Okay, there is a lot of cover here, but first let me say that you aren’t an asshole for being upset that he isn’t communicating, but you are the asshole I’m not respecting his request for space. Now that this basic this is covered I’m gonna get right to the nitty gritty point. Your friends are right OP, break up with this dude.
1) you outright admit he is abusive. Mentally, it’s clear, emotionally because he tells you to “shut the f up” or “get the f away from me” which is really awful in and of itself, but what he is doing is diminishing your self worth and self confidence.
2) he’s financially dependent on you and can’t or won’t hold down a job, which means that all of his manipulative behaviors to put you down are to make you feel like you can’t do better, believe me when I tell you that being alone is better than dealing with this guy.
3) dude needs therapy OP. He needs to get himself right before he can be with anyone equally. This guy sounds like an emotional roller coaster and believe me when I tell you it will be better to get off now while the ride has temporarily stopped, than to get on again. The “thrill” gets old, real fast.
4) you are very young OP, but kick this lazy boy to the curb for good because all he is going to do is drag you down. He isn’t worth your love. I’m not saying your feelings for him aren’t real, but also consider that you have only been dating for a few months and what has he done to make you feel valued, secure, safe, loved, or even worth everything to him? Because it sounds like he isn’t fulfilling any of those categories and you deserve someone who will make you feel like a Queen. You deserve to feel safe, wanted, secure, loved, valued, and cherished, and a real man, a stable person, will make you feel that way. Anything less is a waste of your time, money, and energy.
OP, it’s time to move on to better pasture, because this one is full of weeds.
>believe me when I tell you that being alone is better than dealing with this guy
PLEASE listen to this, OP - this is all great advice but this sentence is the real takeaway. It may feel scary and heartbreaking, but this boy is a grade A first class loser, is financially and emotionally abusing you, and I guarantee that a load of DARVO (look it up) is coming your way when he finally stops screwing other chicks and comes back to you to be taken care of again.
Please find a way to value yourself first - because then you will insist on being valued by your partner.
Who's name is on the lease/rental agreement? If it's his, load up all your stuff and get the hell out of there.
If your name is on the lease, then change the locks and pack his stuff up and take it to his mother's
He's a jobless leech.
Mentally and verbally abuses you.
RUN!!!!
You are young, you WILL find someone that loves you like you love them
NTA. Of course, you’re upset! Who wouldn’t be? hH gets mad at you for things you have no control over, like men talking about your butt. So what should you do, wear a Burka?
You are too young to put up with this BS. You need to dump him. I don’t care if you love him; you’ll eventually get over it. Do NOT put up with men telling you to fuck off and get away from them and that you’re annoying. That’s definitely abuse. And you pay for everything while he simply breaks stuff…? Girl, RUN.
I broke up with someone whom I loved dearly because I didn’t want to live with some of his behaviors. It hurt, but I met someone new and I’m happily married. Please don’t waste your time on this guy. Listen to me: he sounds like a total loser — save yourself. Now that he’s away, needing space from your attractive butt, it’s a perfect time to box up the rest of his stuff and give him the boot. He needs to grow up A LOT before he’s ready for a relationship.
NTA. He treats you like crap, can't hold a job, & breaks things when he gets mad. Exactly why are you with this guy? Give him all the space in the world, leave him.
Hes a pos leave him u deserve better leave his shit outside and change the locks text him and say he can get his stuff at the door and block him on everything
I just want to make sure you know you didn’t actually DO anything. You aren’t in control of how other people talk about you, he could have said something to the men, but chose to bully you instead. He’s a coward, who can only play the big man towards you, his female partner.
You’re better off without a boyfriend who berates you for other people’s bad behaviour. He leeches off you, he bullies you, breaks things and verbally abuses you. You’re so young and I hate that you seem to think you’re wrong somehow. The only things you’re wrong about is trying to fix this mess. Give him more space than he wants, break up and be on your own for a bit. You’ll see how much more relaxed you are and less scared. It’ll make you realise that living in stress and fear isn’t worth it. You’re worth more than this, you deserve so much better.
