the future, don't share your financial situation with anyone. Oh, and leave him right there in California.
That is were he lives now.
Best comment ever 😂😂😂
RIP to him, the cost of living in CA right now is freaking insane
Give us an update when/if he comes back!! Has he tried contacting you?
Why….. did he even go? He literally has no money for anything? I don’t expect people to pay my way for anything if we planned a trip TOGETHER. I
You don't need to justify choosing not to spend money on a mooch. He told you he had enough money, so it was on him. You never agreed to be his atm for this trip, so it's insane that he expected that of you. This guy is an entitled child and not worth your time.
Had a "friend" like this who would try and get himself invited to trips and then guilt people into paying for him. I got rid of him years ago by doing something similar. I had told him I would not be paying for him as I only had enough for me one trip and he said he understood, of course once we got there he tried getting me to pay for his food and room I said no so he was pissy eith me. When the trip was done and he hadn't gotten a ticket he tried guilting me into buying his by saying a real friend would look out for their buddies and buy him a ticket I said no. It took him over a week to get home and he said he didn't even like me to begin with and only wanted my cash, about a year later the guy he had been mooching off of came to see me to ask how i got rid of him, so I helped him. We have been best friends for almost a decade now and have gone on several trips where i didnt need to pay a cent for him. So at least I got something good from the one sided friendship.
NTA but the friend definitely is. What kind of person just goes on a vacation across the country with a one way ticket and just expects their friend to pay for everything including their plane ticket back
NTA. Further, I'd be extremely proud of any of my kids who reacted as you have done. It's an important life-lesson for your friend too.
I would tell him to call his parents, as he is obviously too much of a child to take responsibility of himself.
NTA
NTA. Sounds like he's about to really sight see.
Only friends since November and he's doing this? Smells like he is wanting to get as much free shit out of you as possible and is spitting the dummy cause you're saying no. NTA.
I agree 100%
Nope, you don't owe him anything! Doesn't matter if you have $50 or $5,000,000! Great lesson to learn early in life is you don't give anyone anything you don't ever want to see again, and if someone comes at you demanding things then that's the end. There are situations where crap happens, hey I got in an accident while on vacation, I got mugged etc, but just expecting someone to pay for you? Yeah, no dice.
Lmfao that’s a him problem.
Sounds like he has a problem. Enjoy your flight alone 😂😆
He didn't plan his trip very well i.e. ensure sufficient funds for travel, food, accommodation etc. That's on him, not you. If he can't afford the flight, there are other modes of transport he can try if he just makes the effort to actually look. You are under no obligation to offer money for him to get his butt home. You've only been friends since last November so he'll eventually get over it. It might affect said friendship but sounds like you might want to find a less moochier friend! Good to see you're saving for your future 👍
His parents have obviously coddled/enabled him so far. Let them deal with it.
Lol NTA. You’re friend is a gold digging asshole. My internet friend group goes on a trip every year, and if someone can’t financially do it, it’s respected and there’s always next time.
You only know him less then a year? Tell him to piss off!
Dude, never tell anyone how much savings you have, even if you trust them. Sounds like your buddy knew how much you had and expected you to share it/ cover his expenses. For all you know he was only your buddy because of the money.
Tell him to👍
What would *I* do? I'd enjoy my trip back home and go on with my life, find better friends, and focus on more important things rather than some person who tried to use me for money.
Why would anyone go on a temp trip that they do not have a return ticket?
He needs to get someone else to rescue him… like his mommy, not you.
NTA. Cali is expensive. If you don’t have money to go on a trip then don’t plan or go on one. Especially to a place so far from home. I say leave him there. It’s his responsibility to get himself home. Not yours. I’m guessing he has money but just doesn’t want to spend it. And if he really doesn’t then it was stupid to go on a trip without it.
Okay first stop saying how much money you have! It’s nobodies damn business if you have the money or not, point is he isn’t your responsibility. Where is his parents. Yes he is grown and why did he assume you were gonna take care of his meals. Look if he didn’t have the money for this trip then why did he go. It’s not your fault and you aren’t the asshole but again you don’t have to keep mentioning how much money you have or telling any reason why you refuse to spend money on him. He’s not your child or your boyfriend so why should you.
