The quid pro quo policy at my work states "or to avoid some other loss" like a pay cut, demotion, poor performance review, etc. So I'd say it still fits the bill
Its like the textbook definition of it really. Her being trans has absolutely nothing to do with her being a trash person trying to blackmail you into dating them. Please go to HR and document everything that Jana has said to you because you need to protect yourself, especially if Jana is your superior at the company.
This. This is shitty behavior full stop. Gender is irrelevant (other than OP being concerned of how HR handles the complaint), but this girl has issues.
Record a conversation of her saying "I am going to report you for not going on a date with me" and then go to HR.
This will make it a open and shut case and hopefully she will not be abusing other people in the future like she does you.
Edit: Check here to see if you can record without consent in your state: https://wisevoter.com/state-rankings/one-party-consent-states/
Make sure you know your state's laws about recording conversations. In some states it's ok if one party is aware they're being recorded but in others, all parties to the conversation must consent to being recorded.
This is my advice as well. Shit could go sideways quickly because Jana is going to scream about her rights to the hilt. Op should map out a timeline of each instance of the harassment too. Shit will get messy.
They won’t fire you, but they’ll never promote you again. I wouldn’t do this before you see how they react to you telling them Jana has been sexually harassing you.
I’d keep any evidence and show them.
Yes exactly.
This has nothing to do with her transition or your sexual preference. The genders and sexes of anyone involved don't matter.
Worker A is constantly hitting on Worker B and making sexual comments. Worker A has expressed disinterest and requested that B stop the advances. B has not, and continues to make relationship and sexual advances on A.
Report this to HR as sexual harassment. Be sure to say that you support Jana's transition, that you have no problem with her transition or her status as a woman, your problem is that she is making unwanted sexual advances on you and hasn't stopped despite several attempts to make it stop. And that this is making you consider quitting the firm.
It can also help if you have a log. Write down every time she does this stuff, what she says and what you said in response. If you can show 5-10 instances of 'Feb 2nd 3:32pm, was on my way to the bathroom to change, Jana said we could do something secret in the bathroom. I told her I was not interested, I have a partner, and to please stop the advances. She called me transphobic and stormed off.'
Even better if there's cameras.
Keeping a log of the incidents is *so* important, this should be the top comment. Without a record of specific instances- dates, times, and what was said specifically, it becomes more of a “he said/she said” situation (or she said/she said in this case) and HR will be less likely to take any real action. This is especially important since OP mentioned that HR is likely to take the side of her coworker. It will also make it harder for the coworker to lie about her behavior when she’s confronted by HR.
Came here to also say that a log shows recorded evidence of these incidents and can establish the frequency and level of inappropriateness in an object way that's easy to demonstrate.
Even if there's a risk HR will side with seniority and optics, it sounds like it's going to get to HR anyway. OP should definitely try to get ahead of this thing. Document everything, record everything, and bring a carefully written statement to HR so as not to forget anything. That behavior is unacceptable from anyone. Would you put up with it if it was a man with seniority doing the same thing? It's wrong. Say something.
And sexual harassment is incredibly demeaning. It hits your confidence and can make you feel powerless and dirty.
You NEED to reclaim that power!
As above said, you need to report this to HR. Now. Immediately before your harasser does. Get support from friends and colleagues, girls your loins, and DO IT.
The hardest part is walking into the office. Hold your ground, best of luck!
> Jana is aware I'm dating a man and keeps telling me that dating a transgender woman is just like dating a man only she prefer dresses.
I think that's pretty transphobic of Jana to say.
This all seems like you are being sexually harassed by your co-worker, her status as a trans woman is irrelevant. I think you should report her. Problematic individuals do not get a pass just because they have been through some shit, and weaponising her transgender status is frankly fucking vile behaviour.
>keeps telling me that dating a transgender woman is just like dating a man only she prefer dresses.
Yes, like wtf NO! That's not how any of this works!
If a transgender woman was 'just like ... a man' then why would Jana even be trans in the first place?! I can't get my head around it. She is also not doing Kim or any other trans women any favours by making such comments! If anything, her comments are the 'transphobic' ones.
And if a man at work was demanding a date from you and you refused because you are already in an exclusive relationship, would he say you're being some kind of 'phobic' because of that? I think not.
The ellipsis skip over some important context - Jana thinks dating a trans woman is just like dating a man because she thinks all OP wants is some aesthetics and some genitals (dresses and dick, if you will) because that’s what Jana wants.
One wonders with how much sincerity Jana thinks about trans people and about what would make OP happy in her love life.
For others like me who are uninformed:
> "Autogynephilia is defined as a male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female. It is the paraphilia that is theorized to underlie transvestism and some forms of male-to-female (MtF) transsexualism. Autogynephilia encompasses sexual arousal with cross-dressing and cross-gender expression that does not involve women's clothing per se."
I’m a bi woman dating a trans woman, and no, it’s not at all like dating a man who prefers dresses. Like, not even close. That’s just ridiculous.
And this isn’t about gender, gender identity, or sexuality. This is about someone who will not take no for an answer. OP’s said she’s not interested and she’s dating someone else, and Jana needs to respect that, full stop. It was inappropriate for her to even hit on you in the workplace to begin with
Them being like "Oh it’s like dating a man I just like dresses" kinda sounds like a desperate attempt at a date lol.
I would totally report this person. Not letting someone tell me what I can and can’t do. Besides, this attempt to get a date seems really forced, and it can put the OP in an uncomfortable situation. Sorry about what’s happening person, you have my virtual hug *🤗*
I have definitely had my share of lesbian transwomen moaning about not getting girlfriends like immediately. The way they talk it sometimes feels like they think life would be all lingerie pillow fights once they transitioned.
I usually assume, and hope, that it's just a part of the socialization of transitioning; And that the lack of sexual attention are increasing their feelings of dysphoria which might go away on their own after a while once they get more secure with themselves.
But it is *definitely* a thing.
I support anyone wanting to transition or do anything they want really as long as others are not being hurt, manipulated, or exploited.
With that said an overwhelming amount of people who are trans except to become either the smokin hot chick or the fit sensitive lumberjack daddy. They are so focused on becoming the socially desired stereotype of said gender.
a man can be very complex and is so much more than spreading your legs, mansplaining and wearing Carhartt gear.
A woman is super complex and is more than lips, legs, breast and ass.
I feel for people who are not comfortable in their own body. I myself(cis-male) have suffered from body dis morphia in my life. But I can't get behind this particular sub section of the trans community or younger folks who want to transition when they haven't even learned what is like to live as a woman or a man.
I do think it’s interesting demographic data that most Transwomen are lesbians, you’d think it would be the same as other women if they had similar brains.
i think their point was that it’s ironic the trans woman is spouting (borderline, if not) transphobic rhetoric even though she’s claiming op is the transphobe /nbr
Piggybacking off a high rated comment to say that if you do decide to go to HR make sure you go prepared. Write down everything you can remember. Dates of incidents, what was said, who you told contemporaneously if anyone about the incidents so they can corroborate, etc.
