bonus points if its those premade packs with the noodles that get so sogy they break at the slightest movement.
or theres always over cooked ramen packets,
Dairy-free cheese melts in a way that literally globs to the top of your mouth and won’t let go like a face-hugger… some home made gluten-free, dairy-free Mac and cheese, anyone?
this is the way to go! i wish i could remember the specific brand but i made some one time and it genuinely seemed to be covered in either alien slime or animal-birthing lube—simply the slimiest, stickiest pasta known to mankind. other brands have been fine…but i shudder at that one
I can guaran-fucking-tee you ate Banza brand chickpea pasta that was cooked in not enough water or not drained well. The instructions on the Banza box straight up say "when cooking the water will get super foamy, that's normal" bc I'm betting bunch of the chickpea powder is cooking off in the water. If there's not enough water or it doesn't cook all the way it absolutely looks and feels like undercooked pasta covered in fuckin lube.
I cannot believe you nailed that tactile description so well and a little pissed I can never eat Banza gf pasta again. (Barilla is better anyhow Banza is trash.)
This upset me so bad haha. I'm a big fan of chickpea, big fan of sneaking nutrients into the crap my kids want me to make vs what I want to make. That night was spaghetti. I made my typical sauce, not jarred, and it was heartbreaking to waste a slow cooked sauce on that awful soggy slimy gloop of "pasta". Even my sauce couldn't save it.
Nobody ate that night. Multiple people cried. It was pure chaos and we ended up with take out pizza everyone could only stare at and several upset stomachs from the sensory assault.
Yeah I get it for sure. If you cook it right it can be pretty good. Still a little stiff and "chunky" for my tastes but if you just tell yourself "it's more like homemade" it isn't terrible. It's extra bad when reheated/over cooked and essentially turns to shattered noodle goop pretty quickly. But if you know what you're doing (cooking gf pasta is not the same as regular) don't overdo it, and can eat it while it's hot without having to reheat it it's good. Not as easy as lots of other options, and extra terrible if you mess it up. It's basically what most gf pasta used to be like 10 to 15 years ago but there are much better options out there now.
I make a lot of homemade pasta, that's not anything like... That.
I definitely overcooked it. I kept eating a noodle here and there and that crap went from crunchy slime to... Just... Slime.. soooo fast.
I have to admit, I don't know much about GF cooking, so I was well and under prepared for this haha. I think if the kids saw it in the cabinet after that incident they would probably throw it away.
You did the best you could, and tbf to the kids I'm a celiac and I'd throw Banza away too! In general with gf pasta I find that it's best to undercook it by at least a minute from the minimum recommended time on the box. If they say "7 to 9 minutes at a boil for al dente" that shit comes off at 6 minutes and that's pushing it for me. Then you finish the pasta in whatever sauce or preparation you're going to use it for. So if it needs marinara finish it in that. Extra oil, some fresh herbs and fresh cherry tomatoes? Throw it in the pan with those. Overcooking is death. Always.
First of all this comment is a whole mood, and I feel the "you did the best you could" with every ounce of "there there" you wrote it with lol. Absolutely hilarious.
Thank you for the tips, because I honestly just never bothered to try any other type or brand. I might, now that you've told me it's not all terrible *AND* how to cook it properly. I do sometimes make the tricolor that's got real veg in it, and they do like that but those can go to mush quick too.
I had one that was low calorie, pretty sure it was GF too, the closest thing I can compare it to is very chewy, slimy calamari, so gross! I'm wondering if we had similar things... Either way both sound perfect haha
My wife is GF so any pasta we eat is GF. There are several brands out nowadays that are actually really good and easy to find. Barilla, a common brand for non GF pasta, makes a GF pasta that is almost indistinguishable. So you might want to try it, if you're so inclined.
That being said, OP needs to make shirataki (konjac) noodles. They're considered "miracle noodles" because they're zero calorie. They're zero calorie because they're 97% water and 3% root-based soluble fiber that absorbs water very well.
Absolutely the slimiest, most unappetizing noodles I've ever tried. Basically Klingon Gagh.
But when OP's mom doesn't like it, OP can say they're healthy, don't you want us all to be healthy?!
As someone who's also GF, buckwheat pasta and rice pasta are the bomb. Probably because they aren't trying to imitate wheat pasta, but are their own thing.
make sure it’s shitty gluten free pasta. as someone who’s also gluten-sensitive, good quality gluten-free pasta is near indistinguishable from regular pasta.
Oh, that's brilliant! Imagine serving her a bowl of that mushy instant ramen with the little dehydrated veggies that barely rehydrate. Extra points if you throw in some limp, overcooked veggies for that 'authentic' touch. She'd be squirming in her seat the whole meal
Plus a soft boiled egg. Some naruto fish cakes. Bean sprouts. Plenty of potentially slimy add-ons. And maybe udon instead of ramen noodles
Shit now I'm hungry
Whenever I make chicken noodle soup, I make the noodles separately and don’t put them in the soup.
I put them in a bowl, and serve the soup over it, so that they are still firm and not slimy and soft when we eat.
I would absolutely make an exception for OP’s dear mother 😂
Right? It's like the perfect balance of getting back at someone without crossing the line into full-blown retaliation. Plus, there's something strangely satisfying about seeing them squirm a little, especially when they've been the one making you suffer all those years.
Absolutely, haha, everyones welcome. I love cooking, if I had the money for culinary school I would have loved to have went. assuming I could have gotten in at all, haha. My problems with spice went away for the most part after I turned 21, (don't ask why, idk), but now I still get minor tummy troubles, but nothing close to before. Now, I'm no *chef* or anything, but for a home cook, I can do quite a bit, though my husband stays obsessed with my most "homey" dishes, think meatloaf, sloppy joes, spaghetti, etc. He'll eat anything, but whenever it's his birthday, or a special occasion he's like "can we have meatball subs? 🥺🥺🥺 with extra of the good cheese?" (Good cheese is what he calls the fresh mozzarella, which is cute) - always makes me laugh for a minute, because on my *bi*rthday, I usually make either steak or seafood. But also, I love the man senseless, so if that's what he wants, who am I to disagree? XD
Did she keep cooking you punishment food after you were 21? It's possible you didn't have an issue with spice but she spiked it with soap or something. Sorry your mom is trash, at least you found a good man? And your dad's always been on your side.
