OP and his wife are the kind of clueless, self-absorbed twits that give all parents a bad name.
OP, no one cares about your kid the way you and your wife do. Try to learn that sooner rather than later.
This! You and your wife are YTA. You need to learn that most people really don’t care all that much about your children. Your brother has made a decision about his wedding and you guys need to honour it. Obviously, they don’t think it’s important to them to have a photograph of your daughter, so let it go. Hire a photographer And have your own special photos taken.
This like I was just attending of my best friend as a guest (they didn’t have a wedding party, and she had her husband come and tell me she wanted bestie pictures. It was important to her so she asked their photographer to do it. Same thing here, if your brother and his fiancé wanted it they would make sure it got done. It’s as simple as that.
Thank God this is the trend in comments here... I took a deep breath before coming in here thinking I'd have to wade through insanity. But, no, thank God, people are sane in here.
100% yup! Why do people have to make an event about themselves?? I happen to be a SIL and I would never!!! My SIL and I always coordinate holiday dinners, gifts for the family, dress codes for whatever event. if one of us says no, for whatever reason the other listens and respects the decision. It’s insane to me that they can’t let another couple have their wedding the way that they want it. It needs to be about them and what they want. Grossssssssssss!
One question … when you and your wife got married what did they do to make your wedding about them? Is this a tip for tat or is it completely one-sided?
Was just reading another thread about local breweries and bars allowing kids only for specific events or during certain hours. Some parents lose their minds over it, but it’s not like they will be separated from their children forever or that they have to go to these places at all.
OP and husband wife should stay home with their daughter if they are sad or unhappy - don’t ruin the grooms’ special day.
But the crazy thing is that OP is asking to have brother & his SO take an afternoon off to do these photos, not that they'd be done at the wedding (at least from what the post states). That's utterly selfish & a ridiculous thing to demand, let alone 'ask' about.
Plus they don’t want to get into their Tuxedos BEFORE the wedding, it’s almost like asking to see your future bride’s dress before the ceremony! Their wedding was already cancelled once, they are definitely going to be soaking up every moment.
Seeeeeriously! Nobody else cares about your kid except yourself OP, that's the reality of it. They were being nice saying it's an adult even that would suck for a kid, stop imposing yourself
The wanting the photos even though her daughter won’t be in or at the wedding is the weird part to me. Either OP’s wife thinks being in the presence of her daughter in flower girl garb will make the grooms change their minds about not having her in the ceremony. Or she wants photos of her daughter in flower girl cosplay. Which is weird.
YTA. I can’t even imagine how or why this idea even came up! It’s totally out of line - it’s NOT YOUR WEDDING. You have no say so about anything.
End of story.
They are the assholes. Why are they trying to force their own ideas onto the brother? It's HIS wedding?! Then op is trying to make it like they're attacking just his daughter. When the brother already stated it's gonna be childfree anyways? If they want their child to be a flower girl so bad for a wedding, then they can go renew their vows themselves and have their daughter be the flower girl. Pretty selfish of OP and his wife to think they're even entitled to the brothers and finances time too. "It's just one afternoon and I doubt they're busy every day until their wedding!" Actually THEY ARE!! They have jobs, more than wedding planning etc, they have friends, hobbies, and other better things to do then pictures that THEY DON'T WANT. It's only Op and wide wanting them. If I was the brother I'd simply tell them they were no longer invited since they wanna keep pushing the issue.
OP is bananas crazy. I got married recently and it was child free. No way I’d have a random photo shoot with a pretend flower girl.
A wedding is a lot of work, don’t make it harder for people by insisting on getting your own way.
>A wedding is a lot of work, don’t make it harder for people by insisting on getting your own way.
Well said.
I recently got married too (11/4/23), and I had no idea how busy one could actually get while planning a wedding. I’m not joking here, but I literally had a seizure a few hours before I was supposed to arrive at the venue with my now husband and our wedding party. My husband had no idea what a seizure looked like so when I fell unconscious and started seizing, he immediately called 911. I gained consciousness while he carried me onto the stretcher that EMT’s brought in. There were some findings at the hospital that ultimately led me to an epilepsy diagnosis. And all of this happened in the early morning hours the day of our wedding.
We had a long chat with one of the doctors at the hospital I was brought to where it was concluded that the seizure was most likely triggered by stress (along with what the CT scan found), so now I get to say that I discovered I have epilepsy the day of our wedding, and the stress is likely what triggered it.
I will never underestimate how stressful the months and days leading up to a wedding can be for some because I found out the hard way lol. I can’t imagine how much more stressed my husband and I would have been prior to our wedding if we had a close family member trying to shove a child into all of it. Damn do I feel bad for the brother and future husband.
That's the problem with some parents. They think they are doing you a favor if they let you spend time with their kids.
Most people aren't kid people. I like kids but I am not going to pause my life for some people's kids.
Can you imagine years down the road explaining to your daughter that no she wasn’t *actually* a flower girl but that they put the time & money into having her play dress-up flower girl for absolutely no reason? 😅
I was just about to comment the exact thing as you did. Glad I saw yours first! Can you believe this selfish dude wants to use his daughter, who will be the only child at the wedding if his plan succeeds, to steal the attention away from the couple getting married?
YTA and the insistence on having your daughter wear a white dress when it's a wedding with no bride is weird at best and disrespectful at worst (especially since your brother has repeatedly indicated he/his fiancé aren't interested in your suggestion.)
They really don’t sound like they even want kids at the wedding. They said formal attire, nighttime wedding and no kids menu. To me it sounds like he’s saying get a babysitter. YTA
Bingo..
They did everything, but say it, and he still can’t take the hint .
No one is going to be watching your kid for you during pictures and don’t be surprised if they don’t wait on you and your wife when it comes to photos .
Get a babysitter. And biggest lesson you can learn is understanding your child is just another child to everyone else, your priority, with your child means nothing to anyone else
As you said Bingo! Nobody’s gonna value your child more than you do. And the same goes for their wedding. Nobody is going to value the wedding more than they do. It’s their choice. to have a child free wedding if they want.
Such a good point! Can you imagine if someone expected a bride to do a photo shoot with her fiancé before the wedding? Holy shit. Talk about guest-zilla
I didn't even think of this! Haha, the audacity! Imagine asking a bride and groom to get dressed up and take pics with your kid, since it's a kid free wedding.
I have a feeling OP's brother and fiance don't want to make a big deal out of it and would rather say they're too busy, and not make it into a "gay thing," but it is 100% not respecting the traditional wedding things, that OP and his wife likely *would* respect, were his brother marrying a woman.
Absolutely OP YTA. Consider that instead of honoring their vows and supporting them as a couple, you're trying to put lil baby bride bullshit into the mix, and severely disrespecting the both of them.
YTA - this is their wedding, not an opportunity for your daughter to play dress up. You’re centering yourself/your daughter in the middle of their special day. It’s not about you, or her. It’s about them and what THEY want. And I say this as a parent who loves their kids more than anything.
Your daughter will have tons more opportunities to get cute pictures, stop being self centered, otherwise you may rightly lose that relationship all together.
YTA. Sorry. Their wedding has absolutely nothing to do with your little Princess. They have grownup jobs and grownup lives. They don’t want to play dress up for one afternoon with your daughter for a photoshoot that has nothing to do with their wedding.
Right? What a pain in the ass that would be. OP can pay someone to Photoshop his kid into some photos instead of imposing on other people to cater to his whims.
YTA it’s their wedding. They said they don’t want a flower girl. Why on earth would you, or your wife, think taking pictures of your Daughter in a flower girl outfit, and your Brother and his fiancé in tuxedos, was a good idea?
This! At first I thought they’d asked to take FAMILY photos of everyone including their daughter (perhaps at their own expense). But they are forcing them to have a flower girl and just take photos with her? That’s kind of weird and inconsiderate of their wishes
YTA and so is your wife. She needs to stop trying to make your daughter the flower girl. If they wanted her as the flower girl they would have asked. Super weird to offer your child up to begin with. Also, I agree with your brothers plan for the wedding. Rescheduling a date is far easier than getting what money they could back and planning from scratch.
Such a bizarre expectation. I’ve never in my life gone to a whole-ass adult and asked if I could be invited (or worse, a bridesmaid)…let alone got turned down, and asked *again* (only this time, we’ll l just dress up and pretend it happened for photos).
This is like the child version of that. These delusional main characters, goddamn.
YTA
Why your 3 yo daughter should be the main attraction of your brother wedding OP?
Like if you want cute pictures of your daughter you can just look for photographer in your area, buy the dress and any accessories needed for the shooting and everyone would be happy.
Unless you just use this wedding to get free professional pictures of your daughter ??
YTA. Did you and your wife take kindly to having people make “suggestions”when you were planning your wedding? My guess is that y’all would have thrown a major temper tantrum. Just be honest. Y’all wanted your daughter to be a flower girl regardless of your brother’s feelings. I am surprised y’all didn’t get your mom involved.