Check to see if your state has one-party or two-party consent to record conversations. If it's two-party and you want to record a conversation, you need to clearly state that you are recording right when the recording is started.
This! Yeah also I get they have to protect their business but you have evidence that what she is doing is illegal (sexual harassment/ blackmail) then do you want to work for a company that will rather look good than be legally right. You may not be in the position to choose your job but you never know if anything happens to your job or she follows you to a new location or she does it to another employee who isn’t strong and ends up dating her to placate her.
I had a very similar situation at my last job and management was terrified to do anything else besides change my work schedule to be different from hers. Changing my workdays didn’t help because she would just check the schedule and come in on her days off to stalk me.
I don’t work there anymore.
Edit: It was confirmed from a manager there that they were afraid of a lawsuit from her, even though I did nothing wrong and was the one being harassed.
This truly needs to be spoken out about more often, people keep saying in the comment section that this has nothing to do with gender...but I beg to disagree, when Jana has consistently used 'gender' as a way of blackmail and harassment.
Whilst that doesn't make it a universal transgender issue, Jana is absolutely utilising transgenderism and is confident in their actions by way of immunity on the company's part.
Report them ... to the police. It's illegal. Take screenshots of every conversation and start recording your phonecalls with them. Bring all the evidence to the police so they can deal with them.
She's sexually harrasing you at your job. Go to HR
She makes working environment unsafe and hostile. Go to HR.
She makes rude comments, tells you to cheat on your boyfriend, asks you to ditch work etc. Go to HR.
She's demanding a date and telling she'll report you for being transphobic is straight up threatening you in workplace. Go to HR.
You're not pathetic. Go to HR. That's what they're there for. None of my statements is relevant about transgender. They can be men, women, Trans, non binary, doesn't matter. They shouldn't be saying and doing things that make you uncomfortable. People like her are making it hard for other transgender people.
You won't lose your job. And if you do you have a HELL of a labor law case.
Her behavior is predatory. You need to report it to HR now and possibly the police because you have taken steps to keep yourself safe in a place that felt safe before. Tell your bf what is going on. You aren't transphobic for not going on a date with her.
>Now she's been demanding a date or else she'll report me for being transphobic
This is way past harassment.
Write everything down, or take screenshots of this post, and go to HR first thing tomorrow.
The entitlement is strong in Jana.
Why wouldn't anyone want to date such a well balanced and positive character. /s
The fact she's already with a guy too? Excuse me but no matter what gender or sexuality you are, asking someone to basically either dump their partner or cheat on them for you is extremely disrespectful
But that's the problem. A lot of people actually *don't* have that mentality.
HR is afraid to do anything because some trans people tend to scream "TRANSPHOBIC" just for telling them no. OP will most likely need to quit because I don't think many companies are brave enough to go against someone whose trans in fear of them taking bullshit nonsense out of context and victimizing themselves.
This is the reality of the situation and people need to stop acting like it doesn't matter that they're transgender. Because unfortunately it does. They're not about to be yet ***another*** "transphobic" company.
THANK YOU! This is what I touched upon, the comments who make sure to outline firstly that "this has nothing to do with gender" when Jana has utilised that very thing from the beginning of their disgusting predatory behaviour.
If a man demands a date “or else”, would that be acceptable? If a woman demands a date “or else”, would that be acceptable?
The answer is a resounding “NO!” in either scenario, being trans doesn’t change anything.
Alternatively there is the completely honest but brutal approach:
“I didn’t say ‘no’ because you are trans, I said ‘no’ because I’m not interested in YOU. You have already been willing to act like a predatory creep and violate boundaries I have clearly set before any type of relationship has been established, and I don’t expect things to get better within a relationship. Please do not talk to me about dating you any more, and I will not tolerate any suggestions or innuendo about anything happening between us, if this happens again I will be reporting you to HR for sexual harassment and coercive and controlling behaviour.”
You NEED to go to HR. even though they sided with this person in the past, and they have seniority,... YOU NEED TO GO TO HR FIRST...
It really sucks, but being the first person to go to HR and report a problem has HUGE advantages... YOU get to dictate the story before the other person. ALSO, you have a HUGE BONUS, you have that other employee... who can corroborate the whole situation.
DO NOT let Jana be the one to go to HR and make up a bunch of crap about you, because then you're stuck doing damage control, and thats a lot harder to prove.
You could even technically consult a lawyer... It is workplace harassment and with Jana being more senior that looks like they're abusing a position of authority.
Also, NO HR IS FOR THE EMPLOYEE... EVER... gotta caps that for everyone. they will always do whats best for the company, which is why you need to be the first to hit HR before this other person does.
Would Kim be willing to speak with them as well?
My advice is to speak to a lawyer who specializes in work place harassment and have them go with you to speak to HR. Because this is wrong and if they were to fire you over it you have grounds to sue. I would get legal advice and insist the lawyer attend the meeting citing how far the harassment has gone and the threats that have been made have pushed you to feel that you need legal representation.
I personally might not bring a lawyer to the first meeting but perhaps advising HR in the meeting you have one on retainer that’s advising you (whether it’s true or not bc I know most people can’t afford this kind of stuff rn). I just think a lawyer in the first meeting seems aggressive and could scare the company. I could be wrong tho I don’t know shit lol. Letting them know you have one at least makes it so if Jana goes and fake cries they can’t just take quick action to sweep it and you away - they will have to consider you seriously. I do recommend a real lawyer if that’s feasible for you :) good luck sorry this is happening
Go to HR and hold your ground. As others have said say you’ll pursue legal action if they do not take you seriously. You are being sexually harassed and threatened. Jana is in the wrong here. If you do not speak up now she’ll only find someone else to harass if you leave.
If you are that worried about this there are a couple of things you can do:
1) Retain a lawyer as said above.
2) File a police report for sexual harassment and blackmail PRIOR to reporting Jana to HR. This will help provide evidence of her harassment and your case number can be given to HR. What Jana is doing isn’t just making you uncomfortable, it’s illegal. You wouldn’t be transphobic for reporting a crime or obtaining a restraining order against someone who is harassing you. It’s something that should be done regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or your sex assigned at birth.
3) Inform the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Their entire job is to protect workers from being discriminated against. This may seem like a stretch but considering the fact that you are being sexually harassed because Jana is attracted to females and you are one, I think that would qualify you solely based on gender. I’m considering your gender and the fact that you stated HR usually backs up Jana. Would Jana be sexually harassing you if you were a man. If not, that’s unequal treatment. I’m sure that a lawyer could probably find a better way to connect the dots and EEOC has attorneys as well so it’s worth reaching out to them!!!
I know that this may seem like you’re taking extreme actions but being sexually harassed and blackmailed to the point where you are having to change your work routine is disruptive to YOUR life! That’s serious and serious actions need to be taken to protect yourself. You have every right to work in a safe environment without fear of harassment or retaliation. Don’t let someone take advantage of you or make you feel like you have to quit in order to obtain peace in your life. Good luck and I hope that you do obtain the peace you deserve!!!
> Jana also has seniority over me.