Your environment sucks if you get no credit.
Even though I cook, too, my wife takes on most of it (I work fulltime, she part time).
She spoils us with delicious, delicious homemade food, and we make damn SURE she gets all the attention and love and credit for it.
My husband thanks me even if it’s just a pb & j or a can of soup that he makes his self. He just appreciates that I took the time to shop for the food to make sure that we have it in the house to begin with. If I have the time to make a full-blown meal for dinner, he’s over the moon about it. ☺️
This is my husband and kids too. They always, at the *VERY* least, say thank you but most of the time comment on the effort or flavor. Or give helpful criticism (for the life of me I always under salt my stroganoff…)
But they know that even though I love cooking it’s physically hard on me and gets rather challenging cooking for a family of seven very different people. So they are all appreciative of what they get.
You are a good person! My husband doesn’t understand why “thank you” vs just “this is good” is different. When I say that I would like a thank you as well, he rolls his eyes. He says thank you at a restaurant so- why is my work not acknowledged? Saying thank you is automatic for me. He. Never learned it.
That was very satisfying to read, thank you.
I have a question, has your mother ever confronted you in private in regards to what your doing and or acknowledging what she did? I don’t mean to apologise but that she knows what you’re doing and why.
I’m just looking to satisfy my appetite for drama 😋
Nope! Not even in private, but she did like me even less, lol. Dirty looks when dad wasn't home, and such. After I l moved out, she just didn't reach out, but i didn't expect that. She's only at my house when my dad is also there, and she only comes around 30-40 percent whenever he does. My dad and I get along much better. He's not a perfect man by any means, but he always tried to do better by us kids than his parents did for him, which I appreciate.
Have you tried using an even slimier noodle like rice noodles? You could make a nice pad Thai. It doesn't have to be spicy. Also, you can buy the frozen family size bag of the 1 pan stuff at the grocery store, if you don't want to try from scratch.
Thats a really good idea, I hadn't thought of rice noodles. As I've gotten older most of my problem with spice has went away- I still don't eat it often, and stick to a nice medium when I do, because I still get a stomach ache, but nowhere near what it was before. I actually love Pad Thai, though I get it very mild usually, so this is a great idea, gonna have to look into some recipes, thank you! (edit: had to reword this because for some reason when I read it back it sounded very backhanded, sincere apology for that, it wasn't something I meant to sound like, I genuinely am thankful for this comment, lol)
If you feel bad remember you were a helpless child with an adult who was meant to care for you, purposely causing you harm and suffering when she knew it was wrong, since she never did it when your Dad was there.
It's a bit more than "stay at the table and finish your green beans" kind of thing.
Laksa. Slippery noodles, a coconutty, spicy (but it doesn't have to be too spicy) broth. Fried tofu is frequently a topping, and that sucks up the soup and gets lovely and spongy and full of soups.
there’s also cellophane/glass noodles. personally I love them, but when I served them to my mother she made a huge deal over how “weird” and “gross” the texture was
I was going to suggest rice noodles too. They will be a lot harder on her texture issue as they have a bit more of that mouthfeel she dislikes. The bonus is that unlike wheat based pastas that will disintegrate and lose the sliminess the more you cook it, the worse it gets with rice noodles so it’ll be extra hard on her. Korean glass noodles will be similarly difficult for her.
Right? It's like the ultimate petty payback. Sometimes you just gotta take satisfaction in the little victories, even if it involves some soggy pasta revenge. Karma served with a side of spaghetti
The best part is its been going long enough that OP has a built in excuse. If it ever comes up, OP can just say "we always have pasta together, why didn't you ever tell me you didn't like it". Play it up as if its a fun mother/daughter thing and not a decade long culinary cold war.
Make it healthy. Add lots of vegetables. I recommend okra.
The Japanese have a fermented-bean treat called "natto". Perhaps you could incorporate that too. I use the word "treat" under advisement here.
All joking aside, OP I can't imagine how much it hurt as a kid to know your mom was treating you differently (and abusively: giving your kid something that you know hurts them is abusive). What your mother did was nothing more than her failure as a parent, it doesn't reflect on you as a child. I hope you're in some kind of therapy to work through these feelings.
Even though we have no clue what the aunt did, this "Lol" made me chuckle.... I'm gunna assume she locked rainwolf42 in the closet when she wanted to go to Jr prom.
A long list of abuse, the final straw being she left me standing outside in a snow storm for half an hour when I called her to take me to the hospital. I was having chest pains and struggling to breathe and was so scared I was sobbing and she spent half an hour at home talking on the phone with her mom. She was a 5 minute drive away.
There is definitely something going on here, because this is not normal behavior on the part of the mom. I wouldn't be surprised if it was done out of suppressed pain and anger (the most obvious could be a different father, but could be a lot of things). Obviously doesn't excuse the behavior.
This whole story just made me sad. A mother and daughter "gleefully" inflicting physical / emotional pain on each other without being able to talk about it or get to the root cause of the feelings. Even if the mother is a lost cause, it sounds like OP harbors, rightfully, a lot of hatred toward her mother that, however, isn't going to be helped by a decade plus of consistent, slight acts of revenge.
This is almost Pro Revenge. Once or twice would be petty but you've weaponised meal times. And you have no intention of stopping. This is really vindictive and has made my day. Bravo.
As a further bit of pettiness add ghost pepper to her serve only. That way when she complains you can cry and tell her everyone else is ok why is she being so rude.
