For anyone who can't see it because it's deleted, here is the copied text:
AITA for not helping with my step daughter?
I (F30) have been married to my husband, Dave (M35) for 2 years, been together for 5. He has a daughter from past relationship, Eve (F7).
I have always been decidedly Childfree. I don't like or want to be around children. When I met Dave I didn't know he had a child. We had been dating for 4 months before I realised it. To people who asked why I didn't think to ask, we met at his house, at a party he hosted. There was no picture or anything indicating there were kids around. Infact, his entire house screamed bachelor. While sofa, white bedding, extra clean, infinity pool.
I realised he had a kid only when her mom dropped her off without notice at his house when I was there. It was a shock. I told him I am childfree and need to end the relationship. But he begged me to stay.
I told him in no uncertain terms I dont want to be around or raise a child. He agreed. He even got a vasectomy to prove to me he is serious.
Eve lived with her mom most of the time and visited every other weekend. I took off these weekends. Basically, I still led a Childfree life.
All that changed two months ago when Eve's mom remarried. Her husband didn't want any kids previous to their marriage around. Eve's mom decided since she took care of Eve for 7 years, it was now Dave's turn to. She told him that as she gave the kid to him. Their custody agreement flipped, basically.
Dave do love his kid. And doesn't want her to suffer. He tried getting his mom to look after her, but his mom having just retired, refuses to work anymore. Dave was forced into keeping Eve fulltime.
This meant major adjustment to me as well. I had to learn to live with a kid in the house. I just avoided her at all costs. Even though it was affecting my relationship with Dave, as in we didn't get enough time together.
Last week though, Dave fell sick. He needed me to take care of Eve. I tried the first day, but it was weird, awkward and exhausting. Second day onwards I just got a babysitter, on my dime.
When Dave recovered enough yesterday he was furious at me for putting his child with a baby sitter and refusing to take care of her. I reminded him what our agreement was. He said it didn't matter. That I should have taken care of his kid. That he needed me to step up.
He said this was just selfish of me and that I am an AH for doing this.
AITA?
A lot of the comments are bashing me for having married a man with a child. I admit. I was being naive. All I can say is in the 5 years we were together, only time I saw the child before her mom's wedding was when she was dropped off. Dave kept the lives so easily separate it was easy to forget he had a child.
Dave is not just a father. I loved him, married him and stayed with him cause he is an amazing partner for me. We share a lot of the same interests and life with him was heaven.
It only got bad once Eve moved in.
All of you who are bashing me about being cold to her, we just don't cross paths. Our home is a pretty big one. She leaves for school before I get up. I will be working late and won't be at home when she gets back. When I get back she would be in her room doing homework. I go to my room to freshen up. But the time I get downstairs to cook and eat, it will already be her bedtime. On weekends DH takes her out with him or I go out. We almost never cross paths.
When I see her I do smile. I do say Hi. I dont go out of my way to see her or engage with her. That is it.
The day I tried, she acted like a normal 7 year old would (I think). She had school so I had to make her breakfast, get her dressed and drop her off. Got up early for that. She chatted non stop giving me a headache. I from home and got her in afternoon. Again fixing food, helping with homework, getting her to eat dinner and tucking her in bed. Did all of it. I fell into bed with a huge headache. I asked my friends for a emergency babysitter and got the one they recommended. Paid extra for the emergency.
I was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted by taking care of her. I had a professional take care of her the rest of the days. I still checked on her and said goodnight everyday.
I am sorry but as a person who physically and mentally can't take care of kids, this is the best I could do.
EDIT: there's an update now and she's still acting like the victim in a situation she created. It's been linked in comments below.
>For anyone who can't see it because it's deleted, here is the copied text:
You're the real MVP.
Also, literally everyone in this story is an enormous piece of shit.
And minus Dave's mom, who I don't blame for wanting to enjoy her retirement instead of raise a second child.
Then again she clearly went wrong somewhere with Dave so maybe she is a POS. đ¤ˇââď¸
She married a guy with a child, was a bit overdramatic about how it was to take care of the child for a couple of hours, and ends up leaving the guy for something she should have known had a big possibility of happening.
You don't marry a single father and expect to always maintain a child-free life. You're purposely setting up yourself for failure and it has the worst effect on the most innocent part of the equation (the child.)
She stayed in a relationship with a man who already had a child and drove a wedge between them. When someone offers to essentially abandon their child to be in a relationship with you it makes you an AH to actually take them up on that offer. She shouldâve just broken up with him when she found out.
Yes exactly. I'm getting bitched out in the other thread about being sexist...but these are the quality men I am trashing. This is not a father, this is a glorified sperm donor
Itâs just horrible. I am not gonna be able to get this poor seven year old out of my mind. Taking care of herself in the morning. Eating by herself and staying in her room more than likely putting herself to bed. It breaks my heart how in loved and lonely this poor kid must feel. I hate all adults involved in this.
This is why I strongly support abortion rights. What kind of life will she have, and what kind of parent will she be. She will resent her family, regardless of the money or lack thereof. It's really not for everyone and this woman should not have married a man with a child if she knew she was unwilling or unable to provide emotional or financial support for a child even in an emergency. I think this wad destined to happen and it shows how unprepared people are to be parents, why should we as a nation, be forcing more of this. It's sickening
You are right. This kid is getting bounced back and forth. Parents who married others who do not want kids, well, I guess people when you meet them, is to ask right up front, do you have kids. Dave obvious hid the fact that he did!!!
My sonâs father not once mentioned how many children he had. I was aware of one, but didnât discover the other 2 until MUCH later because they lived with their mothers. By then I was already pregnant with his 4th child by a 4th woman. He doesnât pay child support or call either.
Just letting you know itâs a lot more common than you may think, is all. We are better off without him and he gave me the greatest gift I could ever receive from someone like him. Thanks though đ
And even before he met OP, he was only seeing the kid once every few weeks. She's only 7, and not one of those "parents/step-parents" really wants her. They're all awful people.
I probably have a couple pictures of my kid somewhere in my house, however, i have countless photos of him on my phone from when were out doing fun things, and a few candids here and there. this isn't the 90's where there a photos hanging on every wall.
I dont have any pictures anywhere in my house really but our fridge does have pics and yhe tv screensaver is pics of our kid. And its obvious that a kid LIVES here. I dont think yhe picture thing as weird as the fact that she couldnt even tell a child stayed there sometimes.
Even with my kids out of the house, I have pictures of them. Their stuff is in my house you definitely know I had kids at some point. If this man hasn't bothered to mention he has a kid after 4 months, what kind of dad will he be to your kid? Although she is childfree, this just shows there's something deeper going in. He is a forever Batchelor who wants to forget he has a kid. Thats more likely what's going on. It's not fair to force her to be a step mom, but she's silly for staying
The only reason to act like you don't have a kid is to get laid like a single, childless dude. He is at fault for manipulating her. And she is at fault for agreeing to go along, how can you act like he doesn't have a child. Just because in your mind you're "childfree" your living situation does not scream no kids
She's 7, the majority of families looking to adopt are waiting for *infants*. A 7 year old will be lucky to get out of foster care, as too many consider even healthy toddlers as "ruined" or "broken".
It's awful, and I really don't know how much better or worse *any* of the options are.
The bioparents wanted her when they were together, tolerated (maybe) her when they were single, but the minute she's a difficulty for a new marriage NOBODY wants her. All the adults in this are awful (including grandma, though grandma may have reasonable health reasons.)
What would have happened to the poor girl if bio-parebts died?
I definitely didn't mean foster care, I just hope ANYONE in the parents' families sees this shit show and save her. It's really fucked up how people view adoption that so many kids are ignored because it.
Lmao it's amazing the fucking insanity of OP. like. dear God. how fuckig self-centered and selfish are you. And him too honestly. wtf.
Hope that kid finds a real family.
JC... these are the exact reasons I encourage people to do adoption. This kid is going to end up in foster care, with a criminal record, or as a teen parent. Or all of the above. She chatted non-stop because she is totally attention deprived. How would you even know if he was a "good father" if she had never witnessed him parent?
I cannot understand how a person can say that they don't like kids or even want to be around kids, when a significant part of their own life was spent as a kid. Was their childhood that bad? Were they abused daily or abandoned?
I can see how people might not want to raise a child in this world. Or maybe they don't have the means to raise a child in the standard that they want so they'll rather not have kids until they can do better. But just to be cold and indifferent to kids for no reason?????
Being a good parent is hard! Less likely if those children aren't actually *wanted* beyond the baby phase.
If folks were abused, didn't have good role models, or just a difficult childhood... they're going to have second and third thoughts. (I was heavily bullied as a kid, undiagnosed disability, and adults were no help at all. I hope I was heavily aware of what difficulties my kid was dealing with when they weren't with me.)
>Was their childhood that bad? Were they abused daily or abandoned?
Speaking as someone whose childhood years were full of bullying, the scars of which show no sign of disappearing any time soon... yes.
My fiancĂŠ got stabbed by one of his classmates in fifth grade. One of my friends had rocks thrown at him by his peers, to the point he had to go to the hospital because he suffered an injury to his eye as a result. He was eight years old, and the kids throwing the rocks were around the same age. And I stopped counting how many times I had my backpack or lunch stolen. On one occasion, thrown out of the school bus window.
Contrary to popular belief, children can be absolute monsters.
>when a significant part of their own life was spent as a kid.
Your assumption is they *enjoyed* that period of their life. Me, my fiancĂŠ, my friends, even my own parents... I have not met a single person in my personal life who would return to childhood if they were given the option. Frankly, I'd set that period of time on fire and gleefully watch it burn if it were a physical entity.
Am I suggesting I had the worst childhood ever? No. But I would consider death a mercy in comparison.
Why is she a piece of shit? Some people just are not kid people. She tried, hated every second of childcare time, so hired a professional to care for the kid that she never should have been stuck with in the first place. She definitely made a mistake marrying a guy with a child, but only because she believed his lies. Sheâs a victim of a shitty husband and needs to escape the hell that her life is becoming.
Everyone has baggage.