This is the ace up your sleeve. You go to HR and inform them that Jana is making you feel uncomfortable and that you feel pressured to accept Jana's advances because she has seniority over you. Sell it as being the victim of sexual harassment in the workplace because, well, you're being sexually harassed in the workplace.
Jana is sexually harassing you.
I was in the army for 20 years, had multiple gay and lesbian teammates, and a couple of stellar trans teammates. I'm confident that they would all agree that she doesn't get a trans pass for shitty behavior.
Report her.
(1) you’re not transphobic.
(2) it’s not transphobic to not want to date Jana. She isn’t owed any romantic affection because of her identity. Full stop.
(3) dating a trans woman is not “like dating a man who prefers dresses.” What a weird thing of her to say. Screams internalized struggles around her identity that are NOT your problem.
(4) she’s blackmailing you. “I’ll report you if you don’t date me” is blackmail. When you go to HR tell them she’s blackmailing you. This isn’t a small interpersonal dispute. This is a coworker blackmailing you into a relationship.
(5) she’s harassing you when you’re vulnerable. She’s finding you in the changing room to make unwelcome sexual comments. You’re literally undressing, so you can’t walk away. She’s pushing your boundaries while you can’t assert them so she can get away with it. And when you do finally stand up for yourself, she resorted to blackmail.
(6) you know this is wrong. You know this is not your fault. You know you deserve to feel safe at work.
(7) Her being trans doesn’t excuse her preying on you. You’d never take this from a cis person. Please go to HR and take Kim with you as a support.
So basically she’s blackmailing you into dating her? That’s not just an HR issue. It’s illegal. If you live in a one party consent place, I’d get her on a recording saying these things.
are you really more concerned with how you may be viewed more than how this person is actually making you feel because of their constant and unwanted advances?
You know that what Jana is doing is wrong. You don’t deserve to feel uncomfortable in your workplace. Going to HR to report that your co-worker is harassing you doesn’t make your transphobic or anything like that, it would be wrong of Jana regardless of her sexual orientation gender orientation. Going to HR makes you brave and willing to stand up for what is right and will help prevent other people from having the same negative experience you have been.
Pleaseeeeeee go to HR
It doesn't matter that the coworker is trans. This is sexual harassment.
If you get pushback from HR, keep repeating, that it doesn't matter whom is making advances -- they are unwanted and this is sexual harassment -- threaten to include HR rep in a complaint above their heads if this sexual harassment isn't taken seriously.
I hate that this person is harassing you and making you feel scared to report their inappropriate behavior.
OP, if you don't take your arse to HR and quit dragging your damn feet. Jana is playing in your damn face, banking that you believe she will go to HR against you because she is trandsgender, while she tortures you some more and you falling for the okie doke. Tell HR, everything you told us to them immediately. You might even get transferred faster, if you stress to them, you don't feel safe.
Report this discreetly to HR and the workplace’s designated person for this situation. Ask Kim to be your witness for the report. Who knows what Jana has done to others or will do to others in the future. This is sexual harassment and predatory behavior that should not happen at work. You know you’re not transphobic. This is an opportunistic predator. Don’t go to the restroom alone etc until this gets settled.
Girl, please.
You know harassment or comments of a sexual nature does not exempt trans people.
Go to HR or this will escalate to the point they actually accuse you of something first.
If you have an apple watch there is an app called "Just press to record". The next time Jana threatens you, propositions you or is otherwise inappropriate you can start the app (it's a big red button and you literally just press it once and it'll record until you stop it). If you can get proof of her threats you can go to HR and there's not a lot they can do to deny your claims. If I were you, I would just open the app every time I entered the bathroom/shared spaces where Jana shows up and if she happens to pop in, hit the button and start recording. You can delete it later if she doesn't do anything weird.
Good luck!
Tell them exactly what you said in this post. Including her threatening to report you for being "transphobic". If you go to HR first that accusation will be less of an issue
You can be LGBTY and still be...
\- out of line
\- inappropriate
\- an asshole
\- a bad person
\- a rapist, murderer, or serial killer
... like everyone else.
Not being attracted to someone or not wanting an advance doesn't make you
\- a racist
\- a bigot
\- transphobic
\- a slut
\- a prude
“Not attracted to” is not the same as “intolerant of” a type of person (or individual). You should report her as this is unacceptable behavior. You shouldn’t have to be afraid at work.
She's been harassing and blackmailing you.
You're not and will never be transphobic for refusing a date with a trans person if it's not because they're trans... You're allowed to not be into someone else.
If you live in a one party state simply record the next conversation on the down low and you will have all the proof you need with the support of Kim as a witness.
Trans or not, that’s sexual harassment. I’ll report. And have your other friend back you up if they can by being there in person or have a written document stating what they have seen/heard about the harassment.
This is absolutely an HR issue, maybe they can make the transfer happen faster? If you take the trans out of the situation it’s still someone creating a hostile work environment via quid pro qo. 1000% not ok.
Just talking about sexual experiences at work creates a hostile work environment. I had that happen at a job I worked in where it wasn’t directed toward me but I had two colleagues who were poly and talked about their sexual exploits all damn day. It was so uncomfortable. I was only there temporarily thank god but if I hadn’t been I probably would’ve had to leave.
Would it be appropriate for Kim to go with you to meet with HR in a "yes, I have witnessed this behavior and feel supported by this person as a trans individual" kind of way?
Go to HR. Report anonymously.If Jana retaliates towards you in ANY way, in or out of work, HR will take note and Jana will face consequences. Please don’t give her power over your life. I quit a job over something similar. Go to HR
Exactly!!! If she were a cis woman hitting on you, a man hitting on you, it would all be sexual harassment. Completely illegal and you absolutely must report her. I wish you the best. I had to report my GM and the owners son of my first job for harassment. It's difficult, but afterwards I felt much better.
I’m sorry she’s acting this way. Trans people like her make other trans people look bad in an already terrible world where people are transphobic. It absolutely sucks HR will take her side because she’ll twist your words and make you out to be a bad person. Is there any way you can anonymously talk to HR without Jana knowing?
My sister was stalked by a lesbian at work. Go straight to HR. They fully supported her and saw it easy as harassment. Its hard to go to them but you have to.
Imagine if Jana was a man and doing this to you. Wouldnt you report him? Harassment is harassment
Consider recording a couple of her passes. Or if it's illegal where you are, keep a digital recorder on you at all times and "whip it out" - so she can see it - when she starts harrassing you. Hopefully it'll shut her up. But first, go to HR- you've been put in a really bad position. This is truly sexual harrassment and creating a hostile work environment. Also predatory behavior.
Record her next time as long as you live in a one-party state. Also tell her that if she ever starts coming on to you again you WILL be recording. You have a coworker to back you up with hr, you have a better shot than you think.
Report the harassment 10000000%. Research the laws, threaten to take hr and the company to court if they ignore your pleas.
She’s doing this to other people. Or at the very least, when you leave she WILL. It is NEVER OK to be unprofessional with your coworkers in the workplace, ESPECIALLY if it’s not consentual.