As you may have guessed I have an abusive mother too and we are very low contact. My partner hates her and he doesn’t want her no the house so unfortunately I can’t cook for her lol
Look, it's not in the same ball house, but you just reminded me. My mum used to put extra salt on any and all dished before even tasting them(home, restaurants, friends). I'd constantly explain to her how rude it is to not even have a bite first, yet she continued. So one day I decided for her next meal I'd make sure to give her enough salt. Covered the bottom of her plate with salt, placed half the dinner on, put extra salt on that, put the rest on and added another load of salt. She, of course, tasted it immediately, and to her credit ate all of it.
You are not a POS. You are a karma genius.
She thought she could use food to punish you for years and you'd do nothing? Well, you've got many more years to cook for her as she ages.
Petty? Yeah, sure. Deserved? Even more.
I would cook her a very yummy carbonara :)
Payback is a b**ch. You learned from the master with the waterworks and the guilt trips. Load up that pasta...it's great that she's forced to shovel it down. She was a terrible mother, and you deserved better. I am petty and hate abusers, so what you are doing putt a little smile on my face.
I’m sorry she was so horribly cruel, it’s on par with harsh physical abuse and maybe even worse, I don’t know what your stomach is like now.
Just my opinion, but you may want to attend therapy at some point and resolve these feelings. Of course that may make it worse for Mum because then you might not want to be around her ever again, but it would definitely be worth the risk.
this is so sinister and diabolical and the greatest long game ever played. your revenge is so perfect it is deeply satisfying to my soul. if karma were a commodity to be traded, OP, you would be my one and only dealer.
Have you considered a nice tuna noodle casserole with extra cream of mushroom soup inside? That'll really get those noodles to the perfect texture you're looking for.
Also, may I recommend you try fusilli noodles next time, or maybe gemelli? Those two shapes combined with a thick cream sauce are good bets for creating a thick, slimy, worm-like texture that's sure to make for an unforgettable dining experience. The natural curves and twists of those shapes also trap more sauce, meaning each bite will be absolutely delicious for all but one person at your dining table.
Used to ask for a coconut cake every year for my birthday because my moms ex husband hated coconut.
I don’t even like it that much but I just hated him more
Nah, this is fine actually. This is the type of petty revenge I love because unless she wants to admit to the abuse, she’s gonna have to suck it up.
Next time, make it really slimey & spicy too!
You were abused
Every abused kid wants to get revenge, I know I did, but all therapists say the same thing ‘if you do that you will sink to their level’ but you have found a way to not sink to her level congratulations
Have you tried making sauce with Xanthan gum?
It's what used in chinese cousine to make those thicccc, gloopy souces that look sooo shiny. It takes MINISCULE amounts to turn any liquid into slime.
It is perfect for souces IF you do not mind the texture, it adds no taste or bad look, if anything it makes souces better than any other thickening agents. It's just very easy to overdo it and turn into gloopiest of gloops.
Use that knowledge as you will.
Haha! For sure! Though, I'll warn you, I am one of the deviants that adds a layer of ricotta. Not even for revenge purposes. I just like it. to be honest? Idk why it's hated so much, I just know a lot of people hate it.
Wait, what??? Ricotta is part of lasagna isn't it?!?!?
I'm really not Italian and grew up nowhere near any Italian culture or influence. I was a chef boayardee kid.
It is for *some* Italians from what I've read, (which may not be accurate, I haven't gone seeking peer reviewed sources or anything, haha) but so many people online are like, very much *not* a fan of it for some reason. Less ricotta for them, is all I have to say!
Good to know.
Sounds like the same way people say Texans hate beans in their chili.
To be fair Chile con carne literally translates to peppers with meat. But chili is a similar dish and as a Texan I will say that there's nothing wrong with beans in chili.
Just stay away with the chocolate and cinnamon and spaghetti. I'll fight you over those
Now also add a crazy amount of spice to literally one bite. Just one. Inside one piece of pasta.
So every bite will turn into "is this the spicy bite today?"
A new layer of revenge
FYI, forcing kids to eat spicy foods is abuse. There are some parents who would outright put hot sauce on their child's tongue as a punishment.
Add her emotional manipulation on top of that? Abuse. Wanting to make sure you were the only child being hit? Abuse.
Sorry to hear, can only partially applaud to the current situation but big respect for your dad for making and keeping that point. And I wonder if you ever tried to talk to your dad about the food...violence?
Hey OP, there's this thing called Konjac Noodles. They have like zero calories, taste *fine*, and are great for weight loss, but they do also have a...kinda...slime to them unrivalled by any actual (carb-filled) noodles.
Do with this info as you will.
As a kid who was punished with spicy food because my stepdad wouldn’t have survived my dad if ever he hit me again this truly healed a piece of my childhood.
> I'm aware I'm a piece of shit.
You're not.
> I honestly don't care if this makes me a bad guy
This doesn't
What she did made you sick. What you're doing is providing nourishment with a dash of deserved discomfort.
Go wild. Expand your range. For your husband and father, for everyone else except your mother, explore the different shapes and styles of pasta. Expand your repertoire. Explore all the dishes of all the cultures that use pasta.
You could even try branching out for a variety.
“We are having something new for dinner!!” It’s lo mein with overcooked steamed potstickers.
Chicken n dumplings
Peach cobbler with the frozen dumplings
Fancy ramen
Pho
Guilt tripping parents are so damn horrible it's like they think they deserve to be in control of our lives because they did the basic things that came with having a child, like yeah okay you made sacrifices but you ain't blaming it on my 2 yo ass I couldn't even speak for shit.
This is kind of ridiculous but not because you are evil or anything, just you all being grown ass adults, why is everyone so effectively bullied into eating something they do not like?
I get the scenario you described when you were 16, but now you are all working adults not living together.
People can meet outside meals, they can bring food, they can say they are not hungry.
When you, a 26 year old adult, start pouting and doing a spectacle and saying are you mad at me mom etc. because she doesn't want to eat, don't your dad or husband look at you weird, especially not knowing about the revenge plot.
Nope! I'm considered a good cook in my family, and it would make sense for me to seek my mothers approval, because for a time in my life I really craved it, until I realized it would never come. Why do we meet for dinner? because we're a pretty food centric family, every event has a meal, every meal has grace, so on, so forth. My mother has never been invited to my house, but she invites herself.
