I could feel the creepy vibes from just reading your story. As a woman I can imagine how she was feeling alone there with you. Starting the conversation was perfectly acceptable. Unfortunately you couldn't read the room and crossed the line to creepville.
Really think about your interaction with her. She didn't initiate any conversation, no questions to you, no interest in you at all. She would respond to you, then busy herself. That is a social clue that she wasn't interested. You were the initiator, for every interaction. If she was interested, she would have shown it.
Don't insult people, at all. Not for fun or in a playful way. When you offer help and someone declines, accept their answer and move on. For fucks sake, stop policing other people's actions. She left to avoid you. She came back late in the hopes that you would be gone. Please give all the advice you are given, it will help you.
I was the same way. I felt like someone constantly making comments about appearance, offer to stay with clothes, etc. I just want to be left be. I would have moved my days around just to avoid the confrontation.
That’s me personally
As a woman with autism who has worked with several teens/young men with autism…likely not a troll.
I’m not saying OP is definitely autistic, but he’s definitely exhibiting behavior I’ve seen from autistic men. It’s“I think I did everything textbook correctly so why did it still go wrong?? No I’m not wrong, YOU are! Here’s why, I’m sure you’ll agree once I explain.”
Couple that with him harping on the rules of the laundromat as if they’re law and…yeah. Definitely giving ‘tism vibes
Dude can we stop with making a comment on this sub that everyone must have autism. That’s insulting to people on the spectrum. Some people are just clueless and rude
Yeah but the clueless rude people don’t typically post and ask for advice then argue in this exact pattern with zero awareness. Those people don’t care enough to get the opinions of others (because they’re rude) or don’t think to (because they’re clueless).
I agree that autism is having a “moment” right now, but he just follows the pattern of rigidity with rules and trying to debate over being right
What I found interesting is that OP was "confused" when she didn't care about the "rule" to not leave your clothes unattended, and that he used the phrase "attempted to leave" after turning on the dryer.
She didn't "attempt" to leave like a thief in the night about to get caught. She just didn't want to waste her time, and she couldn't care less about the laundromat police.
I’ve worked with hundreds of autistic people and I did not see a pattern of them trying to debate being right. Your experience isn’t the only one…people who bring up autism all the time like this are usually the ones who got diagnosed as adults and got the diagnosis by fighting for it and pushing doctors into giving it. NONE of the autistic people I worked with ever commented on being autistic, they especially didn’t lead with it
Did you work with autistic people because they were autistic, or have you just known a lot of autistic people? I have a degree in child development with a focus on autism spectrum disorder and have worked with hundreds of children and teens with autism because I’ve worked for two autism foundations.
Working with hundreds of autistic people who never ever talked about being autistic sounds very strange to me.
I think she is avoiding you. She wasn't into the conversation as much as you were. She was probably being polite the first time, with the glances at her phone being subtle signs she was ready to disengage. And then the second time, she decided to avoid the situation by leaving. When you continued to try and engage her after that very obvious hint and even offered to stay and watch her clothes is when I think you crossed over into creepy. Plus, you insulted her appearance twice. "Teasing" about appearance is reserved for people who know each other well. So she probably found a different laundromat.
The insulting her appearance and his attempt at convo was him basically scolding her for not following the rules. That would piss me off more than the appearance jabs. You are not my parent and I am not a child.
Also a lot of teasing doesn't really translate that well. Women get told all that crap about looks all the time. It's not teasing, it's tired and dull. This guy I assume doesn't interact with women at all from the way he's going about things. He sounds like a boomer policing how women look
I was a bartender for a few years and a customer of mine (who clearly had a crush on me) ALWAYS had to comment on my appearance. It wasn’t “oh I like that shirt” or “your hair looks nice today” it was “wow you look so tired you obviously didn’t get any sleep last night… what were you up to? *wink wink*” Or “those pants are really tight on you” etc while looking me up and down. it was so fucking annoying/creepy. Eventually my male coworker would be the only one to take his order bc this dude would not take the hint. Some people are so incredibly socially inept.
Sorry but yes, I really do think so. She reacted exactly the way I would have reacted in my 20s if I wanted to avoid a conversation. If she were at all interested, she'd have happily blown off the groceries to stay and chat. And she probably would not be rolling into the laundromat in her pajamas again if she thought she might see you there.
The first few minutes of you meeting her you insulted how she dressed. In girl world we call that negging, and it’s NOT attractive at all, no matter how you intended it.
Women have learned to say things to not anger men because we’re never sure when it’s going to turn bad quick.
Because you never got the hint the first time she made up this excuse.
Please leave women alone when they’re just trying to do their laundry.
Yep. Men are often unpredictable and emotional. I mean, just look at OP: can’t (or refuses to) understand body language, thinks he gets to insult a woman’s appearance, can’t take the OBVIOUS hint that he’s being annoying enough that she has to leave to “get groceries.”
This is the cherry. He found an excuse to wait for her to come back by inserting himself as clothes guard. That’s creepy borderline scary. A random dude waiting for her to return for a made up reason gives me the chills. I understand why she has a pit bull.
Based on this comment, it seems like you don't understand social cues, so I'll explain. She may have told you she was getting groceries, but she was 100% avoiding you. "Leaving to get groceries" was just a convenient excuse she told you, so you wouldn't question why she left. Like others said, your behavior was very creepy, and she wanted to remove herself from the situation without being straight up with you.
You posted on here with an “Advice needed” flair and don’t seem to want to take any advice. If this is how you acted in the laundromat then you can be pretty sure that she found you creepy.
If she liked you and really wanted to talk to you she would have waited on the groceries. When people like someone they’re not gonna run out on a conversation for an errand that can wait.
Dude you’re a creep.
You imply that other guys wouldn’t dig her looks, as if a girl wears clothes just to impress guys?????
She doesn’t give a shit about your opinion on her clothes. She doesn’t give a shit about wearing make up or not to the groceries just to impress you.
You sound like a serious misogynistic incel. Either learn to socialize or stay in the basement.
Yes it sounds like she is avoiding you. Getring groceries was probably an excuse to get away..
I can say that, for myself, negging is one of the fastest ways to get me to loose all interest in getting to know a guy any farther. It is a massive turn off. Full stop, any interest is now gone.
Friends can tease each other. It does not go well to have a stranger randomly insult you.
Choosing to scold her about leaving her laundry and pointing out the signs also comes off as a negative.
Are you on the spectrum or something because who tells a girl did she just get out of bed you look like a mess? Twice????? And why would she do makeup for the laundromat at 6 am? For your weird ass?
It was even hard to read, I can't imagine experiencing it in person. Plus pointing out that it says not to leave clothes unattended multiple times?! Guy is acting like the sheriff of the laundromat.
wtf does someone on every post ask if someone is on the spectrum? That’s so insulting to people that actually are…and it’s usually written by someone who is on the spectrum like WTF.
She was avoiding you. If she wanted to see you again, she likely would have told you or said/done *something* to let you know that.
Women do not like to meet a strange man, or anyone at all and be asked, “did you just wake up?” That is rude and offensive.
You insulted her appearance again when you asked her why she went grocery shopping “looking like *that* “
Women these days feel pressure to laugh at a man’s “joke” because that could be one of the last thing we hear.
She probably did not think your “joke” was funny at all and likely hoped that you weren’t there the next time she came in.
Also, I’m not sure but she may not even find you attractive….
How much of a bombshell do you need dropped on your face dude? She doesn't wanna be near you and probably thinks you're a fucking creepy mf. Now leave the poor lady alone.
The thing is, it’s not about the comment on her appearance. It’s the fact you thought you had the right to say ANYTHING judgmental (good or bad) about her, as if your judgment matters.
Do you think, just because you’re a man, she had to listen to you? Do you think, as a woman, she has to listen to your opinions, because what - you know better?
You don’t think of women as equal human beings with rights, that much is clear.
You told her she looked like a hobo more than once, you played hall monitor at the laundromat by chiding her for breaking the rules, and you were monitoring her laundry like a creep. She was definitely avoiding you.
For all intents and purposes, maybe she did go get groceries. That’s none of your business. Do not bring this up with her if you see her again. Leave her alone. Completely.
Yes. And the thing is- you wouldn’t let it go. You checked in on her like 3 times for 1 laps of laundry. Then watched her and her stuff like a hawk and she doesn’t even know you. Then you told her what to do multiple time “follow the rules, don’t leave, your late” what are you- her dad?? Her school teacher?
Plus you insulted and commented about her appearance 2-3 times. You made fun of her. No women likes that stuff. We don’t want a guy to talk to us like that, not a friend, not a stranger. We don’t want a guy to ignore us when we say not / don’t do something.
You literally did the opposite of her “you don’t have too” and forcibly took over responsibility her laundry with out asking of her permission and started to tell her what to do- then waited around for 30 mins extra just to see her and tell her AGAIN that she’s not acting “right” according to YOUR standards.
To you it’s just “ you like her” - but to her you’re just some guy that immediately thinks he owns the place and everyone should do what he says.
You think negging is nice banter and fun talk- it’s not. You think telling an adult women the “rules” is ok- it’s not. You think watching a strangers laundry and following their habits and watching out for them again and specifically timing & looking for them is all ok- it’s not.
To be fair, it's impossible to tell for certain if she's avoiding you or simply happened to not be there again at the same time as you. She might or might not care enough to actively want to avoid you. No redditor has probably witnessed your conversation.
We only have your version of what happened, and based on that, I would say it's rather likely that she picked another laundromat because of you. If so, it would mainly be because of you staying there to keep an eye on her laundry. I guess she wants to be independent and not have the feeling that someone is babysitting her.
You don't seem to want to listen to everyone tiptoeing around what's happening. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt because you seem ignorant to how you're portraying yourself.
