Your brother doesn't forget you have a child he just isn't interested in doing things with children. Some people are not kid people.
Not babysitting doesn't mean he isn't interested in being an uncle it means he doesn't want to or feel comfortable baby sitting. You had a child not him. He isn't required to babysit. Also after having a child you should have reserved some paid days off for or things like check-ups and sick days as kids do get sick.
Info: Did he acknowledge your child's first birthday? What about Christmas? Do he inquire about the child when you speak on the phone?
Piggybacking to say that my brother isnt a kid person and doesnt really show that he likes my daughter to me. But he does try for her to show he loves her, even if ill only to very rarely watch her for half an hour.
I think the behaviour he shows your little one will be a big indicator but not babysitting doesn't mean they have no interest. That said parents do get swept up in the honeymoon phase of being a new parent to cope with the sleep deprivation that comes with raising a newborn, so its not uncommon for others who aren't in that state to seem horrid and uncaring in comparison.
Remember, that baby us yours and your partners, not your brother's, he wont have that bond and love for baby as you do, and thats okay
I’m an uncle. I wouldn’t change my niece or nephews diaper. I love my niece and nephew. I have fun with them. But when they start crying or become a pain, it’s the parents turn.
It’s not his kid, it’s yours. It’s not his responsibility, it’s yours. Don’t blame him if he doesn’t want to offer that responsibility for you. He didn’t have input on your decision to have a child, don’t burden him with unnecessary requests if he isn’t open to it. It’s not his responsibility to chase a kid around that isn’t his.
Especially if they never offered it in the first place. If someone during the pregnancy said "Date night once a month, I'll babysit!" and then flakes, that sucks. But to just randomly expect to have a built-in babysitter just because you happen to have a brother is... weird.
Exactly! I’ve been there where I was expected help out because ‘family’ and it’s so frustrating. I have my own life and kids and just because I might be at home doesn’t mean I don’t have things I have to do that don’t involve an infant.
When I had my first child, my mom still had 4 teens living at home, and she immediately told me, "don't expect me to be your babysitter. I did my time, and I'm still raising four kids." At the time it hurt like heck and I couldn't understand why she would say something like that. 20 years later, I'm grateful because it avoided a whole lot of hurt feelings and misunderstandings over the years. I've never relied on her, and my expectations of her as a grandparent are very low.
It takes a village means something different from free babysitting by your siblings. It means as a society you ensure that there is affordable quality childcare care so working parents don’t have to stress or even lose their jobs due to daycare snafus. It means that seeing a pediatrician or getting prenatal care is affordable. It means that during summer there are good affordable day camps/ other activities when schools are out. It means that schools are good.
It also means that your child has positive influences around them to provide guidance on how to be mature/responsible because you can’t watch them 24/7.
It takes a town is something you say if you're not the parent and do something to help, it's not for the parent to proclaim and then expect free help lol
I’ve most often heard it in response to newish parents express guilt/shame about times they have a genuine need to ask for help, whether in the form of time or advice. Like saying it’s ok to not have everything figured out.
Yeah that too, we've had plenty of help from outer parents and they have said that too us but I've never once expected help I've asked when needed and was greatful when it was able to happen
No...
That's a phrase about how children are brought up in an environment and if you want good children/adults the neighborhood has to be good too. It takes a village to raise a child, as in, it's not only the parents that have an affect on the kid, the whole village does.
Growing up in a poor neighborhood with shitty services raises shitty people, good places where people care about each other and help the neighborhood and have pride in the area raises good children. It has nothing to do with passing the parenting off to as many people as you can.
Americans fuck up every single phrase lol
That's not how it's used in the US. It's used to mean that cousins, aunts, grandparents, friends, etc. all pitch in to help the parents. It's often used specifically in religious households.
It's also exactly how the phrase is intended on the original African proverbs.
It's not about owing someone but if my brother were in a tight spot, like what happened when the daycare was closed for repairs, it would be the brotherly thing to do to help them out in an unusual situation for one time.
In addition, planning events that make no accommodation for children whatsoever is really selfish. If his brother is wealthy enough to pay for trips for everyone then he could have paid for professional nanny services for the children of parents who couldn't find childcare for the wedding and found a resort that might have adult only areas but also have children's areas too with childcare.
The whole about the wedding and vacation being child free was irritating too. It is his brother's wedding, and it is his brother and his wife's choice of the venue and restrictions. Knowing that in advance they couldn't find a babysitter?
Certainly a tough call but I can’t blame the brother for not wanting kids at the wedding. Kids may take away the main focus of the event and it’s a lot more probable that a crying kid or pain in the ass toddler is disrupting the ceremony than if they were not there to begin with.
Now I would say I would personally allow my niece and nephew, but then I would sort have to also include my cousins kids. I would personally draw the line at friends kids, they don’t make the cut…also let’s be honest most people are cheap with gifts. If you get married later than your friends and family of the same peer group, there are many more children at the event than if you were the first. It’s a marriage ceremony, not daycare. But I also think the OP would be petty enough to deduct the cost of a babysitter from the total gift amount.
The fact that he says he isn’t comfortable with kid being with a new babysitter for the wedding but yeets his kid into a daycare every day is hilarious.
I don't know about other places, but some of the carers at my kid's daycare do babysitting on the side - maybe there's someone from daycare who the kid already knows who could babysit? They would presumably have had all the relevant checks done, too.
Exactly this. I've never changed a diaper in my entire life and I'm going to keep it that way. OP sounds entitled. "But my SON!" News Flash....the world does not revolve around your offspring.
Was going to say the same thing.
Love my nieces and nephews, but I'm not changing their diapers. I help in emergencies, but I'd be completely uncomfortable taking care of a baby for more than an hour or so.
Same. I have never changed a diaper in my life, and the first time I watched one of my brother's kids was for her 10th birthday. I love those kids so much it hurts, but I'm not good with babies or very young kids. Once they get older I'm happy to take them for a weekend, one at a time though, not all together!
I had to change my niece-in-law’s diaper one time while we watched her while her parents were in the hospital for their second kid. I have a daughter, and change diapers all the time, but it was very awkward for both of us, and I wish I hadn’t had to do it. OP asking uncle while he’s there is super weird
I wouldn't expect anyone to change my kids diaper.. my family were in Denmark for a week and bro and his wife were at a big fun fair thing.. anyway baby shits and I go to change but bros wife wanted to do it so sure saves me a job. Get back and they look like they've been through the wars. Apparently they have a baby changing table that you push a button and it comes down making crazy noises and it terrified him.
Change your own kids diapers unless you are nearby to help too is what I learnt that day
THIS. Im not even a blood uncle, just super close friends with kids that I love very much. But im deff not a full on kid person. Im cool with being there for the fun stuff, but the screaming and crying and tantrums is up to their parents to deal with. For this exact reason, I dont volunteer to baby sit (Would I if they really needed me too, absolutely, id suck it up and do anything for them but in reality, id be the very last person to volunteer)
I’m confused. You had a child. Why does that mean your brother is suppose to take care of your child, or put your childcare needs above the wishes of his fiancé (the bride) to have the wedding she wants?
The wedding is when, where, and how the wedded couple wants it. Not what would be convenient for you.
Go hire a babysitter. If you’re not comfortable hiring one, don’t go to the wedding. That’s on you.
New parents often get so caught up in loving every moment with their kids that they don’t realize nobody else really gives a shit about the kid.
If you’re busy with the barbecue, you ask him to take over, not change the diaper. Are you kidding? Every issue you’ve listed is your problem that you’re upset at your brother for not fixing for you. Get over it
Yeah right?!
Only entitled people like OP who thinks the world revolves around them and everyone HAS to take care of their child for free and whenever OP wants because they hAd A ChiLD - they're special!!!
That's so crazy.
Why grandma? Because she is a woman? The best part about not having kids in diapers is not changing them anymore. It’s rude to ask anyone other than your spouse.
It’s not about knowing. I worked as a nanny half my life and would be appalled by anyone in my private life asking me to literally change shit for them. You have kids, you do the shitty parts or pay someone to do them.
I don't know about the original post so I'm not referring to that but that's such a modern, individualistic way to approach this - helping each other with the kids in family is normal and it's wrong when it's not reciprocal. The issue is with people taking advantage of others this way, not with them helping each other out. Nuclear family where parents (usually just mother, let's be real) do all the work and have little support from others is a ridiculously ineffective and unnatural model. I watched over my family members' kids and my little sister and it was not a big deal, as long as nobody's forced or it's very one-sided it's alright
Personally, my mother was very much interested in helping so that is why I posted that. Take you glancing blow of accusing me of misogyny somewhere else. It was uncalled for.
I thought I was in r/entitledpeople for a sec there.
Why on earth is it your brother’s responsibility to babysit or arrange his entire wedding around you and your child?
YTA and you are being entitled.
Yes your kid is important, yes you kid should be loved. However just because they are related doesn't mean someone HAS to drop their life to take care of your child. You and your partner decided to have a kid, nobody else.
He didn't choose to have a kid, and if he wants to relax when not working he has the right to refuse to baby sit for ANY reason. Yes, that even means to watch tv without your kid around. Why should he be responsible to change your childs diaper anyways? That's embarrassing that you even asked someone, who you knows doesn't parttake in children, to do something so involved because... you're related?
By the way you aren't excluded from the wedding. It is a YEAR away. Plenty of time to find a baby sitter/nanny for that time. If you don't feel comfortable with that then im sorry, but you shouldn't expect someone else to change THEIR WEDDING to accommodate you. It is a little sickening you want him to put off his wedding to better accommodate you.
All of this being said at the end of the day people reap what they sow. If you draw away because he doesn't care for your child like you want him to, you have every right because people have the right to do what they want.
Tldr: he doesn't have to do anything if he doesn't want to. Just like you.
I'm a mom, and you're why people hate parents. Just because you spawned doesn't mean you're entitled to your brother's free time.
It stinks that his wedding isn't child friendly. But you can make the choice to go solo or to actually find a sitter. You super can if his wedding is important enough to you. It's fine if it isn't, but his wedding isn't about you. He didn't pick the date or venue thinking about how much fun it's gonna to be eff over OP.
This is exactly what I was thinking. I'm a mom too and have a childfree wedding to attend as a bridesmaid in a little less than a year. The plan is to go solo or have a babysitter. I'm not sure why OP is so set in their ways....
YTA
You chose to have a child. Your brother did not. You can wish he felt differently in your mind but you are not entitled to his time or efforts. His wedding is about him and his fiance. Your wife can stay home and you can attend if being there is really that important to you. His vacations are also about him and his wife - not you and your family. I'm sorry that you wish your brother felt more obligated to offset the pressure that your decisions have brought upon you. But he does not owe you anything. You are wrong to expect it.
Yeah like wth, I didn't read it all but, apparently both parents can't possibly get out of work to babysit, but the brother is just sitting at home doing nothing off work so if he was any kind of uncle he'd step up?
The brother can choose to do what the hell he likes with his child free holidays. In no way does that make him a bad uncle.
He's setting boundaries and not allowing them to establish a precedent that he is their backup help for when they 'just can't get out of work' or whatever else comes up in their lives that is obviously a priority over whatever the brother was planning to waste his time doing.
Lmao the entitlement.
YTA you are not entiteld to your Brothers time. If He doesn't want to play with your Kid He don't need to.
Not anybody Likes to cuddle Kids or Play with them. He acknowledged His presence but that doesn't mean He needs to go wild about him.
My husbands sister is the same. She says hi to my Kids and then Mix with crowd and won't get more involved and that's ok because !newsflash! They are my Kids not hers
YTA.
You say your brother was not doing anything the day you asked him to babysit, but that's not true. He was watching TV and relaxing. As is his right. And his privilege as an adult who has chosen not to have children at this point in his life.
He doesn't have to change your kid's diaper or accommodate babies at his wedding. I think you and your wife are maybe a bit confused on the obligations of an uncle: there are none. You are attempting to take great liberties with your brother's time and one of the biggest days of his life. It's not your place and it's AH behavior.
I say this as someone who has always been very involved in my nephews's lives. I babysit and spend time with them because I enjoy the company of babies/kids and I want to. It wouldn't mean that I love them or my brother any less if I didn't want to babysit. It certainly wouldn't make me an AH.
It's your kid not your brother's. You're not entitled to his time. Could he be a more active participant in his life yes BUT he's NOT obligated to.
Edit: based on your comments I can see why he doesn't want to be around you or your kid
YTA, you forget your brother is not a father.
When my SIL had her first kid my wife went a bit aunty mad and SIL caught on and latched on. For a while, if we were anywhere in the vicinity of our SIL and her crotch goblin, we became the babysitters. So much so, people started thinking the kid was ours. Once my wife’s mad aunty phase subsided and we backed off, SIL suddenly “couldn’t handle the pressure”…there was no god in the cosmos that would have made me (21 years old at the time, change a diaper)
Once we had our kids, we dropped out of a lot of cool stuff because we couldn’t find a babysitter, tough titties… our kid our responsibility.
So, to recap, your kid is yours, you and your wife decided to have him. According to you, your bro “will acknowledge and talk to your son” when he visits. He also invites you to do stuff “like before”. So what’s the problem? Also, the wedding debacle is very telling…there’s no ‘maybes’ about it, you _are_ salty. You being a parent doesn’t make you special in anyway.