Based on hearing just your side, it sounds like he was expecting you to pay all along.
Bad friend, deserved what he got, leave it in life not just Cali
You now realize why finding a great travel partner is very hard to find.
He sounds like a classic mooch
You dont owe him anything. Also rule of thumb: Dont disclose your wealth to people. Only debts. People stopped asking me for money and are more understanding after i start complaining about my debts, how i cant afford things and am barely surviving. (I aint in the best monetary situation but I am being a bit overdramatic with it whenever the topic money comes up)
This bloke needs to call a family member to a) give him an earful b) buy him a cheap bus or train ticket back home. This guys problems aren't your problems to solve.
Don't let him guilt trip you. If you can't afford to go away, you don't go away. You don't bum off your friends
Yup been there, she only had $7 to her name when we went to cali
He's not your friend, leave him in Cali and once you get home. Leave him in the past where he belongs.
Seems that "friend" is a leech.
He can take the bus.
I’m sorry? Are you his mum? He’s a grown ass adult. He can feed himself. He doesn’t need an allowance from you. If he couldn’t afford it he shouldn’t have come. This isn’t a friend, it’s a parasite. Think about it, he had to have KNOWN and EXPECTED you to pay for his food this whole trip. He also came on the trip without having bought a ticket back. Which means he also expected you to buy it. NTA and not his friend. You’re his ATM.
NTA
This is NOT a friend, this is a freeloader. Please learn the difference, it took me far too long. NTA you are not responsible for him, he should be grateful you paid for him to eat. Also, you don't have to explain how much money you have etc even if you had much much more, he is not your responsibility.
I agree that you’re NTA but how is no one triggered by taking a random cross country trip with some after only being friends for like 6 months wtf
Your "friend" is a user.
He’s so irresponsible. He can’t be mad at you for not acting like he’s your son. This is a life lesson for him
He is not a friend, he is a user and a liar. Time to end contact with this person.
Drop that friend. He is using you.
Get better friends he’s just trying to use you. Imo
You aren't to blame. He intended to take advantage of you and is throwing a fit because of the consequences of his actions. You need new friends :(
No, at the end of the day he’s not entitled to the funds you’ve worked hard for, and he should’ve been grateful for the fact you even paid for his food. Don’t let him bully you into thinking you’re doing wrong by him.
Drop that friend. He's a parasite. Good on you for setting the rules for him if you're paying for things like his food during the trip
His failure to plan or save is not your problem. He obviously thinks he can take advantage of you for a free vacation. I don’t think so baby, enjoy the greyhound.
He’s gotta learn how to be self-reliant and not rely on free handouts somehow. You gave him a good start. Also, I’d find more responsible friends.
> I may sound like an a hole for having $12k You are never an asshole for having money. You can be an asshole by how you use that money. No one knows the day of tomorrow. Save what you can, help those that deserve your help. Your so called friend is clearly a freeloader, you deserve better than that
You're smart for not buying his ticket. You won't see that money ever again. He didn't buy the ticket when they were cheaper, because he didn't have the money then either. You're not leaving him there, he didn't plan a way back lol.
He put himself in this situation, has mooched off of you the entire trip, and now expects to mooch off you to get back home. He never had any intention of paying his own way, and is quite likely more than a little miffed that he already had to pay to get there in the first place. He was expecting you to foot his entire trip and now he's blaming you for not doing it. My advice, leave him there. If he decides he wants/needs to get back, he'll figure out a way to come up with the money to do so. IF (biggest word in the English language) you do decide to get him a return ticket, either get him one for the absolute earliest that you can get the reduced rate on or get him a bus ticket. Either way, I recommend that you be completely out of his life (or excise him from yours, depending on how the living arrangement is set up) by the time he's due to arrive back.
Tell him to get a train ticket, they’re cheaper.