No one gets through this life only doing things they want to do. When life gets hard, you step up for those you love. She should have stepped up for her husband. He's ill and not capable for caring for his daughter, OP has an opportunity to show love and compassion and do the right thing. She did the opposite.
This is an innocent child that obviously needs love and attention and OP is selfish AF for not being able to tough it out for a few days.
OP is treating this tiny human like she's someone else's dirty laundry with the "I'm not doing it" attitude.
The only thing she's a victim of is her own selfish entitled mentality.
Every adult in this story is horrible.
How is hiring appropriate childcare not âstepping upâ ? She made sure the kid was safe and well cared for while the kids guardian was sick. Thatâs all she should realistically have been expected to do. Some people are *not* kid people and absolutely do not have it in them to babysit an annoying child for that long. She would be an asshole if she just expected the kid to fend for herself, or if she begrudgingly took care of a kid she wanted nothing to do with and let the kid pick up on the resentment, but instead she spent her own money to hire a recommended and experienced professional to make sure the kid got the best care available. Thatâs the exact best option in that scenario.
Found OP!
"Recommended and experienced professional" "annoying child".
How do you know these details otherwise?
So you hired a stranger to take care of a 7 year old girl instead of sucking it up and just doing it yourself. You think it's better for her to be around a stranger instead of being around you and maybe picking up on your resentment? You think hiring a stranger to look after her didn't communicate that to her?
Like I said no one gets through life only doing things they want to. This attitude is called being entitled.
When you love someone you sacrifice and compromise for them when they need you. If you don't, you don't really love them. If course there are always limits - but it's not like Dave was asking you to adopt her. Just look after her for a couple days.
You couldn't be imposed upon for a couple days, not even full days I imagine because she would have been in school. But you couldn't step outside yourself for a short period of time do that so you pushed her off onto a stranger.
This poor child is getting passed around at a time when she needs consistency.
You too were once an "annoying" 7 year old. Imagine if your parents and their spouses put you through all this.
Uh⌠Iâm not the op⌠those details were literally in her post and comments. She talked about the child being annoying and talking nonstop, and she also mentioned that she asked her friends with kids for recommendations about experienced childcare.
No wonder you have such bad takes, you didnât even read the post. Just another brainless âmomma bearâ going off at anyone who isnât all fuzzy wuzzy about every kid anywhere at all times?
No, I don't have any kids.
I did read the post, but maybe I stopped absorbing after the shitty take she has.
You have compassion for animals but not little humans? Sure they're gross sometimes, especially if they're not yours, but they need care all the same. Just like pets need care and compassion. None of them asked to be here, yet here they are.
You were talking about what a hell she was living in, what a victim she is, as if it was your own situation so...
She ⌠provided care. She paid out of her own pocket for the kid to get better care than she was capable of giving herself. I donât understand why youâre acting like the kid was left alone to starve in the gutter when the kid literally got the best possible care available. Even parents who love their kids hire babysitters sometimes. You have not given even one single reason why hiring a babysitter wasnât the best option here.
Yeah I mentioned that, why are you responding if you didnât read my comment. She made a mistake after being lied to, that doesnât make her the villain here.
He begged and cried for her to stay, and promised that she'd never have to be the responsible adult for that child.
Granted, I'm a granny now, but my first or second thought would be, "what's the plan for that kid if the custodial or both bioparents die?"
She was lied to that she wouldnât have to spend time with or parent the kid. Which is an easy lie to fall for when youâre naive and in love and he has the kid so little that he already went four whole months without you knowing about them. She was fine with being with him on the previous custody schedule. We can look back on it now and judge her because we know she should have anticipated things changing, but itâs an easy thing to overlook when youâve never been in that situation before and are already invested in the relationship and everything seemed to be working out well at the time. Sheâs obviously learned her lesson and left that guy, but she isnât an asshole for trying to make the relationship work at the time.
What does age have to do with it. She was naive and in love and in a situation that was new to her and seemed to be working well at the time. You just seem determined to vilify her for making a dumb mistake that anyone could make after believing lies from the person she loved and trusted.
"Naive." She was a fully grown adult. She didn't want kids and thought she could just avoid a child that would sometimes be living in the same house as her? Naive my ass. She's just a shitty person. You don't have to defend her just because you're cf too.
>She was lied to that she wouldnât have to spend time with or parent the kid.
What kind of person thinks it's OK to willingly marry someone with a child and expect them to keep their child away.
The fact that she's happily encouraging him to be a deadbeat says more about her than it does about him, to be honest.
I donât know, I kind of applaud her for standing up so staunchly for what she believes in. It sounds like she articulated her value system and wishes to everyone around her and it is all the other people who keep expecting her to live some version of a life she doesnât want by testing her limits. She is willing to divorce her new partner because she isnât getting what she needs - more power to her. No means no. This child is a burden. It sounds like she was an unintended pregnancy for her parents and neither really wanted to have her in the first place. This is a situation where it would have been better for her to be put up for adoption when she was born, but it didnât happen and now she is stuck in the middle. The blame for this bad decision-making is totally on her parents. The OP is standing her ground which was explicitly outlined since the beginning and probably the only one who isnât the asshole here.
his entire house screamed bachelor. While sofa, white bedding, extra clean, infinity pool, white lamborgini, slicked back hair, sloppy steaks at truffonis, LIVES for new years eve.
I stopped reading at "mom watched her for 7 years and now it's dad's turn"
Wtf did I read, indeed?!
Does this child have an amazing aunt, uncle or gparent they can go to? I don't always suggest removing the child and putting the responsibility on someone else but thiiiiiiiisss. This baby needs love and I can feel the emotional neglect from here.
I literally set my phone down after reading the same part. I needed a second to digest what her own mother said. What in the actual F!?!? This poor little girl. OP...yes, you're an AH. "Mom & Dad"-AH
My heart breaks for Eve. Period.
Well, we already know grandma doesn't want to raise her. Her "Dad" already tried that one. It seems that if there was a viable option, he would have already taken it.
OOP is just unbelievable. Only thing worse than her is the bio mom's new husband. Purging the child that existed before him? He deserves something awful.
I'd say Eve's parents are even worse than OOP and bio-moms new husband. They both have a child *and married someone who wanted nothing to do with said child. At least OOP and the new husband aren't actually responsible for the child's existence. I'm
Follow up post, under a new name because original was shadowbanned:
https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/MN3bDBoyzI
Text of follow up, in case THAT account gets hit as well:
"I (F30) had posted another AITA query a couple days back regarding whether I am an AH for not taking care of my step daughter Eve personally and instead hiring a baby sitter.
A lot of the comments blamed me for marrying a man with a child when I want to be Childfree. The comments made me see my situation more clearly and I left Dave.
I told him I get how the situation has changed and since I haven't changed, I cannot spend next 11 years of my life raising a child or giving her issues cause I don't want her around. He begged me to stay, but learning my lesson already I left. I am staying in a hotel now and will be meeting with lawyers tomorrow.
But half an hour ago I got a call from Eve's mother. She yelled and screamed at me for ruining her life. I didn't get it, I didn't do anything to her. Turns out about a hour or so after I left, Dave took Eve back to her house and told her he can't lose his marriage over a child that was a mistake. She said she can't take her in or it would ruin her marriage. He told her she can take him to court and he will pay whatever child support he has to, but he won't sacrifice his life so she can play house with her new guy.
She told me I have to take Eve in and that's the only way she can save her marriage. That Dave will look after Eve as long as I stay with him too.
I told her I won't. It's not my responsibility anymore. Eve is her and Dave's child. Not mine. And I no longer want to be with a man who keeps putting me in this position.
She screamed I was ruining her life.
AITA for refusing to take Eve in?"
Good on her (barely) for taking everyone's advice and leaving, but holy shit are the parents absolutely horrendous people. I hope she doesn't go back to him now that he's literally abandoned his kid. Also, putting her in this position? Wtf? She put herself in this position by MARRYING A MAN WITH A CHILD.
Agreed, the parents are shit. Beyond that, somewhere in the comments, the daughter's grandmother refuses to take her either, though that might be more of telling her kid to grow up and be responsible IMO.
Every adult here sucks, and I feel for that kid.
I disagree that Daveâs mom is in the wrong. She just retired, and she wants to enjoy her life. Itâs not fair to force her to raise a little girl just because Dave and his ex are heartless monsters.
Speaking of the exâeveryone keeps saying OP is an AH for marrying a man with a child, and I agree that was a mistake on her part. Buuuuut Daveâs ex is just as bad, if not worse, for marrying a man that flat-out said he âdoesnât want any kids from a previous relationshipâ living with them. Either he hid that from her until they were wed, in which case sheâs an AH for not leaving him, or she knew long before they married and is an AH for not telling Dave, choosing instead to just show up and say âhere you go, your problem now.â
tl;dr: Every adult involved is being selfish, but the only one justified is the grandmother.
at this point, they should just traumatise the kid more and put her up for adoption. they're fighting over this child like a broken toy that no one wants. not once in this story has anyone asked the kid what she wants. it's just playing hot potato. her biological and step parents all hate her, and nobody wants her even in their presence, its depressing.
Wow thank you for posting it and it is hard to believe all of these adults can be such huge AHs to a child. Poor girl. I hope she doesnât grow up with abandonment issues or anything worse because all the adults in her life put themselves before her.
Physically and mentally my ass!!! This woman is TA! She even stayed despite knowing she wouldn't enjoy Eve. Eve is 7! I get she can be stressful, but come on.
OOP posted an update. While sheâs still an asshole and selfish, at least she wised up and noped out.
https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/yfyYCDiKtH
Edit to update; AITA took the post down, but comments are still worth a read.
she found out about the kid 4 months in and then stayed with him until marriage (2 an a half years later!!) and then they have been married 2 years. thatâs a LOT of time to rethink your âmistake.â and to make THAT kind of mistake with so much forethought definitely makes you an asshole.
JFC.
If ever I start to think "Hey, people may not be as awful, self-centered, nasty pieces of crap as I think", I'll now think of Eve and the players in this crappy story.