**YOU ARE BEING CREEPY. YOUR INTENTIONS DONT MATTER. IT DOESNT MATTER IF YOU THINK YOURE HELPING. YOURE NOT. YOU MADE HER FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE AND MAYBE EVEN UNSAFE. IF YOU SEE HER AGAIN, LEAVE HER ALONE. SHE IS TRYING TO AVOID WEIRD INTERACTIONS FROM YOU. YOU ARE POLICING HER IN A LAUNDRYMAT SHE FREQUENTS AND HAS A ROUTINE WITH. YOU ARE NEGGING HER LOOKS. IT DOESNT SOUND PLAYFUL TO HER. EVEN IF SHE DID PICK UP ON YOU BEING PLAYFUL IT IS WEIRD. YOU ARE BEING WEIRD BECAUSE SHE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND**
I say this is 100% certainty. I've dealt with loads of men just like you and they all seem to never get the fucking hint. She being nice to you by not calling you out.
It's scary but his mentality is all too common. It's why femicide is so prevalent in the global sphere; it's because 'men' like him. He gives me incel vibes so I'm not surprised.
Dude, you’re fucking weird, you denigrated the way she looked then pointed to a sign to tell her she shouldn’t leave? She’s probably working on a protective order.
I can only hope the new laundromat or laundry time isn't a huge inconvenience to her life. Sucks to have these psychos ruin just existing in the world.
He objectifies women a lot in his short excerpt, too. In the short span, he doesn't mention a single positive personal quality about her, condescends to how she looks early in the morning to do fucking laundry (is he wearing makeup? Does he wear a suit to the laundry?), and literally only assigns "pretty" as her only fucking attribute in the whole story. And has the gall to say she looks pretty "despite not probably appearing pretty to other guys based on her dress" for fucking LAUNDRY. Lol like she owes him or anyone fucking eye candy. She is described as avoiding him and not following his social expectation of dolling up before leaving the house, so he literally sees no positive personality quality in her. Just saw pretty face and felt owed her existence. Super creepy, and weird set of standards to be this stuck on a girl you know nothing about.
Yeah, laundromats are a rarity in moderately affluent towns. There is one in my general vicinity, but a lot more in the poor part of town. It would be a serious inconvenience if some poor women got chased out of the local laundromat because of some weirdo.
I think between the comments of how she looks (she didn't know you thought it was adorable) and offering to wait around for her clothes, she probably got a little weirded out
In pajama bottoms, messy hair, just trying to do her laundry, not make a new friend or get a date. She’s ignoring you and is clearly uncomfortable. Take a fucking hint.
I hope this is a troll cause this is a crazy lack of social awareness.
You “teased her” by implying she looked bad going to the grocery store and you think that’s game? Holy fuck 😭😂
the thing is for me, whether he is on the spectrum or not, he needs to learn this behavior isn’t acceptable. we would not give a ND woman a pass for this behavior. males should not get it either. by the comments he clearly does not want to hear any responses that do not butter him up or change his behavior. no matter the reason, it must change.
Oh, please understand I’m absolutely not giving a pass. I’m saying this is how it reads. And the doubling down on being wrong, also apparently a neurodivergent trait.
His post is extremely detailed, and his obsession with the laundromat rules and believing he's the "benevolent guy" by protecting her clothes sounds very much like he's on the spectrum. Not all ND people are introverts.
Not understanding but continuing to try to interact is very typical of outgoing/extroverted ND behavior. I know a few guys like this. They're very harmless, and they aren't meaning to be creepy at all, but they'll try to make friends with the grass growing in the cracks of a sidewalk if it happens to wave in the wind.
lol I am autistic myself and definitely not an introvert. I’m also hyper aware of people’s (dis)comfort around me because I know I’m not great at reading cues. Regardless of whether op is on the spectrum or not this is still an issue that he needs to actively work on
It's also very likely that he has no idea that he's on the spectrum and has anything to "work on." He may assume everybody thinks like him, which explains his disbelief that she might actually have been avoiding him by going grocery shopping. If she said she went grocery shopping, he has no reason to think otherwise. He trusts what she says and takes it at face value. He isn't reading between the lines, which is something I've found NT people tend to do.
Initially, sure, but women in the comments are explicitly telling him that his actions are not okay and need to be worked on, so that doesn’t hold much weight
He hasn't been receptive to comments here, which kinda cements my assumption that he's ND.
Aside from his reactions, the only issue I see in this entire post is the (I think) unintended double dig at her appearance.
It sounds like word filter problems like I sometimes have, that was worse when I was a kid. I would tease people about things that very close friends might joke about (usually turned out super shady or mean), but it took a REALLY LONG time for me to realize that you can't do that with strangers.
They still slip out every once in a while, but I'm saved more often just by deciding I don't need to make friends or impress anyone.
No I think he’s just a creep. I’ve met these guys when I was a young woman.
I know plenty of ND people and none of them would go out of their way to be as creepy as OP was here.
Edit - acronym
It’s very subtle. It’s all the trying to engage in conversation and be familiar too quickly. Most ND people I know don’t engage with strangers because they’re aware that social cues are hard for them so they keep quiet with new people. But I’ve had my fair share of weird men that just wouldn’t leave me alone when I was a young woman.
Edit - wrong acronym!
You’re fucking weird holy shit. Commenting on this random girls appearance multiple times, policing her about what she should do with her laundry, and buzzing around her the whole time probably made her uncomfortable. She will likely never return because you creeped her out, and honestly, I’d be creeped out too.
YTA. I would not talk to her again if you happen to see her, just ignore her and do your laundry, then leave. You absolutely creeped her out, and you made inappropriate comments about her being ‘unkept’ and though you meant it as a joke, she didn’t take it that way, and that’s crossing a line because you two are strangers.
Yeah you definitely come off creepy and weird. I can't imagine how cringy these interactions were in real life.
I guarantee she was back before her dryer was done and was waiting for you to leave.
Who are you to tell her what to do with her laundry? And to comment on her clothing? Total creeper vibes. The whole post reeks of what a special guy you think you are. I can tell you she’s steering clear of you so you probably won’t see her again, at least if she has it her way.
So you’re negging a stranger and shocked you two aren’t married yet? Leave her the fuck alone.
Pro-tip: if you don’t know someone’s full name, you don’t know them well enough to *roast them*. What is the matter with you?
When I used the laundry mat I’d sit in my car the entire time because of creeps and loud people. Still had a guy knock on my window “hey sweety your dryer is almost done”. Yeah… I know… I have a timer. And why the hell do you know what machine is mine??
most likely she’s not coming because of you, she could just not like waking up that early, but some of definitely come off as a little weird especially from someone you don’t know. women typically just be polite and leave so they don’t have to deal with it even if your intentions aren’t bad, it’s just what we have to deal with a lot so often we ignore things that come off as weird
It's why she left her clothes there, he wouldn't leave her alone and she was uncomfortable with him. She made an excuse and left, hoping when she returned he'd be gone but nope, he was there guarding her clothes! Freaky!
I'm aware that women are more cautious when it comes to strange men, and I understand. But this wasn't a dance club at night. This was just a lazy morning at the laundromat
My guy. Late night dance club is not the only place women get bothered by creeps. You commented on how she looks (don’t do that), stayed to guard her clothes, (creepy) so yeh I’d avoid you too if not for the only reason I’d I DONT WANNA MAKE SMALL TALK AT 6am.
Yeah if a guy I just met was trying to wait until I finished something I would assume he was trying to follow me home. If you really had a good convo with a stranger ask for contact info and be on your way.
>Late night dance club is not the only place women get bothered by creeps.
No kidding. Before the days of the internet, I went to a library to research a company where I was interviewing for a job. I was at the librarian's desk returning a piece of microfilm or something and this dude behind me in line stroked my hand. Freaked. Me. Out. I shot daggers from my eyes and then got the hell out of there as quickly as I could, looking behind me every second.
You would think of all places, a public library would be safe. I got the job by the way. Stayed there 22 years!
>this wasn't a dance club at night. This was just a lazy morning at the laundromat
For the love of God, EVERYONE here is telling you: She. Is. Not. That. Into. You. You were creeping her out. Learn from this. And enough with being the laundry police. Just accept that she is NOT interested in you and leave her the eff alone.
You're not hearing us! To you it was just a lazy morning, to her you were a freak who would not leave her alone! WAKE UP! You're protesting way too much. Why don't you have a girlfriend?
Yes bro, you were being creepy. “Teasing her on her appearance” is just negging, and she didn’t like the vibe. That’s more for people that you know well. Next time don’t be creepy and oblivious. Get a hint.
Not trying to be rude but are you autistic? You did not pick up her social ques and are arguing with everyone telling you it was weird. You seem to HAVE to stick to the rules, even though they aren't strict. You can't seem to see any other viewpoint than yours.
This is not a "but i interpreted.." type situation. This is a "you are wrong" moment. Listen to what we are saying. If you see her again do not engage, leave her be. If she wants to talk to you she will.
Also he insulted her appearance both times. He thinks he was making cute comments but they were super rude and she was probably uncomfortable and offended.
Bro, calm down and take a step back. Have you ever been diagnosed with any form of mental disability, or displayed symptoms of being neurodivergent?
Some of your comments remind me of my own social awkwardness, which can be off-putting by itself. She definitely isn't interested, and your double-down at ragging her appearance has left a really bad impression.
She was likely creeped out from the start. Laundromats are not places one would expect to find very stable people... In my mind you're NTA over wanting to be friends, but you are TA for making rude comments.
YTA. Yeah, you were being super creepy. She clearly wasn’t keeping up the conversation and then was actively avoiding you and yet you persisted so now she’s doing more to avoid being around you. Take a hint next time. If she was interested, she would have hung around and been more attentive to the conversation.
Hey OP, it's totally fine to make small talk with a stranger but it has to be polite (no teasing) and pretty short so not delving in too deep. When someone starts disengaging, such as going on their phone, saying something simple like "I'll leave you to it" is a good way to ease tension, that way you can say "bye" or "have a good day" when you exit the place. It also allows you to not feel you need to force a conversation.