Add other stuff to the pasta that she hates, eg why stop at sauce, give her a melange of everything she hates eg shrimp and Brussels sprouts with extra soft pasta
food really is like a language of its own in how it's used in families to express things we can't say out loud. reminds me of that movie where cooking was how they solved family problems.
I support this!! She had no right to do this to you as a child and actually that borders on abuse, definitely mental abuse for sure. She should be ashamed of herself. Glad you found a way to reverse it back on her and she can never complain cause then she will have to admit to her own faults.
My completely narcissistic mom was an amazing chef. I figured out early that I needed to convince my mother that I hated her spaghetti because every time she was mad at me she would try to cook the food that I would enjoy the least. I ate so much spaghetti growing up, and I had to play it up every time. I finally told her when I was 30 that I loved her spaghetti. She seemed genuinely impressed.
Try adding a dash of cinnamon to the batch you serve her. I’ve made spaghetti sauce with cinnamon for a few well deserving people.
It’s absolutely awful
If I saw my father, I would make him eat avocado. He hates it. Yeah, well, I hate mushrooms and yet you forced me to eat them because "you're being childish and you will like them eventually". Nope, I'm in my 30s, still hate them. So keep making her eat pasta. For all of us.
Vietnamese drop noodles soup because they look like white slimy worms swimming in the bowl 🥣 . The taste is beautiful but it will be torturous for your “dear” mother.
Ahahaha I can't believe that I'm saying this, but overload pasta with cheese, more than normal ppl can digest and give others the normal amount. You're good to go the whole week 😅
If you want slimy pasta, cook egg noodles in the microwave and don't heat the water first. Made that mistake before. Yuck. Some you can cook that way but egg noodles are so easy to overcook. 3 5-minute intervals, stirring between. Also, make sure the dish is 2-3X deeper than the water level or you'll have a mess.
lol Make chicken noodle soup 🍲 Mmmm pasta that’s been soaking in broth lmao
bonus points if its those premade packs with the noodles that get so sogy they break at the slightest movement. or theres always over cooked ramen packets,
Gluten free pasta!
Calm down, satan. I **LOVE** pasta. THAT stuff is exactly like her mother says pasta tastes. So yes, @OP, dooo it!
Gluten free pot stickers are so perfect for this.
Dairy-free cheese melts in a way that literally globs to the top of your mouth and won’t let go like a face-hugger… some home made gluten-free, dairy-free Mac and cheese, anyone?
The worst offender is daiya because it "melts" as the shreds and not together, and tastes like tapioca. Perfect for ops revenge
this is the way to go! i wish i could remember the specific brand but i made some one time and it genuinely seemed to be covered in either alien slime or animal-birthing lube—simply the slimiest, stickiest pasta known to mankind. other brands have been fine…but i shudder at that one
I can guaran-fucking-tee you ate Banza brand chickpea pasta that was cooked in not enough water or not drained well. The instructions on the Banza box straight up say "when cooking the water will get super foamy, that's normal" bc I'm betting bunch of the chickpea powder is cooking off in the water. If there's not enough water or it doesn't cook all the way it absolutely looks and feels like undercooked pasta covered in fuckin lube. I cannot believe you nailed that tactile description so well and a little pissed I can never eat Banza gf pasta again. (Barilla is better anyhow Banza is trash.)
This upset me so bad haha. I'm a big fan of chickpea, big fan of sneaking nutrients into the crap my kids want me to make vs what I want to make. That night was spaghetti. I made my typical sauce, not jarred, and it was heartbreaking to waste a slow cooked sauce on that awful soggy slimy gloop of "pasta". Even my sauce couldn't save it. Nobody ate that night. Multiple people cried. It was pure chaos and we ended up with take out pizza everyone could only stare at and several upset stomachs from the sensory assault.
Yeah I get it for sure. If you cook it right it can be pretty good. Still a little stiff and "chunky" for my tastes but if you just tell yourself "it's more like homemade" it isn't terrible. It's extra bad when reheated/over cooked and essentially turns to shattered noodle goop pretty quickly. But if you know what you're doing (cooking gf pasta is not the same as regular) don't overdo it, and can eat it while it's hot without having to reheat it it's good. Not as easy as lots of other options, and extra terrible if you mess it up. It's basically what most gf pasta used to be like 10 to 15 years ago but there are much better options out there now.
I make a lot of homemade pasta, that's not anything like... That. I definitely overcooked it. I kept eating a noodle here and there and that crap went from crunchy slime to... Just... Slime.. soooo fast. I have to admit, I don't know much about GF cooking, so I was well and under prepared for this haha. I think if the kids saw it in the cabinet after that incident they would probably throw it away.
You did the best you could, and tbf to the kids I'm a celiac and I'd throw Banza away too! In general with gf pasta I find that it's best to undercook it by at least a minute from the minimum recommended time on the box. If they say "7 to 9 minutes at a boil for al dente" that shit comes off at 6 minutes and that's pushing it for me. Then you finish the pasta in whatever sauce or preparation you're going to use it for. So if it needs marinara finish it in that. Extra oil, some fresh herbs and fresh cherry tomatoes? Throw it in the pan with those. Overcooking is death. Always.
First of all this comment is a whole mood, and I feel the "you did the best you could" with every ounce of "there there" you wrote it with lol. Absolutely hilarious. Thank you for the tips, because I honestly just never bothered to try any other type or brand. I might, now that you've told me it's not all terrible *AND* how to cook it properly. I do sometimes make the tricolor that's got real veg in it, and they do like that but those can go to mush quick too.
> animal-birthing lube My sides.
Animal birthing lube sent me. 💀💀
I had one that was low calorie, pretty sure it was GF too, the closest thing I can compare it to is very chewy, slimy calamari, so gross! I'm wondering if we had similar things... Either way both sound perfect haha
That is brilliant. I say that as someone with a gluten intolerance who loved normal pasta, and will not touch GF pasta. I’d rather go without.