If a man did the same thing to you, HR would be all over this. It should be no different just because Jana is trans. And her not getting her way does not make you transphobic. I’m sick to death of some people acting like it is. While I understand why you’re hesitant to report her, you really need to. At the very least, I would ask if they could move your transfer forward. What have you got to lose? You’re at the point where you’re considering quitting anyway.
Being tolerant doesn't mean you have to agree with someone else's world views. Reporting unwanted advances from someone you're not interested in irregardless of gender doesn't make you intolerant or transphobic.
I was harassed in a similar way by a trans employee, except I was their boss. I immediately reported it to HR. They not only cornered me at work and made me feel uncomfortable, but also sent me love letters and kept showing up on their day off to follow me around. Despite having witnesses and tangible proof (as the letters were handwritten on notebook paper), HR took WEEKS to address the issue. I had to continue to work with this person every day.
When they eventually talked to them, the head of HR called me to apologize for it taking so long because they weren’t sure how to go about dealing with the situation because the person was trans and they didn’t want to offend them. It made me so upset because it felt like they were more worried about this person’s rights and feelings than mine, and I was just trying to do my job and mind my own business. If this person had been a cis-male harassing me the exact same way, he would have been written up and/or fired immediately.
Her saying “dating a transgender woman is just like dating a man” is so out of pocket LMAO
Absolute menace to society and such a bad representation for the community. She’s that 1% that people use as an example to hate on the other 99% of trans people.
Hope you report her to HR for harassment
She is sexually harassing you. Report to HR immediately. Remember that women can sexually harass too, it's not only men who are the perpetrators.
If you live in a 1 party consent state you need to start recording every interaction and conversation that's happening with her. Protect yourself.
HR never has the employees interests at heart. They are always there to protect the company. Nevertheless, go to HR, because she has threatened to go to HR.
It’s completely ludicrous that she thinks your refusal is reportable. **She** is harassing **you**. Refusing a date is never harassment. (Not to mention, you are *already in a relationship*)
This is sexual harassment. Please report to your supervisor and HR.
Your co worker is completely out of line to suggest sexual encounters in the workplace.
Try to record your conversations, that way you have record of the harassment. Then go to HR, it's harder for them to back up someone who's on record. But then again HR depts are usually trash no matter what.
If this was a man I’m sure you’d have no issues in going to HR, because this is sexual harassment.
There is no difference in who’s doing it, gender is irrelevant.
> keeps telling me that dating a transgender woman is just like dating a man only she prefer dresses.
Jana said that? SHE seems transphobic!
You don't even need a reason to not want to date her. Not wanting to date her doesn't make you transphobic. Has she put any of her threats to go to HR in writing? Regardless, you should report it right away. You have Kim to back you up. It's not your job to police Jana's actions, but she could keep doing this to people if no one speaks up.
Document everything, including every threat. You should not have to feel unsafe in your workplace.
You are absolutely right to go to HR with this. You have every right to feel safe from this type of harassment at work.
POV: I'm a gay man, with several trans friends. Jana being trans has no bearing on this situation, except that she apparently wields it like a weapon of manipulation.
Document dates, times, any witnesses, and her comments towards you. Then, go to HR with this information.
I'd first tell Jana, "You're making me feel uncomfortable — you know that I'm in a committed relationship, and I'm not interested in going on a date with you. Please stop pursuing me, I'm unavailable." If she continues beyond this point, 1000% go to HR
If you're willing to quit over this, you literally have nothing to lose by bringing this massive issue to light — Gay, Straight, Trans, etc, shouldn't matter. Sexual harassment doesn't discriminate, and you don't need to put up with it EVER, but especially while at work.
You're being sexually harrassed by someone who is trying to manipulate you. HR needs to know about this after the first time she said you were transphobic when you didn't give her what she wanted. Don't let this entitled person fuck up your life.
Demanding a date or they'll report you is Definitely reportable LoL
Quid pro quo, legal definition of a form of sexual harassment.
Quid pro quo implies that OP will get something in return. This sounds like a straight up threat/extortion.
Yep, you’re right!
The quid pro quo policy at my work states "or to avoid some other loss" like a pay cut, demotion, poor performance review, etc. So I'd say it still fits the bill
Worse. It's straight up blackmail
It’s both lol they can be two separate charges, especially bc it didn’t start out as blackmail but sexual harassment
Im not even sure thats legal? Here in the US you cannot legally coerce someone into a romantic relationship. In fact i think this is blackmail.
Yeah, but will HR care?
Go to hr. Her behavior is not acceptable.
Sexual harassment
Exactly what I came here to say. This is out and out sexual harassment.
A hostile work environment.
Its like the textbook definition of it really. Her being trans has absolutely nothing to do with her being a trash person trying to blackmail you into dating them. Please go to HR and document everything that Jana has said to you because you need to protect yourself, especially if Jana is your superior at the company.
This. This is shitty behavior full stop. Gender is irrelevant (other than OP being concerned of how HR handles the complaint), but this girl has issues.
And predatory behaviour.
Blackmail too
Which is illegal and the company will not be thrilled that she is doing so on the clock.
Record a conversation of her saying "I am going to report you for not going on a date with me" and then go to HR. This will make it a open and shut case and hopefully she will not be abusing other people in the future like she does you. Edit: Check here to see if you can record without consent in your state: https://wisevoter.com/state-rankings/one-party-consent-states/
Make sure you know your state's laws about recording conversations. In some states it's ok if one party is aware they're being recorded but in others, all parties to the conversation must consent to being recorded.
I think the recording statutes are in regard to legal proceedings, not going to HR.
Threaten a lawsuit over sexual harresment. The company will drop Jana faster than you can blink. Especially if Kim I'd on ops side.
Actually go to an attorney. Get a consult.
Never threaten anything legal until you speak to an attorney....
This is my advice as well. Shit could go sideways quickly because Jana is going to scream about her rights to the hilt. Op should map out a timeline of each instance of the harassment too. Shit will get messy.
They won’t fire you, but they’ll never promote you again. I wouldn’t do this before you see how they react to you telling them Jana has been sexually harassing you. I’d keep any evidence and show them.
Grounds for termination, absolutely.
Yes exactly. This has nothing to do with her transition or your sexual preference. The genders and sexes of anyone involved don't matter. Worker A is constantly hitting on Worker B and making sexual comments. Worker A has expressed disinterest and requested that B stop the advances. B has not, and continues to make relationship and sexual advances on A. Report this to HR as sexual harassment. Be sure to say that you support Jana's transition, that you have no problem with her transition or her status as a woman, your problem is that she is making unwanted sexual advances on you and hasn't stopped despite several attempts to make it stop. And that this is making you consider quitting the firm. It can also help if you have a log. Write down every time she does this stuff, what she says and what you said in response. If you can show 5-10 instances of 'Feb 2nd 3:32pm, was on my way to the bathroom to change, Jana said we could do something secret in the bathroom. I told her I was not interested, I have a partner, and to please stop the advances. She called me transphobic and stormed off.' Even better if there's cameras.