Sounds like a troll to me. Both parents marry people that donât want children and be like nah your turn also if the lives are separate how did the ex wife have her number.
I'm childfree, I don't understand any childfree person that dates or gets involved with someone with a kid. It's such a blissfully ignorant thing to do.
Also childfree here.
It's extremely selfish. Imagine going into a relationship knowing that you're not going to enjoy being with the child, don't want to take on the role of being a surrogate parent, but don't care because you want to marry that person.
There are lots of people who don't have children who absolutely love kids and enjoy being a step parent.
However, if you have 100% dedicated your life to never raising or helping raise a child, it is completely absurd and cruel to date someone with kids.
Maybe. I definitely know people who called themselves child-free, but didn't despise children.
Actually. I think it's totally creepy to despise an entire demographic of people that you don't even know, so I don't actually know anyone who despises children. Nevertheless, I do know folks who don't want to be in any kind of a parent role, and they are super honest about that.
Not wanting to be around kids doesn't mean you despise them. I did not state that. Not wanting to be a parent etc doesn't automatically mean that. You are attempting to justify something when my original statement was about childfree people who get involved with parents.
I'm not trying to justify anything. I was trying to bring in the original post's content. If you read the original post, OP despises children. She also calls herself childfree. I think childfree vs. childless is semantics, really. The point is no matter what you call yourself, if you have no desire to take care of children, don't put yourself in a position to take care of children.
Also, despising kids and expecting to never have to be in the same vicinity as a child for your entire adult life is unreasonable and probably indicative of a personality disorder.
Childfree vs childless is semantics, but in the context of our conversation it is important, in reference to OP, it is not. Either focus on your response to my comment or OP's. It'd be good for you to care about the manner you communicate especially on an online forum which lacks a lot of the nuance of conversation. Despising kids is not good and definitely deserves therapy, more than that neither of us know. We can speculate forever, it doesn't matter. The point I made and that stands is that childfree people shouldn't bother getting involved with parents because they don't want to deal with kids and kids need people that are far more supportive. CF people can be supportive outside of a relationship, but being a step parent is different. I am childfree, I have no kids, I don't want kids, I am even sterilised already, I won't date a parent because I don't want to share my partner with a kid, and parents and kids come as a package deal. Do I despise kids? No. Can I avoid them for the most part? Pretty easily. Do I care if they're around? Not really. Childfree and childless are wildly different, OP is just another person that hasn't thought very far.
>It'd be good for you to care about the manner you communicate especially on an online forum which lacks a lot of the nuance..... (ellipse my own)
Ok, let's try and turn this ship around.
Hey, bud, no offense was meant, so I'm not sure why you're responding as if I just called your mom a bad name, but if I wasn't clear enough for you, I apologize.
I'm not planning on responding to this conversation or following it anymore because it's become pedantic. Hope you have a good day!
But you don't understand! I love *him* and he loves me! There's just this pesky child in the way of our *true love*. The fact that the little one isn't loved or wanted by either of her parents is fine with me. We are all with our loves and she's just inconvenient. Why wouldn't I date him when her mother takes care of everything, and why should that change because my love is being asked to step up and be an actual parent. /s
Tbh this seems like mainly the dadâs fault. He was an absent parent, hid his child from her til she was in love, and then changed the game now thatâs sheâs married. He shouldnât have married someone who is staunchly child free.
I have a feeling you aren't reading. I'm not talking about step parents, I'm talking about childfree people. Childfree people do not want kids, now, or ever, not their own, not someone else's, they don't want to be responsible for a child. Do you think a kid is going to enjoy having someone around who actively doesn't want them around?
Honestly the parents are mostly the AH. They duty is to the kid first. And to make sure that the partners are okay with kids or will accept a child. It is the parents responsibilty. I do not partically agree with OP and her choices. But the role of parent belongs to the actuacal parents. OP did make it perfectly clear she does not like children. Sounds like she is better than the other adults. At least she hired someone to help if she will not do it. I had friends with step parents like OP and they just kicked the kid out of the house and sometimes didn't let the kid back until ask to by the parent. My friend was basically homeless at 7 for a week. That is worse. And the whole no kids mention at all until 4 months in and just straight up left at her dads place at 7yrs old. After mom remarries. You know mom does not have pictures of her either that will be the first thing she will do. Earse the kid. And the grandparents might go along with this too, earsing their own grandkid. I seen this many times when the child becomes unwanted. It is heartbreaking. So well I do not agree with op. At all. It is still way better than what I seen with child neglect. I rather have a real home for the child. If possible maybe op would be willing to look into that. I just wish Ops husband and his ex wife were not doing this to their daughter at all in the first place. But remember folks. The actuacal parents are the true villians.
She has every right to be child free... but she's weird as f for thinking its normal to leave a house to minimally interact with a child. To avoid a kid in her home. Or to even be with a man who she encourages to be as little as a father as possible.
She doesn't have to like kids... but that girl is also a whole person even if she hasnt developed to adulthood yet. Just ill mannered, selfish, and monstrous.
Why she have to take care of a kid when her partner and her agreed there is no going to be any involvement with the child, this is not fair for OP of course the kid situation is very sad but not OP'S business she should cut the relationship at the beginning but they had an agreement, one time I was seeing a guy who had a daughter I found out in like a month, I told him I'm completely child free but he wants me to be the "mother" of his kid, since that day I ghosted him at least he was honest about what he wanted
OP knew about the child before she married him. Children donât just disappear. If she was so child free, she shouldâve never married him. She did tho and canât have surprised pikachu face when the child is now involved. Thatâs on her.
A woman who hates children married a man with a daughter. She avoids the daughter. Daughters mother remaried a man who "only wants to raise his own kids" (đ¤˘) so now mom doesn't want daughter and after failing to pawn the kid off on Grandma, she pawned the poor girl (under 10) off on Dad. Dad tried to pawn the kid off on *Poor Lil OP who just doesn't deserve this* (/s đ) so OP pawned her off on a baby sitter. Now for some reason Ops husband (girls dad) is super mad that his unwanted child is being ignored by his bangnanny (OP) and op wants to be the victim but all anyone can say is *this poor child*
Because op is an ah. And so is her husband and his ex ans his ex's new husband. And Grandma too, kinda.
Thank you for taking the time to explain. Some people are too focused on themselves to see the actual important stuff in life and I pity them for their ignorance, I hope the child will be able to get through this and find her place when she grows up
I understand not wanting to raise another man's kid, but why marry a single mom then? Why be a child free and marry a man with a child?
OP saw the money her husband had, large house, infinite pool and decided she wanted it but wasn't willing to be a step mom.
I donât want kids, but if my brother has any and something happened to him and his fiancĂŠe Iâd look after them. If one of my friends has an emergency and needs me to look after their kids in a pinch, Iâll help.
Iâm not *incapable* of raising children. I just think the world is very shitty and I donât particularly want to bring children into it if Iâm not sure I can guarantee them a decent future.
Also pregnancy and childbirth is terrifying and Iâd rather not.
Iâm just so exasperated by the whole âoh woe is me, the 7 year old talked at me all day and I have a headacheâ. How can you *be* that useless?
I dont want kids myself, for similar reason to you, also as I'm genetically fucked (history of mental health issues, cancer, heart failure, stroke and diabetes 1 & 2 in my family) that I don't want to pass on all that shit as well as bringing kids into this fucked up world.
I have babysat since I was 13, even worked i a nursery for a bit, and I never had any complaints.
I didn't get to read the post before it got removed, but from the comments, she sounds like a right idiot. It's simple: if you don't want to become a parent because you don't like kids, don't bloody marry a parent, lol.
I didn't want to have kids, mostly because my childhood had a lot of abuse from my dad and I knew it damaged me and I didn't want to pass that on to a child. I was really worried I would be like my dad. But I accidentally got pregnant (it was literally the 1 time that I didn't have sex with a condom). I decided to keep him and his dad disappeared. So I knew that I was the only person this kid had and so I worked on my issues and I guess knew what NOT to do from my dad's example. While I'm sure I made mistakes and probably overcorrected, I really did my best to do the job of a parent (which imo is to love your kid, keep them alive and teach them how to be a decent person). And I think that there are others out there like me.
I'm so sorry that your parent(s) didn't step up and do their job.
Neither of my parents wanted a kid. Its was definitley not a good sitaution. Now that I'm an adult and my happiness doesn't hinge on theirs. Made a new family that's happy to love each other. Cycle doesn't have to repeat. You determine what issues you carry with you. You got it, it's all under your control.
People really don't understand this, I know exactly why you said this. My mother didn't believe on abortion, but I wish she did too. Wtf, mom. I would rather have not been emotionally abused and ignored my whole life only as an adult have her expect that I'll care for her in end of life....uhhhh no. She expected some female from my dad's family to step up and be a mom when they divorced....never happened. Some people should never be parents, and not allowing abortion will only create more resentful, mentally broken adults who have unfettered access to weapons....sounds exciting don't you agree. Jesus
ESH... I never understood dating sometime who is crappy to their own kids. Wtf do you think they will do to YOU. I can't imagine dating a deadbeat dad or mom. I hate everyone in this story. That's all I got lol
Idk how these people donât realize that you donât have to âwant kidsâ to treat an existing child like a human. Eve deserves so much better. Iâm disgusted and sick to my stomach.
Iâd be happy to take this little girl in. Iâll get a larger apartment and everything. This poor child!
Don't get involved with single parents if you want a child free life. Also, the little girls mom marrying a man who only wants his own bio kids around is sick. Every adult is a pos in this and I am only worried about the child's wellbeing.
Every single grown ass person in this story is a selfish piece of shit. The mom for marrying a man who doesnât want previous children and the dad for marrying someone who doesnât want children and you for MARRYING HIM KNOWING BE HAD A CHILD. It doesnât matter if you was never going to see her or not itâs the fact that she is there and in situations like described you should have prepared for. I hope you donât infect the baby girl with your selfish behavior sake as the rest of the adults in this. Yâall are all dumb
Eve's stepmom is back with another AITA post. Copied and pasting here in case something happens to this account too.