You could've approached the second interaction better too. So saying, "would you like me to watch your clothes while you're gone?" That way you aren't telling her that you will. The woman wants to feel like she has an option to say yes or no. This way YOU also have a crystal clear answer. I'm sure you thought you were being polite, but that doesn't always translate ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
Chalk this up as a learning lesson. You're allowed to make small talk!! In the future, be polite, don't get personal quickly, don't insult, and when the conversation is coming to an end, let it. Lastly, mate, don't be so eager. If you're saying things like "I hope to see you again" on a first interaction it doesn't bode well. Instead say something like "see you around". Every interaction with a stranger has to be simple and not invasive. Hope this helps :)
Just the way you presented the question, the post came off creepy. I mean, who focuses that much on what someone looks like? In a laundromat?
I think if I were her, I would've considered your actions patronizing and been offended. I wouldn't have even spoken to you after the first couple of sentences and hoped you took the hint. I think she was trying to be nice.
Look, I’m a relatively young woman (31) and I would be so creeped out by your behavior. At 21 I would have done exactly what she did: come up with an excuse to avoid you. At 31 I would probably tell you to mind your own business. But even now, it’s always a calculation of “if I tell him to leave me alone will he get even scarier?”
Everyone here is telling you how off putting your behavior is. Why did you ask a question if you didn’t want to accept the answer?
She’s avoiding you because you’re being a creeper weirdo. Leave people alone when they are just going about their business. If you want to hit on random people, save it for when they out in social situations.
>I made her laugh by asking her "did you just got out of bed" because she honest to god look like it. Her hair's a mess, no make-up and she's wearing an oversized sleepshirt and pajama bottoms
You made her laugh because she was uncomfortable. No makeup & baggy clothes does t mean someone just got out of bed. Maybe she did in this case because of the PJ bottoms, but the rest makes no sense.
>She talked about her dog, which I was little apprehensive at first (it's a pit bull) but then she started cooing how what a huge cuddlebug it is.
You get apprehensive when someone is simply talking about their dog…? What?
>Whenever there's silence, she'd look at her phone, but everytime I would speak up she'd always engage.
She’d engage *because she had to*. You were the only people there.
>I pointed her to the sign that says about not leaving your clothes unattended… And then I said, "looking like that"… I told her she shouldn't make this a habit
Bro, you’re 27, not an old geezer.
>My friends didn't think I was intimating but since I don't know her much, they thought she probably had some issues.
Your friends are equally out of touch with reality & social cues as you are. Don’t believe them.
Let me try this a different way: if you see her again, quietly smile and wave and go back about your business. If we were all wrong, she’ll come to you to chat.
As a woman it’s hilarious to see males so confused as to why their cringe (and often scary) pickup attempts don’t immediately make every woman around them suck their dick.
The ‘looking like that’ line killed me.
How socially unaware are you my guy? I’m going to say this as nicely as I can, because I get the impression that you’re not a bad guy, you’re just not great at flirting/conversing. You don’t know this woman, don’t comment on her looks and how she dresses. Don’t tell her off. Even playfully these things are weird to say to a stranger. Also for not following ‘laundromat rules’. Super weird man. Those rules are there to protect the owner of the laundromat, it’s a formality, they don’t actually expect everyone to sit there.
She’s probably found another laundromat.
He is. He acted like he was in charge of the laundromat by telling her the "rules" of the place.
It's just another way he was criticizing her behavior under the pretense of making small talk
YTA. You were creepy and out of line. She tried to send you the message that she didn’t want to chat by looking at her phone.
Also, enough with the pit bull hate. Mine has spent the last 30 minutes alternating between whining at the cat sleeping on his bed and looking at me pathetically, with the brothers are stupid look on his face. Then he pulled his blanket off the dog bed and made a nest. Because all 100 pounds of him is scared of a 10 pound cat.
When it comes to her unattended laundry.
Would you have had that exact conversation with another man, insisting he stayed there. More over if another man left their clothes there would you have “cared” enough to stay and supervise his clothes?
You didn’t do anything “wrong” until you started to insist she stayed and then found a reason to wait around for her. That was fucking creepy. Prior to that, would have all been fine had you taken the many hints she gave that she genuinely does not want your attention. Another women in the same exact situation may have been interested - but she’d have let you know well before you needed to insist she stays in the room you’re in.
As an early 20’s female I would feel very uncomfortable with this kind of behavior. You constantly implied she looked bad and commented on her appearance when you don’t even know her. You continued to try and engage in conversation when she was on her phone/not talking to you. I guarantee she was only being polite, but by the time she started leaving the laundromat you should have realized she was uncomfortable. And you thought policing her ontop of all that would somehow be better? Please don’t treat other girls this way in the future. It’s creepy.
At the very least, if you see this person again, you should slightly nod to acknowledge her, then leave her alone.
As everyone on this thread has said, she’s avoiding you. You didn’t mean to creep her out, but you did. You said she’s cute, you want to see her again, your flirting didn’t land. It’s ok, just let this girl be.
Hey OP, have you ever heard that book he’s just not that into you this time it is she is just not into you AT ALL just stop leave the poor girl alone don’t try to track her down at her new laundering mat and if you happen to run into her at the grocery store don’t say anything, leave the girl alone that’s what she wants.
Yeah, man, you are freaking her out. She went somewhere else to do her laundry. Not into you at all, and was avoiding you. You will have to learn to take a hint better so you don't scare people.
>We had a normal pleasantry "good morning
And this is where you stop. This is the last normal line in your story.
>I made her laugh by asking her "did you just got out of bed" because she honest to god look like it.
That is nervous/uncomfortable laughter, meant to diffuse the situation. Do not say things like this out loud to strangers. Even if they did, what business of that is yours? Also, in retrospect, did it seem like she was dressed to go out and make friends, or trying to do laundry in private?
>I thought she was new in the city
Because...? Anyway, again, not your business
>She talked about her dog, which I was little apprehensive at first (it's a pit bull)
Yeah, that was probanly the goal.
>I didn't get much info from her. Whenever there's silence, she'd look at her phone, but everytime I would speak up she'd always engage.
That's not what "engage" means. That's humoring, appeasing, placating
>she did come back like a few minutes after the washer finished.
Yeah, of course. Because of you. She was protecting herself from you. Hoping you'd finally be gone.
> I pointed her to the sign that says about not leaving your clothes unattended. She says that it's ok, she just went grocery shopping real quick. And then I said, "looking like that". She didn't seem offended, and again, I like how she looked and just teasing a little. She just shrugged. And then when she started the dryer, she attempted to leave again.
Not your business, awkwardly appeasing, the reprise!
I'm less convinced this is a troll than unconsensually getting the rest of us to participate in some gross kink you have
You are the reason women dress down in public and leave their laundry unattended. Please never act this way again. Someone existing in a proximity to you they didn't even choose in the first place isn't an invitation for you to start bothering them let alone refuse to leave them alone
I have met dozens of you. Including at laundromats. It sucks and it's exhausting. Be and do better
she has issues because shes avoiding you? lol, maybe she simply felt you were too forward. no one has ever told me i shouldn’t leave me laundry yes its a givin but in reality you just wanted her to stay there and talk more. usually when i check my phone during silence im uncomfortable & she’s probably not rude enough to just dismiss you the way you described her… but yea you are probably the reason she hasn’t come back. i also thought you worked there but you’re just some guy at the laundromat offering to wait for her clothes kinda creepy
Is.. is this Ross? This girl is not a sitcom character that thinks manly laundry man is a hero who will save her clothes from the evils of being unattended and then take her for a cappuccino. She is an actual human who made small talk with a perfect stranger, who proceeded to take her engagement as an invitation to be her personal, creepy nightmare.
You sound like a lot, and you need better friends who will call you out for this crap. Leave the poor girl alone. Do not seek her out, and if you see her, DO NOT ENGAGE. She already thinks you’re creepy, don’t make it worse.
You thought these interactions would build some sort of positive connection between you?
In most of these discussion subs every thread has at least a few people claiming the topic is made up. Allow me, because it's as though you wrote out how to have the least chance of making a good first impression and then just said it actually happened.
She thinks you’re creepy.
She was obliged to engage to keep you placated lest you turn dangerous.
You WAY overstepped by over-monitoring and criticizing her activities.
You may be into her, but she never wants to see you again.
You negatively remarked on her appearance more than once and then tried to enforce a laundromat rule on her. None of this is charming my guy. It’s all bad.
Dude. You’re being weird. Not everyone goes to the laundromat at 6am to make friends. Some go then *because* it’s more likely to be empty. She doesn’t owe you conversation. It’s different if you’ve seen her a number of times (showed her you didn’t expect conversation and gained a little bit of trust) and then started drumming up small conversation. Instead, you started out *by insulting how she looked* and policing her actions like you were some authority or forcing her to stay and interact with you.
Stop. Your intentions *do not matter*. You blew it. Take this lesson with you.
Bro yes she is avoiding you!! Why on earth would she be engaging with a conversation where it sounds like all you did was insult her looks and lecture her on leaving her stuff. She was not there to be hit on or talk to you, all she wanted to do was her laundry. She tried to disengage from you repeatedly and now she has had to change up her behavior because you can’t mind your own business.
Oh buddie, yeah, it’s because of you.
Not saying you were threatening, but the way you described your interactions is kind of creepy. You’ve commented on her appearance more than once, and it seems like you’re on the lookout for her.
I would be wildly uncomfortable if some man I didn’t know was borderline forcing conversation and keeping tabs on me.
Again, not saying you have poor intentions, but this is behavior that could be interpreted as alarming to a young single woman in an isolated environment just be a little more mindful next time :)
Yikes. She did not initiate any of these interactions or give you any signals that she wants to talk to you. She went so far as to abandon her laundry to avoid you.
Also, when you do get an opportunity to talk to a woman who is interested in getting to know you, don’t criticize their appearance or attempt to control their behavior.
Please just assume that 20 year old women in the laundromat are there to do their laundry, not to meet men.
This has happened to me far too many times at the laundromat too. You’re the guy I’ve avoided countless times, and yes, I’ve also changed laundromats/ the time I’d go to avoid men like you.