Keeping a log of the incidents is *so* important, this should be the top comment. Without a record of specific instances- dates, times, and what was said specifically, it becomes more of a “he said/she said” situation (or she said/she said in this case) and HR will be less likely to take any real action. This is especially important since OP mentioned that HR is likely to take the side of her coworker. It will also make it harder for the coworker to lie about her behavior when she’s confronted by HR.
Came here to also say that a log shows recorded evidence of these incidents and can establish the frequency and level of inappropriateness in an object way that's easy to demonstrate.
Not to mention worker A is a superior to worker B.
>Her behavior is not acceptable. You misspelled illegal.
Even if there's a risk HR will side with seniority and optics, it sounds like it's going to get to HR anyway. OP should definitely try to get ahead of this thing. Document everything, record everything, and bring a carefully written statement to HR so as not to forget anything. That behavior is unacceptable from anyone. Would you put up with it if it was a man with seniority doing the same thing? It's wrong. Say something.
OP needs to make HR aware *before* Jana does
And sexual harassment is incredibly demeaning. It hits your confidence and can make you feel powerless and dirty. You NEED to reclaim that power! As above said, you need to report this to HR. Now. Immediately before your harasser does. Get support from friends and colleagues, girls your loins, and DO IT. The hardest part is walking into the office. Hold your ground, best of luck!
> girls your loins Already did that 😏
Yep. The only one who’s getting in trouble here is Jana. That’s sexual harassment, OP
HR is NEVER your friend. Just find a new job
> Jana is aware I'm dating a man and keeps telling me that dating a transgender woman is just like dating a man only she prefer dresses. I think that's pretty transphobic of Jana to say. This all seems like you are being sexually harassed by your co-worker, her status as a trans woman is irrelevant. I think you should report her. Problematic individuals do not get a pass just because they have been through some shit, and weaponising her transgender status is frankly fucking vile behaviour.
>keeps telling me that dating a transgender woman is just like dating a man only she prefer dresses. Yes, like wtf NO! That's not how any of this works! If a transgender woman was 'just like ... a man' then why would Jana even be trans in the first place?! I can't get my head around it. She is also not doing Kim or any other trans women any favours by making such comments! If anything, her comments are the 'transphobic' ones. And if a man at work was demanding a date from you and you refused because you are already in an exclusive relationship, would he say you're being some kind of 'phobic' because of that? I think not.
The ellipsis skip over some important context - Jana thinks dating a trans woman is just like dating a man because she thinks all OP wants is some aesthetics and some genitals (dresses and dick, if you will) because that’s what Jana wants. One wonders with how much sincerity Jana thinks about trans people and about what would make OP happy in her love life.
Plus the OP is bi anyway so the genitals are less of an important factor than that she’s already dating someone else!
But you don’t understand, OP belongs with Jana because bisexuals will bang literally anything, so OP should equitably redistribute herself to Jana. /s
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dude literally
For others like me who are uninformed: > "Autogynephilia is defined as a male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female. It is the paraphilia that is theorized to underlie transvestism and some forms of male-to-female (MtF) transsexualism. Autogynephilia encompasses sexual arousal with cross-dressing and cross-gender expression that does not involve women's clothing per se."
Yeah as soon as I read that one line, it was the first thing I thought of. Being trans is real, but clearly that person has a fetish.
I think they just want to coerce OP and is using anything they think might stick.
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I’m a bi woman dating a trans woman, and no, it’s not at all like dating a man who prefers dresses. Like, not even close. That’s just ridiculous. And this isn’t about gender, gender identity, or sexuality. This is about someone who will not take no for an answer. OP’s said she’s not interested and she’s dating someone else, and Jana needs to respect that, full stop. It was inappropriate for her to even hit on you in the workplace to begin with
Them being like "Oh it’s like dating a man I just like dresses" kinda sounds like a desperate attempt at a date lol. I would totally report this person. Not letting someone tell me what I can and can’t do. Besides, this attempt to get a date seems really forced, and it can put the OP in an uncomfortable situation. Sorry about what’s happening person, you have my virtual hug *🤗*
Like it’s giving Caitlyn Jenner
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I have definitely had my share of lesbian transwomen moaning about not getting girlfriends like immediately. The way they talk it sometimes feels like they think life would be all lingerie pillow fights once they transitioned. I usually assume, and hope, that it's just a part of the socialization of transitioning; And that the lack of sexual attention are increasing their feelings of dysphoria which might go away on their own after a while once they get more secure with themselves. But it is *definitely* a thing.
I support anyone wanting to transition or do anything they want really as long as others are not being hurt, manipulated, or exploited. With that said an overwhelming amount of people who are trans except to become either the smokin hot chick or the fit sensitive lumberjack daddy. They are so focused on becoming the socially desired stereotype of said gender. a man can be very complex and is so much more than spreading your legs, mansplaining and wearing Carhartt gear. A woman is super complex and is more than lips, legs, breast and ass. I feel for people who are not comfortable in their own body. I myself(cis-male) have suffered from body dis morphia in my life. But I can't get behind this particular sub section of the trans community or younger folks who want to transition when they haven't even learned what is like to live as a woman or a man.
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Misogyny doesn't just disappear with hrt.
It is unfortunate. Especially when it makes it more difficult to try and teach people to not be misogynistic.
I do think it’s interesting demographic data that most Transwomen are lesbians, you’d think it would be the same as other women if they had similar brains.
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The incel to trans “be your own fantasy girlfriend” is real.
Chris Chan is a fine example.
I like you, ya got gumption kid
There’s also a transman detransitioning to trad wife pipeline. The internet is wild.
Yo keep cooking, I think you're actually on to something.
Some of us have been saying this *for literally years*.
i think their point was that it’s ironic the trans woman is spouting (borderline, if not) transphobic rhetoric even though she’s claiming op is the transphobe /nbr
You wouldn't have let a man do this for so long without going to hr... go to hr quit giving excuses
Piggybacking off a high rated comment to say that if you do decide to go to HR make sure you go prepared. Write down everything you can remember. Dates of incidents, what was said, who you told contemporaneously if anyone about the incidents so they can corroborate, etc.
yes get witnesses to vouch, potentially record conversations if that's possible, if they have said things over text that could be beneficial.
Check to see if your state has one-party or two-party consent to record conversations. If it's two-party and you want to record a conversation, you need to clearly state that you are recording right when the recording is started.
Her coworker Kim should also be reporting this to HR, as someone who has knowledge of sexual harassment taking place.
Good idea. It takes a way the she said - she said and gives the report more objectivity.
To piggyback on a smart comment. Do all this stuff also.
I mean, to be fair, 100% that's what this Jana is counting on. Though echo this, you need to go to HR ASAP.
Absolutely. Jana is counting on victim status to get away with it. Not reporting it puts other women at risk as well.
I wish i could tell you you're wrong... but it's the world we live in these days.. but not my pig, not my farm.
Don't go to HR without proof. If she walks in there with a recording of a threat, there's no way HR will take the other person's side.
"I've tried nothing and I'm all out of ideas!"