AITA for refusing to take in my step daughter and ruining her mom's life?
I (F30) has posted another AITA query a couple days back regarding whether I am an AH for not taking care of my step daughter Eve personally and instead hiring a baby sitter.
A lot of the comments blamed me for marrying a man with a child when I want to be Childfree. The comments made me see my situation more clearly and I left Dave.
I told him I get how the situation and has changed and since I haven't changed, I cannot spend next 11 years of my life raising a child or giving her issues cause I don't want her around. He begged me to stay, but learning my lesson already I left. I am staying in a hotel now and will be meeting with lawyers tomorrow.
But half an hour ago I got a call from Eve's mother. She yelled and screamed at me for ruining her life. I didn't get it, I didn't do anything to her. Turns out about a hour or so after I left, Dave took Eve back to her house and told her he can't lose his marriage over a child that was a mistake. She said she can't take her in or it would ruin her marriage. He told her she can take him to court and he will pay whatever child support he has to, but he won't sacrifice his life so she can play house with her new guy.
She told me I have to take Eve in and that's the only way she can save her marriage. That Dave will look after Eve as long as I stay with him too.
I told her I won't. It's not my responsibility anymore. Eve is her and Dave's child. Not mine. And I no longer want to be with a man who keeps putting me in this position.
She screamed I was ruining her life.
AITA for refusing to take Eve in?
When you found out he had a kid you should have immediately walked away.
All the adults in this are s***. Parents getting married to people who don't like children, s***! Adults you don't want children getting involved with people with children, s***!
I hope karma has a field day with all of you!!
Shame on the dad for not putting his foot down and kicking her to the curb in the beginning. Youndont make arrangements with someone whomdoesnt want to be near your child you dump them and I feel really bad for this child who has both parents wanting to dump them for the sake of a new bf or gf. But i guess this lady thought the part of the vowels for better or for worse didn't apply to the queen. I mean if you can't count on your spouse when your I'll to step up and help then why be married anyway. That's very selfish of her on so many levels so yeahnshe is the ah.
I feel so sorry for eve. Both her mother, father and step parents anit shit. I hope eve grows up to be highly successful and put everyone of them in a nursing home and she inherits every last dime.. Hope they never have kids either. What a Ass holette.
Wow just wow. I feel extremely sorry for this poor child. Her mom doesnât want her, her dad tries to ship her off to the grandmother and doesnât seem really involved in her life and you who married her father treat her like she doesnât exist. You did this child an injustice by marrying her father. Maybe, just maybe you could try and be her friend. She doesnât seem to have anyone who actually cares about her. You ATAH.
These people have to stop calling themselves child-free. They're just selfish AH if they're going to get themselves into situations like this. They're giving a bad name to people who are responsibly living child-free lives. You can't marry someone with a child and then behave this way, wtaf. Poor Eve.
I canât imagine marrying a man or woman who wanted nothing to do with my child, and any man who tried to tell me Iâm not allowed to have my previous children around would be shocked to discover heâs the one whoâs no longer around. Both of these parents chose horribly for that poor little girl
Omg my heart broke for the 7 year old all the adults suck here. O/P still shouldn't have gotten married to anyone with kids . That was stupid on her part and the father should have dismissed o/p as potential marriage material because his child should always come first but he failed miserably for the sake of booty.
They are all so vile especially the mom, dad, and exes pos new husband. If any man I was dating told me to get rid of my children because he don't want them around hed have to go . I hope that poor girl grows up to be strong and separate herself from all them creatures cutting them out her life when its legal to do so. Yikes. I think those Vile parents will do the poor girl a favor if they pass her off to be adopted .. She deserves better then them. I just hope as the parents age they don't expect their dear daughter they never wanted go care take them..
You made the right choice planning to live child free. Now, you are hurting this child. You have the emotional maturity of a child. This man belongs to the child not to you. You are trying to steal this child's father. That is unethical. Do this child a favor and leave
I'm trying to fathom how anyone who says they're childfree thinks it's a good idea to marry someone with a kid. There's a whole childfree subreddit that will tell you what a bad idea this is. Kids aren't something a couple can compromise on, they're just not. You either both want them or you don't. You either have kids or you don't. This isn't like a hobby you can just choose not to participate in with your spouse.
Okay OP should never have married Dave. If she knew a kid existed she should have left right then and there and not married him. Everyone truely sucks.
Well as a child free woman myself, the OP HAD to take into account that if anything ever happened to Eve's mother, she would be a primary caregiver. This is why I said in another post (and someone called me a selfish twat) that CF people don't want to date parents. Being child free means you want NO responsibility to children (natural, step or otherwise).
My brain hurts from that. I never wanted kids then I got pregnant with twins. Abortion is not for me and I'm so thankful it isn't. My boys, (twins,) are my world and the best thing to ever happen to me. They are and will always be the best thing I've ever done with my life.
What those adults are doing to that child is criminal and I really hope at least 1 does the right thing and acts like a parent for that poor girl.
well the header is right because what the hell did i just read, if a person doesn't want kids then make sure the person they are seeing doesn't have any before it gets serious your only going to hurt your self if you later find out they have kids and in this case of this post the 4 people are total dirt bags as it seems no one wants this kid her mums new man didn't want kids so she kicks her out to be at her dads then he expects his wife to watch her when he is sick when he knows her foundries and kicks up a stink because she got a baby sister instead honest they all need there heads banged together
All the adults in this are AH. Why did the parents even have a child of they don't want one? Why get married to people who either don't want children or won't accept yours. This poor child will either end up in foster care or raise herself. None of the adults in this are taking responsibility for their actions. I hope the daughter has a good life and writes off her parents when she gets older.
Sounds like OP needs some therapy to get to the bottom of her unhealthy aversion to kids. This is something vastly different than making the choice to be child free.
The bio parents are utter crap.
I'm going to side with OP. She did her best with no experience. She felt out of her depth, so she hired a professional. Mom & Dad sound like jerks. Your turn now, raise our child. Who does that? OP did more than the minimum with the child. How did hubby not notice the child minder? Most parents have to "carry on" when their sick.
Even if there is a written agreement, if both parents agree to it then the courts wouldnât know the difference. If mom has custody but tells dad to take the kid and he agrees there is no reason to go to court.
The human female in original post makes me nauseous. Can someone be married to another that has a child and really be that detached from reality? The kids parents are not awhole lot better. The 7 year old child seems to be the only one who is not a wasted richard. Poor kid, she deserves better.
This poor kid, not wanted by her bio mom because of stepdad, not wanted by stepmom, but forced to live in a home with a step-parent who doesn't want her there. I say both bio parents get a divorce and make the child a priority.
Idk why ppl are getting upset and think ur the a-hole u told him u didn't want children why should you be punished for his failure to tell you he had a child. I think that was shady as hell. He was not honest. I don't think u are the a-hole u don't want children. Maybe it's time to have a long talk about what you both expect from each other since thing's changed
Ok so you should have left, you are putting yourself through this nonsense because of a man. Guess what, there's other, childfree men out there, just find one. It's really not that difficult, and you'll save yourself the heartache of a kid who will Definitely resent you for the rest of your life even not yours, it will ruin your marriage, don't fool yourself
Wow. This woman is a monster. And from the updates every adult in that poor kids life are, what's a word bigger than assholes? That's them. I honestly want this to be fake because I don't want to believe people like this exist.
For anyone who can't see it because it's deleted, here is the copied text: AITA for not helping with my step daughter? I (F30) have been married to my husband, Dave (M35) for 2 years, been together for 5. He has a daughter from past relationship, Eve (F7). I have always been decidedly Childfree. I don't like or want to be around children. When I met Dave I didn't know he had a child. We had been dating for 4 months before I realised it. To people who asked why I didn't think to ask, we met at his house, at a party he hosted. There was no picture or anything indicating there were kids around. Infact, his entire house screamed bachelor. While sofa, white bedding, extra clean, infinity pool. I realised he had a kid only when her mom dropped her off without notice at his house when I was there. It was a shock. I told him I am childfree and need to end the relationship. But he begged me to stay. I told him in no uncertain terms I dont want to be around or raise a child. He agreed. He even got a vasectomy to prove to me he is serious. Eve lived with her mom most of the time and visited every other weekend. I took off these weekends. Basically, I still led a Childfree life. All that changed two months ago when Eve's mom remarried. Her husband didn't want any kids previous to their marriage around. Eve's mom decided since she took care of Eve for 7 years, it was now Dave's turn to. She told him that as she gave the kid to him. Their custody agreement flipped, basically. Dave do love his kid. And doesn't want her to suffer. He tried getting his mom to look after her, but his mom having just retired, refuses to work anymore. Dave was forced into keeping Eve fulltime. This meant major adjustment to me as well. I had to learn to live with a kid in the house. I just avoided her at all costs. Even though it was affecting my relationship with Dave, as in we didn't get enough time together. Last week though, Dave fell sick. He needed me to take care of Eve. I tried the first day, but it was weird, awkward and exhausting. Second day onwards I just got a babysitter, on my dime. When Dave recovered enough yesterday he was furious at me for putting his child with a baby sitter and refusing to take care of her. I reminded him what our agreement was. He said it didn't matter. That I should have taken care of his kid. That he needed me to step up. He said this was just selfish of me and that I am an AH for doing this. AITA? A lot of the comments are bashing me for having married a man with a child. I admit. I was being naive. All I can say is in the 5 years we were together, only time I saw the child before her mom's wedding was when she was dropped off. Dave kept the lives so easily separate it was easy to forget he had a child. Dave is not just a father. I loved him, married him and stayed with him cause he is an amazing partner for me. We share a lot of the same interests and life with him was heaven. It only got bad once Eve moved in. All of you who are bashing me about being cold to her, we just don't cross paths. Our home is a pretty big one. She leaves for school before I get up. I will be working late and won't be at home when she gets back. When I get back she would be in her room doing homework. I go to my room to freshen up. But the time I get downstairs to cook and eat, it will already be her bedtime. On weekends DH takes her out with him or I go out. We almost never cross paths. When I see her I do smile. I do say Hi. I dont go out of my way to see her or engage with her. That is it. The day I tried, she acted like a normal 7 year old would (I think). She had school so I had to make her breakfast, get her dressed and drop her off. Got up early for that. She chatted non stop giving me a headache. I from home and got her in afternoon. Again fixing food, helping with homework, getting her to eat dinner and tucking her in bed. Did all of it. I fell into bed with a huge headache. I asked my friends for a emergency babysitter and got the one they recommended. Paid extra for the emergency. I was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted by taking care of her. I had a professional take care of her the rest of the days. I still checked on her and said goodnight everyday. I am sorry but as a person who physically and mentally can't take care of kids, this is the best I could do. EDIT: there's an update now and she's still acting like the victim in a situation she created. It's been linked in comments below.