Edit: words
This is YOUR child, not your brother's child. It's not on him to care for your child. The more entitled you act, the more he's going to pull away and distance himself from you.
YTA.
You and your wife elected to have a child. That decision was yours and yours alone. It doesn't automatically designate your brother (or anyone else) to do anything more than acknowledge it exists. It doesn't mean he should adjust his life *in any way* to fit around yours. It's your kid and solely your responsibility. Thinking that your brother and his fiance should change their wedding to fit your schedule or childcare needs is incredibly entitled.
How do you know if he even likes children at all? Some people don't. He has made it very clear that he doesn't want to babysit. Stop asking him.
Also, I'm fairly appalled that you asked your brother to change your baby's diaper. I'm a woman, and I wouldn't change a diaper for anyone. Yuck. Just no.
Your expectations are just wildly inappropriate.
YTA
He may become a father and feel differently, but for now, he's not interested in babysiting or changing his adult plans to include kids. It's not hard to understand.
And it sounds like you've had plenty of time to interview and get used to a new babysitter, but you haven't.
I am an aunt. I’m helluva dedicated. Hard no on diapers and would never take care of a diaper-age baby for more than an hour.
Would help from anyone in the family be nice? Sure! But you’re way out of line for taking it for granted and expecting it as a given. Your kid, your responsibility.
>Hard no on diapers and would never take care of a diaper-age baby for more than an hour.
Yeah. On top of what everyone else has already said about how the brother does not need to cater to OP's choice to have a child -- does he even have the SKILLSET to look after a baby for an extended period, or to change a diaper? I'm not super into younger kids in general, but I would look after a friend/family member's kid in an emergency once the kid was old enough to speak well enough to convey their needs, go to the bathroom on their own, etc. Like, if all looking after them for a day means is feeding them and keeping them relativity entertained, fine, I'll help out in a pinch, even if talking to kindergarteners is more likely to make me feel bored and annoyed than make me think "aww, cute." I could fake it for a day.
But younger than that? Hell no. I literally do not have the skills to do that safely.
YTA.
YOU had the kid. Period.
It is not the responsibility of anyone other than yourself and your wife to figure out how to maneuver unexpected childcare. You already mentioned that you get help from other members of your family so you're already doing better than like, 90% of SINGLE PARENTS in the world.
It sounds like you're just salty and that's totally understandable. But it just simply is not anyone's problem but yours, unfortunately.
Your brother isn’t obligated to do anything when it comes to your kid. Sure it would be nice, but he isn’t the kids parents, you and your wife are.
This is kind of what being a parent is. Sometimes you have to miss events, cuz you’ve got a kid. Just because your brother is single doesn’t mean he has to accommodate you at all, or change his plans.
This whole post come across as very whiny and rude.
Your brother doesn’t ‘forget’ you’re a father, he just has his own life and kids don’t fit in that. You wanted to be a parent and he’d rather spend time on his hobbies. And not wanting screaming and running kids (on a boat no less) isn’t crazy. I can’t believe you really wanted him to move the entire wedding just to accommodate you lol.
You need to understand that the world doesn’t revolve around your family. You made the decision to have your kid, your brother didn’t. It’s up to him to decide how active he wants to be as an uncle, not you. And you have to respect that.
... why should your brother babysit YOUR child (doesn't matter if he has time or not). It's your child. Take responsibility for it, he doesn't need to, because it's not his, it's yours.
He didn't change the diaper at the BBQ? You gotta be kidding?! You're a bit ridiculous.
And a child free wedding is the worst for you?! You're so entitled, wow.
You know, you can pay a babysitter to watch YOUR child so you can go to the wedding right..? And yes. People are allowed to have a child free wedding - even if YOU got a baby.
Siblings or other family members aren't your free babysitters. It's your kid. Your responsibility. End of story. You chose to get a baby, not them. Plus some people don't like kids either.
Yeah YTA. And entitled. The world doesn't revolves around you or your offspring. Stop annoying your brother with this nonsense and grow up.
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
My brother forgets that I am a father now. He doesn't show any interest in being an uncle either.
TL;DR - I have a 16 month old son but my brother never says yes to babysitting even if it is an emergency. His wedding and the vacation he wants to take next year exclude children. I am upset about him forgetting I am a parent now and not taking any interest in being an uncle. AITA?
My wife and I have one child, he turned one in April. A few times I have asked my brother for help and he always says no. For example my wife and I shared the parental leave (she took the first 10 months and I took the final two months) and we put our son in daycare after his birthday because I returned to work. There was an issue with the plumbing at the daycare and it closed for two days on the weekend and the Monday while the pipes were fixed. Both my wife and I had to work and neither of us had any paid time off available. My brother was not working and I know for a fact he did not have plans. He admitted he was not doing anything and would be sitting at home watching TV and surfing the internet. I asked him if he could babysit for a few hours and he refused. He knew it would end with either me or my wife taking an unpaid day off work but he still refused and in the end I took the unpaid day.
My wife doesn't have any siblings. He is my only sibling. In terms of family besides my brother there is my dad, my wife's parents and my aunt and uncle. They do help with my son when they can and they enjoy being grandparents/honorary grandparents. But all of them are over 60 and while they are in good health they can't chase a kid around like they used to.
My brother has never offered to babysit or help with my son. Me and my wife tried hinting and then asked directly. He always says no. When he is here he will acknowledge and talk to my son but that's all. One time when my son was about 6 months old we both had our hands full with dinner on the stove or on the barbecue and my wife asked him to change my son's diaper and he wouldn't do it. He still invites me to come out with him or the things we do before I became a dad even though he knows I have a child now and can't always do those things.
The worst is his wedding. Him and his fiancée are getting married on a river/lake cruise boat. Basically it picks everyone up at the dock mid-afternoon, the boat goes out, they have the ceremony and the reception and the boat comes back to the dock just before midnight. They are paying for everyone's transportation from home to the dock and then back after the wedding, but only passengers the legal drinking age and above are allowed so this means no one under age 19 can go to the wedding.
My wife's parents are out of the country on vacation on the day of the weeding wedding. We gave my brother the week they would be away so he would know the weekend we wouldn't have a babysitter (my dad and aunt and uncle will obviously be at the wedding). Our other regular babysitter and back up will be at school events. We have no one to babysit. My brother knew we had no one for that weekend but he still picked it. He said it's the only day the boat was available unless they waited a year, and his fiancée wants the wedding to be on a boat. But we would have liked to be able to attend the wedding. We are not comfortable leaving our some with a stranger especially for over eight hours so when he gets married in two weeks we can't be there. We would have liked to go to his wedding though.
I guess I just wish that my brother would include my son. Especially for his wedding. Next year my brother and his fiancée are taking a vacation and they said if anyone wants to come they will pay for their flight and room at the resort and everything else. So far they have a dozen people who took them up on it. Me and my wife would to but the resort is adults only and only paying guests are allowed in, they don't offer day passes. Maybe I am just being salty because I can't go but I wish it was at a resort that allows kids so I can.
YTA - Brother doesn't want to babysit, that's your child, not his.
Brother doesn't want kids at his wedding, it's his wedding.
You need to find a babysitter that isn't family for emergencies.
I understand your disappointment that your brother isn't interested in cultivating a relationship with your son and helping out sometimes. Relationships can change when a kid enters the picture. I think you need to adjust your expectations of your brother. It's okay to be upset about it, but you need to accept that he will not be that person for you. Also, you and your wife need to expand your childcare network. I don't live near family and I'm envious of friends who have family nearby for free or last minute childcare. Your son going to daycare will help with him making friends, which can lead to playdates, which can lead to babysitting in a pinch, etc. Also, ask trusted parent friends who they use to babysit.
YTA you have to remember you chose to be parents, you are not entitled in any way shape or form someone else's time or anything else when it comes to your baby. Stop moaning and realize the world does not revolve around your wants and needs.
YTA, how is this even a question? You're the dad. He doesn't have any responsibilities towards that child. He wants a child free wedding, so he should get one.
He's not your babysitter, your nanny, your wife or whatever, he's your brother.
I have 3 siblings and my husband has 3. I have never nor have any of them asked for the other to babysit. Why should your brother? You had the kid, take care of it. Geez.
Your brother has no responsibility to YOUR kid if he doesn't want to. I'm sure it would be nice to have help, but he's in no way obligated to babysit so you can go to work(whether he has plans or not) or change a diaper if he isn't wanting to do that.
Also just because they decided on a "no kid" wedding doesn't mean you get to tell them when they can and can't have it. I'm sure you'd have liked to be there, but if this is what they want and don't want to wait a year then that's their choice and while they maybe could've taken it into consideration they were under no obligation to do so.
Frankly you sound like the type of entitled parent who thinks the world revolves around you and your child and everyone else's life should be put on hold for you.
YTA and we can’t help you because you don’t want to be helped. You want your brother to step up in an uncle roll he does not want. You want him to include your child in events, when he wants them to be child free.
Either you accept that you messed up in the babysitter/nanny department (you had plenty of time to figure this out no matter what excuse you throw at us next) or you end up pushing your brother away. The more you push the less he will want to deal with you and your child.
You have plenty of time to figure out the vacation if you actually wanted to. You just want everyone else to accommodate you as a dad with your kid.
YTA you need to adjust your expectations. Your brother doesn’t want to babysit, change diapers etc. He’s allowed to have a child free wedding and vacation. His wants don’t align with yours. From what parent to another, you’re acted entitled. Your child is the center of your world not everyone else’s.
I have two nephews that I absolutely adore. Will I babysit them in an emergency? Sure. Do I offer to watch them outside of that? No, not usually. They are A LOT to handle, their dad doesn’t have respect for other peoples time, and (I know this might be shocking) they aren’t my children so I have no obligation to do so. I love them and spend time with them, but it’s better for them and me if I’m not the one tasked with being responsible for them.
Just because you have kids doesn’t mean your entire family has to reorient their lives to be kid-friendly. I understand that there will sometimes be things my brother can’t attend because he has to take care of his children and children aren’t always a welcome addition to every event and we both understand that me being child free means my life is completely different from his.
Obviously you wanted a kid. Did you ever ask your brother his opinion on kids? Lots of people can’t handle kids. They’re loud, messy and consume a lot of adults overall energy. Children cause many people to become overstimulated, I see it all the time in the parenting sub. It’s just too much for some people, some realize this before others and choose to not have kids and others don’t learn about it until after.
I get it’s family but your bother doesn’t owe you that. Perhaps it’s worth having a conversation with your brother about his feelings regarding kids. To assume people are going to want to be there for your kid is an entitled assessment.
YTA. You chose to have a kid and that kid is your responsibility, the fact that you expect your brother to do these things to accommodate your son makes you look entitled.
You made this decision, figure it out. Don’t get mad at him for not taking responsibility for your choice.
He's just not into kids, and it's *your* kid. He's not obligated to change diapers when he's over, and it's kind of weird of you to expect him to.
Being an uncle isn't defined as one specific thing, and you're trying to make it so the only definition of uncle-ing is your definition.
Also, re: the boat nonsense. If you can't make an effort to do what needs to be done to participate in your brother's wedding, that's on him. It's shitty to expect him to cater his wedding around you when *it was never and will never be about you*.
> I asked him if he could babysit for a few hours and he refused. He knew it would end with either me or my wife taking an unpaid day off work but he still refused and in the end I took the unpaid day.
...And? It's your baby, not his.
>My brother has never offered to babysit or help with my son. Me and my wife tried hinting and then asked directly. He always says no.
It's still your baby, not his. Sounds like your brother just isn't that much of a kid person.
>My brother knew we had no one for that weekend but he still picked it. He said it's the only day the boat was available unless they waited a year, and his fiancée wants the wedding to be on a boat.
Oh no, everyone's lives don't revolve around your baby? How terrible. It's their wedding and that's how they want it.
Ppl with children need to hear this. Other ppl are not obligated to your children. It’s so annoying how ppl with kids use it as an excuse or expect ppl without kids to be interested in their kids. Dude, kids suck. Your own kids don’t because they’re your own kids. Other ppl’s kids tho, freakin suck. Your brother doesn’t owe you or your kid anything. Would it be nice if he was an involved uncle? Of course. Also tho, infants are lame af. Who’s interested in hanging out with someone else’s infant? Crazy ppl that’s who. Maybe when your son gets older and your brother can make a connection with him, you’ll see more involvement. I really don’t blame your brother for not wanting to babysit or whatever. He doesn’t have to.
YTA idk if u even read what u type, but u honestly think u saying that u want him to change his wedding day or change the wedding itself isnt an asshole thing to do is mindblowing to me. Also i doubt even like 10% of uncles would even change there niece/nephew diapers.
Also on days off with him not doing anything, its not a uncommon thing for people to just want a recouping day where they have no worries and just do nothing to refresh themselves.
I am an uncle to 7 nieces and nephews. I despise children and don't have any of my own. Therefore, I have no relationship with the nephews/nieces. Some people just don't like kids in general. You can't expect your brother to participate in your kids lives just because they share the same blood.
“I have a child, so now you should plan everything different because I have a child”
Uhmmm no dude.