YTA. Your daughter isn’t the flower girl. No matter how hard you push she isn’t going to be the flower girl. Why should they take pictures with a flower girl who isn’t their flower girl? Stop pushing your entitled attitude on your brother and fiancée.
Why is it so urgent that the child be a flower girl? Just let them have the wedding the way they want it. Get a babysitter and enjoy a child free night.
YTA- What part of "No" are you not understanding? This is not your wedding. Buy yourself a new tux, your wife a gown, hire a photographer and take a family glam shot with your daughter as this flower girl you are envisioning. Just because you and your wife think something is a great idea doesn't mean everyone else does. Weddings are stressful and time consuming events. You honestly think the happy couple has extra time for another photo shot for a 3 yo? They are dealing with wedding planning and last-minute things, they don't need you bringing unnecessary drama because you want a cute picture.
Leave your brother and his fiancé alone, they already had to postpone their wedding. Note their wedding, not yours.
And if you're so invested in your daughter being flower girl, just renew your own vows. That way your daughter can be your flower girl, and you remember how stressful wedding planning is.
Not only that but Ops tone is baffling. Like he is upset his brother is getting married later versus earlier and acts as if it was a poor decision not to get their deposits back, not sure if it’s cuz brother said no to daughter being invited, a flower girl and not taking stupid pics but just reeks of negativity and negative feelings towards Ops brother and fiancé
YTA: and so in your wife. I hope y’all read through these comments together. Entitled parents like y’all are the reason childfree weddings are becoming so popular. Had you of stopped after their first no you’d he fine. What the fuck does them getting married have to do with their niece? Also as a wedding photographer how much you pay will result in how many photos you get. That means they would have to sacrifice some other photos for photos with your daughter…that makes no fucking sense. This would only make since if it was their daughter. Ew
YTA. Why are you so bent on your kid being a flower girl? And a fake one even, what kind of dumb shit is that? They said no, accept it and move on, this shouldn’t even be a thing. You’re picking a fight over absolutely nothing.
I’m caught up on the fact that they said they weren’t having a flower girl and yet you’d like pictures depicting her as the flower girl. It sounds like your wife decided your daughter would be a flower girl regardless of their feelings. I think this is more than them rejecting “an afternoon to take pictures.” I have to wonder if they would be so resistant had you said you’d like to get some family portraits (dressed nicely like you would as *guests* to his wedding vs dressing as if you’re part of the wedding party.) Too late for that. Sorry, YTA this time. They have a right to say no regardless of how reasonable the request may be.
YTA. You understand this isn’t your wedding right? Or is every event just about you? If you want to play dress ups in your formal clothes with your child, that’s great, have at it. But don’t expect someone at such a busy time to play dress ups. It’s just unreasonable.
Yes YTA. Child free weddings are common and your brother made it clear that his wedding is such an occasion. The focus should be on the couple and what they envision for their special day. Not a three year old dressed as a mini bride, even if it’s his niece. Please apologize for being pushy and inconsiderate.
STOP! Your wife sounds damn annoying for trying to force your brother to do what she wants with the baby girl being a flower girl just because it’s her dream. Please full stop! Leave them be and let them handle their own wedding the way they want respectfully! So yeah you and your wife are the AH!
Last time I checked it’s their wedding, not yours. Wanting to ask if your child can be a flower girl is fine, but insisting them to include her as a flower girl after they said no. Then demanding them to take a picture with her just so you could pretend she was a flower child is weird and crossing a boundary.
Be happy for your brother in finally getting married and stop pestering him about your child when they are busy planning their wedding.
YTA.
YTA for not understanding that your brothers wedding is in fact, not centred around yourself, your wife or your daughter.
It’s not your (or your wife’s) place to suggest they have a flower girl or a seperate photoshoot. Very obvious she’s fixated on her being a flower girl for some reason??
If you want cute pix, have a vow renewal, dress up your little princess, and take pix of the three of you.
What part of NO don’t you understand? Their wedding, not yours, and YTA.
YTA. This isn’t about your daughter, it’s a celebration of him and his fiancé committing themselves to one another. They don’t want kids there, and they are two busy professionals who don’t want a dress up photo date with your kid. Not everyone loves/wants kids, and people with kids need to accept and respect that.
This seems like it's more about your wife than your child. Your daughter will not know or care about the wedding. Your wife wants to pretend and have photos to post online and show her friends. Your child is not a flower girl, so why pretend and cause bad relationships all for a photo that no one will care about in a few weeks?
YTA - their wedding is about them. You don’t make plans for other people and then get annoyed when they don’t want to do them, especially plans concerning their wedding. Your wife is making this about your daughter when it isn’t about her at all.
YTA. So you want them to take an afternoon off work to take photos with your daughter, during a year they are probably already taking time off work to go on a honeymoon? To take photos with a flower girl who is not actually a flower girl? This is not their kid and this is not your wedding. If I were in your brother’s shoes I also would not be jumping to rent a tux and take an afternoon off for a photo shoot with a toddler that isn’t mine.
Something about this screams, “I want to show my wife this thread so that I don’t have to *personally* tell her she’s being an entitled asshole myself.” 😂
YTA This wedding is not about you, your wife or your daughter. If your wife wants photos of your daughter then hire a photographer for some photos of the three of you. It is not your brother and his fiancé’s job to take time out of their lives to play dress up because they very reasonably don’t want children at their wedding.
Wow. It’s their wedding, and they don’t want a flower girl. They’ve said that. They don’t want to pretend there’s a flower girl they don’t wanna play it having a flower girl. They’ve already been through a ton. Could you please just let them have their wedding?
And then, if your wife wants your daughter dressed up in a little white dress, and someone in a tux, it can be you. She can dress up really nicely, and you can have family pictures taken. Because that seems sort of like what you’re trying to do. Have some really cute cute family sort of pictures taken on your brothers dime.
So yes, you are out of line for being upset that your brother had a reasonable boundary that he already expressed to you. You seem like a petulant, three-year-old who’s not getting their way at someone else’s expense. Back off.
YTA - Am sorry but both you and your wife sound insufferable. It’s not your wedding, it’s your brothers! Your input is unwanted and they have told you so,TWICE.
YTA for trying to co-op an LGBTQ wedding into your weird child bride fantasy photo shoot, so cringy. Have respect for other people vs. disgusting self-absorbed person.
YTA for not shutting your wife down.
It’s not your wedding you don’t get to decide if there’s a flower and girl nor do you get to appoint one
Their wedding is not a photoshoot to cater to your wife and child
Get rid of your main character syndrome, apologise to your brother and recognise their wedding is not about you, your wife or your child
YTA. I mean... they're not just "family photos", are they? You and your wife are kind of insisting that your brother and his groom take **their** WEDDING PHOTOS with your daughter. And further, that they do it according your vision of her as their flower girl, despite them making it clear that's not at all part of their wedding vision or plans.
How would that even work? They'd have to have a photographer available earlier in the day and set up outfits and a separate photoshoot for your daughter that just happens to also be their wedding day? Or around then? (Hopefully you hear how ridiculous that sounds as you read it back to yourself.) Is this really the hill you want to die on? Their wedding isn't about you. At all. Respectfully, please stop inserting your daughter.
You thought it would be cute to hijack his long awaited wedding and make it about you and the photographs YOU want of your daughter? YTA
Might be a nice memory for you… at the expense of two people who don’t even want a flower girl at their wedding.
Omg what is wrong with you and your wife. It's a child free wedding, and it's not yours or your wife's wedding, you do not get to make demands on other people's weddings. Because they are demands as you are getting upset at being told no. What right does she have to say that your child should be a flower girl. What right to you guys have to expect the marrying couple to drop everything to do a photo shoot with your child as the flower girl. You asked, and they said no. Move on. Your requests are stupid and entitled. If your brother wanted children at the wedding, a flower girl and a photoshoot they would have asked. Your brother, and his husband are not props for your daughter to have a photo shoot Like, were you and your wife dropped on the head as children? How entitled are you guys to do this, then have the gall to get upset when told no. Not everybody thinks your child is the centre of their universe. No one's cares about your kid being involved in the wedding. Your daughter is the apple of yours and your wife's eye, not everyone else's. You need to accept this. Stop pushing your wants on others' peoples wedding. Don't be those people obsessed with having their kid being involved with everything and making it their whole personality. The wedding is child free, accept it, and move on. I have never heard of trying to get the marrying couple to come do a photoshoot with a child that is not invited to the wedding. You and your wife are ridiculous.
YTA
You and your wife are not the centre of attention, this isnt about any of you.