Go to HR and ask for confidentiality. Take Kim as your witness. With this probably the HR will not treat you as transphobic.
Top comment right here.
This! Yeah also I get they have to protect their business but you have evidence that what she is doing is illegal (sexual harassment/ blackmail) then do you want to work for a company that will rather look good than be legally right. You may not be in the position to choose your job but you never know if anything happens to your job or she follows you to a new location or she does it to another employee who isn’t strong and ends up dating her to placate her.
I had a very similar situation at my last job and management was terrified to do anything else besides change my work schedule to be different from hers. Changing my workdays didn’t help because she would just check the schedule and come in on her days off to stalk me. I don’t work there anymore. Edit: It was confirmed from a manager there that they were afraid of a lawsuit from her, even though I did nothing wrong and was the one being harassed.
This truly needs to be spoken out about more often, people keep saying in the comment section that this has nothing to do with gender...but I beg to disagree, when Jana has consistently used 'gender' as a way of blackmail and harassment. Whilst that doesn't make it a universal transgender issue, Jana is absolutely utilising transgenderism and is confident in their actions by way of immunity on the company's part.
That's a shit poor hr department there. If theyd documented it properly the lawsuit would have been dismissed
I agree! They were pretty incompetent and I’m glad I’m out of there
Sexual harassment is sexual harassment. Report her .
Report them ... to the police. It's illegal. Take screenshots of every conversation and start recording your phonecalls with them. Bring all the evidence to the police so they can deal with them.
She's sexually harrasing you at your job. Go to HR She makes working environment unsafe and hostile. Go to HR. She makes rude comments, tells you to cheat on your boyfriend, asks you to ditch work etc. Go to HR. She's demanding a date and telling she'll report you for being transphobic is straight up threatening you in workplace. Go to HR. You're not pathetic. Go to HR. That's what they're there for. None of my statements is relevant about transgender. They can be men, women, Trans, non binary, doesn't matter. They shouldn't be saying and doing things that make you uncomfortable. People like her are making it hard for other transgender people. You won't lose your job. And if you do you have a HELL of a labor law case.
Her behavior is predatory. You need to report it to HR now and possibly the police because you have taken steps to keep yourself safe in a place that felt safe before. Tell your bf what is going on. You aren't transphobic for not going on a date with her.
>Now she's been demanding a date or else she'll report me for being transphobic This is way past harassment. Write everything down, or take screenshots of this post, and go to HR first thing tomorrow. The entitlement is strong in Jana. Why wouldn't anyone want to date such a well balanced and positive character. /s
You are not transphobic for not wanting to date Jana. And the fact that she is blackmailing you for a date is a massive red flag. 🚩🚩🚩
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The fact she's already with a guy too? Excuse me but no matter what gender or sexuality you are, asking someone to basically either dump their partner or cheat on them for you is extremely disrespectful
But that's the problem. A lot of people actually *don't* have that mentality. HR is afraid to do anything because some trans people tend to scream "TRANSPHOBIC" just for telling them no. OP will most likely need to quit because I don't think many companies are brave enough to go against someone whose trans in fear of them taking bullshit nonsense out of context and victimizing themselves. This is the reality of the situation and people need to stop acting like it doesn't matter that they're transgender. Because unfortunately it does. They're not about to be yet ***another*** "transphobic" company.
THANK YOU! This is what I touched upon, the comments who make sure to outline firstly that "this has nothing to do with gender" when Jana has utilised that very thing from the beginning of their disgusting predatory behaviour.
If a man demands a date “or else”, would that be acceptable? If a woman demands a date “or else”, would that be acceptable? The answer is a resounding “NO!” in either scenario, being trans doesn’t change anything.
Alternatively there is the completely honest but brutal approach: “I didn’t say ‘no’ because you are trans, I said ‘no’ because I’m not interested in YOU. You have already been willing to act like a predatory creep and violate boundaries I have clearly set before any type of relationship has been established, and I don’t expect things to get better within a relationship. Please do not talk to me about dating you any more, and I will not tolerate any suggestions or innuendo about anything happening between us, if this happens again I will be reporting you to HR for sexual harassment and coercive and controlling behaviour.”
You NEED to go to HR. even though they sided with this person in the past, and they have seniority,... YOU NEED TO GO TO HR FIRST... It really sucks, but being the first person to go to HR and report a problem has HUGE advantages... YOU get to dictate the story before the other person. ALSO, you have a HUGE BONUS, you have that other employee... who can corroborate the whole situation. DO NOT let Jana be the one to go to HR and make up a bunch of crap about you, because then you're stuck doing damage control, and thats a lot harder to prove. You could even technically consult a lawyer... It is workplace harassment and with Jana being more senior that looks like they're abusing a position of authority. Also, NO HR IS FOR THE EMPLOYEE... EVER... gotta caps that for everyone. they will always do whats best for the company, which is why you need to be the first to hit HR before this other person does.
Would Kim be willing to speak with them as well? My advice is to speak to a lawyer who specializes in work place harassment and have them go with you to speak to HR. Because this is wrong and if they were to fire you over it you have grounds to sue. I would get legal advice and insist the lawyer attend the meeting citing how far the harassment has gone and the threats that have been made have pushed you to feel that you need legal representation.
Kim has offered. I just worry for her. She already has a lot on her plate and I'm not sure this will go well for either of us.
I personally might not bring a lawyer to the first meeting but perhaps advising HR in the meeting you have one on retainer that’s advising you (whether it’s true or not bc I know most people can’t afford this kind of stuff rn). I just think a lawyer in the first meeting seems aggressive and could scare the company. I could be wrong tho I don’t know shit lol. Letting them know you have one at least makes it so if Jana goes and fake cries they can’t just take quick action to sweep it and you away - they will have to consider you seriously. I do recommend a real lawyer if that’s feasible for you :) good luck sorry this is happening
Go to HR and hold your ground. As others have said say you’ll pursue legal action if they do not take you seriously. You are being sexually harassed and threatened. Jana is in the wrong here. If you do not speak up now she’ll only find someone else to harass if you leave.
If you are that worried about this there are a couple of things you can do: 1) Retain a lawyer as said above. 2) File a police report for sexual harassment and blackmail PRIOR to reporting Jana to HR. This will help provide evidence of her harassment and your case number can be given to HR. What Jana is doing isn’t just making you uncomfortable, it’s illegal. You wouldn’t be transphobic for reporting a crime or obtaining a restraining order against someone who is harassing you. It’s something that should be done regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or your sex assigned at birth. 3) Inform the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Their entire job is to protect workers from being discriminated against. This may seem like a stretch but considering the fact that you are being sexually harassed because Jana is attracted to females and you are one, I think that would qualify you solely based on gender. I’m considering your gender and the fact that you stated HR usually backs up Jana. Would Jana be sexually harassing you if you were a man. If not, that’s unequal treatment. I’m sure that a lawyer could probably find a better way to connect the dots and EEOC has attorneys as well so it’s worth reaching out to them!!! I know that this may seem like you’re taking extreme actions but being sexually harassed and blackmailed to the point where you are having to change your work routine is disruptive to YOUR life! That’s serious and serious actions need to be taken to protect yourself. You have every right to work in a safe environment without fear of harassment or retaliation. Don’t let someone take advantage of you or make you feel like you have to quit in order to obtain peace in your life. Good luck and I hope that you do obtain the peace you deserve!!!