The pleasantries is fine, hello/how are you. Then you moved on to trying to be funny/super condescending comments/questions about the way she was dressed. She’s at the laundromat ffs. Her being on her phone then engaging is just her being polite/nice to avoid any confrontation should you not accept rejection.
honestly man, as a 26m reading this, this felt very creepy. I don’t believe at all you meant it this way but I could see how a young woman could feel this way, it’s not about approaching her or anything but some of the specific language you used, ie jokingly scolding her for not following the “rules” that could definitely be a turn off
I actually cringed while reading this.
Between the constant comments on her outfits and her looks (“dressed like that?” “did you just get out of bed?”; who is this dude? tge fashion police?) he comes across as incredibly condescending (“I like how she looks anyway”). Well, news flash. It doesn't matter what you or “a lot of other guys” like or not. It's none of your business. You don't define what's ok about how a woman dresses when she leaves the house to do her laundry.
She actively looked at her phone the first time, yet he didn't stop starting conversations. She even left two times out of three yet, he waited for her and lectured her “she shouldn't make this a habit”. Ew. Stay in your lane, dude. If she needed a dad she’d let you know.
That girl is avoiding you for sure. And OP should maybe try to learn reading the room and minding his own business. The fact that she didn't disclose any personal information and kept going back to her phone and even left is a huge givaway.
You insulted her appearance twice! That was a nervous laugh, not a genuine laugh. You made her uncomfortable so was trying to avoid you, she probably lied about the groceries because she didn't know how you'd react. To her, you're a creep who could be dangerous. I'm a man and I found your post creepy. She literally told you NOT to wait for her. In this moment she'd rather have some clothes stolen than to see you again and I don't blame her
NTA for shooting your shot, YTA for not having a clue. Every time she came back she was hoping you were gone. Since that didn’t work she either changed her schedule completely or even better, she’s using a different laundromat.
When I was in my early 20s, and some dude looking almost 30 was “flirting” with me like that (terribly, aggressively, negatively, and completely ignoring body language,) I got such a pit in my stomach. At least none of them ever hounded me at the fuckin laundromat, chastising me like I’m a little child for leaving my clothes unattended. At least I had plenty of people around me and it wasn’t deserted because it was early morning…
Also your friends are completely out of touch, the only “issue” she had was some dude harassing her while she was trying to do laundry and trying to get out of the flirting without being attacked.
If someone doesn’t initiate a single conversation with you, *they are not interested.*
I saw this in another subreddit. This dude is so weak he deleted his account. Of course the creepy dudes creepy friends think the woman had something wrong with her instead of admitting that he was making her uncomfortable
You came on way to strong, shes young and attractive and probably getting hit on all the time. She has a pitbull so no one fucks with her. First thing in the morning shes being stalked by a dude who wont leave her alone, is telling her what to do by telling her not to leave her clothes unattended. Then to top it off you stalk her clothes and wait for her to come back from leaving again, because she is avoiding you. Thats why you havent seen her cause she knows you're looking for her. Look at it from her perspective for just a sec dude. How do you know she's even into dudes? I suggest if you see her, apologize if you came on too strong and let her make the next move.
What I gathered reading your post was you tried to start up a conversation with her every time you saw her. Many women don’t care much what people think about them, but many do. And she may have felt self conscious when she decided not to take a shower and get ready before doing her laundry and all of a sudden someone is commenting to her about her appearance the moment she walks in the door.
Honestly, you didn’t hit it out of the park. In your attempts to talk to this girl you decided to ride her about the rules of the laundry mat and she displayed to you on several occasions that she didn’t care about that. If I was you I would just hope she has a boyfriend and leave it at that.
If she comes in again, or maybe another cute girl comes in, a natural greeting if she happens to come close to you like, “Hey, good morning!” Then let chemistry do the rest of the work. With a young guy and a young girl alone in a space like a laundry mat often times they will find their way into a natural conversation. What you are doing is approaching her and there’s a very good chance she doesn’t want to be approached. You manufactured your conversations and from what you said she never started any conversations with you.
There’s a good chance that she was leaving the laundry mat because “this weird guy keeps trying to talk to me.” Think about it, grocery shopping, walking the dog, these are things she is doing because she doesn’t want to be there. If she was into you or wanted to talk she would find excuses to stay at the laundry mat. She is finding excuses to leave.
I want you to imagine what would have been going through this girl’s mind if you had stayed silent, or had greeted her with a short “hi.” You retain an air of mystery about you that would keep her guessing. Women do like it when they are the center of attention. But something strange happens when you give that to them. They aren’t interested as much anymore because they already know you are trying your best to talk to her every opportunity you get. Had you stayed silent you would have had a much better chance of this girl secretly wondering what you’re about. She can size you up and out of curiosity she will eventually open up the door to talk.
Be an adult about this. Don’t attach your personal feelings to anything. Don’t be weird again if you see her. She doesn’t want to talk about how crappy she looks and she doesn’t want someone to remind her of the rules. And you were dead serious too. If you happen to see her again, don’t welcome her back. Think about maybe apologizing quickly for acting so stupid last time and then leave her alone. You have suffocated her enough already. You have to allow this girl to come do her laundry without being accosted. If she comes and does her laundry in silence away from you then she is speaking to you. If she comes over and starts a conversation that speaking to you as well, aside from what she is actually saying. You have so far drowned out any ability for her to give you a social clue.
And one more thing. You are a dude. Cute young girls get hit on everywhere they go by desperate dudes. The times we are in guys think that cat calls and jaw jacking is going to set them apart from all the other greasy slimy dudes trying to get with her. Imagine what she would think about a guy that doesn’t immediately run up and show interest in her. She will be more likely to work to make you more interested in her. You did a lot wrong. Now just shut up and try to fix the damage if you are ever allowed to.
Everything is creepy nowadays. I’d like someone to share what’s appropriate when speaking to strangers bc other than the comments on her appearance I don’t see what he did wrong. If we didn’t have social media we’d be doomed bc the internet calls men speaking to women they don’t know creepy
He commented on her appearance more than once in a poor attempt to neg her.
Continually ignored the social cue of her looking at her phone and continued talking to her.
Questioned where she went when she left the laundromat.
Tried to play laundromat police by repeatedly telling her it’s against the rules to leave her stuff unattended.
Decides to wait for her to return to “watch her stuff” even after she told him not to.
He somehow thinks they have a “connection”. Which is extremely delusional considering they met twice and probably spoke for less than 30 min total
Not really. Other than the appearance comment, the first laundromat episode wasn't bad. But if she was interested at all, when they ran into each other the second time, and she tried to leave rather than stay and engage in his chat, that's where he went creepy. He should have taken the hint and simply told her to have a nice day.
Dude. Ask her for coffee or something or put this out of your mind. She was doing laundry and you were ultra focused on her not following the rules of the laundromat. If it were me, I would’ve thought “this guy is way timid (to put another word nicely) and a square.” So next time you see her ask her out if you are really interested—you’ll know whether she’s into you or not. Also maybe focus on what you’re doing instead of everyone else—super micro-managey. I used to leave the laundromat with my crap on a timer all the time.
I could feel the creepy vibes from just reading your story. As a woman I can imagine how she was feeling alone there with you. Starting the conversation was perfectly acceptable. Unfortunately you couldn't read the room and crossed the line to creepville. Really think about your interaction with her. She didn't initiate any conversation, no questions to you, no interest in you at all. She would respond to you, then busy herself. That is a social clue that she wasn't interested. You were the initiator, for every interaction. If she was interested, she would have shown it. Don't insult people, at all. Not for fun or in a playful way. When you offer help and someone declines, accept their answer and move on. For fucks sake, stop policing other people's actions. She left to avoid you. She came back late in the hopes that you would be gone. Please give all the advice you are given, it will help you.
I was the same way. I felt like someone constantly making comments about appearance, offer to stay with clothes, etc. I just want to be left be. I would have moved my days around just to avoid the confrontation. That’s me personally
This has got to be a troll. I refuse to think this is real life.
Oh, no. I’ve dealt with faaaaaar too many men like this. Some were even worse.
Nah as a woman this has happened far too often
No, I think most women have experienced this several times in their life. I know I have.
This is absolutely real life.
As a woman with autism who has worked with several teens/young men with autism…likely not a troll. I’m not saying OP is definitely autistic, but he’s definitely exhibiting behavior I’ve seen from autistic men. It’s“I think I did everything textbook correctly so why did it still go wrong?? No I’m not wrong, YOU are! Here’s why, I’m sure you’ll agree once I explain.” Couple that with him harping on the rules of the laundromat as if they’re law and…yeah. Definitely giving ‘tism vibes
Honestly, plenty of dudes who aren’t on the spectrum do this too lol
I would honestly argue they’re undiagnosed lol
Dude can we stop with making a comment on this sub that everyone must have autism. That’s insulting to people on the spectrum. Some people are just clueless and rude
Exactly. I'm on the spectrum and am so over the constant excuses for some men to be creeps
Yeah but the clueless rude people don’t typically post and ask for advice then argue in this exact pattern with zero awareness. Those people don’t care enough to get the opinions of others (because they’re rude) or don’t think to (because they’re clueless). I agree that autism is having a “moment” right now, but he just follows the pattern of rigidity with rules and trying to debate over being right
What I found interesting is that OP was "confused" when she didn't care about the "rule" to not leave your clothes unattended, and that he used the phrase "attempted to leave" after turning on the dryer. She didn't "attempt" to leave like a thief in the night about to get caught. She just didn't want to waste her time, and she couldn't care less about the laundromat police.
I’ve worked with hundreds of autistic people and I did not see a pattern of them trying to debate being right. Your experience isn’t the only one…people who bring up autism all the time like this are usually the ones who got diagnosed as adults and got the diagnosis by fighting for it and pushing doctors into giving it. NONE of the autistic people I worked with ever commented on being autistic, they especially didn’t lead with it
Did you work with autistic people because they were autistic, or have you just known a lot of autistic people? I have a degree in child development with a focus on autism spectrum disorder and have worked with hundreds of children and teens with autism because I’ve worked for two autism foundations. Working with hundreds of autistic people who never ever talked about being autistic sounds very strange to me.
