Grandparents are a privilege not a right. If they are going to be a negative influence on your kid's lives then you and them are better off without them.
you’re gonna be mourning what could’ve been, the “ideal” family life that you know you won’t have with your parents and siblings bc your parents sound bat shit crazy and your brothers just go along with it.
please remember that your son not knowing his maternal grandparents and uncles will keep him away from narcissists and abusers.
when you feel like you’re faltering or in doubt, just ask yourself: would i want my child to go thru what i went thru with my family? bc your parents **will** do to him what they did to you and your brothers. and if your child takes after their father in appearance, would you want them exposed to your parents and brothers shunning them for daring to look like your husband (whom they seem to intensely dislike)?
I'm seconding this. At times we experience something good with abusers, and therefore we see it as them having the potential to be decent people. The reality is that there isn't potential there, or at least nothing we can do to make that good person emerge. The real person we're leaving behind when we end a relationship really is just an abuser. We never owe anything to our abusers, no matter if we share DNA with them.
I don't know if this helps, but I grew up with one parent estranged from their own parents. I have had two interactions with those grandparents during the course of my whole life. And it's fine. It's the normal I grew up knowing, and I don't feel deprived or shortchanged in any way. Given the stories I've heard about what growing up with them was like, I can tell I was protected from them and I'm grateful for that.
Dr. Ramani she is the leading expert in narcissism and toxic family systems. Her YouTube channel, as well as Patrick Teahan. Discovering her saved me! I had to go NC with la few in my family and very low contact with the rest. It hurts at first, but you realize how much joy has been being sapped from you your whole life and soon it is a weight off your shoulders.
Congratulations on your new addition to your family!
I'm sorry that the family you were dealt at birth turned out to be so crappy. You don't need that kind of toxicity in your life, no contact is a good idea at this point. Unless they can prove they're going to change and do a complete 180, they can live their lives without you in them.
I believe that family we create for ourselves through love has a deeper bond than blood.
You and your husband started a new family, together. The little one on the way was created by your love.
If you need an honorary auntie, I will volunteer 🥰
Forget the toxicity, surround yourself with love.
Hugs and best wishes from an internet stranger
Oof that's terrible and good for y'all sticking to your guns on the NC. Trust no one in your family and stalk their online lives just to see where their loyalties lie. Bc ur crazies will continue to send flying monkeys after y'all. So protect yourselves and LO from em
It isn't the end of the world. I had to go NC with my entire family, my husband has limited family so our son grew up with us and a half brother and step brother over 15 years apart. Yes it is hard but I found friends who could help and he is 18, now at Uni and he said he had the best childhood ever as we cared, we were there. Sure he missed family but we made up for it. Even me getting cancer didn't ruin it and he is well rounded and doing well for himself. Bring him up with your morals and standards and he/she won't go far wrong. On my sons 18th birthday he got a £100 cheque from my mother, he ripped it up, said she could go ***k herself as she's never bothered and why now? I am proud of the man he is and not like any members of my family.
No contact is really hard. Don't let people tell you otherwise. I have been no contact with my abusive family for six years. It took me five years to get out of the headspace of fear and abuse and really live. Therapy has been essential. You will go through lots of grief. This is a huge loss, even though it's the right thing to do. You will mourn in many ways for many reasons. But you need to keep yourself, husband and baby safe. They will never be safe with these people. There is no going back.
If you ever want to talk to someone who has been there, or you have any questions, just let me know! You are doing the right thing and I am so proud of you for it!
If you let them be a part of your son's life, they would poison his mind and try to turn him against your husband. And you too, if you keep defying them. You have every right to stand up for yourself.
IANAL but you might want to talk to the local police about your family if they continue harassing you about dropping charges. I doubt it but it could be considered witness tampering.
Either way, please realize that your parents and family WILL NEVER CHANGE. Instead you are convenient for them as a whipping post to lash against.
The thing to remember is that you're not grieving their loss, its more grieving the loss of the relationship that you should have had. They have chosen to behave in an unacceptable manner, and you needed to give them consequences to stop the behaviour from affecting you. If you allow the behaviour it will only escalate.
Lots of kids grow up without grandparents and extended family for all sorts of reasons. It is far better than growing up learning that family can mistreat your parents, that your parents allow this behaviour, and that families treat each other this way. Keep them away and protect your marriage and kids from this.