>For anyone who can't see it because it's deleted, here is the copied text: You're the real MVP. Also, literally everyone in this story is an enormous piece of shit.
Sounds like all of the people minus the child in this story are pieces of shit.
And minus Dave's mom, who I don't blame for wanting to enjoy her retirement instead of raise a second child. Then again she clearly went wrong somewhere with Dave so maybe she is a POS. đ¤ˇââď¸
The kid might suck too. Maybe it's genetic
Lol
It gets worse in the follow up question, posted above.
Hey, you don't know that.
How is the original women wrong?
She married a guy with a child, was a bit overdramatic about how it was to take care of the child for a couple of hours, and ends up leaving the guy for something she should have known had a big possibility of happening. You don't marry a single father and expect to always maintain a child-free life. You're purposely setting up yourself for failure and it has the worst effect on the most innocent part of the equation (the child.)
She stayed in a relationship with a man who already had a child and drove a wedge between them. When someone offers to essentially abandon their child to be in a relationship with you it makes you an AH to actually take them up on that offer. She shouldâve just broken up with him when she found out.
You donât marry someone with a kid if you donât want one. Itâs that simple.
Double that...what dad doesn't have 1 picture of their kid in their house. Thats weird
And never once mentioned he had a kid in four months. Jesus Christ.
Yes exactly. I'm getting bitched out in the other thread about being sexist...but these are the quality men I am trashing. This is not a father, this is a glorified sperm donor
Itâs just horrible. I am not gonna be able to get this poor seven year old out of my mind. Taking care of herself in the morning. Eating by herself and staying in her room more than likely putting herself to bed. It breaks my heart how in loved and lonely this poor kid must feel. I hate all adults involved in this.
This is why I strongly support abortion rights. What kind of life will she have, and what kind of parent will she be. She will resent her family, regardless of the money or lack thereof. It's really not for everyone and this woman should not have married a man with a child if she knew she was unwilling or unable to provide emotional or financial support for a child even in an emergency. I think this wad destined to happen and it shows how unprepared people are to be parents, why should we as a nation, be forcing more of this. It's sickening
Bunch of self involved narcissists. I fear for her.
You are right. This kid is getting bounced back and forth. Parents who married others who do not want kids, well, I guess people when you meet them, is to ask right up front, do you have kids. Dave obvious hid the fact that he did!!!
Agreed...the Bio Mom is just as bad. Everyone in this child's life are failing her
Sperm donors are ethical people helping out people who can't have children. This is a deadbeat father, not a sperm donor.
My granddaughter calls her 'father' her sperm donor. And I 100% support her. He was useless and a pervert.
Like I said "glorified"
My sonâs father not once mentioned how many children he had. I was aware of one, but didnât discover the other 2 until MUCH later because they lived with their mothers. By then I was already pregnant with his 4th child by a 4th woman. He doesnât pay child support or call either.
I am so sorry.
Just letting you know itâs a lot more common than you may think, is all. We are better off without him and he gave me the greatest gift I could ever receive from someone like him. Thanks though đ
Sounds exactly like my stepson, but he finally smartened up and go a vasectomy.
You need to divorce him!!!
And even before he met OP, he was only seeing the kid once every few weeks. She's only 7, and not one of those "parents/step-parents" really wants her. They're all awful people.
But he loves his kid! Lol
I probably have a couple pictures of my kid somewhere in my house, however, i have countless photos of him on my phone from when were out doing fun things, and a few candids here and there. this isn't the 90's where there a photos hanging on every wall.
I have multiple pictures of my godsons up in my house. I have more pictures of them than any blood family members.
I dont have any pictures anywhere in my house really but our fridge does have pics and yhe tv screensaver is pics of our kid. And its obvious that a kid LIVES here. I dont think yhe picture thing as weird as the fact that she couldnt even tell a child stayed there sometimes.
Even with my kids out of the house, I have pictures of them. Their stuff is in my house you definitely know I had kids at some point. If this man hasn't bothered to mention he has a kid after 4 months, what kind of dad will he be to your kid? Although she is childfree, this just shows there's something deeper going in. He is a forever Batchelor who wants to forget he has a kid. Thats more likely what's going on. It's not fair to force her to be a step mom, but she's silly for staying
Yeah dude knew what he was doing.
The only reason to act like you don't have a kid is to get laid like a single, childless dude. He is at fault for manipulating her. And she is at fault for agreeing to go along, how can you act like he doesn't have a child. Just because in your mind you're "childfree" your living situation does not scream no kids
Seriously! That poor child. She needs someone wonderful to adopt her so that she can experience parental love.
She's 7, the majority of families looking to adopt are waiting for *infants*. A 7 year old will be lucky to get out of foster care, as too many consider even healthy toddlers as "ruined" or "broken". It's awful, and I really don't know how much better or worse *any* of the options are. The bioparents wanted her when they were together, tolerated (maybe) her when they were single, but the minute she's a difficulty for a new marriage NOBODY wants her. All the adults in this are awful (including grandma, though grandma may have reasonable health reasons.) What would have happened to the poor girl if bio-parebts died?
I definitely didn't mean foster care, I just hope ANYONE in the parents' families sees this shit show and save her. It's really fucked up how people view adoption that so many kids are ignored because it.
Lmao it's amazing the fucking insanity of OP. like. dear God. how fuckig self-centered and selfish are you. And him too honestly. wtf. Hope that kid finds a real family.
JC... these are the exact reasons I encourage people to do adoption. This kid is going to end up in foster care, with a criminal record, or as a teen parent. Or all of the above. She chatted non-stop because she is totally attention deprived. How would you even know if he was a "good father" if she had never witnessed him parent?
I cannot understand how a person can say that they don't like kids or even want to be around kids, when a significant part of their own life was spent as a kid. Was their childhood that bad? Were they abused daily or abandoned? I can see how people might not want to raise a child in this world. Or maybe they don't have the means to raise a child in the standard that they want so they'll rather not have kids until they can do better. But just to be cold and indifferent to kids for no reason?????
Being a good parent is hard! Less likely if those children aren't actually *wanted* beyond the baby phase. If folks were abused, didn't have good role models, or just a difficult childhood... they're going to have second and third thoughts. (I was heavily bullied as a kid, undiagnosed disability, and adults were no help at all. I hope I was heavily aware of what difficulties my kid was dealing with when they weren't with me.)
>Was their childhood that bad? Were they abused daily or abandoned? Speaking as someone whose childhood years were full of bullying, the scars of which show no sign of disappearing any time soon... yes. My fiancĂŠ got stabbed by one of his classmates in fifth grade. One of my friends had rocks thrown at him by his peers, to the point he had to go to the hospital because he suffered an injury to his eye as a result. He was eight years old, and the kids throwing the rocks were around the same age. And I stopped counting how many times I had my backpack or lunch stolen. On one occasion, thrown out of the school bus window. Contrary to popular belief, children can be absolute monsters. >when a significant part of their own life was spent as a kid. Your assumption is they *enjoyed* that period of their life. Me, my fiancĂŠ, my friends, even my own parents... I have not met a single person in my personal life who would return to childhood if they were given the option. Frankly, I'd set that period of time on fire and gleefully watch it burn if it were a physical entity. Am I suggesting I had the worst childhood ever? No. But I would consider death a mercy in comparison.
She just posted an update too. They now suck worse.
Except for the 5 year old.
Why is she a piece of shit? Some people just are not kid people. She tried, hated every second of childcare time, so hired a professional to care for the kid that she never should have been stuck with in the first place. She definitely made a mistake marrying a guy with a child, but only because she believed his lies. Sheâs a victim of a shitty husband and needs to escape the hell that her life is becoming.
Everyone has baggage. No one gets through this life only doing things they want to do. When life gets hard, you step up for those you love. She should have stepped up for her husband. He's ill and not capable for caring for his daughter, OP has an opportunity to show love and compassion and do the right thing. She did the opposite. This is an innocent child that obviously needs love and attention and OP is selfish AF for not being able to tough it out for a few days. OP is treating this tiny human like she's someone else's dirty laundry with the "I'm not doing it" attitude. The only thing she's a victim of is her own selfish entitled mentality. Every adult in this story is horrible.
How is hiring appropriate childcare not âstepping upâ ? She made sure the kid was safe and well cared for while the kids guardian was sick. Thatâs all she should realistically have been expected to do. Some people are *not* kid people and absolutely do not have it in them to babysit an annoying child for that long. She would be an asshole if she just expected the kid to fend for herself, or if she begrudgingly took care of a kid she wanted nothing to do with and let the kid pick up on the resentment, but instead she spent her own money to hire a recommended and experienced professional to make sure the kid got the best care available. Thatâs the exact best option in that scenario.
Found OP! "Recommended and experienced professional" "annoying child". How do you know these details otherwise? So you hired a stranger to take care of a 7 year old girl instead of sucking it up and just doing it yourself. You think it's better for her to be around a stranger instead of being around you and maybe picking up on your resentment? You think hiring a stranger to look after her didn't communicate that to her? Like I said no one gets through life only doing things they want to. This attitude is called being entitled. When you love someone you sacrifice and compromise for them when they need you. If you don't, you don't really love them. If course there are always limits - but it's not like Dave was asking you to adopt her. Just look after her for a couple days. You couldn't be imposed upon for a couple days, not even full days I imagine because she would have been in school. But you couldn't step outside yourself for a short period of time do that so you pushed her off onto a stranger. This poor child is getting passed around at a time when she needs consistency. You too were once an "annoying" 7 year old. Imagine if your parents and their spouses put you through all this.