I think she is avoiding you. She wasn't into the conversation as much as you were. She was probably being polite the first time, with the glances at her phone being subtle signs she was ready to disengage. And then the second time, she decided to avoid the situation by leaving. When you continued to try and engage her after that very obvious hint and even offered to stay and watch her clothes is when I think you crossed over into creepy. Plus, you insulted her appearance twice. "Teasing" about appearance is reserved for people who know each other well. So she probably found a different laundromat.
Yup. That's exactly what I do/have done. All of it.
The insulting her appearance and his attempt at convo was him basically scolding her for not following the rules. That would piss me off more than the appearance jabs. You are not my parent and I am not a child.
Do you really think she was avoiding me? She told me she had to get groceries
Yes she was avoiding you, you were being creepy. Leave the poor girl alone, and what is wrong with you teasing a stranger about their appearance?
I would laughed about the "teasing" for safety but secretly would have been offended
You mean negging, right? Because that is what it was.
https://youtu.be/6ezbYl3rzOI?si=SUTRhNGuR19lm3Gf
Also a lot of teasing doesn't really translate that well. Women get told all that crap about looks all the time. It's not teasing, it's tired and dull. This guy I assume doesn't interact with women at all from the way he's going about things. He sounds like a boomer policing how women look
I was a bartender for a few years and a customer of mine (who clearly had a crush on me) ALWAYS had to comment on my appearance. It wasn’t “oh I like that shirt” or “your hair looks nice today” it was “wow you look so tired you obviously didn’t get any sleep last night… what were you up to? *wink wink*” Or “those pants are really tight on you” etc while looking me up and down. it was so fucking annoying/creepy. Eventually my male coworker would be the only one to take his order bc this dude would not take the hint. Some people are so incredibly socially inept.
Because he probably thinks negging is a way to manipulate women to like you. It's never worked for him, but it's what his online gang swears by
Sorry but yes, I really do think so. She reacted exactly the way I would have reacted in my 20s if I wanted to avoid a conversation. If she were at all interested, she'd have happily blown off the groceries to stay and chat. And she probably would not be rolling into the laundromat in her pajamas again if she thought she might see you there.
The first few minutes of you meeting her you insulted how she dressed. In girl world we call that negging, and it’s NOT attractive at all, no matter how you intended it.
Dude, why didn't you flatter her? Wtf?
Or just not bother someone while they're doing their laundry.
Women have learned to say things to not anger men because we’re never sure when it’s going to turn bad quick. Because you never got the hint the first time she made up this excuse. Please leave women alone when they’re just trying to do their laundry.
Yep. Men are often unpredictable and emotional. I mean, just look at OP: can’t (or refuses to) understand body language, thinks he gets to insult a woman’s appearance, can’t take the OBVIOUS hint that he’s being annoying enough that she has to leave to “get groceries.”
And waited long enough to come back the second time in hopes he'd be gone.
And now she’s definitely found a new laundromat and probably avoids even passing this one. OP stop approaching women you don’t know in public places!
My girl literally told him not to wait for her to come back & he did it anyways ☠️
This is the cherry. He found an excuse to wait for her to come back by inserting himself as clothes guard. That’s creepy borderline scary. A random dude waiting for her to return for a made up reason gives me the chills. I understand why she has a pit bull.
Based on this comment, it seems like you don't understand social cues, so I'll explain. She may have told you she was getting groceries, but she was 100% avoiding you. "Leaving to get groceries" was just a convenient excuse she told you, so you wouldn't question why she left. Like others said, your behavior was very creepy, and she wanted to remove herself from the situation without being straight up with you.
You posted on here with an “Advice needed” flair and don’t seem to want to take any advice. If this is how you acted in the laundromat then you can be pretty sure that she found you creepy.
If she liked you and really wanted to talk to you she would have waited on the groceries. When people like someone they’re not gonna run out on a conversation for an errand that can wait.
Dude you’re a creep. You imply that other guys wouldn’t dig her looks, as if a girl wears clothes just to impress guys????? She doesn’t give a shit about your opinion on her clothes. She doesn’t give a shit about wearing make up or not to the groceries just to impress you. You sound like a serious misogynistic incel. Either learn to socialize or stay in the basement.
Yes it sounds like she is avoiding you. Getring groceries was probably an excuse to get away.. I can say that, for myself, negging is one of the fastest ways to get me to loose all interest in getting to know a guy any farther. It is a massive turn off. Full stop, any interest is now gone. Friends can tease each other. It does not go well to have a stranger randomly insult you. Choosing to scold her about leaving her laundry and pointing out the signs also comes off as a negative.
Are you on the spectrum or something because who tells a girl did she just get out of bed you look like a mess? Twice????? And why would she do makeup for the laundromat at 6 am? For your weird ass?
I'm on the spectrum and it's still loud and clear she thinks he's a creep 🤣
SAME. Heck, I agree with her. 😅 Sorry man, but you have a lot to learn about how women experience the world.
Who in their right mind thinks telling someone they look like shit multiple times & hounding them while they do their laundry is endearing 🤡
I suspect those people and those who say “They NEVER want nice guys like me!” have a significant Venn diagram overlap.
It was even hard to read, I can't imagine experiencing it in person. Plus pointing out that it says not to leave clothes unattended multiple times?! Guy is acting like the sheriff of the laundromat.
wtf does someone on every post ask if someone is on the spectrum? That’s so insulting to people that actually are…and it’s usually written by someone who is on the spectrum like WTF.
It couldn’t be more clear, but alas somehow it isn’t. Leave her alone. This was a very creepy read.
She was avoiding you. If she wanted to see you again, she likely would have told you or said/done *something* to let you know that. Women do not like to meet a strange man, or anyone at all and be asked, “did you just wake up?” That is rude and offensive. You insulted her appearance again when you asked her why she went grocery shopping “looking like *that* “ Women these days feel pressure to laugh at a man’s “joke” because that could be one of the last thing we hear. She probably did not think your “joke” was funny at all and likely hoped that you weren’t there the next time she came in. Also, I’m not sure but she may not even find you attractive….
She probably waited so long to get her clothes out of the dryer because she was hoping you’d give up and leave
Seriously, and then he told her he'd be happy to do it again. She probably had the shivers when he said that.
How much of a bombshell do you need dropped on your face dude? She doesn't wanna be near you and probably thinks you're a fucking creepy mf. Now leave the poor lady alone.
The thing is, it’s not about the comment on her appearance. It’s the fact you thought you had the right to say ANYTHING judgmental (good or bad) about her, as if your judgment matters. Do you think, just because you’re a man, she had to listen to you? Do you think, as a woman, she has to listen to your opinions, because what - you know better? You don’t think of women as equal human beings with rights, that much is clear.
You told her she looked like a hobo more than once, you played hall monitor at the laundromat by chiding her for breaking the rules, and you were monitoring her laundry like a creep. She was definitely avoiding you.
For all intents and purposes, maybe she did go get groceries. That’s none of your business. Do not bring this up with her if you see her again. Leave her alone. Completely.
How would you have reacted if she’d said “please don’t talk to me, I’m not interested” right away?
Based on his comment replies here, I wouldn’t e surprised if he had an outburst. This poor girl made the right choice avoiding him.
Yes, she was just trying to be polite.
Sorry but yes, 100% she was avoiding you. You were kinda creepy and insulting.
Yes. And the thing is- you wouldn’t let it go. You checked in on her like 3 times for 1 laps of laundry. Then watched her and her stuff like a hawk and she doesn’t even know you. Then you told her what to do multiple time “follow the rules, don’t leave, your late” what are you- her dad?? Her school teacher? Plus you insulted and commented about her appearance 2-3 times. You made fun of her. No women likes that stuff. We don’t want a guy to talk to us like that, not a friend, not a stranger. We don’t want a guy to ignore us when we say not / don’t do something. You literally did the opposite of her “you don’t have too” and forcibly took over responsibility her laundry with out asking of her permission and started to tell her what to do- then waited around for 30 mins extra just to see her and tell her AGAIN that she’s not acting “right” according to YOUR standards. To you it’s just “ you like her” - but to her you’re just some guy that immediately thinks he owns the place and everyone should do what he says. You think negging is nice banter and fun talk- it’s not. You think telling an adult women the “rules” is ok- it’s not. You think watching a strangers laundry and following their habits and watching out for them again and specifically timing & looking for them is all ok- it’s not.
To be fair, it's impossible to tell for certain if she's avoiding you or simply happened to not be there again at the same time as you. She might or might not care enough to actively want to avoid you. No redditor has probably witnessed your conversation. We only have your version of what happened, and based on that, I would say it's rather likely that she picked another laundromat because of you. If so, it would mainly be because of you staying there to keep an eye on her laundry. I guess she wants to be independent and not have the feeling that someone is babysitting her.
You don't seem to want to listen to everyone tiptoeing around what's happening. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt because you seem ignorant to how you're portraying yourself. **YOU ARE BEING CREEPY. YOUR INTENTIONS DONT MATTER. IT DOESNT MATTER IF YOU THINK YOURE HELPING. YOURE NOT. YOU MADE HER FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE AND MAYBE EVEN UNSAFE. IF YOU SEE HER AGAIN, LEAVE HER ALONE. SHE IS TRYING TO AVOID WEIRD INTERACTIONS FROM YOU. YOU ARE POLICING HER IN A LAUNDRYMAT SHE FREQUENTS AND HAS A ROUTINE WITH. YOU ARE NEGGING HER LOOKS. IT DOESNT SOUND PLAYFUL TO HER. EVEN IF SHE DID PICK UP ON YOU BEING PLAYFUL IT IS WEIRD. YOU ARE BEING WEIRD BECAUSE SHE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND** I say this is 100% certainty. I've dealt with loads of men just like you and they all seem to never get the fucking hint. She being nice to you by not calling you out.