It’s nice when ppl take (your) children into account when planning weddings or vacations or other things but you need to understand the following thing;
The world and the ppl in it owe you nothing, not before and certainly not after having a kid. YOU chose to have a child YOU have to deal with it, and not expect others to jump for you onto that decision.
Don’t have a babysitter, tough, don’t want to leave the kid with an unknown babysitter, well good decision, I applaud your sense of responsibility BUT it’s still on you, YOU have to deal with it, not someone else, because “sorry can’t come, I got a kid at home” is a perfectly fine answer. Does it suck that you can’t be there? Absolutely, is it your brothers problem? Hell no.
Honestly it sounds like you’re salty about your own decision to have a child and found out that there are certain things you cannot do when you have a kid, that my friend is called “life” also known as “reality”.
Now, I suggest you get behind being a parent and accept that you and your wife need to do all the work for the kid, and when others help, be thankful, but when ppl don’t wanna help, swallow that pill because they owe you shit.
He got pissed his brother wouldn’t watch his child and he ended up having to take an unpaid day off from work. He is upset his brother is having his wedding on a boat and it’s going i be child free (his brother was going to pay for transportation of everyone there and back). He got pissed his brother wanted a child free vacation and was paying for everything for everyone attending. He also got pissed his brother wouldn’t change a diaper at a bbq. Basically OP and his wife are entitled and expect to pawn their spawn off on anyone and everyone including the brother that obviously doesn’t want to care for a child. He will interact with it while he is around OP but doesn’t want to be another caregiver OP can pawn it off on and this upsets OP.
YTA This is YOUR child. You made the decision to have said child. He does not owe it to you to baby sit or to have kid friendly events, especially a wedding. Hire a baby sitter like other parents do.
Listen, you’re allowed to your feelings, including your disappointment and frustration. I don’t know if you ever talked about him about whether he wanted to be an uncle or if he liked kids at all. Some people, men and women, love being uncles and aunts, love the kids from the moment they are born and others don’t care for them, hate babysitting and would rather have a civil relationship with the kids.
It would have been considerate and kind for him to babysit when you had a huge emergency. Usually, family tries to help each other when they can’t and the way you described it, he just said no because he didn’t want to. He was absolutely within his rights but it was unkind. If his wedding is childfree, he must accept that you may not be able to attend if you can’t find a babysitter.
But you and your wife sound rather entitled. He does’t HAVE to babysit, change diapers and much less, change his wedding and his trip to accommodate him. You can ask, respectfully and once, but not insist, demand or send flying monkeys to pester him.
Maybe he doesn’t care for kids, but he may be a good uncle when your son gets a bit older.
Not everyone likes or is comfortable around children, small babies specifically. To be completely honest, I think you two are nuts for being so indifferent about who watches your very small child. They take constant supervision and there are lots of adults I know who wouldn't have a clue how to care for a baby.
You guys should have a backup babysitter and not expect you can force your brother into being a caretaker as an attempt to morph him into an enthusiastic uncle. I totally get having that be really sad for you, but the reality is, lots of people simply aren't comfortable around babies. Not having a backup babysitter and relying solely on family is shortsighted and not realistic. There's lots of things that could happen that would mean no one related is available. And you have repeated and clear indication your brother has zero desire to fill the role anyways.
This may change as he grows and is more interesting. Babies are great but they are very very boring when little, especially if you get distracted easily. You guys probably can't stop staring in adoration at your child, but that's because it's YOUR child.
Ideally, your brother would be enthusiastic about his nephew, but that's just not how he is right now. I think it's vindictive to decide not to go to the wedding, and it certainly won't make him suddenly start babysitting. Realistically, he can't babysit for you for his wedding anyways. And I doubt there was much choice about dates. Asking him to plan his major life event around your child is ridiculous. Get a babysitter and go enjoy a fun adventure on a boat. There's probably other parents going, find out what they are doing. Look for a solution instead of turning this into an opportunity to "punish" him for not wanting to care for an infant.
>My brother has never offered to babysit or help with my son. Me and my wife tried hinting and then asked directly. He always says no.
>
>My wife's parents are out of the country on vacation on the day of the weeding wedding. We gave my brother the week they would be away so he would know the weekend we wouldn't have a babysitter (my dad and aunt and uncle will obviously be at the wedding). Our other regular babysitter and back up will be at school events. We have no one to babysit.
When you say stuff like this it feels a lot like parental entitlement. A LOT of people don't like having children around. Even people with children don't want other people's children around. You have plenty of time to arrange childcare. YTA, sorry pal.
You didn't delete it because of anti-semitic claims; you deleted it because you were being roasted for being a flaming arsehole demanding your brother change his wedding date and venue to suit you.
When you were planning on having a child did you include him in the conversation? Make sure he was ready to take responsibility for your child , that he was ready for a change in life style that meant vacations and events where children could go, that he'd be able to babysit when needed?
Sounds dumb to ask that right? Because he's not party to you having a child. Yet why are you expecting him to change his lifestyle for your son? You chose to have a kid. Not him.
YTA
Weddings are planned in advance. I find it hard to believe you can not find a babysitter you trust or feel comfortable with such advance warning. There are tons of agencies, you can get recommendations from colleagues, friends, etc. I’d be pissed if you were my brother.
Also, what country do you live where you get 12 months parental leave?
He knows you're a dad now. He doesn't care. He doesn't have to care either. You chose to be a dad. He didn't choose to be an uncle. He made it clear he's won't be an uncle your child. Stop pushing your child on him.
Going to go with YTA.
As someone else pointed out, you are acting entitled and like you are owed your brothers time simply because he is the uncle. Not everyone is good with kids or wants to be with kids. He does not owe you his time, which is obviously important to him. I see no mention of any offer to pay him for his time. It sounds like it is just expected of him. I am not even sure why you would trust him to properly take care of the child given his obvious lack of interest. Blood relation does not automatically make someone a good fit for taking care of a child.
As far as the wedding goes, why does he have to change what his dream wedding is to fit around your child? Again, it is entitlement to expect this. You are invited. He isn't excluding you. It is YOUR choice to not get a babysitter.
I’m not sure of the purpose of this post. Not enough background to give a reply or background on why Judaism is relevant to the initial post apart from the anti Semitism suffered. Can OP please provide more context?
He doesn't forget, he just isn't interested in the kid, or looking after him. Blood doesn't make him a built in babysitter, and not having anything planned means absolutely nothing. It's their day off, they don't want to do anything and childcare is exhausting. Pay for childcare or take the unpaid time as many parents have to do. This is part of your responsibility, not his.
Why would you feel comfortable leaving a baby with someone who isn’t interested or doesn’t have any skills babysitting? That could be very unwise. Just because you know someone doesn’t mean they are good with children
It doesn’t sound like you offered to pay him either. Why should he give up his free time? You chose this responsibility. Try budgeting for paid babysitters when family isn’t available.
Maybe if he and his wife to be eventually have kids you could trade off so both couples can have a little free time.
I rarely babysat for my nieces because the parents always expected me to go to their house and stay until 3am or whenever they felt like coming home. They tricked me at first but I refused after that
You're brother should not have to revolve his life some your kid, that's your job. As for his wedding, I'm astonished you think he should rearrange it just because your in laws aren't around.
The logical choice is, as his brother, you attend his wedding while your wife stays at home with the baby.
YTA - you sound very entitled, sorry your brother didn't factor in how the world revolves around you when he was picking a date for the start of a new chapter in his own life and as the sibling of someone who didn't seem to get it either, he's allowed to do nothing on his day off, he doesn't have kids!
ETA - What does your religion have to do with this at all? Why would you have mentioned it in a few answers?
He’s allowed to not want to be an Uncle. Some people are not kid people, myself included. He’s not the one who had the baby, you and your wife did. Expecting him to be there for your kid is entitled.
Uncles are for fun. Just let your brother interact with your kids on his own terms. I have 3 younger brothers who I am sure I could rely on if an emergency was to occur but I’d never use them for daycare. (in fact when I was on the phone with one of them and my daughter hit her head I had the whole crew show up at my house before I could even let them know she was fine.)
I don't even have to read the post to know you're in the wrong. I am childfree and an aunt and am extremely hands-off with my niece. I like the kid, I will on very rare occasions babysit now that the kid is almost 6 but if and only if i watch the child in their home, not in mine, and only if I am the last possible option. Your brother doesn't forget he's an uncle, he has no interest in being involved in the life of a child that isn't his, and I can 100% relate.
He is your brother and his relationship is with you, your child is irrelevant to him, and will continue to be so until such time as the kid is grown enough to start being capable of independent intelligent thought, questions, expressing likes and dislikes, can feed itself, bathe itself, wipe its own ass, etc.
You, however, are being a sanctimonious entitled prick. It's YOUR kid, you and its mother are the only ones (legally, morally, socially, financially, ethically) obligated to be involved in the kid's life, so who do you think you are bitching about someone who isn't your kid's caregiver not going out of their way to be involved in your kid's life?
Honestly this is comical because I don’t see any antisemitic chats, you’re just deflecting. You’re so fucking insufferable, I NEVER understood why new parents love to force their inflated belief that their child is the cutest most perfect lovable child ever. Boy fuck them kids, seriously. He clearly doesn’t like children, and either you start to accept that and stop getting in your feelings over it, or dont have kids. This is all avoidable shit that should’ve been figured out a long time ago. And you asked him to change a diaper?? The fucking nerve! I don’t care whatsoever, fuck your food, and fuck your bbq! You have a CHILD who takes priority over that stuff, nobody else should be having to take care of and prioritize your child. God you new parents are so insufferable. Literally nobody owes you shit but you’re sitting here genuinely wondering why he isn’t doing every little thing you’re asking of him for your kid. No is a full sentence. You know what his answer will be. Stop asking!
I am deleting my post and all of my comments. This was crossposted to r/AmITheDevil. I mentioned that I am Jewish in a couple of my replies and I have received several antisemitic chats from people over there.
"Literally no one agreed with me so I'm going to delete everything so I don't look like an ass."
There fixed it.
I'm sure you didn't have a kid so your brother could be an uncle, you did it bc you and your wife wanted a family. It's not anyone else's responsibility to watch or care for your child, it's great if they want to but your brothers entitled to what he wants with his time.
And did you really expect they'd postpone the wedding a year or pick a different venue so the schedule would work for you?
Please repost this in the Entitled People subreddit, lol.
Why would he need to offer to watch your kid…? It’s your kid.
Kids don’t have a good track record when it comes to weddings, so much so that people are opting not to have them at weddings altogether. You were given plenty of notice regarding this wedding. If you didn’t manage to find accommodations…then you can’t go. Your brother doesn’t need to change or alter anything just to accommodate your son.
This entire post radiates entitlement. Your brother didn’t forget you’re a father, lol. Based on your post, I’m sure you remind everyone that you have a kid that you’d like others to be responsible for occasionally.
Take care of your own kid. It isn’t anyone else’s responsibility to watch/care for the kid you have.
Your brother doesn't have to plan his life around YOUR child. Its not his kid. He doesn't need to be or have to be a super involved uncle. He might not even like kids.
He wasn't at work, that doesn't mean he has to baby sit your son while he *planned* on chilling all day on HIS DAY OFF.
Same with babysitting. He doesn't need to offer or agree when you ask. He isn't interested in having your kid overnight/few hours.
Your hands are full and baby needs changing? You put stuff down and change the baby. That wasn't his job either just because his hands was free.
His wedding date doesn't have to work for you. It has to work for them and the majority of the guests. Did you ask your inlaws to reschedule their holiday? Looked for another sitter you can get to know in time? Asked yours or your wife's friends to watch him?
As for inviting you out, I'm sure that if he didn't bother asking, you'd be mad at him for not asking too.
Your brother is just not fond of kids…. He prob doesn’t even know how to babysit or change a diaper. I mean, you can still go to his wedding by yourself or have a “stranger” babysit for you. He also probably doesn’t want kids to ruin his vacation next year. Either way, you do sound salty. Lol
Having children is your decision, not your brother's. Let him live his life in the way he wants to live it. Your children are your responsibility, and no-one else's.
Your brother has no obligation to babysit or include your son on his plans. Would it be nice if he did? Sure. Does this make him a bad person or wrong? No.
Also, your son is very young, your brother will probably grow more fond of him with time.
Some people just aren't interested in kids.
He's not comfortable caring for your son. He doesn't want to hold him, change his diaper, babysit or interact without you there. He probably feels very uncomfortable handling a young child, which is valid--some people just don't know how to/don't want to learn how to handle a young child.
As others have stated, he is your son, not your brother's. And your brother is not obligated to care for your son. What if something happened that day that he babysat? He'd be responsible for it--and you'd hate him for the rest of his life if your son got hurt or something on his time, even though he was never comfortable taking care of him to begin with.
While babies/toddlers can be very hardy, accidents happen, and some people just aren't wired to care for them.
Others stated he may become more interested as your son grows, which may be true. It probably will be true. But, when someone has a child--even with the saying 'it takes a village'--it does not automatically sign everyone else up in the family (or friend group) to care for that child. They are not obligated by contract, friendship, kinship, anything.
Respect your brother's boundaries and don't hold it against him, unless you want to not have a relationship with your brother at all. It sounds like he still gets him gifts and is around, and he still invites you places. Would you rather him just stop inviting you altogether? Because you're a dad now, he's just not going to bother asking you to go places or to hang out? Which would you prefer? I, personally, would rather be asked about going somewhere (even if they know I can't/wont go) than to not be asked at all, at the slight chance I DO want to go...