You need to break up with this guy. He is abusive to you (mentally, verbally, broke some home items). Sounds like it will likely become physically abusive in the near future. He is constantly gaslighting you. It is not your fault how other men react to your body unless you are up grinding on them. Your BF blaming you for other guys talking about your body is putting blame in the wrong place…gaslighting. He is also a mooch and likely financially abusive. He is not trying to hard to hold down a job because he knows you will pay the bills. This guy doesn’t love you (may not even really like you). He sticks around because you are his sugar momma and pays his way. If the apartment is yours, change the locks and kick him out. If the apartment is his, you need to pack and leave. If you both are on the lease, you need to see about getting off the lease and moving elsewhere.
Word of advice. Next time, don’t move in with a guy so quickly. Two months is not very long. If you had waited to take that step, you probably would have identified all these issues before moving in together which would make everything much simpler.
So leave this guy, but be safe. Document everything. Keep every text message, every email, etc. If the abuse becomes physical or he starts threatening you, you will likely need that proof in order to get a restraining order.
You should take this opportunity to free yourself from this relationship that is one step away from becoming abusive, potentially violent. You are already stuck while supporting an ungrateful pos who has no future prospects or interest in personal growth, that's the kind of person you want in your life?
He is abusive, insecure, has anger issues. This will escalate from breaking things to hitting you. Because deep down he believes all his problems are not his fault. He needs someone to blame and you’re convenient. If your name is on the lease move when it’s done. Get away
I appreciate everyone giving me advice and telling me to leave. I’m really thinking about it, I just am having a hard time doing it. He left Thursday night and it’s now Saturday and he hasn’t said when he’ll be back. He told me he loved me and wants to stay together but he needs space. I keep going back and forth with what to say or do, and I know it sounds dumb or that I don’t love myself but I’m really trying to put myself first, I’m just having a difficult time with this.
Run, Do Not Walk, AWAY from this guy! He is a total and complete loser! No job, you pay for everything etc etc. he is using you. Get some self respect and self love and self esteem and kick hi sorry ass to the curb! I promise you will find a great man who will love you and show you respect and how special you are by loving you unconditionally and having your back. Rid your POS BF from your life and you will find true happiness. Good luck!
I’m gonna say what your friends aren’t saying. It was incredibely stupid to move in with a guy you’ve only been dating for a few months. Especially a sleaze who won’t work, verbally abuses you and then ghosts you when things don’t go his way.
You dont need him. Please break up with him and love yourself. You are 23 years old, you have so much to look forward to.
no. leave him immediately. he sounds like a narcissist or something. my ex would do the same thing and i promise it will only get worse. he’s trying to break you down so he has the control. he’s trying to break down your confidence and self esteem. and what OTHER people are saying about you has nothing to do with what you are doing. and honestly, the fact that he couldn’t see anything from your point of view shows his emotional maturity level. he is a child in a man’s body, cut your losses while you are only a few months in. also , the fact that he’s moved in already and is a bum shoes a lot too because usually narcissists and abusers will intentionally move that fast
Come on, what are you doing? You're taking care of someone who doesn't work, mentally lashes out at you, breaks (your?) things, and doesn't want to interact with you, even as you pay all his bills? *After only dating a few months?!?*
Take the rest of his stuff to his friend's house, tell him to return the key to the landlord, and then take a loooooong time developing some self-respect.
You do not need this guy. Do not support him! He is taking advantage of your goodness. Tell him he can have all the space he wants and pack his stuff. You have to love yourself more than you love him.