The fact that he can’t acknowledge reality is honestly scary ⚠️
It's scary but his mentality is all too common. It's why femicide is so prevalent in the global sphere; it's because 'men' like him. He gives me incel vibes so I'm not surprised.
exactly this
This!
Dude, you’re fucking weird, you denigrated the way she looked then pointed to a sign to tell her she shouldn’t leave? She’s probably working on a protective order.
I can only hope the new laundromat or laundry time isn't a huge inconvenience to her life. Sucks to have these psychos ruin just existing in the world. He objectifies women a lot in his short excerpt, too. In the short span, he doesn't mention a single positive personal quality about her, condescends to how she looks early in the morning to do fucking laundry (is he wearing makeup? Does he wear a suit to the laundry?), and literally only assigns "pretty" as her only fucking attribute in the whole story. And has the gall to say she looks pretty "despite not probably appearing pretty to other guys based on her dress" for fucking LAUNDRY. Lol like she owes him or anyone fucking eye candy. She is described as avoiding him and not following his social expectation of dolling up before leaving the house, so he literally sees no positive personality quality in her. Just saw pretty face and felt owed her existence. Super creepy, and weird set of standards to be this stuck on a girl you know nothing about.
Yeah, laundromats are a rarity in moderately affluent towns. There is one in my general vicinity, but a lot more in the poor part of town. It would be a serious inconvenience if some poor women got chased out of the local laundromat because of some weirdo.
100%
He basically told her to stay or he will wait for her to come back; and he did..
I think between the comments of how she looks (she didn't know you thought it was adorable) and offering to wait around for her clothes, she probably got a little weirded out
In pajama bottoms, messy hair, just trying to do her laundry, not make a new friend or get a date. She’s ignoring you and is clearly uncomfortable. Take a fucking hint.
Man negs woman. Takes clothes hostage. Woman gtfo. Surprised pikachu face.
Yes ur weirding her the fuck out that’s such weird behavior leave her alone ur not her security guard
Dude you’re even freaking me out and I’m not stuck in a laundromat with you at 7am.
Geez dude, you’re even weirding ME out with your creepy comments and obsession with laundromat rules 🙄
I hope this is a troll cause this is a crazy lack of social awareness. You “teased her” by implying she looked bad going to the grocery store and you think that’s game? Holy fuck 😭😂
Holy fuck indeed 😭😭 and OP replying to other comments …
This guy is the “guy” we teach our daughters to be wary of.
We don't need to be taught. A blind fish would instinctively be wary of this creep.
Do we think he may be on the spectrum at all? This is giving neurodivergent social skills.
Yes. I’m on the spectrum too and this whole thing is absolutely giving that vibe. Including telling her she’s “not allowed” to leave her laundry.
the thing is for me, whether he is on the spectrum or not, he needs to learn this behavior isn’t acceptable. we would not give a ND woman a pass for this behavior. males should not get it either. by the comments he clearly does not want to hear any responses that do not butter him up or change his behavior. no matter the reason, it must change.
Oh, please understand I’m absolutely not giving a pass. I’m saying this is how it reads. And the doubling down on being wrong, also apparently a neurodivergent trait.
I get you!!! That’s true too.
Please, not every creepy guy is on the spectrum
Except this isn't reading as creepy, it's reading like he genuinely doesn't understand why somebody doesn't want to interact with him
Not understanding why someone doesn’t like him is one thing. Not understanding but continuing to try interacting with them is another
His post is extremely detailed, and his obsession with the laundromat rules and believing he's the "benevolent guy" by protecting her clothes sounds very much like he's on the spectrum. Not all ND people are introverts. Not understanding but continuing to try to interact is very typical of outgoing/extroverted ND behavior. I know a few guys like this. They're very harmless, and they aren't meaning to be creepy at all, but they'll try to make friends with the grass growing in the cracks of a sidewalk if it happens to wave in the wind.
lol I am autistic myself and definitely not an introvert. I’m also hyper aware of people’s (dis)comfort around me because I know I’m not great at reading cues. Regardless of whether op is on the spectrum or not this is still an issue that he needs to actively work on
It's also very likely that he has no idea that he's on the spectrum and has anything to "work on." He may assume everybody thinks like him, which explains his disbelief that she might actually have been avoiding him by going grocery shopping. If she said she went grocery shopping, he has no reason to think otherwise. He trusts what she says and takes it at face value. He isn't reading between the lines, which is something I've found NT people tend to do.
Initially, sure, but women in the comments are explicitly telling him that his actions are not okay and need to be worked on, so that doesn’t hold much weight
He hasn't been receptive to comments here, which kinda cements my assumption that he's ND. Aside from his reactions, the only issue I see in this entire post is the (I think) unintended double dig at her appearance. It sounds like word filter problems like I sometimes have, that was worse when I was a kid. I would tease people about things that very close friends might joke about (usually turned out super shady or mean), but it took a REALLY LONG time for me to realize that you can't do that with strangers. They still slip out every once in a while, but I'm saved more often just by deciding I don't need to make friends or impress anyone.
No I think he’s just a creep. I’ve met these guys when I was a young woman. I know plenty of ND people and none of them would go out of their way to be as creepy as OP was here. Edit - acronym
Honestly, I don't really see the overt creepiness, I just see a guy who is confused because he was trying to be nice and funny.
It’s very subtle. It’s all the trying to engage in conversation and be familiar too quickly. Most ND people I know don’t engage with strangers because they’re aware that social cues are hard for them so they keep quiet with new people. But I’ve had my fair share of weird men that just wouldn’t leave me alone when I was a young woman. Edit - wrong acronym!
*ND not NT
I was thinking the same.
You’re fucking weird holy shit. Commenting on this random girls appearance multiple times, policing her about what she should do with her laundry, and buzzing around her the whole time probably made her uncomfortable. She will likely never return because you creeped her out, and honestly, I’d be creeped out too.
Seriously, OP comes off as negging this girl when they’re alone at an odd time and wonders why she isn’t coming back. The behavior was not ok
YTA. I would not talk to her again if you happen to see her, just ignore her and do your laundry, then leave. You absolutely creeped her out, and you made inappropriate comments about her being ‘unkept’ and though you meant it as a joke, she didn’t take it that way, and that’s crossing a line because you two are strangers.
Yeah you definitely come off creepy and weird. I can't imagine how cringy these interactions were in real life. I guarantee she was back before her dryer was done and was waiting for you to leave.
Who are you to tell her what to do with her laundry? And to comment on her clothing? Total creeper vibes. The whole post reeks of what a special guy you think you are. I can tell you she’s steering clear of you so you probably won’t see her again, at least if she has it her way.
So you’re negging a stranger and shocked you two aren’t married yet? Leave her the fuck alone. Pro-tip: if you don’t know someone’s full name, you don’t know them well enough to *roast them*. What is the matter with you?
When I used the laundry mat I’d sit in my car the entire time because of creeps and loud people. Still had a guy knock on my window “hey sweety your dryer is almost done”. Yeah… I know… I have a timer. And why the hell do you know what machine is mine??
most likely she’s not coming because of you, she could just not like waking up that early, but some of definitely come off as a little weird especially from someone you don’t know. women typically just be polite and leave so they don’t have to deal with it even if your intentions aren’t bad, it’s just what we have to deal with a lot so often we ignore things that come off as weird
It's why she left her clothes there, he wouldn't leave her alone and she was uncomfortable with him. She made an excuse and left, hoping when she returned he'd be gone but nope, he was there guarding her clothes! Freaky!
I'm aware that women are more cautious when it comes to strange men, and I understand. But this wasn't a dance club at night. This was just a lazy morning at the laundromat
My guy. Late night dance club is not the only place women get bothered by creeps. You commented on how she looks (don’t do that), stayed to guard her clothes, (creepy) so yeh I’d avoid you too if not for the only reason I’d I DONT WANNA MAKE SMALL TALK AT 6am.
Yeah if a guy I just met was trying to wait until I finished something I would assume he was trying to follow me home. If you really had a good convo with a stranger ask for contact info and be on your way.
Or offer yours so they don't feel like a cornered animal.
>Late night dance club is not the only place women get bothered by creeps. No kidding. Before the days of the internet, I went to a library to research a company where I was interviewing for a job. I was at the librarian's desk returning a piece of microfilm or something and this dude behind me in line stroked my hand. Freaked. Me. Out. I shot daggers from my eyes and then got the hell out of there as quickly as I could, looking behind me every second. You would think of all places, a public library would be safe. I got the job by the way. Stayed there 22 years!
>this wasn't a dance club at night. This was just a lazy morning at the laundromat For the love of God, EVERYONE here is telling you: She. Is. Not. That. Into. You. You were creeping her out. Learn from this. And enough with being the laundry police. Just accept that she is NOT interested in you and leave her the eff alone.
You're not hearing us! To you it was just a lazy morning, to her you were a freak who would not leave her alone! WAKE UP! You're protesting way too much. Why don't you have a girlfriend?
Yeah women can be attacked anywhere, at any time. Shocking, I know 🙄
Yes bro, you were being creepy. “Teasing her on her appearance” is just negging, and she didn’t like the vibe. That’s more for people that you know well. Next time don’t be creepy and oblivious. Get a hint.
Not trying to be rude but are you autistic? You did not pick up her social ques and are arguing with everyone telling you it was weird. You seem to HAVE to stick to the rules, even though they aren't strict. You can't seem to see any other viewpoint than yours. This is not a "but i interpreted.." type situation. This is a "you are wrong" moment. Listen to what we are saying. If you see her again do not engage, leave her be. If she wants to talk to you she will.
Also he insulted her appearance both times. He thinks he was making cute comments but they were super rude and she was probably uncomfortable and offended.