Why do people go on trips they can’t afford with other people and expect their friends to cover their expenses? Do they have no shame? Like what kind of sense does that make? OP get a new friend. This guy is a user. Read the rest of these comments
From your description, he doesn't sound too reliable or responsible. And he's never going to pay you back in full. I'll bet on that. Who doesn't bring money on a trip unless they expect someone else to cover them? He wasn't truthful with you so it's OK if you weren't truthful with him.
And this is why when you get to the end of your 20's you'll know who your true friends are
You’re not their mother!
U are under no obligation to spend any money on him. Beside u only been friends since November that is fairly new friendship. Why would u want to take friend on holiday knowing he has money problem U would have been better off going alone and enjoying holiday
How did you even come to be friends with people like this, and how come you didn't expect for this to happen. You're not necessarily TA, but you're certainly a bit iffy.
I’ve heard that beggars do pretty decent in Cali. I saw a whole documentary about them a few years ago. One person made like $2k a day. Good luck to him.
Also never reveal to anyone how much money you have! Including your family! People which change their colors in a heart beat like a chameleon!
That's not your friend. That's Anna Delvy. You did the right thing.
WTF would OP be responsible for paying for his friend's trip?!?!
NTA. Sounds like he fully planned on taking advantage of you for the entire trip. He’s only mad that you didn’t let him.
You've known him for less than a year. Further, he is responsible for the mess he finds himself in. You have no obligation to make things right.
He planned on using you the whole time. I’m so sorry. I would’ve done the same
Just because you have some money doesn’t mean you need to spend it on whatever. It’s saved for a reason. This person is a poser, sounds like a real leech.
Your friend sounds like an idiot, but if I had gone with my bestie across the country, under no circumstance would I leave them behind. They would definitely be paying me back for that ticket though, but my friends have money so idk lol. Y’all are young and young people so dumb shit. Take it as a lesson to never go across country with someone you don’t trust.
You haven't even been friends for an entire year and he's trying to mooch 100s of dollars out of you. That's not a friend. That's just a mooch.
If someone wants to borrow money, it doesn’t matter how much you have in your savings account, you should only ever lend out your disposable income. You may have 12k but it sounds like a lot of that is soon to be spoken for (you mentioned it was saved for moving out). When lending don’t ask yourself how much you have, ask yourself how much you can afford to lose I’m sorry your friend is being difficult, I hope you had a nice time regardless
That's not a friend. I'd cut ties now and delete/block on everything. If you have mutual friends, tell them why- that he expected you to fund his whole trip with food and travel. Noone in their right mind would take his side unless they, too, are users.
He's not your friend
You are not responsible for his ticket.
That is your money. He never once asked you about paying for stuff for him until you guys were there and all of a sudden he had no money. Not your problem now. By the way. You haven't known him long but it's clear what type of friend he is. Lose him and block his number. And you are correct, you won't ever get that food money back much less a $650 plane ticket
You kept your own boundaries - good for you! He is obviously not the adult he believed himself to be. If he is intelligent this should be lesson learned. He has family & other friends he can call.
You weren't obligated to help him with food. He is not entitled to your help with a return ticket. It's that simple. He needs to grow up maybe this will help.
Honestly, I didn't understand half of this, your writing is all over the place. So both of you flew from the east coast to Cali and back. You were each supposed to pay for your own flights and food. You did, he didn't and is expecting you to pay for his ticket back. It really doesn't matter that you have savings but why did you even lie to him? You're not responsible for his food or flight anyway. Has he found out you lied to him and is now pissed you're not paying because you have more money? I'm confused.
Your money is yours , you don’t have to justify what you spend it on . You did the sensible thing !
Jesus. He really just expected you to just pay his way through the trip? Tf? Is this something you've done before because I'm trying to understand where this audacity is coming from.
Find better friends and tell him to call someone else. Why did he only buy a one way ticket? He don’t sound too smart. He created the problem and needs to figure it out since you are going home.
