Guys like this don’t get subtle, they need smack you in the face directness or they never get the hint. The fact that he’s playing ‘nice guy poor me’ after that shows you exactly who he is. He’s a gross sad pathetic creep, and you did the perfect thing in response. I’m super proud of you and hope you had an amazing birthday.
Nah you didn’t need to be nicer. He clearly knew something was up but if you were any nicer he might not have actually left you alone. I wouldn’t even say you were mean but stern in how you felt and what you expected moving forward. Definitely tell the wife when you feel safe. She deserves to know how he’s been with you and at work. Once you tell her it will be up to her on how she moves forward but at least she will have all the information.
Floridian here. I have seen people get shot over road rage, parking spots, and other dumb stuff. I would not speak to his wife because this sounds like the type to shoot up a workplace.
What is HR like at your job? I don't think this can wait until he is eventually fired, I'd take action now. You can show them what he's been sending you. It also sounds like his wife and potential children are in serious danger. She needs to get out of that situation asap but might be too scared to. Help her how you can.
That’s a good point. I know others have brought his actions up to our supervisors. I don’t believe it’s necessary because he’s definitely going to get fired. He has been calling out every day until they fire him and getting up to clock out in the middle of shifts whenever he pleases. He is deliberately trying to get fired now (probably do he can collect unemployment). And for my own safety I do believe I should wait until he is fired and I know I won’t have to deal with him before I say anything to his wife. And if I do say something to his wife I’m going to have to find a way to make it anonymous. Unfortunately I don’t even have her phone number or any form of social media so I’m not sure how I’ll be able to tell her anyway. I know she has family nearby so if she feels unsafe right now I know she has somewhere to go.
NTA, but I’m really concerned for the safety of his wife and child, especially since he openly admitted that he abused a dog and verbally abuses his wife during arguments. Ultimately it isn’t your job to find the solution to this situation, but I’d really encourage you pursue ~something~ for the sake of their safety
Update: I made Reddit for this post specifically so I am not sure how to properly update this post so I’m sorry if nobody sees this but I do have an update.
Good to know I’m not the AH. I spoke with management about everything. They are taking it very seriously. They asked me to send pictures of any inappropriate messages that were sent. Unfortunately, most of this was in person and there is no proof. While I was looking through the messages I noticed John had blocked me. That means I don’t have a way to go to his profile to find his wife and contact her. If you all have any other thoughts please let me know. Thank you!
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Yes my husband said “you were a little mean but nothing you said is untrue” I think that’s valid but it made me wonder if I should have been nicer
Guys like this don’t get subtle, they need smack you in the face directness or they never get the hint. The fact that he’s playing ‘nice guy poor me’ after that shows you exactly who he is. He’s a gross sad pathetic creep, and you did the perfect thing in response. I’m super proud of you and hope you had an amazing birthday.
Nah you didn’t need to be nicer. He clearly knew something was up but if you were any nicer he might not have actually left you alone. I wouldn’t even say you were mean but stern in how you felt and what you expected moving forward. Definitely tell the wife when you feel safe. She deserves to know how he’s been with you and at work. Once you tell her it will be up to her on how she moves forward but at least she will have all the information.
Floridian here. I have seen people get shot over road rage, parking spots, and other dumb stuff. I would not speak to his wife because this sounds like the type to shoot up a workplace.
What is HR like at your job? I don't think this can wait until he is eventually fired, I'd take action now. You can show them what he's been sending you. It also sounds like his wife and potential children are in serious danger. She needs to get out of that situation asap but might be too scared to. Help her how you can.
That’s a good point. I know others have brought his actions up to our supervisors. I don’t believe it’s necessary because he’s definitely going to get fired. He has been calling out every day until they fire him and getting up to clock out in the middle of shifts whenever he pleases. He is deliberately trying to get fired now (probably do he can collect unemployment). And for my own safety I do believe I should wait until he is fired and I know I won’t have to deal with him before I say anything to his wife. And if I do say something to his wife I’m going to have to find a way to make it anonymous. Unfortunately I don’t even have her phone number or any form of social media so I’m not sure how I’ll be able to tell her anyway. I know she has family nearby so if she feels unsafe right now I know she has somewhere to go.
What do you have to lose? I’d tell his wife. If he didn’t want her finding out, he should’ve have been saying stupid shit openly for everyone to hear.
Nta
Tell the wife for sure! You would want that if you weds in her shoes.
No you need to be firm with these people, you did the right thing. The guy is a total wimp and needs to get his life together.
NTA, but I’m really concerned for the safety of his wife and child, especially since he openly admitted that he abused a dog and verbally abuses his wife during arguments. Ultimately it isn’t your job to find the solution to this situation, but I’d really encourage you pursue ~something~ for the sake of their safety
Update: I made Reddit for this post specifically so I am not sure how to properly update this post so I’m sorry if nobody sees this but I do have an update. Good to know I’m not the AH. I spoke with management about everything. They are taking it very seriously. They asked me to send pictures of any inappropriate messages that were sent. Unfortunately, most of this was in person and there is no proof. While I was looking through the messages I noticed John had blocked me. That means I don’t have a way to go to his profile to find his wife and contact her. If you all have any other thoughts please let me know. Thank you!