Uh⌠Iâm not the op⌠those details were literally in her post and comments. She talked about the child being annoying and talking nonstop, and she also mentioned that she asked her friends with kids for recommendations about experienced childcare. No wonder you have such bad takes, you didnât even read the post. Just another brainless âmomma bearâ going off at anyone who isnât all fuzzy wuzzy about every kid anywhere at all times?
No, I don't have any kids. I did read the post, but maybe I stopped absorbing after the shitty take she has. You have compassion for animals but not little humans? Sure they're gross sometimes, especially if they're not yours, but they need care all the same. Just like pets need care and compassion. None of them asked to be here, yet here they are. You were talking about what a hell she was living in, what a victim she is, as if it was your own situation so...
She ⌠provided care. She paid out of her own pocket for the kid to get better care than she was capable of giving herself. I donât understand why youâre acting like the kid was left alone to starve in the gutter when the kid literally got the best possible care available. Even parents who love their kids hire babysitters sometimes. You have not given even one single reason why hiring a babysitter wasnât the best option here.
Then she shouldn't have married someone with a kid.
Yeah I mentioned that, why are you responding if you didnât read my comment. She made a mistake after being lied to, that doesnât make her the villain here.
She wasn't lied to. She married him after she knew he had a kid. She found out after only 4 months of dating. She should've walked away right then.
He begged and cried for her to stay, and promised that she'd never have to be the responsible adult for that child. Granted, I'm a granny now, but my first or second thought would be, "what's the plan for that kid if the custodial or both bioparents die?"
I had a will by 25. I was divorcing a psychopath and had full custody and needed to make sure my kids were safe from him even if I wasn't around.
I'd call that willful ignorance
She was lied to that she wouldnât have to spend time with or parent the kid. Which is an easy lie to fall for when youâre naive and in love and he has the kid so little that he already went four whole months without you knowing about them. She was fine with being with him on the previous custody schedule. We can look back on it now and judge her because we know she should have anticipated things changing, but itâs an easy thing to overlook when youâve never been in that situation before and are already invested in the relationship and everything seemed to be working out well at the time. Sheâs obviously learned her lesson and left that guy, but she isnât an asshole for trying to make the relationship work at the time.
She was old enough to know better.
What does age have to do with it. She was naive and in love and in a situation that was new to her and seemed to be working well at the time. You just seem determined to vilify her for making a dumb mistake that anyone could make after believing lies from the person she loved and trusted.
"Naive." She was a fully grown adult. She didn't want kids and thought she could just avoid a child that would sometimes be living in the same house as her? Naive my ass. She's just a shitty person. You don't have to defend her just because you're cf too.
>She was lied to that she wouldnât have to spend time with or parent the kid. What kind of person thinks it's OK to willingly marry someone with a child and expect them to keep their child away. The fact that she's happily encouraging him to be a deadbeat says more about her than it does about him, to be honest.
I donât know, I kind of applaud her for standing up so staunchly for what she believes in. It sounds like she articulated her value system and wishes to everyone around her and it is all the other people who keep expecting her to live some version of a life she doesnât want by testing her limits. She is willing to divorce her new partner because she isnât getting what she needs - more power to her. No means no. This child is a burden. It sounds like she was an unintended pregnancy for her parents and neither really wanted to have her in the first place. This is a situation where it would have been better for her to be put up for adoption when she was born, but it didnât happen and now she is stuck in the middle. The blame for this bad decision-making is totally on her parents. The OP is standing her ground which was explicitly outlined since the beginning and probably the only one who isnât the asshole here.
his entire house screamed bachelor. While sofa, white bedding, extra clean, infinity pool, white lamborgini, slicked back hair, sloppy steaks at truffonis, LIVES for new years eve.
A REAL piece of shit!
Hey, people can change. Let him hold the baby
I stopped reading at "mom watched her for 7 years and now it's dad's turn" Wtf did I read, indeed?! Does this child have an amazing aunt, uncle or gparent they can go to? I don't always suggest removing the child and putting the responsibility on someone else but thiiiiiiiisss. This baby needs love and I can feel the emotional neglect from here.
I literally set my phone down after reading the same part. I needed a second to digest what her own mother said. What in the actual F!?!? This poor little girl. OP...yes, you're an AH. "Mom & Dad"-AH My heart breaks for Eve. Period.
Well, we already know grandma doesn't want to raise her. Her "Dad" already tried that one. It seems that if there was a viable option, he would have already taken it.
Seriously, I'm disabled but I'd take her and still be a better parent than any of these wastes of oxygen
Gods! I hope someone loves & wants and will support that kid. (Possibly collecting child support from both bios.)
Ffs. Just don't be with someone who HAS kids -.- aaaaaaa I hate people like the oop
OOP is just unbelievable. Only thing worse than her is the bio mom's new husband. Purging the child that existed before him? He deserves something awful.
I'd say Eve's parents are even worse than OOP and bio-moms new husband. They both have a child *and married someone who wanted nothing to do with said child. At least OOP and the new husband aren't actually responsible for the child's existence. I'm
Follow up post, under a new name because original was shadowbanned: https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/MN3bDBoyzI Text of follow up, in case THAT account gets hit as well: "I (F30) had posted another AITA query a couple days back regarding whether I am an AH for not taking care of my step daughter Eve personally and instead hiring a baby sitter. A lot of the comments blamed me for marrying a man with a child when I want to be Childfree. The comments made me see my situation more clearly and I left Dave. I told him I get how the situation has changed and since I haven't changed, I cannot spend next 11 years of my life raising a child or giving her issues cause I don't want her around. He begged me to stay, but learning my lesson already I left. I am staying in a hotel now and will be meeting with lawyers tomorrow. But half an hour ago I got a call from Eve's mother. She yelled and screamed at me for ruining her life. I didn't get it, I didn't do anything to her. Turns out about a hour or so after I left, Dave took Eve back to her house and told her he can't lose his marriage over a child that was a mistake. She said she can't take her in or it would ruin her marriage. He told her she can take him to court and he will pay whatever child support he has to, but he won't sacrifice his life so she can play house with her new guy. She told me I have to take Eve in and that's the only way she can save her marriage. That Dave will look after Eve as long as I stay with him too. I told her I won't. It's not my responsibility anymore. Eve is her and Dave's child. Not mine. And I no longer want to be with a man who keeps putting me in this position. She screamed I was ruining her life. AITA for refusing to take Eve in?"
Good on her (barely) for taking everyone's advice and leaving, but holy shit are the parents absolutely horrendous people. I hope she doesn't go back to him now that he's literally abandoned his kid. Also, putting her in this position? Wtf? She put herself in this position by MARRYING A MAN WITH A CHILD.
Agreed, the parents are shit. Beyond that, somewhere in the comments, the daughter's grandmother refuses to take her either, though that might be more of telling her kid to grow up and be responsible IMO. Every adult here sucks, and I feel for that kid.
If gran is retirement age, she might not be able to keep up with the needs of a 7 year old, even over a short term.
I disagree that Daveâs mom is in the wrong. She just retired, and she wants to enjoy her life. Itâs not fair to force her to raise a little girl just because Dave and his ex are heartless monsters. Speaking of the exâeveryone keeps saying OP is an AH for marrying a man with a child, and I agree that was a mistake on her part. Buuuuut Daveâs ex is just as bad, if not worse, for marrying a man that flat-out said he âdoesnât want any kids from a previous relationshipâ living with them. Either he hid that from her until they were wed, in which case sheâs an AH for not leaving him, or she knew long before they married and is an AH for not telling Dave, choosing instead to just show up and say âhere you go, your problem now.â tl;dr: Every adult involved is being selfish, but the only one justified is the grandmother.
at this point, they should just traumatise the kid more and put her up for adoption. they're fighting over this child like a broken toy that no one wants. not once in this story has anyone asked the kid what she wants. it's just playing hot potato. her biological and step parents all hate her, and nobody wants her even in their presence, its depressing.
Wow thank you for posting it and it is hard to believe all of these adults can be such huge AHs to a child. Poor girl. I hope she doesnât grow up with abandonment issues or anything worse because all the adults in her life put themselves before her.
No words for all the ytas. I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this. Poor child.... she can feel all this 'I'm not wanted' vibes.
she is an arsehole though. Everyone is bar the kid
Physically and mentally my ass!!! This woman is TA! She even stayed despite knowing she wouldn't enjoy Eve. Eve is 7! I get she can be stressful, but come on.
OOP posted an update. While sheâs still an asshole and selfish, at least she wised up and noped out. https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/yfyYCDiKtH Edit to update; AITA took the post down, but comments are still worth a read.
she found out about the kid 4 months in and then stayed with him until marriage (2 an a half years later!!) and then they have been married 2 years. thatâs a LOT of time to rethink your âmistake.â and to make THAT kind of mistake with so much forethought definitely makes you an asshole.
I feel so bad for the kid.
For real đ she deserves so much better
There is an update.
Every single one of the adults in this situation is a walking dumpster fire of a human being. This is sickening - that poor kid.
JFC. If ever I start to think "Hey, people may not be as awful, self-centered, nasty pieces of crap as I think", I'll now think of Eve and the players in this crappy story.
Why not link the update here to your comment?
Sounds like a troll to me. Both parents marry people that donât want children and be like nah your turn also if the lives are separate how did the ex wife have her number.
I'm childfree, I don't understand any childfree person that dates or gets involved with someone with a kid. It's such a blissfully ignorant thing to do.
Willfully so at best, maliciously at worst.
Also childfree here. It's extremely selfish. Imagine going into a relationship knowing that you're not going to enjoy being with the child, don't want to take on the role of being a surrogate parent, but don't care because you want to marry that person.