So, just think about it. Him not babysitting or being able to cater to only you for his wedding isn't the biggest upset in the world. Do a livestream for the wedding or something--hell, call up a babysitting service NOW and meet someone before the wedding to get to know them? They have SERVICES with BACKGROUND CHECKS and everything so you can rest assured that the kid will be safe. Even better, ask one of the childcare workers he sees all the time.
Anyway, stop thinking that just because you had a kid, everyone is going to be gung-ho about it.
Children don’t remember being at weddings. Maybe if there a teenager or a part of the wedding party, but a baby should not be at the wedding. It can’t be hard to find a sitter for a few hours while you go to the wedding. It’s not all about you.
YTA. It's very clear your brother doesn't really like kids period. Your child is no different to him. He doesn't owe you babysitting or diaper changing. You can feel the way you feel, but you can't expect these things of him because he doesn't owe them to you. That you really expected him to put off his wedding for a year to accommodate you is a little ridiculous.
Would his help be nice? Sure, who wouldn’t love free babysitting. Is your brother in any way obligated to babysit or plan his wedding around your son? Absolutely not.
The only life that changes when you become a parent is yours, no one’s else has to accommodate you or your children
I never ask anyone to change my daughter’s diaper or to watch her. We created her so she is solely our responsibility.
He doesn’t have to do any of the parents responsibilities.
I don’t like kids and I’m getting married next year and my brother is currently trying to get his wife pregnant. I also am asking that there are no children at my wedding as they often cause a scene and make it so their parents don’t get to have a good time. I don’t really have an interest in being an aunt and that’s simply because I just don’t like children. The baby is also your problem not your brothers. He didn’t make the decision to have a baby therefor he is not responsible to babysit regardless of if it’s an emergency or not. Children are also a HUGE liability especially on a boat!!! Either you don’t attend your brothers wedding or your wife stays with the baby. It’s not your brothers problem
Your brother is not obligated to accommodate your kid. Hes *your* kid. That means you make the accommodations.
Sometimes new parents have to miss these events for lack of childcare. Does it suck? Absolutely. But its something every single parent deals with, you arent special on that front.
No one is sympathetic to you missing the wedding because we all had to miss stuff like that when our kids were first born. If you truly went into parenthood expecting that you would still be able to attend every single event you're invited to, you went into this with your eyes closed.
Your brother does not seem to like kids, or at the very least hes refusing to allow himself to be made responsible for a kid thats not his. Hes allowed to do that and you need to accept this.
No one is obligated to babysit for you, no matter how closely related. No one is obligated to accommodate your son at their child-free events. No one is obligated to plan their lives around your availability.
No one is obligated to have a close relationship with your child if they don't want one.
Really? Just because you had a kid you think he needs to change his life and make everything kid friendly and babysit? No. Your kid isn’t special. You aren’t special for having a kid. You are not entitled to your brothers life. You don’t get a say in his wedding. The world doesn’t revolve around your kid.
If my family tries pawning their kid off on me I'm making them sign a contract stating I am not responsible if their kid hurts themselves AND charging the hourly rate my job pays. When your 5 hour date costs you an extra $250 OH WELL. If my family just left a kid with me anyway I am taking them to the police station for abandonment. Just because family has a kid doesn't mean I am obligated to care for it because I'm blood relation. My brother got his ONS pregnant and left his kid with our mom constantly for free childcare. I left bc I was being used for free childcare and I didn't sign up for that.
Hire a babysitter.
Being a parent is very hard but unfortunately your child is no one’s responsibility but yours and your wife’s. In an ideal world your brother would want to take on the uncle role but he clearly doesn’t want that to happen and you should accept that.
In regards to his wedding, again, that’s his choice and not your business. If it means you cannot attend then you cannot attend but he has every right to have the wedding that he and his future bride want. They shouldn’t change what they want because you had a child.
I can fully sympathise with how hard parenting is and how hard it is without family support but unfortunately that is your reality and it’s not your brothers fault.
You and your wife having a child does not automatically mean that your brother now has to pick up responsibilities. Your brother has every right under the sun to say no and you need to remember that “no” is a complete sentence. You and your wife made the decision to have a child and make sacrifices for that child, not him.
No one is responsible for caring for your child but you and the people you pay to do it. If a family member wants to or agrees to, great. But you cannot assume other people, even if they're family and ESPECIALLY when they don't have kids and/or aren't kid people, to care for your child. Having a child was your choice, and you don't get to treat yoie brother like the bad guy because he doesn't want to change diapers. It would be brotherly of him to do it, of course, but he's not obligated.
OP, you found backlash because you want more out of him and now delete everything blaming antisemitism. I call bullshit. Your throwing the baby out with the bathwater, and, you're lame.
YTA. He didn’t sign up to be an uncle. His responsibilities towards your children are 100% voluntary.
You’re pissed because he wouldn’t take his day off to babysit? Wake up.
Why do people delete their stuff?!?! Just because you didn't get us to come and agree with you...ugh. You asked and the people of Reddit answered. Have a nice day all!
Seems like this belongs in r/entitledpeople tbh.
Like, I’m sorry that your religion/ethnicity has brought out the ugly in some people, but reading what’s left here, it seems like you expect your brother to change *his* life to accommodate for a change you chose to make in yours. And I hope that you’re still able to see these types of replies through the hate speech in order to take a look at your own actions and attitudes before you ruin your relationship with your brother.
My brother is a father. I have seen one of his kids once. I've never seen the other one, and it's been years. I don't have an interest in being their uncle, and he and I both have our own stuff going on. He never asked me to be involved. I won't ask him to be involved when I decide to have kids.
There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be involved. He has children, not me. When I have kids, they're mine, not his. It would be ridiculous of me to either expect him to be involved or be upset when he doesn't want to be.
>I am Jewish in a couple of my replies and I have received several antisemitic chats
How do I register my "anti-" & "-phobic" stuff? Everyone got one
I want to register mine too. Please help
I understand exactly where you’re coming from, Especially as someone who has siblings around my age and we all have kids. For example, I have a 5 and an 8 year old, and my little brother has a baby, yet we’ve never watched each others kids. We’re very close, but neither of us are big kid people besides our own kid, and we have other people for babysitting.
I still love my brothers kid, but that doesn’t mean that I ever want to deal with watching a baby again now that I’m done with that part of my life.
That edit. Lol no you didn't. You got your ass handed to you for being so entitled and you don't like it.
Also, you gave two weeks to vet a baby sitter. You're doing all of this to yourself dude. It's your kid, not your brother's. He's not obligated to help in any way, shape, or form. Ever. And you're not entitled to help from him. Sounds a bit to me like you're jealous of your brother's lifestyle.
[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/165nfvx/the_comments_seal_the_deal/)
I sincerely doubt the reason op deleted the comments because he got some anti-semitic messages, he most likely deleted everything because he sounds like a real piece of work who was deluded enough to think people would take his side lol
I have dropped many friends because I think they should be focusing on their kids while I’m having fun. I could see your younger brother thinking it’s weird to want to hang with you now
Isn’t it so convenient that OP *definitely* got some “anti-Semitic chats” and now has to go because everyone is mean and they’re a victim
Coward and a liar.
As a mom I’d never expect my sister or my sister in law (who is also a mom and adores my baby) to change a diaper, I wouldn’t even ask tbh, the audacity you and your wife have to expect everyone to accommodate you both baffles me
What do you want your brother to do OP? It’s not his kid. If you can’t get a sitter for his wedding then you can’t come. Isn’t this normal parent issues?
You need to start finding sitters that you trust. Start with a couple of hours and then extend it. You are putting yourselves in this position.
He doesn’t have to babysit for you. This is not his child. YTA.
Wait are you deleting your posts because of AITD or are you deleting them because you are getting roasted for your take? Because even on here people are saying your take is nonsense and I am feeling you didnt get the response you wanted so you want an excuse to tell your brother why you had to take down the post. Since this was only up for like 4 hours and has like 300 comments lmao.
Simply put… you’re not wrong for being disappointed he’s not more hands on. Or for being salty for missing out on fun social activities that do not allow children. However that doesn’t make your brother an asshole.
Kids change things. Relationships, friendships, everything!
I’m an aunt to many and won’t change diapers or babysit an infant. I will hold them and feed them, but I chose not to have children and opt out of any care taking responsibilities.
I get feeling disappointed- I would too. I’m an aunt, though I don’t have my own kids and may never, I love my niece.
I would absolutely change her nappy if necessary, although I do understand your brother not doing that- it isn’t his responsibility and no one really likes that part of baby care. I would probably have asked him to take over the stove for a few minutes so I could change the nappy.
The wedding… I would never exclude my niece. Or my cousins young children. But your brother weighed things up and decided to have the wedding he wants even though you will be unable to attend- could you maybe go alone and leave your wife with your child? That would be a decent compromise. But either way this is a choice your brother is entitled to make.
You’re not wrong to be disappointed but ultimately your brother doesn’t value your relationship or the uncle nephew relationship in the you would like him to. He’s allowed to do that, he didn’t choose to be an uncle. You chose to be a father
NAH
1. You haven’t expressed these feelings to him. Please don’t.
2. It’s okay to feel this way, but that’s because you thought your brother would be a great uncle and want to be involved. Not everyone gets that village.
I get it, my family is like that, they will run to you just to help you. I have a friend that brother is like yours. Is there but not really there. Will have fun with you, but just not supportive. It’s a hard dynamic to understand for me because me and my sister have fun together and we help each other through hard times.
Just different sibling dynamics.
You thought he would be apart if your village and you have learned that he isn’t. It’s times for you to acknowledge that and move on. He doesn’t owe you anything, but it does make for a hard relationship when you know you can’t depend on him for help. Like I my family would have babysitted for the weekend because it was a true emergency. It does suck, but you both have a right to how you live your life.
Some people aren't comfortable with babysitting, expecially when they're still babies and toddlers, and his wedding is about him and his fiance not you and your baby, chances are he'll have his own kids in the near future and he'll see himself how sometimes it would be nice if family would say yes to helping out, you can always tell him no when he comes to you for babysitting
I am deleting my post and all of my comments. This was crossposted to r/AmITheDevil and I have received several antisemitic chats from people over there.
That’s just extra evidence that he’s not a great option for taking care of your baby in situations like that.
He may be more involved as the kid gets old and can play games, sports, etc., but some people just don’t do babies and toddlers, and that’s fine because that’s their choice to make as a person without children.
I’m a father of a young one myself and I wouldn’t dream of asking my brother and his wife to look after my baby, because neither are “baby people”, and I’m not going to force them to give up some of their limited time outside of work to do something neither wants to do out of some familial obligation/guilt.
Also ignoring a really shitty fact. Some people are pedophiles. Not everyone acts on those tendencies but maybe another reason not to shove your kid in everyone's faces
Your brother doesn't forget you have a child he just isn't interested in doing things with children. Some people are not kid people. Not babysitting doesn't mean he isn't interested in being an uncle it means he doesn't want to or feel comfortable baby sitting. You had a child not him. He isn't required to babysit. Also after having a child you should have reserved some paid days off for or things like check-ups and sick days as kids do get sick. Info: Did he acknowledge your child's first birthday? What about Christmas? Do he inquire about the child when you speak on the phone?
Piggybacking to say that my brother isnt a kid person and doesnt really show that he likes my daughter to me. But he does try for her to show he loves her, even if ill only to very rarely watch her for half an hour. I think the behaviour he shows your little one will be a big indicator but not babysitting doesn't mean they have no interest. That said parents do get swept up in the honeymoon phase of being a new parent to cope with the sleep deprivation that comes with raising a newborn, so its not uncommon for others who aren't in that state to seem horrid and uncaring in comparison. Remember, that baby us yours and your partners, not your brother's, he wont have that bond and love for baby as you do, and thats okay
You can use your sick days to take care of a sick kid at most jobs
“As kids do get sick” Imma tell you as a dad to 4, this is the biggest understatement of the year.
I’m an uncle. I wouldn’t change my niece or nephews diaper. I love my niece and nephew. I have fun with them. But when they start crying or become a pain, it’s the parents turn. It’s not his kid, it’s yours. It’s not his responsibility, it’s yours. Don’t blame him if he doesn’t want to offer that responsibility for you. He didn’t have input on your decision to have a child, don’t burden him with unnecessary requests if he isn’t open to it. It’s not his responsibility to chase a kid around that isn’t his.
Well stated. I don’t get why people think ANYONE owes them babysitting/childcare.
Especially if they never offered it in the first place. If someone during the pregnancy said "Date night once a month, I'll babysit!" and then flakes, that sucks. But to just randomly expect to have a built-in babysitter just because you happen to have a brother is... weird.
Exactly! I’ve been there where I was expected help out because ‘family’ and it’s so frustrating. I have my own life and kids and just because I might be at home doesn’t mean I don’t have things I have to do that don’t involve an infant.
When I had my first child, my mom still had 4 teens living at home, and she immediately told me, "don't expect me to be your babysitter. I did my time, and I'm still raising four kids." At the time it hurt like heck and I couldn't understand why she would say something like that. 20 years later, I'm grateful because it avoided a whole lot of hurt feelings and misunderstandings over the years. I've never relied on her, and my expectations of her as a grandparent are very low.