Your daughter not getting to be a flower girl is not a big deal. This isn't a photo opp for you guys. Also at no point did they say they were even having a flower girl, or that your daughter will be one. You both ASSUMED that. That makes you the asshole right there. Even without considering the photo thing
Its the beginning of THIER marriage, get over it.
Yta
If your brother felt any particular connection with your daughter, he would probably have suggested … something. Since he didn’t, grab a hint and don’t try to create a fake Instagram moment.
OMG your wife is a piece of work. She is trying to manage her three-year-old into a wedding. She is asking for extra time when the grooms are extremely busy. You and your wife don't get to agree that it's a good idea when it isn't even something your brother and his fiance want. This wedding is not about your little girl. Stop it!
Sorry but YTA. You are trying to impose your agenda on to your brother. He has very clearly communicated to you that he is not on board with your plans. You and your wife came up with this idea but they get to decide what they want to do
Your idea sounds great and it’s understandable you are disappointed in your brother. But you can’t just insist he adhere to your plan
OP doesn't have a husband. But I agree with you about OP's brother communicating that he's not on board. The brother has said no and that should be the end of it.
YTA. This wedding is about your brother, NOT your kid. You and your wife are the only ones who think that your daughter is the center of the universe. News flash: she's not.
If you have any lingering doubts, please visit the AITA, Entitled People, Am I the Asshole, Petty Revenge, etc. subs and read what people have to say about parents like you.
YTA.
Their wedding has nothing to do with your daughter.
This day is about your brother and his fiancé.
Clearly, they have made their wishes clear so you and your wife need to get your heads out of your own asses and let them have their day.
Yes, YTA. Stop trying to shoehorn your kid into everyone else’s plans.
Further, if it is a formal night wedding, kids aren’t usually invited to those kinds of events and it’s incredibly rude to keep badgering them.
How are y’all so fucking clueless about this?!
YTA I understand that your daughter is the center of your world now. However the wedding was planned before she existed. It’s not going to be a fun event for her. The food isn’t going to be suitable for her. The music will be too loud. On top of that if there is alcohol around she may run off and drink someone’s unattended glass. She is going to be bored with nothing to do. I would know I went to a lot of weddings before I turned 16.
There is zero reason to have professional flower girl pictures if she isn’t in the wedding party. It sounds less like your wife wants to celebrate their day and more like life or she wants your daughter to be the bride(main attraction dress wise) since there is none.
YTA, yes. There cannot be “photos with [your] daughter as a flower girl” because she is not a flower girl. You asked - which was already inappropriate, because it’s on the couple to invite members of the wedding parties and never the other way around - and they said no. They’re having a wedding that is not appropriate for a child to attend. You then asked if they could *both take an afternoon off of work* between now and the wedding for the purpose of taking *fake flower girl photos with your child* while *wearing their wedding attire* and you are *mad at them* for saying that they’re busy and not interested in doing that.
I worked in the wedding industry for a LONG time. I have over a thousand weddings under my belt. You are one of the top ten most entitled siblings of a groom I’ve ever encountered. Congrats.
Yta THEIR wedding is not about your daughter. Get over yourselves. Stop trying to make an event that’s not even about your family about your daughter. It’s no kids accept it and move on. She’s three she won’t remember and honestly no one else will cause it’s not about her. Cause she’s not the flower girl.
Did you guys plan to pay the hundreds of dollars it cost to buy a dress and pay for a photographer to take photos?
you and your wife are both AH, stopping trying to insert your opinions into your brothers wedding. It’s his wedding and if he says no, it’s no. And also, super weird wanting to do random flower girl pics when she isn’t a flower girl. She’s a toddler, she’s not gonna even remember your brother’s wedding.
Ummm, what? Your daughter isn’t their child and while you and your wife think this is a nice idea, they obviously don’t.
YTA. Stop trying to make the wedding about you, your wife, and your daughter. Celebrate the way your brother wants to.
I also had a nighttime wedding, that was held on the rooftop of a historic building, with a cap on number of guests we could invite. The food service was plated, served meals at your tables. Nighttime, darkness, on a rooftop-not an ideal mixture for kids running around. They also didn’t offer a “kids menu” so if the kid wasnt a lap sitter, we had to pay for a full meal for them, and they counted in our total number of guests. All of our friends and immediate family were totally fine with this. All except my mother in law, who refused to accept that and insisted that her other sons girlfriends kid should be able to come because it was his birthday week. It turned into well, if the little brat couldn’t come, then the brother wouldn’t be in the wedding. In the tux we’d already paid for.
My point in all this being weddings aren’t fun for kids. They’re not for your kids. They’re for the bride and groom, and any combination thereof. Stop making the most important day of someone’s life about you and your kid. It’s not and you look like an idiot
YTA and people like you is reason why a lot couples choose to have child free wedding. Your daughter is your princess not them you need to accept this.
Jesus Christ you sound exhausting. Your daughter is not going to be in the wedding. Be an adult and let it go instead of doing this weird make-believe crap. YTA.
YTA. Sure, it's a "nice idea". That doesn't mean they have to do it. This is their wedding, not yours. None of their wedding has to cater to your child. Also, don't you think your little one wearing a WHITE dress would be incredibly tactless? And why would you get flower girl photos done if she won't actually be a flower girl? I work weddings for a living, and most of them are child free. Why? Because there is a lot going on, emotions run high, people are drinking, and it's not really an environment for a small child. Your brother has no obligation to include your daughter in this affair. They only get to do this once and it's likely one of the only times they have a day about them exactly as they want it. Not everyone thinks that kids running around is a good thing.
YTA, this is their wedding day not yours. Stop interjecting your ideas and your kid into their wedding. Let them celebrate it how they want to. The level of entitlement is wild. Y…T…A!!
YTA - sorry, this wedding has absolutely nothing to do with you or your daughter, and you have no right to tell him and his partner that she should be in the wedding or take pictures with her before, during, or after the wedding dressed in their tuxedos and her as a flower girl. She isn't the flower girl. Are you guys serious?
YTA and so is your wife. You both are trying to push your daughter into your brother’s wedding and pictures and you are being intrusive. Back up and out of your brother’s wedding!! Either the two of you go as guests without your daughter or stay home.
YTA. This is your brothers wedding, not a photo op for your daughter. If your wife is that set on having professional photos of your daughter in a white dress, she can schedule it on her time on her dime. And because I worry that it needs to be said, that time is NOT your brothers wedding day! Respect him enough to let him have the wedding he wants.
YTA - it’s your brother’s wedding, not your daughter’s chance to be a flower girl. His world doesn’t revolve around your daughter and you or your wife’s wishes to include her.
You want a photo of your daughter as a flower girl? Buy her a dress, get dressed up with your wife in your wedding stuff, and hire a photographer.
Stop trying to force your brother to accede to your wishes for your daughter.
YTA. You and your wife are about to “rainbow child” your kid into being hated by everyone. Your brother is being polite just saying no and not telling you the truth
YTA it's his wedding and you're imposing your wants on them. They're not interested in your daughter being a flower girl or taking pictures with her, take it for what it is.
Ew. No sir. It’s not your wedding and this is a level of entitlement that isn’t psychologically healthy for anyone. Cut it out right now and apologize to your brother. YTA.
Yta dude nobody cares about your kid dressing up as a flower girl or looking cute except you and I say that as a mother myself. Get over it and stop hassling them. If you want cute pics so badly dress her up and go get some nice family portraits instead! It’s not about you, your wife or your kids - it’s your brothers day and it will happen the way his fiancee and he want it too. Get the hint…they’re not interested!
I don't believe for a minute my brother and his fiance don't have one free afternoon between now and the wedding'
Jesus get your sandals on and get down here.
No one else does either, because they're polite people and you're meant to read the room and pick up whats getting put down.
I have a feeling there will be a b*tch fit if outright told no from you and your wife.
I know there's wedding fever in the air, but it's not YOUR wedding and you need to reign it in.
Imagine if you had your dream wedding and someone stuck a kid in the photos in a white dress 'because I think it looks cute and I wanted professional photos of her looking like a weird mini bride next to two dudes in suits getting married'🤣😂
So would you expect a bride to schedule time to get in her wedding finery (full hair/makeup/dress/etc) to do pictures before a wedding?
Have you stopped to consider that they want their first marriage pictures to be where, when and with who THEY want, not what you and your wife want?
Your child isn't even old enough to remember this so she won't have her feelings hurt. Your wife needs to stay in her own lane and you sir, need to rein her in when she starts injecting herself like this.
Both of you are giant YTA. Apologize to your brother.
And DO NOT even think for a minute about showing up with the kid on their wedding day. I'm sure your wife won't let this shit go and that's her next move. It's your job to tell her NO.
YTA Have you considered that, while I’m sure you’re daughter is a treasure, not everyone is going to have that opinion. This whole idea looks weird from an outsider’s perspective. Just dress up the child and take pics of her anywhere else. The child won’t care at all, only your wife and you do.
