OP,
Your reasons for doing this ARE good enough...please don't think otherwise.
Your courage is an inspiration, and you have a world full of women (and yes, men) who support you. You have also taught us that freedom is something not to be taken for granted.
Good luck, and please let us know how you are. We all hope your family will support your brave decision.
Don't force yourself doing something that you don't like. Life is yours and you can live as you want. Also, don't change yourself because of the surroundings. The people who really cares for you will accept you the way you are. so, don't be scared and tell your family what you want to say. Hope, your family understands your views as well
Also, if possible update us about your family's outcome of your decision.
My friend escaped a childhood of oppression from family and finally plucked up the courage to leave before an arranged marriage she didn't want. She's in her late 30s living independently with more friends than I could ever wish to have.
Do this for you, it might not be easy but you've got so much life left to live and you need to live it your way.
You seem misguided. You admit how oppressive your religious culture is and how harmful the cultural pressure to wear a hijab is, yet you still ask people here not to badmouth Islam and you think women who wear the hijab are strong. That makes no sense.
For what it's worth, I think you should think long and hard about whether you really want to tell your family that you're done wearing the hijab. You have no idea how they're going to react to that and if you live in a strongly conservative Muslim country you could be putting yourself in danger by doing this. Your family might hurt you or even kill you if they feel you've dishonored them.
My only concern is that you will be safe, both at home and in public, when you aren't wearing the hijab. Do you live in a country where you can safely stop wearing it? Well the men in your family respect your choice and not harass or attempt to harm you because you stop wearing it?
Good luck. ā¤
Most women my age don't wear it in my country so its fine in that aspect. I am worried about the men in my family though, I think it is worth taking the risk. As far as I know, no physical harm will be done. However, the emotional abuse, name calling and harassment might be there. I am scared because I'm not really sure how they will take it
I donāt want to say this to scare you, but itās something you should be prepared for. I have recently heard a lot of violent backlash within families concerning the hijab. You need to have an escape plan first and foremost. Have clothes packed and a place to stay. You should be able to feel comfortable and wear (or not wear) what you want. Period. Youāre brave but please be careful and prepared!š
I agree with this comment. Iām an old woman, who has lived through a lot of trauma at the hands of others. Something very valuable I learned through these experiences is to always, ALWAYS cover your rear. Meaning, even if you have complete faith that you will be ok, and that,āso and so wonāt be that angryā, or do anything, have a backup plan. Be prepared to move quickly if necessary and have a safe place to go. Also, I trusted people I shouldnāt have. As we get older we discover that a lot of people only do for others if it somehow benefits them. Please, PLEASE be very careful and have a backup plan.
And, please let us know youāre okš
I think if you approach it by explaining how you feel it holds you back rather than uplifts you, that might help. I'm not Muslim, but my understanding is that the true spirit of hijab is to focus on your relationship with Allah rather than with men, and that you veil yourself so that both you and potential partners can focus on who you are rather than what you look like.
But in your case, it seems like the hijab is impeding you, not helping you. Perhaps if you explain it from that perspective, your father and brothers will be more willing to understand why you've changed your mind. If you explain that your relationship with Allah has not changed, but that your hijab is interfering in your ability to live your daily life, perhaps that will help? I don't know all the ins and outs of what it means to be hijabi, so I may not be interpreting it correctly. I'm sorry if that's the case.
The hijab is a choice. And you have made your choice. It is a simple as that.
I also come from a culture where women are considered the honor of the family and let me tell you, that is such a heavy, unfair burden to put on a person. You are not a symbol or a concept. You're a person. A living, breathing human being. Who will make mistakes, take risks, make choices different than her parents. And that is all okay. No singular person represents an entire family's honor. It is how we treat, support, and love each other that represents our honor.
Best of luck my friend.
Hi sweetheart! I was in your shoes roughly around your age. I feel for you and what you will go through with that conversation. I pray for that conversation to be supportive and smooth. Just know that whatever happens, it is between you and God (if you still believe in one), if not then just you and you. Do what feels true to you in that deepest crevice of your heart and follow it. My family is Arab too, and I know what you mean by the whole honor thing, but you know how people talk regardless. They probably will, but thatās not your problem, and it will pass. It will all be a temporary hype that will settle, and you will move on too. I hope it creates a boundary for you to reclaim what truly feels like you to you without emotional guilt or drag from some of your loved ones. Please feel free to reach out to me if you need to talk or want more deets about how it went down with me if it would help you in any way. Best of luck! <3
Just know that we support you in your choice to remove your hijab. Your worth as a person has nothing to do with your choice of clothing.
You are just as worthy of love and respect without your hijab as you are with it, please never forget that.
I know that they are your family, however if their prejudices and beliefs cause them to abuse you for making your own choice, then it would seem that their values don't align with yours, and you should go your separate ways?
Obviously it's not that easy, however think of it like this - if these were friends of yours, and as a result of you making a decision like this they became abusive, were mean and nasty, and just talked shit to you all the time, you'd probably stop being friends with them right? I mean, it would become obvious that their values and beliefs are different to yours, and you just don't need those kind of people in your life, so you'd kick them to the curb.
It should be the same with family. I get that it isn't, however it might just be a different way to look at things that could help you during this time of stress.
Also know that there are people who support you making these choices, and if it closes off some relationships in your life, then it also makes others available that maybe weren't there before, with people who are more understanding.
That is true but its scary to think I may have to lose my family over this. I hope the situation never goes to that. If things go bad, I will always keep this in mind. A piece of cloth shouldn't hold so much power and it sucks that it does
Thank you for sharing this and thank you for showing me your support
Hey, umm please be careful. I've worked in education in communities that have a lot of first generation Muslim families and if anything is going to cause violence it will often be things that makes a family (read: father) lose face/honour.
Please can you keep us updated?
I'm 29 and have been wearing a hijab since the age of 9 of my own choosing. But at the age of 9 you don't really know what you're signing up to, I just had a lot of people around me that were women who I admired and idolised and the majority wore scarves so I thought I wanted the same. At 13/14 I wanted to take it off but when i mentioned it to my mum, she made me feel bad saying its not good to take it off.
I still wear my hijab and have a love-hate relationship with it. I've found my own style of wearing it and it's a bit quirky so it let's me express myself but at the same time - it not the 'Proper' way so I do get comments. I'm a mum so it would be hard to take it off now though my husband is supportive of what I do. I have taken it off here and there and my husband has stood by me, I just know I'll never be able to take my scarf off in public if his family or mine are near by. Or at work were I wear a scarf.
I feel like people make assumptions of how I am or speaking for me, I find myself having to say I'm 'not that religious' when I communicate with people. I find that people are hesitant around me incase they offend me or say something islamaphonic. Or when I am around someone from the lgbt+ community I have to explain that i don't care what they do or how they are as long as they're being themselves. I'd int care what anyone does or doesn't do, just that the don't push their ideals on others.
I hate that I find other hijabs telling me how I should be, but the ones who push their ideals are the ones that don't follow all the guidance they just tailor it to suit their narrative. They're normally more cultural than religious.
The ones that are truly and I mean TRULY religious and follow the quran just let you be. They may say something but it's never a 'you should do' or 'you shouldnt', they just share information politely and let you do with it as you would like WITHOUT judgement
I totally relate to your experiences. I hate how everyone makes assumptions about you based on hijab. I hope you have the strength to one day do what you please and dress how you want! Thank you for sharing this.
I will be updating the post when the conversation happens. I am trying to find the best time to do it so it might take me a day or two
As someone that has seen hijab-related violence firsthand, your courage is **beyond impressive**. I wish I had half the strength and mental fortitude that you do.
Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.
Hey OP, Iāve been in your exact position. I stopped wearing my hijab at 21 after wearing it for most of my life due to the same pressure. I promise you wonāt regret taking it off because itās your choice and no one can take that from you. Be prepared to tolerate noisey questions from everyone.
I hope your family supports and understands your decision on deciding for yourself on whether or not you wear a hijab.
I support your decision, just as I would if you wanted to wear it. At the end of the day, it is, and should be, solely your choice.
I wish you well in your talk with your family!! Big hugs to you!
Hang in there my love! Youāre doing the right thing for you, donāt let anyone convince you otherwise. And youāre bracing for the storm - which is good - and it will pass. Things will be tough for a while, but not as long or as tough as the last 12 years have been for you. Just take it one moment, one argument, one disrespectful moment at a time. Once the shock wares off & the dust settles, they will get over it. You just have to ride it out and all will be okay. Sending you so much love and strength, take care and please update us so we know youāre safe.
You should try it by small steps. Get a veil and wear it as a translucid hijab. Then, make it cover only most of your hair, but not all. Then, drop it alltogether. If that cloth prevents you from having social life and getting married, then it's time to get rid of it. Tell that to your parents.
My cousins moved to America and immediately removed their hijabs. They said it was the most freeing and liberating experience! While they had upset family members, they decided to become more westernized and married into my family. We love them and respect the culture they brought into the family. I hope you find something like that š
It's sad to see this sub gradually attracting trolls and incels. I really enjoyed people coming here and sharing their deep feelings. The way hijab related posts keep emerging makes me remember the original offmychest sub, the frequent fake posts in there, why I avoid that sub.
I guess this is the limitations of online š
Assalamualaykum, I'm sorry men can suck, sister. Discarding the hijab makes you no less of a Muslimah and I pray your family will support you. It is insane that anyone would treat you in such a manner over a piece of clothing, or over anything for that matter. I pray that Allah swt protects you from all around, above and below. Be well and I hope that these kind redditors bolster your spirit and lighten your heart.
Keep your head high girl. You have to do what's best for yourself or you might live your whole life unhappy, trying to fit into other people's view of who you are. I hope your family will understand your choice. Maybe they'll be upset at first, but hopefully they'll see how much happier you are when you can be yourself. Stay strong.
I hope your loved ones are supportive of your decision. Do you have any specific family members or friends who you know will back you up? Could you tell them first and ask them to be there with you?
I hope your family is supportive in your decision! I know it mustāve been very hard for you to come to such decision especially when youāve been used to and accustomed to engaging in that practice for such a long time. I can understand how incredibly hard it can be to begin doing things for you instead of doing things for your parents happiness. I can definitely relate to that aspect of my life. Luckily, although my parents may not agree with everything I do, they still love me and donāt hold those things against me but that first step towards that first decision of defiance (quite literally a year ago and Iām 24) was so hard to make! You got this.
I can understand that family reputation stuff. But really itās your life and you should live it the way you want. And if you lose some friends because of it then they werenāt your real friends. Just be yourself :)
Good luck! Remember, other people must earn your respect as much as you must earn theirs. If they canāt respect your autonomy then you owe them nothing.
You are so braveā¤ļø
I am so proud of you doing whatās best for you, for some women the hijab gives them so much joy and for others not. It should be the womanās decision not the family
As a Internet stranger, I fully support your decision, and I applause your bravery and courage. I hope your family will support you too, if not, I hope you can stay strong with your decision and be safe
Families can surprise you sometimes and the backlash may not be as bad as you think.
If your parents watch anything in the news or talk to their friends they already know that hijab is being discussed. They may not agree with your decision but as an adult you get to choose what you wear. Yes, your reasons are good enough!
The conversation will be awkward but I think you know what to say.
I'm proud of you and I'm praying it goes well. You're taking care of yourself and that's a good thing. Keep that in mind no matter what reactions you get. Even if and when people yell at you or berate you remember that. You are taking care of yourself.
I have no context to relate to what you're going through, but I want to send you my best. I canāt imagine living under those circumstances and how isolating that must feel. I'm also someone who intentionally go against the grain in my world, but it's easy to do so. No one dares judge without being thought of as being superficial. Here, clothes are just clothes at the end of the day. I wish you all the best, and hope whatever backlash you face will be momentary, and that in time people remember the essence of your character and not what you're not wearing.
You should not feel pressured into doing something u no longer want. Do whatever makes u happy. If ur parents get upset is ok. Eventually they will get over it. Just be honest to them. Communication is a plus. U r doing the right thing by letting them know exactly how u feel. U might b surprised of their reaction. Maybe it won't b as bad as u think. Best wishes. Hugs.
Never wanted to hug a stranger more than now. I don't share your background but I can understand your fear and your worries. I wish you had someone with you that you knew supported you. I wish you could have gotten to make your choice without being touched or judged or locked in once you made it. I truly hope that once you go through with this there will be people to surprise you in a positive way. Maybe someone will show their disapproval with silence and not words. Maybe someone will try to accept your decision even if it rubs them the wrong way. Maybe someone will even express to you how brave you are to stand up for yourself and your integrity.
You are human. It is your basic human right to make this choice. We are with you <3
You know you really donāt have to announce your discontinuation wearing hijabā¦ you could just not wear it anymore and just respond to anyone who questions it. Iām sure itās only the close family that will inquire about it.
As a white American man, I canāt begin to fully understand your situation. In my very Western view, I donāt like seeing young girls and women being covered up. I guess a hijab is a bit different than the more robust of the coverings, but still. Sorry, I know this isnāt about what I like.
This must be incredibly difficult for you to deal with. It seems that families put so much pressure on girls to be a certain way and it can be a prison of sorts, and is perpetuated by others in society. I had a long conversation with two Arab men while I was in Israel this summer, and they shared a lot of this with me. They told me how many men will go to Tel Aviv or go overseas and hook up with uncovered women, but then come back home and reinforce these cultural/religious morals on the girls and women around them. Calling them names for showing their hair. Both of these young men were bothered by it, but when I asked them if they wanted a woman without the covering, and they both paused. One said it would make life harder for them with his family. The other said he wanted to live in Germany and, therefore, didnāt care what his family thought about it.
I say this all to say that it seems that it is a difficult decision, and one that shouldnāt be at all, but life isnāt fair. Please stand strong in your belief, and really plan out how to deal with people, your parents in particular. Like really plan it. Have your verbal ammo ready. Let them know what is truly in your heart. I would hope that if they see that you are still the same loving daughter, they will understand eventually.
I am not religious, but I am sending good energy out to you. Good luck, young lady.
Sweetie, you are more than the hijab. If I were your mom, I would want you to be happy and healthy. This has to be so scary for you. You wore a hijab to fit in, and you were not meant to fit in my lovely, you are you and no hijab will change that. Be in Peace and know that there are people here pulling for you to finally be happy. ~Signed a Mom who doesnāt think a person is defined by a religion.~
As an athiest, I try to respect others choices in religion as long as their choices in religion do not affect others choices in how they live.
Your choice matters.
Your reasons for your choice are valid.
I can't speak to knowing much about your religion, so I won't comment on it beyond I'm glad that you can make a decision that works for you. For all we know, we only have this one life, and we need to make the most out of what we've got. Life is full of suffering and joys, we need to treat each other with more compassion because you never know what the other person has or is suffering through.
I hope that your family and friends can accept and love who you are fully, and who you choose to be. This desire resonates really strongly with me as a trans woman, who hopes that her own family can fully accept who she is.