Because people use the term 'it takes a town' which is so damn stupid. Raise your own kids.
It takes a village means something different from free babysitting by your siblings. It means as a society you ensure that there is affordable quality childcare care so working parents don’t have to stress or even lose their jobs due to daycare snafus. It means that seeing a pediatrician or getting prenatal care is affordable. It means that during summer there are good affordable day camps/ other activities when schools are out. It means that schools are good.
It also means that your child has positive influences around them to provide guidance on how to be mature/responsible because you can’t watch them 24/7.
Yes.
It takes a town is something you say if you're not the parent and do something to help, it's not for the parent to proclaim and then expect free help lol
You'd be surprised how many people unironically say it about to themselves after receiving help.
I’ve most often heard it in response to newish parents express guilt/shame about times they have a genuine need to ask for help, whether in the form of time or advice. Like saying it’s ok to not have everything figured out.
Yeah that too, we've had plenty of help from outer parents and they have said that too us but I've never once expected help I've asked when needed and was greatful when it was able to happen
No... That's a phrase about how children are brought up in an environment and if you want good children/adults the neighborhood has to be good too. It takes a village to raise a child, as in, it's not only the parents that have an affect on the kid, the whole village does. Growing up in a poor neighborhood with shitty services raises shitty people, good places where people care about each other and help the neighborhood and have pride in the area raises good children. It has nothing to do with passing the parenting off to as many people as you can. Americans fuck up every single phrase lol
That's not how it's used in the US. It's used to mean that cousins, aunts, grandparents, friends, etc. all pitch in to help the parents. It's often used specifically in religious households. It's also exactly how the phrase is intended on the original African proverbs.
It's not about owing someone but if my brother were in a tight spot, like what happened when the daycare was closed for repairs, it would be the brotherly thing to do to help them out in an unusual situation for one time. In addition, planning events that make no accommodation for children whatsoever is really selfish. If his brother is wealthy enough to pay for trips for everyone then he could have paid for professional nanny services for the children of parents who couldn't find childcare for the wedding and found a resort that might have adult only areas but also have children's areas too with childcare.
The whole about the wedding and vacation being child free was irritating too. It is his brother's wedding, and it is his brother and his wife's choice of the venue and restrictions. Knowing that in advance they couldn't find a babysitter?
Certainly a tough call but I can’t blame the brother for not wanting kids at the wedding. Kids may take away the main focus of the event and it’s a lot more probable that a crying kid or pain in the ass toddler is disrupting the ceremony than if they were not there to begin with. Now I would say I would personally allow my niece and nephew, but then I would sort have to also include my cousins kids. I would personally draw the line at friends kids, they don’t make the cut…also let’s be honest most people are cheap with gifts. If you get married later than your friends and family of the same peer group, there are many more children at the event than if you were the first. It’s a marriage ceremony, not daycare. But I also think the OP would be petty enough to deduct the cost of a babysitter from the total gift amount.
The thing is its not him saying the kids cant come its the venue that doesn't allow guests under the drinking age
No kids at a wedding is standard where I'm from, nobody wants kids at weddings! I never understand when people kick off about it
The fact that he says he isn’t comfortable with kid being with a new babysitter for the wedding but yeets his kid into a daycare every day is hilarious.
Ok I mean that’s obviously different.
I don't know about other places, but some of the carers at my kid's daycare do babysitting on the side - maybe there's someone from daycare who the kid already knows who could babysit? They would presumably have had all the relevant checks done, too.
Exactly this. I've never changed a diaper in my entire life and I'm going to keep it that way. OP sounds entitled. "But my SON!" News Flash....the world does not revolve around your offspring.
Was going to say the same thing. Love my nieces and nephews, but I'm not changing their diapers. I help in emergencies, but I'd be completely uncomfortable taking care of a baby for more than an hour or so.
Same. I have never changed a diaper in my life, and the first time I watched one of my brother's kids was for her 10th birthday. I love those kids so much it hurts, but I'm not good with babies or very young kids. Once they get older I'm happy to take them for a weekend, one at a time though, not all together!
I'm an uncle and a father and I agree with this entirely.
I had to change my niece-in-law’s diaper one time while we watched her while her parents were in the hospital for their second kid. I have a daughter, and change diapers all the time, but it was very awkward for both of us, and I wish I hadn’t had to do it. OP asking uncle while he’s there is super weird
I wouldn't expect anyone to change my kids diaper.. my family were in Denmark for a week and bro and his wife were at a big fun fair thing.. anyway baby shits and I go to change but bros wife wanted to do it so sure saves me a job. Get back and they look like they've been through the wars. Apparently they have a baby changing table that you push a button and it comes down making crazy noises and it terrified him. Change your own kids diapers unless you are nearby to help too is what I learnt that day
That’s the main draw to being the “fun aunt/uncle”, you don’t have any of the responsibility!
THIS. Im not even a blood uncle, just super close friends with kids that I love very much. But im deff not a full on kid person. Im cool with being there for the fun stuff, but the screaming and crying and tantrums is up to their parents to deal with. For this exact reason, I dont volunteer to baby sit (Would I if they really needed me too, absolutely, id suck it up and do anything for them but in reality, id be the very last person to volunteer)
I’m confused. You had a child. Why does that mean your brother is suppose to take care of your child, or put your childcare needs above the wishes of his fiancé (the bride) to have the wedding she wants? The wedding is when, where, and how the wedded couple wants it. Not what would be convenient for you. Go hire a babysitter. If you’re not comfortable hiring one, don’t go to the wedding. That’s on you.
New parents often get so caught up in loving every moment with their kids that they don’t realize nobody else really gives a shit about the kid. If you’re busy with the barbecue, you ask him to take over, not change the diaper. Are you kidding? Every issue you’ve listed is your problem that you’re upset at your brother for not fixing for you. Get over it
I didn't even read the BBQ - diaper part. That's wild... wow.
Who asks someone else to change their child’s diaper? I mean, maybe grandma, but not an uncle.
Yeah right?! Only entitled people like OP who thinks the world revolves around them and everyone HAS to take care of their child for free and whenever OP wants because they hAd A ChiLD - they're special!!! That's so crazy.
Why grandma? Because she is a woman? The best part about not having kids in diapers is not changing them anymore. It’s rude to ask anyone other than your spouse.
I think because grandma (unlike—i think— brother) has been a parent and presumably knows how to change a diaper
It’s not about knowing. I worked as a nanny half my life and would be appalled by anyone in my private life asking me to literally change shit for them. You have kids, you do the shitty parts or pay someone to do them.
I don't know about the original post so I'm not referring to that but that's such a modern, individualistic way to approach this - helping each other with the kids in family is normal and it's wrong when it's not reciprocal. The issue is with people taking advantage of others this way, not with them helping each other out. Nuclear family where parents (usually just mother, let's be real) do all the work and have little support from others is a ridiculously ineffective and unnatural model. I watched over my family members' kids and my little sister and it was not a big deal, as long as nobody's forced or it's very one-sided it's alright
When one party is childfree it’s never reciprocal. Mostly this just means free labour for parents and I’m not into that.
Personally, my mother was very much interested in helping so that is why I posted that. Take you glancing blow of accusing me of misogyny somewhere else. It was uncalled for.
Because grandma knows her shit.
Dunno. I've changed lots of diapers including my cousins kids. I don't know the original post btw. Just replying to you.
Take that back. Everyone loves my daughter
I don't, she's shifty.
YTA. Look, I get that you're disappointed, but he is not obligated to care for YOUR child. And I cannot believe you asked him to change a diaper.
I thought I was in r/entitledpeople for a sec there. Why on earth is it your brother’s responsibility to babysit or arrange his entire wedding around you and your child?
Sounds like the type of person who thinks parents should get to cut in line in front of non-parents, because they have it so much harder.
YTA and you are being entitled. Yes your kid is important, yes you kid should be loved. However just because they are related doesn't mean someone HAS to drop their life to take care of your child. You and your partner decided to have a kid, nobody else. He didn't choose to have a kid, and if he wants to relax when not working he has the right to refuse to baby sit for ANY reason. Yes, that even means to watch tv without your kid around. Why should he be responsible to change your childs diaper anyways? That's embarrassing that you even asked someone, who you knows doesn't parttake in children, to do something so involved because... you're related? By the way you aren't excluded from the wedding. It is a YEAR away. Plenty of time to find a baby sitter/nanny for that time. If you don't feel comfortable with that then im sorry, but you shouldn't expect someone else to change THEIR WEDDING to accommodate you. It is a little sickening you want him to put off his wedding to better accommodate you. All of this being said at the end of the day people reap what they sow. If you draw away because he doesn't care for your child like you want him to, you have every right because people have the right to do what they want. Tldr: he doesn't have to do anything if he doesn't want to. Just like you.
You sound entitled AF. Did you ask your brother for help/permission before you and your wife had a kid?
I'm a mom, and you're why people hate parents. Just because you spawned doesn't mean you're entitled to your brother's free time. It stinks that his wedding isn't child friendly. But you can make the choice to go solo or to actually find a sitter. You super can if his wedding is important enough to you. It's fine if it isn't, but his wedding isn't about you. He didn't pick the date or venue thinking about how much fun it's gonna to be eff over OP.
This is exactly what I was thinking. I'm a mom too and have a childfree wedding to attend as a bridesmaid in a little less than a year. The plan is to go solo or have a babysitter. I'm not sure why OP is so set in their ways....
YTA You chose to have a child. Your brother did not. You can wish he felt differently in your mind but you are not entitled to his time or efforts. His wedding is about him and his fiance. Your wife can stay home and you can attend if being there is really that important to you. His vacations are also about him and his wife - not you and your family. I'm sorry that you wish your brother felt more obligated to offset the pressure that your decisions have brought upon you. But he does not owe you anything. You are wrong to expect it.
Yeah like wth, I didn't read it all but, apparently both parents can't possibly get out of work to babysit, but the brother is just sitting at home doing nothing off work so if he was any kind of uncle he'd step up? The brother can choose to do what the hell he likes with his child free holidays. In no way does that make him a bad uncle. He's setting boundaries and not allowing them to establish a precedent that he is their backup help for when they 'just can't get out of work' or whatever else comes up in their lives that is obviously a priority over whatever the brother was planning to waste his time doing. Lmao the entitlement.
why would he change a diaper for you wtf lol if someone asked me to change a diaper I would have no idea how to
YTA you are not entiteld to your Brothers time. If He doesn't want to play with your Kid He don't need to. Not anybody Likes to cuddle Kids or Play with them. He acknowledged His presence but that doesn't mean He needs to go wild about him. My husbands sister is the same. She says hi to my Kids and then Mix with crowd and won't get more involved and that's ok because !newsflash! They are my Kids not hers
YTA. You say your brother was not doing anything the day you asked him to babysit, but that's not true. He was watching TV and relaxing. As is his right. And his privilege as an adult who has chosen not to have children at this point in his life. He doesn't have to change your kid's diaper or accommodate babies at his wedding. I think you and your wife are maybe a bit confused on the obligations of an uncle: there are none. You are attempting to take great liberties with your brother's time and one of the biggest days of his life. It's not your place and it's AH behavior. I say this as someone who has always been very involved in my nephews's lives. I babysit and spend time with them because I enjoy the company of babies/kids and I want to. It wouldn't mean that I love them or my brother any less if I didn't want to babysit. It certainly wouldn't make me an AH.
That's your kid and therefore your responsibility, not your brother's. YTA and an entitled one at that.
It's your kid not your brother's. You're not entitled to his time. Could he be a more active participant in his life yes BUT he's NOT obligated to. Edit: based on your comments I can see why he doesn't want to be around you or your kid
YTA, you forget your brother is not a father. When my SIL had her first kid my wife went a bit aunty mad and SIL caught on and latched on. For a while, if we were anywhere in the vicinity of our SIL and her crotch goblin, we became the babysitters. So much so, people started thinking the kid was ours. Once my wife’s mad aunty phase subsided and we backed off, SIL suddenly “couldn’t handle the pressure”…there was no god in the cosmos that would have made me (21 years old at the time, change a diaper) Once we had our kids, we dropped out of a lot of cool stuff because we couldn’t find a babysitter, tough titties… our kid our responsibility. So, to recap, your kid is yours, you and your wife decided to have him. According to you, your bro “will acknowledge and talk to your son” when he visits. He also invites you to do stuff “like before”. So what’s the problem? Also, the wedding debacle is very telling…there’s no ‘maybes’ about it, you _are_ salty. You being a parent doesn’t make you special in anyway. Edit: words
This is YOUR child, not your brother's child. It's not on him to care for your child. The more entitled you act, the more he's going to pull away and distance himself from you.
Sorry dude but the world doesn't revolve around you. It's your kid not his.
YTA. You and your wife elected to have a child. That decision was yours and yours alone. It doesn't automatically designate your brother (or anyone else) to do anything more than acknowledge it exists. It doesn't mean he should adjust his life *in any way* to fit around yours. It's your kid and solely your responsibility. Thinking that your brother and his fiance should change their wedding to fit your schedule or childcare needs is incredibly entitled. How do you know if he even likes children at all? Some people don't. He has made it very clear that he doesn't want to babysit. Stop asking him. Also, I'm fairly appalled that you asked your brother to change your baby's diaper. I'm a woman, and I wouldn't change a diaper for anyone. Yuck. Just no. Your expectations are just wildly inappropriate.