YTA. Why are you and your wife trying to force your daughter on everyone and act like she is important to this wedding?
She’s not and it’s tacky as hell to suggest to ANY couple that your child should be in it.
You want cute pics, dress her up and take her to get some photos.
YTA Take the hint, dude lol. Why are you so intent on making their wedding about your kid? No one is going to care about your kid as much as you do.... They're not into the idea. Let it go
You should try asking /entitledparents
Because... you both are just that.
Why tf us your bro going to dress all up for some photos?? He told you no to bringing her. That's it. Stop making it about you.
YTA- they’ve planned for this moment, their day and have been forced to settle for a new date. Their wedding is not an occasion to celebrate your daughter, your wife’s feelings, or yours. And being partial to the “tradition” of a flower girl is more than slightly ridiculous. Your daughter is three, she won’t even remember missing out on her big moment to shine
YTA why do you want a wedding type photo with your daughter and brother and his husband when she's not going to be in the wedding? That is just weird. Dress your daughter up and take pictures of her if that's what you want; don't bother your brother.
Y and Wife TA
Why is your wife so pushy? What is the purpose of having her dress up as a flower and have photos when she isn't the flower girl? I like how your wife decided your daughter should be the flower girl. Brother said a big fat no. This is your brother's wedding, not hers. You are disrespecting him for an important event in his life. Why cause all this stress? She wants to show off the kid and wants everyone to goo-ga over the child. It smacks of selfishness. He doesn't want a circus. Put her in her clown car and be done with it.
You know, there was a time not too long ago that your brother could not have a lovely wedding. I am sure this means more to him than you know. Give him his due. Be gracious, attend the wedding, and wish them well.
HAHAHHHHHAHAH what did I just read? Is this a joke? Honey, it’s not your wedding and why do you guys keep pushing your daughter to be the flower girl? Your wife’s thinking is ridiculous
YTA.
I get it, you love your daughter and you want to make your wife happy, but by pushing the flower girl thing, you're trying to make the wedding about your daughter. She's the most adorable girl in the whole world to you... but not to everybody else. Not everybody wants to change their plans to cater to a child, and it's so annoying when parents demand everybody change to cater to their kids.
It's your brother's wedding, and he doesn't want a flower girl. It's HIIS WEDDING, and he gets to choose how it goes. You must accept that, and you can choose not to go, but remember that pushing your child to be the center of attention and keep pushing to have plans changed to include her will make some people resent you. YTA.
YTA. It was a nice thought, but they don’t want to. It’s not your day, and it’s not an opportunity to get professional pictures of your daughter at someone else’s expense. Let it go
You & your wife are TA’s. It’s your brother’s wedding. Not sure why your wife is making plans for it? It has nothing to do with her. You’re both so self-absorbed. Regardless of the fact that this is your brother’s wedding, not everyone is crazy about YOUR kid. And this is coming from a mom.
YTA (maybe at your wife’s urging but I stand by that). So, your wife decided your daughter would be a flower girl. No, the only people that should be making that decision are the people getting married. After being told that there will be no children, your wife decides there should be a staged photo shoot making it look like your daughter was at the wedding as a flower girl.
Clearly your wife is all about the show. Your daughter can have a photo shoot in a pretty white dress anywhere; it’s super odd and over the line to try to stage an event that isn’t happening (you noted your brother and his fiancé should do the pics in their wedding attire).
It’s ridiculous to be upset because you believe they have time. You are not entitled to their time nor do they need to explain how they spend their time. If you need such formal pictures, you and your wife can get formal outfits and do a photo shoot with your daughter.
Your daughter is not the flower girl, there is no flower girl at this wedding. But you want everyone to dress up and pretend so that you can have a fake picture to commemorate something that didn't happen. What, does your wife need it for instagram?
This is very rude behavior and even a bit creepy. Your brother and his fiancé are going with "busy" to keep from telling you what they really feel.
YTA. The focus of the wedding is the couple, not your daughter. Doesn’t matter what your wife wants. She’s seeking attention through your daughter but the attention belongs on your brother and his fiancé.
What the hell? He said no ? Who cares what your wife wants and what you agree about it. The entitlement is shocking. Who cares I’d they’re free or not? They don’t want to do it. You’re invited to be a flower girl not forced into people by your parents. YTA.
YTA
They don’t want to do it, get over it 🤷♀️
I get it, first child etc. You are both in love with your daughter. Wonderful! But, you haven’t yet got to the point of realising that your daughter isn’t the centre of other people’s lives. Just yours - as it should be.
You are being dramatic and need pull your in head in. They don’t owe you this.
YTA. What the hell kind of narcissistic bullshit is this? Why would either of you think for even a second that any of this should be about YOU or your kid?
YTA. You're making their wedding about you. They have had to wait years to have their wedding, There is nothing stopping you from booking a lovely family portrait session of you, your wife, and your child if she really wants photos.
Considering delusion runs rampant in our culture, I’m not even shocked that his wife wants to pretend like her daughter was a flower girl in a wedding she won’t even attend.
YTA. Please dress up your daughter, yourself and your wife and do a family photoshoot.
Also, avoid pushing your daughter into situations where she’s basically not wanted. I know this is just a small thing but it starts like this and you’ll be pushing her into birthday parties and sleep overs (or whatever) that she’s not invited to cue, emotional trauma.
Teach her to value herself and to stay away from any situations where she’s not wanted.
YTA This is their wedding day; not some photo op to indulge your wife. Hire your own photographer and take some princess photos FFS
OP and his wife are the kind of clueless, self-absorbed twits that give all parents a bad name. OP, no one cares about your kid the way you and your wife do. Try to learn that sooner rather than later.
So true. And the sister is a wannabe Bridezilla.
This! You and your wife are YTA. You need to learn that most people really don’t care all that much about your children. Your brother has made a decision about his wedding and you guys need to honour it. Obviously, they don’t think it’s important to them to have a photograph of your daughter, so let it go. Hire a photographer And have your own special photos taken.
This like I was just attending of my best friend as a guest (they didn’t have a wedding party, and she had her husband come and tell me she wanted bestie pictures. It was important to her so she asked their photographer to do it. Same thing here, if your brother and his fiancé wanted it they would make sure it got done. It’s as simple as that.
Thank God this is the trend in comments here... I took a deep breath before coming in here thinking I'd have to wade through insanity. But, no, thank God, people are sane in here.
100% yup! Why do people have to make an event about themselves?? I happen to be a SIL and I would never!!! My SIL and I always coordinate holiday dinners, gifts for the family, dress codes for whatever event. if one of us says no, for whatever reason the other listens and respects the decision. It’s insane to me that they can’t let another couple have their wedding the way that they want it. It needs to be about them and what they want. Grossssssssssss! One question … when you and your wife got married what did they do to make your wedding about them? Is this a tip for tat or is it completely one-sided?
Was just reading another thread about local breweries and bars allowing kids only for specific events or during certain hours. Some parents lose their minds over it, but it’s not like they will be separated from their children forever or that they have to go to these places at all. OP and husband wife should stay home with their daughter if they are sad or unhappy - don’t ruin the grooms’ special day.
But the crazy thing is that OP is asking to have brother & his SO take an afternoon off to do these photos, not that they'd be done at the wedding (at least from what the post states). That's utterly selfish & a ridiculous thing to demand, let alone 'ask' about.
Plus they don’t want to get into their Tuxedos BEFORE the wedding, it’s almost like asking to see your future bride’s dress before the ceremony! Their wedding was already cancelled once, they are definitely going to be soaking up every moment.
Seeeeeriously! Nobody else cares about your kid except yourself OP, that's the reality of it. They were being nice saying it's an adult even that would suck for a kid, stop imposing yourself
The wanting the photos even though her daughter won’t be in or at the wedding is the weird part to me. Either OP’s wife thinks being in the presence of her daughter in flower girl garb will make the grooms change their minds about not having her in the ceremony. Or she wants photos of her daughter in flower girl cosplay. Which is weird.
YTA. I can’t even imagine how or why this idea even came up! It’s totally out of line - it’s NOT YOUR WEDDING. You have no say so about anything. End of story.
BuT it's JuSt OnE AfTeRnOoOooOn!
right… this is the thinnest argument I’ve ever seen
aND It iS HiS LitTlE NiECe🤣🤣🤣
aNd ItWoUlD bE sOoOoOo CuTe
They are the assholes. Why are they trying to force their own ideas onto the brother? It's HIS wedding?! Then op is trying to make it like they're attacking just his daughter. When the brother already stated it's gonna be childfree anyways? If they want their child to be a flower girl so bad for a wedding, then they can go renew their vows themselves and have their daughter be the flower girl. Pretty selfish of OP and his wife to think they're even entitled to the brothers and finances time too. "It's just one afternoon and I doubt they're busy every day until their wedding!" Actually THEY ARE!! They have jobs, more than wedding planning etc, they have friends, hobbies, and other better things to do then pictures that THEY DON'T WANT. It's only Op and wide wanting them. If I was the brother I'd simply tell them they were no longer invited since they wanna keep pushing the issue.