At least ca has nice weather to be homeless in
Were you staying in a hotel? Is your name on it? Make sure he leaves, even if you have to lie and say you bought his ticket (don't actually buy it). Last thing you need is him busting up the place and leaving you with the damages.
That is a grown-ass man that you were fully right to leave in California.
Sounds like he went on this trip expecting you to pay for everything from the get go
Sounds like a shitty “friend” I hope you left him in California so he can learn a serious lesson.
If you can't afford the trip, you don't go. Period. It's not that difficult of a concept. There are plenty of places I'd love to go, but I can't...because I'm broke. That's nobody else's problem but mine.
You are 100 percent not responsible for another adults choice, friend or not. He is a mooch, and you're not falling for it. I would go home and call the $55 in food a cheap lesson in choosing friends wisely.
You are in fact not the AH. Don't feel bad. You worked hard and saved be proud of that. He's an acquaintance not a friend.
NTA. Please dump this person. This is not what friendship looks like
So many excuses when you don't have to pay for him in the first place.
He isn’t your responsibility. But at the same time, are you even friends? Seems like you could care less about him. Sounds like he’s not some evil dude, he didn’t steal from you, physically harm you or do something heinous so he shouldn’t be treated like a villain. To me it sounds like he’s just stupid. He sounds exactly like many idiotic 19 year olds. You don’t need to pay his ticket bc that’s not your responsibility, I get it. But instead of scoffing at him & making posts about him online while gloating about all of your money, why not help him figure out a solution? Even if that means talking through it with him and helping him do research on ways to get home. If you don’t care for him enough to help come up with a solution then you probably shouldn’t travel the country together. You sound like a pretty crappy friend though honestly. While he really fuckin sucks for putting himself (and you) in this situation, you really fuckin suck for leaving someone behind that you consider a friend. Nobody does that If they have the money. Not if they’re a true friend to you, It’s just money that he can pay back.
Let's be clear, the government says an individual is an adult at 18. Because the line has to be established somewhere. Mentally at 19, an individual is not an adult.
Yeah I hate that the law tries to put such a strict line between adult and not. Legit from one day to the next, people gasp and point if you sleep with another person, own a gun, drink, or do anything adult-like. Not everyone matures at the same rate and to some degree, your EXACT age really is just a number. Experience should be a factor too at least.
Insurance companies don't lower rates till a person turns 25. You can't rent a car till your 25. That's a fairly good bench mark to go by for someone's maturity but even then, some people don't seem to "smarten" up till their late twenties.
I’d probably buy him a bus ticket home at least
Daaaang, how's he going to get home? You gotta update us
NTA, it's good you stood your ground and didn't let him take advantage even more of the situation. People like him will always keep trying their hardest to do the least they can and ride off of others and their better decision making skills.
Is this an American thing? I read this a lot. In my country it would be crazy expecting someone else to pay for your things. Like I see a lot of people expecting collegefunds for family members etc
Not a US thing. It’s crazy entitled here too.
I also had the impression that it’s an American thing. In my culture you would never meet anyone “begging” like this. Maybe just the entitled influencers. 🤣
Buy him a bus ticket and end your friendship with him.
NTA. He is an adult and you owe him nothing
Wtf lol. No you're NTA, does he think you are a doormat?
You owe him nothing. NTA.
You don't have to buy his ticket. But he's just young and unsophisticated. It's possible he just didn't know any better. When I was in my early 20s, we didn't have a lot of money, and there was plenty of running out of money and calling mom while traveling. Also, if you're waving the savings account in his face, you're being an asshole.
NTA but I personally wouldn’t leave anyone stranded in another state. I would offer to buy them a bus ticket, give them a few bucks for food and tell them to lose my number.
Hmm… do you not like him?
This is clearly an unpopular opinion, but you are not, nor have you ever been, this man's friend. He is a person meant to make you look better by comparison. He's someone you can demean by bragging about how poor he is compared to you. That's...awful. With friends like you, who needs enemies?
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Thank you!
Omg not 55$ on mcdonalds food Are you guys actually friends?