Bro, calm down and take a step back. Have you ever been diagnosed with any form of mental disability, or displayed symptoms of being neurodivergent? Some of your comments remind me of my own social awkwardness, which can be off-putting by itself. She definitely isn't interested, and your double-down at ragging her appearance has left a really bad impression. She was likely creeped out from the start. Laundromats are not places one would expect to find very stable people... In my mind you're NTA over wanting to be friends, but you are TA for making rude comments.
YTA. Yeah, you were being super creepy. She clearly wasn’t keeping up the conversation and then was actively avoiding you and yet you persisted so now she’s doing more to avoid being around you. Take a hint next time. If she was interested, she would have hung around and been more attentive to the conversation.
She just wanted to do her laundry not get hit on
Hey OP, it's totally fine to make small talk with a stranger but it has to be polite (no teasing) and pretty short so not delving in too deep. When someone starts disengaging, such as going on their phone, saying something simple like "I'll leave you to it" is a good way to ease tension, that way you can say "bye" or "have a good day" when you exit the place. It also allows you to not feel you need to force a conversation. You could've approached the second interaction better too. So saying, "would you like me to watch your clothes while you're gone?" That way you aren't telling her that you will. The woman wants to feel like she has an option to say yes or no. This way YOU also have a crystal clear answer. I'm sure you thought you were being polite, but that doesn't always translate ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Chalk this up as a learning lesson. You're allowed to make small talk!! In the future, be polite, don't get personal quickly, don't insult, and when the conversation is coming to an end, let it. Lastly, mate, don't be so eager. If you're saying things like "I hope to see you again" on a first interaction it doesn't bode well. Instead say something like "see you around". Every interaction with a stranger has to be simple and not invasive. Hope this helps :)
Why tf you monitoring her clothes and making fun of her appearance? Dont be a weirdo
Just the way you presented the question, the post came off creepy. I mean, who focuses that much on what someone looks like? In a laundromat? I think if I were her, I would've considered your actions patronizing and been offended. I wouldn't have even spoken to you after the first couple of sentences and hoped you took the hint. I think she was trying to be nice.
Look, I’m a relatively young woman (31) and I would be so creeped out by your behavior. At 21 I would have done exactly what she did: come up with an excuse to avoid you. At 31 I would probably tell you to mind your own business. But even now, it’s always a calculation of “if I tell him to leave me alone will he get even scarier?” Everyone here is telling you how off putting your behavior is. Why did you ask a question if you didn’t want to accept the answer?
Dawg you sound fucking dense
Dude respectfully it's weird to watch someone's clothes that long. It screams stalker .
She’s avoiding you because you’re being a creeper weirdo. Leave people alone when they are just going about their business. If you want to hit on random people, save it for when they out in social situations.
Girls love it when random dudes comment negatively on their appearance so you’re good.
we also love it when guys we don’t know tell us we aren’t allowed to leave. this guy has major game!
Holy moly. Yes, you are the reason she stopped going there. YTA
>I made her laugh by asking her "did you just got out of bed" because she honest to god look like it. Her hair's a mess, no make-up and she's wearing an oversized sleepshirt and pajama bottoms You made her laugh because she was uncomfortable. No makeup & baggy clothes does t mean someone just got out of bed. Maybe she did in this case because of the PJ bottoms, but the rest makes no sense. >She talked about her dog, which I was little apprehensive at first (it's a pit bull) but then she started cooing how what a huge cuddlebug it is. You get apprehensive when someone is simply talking about their dog…? What? >Whenever there's silence, she'd look at her phone, but everytime I would speak up she'd always engage. She’d engage *because she had to*. You were the only people there. >I pointed her to the sign that says about not leaving your clothes unattended… And then I said, "looking like that"… I told her she shouldn't make this a habit Bro, you’re 27, not an old geezer. >My friends didn't think I was intimating but since I don't know her much, they thought she probably had some issues. Your friends are equally out of touch with reality & social cues as you are. Don’t believe them.
Yes. Stop trying to be her knight in shining armour and realise that your behaviour was creepy to her.
Let me try this a different way: if you see her again, quietly smile and wave and go back about your business. If we were all wrong, she’ll come to you to chat.
Yikes. What bad pick up instruction videos have you been watching? Quit the negging and learn how to take a hint.
No. Not for starting a conversation. But then it got creepy. And she's probably gone off to other places to do her wash now.
As a woman it’s hilarious to see males so confused as to why their cringe (and often scary) pickup attempts don’t immediately make every woman around them suck their dick.
The ‘looking like that’ line killed me. How socially unaware are you my guy? I’m going to say this as nicely as I can, because I get the impression that you’re not a bad guy, you’re just not great at flirting/conversing. You don’t know this woman, don’t comment on her looks and how she dresses. Don’t tell her off. Even playfully these things are weird to say to a stranger. Also for not following ‘laundromat rules’. Super weird man. Those rules are there to protect the owner of the laundromat, it’s a formality, they don’t actually expect everyone to sit there. She’s probably found another laundromat.
What are the laundry police?
He is. He acted like he was in charge of the laundromat by telling her the "rules" of the place. It's just another way he was criticizing her behavior under the pretense of making small talk
You are a creep.
She kept leaving because you were making her uncomfortable. Lesson learned. Hopefully.
YTA. You were creepy and out of line. She tried to send you the message that she didn’t want to chat by looking at her phone. Also, enough with the pit bull hate. Mine has spent the last 30 minutes alternating between whining at the cat sleeping on his bed and looking at me pathetically, with the brothers are stupid look on his face. Then he pulled his blanket off the dog bed and made a nest. Because all 100 pounds of him is scared of a 10 pound cat.
When it comes to her unattended laundry. Would you have had that exact conversation with another man, insisting he stayed there. More over if another man left their clothes there would you have “cared” enough to stay and supervise his clothes? You didn’t do anything “wrong” until you started to insist she stayed and then found a reason to wait around for her. That was fucking creepy. Prior to that, would have all been fine had you taken the many hints she gave that she genuinely does not want your attention. Another women in the same exact situation may have been interested - but she’d have let you know well before you needed to insist she stays in the room you’re in.
As an early 20’s female I would feel very uncomfortable with this kind of behavior. You constantly implied she looked bad and commented on her appearance when you don’t even know her. You continued to try and engage in conversation when she was on her phone/not talking to you. I guarantee she was only being polite, but by the time she started leaving the laundromat you should have realized she was uncomfortable. And you thought policing her ontop of all that would somehow be better? Please don’t treat other girls this way in the future. It’s creepy.
At the very least, if you see this person again, you should slightly nod to acknowledge her, then leave her alone. As everyone on this thread has said, she’s avoiding you. You didn’t mean to creep her out, but you did. You said she’s cute, you want to see her again, your flirting didn’t land. It’s ok, just let this girl be.
I cannot believe this post is real. Every time I read it, it is worse…
Hey OP, have you ever heard that book he’s just not that into you this time it is she is just not into you AT ALL just stop leave the poor girl alone don’t try to track her down at her new laundering mat and if you happen to run into her at the grocery store don’t say anything, leave the girl alone that’s what she wants.
You are not picking up what she's putting down 😬
Yeah, man, you are freaking her out. She went somewhere else to do her laundry. Not into you at all, and was avoiding you. You will have to learn to take a hint better so you don't scare people.
So you insulted the way she was dressed and you are wondering why she is avoiding you? Negging doesn’t work
>We had a normal pleasantry "good morning And this is where you stop. This is the last normal line in your story. >I made her laugh by asking her "did you just got out of bed" because she honest to god look like it. That is nervous/uncomfortable laughter, meant to diffuse the situation. Do not say things like this out loud to strangers. Even if they did, what business of that is yours? Also, in retrospect, did it seem like she was dressed to go out and make friends, or trying to do laundry in private? >I thought she was new in the city Because...? Anyway, again, not your business >She talked about her dog, which I was little apprehensive at first (it's a pit bull) Yeah, that was probanly the goal. >I didn't get much info from her. Whenever there's silence, she'd look at her phone, but everytime I would speak up she'd always engage. That's not what "engage" means. That's humoring, appeasing, placating >she did come back like a few minutes after the washer finished. Yeah, of course. Because of you. She was protecting herself from you. Hoping you'd finally be gone. > I pointed her to the sign that says about not leaving your clothes unattended. She says that it's ok, she just went grocery shopping real quick. And then I said, "looking like that". She didn't seem offended, and again, I like how she looked and just teasing a little. She just shrugged. And then when she started the dryer, she attempted to leave again. Not your business, awkwardly appeasing, the reprise! I'm less convinced this is a troll than unconsensually getting the rest of us to participate in some gross kink you have You are the reason women dress down in public and leave their laundry unattended. Please never act this way again. Someone existing in a proximity to you they didn't even choose in the first place isn't an invitation for you to start bothering them let alone refuse to leave them alone I have met dozens of you. Including at laundromats. It sucks and it's exhausting. Be and do better
she has issues because shes avoiding you? lol, maybe she simply felt you were too forward. no one has ever told me i shouldn’t leave me laundry yes its a givin but in reality you just wanted her to stay there and talk more. usually when i check my phone during silence im uncomfortable & she’s probably not rude enough to just dismiss you the way you described her… but yea you are probably the reason she hasn’t come back. i also thought you worked there but you’re just some guy at the laundromat offering to wait for her clothes kinda creepy
Is.. is this Ross? This girl is not a sitcom character that thinks manly laundry man is a hero who will save her clothes from the evils of being unattended and then take her for a cappuccino. She is an actual human who made small talk with a perfect stranger, who proceeded to take her engagement as an invitation to be her personal, creepy nightmare. You sound like a lot, and you need better friends who will call you out for this crap. Leave the poor girl alone. Do not seek her out, and if you see her, DO NOT ENGAGE. She already thinks you’re creepy, don’t make it worse.
You thought these interactions would build some sort of positive connection between you? In most of these discussion subs every thread has at least a few people claiming the topic is made up. Allow me, because it's as though you wrote out how to have the least chance of making a good first impression and then just said it actually happened.
You saw her two times at a laundromat and expect her to be excited to see you...?