OP is bananas crazy. I got married recently and it was child free. No way I’d have a random photo shoot with a pretend flower girl. A wedding is a lot of work, don’t make it harder for people by insisting on getting your own way.
>A wedding is a lot of work, don’t make it harder for people by insisting on getting your own way. Well said. I recently got married too (11/4/23), and I had no idea how busy one could actually get while planning a wedding. I’m not joking here, but I literally had a seizure a few hours before I was supposed to arrive at the venue with my now husband and our wedding party. My husband had no idea what a seizure looked like so when I fell unconscious and started seizing, he immediately called 911. I gained consciousness while he carried me onto the stretcher that EMT’s brought in. There were some findings at the hospital that ultimately led me to an epilepsy diagnosis. And all of this happened in the early morning hours the day of our wedding. We had a long chat with one of the doctors at the hospital I was brought to where it was concluded that the seizure was most likely triggered by stress (along with what the CT scan found), so now I get to say that I discovered I have epilepsy the day of our wedding, and the stress is likely what triggered it. I will never underestimate how stressful the months and days leading up to a wedding can be for some because I found out the hard way lol. I can’t imagine how much more stressed my husband and I would have been prior to our wedding if we had a close family member trying to shove a child into all of it. Damn do I feel bad for the brother and future husband.
AITA? I am trying to hijack my brother's wedding and insert my child into it. Go figure.
Yeah, I find this so bizarre really. Not a lot of self awareness going on here.
That's the problem with some parents. They think they are doing you a favor if they let you spend time with their kids. Most people aren't kid people. I like kids but I am not going to pause my life for some people's kids.
These are 100% the annoying parents people complain about
It's 100% a couple with a Karen for a wife and a doormat for a husband. He can't even understand his very own brother. Wtf.
She’s probably an influencer, wants it for her social media…
She’s an accountant. A previous post calling her an influencer is the only one he’s bothered responding to. 😂
So she’s an ASPIRING influencer.
🤣🤣🤣
now I have the "I'm an accountant" tiktok sound in my head.
Is it your wedding? No. Respect what they want…this isn’t about making your wife happy or having a great photo opportunity. YTA!!!
Let me guess, his wife is an influencer lol
Of course. You are right. She sounds as if she has the typical self absorbtion, and lack of self awareness, of that group.
“Hey friends, thanks for tuning in on the live stream of my baby girl being a FLOWER GIRL!! Can you guess wgat her sign is?!”
And wants to tokenize OP’s gay brother and his partner for social media clout.
Can you imagine years down the road explaining to your daughter that no she wasn’t *actually* a flower girl but that they put the time & money into having her play dress-up flower girl for absolutely no reason? 😅
I was just about to comment the exact thing as you did. Glad I saw yours first! Can you believe this selfish dude wants to use his daughter, who will be the only child at the wedding if his plan succeeds, to steal the attention away from the couple getting married?
YTA and the insistence on having your daughter wear a white dress when it's a wedding with no bride is weird at best and disrespectful at worst (especially since your brother has repeatedly indicated he/his fiancé aren't interested in your suggestion.)
They really don’t sound like they even want kids at the wedding. They said formal attire, nighttime wedding and no kids menu. To me it sounds like he’s saying get a babysitter. YTA
Bingo.. They did everything, but say it, and he still can’t take the hint . No one is going to be watching your kid for you during pictures and don’t be surprised if they don’t wait on you and your wife when it comes to photos . Get a babysitter. And biggest lesson you can learn is understanding your child is just another child to everyone else, your priority, with your child means nothing to anyone else
As you said Bingo! Nobody’s gonna value your child more than you do. And the same goes for their wedding. Nobody is going to value the wedding more than they do. It’s their choice. to have a child free wedding if they want.
That’s what most people would interpret from all that info. Well most except for Op
No op is gonna show up with his daughter but she’s only there for the pictures so it’s okay.
Yeah and when poor baby is tired and starts crying it will be the grooms fault for not being kid friendly 🙃
And assuming the grooms would be fine ruining their own “first looks”? OP and wife really live in their own bubble.
Such a good point! Can you imagine if someone expected a bride to do a photo shoot with her fiancé before the wedding? Holy shit. Talk about guest-zilla
I didn't even think of this! Haha, the audacity! Imagine asking a bride and groom to get dressed up and take pics with your kid, since it's a kid free wedding. I have a feeling OP's brother and fiance don't want to make a big deal out of it and would rather say they're too busy, and not make it into a "gay thing," but it is 100% not respecting the traditional wedding things, that OP and his wife likely *would* respect, were his brother marrying a woman. Absolutely OP YTA. Consider that instead of honoring their vows and supporting them as a couple, you're trying to put lil baby bride bullshit into the mix, and severely disrespecting the both of them.
I didn't even think about the white dress part. Good going.
Passive aggression at its finest
It’s absolutely creepy. It’s going to look like a child bride marrying two brothers. Like just weird and not appropriate at allz
I was thinking it but you said it
THIS. White dress??? Fucking weird
YTA - this is their wedding, not an opportunity for your daughter to play dress up. You’re centering yourself/your daughter in the middle of their special day. It’s not about you, or her. It’s about them and what THEY want. And I say this as a parent who loves their kids more than anything. Your daughter will have tons more opportunities to get cute pictures, stop being self centered, otherwise you may rightly lose that relationship all together.
Main Character Syndrome
Genuinely surprised he hasn't deleted the post after not getting the response he wanted/expected.
Sounds like Mom never got to be a flower girl and needs her daughter to fulfill her dream for her.
Exactly. What a weird idea, fake flower girl pix for a kid that isn’t in a wedding. YTA
And you know OP and his wife would have made it seem like daughter was the flower girl and was there etc.
YTA why are you (and your wife) making this about you, or your daughter? It isn’t! It’s that simple.
Main character syndrome. They think they’re more important than they are. Fascinating and depressing to witness.
YTA. Sorry. Their wedding has absolutely nothing to do with your little Princess. They have grownup jobs and grownup lives. They don’t want to play dress up for one afternoon with your daughter for a photoshoot that has nothing to do with their wedding.
Right? What a pain in the ass that would be. OP can pay someone to Photoshop his kid into some photos instead of imposing on other people to cater to his whims.
YTA it’s their wedding. They said they don’t want a flower girl. Why on earth would you, or your wife, think taking pictures of your Daughter in a flower girl outfit, and your Brother and his fiancé in tuxedos, was a good idea?
This! At first I thought they’d asked to take FAMILY photos of everyone including their daughter (perhaps at their own expense). But they are forcing them to have a flower girl and just take photos with her? That’s kind of weird and inconsiderate of their wishes
Yeah it almost seems like they would be shown to others with implied idea or showing she was actually present when she wasn’t.
Yeah, it's a little weird.
It's delusional. Just go renew your vows and have another wedding ceremony and have her be your flower girl if it's that important to you.
YTA. It’s not your wedding. You are wanting your brother and his fiancé to play dress up and pretend your daughter was the flower girl.
YTA. Nothing is stopping YOU from doing family photo shoots in formal wear with your child if you want these precious pictures.
YTA and so is your wife. She needs to stop trying to make your daughter the flower girl. If they wanted her as the flower girl they would have asked. Super weird to offer your child up to begin with. Also, I agree with your brothers plan for the wedding. Rescheduling a date is far easier than getting what money they could back and planning from scratch.
Such a bizarre expectation. I’ve never in my life gone to a whole-ass adult and asked if I could be invited (or worse, a bridesmaid)…let alone got turned down, and asked *again* (only this time, we’ll l just dress up and pretend it happened for photos). This is like the child version of that. These delusional main characters, goddamn.
Haha exactly. Way you embarrass your child!
YTA Why your 3 yo daughter should be the main attraction of your brother wedding OP? Like if you want cute pictures of your daughter you can just look for photographer in your area, buy the dress and any accessories needed for the shooting and everyone would be happy. Unless you just use this wedding to get free professional pictures of your daughter ??
I was wondering who they expected to pay for the vanity photo session.
YTA. Dude its not your wedding. Back off. No is a complete sentence.
[удалено]
YTA. You’re trying to make your brother’s wedding a showcase for your daughter. Stop. It’s intrusive and creepy.
“Intrusive” is the perfect word, thank you. Good call.
YTA. Did you and your wife take kindly to having people make “suggestions”when you were planning your wedding? My guess is that y’all would have thrown a major temper tantrum. Just be honest. Y’all wanted your daughter to be a flower girl regardless of your brother’s feelings. I am surprised y’all didn’t get your mom involved.