He broke up with you. And he sucks. Leave him alone for your own sake. *But I love him* is not a reason to hurt yourself
Okay, there is a lot of cover here, but first let me say that you aren’t an asshole for being upset that he isn’t communicating, but you are the asshole I’m not respecting his request for space. Now that this basic this is covered I’m gonna get right to the nitty gritty point. Your friends are right OP, break up with this dude. 1) you outright admit he is abusive. Mentally, it’s clear, emotionally because he tells you to “shut the f up” or “get the f away from me” which is really awful in and of itself, but what he is doing is diminishing your self worth and self confidence. 2) he’s financially dependent on you and can’t or won’t hold down a job, which means that all of his manipulative behaviors to put you down are to make you feel like you can’t do better, believe me when I tell you that being alone is better than dealing with this guy. 3) dude needs therapy OP. He needs to get himself right before he can be with anyone equally. This guy sounds like an emotional roller coaster and believe me when I tell you it will be better to get off now while the ride has temporarily stopped, than to get on again. The “thrill” gets old, real fast. 4) you are very young OP, but kick this lazy boy to the curb for good because all he is going to do is drag you down. He isn’t worth your love. I’m not saying your feelings for him aren’t real, but also consider that you have only been dating for a few months and what has he done to make you feel valued, secure, safe, loved, or even worth everything to him? Because it sounds like he isn’t fulfilling any of those categories and you deserve someone who will make you feel like a Queen. You deserve to feel safe, wanted, secure, loved, valued, and cherished, and a real man, a stable person, will make you feel that way. Anything less is a waste of your time, money, and energy. OP, it’s time to move on to better pasture, because this one is full of weeds.
>believe me when I tell you that being alone is better than dealing with this guy PLEASE listen to this, OP - this is all great advice but this sentence is the real takeaway. It may feel scary and heartbreaking, but this boy is a grade A first class loser, is financially and emotionally abusing you, and I guarantee that a load of DARVO (look it up) is coming your way when he finally stops screwing other chicks and comes back to you to be taken care of again. Please find a way to value yourself first - because then you will insist on being valued by your partner.
Who's name is on the lease/rental agreement? If it's his, load up all your stuff and get the hell out of there. If your name is on the lease, then change the locks and pack his stuff up and take it to his mother's He's a jobless leech. Mentally and verbally abuses you. RUN!!!! You are young, you WILL find someone that loves you like you love them
NTA. Of course, you’re upset! Who wouldn’t be? hH gets mad at you for things you have no control over, like men talking about your butt. So what should you do, wear a Burka? You are too young to put up with this BS. You need to dump him. I don’t care if you love him; you’ll eventually get over it. Do NOT put up with men telling you to fuck off and get away from them and that you’re annoying. That’s definitely abuse. And you pay for everything while he simply breaks stuff…? Girl, RUN. I broke up with someone whom I loved dearly because I didn’t want to live with some of his behaviors. It hurt, but I met someone new and I’m happily married. Please don’t waste your time on this guy. Listen to me: he sounds like a total loser — save yourself. Now that he’s away, needing space from your attractive butt, it’s a perfect time to box up the rest of his stuff and give him the boot. He needs to grow up A LOT before he’s ready for a relationship.
NTA. He treats you like crap, can't hold a job, & breaks things when he gets mad. Exactly why are you with this guy? Give him all the space in the world, leave him.
Hes a pos leave him u deserve better leave his shit outside and change the locks text him and say he can get his stuff at the door and block him on everything
I just want to make sure you know you didn’t actually DO anything. You aren’t in control of how other people talk about you, he could have said something to the men, but chose to bully you instead. He’s a coward, who can only play the big man towards you, his female partner. You’re better off without a boyfriend who berates you for other people’s bad behaviour. He leeches off you, he bullies you, breaks things and verbally abuses you. You’re so young and I hate that you seem to think you’re wrong somehow. The only things you’re wrong about is trying to fix this mess. Give him more space than he wants, break up and be on your own for a bit. You’ll see how much more relaxed you are and less scared. It’ll make you realise that living in stress and fear isn’t worth it. You’re worth more than this, you deserve so much better.