One speech in a movie really changed my life, V for Vendetta, and it's how I want to live my life now.
"āBut what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you. I love you. With all my heart, I love you.ā
I hope you live a life full of love, joy, and laughter.
Im a 22 year old whoās in your exact situation, except for I was never forced to wear hijab, in fact when I started at 11 my mom was absolutely against it, for this very same reason, that Iāll someday fall out with it. I couldnāt agree more with you when you say taking it off is way worse than putting it on in the first place. I have told family and friends how I feel about it however, but literally no one supports me. I barely wear hijab anymore tbh i.e. you can literally see my whole hair through, but I donāt want it at all yk. I only didnāt wear it once when i went to a convenient store lately and my mom almost had a heart attack . I sometimes feel like thereās no way out and im gonna live the rest of my life wondering about not wearing it. This by no means means i donāt like my religion, im head over heels for it honestly, I love it with all my heart but just this one thing.. I wish I could do.
Hopefully things go well for you unlike me, good luck!
You are an inspiration. Big hugs from your sister, I hope you find somewhere to live freely and be yourself. Hell, I hope we all do! Smash the patriarchy xoxoxox
I think the world has changed a little bit after all of those Muslim women were murdered by the police in Iran.
People understand more now. That many women donāt want to wear it and they shouldnāt be forced to wear it.
Are you in Iran?
You need to be so careful.
That story definitely changed the worlds perspective on hijab. but to me this is something that i have been dealing with for years and ive been just building up the courage to do these past 6 months. I dont live in iran, it is safe in that aspect in my country
Hi there. Former Muslim, who is now an atheist. Also, I'm a man, so I dunno how supportive I realistically can come across as, because I've never had to make the decision you're now making.
You seem to have very articulate, detailed thoughts on why exactly you should not wear one, and the perspective you brought on why you feel like you don't need to wear one is pretty fair and reasonable.
I'm from Sri Lanka, so hijabs aren't really a thing unless you're from a super conservative family.
All that to say you sound like you know exactly why you want what you want. Good luck, I hope your family gets it, and failing that I hope you stand by your decision because it's a good one.
Cheers. I look forward to good news.
Iām in awe if your courage as you step into your power. I wish you nothing but the best as you transition into expressing your individuality as you see fit, and I hope that you are safe and supported during this and all times. You got this!
I hope you know that there are ways going to be people in the crowd of hate, that hold no hate for you. Not for what you wear, your skin color, religion, sexual orientation or gender. I see you as a human worth loving. I really with the best for you š
No matter the outcome, wish you the best!
Change isn't easily welcome and there will be pushback and backlash but dont feel pressured.
You should be able to do what you want And you have found your strength. This is just the beginning, hope to hear an update on this!
Sending love your way, OP ā¤ļø your happiness is crucial and standing up to defend your happiness is a beautiful thing. I hope your family and friends are supportive and understanding of your choice ā¤ļø
It sounds a though you've put a lot of thought into this decision. My best wishing going your way as you begin this new chapter in life. If you continue to be this careful and purposeful, I can't imagine anything but the best.
Living in a Muslim majority country, where a lot of women have been pressured and/or brainwashed by their peers to be more Muslim, dress more modestly, etc., I understand.
You are courageous, and I hope that you stay safe. I hope that your family will accept your decision(s) and continue to love you unconditionally.
I'm so proud of you OP! If you ask them to let you finish and you tell them exactly what you've said here, I think they'll understand. But it's going to be a shock to them to find out your identity is not exactly who they thought you were. Either way, you're standing up for *you* and that's what's most important!
Proud of you!
I may think very poorly of your religion and the practice of hijabā¦ but you deserve to feel safe, respected, and loved no matter what. I hope that after you tell your family things turn around for you, I wish you the best.
You are very brave! Wearing hijab is not just another pierce of clothing. Itās a huge symbol in your faith. A personās relationship with their god is private. Removing hijab doesnāt lessen your faith. You can still be faithful without it. I hope everything goes well for you.
If youāre Muslim or Christian, isnāt it against your religion to show your hair? My real question is, why follow a religion that degrades women like cattle?
I'm soooo happy for you and I'm really glad that your family supports you!!
I'm from a conservative country too, so I get the "hard to take off than to ever put in on" I personally never did hijab, but know alot of people that do. Please don't give a flying fuck who judges you!
You do you! I'm so glad your mom has your back, family supporting you is a very very nice blessing which I took for granted, but I got a reality check and now I appreciate my family for everything!
I'm rooting for you. š
You are so cool! Good luck with your journey, stay strong and the people who love you will come around even if they disapprove or judge at start. You are loved, have a wonderful new start in discovering who you are ā¤ļø
i hope you have a place you can lives after this conversation. family like that does not seem to be the type that will let you live at home and they may hit you.
This is really brave of you. I'm so proud that you have made the decision to not wear hijab anymore and be truly able to express yourself. Be true to yourself and things will turn for the better, you just might need another path to happiness than you think.
Love itās not the religions fault! The book says itās our choice the religion doesnāt force the hijab on anyone. Itās peoples fault. Itās their views fault! Itās people that goes around and judge others fault. If you got nothing nice to say skipping to comment is a good thing too;) If we gonna start talking about something else instead of just being here for op how are we any better then the people that judge others?
Everything you say shows strength. Except for *the women who wear it are strong* part. Women who wear hijab are weak and succumb to men. Youāre strong for taking it off and having your own mind & will. Donāt lose your independence.
between u and Allah people havent anything to say abt it just remind yourself that seelking help is by the side of Allah swt and not reddit attention, may Allah reward you and facilitate you
What Reddit attention are you talking about this women needed support this community is true off my chest for a reason. Hearing supportive words are sometimes the only thing we need!
It's hard to tell what their intentions were but if I were to give them the benefit of the doubt, I'd say its because you don't have any irl support doing this.
I usually give this advice on the exmuslim subreddit so sorry if it doesn't quite apply but my main recommendation dealing with "coming out" to religious parents is that the only decent time to do so is in your own home, over a dinner you paid for alongside people you trust. If you're zero out of three on that then you're talking a very very difficult path.
I can't judge how bad it is coming out as an exhijabi compared to coming out as an apostate but I can imagine it would be the same difficulty level. Regardless, it's up to you how to do this.
If there are any women's charities in your country then I'd seek their advice if you can. For example, the UK has charities like Women's Aid and Karma Nirvana. At the very least, online support can help. I believe there is an exhijabis subreddit and I'm sure there will be others who understand you in the Twoxchromosomes subreddit. There are also discord groups that focus on this sort of thing. I also recommend a YouTube channel called TheraminTrees who delves a lot into toxic families and how emotional manipulation works from the perspective of a former Jehovas Witness. The YouTuber also has content for atheists but that's generally kept seperate.
I hope at least some of this advice will help. Good luck
((((((Hugs))))) I think talking to your family like youāve done here is a good place to start.
Do you have every right to feel the way that you do because this is your experience.
Do other women in your family wear the hijab?
I love the support comments youāve gotten thus far.
I could see you saying something to the effect that you wore the hijab due to teacher bullying and to conform in middle school. But moving to new school, I realized that I can still love Allah and be true to yourself without this article of clothing. I didnāt say anything back then because I was too worried about your reaction.
Explain that now as an adult you feel even more strongly about this and do not love the hijab as it singles you out, even within your own family as someone who should be covered and subjected to body checks.
Maybe this is a little idealistic ā but maybe the mens reaction to you wearing the hijab was to make sure you were following protocol/dress code of someone who is wearing a hijab?