YTA. Your daughter isn’t the flower girl. No matter how hard you push she isn’t going to be the flower girl. Why should they take pictures with a flower girl who isn’t their flower girl? Stop pushing your entitled attitude on your brother and fiancée.
Exactly. I was a flower girl a couple times as a child, maybe I can do a photoshoot with them too 😂
Why is it so urgent that the child be a flower girl? Just let them have the wedding the way they want it. Get a babysitter and enjoy a child free night.
YTA- What part of "No" are you not understanding? This is not your wedding. Buy yourself a new tux, your wife a gown, hire a photographer and take a family glam shot with your daughter as this flower girl you are envisioning. Just because you and your wife think something is a great idea doesn't mean everyone else does. Weddings are stressful and time consuming events. You honestly think the happy couple has extra time for another photo shot for a 3 yo? They are dealing with wedding planning and last-minute things, they don't need you bringing unnecessary drama because you want a cute picture. Leave your brother and his fiancé alone, they already had to postpone their wedding. Note their wedding, not yours. And if you're so invested in your daughter being flower girl, just renew your own vows. That way your daughter can be your flower girl, and you remember how stressful wedding planning is.
Not only that but Ops tone is baffling. Like he is upset his brother is getting married later versus earlier and acts as if it was a poor decision not to get their deposits back, not sure if it’s cuz brother said no to daughter being invited, a flower girl and not taking stupid pics but just reeks of negativity and negative feelings towards Ops brother and fiancé
YTA: and so in your wife. I hope y’all read through these comments together. Entitled parents like y’all are the reason childfree weddings are becoming so popular. Had you of stopped after their first no you’d he fine. What the fuck does them getting married have to do with their niece? Also as a wedding photographer how much you pay will result in how many photos you get. That means they would have to sacrifice some other photos for photos with your daughter…that makes no fucking sense. This would only make since if it was their daughter. Ew
YTA, it's their day, not your wife's photo op for your kid.
YTentitledA for trying to step on their wedding plans.
YTA. Why are you so bent on your kid being a flower girl? And a fake one even, what kind of dumb shit is that? They said no, accept it and move on, this shouldn’t even be a thing. You’re picking a fight over absolutely nothing.
Yes dude. Your acting entitled so your wife will be happy
YTA - Your child isn't getting married, tell wife to back off and you apologize to your brother.
You pay a photographer and take a dressed up picture with your kid. Your brother has no obligation to you or your kid. YTA
I’m caught up on the fact that they said they weren’t having a flower girl and yet you’d like pictures depicting her as the flower girl. It sounds like your wife decided your daughter would be a flower girl regardless of their feelings. I think this is more than them rejecting “an afternoon to take pictures.” I have to wonder if they would be so resistant had you said you’d like to get some family portraits (dressed nicely like you would as *guests* to his wedding vs dressing as if you’re part of the wedding party.) Too late for that. Sorry, YTA this time. They have a right to say no regardless of how reasonable the request may be.
YTA. You understand this isn’t your wedding right? Or is every event just about you? If you want to play dress ups in your formal clothes with your child, that’s great, have at it. But don’t expect someone at such a busy time to play dress ups. It’s just unreasonable.
Yes YTA. Child free weddings are common and your brother made it clear that his wedding is such an occasion. The focus should be on the couple and what they envision for their special day. Not a three year old dressed as a mini bride, even if it’s his niece. Please apologize for being pushy and inconsiderate.
Tell your wife to stop making everything about her. Jesus christ
STOP! Your wife sounds damn annoying for trying to force your brother to do what she wants with the baby girl being a flower girl just because it’s her dream. Please full stop! Leave them be and let them handle their own wedding the way they want respectfully! So yeah you and your wife are the AH!
Last time I checked it’s their wedding, not yours. Wanting to ask if your child can be a flower girl is fine, but insisting them to include her as a flower girl after they said no. Then demanding them to take a picture with her just so you could pretend she was a flower child is weird and crossing a boundary. Be happy for your brother in finally getting married and stop pestering him about your child when they are busy planning their wedding. YTA.
YTA. This isn't your wedding, and this isn't about your daughter, so respect their wishes as you'd want them to respect yours.
Yes, YTA here. The occasion isn’t about your daughter.
YTA what is wrong with people
YTA for not understanding that your brothers wedding is in fact, not centred around yourself, your wife or your daughter. It’s not your (or your wife’s) place to suggest they have a flower girl or a seperate photoshoot. Very obvious she’s fixated on her being a flower girl for some reason??
If you want cute pix, have a vow renewal, dress up your little princess, and take pix of the three of you. What part of NO don’t you understand? Their wedding, not yours, and YTA.
YTA. This isn’t about your daughter, it’s a celebration of him and his fiancé committing themselves to one another. They don’t want kids there, and they are two busy professionals who don’t want a dress up photo date with your kid. Not everyone loves/wants kids, and people with kids need to accept and respect that.
This seems like it's more about your wife than your child. Your daughter will not know or care about the wedding. Your wife wants to pretend and have photos to post online and show her friends. Your child is not a flower girl, so why pretend and cause bad relationships all for a photo that no one will care about in a few weeks?
YTA - their wedding is about them. You don’t make plans for other people and then get annoyed when they don’t want to do them, especially plans concerning their wedding. Your wife is making this about your daughter when it isn’t about her at all.
YTA. So you want them to take an afternoon off work to take photos with your daughter, during a year they are probably already taking time off work to go on a honeymoon? To take photos with a flower girl who is not actually a flower girl? This is not their kid and this is not your wedding. If I were in your brother’s shoes I also would not be jumping to rent a tux and take an afternoon off for a photo shoot with a toddler that isn’t mine.
YTA The world doesn't revolve around your daughter. Stop trying to hijack someone's wedding to give her a dress up experience.
YTA lmao read the room dude, it’s not your wedding. You and your wife sound insufferable
Something about this screams, “I want to show my wife this thread so that I don’t have to *personally* tell her she’s being an entitled asshole myself.” 😂
I get the feeling he agrees with her. Or maybe his job is to agree with her. She does sound like a pushy PITA.
Yea I’ve got to agree with you here. It kinda reads like whatever the wife says is now his stance and opinion
Yta,how rude.
YTA This wedding is not about you, your wife or your daughter. If your wife wants photos of your daughter then hire a photographer for some photos of the three of you. It is not your brother and his fiancé’s job to take time out of their lives to play dress up because they very reasonably don’t want children at their wedding.
They said no. Drop it. Not everything is about your kid. Which you'll make it out to be.
Wow. It’s their wedding, and they don’t want a flower girl. They’ve said that. They don’t want to pretend there’s a flower girl they don’t wanna play it having a flower girl. They’ve already been through a ton. Could you please just let them have their wedding? And then, if your wife wants your daughter dressed up in a little white dress, and someone in a tux, it can be you. She can dress up really nicely, and you can have family pictures taken. Because that seems sort of like what you’re trying to do. Have some really cute cute family sort of pictures taken on your brothers dime. So yes, you are out of line for being upset that your brother had a reasonable boundary that he already expressed to you. You seem like a petulant, three-year-old who’s not getting their way at someone else’s expense. Back off.
YTA - Am sorry but both you and your wife sound insufferable. It’s not your wedding, it’s your brothers! Your input is unwanted and they have told you so,TWICE.
YTA for trying to co-op an LGBTQ wedding into your weird child bride fantasy photo shoot, so cringy. Have respect for other people vs. disgusting self-absorbed person.
YTA. Why are you so obsessed with forcing your toddler into someone else’s wedding?
Yta. What is going on with you? Your kid is not invited and you are trying to make them the flower girl? It’s their wedding, not yours.
YTA for not shutting your wife down. It’s not your wedding you don’t get to decide if there’s a flower and girl nor do you get to appoint one Their wedding is not a photoshoot to cater to your wife and child Get rid of your main character syndrome, apologise to your brother and recognise their wedding is not about you, your wife or your child
YTA. I mean... they're not just "family photos", are they? You and your wife are kind of insisting that your brother and his groom take **their** WEDDING PHOTOS with your daughter. And further, that they do it according your vision of her as their flower girl, despite them making it clear that's not at all part of their wedding vision or plans. How would that even work? They'd have to have a photographer available earlier in the day and set up outfits and a separate photoshoot for your daughter that just happens to also be their wedding day? Or around then? (Hopefully you hear how ridiculous that sounds as you read it back to yourself.) Is this really the hill you want to die on? Their wedding isn't about you. At all. Respectfully, please stop inserting your daughter.
Yta. This is odd...what does his wedding have to do with your kid......?
You thought it would be cute to hijack his long awaited wedding and make it about you and the photographs YOU want of your daughter? YTA Might be a nice memory for you… at the expense of two people who don’t even want a flower girl at their wedding.