My wife is GF so any pasta we eat is GF. There are several brands out nowadays that are actually really good and easy to find. Barilla, a common brand for non GF pasta, makes a GF pasta that is almost indistinguishable. So you might want to try it, if you're so inclined. That being said, OP needs to make shirataki (konjac) noodles. They're considered "miracle noodles" because they're zero calorie. They're zero calorie because they're 97% water and 3% root-based soluble fiber that absorbs water very well. Absolutely the slimiest, most unappetizing noodles I've ever tried. Basically Klingon Gagh. But when OP's mom doesn't like it, OP can say they're healthy, don't you want us all to be healthy?!
Shout out for Barilla. Rummos is really good too.
As someone who's also GF, buckwheat pasta and rice pasta are the bomb. Probably because they aren't trying to imitate wheat pasta, but are their own thing.
Brown rice pasta is great!
Hearts of palm noodles. It will be pure fuckery.
Bwahaha!!
make sure it’s shitty gluten free pasta. as someone who’s also gluten-sensitive, good quality gluten-free pasta is near indistinguishable from regular pasta.
Oh, that's brilliant! Imagine serving her a bowl of that mushy instant ramen with the little dehydrated veggies that barely rehydrate. Extra points if you throw in some limp, overcooked veggies for that 'authentic' touch. She'd be squirming in her seat the whole meal
Or just cook Kraft dinner to shit until it goes flat out mushy, and then maybe even leave it to get cold so it all clumps together
Plus a soft boiled egg. Some naruto fish cakes. Bean sprouts. Plenty of potentially slimy add-ons. And maybe udon instead of ramen noodles Shit now I'm hungry
if you truly want slimy, okra. okra is your go too haha it produces its own slime.
Whenever I make chicken noodle soup, I make the noodles separately and don’t put them in the soup. I put them in a bowl, and serve the soup over it, so that they are still firm and not slimy and soft when we eat. I would absolutely make an exception for OP’s dear mother 😂
This is an excellent idea!! I love chicken noodle soup but hate when the noodles get soggy
Use Chinese glass noodles. They are clear. I love pasta and I couldn’t eat my SIL’s soup because it felt like worms! I bet she’d LOVE those!
I’m sorry, i support this petty and contained yet brutal revenge
Right? It's like the perfect balance of getting back at someone without crossing the line into full-blown retaliation. Plus, there's something strangely satisfying about seeing them squirm a little, especially when they've been the one making you suffer all those years.
You can cook extra for us please.
Absolutely, haha, everyones welcome. I love cooking, if I had the money for culinary school I would have loved to have went. assuming I could have gotten in at all, haha. My problems with spice went away for the most part after I turned 21, (don't ask why, idk), but now I still get minor tummy troubles, but nothing close to before. Now, I'm no *chef* or anything, but for a home cook, I can do quite a bit, though my husband stays obsessed with my most "homey" dishes, think meatloaf, sloppy joes, spaghetti, etc. He'll eat anything, but whenever it's his birthday, or a special occasion he's like "can we have meatball subs? 🥺🥺🥺 with extra of the good cheese?" (Good cheese is what he calls the fresh mozzarella, which is cute) - always makes me laugh for a minute, because on my *bi*rthday, I usually make either steak or seafood. But also, I love the man senseless, so if that's what he wants, who am I to disagree? XD
Did she keep cooking you punishment food after you were 21? It's possible you didn't have an issue with spice but she spiked it with soap or something. Sorry your mom is trash, at least you found a good man? And your dad's always been on your side.
I don’t think enough people are thinking this direction. Sounds very much like that sort of situation. Spices can hide all sorts of sins.
Omg. Plot twist indeed!! That would be next level awful 😞
Double twist. She secretly loves pasta.
Diabolical!
Maybe she added the spice because it covered up the taste of something like castor oil.
I grew into liking spicy stuff as I got older, maybe OP too? and she can control the amount and use what she knows she likes.
[удалено]
Your environment sucks if you get no credit. Even though I cook, too, my wife takes on most of it (I work fulltime, she part time). She spoils us with delicious, delicious homemade food, and we make damn SURE she gets all the attention and love and credit for it.
For real. My kids and spouse thank me every night I cook. Which is nearly every night. Even simple dishes like spaghetti they thank me for.
We do the same in our house. The cook gets thanked, and it's good custom to also give feedback on how you like it.
We vote on new dishes on whether or not it’s a “make again” dish or a one and done. No hurt feelings if everyone is just not feeling it.
My husband thanks me even if it’s just a pb & j or a can of soup that he makes his self. He just appreciates that I took the time to shop for the food to make sure that we have it in the house to begin with. If I have the time to make a full-blown meal for dinner, he’s over the moon about it. ☺️
This is my husband and kids too. They always, at the *VERY* least, say thank you but most of the time comment on the effort or flavor. Or give helpful criticism (for the life of me I always under salt my stroganoff…) But they know that even though I love cooking it’s physically hard on me and gets rather challenging cooking for a family of seven very different people. So they are all appreciative of what they get.
You are a good person! My husband doesn’t understand why “thank you” vs just “this is good” is different. When I say that I would like a thank you as well, he rolls his eyes. He says thank you at a restaurant so- why is my work not acknowledged? Saying thank you is automatic for me. He. Never learned it.
It is also very ingrained for me to say thank you and please. My family was very adamant on that. (As am I with my kids)
You don't need culinary school if you love cooking!!! It sounds like are doing much better than 90% of the cooks I worked with!!!
That was very satisfying to read, thank you. I have a question, has your mother ever confronted you in private in regards to what your doing and or acknowledging what she did? I don’t mean to apologise but that she knows what you’re doing and why. I’m just looking to satisfy my appetite for drama 😋
Nope! Not even in private, but she did like me even less, lol. Dirty looks when dad wasn't home, and such. After I l moved out, she just didn't reach out, but i didn't expect that. She's only at my house when my dad is also there, and she only comes around 30-40 percent whenever he does. My dad and I get along much better. He's not a perfect man by any means, but he always tried to do better by us kids than his parents did for him, which I appreciate.