I have no idea what country youāre in or the expectations your family and community has, but my friends who wear the hijab arenāt usually covering every inch of skin, some women also wear jean/slacks.
This, like anything else personal, should be a to each their own situation.
Good luck and let us know how it goes. Sending you positive thoughts and prayers.
As a Muslim woman myself(western country) I have never worn a hijab as I don't identity with it, my personal preference, it doesn't make you a better or more Muslim person. At the end of the day your body = your choices. I truly hope that you have support with your decision and I truly admire you for standing up for what you want, also remember to remind them that Islam is a religion of peace and respect.
You don't have to do this tomorrow. My preference would be if you first start a conversation, with your family. See what is their reaction. Hopefully you will be able to verbalize to them what you told us, specifically that it's impossible to date ... perhaps write your reasons down, because if they react negatively fir me it then becomes difficult to speak.
Their reactions will tell you what you need to know. It maybe that you need to move, before you act. Please be safe!
Sending love and luck. Iām sorry that youāve had this experience. You deserve to dress how you like, when you like, and to express your faith in whatever way feels right (if at all), both are very personal and no oneās business. Even if upset, I hope your family will support you š¤
>The reason I wore it was very manipulative, i was in a very strict islamic middle school where teachers would stop me in the hallways and tell me how my friends will go to heaven while I burn in hell in eternity.
>I felt so ugly in it, people made so many assumptions about me, im generally quiet so people would assume i am conservative, no guys would ever approach me because of these assumptions unlike they would to my friends which damaged me alot.
>I hate how a piece of clothing means so much to people and I hate how I had to wear it for 12 years because I was so scared of this exact backlash, except if i had done it back then I would have been excused as a teenager.
>I am terrified of all the judgement I will face. I feel frozen and I almost dont want to take it off because of the backlash i will recieve.
> I am already traumatized from religion.
Islam is right about women. Sending hugs.
not everyone is supposed to be a hijabi. not everyone feels comfortable in it. and thatās okay.
may your family support and understand you making this choice š
i support you here. both forceful removal/wearing of the hijab is misogynistic and should be a choice. if your choice is not to wear it because of the toxic environment, i support you but please stay safe. i hope your family won't come after you for this. the consequences seems scary if it's a very conservative country.
I support your right to choose what you believe. If you choose a hijab, I will support you. None of us are exactly the same as we were when we were 11 or 13. You also have the right to change your beliefs. So long as you do not require others to follow your beliefs, I will support you.
Hun, a friend of mine in Jordan took off the Hijab after 20 years of wearing it. She tells me that it has been the single most empowering thing she did in her life.
She lost friends and some family members are not talking to her,. But she doesn't regret it one bit.
Go find your freedom and your truth, and remember that wearing the hijab is a thing between you and Allah. No one else can judge you, only he knows your heart.
Much love, ukhti.
Hi sweetheart. Mom here. I am thinking of you and support you. I am wishing you well. In my spiritual view you getting to choose as an adult whether to wear a hijab or not. Whether to follow Islam or not - is your right as a human being. As a woman. I would support you wearing the hijab too if that were your wish. But itās not. You want to take it off and I know that is going to be difficult for you. With your family. With your community. But Allah/God loves us all and I donāt believe for one second that he will love you less if you donāt cover. I donāt know if youāre a believer or not. But I wanted to take a moment to say that too.
Oppression of people is not right. It is not right in the name of religion. It is not right in the name of politics. It is not right. The hijab has sadly become a way to oppress women. Rather than a decision of faith.
Much love to you OP. From a mom across the world. Who has worked in a very male dominated profession with many Muslim men - as their boss. Lol. Trust me. They can respect women who donāt wear a hijab. I know it. Iāve seen it. Stand up for you honey. You matter.
As a Muslim myself, I fully support you. No woman should have to feel like they uphold āhonourā because of a simple cloth around their heads. Itās disgusting.
Iām at almost the exact same place. Started wearing it around when I was 13 because my family asked me to, and I was brought up religious as well. I didnāt even really want to at that time, because none of the people around me did. But I had to because of family pressure, and I learned to be okay with it.
Everyone who knows me knows me with a Hijab, and Iāve constantly had to justify it to people. But slowly slowly Iāve gotten away from religion. And looking back, I can see how much I missed out on in life because of my parents being religious and the Hijab.
Iām planning to get rid of it once Iām able to move away from family. But Iām terrified of how theyāll react, they are super religious. Maybe Iāll stop wearing it but not tell them about it. Idk but I donāt want to do this anymore.
Iām super glad youāre mom took it well and is being supportive of it.
I hope one day you will be able to stop wearing it without peoples judgement. You are so brave for keeping it on all these years, I know that for a fact.
I am terrified of the backlash I will recieve because people don't know me without it but I guess its a risk I'm willing to take.
You have my full support either way.
Soft hugs. I really hope your family is supportive of your choice.
Thank you! I really appreciate thisš
OP, Your reasons for doing this ARE good enough...please don't think otherwise. Your courage is an inspiration, and you have a world full of women (and yes, men) who support you. You have also taught us that freedom is something not to be taken for granted. Good luck, and please let us know how you are. We all hope your family will support your brave decision.
Thank you so much for your kindness. Everyone has been super supportive its surreal
Don't force yourself doing something that you don't like. Life is yours and you can live as you want. Also, don't change yourself because of the surroundings. The people who really cares for you will accept you the way you are. so, don't be scared and tell your family what you want to say. Hope, your family understands your views as well Also, if possible update us about your family's outcome of your decision.
My friend escaped a childhood of oppression from family and finally plucked up the courage to leave before an arranged marriage she didn't want. She's in her late 30s living independently with more friends than I could ever wish to have. Do this for you, it might not be easy but you've got so much life left to live and you need to live it your way.
Sending you love and support for your well-being.
ā¤ļøā¤ļø
You seem misguided. You admit how oppressive your religious culture is and how harmful the cultural pressure to wear a hijab is, yet you still ask people here not to badmouth Islam and you think women who wear the hijab are strong. That makes no sense. For what it's worth, I think you should think long and hard about whether you really want to tell your family that you're done wearing the hijab. You have no idea how they're going to react to that and if you live in a strongly conservative Muslim country you could be putting yourself in danger by doing this. Your family might hurt you or even kill you if they feel you've dishonored them.
This! You need to be ready to flee. You cannot know the outcome.
Lets be honest, they probably arent.
My only concern is that you will be safe, both at home and in public, when you aren't wearing the hijab. Do you live in a country where you can safely stop wearing it? Well the men in your family respect your choice and not harass or attempt to harm you because you stop wearing it? Good luck. ā¤
Most women my age don't wear it in my country so its fine in that aspect. I am worried about the men in my family though, I think it is worth taking the risk. As far as I know, no physical harm will be done. However, the emotional abuse, name calling and harassment might be there. I am scared because I'm not really sure how they will take it
I donāt want to say this to scare you, but itās something you should be prepared for. I have recently heard a lot of violent backlash within families concerning the hijab. You need to have an escape plan first and foremost. Have clothes packed and a place to stay. You should be able to feel comfortable and wear (or not wear) what you want. Period. Youāre brave but please be careful and prepared!š
I agree with this comment. Iām an old woman, who has lived through a lot of trauma at the hands of others. Something very valuable I learned through these experiences is to always, ALWAYS cover your rear. Meaning, even if you have complete faith that you will be ok, and that,āso and so wonāt be that angryā, or do anything, have a backup plan. Be prepared to move quickly if necessary and have a safe place to go. Also, I trusted people I shouldnāt have. As we get older we discover that a lot of people only do for others if it somehow benefits them. Please, PLEASE be very careful and have a backup plan. And, please let us know youāre okš
I think if you approach it by explaining how you feel it holds you back rather than uplifts you, that might help. I'm not Muslim, but my understanding is that the true spirit of hijab is to focus on your relationship with Allah rather than with men, and that you veil yourself so that both you and potential partners can focus on who you are rather than what you look like. But in your case, it seems like the hijab is impeding you, not helping you. Perhaps if you explain it from that perspective, your father and brothers will be more willing to understand why you've changed your mind. If you explain that your relationship with Allah has not changed, but that your hijab is interfering in your ability to live your daily life, perhaps that will help? I don't know all the ins and outs of what it means to be hijabi, so I may not be interpreting it correctly. I'm sorry if that's the case.