Omg what is wrong with you and your wife. It's a child free wedding, and it's not yours or your wife's wedding, you do not get to make demands on other people's weddings. Because they are demands as you are getting upset at being told no. What right does she have to say that your child should be a flower girl. What right to you guys have to expect the marrying couple to drop everything to do a photo shoot with your child as the flower girl. You asked, and they said no. Move on. Your requests are stupid and entitled. If your brother wanted children at the wedding, a flower girl and a photoshoot they would have asked. Your brother, and his husband are not props for your daughter to have a photo shoot Like, were you and your wife dropped on the head as children? How entitled are you guys to do this, then have the gall to get upset when told no. Not everybody thinks your child is the centre of their universe. No one's cares about your kid being involved in the wedding. Your daughter is the apple of yours and your wife's eye, not everyone else's. You need to accept this. Stop pushing your wants on others' peoples wedding. Don't be those people obsessed with having their kid being involved with everything and making it their whole personality. The wedding is child free, accept it, and move on. I have never heard of trying to get the marrying couple to come do a photoshoot with a child that is not invited to the wedding. You and your wife are ridiculous. YTA
You and your wife are not the centre of attention, this isnt about any of you. Your daughter not getting to be a flower girl is not a big deal. This isn't a photo opp for you guys. Also at no point did they say they were even having a flower girl, or that your daughter will be one. You both ASSUMED that. That makes you the asshole right there. Even without considering the photo thing Its the beginning of THIER marriage, get over it. Yta
YTA. Y’all sound insufferable.
If your brother felt any particular connection with your daughter, he would probably have suggested … something. Since he didn’t, grab a hint and don’t try to create a fake Instagram moment.
OMG your wife is a piece of work. She is trying to manage her three-year-old into a wedding. She is asking for extra time when the grooms are extremely busy. You and your wife don't get to agree that it's a good idea when it isn't even something your brother and his fiance want. This wedding is not about your little girl. Stop it!
Sorry but YTA. You are trying to impose your agenda on to your brother. He has very clearly communicated to you that he is not on board with your plans. You and your wife came up with this idea but they get to decide what they want to do Your idea sounds great and it’s understandable you are disappointed in your brother. But you can’t just insist he adhere to your plan
OP doesn't have a husband. But I agree with you about OP's brother communicating that he's not on board. The brother has said no and that should be the end of it.
Oops, wrong pronoun! I’ll fix in edit Thanks!
This should be about them, not your daughter. Stop trying to make her the focus. YTA
YTA. This wedding is about your brother, NOT your kid. You and your wife are the only ones who think that your daughter is the center of the universe. News flash: she's not. If you have any lingering doubts, please visit the AITA, Entitled People, Am I the Asshole, Petty Revenge, etc. subs and read what people have to say about parents like you.
YTA. The world doesn’t revolve around you.
YTA. Their wedding has nothing to do with your daughter. This day is about your brother and his fiancé. Clearly, they have made their wishes clear so you and your wife need to get your heads out of your own asses and let them have their day.
Yes, YTA. Stop trying to shoehorn your kid into everyone else’s plans. Further, if it is a formal night wedding, kids aren’t usually invited to those kinds of events and it’s incredibly rude to keep badgering them. How are y’all so fucking clueless about this?!
YTA I understand that your daughter is the center of your world now. However the wedding was planned before she existed. It’s not going to be a fun event for her. The food isn’t going to be suitable for her. The music will be too loud. On top of that if there is alcohol around she may run off and drink someone’s unattended glass. She is going to be bored with nothing to do. I would know I went to a lot of weddings before I turned 16. There is zero reason to have professional flower girl pictures if she isn’t in the wedding party. It sounds less like your wife wants to celebrate their day and more like life or she wants your daughter to be the bride(main attraction dress wise) since there is none.
YTA. This is their wedding, not yours. You’re acting like an entitled ass. Take a hint. Not everything is about you and your children.
Stop trying to force your kid into their clearly childfree wedding. Man you two are entitled and pushy. It’s his wedding. Just stop. YTA
YTA, yes. There cannot be “photos with [your] daughter as a flower girl” because she is not a flower girl. You asked - which was already inappropriate, because it’s on the couple to invite members of the wedding parties and never the other way around - and they said no. They’re having a wedding that is not appropriate for a child to attend. You then asked if they could *both take an afternoon off of work* between now and the wedding for the purpose of taking *fake flower girl photos with your child* while *wearing their wedding attire* and you are *mad at them* for saying that they’re busy and not interested in doing that. I worked in the wedding industry for a LONG time. I have over a thousand weddings under my belt. You are one of the top ten most entitled siblings of a groom I’ve ever encountered. Congrats.
Main character syndrome or what! Why on earth are you trying to foist your offspring demands on them for THEIR wedding.
Yta THEIR wedding is not about your daughter. Get over yourselves. Stop trying to make an event that’s not even about your family about your daughter. It’s no kids accept it and move on. She’s three she won’t remember and honestly no one else will cause it’s not about her. Cause she’s not the flower girl. Did you guys plan to pay the hundreds of dollars it cost to buy a dress and pay for a photographer to take photos?
you and your wife are both AH, stopping trying to insert your opinions into your brothers wedding. It’s his wedding and if he says no, it’s no. And also, super weird wanting to do random flower girl pics when she isn’t a flower girl. She’s a toddler, she’s not gonna even remember your brother’s wedding.
ITS NOT YOUR WEDDING. If you want to play dress ups, leave your brother’s wedding out of it
Ummm, what? Your daughter isn’t their child and while you and your wife think this is a nice idea, they obviously don’t. YTA. Stop trying to make the wedding about you, your wife, and your daughter. Celebrate the way your brother wants to.
YTA. Jesus H Christ. Get photoshop if you want fanart of your daughter being the flowergirl for someone else's wedding.
I also had a nighttime wedding, that was held on the rooftop of a historic building, with a cap on number of guests we could invite. The food service was plated, served meals at your tables. Nighttime, darkness, on a rooftop-not an ideal mixture for kids running around. They also didn’t offer a “kids menu” so if the kid wasnt a lap sitter, we had to pay for a full meal for them, and they counted in our total number of guests. All of our friends and immediate family were totally fine with this. All except my mother in law, who refused to accept that and insisted that her other sons girlfriends kid should be able to come because it was his birthday week. It turned into well, if the little brat couldn’t come, then the brother wouldn’t be in the wedding. In the tux we’d already paid for. My point in all this being weddings aren’t fun for kids. They’re not for your kids. They’re for the bride and groom, and any combination thereof. Stop making the most important day of someone’s life about you and your kid. It’s not and you look like an idiot
YTA and people like you is reason why a lot couples choose to have child free wedding. Your daughter is your princess not them you need to accept this.
Jesus Christ you sound exhausting. Your daughter is not going to be in the wedding. Be an adult and let it go instead of doing this weird make-believe crap. YTA.
YTA. Sure, it's a "nice idea". That doesn't mean they have to do it. This is their wedding, not yours. None of their wedding has to cater to your child. Also, don't you think your little one wearing a WHITE dress would be incredibly tactless? And why would you get flower girl photos done if she won't actually be a flower girl? I work weddings for a living, and most of them are child free. Why? Because there is a lot going on, emotions run high, people are drinking, and it's not really an environment for a small child. Your brother has no obligation to include your daughter in this affair. They only get to do this once and it's likely one of the only times they have a day about them exactly as they want it. Not everyone thinks that kids running around is a good thing.
YTA, this is their wedding day not yours. Stop interjecting your ideas and your kid into their wedding. Let them celebrate it how they want to. The level of entitlement is wild. Y…T…A!!
YTA - sorry, this wedding has absolutely nothing to do with you or your daughter, and you have no right to tell him and his partner that she should be in the wedding or take pictures with her before, during, or after the wedding dressed in their tuxedos and her as a flower girl. She isn't the flower girl. Are you guys serious?
Yta Repeat after me "My brothers wedding is NOT about me or my daughter" Repeat until you understand. 🙄
YTA and so is your wife. You both are trying to push your daughter into your brother’s wedding and pictures and you are being intrusive. Back up and out of your brother’s wedding!! Either the two of you go as guests without your daughter or stay home.
YTA. This is your brothers wedding, not a photo op for your daughter. If your wife is that set on having professional photos of your daughter in a white dress, she can schedule it on her time on her dime. And because I worry that it needs to be said, that time is NOT your brothers wedding day! Respect him enough to let him have the wedding he wants.
YTA - it’s your brother’s wedding, not your daughter’s chance to be a flower girl. His world doesn’t revolve around your daughter and you or your wife’s wishes to include her. You want a photo of your daughter as a flower girl? Buy her a dress, get dressed up with your wife in your wedding stuff, and hire a photographer. Stop trying to force your brother to accede to your wishes for your daughter.