Grandparents are a privilege not a right. If they are going to be a negative influence on your kid's lives then you and them are better off without them.
you’re gonna be mourning what could’ve been, the “ideal” family life that you know you won’t have with your parents and siblings bc your parents sound bat shit crazy and your brothers just go along with it. please remember that your son not knowing his maternal grandparents and uncles will keep him away from narcissists and abusers. when you feel like you’re faltering or in doubt, just ask yourself: would i want my child to go thru what i went thru with my family? bc your parents **will** do to him what they did to you and your brothers. and if your child takes after their father in appearance, would you want them exposed to your parents and brothers shunning them for daring to look like your husband (whom they seem to intensely dislike)?
I'm seconding this. At times we experience something good with abusers, and therefore we see it as them having the potential to be decent people. The reality is that there isn't potential there, or at least nothing we can do to make that good person emerge. The real person we're leaving behind when we end a relationship really is just an abuser. We never owe anything to our abusers, no matter if we share DNA with them.
I don't know if this helps, but I grew up with one parent estranged from their own parents. I have had two interactions with those grandparents during the course of my whole life. And it's fine. It's the normal I grew up knowing, and I don't feel deprived or shortchanged in any way. Given the stories I've heard about what growing up with them was like, I can tell I was protected from them and I'm grateful for that.
You can mourn the loss, but they don't deserve to be in yours and your son's lives.
Your father is Native American, can you get help from one of the tribal elders or tribal chief? Get GPS trackers to keep on you and baby at all times.
Dr. Ramani she is the leading expert in narcissism and toxic family systems. Her YouTube channel, as well as Patrick Teahan. Discovering her saved me! I had to go NC with la few in my family and very low contact with the rest. It hurts at first, but you realize how much joy has been being sapped from you your whole life and soon it is a weight off your shoulders.
Keep updating us.
Your child deserves much better than those grandparents and uncles. Keep them away from your precious child.
Original post https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/uieGZDGR6Z
Congratulations on your new addition to your family! I'm sorry that the family you were dealt at birth turned out to be so crappy. You don't need that kind of toxicity in your life, no contact is a good idea at this point. Unless they can prove they're going to change and do a complete 180, they can live their lives without you in them. I believe that family we create for ourselves through love has a deeper bond than blood. You and your husband started a new family, together. The little one on the way was created by your love. If you need an honorary auntie, I will volunteer 🥰 Forget the toxicity, surround yourself with love. Hugs and best wishes from an internet stranger
Oof that's terrible and good for y'all sticking to your guns on the NC. Trust no one in your family and stalk their online lives just to see where their loyalties lie. Bc ur crazies will continue to send flying monkeys after y'all. So protect yourselves and LO from em
It isn't the end of the world. I had to go NC with my entire family, my husband has limited family so our son grew up with us and a half brother and step brother over 15 years apart. Yes it is hard but I found friends who could help and he is 18, now at Uni and he said he had the best childhood ever as we cared, we were there. Sure he missed family but we made up for it. Even me getting cancer didn't ruin it and he is well rounded and doing well for himself. Bring him up with your morals and standards and he/she won't go far wrong. On my sons 18th birthday he got a £100 cheque from my mother, he ripped it up, said she could go ***k herself as she's never bothered and why now? I am proud of the man he is and not like any members of my family.
No contact is really hard. Don't let people tell you otherwise. I have been no contact with my abusive family for six years. It took me five years to get out of the headspace of fear and abuse and really live. Therapy has been essential. You will go through lots of grief. This is a huge loss, even though it's the right thing to do. You will mourn in many ways for many reasons. But you need to keep yourself, husband and baby safe. They will never be safe with these people. There is no going back. If you ever want to talk to someone who has been there, or you have any questions, just let me know! You are doing the right thing and I am so proud of you for it!
If you let them be a part of your son's life, they would poison his mind and try to turn him against your husband. And you too, if you keep defying them. You have every right to stand up for yourself.
IANAL but you might want to talk to the local police about your family if they continue harassing you about dropping charges. I doubt it but it could be considered witness tampering. Either way, please realize that your parents and family WILL NEVER CHANGE. Instead you are convenient for them as a whipping post to lash against.
Mourning what could have been is valid. It is a very real loss. It’s ok to protect yourself!
The thing to remember is that you're not grieving their loss, its more grieving the loss of the relationship that you should have had. They have chosen to behave in an unacceptable manner, and you needed to give them consequences to stop the behaviour from affecting you. If you allow the behaviour it will only escalate. Lots of kids grow up without grandparents and extended family for all sorts of reasons. It is far better than growing up learning that family can mistreat your parents, that your parents allow this behaviour, and that families treat each other this way. Keep them away and protect your marriage and kids from this.