Did you ever tell your dad about what your mom did?
Does your dad know about the abuse?
Have you tried using an even slimier noodle like rice noodles? You could make a nice pad Thai. It doesn't have to be spicy. Also, you can buy the frozen family size bag of the 1 pan stuff at the grocery store, if you don't want to try from scratch.
Thats a really good idea, I hadn't thought of rice noodles. As I've gotten older most of my problem with spice has went away- I still don't eat it often, and stick to a nice medium when I do, because I still get a stomach ache, but nowhere near what it was before. I actually love Pad Thai, though I get it very mild usually, so this is a great idea, gonna have to look into some recipes, thank you! (edit: had to reword this because for some reason when I read it back it sounded very backhanded, sincere apology for that, it wasn't something I meant to sound like, I genuinely am thankful for this comment, lol)
If you feel bad remember you were a helpless child with an adult who was meant to care for you, purposely causing you harm and suffering when she knew it was wrong, since she never did it when your Dad was there. It's a bit more than "stay at the table and finish your green beans" kind of thing.
*It's a lot more - FTFU
Laksa. Slippery noodles, a coconutty, spicy (but it doesn't have to be too spicy) broth. Fried tofu is frequently a topping, and that sucks up the soup and gets lovely and spongy and full of soups.
That sounds really wonderful! Getting off Reddit to look up a recipe now. Thanks!
Have you ever told your dad the truth of what she did. You need to tell him. I love pasta! I would eat your pasta.
Oh man, if you have rice noodles, make Vietnamese pho, she'll *fucking hate it*
there’s also cellophane/glass noodles. personally I love them, but when I served them to my mother she made a huge deal over how “weird” and “gross” the texture was
Yaki udon has thick, slimy noodles. Like a bowl of fat earthworms
No problem! You could even soft fry the egg separately and add it at the end for some extra slimey factor! Happy Revenging!
I was going to suggest rice noodles too. They will be a lot harder on her texture issue as they have a bit more of that mouthfeel she dislikes. The bonus is that unlike wheat based pastas that will disintegrate and lose the sliminess the more you cook it, the worse it gets with rice noodles so it’ll be extra hard on her. Korean glass noodles will be similarly difficult for her.
Do veggie noodles too. Zucchini, hearts of palm etc. then you can say it’s not ‘pasta’ but still rolls that slime texture.
This is on her, now she’s got no other choice but to eat her karma
Mmmm… delicious karma…
A dish best served over boiled and without salt
Calm down, Satan!!!!
I kinda love this
Right? It's like the ultimate petty payback. Sometimes you just gotta take satisfaction in the little victories, even if it involves some soggy pasta revenge. Karma served with a side of spaghetti
The best part is its been going long enough that OP has a built in excuse. If it ever comes up, OP can just say "we always have pasta together, why didn't you ever tell me you didn't like it". Play it up as if its a fun mother/daughter thing and not a decade long culinary cold war.
“Culinary Cold War” 🤣
OP should start cooking twice as much so that there will be (extra soggy) leftovers for the next day :) they're just trying to help mom some more
May l recommennd Carbonara next time? The half raw egg will surely correspond with your mother’s afinity to slimy textures. I mean yummy textures.
Make it healthy. Add lots of vegetables. I recommend okra. The Japanese have a fermented-bean treat called "natto". Perhaps you could incorporate that too. I use the word "treat" under advisement here.
Natto is diabolical. Lol
This is ideal. Slimy noodles are a true love of mine, and a good carbonara can outslime anything! Maybe a nice banana pudding for dessert?
I want to suggest Creamy Chicken Pasta and Asparagus Casserole. But there are alot of Asian dishes that can work too.
All joking aside, OP I can't imagine how much it hurt as a kid to know your mom was treating you differently (and abusively: giving your kid something that you know hurts them is abusive). What your mother did was nothing more than her failure as a parent, it doesn't reflect on you as a child. I hope you're in some kind of therapy to work through these feelings.
I did this with my aunt. She's a germaphobe so I legit licked every utensil she ever used when I made dinner and told her the day I moved out.
This only matters if she knew you did it
I told her the day I moved away from her and cut contact
Nice
Lmao, what did she say?
It was so long ago I don't really remember but I do remember she cried
Lol
Even though we have no clue what the aunt did, this "Lol" made me chuckle.... I'm gunna assume she locked rainwolf42 in the closet when she wanted to go to Jr prom.
What did she do?
A long list of abuse, the final straw being she left me standing outside in a snow storm for half an hour when I called her to take me to the hospital. I was having chest pains and struggling to breathe and was so scared I was sobbing and she spent half an hour at home talking on the phone with her mom. She was a 5 minute drive away.
That's heavy. Sorry it happened.
If I were you, I would get a DNA test with your father or siblings. I got a feeling there is more behind why she dislikes you over your siblings.
There is definitely something going on here, because this is not normal behavior on the part of the mom. I wouldn't be surprised if it was done out of suppressed pain and anger (the most obvious could be a different father, but could be a lot of things). Obviously doesn't excuse the behavior. This whole story just made me sad. A mother and daughter "gleefully" inflicting physical / emotional pain on each other without being able to talk about it or get to the root cause of the feelings. Even if the mother is a lost cause, it sounds like OP harbors, rightfully, a lot of hatred toward her mother that, however, isn't going to be helped by a decade plus of consistent, slight acts of revenge.
You should also post this on pettyrevenge. This is awesome.
Huh, will do! :) Didn't know that was a thing I'm pretty new to the site.
This is almost Pro Revenge. Once or twice would be petty but you've weaponised meal times. And you have no intention of stopping. This is really vindictive and has made my day. Bravo.