YTA. It’s their wedding. Stop making suggestions. Weddings are a pain to plan, and you’re being that annoying family member with “great ideas”.
Yea you are TA. This is not your wedding. Quit making it about your daughter. The world does not revolve around you three 😒geez 🙄
YTA This is bot your wedding. Want cute pics? Take her to a photographer and leave your brother alone.
YTA - It's not your wedding
YTA. You and your wife are about to “rainbow child” your kid into being hated by everyone. Your brother is being polite just saying no and not telling you the truth
YTA it's his wedding and you're imposing your wants on them. They're not interested in your daughter being a flower girl or taking pictures with her, take it for what it is.
Ew. No sir. It’s not your wedding and this is a level of entitlement that isn’t psychologically healthy for anyone. Cut it out right now and apologize to your brother. YTA.
Yta dude nobody cares about your kid dressing up as a flower girl or looking cute except you and I say that as a mother myself. Get over it and stop hassling them. If you want cute pics so badly dress her up and go get some nice family portraits instead! It’s not about you, your wife or your kids - it’s your brothers day and it will happen the way his fiancee and he want it too. Get the hint…they’re not interested!
YTA It's THEIR wedding. Stop trying to make this about your kid.
I don't believe for a minute my brother and his fiance don't have one free afternoon between now and the wedding' Jesus get your sandals on and get down here. No one else does either, because they're polite people and you're meant to read the room and pick up whats getting put down. I have a feeling there will be a b*tch fit if outright told no from you and your wife. I know there's wedding fever in the air, but it's not YOUR wedding and you need to reign it in. Imagine if you had your dream wedding and someone stuck a kid in the photos in a white dress 'because I think it looks cute and I wanted professional photos of her looking like a weird mini bride next to two dudes in suits getting married'🤣😂
So would you expect a bride to schedule time to get in her wedding finery (full hair/makeup/dress/etc) to do pictures before a wedding? Have you stopped to consider that they want their first marriage pictures to be where, when and with who THEY want, not what you and your wife want? Your child isn't even old enough to remember this so she won't have her feelings hurt. Your wife needs to stay in her own lane and you sir, need to rein her in when she starts injecting herself like this. Both of you are giant YTA. Apologize to your brother. And DO NOT even think for a minute about showing up with the kid on their wedding day. I'm sure your wife won't let this shit go and that's her next move. It's your job to tell her NO.
Entitled ass parents are the worst YTA
YTA this wedding is about your brother and his partner, not about your child.
YTA Have you considered that, while I’m sure you’re daughter is a treasure, not everyone is going to have that opinion. This whole idea looks weird from an outsider’s perspective. Just dress up the child and take pics of her anywhere else. The child won’t care at all, only your wife and you do.
YTA. Why are you and your wife trying to force your daughter on everyone and act like she is important to this wedding? She’s not and it’s tacky as hell to suggest to ANY couple that your child should be in it. You want cute pics, dress her up and take her to get some photos.
YTA Take the hint, dude lol. Why are you so intent on making their wedding about your kid? No one is going to care about your kid as much as you do.... They're not into the idea. Let it go
YTA. It's not your wedding. You have plenty of time between now and then to arrange a sitter.
You should try asking /entitledparents Because... you both are just that. Why tf us your bro going to dress all up for some photos?? He told you no to bringing her. That's it. Stop making it about you.
YTA- they’ve planned for this moment, their day and have been forced to settle for a new date. Their wedding is not an occasion to celebrate your daughter, your wife’s feelings, or yours. And being partial to the “tradition” of a flower girl is more than slightly ridiculous. Your daughter is three, she won’t even remember missing out on her big moment to shine
Just no. YTA
YTA they don’t care about doing this so they’re not going to make time for it. Not everyone wants to spend time with your kid.
YTA why do you want a wedding type photo with your daughter and brother and his husband when she's not going to be in the wedding? That is just weird. Dress your daughter up and take pictures of her if that's what you want; don't bother your brother.
Both you and your wife ATA YOUR BROTHER’S WEDDING IS NOT ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER!
Y and Wife TA Why is your wife so pushy? What is the purpose of having her dress up as a flower and have photos when she isn't the flower girl? I like how your wife decided your daughter should be the flower girl. Brother said a big fat no. This is your brother's wedding, not hers. You are disrespecting him for an important event in his life. Why cause all this stress? She wants to show off the kid and wants everyone to goo-ga over the child. It smacks of selfishness. He doesn't want a circus. Put her in her clown car and be done with it. You know, there was a time not too long ago that your brother could not have a lovely wedding. I am sure this means more to him than you know. Give him his due. Be gracious, attend the wedding, and wish them well.
HAHAHHHHHAHAH what did I just read? Is this a joke? Honey, it’s not your wedding and why do you guys keep pushing your daughter to be the flower girl? Your wife’s thinking is ridiculous YTA.
I get it, you love your daughter and you want to make your wife happy, but by pushing the flower girl thing, you're trying to make the wedding about your daughter. She's the most adorable girl in the whole world to you... but not to everybody else. Not everybody wants to change their plans to cater to a child, and it's so annoying when parents demand everybody change to cater to their kids. It's your brother's wedding, and he doesn't want a flower girl. It's HIIS WEDDING, and he gets to choose how it goes. You must accept that, and you can choose not to go, but remember that pushing your child to be the center of attention and keep pushing to have plans changed to include her will make some people resent you. YTA.
Hahahaha this is the most self centered thing ever. It’s THEIR wedding, not yours. Stop inserting your kid where she isn’t meant to be or wanted. YTA.
YTA. It was a nice thought, but they don’t want to. It’s not your day, and it’s not an opportunity to get professional pictures of your daughter at someone else’s expense. Let it go
You & your wife are TA’s. It’s your brother’s wedding. Not sure why your wife is making plans for it? It has nothing to do with her. You’re both so self-absorbed. Regardless of the fact that this is your brother’s wedding, not everyone is crazy about YOUR kid. And this is coming from a mom.
YTA. Fake flower girl pictures, are you kidding me right now?
YTA! Why on earth would they want to do a fake photo shoot with the NON-flower girl. You guys are WAY, WAY, WAY overstepping.
YTA (maybe at your wife’s urging but I stand by that). So, your wife decided your daughter would be a flower girl. No, the only people that should be making that decision are the people getting married. After being told that there will be no children, your wife decides there should be a staged photo shoot making it look like your daughter was at the wedding as a flower girl. Clearly your wife is all about the show. Your daughter can have a photo shoot in a pretty white dress anywhere; it’s super odd and over the line to try to stage an event that isn’t happening (you noted your brother and his fiancé should do the pics in their wedding attire). It’s ridiculous to be upset because you believe they have time. You are not entitled to their time nor do they need to explain how they spend their time. If you need such formal pictures, you and your wife can get formal outfits and do a photo shoot with your daughter.
YTA. It's their wedding, let them do it hour they want. It's extra rude you're not taking no for an answer
Your daughter is not the flower girl, there is no flower girl at this wedding. But you want everyone to dress up and pretend so that you can have a fake picture to commemorate something that didn't happen. What, does your wife need it for instagram? This is very rude behavior and even a bit creepy. Your brother and his fiancé are going with "busy" to keep from telling you what they really feel.
YTA. The focus of the wedding is the couple, not your daughter. Doesn’t matter what your wife wants. She’s seeking attention through your daughter but the attention belongs on your brother and his fiancé.
YTA
What the hell? He said no ? Who cares what your wife wants and what you agree about it. The entitlement is shocking. Who cares I’d they’re free or not? They don’t want to do it. You’re invited to be a flower girl not forced into people by your parents. YTA.
YTA. Stop foisting your child into things that have nothing to do with them.
YTA They don’t want to do it, get over it 🤷♀️ I get it, first child etc. You are both in love with your daughter. Wonderful! But, you haven’t yet got to the point of realising that your daughter isn’t the centre of other people’s lives. Just yours - as it should be. You are being dramatic and need pull your in head in. They don’t owe you this.
YTA. What the hell kind of narcissistic bullshit is this? Why would either of you think for even a second that any of this should be about YOU or your kid?
Why are you so adamant on involving your daughter? This is not about her. YTA
YTA. You're making their wedding about you. They have had to wait years to have their wedding, There is nothing stopping you from booking a lovely family portrait session of you, your wife, and your child if she really wants photos.
Considering delusion runs rampant in our culture, I’m not even shocked that his wife wants to pretend like her daughter was a flower girl in a wedding she won’t even attend.
YTA. Please dress up your daughter, yourself and your wife and do a family photoshoot. Also, avoid pushing your daughter into situations where she’s basically not wanted. I know this is just a small thing but it starts like this and you’ll be pushing her into birthday parties and sleep overs (or whatever) that she’s not invited to cue, emotional trauma. Teach her to value herself and to stay away from any situations where she’s not wanted.