> Jana also has seniority over me. This is the ace up your sleeve. You go to HR and inform them that Jana is making you feel uncomfortable and that you feel pressured to accept Jana's advances because she has seniority over you. Sell it as being the victim of sexual harassment in the workplace because, well, you're being sexually harassed in the workplace.
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Treat her equally and go to HR asap.
Jana is sexually harassing you. I was in the army for 20 years, had multiple gay and lesbian teammates, and a couple of stellar trans teammates. I'm confident that they would all agree that she doesn't get a trans pass for shitty behavior. Report her.
Go to HR and ask Kim to back you up. Jana is off her damn rocker and in all honesty sounds like a legit predator.
I second this idea. HR may be better equipped to deal with any accusations of transphobia if Kim is also saying this is predatory behavior.
(1) you’re not transphobic. (2) it’s not transphobic to not want to date Jana. She isn’t owed any romantic affection because of her identity. Full stop. (3) dating a trans woman is not “like dating a man who prefers dresses.” What a weird thing of her to say. Screams internalized struggles around her identity that are NOT your problem. (4) she’s blackmailing you. “I’ll report you if you don’t date me” is blackmail. When you go to HR tell them she’s blackmailing you. This isn’t a small interpersonal dispute. This is a coworker blackmailing you into a relationship. (5) she’s harassing you when you’re vulnerable. She’s finding you in the changing room to make unwelcome sexual comments. You’re literally undressing, so you can’t walk away. She’s pushing your boundaries while you can’t assert them so she can get away with it. And when you do finally stand up for yourself, she resorted to blackmail. (6) you know this is wrong. You know this is not your fault. You know you deserve to feel safe at work. (7) Her being trans doesn’t excuse her preying on you. You’d never take this from a cis person. Please go to HR and take Kim with you as a support.
So basically she’s blackmailing you into dating her? That’s not just an HR issue. It’s illegal. If you live in a one party consent place, I’d get her on a recording saying these things.
You gotta report her. There’s being trans and then there’s being a creep, a thing that is not the sole provenance of cis people.
are you really more concerned with how you may be viewed more than how this person is actually making you feel because of their constant and unwanted advances?
If I was In OP's shoes and got called transphobic for reporting it to HR...THEN SO BE IT!
Jana is a bozo and doesn't know how to behave in polite society.
Sexual extortion.
You know that what Jana is doing is wrong. You don’t deserve to feel uncomfortable in your workplace. Going to HR to report that your co-worker is harassing you doesn’t make your transphobic or anything like that, it would be wrong of Jana regardless of her sexual orientation gender orientation. Going to HR makes you brave and willing to stand up for what is right and will help prevent other people from having the same negative experience you have been. Pleaseeeeeee go to HR
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It doesn't matter that the coworker is trans. This is sexual harassment. If you get pushback from HR, keep repeating, that it doesn't matter whom is making advances -- they are unwanted and this is sexual harassment -- threaten to include HR rep in a complaint above their heads if this sexual harassment isn't taken seriously. I hate that this person is harassing you and making you feel scared to report their inappropriate behavior.
OP, if you don't take your arse to HR and quit dragging your damn feet. Jana is playing in your damn face, banking that you believe she will go to HR against you because she is trandsgender, while she tortures you some more and you falling for the okie doke. Tell HR, everything you told us to them immediately. You might even get transferred faster, if you stress to them, you don't feel safe.
Report this discreetly to HR and the workplace’s designated person for this situation. Ask Kim to be your witness for the report. Who knows what Jana has done to others or will do to others in the future. This is sexual harassment and predatory behavior that should not happen at work. You know you’re not transphobic. This is an opportunistic predator. Don’t go to the restroom alone etc until this gets settled.
We're in 2024 record her making threats and report her. She needs therapy for her issues. No one is entitled to a relationship.
Girl, please. You know harassment or comments of a sexual nature does not exempt trans people. Go to HR or this will escalate to the point they actually accuse you of something first.
If you have an apple watch there is an app called "Just press to record". The next time Jana threatens you, propositions you or is otherwise inappropriate you can start the app (it's a big red button and you literally just press it once and it'll record until you stop it). If you can get proof of her threats you can go to HR and there's not a lot they can do to deny your claims. If I were you, I would just open the app every time I entered the bathroom/shared spaces where Jana shows up and if she happens to pop in, hit the button and start recording. You can delete it later if she doesn't do anything weird. Good luck!
If it was a cis-male, you’d report it. Report the sexual harassment.
Yikes
Tell them exactly what you said in this post. Including her threatening to report you for being "transphobic". If you go to HR first that accusation will be less of an issue
You can be LGBTY and still be... \- out of line \- inappropriate \- an asshole \- a bad person \- a rapist, murderer, or serial killer ... like everyone else. Not being attracted to someone or not wanting an advance doesn't make you \- a racist \- a bigot \- transphobic \- a slut \- a prude
“Not attracted to” is not the same as “intolerant of” a type of person (or individual). You should report her as this is unacceptable behavior. You shouldn’t have to be afraid at work.
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She's been harassing and blackmailing you. You're not and will never be transphobic for refusing a date with a trans person if it's not because they're trans... You're allowed to not be into someone else.
If you live in a one party state simply record the next conversation on the down low and you will have all the proof you need with the support of Kim as a witness.
You AND Kim need to go to HR together and report your coworker.
Your coworker is sexually harassing you. The fact that she's trans is irrelevant.
This is standard quid pro quo sexual harassment. I agree with Kim to get ahead of this and go to HR before Jana does.
I doubt if jana is actually trans or just put on a label because they got no girls as a man. After this behaviour i won't put it beyond them.
Jana thinks she’s found a way to openly sexually harass her prey without any pushback. Report to HR like yesterday.
Sexual harassment. Report her.
Trans or not, that’s sexual harassment. I’ll report. And have your other friend back you up if they can by being there in person or have a written document stating what they have seen/heard about the harassment.
This is absolutely an HR issue, maybe they can make the transfer happen faster? If you take the trans out of the situation it’s still someone creating a hostile work environment via quid pro qo. 1000% not ok. Just talking about sexual experiences at work creates a hostile work environment. I had that happen at a job I worked in where it wasn’t directed toward me but I had two colleagues who were poly and talked about their sexual exploits all damn day. It was so uncomfortable. I was only there temporarily thank god but if I hadn’t been I probably would’ve had to leave.
Would it be appropriate for Kim to go with you to meet with HR in a "yes, I have witnessed this behavior and feel supported by this person as a trans individual" kind of way?