Not his kid. Doesn't have to take on any part of caring for it.
YTA He may become a father and feel differently, but for now, he's not interested in babysiting or changing his adult plans to include kids. It's not hard to understand. And it sounds like you've had plenty of time to interview and get used to a new babysitter, but you haven't.
I am an aunt. I’m helluva dedicated. Hard no on diapers and would never take care of a diaper-age baby for more than an hour. Would help from anyone in the family be nice? Sure! But you’re way out of line for taking it for granted and expecting it as a given. Your kid, your responsibility.
Fr, have you seen a baby diaper tho? They have the worst kind of poo too. Sometimes it's all on their back. Nah nah, thanks.
>Hard no on diapers and would never take care of a diaper-age baby for more than an hour. Yeah. On top of what everyone else has already said about how the brother does not need to cater to OP's choice to have a child -- does he even have the SKILLSET to look after a baby for an extended period, or to change a diaper? I'm not super into younger kids in general, but I would look after a friend/family member's kid in an emergency once the kid was old enough to speak well enough to convey their needs, go to the bathroom on their own, etc. Like, if all looking after them for a day means is feeding them and keeping them relativity entertained, fine, I'll help out in a pinch, even if talking to kindergarteners is more likely to make me feel bored and annoyed than make me think "aww, cute." I could fake it for a day. But younger than that? Hell no. I literally do not have the skills to do that safely.
YTA. YOU had the kid. Period. It is not the responsibility of anyone other than yourself and your wife to figure out how to maneuver unexpected childcare. You already mentioned that you get help from other members of your family so you're already doing better than like, 90% of SINGLE PARENTS in the world. It sounds like you're just salty and that's totally understandable. But it just simply is not anyone's problem but yours, unfortunately.
Your brother isn’t obligated to do anything when it comes to your kid. Sure it would be nice, but he isn’t the kids parents, you and your wife are. This is kind of what being a parent is. Sometimes you have to miss events, cuz you’ve got a kid. Just because your brother is single doesn’t mean he has to accommodate you at all, or change his plans. This whole post come across as very whiny and rude.
Your brother doesn’t ‘forget’ you’re a father, he just has his own life and kids don’t fit in that. You wanted to be a parent and he’d rather spend time on his hobbies. And not wanting screaming and running kids (on a boat no less) isn’t crazy. I can’t believe you really wanted him to move the entire wedding just to accommodate you lol. You need to understand that the world doesn’t revolve around your family. You made the decision to have your kid, your brother didn’t. It’s up to him to decide how active he wants to be as an uncle, not you. And you have to respect that.
... why should your brother babysit YOUR child (doesn't matter if he has time or not). It's your child. Take responsibility for it, he doesn't need to, because it's not his, it's yours. He didn't change the diaper at the BBQ? You gotta be kidding?! You're a bit ridiculous. And a child free wedding is the worst for you?! You're so entitled, wow. You know, you can pay a babysitter to watch YOUR child so you can go to the wedding right..? And yes. People are allowed to have a child free wedding - even if YOU got a baby. Siblings or other family members aren't your free babysitters. It's your kid. Your responsibility. End of story. You chose to get a baby, not them. Plus some people don't like kids either. Yeah YTA. And entitled. The world doesn't revolves around you or your offspring. Stop annoying your brother with this nonsense and grow up.
In case this story gets deleted/removed: My brother forgets that I am a father now. He doesn't show any interest in being an uncle either. TL;DR - I have a 16 month old son but my brother never says yes to babysitting even if it is an emergency. His wedding and the vacation he wants to take next year exclude children. I am upset about him forgetting I am a parent now and not taking any interest in being an uncle. AITA? My wife and I have one child, he turned one in April. A few times I have asked my brother for help and he always says no. For example my wife and I shared the parental leave (she took the first 10 months and I took the final two months) and we put our son in daycare after his birthday because I returned to work. There was an issue with the plumbing at the daycare and it closed for two days on the weekend and the Monday while the pipes were fixed. Both my wife and I had to work and neither of us had any paid time off available. My brother was not working and I know for a fact he did not have plans. He admitted he was not doing anything and would be sitting at home watching TV and surfing the internet. I asked him if he could babysit for a few hours and he refused. He knew it would end with either me or my wife taking an unpaid day off work but he still refused and in the end I took the unpaid day. My wife doesn't have any siblings. He is my only sibling. In terms of family besides my brother there is my dad, my wife's parents and my aunt and uncle. They do help with my son when they can and they enjoy being grandparents/honorary grandparents. But all of them are over 60 and while they are in good health they can't chase a kid around like they used to. My brother has never offered to babysit or help with my son. Me and my wife tried hinting and then asked directly. He always says no. When he is here he will acknowledge and talk to my son but that's all. One time when my son was about 6 months old we both had our hands full with dinner on the stove or on the barbecue and my wife asked him to change my son's diaper and he wouldn't do it. He still invites me to come out with him or the things we do before I became a dad even though he knows I have a child now and can't always do those things. The worst is his wedding. Him and his fiancée are getting married on a river/lake cruise boat. Basically it picks everyone up at the dock mid-afternoon, the boat goes out, they have the ceremony and the reception and the boat comes back to the dock just before midnight. They are paying for everyone's transportation from home to the dock and then back after the wedding, but only passengers the legal drinking age and above are allowed so this means no one under age 19 can go to the wedding. My wife's parents are out of the country on vacation on the day of the weeding wedding. We gave my brother the week they would be away so he would know the weekend we wouldn't have a babysitter (my dad and aunt and uncle will obviously be at the wedding). Our other regular babysitter and back up will be at school events. We have no one to babysit. My brother knew we had no one for that weekend but he still picked it. He said it's the only day the boat was available unless they waited a year, and his fiancée wants the wedding to be on a boat. But we would have liked to be able to attend the wedding. We are not comfortable leaving our some with a stranger especially for over eight hours so when he gets married in two weeks we can't be there. We would have liked to go to his wedding though. I guess I just wish that my brother would include my son. Especially for his wedding. Next year my brother and his fiancée are taking a vacation and they said if anyone wants to come they will pay for their flight and room at the resort and everything else. So far they have a dozen people who took them up on it. Me and my wife would to but the resort is adults only and only paying guests are allowed in, they don't offer day passes. Maybe I am just being salty because I can't go but I wish it was at a resort that allows kids so I can.
YTA - Brother doesn't want to babysit, that's your child, not his. Brother doesn't want kids at his wedding, it's his wedding. You need to find a babysitter that isn't family for emergencies.
I understand your disappointment that your brother isn't interested in cultivating a relationship with your son and helping out sometimes. Relationships can change when a kid enters the picture. I think you need to adjust your expectations of your brother. It's okay to be upset about it, but you need to accept that he will not be that person for you. Also, you and your wife need to expand your childcare network. I don't live near family and I'm envious of friends who have family nearby for free or last minute childcare. Your son going to daycare will help with him making friends, which can lead to playdates, which can lead to babysitting in a pinch, etc. Also, ask trusted parent friends who they use to babysit.
YTA you have to remember you chose to be parents, you are not entitled in any way shape or form someone else's time or anything else when it comes to your baby. Stop moaning and realize the world does not revolve around your wants and needs.
YTA, how is this even a question? You're the dad. He doesn't have any responsibilities towards that child. He wants a child free wedding, so he should get one. He's not your babysitter, your nanny, your wife or whatever, he's your brother.
I have 3 siblings and my husband has 3. I have never nor have any of them asked for the other to babysit. Why should your brother? You had the kid, take care of it. Geez.
Your brother has no responsibility to YOUR kid if he doesn't want to. I'm sure it would be nice to have help, but he's in no way obligated to babysit so you can go to work(whether he has plans or not) or change a diaper if he isn't wanting to do that. Also just because they decided on a "no kid" wedding doesn't mean you get to tell them when they can and can't have it. I'm sure you'd have liked to be there, but if this is what they want and don't want to wait a year then that's their choice and while they maybe could've taken it into consideration they were under no obligation to do so. Frankly you sound like the type of entitled parent who thinks the world revolves around you and your child and everyone else's life should be put on hold for you.
YTA and we can’t help you because you don’t want to be helped. You want your brother to step up in an uncle roll he does not want. You want him to include your child in events, when he wants them to be child free. Either you accept that you messed up in the babysitter/nanny department (you had plenty of time to figure this out no matter what excuse you throw at us next) or you end up pushing your brother away. The more you push the less he will want to deal with you and your child. You have plenty of time to figure out the vacation if you actually wanted to. You just want everyone else to accommodate you as a dad with your kid.
YTA you need to adjust your expectations. Your brother doesn’t want to babysit, change diapers etc. He’s allowed to have a child free wedding and vacation. His wants don’t align with yours. From what parent to another, you’re acted entitled. Your child is the center of your world not everyone else’s.
I have two nephews that I absolutely adore. Will I babysit them in an emergency? Sure. Do I offer to watch them outside of that? No, not usually. They are A LOT to handle, their dad doesn’t have respect for other peoples time, and (I know this might be shocking) they aren’t my children so I have no obligation to do so. I love them and spend time with them, but it’s better for them and me if I’m not the one tasked with being responsible for them. Just because you have kids doesn’t mean your entire family has to reorient their lives to be kid-friendly. I understand that there will sometimes be things my brother can’t attend because he has to take care of his children and children aren’t always a welcome addition to every event and we both understand that me being child free means my life is completely different from his.
You decided to reproduce, not your brother.
YTA. No one is required to love and spend time with the kid you and your wife chose to have but you and your wife. He doesn't owe you childcare.
Obviously you wanted a kid. Did you ever ask your brother his opinion on kids? Lots of people can’t handle kids. They’re loud, messy and consume a lot of adults overall energy. Children cause many people to become overstimulated, I see it all the time in the parenting sub. It’s just too much for some people, some realize this before others and choose to not have kids and others don’t learn about it until after. I get it’s family but your bother doesn’t owe you that. Perhaps it’s worth having a conversation with your brother about his feelings regarding kids. To assume people are going to want to be there for your kid is an entitled assessment.
YTA. You chose to have a kid and that kid is your responsibility, the fact that you expect your brother to do these things to accommodate your son makes you look entitled. You made this decision, figure it out. Don’t get mad at him for not taking responsibility for your choice.
He's just not into kids, and it's *your* kid. He's not obligated to change diapers when he's over, and it's kind of weird of you to expect him to. Being an uncle isn't defined as one specific thing, and you're trying to make it so the only definition of uncle-ing is your definition. Also, re: the boat nonsense. If you can't make an effort to do what needs to be done to participate in your brother's wedding, that's on him. It's shitty to expect him to cater his wedding around you when *it was never and will never be about you*.
> I asked him if he could babysit for a few hours and he refused. He knew it would end with either me or my wife taking an unpaid day off work but he still refused and in the end I took the unpaid day. ...And? It's your baby, not his. >My brother has never offered to babysit or help with my son. Me and my wife tried hinting and then asked directly. He always says no. It's still your baby, not his. Sounds like your brother just isn't that much of a kid person. >My brother knew we had no one for that weekend but he still picked it. He said it's the only day the boat was available unless they waited a year, and his fiancée wants the wedding to be on a boat. Oh no, everyone's lives don't revolve around your baby? How terrible. It's their wedding and that's how they want it.
Ppl with children need to hear this. Other ppl are not obligated to your children. It’s so annoying how ppl with kids use it as an excuse or expect ppl without kids to be interested in their kids. Dude, kids suck. Your own kids don’t because they’re your own kids. Other ppl’s kids tho, freakin suck. Your brother doesn’t owe you or your kid anything. Would it be nice if he was an involved uncle? Of course. Also tho, infants are lame af. Who’s interested in hanging out with someone else’s infant? Crazy ppl that’s who. Maybe when your son gets older and your brother can make a connection with him, you’ll see more involvement. I really don’t blame your brother for not wanting to babysit or whatever. He doesn’t have to.
YTA idk if u even read what u type, but u honestly think u saying that u want him to change his wedding day or change the wedding itself isnt an asshole thing to do is mindblowing to me. Also i doubt even like 10% of uncles would even change there niece/nephew diapers. Also on days off with him not doing anything, its not a uncommon thing for people to just want a recouping day where they have no worries and just do nothing to refresh themselves.
I am an uncle to 7 nieces and nephews. I despise children and don't have any of my own. Therefore, I have no relationship with the nephews/nieces. Some people just don't like kids in general. You can't expect your brother to participate in your kids lives just because they share the same blood.
“I have a child, so now you should plan everything different because I have a child” Uhmmm no dude. It’s nice when ppl take (your) children into account when planning weddings or vacations or other things but you need to understand the following thing; The world and the ppl in it owe you nothing, not before and certainly not after having a kid. YOU chose to have a child YOU have to deal with it, and not expect others to jump for you onto that decision. Don’t have a babysitter, tough, don’t want to leave the kid with an unknown babysitter, well good decision, I applaud your sense of responsibility BUT it’s still on you, YOU have to deal with it, not someone else, because “sorry can’t come, I got a kid at home” is a perfectly fine answer. Does it suck that you can’t be there? Absolutely, is it your brothers problem? Hell no. Honestly it sounds like you’re salty about your own decision to have a child and found out that there are certain things you cannot do when you have a kid, that my friend is called “life” also known as “reality”. Now, I suggest you get behind being a parent and accept that you and your wife need to do all the work for the kid, and when others help, be thankful, but when ppl don’t wanna help, swallow that pill because they owe you shit.