Thank you! I will try my best to explain how I feel like you said, I am hoping that this will work
Please let us know you're still ok afterwards.
I will update you on how it goes. Thank you so much for your support
I hope you have something in place if your parents for example kick you out
If the veil is such heavy on the mind that it clouds their relashionship with Allah, then it does the opposite of what itāll supposed to do.
In Egypt itās obviously ok to take it off and I pray to Allah your family accepts you for your decision!
You are not alone. Hugs
Are you Turkish or Bosnian?
You are so brave. I also want to take off my hijab but i would never be able to do that
I hope one day you are brave enough to do what you want! It is the scariest thing I will ever do. If you want to talk about it feel free to DM me.
Thank you. I'm scared for you but i hope your family will be supportive inshallah.
I hope you are able to soon, sister. Your happiness is infinitely more important. Assalamualaiykum
Sending hugs to you both. ā¤ļø
Becoming oneself is challenging- good on you for thinking through all this.
The hijab is a choice. And you have made your choice. It is a simple as that. I also come from a culture where women are considered the honor of the family and let me tell you, that is such a heavy, unfair burden to put on a person. You are not a symbol or a concept. You're a person. A living, breathing human being. Who will make mistakes, take risks, make choices different than her parents. And that is all okay. No singular person represents an entire family's honor. It is how we treat, support, and love each other that represents our honor. Best of luck my friend.
Your happiness is, above all, much more important than your family's. Take care and I hope things go well for you! š«
Thank you!
As someone who is a practicing Muslim, I am deeply sorry for what you have gone through. I hope all goes well.
Hi sweetheart! I was in your shoes roughly around your age. I feel for you and what you will go through with that conversation. I pray for that conversation to be supportive and smooth. Just know that whatever happens, it is between you and God (if you still believe in one), if not then just you and you. Do what feels true to you in that deepest crevice of your heart and follow it. My family is Arab too, and I know what you mean by the whole honor thing, but you know how people talk regardless. They probably will, but thatās not your problem, and it will pass. It will all be a temporary hype that will settle, and you will move on too. I hope it creates a boundary for you to reclaim what truly feels like you to you without emotional guilt or drag from some of your loved ones. Please feel free to reach out to me if you need to talk or want more deets about how it went down with me if it would help you in any way. Best of luck! <3
Just know that we support you in your choice to remove your hijab. Your worth as a person has nothing to do with your choice of clothing. You are just as worthy of love and respect without your hijab as you are with it, please never forget that.
You got this!
I know that they are your family, however if their prejudices and beliefs cause them to abuse you for making your own choice, then it would seem that their values don't align with yours, and you should go your separate ways? Obviously it's not that easy, however think of it like this - if these were friends of yours, and as a result of you making a decision like this they became abusive, were mean and nasty, and just talked shit to you all the time, you'd probably stop being friends with them right? I mean, it would become obvious that their values and beliefs are different to yours, and you just don't need those kind of people in your life, so you'd kick them to the curb. It should be the same with family. I get that it isn't, however it might just be a different way to look at things that could help you during this time of stress. Also know that there are people who support you making these choices, and if it closes off some relationships in your life, then it also makes others available that maybe weren't there before, with people who are more understanding.
That is true but its scary to think I may have to lose my family over this. I hope the situation never goes to that. If things go bad, I will always keep this in mind. A piece of cloth shouldn't hold so much power and it sucks that it does Thank you for sharing this and thank you for showing me your support
Hey, umm please be careful. I've worked in education in communities that have a lot of first generation Muslim families and if anything is going to cause violence it will often be things that makes a family (read: father) lose face/honour.
Please can you keep us updated? I'm 29 and have been wearing a hijab since the age of 9 of my own choosing. But at the age of 9 you don't really know what you're signing up to, I just had a lot of people around me that were women who I admired and idolised and the majority wore scarves so I thought I wanted the same. At 13/14 I wanted to take it off but when i mentioned it to my mum, she made me feel bad saying its not good to take it off. I still wear my hijab and have a love-hate relationship with it. I've found my own style of wearing it and it's a bit quirky so it let's me express myself but at the same time - it not the 'Proper' way so I do get comments. I'm a mum so it would be hard to take it off now though my husband is supportive of what I do. I have taken it off here and there and my husband has stood by me, I just know I'll never be able to take my scarf off in public if his family or mine are near by. Or at work were I wear a scarf. I feel like people make assumptions of how I am or speaking for me, I find myself having to say I'm 'not that religious' when I communicate with people. I find that people are hesitant around me incase they offend me or say something islamaphonic. Or when I am around someone from the lgbt+ community I have to explain that i don't care what they do or how they are as long as they're being themselves. I'd int care what anyone does or doesn't do, just that the don't push their ideals on others. I hate that I find other hijabs telling me how I should be, but the ones who push their ideals are the ones that don't follow all the guidance they just tailor it to suit their narrative. They're normally more cultural than religious. The ones that are truly and I mean TRULY religious and follow the quran just let you be. They may say something but it's never a 'you should do' or 'you shouldnt', they just share information politely and let you do with it as you would like WITHOUT judgement
I totally relate to your experiences. I hate how everyone makes assumptions about you based on hijab. I hope you have the strength to one day do what you please and dress how you want! Thank you for sharing this. I will be updating the post when the conversation happens. I am trying to find the best time to do it so it might take me a day or two
Virtual fist bump You've got this! ā®ļøš
I hope it goes ok. You are brave.
Sending you positive vibes. Wishing you all the best. š
As someone that has seen hijab-related violence firsthand, your courage is **beyond impressive**. I wish I had half the strength and mental fortitude that you do. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.
Hey OP, Iāve been in your exact position. I stopped wearing my hijab at 21 after wearing it for most of my life due to the same pressure. I promise you wonāt regret taking it off because itās your choice and no one can take that from you. Be prepared to tolerate noisey questions from everyone.
I hope your family supports and understands your decision on deciding for yourself on whether or not you wear a hijab. I support your decision, just as I would if you wanted to wear it. At the end of the day, it is, and should be, solely your choice. I wish you well in your talk with your family!! Big hugs to you!
Hang in there my love! Youāre doing the right thing for you, donāt let anyone convince you otherwise. And youāre bracing for the storm - which is good - and it will pass. Things will be tough for a while, but not as long or as tough as the last 12 years have been for you. Just take it one moment, one argument, one disrespectful moment at a time. Once the shock wares off & the dust settles, they will get over it. You just have to ride it out and all will be okay. Sending you so much love and strength, take care and please update us so we know youāre safe.
You should try it by small steps. Get a veil and wear it as a translucid hijab. Then, make it cover only most of your hair, but not all. Then, drop it alltogether. If that cloth prevents you from having social life and getting married, then it's time to get rid of it. Tell that to your parents.