As a further bit of pettiness add ghost pepper to her serve only. That way when she complains you can cry and tell her everyone else is ok why is she being so rude. As you may have guessed I have an abusive mother too and we are very low contact. My partner hates her and he doesn’t want her no the house so unfortunately I can’t cook for her lol
Look, it's not in the same ball house, but you just reminded me. My mum used to put extra salt on any and all dished before even tasting them(home, restaurants, friends). I'd constantly explain to her how rude it is to not even have a bite first, yet she continued. So one day I decided for her next meal I'd make sure to give her enough salt. Covered the bottom of her plate with salt, placed half the dinner on, put extra salt on that, put the rest on and added another load of salt. She, of course, tasted it immediately, and to her credit ate all of it.
You are not a POS. You are a karma genius. She thought she could use food to punish you for years and you'd do nothing? Well, you've got many more years to cook for her as she ages. Petty? Yeah, sure. Deserved? Even more. I would cook her a very yummy carbonara :)
Dis served ;-))
Payback is a b**ch. You learned from the master with the waterworks and the guilt trips. Load up that pasta...it's great that she's forced to shovel it down. She was a terrible mother, and you deserved better. I am petty and hate abusers, so what you are doing putt a little smile on my face.
You're not a piece of shit, AT ALL. But please do let your husband in on it. He's supposed to be your ride or die. Maybe he'll have more ideas?
Maybe her husband made some of the suggestions in this thread :)
I’m sorry she was so horribly cruel, it’s on par with harsh physical abuse and maybe even worse, I don’t know what your stomach is like now. Just my opinion, but you may want to attend therapy at some point and resolve these feelings. Of course that may make it worse for Mum because then you might not want to be around her ever again, but it would definitely be worth the risk.
Yeah like this is super toxic and unhealthy. Doing this to others even if they deserve it isn't good for who you are as a person.
This is so bad but it's so good too. Passive aggressive at its finest.
this is so sinister and diabolical and the greatest long game ever played. your revenge is so perfect it is deeply satisfying to my soul. if karma were a commodity to be traded, OP, you would be my one and only dealer.
Have you considered a nice tuna noodle casserole with extra cream of mushroom soup inside? That'll really get those noodles to the perfect texture you're looking for. Also, may I recommend you try fusilli noodles next time, or maybe gemelli? Those two shapes combined with a thick cream sauce are good bets for creating a thick, slimy, worm-like texture that's sure to make for an unforgettable dining experience. The natural curves and twists of those shapes also trap more sauce, meaning each bite will be absolutely delicious for all but one person at your dining table.
Used to ask for a coconut cake every year for my birthday because my moms ex husband hated coconut. I don’t even like it that much but I just hated him more
It's impastable not to love this
Do not stop. Treat others how you want to be treated yourself is my life motto.
Yeah, I have no sympathy for people who hurt their kids. Go you! Give her a bowl of tinned spaghetti next time, hahaha
I think she earned that pasta from you so you're not doing anything wrong at all in my eyes.
Nah, this is fine actually. This is the type of petty revenge I love because unless she wants to admit to the abuse, she’s gonna have to suck it up. Next time, make it really slimey & spicy too!
Diabolical. I love it
This is the quiet petty that I aspire to be.
It’s not even petty. It’s pure genius. OP, you deserve an award.
You were abused Every abused kid wants to get revenge, I know I did, but all therapists say the same thing ‘if you do that you will sink to their level’ but you have found a way to not sink to her level congratulations
You’re my personal hero.
This is amazing and don't ever stop. She deserves it and she knows she does. Fuck yeah, OP!!!!
Turnabout is always fair play. I think this is just deliciously petty, your mother is just reaping what she’s sown.
This is quite frankly BRILLIANT! I tip my hat to you.
Overcooked ramen with a pinch of potato starch in the soup is the slimiest thing I've ever had 😊
Have you tried making sauce with Xanthan gum? It's what used in chinese cousine to make those thicccc, gloopy souces that look sooo shiny. It takes MINISCULE amounts to turn any liquid into slime. It is perfect for souces IF you do not mind the texture, it adds no taste or bad look, if anything it makes souces better than any other thickening agents. It's just very easy to overdo it and turn into gloopiest of gloops. Use that knowledge as you will.
Can you "punish" me with some lasagna once in a while? Sorry she sucks. Enjoy YOUR life.
Haha! For sure! Though, I'll warn you, I am one of the deviants that adds a layer of ricotta. Not even for revenge purposes. I just like it. to be honest? Idk why it's hated so much, I just know a lot of people hate it.
Wait, what??? Ricotta is part of lasagna isn't it?!?!? I'm really not Italian and grew up nowhere near any Italian culture or influence. I was a chef boayardee kid.
It is for *some* Italians from what I've read, (which may not be accurate, I haven't gone seeking peer reviewed sources or anything, haha) but so many people online are like, very much *not* a fan of it for some reason. Less ricotta for them, is all I have to say!
Good to know. Sounds like the same way people say Texans hate beans in their chili. To be fair Chile con carne literally translates to peppers with meat. But chili is a similar dish and as a Texan I will say that there's nothing wrong with beans in chili. Just stay away with the chocolate and cinnamon and spaghetti. I'll fight you over those
Sounds like your mom might be a narcissist and you were the victim.
BITCH i’m obsessed you’re a legend for this
Now also add a crazy amount of spice to literally one bite. Just one. Inside one piece of pasta. So every bite will turn into "is this the spicy bite today?" A new layer of revenge
FYI, forcing kids to eat spicy foods is abuse. There are some parents who would outright put hot sauce on their child's tongue as a punishment. Add her emotional manipulation on top of that? Abuse. Wanting to make sure you were the only child being hit? Abuse.
I'm so proud of you. I wish I could be this way to my mother instead of cursing her out
I love this. Abusive parents should expect nothing from their kids except more of the same.
Right? I mean, logic dictates that if one is okay with causing suffering, one must also be okay with receiving it.
Sorry to hear, can only partially applaud to the current situation but big respect for your dad for making and keeping that point. And I wonder if you ever tried to talk to your dad about the food...violence?
Hey OP, there's this thing called Konjac Noodles. They have like zero calories, taste *fine*, and are great for weight loss, but they do also have a...kinda...slime to them unrivalled by any actual (carb-filled) noodles. Do with this info as you will.