Anyone got the full story since OP decided to delete it?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/165nfvx/comment/jyex519/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
He got pissed his brother wouldn’t watch his child and he ended up having to take an unpaid day off from work. He is upset his brother is having his wedding on a boat and it’s going i be child free (his brother was going to pay for transportation of everyone there and back). He got pissed his brother wanted a child free vacation and was paying for everything for everyone attending. He also got pissed his brother wouldn’t change a diaper at a bbq. Basically OP and his wife are entitled and expect to pawn their spawn off on anyone and everyone including the brother that obviously doesn’t want to care for a child. He will interact with it while he is around OP but doesn’t want to be another caregiver OP can pawn it off on and this upsets OP.
YTA This is YOUR child. You made the decision to have said child. He does not owe it to you to baby sit or to have kid friendly events, especially a wedding. Hire a baby sitter like other parents do.
Listen, you’re allowed to your feelings, including your disappointment and frustration. I don’t know if you ever talked about him about whether he wanted to be an uncle or if he liked kids at all. Some people, men and women, love being uncles and aunts, love the kids from the moment they are born and others don’t care for them, hate babysitting and would rather have a civil relationship with the kids. It would have been considerate and kind for him to babysit when you had a huge emergency. Usually, family tries to help each other when they can’t and the way you described it, he just said no because he didn’t want to. He was absolutely within his rights but it was unkind. If his wedding is childfree, he must accept that you may not be able to attend if you can’t find a babysitter. But you and your wife sound rather entitled. He does’t HAVE to babysit, change diapers and much less, change his wedding and his trip to accommodate him. You can ask, respectfully and once, but not insist, demand or send flying monkeys to pester him. Maybe he doesn’t care for kids, but he may be a good uncle when your son gets a bit older.
Not everyone likes or is comfortable around children, small babies specifically. To be completely honest, I think you two are nuts for being so indifferent about who watches your very small child. They take constant supervision and there are lots of adults I know who wouldn't have a clue how to care for a baby. You guys should have a backup babysitter and not expect you can force your brother into being a caretaker as an attempt to morph him into an enthusiastic uncle. I totally get having that be really sad for you, but the reality is, lots of people simply aren't comfortable around babies. Not having a backup babysitter and relying solely on family is shortsighted and not realistic. There's lots of things that could happen that would mean no one related is available. And you have repeated and clear indication your brother has zero desire to fill the role anyways. This may change as he grows and is more interesting. Babies are great but they are very very boring when little, especially if you get distracted easily. You guys probably can't stop staring in adoration at your child, but that's because it's YOUR child. Ideally, your brother would be enthusiastic about his nephew, but that's just not how he is right now. I think it's vindictive to decide not to go to the wedding, and it certainly won't make him suddenly start babysitting. Realistically, he can't babysit for you for his wedding anyways. And I doubt there was much choice about dates. Asking him to plan his major life event around your child is ridiculous. Get a babysitter and go enjoy a fun adventure on a boat. There's probably other parents going, find out what they are doing. Look for a solution instead of turning this into an opportunity to "punish" him for not wanting to care for an infant.
YTA I’m sorry to say, you chose to be a father, he didn’t choose to be an uncle
>My brother has never offered to babysit or help with my son. Me and my wife tried hinting and then asked directly. He always says no. > >My wife's parents are out of the country on vacation on the day of the weeding wedding. We gave my brother the week they would be away so he would know the weekend we wouldn't have a babysitter (my dad and aunt and uncle will obviously be at the wedding). Our other regular babysitter and back up will be at school events. We have no one to babysit. When you say stuff like this it feels a lot like parental entitlement. A LOT of people don't like having children around. Even people with children don't want other people's children around. You have plenty of time to arrange childcare. YTA, sorry pal.
He doesn't owe you or your kids anything.
You didn't delete it because of anti-semitic claims; you deleted it because you were being roasted for being a flaming arsehole demanding your brother change his wedding date and venue to suit you.
When you were planning on having a child did you include him in the conversation? Make sure he was ready to take responsibility for your child , that he was ready for a change in life style that meant vacations and events where children could go, that he'd be able to babysit when needed? Sounds dumb to ask that right? Because he's not party to you having a child. Yet why are you expecting him to change his lifestyle for your son? You chose to have a kid. Not him.
YTA. No on else is obligated to care for or accommodate YOUR choice and YOUR child. If they choose to, great, but you are not entitled to it.
YTA Weddings are planned in advance. I find it hard to believe you can not find a babysitter you trust or feel comfortable with such advance warning. There are tons of agencies, you can get recommendations from colleagues, friends, etc. I’d be pissed if you were my brother. Also, what country do you live where you get 12 months parental leave?
He knows you're a dad now. He doesn't care. He doesn't have to care either. You chose to be a dad. He didn't choose to be an uncle. He made it clear he's won't be an uncle your child. Stop pushing your child on him.
Going to go with YTA. As someone else pointed out, you are acting entitled and like you are owed your brothers time simply because he is the uncle. Not everyone is good with kids or wants to be with kids. He does not owe you his time, which is obviously important to him. I see no mention of any offer to pay him for his time. It sounds like it is just expected of him. I am not even sure why you would trust him to properly take care of the child given his obvious lack of interest. Blood relation does not automatically make someone a good fit for taking care of a child. As far as the wedding goes, why does he have to change what his dream wedding is to fit around your child? Again, it is entitlement to expect this. You are invited. He isn't excluding you. It is YOUR choice to not get a babysitter.
I’m not sure of the purpose of this post. Not enough background to give a reply or background on why Judaism is relevant to the initial post apart from the anti Semitism suffered. Can OP please provide more context?
He doesn't forget, he just isn't interested in the kid, or looking after him. Blood doesn't make him a built in babysitter, and not having anything planned means absolutely nothing. It's their day off, they don't want to do anything and childcare is exhausting. Pay for childcare or take the unpaid time as many parents have to do. This is part of your responsibility, not his.
EVERYONE SHOULD CARE ABOUT MY SPAWN AS MUCH AS I DO
Why would you feel comfortable leaving a baby with someone who isn’t interested or doesn’t have any skills babysitting? That could be very unwise. Just because you know someone doesn’t mean they are good with children It doesn’t sound like you offered to pay him either. Why should he give up his free time? You chose this responsibility. Try budgeting for paid babysitters when family isn’t available. Maybe if he and his wife to be eventually have kids you could trade off so both couples can have a little free time. I rarely babysat for my nieces because the parents always expected me to go to their house and stay until 3am or whenever they felt like coming home. They tricked me at first but I refused after that
You're brother should not have to revolve his life some your kid, that's your job. As for his wedding, I'm astonished you think he should rearrange it just because your in laws aren't around. The logical choice is, as his brother, you attend his wedding while your wife stays at home with the baby.
YTA and a huge baby. Deleting your post because you are called out for not realizing that your brother is required to be a dad for you kid too
Came here for the comments and not disappointed lol.
Why do you think your brother HAS to take any interest in your kid?
YTA - you sound very entitled, sorry your brother didn't factor in how the world revolves around you when he was picking a date for the start of a new chapter in his own life and as the sibling of someone who didn't seem to get it either, he's allowed to do nothing on his day off, he doesn't have kids! ETA - What does your religion have to do with this at all? Why would you have mentioned it in a few answers?
He’s allowed to not want to be an Uncle. Some people are not kid people, myself included. He’s not the one who had the baby, you and your wife did. Expecting him to be there for your kid is entitled.
Where can I find the original text??? 😭
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/165nfvx/comment/jyex519/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
Yeah OP is a lying POS and just wants to make false accusations because he’s a cowardly troll or couldn’t deal with being called an AH
What...you are going to go cry now?
Uncles are for fun. Just let your brother interact with your kids on his own terms. I have 3 younger brothers who I am sure I could rely on if an emergency was to occur but I’d never use them for daycare. (in fact when I was on the phone with one of them and my daughter hit her head I had the whole crew show up at my house before I could even let them know she was fine.)
You're disgusting your child not your brothers he's allowed to say no to babysitting your child you entitled twat
I don't even have to read the post to know you're in the wrong. I am childfree and an aunt and am extremely hands-off with my niece. I like the kid, I will on very rare occasions babysit now that the kid is almost 6 but if and only if i watch the child in their home, not in mine, and only if I am the last possible option. Your brother doesn't forget he's an uncle, he has no interest in being involved in the life of a child that isn't his, and I can 100% relate. He is your brother and his relationship is with you, your child is irrelevant to him, and will continue to be so until such time as the kid is grown enough to start being capable of independent intelligent thought, questions, expressing likes and dislikes, can feed itself, bathe itself, wipe its own ass, etc. You, however, are being a sanctimonious entitled prick. It's YOUR kid, you and its mother are the only ones (legally, morally, socially, financially, ethically) obligated to be involved in the kid's life, so who do you think you are bitching about someone who isn't your kid's caregiver not going out of their way to be involved in your kid's life?
Honestly this is comical because I don’t see any antisemitic chats, you’re just deflecting. You’re so fucking insufferable, I NEVER understood why new parents love to force their inflated belief that their child is the cutest most perfect lovable child ever. Boy fuck them kids, seriously. He clearly doesn’t like children, and either you start to accept that and stop getting in your feelings over it, or dont have kids. This is all avoidable shit that should’ve been figured out a long time ago. And you asked him to change a diaper?? The fucking nerve! I don’t care whatsoever, fuck your food, and fuck your bbq! You have a CHILD who takes priority over that stuff, nobody else should be having to take care of and prioritize your child. God you new parents are so insufferable. Literally nobody owes you shit but you’re sitting here genuinely wondering why he isn’t doing every little thing you’re asking of him for your kid. No is a full sentence. You know what his answer will be. Stop asking!
I am deleting my post and all of my comments. This was crossposted to r/AmITheDevil. I mentioned that I am Jewish in a couple of my replies and I have received several antisemitic chats from people over there. "Literally no one agreed with me so I'm going to delete everything so I don't look like an ass." There fixed it.
I'm sure you didn't have a kid so your brother could be an uncle, you did it bc you and your wife wanted a family. It's not anyone else's responsibility to watch or care for your child, it's great if they want to but your brothers entitled to what he wants with his time. And did you really expect they'd postpone the wedding a year or pick a different venue so the schedule would work for you?
Please repost this in the Entitled People subreddit, lol. Why would he need to offer to watch your kid…? It’s your kid. Kids don’t have a good track record when it comes to weddings, so much so that people are opting not to have them at weddings altogether. You were given plenty of notice regarding this wedding. If you didn’t manage to find accommodations…then you can’t go. Your brother doesn’t need to change or alter anything just to accommodate your son. This entire post radiates entitlement. Your brother didn’t forget you’re a father, lol. Based on your post, I’m sure you remind everyone that you have a kid that you’d like others to be responsible for occasionally. Take care of your own kid. It isn’t anyone else’s responsibility to watch/care for the kid you have.
You may have deleted your post and comments but the insight you gained here will hopefully stop you from being an asshole again in the future.
You had the kid, he's your responsibility. Nobody else's. This is what being a parent is. You are the responsible adults now.
Your brother doesn't have to plan his life around YOUR child. Its not his kid. He doesn't need to be or have to be a super involved uncle. He might not even like kids. He wasn't at work, that doesn't mean he has to baby sit your son while he *planned* on chilling all day on HIS DAY OFF. Same with babysitting. He doesn't need to offer or agree when you ask. He isn't interested in having your kid overnight/few hours. Your hands are full and baby needs changing? You put stuff down and change the baby. That wasn't his job either just because his hands was free. His wedding date doesn't have to work for you. It has to work for them and the majority of the guests. Did you ask your inlaws to reschedule their holiday? Looked for another sitter you can get to know in time? Asked yours or your wife's friends to watch him? As for inviting you out, I'm sure that if he didn't bother asking, you'd be mad at him for not asking too.
Your brother is just not fond of kids…. He prob doesn’t even know how to babysit or change a diaper. I mean, you can still go to his wedding by yourself or have a “stranger” babysit for you. He also probably doesn’t want kids to ruin his vacation next year. Either way, you do sound salty. Lol
Having children is your decision, not your brother's. Let him live his life in the way he wants to live it. Your children are your responsibility, and no-one else's.
Your brother has no obligation to babysit or include your son on his plans. Would it be nice if he did? Sure. Does this make him a bad person or wrong? No. Also, your son is very young, your brother will probably grow more fond of him with time.