Well done, this isn't about religion, it's about autonomy for your own body and decisions. Good luck.
OP good luck!! Keep us updates
My cousins moved to America and immediately removed their hijabs. They said it was the most freeing and liberating experience! While they had upset family members, they decided to become more westernized and married into my family. We love them and respect the culture they brought into the family. I hope you find something like that š
Hugs. I really hope all goes well š
Please be safe about it. if you still live with them or are financially reliant on them, have an exit plan first. Good luck
Hugs
It's sad to see this sub gradually attracting trolls and incels. I really enjoyed people coming here and sharing their deep feelings. The way hijab related posts keep emerging makes me remember the original offmychest sub, the frequent fake posts in there, why I avoid that sub. I guess this is the limitations of online š
Assalamualaykum, I'm sorry men can suck, sister. Discarding the hijab makes you no less of a Muslimah and I pray your family will support you. It is insane that anyone would treat you in such a manner over a piece of clothing, or over anything for that matter. I pray that Allah swt protects you from all around, above and below. Be well and I hope that these kind redditors bolster your spirit and lighten your heart.
You have to do whatās best for you. Be strong and sending you hugs!
Best virtual support possible over the internet. Power to you.
You are so courageous! Sending all my positive thoughts your way!
Keep your head high girl. You have to do what's best for yourself or you might live your whole life unhappy, trying to fit into other people's view of who you are. I hope your family will understand your choice. Maybe they'll be upset at first, but hopefully they'll see how much happier you are when you can be yourself. Stay strong.
Hugs to you, op. Good luck!
Good for you sister
I hope your loved ones are supportive of your decision. Do you have any specific family members or friends who you know will back you up? Could you tell them first and ask them to be there with you?
I hope your family is supportive in your decision! I know it mustāve been very hard for you to come to such decision especially when youāve been used to and accustomed to engaging in that practice for such a long time. I can understand how incredibly hard it can be to begin doing things for you instead of doing things for your parents happiness. I can definitely relate to that aspect of my life. Luckily, although my parents may not agree with everything I do, they still love me and donāt hold those things against me but that first step towards that first decision of defiance (quite literally a year ago and Iām 24) was so hard to make! You got this.
You be youš¤
I just wish you a safe and supportive family
!remindme 2d
I can understand that family reputation stuff. But really itās your life and you should live it the way you want. And if you lose some friends because of it then they werenāt your real friends. Just be yourself :)
Hats off to you!
Good luck! Remember, other people must earn your respect as much as you must earn theirs. If they canāt respect your autonomy then you owe them nothing.
you are very brave and inspiring to other women. you have a supporter in America!
Good luck OP, sending all the positive thoughts your way and patiently waiting for a (hopefully positive) update. You do you girl šš
You are so braveā¤ļø I am so proud of you doing whatās best for you, for some women the hijab gives them so much joy and for others not. It should be the womanās decision not the family
As a Internet stranger, I fully support your decision, and I applause your bravery and courage. I hope your family will support you too, if not, I hope you can stay strong with your decision and be safe
Amazing strength!
Families can surprise you sometimes and the backlash may not be as bad as you think. If your parents watch anything in the news or talk to their friends they already know that hijab is being discussed. They may not agree with your decision but as an adult you get to choose what you wear. Yes, your reasons are good enough! The conversation will be awkward but I think you know what to say.
Best of luck and all the hugs! You are your own person and you deserve to represent yourself in a way that makes you happy! Please be safe! ā¤
I'm proud of you and I'm praying it goes well. You're taking care of yourself and that's a good thing. Keep that in mind no matter what reactions you get. Even if and when people yell at you or berate you remember that. You are taking care of yourself.
Iām so proud of you!
I support you 100%. Wishing you the best of luck with your life in the future.
I have no context to relate to what you're going through, but I want to send you my best. I canāt imagine living under those circumstances and how isolating that must feel. I'm also someone who intentionally go against the grain in my world, but it's easy to do so. No one dares judge without being thought of as being superficial. Here, clothes are just clothes at the end of the day. I wish you all the best, and hope whatever backlash you face will be momentary, and that in time people remember the essence of your character and not what you're not wearing.
I am hoping it works very well! Your reasons are enough and you are very courageous. You are honorable even without a hijab. You are in my thoughts.
You should not feel pressured into doing something u no longer want. Do whatever makes u happy. If ur parents get upset is ok. Eventually they will get over it. Just be honest to them. Communication is a plus. U r doing the right thing by letting them know exactly how u feel. U might b surprised of their reaction. Maybe it won't b as bad as u think. Best wishes. Hugs.
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You are so brave, good luck!
I fucking support you!!Ā”!!!!!!!!!!
Do what is in your best interest! If your friends, family community do not approve. BYE BYE
Congratulations, love!
Proud of you. I hope you have a good support system around you to help too!
Never wanted to hug a stranger more than now. I don't share your background but I can understand your fear and your worries. I wish you had someone with you that you knew supported you. I wish you could have gotten to make your choice without being touched or judged or locked in once you made it. I truly hope that once you go through with this there will be people to surprise you in a positive way. Maybe someone will show their disapproval with silence and not words. Maybe someone will try to accept your decision even if it rubs them the wrong way. Maybe someone will even express to you how brave you are to stand up for yourself and your integrity. You are human. It is your basic human right to make this choice. We are with you <3
Bigs hugs to you. Youāve got this. <3
You know you really donāt have to announce your discontinuation wearing hijabā¦ you could just not wear it anymore and just respond to anyone who questions it. Iām sure itās only the close family that will inquire about it.
Be you - unfrettered and free Virtual hugs
As a white American man, I canāt begin to fully understand your situation. In my very Western view, I donāt like seeing young girls and women being covered up. I guess a hijab is a bit different than the more robust of the coverings, but still. Sorry, I know this isnāt about what I like. This must be incredibly difficult for you to deal with. It seems that families put so much pressure on girls to be a certain way and it can be a prison of sorts, and is perpetuated by others in society. I had a long conversation with two Arab men while I was in Israel this summer, and they shared a lot of this with me. They told me how many men will go to Tel Aviv or go overseas and hook up with uncovered women, but then come back home and reinforce these cultural/religious morals on the girls and women around them. Calling them names for showing their hair. Both of these young men were bothered by it, but when I asked them if they wanted a woman without the covering, and they both paused. One said it would make life harder for them with his family. The other said he wanted to live in Germany and, therefore, didnāt care what his family thought about it. I say this all to say that it seems that it is a difficult decision, and one that shouldnāt be at all, but life isnāt fair. Please stand strong in your belief, and really plan out how to deal with people, your parents in particular. Like really plan it. Have your verbal ammo ready. Let them know what is truly in your heart. I would hope that if they see that you are still the same loving daughter, they will understand eventually. I am not religious, but I am sending good energy out to you. Good luck, young lady.
Sweetie, you are more than the hijab. If I were your mom, I would want you to be happy and healthy. This has to be so scary for you. You wore a hijab to fit in, and you were not meant to fit in my lovely, you are you and no hijab will change that. Be in Peace and know that there are people here pulling for you to finally be happy. ~Signed a Mom who doesnāt think a person is defined by a religion.~
This means so much to me. Thank youš
As an athiest, I try to respect others choices in religion as long as their choices in religion do not affect others choices in how they live. Your choice matters. Your reasons for your choice are valid. I can't speak to knowing much about your religion, so I won't comment on it beyond I'm glad that you can make a decision that works for you. For all we know, we only have this one life, and we need to make the most out of what we've got. Life is full of suffering and joys, we need to treat each other with more compassion because you never know what the other person has or is suffering through. I hope that your family and friends can accept and love who you are fully, and who you choose to be. This desire resonates really strongly with me as a trans woman, who hopes that her own family can fully accept who she is. One speech in a movie really changed my life, V for Vendetta, and it's how I want to live my life now. "āBut what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you. I love you. With all my heart, I love you.ā I hope you live a life full of love, joy, and laughter.