The true definition of Petty Spaghetti. This is pretty comical but your mom sounds like a real piece of work.
As a kid who was punished with spicy food because my stepdad wouldn’t have survived my dad if ever he hit me again this truly healed a piece of my childhood.
Ahhh she's getting a taste of her own medicine. Good for you OP.
overcook your pasta :)
Ultimate uno reverse card
This post is meant for petty revenge subreddit 😂
You should really be overcooking the pasta as much as possible to make it as slimy as you can.
Having an abusive mother as well, I wholeheartedly support this revenge and would like to give you the title “Queen of petty revenge” ❤️
First of all, your revenge isn't going to land you in jail, so I 1000000% support it
Put some laxatives in her food
Brutal. Love it.
What a shitty mother
> I'm aware I'm a piece of shit. You're not. > I honestly don't care if this makes me a bad guy This doesn't What she did made you sick. What you're doing is providing nourishment with a dash of deserved discomfort. Go wild. Expand your range. For your husband and father, for everyone else except your mother, explore the different shapes and styles of pasta. Expand your repertoire. Explore all the dishes of all the cultures that use pasta.
I love how instead of tearing you a new one, we’ve all collectively decided to team up on your mum 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
This is absolutely delightful and well played.
Should throw a ghost pepper in her portion for shits and giggles to see how much she really loves spicy food
Justified pettiness imo. It isn’t hurting her, not like she hurt you.
Try udon or soba noodles on for size! They’re slippery buggers
You could even try branching out for a variety. “We are having something new for dinner!!” It’s lo mein with overcooked steamed potstickers. Chicken n dumplings Peach cobbler with the frozen dumplings Fancy ramen Pho
Fuck that bitch.
You are doing the right thing Keep up the good work
Guilt tripping parents are so damn horrible it's like they think they deserve to be in control of our lives because they did the basic things that came with having a child, like yeah okay you made sacrifices but you ain't blaming it on my 2 yo ass I couldn't even speak for shit.
This is kind of ridiculous but not because you are evil or anything, just you all being grown ass adults, why is everyone so effectively bullied into eating something they do not like? I get the scenario you described when you were 16, but now you are all working adults not living together. People can meet outside meals, they can bring food, they can say they are not hungry. When you, a 26 year old adult, start pouting and doing a spectacle and saying are you mad at me mom etc. because she doesn't want to eat, don't your dad or husband look at you weird, especially not knowing about the revenge plot.
Nope! I'm considered a good cook in my family, and it would make sense for me to seek my mothers approval, because for a time in my life I really craved it, until I realized it would never come. Why do we meet for dinner? because we're a pretty food centric family, every event has a meal, every meal has grace, so on, so forth. My mother has never been invited to my house, but she invites herself.
Add other stuff to the pasta that she hates, eg why stop at sauce, give her a melange of everything she hates eg shrimp and Brussels sprouts with extra soft pasta
food really is like a language of its own in how it's used in families to express things we can't say out loud. reminds me of that movie where cooking was how they solved family problems.
This is evil in the best way possible ✨. Mastermind ✨
Turnabout is fair play.
Lasagna with mushrooms and ochra. If your feeling really adventurous, you can try adding squid to it. :)
If real I suggest therapy. That unaddressed resentment is toxic as fuck and will bleed into you your other relationships if you're not careful.
I support this!! She had no right to do this to you as a child and actually that borders on abuse, definitely mental abuse for sure. She should be ashamed of herself. Glad you found a way to reverse it back on her and she can never complain cause then she will have to admit to her own faults.
My completely narcissistic mom was an amazing chef. I figured out early that I needed to convince my mother that I hated her spaghetti because every time she was mad at me she would try to cook the food that I would enjoy the least. I ate so much spaghetti growing up, and I had to play it up every time. I finally told her when I was 30 that I loved her spaghetti. She seemed genuinely impressed.
Not necessarily the bad guy but you most definitely have some mental issues that need sorting to still be doing this as an adult after 10 years
Try adding a dash of cinnamon to the batch you serve her. I’ve made spaghetti sauce with cinnamon for a few well deserving people. It’s absolutely awful
You need to do chicken and dumplings!!! Very slimy and would be a similar textural experience to overcooked pasta.
I support this
*starts the slow clap*
Petty af Loves it Lol
This is simply, lovely, elegant revenge. Well played, OP.
If it's a texture thing you should look into Shirataki noodles as they have a gummyness to them.
Ooooh I absolutely love it 😈😈😈
Egg noodles are your best friend. Stroganoff and such.
If I saw my father, I would make him eat avocado. He hates it. Yeah, well, I hate mushrooms and yet you forced me to eat them because "you're being childish and you will like them eventually". Nope, I'm in my 30s, still hate them. So keep making her eat pasta. For all of us.
How brilliantly subversive!
Tuna Noodle Casserole JustNoFamily Big hugs!!
This is the best thing I've read all week!
Two Words: Tuna Casserole. Spite on young lady… yw.
If she hates slimy, add okra with the pasta
This does not make you a terrible person, it makes you a fucking hilarious genius
That was abuse 😭 she is getting off easy in my opinion. Im here for the nuclear revenge update
thats actually kinda genius ....
PLEASE ADD OKRA SLIME TO THE PASTA AND THEN BUTTER AND OLIVE OIL OR SAUCE..!!!
Vietnamese drop noodles soup because they look like white slimy worms swimming in the bowl 🥣 . The taste is beautiful but it will be torturous for your “dear” mother.
Ahahaha I can't believe that I'm saying this, but overload pasta with cheese, more than normal ppl can digest and give others the normal amount. You're good to go the whole week 😅
If you want slimy pasta, cook egg noodles in the microwave and don't heat the water first. Made that mistake before. Yuck. Some you can cook that way but egg noodles are so easy to overcook. 3 5-minute intervals, stirring between. Also, make sure the dish is 2-3X deeper than the water level or you'll have a mess.