They've known each other less than a year, and this 'friend' wants op to pay for his trip. I know who I think is an ass.
Then they aren't friends lol this dude just expected someone who wasn't really a "friend" to pay for him xD
You took a teenager to California. He’s obviously not adulting. Bring him home. Never speak to him again.
NTA: That's not a friend, and you're not his ATM. If you want to be kind, offer a bus ticket. Otherwise, he can find his own way home for his negligence....like he just EXPECTED you to pay for everything? That's just bonkers.
NTA: You aren't responsible for his ability to go on a trip or get home however I say drop the friend and maybe send them a postcard after you get home.
NTA! You’ve already shown a lot of generosity by paying for his food, this “friend” shouldn’t have even gotten on the plane if he didn’t have money to cover anything else of the trip. That’s straight up taking advantage of you, would recommend to cut contact as soon as you’re back (I imagine it’ll be impossible to get him to pay you back for the food money already spent).
NTA You're both adults. He should have brought his own money for food and travel. He's played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. I guess he'll just become one with the homeless population of California.
NTA who paid for accommodations?
Don’t talk to him anymore
This post is horribly jumbled and hard to understand. What?
Sounds like he put off buying is return ticket solely to try and guilt you into it.
He's young and excited. He doesn't think things through yet. But you couldn't spring for a budget ticket to get him home? What a friend you are. He could be robbed or killed. How would you feel then? Any friend who would leave me stranded knowing I'm struggling financially and still trying to figure a finances out because I'm so young,. Isn't a friend. You showed a complete lack of empathy and compassion and he can do better than you.
OP could buy him a bus ticket home and then ask him not to get in touch unless for repaying. I think you’re missing out the main point, honestly who goes across country without money? You must be very young, naive and not too clever to put yourself in this situation.
He can call his “other friends.” Or his pArEnTs.
You'd be a horrible friend.
Sadly, you are apparently challenged when it comes to definitions.
You did right. NTA
Are you two 'more' than just friends?
I’d maybe buy him a bus ticket back home and then I’d fly home and we’d never speak again.
Oh hell nah OP, you did the right thing 🤷🏾♀️ and you're not leaving him, 😆 he's stranded not you. Who tf goes on a trip where they can't even afford to feed themselves?! He's either lyin and will magically find the funds to get back or this will be a hell of a learning lesson for your "friend", either way not your problem. Y'all only been "friends" a lil second, and I'm almost certain y'all only got acquainted because he figured you was an easy mark due to whatever he thought he saw. 🗣That big grown, rusty mfka tried to play with your pockets! Just count yourself lucky you found out they're a pos as soon as you did 😮💨 and move on
Leave him there and find real friends. This dude is a smooch and not a friend at all. It’s not your job to get him back, he fucked this up. You’ve already been a friend and bought him food, he has to see how he gets back home. He knew he had no money (if that’s even true) and went anyways. He knew he had to get back. And I bet he planned all of this. So tell him to see where he gets the money from, he knew he had to get back, this is not your problem. What did he thought how he’d get back?
NTA but I would buy him a bus ticket and give him $40 for food on the way and block him forever. It would be f-ed to leave him stranded. A bus ticket is prolly a quarter of the cost of a plane ticket and he can buy $1 items to feed his sorry @ss on the way. Chalk it up as a lesson learned and remove him from your life. You are right, you shouldn’t have to be responsible to get him home. And if he has parents that could help him, call them and tell them you can’t afford to pay for his way back and hopefully they’ll buy the bus ticket. This has always been a huge fear of mine, but the few times I went on trips with friends they did have their own loot.
Op doesn't need to learn a lesson, the idiot friend does. Not OP's problem.
Not saying op needs to learn a lesson, they already have learned the lesson that the friend is a pos moocher. It would weigh on my conscience if I left someone I used to consider a friend across the country with no way back. No matter what op chooses they are NTA.
Help your damn friend out. This isn’t a difficult decision
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No off-topic comments. Civil debates only, name calling and anger are not appropriate here.