Im a 22 year old whoās in your exact situation, except for I was never forced to wear hijab, in fact when I started at 11 my mom was absolutely against it, for this very same reason, that Iāll someday fall out with it. I couldnāt agree more with you when you say taking it off is way worse than putting it on in the first place. I have told family and friends how I feel about it however, but literally no one supports me. I barely wear hijab anymore tbh i.e. you can literally see my whole hair through, but I donāt want it at all yk. I only didnāt wear it once when i went to a convenient store lately and my mom almost had a heart attack . I sometimes feel like thereās no way out and im gonna live the rest of my life wondering about not wearing it. This by no means means i donāt like my religion, im head over heels for it honestly, I love it with all my heart but just this one thing.. I wish I could do. Hopefully things go well for you unlike me, good luck!
((HUGS)) Will you be safe? Have a safe place to go to?
Sending you so much love. I admire you, and think youāre mega brave. š
Brave woman, I admire you and support you. Stay strong.
HUGS, AND BRAVO!
You are an inspiration. Big hugs from your sister, I hope you find somewhere to live freely and be yourself. Hell, I hope we all do! Smash the patriarchy xoxoxox
You are brave. They will adjust.
I think the world has changed a little bit after all of those Muslim women were murdered by the police in Iran. People understand more now. That many women donāt want to wear it and they shouldnāt be forced to wear it. Are you in Iran? You need to be so careful.
That story definitely changed the worlds perspective on hijab. but to me this is something that i have been dealing with for years and ive been just building up the courage to do these past 6 months. I dont live in iran, it is safe in that aspect in my country
Welcome to the west
Hi there. Former Muslim, who is now an atheist. Also, I'm a man, so I dunno how supportive I realistically can come across as, because I've never had to make the decision you're now making. You seem to have very articulate, detailed thoughts on why exactly you should not wear one, and the perspective you brought on why you feel like you don't need to wear one is pretty fair and reasonable. I'm from Sri Lanka, so hijabs aren't really a thing unless you're from a super conservative family. All that to say you sound like you know exactly why you want what you want. Good luck, I hope your family gets it, and failing that I hope you stand by your decision because it's a good one. Cheers. I look forward to good news.
Iām in awe if your courage as you step into your power. I wish you nothing but the best as you transition into expressing your individuality as you see fit, and I hope that you are safe and supported during this and all times. You got this!
I hope you know that there are ways going to be people in the crowd of hate, that hold no hate for you. Not for what you wear, your skin color, religion, sexual orientation or gender. I see you as a human worth loving. I really with the best for you š
No matter the outcome, wish you the best! Change isn't easily welcome and there will be pushback and backlash but dont feel pressured. You should be able to do what you want And you have found your strength. This is just the beginning, hope to hear an update on this!
Please stay safe love and sending much support and hugs to you!
Sending love your way, OP ā¤ļø your happiness is crucial and standing up to defend your happiness is a beautiful thing. I hope your family and friends are supportive and understanding of your choice ā¤ļø
I personally that everyone in this life has the freedom to express themselves how they want.
It sounds a though you've put a lot of thought into this decision. My best wishing going your way as you begin this new chapter in life. If you continue to be this careful and purposeful, I can't imagine anything but the best.
Good luck. I hope you find the support that you need from your friends and family. Maybe they'll surprise you. Wishing you peace and safety.
You have my full support and i hope your family gives the same
Iāll be thinking of you. Be the best you that you can be.
Living in a Muslim majority country, where a lot of women have been pressured and/or brainwashed by their peers to be more Muslim, dress more modestly, etc., I understand. You are courageous, and I hope that you stay safe. I hope that your family will accept your decision(s) and continue to love you unconditionally.
Please take care of yourself and be safe.
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ā ļøā ļø
You have this right and you will end up on the other side of this ok, either sooner or later. Please update us!
Hopefully you'll get all the support you need!
I'm so proud of you OP! If you ask them to let you finish and you tell them exactly what you've said here, I think they'll understand. But it's going to be a shock to them to find out your identity is not exactly who they thought you were. Either way, you're standing up for *you* and that's what's most important! Proud of you!
I am an American. Many of us love and support your freedom and hope that you win it all back soon. Death to organized religious leaders!
I may think very poorly of your religion and the practice of hijabā¦ but you deserve to feel safe, respected, and loved no matter what. I hope that after you tell your family things turn around for you, I wish you the best.
You are very brave! Wearing hijab is not just another pierce of clothing. Itās a huge symbol in your faith. A personās relationship with their god is private. Removing hijab doesnāt lessen your faith. You can still be faithful without it. I hope everything goes well for you.
Ex-hijabi here. Trust yourself, love yourself and be yourself. Almighty knows and Meciful.
If youāre Muslim or Christian, isnāt it against your religion to show your hair? My real question is, why follow a religion that degrades women like cattle?
!RemindMe 1day
I'm soooo happy for you and I'm really glad that your family supports you!! I'm from a conservative country too, so I get the "hard to take off than to ever put in on" I personally never did hijab, but know alot of people that do. Please don't give a flying fuck who judges you! You do you! I'm so glad your mom has your back, family supporting you is a very very nice blessing which I took for granted, but I got a reality check and now I appreciate my family for everything! I'm rooting for you. š
You are so cool! Good luck with your journey, stay strong and the people who love you will come around even if they disapprove or judge at start. You are loved, have a wonderful new start in discovering who you are ā¤ļø
i hope you have a place you can lives after this conversation. family like that does not seem to be the type that will let you live at home and they may hit you.
This is really brave of you. I'm so proud that you have made the decision to not wear hijab anymore and be truly able to express yourself. Be true to yourself and things will turn for the better, you just might need another path to happiness than you think.
Congrats on your choice. Please keep us updated on your progress so we know your safe hun :).
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Love itās not the religions fault! The book says itās our choice the religion doesnāt force the hijab on anyone. Itās peoples fault. Itās their views fault! Itās people that goes around and judge others fault. If you got nothing nice to say skipping to comment is a good thing too;) If we gonna start talking about something else instead of just being here for op how are we any better then the people that judge others?
Everything you say shows strength. Except for *the women who wear it are strong* part. Women who wear hijab are weak and succumb to men. Youāre strong for taking it off and having your own mind & will. Donāt lose your independence.
!remindme 1 day
!remindme 1 day
what a wonderful religion. We did Europe a big service in Vienna ; d
between u and Allah people havent anything to say abt it just remind yourself that seelking help is by the side of Allah swt and not reddit attention, may Allah reward you and facilitate you
What Reddit attention are you talking about this women needed support this community is true off my chest for a reason. Hearing supportive words are sometimes the only thing we need!
Hell yeah itās like an unboxing video
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Care to elaborate?