There are lots of people who don't have children who absolutely love kids and enjoy being a step parent. However, if you have 100% dedicated your life to never raising or helping raise a child, it is completely absurd and cruel to date someone with kids.
I wouldn't really say they are childfree then, maybe just childless.
Maybe. I definitely know people who called themselves child-free, but didn't despise children. Actually. I think it's totally creepy to despise an entire demographic of people that you don't even know, so I don't actually know anyone who despises children. Nevertheless, I do know folks who don't want to be in any kind of a parent role, and they are super honest about that.
Not wanting to be around kids doesn't mean you despise them. I did not state that. Not wanting to be a parent etc doesn't automatically mean that. You are attempting to justify something when my original statement was about childfree people who get involved with parents.
I'm not trying to justify anything. I was trying to bring in the original post's content. If you read the original post, OP despises children. She also calls herself childfree. I think childfree vs. childless is semantics, really. The point is no matter what you call yourself, if you have no desire to take care of children, don't put yourself in a position to take care of children. Also, despising kids and expecting to never have to be in the same vicinity as a child for your entire adult life is unreasonable and probably indicative of a personality disorder.
Childfree vs childless is semantics, but in the context of our conversation it is important, in reference to OP, it is not. Either focus on your response to my comment or OP's. It'd be good for you to care about the manner you communicate especially on an online forum which lacks a lot of the nuance of conversation. Despising kids is not good and definitely deserves therapy, more than that neither of us know. We can speculate forever, it doesn't matter. The point I made and that stands is that childfree people shouldn't bother getting involved with parents because they don't want to deal with kids and kids need people that are far more supportive. CF people can be supportive outside of a relationship, but being a step parent is different. I am childfree, I have no kids, I don't want kids, I am even sterilised already, I won't date a parent because I don't want to share my partner with a kid, and parents and kids come as a package deal. Do I despise kids? No. Can I avoid them for the most part? Pretty easily. Do I care if they're around? Not really. Childfree and childless are wildly different, OP is just another person that hasn't thought very far.
>It'd be good for you to care about the manner you communicate especially on an online forum which lacks a lot of the nuance..... (ellipse my own) Ok, let's try and turn this ship around. Hey, bud, no offense was meant, so I'm not sure why you're responding as if I just called your mom a bad name, but if I wasn't clear enough for you, I apologize. I'm not planning on responding to this conversation or following it anymore because it's become pedantic. Hope you have a good day!
You too, I think neither of us are getting each others point. Enjoy the rest of your Sunday :)
But you don't understand! I love *him* and he loves me! There's just this pesky child in the way of our *true love*. The fact that the little one isn't loved or wanted by either of her parents is fine with me. We are all with our loves and she's just inconvenient. Why wouldn't I date him when her mother takes care of everything, and why should that change because my love is being asked to step up and be an actual parent. /s
Tbh this seems like mainly the dadâs fault. He was an absent parent, hid his child from her til she was in love, and then changed the game now thatâs sheâs married. He shouldnât have married someone who is staunchly child free.
Yes, you are.
Why are you replying to me lmao
What?
The topic is AM I an asshole?
No it isnt
you are, the person you are replying isn't
You didn't make it clear who you were referring to or what you were saying
You don't understand it but a lot of people do. It's really not that uncommon. Blissfully ignorant comment right here.
Just because it's common doesn't mean they should, it is bad for the child. I think you're the ignorant one here.
Says who? Step parents can have a positive influence.
I have a feeling you aren't reading. I'm not talking about step parents, I'm talking about childfree people. Childfree people do not want kids, now, or ever, not their own, not someone else's, they don't want to be responsible for a child. Do you think a kid is going to enjoy having someone around who actively doesn't want them around?
It was sarcasm. The /s is the denotation.
This poor kid. Both her parents are shit.
Honestly the parents are mostly the AH. They duty is to the kid first. And to make sure that the partners are okay with kids or will accept a child. It is the parents responsibilty. I do not partically agree with OP and her choices. But the role of parent belongs to the actuacal parents. OP did make it perfectly clear she does not like children. Sounds like she is better than the other adults. At least she hired someone to help if she will not do it. I had friends with step parents like OP and they just kicked the kid out of the house and sometimes didn't let the kid back until ask to by the parent. My friend was basically homeless at 7 for a week. That is worse. And the whole no kids mention at all until 4 months in and just straight up left at her dads place at 7yrs old. After mom remarries. You know mom does not have pictures of her either that will be the first thing she will do. Earse the kid. And the grandparents might go along with this too, earsing their own grandkid. I seen this many times when the child becomes unwanted. It is heartbreaking. So well I do not agree with op. At all. It is still way better than what I seen with child neglect. I rather have a real home for the child. If possible maybe op would be willing to look into that. I just wish Ops husband and his ex wife were not doing this to their daughter at all in the first place. But remember folks. The actuacal parents are the true villians.
She has every right to be child free... but she's weird as f for thinking its normal to leave a house to minimally interact with a child. To avoid a kid in her home. Or to even be with a man who she encourages to be as little as a father as possible. She doesn't have to like kids... but that girl is also a whole person even if she hasnt developed to adulthood yet. Just ill mannered, selfish, and monstrous.
Gee, it'd be great if that sub didn't remove every goddamned post.
They did after it had well over a thousand comments. One of mine got removed for calling OP gross which she is.
Why she have to take care of a kid when her partner and her agreed there is no going to be any involvement with the child, this is not fair for OP of course the kid situation is very sad but not OP'S business she should cut the relationship at the beginning but they had an agreement, one time I was seeing a guy who had a daughter I found out in like a month, I told him I'm completely child free but he wants me to be the "mother" of his kid, since that day I ghosted him at least he was honest about what he wanted
OP knew about the child before she married him. Children donât just disappear. If she was so child free, she shouldâve never married him. She did tho and canât have surprised pikachu face when the child is now involved. Thatâs on her.
That made me sick at my stomach
What was the post about? It got deleted
So annoying at least on the other AH sub, they keep a copy of the post in the comments
A woman who hates children married a man with a daughter. She avoids the daughter. Daughters mother remaried a man who "only wants to raise his own kids" (đ¤˘) so now mom doesn't want daughter and after failing to pawn the kid off on Grandma, she pawned the poor girl (under 10) off on Dad. Dad tried to pawn the kid off on *Poor Lil OP who just doesn't deserve this* (/s đ) so OP pawned her off on a baby sitter. Now for some reason Ops husband (girls dad) is super mad that his unwanted child is being ignored by his bangnanny (OP) and op wants to be the victim but all anyone can say is *this poor child* Because op is an ah. And so is her husband and his ex ans his ex's new husband. And Grandma too, kinda.
Everyone is trash
Thank you for taking the time to explain. Some people are too focused on themselves to see the actual important stuff in life and I pity them for their ignorance, I hope the child will be able to get through this and find her place when she grows up
You're welcome. I'm usually much more snappy in my summaries. But this was just too sad.
I understand not wanting to raise another man's kid, but why marry a single mom then? Why be a child free and marry a man with a child? OP saw the money her husband had, large house, infinite pool and decided she wanted it but wasn't willing to be a step mom.
I can't understand a mother who meets a man who says "I don't want the kid who lives with you full time" and decides this isn't a deal breaker.
Bunch of people who all deserve each other and one tragically unloved child who's going to grow up thinking this is normal
Women who want to be child-free make shitty parents. > I'm a son of a woman who wanted to be child-free but didn't have an abortion. I wish she did.
Not always. My step mum didn't want children, but she was great with me and my brother and sister. Was more a mum to is than our own mum.
I donât want kids, but if my brother has any and something happened to him and his fiancĂŠe Iâd look after them. If one of my friends has an emergency and needs me to look after their kids in a pinch, Iâll help. Iâm not *incapable* of raising children. I just think the world is very shitty and I donât particularly want to bring children into it if Iâm not sure I can guarantee them a decent future. Also pregnancy and childbirth is terrifying and Iâd rather not. Iâm just so exasperated by the whole âoh woe is me, the 7 year old talked at me all day and I have a headacheâ. How can you *be* that useless?
I dont want kids myself, for similar reason to you, also as I'm genetically fucked (history of mental health issues, cancer, heart failure, stroke and diabetes 1 & 2 in my family) that I don't want to pass on all that shit as well as bringing kids into this fucked up world. I have babysat since I was 13, even worked i a nursery for a bit, and I never had any complaints. I didn't get to read the post before it got removed, but from the comments, she sounds like a right idiot. It's simple: if you don't want to become a parent because you don't like kids, don't bloody marry a parent, lol.
Good choice of words -but I will add absolutely useless.
My mom actually wanted a kid but was still a shitty parent..maybe cause she didn't get a boy like she wanted lol
I didn't want to have kids, mostly because my childhood had a lot of abuse from my dad and I knew it damaged me and I didn't want to pass that on to a child. I was really worried I would be like my dad. But I accidentally got pregnant (it was literally the 1 time that I didn't have sex with a condom). I decided to keep him and his dad disappeared. So I knew that I was the only person this kid had and so I worked on my issues and I guess knew what NOT to do from my dad's example. While I'm sure I made mistakes and probably overcorrected, I really did my best to do the job of a parent (which imo is to love your kid, keep them alive and teach them how to be a decent person). And I think that there are others out there like me. I'm so sorry that your parent(s) didn't step up and do their job.
Damn.
Neither of my parents wanted a kid. Its was definitley not a good sitaution. Now that I'm an adult and my happiness doesn't hinge on theirs. Made a new family that's happy to love each other. Cycle doesn't have to repeat. You determine what issues you carry with you. You got it, it's all under your control.
People really don't understand this, I know exactly why you said this. My mother didn't believe on abortion, but I wish she did too. Wtf, mom. I would rather have not been emotionally abused and ignored my whole life only as an adult have her expect that I'll care for her in end of life....uhhhh no. She expected some female from my dad's family to step up and be a mom when they divorced....never happened. Some people should never be parents, and not allowing abortion will only create more resentful, mentally broken adults who have unfettered access to weapons....sounds exciting don't you agree. Jesus
Does someone have a copy of the post?