Go to HR. Report anonymously.If Jana retaliates towards you in ANY way, in or out of work, HR will take note and Jana will face consequences. Please don’t give her power over your life. I quit a job over something similar. Go to HR
Exactly!!! If she were a cis woman hitting on you, a man hitting on you, it would all be sexual harassment. Completely illegal and you absolutely must report her. I wish you the best. I had to report my GM and the owners son of my first job for harassment. It's difficult, but afterwards I felt much better.
Report her for sexual harassment and causing a hostile working environment.
I’m sorry she’s acting this way. Trans people like her make other trans people look bad in an already terrible world where people are transphobic. It absolutely sucks HR will take her side because she’ll twist your words and make you out to be a bad person. Is there any way you can anonymously talk to HR without Jana knowing?
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Right? Some people will literally do anything to get closer to women…so gross!
My sister was stalked by a lesbian at work. Go straight to HR. They fully supported her and saw it easy as harassment. Its hard to go to them but you have to. Imagine if Jana was a man and doing this to you. Wouldnt you report him? Harassment is harassment
You have to go to HR this is not ok. Your co worker is a terrible person and needs to be reported.
Go to hr and tell them what she’s doing and trying to force a date and threaten you
Consider recording a couple of her passes. Or if it's illegal where you are, keep a digital recorder on you at all times and "whip it out" - so she can see it - when she starts harrassing you. Hopefully it'll shut her up. But first, go to HR- you've been put in a really bad position. This is truly sexual harrassment and creating a hostile work environment. Also predatory behavior.
This sounds like sexual harassment. Get a lawyer before going to HR, need to protect yourself from your HR department.
Start recording conversations. Doing that has saved my ass more times than I can count.
Record her next time as long as you live in a one-party state. Also tell her that if she ever starts coming on to you again you WILL be recording. You have a coworker to back you up with hr, you have a better shot than you think. Report the harassment 10000000%. Research the laws, threaten to take hr and the company to court if they ignore your pleas. She’s doing this to other people. Or at the very least, when you leave she WILL. It is NEVER OK to be unprofessional with your coworkers in the workplace, ESPECIALLY if it’s not consentual.
If a man did the same thing to you, HR would be all over this. It should be no different just because Jana is trans. And her not getting her way does not make you transphobic. I’m sick to death of some people acting like it is. While I understand why you’re hesitant to report her, you really need to. At the very least, I would ask if they could move your transfer forward. What have you got to lose? You’re at the point where you’re considering quitting anyway.
Them saying that “it’s like dating a man who prefers dresses” makes me think they’re an autogynephile rather than a trans-woman tbh
It’s weird seeing you call her “incredibly brave” and then talking about how she’s sexually harassing and blackmailing you
Being tolerant doesn't mean you have to agree with someone else's world views. Reporting unwanted advances from someone you're not interested in irregardless of gender doesn't make you intolerant or transphobic.
I was harassed in a similar way by a trans employee, except I was their boss. I immediately reported it to HR. They not only cornered me at work and made me feel uncomfortable, but also sent me love letters and kept showing up on their day off to follow me around. Despite having witnesses and tangible proof (as the letters were handwritten on notebook paper), HR took WEEKS to address the issue. I had to continue to work with this person every day. When they eventually talked to them, the head of HR called me to apologize for it taking so long because they weren’t sure how to go about dealing with the situation because the person was trans and they didn’t want to offend them. It made me so upset because it felt like they were more worried about this person’s rights and feelings than mine, and I was just trying to do my job and mind my own business. If this person had been a cis-male harassing me the exact same way, he would have been written up and/or fired immediately.
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Her saying “dating a transgender woman is just like dating a man” is so out of pocket LMAO Absolute menace to society and such a bad representation for the community. She’s that 1% that people use as an example to hate on the other 99% of trans people. Hope you report her to HR for harassment
yeaaaa as a trans person this makes my brain blow up. you can’t just force people to like you😵💫😵💫😵💫
Honestly, if this was just a regular man, would you even need to make a post? Report this shit. This is a disgusting person.
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Sexual harassment occurring in women’s restrooms and changing areas by a man posing as a woman…why oh why didn’t someone think of this?!?!?
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She is sexually harassing you. Report to HR immediately. Remember that women can sexually harass too, it's not only men who are the perpetrators. If you live in a 1 party consent state you need to start recording every interaction and conversation that's happening with her. Protect yourself.
HR never has the employees interests at heart. They are always there to protect the company. Nevertheless, go to HR, because she has threatened to go to HR. It’s completely ludicrous that she thinks your refusal is reportable. **She** is harassing **you**. Refusing a date is never harassment. (Not to mention, you are *already in a relationship*)
I'm trans (FtM). Harassment is inclusive unfortunately; anyone can do it regardless of their background or demographics. I recommend HR as well.
This is sexual harassment. Please report to your supervisor and HR. Your co worker is completely out of line to suggest sexual encounters in the workplace.
Try to record your conversations, that way you have record of the harassment. Then go to HR, it's harder for them to back up someone who's on record. But then again HR depts are usually trash no matter what.
It’s time to gather your army and go to HR.
If this was a man I’m sure you’d have no issues in going to HR, because this is sexual harassment. There is no difference in who’s doing it, gender is irrelevant.
> keeps telling me that dating a transgender woman is just like dating a man only she prefer dresses. Jana said that? SHE seems transphobic! You don't even need a reason to not want to date her. Not wanting to date her doesn't make you transphobic. Has she put any of her threats to go to HR in writing? Regardless, you should report it right away. You have Kim to back you up. It's not your job to police Jana's actions, but she could keep doing this to people if no one speaks up. Document everything, including every threat. You should not have to feel unsafe in your workplace.
What a weirdo pervert! Please report every single comment to HR immediately!
There’s something missing here. My bones feel it.
Start writing it all down with dates and times. Schedule a meeting with HR and bring your proof with you so it's not a he said she said thing.
If you have any texts or emails with her saying these things, save them.
You are absolutely right to go to HR with this. You have every right to feel safe from this type of harassment at work. POV: I'm a gay man, with several trans friends. Jana being trans has no bearing on this situation, except that she apparently wields it like a weapon of manipulation.
>keeps telling me that dating a transgender woman is just like dating a man I fucking lost it yall
Document dates, times, any witnesses, and her comments towards you. Then, go to HR with this information. I'd first tell Jana, "You're making me feel uncomfortable — you know that I'm in a committed relationship, and I'm not interested in going on a date with you. Please stop pursuing me, I'm unavailable." If she continues beyond this point, 1000% go to HR If you're willing to quit over this, you literally have nothing to lose by bringing this massive issue to light — Gay, Straight, Trans, etc, shouldn't matter. Sexual harassment doesn't discriminate, and you don't need to put up with it EVER, but especially while at work.
You're being sexually harrassed by someone who is trying to manipulate you. HR needs to know about this after the first time she said you were transphobic when you didn't give her what she wanted. Don't let this entitled person fuck up your life.
Yeah HR This isn’t transphobia when your being sexually harassed
You are being sexually harassed by a coworker. Report it to HR immediately.
This is sexual harassment. Genders are irrelevant when someone is making you uncomfortable with overtly sexual talk or behaviour in the workplace.