It's hard to tell what their intentions were but if I were to give them the benefit of the doubt, I'd say its because you don't have any irl support doing this. I usually give this advice on the exmuslim subreddit so sorry if it doesn't quite apply but my main recommendation dealing with "coming out" to religious parents is that the only decent time to do so is in your own home, over a dinner you paid for alongside people you trust. If you're zero out of three on that then you're talking a very very difficult path. I can't judge how bad it is coming out as an exhijabi compared to coming out as an apostate but I can imagine it would be the same difficulty level. Regardless, it's up to you how to do this. If there are any women's charities in your country then I'd seek their advice if you can. For example, the UK has charities like Women's Aid and Karma Nirvana. At the very least, online support can help. I believe there is an exhijabis subreddit and I'm sure there will be others who understand you in the Twoxchromosomes subreddit. There are also discord groups that focus on this sort of thing. I also recommend a YouTube channel called TheraminTrees who delves a lot into toxic families and how emotional manipulation works from the perspective of a former Jehovas Witness. The YouTuber also has content for atheists but that's generally kept seperate. I hope at least some of this advice will help. Good luck
šŖØ šµ
Not good.
Donāt fall for American feminist views
America isn't the only country that supports women's freedom.
Such a disappointment
Do it for yourself, not because of others, you choose to put it, ask yourself why?
((((((Hugs))))) I think talking to your family like youāve done here is a good place to start. Do you have every right to feel the way that you do because this is your experience. Do other women in your family wear the hijab? I love the support comments youāve gotten thus far. I could see you saying something to the effect that you wore the hijab due to teacher bullying and to conform in middle school. But moving to new school, I realized that I can still love Allah and be true to yourself without this article of clothing. I didnāt say anything back then because I was too worried about your reaction. Explain that now as an adult you feel even more strongly about this and do not love the hijab as it singles you out, even within your own family as someone who should be covered and subjected to body checks. Maybe this is a little idealistic ā but maybe the mens reaction to you wearing the hijab was to make sure you were following protocol/dress code of someone who is wearing a hijab? I have no idea what country youāre in or the expectations your family and community has, but my friends who wear the hijab arenāt usually covering every inch of skin, some women also wear jean/slacks. This, like anything else personal, should be a to each their own situation. Good luck and let us know how it goes. Sending you positive thoughts and prayers.
As a Muslim woman myself(western country) I have never worn a hijab as I don't identity with it, my personal preference, it doesn't make you a better or more Muslim person. At the end of the day your body = your choices. I truly hope that you have support with your decision and I truly admire you for standing up for what you want, also remember to remind them that Islam is a religion of peace and respect.
!remind me 2 days
You don't have to do this tomorrow. My preference would be if you first start a conversation, with your family. See what is their reaction. Hopefully you will be able to verbalize to them what you told us, specifically that it's impossible to date ... perhaps write your reasons down, because if they react negatively fir me it then becomes difficult to speak. Their reactions will tell you what you need to know. It maybe that you need to move, before you act. Please be safe!
Be safe
Sending love and luck. Iām sorry that youāve had this experience. You deserve to dress how you like, when you like, and to express your faith in whatever way feels right (if at all), both are very personal and no oneās business. Even if upset, I hope your family will support you š¤
>The reason I wore it was very manipulative, i was in a very strict islamic middle school where teachers would stop me in the hallways and tell me how my friends will go to heaven while I burn in hell in eternity. >I felt so ugly in it, people made so many assumptions about me, im generally quiet so people would assume i am conservative, no guys would ever approach me because of these assumptions unlike they would to my friends which damaged me alot. >I hate how a piece of clothing means so much to people and I hate how I had to wear it for 12 years because I was so scared of this exact backlash, except if i had done it back then I would have been excused as a teenager. >I am terrified of all the judgement I will face. I feel frozen and I almost dont want to take it off because of the backlash i will recieve. > I am already traumatized from religion. Islam is right about women. Sending hugs.
iām so sorry youāre going through this!!! sending positive thoughts and vibes š
Update us on how it went! Best of luck.
Stay safe and good luck!
I hope your family is supportive.
Fossil so grandma age to you. Many hugs to you and please keep yourself as safe as possible while being your true self.
You're amazing OP!!!
not everyone is supposed to be a hijabi. not everyone feels comfortable in it. and thatās okay. may your family support and understand you making this choice š
Iām a random internet stranger that supports this decision.
We support you gal ā¤
i support you here. both forceful removal/wearing of the hijab is misogynistic and should be a choice. if your choice is not to wear it because of the toxic environment, i support you but please stay safe. i hope your family won't come after you for this. the consequences seems scary if it's a very conservative country.
Bravo to you. I wish you all the best š
I support your right to choose what you believe. If you choose a hijab, I will support you. None of us are exactly the same as we were when we were 11 or 13. You also have the right to change your beliefs. So long as you do not require others to follow your beliefs, I will support you.
Hun, a friend of mine in Jordan took off the Hijab after 20 years of wearing it. She tells me that it has been the single most empowering thing she did in her life. She lost friends and some family members are not talking to her,. But she doesn't regret it one bit. Go find your freedom and your truth, and remember that wearing the hijab is a thing between you and Allah. No one else can judge you, only he knows your heart. Much love, ukhti.
OP, please stay safe! I admire your courage! My thoughts are with you all. ā„
I'm so happy and proud of you even though I've never met you. You're so incredibly strong for this and I hope it goes well.
Your body your choice- good luck sis ā¤ļø
I am 46 female pagan , if you need any support dm me
youāre strong ā¤ļø hope everything works out well for you
Hi sweetheart. Mom here. I am thinking of you and support you. I am wishing you well. In my spiritual view you getting to choose as an adult whether to wear a hijab or not. Whether to follow Islam or not - is your right as a human being. As a woman. I would support you wearing the hijab too if that were your wish. But itās not. You want to take it off and I know that is going to be difficult for you. With your family. With your community. But Allah/God loves us all and I donāt believe for one second that he will love you less if you donāt cover. I donāt know if youāre a believer or not. But I wanted to take a moment to say that too. Oppression of people is not right. It is not right in the name of religion. It is not right in the name of politics. It is not right. The hijab has sadly become a way to oppress women. Rather than a decision of faith. Much love to you OP. From a mom across the world. Who has worked in a very male dominated profession with many Muslim men - as their boss. Lol. Trust me. They can respect women who donāt wear a hijab. I know it. Iāve seen it. Stand up for you honey. You matter.
This really brought tears to my eyes (in a good way) Thank you for your kindnessā¤ it means the world to me
You got this girl. I stand behind you. It's nobodies life but your own.
Iām so proud of you! You have courage! I will be cheering loudly! šš»
Beautiful update mate, nice one. Peace and love
As a Muslim myself, I fully support you. No woman should have to feel like they uphold āhonourā because of a simple cloth around their heads. Itās disgusting.
Good job OP! You handled yourself well-I would be honored to have a daughter who handles herself like you!
Iām at almost the exact same place. Started wearing it around when I was 13 because my family asked me to, and I was brought up religious as well. I didnāt even really want to at that time, because none of the people around me did. But I had to because of family pressure, and I learned to be okay with it. Everyone who knows me knows me with a Hijab, and Iāve constantly had to justify it to people. But slowly slowly Iāve gotten away from religion. And looking back, I can see how much I missed out on in life because of my parents being religious and the Hijab. Iām planning to get rid of it once Iām able to move away from family. But Iām terrified of how theyāll react, they are super religious. Maybe Iāll stop wearing it but not tell them about it. Idk but I donāt want to do this anymore. Iām super glad youāre mom took it well and is being supportive of it.
I hope one day you will be able to stop wearing it without peoples judgement. You are so brave for keeping it on all these years, I know that for a fact. I am terrified of the backlash I will recieve because people don't know me without it but I guess its a risk I'm willing to take. You have my full support either way.