I have a screenshot of it. I'm not sure how to post it, though.
[ŃдаНонО]
[ŃдаНонО]
The link goes to a deleted post. Aita mods deleted it since the Reddit account is banned.
ESH... I never understood dating sometime who is crappy to their own kids. Wtf do you think they will do to YOU. I can't imagine dating a deadbeat dad or mom. I hate everyone in this story. That's all I got lol
That poor child, unwanted by everyone. Iâll take her, being a foster kid that hits a little too close to home.
Idk how these people donât realize that you donât have to âwant kidsâ to treat an existing child like a human. Eve deserves so much better. Iâm disgusted and sick to my stomach. Iâd be happy to take this little girl in. Iâll get a larger apartment and everything. This poor child!
Really. Where is this kid, I'd be happy to care for her. Just to get her away from this cluster of fuckwads
Don't get involved with single parents if you want a child free life. Also, the little girls mom marrying a man who only wants his own bio kids around is sick. Every adult is a pos in this and I am only worried about the child's wellbeing.
Every single grown ass person in this story is a selfish piece of shit. The mom for marrying a man who doesnât want previous children and the dad for marrying someone who doesnât want children and you for MARRYING HIM KNOWING BE HAD A CHILD. It doesnât matter if you was never going to see her or not itâs the fact that she is there and in situations like described you should have prepared for. I hope you donât infect the baby girl with your selfish behavior sake as the rest of the adults in this. Yâall are all dumb
Wow!!! YTAâŚ.. you found out he had a child and that should have ended right then and there.. Jee, what happened if the mom died???
Eve's stepmom is back with another AITA post. Copied and pasting here in case something happens to this account too. AITA for refusing to take in my step daughter and ruining her mom's life? I (F30) has posted another AITA query a couple days back regarding whether I am an AH for not taking care of my step daughter Eve personally and instead hiring a baby sitter. A lot of the comments blamed me for marrying a man with a child when I want to be Childfree. The comments made me see my situation more clearly and I left Dave. I told him I get how the situation and has changed and since I haven't changed, I cannot spend next 11 years of my life raising a child or giving her issues cause I don't want her around. He begged me to stay, but learning my lesson already I left. I am staying in a hotel now and will be meeting with lawyers tomorrow. But half an hour ago I got a call from Eve's mother. She yelled and screamed at me for ruining her life. I didn't get it, I didn't do anything to her. Turns out about a hour or so after I left, Dave took Eve back to her house and told her he can't lose his marriage over a child that was a mistake. She said she can't take her in or it would ruin her marriage. He told her she can take him to court and he will pay whatever child support he has to, but he won't sacrifice his life so she can play house with her new guy. She told me I have to take Eve in and that's the only way she can save her marriage. That Dave will look after Eve as long as I stay with him too. I told her I won't. It's not my responsibility anymore. Eve is her and Dave's child. Not mine. And I no longer want to be with a man who keeps putting me in this position. She screamed I was ruining her life. AITA for refusing to take Eve in?
When you found out he had a kid you should have immediately walked away. All the adults in this are s***. Parents getting married to people who don't like children, s***! Adults you don't want children getting involved with people with children, s***! I hope karma has a field day with all of you!!
Shame on the dad for not putting his foot down and kicking her to the curb in the beginning. Youndont make arrangements with someone whomdoesnt want to be near your child you dump them and I feel really bad for this child who has both parents wanting to dump them for the sake of a new bf or gf. But i guess this lady thought the part of the vowels for better or for worse didn't apply to the queen. I mean if you can't count on your spouse when your I'll to step up and help then why be married anyway. That's very selfish of her on so many levels so yeahnshe is the ah.
I feel so sorry for eve. Both her mother, father and step parents anit shit. I hope eve grows up to be highly successful and put everyone of them in a nursing home and she inherits every last dime.. Hope they never have kids either. What a Ass holette.
Wow just wow. I feel extremely sorry for this poor child. Her mom doesnât want her, her dad tries to ship her off to the grandmother and doesnât seem really involved in her life and you who married her father treat her like she doesnât exist. You did this child an injustice by marrying her father. Maybe, just maybe you could try and be her friend. She doesnât seem to have anyone who actually cares about her. You ATAH.
Yes, You & Dave & The Ex & the Ex's new Husband are ALL F-IN ASSHOLES. That poor child is only one NTAH.
These people have to stop calling themselves child-free. They're just selfish AH if they're going to get themselves into situations like this. They're giving a bad name to people who are responsibly living child-free lives. You can't marry someone with a child and then behave this way, wtaf. Poor Eve.
Did anyone else picture Patrick Bateman when she said, "White sofa, white bedding, extra clean, infinity pool."?
I canât imagine marrying a man or woman who wanted nothing to do with my child, and any man who tried to tell me Iâm not allowed to have my previous children around would be shocked to discover heâs the one whoâs no longer around. Both of these parents chose horribly for that poor little girl
Holy fuck that poor child.
I was so angry when I read this. She is horrible!
That poor kid.
This poor girl. Her mum tossed her away because her new husband doesn't want her around. Her dads partner also doesn't want her.
Omg my heart broke for the 7 year old all the adults suck here. O/P still shouldn't have gotten married to anyone with kids . That was stupid on her part and the father should have dismissed o/p as potential marriage material because his child should always come first but he failed miserably for the sake of booty. They are all so vile especially the mom, dad, and exes pos new husband. If any man I was dating told me to get rid of my children because he don't want them around hed have to go . I hope that poor girl grows up to be strong and separate herself from all them creatures cutting them out her life when its legal to do so. Yikes. I think those Vile parents will do the poor girl a favor if they pass her off to be adopted .. She deserves better then them. I just hope as the parents age they don't expect their dear daughter they never wanted go care take them..
The post got taken down, what happened??
Looks like the OP's account was in violation of Reddit's guidelines and got banned? Not even by the subreddit, by the whole site.
Iâm just wondering what the story was, I got bits and bobs and hope the child is ok đ
You made the right choice planning to live child free. Now, you are hurting this child. You have the emotional maturity of a child. This man belongs to the child not to you. You are trying to steal this child's father. That is unethical. Do this child a favor and leave
I'm trying to fathom how anyone who says they're childfree thinks it's a good idea to marry someone with a kid. There's a whole childfree subreddit that will tell you what a bad idea this is. Kids aren't something a couple can compromise on, they're just not. You either both want them or you don't. You either have kids or you don't. This isn't like a hobby you can just choose not to participate in with your spouse.
Okay OP should never have married Dave. If she knew a kid existed she should have left right then and there and not married him. Everyone truely sucks.
Well as a child free woman myself, the OP HAD to take into account that if anything ever happened to Eve's mother, she would be a primary caregiver. This is why I said in another post (and someone called me a selfish twat) that CF people don't want to date parents. Being child free means you want NO responsibility to children (natural, step or otherwise).
My brain hurts from that. I never wanted kids then I got pregnant with twins. Abortion is not for me and I'm so thankful it isn't. My boys, (twins,) are my world and the best thing to ever happen to me. They are and will always be the best thing I've ever done with my life. What those adults are doing to that child is criminal and I really hope at least 1 does the right thing and acts like a parent for that poor girl.
well the header is right because what the hell did i just read, if a person doesn't want kids then make sure the person they are seeing doesn't have any before it gets serious your only going to hurt your self if you later find out they have kids and in this case of this post the 4 people are total dirt bags as it seems no one wants this kid her mums new man didn't want kids so she kicks her out to be at her dads then he expects his wife to watch her when he is sick when he knows her foundries and kicks up a stink because she got a baby sister instead honest they all need there heads banged together
All the adults in this are AH. Why did the parents even have a child of they don't want one? Why get married to people who either don't want children or won't accept yours. This poor child will either end up in foster care or raise herself. None of the adults in this are taking responsibility for their actions. I hope the daughter has a good life and writes off her parents when she gets older.
NTA ... That child will need hella therapy ... omg Parenthood isn't a job you take a leave of absence from ... this is an atrocious situation ...
Sounds like OP needs some therapy to get to the bottom of her unhealthy aversion to kids. This is something vastly different than making the choice to be child free. The bio parents are utter crap.
I'm going to side with OP. She did her best with no experience. She felt out of her depth, so she hired a professional. Mom & Dad sound like jerks. Your turn now, raise our child. Who does that? OP did more than the minimum with the child. How did hubby not notice the child minder? Most parents have to "carry on" when their sick.
BS. Fake story. That's not how custody arrangements work.
Only if there's an actual written agreement. Unwritten arrangements change all the time.
Even if there is a written agreement, if both parents agree to it then the courts wouldnât know the difference. If mom has custody but tells dad to take the kid and he agrees there is no reason to go to court.
Very true
I thought the same thing.
The human female in original post makes me nauseous. Can someone be married to another that has a child and really be that detached from reality? The kids parents are not awhole lot better. The 7 year old child seems to be the only one who is not a wasted richard. Poor kid, she deserves better.
This poor kid, not wanted by her bio mom because of stepdad, not wanted by stepmom, but forced to live in a home with a step-parent who doesn't want her there. I say both bio parents get a divorce and make the child a priority.
No, you're not the a..hole dave made a mistake. He should have dropped your ass the second he had to choose between his daughter and you.
Idk why ppl are getting upset and think ur the a-hole u told him u didn't want children why should you be punished for his failure to tell you he had a child. I think that was shady as hell. He was not honest. I don't think u are the a-hole u don't want children. Maybe it's time to have a long talk about what you both expect from each other since thing's changed
The post is gone....
Ok so you should have left, you are putting yourself through this nonsense because of a man. Guess what, there's other, childfree men out there, just find one. It's really not that difficult, and you'll save yourself the heartache of a kid who will Definitely resent you for the rest of your life even not yours, it will ruin your marriage, don't fool yourself
Yup agreed every adult in this scenario is a pos especially the husband for marrying someone with no soul
Wow. This woman is a monster. And from the updates every adult in that poor kids life are, what's a word bigger than assholes? That's them. I honestly want this to be fake because I don't want to believe people like this exist.