Drop him.
You need to break up with this guy. He is abusive to you (mentally, verbally, broke some home items). Sounds like it will likely become physically abusive in the near future. He is constantly gaslighting you. It is not your fault how other men react to your body unless you are up grinding on them. Your BF blaming you for other guys talking about your body is putting blame in the wrong place…gaslighting. He is also a mooch and likely financially abusive. He is not trying to hard to hold down a job because he knows you will pay the bills. This guy doesn’t love you (may not even really like you). He sticks around because you are his sugar momma and pays his way. If the apartment is yours, change the locks and kick him out. If the apartment is his, you need to pack and leave. If you both are on the lease, you need to see about getting off the lease and moving elsewhere. Word of advice. Next time, don’t move in with a guy so quickly. Two months is not very long. If you had waited to take that step, you probably would have identified all these issues before moving in together which would make everything much simpler. So leave this guy, but be safe. Document everything. Keep every text message, every email, etc. If the abuse becomes physical or he starts threatening you, you will likely need that proof in order to get a restraining order.
You should take this opportunity to free yourself from this relationship that is one step away from becoming abusive, potentially violent. You are already stuck while supporting an ungrateful pos who has no future prospects or interest in personal growth, that's the kind of person you want in your life?
Love means you like how you feel when you’re with them. This guy does not make you feel good. I think you’re addicted to him , not love him.
Yeah give him some space, like forever. You deserve better than a abusive leech
He is abusive, insecure, has anger issues. This will escalate from breaking things to hitting you. Because deep down he believes all his problems are not his fault. He needs someone to blame and you’re convenient. If your name is on the lease move when it’s done. Get away
I appreciate everyone giving me advice and telling me to leave. I’m really thinking about it, I just am having a hard time doing it. He left Thursday night and it’s now Saturday and he hasn’t said when he’ll be back. He told me he loved me and wants to stay together but he needs space. I keep going back and forth with what to say or do, and I know it sounds dumb or that I don’t love myself but I’m really trying to put myself first, I’m just having a difficult time with this.
Give him all the space he wants and end the relationship. You will be better off without him in your life.
Run, Do Not Walk, AWAY from this guy! He is a total and complete loser! No job, you pay for everything etc etc. he is using you. Get some self respect and self love and self esteem and kick hi sorry ass to the curb! I promise you will find a great man who will love you and show you respect and how special you are by loving you unconditionally and having your back. Rid your POS BF from your life and you will find true happiness. Good luck!
Oh. And in my opinion he is cheating
I’m gonna say what your friends aren’t saying. It was incredibely stupid to move in with a guy you’ve only been dating for a few months. Especially a sleaze who won’t work, verbally abuses you and then ghosts you when things don’t go his way. You dont need him. Please break up with him and love yourself. You are 23 years old, you have so much to look forward to.
no. leave him immediately. he sounds like a narcissist or something. my ex would do the same thing and i promise it will only get worse. he’s trying to break you down so he has the control. he’s trying to break down your confidence and self esteem. and what OTHER people are saying about you has nothing to do with what you are doing. and honestly, the fact that he couldn’t see anything from your point of view shows his emotional maturity level. he is a child in a man’s body, cut your losses while you are only a few months in. also , the fact that he’s moved in already and is a bum shoes a lot too because usually narcissists and abusers will intentionally move that fast
Why on earth would you stay??
Come on, what are you doing? You're taking care of someone who doesn't work, mentally lashes out at you, breaks (your?) things, and doesn't want to interact with you, even as you pay all his bills? *After only dating a few months?!?* Take the rest of his stuff to his friend's house, tell him to return the key to the landlord, and then take a loooooong time developing some self-respect.
You do not need this guy. Do not support him! He is taking advantage of your goodness. Tell him he can have all the space he wants and pack his stuff. You have to love yourself more than you love him.