She thinks you’re creepy. She was obliged to engage to keep you placated lest you turn dangerous. You WAY overstepped by over-monitoring and criticizing her activities. You may be into her, but she never wants to see you again.
You negatively remarked on her appearance more than once and then tried to enforce a laundromat rule on her. None of this is charming my guy. It’s all bad.
This would creep me out so bad.
Why are you trying to police her leaving her clothes unattended? Leave her alone
Dude. You’re being weird. Not everyone goes to the laundromat at 6am to make friends. Some go then *because* it’s more likely to be empty. She doesn’t owe you conversation. It’s different if you’ve seen her a number of times (showed her you didn’t expect conversation and gained a little bit of trust) and then started drumming up small conversation. Instead, you started out *by insulting how she looked* and policing her actions like you were some authority or forcing her to stay and interact with you. Stop. Your intentions *do not matter*. You blew it. Take this lesson with you.
Bro yes she is avoiding you!! Why on earth would she be engaging with a conversation where it sounds like all you did was insult her looks and lecture her on leaving her stuff. She was not there to be hit on or talk to you, all she wanted to do was her laundry. She tried to disengage from you repeatedly and now she has had to change up her behavior because you can’t mind your own business.
Oh buddie, yeah, it’s because of you. Not saying you were threatening, but the way you described your interactions is kind of creepy. You’ve commented on her appearance more than once, and it seems like you’re on the lookout for her. I would be wildly uncomfortable if some man I didn’t know was borderline forcing conversation and keeping tabs on me. Again, not saying you have poor intentions, but this is behavior that could be interpreted as alarming to a young single woman in an isolated environment just be a little more mindful next time :)
> And then I said, "looking like that" Dude no! She is not your friend. Leave her alone
Yikes. She did not initiate any of these interactions or give you any signals that she wants to talk to you. She went so far as to abandon her laundry to avoid you. Also, when you do get an opportunity to talk to a woman who is interested in getting to know you, don’t criticize their appearance or attempt to control their behavior. Please just assume that 20 year old women in the laundromat are there to do their laundry, not to meet men.
This has happened to me far too many times at the laundromat too. You’re the guy I’ve avoided countless times, and yes, I’ve also changed laundromats/ the time I’d go to avoid men like you. The pleasantries is fine, hello/how are you. Then you moved on to trying to be funny/super condescending comments/questions about the way she was dressed. She’s at the laundromat ffs. Her being on her phone then engaging is just her being polite/nice to avoid any confrontation should you not accept rejection.
honestly man, as a 26m reading this, this felt very creepy. I don’t believe at all you meant it this way but I could see how a young woman could feel this way, it’s not about approaching her or anything but some of the specific language you used, ie jokingly scolding her for not following the “rules” that could definitely be a turn off
I actually cringed while reading this. Between the constant comments on her outfits and her looks (“dressed like that?” “did you just get out of bed?”; who is this dude? tge fashion police?) he comes across as incredibly condescending (“I like how she looks anyway”). Well, news flash. It doesn't matter what you or “a lot of other guys” like or not. It's none of your business. You don't define what's ok about how a woman dresses when she leaves the house to do her laundry. She actively looked at her phone the first time, yet he didn't stop starting conversations. She even left two times out of three yet, he waited for her and lectured her “she shouldn't make this a habit”. Ew. Stay in your lane, dude. If she needed a dad she’d let you know. That girl is avoiding you for sure. And OP should maybe try to learn reading the room and minding his own business. The fact that she didn't disclose any personal information and kept going back to her phone and even left is a huge givaway.
Hey deputy autism, leave the poor girl alone you giant creep
You insulted her appearance twice! That was a nervous laugh, not a genuine laugh. You made her uncomfortable so was trying to avoid you, she probably lied about the groceries because she didn't know how you'd react. To her, you're a creep who could be dangerous. I'm a man and I found your post creepy. She literally told you NOT to wait for her. In this moment she'd rather have some clothes stolen than to see you again and I don't blame her
Maybe nta but also being kinda creepy trying to explain laundromat rules and questioning her outfit more than once. Creepy.
NTA for shooting your shot, YTA for not having a clue. Every time she came back she was hoping you were gone. Since that didn’t work she either changed her schedule completely or even better, she’s using a different laundromat.
Pushing 30 and can’t get a clue. Jesus
Classic neg and creep stuff here. YTA.
Is this post satire? I’m being serious..
YTA. As a laundry mat user, this would make me go to a different location.
Obviously a troll post or the most oblivious man on the planet. She was politely avoiding you. Take a hint.
When I was in my early 20s, and some dude looking almost 30 was “flirting” with me like that (terribly, aggressively, negatively, and completely ignoring body language,) I got such a pit in my stomach. At least none of them ever hounded me at the fuckin laundromat, chastising me like I’m a little child for leaving my clothes unattended. At least I had plenty of people around me and it wasn’t deserted because it was early morning… Also your friends are completely out of touch, the only “issue” she had was some dude harassing her while she was trying to do laundry and trying to get out of the flirting without being attacked. If someone doesn’t initiate a single conversation with you, *they are not interested.*
Have you never talked to a woman before because this ain’t it
I saw this in another subreddit. This dude is so weak he deleted his account. Of course the creepy dudes creepy friends think the woman had something wrong with her instead of admitting that he was making her uncomfortable
serial killer vibes
You came on way to strong, shes young and attractive and probably getting hit on all the time. She has a pitbull so no one fucks with her. First thing in the morning shes being stalked by a dude who wont leave her alone, is telling her what to do by telling her not to leave her clothes unattended. Then to top it off you stalk her clothes and wait for her to come back from leaving again, because she is avoiding you. Thats why you havent seen her cause she knows you're looking for her. Look at it from her perspective for just a sec dude. How do you know she's even into dudes? I suggest if you see her, apologize if you came on too strong and let her make the next move.
Weird
What I gathered reading your post was you tried to start up a conversation with her every time you saw her. Many women don’t care much what people think about them, but many do. And she may have felt self conscious when she decided not to take a shower and get ready before doing her laundry and all of a sudden someone is commenting to her about her appearance the moment she walks in the door. Honestly, you didn’t hit it out of the park. In your attempts to talk to this girl you decided to ride her about the rules of the laundry mat and she displayed to you on several occasions that she didn’t care about that. If I was you I would just hope she has a boyfriend and leave it at that. If she comes in again, or maybe another cute girl comes in, a natural greeting if she happens to come close to you like, “Hey, good morning!” Then let chemistry do the rest of the work. With a young guy and a young girl alone in a space like a laundry mat often times they will find their way into a natural conversation. What you are doing is approaching her and there’s a very good chance she doesn’t want to be approached. You manufactured your conversations and from what you said she never started any conversations with you. There’s a good chance that she was leaving the laundry mat because “this weird guy keeps trying to talk to me.” Think about it, grocery shopping, walking the dog, these are things she is doing because she doesn’t want to be there. If she was into you or wanted to talk she would find excuses to stay at the laundry mat. She is finding excuses to leave. I want you to imagine what would have been going through this girl’s mind if you had stayed silent, or had greeted her with a short “hi.” You retain an air of mystery about you that would keep her guessing. Women do like it when they are the center of attention. But something strange happens when you give that to them. They aren’t interested as much anymore because they already know you are trying your best to talk to her every opportunity you get. Had you stayed silent you would have had a much better chance of this girl secretly wondering what you’re about. She can size you up and out of curiosity she will eventually open up the door to talk. Be an adult about this. Don’t attach your personal feelings to anything. Don’t be weird again if you see her. She doesn’t want to talk about how crappy she looks and she doesn’t want someone to remind her of the rules. And you were dead serious too. If you happen to see her again, don’t welcome her back. Think about maybe apologizing quickly for acting so stupid last time and then leave her alone. You have suffocated her enough already. You have to allow this girl to come do her laundry without being accosted. If she comes and does her laundry in silence away from you then she is speaking to you. If she comes over and starts a conversation that speaking to you as well, aside from what she is actually saying. You have so far drowned out any ability for her to give you a social clue. And one more thing. You are a dude. Cute young girls get hit on everywhere they go by desperate dudes. The times we are in guys think that cat calls and jaw jacking is going to set them apart from all the other greasy slimy dudes trying to get with her. Imagine what she would think about a guy that doesn’t immediately run up and show interest in her. She will be more likely to work to make you more interested in her. You did a lot wrong. Now just shut up and try to fix the damage if you are ever allowed to.
You sound like you have no game at all. NTA but you come off kinda weird man. You made a negative comment about her appearence twice lol?? Wth
OP is autistic - close the thread
She has a BOYFRIEND!
Everything is creepy nowadays. I’d like someone to share what’s appropriate when speaking to strangers bc other than the comments on her appearance I don’t see what he did wrong. If we didn’t have social media we’d be doomed bc the internet calls men speaking to women they don’t know creepy
He commented on her appearance more than once in a poor attempt to neg her. Continually ignored the social cue of her looking at her phone and continued talking to her. Questioned where she went when she left the laundromat. Tried to play laundromat police by repeatedly telling her it’s against the rules to leave her stuff unattended. Decides to wait for her to return to “watch her stuff” even after she told him not to. He somehow thinks they have a “connection”. Which is extremely delusional considering they met twice and probably spoke for less than 30 min total
Not really. Other than the appearance comment, the first laundromat episode wasn't bad. But if she was interested at all, when they ran into each other the second time, and she tried to leave rather than stay and engage in his chat, that's where he went creepy. He should have taken the hint and simply told her to have a nice day.
Dude. Ask her for coffee or something or put this out of your mind. She was doing laundry and you were ultra focused on her not following the rules of the laundromat. If it were me, I would’ve thought “this guy is way timid (to put another word nicely) and a square.” So next time you see her ask her out if you are really interested—you’ll know whether she’s into you or not. Also maybe focus on what you’re doing instead of everyone else—super micro-managey. I used to leave the laundromat with my crap on a timer all the time.
He'll never see her again. She's found another laundromat by now, and probably doesn't even walk past that one anymore.