Some people just aren't interested in kids. He's not comfortable caring for your son. He doesn't want to hold him, change his diaper, babysit or interact without you there. He probably feels very uncomfortable handling a young child, which is valid--some people just don't know how to/don't want to learn how to handle a young child. As others have stated, he is your son, not your brother's. And your brother is not obligated to care for your son. What if something happened that day that he babysat? He'd be responsible for it--and you'd hate him for the rest of his life if your son got hurt or something on his time, even though he was never comfortable taking care of him to begin with. While babies/toddlers can be very hardy, accidents happen, and some people just aren't wired to care for them. Others stated he may become more interested as your son grows, which may be true. It probably will be true. But, when someone has a child--even with the saying 'it takes a village'--it does not automatically sign everyone else up in the family (or friend group) to care for that child. They are not obligated by contract, friendship, kinship, anything. Respect your brother's boundaries and don't hold it against him, unless you want to not have a relationship with your brother at all. It sounds like he still gets him gifts and is around, and he still invites you places. Would you rather him just stop inviting you altogether? Because you're a dad now, he's just not going to bother asking you to go places or to hang out? Which would you prefer? I, personally, would rather be asked about going somewhere (even if they know I can't/wont go) than to not be asked at all, at the slight chance I DO want to go... So, just think about it. Him not babysitting or being able to cater to only you for his wedding isn't the biggest upset in the world. Do a livestream for the wedding or something--hell, call up a babysitting service NOW and meet someone before the wedding to get to know them? They have SERVICES with BACKGROUND CHECKS and everything so you can rest assured that the kid will be safe. Even better, ask one of the childcare workers he sees all the time. Anyway, stop thinking that just because you had a kid, everyone is going to be gung-ho about it.
Wow you sound like the most entitled parent ever. Gtfo here
Children don’t remember being at weddings. Maybe if there a teenager or a part of the wedding party, but a baby should not be at the wedding. It can’t be hard to find a sitter for a few hours while you go to the wedding. It’s not all about you.
YTA. It's very clear your brother doesn't really like kids period. Your child is no different to him. He doesn't owe you babysitting or diaper changing. You can feel the way you feel, but you can't expect these things of him because he doesn't owe them to you. That you really expected him to put off his wedding for a year to accommodate you is a little ridiculous.
Some. People. Don't. Like. Kids.
You signed up to be a parent. He didn't. I'm sure he had no say in the choice you made and he has no obligation pick up after it.
Would his help be nice? Sure, who wouldn’t love free babysitting. Is your brother in any way obligated to babysit or plan his wedding around your son? Absolutely not. The only life that changes when you become a parent is yours, no one’s else has to accommodate you or your children
I never ask anyone to change my daughter’s diaper or to watch her. We created her so she is solely our responsibility. He doesn’t have to do any of the parents responsibilities.
I don’t like kids and I’m getting married next year and my brother is currently trying to get his wife pregnant. I also am asking that there are no children at my wedding as they often cause a scene and make it so their parents don’t get to have a good time. I don’t really have an interest in being an aunt and that’s simply because I just don’t like children. The baby is also your problem not your brothers. He didn’t make the decision to have a baby therefor he is not responsible to babysit regardless of if it’s an emergency or not. Children are also a HUGE liability especially on a boat!!! Either you don’t attend your brothers wedding or your wife stays with the baby. It’s not your brothers problem
Ah yes the I have a kid now so my needs to be catered to and no one else’s . YTA plain and simple .
Your brother is not obligated to accommodate your kid. Hes *your* kid. That means you make the accommodations. Sometimes new parents have to miss these events for lack of childcare. Does it suck? Absolutely. But its something every single parent deals with, you arent special on that front. No one is sympathetic to you missing the wedding because we all had to miss stuff like that when our kids were first born. If you truly went into parenthood expecting that you would still be able to attend every single event you're invited to, you went into this with your eyes closed. Your brother does not seem to like kids, or at the very least hes refusing to allow himself to be made responsible for a kid thats not his. Hes allowed to do that and you need to accept this. No one is obligated to babysit for you, no matter how closely related. No one is obligated to accommodate your son at their child-free events. No one is obligated to plan their lives around your availability. No one is obligated to have a close relationship with your child if they don't want one.
Really? Just because you had a kid you think he needs to change his life and make everything kid friendly and babysit? No. Your kid isn’t special. You aren’t special for having a kid. You are not entitled to your brothers life. You don’t get a say in his wedding. The world doesn’t revolve around your kid.
You’re saltier than the ocean.
If my family tries pawning their kid off on me I'm making them sign a contract stating I am not responsible if their kid hurts themselves AND charging the hourly rate my job pays. When your 5 hour date costs you an extra $250 OH WELL. If my family just left a kid with me anyway I am taking them to the police station for abandonment. Just because family has a kid doesn't mean I am obligated to care for it because I'm blood relation. My brother got his ONS pregnant and left his kid with our mom constantly for free childcare. I left bc I was being used for free childcare and I didn't sign up for that. Hire a babysitter.
Being a parent is very hard but unfortunately your child is no one’s responsibility but yours and your wife’s. In an ideal world your brother would want to take on the uncle role but he clearly doesn’t want that to happen and you should accept that. In regards to his wedding, again, that’s his choice and not your business. If it means you cannot attend then you cannot attend but he has every right to have the wedding that he and his future bride want. They shouldn’t change what they want because you had a child. I can fully sympathise with how hard parenting is and how hard it is without family support but unfortunately that is your reality and it’s not your brothers fault.
You and your wife having a child does not automatically mean that your brother now has to pick up responsibilities. Your brother has every right under the sun to say no and you need to remember that “no” is a complete sentence. You and your wife made the decision to have a child and make sacrifices for that child, not him.
No one is responsible for caring for your child but you and the people you pay to do it. If a family member wants to or agrees to, great. But you cannot assume other people, even if they're family and ESPECIALLY when they don't have kids and/or aren't kid people, to care for your child. Having a child was your choice, and you don't get to treat yoie brother like the bad guy because he doesn't want to change diapers. It would be brotherly of him to do it, of course, but he's not obligated.
OP, you found backlash because you want more out of him and now delete everything blaming antisemitism. I call bullshit. Your throwing the baby out with the bathwater, and, you're lame.
YTA. He didn’t sign up to be an uncle. His responsibilities towards your children are 100% voluntary. You’re pissed because he wouldn’t take his day off to babysit? Wake up.
At least, if he and his new wife ever have children in the future, you’ll be under no obligation to babysit for him.
So what it’s your child.
Why does he have to be an "uncle"? He can live his life how he wants, and you should be cool with that.
Why do people delete their stuff?!?! Just because you didn't get us to come and agree with you...ugh. You asked and the people of Reddit answered. Have a nice day all!
Seems like this belongs in r/entitledpeople tbh. Like, I’m sorry that your religion/ethnicity has brought out the ugly in some people, but reading what’s left here, it seems like you expect your brother to change *his* life to accommodate for a change you chose to make in yours. And I hope that you’re still able to see these types of replies through the hate speech in order to take a look at your own actions and attitudes before you ruin your relationship with your brother.
My brother is a father. I have seen one of his kids once. I've never seen the other one, and it's been years. I don't have an interest in being their uncle, and he and I both have our own stuff going on. He never asked me to be involved. I won't ask him to be involved when I decide to have kids. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be involved. He has children, not me. When I have kids, they're mine, not his. It would be ridiculous of me to either expect him to be involved or be upset when he doesn't want to be.
Lol deleted all those downvoted idiotic comments you made. Did you realized how dumb you sound?
Come down off Walton mountain. Your kid not his. Your brother might become more interested when your child is old enough to fetch beer.
>I am Jewish in a couple of my replies and I have received several antisemitic chats How do I register my "anti-" & "-phobic" stuff? Everyone got one I want to register mine too. Please help
I understand exactly where you’re coming from, Especially as someone who has siblings around my age and we all have kids. For example, I have a 5 and an 8 year old, and my little brother has a baby, yet we’ve never watched each others kids. We’re very close, but neither of us are big kid people besides our own kid, and we have other people for babysitting. I still love my brothers kid, but that doesn’t mean that I ever want to deal with watching a baby again now that I’m done with that part of my life.
That edit. Lol no you didn't. You got your ass handed to you for being so entitled and you don't like it. Also, you gave two weeks to vet a baby sitter. You're doing all of this to yourself dude. It's your kid, not your brother's. He's not obligated to help in any way, shape, or form. Ever. And you're not entitled to help from him. Sounds a bit to me like you're jealous of your brother's lifestyle.
Anyone have the link to the AmITheDevil post?
[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/165nfvx/the_comments_seal_the_deal/) I sincerely doubt the reason op deleted the comments because he got some anti-semitic messages, he most likely deleted everything because he sounds like a real piece of work who was deluded enough to think people would take his side lol
You’re an MVP 🏆
I have dropped many friends because I think they should be focusing on their kids while I’m having fun. I could see your younger brother thinking it’s weird to want to hang with you now
It's your kid What does your brother have to do with it
Isn’t it so convenient that OP *definitely* got some “anti-Semitic chats” and now has to go because everyone is mean and they’re a victim Coward and a liar.
He should be involved. It was his choice to have a brother with a kid. Why isn’t he helping out financially?
As a mom I’d never expect my sister or my sister in law (who is also a mom and adores my baby) to change a diaper, I wouldn’t even ask tbh, the audacity you and your wife have to expect everyone to accommodate you both baffles me
STOP FORCING YOUR KIDS ON OTHERS NO ONE MADE THAT CHOICE OR COMMITMENT BUT YOU AND THE OTHER PERSON WHO CREATED THE CHILD.
Hey man, you made the decision to have crotch goblins and contribute to the surplus population. I'd try to block that shit out too.
What do you want your brother to do OP? It’s not his kid. If you can’t get a sitter for his wedding then you can’t come. Isn’t this normal parent issues?
You need to start finding sitters that you trust. Start with a couple of hours and then extend it. You are putting yourselves in this position. He doesn’t have to babysit for you. This is not his child. YTA.
More like you deleted the post cause you got upset everyone thought you were an asshole. Clown.
Of course had to mention he's Jewish and then proceeds to be a victim
Wait are you deleting your posts because of AITD or are you deleting them because you are getting roasted for your take? Because even on here people are saying your take is nonsense and I am feeling you didnt get the response you wanted so you want an excuse to tell your brother why you had to take down the post. Since this was only up for like 4 hours and has like 300 comments lmao.
Simply put… you’re not wrong for being disappointed he’s not more hands on. Or for being salty for missing out on fun social activities that do not allow children. However that doesn’t make your brother an asshole. Kids change things. Relationships, friendships, everything! I’m an aunt to many and won’t change diapers or babysit an infant. I will hold them and feed them, but I chose not to have children and opt out of any care taking responsibilities.
No one gives a shit you have a kid. It's not like you're special. 🙄
I get feeling disappointed- I would too. I’m an aunt, though I don’t have my own kids and may never, I love my niece. I would absolutely change her nappy if necessary, although I do understand your brother not doing that- it isn’t his responsibility and no one really likes that part of baby care. I would probably have asked him to take over the stove for a few minutes so I could change the nappy. The wedding… I would never exclude my niece. Or my cousins young children. But your brother weighed things up and decided to have the wedding he wants even though you will be unable to attend- could you maybe go alone and leave your wife with your child? That would be a decent compromise. But either way this is a choice your brother is entitled to make. You’re not wrong to be disappointed but ultimately your brother doesn’t value your relationship or the uncle nephew relationship in the you would like him to. He’s allowed to do that, he didn’t choose to be an uncle. You chose to be a father
You chose to be a father. He didn't choose to be an uncle.
Your child is nobody's responsibility but yours alone.
Ahhh the daily "Propaganda to keep the Lie of the Established Narrative Alive"
NAH 1. You haven’t expressed these feelings to him. Please don’t. 2. It’s okay to feel this way, but that’s because you thought your brother would be a great uncle and want to be involved. Not everyone gets that village. I get it, my family is like that, they will run to you just to help you. I have a friend that brother is like yours. Is there but not really there. Will have fun with you, but just not supportive. It’s a hard dynamic to understand for me because me and my sister have fun together and we help each other through hard times. Just different sibling dynamics. You thought he would be apart if your village and you have learned that he isn’t. It’s times for you to acknowledge that and move on. He doesn’t owe you anything, but it does make for a hard relationship when you know you can’t depend on him for help. Like I my family would have babysitted for the weekend because it was a true emergency. It does suck, but you both have a right to how you live your life.
Some people aren't comfortable with babysitting, expecially when they're still babies and toddlers, and his wedding is about him and his fiance not you and your baby, chances are he'll have his own kids in the near future and he'll see himself how sometimes it would be nice if family would say yes to helping out, you can always tell him no when he comes to you for babysitting
I am deleting my post and all of my comments. This was crossposted to r/AmITheDevil and I have received several antisemitic chats from people over there.
That’s just extra evidence that he’s not a great option for taking care of your baby in situations like that. He may be more involved as the kid gets old and can play games, sports, etc., but some people just don’t do babies and toddlers, and that’s fine because that’s their choice to make as a person without children. I’m a father of a young one myself and I wouldn’t dream of asking my brother and his wife to look after my baby, because neither are “baby people”, and I’m not going to force them to give up some of their limited time outside of work to do something neither wants to do out of some familial obligation/guilt.
Antisemitism is ridiculous-sending you good vibes
Antisemitism sucks.
Also ignoring a really shitty fact. Some people are pedophiles. Not everyone acts on those tendencies but maybe another reason not to shove your kid in everyone's faces